Original subtitles

W-W-Welcome aboard! And I'll see you soon!

Dream Corp LLC is not liable for any injuries

you may endure during your employment.

By watching this video, you waive all of your worker's rights.

Not a member of the FDIC.

Both: Take it away, Dr. Roberts.

Thank you, Dr. Roberts.

This prescription ... it's gonna be great for you, patient 88.

Having a job, a future, being part of a team?

It's gonna do wonders for your erections.

- You think so? - Oh, it's what you've needed all along.

Good, honest work. Here. Put these on.

I need people to think you're a doctor.

[Chuckles]

Have a great first day, patient 88.

1x02 - "The Smoking Nun"

Morning. Dr. Roberts is on the way with patient 88.

Coffee, anyone?

[Beeping]

Everyone, you remember 88, the fully qualified doctor?

Hey, smiley.

Patient 54 is trying to quit smoking.

I've been a smoker my whole life.

But I figured it's time to quit since I'm trying to get pregnant.

That's wonderful.

Dr. Roberts: Just a little, uh, pinch.

[Whoosh]

Randy: P.O.V. cameras are up,

and we are mapping patient 54's subconscious.

[Beeping] Patient 54: This tube hurts.

Dr. Roberts: No, you're good.

Let's give 54 a quick selecoxabrin sanadrol injection,

- number 5. - Oh. That would kill her.

Right. I know.

We'll, um ... We'll ...

- Sedate her. - Sedate her. I said it first.

Ahmed, knock her out!

[Machinery whirring]

Let's see if we can kick this nasty smoking thing.

[Bubbling]

[Gasps]

88. Please put a baby in me.

- What? - Doctor, due to her age,

I think we should really watch her vitals.

Totally. 88, stay with her.

It's all on you now. [Monitors beeping]

So, 88, how do you like the new gig?

I think we're gonna watch this woman die,

and then we're all going to jail.

[Laughs] Dr. Roberts can break out of any jail.

[Beeping continues]

- Aah! - Doc.

- Oh! - Doc.

Oh!

- Doc. - Oh!

- Doc, she's moving around a lot. - Oh!

It's okay, 88. Temporary dream rage.

- Just, uh, stand your ground. - What? Doc.

Where is my coffee mug?

Patient 88: Okay.

Looks like she's trying to find the sharpest tool, Doc.

Okay. Whose is this? Who's mug is this?

I think she's found one

that she's satisfied with how sharp it is.

- Is this it? - No. Mine has a smiley face on it.

No. It's not sharp enough. She's sharpening it.

Really diligent with that grinder, doc.

It's almost like she's used one before.

- Doc! - I don't understand why

the mugs just keep disappearing.

I mean, I can't have a cup of coffee in this place.

I-I'm not putting them anywhere.

Now she's kind of testing out different swing styles.

I'm a little worried 'cause she's looking at me.

Look at mine. When it's filled with hot water, the bikini disappears.

I've got the same mug with your mother on it. Hey-oh!

Yeah, my mom did a little modeling when she was younger.

She's looking right at me, Doc! Doc!

Doc! [Groans]

- Okay. - He's down.

Thank God she's okay. All right.

I'm gonna go out and calibrate her.

[Gurgling] [Music]

All right.

[Electricity crackles]

Okay, Randy.

[Electricity hums]

Is everything all right, Doctor?

A bumpy takeoff. Not to worry.

[Echoing] Everything's fine.

- He's dead. - Time of death, 9:37 A.M.

Tough first day.

Siri, places to dump the body near me.

[Gasps] He's alive!

- T.E.R.R.Y., let's go get him cleaned up. - Copy that.

[Gagging]

We thought you were dead.

[Music]

Patient 54, we're almost in.

[Echoing] Now, look to your left.

Tell me what you see.

Patient 54: One of those poor men swinging a sign.

I hate those guys.

[Normal voice] Look into the sign, 54.

Look deep into the sign.

Move that sign spinner's sign. Control it.

Spin that sign. Spin it.

[Beeping]

Calibration complete.

Hello, slut.

Who are these lizards to you?

Sandra and Carol Kallenet. Twins.

They were nasty to me.

They started a rumor that I was a hussy,

and it wasn't true.

- Correction! Slut. - Slut.

- You took my father's virginity. - Okay, 54. Take a deep breath.

[Inhales sharply] [Exhales sharply]

Hold up both hands, palms towards you.

Lower all your fingers except for the middle ones.

[Laughs] Feels good, doesn't it?

[Laughs] Feels good, doesn't it?

Bye, Kallenet sisters.

Oh, no, no.

Let's go deeper, 54.

[Deep voice] Let's go deeper, 54.

How we looking, Randy?

You look great, but, uh, my eczema has been acting up, so...

Hmm. [Alarm blaring]

- Oh! - Doctor!

Doc, you may want to jump in there. Her heart is slowing down.

Her blood pressure is really low, Doc.

Dr. Roberts: 88, get me a hot turkey dinner.

Doctor, I advise that you get in there. Her temperature's dropping.

I need to go to the hospital.

Oh, you don't need a hospital. You're a doctor.

Doctor! [Beep beep]

I-I'm in my father's house.

[Clock creaks]

[Bell tolls] Joey: Doctor...

patient 54 has come face to face, if you will, with a clock,

which indicates time is running out.

I don't think smoking is the main issue here.

The snow is concealing something.

[Beeping]

Randy.

[Inhales deeply]

I'll take it from here.

Very cool.

[Kira Kira's "Boat" plays] [Laughs]

[Echoing] Hello, gorgeous.

What's a pretty girl like you doing all by herself?

All by herself.

[Normal voice] May I have this dance?

Come on. Come on.

What's this? You don't need these.

Silly, pretty thing.

They're not allowed on school grounds.

My prom! Oh, and I never got to go.

- Patient 54: Can I confess something to you? - Anything.

Smoking is the only secret I ever kept from my father.

I promised my father and the Lord, God, Jesus,

that I would not have vaginal intercourse

until after I was married,

and then only for the purpose of having a baby.

Do you hear how that sounds when you say it out loud?

Well, I never got married.

I-I would like to have sex before I die.

Oh, take my innocence, Dr. Roberts.

Of course.

If it'll help you quit smoking.

[Roy Orbison's "Crying" plays] Oh.

? Crying over you ?

? Crying over you ?

? Yes, now you're gone ?

? And from this moment on ?

[Deep voice] It's been a while for me, too.

[Moaning] I'll be crying

? Crying ?

? Crying ?

? Crying ?

? Yeah, crying ?

[Panting]

? Crying ?

- Over - 88, if that's not giving you a boner,

I don't know what will.

? You ?

[Groans]

That was truly amazing work in there.

Phenomenal, dear.

Oh. How rude of me.

- Would you like one? - No, dear.

Are you sure?

[Vomits]

[Chuckles]

And you are... cured.

[Music]

I did it.

Keep in touch.

Joey: That's really great.

And I took Joey's head and just put it on my body.

You have a beautiful body, Randy.

- Oh. - Great work today, 88.

Yeah, no, I-I'm not ...

I'm not coming in tomorrow, and I'm probably

never gonna come in again after that.

Oh, working here is an integral part of your therapy.

Being employed, being part of a team.

I was stabbed in the neck.

[Laughs] [Chuckles]

We all get stabbed in the neck at one point or another.

- Yep. - Is that a m... a metaphor?

No. See you tomorrow.

Good night, Dr. Roberts.

- Do you want to play a game? - What kind of game?

- Let's play Slippery Pete. - What's that?

All right...

[Scoffs]

Yeah. Get a snap of that. [Camera shutter clicks]

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