All language subtitles for Jessie.S03E18_2

(GASPS) Oh, joy!

A lizard-embellished
sweatshirt!

We thought it would go
great with the Ravi-
embellished sweater

we got Mrs. Kipling
for her birthday.

(GROWLING)

Twinsies!

That still creeps me out.

Okay, Ravi, you have
one more big birthday
surprise from your parents.

It should be here
any minute.

Oh, please let it be new
bacteria for my microscope.

I have had my eye
on some very promising
Paenibacillus.

Wow, I wouldn't have
chipped in for that sweater

if all I had to do was
swab the inside
of my cheek.

Mmm.
(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Surprise! I am for...

Ravi Ross.
A birthday present.

Mom and Dad gave Ravi
an old astronaut
for his birthday?

That's even weirder than
the time they gave
me a book.

I am Ravi, and I hope
your pockets are filled
with bacteria.

This is odd
American greeting.

I am here to take you
on trip to space!

I am going into space?
(PANTING)

Ravi, tell your parents
how you feel!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(THUDS)

He loves it!

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party
every day

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around

♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground

♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town

♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party
every day

♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪

(GASPING) So, I am really,
truly going into space?

Of course.

(CHUCKLES)
I not joke anymore.

One time in space,
I pretend,

"Oh my! We have
lost heat shield!"

Is no fun cleaning up
fear vomit,
especially in zero G.

(IMITATES VOMITING)

What a lovely anecdote.

Ravi, Ivan is an actual
retired cosmonaut from
the country Mypos.

(GASPS)
Yes, we are tiny,
but poor.

When we gain
independence,

we got, uh, how you say?
Small end of stick.

Now, we build space
program by offer

recreational space flights
to stinking rich foreigners.

Oh, oh, that is me!
I am rich foreigner,

and I've a very
stinky brother.

Well, glad I could help.
(LAUGHS)

Ravi, we're over
the moon excited for you.

Technically,
you cannot be
over the moon,

as there is no up or down
once you leave
Earth's atmosphere,

and the gravitational...
How soon can you launch
him into space?

Actually, guys,
that's the second part
of the surprise.

We all get to go too.

Awesome!
(ALL CHUCKLES)

(GASPS)
I'm so excited,

I don't even care that
I'll have to wear a bulky
space onesie!

Are we sure
this is safe?

I just looked up Mypos,
and its chief export
is pollution.

(COUGHING)

Don't worry.
We're going with
a highly trained astronaut.

Fantastic!
Who did you find?

Uh, you?

Me? No, no, I not going.

New model of Myposian
spacecraft is piloted by

state-of-art
artificial intelligence.

It has been
tested many times.

Of course,
only with monkey passengers.

But some
come back alive.

Your parents couldn't
have just given you
a bicycle?

And stop!

(PANTING)

Why do we have to
run around the park
to go into space?

Will we not be
mostly sitting?

Yeah, in which case,
shouldn't Bertram
be coaching us?

You must be
physically fit before trip.

Going into space takes
toll on body.

For instance,
I am thirty-one.

Here.

Read space flight manual.

You kids must learn
much mathematics
and science.

Yeah, right, because
in all the best
space movies,

they're fighting aliens
with the power of
calculus. (SNORTS)

Good luck trying to get
Luke and Zuri to do
their homework.

All I ever hear
from them is,
"Aw, man, do I have to?"

Uh, well, you must also
memorize cover to cover.

Aw, man.
Do I have to?

Come, peoples.

We will now
learn about propulsion.

Each chair equipped
with own jet pack.

To demonstrate
that in space,

any action is met
with an equal
and opposite reaction.

You are without
girlfriend, yes?

Yes, that is correct.

All right.

Push lever for fun time.

Woo-hoo! Rocket chairs
are awesome!

Ugh.
Swallowed a bug.

(CHUCKLES) My lever has
clearly been over tightened.

Let me try,
Neil Arm-weak.

(SCREAMING)

(CRASHING)
(CAT MEOWING)

Ivan, don't you have
a more official
training facility?

Well, we did,
but we lost lease.

(CHUCKLES)
Now, is skating rink.

Now, this is
radiation detector,

in case you go off course
and begin to hurtle
towards Sun.

(NERVOUSLY)
Mmm-hmm.

