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1
00:00:01,814 --> 00:00:03,775
- All right, who's ready
to have a good time, huh?
2
00:00:03,858 --> 00:00:05,944
That's right. That's what I like to hear.
3
00:00:06,027 --> 00:00:08,196
Uh, show of hands,
how many people have, uh,
4
00:00:08,279 --> 00:00:10,240
been to a taping of a TV show before?
5
00:00:10,323 --> 00:00:11,866
- Thank you. Okay.
6
00:00:11,950 --> 00:00:14,827
Just remember: "The movie's hilarious.
7
00:00:14,911 --> 00:00:16,246
Everyone buy tickets."
8
00:00:16,329 --> 00:00:17,664
- Let me ask you a question.
- Yeah.
9
00:00:17,747 --> 00:00:19,749
- Do you think I'm good in the movie?
10
00:00:19,832 --> 00:00:21,918
- Come on, Kev. I'm your agent.
Of course I think you're good
11
00:00:22,001 --> 00:00:23,962
in the movie. You know who else
thinks you're good in the movie?
12
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The studio.
13
00:00:25,964 --> 00:00:27,757
Now go knock 'em dead.
Big smiles, big laughs.
14
00:00:27,840 --> 00:00:30,343
America's funny man.
15
00:00:30,426 --> 00:00:32,512
- And, uh, we're gonna have a great time,
all right?
16
00:00:32,595 --> 00:00:33,930
- "America's funny man."
17
00:00:37,183 --> 00:00:39,852
- Oh, now, Kev, people are just raving
18
00:00:39,936 --> 00:00:42,897
about this new movie of yours.
- Oh, my God, they're raving.
19
00:00:42,981 --> 00:00:44,482
- You are working with
20
00:00:44,566 --> 00:00:46,484
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,
21
00:00:46,568 --> 00:00:48,278
playing his comedy sidekick again.
22
00:00:48,361 --> 00:00:49,904
What is this, the sixth time now?
23
00:00:49,988 --> 00:00:51,072
- Number six.
24
00:00:51,155 --> 00:00:52,824
- How do you keep it so fresh?
25
00:00:52,907 --> 00:00:55,118
- I mean, look, Dwayne and I are, um...
26
00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:56,536
You know, we're friends.
27
00:00:56,619 --> 00:00:57,662
- #Jealous.
- Lucky.
28
00:00:59,163 --> 00:01:01,958
- He's lucky, too. He's lucky, too.
29
00:01:02,041 --> 00:01:03,751
But I mean, look, when you are friends,
30
00:01:03,835 --> 00:01:05,169
you feed off of each other.
31
00:01:05,253 --> 00:01:07,755
That energy, of course, transfers,
but, uh,
32
00:01:07,839 --> 00:01:09,841
I don't know, I would like to think of
my, my characters
33
00:01:09,924 --> 00:01:11,843
as, as heroes, as well.
34
00:01:14,012 --> 00:01:15,930
I-I don't know what the...
35
00:01:16,014 --> 00:01:17,765
I don't know why they laugh.
36
00:01:17,849 --> 00:01:19,392
I'm very serious.
37
00:01:19,475 --> 00:01:21,019
You know, I've-I've actually...
I've been...
38
00:01:21,102 --> 00:01:23,313
I've been trying to become
a leading man, you know?
39
00:01:23,396 --> 00:01:25,148
Do more of an action star thing.
40
00:01:25,231 --> 00:01:27,233
But I've been...
I've been somewhat typecast.
41
00:01:27,317 --> 00:01:29,152
For some reason,
people only see me as the funny guy.
42
00:01:29,235 --> 00:01:31,070
- You make me laugh.
- Yeah.
- No. Thank you. Glad...
43
00:01:31,154 --> 00:01:32,697
Glad, you know, appreciate it.
- I'm not an easy audience.
44
00:01:34,282 --> 00:01:36,201
- Yeah, you know, but it's just...
It's... I can do more
45
00:01:36,284 --> 00:01:40,288
than show up and do the funny
or do the dance. I'm...
46
00:01:40,371 --> 00:01:42,123
- Would you, though?
- Would you do that dance?
47
00:01:42,207 --> 00:01:43,249
- Come on.
- Come on.
48
00:01:43,333 --> 00:01:44,626
Who wants to see Kevin dance?
49
00:01:44,709 --> 00:01:46,211
Huh?
50
00:01:46,294 --> 00:01:47,837
- We'll get the Macarena going. Anybody?
51
00:01:47,921 --> 00:01:49,464
- We would love that.
- No.
52
00:01:49,547 --> 00:01:51,299
No.
53
00:01:51,382 --> 00:01:53,051
I'm not... I'm not gonna dance.
54
00:01:53,134 --> 00:01:55,220
- Next time. Next time, then, for sure.
55
00:01:55,303 --> 00:01:56,804
- Oh, dear.
- Uh, but getting back to the movie,
56
00:01:56,888 --> 00:01:58,681
t-tell-tell us
just how great this movie is.
57
00:01:58,765 --> 00:02:00,099
- The, uh, the movie's garbage.
58
00:02:00,183 --> 00:02:01,517
- Sorry.
59
00:02:01,601 --> 00:02:03,519
- Yeah. The movie's garbage.
60
00:02:03,603 --> 00:02:05,146
Take the movie, ball it up,
61
00:02:05,230 --> 00:02:06,564
throw it in the trash can.
62
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:08,149
How many times do you need to see me
63
00:02:08,233 --> 00:02:10,902
in a car with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson,
64
00:02:10,985 --> 00:02:13,404
and I'm the comedy sidekick,
and he's saving lives,
65
00:02:13,488 --> 00:02:16,199
and I got a catchphrase: "Oh, hell no!"?
66
00:02:16,282 --> 00:02:17,450
- We love it when you say that.
67
00:02:17,534 --> 00:02:19,077
- Oh, yeah. Can you do it again?
- Yeah.
68
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,870
- Here's my question:
why can't I be an action star?
69
00:02:20,954 --> 00:02:22,914
- I read something online
70
00:02:22,997 --> 00:02:24,707
a-about, uh, you being
71
00:02:24,791 --> 00:02:26,960
afraid of woodland creatures.
- Oh, yes.
72
00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:28,586
- About me what?
- A beaver?
73
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:30,547
It was a s-squirrel. A squirrel.
- A squirrel. It was a squirrel.
74
00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:31,548
-Yes, that you have a fear of squirrels.
75
00:02:31,631 --> 00:02:32,757
- And who's afraid of a squirrel?
76
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,092
- I'm not fucking afraid of a squirrel!
77
00:02:34,175 --> 00:02:35,969
- Okay.
- I'm not afraid of shit.
78
00:02:36,052 --> 00:02:37,262
- Okay, you've said it.
You've made your point there.
79
00:02:37,345 --> 00:02:39,264
- I'm not afraid of shit.
- Yeah.
80
00:02:39,347 --> 00:02:40,598
- And I'm more than just the guy
that does comedy.
81
00:02:40,682 --> 00:02:42,016
I'm a fucking action star, all right?
82
00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:43,643
So why don't you start taking me
a little serious?
83
00:02:43,726 --> 00:02:46,104
Tell me what I am and what I'm not.
84
00:02:46,187 --> 00:02:49,065
If I didn't have what the fuck it takes,
would I show this?
85
00:02:49,148 --> 00:02:52,235
Or that?
86
00:02:52,318 --> 00:02:53,653
Back up!
- Yup.
87
00:02:53,736 --> 00:02:55,238
- Whoa, Kev, Kev, Kev. Kev, hey.
88
00:02:55,321 --> 00:02:57,198
You got to go back out there,
say it was a joke.
89
00:02:57,282 --> 00:02:59,242
- Talking about "it was a joke"?
You don't get it, man.
90
00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:01,035
All right?
I'm trying to be taken seriously.
91
00:03:01,119 --> 00:03:03,371
My whole life,
I've dreamed of becoming an action hero.
92
00:03:03,454 --> 00:03:05,123
- Well, you know,
maybe instead of dreaming,
93
00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:06,875
you should just stay in your own lane.
94
00:03:06,958 --> 00:03:08,126
- What the fuck did you just say?
95
00:03:08,209 --> 00:03:09,669
- What are you doing?
96
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:17,594
- It was a bit. We were doing a bit.
97
00:03:21,222 --> 00:03:23,099
- I'm not afraid of [bleep].
- Okay, you've said it.
98
00:03:23,182 --> 00:03:24,767
You've made your point there.
- I'm not afraid of [bleep].
99
00:03:24,851 --> 00:03:26,185
- Yeah.
- And I'm more than just
100
00:03:26,269 --> 00:03:27,687
the guy that does comedy.
101
00:03:27,770 --> 00:03:29,105
I'm a [bleep] action star, all right?
102
00:03:29,189 --> 00:03:30,356
So why don't you start [bleep]?
103
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,483
- That was our star Kevin Hart,
104
00:03:32,567 --> 00:03:36,696
and apparently he's...
going through something.
105
00:03:36,779 --> 00:03:38,907
- To say the least.
You don't see Tom Cruise...
106
00:03:44,370 --> 00:03:46,122
- I already know what you're gonna say.
107
00:03:46,206 --> 00:03:48,041
You're gonna say, "Apologize,"
and then after that if I go...
108
00:03:48,124 --> 00:03:50,084
- No, no, no.
Kev, it's too late to apologize.
109
00:03:50,168 --> 00:03:52,170
The studio already removed you
from the fucking billboard.
110
00:03:52,253 --> 00:03:54,797
- So I'm done? Just like that, I'm done?
111
00:03:54,881 --> 00:03:56,216
- Maybe not.
112
00:03:56,299 --> 00:04:01,137
Claude Van De Velde wants
to meet with you.
113
00:04:03,473 --> 00:04:06,226
- Claude Van De Velde?
You're talking about the director?
114
00:04:06,309 --> 00:04:08,061
- Yes. Claude Van De Velde,
115
00:04:08,144 --> 00:04:10,104
director of four
of the six biggest action movies
116
00:04:10,188 --> 00:04:14,817
of all time,
saw the interview and wants to meet.
117
00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:16,319
- Why? What-what...?
118
00:04:16,402 --> 00:04:17,946
You know what? It don't matter.
119
00:04:18,029 --> 00:04:20,657
It d... It doesn't even fucking matter.
I'm there, okay?
120
00:04:20,740 --> 00:04:22,867
I'm there.
121
00:04:24,744 --> 00:04:26,454
Oh, shit.
122
00:04:33,294 --> 00:04:35,380
- I have seen all your films.
123
00:04:35,463 --> 00:04:38,800
I like all your films, but you, Kevin--
124
00:04:38,883 --> 00:04:41,302
you don't like your films.
- Wow, you can tell, huh?
125
00:04:41,386 --> 00:04:43,304
- Of course I can tell.
126
00:04:43,388 --> 00:04:46,349
You and I-- we are the same.
127
00:04:46,432 --> 00:04:48,977
My movies have grossed
billions of dollars.
128
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,187
- Mm.
- Who cares?
129
00:04:51,271 --> 00:04:53,606
- Yeah, I mean,
it's not about the money, right?
130
00:04:53,690 --> 00:04:58,570
- It is about finding yourself
inside an artistic expression.
131
00:04:58,653 --> 00:05:00,071
- Yes.
132
00:05:00,154 --> 00:05:02,323
- I want to find you, Kevin.
133
00:05:03,283 --> 00:05:05,243
Will you let me find you?
134
00:05:05,326 --> 00:05:08,454
- You found me. I'm right here, man.
135
00:05:08,538 --> 00:05:13,167
- My next project is a serious,
gritty action film.
136
00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:16,880
It requires a serious, gritty actor.
137
00:05:18,006 --> 00:05:19,924
You, Kevin.
138
00:05:20,008 --> 00:05:22,427
I want you in the leading role.
139
00:05:22,510 --> 00:05:24,804
- Holy shit, man. You got to be...
- Oh.
140
00:05:24,888 --> 00:05:26,222
- Excuse you.
141
00:05:26,306 --> 00:05:27,891
Watch it, man.
- My apologies, sir.
142
00:05:27,974 --> 00:05:30,643
- Mark Wahlberg would not scream
at a party server.
143
00:05:30,727 --> 00:05:32,896
- Oh, I didn't scream.
I didn't... I didn't scream...
144
00:05:32,979 --> 00:05:35,315
- An action star is tough, confident,
145
00:05:35,398 --> 00:05:40,278
unfazed by minor details
that disrupt the average layperson.
146
00:05:40,361 --> 00:05:42,280
- Yeah, I... I was unfazed.
147
00:05:42,363 --> 00:05:45,116
I wasn't fazed at all from that.
- If you really want this part,
148
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,286
I need you to attend a training program.
149
00:05:48,369 --> 00:05:51,289
All the best action stars
have gone through it.
150
00:05:51,372 --> 00:05:53,583
- I don't... You're talking, like,
an action star school?
151
00:05:53,666 --> 00:05:56,002
- Stallone. Van Damme.
152
00:05:56,085 --> 00:05:57,629
Steven Seagal.
153
00:05:57,712 --> 00:06:00,298
Jackie Chan. They're all alums.
154
00:06:00,381 --> 00:06:02,717
- Wow. I just kind of assumed
all those guys had the...
155
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,385
had the juice,
156
00:06:04,469 --> 00:06:05,970
the mojo.
- Do you remember
157
00:06:06,054 --> 00:06:09,265
what Matt Damon was
before he was Jason Bourne?
158
00:06:09,349 --> 00:06:11,893
- Yeah, he-he'd just won an Oscar.
159
00:06:11,976 --> 00:06:15,271
- Neither do I.
This program turned a no-name Matt Damon
160
00:06:15,355 --> 00:06:18,274
into a leading man
revered around the world.
161
00:06:18,358 --> 00:06:22,445
- Look, with all due respect,
I don't need that.
162
00:06:22,529 --> 00:06:24,531
I don't, I don't need none of that.
163
00:06:24,614 --> 00:06:25,949
I'm ready now.
164
00:06:26,032 --> 00:06:29,202
I'm ready right now.
165
00:06:29,285 --> 00:06:30,828
- Down here, Kevin.
166
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:33,998
You don't think you need training,
167
00:06:34,082 --> 00:06:36,334
you want the part right now.
168
00:06:36,417 --> 00:06:41,172
Well, your new part is waiting
for you on that rooftop.
169
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,219
Go and get it!
170
00:06:59,107 --> 00:07:00,984
Oh, shit!
171
00:07:01,067 --> 00:07:03,319
Help! Help me!
172
00:07:03,403 --> 00:07:05,530
Help me!
- So good.
173
00:07:05,613 --> 00:07:07,198
He's doing his famous "Help me" scene
174
00:07:07,282 --> 00:07:09,033
from Ride Along 2.
- Help me! Help me!
175
00:07:09,117 --> 00:07:10,410
Help!
176
00:07:12,328 --> 00:07:14,539
- Look, Kev, I don't love the idea
177
00:07:14,622 --> 00:07:16,207
of you driving out
to the middle of nowhere
178
00:07:16,291 --> 00:07:18,251
to go to some...
- Action star school.
179
00:07:18,334 --> 00:07:20,253
- Right, yes. That, Kev.
180
00:07:20,336 --> 00:07:22,338
Maybe we just wait a little longer.
181
00:07:22,422 --> 00:07:24,465
Eventually, the studios will forget
how badly you fucked up,
182
00:07:24,549 --> 00:07:25,884
and they'll offer you a new sidekick role.
183
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:28,761
- No. This is my time to shine!
184
00:07:28,845 --> 00:07:31,431
You believe in me, don't you?
185
00:07:31,514 --> 00:07:33,266
Don't you?
186
00:07:33,349 --> 00:07:35,435
Danny? You believe in...
187
00:07:35,518 --> 00:07:37,437
Oh, shit.
188
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,480
Damn reception.
189
00:07:47,322 --> 00:07:49,324
Oh, hell, no.
190
00:07:59,876 --> 00:08:02,378
Ron Wilcox?
191
00:08:03,463 --> 00:08:05,298
Shit.
192
00:08:05,381 --> 00:08:07,217
Don't be a bitch, Kevin.
193
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:10,136
Be Academy Award-winning Matt Damon.
194
00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:13,264
Get the fuck off my car.
195
00:08:16,893 --> 00:08:20,313
Um, hello?
196
00:08:22,065 --> 00:08:24,526
Anybody here?
197
00:08:25,693 --> 00:08:27,445
Claude Van De Velde sent me.
198
00:08:27,529 --> 00:08:29,572
- No, no.
You tell me what you want to tell me.
199
00:08:29,656 --> 00:08:31,533
Why are you here?
200
00:08:31,616 --> 00:08:33,368
Why are you here?
- Where's my nephew Rodrigo?
201
00:08:33,451 --> 00:08:35,495
- Uh, fellas?
- What do you mean, where's your nephew?
202
00:08:35,578 --> 00:08:37,330
I don't know
where the fuck your nephew is.
203
00:08:37,413 --> 00:08:39,499
- Hey!
204
00:08:39,582 --> 00:08:41,751
Excuse me.
- Now you don't trust me?
205
00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:44,254
- I know you murdered my nephew Rodrigo.
206
00:08:44,337 --> 00:08:45,922
- Bullshit, motherfucker!
207
00:08:46,005 --> 00:08:47,423
I didn't murder Rodrigo.
208
00:08:47,507 --> 00:08:49,717
Look, you got your money,
I got my shipment.
209
00:08:49,801 --> 00:08:51,761
I don't know where Rodrigo is.
- Oh.
210
00:08:51,844 --> 00:08:53,263
- Maybe he's fucking your mother.
211
00:08:53,346 --> 00:08:55,473
- Our training has already begun. Oh.
212
00:08:55,557 --> 00:08:56,975
Okay. Uh...
213
00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:58,393
- Oh, you-you... Oh, come on!
214
00:08:58,476 --> 00:08:59,852
Bring it! Bring it!
