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1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:07,054
Ah, what a
beautiful day!
2
00:00:07,628 --> 00:00:09,588
(SCREECHING)
3
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:11,430
I don't remember
the weather report
4
00:00:11,432 --> 00:00:14,192
saying there's
an 80% chance
of cage!
5
00:00:14,185 --> 00:00:15,395
Help!
6
00:00:15,396 --> 00:00:18,436
Child trapped
in a fruitsicle
stick prison here!
7
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:20,310
Nobody?
8
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,691
New Yorkers.
9
00:00:23,984 --> 00:00:25,534
So that was
my nightmare.
10
00:00:26,107 --> 00:00:27,737
What do you think
being trapped in a
11
00:00:27,738 --> 00:00:29,988
fruitsicle stick
cage means?
12
00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:32,240
We're studying dreams
in psychology class.
13
00:00:32,653 --> 00:00:34,833
Obviously, you're
afraid of Nicolas Cage.
14
00:00:35,996 --> 00:00:38,826
Yeah, well, who isn't?
Two words, crazy eyes.
15
00:00:39,830 --> 00:00:41,080
But I think I have
a better theory.
16
00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:43,832
That any frozen treat
that leaves you with
a purple tongue
17
00:00:43,834 --> 00:00:45,724
for two days may
not be good for you?
18
00:00:46,257 --> 00:00:49,167
What do you expect?
There's no such fruit
as a "graple-berry."
19
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,220
No, I think Zuri's
just stressing
20
00:00:51,222 --> 00:00:53,722
because her
Empire State Building
stick model is due Monday,
21
00:00:53,724 --> 00:00:55,024
and she hasn't even
started it yet.
22
00:00:55,596 --> 00:00:57,176
Wait a minute,
back up!
23
00:00:57,768 --> 00:00:59,098
You're telling
me that there's
24
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,020
no such fruit as
a "graple-berry"?
25
00:01:01,772 --> 00:01:03,182
No, there isn't.
26
00:01:03,604 --> 00:01:06,904
Then what grows on
a graple-berry tree?
27
00:01:07,898 --> 00:01:09,108
(CHUCKLES)
You got me there.
28
00:01:10,361 --> 00:01:13,571
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
29
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:17,164
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
30
00:01:17,158 --> 00:01:20,788
♪ It feels like a party
every day
31
00:01:20,791 --> 00:01:24,211
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
32
00:01:24,205 --> 00:01:28,005
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
33
00:01:28,008 --> 00:01:31,088
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
34
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,851
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
35
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:38,555
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
36
00:01:38,559 --> 00:01:42,309
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
37
00:01:42,313 --> 00:01:45,823
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
38
00:01:45,816 --> 00:01:49,186
♪ Hey Jessie
39
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:52,780
♪ Hey Jessie
40
00:01:52,783 --> 00:01:56,453
♪ It feels like a party
every day
41
00:01:56,447 --> 00:02:00,287
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
42
00:02:05,836 --> 00:02:08,126
You know, I had
a nightmare
last night too.
43
00:02:09,590 --> 00:02:12,170
(IN A MOCK CHILD VOICE)
Gee, Bertram. Why don't
you tell us all about it.
44
00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:13,213
(NORMAL VOICE) Okay.
45
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:17,055
I was back in high school,
and my pants fell down.
46
00:02:17,558 --> 00:02:19,138
Everyone saw my
47
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,759
famous-butlers-in-history
boxers!
48
00:02:21,392 --> 00:02:23,102
Including
Little Jeeves!
49
00:02:24,725 --> 00:02:26,185
You in your boxers?
50
00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,647
Sounds like a nightmare
for everybody else.
51
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:31,980
Oh! I know what
that dream means.
52
00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:35,043
You have a deep-seated
fear of belts.
53
00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:38,777
I'm pretty sure
it means he's anxious
about something,
54
00:02:38,779 --> 00:02:39,949
and that there is no way
55
00:02:39,950 --> 00:02:41,120
you're passing psychology.
56
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:43,622
I am nervous
57
00:02:43,624 --> 00:02:46,384
about going to my
thirtieth high school
reunion tomorrow night.
58
00:02:46,377 --> 00:02:47,787
ALL: Oh!
59
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,459
Whoa!
60
00:02:50,461 --> 00:02:52,921
Is there a lifeguard
on duty in there?
61
00:02:53,594 --> 00:02:56,644
Why are you afraid
of getting together
with your old classmates?
62
00:02:56,637 --> 00:02:58,097
And antiperspirant?
63
00:02:58,889 --> 00:03:00,099
Because my
old nemesis,
64
00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:02,180
Eric Booth,
is going be there.
65
00:03:03,103 --> 00:03:06,733
He always teased me.
Meanwhile, now he's a
Wall Street millionaire,
66
00:03:06,727 --> 00:03:08,517
and I'm going to
feel like a loser.
67
00:03:08,519 --> 00:03:10,649
Oh, Bertram,
you are not a loser!
68
00:03:10,981 --> 00:03:13,691
No. You are
a very...
No?
69
00:03:14,575 --> 00:03:16,775
And you've got
a lot of...
Lot of...
70
00:03:18,819 --> 00:03:21,449
And don't forget about
your fantastic...
71
00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:23,202
Fantastic, what? Eh...
