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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:14,564 --> 00:00:19,523 Ripped By mstoll 2 00:00:32,682 --> 00:00:36,140 The so-called "Father of Our Country," George Washington, 3 00:00:36,186 --> 00:00:38,313 felt shaking hands was beneath the president, 4 00:00:38,354 --> 00:00:40,288 so he would, uh, bow. 5 00:00:40,323 --> 00:00:43,019 Now let's move on to the War of 1812. 6 00:00:43,059 --> 00:00:45,323 Dolly Madison served the first bowl of ice cream 7 00:00:45,361 --> 00:00:46,487 in the White House. 8 00:00:46,529 --> 00:00:47,757 True story. 9 00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:49,458 What are you doing? 10 00:00:49,499 --> 00:00:52,332 You really shouldn't let your hair get so knotted, 11 00:00:52,368 --> 00:00:54,199 unless you want it to fall out. 12 00:00:54,237 --> 00:00:57,365 If you wanted it to fall out, I'm sorry for fixing it. 13 00:00:57,407 --> 00:01:00,535 No, you can fix it. 14 00:01:00,577 --> 00:01:02,977 John Adams may not have had Morticia and Thing, 15 00:01:03,012 --> 00:01:05,480 but his economic policy was just as scary. 16 00:01:07,050 --> 00:01:09,280 Wow, you're a really good hairdresser. 17 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,650 Thank you. 18 00:01:10,687 --> 00:01:13,713 I used to want to be one. 19 00:01:15,191 --> 00:01:16,590 PROFESSOR Uh, Ms. Platter, 20 00:01:16,626 --> 00:01:19,186 you in my class to learn history, or, uh, do hair? 21 00:01:21,297 --> 00:01:22,525 Hair!! 22 00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:27,703 The mashed potatoes aren't as buttery as usual, Mom. 23 00:01:27,737 --> 00:01:29,227 Did we go poor? 24 00:01:29,272 --> 00:01:32,537 I learned something really important at college today! 25 00:01:32,575 --> 00:01:34,907 I don't want to be there! 26 00:01:34,944 --> 00:01:36,241 What?! Yeah. 27 00:01:36,279 --> 00:01:37,246 I quit! 28 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:38,804 I'm gonna do hair. 29 00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,213 Well, you can't do that. 30 00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:42,480 There are bigger things in life than hair. 31 00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:45,977 You have to stay in college and develop your mind. 32 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,319 Well, I don't know, Peggy. 33 00:01:47,357 --> 00:01:49,655 She's been at that college for 2h years, 34 00:01:49,692 --> 00:01:51,421 and it's a two-year college. 35 00:01:51,461 --> 00:01:54,259 Seems like they had a whack at her and nothing took. 36 00:01:54,297 --> 00:01:56,527 It's true. Nothing did! 37 00:01:56,566 --> 00:01:59,160 You know, cutting hair might be good for her. 38 00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:01,363 My barber Jack always says, 39 00:02:01,404 --> 00:02:04,168 "Hair grows even during a recession." 40 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,869 Well, that may be true for licensed barbers. 41 00:02:06,910 --> 00:02:08,537 But may I remind you both 42 00:02:08,578 --> 00:02:10,546 that Luanne Platter, hairstylist, 43 00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:12,548 failed her cosmetology test. 44 00:02:12,582 --> 00:02:16,450 Luanne Platter, history student, would have known that. 45 00:02:19,622 --> 00:02:21,783 Maybe Luanne Platter, dinner guest, 46 00:02:21,825 --> 00:02:23,588 could send the butter this way? 47 00:02:23,626 --> 00:02:26,026 Buck Strickland never went to college 48 00:02:26,062 --> 00:02:27,893 and he runs four businesses 49 00:02:27,931 --> 00:02:29,831 and never writes anything down. 50 00:02:29,866 --> 00:02:32,460 Yeah, college wasn't for me. 51 00:02:32,502 --> 00:02:34,629 They made that very clear. 