215
00:08:59,936 --> 00:09:01,563
Come on! Bring that bat, motherfucker!
216
00:09:01,646 --> 00:09:03,857
- Hey!
217
00:09:03,940 --> 00:09:07,610
You want to push somebody around,
try me out.
218
00:09:09,529 --> 00:09:13,449
- Hey, and what are you? A tough guy?
219
00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:14,993
- Goddamn right I'm a tough guy.
220
00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,661
North Philadelphia tough.
221
00:09:16,744 --> 00:09:18,663
I'm Kevin motherfucking...
222
00:09:18,746 --> 00:09:20,748
- Oh.
Episode2
1
00:00:05,443 --> 00:00:07,570
- Welcome to Ron Wilcox's
Action Star School.
2
00:00:07,654 --> 00:00:10,573
I'm Ron Wilcox,
and that was your first lesson.
3
00:00:10,657 --> 00:00:11,991
- Getting hit in the head with a bat?
4
00:00:12,075 --> 00:00:15,078
- Oh, you are naive. That was a prop bat.
5
00:00:15,161 --> 00:00:17,080
It was made of plastic.
- Wasn't goddamn plastic.
6
00:00:17,163 --> 00:00:18,414
I've been hit with a bat before.
7
00:00:18,498 --> 00:00:20,124
I know what a metal bat fucking feel like.
8
00:00:20,208 --> 00:00:22,377
- All right, hey.
Mr. Van De Velde told me to tell him
9
00:00:22,460 --> 00:00:25,838
if you complain about anything
being too difficult.
10
00:00:25,922 --> 00:00:28,550
- No. No, no, no, no, no.
I'm not complaining.
11
00:00:28,633 --> 00:00:30,343
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm not complaining about nothing.
I loved that.
12
00:00:30,426 --> 00:00:31,803
- Mm-hmm.
- I thought it was great,
13
00:00:31,886 --> 00:00:35,265
to be honest with you. Gave me a rush.
- Good. Let's take the tour.
14
00:00:35,348 --> 00:00:36,474
- Yeah.
- Come on.
15
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:39,060
This place used to be a slaughterhouse
16
00:00:39,143 --> 00:00:42,146
up until the '70s,
and then, as legend has it,
17
00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:44,607
the animals revolted
against their tormentors
18
00:00:44,691 --> 00:00:46,192
and they slaughtered the humans.
19
00:00:46,276 --> 00:00:48,820
- Oh, my God.
- And my pal Charles Norris--
20
00:00:48,903 --> 00:00:51,155
you know him as Chuck--
well, he needed a place to train.
21
00:00:51,239 --> 00:00:54,117
- Mm-hmm.
- I bought it, I mentored him.
22
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,245
And that's why he's the badass
that he is today.
23
00:00:57,328 --> 00:00:59,873
Yeah.
24
00:00:59,956 --> 00:01:04,335
He nearly died within these walls.
25
00:01:04,419 --> 00:01:08,256
And that's how Ron Wilcox's
Action Star School got born.
26
00:01:08,339 --> 00:01:10,633
- Ron Wilcox's ASS for short.
27
00:01:10,717 --> 00:01:12,844
- What the fuck did you just say to me?
28
00:01:17,974 --> 00:01:20,226
- Did Matt get... Matt Damon go here?
29
00:01:20,310 --> 00:01:22,145
Oh, Matty boy!
30
00:01:22,228 --> 00:01:23,771
Fuck yeah!
31
00:01:23,855 --> 00:01:25,773
Matt Damon. Before he came to me,
32
00:01:25,857 --> 00:01:27,817
he was a no-name actor from New England.
33
00:01:27,901 --> 00:01:30,695
He was nothing.
He was 100 pounds soaking wet.
34
00:01:30,778 --> 00:01:33,656
- Uh, you sure we're talking
about the same Matt Damon?
35
00:01:33,740 --> 00:01:35,366
- Hell yeah. Matt Damon.
36
00:01:35,450 --> 00:01:37,744
- Huh. Okay.
37
00:01:37,827 --> 00:01:39,162
Yeah. If you say...
- Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
38
00:01:39,245 --> 00:01:41,664
Rule number one:
no phones till you graduate.
39
00:01:41,748 --> 00:01:44,209
- Okay, I-I run an empire,
so unfortunately, I need my...
40
00:01:44,292 --> 00:01:45,752
- Okay, fine. You know what I'll do?
41
00:01:45,835 --> 00:01:47,754
I'll just call Mr. Van De Velde,
and I'll tell him, "Oh,
42
00:01:47,837 --> 00:01:49,797
"the phone policy wasn't working for him.
43
00:01:49,881 --> 00:01:51,799
It-it wasn't to his liking."
44
00:01:51,883 --> 00:01:53,760
- I never s...
- I know what you're gonna do with this.
45
00:01:53,843 --> 00:01:55,803
You're gonna make calls to Hollywood,
you're gonna say,
46
00:01:55,887 --> 00:01:58,306
"Hello, Hollywood,
Ron's school is too tough for me.
47
00:01:58,389 --> 00:01:59,724
I need more drugs."
48
00:01:59,807 --> 00:02:01,434
- No.
- Yeah. You're gonna say,
49
00:02:01,517 --> 00:02:04,604
"Oh, I'm Kevin Hart.
I need more caviar and champagne."
50
00:02:04,687 --> 00:02:06,481
- I just want to talk to my employees.
51
00:02:06,564 --> 00:02:08,983
- That's fine, but I'm still keeping it.
52
00:02:10,944 --> 00:02:12,111
- Okay.
53
00:02:17,325 --> 00:02:20,245
- Okay.
Until you graduate, you are forbidden
54
00:02:20,328 --> 00:02:22,163
from visiting the outside world.
55
00:02:22,247 --> 00:02:23,623
You'll stay here.
56
00:02:23,706 --> 00:02:25,416
- Say what?
- You got your bed,
57
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,669
you got your toilet, you got your sink.
58
00:02:27,752 --> 00:02:30,255
All the modern amenities.
59
00:02:36,594 --> 00:02:39,722
- Okay. It's supposed to toughen me up.
60
00:02:39,806 --> 00:02:42,559
Okay, I get it.
61
00:02:42,642 --> 00:02:45,645
Yeah. I'm good with that.
62
00:02:45,728 --> 00:02:47,063
Yeah.
63
00:02:47,146 --> 00:02:48,857
Might be a little too good with it.
64
00:02:48,940 --> 00:02:52,652
- And rule number two:
no fucking on the premises.
65
00:02:52,735 --> 00:02:57,031
No anal, no blowjobs, no nothing.
66
00:02:58,074 --> 00:02:59,492
- Who else is here?
67
00:03:01,953 --> 00:03:04,539
- Just me.
68
00:03:07,041 --> 00:03:09,085
- So those-those two Colombian guys
that hit me
69
00:03:09,168 --> 00:03:11,754
in the head with the prop bat,
they were actors, right?
70
00:03:11,838 --> 00:03:13,172
- Yeah. Exactly.
71
00:03:13,256 --> 00:03:16,217
Okay, rule number three:
72
00:03:16,301 --> 00:03:19,053
when you're under this roof,
your name is no longer Kevin.
73
00:03:19,137 --> 00:03:20,263
It's Agent Hart.
74
00:03:20,346 --> 00:03:21,764
And you'll refer to me
75
00:03:21,848 --> 00:03:25,476
as Ron Wilcox or Ron
or Wilcox or Coach Ron.
76
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:28,187
- I like Coach Ron.
- And I refer to you as?
77
00:03:28,271 --> 00:03:30,773
- Agent Hart. Right? See, I'm on it.
- Right. Yes.
78
00:03:30,857 --> 00:03:33,568
- Now I assume you got me
in this FBI jacket and stuff
79
00:03:33,651 --> 00:03:35,904
for a reason, so what is it?
- Hey.
80
00:03:35,987 --> 00:03:37,906
Uh, would you do me a favor?
- Yeah.
81
00:03:37,989 --> 00:03:40,491
- Uh, Kevin,
would you grab that chair for me?
82
00:03:40,575 --> 00:03:42,202
- Yeah, you need this one?
83
00:03:42,285 --> 00:03:43,870
- No, goddamn it!
84
00:03:43,953 --> 00:03:46,122
I said respond only to "Agent Hart."
85
00:03:46,206 --> 00:03:48,208
- Fuck.
86
00:03:50,210 --> 00:03:52,045
You just said that. I fucked up.
87
00:03:52,128 --> 00:03:54,047
I'm sorry. That's not gonna happen again.
88
00:03:54,130 --> 00:03:55,256
Why don't you just call me Kevin?
89
00:03:55,340 --> 00:03:57,300
- Okay, in your life, have you ever heard
90
00:03:57,383 --> 00:04:00,720
an action star leading man
ever called "Kevin"?
91
00:04:02,096 --> 00:04:04,265
- I mean, Kevin James in Mall Cop.
-No, no.
92
00:04:04,349 --> 00:04:06,392
- Kevin is the name of a punk bitch.
93
00:04:06,476 --> 00:04:09,395
Ethan Hunt. That is an action star name.
94
00:04:09,479 --> 00:04:13,066
Tom Cruise-- who's my alumni--
for nine years of his life,
95
00:04:13,149 --> 00:04:15,485
he only responded to "Ethan Hunt."
96
00:04:15,568 --> 00:04:17,111
Whether he was on camera
97
00:04:17,195 --> 00:04:18,905
or off camera, whether he was...
- Wow.
98
00:04:18,988 --> 00:04:21,366
- ...in the shower or on the toilet,
whether he was fucking
99
00:04:21,449 --> 00:04:22,617
or not fucking.
- All right, okay.
100
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:25,453
I fuck-- I understand, Coach Ron.
101
00:04:25,537 --> 00:04:27,497
- Do you? Do you really?
102
00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:29,207
I hope so.
103
00:04:29,290 --> 00:04:32,335
For your sake,
'cause your life depends on it.
104
00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:36,172
Okay, next lesson.
105
00:04:36,256 --> 00:04:38,800
Every leading man needs to know how to run
106
00:04:38,883 --> 00:04:40,843
into a burning building
and save a stranger.
107
00:04:40,927 --> 00:04:42,053
- Mm.
108
00:04:45,932 --> 00:04:48,226
Wow.
109
00:04:48,309 --> 00:04:51,145
Holy shit, how'd you do that?
- And the stranger
110
00:04:51,229 --> 00:04:55,149
that we are going to save today
is our own Action Star dummy
111
00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:57,026
Lil Kevin.
112
00:04:58,319 --> 00:04:59,946
- That supposed to be me?
113
00:05:00,029 --> 00:05:01,948
- I don't see the resemblance.
114
00:05:02,031 --> 00:05:03,324
- Are you fucking kidding...
- No, w--
115
00:05:03,408 --> 00:05:05,994
We-we've had this dummy for years, buddy.
116
00:05:06,077 --> 00:05:07,662
- Oh, hell no!
117
00:05:07,745 --> 00:05:09,163
- Bitch, that's my line.
118
00:05:09,247 --> 00:05:10,832
I've said that line in, like, 12 movies.
119
00:05:10,915 --> 00:05:12,876
- Agent Hart, are you a narcissist?
120
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:15,503
- No.
- Do you think the whole world
is all about you?
121
00:05:15,587 --> 00:05:16,713
- That's not, I'm not...
- No, no.
122
00:05:16,796 --> 00:05:19,048
You look at you and then you look at him.
123
00:05:19,132 --> 00:05:20,216
- That's why I...
- Look at you and look at him.
124
00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:22,176
Do you see any resemblance?
125
00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:24,178
- Kinda sorta, man.
126
00:05:24,262 --> 00:05:26,055
O-Okay. All right, okay.
127
00:05:26,139 --> 00:05:27,682
Maybe I'm crazy.
128
00:05:27,765 --> 00:05:29,684
- Help! Help me!
129
00:05:29,767 --> 00:05:32,103
Oh, hell no! Help!
130
00:05:32,186 --> 00:05:34,063
Help me! Oh, hell no!
131
00:05:34,147 --> 00:05:36,983
- Now, safety during stunts
is of the utmost importance.
132
00:05:37,066 --> 00:05:40,445
- Yeah, but I mean,
that's why you got stuntmen, right?
133
00:05:40,528 --> 00:05:42,071
- Watch it.
134
00:05:42,155 --> 00:05:43,740
- No, for the other guys. Not for me.
135
00:05:43,823 --> 00:05:45,909
The-the lightweights. I don't...
136
00:05:45,992 --> 00:05:48,494
- Okay. Your jacket is flame-retardant,
137
00:05:48,578 --> 00:05:50,955
which means that if you catch on fire,
138
00:05:51,039 --> 00:05:53,249
don't panic,
I will come in and put you out.
139
00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:56,252
- Okay. Y-You're gonna...
140
00:05:56,336 --> 00:05:58,213
Ok-- I feel, I feel good,
I feel good about that.
141
00:05:58,296 --> 00:06:00,840
- When you're ready,
I want you to storm the house,
142
00:06:00,924 --> 00:06:03,426
find the victim and bring him to safety.
143
00:06:05,386 --> 00:06:06,971
What is that?
144
00:06:08,389 --> 00:06:09,349
What are you doing? I-I don't...
145
00:06:09,432 --> 00:06:10,391
I don't...
146
00:06:10,475 --> 00:06:12,477
- Psyching myself up.
147
00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:20,485
It's hot.
148
00:06:20,568 --> 00:06:22,278
Hot.
149
00:06:33,456 --> 00:06:36,876
It's fucking hot!
Where the fuck are you at?
150
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:41,297
Oh, God. Oh, fuck, I can't see shit.
151
00:06:41,381 --> 00:06:42,715
Lil Kev?
152
00:06:42,799 --> 00:06:44,259
- Excuse me?
153
00:06:45,426 --> 00:06:47,387
Are you Ron Wilcox?
- Well, hello.
154
00:06:47,470 --> 00:06:49,222
How are you?
- Jordan King.
155
00:06:49,305 --> 00:06:51,224
- We've been waiting for you.
156
00:06:51,307 --> 00:06:52,642
- Help! Help me!
- I got you, buddy.
157
00:06:52,725 --> 00:06:54,477
I got you, Little Kev!
- Oh, hell no!
158
00:06:54,561 --> 00:06:56,896
- I'm about to save your little
beautiful black ass.
159
00:06:56,980 --> 00:06:59,858
- Help! Help me!
160
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:01,359
Oh, hell no!
161
00:07:01,442 --> 00:07:03,278
- What the fuck?
- Help! Help me!
162
00:07:03,361 --> 00:07:06,322
- Who's this? What the...?
- Oh, hell no!
163
00:07:06,406 --> 00:07:08,950
- Oh!
- Help! Help me!
164
00:07:10,159 --> 00:07:11,744
Oh, hell no!
- It's fucking hot!
165
00:07:11,828 --> 00:07:13,788
- Help! Help me!
- Get your ass up.
166
00:07:13,872 --> 00:07:15,874
- Yeah, um, I'm just so nervous.
167
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:18,710
I've never been in an action movie before.
168
00:07:18,793 --> 00:07:20,253
I just want bring my A game here.
169
00:07:20,336 --> 00:07:22,130
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
- 90% is mental, okay?
170
00:07:22,213 --> 00:07:23,590
- It's hot! It's hot!
- You are gonna be fantastic.
171
00:07:23,673 --> 00:07:26,843
- Coach Ron!
- I just know it.
172
00:07:26,926 --> 00:07:28,678
- Oh, shit, is he okay?
173
00:07:28,761 --> 00:07:32,557
- Oh, Christ, you leave this guy
alone for five seconds. Geez.
174
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,475
- Put me out!
Put me out, put me out, put me out!
Episode3
1
00:00:00,104 --> 00:00:01,940
Is he okay?
2
00:00:02,023 --> 00:00:03,650
- Oh, he's fine.
3
00:00:03,733 --> 00:00:05,235
When Gal Gadot was training with me,
4
00:00:05,318 --> 00:00:06,945
she was on fire for 12 minutes.
5
00:00:07,028 --> 00:00:08,780
She put herself out with a blanket.
6
00:00:08,863 --> 00:00:11,908
He barely lasted 12 seconds.
7
00:00:11,991 --> 00:00:13,201
- This is funny to you?
- Hey.
8
00:00:13,284 --> 00:00:16,871
A leading man must learn
not to sweat the small stuff.
9
00:00:16,955 --> 00:00:18,706
- What are you talking about,
the small stuff?
10
00:00:18,790 --> 00:00:20,083
I was on fucking fire,
11
00:00:20,166 --> 00:00:22,085
Coach Ron!
- Hey! Knock it off.
12
00:00:22,168 --> 00:00:23,920
There's a lady present,
and I want you to meet her.
13
00:00:24,003 --> 00:00:26,214
Agent Hart, this is Agent Jordan King.
14
00:00:26,297 --> 00:00:28,007
She'll be your bunkmate.
15
00:00:28,091 --> 00:00:30,343
- It is a pleasure to meet you.
My pleasure.
16
00:00:30,426 --> 00:00:31,594
Okay, you want to explain
to me why she gets
17
00:00:31,678 --> 00:00:32,845
this nice introduction?
18
00:00:32,929 --> 00:00:34,597
Why isn't she getting hit
in the head with a bat?
19
00:00:34,681 --> 00:00:35,765
When you gonna bop her?
20
00:00:35,848 --> 00:00:37,225
- Excuse me?
- Okay, you know...
21
00:00:37,308 --> 00:00:39,727
Just, when he does this kind of thing,
22
00:00:39,811 --> 00:00:41,980
I just zone him out,
when he starts to whine.
23
00:00:42,063 --> 00:00:44,774
Come on, I'll give you a tour.
- Okay.
24
00:00:44,858 --> 00:00:47,235
- Now, this used to be
a slaughterhouse years ago,
25
00:00:47,318 --> 00:00:48,611
up till the '70s.
26
00:00:52,198 --> 00:00:55,368
This brings me to rule number two:
27
00:00:55,451 --> 00:00:58,037
there will be no sexual intercourse
on the premises.