72
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:24,794
A little help here?
73
00:03:26,417 --> 00:03:27,917
We got nothin'.
74
00:03:32,673 --> 00:03:34,683
Look, Jessie!
Mummy Massacre!
75
00:03:34,675 --> 00:03:37,755
This is the new
video game all the cool
kids are playing.
76
00:03:37,758 --> 00:03:40,138
How do you know
what the cool kids
are doing?
77
00:03:40,841 --> 00:03:43,101
Did one of them
finally talk to you?
78
00:03:44,685 --> 00:03:46,805
No, but if
I play this game,
79
00:03:46,807 --> 00:03:49,227
it will give me
something to say
to them besides,
80
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,309
"Just because I can
fit in my locker, does
not mean I enjoy it."
81
00:03:52,563 --> 00:03:54,703
Well, I suppose you
can get it. I mean,
82
00:03:54,695 --> 00:03:56,065
you ask for
so little and...
83
00:03:56,066 --> 00:03:59,026
Holy aorta, what is
that mummy doing to
that guy's heart?
84
00:03:59,410 --> 00:04:01,240
I admit it is
a little violent.
85
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,661
A little?
86
00:04:02,663 --> 00:04:05,673
No. I'm sorry, Ravi,
I can't let you have
such a gory game.
87
00:04:09,169 --> 00:04:13,209
Ravi, the trick is to
buy the game without
asking permission.
88
00:04:13,213 --> 00:04:15,183
We call that,
"Pulling a Zuri."
89
00:04:15,175 --> 00:04:16,425
And by the way,
I'm going to
tell the owner
90
00:04:16,427 --> 00:04:19,007
not to sell you that game.
Just in case you're
thinking of
91
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,009
pulling a Zuri.
92
00:04:22,182 --> 00:04:23,842
Fiddlesticks!
93
00:04:23,844 --> 00:04:25,604
Ravi, language!
94
00:04:26,647 --> 00:04:29,937
You are right.
I will wash my own
mouth out with soap.
95
00:04:30,441 --> 00:04:33,391
But now, thanks to Jessie,
I will never be cool!
96
00:04:34,104 --> 00:04:36,074
You can't blame
that all on Jessie.
97
00:04:47,247 --> 00:04:50,407
I will not do this.
I cannot do this.
98
00:04:51,912 --> 00:04:54,122
I have done it!
I am a thief!
99
00:04:54,124 --> 00:04:55,264
But not a very
good one,
100
00:04:55,255 --> 00:04:57,005
because I am
narrating my crime.
101
00:05:01,762 --> 00:05:04,852
Oh, Bertram, I've been
thinking a lot about
your pathetic life.
102
00:05:04,845 --> 00:05:07,305
Oh, I actually prefer
that to you talking
about yours.
103
00:05:08,979 --> 00:05:10,689
I think we can
all agree that
104
00:05:10,691 --> 00:05:13,431
you both have very
little to wake up
for in the morning.
105
00:05:14,395 --> 00:05:17,025
Okay. What I was
trying to say, before
the ugliness started,
106
00:05:17,698 --> 00:05:19,988
was I know how
you can enjoy
your reunion.
107
00:05:20,361 --> 00:05:22,701
Kidnap Eric Booth,
ship him to the North Pole,
108
00:05:22,703 --> 00:05:24,033
slather him
in seal grease,
109
00:05:24,034 --> 00:05:25,624
and feed him
to polar bears?
110
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,996
No, and you've clearly
thought way too
hard about this.
111
00:05:30,290 --> 00:05:33,210
No, you should just go
and tell them all
you're a big success.
112
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,344
Ooh, lying,
I like it!
113
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:39,296
If you need any help,
I'm your girl.
114
00:05:39,299 --> 00:05:41,509
I'm actually writing
a book on lying.
115
00:05:41,512 --> 00:05:44,012
You are?
No. See? Lie!
116
00:05:45,596 --> 00:05:48,176
Okay, Zuri, I am not
suggesting he lie.
117
00:05:48,178 --> 00:05:49,598
In the acting profession,
we call it
118
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,850
"creating a backstory."
I do it for all my parts.
119
00:05:52,523 --> 00:05:54,783
Considering you haven't
gotten any parts,
120
00:05:54,775 --> 00:05:57,025
I'm going to keep the
polar bears as plan B.
121
00:06:01,482 --> 00:06:02,652
Luke,
122
00:06:02,653 --> 00:06:04,623
I have something
to show you.
123
00:06:04,905 --> 00:06:06,075
I'm trying to
read here.
124
00:06:07,578 --> 00:06:09,038
Check this out!
125
00:06:09,790 --> 00:06:11,200
Whoa!
126
00:06:11,702 --> 00:06:13,542
Is that Mummy Massacre?
127
00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:16,714
Jessie told me
I couldn't buy violent
video games anymore!
128
00:06:16,707 --> 00:06:18,047
I did not buy it.
129
00:06:20,050 --> 00:06:21,460
I stole it!
130
00:06:22,262 --> 00:06:24,212
You stole it?
131
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,135
Whoa.
132
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:28,426
You went from
goody goody to
naughty naughty!
133
00:06:29,009 --> 00:06:31,389
I thought I would be
overcome by guilt,
134
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:34,441
but instead I feel
strangely exhilarated.