52 00:02:34,671 --> 00:02:37,299 Everyone's always talking about college, 53 00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:40,241 but have any of you ever actually seen one? 54 00:02:40,276 --> 00:02:43,939 Maybe Luanne should do what I did and join the Army. 55 00:02:43,980 --> 00:02:45,106 No, that won't work. 56 00:02:45,148 --> 00:02:47,139 Luanne thinks the Army is mean. 57 00:02:47,183 --> 00:02:48,582 She just wants to cut hair, 58 00:02:48,618 --> 00:02:50,449 but she flunked out of beauty school 59 00:02:50,486 --> 00:02:51,748 and never got licensed. 60 00:02:51,788 --> 00:02:53,881 Well, if all she needs is to pass her test, 61 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,220 I can help her with that. 62 00:02:55,258 --> 00:02:57,726 I had to pass it to become an Army barber. 63 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:58,852 All right, Bill! 64 00:02:58,895 --> 00:03:01,455 Just don't scream orders at her, though. 65 00:03:01,497 --> 00:03:02,623 She cries. 66 00:03:07,937 --> 00:03:10,462 Luanne, I can tell you're nervous. 67 00:03:10,506 --> 00:03:11,996 If there's one thing I've learned 68 00:03:12,041 --> 00:03:14,737 in my 20 years of barbering, it's this... 69 00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,473 It will grow back. 70 00:03:17,513 --> 00:03:21,779 If you did a great job or a bad job, it will grow back. 71 00:03:21,818 --> 00:03:25,151 Gosh. You sure know a lot about cutting hair. 72 00:03:25,188 --> 00:03:28,214 Yeah, well, I've been around a bit. 73 00:03:28,258 --> 00:03:30,453 I remember when I was your age, 74 00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:32,791 life was so full of possibilities. 75 00:03:32,829 --> 00:03:36,287 Bruce Jenner's hair had fired the imagination of a nation. 76 00:03:36,332 --> 00:03:38,197 Oh... 77 00:03:38,234 --> 00:03:39,462 glory days. 78 00:03:39,502 --> 00:03:40,662 Mr. Dauterive, 79 00:03:40,703 --> 00:03:43,103 after I pass my State Board exam, 80 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:47,473 maybe I can live the dreams that you're too old to live. 81 00:03:47,510 --> 00:03:49,535 You can! 82 00:04:02,125 --> 00:04:04,593 It will grow back. 83 00:04:20,576 --> 00:04:22,043 Well, look at her, 84 00:04:22,078 --> 00:04:23,670 getting ready for a career. 85 00:04:23,713 --> 00:04:25,442 Next thing, she'll be complaining 86 00:04:25,481 --> 00:04:27,346 about how high her taxes are. 87 00:04:29,585 --> 00:04:31,553 Luanne, honey, getting certified 88 00:04:31,587 --> 00:04:33,555 as a stylist was the easy part. 89 00:04:33,589 --> 00:04:35,819 Now you have to prepare yourself 90 00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:38,224 for the constant rejection of the job hunt. 91 00:04:38,261 --> 00:04:39,660 You're a stylist? 92 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,027 I'm Colette Davis. 93 00:04:41,064 --> 00:04:41,996 I own Hottyz. 94 00:04:43,066 --> 00:04:45,057 That's right, the one with the Z. 95 00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,234 You brought the messy ponytail to Arlen! 96 00:04:48,271 --> 00:04:51,900 And then two weeks later, you trashed it as uncool! 97 00:04:51,941 --> 00:04:54,000 Guilty. 98 00:04:54,043 --> 00:04:56,511 You know, I think you have the "Hottyz vibe." 99 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:57,808 And I know vibe. 100 00:04:57,847 --> 00:05:00,145 The Arlen Advocate says I invented it. 101 00:05:00,183 --> 00:05:02,344 Chair rental is 1,400 bucks. 102 00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:04,353 Oh, and FYI... 103 00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:07,823 Vibe, vibe, no vibe, 104 00:05:07,857 --> 00:05:10,382 mmm, crazy vibe. 105 00:05:11,427 --> 00:05:14,294 Wow! You were wrong, Aunt Peggy. 106 00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:16,560 Finding a job was easy! 107 00:05:16,599 --> 00:05:18,931 Oh, yeah? What about the chair rental? 108 00:05:18,968 --> 00:05:20,799 How are you going to pay for it? 109 00:05:20,837 --> 00:05:22,896 I can give you some money, Luanne. 110 00:05:22,939 --> 00:05:27,399 I was just going to use it on, well, you know... the Internet. 