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1
00:00:07,088 --> 00:00:08,628
Isn't it nice having
a family dinner?
2
00:00:11,592 --> 00:00:13,932
Did you guys hear
about that alien invasion?
3
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:17,436
Yeah, caught me
by surprise, too.
4
00:00:18,849 --> 00:00:21,689
If we leave now
they may not notice
for at least a month.
5
00:00:21,692 --> 00:00:22,852
I'll race you to Miami!
6
00:00:25,196 --> 00:00:28,446
Ooh, how exciting!
Our school is having
try-outs
7
00:00:28,449 --> 00:00:31,109
for the Walden mascot,
Waldorf the Wasp.
8
00:00:31,112 --> 00:00:33,242
You know, I was
my school's mascot!
9
00:00:33,494 --> 00:00:34,664
Yes, we know.
10
00:00:35,656 --> 00:00:36,996
Angus the Armadillo.
11
00:00:36,997 --> 00:00:39,867
When threatened,
I'd roll over and play dead
just like the football team.
12
00:00:41,162 --> 00:00:43,422
Perhaps dressing up
like a giant wasp
13
00:00:43,424 --> 00:00:45,054
and cheering
for our sports team
14
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,255
will be my ticket
to popularity.
15
00:00:47,258 --> 00:00:49,968
As if your regular clothes
aren't embarrassing enough.
16
00:00:51,722 --> 00:00:53,632
Hey, at least
it involves sports.
17
00:00:53,634 --> 00:00:54,984
Sort of.
18
00:00:54,975 --> 00:00:56,635
I know you were bummed
when you didn't meet
19
00:00:56,637 --> 00:00:58,517
the weight requirement
for towel boy.
20
00:01:00,681 --> 00:01:03,981
You know, Ravi,
I could coach you in
the fine art of mascot-ary.
21
00:01:03,984 --> 00:01:07,784
What's to know?
Run around, flail your arms,
and try not to fall down.
22
00:01:08,279 --> 00:01:10,859
Not so easy with
a 40-pound shell
on your back, pal!
23
00:01:12,453 --> 00:01:14,073
Hey, did I ever tell
you kids about the time
24
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,164
I did a triple somersault
at the big homecoming game?
25
00:01:18,869 --> 00:01:20,329
Well, that's just rude!
26
00:01:22,753 --> 00:01:25,843
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
27
00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:28,836
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
28
00:01:28,839 --> 00:01:32,669
♪ It feels like a party
every day
29
00:01:32,673 --> 00:01:36,183
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
30
00:01:36,177 --> 00:01:40,177
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
31
00:01:40,181 --> 00:01:43,351
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
32
00:01:43,354 --> 00:01:46,864
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
33
00:01:46,857 --> 00:01:50,527
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
34
00:01:50,531 --> 00:01:53,941
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
35
00:01:53,944 --> 00:01:57,794
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
36
00:01:57,788 --> 00:02:01,118
♪ Hey Jessie
37
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,841
♪ Hey Jessie
38
00:02:04,835 --> 00:02:08,745
♪ It feels like a party
every day
39
00:02:08,749 --> 00:02:11,129
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
40
00:02:21,812 --> 00:02:24,942
Hey! Is that a unit patch
from Stuttgart Army Base
in Germany?
41
00:02:24,935 --> 00:02:26,855
Yeah, my mom
was stationed there.
42
00:02:26,857 --> 00:02:29,647
Really? So was my dad!
I've still have my lederhosen!
43
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,900
Is your mom stationed
in New York now?
44
00:02:31,902 --> 00:02:34,072
No, my mom is
serving overseas.
45
00:02:34,074 --> 00:02:35,874
While she's gone,
my grandma's watching me.
46
00:02:36,737 --> 00:02:37,617
(SNORING)
47
00:02:38,279 --> 00:02:40,949
She's tired.
I'm a handful.
48
00:02:43,994 --> 00:02:45,924
Taylor, why'd you
change the channel?
49
00:02:45,916 --> 00:02:47,666
I was about
to order that juicer!
50
00:02:49,630 --> 00:02:52,250
Grandma, you're
in the park!
51
00:02:53,754 --> 00:02:56,014
She loves
juicing stuff.
52
00:02:58,429 --> 00:02:59,969
I had to stop
hula-hooping.
53
00:02:59,970 --> 00:03:02,060
These hips aren't as young
as they used to be.
54
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,145
Zuri, this is Taylor.
55
00:03:06,146 --> 00:03:07,476
Hi.
Hi.
56
00:03:07,478 --> 00:03:08,648
She's a military kid, too.