28
00:00:58,121 --> 00:01:03,001
- Uh, yeah, um, that won't be a problem.
29
00:01:05,003 --> 00:01:07,422
- I didn't think it would be.
30
00:01:07,505 --> 00:01:08,590
- I know you have to say it.
31
00:01:08,673 --> 00:01:11,342
It-it's fine, we're good.
32
00:01:11,426 --> 00:01:13,011
- All right.
So, hey, take a beat.
33
00:01:13,094 --> 00:01:15,346
Okay? Relax,
and we'll see you out in 20
34
00:01:15,430 --> 00:01:17,974
on the training ground, okay?
35
00:01:18,057 --> 00:01:19,017
- Thanks, Ron. You're the best.
36
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,853
- Hey. It's a pleasure.
37
00:01:25,231 --> 00:01:27,984
- Dude is a fucking sociopath.
38
00:01:28,067 --> 00:01:29,194
- How do you mean?
39
00:01:29,277 --> 00:01:30,904
- How do I mean?
40
00:01:30,987 --> 00:01:32,614
Do you really want to know how I mean?
41
00:01:32,697 --> 00:01:35,074
'Cause I was here a couple days ago
when shit hit the fan.
42
00:01:35,158 --> 00:01:36,618
There was a guy in here accusing him
43
00:01:36,701 --> 00:01:38,828
of murdering some dude named Rodrigo.
44
00:01:38,912 --> 00:01:40,914
- Rodrigo?
- Yes, Rodrigo.
45
00:01:40,997 --> 00:01:43,124
Saw the whole thing.
And, when I first walked in this bitch,
46
00:01:43,208 --> 00:01:44,667
they hit me in the head with a bat.
47
00:01:44,751 --> 00:01:47,462
Not no plastic bat.
With a fucking metal bat.
48
00:01:47,545 --> 00:01:50,089
And today, today,
he let me catch myself on fire.
49
00:01:50,173 --> 00:01:52,717
- "Let me catch myself on fire."
50
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,427
- I don't know why you got
to sound it out. Yes.
51
00:01:54,510 --> 00:01:56,387
Let me catch--
52
00:01:56,471 --> 00:01:58,139
No, I see right there, that,
'cause if you slow it down...
53
00:01:58,223 --> 00:01:59,724
You slow it down, it don't sound right,
54
00:01:59,807 --> 00:02:00,975
but you get what I'm saying.
55
00:02:01,059 --> 00:02:03,061
It happened.
It fucking happened.
56
00:02:03,144 --> 00:02:05,230
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
It's just,
57
00:02:05,313 --> 00:02:07,899
I don't have my phone, it's weird in here.
58
00:02:07,982 --> 00:02:09,526
Stuff is just starting to fuck with me.
59
00:02:09,609 --> 00:02:12,111
Maybe, maybe I'm going
a little stir-crazy.
60
00:02:12,195 --> 00:02:13,321
I don't know.
61
00:02:13,404 --> 00:02:16,157
Mmm-- That's shit.
62
00:02:16,241 --> 00:02:17,742
It's shit water.
63
00:02:17,825 --> 00:02:20,662
Yep. Goddamn it.
64
00:02:20,745 --> 00:02:24,541
- Well, you're not alone
anymore. So...
65
00:02:24,624 --> 00:02:26,960
- Yeah, well, maybe, but...
66
00:02:27,043 --> 00:02:30,171
Hey, do I know you?
67
00:02:30,255 --> 00:02:32,423
- Uh...
68
00:02:32,507 --> 00:02:35,885
- I do!
69
00:02:35,969 --> 00:02:38,596
Fuck! You're the girl from that sitcom,
with the robot.
70
00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:39,889
The robot that was a butler, right?
71
00:02:39,973 --> 00:02:41,140
You used to argue with the butler.
72
00:02:41,224 --> 00:02:43,059
"Uh-uh, get the fuck out of here, bu..."
73
00:02:43,142 --> 00:02:45,353
You'd do the thing.
"Butler bitch."
74
00:02:45,436 --> 00:02:47,856
Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
75
00:02:47,939 --> 00:02:49,274
That's me.
- Wow.
76
00:02:49,357 --> 00:02:52,402
- Well, was. I just quit.
77
00:02:52,485 --> 00:02:54,070
Kathryn Bigelow offered me the lead
78
00:02:54,153 --> 00:02:56,364
in her next movie, which is huge...
79
00:02:56,447 --> 00:02:57,699
- Get out.
- ...since there are, like,
80
00:02:57,782 --> 00:03:00,493
what, three total action roles for women?
81
00:03:00,577 --> 00:03:04,247
- Well, it's a lot more
than that, but congrats.
82
00:03:05,623 --> 00:03:07,375
Are you-- I mean, want me to name 'em?
83
00:03:07,458 --> 00:03:09,544
Let me go down the list.
84
00:03:09,627 --> 00:03:11,963
You got Wonder Woman, right?
You have the Black Widow.
85
00:03:12,046 --> 00:03:15,341
You got, um... What's the one,
with the woman?
86
00:03:15,425 --> 00:03:17,135
With the, uh...
87
00:03:17,218 --> 00:03:18,970
She's, uh...
88
00:03:19,053 --> 00:03:21,180
The-- What's... That's three.
89
00:03:21,264 --> 00:03:25,310
- Anyway, um, it's all riding
on this action school.
90
00:03:25,393 --> 00:03:27,520
Just got to prove to Ron
that I've got the chops,
91
00:03:27,604 --> 00:03:29,147
that I'm fit enough.
92
00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:32,317
- You ain't got to prove that
to nobody. You are fit.
93
00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,695
When you walked in that door,
I said, "Goddamn."
94
00:03:35,778 --> 00:03:38,531
Not like that.
95
00:03:38,615 --> 00:03:39,782
I'm not saying it like that.
96
00:03:39,866 --> 00:03:41,659
I don't mean it that way.
97
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:42,785
- I'm just here to train,
98
00:03:42,869 --> 00:03:43,995
not make friends.
- Yeah.
99
00:03:44,078 --> 00:03:46,039
- So, just to be clear.
100
00:03:46,122 --> 00:03:49,375
- We're-we're here for the same thing,
right? Fuck friendship.
101
00:03:49,459 --> 00:03:51,169
- Good.
- Yeah.
102
00:03:52,212 --> 00:03:53,671
- Mind if I use the bathroom?
103
00:03:53,755 --> 00:03:55,590
- Do what you got to do.
Bathroom right there.
104
00:03:55,673 --> 00:03:56,883
- Yeah.
105
00:03:56,966 --> 00:03:59,719
I'm gonna need you to just...
106
00:03:59,802 --> 00:04:03,014
- Oh. You got to shit.
107
00:04:05,808 --> 00:04:07,727
- Now, in this lesson,
108
00:04:07,810 --> 00:04:12,023
we're going to focus and explore
the action star's motivations.
109
00:04:12,106 --> 00:04:14,484
Agent King.
What is your motivation?
110
00:04:14,567 --> 00:04:16,486
- After working undercover in Paris,
111
00:04:16,569 --> 00:04:18,112
I go down to the basement of the Louvre,
112
00:04:18,196 --> 00:04:21,241
where I thwart the theft
of an ancient Egyptian artifact,
113
00:04:21,324 --> 00:04:23,743
when I'm accosted by a rogue agent.
114
00:04:23,826 --> 00:04:25,161
- Good. Agent Hart?
115
00:04:25,245 --> 00:04:27,288
- "Accost"?
That's a little strong, isn't it?
116
00:04:27,372 --> 00:04:29,165
- What the fuck?
117
00:04:29,249 --> 00:04:31,167
Focus. Focus.
118
00:04:31,251 --> 00:04:33,586
And...?
119
00:04:33,670 --> 00:04:36,005
- Okay, all right.
I'm-I'm an agent.
120
00:04:36,089 --> 00:04:38,258
- Yes.
- I'm an agent, and,
121
00:04:38,341 --> 00:04:40,927
um, basically, I got to, I got to go get
122
00:04:41,010 --> 00:04:43,137
Agent King-- I got to seduce,
123
00:04:43,221 --> 00:04:45,848
I got to seduce Agent King
in the basement of the Louvre.
124
00:04:45,932 --> 00:04:49,018
And wh-- Just a question,
is this, like, some James Bond
125
00:04:49,102 --> 00:04:51,145
fan fiction or something? What...?
- And action.
126
00:04:58,528 --> 00:05:00,238
Agent King?
127
00:05:01,447 --> 00:05:02,824
- Who wants to know?
128
00:05:02,907 --> 00:05:04,367
- Agent Hart.
129
00:05:04,450 --> 00:05:07,412
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
130
00:05:07,495 --> 00:05:09,247
Not so fast.
131
00:05:09,330 --> 00:05:11,958
Look, you're in great danger.
132
00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:15,295
And the only cure for it is
to come with me to my bedroom.
133
00:05:20,049 --> 00:05:22,594
- Seduce her, goddamn it!
134
00:05:23,761 --> 00:05:25,346
Seduce her!
135
00:05:25,430 --> 00:05:26,806
Lure her into the car!
136
00:05:34,355 --> 00:05:37,150
- Get in my car.
137
00:05:37,233 --> 00:05:38,443
Get in my car?
138
00:05:39,485 --> 00:05:40,570
Fucking creep.
139
00:05:40,653 --> 00:05:43,156
- What'd you call...?
140
00:05:51,331 --> 00:05:52,999
What the fuck was that?
- Beautiful, beautiful.
141
00:05:53,082 --> 00:05:54,667
Keep going, keep going.
142
00:05:54,751 --> 00:05:56,753
- What the fuck you mean, "keep going"?
143
00:05:56,836 --> 00:05:59,422
What the fuck, man?
- You have a problem, Agent Hart?
144
00:05:59,505 --> 00:06:01,216
- Yeah, I got a problem, motherfucker.
- What is it?
145
00:06:01,299 --> 00:06:03,259
- She's Bruce Lee
and I'm some weird creeper.
146
00:06:03,343 --> 00:06:06,095
- Oh, it's too challenging for you
to seduce her. Is that it?
147
00:06:06,179 --> 00:06:09,557
- Uh, yes, it is,
when you got me looking...
148
00:06:12,518 --> 00:06:14,979
I see what you're doing.
149
00:06:15,063 --> 00:06:16,606
You're trying to get me all riled up.
150
00:06:16,689 --> 00:06:18,149
It's not gonna work.
151
00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:19,859
I'm not falling for your little trap,
152
00:06:19,943 --> 00:06:21,528
and I'm not going back over here to fight
153
00:06:21,611 --> 00:06:24,155
this fucking jiujitsu master
with sexy talk.
154
00:06:24,239 --> 00:06:26,533
- Oh. You want a change of motivation.
155
00:06:26,616 --> 00:06:28,993
- Yeah, I do.
- Okay. This is your new motivation.
156
00:06:29,077 --> 00:06:31,829
She's a Russian mole
pretending to be an FBI agent.
157
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:34,290
You eliminate her with this.
158
00:06:35,625 --> 00:06:36,751
It's a prop knife, right?
159
00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:38,878
- Retractable.
160
00:06:38,962 --> 00:06:41,798
Now go in there and show her who's boss.
161
00:06:41,881 --> 00:06:44,217
- Now we're fucking talking.
162
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:47,053
You say she a Russian mole, right?
163
00:06:47,136 --> 00:06:50,265
Okay. I don't like that.
164
00:06:50,348 --> 00:06:53,434
Down goes the mole. Huh?
165
00:06:54,978 --> 00:06:57,564
Shit. Goddamn it.
166
00:06:57,647 --> 00:06:59,732
Hey. I'm about to stab you in a sec, okay?
167
00:06:59,816 --> 00:07:01,025
Wait a minute.
168
00:07:01,109 --> 00:07:03,903
It's a prop knife.
Knock it off-- No.
169
00:07:03,987 --> 00:07:06,447
Ow! What the...
Oh, oh, you got to sell it,
170
00:07:06,531 --> 00:07:07,574
make it look real.
171
00:07:07,657 --> 00:07:10,326
Fuck! Ow!
172
00:07:13,037 --> 00:07:15,540
- What the fuck?!
173
00:07:15,623 --> 00:07:16,958
- Real blood.
174
00:07:18,835 --> 00:07:20,378
- Oh, my God.
- What have you done to her?
175
00:07:20,461 --> 00:07:22,839
What have you done to her?
176
00:07:22,922 --> 00:07:24,257
- I'm so sorry. I thought,
177
00:07:24,340 --> 00:07:25,717
I thought you said it was a retractable.
178
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,260
- Oh, God.
- I said it was "practical."
179
00:07:27,343 --> 00:07:29,596
It's a practical knife!
It's a real knife!
180
00:07:29,679 --> 00:07:31,681
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, God, she's passing out.
181
00:07:31,764 --> 00:07:33,725
- Oh, shit.
- I'm gonna have to stitch her up.
182
00:07:33,808 --> 00:07:35,143
- I've got a medical kit in my office.
183
00:07:35,226 --> 00:07:36,603
- All right, I'll go grab it.
- No.
184
00:07:36,686 --> 00:07:38,021
-Ow, ow, ow.
-Go to your room!
185
00:07:38,104 --> 00:07:39,189
You're grounded!
186
00:07:39,272 --> 00:07:40,398
- No. What are you talking about?
I'll go grab it.
187
00:07:40,481 --> 00:07:42,358
- No!
188
00:07:42,442 --> 00:07:45,195
My office is off-limits to students.
189
00:07:51,034 --> 00:07:54,662
I said my office is off-limits.
190
00:07:55,997 --> 00:07:57,540
If you disobey me again,
191
00:07:57,624 --> 00:07:59,542
the next time I throw that knife,
192
00:07:59,626 --> 00:08:01,085
it'll be through your fucking skull.
Episode4
1
00:00:01,356 --> 00:00:03,107
Hey.
2
00:00:03,191 --> 00:00:05,777
I brought you some breakfast
as a peace offering.
3
00:00:07,111 --> 00:00:08,696
Food here is a little tricky.
4
00:00:08,780 --> 00:00:10,657
It's just a closet full of beef jerky.
5
00:00:10,740 --> 00:00:13,326
Apparently, Macho Man Randy Savage
was an alum here,
6
00:00:13,409 --> 00:00:17,288
and he left his entire food supply
to Ron in his will, so,
7
00:00:17,372 --> 00:00:20,583
snap into a Slim Jim?
8
00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:22,335
- Care to join me for breakfast?
9
00:00:22,418 --> 00:00:24,170
- Of course.
10
00:00:24,254 --> 00:00:27,215
Jerky for two.
11
00:00:27,298 --> 00:00:30,468
Um... look,
12
00:00:30,552 --> 00:00:33,721
I wanted to apologize.
13
00:00:33,805 --> 00:00:35,723
You know, I didn't mean to...
- Stab me?
14
00:00:35,807 --> 00:00:37,600
- Well, I wasn't gonna use those words.
15
00:00:37,684 --> 00:00:40,061
Look, Ron-Ron is crazy.
16
00:00:40,144 --> 00:00:42,689
I'm serious. He's-he's nuts.
17
00:00:42,772 --> 00:00:44,649
Sick-in-the-head crazy.
18
00:00:44,732 --> 00:00:47,193
And I'm convinced that
that motherfucker killed
19
00:00:47,277 --> 00:00:48,695
a dude named Rodrigo.
20
00:00:48,778 --> 00:00:50,154
And the motherfucker tried to kill me
21
00:00:50,238 --> 00:00:51,948
just for being around his office.
22
00:00:52,031 --> 00:00:55,118
And as far as your arm goes,
I know you think I'm lying...
23
00:00:55,201 --> 00:00:56,536
I heard "retractable."
24
00:00:56,619 --> 00:00:58,997
- You know, I've dated guys
like you before.
25
00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:00,832
It's always someone else's fault.
26
00:01:00,915 --> 00:01:02,750
- That's not true.
27
00:01:02,834 --> 00:01:04,669
That's not true at all.
When I'm wrong, I...
28
00:01:04,752 --> 00:01:06,629
I shouldn't say that
'cause I'm never wrong.
29
00:01:06,713 --> 00:01:08,423
If... if I'm wrong,
30
00:01:08,506 --> 00:01:10,550
I have no problem
admitting that I'm wrong.
31
00:01:10,633 --> 00:01:14,012
But in this case, I'm not.
He said "retractable."
32
00:01:14,095 --> 00:01:17,974
- Hey, part of me is glad you stabbed me.
33
00:01:18,057 --> 00:01:20,184
It's a badge of honor.
34
00:01:20,268 --> 00:01:22,854
I heard when Jason Statham
came through here,
35
00:01:22,937 --> 00:01:24,898
he got stabbed directly in the heart.
36
00:01:24,981 --> 00:01:26,191
- Did he survive that?
37
00:01:26,274 --> 00:01:28,359
- He shot Transporter, like, a week later.
38
00:01:28,443 --> 00:01:30,236
- What the fuck?
39
00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:31,946
In the heart?
They stabbed him in the heart?
40
00:01:32,030 --> 00:01:33,948
- Yep, right through it.
- Goddamn it.
41
00:01:34,032 --> 00:01:36,284
Maybe I'm just doing
the wrong fucking thing here.
42
00:01:36,367 --> 00:01:38,244
I mean...
43
00:01:38,328 --> 00:01:40,622
...maybe this just isn't for me, you know?
44
00:01:40,705 --> 00:01:42,582
- So, just leave.
45
00:01:42,665 --> 00:01:44,834
Go home.
I'm sure there's
46
00:01:44,918 --> 00:01:47,212
a real hero somewhere in need
of a goofy sidekick.
47
00:01:47,295 --> 00:01:48,838
- Okay, uh, that backfired.
48
00:01:48,922 --> 00:01:50,715
I thought that you would go
the opposite direction
49
00:01:50,798 --> 00:01:53,009
and tell me that, no, I should stay,
50
00:01:53,092 --> 00:01:55,178
and that this is for me.
