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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,046 --> 00:00:01,513 _ 2 00:00:01,767 --> 00:00:05,669 I just don't understand why you have to move to California. 3 00:00:05,670 --> 00:00:07,629 Because the job is with Zephra, 4 00:00:07,650 --> 00:00:09,272 and Zephra's in California. 5 00:00:09,274 --> 00:00:10,788 Okay, maybe I'm not following 6 00:00:10,875 --> 00:00:12,951 because my whole face has gone numb 7 00:00:12,998 --> 00:00:14,597 and I just hear my own blood. 8 00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:16,565 Wait. Is Jonah going too? 9 00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,188 I think I would have gotten the heads up 10 00:00:18,190 --> 00:00:19,415 if Jonah were leaving, and I didn't. 11 00:00:19,417 --> 00:00:21,751 So he's not, so we can just stop talking about it. 12 00:00:21,753 --> 00:00:23,959 Actually, uh, yes. I am. 13 00:00:24,039 --> 00:00:25,052 I'm going, so... 14 00:00:25,119 --> 00:00:27,741 - Ahh. - [Bleep], yeah! 15 00:00:28,251 --> 00:00:29,752 Together, baby! 16 00:00:29,754 --> 00:00:31,821 All you [bleep] haters can suck it! 17 00:00:32,453 --> 00:00:34,590 So when do you become a soulless suit 18 00:00:34,596 --> 00:00:35,925 and forget about the little guy? 19 00:00:35,927 --> 00:00:37,316 No, it's not... 20 00:00:37,375 --> 00:00:39,668 the whole job is being a liaison to Cloud 9, 21 00:00:39,701 --> 00:00:42,230 so I'm still gonna be working with you guys. 22 00:00:42,231 --> 00:00:44,383 And they're still ironing out the details, 23 00:00:44,384 --> 00:00:45,901 but it'll probably be soon. 24 00:00:46,368 --> 00:00:47,368 Damn it! 25 00:00:47,369 --> 00:00:49,579 Oh, not the California thing. I already knew about that. 26 00:00:49,714 --> 00:00:52,233 I actually knew before Jonah. So, no big deal. 27 00:00:52,234 --> 00:00:53,676 But Brian just texted. 28 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:56,279 We're supposed to be going to the Aloha Thunder Indoor Waterpark 29 00:00:56,281 --> 00:00:57,148 for a sex weekend, 30 00:00:57,149 --> 00:00:58,581 but it turns out they're closing. 31 00:00:58,583 --> 00:01:00,870 Seems like this coronavirus deal is spreading. 32 00:01:00,871 --> 00:01:02,285 Whoa! The NBA just announced 33 00:01:02,287 --> 00:01:03,419 they're suspending the season. 34 00:01:03,421 --> 00:01:04,821 - What? - Wow. 35 00:01:04,823 --> 00:01:06,155 More cases are popping up 36 00:01:06,157 --> 00:01:08,324 in Oregon, Washington, New York... 37 00:01:08,326 --> 00:01:10,927 You guys, Tom Hanks has it! 38 00:01:10,929 --> 00:01:13,095 What? No! 39 00:01:13,097 --> 00:01:14,430 What about Rita? 40 00:01:14,432 --> 00:01:16,223 Does it say anything about Rita? 41 00:01:19,604 --> 00:01:21,871 - Ahh... - Damn. 42 00:01:28,667 --> 00:01:30,467 And Zephra is adamant that we follow 43 00:01:30,469 --> 00:01:32,836 the CDC recommendation of washing your hands 44 00:01:32,838 --> 00:01:35,594 for a full 20 seconds. 45 00:01:35,707 --> 00:01:36,745 20 seconds? 46 00:01:36,746 --> 00:01:38,529 That's, like, literally forever. 47 00:01:38,530 --> 00:01:40,902 It's about the length of two "Happy Birthdays." 48 00:01:40,903 --> 00:01:42,675 So just sing that, and you'll be fine. 49 00:01:42,676 --> 00:01:43,942 Yeah, but whose name do we insert? 50 00:01:43,944 --> 00:01:45,476 I have a friend named Ty, and I have a friend 51 00:01:45,478 --> 00:01:46,978 named Alexandrina Geneviva. 52 00:01:46,980 --> 00:01:48,880 Those are two wildly different time frames. 53 00:01:48,882 --> 00:01:51,249 Just say... the name Emma. 54 00:01:51,251 --> 00:01:53,335 Oh, God. Is this your way of making us 55 00:01:53,336 --> 00:01:55,446 sing "Happy Birthday" to Emma because all of her friends 56 00:01:55,447 --> 00:01:56,838 ditched her on her birthday this year? 57 00:01:56,958 --> 00:01:58,837 No, that didn't happen. 58 00:01:58,838 --> 00:02:00,705 Emma is very popular, 59 00:02:00,706 --> 00:02:03,874 and she's dating a very cute boy named Braydon. 60 00:02:03,876 --> 00:02:04,876 Very cute. 61 00:02:05,016 --> 00:02:06,464 I don't mean cute like I think he's hot, 62 00:02:06,564 --> 00:02:08,031 because I'm an adult and that would be weird. 63 00:02:08,499 --> 00:02:10,475 Whatever... just wash your hands! There's a virus. 64 00:02:10,778 --> 00:02:12,678 Hey, any update on when you two lovebirds 65 00:02:12,712 --> 00:02:13,739 are moving to Cali? 66 00:02:13,741 --> 00:02:15,007 Well, um... 67 00:02:15,322 --> 00:02:18,022 with all of this craziness, they've pushed my start date. 68 00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:19,545 So it's all a little up in the air. 69 00:02:19,956 --> 00:02:21,469 Just like this virus. 70 00:02:21,470 --> 00:02:23,468 Just kidding. It's not airborne. 71 00:02:23,469 --> 00:02:25,347 Well, we don't know that. It could be. Anyway. 72 00:02:25,348 --> 00:02:27,399 Oh, my God. Hey, everyone's overreacting. 73 00:02:27,708 --> 00:02:28,868 I mean, no friggin' way 74 00:02:28,870 --> 00:02:30,689 I'm missing out on spring break this year. 75 00:02:30,690 --> 00:02:32,833 Actually, the latest articles are saying 76 00:02:32,835 --> 00:02:34,235 that washing your hands isn't enough. 