135
00:06:34,435 --> 00:06:37,275
As if I just
solved a difficult
algebraic equation,
136
00:06:37,277 --> 00:06:38,687
or completed
a push-up.
137
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,779
The latter is, of course,
a hypothetical.
138
00:06:41,482 --> 00:06:43,902
Yeah, yeah. Less chatter,
more splatter.
139
00:06:48,989 --> 00:06:51,029
I just ripped out
that mummy's spleen!
140
00:06:51,031 --> 00:06:53,121
Shame on his embalmers
for leaving that in.
141
00:06:53,123 --> 00:06:54,083
(DOOR OPENING)
142
00:06:54,995 --> 00:06:56,995
What is going
on in here?
143
00:06:56,997 --> 00:06:58,997
I haven't heard this
much screaming
144
00:06:58,999 --> 00:07:01,129
since Bertram passed
that kidney stone.
145
00:07:01,802 --> 00:07:03,542
We are playing
Mummy Massacre.
146
00:07:04,004 --> 00:07:05,104
Wait a minute.
147
00:07:05,095 --> 00:07:07,465
I thought Jessie said
you couldn't buy that?
148
00:07:07,848 --> 00:07:09,258
He didn't.
149
00:07:09,259 --> 00:07:10,639
He stole it.
150
00:07:10,641 --> 00:07:12,681
No, seriously,
how'd you get it?
151
00:07:13,013 --> 00:07:15,153
It is true,
I stole it.
152
00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:17,816
Please do not
tell Jessie!
153
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:21,438
Okay, but it's
gonna cost you.
154
00:07:22,362 --> 00:07:25,662
You have to finish
my fruitsicle-stick project.
155
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,116
Very well.
156
00:07:27,117 --> 00:07:29,237
And I assume by
"finish," you mean "start."
157
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,740
You know me so well.
158
00:07:33,073 --> 00:07:34,963
(HOWLING)
159
00:07:37,077 --> 00:07:39,207
Thanks for taking us
to the park to play
basketball, Jessie.
160
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,579
Sure. Guys, maybe instead
of playing basketball,
161
00:07:41,582 --> 00:07:43,172
we should run in fear.
(GROANING)
162
00:07:43,173 --> 00:07:44,343
Why?
163
00:07:44,344 --> 00:07:46,554
Oh, just the undead
walking towards us,
looking to play
164
00:07:46,547 --> 00:07:47,967
jump rope with
our intestines.
165
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,048
(SCREAMING)
166
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,140
Oh.
Oh!
167
00:07:51,141 --> 00:07:53,721
Sorry. I would say
you should put a
bandage on that,
168
00:07:53,724 --> 00:07:55,864
but well,
you know.
169
00:07:55,856 --> 00:07:58,016
(GROANING)
(SCREAMING)
170
00:07:59,059 --> 00:08:02,769
Jessie! No!
Luke! Can I have
your room?
171
00:08:03,604 --> 00:08:05,164
This is why
I hate sports!
172
00:08:05,566 --> 00:08:08,986
Hello, I can name all
the pharaohs in
chronological-order!
173
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,909
Give me a "what-what"
if you are on Team Tut!
174
00:08:11,912 --> 00:08:13,492
(SCREAMING)
175
00:08:15,075 --> 00:08:18,075
(SCREAMING)
176
00:08:18,078 --> 00:08:19,118
EMMA: Ravi?
177
00:08:19,119 --> 00:08:21,829
Aw, were you dreaming
about sports again?
178
00:08:23,584 --> 00:08:25,634
Yes, and mummies.
179
00:08:25,626 --> 00:08:27,006
They were ripping
me apart!
180
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,127
Like human
string cheese!
181
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,010
Fascinating!
182
00:08:31,341 --> 00:08:34,091
A dream about mummies
can only mean one thing.
183
00:08:35,185 --> 00:08:37,225
You're afraid of running
out of toilet paper.
184
00:08:37,938 --> 00:08:39,098
Who is not?
185
00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:42,269
But I think
my nightmare
186
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:45,532
is because I pilfered
a mummy-themed video game.
187
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,025
The guilt has
penetrated my
subconscious,
188
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,408
manifesting itself
into a terrifying
nocturnal reverie.
189
00:08:53,113 --> 00:08:55,003
Me steal
video game.
190
00:08:54,995 --> 00:08:56,325
Feel bad.
191
00:09:02,793 --> 00:09:05,763
Okay, now remember,
your backstory for
the reunion
192
00:09:05,756 --> 00:09:08,716
is that you made
millions of dollars
as a cat-toy mogul.
193
00:09:08,719 --> 00:09:10,629
Ooh, ooh, can I say
it was my idea
194
00:09:10,631 --> 00:09:13,091
to put the bell inside
the toy mouse?
195
00:09:13,093 --> 00:09:14,263
Sure. Go nuts.
196
00:09:15,265 --> 00:09:17,475
Okay, do you have
your new and improved
life memorized?
197
00:09:17,477 --> 00:09:20,477
I'm trying, but you've
given me so much
stuff to remember!
198
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:23,600
When I need to remember
something, I write it
on my hand.
199
00:09:23,604 --> 00:09:26,154
"Lie to Jessie about
party Saturday night."
200
00:09:26,146 --> 00:09:27,186
Oops.