51
00:01:55,261 --> 00:01:56,679
That's what I... thought...
52
00:01:56,763 --> 00:01:58,181
- Well, what do you want me to say?
53
00:01:58,264 --> 00:02:00,683
If you need extra motivation
to be the star
54
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:03,061
of a Claude Van De Velde movie...
55
00:02:03,144 --> 00:02:05,063
uh, you're in the wrong business.
56
00:02:05,146 --> 00:02:09,400
This is probably my only shot
to be a big action star, so
57
00:02:09,484 --> 00:02:11,402
I'm not gonna blow it.
58
00:02:11,486 --> 00:02:13,321
I'll do anything it takes.
59
00:02:16,824 --> 00:02:19,035
- You're right.
60
00:02:19,118 --> 00:02:22,372
You are absolutely right.
61
00:02:22,455 --> 00:02:24,791
I need to stop
all the bitching and moaning,
62
00:02:24,874 --> 00:02:26,668
and I need to cowboy the fuck up.
63
00:02:26,751 --> 00:02:29,546
- There you go.
64
00:02:36,427 --> 00:02:38,680
- When I first started in the business,
65
00:02:38,763 --> 00:02:40,390
training action stars,
66
00:02:40,473 --> 00:02:42,809
every stunt scene was practical.
67
00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:45,979
Or, as Kevin might say, "retractable."
68
00:02:46,062 --> 00:02:47,856
- Oh, that's really good.
That's great.
69
00:02:47,939 --> 00:02:50,316
It's not funny.
- But the industry has changed.
70
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:52,527
You can't even be an action star without,
71
00:02:52,610 --> 00:02:54,028
well, knowing how to work green.
72
00:02:54,112 --> 00:02:56,489
- Uh, I'm very familiar
with the green screen.
73
00:02:56,573 --> 00:02:57,907
I mean, I've done about 15 movies
74
00:02:57,991 --> 00:02:59,701
where we've had a green screen.
75
00:02:59,784 --> 00:03:02,161
- In which of those 15 movies
were you the leading man?
76
00:03:02,245 --> 00:03:04,789
Any idiot can jump on a green screen
77
00:03:04,873 --> 00:03:07,625
and pretend to be eaten by a CG dragon.
78
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,335
Hell, even Little Kevin can do that.
79
00:03:09,419 --> 00:03:10,795
- Oh, hell no!
80
00:03:10,879 --> 00:03:13,423
- Okay, who's finding the time
to dress him like me?
81
00:03:13,506 --> 00:03:15,091
It's really...
- Okay, question.
82
00:03:15,174 --> 00:03:17,802
What does a leading woman or a leading man
83
00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:20,972
get to do on-screen that sidekicks don't?
84
00:03:21,055 --> 00:03:23,057
- Win fights.
- Uh, murder bad guys.
85
00:03:23,141 --> 00:03:24,434
- Make love.
86
00:03:25,310 --> 00:03:27,812
Today's lesson is in lovemaking.
87
00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:29,147
- Yes!
88
00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:30,398
On the green screen?
89
00:03:30,481 --> 00:03:32,066
Are we doing it on the green screen?
90
00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:33,568
- Bingo.
- Nice.
91
00:03:33,651 --> 00:03:36,779
Adding effects to the bed,
to the wall, just cracking 'em.
92
00:03:36,863 --> 00:03:38,156
- Okay, I'm gonna be candid.
93
00:03:38,239 --> 00:03:40,450
I-I don't want to do a sex scene with him.
94
00:03:40,533 --> 00:03:41,451
- That's fine, 'cause I don't want
95
00:03:41,534 --> 00:03:42,994
to do a sex scene with her. Ugh.
96
00:03:48,541 --> 00:03:50,793
What's so funny?
- Okay, well, look at you,
97
00:03:50,877 --> 00:03:52,337
and then look at her.
98
00:03:52,420 --> 00:03:54,339
And look at you, then her.
99
00:03:54,422 --> 00:03:56,257
Then you, then her.
- Okay.
100
00:03:56,341 --> 00:03:58,551
I don't get the joke. What is...?
What-what am I missing?
101
00:03:58,635 --> 00:04:00,553
- All right, let me
put it another way. Uh...
102
00:04:00,637 --> 00:04:02,764
Look at you, and then look at her.
103
00:04:02,847 --> 00:04:05,058
Then look at you, and then her.
104
00:04:05,141 --> 00:04:07,977
- Can we just get
this shit over with, please?
105
00:04:08,061 --> 00:04:10,188
- Okay, let's discuss motivation.
106
00:04:10,271 --> 00:04:12,190
All right, now...
107
00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:13,942
after almost killing each other,
108
00:04:14,025 --> 00:04:15,985
Agent Hart and Agent King
109
00:04:16,069 --> 00:04:17,737
discover that they're on the same team.
110
00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:19,781
After diffusing a bomb,
111
00:04:19,864 --> 00:04:21,199
at the top of a skyscraper,
112
00:04:21,282 --> 00:04:23,201
in-in the middle of an earthquake,
113
00:04:23,284 --> 00:04:26,996
they discover this overwhelming passion
for each other.
114
00:04:28,998 --> 00:04:30,959
- Wait, wait, wait. We-We're
at the top of a skyscraper
115
00:04:31,042 --> 00:04:32,293
in the middle of an earthquake?
116
00:04:32,377 --> 00:04:34,087
- Yes! Yes! Goddamn it!
117
00:04:34,170 --> 00:04:36,881
You are the dumbest actor
that I've ever worked with!
118
00:04:36,965 --> 00:04:38,633
Go! Action!
119
00:04:38,716 --> 00:04:42,220
Red wire... or blue wire?
120
00:04:42,303 --> 00:04:44,222
- It's got to be the red.
- Are you sure?
121
00:04:44,305 --> 00:04:45,515
Agent Hart, are you sure?
122
00:04:45,598 --> 00:04:47,433
- I don't know.
123
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:14,752
- Earthquake. Earthquake!
124
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,170
The building's falling apart!
125
00:05:16,254 --> 00:05:18,256
- Oh, okay, um...
- Oh, okay.
126
00:05:18,339 --> 00:05:19,674
- Good, great.
127
00:05:20,508 --> 00:05:21,801
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
128
00:05:21,885 --> 00:05:23,428
Oh, shit!
129
00:05:23,511 --> 00:05:26,180
Hold on! Wait! Oh!
130
00:05:26,264 --> 00:05:28,182
Where you at?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.- Kevin.
131
00:05:28,266 --> 00:05:30,560
- Hold on, wait,
give me a second! Shit!
132
00:05:30,643 --> 00:05:32,186
- Okay.
- Okay, all right.
133
00:05:32,270 --> 00:05:33,938
Come on, it's an earthquake.
It's an earthquake.
134
00:05:34,022 --> 00:05:34,939
Go.
- Yeah.
135
00:05:35,023 --> 00:05:36,482
- Go.
- Agent Hart,
136
00:05:36,566 --> 00:05:38,651
I can't believe
we just diffused that bomb.
137
00:05:38,735 --> 00:05:41,196
We just saved thousands
of lives, maybe millions.
138
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,324
- This earthquake's got to be
about a 7.5 magnitude.
139
00:05:44,407 --> 00:05:47,911
This could be our last time
being together before we die.
140
00:05:47,994 --> 00:05:50,830
- Now kiss her neck softly
and start fucking.
141
00:05:50,914 --> 00:05:53,082
- What...? Wait.
142
00:05:53,166 --> 00:05:55,293
Kiss-kiss her neck and then start fucking?
143
00:05:55,376 --> 00:05:57,754
- Kiss her neck softly and start fucking!
144
00:05:57,837 --> 00:06:00,006
- Oh, okay. He...
- Uh...
145
00:06:00,089 --> 00:06:01,591
- I'm just gonna do it
'cause that's what he s...
146
00:06:01,674 --> 00:06:03,509
- Yeah, no, it's fine.
- Yeah, let me put your...
147
00:06:03,593 --> 00:06:06,304
Give me that.
- Be sexy! Do something!
148
00:06:06,387 --> 00:06:08,097
- Grab my leg.
- Okay, give me this one.
149
00:06:08,181 --> 00:06:11,226
- Have you never had sex before?!
Do it!
150
00:06:11,309 --> 00:06:13,186
- That's not...
- We need... All right.
151
00:06:13,269 --> 00:06:14,437
One second. That's it.
- I think we got it.
152
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,272
- Go! Go!
153
00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:18,650
- Agent Hart, no.
We shouldn't do this.
154
00:06:18,733 --> 00:06:21,402
It's against Bureau protocol.
155
00:06:21,486 --> 00:06:24,656
- Well, protocol was meant to be broken.
156
00:06:29,577 --> 00:06:32,247
Help! Help! Don't drop me!
Don't drop me!
157
00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:33,831
Please don't let go!
Don't let go!
158
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:35,750
- I won't! I got you!
- Don't let go!
159
00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:37,126
- I've got you, I promise!
160
00:06:37,210 --> 00:06:39,337
- Can you push in a little closer?
161
00:06:39,420 --> 00:06:40,797
- Help me! Help me!
162
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,465
I'm too young to die!
163
00:06:42,549 --> 00:06:44,717
- Any closer, they'll see the cameras.
164
00:06:44,801 --> 00:06:46,344
- Okay, good. Hold there.
165
00:06:46,427 --> 00:06:48,680
- I got you.
- Perfect.
166
00:06:48,763 --> 00:06:50,932
- Help!
- Kevin, you're, like, one foot
167
00:06:51,015 --> 00:06:53,768
off the ground.
- You cannot teach acting like that.
168
00:06:53,851 --> 00:06:55,311
- I'm just gonna let you down, okay?
169
00:06:55,395 --> 00:06:56,729
- Aah!
Episode5
1
00:00:01,022 --> 00:00:02,941
Okay, lights out, 20 minutes.
2
00:00:03,024 --> 00:00:04,692
No funny business.
3
00:00:04,776 --> 00:00:07,070
And no fucking.
4
00:00:14,369 --> 00:00:16,120
- Now do you believe me?
5
00:00:16,204 --> 00:00:18,540
He's a fucking psychopath.
6
00:00:18,623 --> 00:00:21,042
- Okay.
It does seem like an odd coincidence
7
00:00:21,125 --> 00:00:22,335
your wires just snapped.
8
00:00:22,418 --> 00:00:24,546
- It's no coincidence. It's absurd.
9
00:00:24,629 --> 00:00:27,674
Those lines are strong enough
to hold a goddamn elephant.
10
00:00:27,757 --> 00:00:28,716
Where's your phone at?
11
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:30,468
- He confiscated it.
12
00:00:46,276 --> 00:00:48,695
Kevin. He said lights out. We can't leave.
13
00:00:48,778 --> 00:00:50,572
- He's not my camp counselor.
14
00:00:50,655 --> 00:00:52,240
You know what I'm-a do?
15
00:00:52,323 --> 00:00:54,450
I'm about to go,
I'm about to get my phone back,
16
00:00:54,534 --> 00:00:55,827
and I'm-a see what other weird shit
17
00:00:55,910 --> 00:00:58,413
he hiding in his office
that he don't want me to see.
18
00:00:59,414 --> 00:01:01,082
- Kevin... don't.
19
00:01:29,152 --> 00:01:33,198
- Ronnie, baby.
- Mon garçon.
20
00:01:33,281 --> 00:01:35,575
- Have a seat.
- Ah.
21
00:01:35,658 --> 00:01:39,579
- Uh, pull up scene 12, please.
22
00:01:39,662 --> 00:01:41,206
Have a seat.
23
00:01:43,291 --> 00:01:45,668
- This is a bad idea.
- It's a good idea.
24
00:01:45,752 --> 00:01:48,546
Wilcox won't murder me in front of you.
25
00:01:48,630 --> 00:01:51,007
Come on. There's his office, come on.
26
00:01:52,050 --> 00:01:55,553
Shit.
- Do you have a bobby pin?
27
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:59,766
- Yeah. Yeah. It's in the bun
on the back of my fucking head.
28
00:01:59,849 --> 00:02:01,309
- Okay, don't be an asshole.
29
00:02:01,392 --> 00:02:03,561
I'll find a paper clip. Excuse me.
30
00:02:04,604 --> 00:02:06,564
- Wait, you know how to pick a lock?
31
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:09,067
- South Side of Chicago, born and raised.
32
00:02:09,150 --> 00:02:10,568
- It's not North Philadelphia,
33
00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:11,945
but I'm not gonna hold it against you.
34
00:02:12,987 --> 00:02:14,531
- Got it.
- Hey.
35
00:02:17,325 --> 00:02:20,620
- Where the fuck are you at?
36
00:02:20,703 --> 00:02:24,415
Oh, God. Oh, fuck, I can't see shit.
37
00:02:24,499 --> 00:02:26,709
Where you at?
38
00:02:26,793 --> 00:02:29,128
- Help! Help me!
- I got you, Little Kev!
39
00:02:29,212 --> 00:02:30,171
- Oh, hell no!
40
00:02:30,255 --> 00:02:31,631
- Aah!
41
00:02:31,714 --> 00:02:33,716
- Help!
- It's fucking hot!
42
00:02:34,801 --> 00:02:37,428
- Whoa.
43
00:02:37,512 --> 00:02:40,765
- You damn right. It is authentic.
44
00:02:40,848 --> 00:02:43,226
- He doesn't even know he's being filmed.
- Exactly.
45
00:02:43,309 --> 00:02:46,938
I have been chasing
for this cinema verité style
46
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:50,650
of realistic hard action filmmaking
for years.
47
00:02:50,733 --> 00:02:53,778
It is my white whale, my unicorn.
48
00:02:53,862 --> 00:02:56,531
All I needed was an actor who was fragile,
49
00:02:56,614 --> 00:03:00,535
vulnerable, afraid of being forgotten.
50
00:03:02,078 --> 00:03:04,581
Afraid of being forgotten.
51
00:03:04,664 --> 00:03:06,666
Thank you, Kevin.
52
00:03:06,749 --> 00:03:09,294
You're a gift. Thank you.
53
00:03:09,377 --> 00:03:11,045
Thank you.
54
00:03:17,093 --> 00:03:19,721
Any questions, uh, for tomorrow's scenes?
55
00:03:19,804 --> 00:03:21,347
- Oh, no, uh...
56
00:03:21,431 --> 00:03:25,351
Whoa, I'm so... je suis fatigué!
57
00:03:25,435 --> 00:03:28,396
I should get back to the set,
so... bonsoir.
58
00:03:28,479 --> 00:03:29,856
- Bonsoir.
- J'aime beaucoup.
59
00:03:29,939 --> 00:03:31,941
- Merci.
60
00:03:33,484 --> 00:03:35,778
Again.
61
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:41,159
- Hey, can I... can I ask you a question?
62
00:03:41,242 --> 00:03:42,994
- Yeah.
63
00:03:43,077 --> 00:03:45,288
- So, you... you remember earlier today
64
00:03:45,371 --> 00:03:47,624
when we were shooting
the scene on green screen?
65
00:03:47,707 --> 00:03:50,335
Like, like, right before
the wires snapped?
66
00:03:50,418 --> 00:03:52,670
You kind of seemed like you was...
67
00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,297
like you were really into it.
68
00:03:54,380 --> 00:03:56,591
- It's called acting.
69
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,094
- Yeah, you were acting
like you wanted to kiss me.
70
00:04:00,178 --> 00:04:01,179
- Yes.
71
00:04:02,222 --> 00:04:05,141
- Got it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
72
00:04:05,225 --> 00:04:06,226
Yeah.
73
00:04:14,609 --> 00:04:17,737
Come on. Let's go.
74
00:04:17,820 --> 00:04:20,990
- Fuck. Stealing my shit.
75
00:04:21,074 --> 00:04:23,034
Hollywood bitch.
76
00:04:38,383 --> 00:04:39,926
- You got anything?
77
00:04:40,009 --> 00:04:41,427
- No. You?
78
00:04:41,511 --> 00:04:44,639
- He's got a drawer full of old headshots.
79
00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,517
- Oh.
80
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,227
- "Coach Ron, you are the bright light
81
00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:50,812
in the darkest parts of my soul."
82
00:04:50,895 --> 00:04:52,355
The fuck does that mean?
83
00:04:52,438 --> 00:04:54,315
- We should get out of here soon.
84
00:04:54,399 --> 00:04:56,693
- No, we shouldn't.
I know there's some stuff in here
85
00:04:56,776 --> 00:04:59,028
that he don't want us to see.
Just got to look for it.
86
00:05:00,321 --> 00:05:03,741
Probably got one of them, like,
secret compartments somewhere.
87
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,368
Got it.
88
00:05:05,451 --> 00:05:07,245
Bingo.
89
00:05:07,328 --> 00:05:08,621
- Holy shit.
90
00:05:13,459 --> 00:05:15,378
- Here.
I got another lock for you to pick.
91
00:05:15,461 --> 00:05:16,838
- What do you think's in there?
- I don't know.
92
00:05:16,921 --> 00:05:18,923
Some shit that he don't want
nobody to find.
93
00:05:21,467 --> 00:05:22,760
Shit.
94
00:05:31,603 --> 00:05:33,229
- I'll get your ass.
95
00:05:57,086 --> 00:05:58,379
Oh.
96
00:05:58,463 --> 00:06:00,548
Isn't this interesting?
97
00:06:02,258 --> 00:06:05,803
Well, I know that you're both
pretending to be asleep.
98
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:08,431
And that's fine. It's probably the best
99
00:06:08,514 --> 00:06:10,808
acting that either of you will ever do
100
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:12,227
in your entire lives.
101
00:06:12,310 --> 00:06:14,812
Especially you, Agent Hart.
102
00:06:14,896 --> 00:06:17,774
But if I find out that either of you
103
00:06:17,857 --> 00:06:20,026
left this bunk without my permission,
104
00:06:20,109 --> 00:06:22,320
you'll regret the day
you ever stepped into
105
00:06:22,403 --> 00:06:24,906
Ron Wilcox's Action Star School.