57
00:03:08,649 --> 00:03:10,479
Plus, she was
stationed in Germany.
58
00:03:10,481 --> 00:03:11,611
She's like a mini-me!
59
00:03:11,982 --> 00:03:16,242
Really? Then you might
want to prepare for
a string of loser boyfriends.
60
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:17,987
Hey!
61
00:03:18,489 --> 00:03:22,079
Actually, she's not wrong.
You better start downloading
break-up songs now.
62
00:03:26,417 --> 00:03:29,207
So, how exactly
do you play Bugle Hero?
63
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,539
Oh, you just follow
the notes on the screen
64
00:03:31,542 --> 00:03:32,922
and play
a patriotic song.
65
00:03:32,923 --> 00:03:36,473
Taylor, you grew up
on a military base.
You will love this.
66
00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:37,757
Zuri, try to keep up.
67
00:03:39,390 --> 00:03:40,800
(PLAYS REVEILLE)
68
00:03:45,686 --> 00:03:46,936
I won!
69
00:03:48,849 --> 00:03:50,809
That's because
no one else is playing.
70
00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,562
Yeah, I don't really
know this song.
71
00:03:53,564 --> 00:03:56,454
You don't know Reveille?
How did you wake up
on the base every morning?
72
00:03:56,447 --> 00:03:58,617
With my Blake Shelton
alarm clock.
73
00:03:59,450 --> 00:04:00,620
I have one too!
74
00:04:00,621 --> 00:04:03,321
Where his dimples are
at 3:00 and 9:00.
75
00:04:03,704 --> 00:04:05,674
And his belt buckle
is the snooze button?
76
00:04:05,666 --> 00:04:06,746
(BOTH SCREAMING)
77
00:04:08,869 --> 00:04:10,669
Girls! Keep it down!
78
00:04:10,671 --> 00:04:12,791
How does your grandmother
sleep through that?
79
00:04:12,793 --> 00:04:15,803
(SNORING)
Oh, she'll sleep
through anything.
80
00:04:15,796 --> 00:04:16,636
Except this...
81
00:04:16,877 --> 00:04:19,337
Hey, Grandma, look!
It's Tom Selleck!
82
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:22,180
What, where?
Is my wig straight?
83
00:04:28,729 --> 00:04:31,979
Unless that squirrel
over there wants
to try out for mascot,
84
00:04:31,982 --> 00:04:33,772
it looks like
you're the only one
who showed up.
85
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:37,164
Oh, joy! That would greatly
increase my odds of winning!
86
00:04:37,858 --> 00:04:38,948
Coach Penny?
87
00:04:38,949 --> 00:04:40,109
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
88
00:04:40,951 --> 00:04:44,241
I don't know what's worse,
the deafening noise
or the spray of spit.
89
00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:47,406
Your new mascot is here!
90
00:04:47,408 --> 00:04:48,618
Oh, great.
91
00:04:48,619 --> 00:04:50,909
The kid who gets winded
just changing into
gym clothes.
92
00:04:52,673 --> 00:04:55,593
You will not find
a more committed
mascot than me.
93
00:04:55,586 --> 00:04:57,626
I have oodles
of free time,
94
00:04:57,628 --> 00:04:59,218
because I have
no social life!
95
00:05:00,841 --> 00:05:03,841
I am not going to pick you
just because you're
the only one interested.
96
00:05:03,844 --> 00:05:05,694
That's how I wound up
with my third husband.
97
00:05:05,686 --> 00:05:09,186
You've had three husbands?
I can't even get one guy
to call me back!
98
00:05:10,931 --> 00:05:13,641
Oh, no! Did I miss
the mascot tryouts?
99
00:05:13,644 --> 00:05:15,574
There won't be
any tryouts.
100
00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:16,936
Ravi is the only one
who showed up.
101
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:20,778
What? No!
Emma, you're the School
Spirit Coordinator...
102
00:05:20,781 --> 00:05:23,151
Get more losers
out here! I came
for a show!
103
00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:25,905
I'm busy!
104
00:05:25,906 --> 00:05:28,706
My banners are on back-order,
the face paint I got runs,
105
00:05:28,709 --> 00:05:30,749
and even though I banned
the debate team
from the pep rally,
106
00:05:30,751 --> 00:05:32,541
they still argued
their way in.
107
00:05:33,043 --> 00:05:34,513
They are good.
108
00:05:36,797 --> 00:05:39,877
Whoa!
What's the babe
squad doing here?
109
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,960
They're here to see
who wins the mascot job,
110
00:05:41,962 --> 00:05:43,842
since they'll be spending
so much time with him.
111
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,104
The mascot gets to hang
with the cheerleaders?