201
00:09:28,949 --> 00:09:30,399
She makes my
job so easy.
202
00:09:32,112 --> 00:09:34,752
Okay, you went
to college at?
Harvard!
203
00:09:34,745 --> 00:09:36,115
And you have
vacation homes in?
204
00:09:36,116 --> 00:09:38,116
Southampton,
Lake Como
and Bimini!
205
00:09:38,118 --> 00:09:40,828
On the weekends you?
Work as a secret
government agent,
206
00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:43,291
traveling the world,
capturing enemy spies!
207
00:09:43,834 --> 00:09:46,054
What?
Slow your roll,
Lame Bond.
208
00:09:46,627 --> 00:09:50,127
It's supposed to be,
on the weekends
you help needy children.
209
00:09:50,130 --> 00:09:52,090
I like the spy
thing better.
210
00:09:52,422 --> 00:09:55,352
Spy? I can hear
you coming from
five rooms away!
211
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:58,345
My water glass starts
doing the Jurassic Park
shaky-thingy.
212
00:10:01,021 --> 00:10:02,891
Fine. I help
needy children.
213
00:10:04,184 --> 00:10:06,074
Okay, I think you're
ready to respond
214
00:10:06,066 --> 00:10:08,026
"will attend"
to your reunion.
215
00:10:08,568 --> 00:10:09,938
Oh, no.
Look at this.
216
00:10:09,940 --> 00:10:11,440
Bertram, I've already
seen your screensaver
217
00:10:11,441 --> 00:10:14,151
with you as
the sixth member
of 'N Sync. It's weird.
218
00:10:15,035 --> 00:10:17,325
No. It's a picture
of Eric Booth
219
00:10:17,327 --> 00:10:20,117
and his girlfriend
on the reunion page.
220
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,120
She's stunning! Wow!
221
00:10:22,452 --> 00:10:24,002
Uh, I mean she's...
222
00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:28,174
She's not that beautiful.
She's way out of
your league, but...
223
00:10:28,548 --> 00:10:31,088
I can't show up without
a gorgeous date.
224
00:10:31,091 --> 00:10:33,751
Jessie, would you do me
one more big favor?
225
00:10:34,214 --> 00:10:35,894
You need a beautiful
girl to go with you
226
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:38,466
to the reunion?
No problem, I'll do it.
227
00:10:39,099 --> 00:10:40,519
Oh... Eh...
228
00:10:41,521 --> 00:10:44,141
I meant I wanted you to
call one of your friends.
But, eh...
229
00:10:45,185 --> 00:10:46,435
Okay, you'll do.
230
00:10:48,608 --> 00:10:52,068
Oh, Ravi, you're
supposed to run
from the mummies!
231
00:10:52,072 --> 00:10:54,112
Not walk like an
Egyptian towards them!
232
00:10:54,865 --> 00:10:57,075
I deserve to be
disemboweled by
the undead!
233
00:10:57,077 --> 00:10:59,447
I disobeyed Jessie,
and I stole...
234
00:10:59,449 --> 00:11:02,079
And you're keeping me
from beating this game!
So pick it up!
235
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,053
JESSIE: Ravi?
Where are you?
236
00:11:05,045 --> 00:11:07,875
Oh, dear! We cannot
let Jessie see the game!
237
00:11:08,128 --> 00:11:09,048
Ow!
238
00:11:09,629 --> 00:11:12,209
I got it!
I'll eject the game,
eat the disk,
239
00:11:12,212 --> 00:11:13,422
and we'll just wait
to get it back,
240
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,853
probably by
tomorrow morning.
241
00:11:17,057 --> 00:11:19,217
Or we can change
the channel
242
00:11:19,219 --> 00:11:21,059
and hide
the game box.
243
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:30,268
Hey, guys.
What'cha watching?
244
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,230
Uh, just guy stuff.
245
00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:34,113
The View?
246
00:11:35,575 --> 00:11:38,445
Yes, that Sherri
Shepherd is a hoot!
247
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,280
Okay.
248
00:11:41,281 --> 00:11:42,621
Look,
249
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:46,173
Ravi, I've been feeling
bad about not letting
you get that video game.
250
00:11:46,166 --> 00:11:49,376
So, I got you this.
251
00:11:49,379 --> 00:11:51,129
"Healthy Snackland?"
252
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:54,091
Yeah, like the box says,
"You'll have a kale
of a good time!"
253
00:11:56,046 --> 00:11:59,176
Thank you, Jessie.
But I do not deserve this.
254
00:11:59,429 --> 00:12:00,639
(HEART BEATING)
255
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,772
Of course you do.
After all, you've
always been so good.
256
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,266
Yes... Good...
(HEART BEATING CONTINUES)
257
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,230
Can somebody please
turn that horrible,
incessant noise off?
258
00:12:13,523 --> 00:12:15,623
Sure.
(SWITCHES OFF TV)
259
00:12:15,615 --> 00:12:18,115
I see someone's
itching to play
Healthy Snackland.
260
00:12:18,118 --> 00:12:19,948
If you draw three
antioxidant cards,
261
00:12:19,950 --> 00:12:22,620
you get to ride a
celery toboggan down
Mount Parsnip!