77 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:35,775 We should be wearing face coverings, 78 00:02:35,776 --> 00:02:36,947 avoiding large groups. 79 00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:38,572 Like, say, 50 plus employees 80 00:02:38,574 --> 00:02:40,074 and an endless stream of customers? 81 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,609 That sounds like here. 82 00:02:41,611 --> 00:02:44,345 Yeah, um... I'll call Zephra. 83 00:02:44,347 --> 00:02:46,732 I'm sure they have more guidelines for us. 84 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,682 But for now, they want everybody to know 85 00:02:49,106 --> 00:02:52,225 that, "We value our employees' dedication." 86 00:02:52,226 --> 00:02:54,812 "You are essential, and the true heroes 87 00:02:54,813 --> 00:02:56,259 during this chaotic time." 88 00:02:57,105 --> 00:02:58,151 Excuse me? 89 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:01,163 The SVP of Company Communications, 90 00:03:01,164 --> 00:03:03,664 Sandy Sugarman, just called us heroes? 91 00:03:04,436 --> 00:03:06,115 It's about damn time. 92 00:03:06,116 --> 00:03:07,116 Yeah! 93 00:03:07,261 --> 00:03:09,349 Are we still heroes if we definitely wouldn't be here 94 00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:10,414 if we didn't have to be? 95 00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:11,514 I can keep this, right? 96 00:03:11,515 --> 00:03:13,431 You don't care if I keep this, do ya? 97 00:03:20,362 --> 00:03:21,840 What happened to the café? 98 00:03:21,842 --> 00:03:22,842 Oh, um... 99 00:03:22,940 --> 00:03:24,944 the governor shut down all indoor dining. 100 00:03:24,945 --> 00:03:26,845 Damn. This is my favorite restaurant. 101 00:03:26,847 --> 00:03:29,347 Uh, are y... are you serious? 102 00:03:29,349 --> 00:03:30,583 - Jonah, just let it go. - No, no, no. 103 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:31,902 Today's restaurant landscape? 104 00:03:31,922 --> 00:03:33,494 Have you tried Barrell and Sage? 105 00:03:33,496 --> 00:03:34,828 If you give me your email address, 106 00:03:34,830 --> 00:03:36,029 I can send you my list. 107 00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,979 Let's go, sir. No lingering. 108 00:03:38,980 --> 00:03:40,934 Just pick a conditioner and keep moving. 109 00:03:40,936 --> 00:03:43,077 Nope, nope. You're fine, sir. 110 00:03:43,078 --> 00:03:44,911 Take all of the time you need. 111 00:03:44,913 --> 00:03:46,282 Ah, he's just putting on a show. 112 00:03:46,283 --> 00:03:49,179 We all know he's just using it to masturbate. 113 00:03:49,180 --> 00:03:50,302 Okay, Dina? 114 00:03:50,685 --> 00:03:52,185 Our customers are already on edge. 115 00:03:52,187 --> 00:03:53,673 They don't need us blowing whistles 116 00:03:53,674 --> 00:03:56,155 and yelling at them about masturbation. 117 00:03:56,157 --> 00:03:58,624 Hard disagree. You heard Sugarman. 118 00:03:58,626 --> 00:04:00,126 We are essential. 119 00:04:00,128 --> 00:04:02,261 Customers are like sheep looking for guidance. 120 00:04:02,263 --> 00:04:05,098 Without leaders, sheep start to eat each other. 121 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,833 So, unless one of us leads, 122 00:04:06,835 --> 00:04:08,234 this place is gonna be littered in haggis 123 00:04:08,236 --> 00:04:09,371 from here to Sunday. 124 00:04:10,672 --> 00:04:12,833 All right, soft hands. Get goin'. 125 00:04:15,110 --> 00:04:16,833 Sorry. Where's the bottled water? 126 00:04:16,834 --> 00:04:18,277 Oh! That'll be in grocery. 127 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:19,965 Just down there and to your left. 128 00:04:19,966 --> 00:04:21,599 - Thanks. - Oh, come on. 129 00:04:21,601 --> 00:04:22,999 I'm not a hero. 130 00:04:25,071 --> 00:04:26,717 I'm not a hero! 131 00:04:27,474 --> 00:04:28,940 I guess I'm kinda lucky 132 00:04:28,942 --> 00:04:30,775 because now that all concerts are shut down, 133 00:04:30,777 --> 00:04:33,544 I don't have to throw that huge, illegal music festival 134 00:04:33,546 --> 00:04:35,746 for my birthday that I charge people for. 135 00:04:36,272 --> 00:04:37,851 I don't think I knew about that. 136 00:04:37,852 --> 00:04:39,874 Oh, really? Tickets are still available. 137 00:04:39,876 --> 00:04:41,165 You should check it out. 138 00:04:42,045 --> 00:04:43,455 Hey, they still have some! 139 00:04:43,456 --> 00:04:45,485 Oh, um, sir? If you just wanna wait, 140 00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:47,085 we're gonna, um... 141 00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:48,640 If you just give us one second... 142 00:04:48,641 --> 00:04:51,497 We're gonna put it out, so just be chill. 143 00:04:51,981 --> 00:04:53,221 Attention shoppers. 144 00:04:53,282 --> 00:04:55,901 We ask that you please not physically wrestle things 145 00:04:55,902 --> 00:04:57,167 from your fellow customers. 146 00:04:57,168 --> 00:04:59,142 There's a highly contractable virus out there 147 00:04:59,143 --> 00:05:01,252 that our country does not have a hold of. 148 00:05:02,109 --> 00:05:03,602 Noall you are listening, huh? 149 00:05:03,893 --> 00:05:05,772 All right. Enjoy the apocalypse. 