Original subtitles

I sold this one the food pill last week.

- Oh, wow. - Food pill.

Bill sells super high-end art to huge corporations.

T.E.R.R.Y.: Tell us another of your fascinating stories,

- would you, mate? - Well...

Oh, look at this one. This one take me back.

When I was a kid, we had an evil real estate developer

who wanted to destroy our home, but my friends and I found

a map to pirate's treasure.

- Wow. - Yeah.

- You've lived an incredible life, Bill. - Are you serious?

Very serious.

Anyway, so I made friends with a weird-looking straw man.

I found the treasure.

I kissed my brother's girlfriend by accident,

put the Fratelli Brothers back behind bars where they belong.

Let me guess.

Was it One-Eyed Willy's treasure?

- You must have seen the news. - Right.

[Music]

Bill, did your brother find out that you'd kissed his girl, huh?

- Doctor, patient is under and ready to go. - Bea, this is Bill Ruff.

Wild Bill, get your whiskey-filled Ruff.

Rrrrrr.

We went to science college together, this maniac and me.

Young lady... where did you put the trophy

where you won the number-one smartest

and most beautiful woman award?

I have a cabinet for my trophies.

- Oh. - Back in '76 ...

- '77. - Yeah. Right.

Back in '77, right, I tested the first version

of Truth Paste on Bill, and all his teeth fell out.

It was college... crazy...

I'm sure glad they grew back, Bill.

Water under the bridge, friend, water under the bridge.

2x06 - Wild Bill

[Door whooshes shut]

- Bill: Hello, 88. - Jesus. [Laughs]

Hey, is the bathroom this way?

Uh, no, this is very clearly a dead end.

Kind of like your job?

This is just a stepping stone for me.

I could help you, 88, but you got to help me.

Help me steal everything Dr. Roberts ever built

and sell it to the highest bidder.

Why would I help you do that?

Because I used to be just like you ...

depressed, hungover all the time,

can't maintain an erection, hm?

Why do you ... How do you know that?

You've got the look.

I told myself no more. I got stuck in a traffic jam

on the way to my daughter's birthday party.

I ditched the car, got in a fight with a Korean shop owner,

killed a gang member... [Laughs]

...and then I blew up a construction site with a rocket launcher.

That's the plot to "Falling Down."

Exactly.

Ah! Ah, no, no!

Dr. Roberts took my teeth and ruined my life,

and now I'm gonna ruin his!

[Music]

[Clang]

[Coughs]

- Ah! - Ah!

- Ah! - Ah!

- Ah! - Whoa!

[Gurgles and sniffs]

What the [bleep]?

[Burps] The bringer?

Uh, no, I'm the ... I'm the janitor.

No, no, no, no, the bringer. ? The bringer ?

Uh, yeah, yeah. I bring, uh, trash to you.

- To Norf-Norf? - Yeah, to, uh, to Norf-Norf.

But, Norf-Norf, I have to go help my coworkers.

[Farts] Um, coworkers, people you see every day for money.

- Oh. - I ... They're like... friends.

[Snorts] Friends with Norf-Norf?

- Yeah. - [Laughs] Oh, friend! Norf-Norf help.

- We go cold hole. - Cold hole. [Snorting]

Okay.

That's good. Take light stick.

[Gasps]

Woman: I've always been scared of the dark,

which, by the way, is totally a metaphor for the unknown.

Man: Very interesting. And how does that make you feel?

This thing is not even clicking. I'm cooking in here.

Come this way. Follow me.

Steve, he's not hearing me. [Knocking]

Whoa! Billy-goat.

Bill: Robertle the turtle. Forgive me, sir.

I don't want to interrupt your session.

Oh, Patient 95 comes in once a month and unloads.

This is therapeutic for her.

Oh, Roberts, you're always keeping the dream alive.

Listen, this is amazing art, but I can't afford any of this.

All my money goes to the science.

- And malpractice insurance. - Oh, come on, Roberts.

I want to give you a piece for your office on the house.

