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1
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,737
Guys, I have amazing
news! I just got
2
00:00:09,740 --> 00:00:11,410
the lead in an
off-Broadway play!
3
00:00:11,412 --> 00:00:12,742
That's awesome!
4
00:00:12,743 --> 00:00:14,323
Your name will be
up in lights!
5
00:00:14,585 --> 00:00:16,485
Or in tiny print in
the back of the
program...
6
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:19,048
I'm the new
understudy.
7
00:00:19,050 --> 00:00:22,390
The old one got hit
by a bus and she's
in a body cast for a year.
8
00:00:22,393 --> 00:00:24,103
Can you
believe the luck?
9
00:00:25,796 --> 00:00:29,596
So, basically you will be
watching someone else
perform the part.
10
00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,630
Well, yeah, if you wanna
be all accurate.
11
00:00:34,465 --> 00:00:35,565
What's the show about?
12
00:00:35,566 --> 00:00:39,706
Ooh, it's this really creepy
Southern mystery called
Fiddle Dee Die.
13
00:00:39,710 --> 00:00:41,070
The only downside is,
14
00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:43,312
it's such a big hit,
I can't get you guys
tickets.
15
00:00:43,614 --> 00:00:45,454
Sounds like a win-win
to me!
16
00:00:47,418 --> 00:00:48,548
At least pretend to be sad.
17
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,080
Sounds like a
win-win to me.
18
00:00:53,084 --> 00:00:56,294
Careful. I may be a star
on the rise but I still
control your bedtime.
19
00:00:58,389 --> 00:01:01,459
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
20
00:01:01,462 --> 00:01:04,842
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
21
00:01:04,835 --> 00:01:08,365
♪ It feels like a party
every day
22
00:01:08,639 --> 00:01:11,669
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
23
00:01:11,842 --> 00:01:15,512
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
24
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,146
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
25
00:01:19,150 --> 00:01:22,680
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
26
00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:26,393
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
27
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:29,617
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
28
00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:33,820
♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
29
00:01:33,824 --> 00:01:35,334
♪ Hey Jessie
30
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:38,198
♪ Hey Jessie
31
00:01:40,531 --> 00:01:44,611
♪ It feels like a party
every day
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00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,635
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
33
00:01:53,544 --> 00:01:56,554
What the heck is this?
It looks moldy.
34
00:01:57,848 --> 00:01:59,548
My food is not moldy!
35
00:01:59,750 --> 00:02:02,590
Do not be ashamed. Your
salmon mousse is
currently helping
36
00:02:02,593 --> 00:02:05,633
a local university cure
the common cold.
37
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:13,728
For the record, this is
mold-free, bite-sized eggs
Florentine with a dill foam.
38
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,644
Also known as an
"amuse-bouche."
39
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,367
Well, my bouche is not
amused.
40
00:02:20,471 --> 00:02:21,611
The idea is you put
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00:02:21,612 --> 00:02:23,342
the whole dish
in your mouth at once.
42
00:02:23,674 --> 00:02:25,584
Like Luke did with that
chicken last week.
43
00:02:27,418 --> 00:02:29,748
Those bones made for
a very unpleasant morning.
44
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,652
I've entered an online
45
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,264
competition to
win my own cooking show.
46
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:39,386
You record yourself making
your favorite recipe,
post it online, and the
47
00:02:39,390 --> 00:02:40,860
video with the
most votes wins.
48
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:44,842
Soon, "Bertram Winkle" will
be a household name.
49
00:02:45,596 --> 00:02:47,596
He's barely a name
in this household.
50
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:50,540
His last name is Winkle?
51
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:55,553
Well, if y'all don't
look as busy as
moths in a mitten!
52
00:02:55,546 --> 00:02:57,676
How is everyone
this fine morning?
53
00:02:57,678 --> 00:03:00,548
A better question is
why are you talking like
everybody in The Help?
54
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,812
As the
understudy, I
have to be ready.
55
00:03:03,814 --> 00:03:06,594
If the star gets the sniffles,
or an ingrown toenail,
56
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,787
or is abducted by aliens
without the time
travel technology
57
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,619
to return her
to the exact minute
58
00:03:10,621 --> 00:03:13,621
they took her...
I'll go on for Susan
Channing!
59
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:17,495
Hindi. You are the understudy
for Susan Channing?
60
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,698
She is my favorite
theater actress
ever!
61
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,470
I even have
her trading card.
62
00:03:21,472 --> 00:03:22,632
They make those?
63
00:03:22,633 --> 00:03:24,843
Actually, I made it myself.
64
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:28,336
Okay, that's
not creepy at all.
65
00:03:28,979 --> 00:03:30,779
On the bright side,
if he has a trading card,
66
00:03:30,781 --> 00:03:33,311
that must mean he finally
found a friend
to trade with.
67
00:03:37,988 --> 00:03:39,548
And we're
whisking...
68
00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:41,721
We're whisking...