150 00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:08,414 Looks like the sheep are starting to eat each other. 151 00:05:08,415 --> 00:05:10,149 Do sheep eat each other? 152 00:05:10,150 --> 00:05:11,432 Isn't that what haggis is? 153 00:05:11,459 --> 00:05:12,939 I don't know, Dina said something. 154 00:05:12,941 --> 00:05:13,974 Hey, Mateo? 155 00:05:14,035 --> 00:05:15,569 Did Zephra get back to me about the guidelines? 156 00:05:16,090 --> 00:05:19,124 Oh, yeah. They sent over a very detailed, step-by-step... 157 00:05:19,238 --> 00:05:20,738 JK, they're drowning over there. 158 00:05:21,293 --> 00:05:23,026 Very helpful. Thank you. 159 00:05:24,164 --> 00:05:26,031 Sandra? What... 160 00:05:29,336 --> 00:05:32,192 Okay, well, if they're not gonna help us, 161 00:05:32,193 --> 00:05:34,661 then we're gonna have to figure this out ourselves. 162 00:05:36,297 --> 00:05:37,864 Okay, listen up! 163 00:05:37,866 --> 00:05:40,199 Everybody in single-file lines. 164 00:05:40,201 --> 00:05:42,536 The only people grabbing anything off the shelves 165 00:05:42,581 --> 00:05:43,836 are the employees, 166 00:05:43,838 --> 00:05:45,705 and once you receive your items, 167 00:05:45,707 --> 00:05:47,774 please proceed to checkout. 168 00:05:49,210 --> 00:05:50,777 Okay. Great. 169 00:05:50,779 --> 00:05:52,211 We've got this under control. 170 00:05:52,213 --> 00:05:53,379 Oh, yeah. Totally. 171 00:05:53,381 --> 00:05:54,981 I mean, and this is just temporary, so... 172 00:05:54,983 --> 00:05:56,041 Totally! 173 00:05:56,042 --> 00:05:58,151 I mean, couple weeks, we'll be back to normal. 174 00:06:00,033 --> 00:06:02,537 _ 175 00:06:03,377 --> 00:06:06,349 So, whenever at all possible, you must remain 6 feet apart. 176 00:06:06,350 --> 00:06:07,950 Well, is it 6 feet from, like, 177 00:06:07,952 --> 00:06:09,284 the center of our bodies 178 00:06:09,286 --> 00:06:10,919 or from, like, where our bodies end? 179 00:06:10,921 --> 00:06:12,487 Great question. Um... 180 00:06:12,489 --> 00:06:14,556 I'm gonna say start measuring from nips and tips. 181 00:06:14,558 --> 00:06:16,859 Sorry, are the men measuring from the nips or the tips? 182 00:06:16,861 --> 00:06:18,493 I think women nips, men tips. 183 00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:19,761 Yeah. 184 00:06:19,763 --> 00:06:22,030 So... ooh. 185 00:06:22,032 --> 00:06:24,099 Okay! Thank you, Dina. 186 00:06:24,101 --> 00:06:26,968 So, first off, Marcus tested positive for COVID 187 00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:29,500 after attending a spring break party on the lake. 188 00:06:29,501 --> 00:06:31,679 So if any of you have been hanging out with Marcus, 189 00:06:31,721 --> 00:06:32,875 you should leave now. 190 00:06:34,283 --> 00:06:36,584 Yeah, that's what I thought. I just had to ask. 191 00:06:36,631 --> 00:06:38,180 Okay, um, some good news. 192 00:06:38,182 --> 00:06:40,247 Oh, my God. You're pregnant. 193 00:06:40,321 --> 00:06:41,867 Jesus, Amy! Again? 194 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:42,933 - No! - Is it Adam's? 195 00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:45,269 - What? No! - Why would it be Adam's? 196 00:06:45,271 --> 00:06:46,514 It's usually Adam's. 197 00:06:46,516 --> 00:06:48,566 I'm not pregnant. 198 00:06:48,567 --> 00:06:50,000 I was going to say 199 00:06:50,002 --> 00:06:52,713 Zephra finally sent over the safety protocols. 200 00:06:53,724 --> 00:06:54,748 Yay. 201 00:06:54,806 --> 00:06:57,348 So, employees must wipe down 202 00:06:57,349 --> 00:07:00,710 the register and credit card machine after each customer 203 00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:04,403 as well as every rolling cart, door knob, bathroom door, 204 00:07:04,404 --> 00:07:06,854 electronic device, and product. 205 00:07:07,441 --> 00:07:10,421 Oh, okay. So everything the air touches. 206 00:07:10,422 --> 00:07:11,855 Got it. Easy. 207 00:07:11,857 --> 00:07:13,961 We're also required to wear masks. 208 00:07:13,962 --> 00:07:15,877 Will they be providing us with masks? 209 00:07:15,878 --> 00:07:17,230 Because I just have this one, 210 00:07:17,231 --> 00:07:18,962 and I've been tonguing it like crazy. 211 00:07:18,964 --> 00:07:20,230 Well, don't. 212 00:07:20,947 --> 00:07:23,197 And, no, they're focused on 213 00:07:23,198 --> 00:07:25,755 donating masks and PPE to local hospitals. 214 00:07:25,756 --> 00:07:27,133 So no extra protection? 215 00:07:27,135 --> 00:07:28,935 I'm like a sitting duck in customer service. 216 00:07:28,937 --> 00:07:30,286 You have any idea how wet-lipped 217 00:07:30,287 --> 00:07:31,537 the community is here? 218 00:07:31,539 --> 00:07:33,287 - That's a good point. - Very moist. 219 00:07:33,307 --> 00:07:36,580 Guys, look. I know that this is hard. 220 00:07:36,581 --> 00:07:38,088 But if anybody needs anything, 221 00:07:38,148 --> 00:07:40,264 come to me and I will do everything I can 222 00:07:40,265 --> 00:07:41,317 to keep you safe. 223 00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:43,564 Also, Zephra wants to reiterate 224 00:07:43,565 --> 00:07:46,401 that Cloud 9 employees are the true heroes of the Zephra family. 