112
00:05:46,807 --> 00:05:49,387
Yeah, who do you think
zips him into his costume?
113
00:05:52,232 --> 00:05:53,312
Coach Penny!
114
00:05:53,934 --> 00:05:56,114
I want to try out
to be the Walden mascot!
115
00:05:56,737 --> 00:05:58,817
You want to be
the mascot?
116
00:05:58,819 --> 00:06:02,529
The boy who thinks
"school spirit" is the
ghost of an old janitor?
117
00:06:03,984 --> 00:06:07,294
He is real!
Something is flushing
those toilets.
118
00:06:09,329 --> 00:06:11,619
Yes, a motion sensor.
We've been over this.
119
00:06:13,163 --> 00:06:16,803
Oh, Luke, this is one
competition you will not win.
120
00:06:16,797 --> 00:06:20,877
You may have charisma,
but I was born to look
goofy in public!
121
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,091
Boom!
122
00:06:37,227 --> 00:06:38,857
Those are
my deets, ladies!
123
00:06:38,859 --> 00:06:41,939
Oh, and don't worry,
there are enough
freckles to go around!
124
00:06:43,023 --> 00:06:46,793
Outstanding!
Absolutely buzzworthy!
125
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:50,368
Okay. Just remember
the routine we practiced.
126
00:06:50,370 --> 00:06:52,870
Kick, turn, sting.
Kick, kick, sting.
127
00:06:52,873 --> 00:06:57,093
Okay, but if I get
confused I will
just wing it. Get it?
128
00:06:57,998 --> 00:06:59,918
Wasp mascot humor.
129
00:07:00,711 --> 00:07:02,301
I get it.
Don't do that.
130
00:07:04,805 --> 00:07:06,715
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
131
00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:20,938
Hey! (BLOWS WHISTLE)
No coaching!
132
00:07:21,522 --> 00:07:26,032
I wasn't coaching.
I was waving
at an ex-boyfriend.
133
00:07:26,026 --> 00:07:28,616
Hey... Dean!
Thanks for never
calling me back.
134
00:07:28,619 --> 00:07:30,329
I'm keeping
your sweatshirt!
135
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:37,335
So, what did
you think?
136
00:07:37,337 --> 00:07:40,747
Somebody get me
a giant fly swatter.
137
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,342
The winner is Luke!
138
00:07:44,254 --> 00:07:46,684
All right, all right,
all right, cheer-ladies.
139
00:07:46,677 --> 00:07:49,757
Practice is at my place.
Last one there is the
base of the pyramid!
140
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,802
Why do you get
to pick the mascot?
141
00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:54,944
I think the students
should pick!
142
00:07:54,935 --> 00:07:56,765
Why does everything
at this school
143
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:58,767
always have to be
about the students?
144
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,441
Oh, having
a mascot competition
145
00:08:02,442 --> 00:08:04,702
at the pep rally
would be great
for school spirit.
146
00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:07,865
Because watching me
whip Luke's thorax
would be thrilling?
147
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:11,408
No, because it's either that
or a stranger-danger
puppet show.
148
00:08:18,709 --> 00:08:19,749
What's all that?
149
00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:21,790
It's for you and Taylor.
150
00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:24,972
Pretzels with hot mustard,
turkey schnitzel,
and sauerkraut balls.
151
00:08:24,965 --> 00:08:27,045
They were my favorite
snacks when I was
stationed in Germany.
152
00:08:27,337 --> 00:08:30,087
If I eat that,
I'll be stationed
over the toilet.
153
00:08:33,093 --> 00:08:34,693
(TIMER BUZZING)
154
00:08:34,685 --> 00:08:36,095
Time's up!
I peeled 15!
155
00:08:37,728 --> 00:08:40,768
I peeled half a potato
and six fingers.
156
00:08:42,603 --> 00:08:43,773
Aw, Zuri.
157
00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:46,914
Maybe a potato
peeling race isn't
a game for civilians.
158
00:08:46,907 --> 00:08:48,487
This was a game?
159
00:08:48,488 --> 00:08:50,108
I thought we were
being punished!
160
00:08:51,702 --> 00:08:53,702
I thought you were
helping make dinner.
161
00:08:55,245 --> 00:08:57,705
Okay! Ready for our next game,
Clean the Latrine?
162
00:08:57,708 --> 00:08:58,828
Uh, no thanks.
163
00:08:58,829 --> 00:09:02,579
Besides, the latrines
in this place are already
ship-shape.
164
00:09:02,873 --> 00:09:05,763
Did you actually
just compliment
my cleaning skills?