106
00:06:33,414 --> 00:06:36,709
If you weren't fake sleeping,
you would have woken up.
107
00:06:59,232 --> 00:07:01,276
- Holy shit. That was too close.
108
00:07:01,359 --> 00:07:02,527
- You're telling me?
Episode6
1
00:00:06,694 --> 00:00:08,196
Kevin, come on. Open it later.
2
00:00:08,279 --> 00:00:09,948
We're supposed to be at the soundstage.
3
00:00:10,031 --> 00:00:11,950
- I'm almost there. Wait a second.
4
00:00:15,161 --> 00:00:16,579
Shit.
5
00:00:17,622 --> 00:00:19,457
I got it, I got it, I got it.
6
00:00:21,167 --> 00:00:22,377
It's a necklace.
7
00:00:22,460 --> 00:00:25,088
It's got "RBG."
8
00:00:25,171 --> 00:00:26,464
"R" is for "Rodrigo."
9
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:27,882
That guy that he murdered.
10
00:00:27,966 --> 00:00:29,551
- Ugh, Jesus, Kevin, give it a rest.
11
00:00:29,634 --> 00:00:31,302
You've got to sneak that shit
back into his office
12
00:00:31,386 --> 00:00:33,012
before he figures out you stole it.
13
00:00:33,096 --> 00:00:34,389
- Rise and shine! Let's go!
14
00:00:34,472 --> 00:00:36,140
Come on! Let's go!
- Shit.
15
00:00:37,058 --> 00:00:38,977
Put this on your side.
16
00:00:48,903 --> 00:00:50,238
- All right, class.
17
00:00:50,321 --> 00:00:51,698
It's a fun day today.
18
00:00:51,781 --> 00:00:52,907
It's a big day.
19
00:00:52,991 --> 00:00:54,117
Behind that door,
20
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,244
I got a very big surprise for you.
21
00:00:56,327 --> 00:00:57,829
- We get to see daylight
for the first time?
22
00:00:57,912 --> 00:00:59,581
- Nope. Any other guesses?
23
00:00:59,664 --> 00:01:01,207
- Gonna open the door up
and a panther gonna come through
24
00:01:01,291 --> 00:01:02,250
and maul us to death?
25
00:01:02,333 --> 00:01:04,002
- Getting warmer. You're getting warmer.
26
00:01:04,085 --> 00:01:05,461
- Why am I getting warmer?
27
00:01:05,545 --> 00:01:07,255
- A source of protein
other than beef jerky?
28
00:01:07,338 --> 00:01:08,756
That would be great.
- Watch this.
29
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,800
- Unbelievable. Please.
- Some fruit, like a smoothie?
30
00:01:12,010 --> 00:01:13,303
- Josh Hartnett!
31
00:01:13,386 --> 00:01:14,304
- Hey!
32
00:01:14,387 --> 00:01:15,763
- Hey!
- Ooh, ooh! Look out, look out!
33
00:01:15,847 --> 00:01:17,056
Ooh.
34
00:01:17,140 --> 00:01:18,892
- Get off me.
35
00:01:18,975 --> 00:01:21,519
- My favorite alumni.
36
00:01:21,603 --> 00:01:23,438
Class, third week, April 1999.
- Aw.
37
00:01:23,521 --> 00:01:25,106
Come on. That's...
- Come on.
38
00:01:25,190 --> 00:01:26,274
- Oh, my God.
39
00:01:26,357 --> 00:01:28,902
Is it possible that you're too beautiful?
40
00:01:30,904 --> 00:01:32,113
- Um, yeah.
41
00:01:32,197 --> 00:01:33,948
Kiss my, um...
42
00:01:34,032 --> 00:01:35,491
You smile a lot.
43
00:01:35,575 --> 00:01:37,327
- What the fuck did you just say?
- I...
44
00:01:37,410 --> 00:01:39,204
- Kev, I'm so glad you're here, man.
45
00:01:39,287 --> 00:01:40,246
This is gonna change your life.
46
00:01:40,330 --> 00:01:42,165
I mean, when Ron finished with me,
47
00:01:42,248 --> 00:01:44,792
I shot Pearl Harbor, Black Hawk
Down, Hollywood Homicide.
48
00:01:44,876 --> 00:01:46,461
- Right?
- Should've probably left
the last one out.
49
00:01:46,544 --> 00:01:47,879
- When I first came here, I was nothing!
50
00:01:47,962 --> 00:01:49,631
I was, like, 100 pounds soaking wet.
51
00:01:49,714 --> 00:01:52,217
By the time I was out of here,
I felt invincible.
52
00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:53,301
I felt like...
53
00:01:53,384 --> 00:01:55,470
Academy Award winner Matt Damon
or some shit.
54
00:01:55,553 --> 00:01:57,305
- You're too much.
55
00:01:57,388 --> 00:01:58,806
He's too much.
Why don't you guys catch up?
56
00:01:58,890 --> 00:02:00,767
And, Agent King...
- Yes.
57
00:02:00,850 --> 00:02:01,935
- ...let's talk motivation.
58
00:02:02,018 --> 00:02:03,478
- Bye.
59
00:02:03,561 --> 00:02:05,146
- Nice to meet you.
60
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:07,690
Kev.
61
00:02:07,774 --> 00:02:09,692
How's it going so far, man?
62
00:02:09,776 --> 00:02:11,110
- It is not going good.
63
00:02:11,194 --> 00:02:13,530
This place is like a prison.
Do you hear me?
64
00:02:13,613 --> 00:02:15,240
And I think
Coach Ron is trying to kill me.
65
00:02:15,323 --> 00:02:16,991
- Come on. That's just his way.
Look at him.
66
00:02:17,075 --> 00:02:19,160
He's a teddy bear.
- He ain't no teddy bear!
67
00:02:19,244 --> 00:02:20,995
He's the complete opposite
of a teddy bear.
68
00:02:21,079 --> 00:02:22,580
And I believe he murdered somebody.
69
00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:24,707
I think he murdered a Colombian drug lord.
70
00:02:24,791 --> 00:02:27,126
I think he did it.
A guy named Rodrigo was here.
71
00:02:27,210 --> 00:02:29,295
- Oh, God, man.
- I think... I think he murdered someone.
72
00:02:29,379 --> 00:02:30,922
- You crack me up, Kev.
73
00:02:32,298 --> 00:02:34,759
Oh, you're serious?
- Yes, I'm serious.
74
00:02:34,842 --> 00:02:36,344
I went snooping around in his office,
75
00:02:36,427 --> 00:02:38,429
and I think I found a keepsake
from the murder.
76
00:02:38,513 --> 00:02:40,223
It was a necklace. It's got "RBG."
77
00:02:40,306 --> 00:02:42,392
- Ron murdered someone
and kept a necklace?
78
00:02:42,475 --> 00:02:44,394
Like... Dexter?
79
00:02:44,477 --> 00:02:45,728
- Josh, listen to me.
- Yeah.
80
00:02:45,812 --> 00:02:47,605
- We need to call the cops.
81
00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,107
- Okay.
- We need to get the people
from out there to come in here.
82
00:02:49,190 --> 00:02:50,441
- Okay.
- I'm talking about the feds, the D.A.
83
00:02:50,525 --> 00:02:51,526
- What are we whispering about?
84
00:02:51,609 --> 00:02:53,236
- Nothing.
85
00:02:53,319 --> 00:02:54,821
We're talking about workouts.
I told him my workout,
86
00:02:54,904 --> 00:02:56,406
his workout.
It's nothing much.
87
00:02:56,489 --> 00:02:58,449
We're not talking about nothing.
- How's my goddaughter?
88
00:02:58,533 --> 00:03:00,702
- Oh, man, she is growing like a weed.
89
00:03:00,785 --> 00:03:01,786
Look at this.
- Oh, yeah? Let's see that.
90
00:03:01,870 --> 00:03:02,871
- Goddaughter?
- Let's see that.
91
00:03:02,954 --> 00:03:05,123
Oh! Aw!
- Look at her.
92
00:03:05,206 --> 00:03:07,709
She misses her Uncle Ronny, though.
- Well, you tell her
93
00:03:07,792 --> 00:03:09,544
that her Uncle Ronny misses
that little pumpkin head, too.
94
00:03:09,627 --> 00:03:11,963
- Yeah.
95
00:03:12,046 --> 00:03:13,464
Hey. Hey.
96
00:03:13,548 --> 00:03:14,966
Why the sad face? Are you okay?
97
00:03:15,049 --> 00:03:16,634
- I'm fine. I'm fine.
98
00:03:18,136 --> 00:03:20,471
I can't find my special necklace.
99
00:03:20,555 --> 00:03:23,391
The one that I had custom-made
with "RBG"--
100
00:03:23,474 --> 00:03:24,934
Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
101
00:03:25,018 --> 00:03:26,477
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Yeah.
102
00:03:26,561 --> 00:03:27,979
She's my favorite Supreme Court justice.
103
00:03:28,062 --> 00:03:30,899
I mean, I love her dissenting opinions.
104
00:03:30,982 --> 00:03:34,319
Let me tell you something-- if I find out
that someone stole it, I'll kill 'em.
105
00:03:34,402 --> 00:03:35,820
I'll kill 'em!
106
00:03:35,904 --> 00:03:38,698
- Hey, you have to think
positive thoughts.
107
00:03:38,781 --> 00:03:39,699
We're gonna find it.
108
00:03:39,782 --> 00:03:41,075
It's gonna turn up soon.
109
00:03:41,159 --> 00:03:42,994
I promise you.
110
00:03:43,077 --> 00:03:44,787
It's gonna turn up soon.
111
00:03:47,123 --> 00:03:49,250
- Today, we're doing firearm stunts.
112
00:03:49,334 --> 00:03:53,296
We've got Officer Hartnett,
who is a corrupt cop who's gone rogue.
113
00:03:53,379 --> 00:03:56,341
We've got Agent King and Agent Hart.
114
00:03:56,424 --> 00:03:58,718
You finally found him in this chop shop.
115
00:03:58,801 --> 00:04:01,179
And this is where the shoot-out
will take place.
116
00:04:01,262 --> 00:04:03,473
Now, here is your gun.
- Nice.
117
00:04:03,556 --> 00:04:06,017
- Don't you ever accept a gun like that!
118
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,644
It's always from the back.
119
00:04:07,727 --> 00:04:09,062
- You passed it to me frontwards.
120
00:04:09,145 --> 00:04:10,730
- That was a test. You failed.
121
00:04:10,813 --> 00:04:14,400
Now, these firearms are loaded, okay?
122
00:04:14,484 --> 00:04:18,029
So please be careful how you handle them.
123
00:04:18,112 --> 00:04:19,239
- Well, we don't have to be that careful,
124
00:04:19,322 --> 00:04:20,240
'cause there's...
there's blanks in 'em, right?
125
00:04:20,323 --> 00:04:22,408
Not loaded loaded, just...
126
00:04:22,492 --> 00:04:24,702
They're blanks, correct?
127
00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:27,664
No. Coach Ron,
that's not gonna do it for me.
128
00:04:27,747 --> 00:04:31,209
I need a verbal confirmation
that it's blanks in this gun.
129
00:04:31,292 --> 00:04:33,628
- What do you think?
- Yes or no, are there blanks in this gun?
130
00:04:33,711 --> 00:04:36,130
- Come on, Kevin.
Get your head in the game, man.
131
00:04:36,214 --> 00:04:38,049
- Josh, my head's in the game.
I'm just trying to be safe.
132
00:04:38,132 --> 00:04:39,759
And he still didn't say yes or no.
133
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:41,886
- Yes.
134
00:04:41,970 --> 00:04:43,930
- Yes. You heard him.
- Okay.
135
00:04:44,013 --> 00:04:46,182
Everyone in wardrobe.
I'll see you in ten right back here.
136
00:04:46,266 --> 00:04:47,225
We start the shoot-out.
137
00:04:47,308 --> 00:04:49,352
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
138
00:04:52,272 --> 00:04:54,148
- Hey, what are you doing?
139
00:04:54,232 --> 00:04:55,275
Get into costume.
- No.
140
00:04:55,358 --> 00:04:56,484
Not me. I'm not doing it.
141
00:04:56,568 --> 00:04:57,777
- Kevin, you're being paranoid.
142
00:04:57,861 --> 00:04:59,237
We all heard him say they were blanks.
143
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:00,697
- My gun has blanks.
144
00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:02,991
I guarantee you that.
But I bet you Josh...
145
00:05:03,074 --> 00:05:04,742
he's got a fully loaded fucking pistol.
146
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,452
Now, Ron already tried to kill me once.
147
00:05:06,536 --> 00:05:08,413
Right now, he's probably willing
to go all the fucking way.
148
00:05:08,496 --> 00:05:09,664
I'm not doing it.
149
00:05:09,747 --> 00:05:11,499
Try to make it look
like a goddamn accident.
150
00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:12,584
That's exactly what he'll do.
151
00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:14,836
"Kevin Hart accidentally killed
152
00:05:14,919 --> 00:05:17,255
in Ron Wilcox's Action School."
153
00:05:17,338 --> 00:05:19,173
No, thank you.
154
00:05:19,257 --> 00:05:20,884
- First of all, Josh would never do that.
155
00:05:20,967 --> 00:05:22,719
He is sweet and sensitive.
156
00:05:22,802 --> 00:05:24,804
I bet he's tender.
157
00:05:24,888 --> 00:05:26,014
Probably.
158
00:05:26,097 --> 00:05:27,807
- Okay, what the fuck is over there?
159
00:05:27,891 --> 00:05:30,059
Huh? I bet he's none of those things.
160
00:05:30,143 --> 00:05:31,811
He and Ron, they're like this.
161
00:05:31,895 --> 00:05:33,521
Fucking godfather to his kids.
162
00:05:33,605 --> 00:05:34,981
Didn't say shit about that.
163
00:05:35,064 --> 00:05:37,233
And they know I got the necklace!
- So put it back.
164
00:05:37,317 --> 00:05:39,068
- I can't put it back,
'cause it's too late.
165
00:05:39,152 --> 00:05:40,528
They know I got the goddamn necklace.
166
00:05:40,612 --> 00:05:42,447
You know what, it's not safe for me here.
167
00:05:42,530 --> 00:05:44,282
I got to go.
- Oh, so you're just gonna give up
168
00:05:44,365 --> 00:05:46,409
on your lifelong dream
because you're afraid of getting shot?
169
00:05:47,577 --> 00:05:48,995
- Fuck that dream!
170
00:05:49,078 --> 00:05:51,164
Hey, look, I'm leaving.
171
00:05:52,207 --> 00:05:54,042
You got a choice.
172
00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:57,170
Come with me.
173
00:05:57,253 --> 00:05:59,255
- Uh...
174
00:06:02,008 --> 00:06:03,343
I can't.
175
00:06:03,426 --> 00:06:05,970
I'm sorry.
176
00:06:06,054 --> 00:06:07,597
This is my shot.
177
00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:10,099
- I understand.
178
00:06:10,183 --> 00:06:12,560
It is your shot, and you deserve it.
179
00:06:17,899 --> 00:06:19,817
- Okay.
180
00:06:19,901 --> 00:06:21,736
Nice.
181
00:06:30,286 --> 00:06:31,371
- Turn the other.
- All right, here we go.
182
00:06:31,454 --> 00:06:32,580
One, two, three.
- And go.
183
00:06:34,874 --> 00:06:36,209
- Yes!
184
00:06:44,717 --> 00:06:47,387
- What a dick.
185
00:06:50,056 --> 00:06:52,100
Where the fuck is my car?
186
00:06:55,979 --> 00:06:57,772
You got to be kidding me.
187
00:07:02,318 --> 00:07:04,028
Oh!
188
00:07:04,112 --> 00:07:05,864
Motherfucker!
189
00:07:07,156 --> 00:07:08,575
Oh!
190
00:07:21,713 --> 00:07:23,214
He killed my car.
191
00:07:23,298 --> 00:07:25,884
He killed my fucking car.
192
00:07:25,967 --> 00:07:30,096
- Kevin! Kevin!
193
00:07:30,179 --> 00:07:32,432
Where are you?!
194
00:07:32,515 --> 00:07:36,144
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
- Oh, shit. Shit.
195
00:07:36,227 --> 00:07:37,729
Shit.
Episode7
1
00:00:06,236 --> 00:00:08,029
Goddamn it!
2
00:00:09,739 --> 00:00:12,367
Motherfucking squirrels! Shit!
3
00:00:12,450 --> 00:00:14,953
Get your ass out of here! Shoo!
4
00:00:15,036 --> 00:00:16,621
Go, squirrel!
5
00:00:18,581 --> 00:00:19,916
Motherfucker.
6
00:00:19,999 --> 00:00:22,961
You better get your ass back!
You hear me?
7
00:00:23,044 --> 00:00:25,046
I ain't scared of you.
8
00:00:25,129 --> 00:00:27,966
You better keep it over there,
'fore you get hurt.
9
00:00:28,049 --> 00:00:31,469
You bring it over here,
you'll get what you want. Shit. Oh.
10
00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:34,138
I see you. I ain't take my eye off you.
11
00:00:34,222 --> 00:00:36,558
I got you locked in.
12
00:00:36,641 --> 00:00:38,643
Stay back!
13
00:00:41,437 --> 00:00:42,981
Stupid woods!
14
00:01:01,374 --> 00:01:04,502
Oh. Thank God.
15
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:07,547
Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.
16
00:01:07,630 --> 00:01:09,549
How you doing, man?
17
00:01:12,427 --> 00:01:14,304
- Do you know you're trespassing?
18
00:01:14,387 --> 00:01:17,181
- Yes. I mean, no. No, I didn't.
19
00:01:17,265 --> 00:01:18,766
I do now, but I...
20
00:01:18,850 --> 00:01:21,352
- Sign posted right over there.
21
00:01:21,436 --> 00:01:24,105
Only got two words on it--
22
00:01:24,189 --> 00:01:28,735
"no" and "trespassing."