Oh, that's
interesting symbols.
(CLEARS THROAT)

Happy face,
sad face, melty face.

Mmm-hmm.
I'm starting to get
a scared face.

(SNEEZES)

Bless you, Ravi.

I think you're allergic
to impending doom.

All right, pay attention.

I'm going to show you
most important tool
on space craft.

Oh, please tell me
it's the thing that keeps
us from hurtling into the Sun!

Better.

Barf bag.

And bathroom.

Do yourself big time favor,
and use only in that order.

Ew! I won't even use
the same toilet seat
as Luke,

and you want me to poo
and spew in the same bag?

(COUGHS AND SNEEZES)

Bless you, Ravi.

Are you feeling okay?

Oh, man, I think
you're coming down
with something.

Oh, no.
This no good.

You cannot go into
outer space
if you have sickness.

I am not sick!
Uh, tell them,
Mrs. Kipling.

(GROWLING)

Every day,
you eat dead rats

marinated in swamp water,
but now you are
afraid of germs?

Ivan, it's Ravi's birthday.

So, he has a few sniffles,
what's the big deal?

Potentially deadly
sinus pressure.

Plus, when he sneezes,
boogers floating
everywhere.

Uh, guys, hustle up!

Ivan is here to
take us to our old,
rickety space shuttle.

Why do I get the feeling
those are gonna be
my last words?

No, if history is
any indication,

your last words will be,

"Ah! These suits were
supposed to be fireproof!"
(LAUGHING)

If we find an alien,
can I keep it?

Zuri, I think one disgusting
creature in the house
is enough.

(CHUCKLES)
Two, if you count
Mrs. Kipling.

Emma, we're going to space,
not wintering in St. Bart's.

I need to be prepared.

I don't know what
the weather is going
to be like, in space.

There is no weather.
It's space!

So, I should layer?

There's a twenty in it
for you if you strand them
on the moon.

Have a safe trip,

while I am here,
sick, stuck on Earth,

missing out on this
once in a lifetime
opportunity.

You heard the man,
let's boogie!

(ALL CHEERING)

It's okay, Ravi.
I'll take good care
of you.

Thank you, Bertram.

Can I have some nice,
hot soup?

Sure, the deli menu is
right next to the phone.

Oh, and order me
a corned beef on rye,
while you're at it.

(ALL SCREAMING)

JESSIE: Could you pass
me the bathroom?

ZURI: Occupado!

Whoa, zero gravity
is so cool.

(BEEPING)

Okay, we are
safely in orbit.

All things considered,
that's a miracle.

Speaking of which,
check it out.

Wow,

I've never seen
so many stars.

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLES) I know.

It's like someone
bedazzled nighttime!
(CHUCKLES)

Wow.

Can you believe it?

We're among only
a handful of people
in history

to ever experience
the magic of space flight.

I'm bored.
Does this thing get cable?

Zuri, knock it off!
This isn't Bertram,

you can't just hit it
and make it do
what you want.

I.V.A.N.: Thank you.
You're welcome.

Wait, who said that?
Did we pick up
a hitch hiker?

I am I.V.A.N.
I-V-A-N.

My name stands for
Intelligent Vehicular
Aerospace Navigator.

I am your autopilot.

Wow, you sound like Ivan,
but you don't have
his accent.

That is because I am
programmed to speak

in the correct manner
of whoever is on board.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, dawg.

(CHUCKLES) That's so cute!

Totes adorbs.

(SNICKERS)

Hey, that doesn't
sound anything like me!

Yeah, right.

Mmm-hmm.

Hey, guys,
let's let Ivan do his job,

so we don't go crashing
into the Sun.

Okay.

Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?
Are we there yet?

I.V.A.N.: Quit it!
Okay.

I'm thirsty.

I'm thirsty.

I'm thirsty!

Do not make me
turn this
spacecraft around.

Welcome to my world.

Or the atmosphere
outside it.

Hey, Ravi.
How are you feeling?

Hmm, let me see.

How would you feel
if your entire family
left you alone,

and ran off to
outer space?

Have you met my mother?
Like Christmas
and my birthday,

all wrapped up into one.

And the worst thing is,
I am no longer feeling sick!

It must have been
a 24 hour thing.