165
00:09:06,216 --> 00:09:07,586
Doesn't everybody?
166
00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:08,798
No!
167
00:09:08,799 --> 00:09:11,009
I never thought
I'd say this
to a kid, but...
168
00:09:11,511 --> 00:09:13,471
Would you like
to stay for dinner?
169
00:09:14,344 --> 00:09:16,774
I'd love to,
but I have to
get back home.
170
00:09:16,767 --> 00:09:18,387
My grandma loves
mashed potatoes,
171
00:09:18,388 --> 00:09:20,018
so do you mind
if I take a few of these?
172
00:09:20,020 --> 00:09:23,520
Sure, but take Jessie's.
They have less
finger shavings.
173
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,315
Bye.
174
00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,606
Oh.
175
00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:33,029
Jessie, you gotta stop
recruiting me and Taylor
for your weird military games.
176
00:09:33,033 --> 00:09:35,463
Don't you have
other things to do?
Yes.
177
00:09:35,455 --> 00:09:37,455
Plan Taylor's
birthday party!
178
00:09:37,457 --> 00:09:39,747
We're gonna play
Pin the Stars
on the General!
179
00:09:40,961 --> 00:09:43,291
Wait, how did you know
it's Taylor's birthday?
180
00:09:43,293 --> 00:09:46,173
Her Grandma told me.
She also knitted me this...
181
00:09:48,048 --> 00:09:49,628
Snake sweater?
182
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:51,260
I was going to say
snorkel warmer,
183
00:09:51,261 --> 00:09:52,711
but either way
she needs a new hobby.
184
00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:59,847
I came up with
a great theme for
Taylor's birthday!
185
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:00,680
So did I.
186
00:10:00,681 --> 00:10:03,521
Nothing says "birthday"
like an obstacle course.
187
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,855
Or we can do
something fun
188
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:09,397
that doesn't involve
barbed wire, and mud.
189
00:10:11,692 --> 00:10:13,362
"Taylor's Twangy Tenth"?
190
00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:16,793
Yeah, it'll be a country
music birthday blowout!
191
00:10:16,787 --> 00:10:20,697
Zuri, how are we going
to get a mechanical bull
into the living room?
192
00:10:20,701 --> 00:10:22,621
Actually,
it's a real bull.
193
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:26,462
Since when do I bring
fake giant animals into
the pet house?
194
00:10:28,799 --> 00:10:31,169
Bertram, we need you
to plan a party menu
195
00:10:31,171 --> 00:10:32,921
for Taylor's first
birthday in New York.
196
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:37,473
Sure, anything for her!
She complimented my latrines.
197
00:10:37,467 --> 00:10:39,637
That's what
we call bathrooms.
It's our thing.
198
00:10:40,851 --> 00:10:43,471
Please. You wouldn't know
a latrine from a hole
in the ground,
199
00:10:43,473 --> 00:10:44,693
which sometimes it is.
200
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:48,225
Taylor and I know that
because we were both raised
in the military!
201
00:10:48,228 --> 00:10:50,268
Hey guys, what are
you talking about?
202
00:10:50,270 --> 00:10:52,730
Believe it
or not, toilets.
203
00:10:53,443 --> 00:10:55,743
Don't you mean
latrines?
Thank you!
204
00:10:57,037 --> 00:10:58,447
Taylor!
Guess what?
205
00:10:58,448 --> 00:11:01,198
We're throwing
a birthday party
for you!
206
00:11:01,201 --> 00:11:02,701
I wanted to tell her.
207
00:11:03,874 --> 00:11:08,464
Oh... That's nice,
but I really don't want
you to go to any trouble.
208
00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:11,248
No. It's no trouble!
We'll have games,
209
00:11:11,251 --> 00:11:14,251
and decorations,
and Bertram's gonna
make a huge cake.
210
00:11:14,254 --> 00:11:17,764
And when he eats that,
he'll make you another one!
211
00:11:19,349 --> 00:11:20,849
There goes
your corner slice.
212
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:26,515
And you can invite
anyone you want.
213
00:11:27,728 --> 00:11:30,938
Doesn't that
sound fun?
No, it doesn't.
214
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:33,861
I don't want a party.
I don't even want
a birthday!
215
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:41,199
That was not
the reaction
I expected.
216
00:11:41,912 --> 00:11:43,742
Uh, Tony just called.
217
00:11:43,744 --> 00:11:46,544
Does anyone know
anything about
a bull delivery?
218
00:11:53,884 --> 00:11:55,394
...then when we mentioned
her birthday,
219
00:11:55,385 --> 00:11:57,505
Taylor burst into tears,
and ran off.