111 00:05:27,443 --> 00:05:30,241 Well, I couldn't take your money, Mr. Dauterive. 112 00:05:30,279 --> 00:05:31,473 Huh! 113 00:05:31,514 --> 00:05:33,607 Oh, but maybe we could share the chair! 114 00:05:33,649 --> 00:05:36,880 No. I'm just an old Army barber, Luanne. 115 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:39,786 I packed that life away with my Dolphin shorts. 116 00:05:39,822 --> 00:05:42,620 Mr. Dauterive, if you don't take a chance, 117 00:05:42,658 --> 00:05:45,388 you'll end up miserable like Mr. Dauterive. 118 00:05:46,529 --> 00:05:49,589 I mean... just someone else. 119 00:05:49,632 --> 00:05:53,068 Look out, Hottyz, here I come! 120 00:05:53,102 --> 00:05:55,070 We're Hottyz! Whoo! 121 00:05:55,104 --> 00:05:56,799 Oh, for God's sakes, Hank. 122 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:58,397 She'll be fine. 123 00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,376 Scrunchies for everyone! 124 00:06:06,516 --> 00:06:08,381 It's gonna be so cool when we get to Hottyz, 125 00:06:08,418 --> 00:06:10,909 and they say, "Do you have an appointment?" 126 00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:13,319 And we say, "No, we work here," 127 00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:14,914 and they say, "No you don't." 128 00:06:14,957 --> 00:06:17,016 And we say, "Nuh-uh, we do!" 129 00:06:17,060 --> 00:06:19,722 And then we make up and give them a great haircut! 130 00:06:19,762 --> 00:06:21,423 Last night, I dreamed about hair! 131 00:06:21,464 --> 00:06:23,295 But it was a good dream this time, 132 00:06:23,332 --> 00:06:25,926 not the one where it forms a noose and hangs me. 133 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,801 I'm so excited! 134 00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:33,167 Hi! 135 00:06:33,209 --> 00:06:35,006 I cut hair, too! 136 00:06:35,044 --> 00:06:37,706 Isn't it so much fun?! 137 00:06:52,695 --> 00:06:54,754 'Sup. You the new cutter? 138 00:06:54,797 --> 00:06:56,196 We both are. 139 00:06:56,232 --> 00:06:57,893 We're cutters! 140 00:06:59,268 --> 00:07:00,394 We're cutters. 141 00:07:00,436 --> 00:07:01,368 Whatever. 142 00:07:01,404 --> 00:07:02,632 Here are your uniforms. 143 00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,739 I'm never gonna take this off. 144 00:07:08,778 --> 00:07:11,269 I don't know if I could. 145 00:07:12,548 --> 00:07:15,210 Shh. Your hair is trying to tell me 146 00:07:15,251 --> 00:07:18,152 all the nasty things it wants me to do to it. 147 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,415 That's Rico. 148 00:07:19,455 --> 00:07:21,650 He's flaming hot and flaming gay. 149 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,591 He's vibe squared. 150 00:07:23,626 --> 00:07:26,993 Hey, why is your client wearing a Hottyz T-shirt? 151 00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:28,496 Oh, Mr. Dauterive? 152 00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,158 He's not my client. 153 00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:32,258 I couldn't afford the chair on my own 154 00:07:32,301 --> 00:07:33,598 so we're sharing it. 155 00:07:33,636 --> 00:07:35,866 He taught me everything I know. 156 00:07:37,940 --> 00:07:41,432 Oh. Oh. No, no, this is not going to work. 157 00:07:41,477 --> 00:07:42,603 Good-bye. 158 00:07:42,645 --> 00:07:45,512 But we already paid a week's rent. 159 00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,039 And I dropped out of school for this. 160 00:07:48,084 --> 00:07:49,676 Fine. 161 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:52,586 You can stay the week. But you're last chair. 162 00:07:52,622 --> 00:07:54,249 Audrey. Congrats. 163 00:07:54,290 --> 00:07:56,417 Grab your ferret and your Jane magazines. 164 00:07:56,459 --> 00:07:58,051 You're chair four. 165 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:03,460 Rico, I have closing arguments in an hour 166 00:08:03,499 --> 00:08:05,330 and I need to look jury friendly. 