- Oh, no, no, no, Bill, I can't ... - For old time's sake.

- No, Bill, I couldn't. - Old time's sake.

Okay. Do you happen to have one of those prints

of the babies in the cabbages?

Could you imagine that, growing babies in plants? I can...

- and we're very close. - Well, you pick what you want.

I just need to take a quick gander in your office,

you know, to check for height and width of the wall space.

Oh, yeah, yeah, if you go right down there,

- you'll run right into my office. - Okay.

You can't miss it, and Bill...

don't go stealing anything.

[Laughs]

Roberts, you crazy piece of shit.

I love you.

[Hums]

[Music]

Randy: Hi, Bill.

[Deeper voice] Hi, Bill. How's it going, Bill?

[Normal voice] Nah. Look what I got.

They're exactly like yours, Bill.

Hey, Bill, want to come to my room,

and we can talk teeth, have a little wine?

Do I like sangria? [Laughs]

Actually, I don't, not that much.

Hey, Bill, look out for your teeth in my mouth.

Your teeth in my mouth.

- Can the giggler help? - Yeah, they are a lot like yours.

They're exactly like yours. Bill, man...

[Sighs]

[Music]

[Computer beeps]

[Hums]

Roberts.

- More friends. - Okay.

[Loud music]

Ahmed, Ahmed!

[Fast-paced techno music]

Whoo!

[Music continues]

Ahmed, Ahmed!

[Laughs] [Yelling in Japanese]

Whoo!

[Speaking Japanese]

[Gun shots]

[Yelling in Japanese]

Bill, tell me more about your pet monkey, Marcel,

and your friend, Chandl... Oh, I see. [Computer beeps]

You backstabbing son of a bitch.

This reminds me of the time I befriended a sentient robot

and used him to help me dig into a bank vault.

That's the plot of "Short Circuit 2."

You're not getting away with this. Dr. Roberts! [whirrs down]

Bea, does this picture say, "I trust my doctor," to you?

- It says, "Isolation and depression." - That's subjective.

It's fine. Everything's fine.

I'm like, "Mom, you need a new phone.

- What happened to your teeth? - Don't be bitter, be better.

"Be better." I like that, "Better."

It would be better if I were in this picture

comforting the man with the umbrella.

You don't suppose you could cut out a picture of me

and paste it in here, do you?

- Like this? - Exactly.

That's perfect. Oh.

Yeah, I have a whole bunch of those.

I made one for each of you guys. I use them in my little plays

when you guys are at home in your own homes.

? I'm here to take you out of your misery ?

- ? Your misery ? - No, don't do that to him!

He's not a monkey.

Sorry, Randy. I understand your friends

are very important. [Chair whirring]

[Wind howling]

[Mumbling] Bill is bad! He's bad.

- What is that racket up there? - Bill is bad!

I just had that AC unit fixed last week.

I'll troubleshoot it. Hello, Bill.

- Oh. - Well, it's time to leave, old friend.

Bill, thank you. It was a pleasure.

Oh, believe me. The pleasure's all mine.

[Tapping on glass] Bill! We're like two teeth models now.

[Laughs]

Son... take your own life.

Son?

Dr. Roberts, that man is a crook, a liar and a robophobic.

I caught him stealing the schematics

- for the dream chamber. - Is that...

- Take it, Bill! Take it! - Hey.

Bill... I thought we were old friends.

You destroyed my teeth, Roberts.

Well, true, but that was in the name of science.

Oh, [unintelligible]!

[Shivering in cold] ? Amazing grace ?

? How sweet the sound ?

I think you might be just crossing the line.

I'ma bite your face off.

- It's all a simulation. - No. Don't leave me like this.

No.

[Clicks teeth]

[Screams]

["Amazing Grace" plays]

Ah!

Randy: No!

Why? Why'd you do this to him?

[Sobbing] Daddy!

- Why? - No one should mess with science,

- and you can't stop progress. - Daddy!

[Sobs]

Why?

Oh, he's breathing.

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