220
00:11:58,929 --> 00:12:01,839
Taylor just misses
her mother more
than usual lately,
221
00:12:01,842 --> 00:12:04,222
what with her tenth
birthday coming up.
222
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,234
The big one-oh is huge.
223
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,726
You want your mom there
when you enter double digits.
224
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:12,560
Look, I completely
understand how
Taylor feels.
225
00:12:12,562 --> 00:12:14,192
When my dad was
stationed overseas
226
00:12:14,194 --> 00:12:15,864
I missed him so much.
227
00:12:15,856 --> 00:12:17,486
Most of all
on special occasions.
228
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,317
I know, Jessie.
But this is about Taylor.
229
00:12:20,660 --> 00:12:23,570
So please don't tell
the "Loneliest Snowman" story.
230
00:12:23,914 --> 00:12:26,874
What's that?
No! Don't get
her started!
231
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:30,748
It was the first
Christmas without Dad.
232
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,870
The snow was high,
the morale was low...
233
00:12:32,873 --> 00:12:34,883
Well, this has been fun...
234
00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:37,175
Okay, okay,
I'll stop.
235
00:12:37,968 --> 00:12:40,968
Will you tell Taylor
we're sorry we upset her,
236
00:12:40,971 --> 00:12:43,141
and anytime she wants,
she can come over
237
00:12:43,143 --> 00:12:45,483
and make fun of Jessie
playing Bugle Hero?
238
00:12:46,686 --> 00:12:48,646
I sure will, pumpkin,
and thank you.
239
00:12:49,810 --> 00:12:51,770
Wait a minute.
240
00:12:52,352 --> 00:12:53,772
I think
I have an idea.
241
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:58,784
Zuri, I think it might be
time to call in that big
favor from you-know-who.
242
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,858
Oprah? She won't take
my calls anymore.
243
00:13:02,072 --> 00:13:04,832
Apparently,
I'm no longer one
of her favorite things.
244
00:13:07,707 --> 00:13:10,867
Oh! You mean
that you-know-who.
245
00:13:11,211 --> 00:13:12,671
Who are you
talking about?
246
00:13:13,213 --> 00:13:16,683
If you know Tom Selleck,
you better not be
holding out on me.
247
00:13:22,883 --> 00:13:24,803
(FABRIC RIPPING)
(SHOUTS)
248
00:13:26,386 --> 00:13:29,186
I think I split something
doing the splits.
249
00:13:33,603 --> 00:13:36,493
It appears
verbal dexterity may
be my only chance
250
00:13:36,486 --> 00:13:38,896
to win this brotherly
mascot donnybrook.
251
00:13:38,899 --> 00:13:41,649
I'm not sure what you said,
but if it means you shouldn't
dance, I agree.
252
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,782
I don't care who wins.
253
00:13:44,784 --> 00:13:47,714
You, Luke, or this
Donny Brook guy!
254
00:13:49,499 --> 00:13:51,119
Just don't mess up
my pep rally!
255
00:13:52,122 --> 00:13:53,712
(BULL GRUNTS)
(EMMA SCREAMING)
256
00:13:53,713 --> 00:13:55,463
If she had been
more supportive,
257
00:13:55,455 --> 00:13:57,715
I would have
warned her about
the bull in the kitchen.
258
00:13:57,717 --> 00:13:58,667
(INDISTINCT CRASHES)
259
00:13:59,799 --> 00:14:02,509
Look, I know you're
slammed at the office,
260
00:14:02,512 --> 00:14:04,932
but I have a big
favor to ask.
261
00:14:04,925 --> 00:14:06,805
(DOG BARKING)
No!
262
00:14:06,806 --> 00:14:09,766
But I haven't even
told you what
the favor is yet!
263
00:14:10,730 --> 00:14:13,140
No, it's not you,
it's Sunny!
264
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:18,574
Sunny, no!
The Martha Washington vase
is not a chew toy!
265
00:14:20,650 --> 00:14:23,690
I'm so sorry, Zuri,
but I'm gonna have
to call you back...
266
00:14:23,984 --> 00:14:25,624
Please, just hear me out!
267
00:14:26,036 --> 00:14:30,946
Please, please, please?
268
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,161
Are you making
your big, sad eyes?
269
00:14:35,795 --> 00:14:37,625
And the quivering lip.
270
00:14:38,999 --> 00:14:41,299
Wow, this must
really be important.
271
00:14:41,551 --> 00:14:42,631
It is.
272
00:14:42,632 --> 00:14:45,722
I have a friend,
and we're throwing her
a birthday party,
273
00:14:45,715 --> 00:14:47,805
and we need
a special guest...