225 00:07:46,403 --> 00:07:48,103 - Damn right! - Oh, you got that right! 226 00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:49,596 No, Glenn! 6 feet! 227 00:07:51,547 --> 00:07:52,867 Oh, sorry. 228 00:07:52,888 --> 00:07:55,789 We're limiting toilet paper to one pack per household. 229 00:07:55,911 --> 00:07:58,078 My kids have separate households. 230 00:07:58,253 --> 00:07:59,360 There's, like, 231 00:07:59,361 --> 00:08:01,639 no way that baby has its own household. 232 00:08:01,669 --> 00:08:03,332 This is so unfair! 233 00:08:03,404 --> 00:08:05,237 I know, there's never any left for us to buy 234 00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:06,880 - at the end of the shift. - Bo and I have had to 235 00:08:06,881 --> 00:08:08,052 start using newspaper. 236 00:08:08,053 --> 00:08:11,085 The ink's starting to turn our butts weird colors. 237 00:08:11,086 --> 00:08:12,898 Which is cool, but probably not healthy. 238 00:08:14,002 --> 00:08:15,468 What if we... 239 00:08:15,716 --> 00:08:18,140 set a pack aside somewhere, out of sight, 240 00:08:18,274 --> 00:08:20,674 then at the end of the day, we split it? 241 00:08:20,809 --> 00:08:23,176 Oh, man. We totally should. 242 00:08:23,178 --> 00:08:24,544 And it's not like we're stealing. 243 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,046 We're still gonna pay for it. 244 00:08:26,048 --> 00:08:27,714 - Of course. - You know what? 245 00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:31,051 Maybe we should also put aside some Dinosaur mac and cheese. 246 00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:33,353 Bo's really into science right now. 247 00:08:33,796 --> 00:08:35,655 So, no returns on food, 248 00:08:35,657 --> 00:08:37,569 clothing, or anything that looks open. 249 00:08:37,570 --> 00:08:38,769 Oh, great, more reasons 250 00:08:38,771 --> 00:08:39,904 for the wet-lips to yell at me. 251 00:08:39,906 --> 00:08:42,072 Also, we're out of cleaning spray. 252 00:08:42,074 --> 00:08:44,041 This is the only mask I could find. 253 00:08:44,043 --> 00:08:47,278 - In the whole store? - Yeah, I think we're sold out. 254 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:49,179 I mean, most of us are just improvising. 255 00:08:49,181 --> 00:08:51,982 Sayid, I don't think that's doing anything. 256 00:08:51,984 --> 00:08:54,318 I know, but Nina and I got in a fight, 257 00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,086 and she cut up all my masks. 258 00:08:56,088 --> 00:08:58,455 - Damn. - Okay. 259 00:09:01,580 --> 00:09:03,814 Ahh. Here. 260 00:09:03,890 --> 00:09:05,656 We'll just say that one was defected. 261 00:09:05,831 --> 00:09:07,844 Feels like you could have just untied it. 262 00:09:08,501 --> 00:09:10,656 So what are you going to do about everything else? 263 00:09:11,898 --> 00:09:13,398 - You like leopard. - Here you are. 264 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:14,723 Not technically gloves, but... 265 00:09:14,724 --> 00:09:16,072 Found more! Here you go. 266 00:09:16,073 --> 00:09:18,036 As long as it's over 60% alcohol, 267 00:09:18,038 --> 00:09:19,170 it kills germs. 268 00:09:19,172 --> 00:09:21,239 This is 95. Wow. 269 00:09:21,241 --> 00:09:22,607 Is it even legal to sell this? 270 00:09:22,772 --> 00:09:24,477 Here you go. You right-handed, left-handed? 271 00:09:24,478 --> 00:09:26,144 We should just send Justine home, right? 272 00:09:26,146 --> 00:09:28,780 I can't handle a full afternoon of her fake drunk voice. 273 00:09:28,782 --> 00:09:30,982 "You guys wanna see my boobs?" 274 00:09:32,252 --> 00:09:34,219 "The only thing I like more than beer... 275 00:09:34,221 --> 00:09:36,321 is twins." 276 00:09:36,323 --> 00:09:38,523 Maybe it is time for humanity to wrap it up. 277 00:09:40,827 --> 00:09:42,160 Sorry, man. 278 00:09:42,162 --> 00:09:43,563 Looks like you're going to have to keep it. 279 00:09:43,564 --> 00:09:44,596 Next. 280 00:09:44,598 --> 00:09:47,565 - We're not heroes. - Doing our jobs. 281 00:09:48,276 --> 00:09:50,076 Hey, you know, I was watching the news last night, 282 00:09:50,078 --> 00:09:51,799 waiting to record a blooper for my tape, 283 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,108 and they did this segment on "Heroes in Your Neighborhood." 284 00:09:55,217 --> 00:09:57,017 And it made me think... 285 00:09:57,019 --> 00:09:58,318 we could be next. 286 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,253 Oh, wow. 287 00:10:01,002 --> 00:10:02,535 I mean, can you imagine? 288 00:10:02,537 --> 00:10:04,800 Someone banging a pot for us? 289 00:10:05,213 --> 00:10:06,712 - Or a pan? - Ohh. 290 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:07,847 Ah-choo! 291 00:10:14,262 --> 00:10:15,948 Ow, that stings! 292 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,070 Isn't there a lighter setting? 293 00:10:18,071 --> 00:10:21,078 Yeah, but we need to blast this virus off ya, buddy. 294 00:10:22,243 --> 00:10:24,467 Besides, I've had this new nozzle for years, 295 00:10:24,521 --> 00:10:26,875 and this is the first time I've gotten to use it. 296 00:10:32,753 --> 00:10:34,853 Are you hiding those until after close? 