262
00:12:25,665 --> 00:12:27,075
(DOOR CLOSING)
263
00:12:27,077 --> 00:12:29,537
That is it!
I cannot tell a lie.
264
00:12:30,170 --> 00:12:31,330
Yes, you can!
265
00:12:31,331 --> 00:12:33,581
Jessie thinks I put on
clean underwear every day.
266
00:12:33,583 --> 00:12:35,433
No one thinks
you do that.
267
00:12:38,088 --> 00:12:40,378
I must sneak this game
back onto the shelf.
268
00:12:40,380 --> 00:12:43,090
Then run as fast as
a boy in orthopedic
sandals can go!
269
00:12:47,097 --> 00:12:48,887
(DOOR CLOSING)
So the goal
is to get to
270
00:12:48,889 --> 00:12:51,349
the Carrot Castle and save
Queen Cabbage? Oh.
271
00:12:52,602 --> 00:12:54,272
Just looking
at this game
gives me gas.
272
00:13:03,203 --> 00:13:04,203
Oh, no.
273
00:13:04,204 --> 00:13:06,624
There's my arch
nemesis, Eric Booth.
274
00:13:06,997 --> 00:13:09,707
Don't worry. Just stick
to your backstory,
and you'll be fine.
275
00:13:11,171 --> 00:13:12,211
Bertram?
276
00:13:12,462 --> 00:13:14,292
Bertram Stinkle?
277
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:16,344
Hello, Eric.
278
00:13:16,336 --> 00:13:18,586
And it's Winkle.
279
00:13:18,588 --> 00:13:20,918
Not if you were downwind
from your locker, pal.
280
00:13:20,921 --> 00:13:22,301
(LAUGHING)
281
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,732
Wow, you have not
changed a bit.
282
00:13:25,725 --> 00:13:26,925
Sadly.
283
00:13:27,637 --> 00:13:30,387
This is my
girlfriend, Alexia.
284
00:13:30,770 --> 00:13:33,480
It's short for Alex.
285
00:13:36,026 --> 00:13:37,146
Nice to meet you.
286
00:13:37,147 --> 00:13:38,937
This is my girlfriend...
287
00:13:38,939 --> 00:13:41,149
Dr. Jessie Prescott,
Head of Veterinary Medicine
288
00:13:41,151 --> 00:13:42,281
at City Animal Hospital.
289
00:13:42,282 --> 00:13:44,202
What? When did
that happen?
290
00:13:44,444 --> 00:13:46,874
Oh. You mean
becoming head
of the department?
291
00:13:46,867 --> 00:13:48,207
Just last week,
sweetie.
292
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:49,948
After I saved
the mayor's Cockapoo.
293
00:13:49,950 --> 00:13:52,080
You would not believe
where I found
the key to the city.
294
00:13:52,662 --> 00:13:55,672
I'm in the finance game.
Mergers and acquisitions.
295
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,126
So, tell them how well
you're doing, Stinkle...
I mean, honey.
296
00:14:00,010 --> 00:14:02,010
I am a cat
toy model.
297
00:14:02,012 --> 00:14:03,132
Mogul.
Mogul.
298
00:14:03,423 --> 00:14:06,473
Really?
Yes, I am a
multi-millionaire,
299
00:14:06,466 --> 00:14:09,846
with homes in
Southampton,
Lake Como, and Jimini.
300
00:14:10,180 --> 00:14:11,100
Bimini.
301
00:14:12,022 --> 00:14:14,312
Bertram was the one who
put the bell in the mouse.
302
00:14:14,314 --> 00:14:16,484
(GASPS) I love those.
303
00:14:16,476 --> 00:14:18,436
They're so much fun.
304
00:14:18,778 --> 00:14:20,358
Oh, how many cats
do you have?
305
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,530
None.
306
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:29,158
EMMA: Ravi,
307
00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:31,619
I'm really proud of you
for returning this game.
308
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,161
It's the right
thing to do.
309
00:14:33,493 --> 00:14:35,593
And we support
you in that.
310
00:14:35,585 --> 00:14:37,455
But you're
being selfish.
311
00:14:37,797 --> 00:14:39,377
How am I
being selfish?
312
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,299
Because if you
return the game,
313
00:14:41,301 --> 00:14:43,131
I'll have to do
my own homework.
314
00:14:43,964 --> 00:14:45,434
Shame on you!
315
00:14:46,006 --> 00:14:48,386
And I haven't beaten
the game yet.
316
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,178
You know I can't
quit something
before I finish it.
317
00:14:51,771 --> 00:14:54,221
Didn't you leave in
the middle of a
geography test last week
318
00:14:54,224 --> 00:14:56,404
because it gave you
"think pains"?
319
00:14:58,068 --> 00:15:01,018
I am going to return
this game I stole,
320
00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:03,191
and there is nothing
you can do to stop me!
321
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:04,863
(GASPS) Uh-oh.
322
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,075
He heard me!
323
00:15:07,487 --> 00:15:09,947
Run!
I hate running!
324
00:15:11,491 --> 00:15:13,031
(ALL LAUGHING)
325
00:15:13,033 --> 00:15:15,383
And then I invented
the cat toilet
326
00:15:15,375 --> 00:15:18,165
with a little, attached
magazine rack,
327
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:19,918
that bought me my
second yacht,
328
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,169
the Frisky Kitty.