167 00:08:05,368 --> 00:08:06,995 Sorry, sweetie, I'm all booked up. 168 00:08:07,036 --> 00:08:08,298 If you're real desperate, 169 00:08:08,337 --> 00:08:09,998 you might try the new cutters in the back. 170 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:15,908 I'm in a rush. And I need to look... 171 00:08:15,945 --> 00:08:17,139 Oh, my gosh! 172 00:08:17,180 --> 00:08:19,045 You're are my first ever client. 173 00:08:19,081 --> 00:08:20,708 Now don't be nervous. 174 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:24,948 If I screw up, it'll grow back. 175 00:08:24,987 --> 00:08:28,718 Let's get you shampooed. 176 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:31,386 Hyah! 177 00:08:31,427 --> 00:08:33,952 Mr. Dauterive got kicked right in his... 178 00:08:33,996 --> 00:08:37,557 Well, I didn't see where her foot went, 179 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,727 but she said, "Bull's-eye!" 180 00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,168 That's the real world for you. 181 00:08:41,204 --> 00:08:43,502 Mr. Dauterive getting kicked in the groin. 182 00:08:43,539 --> 00:08:45,632 Don't you wish you'd stayed in college? 183 00:08:46,976 --> 00:08:48,671 Luanne, I'll give you a little tip. 184 00:08:48,711 --> 00:08:50,303 If you want to succeed, 185 00:08:50,346 --> 00:08:53,747 identify the most successful person at work 186 00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:55,808 and do what they do. 187 00:08:55,851 --> 00:08:57,546 We'll do it. 188 00:09:01,257 --> 00:09:02,554 Hello, Luscious. 189 00:09:04,026 --> 00:09:05,323 What kind of love are we making 190 00:09:05,361 --> 00:09:06,453 with your hair today? 191 00:09:06,495 --> 00:09:09,521 Rico is so successful. 192 00:09:09,565 --> 00:09:12,261 We have to do what he does. 193 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:15,202 Did one of you breeders take my flat brush? 194 00:09:15,238 --> 00:09:17,263 Rico, I heard you with your client. 195 00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:19,797 You were very sexy. 196 00:09:19,842 --> 00:09:21,207 Yes, I know. 197 00:09:21,244 --> 00:09:23,405 People want to leave here feeling hot and sexy 198 00:09:23,446 --> 00:09:24,845 and if you can't give it to them, 199 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,678 you may as well be barbering down at Jack's. 200 00:09:27,717 --> 00:09:29,617 Please stand away from the mirror. 201 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,552 I like to watch myself while I cut. 202 00:09:33,489 --> 00:09:35,218 He does have vibe. 203 00:09:35,258 --> 00:09:37,021 Mm-hmm. 204 00:09:39,095 --> 00:09:42,360 How would you like your hair cut today? 205 00:09:46,802 --> 00:09:49,600 Dear Lord, I don't want to go back to college, 206 00:09:49,639 --> 00:09:51,834 so please help me be sexy. 207 00:09:51,874 --> 00:09:53,102 Amen. 208 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,878 Your hair is so sexy. 209 00:10:00,916 --> 00:10:03,510 It reminds me of... sex. 210 00:10:03,552 --> 00:10:05,486 Sorry, I'm late, everybody! 211 00:10:05,521 --> 00:10:08,684 My Pilates class ran long. 212 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:14,420 I'm here for Rico. 213 00:10:14,463 --> 00:10:17,023 Well, B-Do can help you now. 214 00:10:18,267 --> 00:10:21,065 Psst. Are you homosexual? 215 00:10:21,103 --> 00:10:22,583 I'm just trying to act more like Rico. 216 00:10:22,605 --> 00:10:24,072 Huh. Me, too. 217 00:10:24,106 --> 00:10:26,574 If I accidentally start acting not sexy, 218 00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:27,701 give me a sign. 219 00:10:27,743 --> 00:10:29,404 Go like this. 220 00:10:29,445 --> 00:10:33,677 Okay. And give me the sign if I start acting not gay. 221 00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:38,676 You sizzle with a capital "S," capital "izzle." 222 00:10:40,289 --> 00:10:42,484 My boyfriend's taking me to Lake Arlen 223 00:10:42,525 --> 00:10:45,221 for dinner and dancing and then we... 224 00:10:45,261 --> 00:10:47,456 Tell me about your boyfriend. 