Kind of like
your last nap.

Look, Ravi,
I know you're disappointed,

but did you really
expect them to pass up

the opportunity
of a lifetime?

Yes! Space was supposed
to be my birthday present.

I did not read the book
Luke got for his birthday!

Yes, you did.

You caught two typos,
and emailed the publisher.

My point is,
I should be the one
in orbit!

If there is any justice
in this world,

they are having
a horrible time in space!

We are having
the best time in space!

And I am really loving
this burrito paste.

I'm saving so much time
on chewing.

(CHUCKLES)

Luke, you don't chew
on Earth.

(FARTS)
Whoa!

(BEEPING)

Yuck. That reeks!
Open a window!

No! Don't open a window!
Do not open a window!

Great.
Now we're gonna
have to smell that

in our recycled air
for the next two days!

Okay, no more
floating around.
I'm turning on the gravity.

(YELLS) Ow!

Space hurts.

(ALARM BLARING)

What's with
the flashing lights?

Club Deep Space
in the house, y'all!

Oh.

Oh, no.

It looks like when Luke
butt-burped into the wall,

he hit the,
Eject Autopilot Computer
button!

Hey, don't blame me.

Blame whoever thought
a good space lunch

would be a tube of
Mexican food.

I.V.A.N.: Someone is
not getting their
tube of flan.

Oh, no!
The computer is
drifting away!

I told you not to
touch anything,

but, no!
(ECHOING)

Wait a minute,
if I.V.A.N.'s gone,

then no one's flying
the ship.

We're,

lost in space!

(SCREAMING)

Whoever said, "In space,
no one can hear you scream,"

clearly never met Emma.

(ELEVATOR DINGS)

Bad news, homies!

The computer that pilots
the craft has been
ejected into space!

What?

Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

What about my family?
Are they okay?

Well, they drift
hopelessly in space,

with only two
days of oxygen,

so ultimately
they are doomed.

(SOBS)

But on the bright side,
they have all the chimichanga
paste they can eat.

Why is it even possible
to eject the computer that
controls the ship?

In my country, we fear
computer becoming evil

and turning against
human crew.

We see this in your
American documentary,

2001: A Space Odyssey.

Uh, that wasn't real!
It was a sci-fi movie
from forty years ago!

Not real? (LAUGHING)

Hold your phones.

Next thing you tell me
Hogwarts wizard school

is not accredited
institution.

(LAUGHING)

Ivan, we have
to do something!

Is there any way to get
to space and save my family?

Well, we could maybe
take older rocket.

But price would have
to be right.

Oh! I will crack open
my piggy bank.

That is cute,
but it would take
great deal of monies.

His piggy bank is
ten feet tall
and kept under

armed guard in
a corner of Fort Knox.

In my country,
piggy banks
are actual pigs.

Do not ask how
we make withdrawal.

We have to go!
Every second counts.

We must save our family!
Right, Bertram?

Eh...

I cannot believe
we are doing this!

I can't believe
this thing has
shag carpet.

(SCREAMS)

IVAN: (LAUGHING)
It's just a big lizard.

For a moment,
I thought it was deadly
alien creature

we accidentally bring back
to Earth in '86.

We named him Norm.

As if the eight-track
player didn't make me
nervous enough.

This rocket is not
as advanced as the one
your family took,

but I assure you it is
still state-of-the-art
technology.

(SCREAMING)

Does this window
actually have
a hand crank?

Oh, good catch.

We need to
roll that up.

(GROWLING)

All right.

Hold on your hats.

We are lift-up
in three, two,

one!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

One!
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

One, one, one, one, one,
one, one, one, one!

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

(CLEARS THROAT)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Oh, you've got
to be kidding me.

Relax, I do this
all the time.

(ALL SCREAMING)

BERTRAM: Mrs. Kipling,
quit hogging the bathroom!

I'm so scared.

Don't worry,
we're gonna be okay.

Then why are you crying?

(SOBBING) Because your
fingernails are digging
into my arm.

(SCREAMING) Hideous alien!

I would ground you,
but we're 220 miles
above the ground.

Jessie, did you find
the ship's autopilot?

Not yet,
but the good news is,

now I can add spacewalking
to the special skills
on my resume!

In your face,
Sandy Bullock!