274
00:14:47,807 --> 00:14:48,927
Are you writing
this down?
275
00:14:49,429 --> 00:14:53,009
Of course I am.
Sunny, fetch mommy a pen.
276
00:14:56,646 --> 00:15:00,396
All right, Walden!
Who's ready for
the big pep rally?
277
00:15:01,021 --> 00:15:02,861
(CHEERING INDIFFERENTLY)
278
00:15:03,984 --> 00:15:05,164
Is this helping?
279
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:07,155
Yes, it feels wonderful,
280
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:09,197
even though you are
only rubbing foam.
281
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:14,081
Okay, now, remember
what we talked about.
282
00:15:14,084 --> 00:15:16,634
You just gotta
be the bee.
I am a wasp.
283
00:15:16,626 --> 00:15:18,496
Bees have entirely
different temperaments,
284
00:15:18,498 --> 00:15:19,958
feeding habits,
not to mention nesting...
285
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,210
Can it, science boy!
286
00:15:22,302 --> 00:15:25,142
Okay. Now, go up there
and do me proud!
287
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,807
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
288
00:15:28,808 --> 00:15:32,258
These two mascot
wanna-bees. (CHUCKLES)
289
00:15:32,262 --> 00:15:35,772
Will now compete
to be Waldorf
the Walden Wasp!
290
00:15:35,765 --> 00:15:39,515
Remember, your
enthusiastic applause
will determine the winner.
291
00:15:39,769 --> 00:15:41,149
(CHEERING INDIFFERENTLY)
292
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:43,861
Or feel free
to sit there
slack-jawed.
293
00:15:46,656 --> 00:15:47,866
(MUSIC PLAYS)
294
00:16:01,081 --> 00:16:02,631
(CROWD CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)
295
00:16:19,309 --> 00:16:20,439
LUKE: Are we done here?
296
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,440
'Cause I need to figure out
which cheerleader
is gonna be my honey.
297
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:25,283
RAVI: Not so fast.
298
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:28,485
You may have the moves,
but I have the power
of words!
299
00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:29,778
Hit it!
300
00:16:29,779 --> 00:16:31,819
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, yo! Yo!
301
00:16:31,821 --> 00:16:37,671
Get on your feet and put
your antennae together
'cause I am coming...
302
00:16:38,878 --> 00:16:41,418
(RAPPING)
♪ From the halls of Walden!
I am a wasp not a bee!
303
00:16:41,421 --> 00:16:43,421
♪ Which means
I can sting repeatedly
304
00:16:43,423 --> 00:16:45,803
♪ My name is Waldorf, son
I rep the NYC!
305
00:16:45,795 --> 00:16:48,255
♪ If my school needs
spirit they can
count on me!
306
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:49,628
♪ Do the Waldorf!
307
00:16:49,629 --> 00:16:50,719
♪ Yeah, yeah
308
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:51,840
♪ Do the Waldorf!
309
00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:53,181
They're eating
this garbage up!
310
00:16:53,183 --> 00:16:57,443
Right? For a guy
who doesn't use contractions,
he's got a sick flow!
311
00:16:57,437 --> 00:17:00,137
♪ Now you know my story
Bug life 'til I die!
312
00:17:00,140 --> 00:17:02,640
♪ So much school pride
it brings a tear to my eye!
313
00:17:02,642 --> 00:17:04,642
♪ I will never let you down
I will dance 'til it hurts
314
00:17:04,644 --> 00:17:07,114
♪ Now here is where
I make it rain T-shirts! ♪
315
00:17:10,450 --> 00:17:11,650
(CROWD CHEERING)
316
00:17:14,074 --> 00:17:15,084
Ah!
317
00:17:24,754 --> 00:17:26,884
I call foul!
En garde!
318
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,547
You realize
those stingers
aren't real, right?
319
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:32,089
Oh, yeah?
Is this real
enough for you?
320
00:17:33,173 --> 00:17:34,383
(ALL GASP)
321
00:17:35,014 --> 00:17:37,354
Oh, heavens,
he is headless!
322
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:39,767
I have very mixed
emotions about this!
323
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:49,647
Luke, stop. Ravi,
knock it off!
324
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,570
The crowd is on fire!
The pep rally is a success!
325
00:17:53,993 --> 00:17:56,503
Finally, my stupid
brothers come in handy!
326
00:17:59,539 --> 00:18:01,829
Now is the time
to blow that whistle!
327
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:02,911
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
328
00:18:04,624 --> 00:18:05,764
Ugh!
329
00:18:05,755 --> 00:18:07,665
I see what you mean
about that spit spray.