225 00:10:47,496 --> 00:10:48,554 Is he cute? 226 00:10:48,597 --> 00:10:50,690 Does he have muscular thighs? 227 00:10:50,733 --> 00:10:52,098 Thieving slut. 228 00:10:52,134 --> 00:10:54,500 I bet he's the one who stole my Yoplait from the fridge. 229 00:10:56,839 --> 00:11:00,673 ♪ I will love you ♪ 230 00:11:06,015 --> 00:11:08,074 ♪ Those days ♪ 231 00:11:08,117 --> 00:11:12,611 ♪ Of warm rain come rushing back to me ♪ 232 00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:16,147 ♪ Miles of windless ♪ 233 00:11:16,192 --> 00:11:19,127 ♪ Summer nights ♪ 234 00:11:19,161 --> 00:11:20,321 ♪ Summer nights ♪ 235 00:11:20,363 --> 00:11:23,992 ♪ Secret moments shared... ♪ 236 00:11:25,768 --> 00:11:27,235 To Luanne and B-Do, 237 00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:30,238 the hottest haircutting team in town. 238 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:32,331 Whoo-hoo! Whoo! 239 00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:33,933 Okay, girls, 240 00:11:33,976 --> 00:11:35,102 the next round's on me. 241 00:11:35,144 --> 00:11:37,339 I can't cut hair without a hangover. 242 00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:40,645 I could go for a beer... 243 00:11:40,683 --> 00:11:42,742 Or, uh, a Pink Squirrel. 244 00:11:42,785 --> 00:11:45,345 Yeah, I like my drinks the same as my men... 245 00:11:45,388 --> 00:11:48,289 strong and sweet and under an umbrella. 246 00:11:48,324 --> 00:11:52,784 Hey, we've got some hotties in the bar from Hottyz tonight. 247 00:11:52,828 --> 00:11:54,318 This one's for them. 248 00:11:56,365 --> 00:11:57,627 Come on, B-Do. 249 00:11:57,666 --> 00:11:59,065 Back that thang up. 250 00:11:59,101 --> 00:12:00,261 Show me the dance 251 00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:02,270 that got you kicked off Fire Island, honey. 252 00:12:02,304 --> 00:12:03,828 Try and stop me. 253 00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:08,639 Ooh! Ah! 254 00:12:08,677 --> 00:12:11,612 Boy, if I weren't so dang gay... 255 00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:14,445 Aw, B-Do, I know it must be hard for you 256 00:12:14,483 --> 00:12:15,814 in a town like this, 257 00:12:15,851 --> 00:12:19,309 with no 24-hour gyms or TGI Fridays. 258 00:12:19,355 --> 00:12:22,620 Hey, I think that guy's checking you out. 259 00:12:22,658 --> 00:12:23,920 Oh. 260 00:12:35,571 --> 00:12:37,766 Oh. My first ten dollar tip. 261 00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:38,865 Thank you. 262 00:12:38,908 --> 00:12:42,207 Okay, now meow like a kitty. 263 00:12:42,244 --> 00:12:44,144 Meow? 264 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,148 B-Do will not bite. 265 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,911 I am gay. 266 00:12:47,950 --> 00:12:49,212 Luanne, B-Do, 267 00:12:49,251 --> 00:12:51,845 I am moving you to second chair. 268 00:12:51,887 --> 00:12:52,876 Congrats. 269 00:12:52,922 --> 00:12:55,117 Second chair?! 270 00:12:55,157 --> 00:12:57,250 That's almost as good as first chair. 271 00:12:59,428 --> 00:13:01,453 Hello. 272 00:13:01,497 --> 00:13:04,466 Which hair gel do you suggest for my hair type? 273 00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:06,661 Virgin or Dirty Girl? 274 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:08,397 Bobby. Truck. 275 00:13:08,437 --> 00:13:10,997 Uncle Hank, this is so great. 276 00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:13,406 I'm succeeding in the real world, 277 00:13:13,442 --> 00:13:15,603 one up-do at a time. 278 00:13:15,644 --> 00:13:17,976 Well, that's good to hear, I guess... 279 00:13:18,013 --> 00:13:20,038 I figured I'd come to support you. 280 00:13:20,082 --> 00:13:21,549 You want a haircut? 