23
00:01:28,818 --> 00:01:31,613
- Yep. I see it now.
24
00:01:31,696 --> 00:01:34,991
I see it now. I didn't see that
when I... when I came in,
25
00:01:35,074 --> 00:01:37,410
'cause the way I came in,
my back was to that,
26
00:01:37,493 --> 00:01:39,120
so I never caught that. I was...
27
00:01:39,204 --> 00:01:42,165
- You're a... a city boy, ain't you?
28
00:01:42,248 --> 00:01:45,460
- I kind of refer to myself
as a "city man."
29
00:01:45,543 --> 00:01:46,878
Not a... boy.
30
00:01:46,961 --> 00:01:48,254
You could say "boy-man."
31
00:01:48,338 --> 00:01:49,672
Whatever you... What do you prefer?
32
00:01:49,756 --> 00:01:52,008
- Woods ain't safe for a city boy.
33
00:01:54,802 --> 00:01:56,888
Much less a city man.
34
00:02:00,266 --> 00:02:01,726
- Okay.
35
00:02:01,809 --> 00:02:04,062
I'm going to address
the elephant in the woods.
36
00:02:04,145 --> 00:02:06,314
This whole Deliverance thing
that we got going on right now,
37
00:02:06,397 --> 00:02:08,316
which is great, okay,
because it's working.
38
00:02:08,399 --> 00:02:11,027
So, when things are working, you give 'em
the accolades that they deserve.
39
00:02:11,110 --> 00:02:12,987
I'm... I'm uncomfortable, sir.
40
00:02:13,071 --> 00:02:14,656
I'm actually scared, right?
41
00:02:14,739 --> 00:02:16,950
So, now that we know that,
let me help this mood
42
00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,576
by just telling you why I'm here.
43
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,703
I'm trying to use a phone.
You got a phone?
44
00:02:20,787 --> 00:02:24,290
I want to use it real quick,
and I'm out of here.
45
00:02:27,544 --> 00:02:29,420
- Two minutes.
46
00:02:29,504 --> 00:02:30,922
- No, I'm not out of my mind.
47
00:02:31,005 --> 00:02:32,840
As a matter of fact,
I'm very much in my mind.
48
00:02:32,924 --> 00:02:34,217
The dude's trying to kill me.
49
00:02:34,300 --> 00:02:35,677
- That's unfortunate.
50
00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:37,220
- What do you mean?
Unfortunate?
51
00:02:37,303 --> 00:02:38,638
Listen to me, Danny.
52
00:02:38,721 --> 00:02:40,139
He's trying to kill me!
53
00:02:40,223 --> 00:02:42,350
- No, totally. Kev, listen.
54
00:02:42,433 --> 00:02:44,394
I got huge news. Right? Ready?
55
00:02:44,477 --> 00:02:46,229
Pound Pups Four.
56
00:02:46,312 --> 00:02:49,566
Pound... Pups... Four.
57
00:02:49,649 --> 00:02:51,442
They want you to voice Reggie,
58
00:02:51,526 --> 00:02:53,778
a quick-witted,
short-tempered goldendoodle
59
00:02:53,862 --> 00:02:55,697
who craves mischief.
60
00:02:55,780 --> 00:02:57,490
- Did they ask for me directly?
- Yeah!
61
00:02:57,574 --> 00:03:00,243
Now, listen, the-the money's not
what you're used to making,
62
00:03:00,326 --> 00:03:03,454
but this could be the role
that gets you back into good graces
63
00:03:03,538 --> 00:03:04,956
with the comedy gods.
64
00:03:06,583 --> 00:03:08,418
- Hey, I...
65
00:03:10,086 --> 00:03:11,671
Hey. I...
66
00:03:11,754 --> 00:03:13,089
Hi.
67
00:03:13,172 --> 00:03:15,425
Hey, I'm Reggie, the goldendoodle,
68
00:03:15,508 --> 00:03:17,468
and I'm ready to crave some mischief.
69
00:03:17,552 --> 00:03:19,345
- Genius! You're a genius!
70
00:03:19,429 --> 00:03:21,556
It's amazing!
I'm in the movie right now.
71
00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:23,892
I'm watching the movie.
72
00:03:23,975 --> 00:03:27,186
Now, normally, we'd, you know, counter,
73
00:03:27,270 --> 00:03:29,731
negotiate a better deal, blah, blah, blah.
74
00:03:29,814 --> 00:03:32,192
I think we should close this one.
Huh? What do you think?
75
00:03:32,275 --> 00:03:34,068
No. No, no, don't sigh.
76
00:03:34,152 --> 00:03:35,111
Be happy.
77
00:03:35,195 --> 00:03:37,405
This is good, Kev.
78
00:03:42,118 --> 00:03:43,953
Ah, goddamn it.
79
00:03:44,037 --> 00:03:45,663
Are you crying?
80
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,790
- How did we get here, Danny?
81
00:03:47,874 --> 00:03:49,542
Hmm?
82
00:03:49,626 --> 00:03:51,044
How did we get here?
83
00:03:51,127 --> 00:03:52,670
Just tell me how we got here.
84
00:03:52,754 --> 00:03:54,839
- Look, stop beating yourself up.
85
00:03:54,923 --> 00:03:57,050
Huh? You made a mistake.
86
00:03:57,133 --> 00:03:58,718
You tried to be something you're not.
87
00:03:58,801 --> 00:04:01,137
You're not an action hero.
You know that now.
88
00:04:01,221 --> 00:04:03,473
So, is that a yes on Pound Pups Four?
89
00:04:03,556 --> 00:04:04,641
- Oh...
90
00:04:04,724 --> 00:04:06,226
- Help!
91
00:04:06,309 --> 00:04:08,144
Help me! I'm stuck!
92
00:04:08,228 --> 00:04:09,520
- Kev?
93
00:04:09,604 --> 00:04:11,314
Kevin, I need a verbal "yes" on this.
94
00:04:11,397 --> 00:04:13,191
Kevin, don't let this
95
00:04:13,274 --> 00:04:14,526
go away, buddy.
96
00:04:14,609 --> 00:04:16,986
- Help me!
- Kevin, goldendoodles.
97
00:04:17,070 --> 00:04:18,404
You love dogs, Kevin!
98
00:04:18,488 --> 00:04:20,990
- Help!
- Kevin?
99
00:04:21,074 --> 00:04:22,408
- Help me!
- Oh, shit.
100
00:04:22,492 --> 00:04:23,826
- Help!
- Hey.
101
00:04:23,910 --> 00:04:25,411
Hey, you okay?
- No, my...
102
00:04:25,495 --> 00:04:27,664
- Oh, fuck.
- ...damn jack broke!
103
00:04:27,747 --> 00:04:29,999
- Shit!
104
00:04:30,083 --> 00:04:32,001
- It's on my chest.
105
00:04:32,085 --> 00:04:33,628
- Hey.
- I can't breathe.
106
00:04:33,711 --> 00:04:35,964
- I'm gonna go call somebody
right now, man. Okay?
107
00:04:36,047 --> 00:04:37,757
I'm gonna go call some...
108
00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:40,802
Hey! Hey!
109
00:04:40,885 --> 00:04:44,180
Oh, shit.
110
00:04:44,264 --> 00:04:45,848
Okay.
111
00:04:45,932 --> 00:04:48,643
Come on. You got to lift this truck.
112
00:04:48,726 --> 00:04:51,020
You got to lift this truck!
113
00:04:51,104 --> 00:04:52,981
Lift the fucking truck!
114
00:04:53,064 --> 00:04:54,524
Come on, Kevin!
115
00:04:54,607 --> 00:04:56,192
All right. Ready.
116
00:04:56,276 --> 00:04:58,736
Three, two, one.
117
00:05:01,447 --> 00:05:05,493
I'm doing it! I'm doing it!
118
00:05:12,333 --> 00:05:13,668
Oh.
119
00:05:13,751 --> 00:05:15,128
You okay?
120
00:05:15,211 --> 00:05:17,839
Breathe, man.
121
00:05:17,922 --> 00:05:19,257
Slow down.
- Ooh.
122
00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:21,593
- Take your time, all right?
123
00:05:21,676 --> 00:05:23,094
Nice and slow. Get your breath back.
124
00:05:23,177 --> 00:05:25,430
- Oh, my God. You just saved my life.
125
00:05:25,513 --> 00:05:27,932
- No. No, man.
- Oh... oh, oh, yeah.
126
00:05:28,016 --> 00:05:30,018
You're like a real-life Rambo.
127
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,482
- I guess I kind of am.
128
00:05:40,778 --> 00:05:42,780
- How can I ever repay you, sir?
129
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:45,408
- Sir? No, man.
130
00:05:45,491 --> 00:05:47,160
Wait. You don't know who I am?
131
00:05:47,243 --> 00:05:50,538
You don't recognize me from movies,
TV, stand-up comedy?
132
00:05:50,622 --> 00:05:52,498
- Uh... no.
133
00:05:56,669 --> 00:05:59,505
- The name is Hart.
134
00:05:59,589 --> 00:06:01,716
Agent... Hart.
135
00:06:05,678 --> 00:06:07,639
Now, you wouldn't happen to know
of a shortcut
136
00:06:07,722 --> 00:06:09,933
back to Ron Wilcox's Action School,
would you?
137
00:06:10,016 --> 00:06:11,226
- Wilcox property?
- Yeah.
138
00:06:11,309 --> 00:06:13,394
- Uh, yes, Agent. Uh...
139
00:06:13,478 --> 00:06:16,272
You can follow that path,
and it'll take you right to it.
140
00:06:16,356 --> 00:06:17,857
- Okay. I think I'm gonna go
141
00:06:17,941 --> 00:06:20,068
and get on that trail
before the sun goes down.
142
00:06:20,151 --> 00:06:22,070
- Fuck that.
143
00:06:22,153 --> 00:06:25,281
You ain't walking.
144
00:06:30,828 --> 00:06:32,622
- Oh, yeah.
145
00:06:42,674 --> 00:06:44,092
- How was that?
146
00:06:44,175 --> 00:06:45,885
- Phenomenal. We got it.
147
00:06:45,969 --> 00:06:48,096
- All right,
that's a wrap on creepy trailer!
148
00:06:49,430 --> 00:06:50,932
- Well done, everyone.
- Good job, everybody.
149
00:07:07,991 --> 00:07:09,492
- Stop!
150
00:07:09,576 --> 00:07:10,952
Goddamn it! Stop!
151
00:07:11,035 --> 00:07:13,121
- You motherfuckers.
152
00:07:15,957 --> 00:07:18,418
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, bitch.
153
00:07:20,670 --> 00:07:22,964
No! No!
154
00:07:23,756 --> 00:07:24,883
Fuck!
155
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:28,428
- Oh.
156
00:07:28,511 --> 00:07:31,472
Holy shit, Jordan. You weren't joking.
157
00:07:31,556 --> 00:07:33,766
He actually thinks we're using
real bullets today. Kev!
158
00:07:33,850 --> 00:07:35,935
- You told 'em?
159
00:07:36,019 --> 00:07:38,313
- I'm sorry. It was funny.
- It's not fucking funny!
160
00:07:38,396 --> 00:07:40,857
'Cause that man back there is a lunatic.
161
00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:42,984
You're a fucking lunatic, Coach Ron.
162
00:07:43,067 --> 00:07:44,485
- Hey, you know what?
163
00:07:45,528 --> 00:07:47,280
Maybe I am a lunatic.
164
00:07:47,363 --> 00:07:48,781
Maybe I ought to just kill you!
165
00:07:49,866 --> 00:07:51,951
- Hey. No, Ron, hold up.
166
00:07:52,035 --> 00:07:53,953
Let me kill him.
- Stop it.
167
00:07:54,037 --> 00:07:56,206
- No, me, me, me!
168
00:07:56,289 --> 00:07:57,999
- Stop it. Stop!
169
00:07:58,082 --> 00:07:59,626
Know what, assholes?
170
00:07:59,709 --> 00:08:00,793
Y'all want to fucking play the player.
171
00:08:00,877 --> 00:08:02,045
Go ahead! Unload 'em all.
172
00:08:02,128 --> 00:08:04,339
- All right.
- Now we're having fun.
173
00:08:05,590 --> 00:08:07,133
- After you.
174
00:08:07,217 --> 00:08:08,593
Oh!
175
00:08:08,676 --> 00:08:10,178
- Yeah.
- Ah.
176
00:08:11,638 --> 00:08:13,348
- Shit!
177
00:08:13,431 --> 00:08:15,516
- Holy shit.
178
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,894
Maybe there was a bullet in there.
179
00:08:17,977 --> 00:08:19,687
- You're a bad man.
180
00:08:19,771 --> 00:08:21,564
- Motherfucker, man!
Episode8
1
00:00:00,104 --> 00:00:01,314
Oh!
2
00:00:01,397 --> 00:00:03,191
Yeah.
- Ah.
3
00:00:04,692 --> 00:00:06,361
- Shit!
4
00:00:06,444 --> 00:00:07,487
- Holy shit.
5
00:00:08,655 --> 00:00:09,697
Maybe there was a bullet in there.
6
00:00:09,781 --> 00:00:11,950
- You're a bad man!
7
00:00:12,033 --> 00:00:13,952
Kev, chill out.
- Who's the lunatic now?
- Motherfucker!
8
00:00:14,035 --> 00:00:16,538
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Oh, my God.
9
00:00:16,621 --> 00:00:18,248
- Josh, stop. This is bullshit!
- No, buddy.
10
00:00:18,331 --> 00:00:20,375
- You're trying to fucking kill me!
- What's your problem?
11
00:00:20,458 --> 00:00:22,502
I already apologized to you.
12
00:00:22,585 --> 00:00:24,963
- When? When did you apologize?
- I thought I did.
13
00:00:25,046 --> 00:00:26,381
- Well...
- You thought you apologized?
14
00:00:26,464 --> 00:00:29,467
- You know what?
Maybe I would apologize to you
15
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:31,469
if you gave me back my necklace!
16
00:00:31,553 --> 00:00:34,472
- There it is. There it is.
You knew I took the necklace,
17
00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:36,849
so you tried to fucking kill me!
- Hey. Hey, hey.
18
00:00:36,933 --> 00:00:39,352
- Just admit it, man!
- Hey, Kev. Kev, Kev, Kev, Kev.
Just chill out.
19
00:00:39,435 --> 00:00:40,979
We're all just goofing around.
We're just having a little fun.
20
00:00:41,062 --> 00:00:43,356
Okay? Nobody got hurt. Nobody got hurt.
- Oh... Oh, it was a goof.
21
00:00:43,439 --> 00:00:45,191
- Yeah, it's a goof.
- Well, now that I know that,
22
00:00:45,275 --> 00:00:46,693
I guess I feel better.
- All right.
23
00:00:46,776 --> 00:00:48,736
- Did you know it was a goof, Jordan?
24
00:00:48,820 --> 00:00:50,113
- You know what? I don't know, okay?
25
00:00:50,196 --> 00:00:51,531
It was... I-I don't know.
- You don't know?
26
00:00:51,614 --> 00:00:53,616
- I'm staying out of it. Yeah.
- Now you're staying out of it.
27
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:54,826
- You know what? Okay.
Everybody's tempers are
28
00:00:54,909 --> 00:00:56,327
a little hot right now.
Maybe we could all just
29
00:00:56,411 --> 00:00:57,912
take a break, maybe take five.
- Let's take a break.
30
00:00:57,996 --> 00:00:59,914
- We drink some water,
we have some beef jerky, we just...
31
00:00:59,998 --> 00:01:02,458
We reconvene in a bit, okay? You cool?
- I'm cool. I'm cool.
32
00:01:02,542 --> 00:01:04,043
I'm cool. Give... Come on.
- Give him a hug, man.
33
00:01:04,127 --> 00:01:05,712
- Give me a hug. Give me a hug.
- I don't... I don't... No.
34
00:01:05,795 --> 00:01:06,880
Come on.
- I love you, man.
35
00:01:06,963 --> 00:01:08,047
- That's beautiful, right?
- I love you.
36
00:01:08,131 --> 00:01:10,425
- How do you love me? How?
- How?
37
00:01:10,508 --> 00:01:11,718
How does anybody love anybody?
38
00:01:13,344 --> 00:01:14,512
- What?
39
00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:18,099
- That's profound.
- It's a good question.
40
00:01:21,644 --> 00:01:23,062
- We're gonna miss you, big guy.
41
00:01:23,146 --> 00:01:24,772
- I'll miss you, too, baby.
42
00:01:24,856 --> 00:01:27,192
- Now he's letting us see daytime
as if we're free.
43
00:01:28,902 --> 00:01:31,529
- I never said you weren't
allowed to leave.
44
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,698
You got a little bit
of imagination there, buddy.
45
00:01:33,781 --> 00:01:35,825
- Well, I remember my car used to be here,
46
00:01:35,909 --> 00:01:38,828
but now my car is
at the bottom of a ravine.
47
00:01:38,912 --> 00:01:40,288
Guess I'm imagining that, too?
48
00:01:40,371 --> 00:01:42,707
- Yeah, well, you know,
this is meth country.
49
00:01:42,790 --> 00:01:45,460
Probably a couple of tweakers
going for a joyride.
50
00:01:45,543 --> 00:01:47,253
- Ah, that's right. I forgot.
- They'll be back.
51
00:01:47,337 --> 00:01:48,922
Tweakers love to drive. I keep forgetting.
52
00:01:49,005 --> 00:01:50,590
- I thought we were gonna be cool, baby.
53
00:01:50,673 --> 00:01:52,175
- Yeah. What about that?
- I am cool.
54
00:01:52,258 --> 00:01:53,718
- Hey, look.
55
00:01:53,801 --> 00:01:55,553
I know this has been tough on you.
56
00:01:55,637 --> 00:01:57,513
You only got a couple days left.
57
00:01:57,597 --> 00:02:00,475
My advice, take as much wisdom
as you can from this guy.