329
00:15:21,171 --> 00:15:22,921
(ALL CHUCKLING)
330
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,642
Which is also my pet
name for the old ball
and chain here.
331
00:15:25,635 --> 00:15:27,215
(CHUCKLING)
332
00:15:27,717 --> 00:15:32,097
Might I remind you
that I am Matt Damon's
veterinarian?
333
00:15:32,602 --> 00:15:34,812
I neutered
Jason Bourne's
Labradoodle.
334
00:15:37,727 --> 00:15:40,227
This reunion is supposed
to be about me.
335
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:43,190
Having high profile
clients is good for
my imaginary business.
336
00:15:44,194 --> 00:15:45,624
Hey, Stinkle,
337
00:15:45,615 --> 00:15:47,275
I was just reminding
everyone how you went to
338
00:15:47,277 --> 00:15:48,987
the prom with
your mom.
(CHUCKLING)
339
00:15:48,989 --> 00:15:51,619
I did not!
It was my aunt.
340
00:15:52,202 --> 00:15:53,412
My mom was busy.
341
00:15:54,164 --> 00:15:57,004
Well, If you'll excuse me,
I have to announce
the reunion awards.
342
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:59,997
A former class president's
work is never done.
343
00:16:02,542 --> 00:16:04,082
Ladies and gentlemen,
344
00:16:04,084 --> 00:16:07,224
if I can have your
attention please,
class of '84.
345
00:16:07,797 --> 00:16:11,047
So, Alexia, how long
have you known Eric?
346
00:16:11,051 --> 00:16:13,801
I don't know.
Counting's hard.
347
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,975
Our first award is for
"Best Retention of Hair."
348
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:23,229
I think we all know who
it won't be going to,
right Stinkle?
349
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:26,735
And the
winner is...
350
00:16:26,736 --> 00:16:31,026
Well, hey, what do
you know, it's me,
Eric Booth!
351
00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:33,161
(LAUGHING)
(ALL APPLAUDING)
352
00:16:35,665 --> 00:16:37,285
If it was an award
for best ear hair,
353
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:39,917
Bertram would have won it.
It's like a forest in there.
354
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,080
Thank you.
Mmm-hmm.
355
00:16:48,048 --> 00:16:51,008
Oh, dear, I am going
to the slammer!
356
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,760
I will not survive one day
in the prison yard!
357
00:16:53,763 --> 00:16:55,313
I cannot lift weights!
358
00:16:56,226 --> 00:16:59,226
On the bright side,
you're a shoo-in for
the prison chess team.
359
00:16:59,229 --> 00:17:00,689
(ALL LAUGHING)
360
00:17:00,690 --> 00:17:03,100
This is no
laughing matter!
361
00:17:03,103 --> 00:17:04,903
I am carrying
stolen goods,
362
00:17:04,904 --> 00:17:06,784
and you are all
accessories!
363
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:09,026
(GASPS) Yay!
I'll be a cute
clutch purse!
364
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:13,910
Ravi, if you don't want
to get caught, just
destroy the evidence.
365
00:17:13,913 --> 00:17:15,923
And if you're going
to eat it, take it
out of the box.
366
00:17:16,156 --> 00:17:17,786
I learned that
the hard way.
367
00:17:19,159 --> 00:17:21,539
(GRUNTING)
368
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,673
Curse my
gerbil-like
strength!
369
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,466
Give me that!
370
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,090
Now we are littering?
371
00:17:32,092 --> 00:17:33,932
Will this crime
spree never end?
372
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,774
Come on, let's sneak
back home before
373
00:17:36,766 --> 00:17:38,346
Jessie sees us
and wonders what
we're doing here.
374
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:39,438
Okay.
375
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,229
JESSIE: Kids,
376
00:17:41,891 --> 00:17:44,481
what are you doing here?
And why should I be
mad about it?
377
00:17:45,395 --> 00:17:46,815
I am a criminal!
378
00:17:47,277 --> 00:17:49,987
After you forbade me
from playing that
video game,
379
00:17:49,989 --> 00:17:52,359
I gave in to a momentary
lapse in judgment.
380
00:17:52,782 --> 00:17:56,202
The pressure to be
cool and fit in
overwhelmed me and...
381
00:17:56,906 --> 00:17:58,076
And I stole it.
382
00:17:58,077 --> 00:18:00,037
Luke, I am so
disappointed in you!
383
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,160
It was Ravi!
384
00:18:02,162 --> 00:18:03,502
Very sorry,
force of habit.
385
00:18:03,503 --> 00:18:05,263
Ravi, I am so
disappointed in you.
386
00:18:06,626 --> 00:18:09,756
You are going to take that
game back right now
and admit what you've done.
387
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:12,130
I cannot.
Luke broke it.
388
00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:13,092
There it is.
389
00:18:14,214 --> 00:18:16,024
Jessie, I assure you
390
00:18:16,015 --> 00:18:18,515
the pain of having
to look at myself
in the mirror
391
00:18:18,518 --> 00:18:22,018
is more punishment
than you could
possibly dole out!
392
00:18:22,021 --> 00:18:24,221
Oh, yeah?
Challenge
accepted, pal!
393
00:18:25,145 --> 00:18:28,185
And now the moment
we have all been
waiting for,
394
00:18:28,188 --> 00:18:31,608
Colfax High's Most
Successful Alumnus is...