330
00:18:07,667 --> 00:18:08,877
(CROWD CHEERING)
331
00:18:10,049 --> 00:18:13,339
Well, according to
the Applause-O-Meter,
332
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:15,813
our new mascot
is Luke!
333
00:18:15,805 --> 00:18:16,805
No!
Yes!
334
00:18:18,057 --> 00:18:20,927
And Ravi,
the cheerleaders thought
your rap was so good,
335
00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:23,100
they want to make
you the first ever
male cheerleader
336
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,222
in Walden history!
337
00:18:24,224 --> 00:18:25,694
Yes!
No!
338
00:18:26,436 --> 00:18:27,986
They want to make
you their flyer.
339
00:18:27,987 --> 00:18:31,317
Something about your
bird-like bones being
easy to toss around.
340
00:18:32,572 --> 00:18:35,952
I will take it!
I am yours,
oh, beautiful ones!
341
00:18:37,537 --> 00:18:39,367
Whatever keeps him off
the playing fields.
342
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:42,830
Pretty girls
are talking to me!
343
00:18:42,832 --> 00:18:45,342
And not asking me
to do their homework!
344
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:48,746
Aww... He's smiling.
345
00:18:49,799 --> 00:18:51,629
And his little wings
are wagging...
346
00:18:52,802 --> 00:18:55,092
It's nice to see you
happy for your brother.
347
00:18:55,094 --> 00:18:57,144
Yeah. But it's such a waste.
348
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,716
He's going to buzz
his way right into
the friend zone.
349
00:19:00,810 --> 00:19:02,640
On the bright side,
he'll have friends!
350
00:19:06,816 --> 00:19:08,816
Sorry I ran out
the other day.
351
00:19:08,818 --> 00:19:11,978
That's okay.
We're really glad
you decided to come.
352
00:19:12,322 --> 00:19:13,572
Me too.
353
00:19:13,823 --> 00:19:17,663
I just miss my mom so much
that I haven't been in much
of a party mood.
354
00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:21,828
But she's really brave,
so I have to be brave, too.
355
00:19:21,831 --> 00:19:22,831
Aw...
356
00:19:23,953 --> 00:19:25,083
Good for you.
357
00:19:25,495 --> 00:19:26,995
Here, open my present.
358
00:19:33,753 --> 00:19:37,763
Thanks! I've always
wanted a...
Lead pipe?
359
00:19:39,639 --> 00:19:41,799
It's a stainless steel
pull-up bar!
360
00:19:41,801 --> 00:19:43,721
It's what my dad got me
for my sweet sixteen!
361
00:19:43,723 --> 00:19:45,943
That's why my arms look
so good in my prom picture.
362
00:19:46,356 --> 00:19:47,686
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
363
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:50,307
And speaking
of great arms...
364
00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:51,860
Surprise!
365
00:19:59,319 --> 00:20:00,909
Happy birthday, Taylor!
366
00:20:00,910 --> 00:20:03,780
You got me a play date
with Michelle Obama?
367
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:06,455
Even better.
368
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,707
Mom!
Taylor!
369
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:11,920
(LAUGHS)
370
00:20:13,042 --> 00:20:15,042
Oh, sweetie,
I've missed
you so much!
371
00:20:15,044 --> 00:20:16,604
I missed you, too.
372
00:20:16,596 --> 00:20:18,046
I can't believe
you're here!
373
00:20:18,047 --> 00:20:19,927
I can't believe you're 10!
374
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:23,800
Double digits!
And so beautiful.
375
00:20:24,764 --> 00:20:26,024
My baby!
376
00:20:28,768 --> 00:20:30,268
Jessie, are you crying?
377
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,350
No. I still have
potato shavings
in my eyes.
378
00:20:35,064 --> 00:20:37,824
Hey, Zuri.
Hi, Mrs. Obama.
379
00:20:37,817 --> 00:20:40,317
Thank you so much
for bringing Taylor's
mom home.
380
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,160
Oh, it was my pleasure.
381
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:45,162
So you must be Zuri's nanny.
382
00:20:45,164 --> 00:20:47,714
(CHUCKLES) That depends.
What did she do?
383
00:20:49,168 --> 00:20:52,958
Well, there was the time
I was giving her family
a tour in the White House
384
00:20:52,962 --> 00:20:55,082
and Zuri sneaked
into the Oval Office,
385
00:20:55,084 --> 00:20:58,184
to ask the President to
institute bedtime reform.
386
00:20:59,639 --> 00:21:03,179
Can we roll back
tuck-in times
for America's youth?
387
00:21:03,683 --> 00:21:04,973
Yes, we can!