Leave Sandy alone!

If you're lucky,
she'll play you

when they make a movie
about this
horrible disaster!

I see the autopilot!
It's a couple hundred
yards away.

Well, don't just
float there.
Go after it!

(SIGHS) I can't.
My tether isn't
long enough!

No problem.
I'll push the
"untether" button!

JESSIE: No! Don't do that!

No!

Jessie, come back!

How do you
suggest I do that?

Uh, try doggie paddling!

(SIGHS) This is a great
time for the smart one
to be back on Earth!

Are we running low on oxygen,
or does everybody
see the floating lizard?

Oh, there they are!

Uh, turn right! Now!

Oh, I have to back it up.

(SCREECHING)

(REVERSE BEEPING)
Excuse me.

Seriously?

(SNIFFS)

Did this used to be
a garbage truck?

That is state secret.

(REVVING)

Have you been able to get
through to anybody?

We're like
hundreds of miles
from Earth.

I can't get a signal!
(SIGHS)

That's weird, because
the phone company's
satellite just floated by.

Wait. We can use
this thing to call Earth!

Uh, does anyone know
Earth's number?

Maypole, maypole!

It's "Mayday!"

It doesn't matter
what day it is?

Mission Control
should not be closed!
(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

I wish Ravi
were here.

He would say
something patronizing,

then come up
with the solution!

ALL: Ravi!

How ironic that
you are stuck in space,

considering that is
all you have between
your ears.

Good one.
You're smart,
we're stupid.

Now save us!

How did
you get here?

I came with Ivan.

He has docked
the back-up shuttle,

and is ready to take us
all back to Earth.

Good,
let's get out of here!

No, we can't leave
without Jessie!

Or my luggage.

It always gets lost
when I have
a connecting flight.

Where is Jessie?

Out there,
stranded in space!

We have to get her,
but we don't know how!

(GASPS)

I have an idea!

Emma, did you bring your
usual assortment of hair
dryers and scarves?

Duh.
I'm wearing a potato sack,

so I have to look good
from the neck up.
(CHUCKLES)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Hello? Hello?

Can, can anyone hear me?
This is Jessie Prescott.

If anyone's listening,
I'll give you
my coordinates.

I don't know.
I'm in the middle of
a bunch of stars,

and they all look alike.
Help!

Jessie!

(BLOW DRYERS WHIRRING)

Ravi! You came to save me!
Or style my hair?

I'm here to save you.

And after we
get back to safety,

I will help you take care
of your helmet hair.

(CHUCKLING)

It's too hot!

This is what happens
when you re-enter
Earth's atmosphere!

Might also be because
heat shield is made
entirely of old chewing gum!

Ew, I'm getting melty face!
Can't you activate
the cooling system?

Okie-dokski.

Is there anything
on this ship

that isn't made out of
cardboard and tape?
Ooh!

Actually, toilet paper
is made of high density
sheet metal.

(CHUCKLES) Weird, no?

Weird, yes.

So, where are we gonna
land this death bucket?

Considering we are
travelling around 17,000
miles per hour,

I am hoping water.

Hoping?
I'd tell you
what I think of you,

but I don't want
the last thing the kids
hear to be inappropriate!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Uh, he's coming to.

(GRUNTING)

What happened?

Well, when you found out
for your birthday you were
going into space, you...

Space!
Okay.

Yeah, pretty much that.

Hey, help me get him
onto the couch.
Oh.

I haven't seen Ravi
pass out this much
since health class.

Wait a minute!
So, we did not go
into space?

No, but no one wishes
more than I that you would.

Oh, so, it must've
all been a dream!

And you were there,
and you were there,
and you were there,

and your luggage was there.

What happened
in your dream?

Uh, Luke almost trapped
everyone in space forever
with his flatulence.

(LAUGHING) Nice!

That's not as
far-fetched as
it might sound.

So, Ravi,

are you ready for your
grand adventure in space?

Absolutely!
Just one thing.

If we pick up
any alien life forms,

can we think of
a better name than
Norm?

I think he hit his head
harder than we thought.

You are a very
funny little boy.

(CHUCKLES)

Who told you about Norm?

(RAVI RETCHING)

(CONTINUES RETCHING)

RAVI: That was awesome!

(RETCHING)