395
00:18:31,611 --> 00:18:32,901
(CHUCKLES)
396
00:18:32,902 --> 00:18:34,112
Bertram Winkle?
397
00:18:34,904 --> 00:18:37,004
I won?
(ALL APPLAUDING AND CHEERING)
398
00:18:36,996 --> 00:18:38,696
I won! (CHUCKLING)
399
00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:40,498
Wow!
400
00:18:41,331 --> 00:18:42,661
Thank you.
401
00:18:43,002 --> 00:18:44,412
I am so honored.
402
00:18:45,205 --> 00:18:49,165
I was just a man with
a bored cat, and a dream,
403
00:18:49,919 --> 00:18:52,169
and now...
(QUACKING)
404
00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:54,552
Quit your squawking, Eric.
I won this fair and square!
405
00:18:55,465 --> 00:18:57,015
(QUACKING WITH DIFFICULTY)
406
00:18:57,016 --> 00:19:00,756
Oh, no! Something's wrong
with that penguin!
407
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,181
Where's Dr. Prescott?
408
00:19:03,683 --> 00:19:06,573
Ravi, stealing is not
the way to fit in.
409
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,936
For once, I just
wanted to be one
of the cool kids.
410
00:19:10,690 --> 00:19:14,270
Being cool means never,
ever trying to be
someone you're not.
411
00:19:14,274 --> 00:19:17,204
ERIC: Dr. Prescott,
we need your
medical expertise!
412
00:19:17,197 --> 00:19:20,157
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to go pretend
to be a veterinarian.
413
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,909
Please, Dr. Prescott,
we need your help.
Please come with me.
414
00:19:24,083 --> 00:19:26,423
(QUACKING WITH DIFFICULTY)
There's a duck
in distress!
415
00:19:26,416 --> 00:19:28,786
Silly, I'm wearing
this dress.
416
00:19:29,128 --> 00:19:30,548
The duck is naked.
417
00:19:31,090 --> 00:19:32,380
Wow...
418
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,052
(QUACKING CONTINUES)
419
00:19:36,005 --> 00:19:38,255
Darn! I really wish
I could help, but... I
420
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,848
was absent during
duck week at vet school.
421
00:19:43,223 --> 00:19:46,363
Can't you just apply
what you learned
during goose week?
422
00:19:47,267 --> 00:19:49,727
Okie-doke. I'll give
her a look-see.
423
00:19:49,729 --> 00:19:52,479
I'll need a scalpel
and some orange sauce
424
00:19:52,482 --> 00:19:54,072
in case this
doesn't work out.
425
00:19:57,867 --> 00:19:59,157
Okay.
426
00:19:59,158 --> 00:20:01,198
(EXCLAIMING)
427
00:20:01,781 --> 00:20:03,911
(GASPING)
(ALL APPLAUDING)
428
00:20:03,913 --> 00:20:05,753
(QUACKING)
429
00:20:06,326 --> 00:20:09,416
Jessie, you
saved the day!
430
00:20:09,419 --> 00:20:11,129
What was the poor
duck choking on?
431
00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:13,041
No doubt a
bit of refuse
432
00:20:13,042 --> 00:20:16,472
some inconsiderate
eco-criminal simply
tossed away.
433
00:20:16,836 --> 00:20:19,096
Actually, it looks like a
piece from your video game!
434
00:20:19,839 --> 00:20:21,719
(ALL GASPING)
435
00:20:22,101 --> 00:20:24,261
How about a round
of applause for
my girlfriend?
436
00:20:24,264 --> 00:20:26,274
She's as smart as
she is pretty.
437
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,606
Do I get a trophy
for that?
438
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,517
Girlfriend?
439
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:32,399
You could have
had all this,
440
00:20:32,402 --> 00:20:33,852
and a trust fund,
441
00:20:34,113 --> 00:20:36,073
but you decided to
date the butler?
442
00:20:37,357 --> 00:20:38,567
Butler?
443
00:20:38,568 --> 00:20:42,198
(LAUGHING)
So you lied?
444
00:20:42,201 --> 00:20:43,621
No! I just...
445
00:20:43,623 --> 00:20:44,953
ALL: Oh!
446
00:20:44,954 --> 00:20:46,674
Okay, okay,
it's true!
447
00:20:47,166 --> 00:20:49,576
I'm not a cat
toy tycoon. I'm...
448
00:20:49,579 --> 00:20:52,789
I'm just a butler,
and these are
the kids I work for.
449
00:20:53,212 --> 00:20:54,582
I'm sorry.
450
00:20:54,584 --> 00:20:56,554
I just wanted to look
like a big shot.
451
00:20:57,297 --> 00:20:58,837
It's my fault.
452
00:20:58,838 --> 00:21:00,588
I told him to do it,
and I'm the one
453
00:21:00,590 --> 00:21:02,140
who made up all
the fake backstories.
454
00:21:02,141 --> 00:21:05,091
I'm an actress,
not a veterinarian.
455
00:21:05,385 --> 00:21:08,095
Then why were you
hugging that naked duck?
456
00:21:08,848 --> 00:21:10,098
Improv? I...
457
00:21:11,060 --> 00:21:13,980
So, Stinkle,
once a loser,
458
00:21:13,983 --> 00:21:15,903
always a loser!