388
00:21:06,145 --> 00:21:08,225
That was before
I was in charge of her.
Okay.
389
00:21:09,098 --> 00:21:13,768
Mrs. Obama, thank you
for bringing my mom home
for my birthday.
390
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,033
Oh, Taylor.
No, thank you.
391
00:21:16,316 --> 00:21:19,656
You see, both the President
and I know how much you
392
00:21:19,659 --> 00:21:22,529
and all of our military
children do for our country.
393
00:21:22,862 --> 00:21:26,292
By staying strong,
helping out around
the house
394
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,745
and supporting
your mom from here
at home,
395
00:21:28,748 --> 00:21:30,078
both you and
your grandmother
396
00:21:30,079 --> 00:21:33,079
are serving our country
just as much as
your mom is.
397
00:21:33,413 --> 00:21:35,843
And we are so
incredibly proud of you.
398
00:21:36,676 --> 00:21:38,376
Almost as proud
as I am.
399
00:21:39,008 --> 00:21:41,588
Thank you from
the bottom of my heart.
400
00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:44,381
You've all got
six-fingered gloves
coming your way.
401
00:21:45,014 --> 00:21:46,694
I'm not very
good at knitting.
402
00:21:47,887 --> 00:21:50,187
You must be
Taylor's grandma.
403
00:21:50,189 --> 00:21:54,059
I am. By the way,
my birthday is
next month.
404
00:21:54,063 --> 00:21:56,113
Do you happen
to know Tom Selleck?
405
00:21:56,105 --> 00:21:57,105
(LAUGHS)
406
00:21:57,397 --> 00:21:59,067
Well, let me see
what I can do.
407
00:21:59,068 --> 00:22:01,028
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Thank you.
408
00:22:01,030 --> 00:22:04,240
In the meantime,
let's get this
party started!
409
00:22:04,243 --> 00:22:05,543
ALL: Yeah!
410
00:22:06,786 --> 00:22:10,116
Oh, my gosh!
The First Lady is getting
our party started!
411
00:22:13,663 --> 00:22:16,803
Oh, hi, Mrs. Obama.
Hey, guys!
412
00:22:16,796 --> 00:22:20,586
Hey, did you ever find
the answer to that question
I asked you about?
413
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,300
Oh yeah, I did.
414
00:22:22,632 --> 00:22:26,392
There is no treasure map on
the back of the Declaration
of Independence.
415
00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:29,968
Or so you say...
416
00:22:31,971 --> 00:22:35,531
Excuse him
and his ridiculous
conspiracy theories.
417
00:22:35,525 --> 00:22:37,525
Now, can we talk
about Area 51?
418
00:22:41,651 --> 00:22:45,751
Sorry Jessie, but I just
can't hang your headshots
in the White House.
419
00:22:47,366 --> 00:22:49,826
They might look
just a little out
of place in between
420
00:22:49,829 --> 00:22:51,909
the portraits of Washington
and Lincoln.
421
00:22:53,453 --> 00:22:56,673
So, having my face
chiseled into Mount Rushmore
is out of the question?
422
00:22:57,997 --> 00:22:59,207
Keep 'em.
423
00:22:59,208 --> 00:23:01,758
Just in case you run
into Ben Affleck
at a state dinner.
424
00:23:01,761 --> 00:23:02,671
You can...
No...
425
00:23:07,717 --> 00:23:09,807
Why, thank you,
Mrs. Kipling.
426
00:23:13,062 --> 00:23:15,652
Wow, this is actually
pretty good!
427
00:23:16,315 --> 00:23:18,725
You're not nearly as bad
a cook as Zuri said.
428
00:23:20,650 --> 00:23:21,690
Uh, thank you?
429
00:23:24,323 --> 00:23:25,953
Although, if you used
430
00:23:25,945 --> 00:23:27,985
half as much sugar,
431
00:23:27,987 --> 00:23:29,237
and replaced the eggs
432
00:23:29,238 --> 00:23:30,368
with applesauce,
433
00:23:30,369 --> 00:23:31,449
this cake would be
434
00:23:31,451 --> 00:23:32,451
even better.
435
00:23:33,082 --> 00:23:34,832
I respectfully disagree.
436
00:23:36,205 --> 00:23:37,835
I said "respectfully"!
437
00:23:39,749 --> 00:23:41,299
Wow, those guys came
out of nowhere!
438
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:42,300
Where were they hiding?
439
00:23:42,632 --> 00:23:44,002
If I told you that,
440
00:23:44,003 --> 00:23:45,303
it wouldn't be called
441
00:23:45,304 --> 00:23:46,854
the Secret Service.
33963
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