281 00:13:21,584 --> 00:13:25,145 Uh, no, I just came to support you. 282 00:13:25,187 --> 00:13:26,711 Good job. 283 00:13:26,755 --> 00:13:27,915 Bill? 284 00:13:27,957 --> 00:13:29,117 Hank?! 285 00:13:29,158 --> 00:13:30,250 Bill?! 286 00:13:30,292 --> 00:13:31,350 Hey, Hank. 287 00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:32,758 I can't talk now. Little busy. 288 00:13:32,795 --> 00:13:33,784 See you at home. 289 00:13:33,829 --> 00:13:35,797 What happened to you? What? 290 00:13:35,831 --> 00:13:37,765 You mean last night? 291 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,097 You don't own me. 292 00:13:39,134 --> 00:13:40,965 Does your wife know you're here? 293 00:13:41,003 --> 00:13:43,597 Well, no. I'm on my lunch break. 294 00:13:43,639 --> 00:13:45,903 : I can't keep living like this, Hank! 295 00:13:45,941 --> 00:13:48,102 You've got a wife and a family at home 296 00:13:48,143 --> 00:13:49,633 and I've got nothing. 297 00:13:53,182 --> 00:13:56,208 I just don't understand why everybody 298 00:13:56,252 --> 00:13:59,244 is going to that nut house, Hottyz, instead of here. 299 00:13:59,288 --> 00:14:01,222 Are you sure your pole is working? 300 00:14:01,257 --> 00:14:03,088 Hottyz is the future, Hank. 301 00:14:03,125 --> 00:14:04,592 Who wants a haircut from Jack, 302 00:14:04,627 --> 00:14:06,788 when some pretty girl with all her teeth can do it? 303 00:14:06,829 --> 00:14:08,524 Yeah, but they're going to Bill, too, 304 00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:09,826 and he's acting like... 305 00:14:09,865 --> 00:14:10,923 Hold your head still 306 00:14:10,966 --> 00:14:12,797 unless you want me to cut that ear off. 307 00:14:12,835 --> 00:14:15,201 Pirate? 308 00:14:15,237 --> 00:14:17,228 Gondola operator? 309 00:14:17,273 --> 00:14:18,570 Waiter? 310 00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:20,131 Pirate waiter! 311 00:14:20,175 --> 00:14:22,905 He's supposed to be gay, Dale. 312 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,173 Really? 313 00:14:24,213 --> 00:14:25,510 I don't see it. 314 00:14:25,548 --> 00:14:27,573 I don't know why people are always saying 315 00:14:27,616 --> 00:14:28,981 how hard it is to be gay. 316 00:14:29,018 --> 00:14:30,280 It's wonderful, really. 317 00:14:30,319 --> 00:14:31,843 You're not gay. 318 00:14:31,887 --> 00:14:33,184 They don't know that. 319 00:14:33,222 --> 00:14:35,156 Women who are normally repulsed by me 320 00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:36,953 are letting me brush their hair, 321 00:14:36,992 --> 00:14:40,291 massage their shoulders, compliment their bottoms. 322 00:14:40,329 --> 00:14:42,854 Hank, you know who else went to college? 323 00:14:42,898 --> 00:14:44,195 Hey, Peggy. 324 00:14:44,233 --> 00:14:45,393 Let's go invite your hair 325 00:14:45,434 --> 00:14:47,231 to that party the rest of you is throwing. 326 00:14:49,471 --> 00:14:52,201 Oh, Bill. Oh... 327 00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:56,169 Check me out in first chair at Hottyz! 328 00:14:56,211 --> 00:14:58,441 I wanted to invite you guys to a party tonight. 329 00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,040 Rumor is, the chick they kicked off American Idol 330 00:15:01,083 --> 00:15:03,176 is going to be cage-dancing. 331 00:15:06,455 --> 00:15:07,649 B-Do, Scott dumped me, 332 00:15:07,690 --> 00:15:09,783 and I need him to see what he's missing! 333 00:15:09,825 --> 00:15:11,190 Oh, honey, 334 00:15:11,226 --> 00:15:13,990 I swear on a stack of gladiators I will take care of you. 335 00:15:14,029 --> 00:15:16,395 Hey! First chair! 336 00:15:16,432 --> 00:15:18,730 I don't want to get hair on my blouse. 337 00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:26,204 Oh... 338 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,443 Did you say something? 339 00:15:29,478 --> 00:15:31,912 I saw your bosom move like you said something. 