297 00:10:35,126 --> 00:10:37,175 Sandra, you're supposed to be on lookout! 298 00:10:37,176 --> 00:10:39,323 He came from the direction that I wasn't looking in. 299 00:10:41,167 --> 00:10:43,908 I won't say anything if you store these for me. 300 00:10:46,566 --> 00:10:48,300 Ugh, okay. 301 00:10:49,410 --> 00:10:51,603 Sisters are doing it for themselves! 302 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:53,652 Okay! We only need, like... 303 00:10:53,654 --> 00:10:55,120 30 more masks. 304 00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,615 Jesus, Mateo. 305 00:10:56,616 --> 00:10:58,890 You don't have to cut out their eyeballs first. 306 00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:00,558 Oh, I know. I just like it. 307 00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:03,361 That's your line. 308 00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:05,597 Amy Sosa's office. 309 00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,432 Hi, this is Dennis Long from Zephra. 310 00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:09,234 That's my new boss. 311 00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:12,170 Hi, Dennis? Hi, it's Amy. 312 00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:14,127 - Hi, Amy here. - Hey. 313 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,911 So we know you're still managing your branch, 314 00:11:15,912 --> 00:11:17,667 but we thought you could hop on a Zoom call 315 00:11:17,668 --> 00:11:19,503 to help ease you into your new position. 316 00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:20,931 Oh, yeah! Of course. 317 00:11:20,932 --> 00:11:22,606 - Sounds great. - Amazing. 318 00:11:22,608 --> 00:11:24,542 All right, I'll send you the link and you can jump on. 319 00:11:24,544 --> 00:11:26,277 Oh, oh. You mean, like, now? 320 00:11:26,279 --> 00:11:28,512 Like, you want me to ease on in now? 321 00:11:28,514 --> 00:11:30,514 - Um... - Yeah, is that okay? 322 00:11:30,516 --> 00:11:32,783 - Yeah, great. - Perfect. 323 00:11:32,785 --> 00:11:35,119 We'll see you in a sec. 324 00:11:35,121 --> 00:11:36,887 Agh! Sorry, guys. 325 00:11:36,889 --> 00:11:38,689 I mean, I should probably get back to my office, 326 00:11:38,691 --> 00:11:40,724 but I don't want to just ditch you for the new job. 327 00:11:40,726 --> 00:11:42,459 Amy, it's fine. It's just a call. 328 00:11:42,461 --> 00:11:44,361 We'll finish the bear massacre. 329 00:11:45,381 --> 00:11:46,730 Okay, thank you. But, like, 330 00:11:46,732 --> 00:11:48,465 let me know if anything big happens. 331 00:11:48,467 --> 00:11:50,067 Like, bigger than the global pandemic? 332 00:11:50,461 --> 00:11:52,428 I mean, I just saw something about murder hornets. 333 00:11:52,430 --> 00:11:53,796 So who knows? 334 00:11:58,773 --> 00:12:00,549 So, new break room, _ 335 00:12:00,551 --> 00:12:02,281 AKA warehouse. _ 336 00:12:02,282 --> 00:12:04,313 Mixing it up, keeping it fresh. 337 00:12:04,377 --> 00:12:06,857 But properly distanced, so don't move your chairs. 338 00:12:06,858 --> 00:12:07,924 Whoo-hoo! 339 00:12:07,926 --> 00:12:09,218 Yeah, fun! Ey? 340 00:12:09,219 --> 00:12:11,806 It's all so much fun. I'm not scared. 341 00:12:12,283 --> 00:12:14,216 Yeah! Come on, yeah! 342 00:12:14,465 --> 00:12:16,530 Whoo-hoo! I like it, I like it. Okay. 343 00:12:16,768 --> 00:12:18,701 Okay, we're going to keep this meeting short today 344 00:12:18,703 --> 00:12:20,697 because I have to jump on another call. 345 00:12:20,745 --> 00:12:22,879 But look at what came today! 346 00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:24,540 Safety supplies! 347 00:12:26,811 --> 00:12:28,077 What is that? 348 00:12:28,079 --> 00:12:29,779 Anti-looting procedures. 349 00:12:29,781 --> 00:12:31,581 - Oh, wow. - Come on. 350 00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:34,116 Of course, you see what we did wrong, guys? 351 00:12:34,118 --> 00:12:35,751 If you wanted to be protected by corporate, 352 00:12:35,753 --> 00:12:37,219 you should have been merchandise. 353 00:12:37,220 --> 00:12:38,988 Hey, if the protests are gonna continue, 354 00:12:38,990 --> 00:12:40,828 we need to protect the store from looters. 355 00:12:40,829 --> 00:12:43,114 Oh, come on. The looting is overblown. 356 00:12:43,115 --> 00:12:45,697 99% of the protests have been peaceful. 357 00:12:45,743 --> 00:12:46,762 I'm just saying. 358 00:12:46,764 --> 00:12:49,082 I got into a Best Buy through a window. 359 00:12:49,509 --> 00:12:51,385 There are also these signs to put up. 360 00:12:52,093 --> 00:12:54,622 "Zephra believes in the Black community"? 361 00:12:54,623 --> 00:12:55,809 What are we, ghosts? 362 00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:57,489 Yeah, we're not putting any of that up. 363 00:12:57,490 --> 00:12:59,337 But if anybody asks, we put it all up. 364 00:13:00,195 --> 00:13:03,940 Two kettlebells for Sarah, almond milk for Preeti. 365 00:13:04,111 --> 00:13:05,481 Janet asked for three cans of tuna, 366 00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:07,485 but I think we should make it four. 367 00:13:07,486 --> 00:13:10,054 It's the least we can do for her these days because of... 368 00:13:10,268 --> 00:13:11,274 you know. 369 00:13:11,385 --> 00:13:12,486 Racism? 