58
00:02:00,558 --> 00:02:02,018
- Mm. Yeah.
- And just have some fun.
59
00:02:02,101 --> 00:02:04,270
- Thank you. Appreciate you, Josh.
60
00:02:04,354 --> 00:02:05,688
- See you, Kev.
61
00:02:05,772 --> 00:02:08,149
I love you, man.
- I love you, too, man.
62
00:02:08,233 --> 00:02:10,360
Jordan.
63
00:02:10,443 --> 00:02:12,695
- Hey.
64
00:02:13,988 --> 00:02:15,532
- What the fuck was that?
65
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:24,916
- Agent Hart.
66
00:02:24,999 --> 00:02:26,709
I want to tell you something.
67
00:02:26,793 --> 00:02:29,003
- I don't really feel
like dealing with it, Coach Ron.
68
00:02:29,087 --> 00:02:33,007
- Look, look, I'm sorry
about the live bullet, man.
69
00:02:33,091 --> 00:02:34,259
I really am.
70
00:02:35,301 --> 00:02:37,720
- That's all I wanted, man.
71
00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:39,681
All I wanted was an apology.
72
00:02:39,764 --> 00:02:41,683
- I know.
- You saying that to me
73
00:02:41,766 --> 00:02:44,435
makes the world of difference.
74
00:02:44,519 --> 00:02:46,938
I'm sorry that I accused you of...
75
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:49,649
of trying to kill me and other people.
76
00:02:49,732 --> 00:02:53,236
Now, give me a hug, man.
Thank you.
77
00:02:53,319 --> 00:02:55,196
Thank you.
- Uh, guys?
78
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,032
- Yeah.
- Who is that?
79
00:03:13,464 --> 00:03:15,091
- Holy shit.
- Oh, shit!
80
00:03:19,345 --> 00:03:21,890
- Oh, shit!
81
00:03:21,973 --> 00:03:24,100
- Get inside! Come on!
- What the fuck was that?
82
00:03:24,183 --> 00:03:25,894
- Now! Goddamn it!
- Oh, shit!
83
00:03:25,977 --> 00:03:27,353
Oh, shit!
84
00:03:27,437 --> 00:03:29,355
It's a bomb!
85
00:03:31,274 --> 00:03:33,776
What the hell is happening?
86
00:03:33,860 --> 00:03:34,903
- Hey, Ron, I-I don't know this scene.
87
00:03:34,986 --> 00:03:37,155
Where is it in the script?
88
00:03:37,238 --> 00:03:38,907
- It is not in the fucking script!
89
00:03:38,990 --> 00:03:40,617
- No, no, no. Tell me you're kidding.
90
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:41,993
Tell me that was just a stunt!
91
00:03:42,076 --> 00:03:44,204
That we did not just watch
Josh Hartnett explode!
92
00:03:44,287 --> 00:03:46,789
- It is not a stunt!
It is not in the script.
93
00:03:46,873 --> 00:03:48,750
Josh Hartnett is dead!
94
00:03:48,833 --> 00:03:51,127
Oh, God, I fucked up!
95
00:03:51,211 --> 00:03:52,754
I fucked up!
96
00:03:52,837 --> 00:03:54,130
- What the fuck is going on?
- Shit. Okay.
97
00:03:54,214 --> 00:03:55,715
- What the fuck is going on?
98
00:03:55,798 --> 00:03:57,717
- Okay, Kevin, don't-don't be mad.
99
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,178
Don't be mad, but this whole thing,
100
00:04:00,261 --> 00:04:02,180
aside from what just happened
to Josh Hartnett,
101
00:04:02,263 --> 00:04:03,723
has-has been scripted.
102
00:04:03,806 --> 00:04:05,141
- What the fuck is that accent?
103
00:04:05,225 --> 00:04:06,809
- I was acting! I'm sorry!
104
00:04:06,893 --> 00:04:09,229
I'm not from Chicago! I'm from Essex!
105
00:04:09,312 --> 00:04:11,523
Claude Van De Velde wanted you
at your most authentic,
106
00:04:11,606 --> 00:04:14,150
so he-he hid a bunch of cameras in here
107
00:04:14,234 --> 00:04:16,694
to film us playing roles,
doing the stunts, all of it.
108
00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,738
But whatever just happened
wasn't part of it,
109
00:04:18,821 --> 00:04:20,448
which is fucking insane, Ron!
110
00:04:20,532 --> 00:04:22,909
For fuck's sake!
- For fuck's sake?
111
00:04:22,992 --> 00:04:24,619
That's what you want to say to me?
112
00:04:24,702 --> 00:04:26,079
For fuck's sake?!
113
00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:37,257
- Talk in your regular voice.
- All right, that...
114
00:04:37,340 --> 00:04:39,217
No, I've lost it now. I'm in my head!
115
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,928
- Who does that?!
Who does this to somebody?
116
00:04:44,013 --> 00:04:45,431
Shit!
117
00:04:45,515 --> 00:04:46,683
Fuck!
118
00:04:54,148 --> 00:04:56,776
Oh, shit. You okay?
119
00:04:56,860 --> 00:05:00,196
- Oh, God, I'm such a fucking idiot.
120
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,657
What was I thinking?
- What the hell was that, man?
121
00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:04,242
- You want to know
what the hell is going on?
122
00:05:04,325 --> 00:05:05,827
- You're goddamn right
I want to know what's going on.
123
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,245
- I bought some drugs.
124
00:05:07,328 --> 00:05:09,664
I sold them to the wrong people.
125
00:05:09,747 --> 00:05:11,416
- What?
- And Rodrigo got mad at me.
126
00:05:11,499 --> 00:05:13,001
And we got into a fight,
127
00:05:13,084 --> 00:05:14,752
and then I accidentally killed him.
128
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,004
- So you did kill Rodrigo!
- Yeah.
129
00:05:16,087 --> 00:05:17,797
- I told you he fucking killed him.
130
00:05:17,881 --> 00:05:20,258
- Yeah, that necklace?
That necklace was his necklace.
131
00:05:20,341 --> 00:05:22,343
I'm a horrible person.
132
00:05:22,427 --> 00:05:24,262
I'm going straight to hell.
133
00:05:24,345 --> 00:05:25,805
- You're goddamn right
you're going to hell.
134
00:05:25,889 --> 00:05:27,765
- Oh. Claude!
- Where are you going?
135
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,100
- Where are you going, Ron?
- Claude!
136
00:05:29,183 --> 00:05:32,687
Claude, if you're watching,
you call the cops right now.
137
00:05:32,770 --> 00:05:34,522
You call the fucking cops.
138
00:05:34,606 --> 00:05:36,524
- Señor Wilcox!
139
00:05:36,608 --> 00:05:38,234
- Oh, shit!
140
00:05:38,318 --> 00:05:40,278
- My nephew Rodrigo's body washed up
141
00:05:40,361 --> 00:05:43,531
four miles due south of here!
142
00:05:43,615 --> 00:05:45,366
A coincidence, no?
143
00:05:45,450 --> 00:05:49,621
I'm gonna give you two minutes,
exactly dos minutos
144
00:05:49,704 --> 00:05:52,165
to bring your ass out here
and face me like a man!
145
00:05:52,248 --> 00:05:54,417
If not, I'm gonna set fire to the building
146
00:05:54,500 --> 00:05:56,461
and burn you like a chicharrón.
147
00:05:58,338 --> 00:06:00,089
- Snap out of it!
148
00:06:00,173 --> 00:06:01,841
- I can't. It's over.
149
00:06:01,925 --> 00:06:03,593
- Listen, you motherfucker.
150
00:06:03,676 --> 00:06:06,179
This is why men shouldn't be
left in charge of anything!
151
00:06:06,262 --> 00:06:08,681
My career is just now becoming the thing
152
00:06:08,765 --> 00:06:11,976
that I have worked my entire life towards!
153
00:06:12,060 --> 00:06:14,562
And I'm not dying because of you,
you fucking idiot!
154
00:06:14,646 --> 00:06:16,564
- Well, we-we're all gonna die!
155
00:06:18,316 --> 00:06:20,151
- Hey. Hey.
- Oh, shit.
156
00:06:20,235 --> 00:06:21,694
- What the fuck, man?
157
00:06:21,778 --> 00:06:24,280
Everybody got to calm the fuck down!
158
00:06:24,364 --> 00:06:25,740
- They're all blanks.
159
00:06:25,823 --> 00:06:27,325
- Hey, hey, look at me.
160
00:06:27,408 --> 00:06:28,785
- Don't hit me.
- What? I'm not gonna hit you.
161
00:06:28,868 --> 00:06:32,038
Look, when I first
walked through that door,
162
00:06:32,121 --> 00:06:34,207
you told me, you said, "Kevin,"
163
00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:36,626
you said, "An action hero is not in here."
164
00:06:36,709 --> 00:06:38,753
You said, "It's not in here."
- Uh-huh.
165
00:06:38,836 --> 00:06:40,672
- You said that it's here.
166
00:06:40,755 --> 00:06:42,423
It's in your heart.
167
00:06:42,507 --> 00:06:45,051
Now, granted,
you done made some mistakes.
168
00:06:45,134 --> 00:06:47,053
And one of those mistakes
involved murdering the nephew
169
00:06:47,136 --> 00:06:48,680
of some kind of a drug lord.
170
00:06:48,763 --> 00:06:51,224
- Oh, God!
- Okay, hey, hey. Hey, man.
171
00:06:51,307 --> 00:06:53,142
- I killed...
- I'm not trying
172
00:06:53,226 --> 00:06:55,228
to fucking upset you, man.
Listen.
173
00:06:55,311 --> 00:06:56,938
I know that you know...
174
00:06:57,021 --> 00:06:59,858
I know that you know that
there's an action hero in there.
175
00:06:59,941 --> 00:07:01,442
And I know that a true action hero
176
00:07:01,526 --> 00:07:04,112
is-is-is tough, is confident,
177
00:07:04,195 --> 00:07:06,656
and they're unfazed by the minor details
178
00:07:06,739 --> 00:07:08,700
that disrupt your average layperson.
179
00:07:08,783 --> 00:07:12,495
They will take responsibility
for their shit.
180
00:07:12,579 --> 00:07:14,914
You go out there,
and you tell the truth, man.
181
00:07:14,998 --> 00:07:16,457
Tell the fucking truth!
182
00:07:16,541 --> 00:07:19,419
Say Rodrigo's death...
say it was an accident.
183
00:07:19,502 --> 00:07:21,671
Say it was a fucking accident,
and give them...
184
00:07:21,754 --> 00:07:23,089
give them this.
185
00:07:23,172 --> 00:07:26,175
Here, you give them this,
say you want to make things right.
186
00:07:26,259 --> 00:07:27,886
- I'm gonna make it right.
- That's all you got to do.
187
00:07:27,969 --> 00:07:30,179
Say, "I want to make it right.
I'm sorry. I fucked up."
188
00:07:30,263 --> 00:07:32,015
- I fucked up.
- "I want to tell the truth."
189
00:07:32,098 --> 00:07:33,641
- Want to tell the truth.
- That's it.
190
00:07:33,725 --> 00:07:35,810
- I-I made a mistake.
- Okay, listen.
191
00:07:35,894 --> 00:07:38,771
All you got to do is be the action hero
192
00:07:38,855 --> 00:07:41,399
that you want to see in the world.
193
00:07:42,942 --> 00:07:46,654
- Thank you. Thank you.
194
00:07:46,738 --> 00:07:48,114
- Tell the truth, man.
195
00:07:54,078 --> 00:07:56,080
- That was amazing.
196
00:08:00,627 --> 00:08:02,962
- Amigos, amigos.
197
00:08:03,046 --> 00:08:04,297
Peace. Peace.
198
00:08:04,380 --> 00:08:06,049
- Paz. Paz. Paz.
199
00:08:06,132 --> 00:08:08,468
- Paz.
- Paz, paz, paz.
200
00:08:08,551 --> 00:08:11,054
- Holy shit, I think
it's actually working.
201
00:08:11,137 --> 00:08:13,431
Kevin, did you just save our lives?
202
00:08:13,514 --> 00:08:14,849
- No.
203
00:08:14,933 --> 00:08:18,436
I just know that being the hero means
owning up to your mistakes.
204
00:08:18,519 --> 00:08:21,397
I had to learn the same thing in my life.
205
00:08:21,481 --> 00:08:24,692
I'm just glad that Ron
can learn the same thing, too.
206
00:08:28,905 --> 00:08:30,823
Oh, shit!
Episode9
1
00:00:00,605 --> 00:00:02,357
- Amigos, amigos.
2
00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:03,900
Peace. Peace.
3
00:00:03,983 --> 00:00:05,485
- Paz, paz, paz.
4
00:00:05,568 --> 00:00:07,904
- Paz.
- Paz, paz. Paz.
5
00:00:07,987 --> 00:00:10,490
- Shit, I think
it's actually working.
6
00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:14,661
- Shit!
7
00:00:28,967 --> 00:00:30,426
Is he dead?
8
00:00:30,510 --> 00:00:32,804
- I mean, he took a lot of bullets.
I think so.
9
00:00:32,887 --> 00:00:35,181
- Oh, we got to check,
we got to check, see if he's still alive.
10
00:00:38,851 --> 00:00:40,395
He dead. He dead.
- Yeah.
11
00:00:40,478 --> 00:00:42,146
Yeah.
- He fucking dead.
12
00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:44,649
- Okay, okay, maybe if we just stay quiet,
13
00:00:44,732 --> 00:00:47,068
they'll leave.
- I like that plan. Yeah.
14
00:00:47,151 --> 00:00:48,987
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Juan, Ortiz,
15
00:00:49,070 --> 00:00:50,780
Go inside.
If there's any witnesses, kill them.
16
00:00:50,864 --> 00:00:53,283
- I hate that plan. Go.
- We need to wait.
17
00:00:53,366 --> 00:00:56,244
- Fuck. Close it, close it, close it.
18
00:00:56,327 --> 00:00:57,996
Hold it, hold it.
19
00:01:03,251 --> 00:01:06,004
Hey, do we got any more real bullets?
20
00:01:06,087 --> 00:01:07,463
- I checked already, they're blanks.
21
00:01:07,547 --> 00:01:09,090
- What do you mean, they fucking blanks?
22
00:01:09,173 --> 00:01:11,926
Is everything in here a fucking prop?
23
00:01:12,010 --> 00:01:13,386
What about the knife?
The knife I stabbed you with.
24
00:01:13,469 --> 00:01:15,763
- Oh, it was retractable. Fake blood.
25
00:01:15,847 --> 00:01:17,181
- Oh, shit!
26
00:01:17,265 --> 00:01:18,933
Are you fucking kidding me?!
27
00:01:19,017 --> 00:01:21,436
Shit. Go, go, go, go.
28
00:01:34,199 --> 00:01:35,408
- Kevin?
29
00:01:35,491 --> 00:01:36,951
- Yeah?
30
00:01:37,035 --> 00:01:38,620
- Um, if anything happens,
31
00:01:38,703 --> 00:01:41,331
and we don't get out of here alive,
32
00:01:41,414 --> 00:01:44,042
I just want you to know that...
- Stop.
33
00:01:45,168 --> 00:01:46,628
I love you, too.
34
00:01:46,711 --> 00:01:48,463
- Uh...
35
00:01:48,546 --> 00:01:50,882
- Shit, you were gonna say something else,
weren't you?
36
00:01:52,133 --> 00:01:53,092
You gonna say it was nice knowing me?
37
00:01:53,176 --> 00:01:54,761
- Yeah.
- Fuck me!
38
00:01:54,844 --> 00:01:57,180
We're about to die.
You could have at least lied.
39
00:01:57,263 --> 00:01:58,723
I mean, you been lying this entire week.
40
00:01:58,806 --> 00:01:59,974
Wouldn't have made
that big of a difference.
41
00:02:00,058 --> 00:02:03,144
- I'm sorry. I was hired to play a role,
42
00:02:03,228 --> 00:02:04,896
and they paid me a lot of money.
43
00:02:04,979 --> 00:02:06,439
Like, a lot.
44
00:02:06,523 --> 00:02:07,982
- You're not making it any better.
45
00:02:08,066 --> 00:02:09,400
You're actually making it a lot worse.
46
00:02:09,484 --> 00:02:12,403
- Shh. Did you hear that?
- Shit, they're coming.
47
00:02:12,487 --> 00:02:14,197
Play dead.
- What? No.
48
00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:15,406
- They'll walk in here,
they'll see that we're dead,
49
00:02:15,490 --> 00:02:17,825
then they'll leave.
- But how-how did we die?
50
00:02:17,909 --> 00:02:20,245
- I can't hear you, I'm dying.
51
00:02:38,888 --> 00:02:39,889
- What the...
52
00:02:51,067 --> 00:02:53,528
- Oy. Did you hear that?
53
00:02:53,611 --> 00:02:54,654
- Yeah. I think it's Ortiz.
54
00:02:54,737 --> 00:02:58,408
Oh. Then what the fuck
are you waiting for?!
55
00:02:58,491 --> 00:03:01,369
It's not fucking rocket science.
56
00:03:14,215 --> 00:03:16,175
- Kick me, bitch? Well, kick this!
57
00:03:19,512 --> 00:03:23,182
Kick me twice, shame on me.
58
00:03:27,020 --> 00:03:28,771
Kick me... shoot you...
59
00:03:46,623 --> 00:03:48,625
Every time I look up,
you're on your fucking back.
60
00:03:48,708 --> 00:03:51,544
Come on, let's get the fuck out of here.
61
00:03:58,509 --> 00:04:01,679
Wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold it.
62
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,765
Okay, come on.
63
00:04:10,647 --> 00:04:11,773
You think you can win a gun fight
64
00:04:11,856 --> 00:04:13,024
with a Columbian drug lord?
65
00:04:13,107 --> 00:04:14,817
- No. We don't have guns in England.
66
00:04:14,901 --> 00:04:16,236
Didn't you say you're from North Philly?