340 00:15:31,947 --> 00:15:35,075 Kutt mistress said you got dumped by your guy, too. 341 00:15:35,117 --> 00:15:37,210 I know. 342 00:15:37,252 --> 00:15:41,018 I do astrology, and I can tell we're kindred souls, B-Do. 343 00:15:42,725 --> 00:15:44,352 We're too much for our men. 344 00:15:44,393 --> 00:15:46,691 Oh, your aura's so warm. 345 00:15:46,729 --> 00:15:49,357 It's a shame you're gay. 346 00:15:53,969 --> 00:15:55,937 I'm not gay! 347 00:15:59,108 --> 00:16:00,234 No! I'm not gay! 348 00:16:00,275 --> 00:16:02,004 We can be together, you and me... 349 00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,205 our-our kindred souls! 350 00:16:04,246 --> 00:16:06,214 You're not gay? Uh-uh. Hundred percent 351 00:16:06,248 --> 00:16:07,272 into ladies. 352 00:16:07,316 --> 00:16:09,375 Who wants a hug? L-I do! 353 00:16:09,418 --> 00:16:11,443 Ew! You're disgusting! 354 00:16:11,487 --> 00:16:12,715 You liar! 355 00:16:12,755 --> 00:16:15,417 I shared a Coke with him! 356 00:16:15,457 --> 00:16:17,425 I let him swim in my pool! 357 00:16:17,459 --> 00:16:18,949 Yeah, but... oh. 358 00:16:18,994 --> 00:16:21,758 It's all right. A real gay man's here. 359 00:16:31,373 --> 00:16:32,897 Well, I take it back! I am gay! 360 00:16:32,941 --> 00:16:33,965 Oh, you are? 361 00:16:35,310 --> 00:16:36,868 Bi? 362 00:16:36,912 --> 00:16:38,880 When you were gay, you were intriguing, 363 00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,142 with an artistic bent, 364 00:16:40,182 --> 00:16:41,979 but now that you're straight, 365 00:16:42,017 --> 00:16:44,485 you're just... a sleazy barber. 366 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:47,853 Pack up and go back to that beer commercial that you came from. 367 00:16:47,890 --> 00:16:49,790 But we're first chair! 368 00:16:49,825 --> 00:16:51,417 Luanne, honey, you're fabulous. 369 00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:53,724 I mean, you've got great abs and vibe to spare. 370 00:16:53,762 --> 00:16:55,059 I mean, if it was just you, 371 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:56,928 I would hire you back in a second. 372 00:16:56,965 --> 00:16:59,695 But since you and that are a team, 373 00:16:59,735 --> 00:17:01,498 I got to let both of you go. 374 00:17:01,537 --> 00:17:02,970 But I belong here. 375 00:17:03,005 --> 00:17:04,870 I already failed out of college. 376 00:17:04,907 --> 00:17:07,603 I cannot fail out of the real world. 377 00:17:07,643 --> 00:17:10,635 There are no other worlds for me to go to. 378 00:17:10,679 --> 00:17:12,977 We'll be all right, Luanne. 379 00:17:14,049 --> 00:17:16,074 Mr. Dauterive... 380 00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,450 Wow, this is really tough. 381 00:17:19,588 --> 00:17:21,283 You're fired. 382 00:17:21,323 --> 00:17:23,188 No, but we're a team. 383 00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:24,283 Sorry, B-Do... 384 00:17:24,326 --> 00:17:26,226 if that is your real name... 385 00:17:26,261 --> 00:17:27,728 the shirt stays here. 386 00:17:39,842 --> 00:17:41,776 Why can't I be gay? 387 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:46,270 I had it all... women, money, fancy clothes! 388 00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:49,682 Bill, I don't think you were right for that salon. 389 00:17:49,718 --> 00:17:52,243 Everyone said the same thing, only meaner. 390 00:17:53,422 --> 00:17:56,289 Right after I bought $700 worth of shoes. 391 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,953 Well, didn't Luanne stand up for you? 392 00:17:58,994 --> 00:18:00,723 No. She threw my cottage cheese 393 00:18:00,763 --> 00:18:02,663 from the mini-fridge in the street. 394 00:18:02,698 --> 00:18:05,030 What?! That is not right! 395 00:18:07,236 --> 00:18:11,639 So, uh, are you ever gonna put on a shirt? 396 00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:13,368 So you used Bill up 397 00:18:13,408 --> 00:18:14,636 and you cast him aside. 398 00:18:14,676 --> 00:18:16,667 Do you have any idea how hurtful that is 399 00:18:16,712 --> 00:18:18,236 every time it happens to him? 400 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:20,009 I was just doing what you told me 401 00:18:20,048 --> 00:18:22,278 and following the most successful person. 