459
00:21:15,895 --> 00:21:16,895
Hey,
460
00:21:17,236 --> 00:21:19,276
Bertram is not a loser!
461
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,278
KIDS: Yeah!
462
00:21:20,780 --> 00:21:23,900
Do losers get to spend
two months a year on
a private island?
463
00:21:25,074 --> 00:21:28,334
And get free meals,
and all the naps
they can take?
464
00:21:29,208 --> 00:21:33,288
Or live for free in a
fabulous, multi-million
dollar penthouse?
465
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:35,682
Plus, the place
comes with a butler!
466
00:21:37,337 --> 00:21:40,087
Oh, wait, just forget
that last part.
467
00:21:41,381 --> 00:21:43,011
Thanks, guys.
468
00:21:43,012 --> 00:21:45,182
Having you as friends
makes me feel like
469
00:21:45,184 --> 00:21:47,604
the most successful
man here.
(KIDS CHUCKLING)
470
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:49,017
Well, I'm glad you
feel like it,
471
00:21:49,018 --> 00:21:50,768
'cause clearly
you're not.
472
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:53,391
I should've known
you were a fraud
the minute you walked in
473
00:21:53,393 --> 00:21:54,733
with that
sweet arm candy.
474
00:21:54,734 --> 00:21:57,034
She's even prettier
than my girlfriend.
(ALEXIA GASPS)
475
00:21:57,026 --> 00:21:59,066
What? Okay,
that's it!
476
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,610
Eric is not a
Wall Street millionaire.
477
00:22:03,613 --> 00:22:04,783
Alexia.
(ALL GASPING)
478
00:22:04,784 --> 00:22:06,254
He's an unemployed
bookkeeper,
479
00:22:06,245 --> 00:22:09,075
who just got fired
by his only client...
480
00:22:09,078 --> 00:22:10,748
His mother.
(ALL GASPING AND LAUGHING)
481
00:22:12,161 --> 00:22:14,081
Mom did not fire me.
482
00:22:14,083 --> 00:22:16,463
She laid me off.
There's a big difference!
483
00:22:16,456 --> 00:22:18,876
I'm not even
his girlfriend.
(EXHALES HEAVILY)
484
00:22:19,298 --> 00:22:20,758
I'm his cousin.
485
00:22:21,421 --> 00:22:23,011
He paid me
to come here.
486
00:22:24,013 --> 00:22:26,393
By the way,
your check bounced.
487
00:22:27,096 --> 00:22:28,136
So, Eric,
488
00:22:28,137 --> 00:22:30,467
looks like the only thing
you have that I want
489
00:22:30,470 --> 00:22:31,810
is a full head
of hair.
490
00:22:31,811 --> 00:22:33,601
(CHUCKLES)
You can have that.
491
00:22:34,023 --> 00:22:35,693
(SCREAMING)
(ALL GASPING)
492
00:22:35,685 --> 00:22:37,685
That was my
comb-over!
493
00:22:40,189 --> 00:22:41,899
I haven't seen anything
move that fast
494
00:22:41,901 --> 00:22:44,611
since I did my
internship at the African
Cheetah Sanctuary.
495
00:22:45,034 --> 00:22:47,374
Oh, we're not...
Oh, we're not doing
that anymore? My bad.
496
00:22:52,542 --> 00:22:53,952
Ew!
497
00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:57,384
Hey, Ravi, enjoying
your punishment?
498
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:58,546
Not really.
499
00:22:58,548 --> 00:23:00,838
The last piece of
gum I scrapped off
500
00:23:01,130 --> 00:23:02,590
had a tooth in it.
501
00:23:03,172 --> 00:23:04,262
Hope you kept it.
502
00:23:04,263 --> 00:23:06,183
The tooth fairy
money will help pay
for that video game.
503
00:23:07,056 --> 00:23:09,216
My feet are
killing me!
504
00:23:09,218 --> 00:23:10,388
Mine too!
505
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,100
I promise I'll
never blackmail
my brother again.
506
00:23:14,103 --> 00:23:16,153
Don't you mean,
you'll never blackmail
anyone again?
507
00:23:16,145 --> 00:23:18,185
Let's crawl
before we walk.
508
00:23:19,939 --> 00:23:22,899
And I'm sorry for aiding
and abetting a fugitive,
509
00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:24,072
destroying evidence,
510
00:23:24,073 --> 00:23:26,703
and changing your
FacePage status to
"Dating Luke Ross."
511
00:23:26,986 --> 00:23:28,026
Wait! What was
that last one?
512
00:23:28,327 --> 00:23:29,527
Nothing!
513
00:23:29,529 --> 00:23:31,199
Get your video
games here!
514
00:23:32,582 --> 00:23:35,542
I don't understand
why you're forcing
me to work here.
515
00:23:35,535 --> 00:23:37,205
I told Ravi the right
thing to do,
516
00:23:37,206 --> 00:23:38,746
and I even tried
to help him!
517
00:23:38,748 --> 00:23:41,588
Yeah, sorry about that,
but with all four of you
being punished,
518
00:23:41,591 --> 00:23:43,091
it means I get
the afternoon off.
519
00:23:43,593 --> 00:23:44,673
Peace!
38311
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