67
00:04:16,319 --> 00:04:18,571
- What are you doing?
I can't take the gun like that.
68
00:04:18,655 --> 00:04:20,031
Give it to me right.
69
00:04:20,114 --> 00:04:21,783
- Yeah. Ron would be proud.
70
00:04:21,866 --> 00:04:24,285
- Shut up, "Ron would be proud."
71
00:04:24,369 --> 00:04:25,495
Ron would be proud.
72
00:04:25,578 --> 00:04:26,538
Shit!
73
00:04:28,039 --> 00:04:31,584
Go, go, go, go. Go, go. Fuck. Fuck.
74
00:04:31,668 --> 00:04:33,211
Oh. No.
75
00:04:43,513 --> 00:04:46,266
- Okay, I'm gonna create a distraction,
76
00:04:46,349 --> 00:04:47,934
and then you're gonna shoot the guy.
77
00:04:48,017 --> 00:04:49,352
- Yeah.
- Are you ready?
78
00:04:49,435 --> 00:04:51,229
- I've never been more ready in my life.
79
00:04:51,312 --> 00:04:53,815
- On three. One, two...
80
00:04:53,898 --> 00:04:55,567
- Wait, wait, wait, wait,
don't-don't count like that.
81
00:04:55,650 --> 00:04:58,027
Go the other way. Three, two...
Like that. That's better for me.
82
00:04:59,070 --> 00:05:01,406
- Three, two, one.
83
00:05:03,366 --> 00:05:05,159
Go, go, go.
- It's go time.
84
00:05:06,744 --> 00:05:08,580
Yeah, motherfucker.
85
00:05:08,663 --> 00:05:10,248
Yeah, motherfucker!
86
00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:14,335
Goddamn it...
87
00:05:14,419 --> 00:05:17,463
Fuckin' stop. I'm out!
I'm out! I'm out! Fuck!
88
00:05:19,173 --> 00:05:21,301
Fuck. Almost got him.
89
00:05:21,384 --> 00:05:23,428
- Yeah, you did.
- Yeah.
90
00:05:26,264 --> 00:05:27,765
- Okay, he's reloading.
91
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,309
Follow me, quick.
- Okay.
92
00:05:29,392 --> 00:05:31,895
Wait, wait. Wait for me. Wait for me.
93
00:05:34,105 --> 00:05:37,442
Damn it. I can't believe I missed his ass.
94
00:05:37,525 --> 00:05:39,068
I had him. The sight.
95
00:05:39,152 --> 00:05:40,403
It's got to be the sight.
The sight is off...
96
00:05:40,486 --> 00:05:42,197
- No, Kevin,
you just can't shoot for shit.
97
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,531
We need to think.
98
00:05:43,615 --> 00:05:46,201
There has to be something
in here we can use.
99
00:05:46,284 --> 00:05:48,786
- Guess what we can't use. This.
It's out of bullets.
100
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:50,246
I ain't got no more bullets.
101
00:05:50,330 --> 00:05:52,165
- Kevin, focus.
102
00:05:52,248 --> 00:05:53,583
- It's props.
103
00:05:53,666 --> 00:05:57,420
It's a bunch of fucking props over here.
104
00:06:02,175 --> 00:06:05,220
Whoop, there it is.
105
00:06:47,303 --> 00:06:49,681
- Oh, hell no! Oh, hell no!
106
00:06:49,764 --> 00:06:53,268
Oh, hell no-no-no-no...
107
00:06:53,351 --> 00:06:56,145
- Got you, motherfucker!
108
00:06:56,229 --> 00:06:58,481
Oh, oh, shit.
109
00:07:00,066 --> 00:07:01,901
Okay, okay, okay, okay...
110
00:07:04,696 --> 00:07:06,155
Hold his ass.
111
00:07:10,243 --> 00:07:13,371
Oh, you thought it was over, didn't you?
112
00:07:13,454 --> 00:07:15,039
But I don't travel alone.
113
00:07:15,123 --> 00:07:17,500
No. I got my friends with me.
114
00:07:17,584 --> 00:07:21,379
Let me introduce you
to Mr. Fuck Shit and Mr. Up.
115
00:07:21,462 --> 00:07:23,590
- Kevin, shut up!
- Okay. No, no, I--
116
00:07:23,673 --> 00:07:27,093
I got more, but I can--
Hold him. Motherfucker...
117
00:07:27,176 --> 00:07:29,637
Shit!
118
00:07:29,721 --> 00:07:31,180
I thought you had his feet!
119
00:07:34,350 --> 00:07:36,519
Shit. Yeah.
120
00:07:36,603 --> 00:07:39,063
We got his ass.
- I got him.
121
00:07:39,147 --> 00:07:41,941
- Ain't no "I" in "team." Put it up here.
122
00:07:42,025 --> 00:07:44,235
Let's get out of here.
Come on. Watch your step.
123
00:07:44,319 --> 00:07:46,279
Watch your step. Let's go.
124
00:07:46,362 --> 00:07:47,822
He kicked me right in the fucking nose,
125
00:07:47,906 --> 00:07:49,073
the son of a bitch.
126
00:07:54,996 --> 00:07:57,207
Run. Run.
127
00:08:04,505 --> 00:08:06,841
Oh... hey...
128
00:08:06,925 --> 00:08:08,051
Wait a minute. Jordan.
129
00:08:08,134 --> 00:08:09,302
Jordan, slow down. It's a cliff.
130
00:08:09,385 --> 00:08:11,054
It's a cliff! It's a cliff!
131
00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:17,143
Oh, shit.
132
00:08:18,770 --> 00:08:21,022
- Come on, we've got to go.
- I can't.
133
00:08:21,105 --> 00:08:23,107
I can't do that. That's too far.
134
00:08:23,191 --> 00:08:24,359
I'm sorry.
135
00:08:24,442 --> 00:08:26,110
- Jesus Christ, just jump.
136
00:08:26,194 --> 00:08:27,779
- Just go. Go save yourself.
137
00:08:27,862 --> 00:08:29,906
- No. We're both getting out of here.
138
00:08:29,989 --> 00:08:31,366
Now hurry the fuck up!
139
00:08:33,910 --> 00:08:35,578
- Fuck.
140
00:08:35,662 --> 00:08:37,038
Fuck, fuck.
141
00:08:37,121 --> 00:08:39,123
Fuck. Fuck!
142
00:08:40,625 --> 00:08:42,919
Go.
143
00:08:43,002 --> 00:08:44,420
Go, go, go...
144
00:08:44,504 --> 00:08:46,839
Shit. Oh.
145
00:08:50,134 --> 00:08:52,053
Why didn't you say you love me back?
146
00:08:52,136 --> 00:08:55,515
- Uh... I don't know.
147
00:08:55,598 --> 00:08:58,560
We-we're just kind of getting
to know each other, and...
148
00:09:04,065 --> 00:09:06,067
- Say good night.
Episode10
1
00:00:00,104 --> 00:00:02,190
- Why didn't you say you love me back?
2
00:00:02,273 --> 00:00:05,276
- Uh... I don't know.
3
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:07,487
We're j-- we're just kind of
getting to know each other,
4
00:00:07,570 --> 00:00:08,696
and...
5
00:00:17,038 --> 00:00:19,707
- Any last words
before I blow your brains out?
6
00:00:21,042 --> 00:00:23,211
- Don't shoot me, okay?
7
00:00:23,294 --> 00:00:24,546
You ain't got to do this.
8
00:00:26,005 --> 00:00:28,967
You ain't got to do this, man.
9
00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,055
Yeah.
10
00:00:34,138 --> 00:00:35,765
Just let me...
11
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:38,810
- Why are you doing that?
12
00:00:40,186 --> 00:00:42,105
Cut it out!
13
00:00:42,188 --> 00:00:43,481
Stop it!
14
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:44,649
You look at me when I kill you.
15
00:00:44,732 --> 00:00:46,651
Look at me!
16
00:00:46,734 --> 00:00:48,653
I know that there's nothing up there.
17
00:01:21,686 --> 00:01:23,855
- Ah! Shit.
18
00:01:23,938 --> 00:01:25,523
Ah!
19
00:01:26,524 --> 00:01:28,610
Ah... Ah!
20
00:01:28,693 --> 00:01:30,028
- Go home.
21
00:01:30,111 --> 00:01:31,821
I'm sure there's
a real hero somewhere
22
00:01:31,905 --> 00:01:33,156
in need of a goofy sidekick.
23
00:01:34,490 --> 00:01:35,992
Well, you're not alone...
24
00:01:36,075 --> 00:01:37,827
anymore.
25
00:01:42,999 --> 00:01:44,834
I've got you, I promise.
26
00:01:44,918 --> 00:01:47,212
Kevin!
27
00:01:47,295 --> 00:01:48,713
Focus.
28
00:02:02,977 --> 00:02:04,062
- I owe you one.
29
00:02:14,322 --> 00:02:15,698
It's a simple jump.
30
00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:20,453
Three, two, one.
31
00:02:26,584 --> 00:02:27,585
Yes.
32
00:02:29,045 --> 00:02:30,380
Hey.
33
00:02:30,463 --> 00:02:33,341
Hey, come on. Jordan, no.
34
00:02:33,424 --> 00:02:36,636
Come on, get up, get up. Jordan, no.
35
00:02:36,719 --> 00:02:38,263
Look at me, look at me.
36
00:02:38,346 --> 00:02:40,890
No. Don't you die, don't you die.
37
00:02:40,974 --> 00:02:42,392
I'm not gonna let you die.
38
00:02:43,434 --> 00:02:45,436
Come on, Jordan, you c...
39
00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:47,564
you can't, you can't die, not...
40
00:02:47,647 --> 00:02:49,899
Come on, Jordan, get up.
41
00:02:49,983 --> 00:02:51,734
Don't d...
42
00:02:51,818 --> 00:02:54,153
Jordan! Jordan!
43
00:02:54,237 --> 00:02:57,156
I jumped. I got over here.
44
00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:58,449
Jordan?
45
00:02:58,533 --> 00:03:01,035
I fucking jumped.
46
00:03:03,079 --> 00:03:04,622
I fucking jumped.
47
00:03:06,916 --> 00:03:09,085
I fucking...
48
00:03:09,168 --> 00:03:11,170
Breathe.
49
00:03:14,173 --> 00:03:16,509
Bravo. It's a wrap, everybody.
50
00:03:16,593 --> 00:03:19,304
Bravo.
51
00:03:21,848 --> 00:03:23,391
- The fuck...?
52
00:03:24,934 --> 00:03:26,060
A wrap?
53
00:03:26,144 --> 00:03:27,770
- Agent Hart!
54
00:03:27,854 --> 00:03:28,897
- Coach Ron?
55
00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:30,565
- Yeah!
56
00:03:32,233 --> 00:03:34,068
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
57
00:03:34,152 --> 00:03:35,862
- The fuck is happening?
58
00:03:37,405 --> 00:03:39,782
- Hey, man, it was good working with you.
59
00:03:39,866 --> 00:03:41,826
No hard feelings, man. Sorry.
60
00:03:48,791 --> 00:03:49,918
- Hi.
61
00:03:50,001 --> 00:03:52,045
- Oh, no. Come on, Jordan.
62
00:03:52,128 --> 00:03:54,047
This was a part of it, too?
63
00:03:54,130 --> 00:03:55,673
- Yeah. Sorry, Kevin.
64
00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:57,300
- Jordan.
65
00:03:57,383 --> 00:03:59,594
But I really thought that I lost you.
66
00:03:59,677 --> 00:04:02,305
- Oh, Kevin.
- No...
67
00:04:02,388 --> 00:04:04,682
- Well, I guess I'm glad
that you're alive.
68
00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:07,936
- Well, movie magic.
69
00:04:09,687 --> 00:04:10,813
- Very good.
- Movie magic.
70
00:04:10,897 --> 00:04:12,065
- Very good.
71
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:16,694
- Jordan, no.
72
00:04:16,778 --> 00:04:18,863
Come on, get up, get up.
73
00:04:18,947 --> 00:04:20,949
Jordan, you can't do this. Don't die.
74
00:04:21,032 --> 00:04:22,784
Come on, Jordan, get up.
75
00:04:22,867 --> 00:04:25,787
Don't d... Jordan!
76
00:04:25,870 --> 00:04:27,997
Jordan!
77
00:04:28,081 --> 00:04:31,584
I did it, I jumped. I got over here.
78
00:04:31,668 --> 00:04:34,796
Jordan? I fucking jumped.
79
00:04:36,881 --> 00:04:39,509
I fucking jumped.
80
00:04:55,275 --> 00:04:58,027
- Well?
81
00:05:02,991 --> 00:05:06,494
- That may be the strangest movie
I've ever seen.
82
00:05:09,163 --> 00:05:14,043
So bizarre and-and... violent.
83
00:05:16,963 --> 00:05:20,508
And yet...
84
00:05:20,592 --> 00:05:23,094
authentic.
85
00:05:23,177 --> 00:05:26,806
You can't teach acting like that.
86
00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:28,182
- So you liked it?
- Like it?
87
00:05:28,266 --> 00:05:29,809
I like kidney-shaped swimming pools.
88
00:05:29,893 --> 00:05:32,228
I like reduced-fat eggnog.
89
00:05:32,312 --> 00:05:35,607
This movie, I loved.
90
00:05:35,690 --> 00:05:38,151
- He loves it.
91
00:05:38,234 --> 00:05:39,736
- How does it feel to be a leading man
92
00:05:39,819 --> 00:05:41,279
in your own action movie?
93
00:05:41,362 --> 00:05:43,406
- Wow.
- Kevin.
94
00:05:43,489 --> 00:05:46,284
Please.
- Oh, the center stage.
95
00:05:46,367 --> 00:05:47,744
Uh...
96
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:50,538
No, stop, stop. Guys.
97
00:05:50,622 --> 00:05:53,416
Well, I learned two things.
98
00:05:53,499 --> 00:05:55,418
The first thing is that it's dangerous.
99
00:05:55,501 --> 00:05:58,421
It's dangerous as hell.
I mean, I was set on fire,
100
00:05:58,504 --> 00:06:00,048
I was hit in the head with a bat...
101
00:06:00,131 --> 00:06:01,382
punched, kicked.
102
00:06:01,466 --> 00:06:03,343
I'm really gonna be scarred.
- That was f...
103
00:06:03,426 --> 00:06:04,719
- No, I'm serious-- I don't know
104
00:06:04,802 --> 00:06:06,721
why you're laughing.
I'm being very serious.
105
00:06:06,804 --> 00:06:09,015
I'm gonna have real issues
because of this guy right here.
106
00:06:09,098 --> 00:06:10,808
- Fuck yeah!
- It's-- no...
107
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:14,062
It's not a "fuck yeah."
It's-it's a serious thing.
108
00:06:16,064 --> 00:06:19,150
The second thing
that I learned is that, uh...
109
00:06:21,152 --> 00:06:23,780
...there's no such thing as a leading man.
110
00:06:25,406 --> 00:06:27,700
Because you're nothing
without your costars.
111
00:06:31,037 --> 00:06:34,499
And I had that in-in you guys,
so thank you-- Come on.
112
00:06:34,582 --> 00:06:36,334
Get up here. Seriously.
113
00:06:36,417 --> 00:06:37,544
Get up here.
- Buddy.
114
00:06:37,627 --> 00:06:39,379
- Take this in. Take it in with me.
115
00:06:39,462 --> 00:06:41,798
Wait, wait. Do I get top billing?
116
00:06:41,881 --> 00:06:43,174
- Yeah. You have top billing.
117
00:06:43,258 --> 00:06:45,260
- Nice. I didn't-- I forgot to ask.
118
00:06:45,343 --> 00:06:47,303
- Well, I think it's time to celebrate.
- Yes!
119
00:06:47,387 --> 00:06:48,846
- Looks like we've got a hit on our hands.
120
00:06:48,930 --> 00:06:51,140
- Claude. Congratulations.
- Yeah, yeah.
121
00:06:51,224 --> 00:06:53,226
Hey. Congratulations, everybody.
122
00:06:53,309 --> 00:06:56,688
- Ladies and gentlemen,
123
00:06:56,771 --> 00:06:58,273
we have a real treat for you today.
124
00:06:58,356 --> 00:07:00,066
- Okay-- wait, wait, wait, wait,
easy with the spoilers.
125
00:07:00,149 --> 00:07:01,734
This requires a little dramatic buildup.
126
00:07:01,818 --> 00:07:03,361
- Okay. Here it is.
127
00:07:03,444 --> 00:07:05,196
Now you know that I'm not a big fan
128
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:07,782
of these high-budget action films.
129
00:07:07,866 --> 00:07:11,035
- Here she goes again,
with her love of fancy foreign films.
130
00:07:11,119 --> 00:07:13,037
- I have discerning taste.
This is my buildup.
131
00:07:13,121 --> 00:07:14,998
This is what you requested.
- Continue.
132
00:07:15,081 --> 00:07:17,208
- This movie
by Claude Van De Velde moved me.
133
00:07:17,292 --> 00:07:19,460
I got to say.
- It's an incredible film.
134
00:07:19,544 --> 00:07:21,337
- And...
- I've seen it 27 times.
135
00:07:21,421 --> 00:07:22,797
Team Van De Velde right here.
136
00:07:22,881 --> 00:07:24,507
- The hero of this movie
137
00:07:24,591 --> 00:07:26,509
is not the action star
that you would expect.
138
00:07:26,593 --> 00:07:29,762
The one that really saves the day.
139
00:07:29,846 --> 00:07:31,472
Well, we have him here today.
140
00:07:31,556 --> 00:07:33,600
Ladies and gentlemen...
141
00:07:33,683 --> 00:07:35,810
Sassy the Squirrel.
142
00:07:35,894 --> 00:07:37,228
- Aw, Sassy...
143
00:07:37,312 --> 00:07:38,938
- Oh, you're a lot bigger in person.
144
00:07:39,022 --> 00:07:40,982
- Oh, hell no.
123914
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