402 00:18:22,317 --> 00:18:24,547 Now, that's Rico, and he said, 403 00:18:24,586 --> 00:18:27,885 "Sexy talks; bald and straight walks." 404 00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:30,414 I never told you to turn on your friends. 405 00:18:30,459 --> 00:18:32,427 Maybe your Aunt Peggy was right. 406 00:18:32,461 --> 00:18:34,019 You need to go back to college 407 00:18:34,062 --> 00:18:37,054 and take some courses in being a decent person. 408 00:18:50,445 --> 00:18:54,643 Kutt mistress, could you stop spinning for a second? 409 00:18:54,683 --> 00:18:57,584 Mr. Dauterive is a great hair stylist. 410 00:18:57,619 --> 00:18:58,779 Don't you see? 411 00:18:58,821 --> 00:19:01,585 Mr. Dauterive can't help that he's straight. 412 00:19:01,623 --> 00:19:03,113 It's just the way he was born. 413 00:19:03,158 --> 00:19:05,388 It's in his DNAs! 414 00:19:06,762 --> 00:19:09,697 Now, hair does not know gay from straight. 415 00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,097 It just wants to be loved. 416 00:19:12,134 --> 00:19:14,398 Shouldn't we all be more like hair? 417 00:19:15,804 --> 00:19:17,863 I know I wish I had been more like hair 418 00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:20,136 to my friend, Mr. Dauterive. 419 00:19:23,478 --> 00:19:25,378 Very touching. 420 00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,676 You're both fired. 421 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,718 It's great to stop pretending I'm someone else 422 00:19:34,756 --> 00:19:37,452 so I can go back to pretending I'm me again. 423 00:19:37,492 --> 00:19:39,960 I'm just gonna really miss cutting hair. 424 00:19:39,995 --> 00:19:41,986 It was so great to be able to moonlight 425 00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:44,191 and have an outlet for my creative jones. 426 00:19:44,233 --> 00:19:47,396 Jack must be the luckiest man in the world. 427 00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:50,735 He's doing what he loves and doesn't have to worry about anything but hair. 428 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,201 I'm gonna torch this place. 429 00:19:55,444 --> 00:19:58,470 Well, maybe I can help you all out. 430 00:20:03,819 --> 00:20:04,945 Hey there, Hank. 431 00:20:04,987 --> 00:20:06,147 Want another haircut? 432 00:20:06,188 --> 00:20:07,485 You can pay me in food. 433 00:20:07,522 --> 00:20:09,149 I'll shave you for a sandwich. 434 00:20:09,191 --> 00:20:11,182 What if I gave you something better? 435 00:20:11,226 --> 00:20:13,694 My niece Luanne here is a great hair cutter, 436 00:20:13,729 --> 00:20:15,959 and you'd be lucky to have her services. 437 00:20:15,998 --> 00:20:19,161 Aren't you the first chair from Hottyz? 438 00:20:19,201 --> 00:20:21,362 I was. W-We were. 439 00:20:21,403 --> 00:20:23,337 Uh, Mr. Dauterive and me. 440 00:20:23,372 --> 00:20:26,569 All right! I stole Hottyz first chair away! 441 00:20:26,608 --> 00:20:30,066 And so the scales begin to tip for Jack. 442 00:20:30,112 --> 00:20:33,707 Hmm, maybe I'll start paying back the muscular dystrophy jar. 443 00:20:44,860 --> 00:20:48,387 You and Bill really turned things around here, Luanne. 444 00:20:48,430 --> 00:20:50,455 Why don't you save the money you're making now 445 00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:51,727 and move back in with us? 446 00:20:51,767 --> 00:20:53,792 You mean it? 447 00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:56,599 You don't think I need to go back to college? 448 00:20:56,638 --> 00:20:59,471 No, I think you're right where you should be. 449 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:02,306 My God, you made me look hot, huh?! 450 00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,539 And if your dad asks, 451 00:21:04,579 --> 00:21:07,912 just tell him it will grow back. 452 00:21:11,653 --> 00:21:17,113 Ripped By mstoll 31534