370 00:13:13,446 --> 00:13:15,975 Wow. That is a lot of orders today. 371 00:13:15,977 --> 00:13:17,899 Yeah, well, ever since Sayid blabbed his mouth 372 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,591 to everyone about it, they keep asking us 373 00:13:19,593 --> 00:13:20,980 to hide things for them. 374 00:13:20,982 --> 00:13:23,204 Okay, but big news of the day? 375 00:13:23,205 --> 00:13:25,518 Just finished "Tiger King" episode three. 376 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:28,054 Carol Baskin? Come on, what a trip! 377 00:13:28,056 --> 00:13:29,489 Definitely killed her husband. 378 00:13:29,491 --> 00:13:31,157 Let's get into it. 379 00:13:31,159 --> 00:13:34,761 Yeah, sorry, that was, like early pandemic. 380 00:13:35,261 --> 00:13:36,994 No one really cares anymore. 381 00:13:36,996 --> 00:13:40,170 I think we're all embarrassed we cared in the first place. 382 00:13:40,293 --> 00:13:42,293 Seriously? Ugh! 383 00:13:42,368 --> 00:13:43,387 Stupid coronavirus. 384 00:13:43,388 --> 00:13:45,262 I wish I never even went to the ICU. 385 00:13:46,305 --> 00:13:47,337 Am I still freezing? 386 00:13:47,338 --> 00:13:49,074 I think the Wi-Fi's better out here. 387 00:13:49,075 --> 00:13:50,262 Hey, Elias coughed 388 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,686 so Heather locked him in a bathroom. 389 00:13:51,687 --> 00:13:53,254 - Do you think... - Yep, by the end of the week! 390 00:13:53,255 --> 00:13:54,277 Got it. 391 00:13:54,747 --> 00:13:57,314 - Another Zephra call? - It's nonstop. 392 00:13:57,316 --> 00:13:59,617 I mean, these tech companies love their presentations. 393 00:13:59,619 --> 00:14:02,353 I've never seen people so horny for presentations. 394 00:14:02,355 --> 00:14:04,714 - Hey, Amy, I dropped my mask... - Justine, she's on... 395 00:14:04,715 --> 00:14:06,879 In the toilet. I didn't pee yet, but it's still toilet water. 396 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:08,881 - So is that okay? - What? No, are you... 397 00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:10,602 Yes, Dennis! I'm still here, hi. 398 00:14:10,603 --> 00:14:12,901 Uh, Amy's on a call. But if there's no pee... 399 00:14:12,903 --> 00:14:14,769 Hey, Amy, about the ventilation in my office? 400 00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,204 Yes, of course, Mateo. 401 00:14:16,206 --> 00:14:17,781 I promise you we'll talk about it, I just... 402 00:14:17,782 --> 00:14:18,962 Hey, Amy, can I... 403 00:14:19,036 --> 00:14:21,039 Oh, my God, Corey! What? 404 00:14:22,012 --> 00:14:23,945 I was gonna ask if I could clock out early 405 00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,704 to go to the "Black Lives Matter" protest? 406 00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:27,782 Um... 407 00:14:27,784 --> 00:14:29,150 yes, I'm so sorry. 408 00:14:29,152 --> 00:14:31,319 That... of course. You should. 409 00:14:31,321 --> 00:14:33,488 Not should. I mean, like, you can. 410 00:14:33,490 --> 00:14:35,824 If you want. Anyone who wants to should. 411 00:14:35,826 --> 00:14:37,258 You know? 412 00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:38,626 Whatever you're... uh-huh! 413 00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,552 Cindy, I'm gonna do that right now. 414 00:14:49,994 --> 00:14:51,093 Ma'am, please. 415 00:14:51,095 --> 00:14:52,295 But I have a medical condition! 416 00:14:52,297 --> 00:14:53,729 Hey, what seems to be the problem here? 417 00:14:53,731 --> 00:14:54,977 This man is harassing me, 418 00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:56,400 telling me that I have to wear that mask. 419 00:14:56,401 --> 00:14:59,068 I am only trying to keep you safe. 420 00:14:59,070 --> 00:15:00,813 Ma'am, listen. You need to put on the mask, 421 00:15:00,814 --> 00:15:02,280 or you will be escorted out of the store. 422 00:15:02,282 --> 00:15:03,748 This is America! Okay? 423 00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:05,316 I have rights. 424 00:15:05,318 --> 00:15:07,147 You guys are working for Satan, aren't you? 425 00:15:07,148 --> 00:15:08,247 - Oh, no. - Huh? Yeah? 426 00:15:08,249 --> 00:15:09,415 You're Satan workers! 427 00:15:09,417 --> 00:15:10,616 - S-Satan? - Here we go. 428 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:12,618 - Yeah. - He is the one person 429 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,987 that I would never work for! 430 00:15:14,989 --> 00:15:17,456 Attention shoppers, we're sorry to announce 431 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:21,093 we are out of paper towels, pasta, flour, and... 432 00:15:22,663 --> 00:15:23,963 So just... 433 00:15:25,014 --> 00:15:28,149 - Our stuff! - Hands off, employees only! 434 00:15:28,151 --> 00:15:30,618 I need that pasta sauce. I have a medical condition! 435 00:15:30,620 --> 00:15:31,919 No, ma'am. Stop! 436 00:15:31,921 --> 00:15:34,455 I'm gonna chase you, I'm just waiting for 6 feet. 437 00:15:44,634 --> 00:15:46,234 What happened here? 438 00:15:46,493 --> 00:15:48,226 Uh, if this is upsetting to you, 439 00:15:48,228 --> 00:15:51,162 might I suggest you not look up at the ceiling tonight? 440 00:15:51,709 --> 00:15:54,643 Okay. Will do looking up tomorrow. 441 00:15:54,645 --> 00:15:57,640 But, seriously, why didn't anybody come get me? 442 00:15:57,641 --> 00:16:01,047 Well, I tried, but you were on another call. 443 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:04,328 I-I-I don't know how to be good at this. 444 00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,430 I mean, I told everybody to come to me 445 00:16:06,432 --> 00:16:07,673 and I would take care of them, 446 00:16:07,674 --> 00:16:10,168 but they have me on these calls all day every day! 447 00:16:10,169 --> 00:16:11,568 Yeah, well, it's too much, Amy. 448 00:16:11,570 --> 00:16:13,264 They're spreading you too thin. 449 00:16:13,265 --> 00:16:15,555 I mean, we barely even see each other anymore. 450 00:16:15,803 --> 00:16:17,819 Right, and I'm a terrible girlfriend, too. 451 00:16:17,945 --> 00:16:19,411 And an awful mother! 452 00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,513 I mean, I see Dennis' kids more than I see my own. 453 00:16:21,515 --> 00:16:23,748 That's not what I meant. You're just... 454 00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:27,118 You're in an impossible situation. 455 00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:29,187 We all are. 456 00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:32,123 And, I don't know, something has to change. 457 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,620 Oh, my God. 458 00:16:35,655 --> 00:16:37,121 You said you wouldn't look up! 459 00:16:37,827 --> 00:16:39,534 Okay, so no morning meeting today. 460 00:16:39,535 --> 00:16:41,696 I'm just gonna hand out shift assignments 461 00:16:41,697 --> 00:16:43,801 'cause Amy's on another Zephra call. 462 00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:45,968 Not just any call. A big one. 463 00:16:45,970 --> 00:16:47,268 With the CEO. 464 00:16:47,269 --> 00:16:48,913 I forwarded her the link. 465 00:16:48,992 --> 00:16:50,147 Oh! Really? 466 00:16:50,148 --> 00:16:52,708 That's a big call. I didn't know that. 467 00:16:52,710 --> 00:16:54,743 I didn't even see her before she left this morning. 468 00:16:54,745 --> 00:16:57,613 Seems like Amy's always on a Zephra call these days. 469 00:16:57,615 --> 00:16:59,723 She's drawn to that new young job. 470 00:16:59,724 --> 00:17:02,317 Old Cloud 9 can't please her the way we used to 471 00:17:02,319 --> 00:17:05,054 with our creaky joints and our floppy junk. 472 00:17:05,056 --> 00:17:06,497 Okay, hey. Come on. 473 00:17:06,498 --> 00:17:09,858 Amy might have abandoned us a little, but we're fine! 474 00:17:09,860 --> 00:17:11,593 You know, everything's fine. 475 00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:13,660 In fact, in my panic dream last night, 476 00:17:13,661 --> 00:17:16,998 the person clubbing me to death was Topher Grace. 477 00:17:17,233 --> 00:17:18,678 So... 478 00:17:18,679 --> 00:17:20,843 little taste of Tinseltown for y'all. 479 00:17:21,572 --> 00:17:24,906 And still, we've managed to see a huge earning spike 480 00:17:24,947 --> 00:17:26,125 from our Cloud 9 stores. 481 00:17:26,126 --> 00:17:29,044 It really speaks to how well things are handling things. 482 00:17:29,046 --> 00:17:32,114 Great job, guys! Way to slay! 483 00:17:33,884 --> 00:17:35,517 Okay, let's hear from marketing. 484 00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:37,497 Oh, um. Hey, hi! 485 00:17:37,498 --> 00:17:39,558 Hey, Kira. Hi, hey. 486 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:40,989 Amy Sosa here. 487 00:17:40,991 --> 00:17:43,614 Um, actually, I just have a little bit of a thing 488 00:17:43,615 --> 00:17:45,227 to add to the Cloud 9 update? 489 00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:46,628 Of course. What's up? 490 00:17:47,055 --> 00:17:50,065 Um, so Cloud 9 isn't actually doing so well. 491 00:17:50,067 --> 00:17:52,791 I mean, sure, the sales are up, 492 00:17:52,792 --> 00:17:54,838 but morale is way down. 493 00:17:55,072 --> 00:17:57,473 Our employees aren't only scared, 494 00:17:57,475 --> 00:17:59,808 but they're spending a lot of their personal time and money 495 00:17:59,810 --> 00:18:00,867 to protect themselves. 496 00:18:00,868 --> 00:18:03,283 So maybe if Zephra sent over some PPE, 497 00:18:03,284 --> 00:18:04,913 they could focus on doing their jobs 498 00:18:04,915 --> 00:18:07,436 instead of worrying so much about their own health and safety. 499 00:18:08,909 --> 00:18:10,142 Sorry, Amy. 500 00:18:10,173 --> 00:18:12,407 You froze after, "Cloud 9 isn't... "? 501 00:18:13,557 --> 00:18:16,057 Um, I was just saying that 502 00:18:16,293 --> 00:18:17,926 the employees need PPE 503 00:18:17,928 --> 00:18:19,928 and maybe some of the earnings spike 504 00:18:19,930 --> 00:18:21,663 can go towards them. 505 00:18:21,991 --> 00:18:25,129 Well, yeah. When you put it like that, that's a really good point. 506 00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:28,325 You know what? Let's look into sending 507 00:18:28,326 --> 00:18:30,545 masks and gloves to all our stores. 508 00:18:30,546 --> 00:18:33,771 We gotta have your backs, 'cause you all have been slaying! 509 00:18:35,044 --> 00:18:37,055 Yeah, wow! Great, that's great! 510 00:18:37,056 --> 00:18:38,143 Thank you! 511 00:18:38,144 --> 00:18:39,961 You know, it's just so good to know 512 00:18:39,962 --> 00:18:42,263 that you're all really taking care of your people. 513 00:18:44,388 --> 00:18:46,955 Sorry, Amy. We lost you again. What'd you say? 514 00:18:46,957 --> 00:18:48,292 Uh, nothing. Never mind. 515 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,386 Marketing, you're up. Slay! 516 00:18:51,128 --> 00:18:53,136 Harmonica wants to play Suck and Blow 517 00:18:53,137 --> 00:18:55,938 at her birthday party, but I just don't know if it's safe. 518 00:18:55,940 --> 00:18:57,873 Kids are missing out on so much right now. 519 00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,942 - Yeah. - Oh, the beer is for you guys. 520 00:18:59,944 --> 00:19:02,678 Just a small thank you for all you've been doing. 521 00:19:05,116 --> 00:19:06,920 That's so nice! 522 00:19:06,921 --> 00:19:08,721 We should all drink together after work. 523 00:19:08,722 --> 00:19:09,972 Totally. 524 00:19:09,973 --> 00:19:12,085 Do you think that guy can get us some Ketamine? 525 00:19:15,411 --> 00:19:17,159 Glenn? What are you doing? 526 00:19:17,161 --> 00:19:20,282 - Are you hiding back here? - What? Ha! No. 527 00:19:20,283 --> 00:19:22,127 I'm just... 528 00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:24,477 counting the pots on the shelves, you know. 529 00:19:24,478 --> 00:19:27,892 To make sure that we have enough and not too many. 530 00:19:27,893 --> 00:19:30,139 Yeah, well, we need your help back in the store. 531 00:19:30,141 --> 00:19:31,856 Okay, look, I really think the priorities 532 00:19:31,857 --> 00:19:33,366 should be the pots right now. 533 00:19:34,993 --> 00:19:36,109 Okay. 534 00:19:36,382 --> 00:19:37,966 Yeah, you know, I've got to admit, 535 00:19:37,967 --> 00:19:39,570 it's pretty nice back here. 536 00:19:39,571 --> 00:19:42,193 It's kinda getting a little scary in there. 537 00:19:42,754 --> 00:19:45,121 I guess even us heroes deserve a little break? 538 00:19:45,123 --> 00:19:46,412 Yeah. 539 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,925 Well, I mean, if you're scared, you could... 540 00:19:49,927 --> 00:19:51,542 stay and count pots with me. 541 00:19:52,077 --> 00:19:53,943 Sounds good. 542 00:19:57,867 --> 00:19:59,400 To be clear, I didn't need a break. 543 00:19:59,401 --> 00:20:01,027 I was pretending because you're scared. 544 00:20:01,028 --> 00:20:02,096 Don't even think for a second 545 00:20:02,098 --> 00:20:03,459 I don't know how many pots are up there. 546 00:20:04,842 --> 00:20:06,289 This is actually kinda nice. 547 00:20:06,675 --> 00:20:08,110 It's been a long time since I've been able 548 00:20:08,126 --> 00:20:09,259 to get drunk at work. 549 00:20:09,261 --> 00:20:10,293 We've been so busy. 550 00:20:10,582 --> 00:20:12,329 And you guys are the only other people I see 551 00:20:12,330 --> 00:20:13,559 besides Jerry and Tony. 552 00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,163 But sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night 553 00:20:16,164 --> 00:20:18,738 and I think I see my bus driver 554 00:20:18,740 --> 00:20:20,555 lurking over our bed. 555 00:20:22,326 --> 00:20:23,831 It's probably nothing. 556 00:20:23,832 --> 00:20:26,511 Well, the one good thing about being relentlessly exposed to this virus 557 00:20:26,512 --> 00:20:28,282 is that we're all doing it together. 558 00:20:29,067 --> 00:20:31,033 No one tell Justine we're here. 559 00:20:32,170 --> 00:20:33,400 Hey, uh... 560 00:20:33,401 --> 00:20:34,702 I know you're probably busy, 561 00:20:34,703 --> 00:20:37,029 but a customer just bought us some beer, 562 00:20:37,030 --> 00:20:38,451 and we are celebrating. 563 00:20:38,452 --> 00:20:41,487 Or numbing the pain. I can't really tell which. 564 00:20:41,799 --> 00:20:44,834 Well, I might actually have some things to celebrate. 565 00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:46,002 - Oh? - First of all, 566 00:20:46,003 --> 00:20:48,427 I think I got Zephra to send us some PPE. 567 00:20:48,428 --> 00:20:49,995 Whoa, that's awesome. 568 00:20:49,996 --> 00:20:52,288 And, um... that was Dennis. 569 00:20:52,289 --> 00:20:54,818 He said that the offices are reopening 570 00:20:54,819 --> 00:20:57,432 and they're ready to fly me out. 571 00:20:57,433 --> 00:20:58,872 - Shut up. - I'm going to California. 572 00:20:58,873 --> 00:21:00,521 Wha-we're going to California! 573 00:21:00,522 --> 00:21:02,404 - We are going to California! - This is incredible! 574 00:21:02,405 --> 00:21:04,866 - Yeah! - You finally get to have one job. 575 00:21:04,867 --> 00:21:07,373 - Thank God. - We can finally start our lives together. 576 00:21:07,374 --> 00:21:08,417 - Yes. - It's like, real! 577 00:21:08,418 --> 00:21:09,757 - This is huge! - So real! 578 00:21:09,758 --> 00:21:11,276 - Ah! - It's... big! 579 00:21:16,451 --> 00:21:18,451 42030

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