69
00:03:44,455 --> 00:03:45,455
(BOTH SNORING)
Hey!
70
00:03:46,927 --> 00:03:49,227
What do you
guys think of my
audition video?
71
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:52,659
To tell the truth,
It made me yearn for one
of Jessie's boyfriend stories.
72
00:03:54,265 --> 00:03:55,565
It doesn't need to be
exciting.
73
00:03:55,566 --> 00:03:57,236
What matters is the
quality of my cooking.
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00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,737
You can't reach through
the TV and eat food.
75
00:04:00,311 --> 00:04:02,241
Not that we haven't
caught you trying.
76
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:06,423
Ever since we got that
3D screen, I can't help
myself!
77
00:04:07,478 --> 00:04:10,748
What you need is a
gimmick. Cooking shows
are all about style.
78
00:04:11,382 --> 00:04:13,622
Luckily, style over
substance is my
middle name!
79
00:04:13,624 --> 00:04:16,494
That must make for
quite a monogram.
80
00:04:17,688 --> 00:04:20,288
Look, if you really want
your web show to blow up,
81
00:04:20,291 --> 00:04:22,891
let me produce it.
I've got some totes
awesome ideas.
82
00:04:23,494 --> 00:04:24,944
I promise, you'll be
in good hands!
83
00:04:26,697 --> 00:04:30,667
(GROANS) Well, I know
I'm going to regret this,
but... Fine.
84
00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:35,851
So the plan is
to combine your charisma
with Emma's brains?
85
00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:39,777
Why don't you just throw in
Luke's book smarts
and Ravi's popularity?
86
00:04:44,415 --> 00:04:45,415
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
87
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,958
Luke, did you
enjoy this
as much as I did?
88
00:04:50,961 --> 00:04:52,921
No, I'm just
glad it's over.
89
00:04:54,625 --> 00:04:56,625
They couldn't have
thrown in one ninja?
90
00:04:56,627 --> 00:04:59,667
Yeah, because Alabama
in the 1940s was just
crawling with ninjas!
91
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:05,341
If it was, no one would
have known, because
they're ninjas.
92
00:05:06,877 --> 00:05:09,307
Listen to that ovation!
93
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,839
You were wonderful,
Miss Channing.
94
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:13,542
Your performance has
moved me to tears.
95
00:05:13,544 --> 00:05:16,594
Who are you people?
And why are you making
eye contact with me?
96
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,849
Miss Channing, I'm
your new understudy,
Jessie Prescott.
97
00:05:20,851 --> 00:05:22,791
Ah, then prepare
to die of boredom.
98
00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:24,093
I don't need an understudy.
99
00:05:24,094 --> 00:05:25,704
I have never missed
a performance.
100
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,696
And I never gave
a lizard a pedicure
until a few years ago.
101
00:05:28,699 --> 00:05:30,559
Life is full
of surprises.
102
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:34,711
Not for me. I've had
perfect attendance,
ever since my first role
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00:05:34,705 --> 00:05:36,735
as Baby New Year
at Radio City.
104
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:40,468
On show night I had
an upset tummy, but
even as a pooper,
105
00:05:40,471 --> 00:05:41,611
I was a trooper.
106
00:05:42,673 --> 00:05:46,783
Miss Channing, please will
you be so kind as to sign
my trading card?
107
00:05:46,977 --> 00:05:49,617
Oh, sorry. If I gave
you an autograph,
108
00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:50,920
I'd have to give them
to all my fans.
109
00:05:50,921 --> 00:05:52,881
And then where
would I be?
110
00:05:52,883 --> 00:05:54,633
Thanking the people
who made you famous?
111
00:05:55,586 --> 00:05:57,386
It would never end!
112
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,589
So, what have
we learned today?
113
00:06:00,591 --> 00:06:01,831
That I am not special?
114
00:06:03,634 --> 00:06:08,674
Exactly. But you
are a quick study.
Ta-ta!
115
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:12,471
She is one rude diva.
116
00:06:13,103 --> 00:06:15,513
Well, I guess I'm going
to have a lot more free
time than I thought.
117
00:06:15,846 --> 00:06:18,406
Can we spend some
of it re-building my
self-esteem?
118
00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:24,693
Bertram! What's
the hold up?
119
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,415
We're live in one minute.
120
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:32,590
Yikes. Wikka-wikka-what
were you thinking?
121
00:06:33,924 --> 00:06:35,734
When I said I
wanted to work
with a grill,
122
00:06:35,726 --> 00:06:36,966
this is not
what I meant.
123
00:06:36,967 --> 00:06:41,767
Just trust me.
Remember, you're ODB,
Ol' Dirty Butler.
124
00:06:43,574 --> 00:06:46,144
And I am your
sous-chef,
Nicki Fromage.
125
00:06:47,438 --> 00:06:49,438
Well, I guess this
will get people's
attention.
126
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,680
Then, I can blow them away
with my amazing recipes.
127
00:06:51,682 --> 00:06:54,652
Forget about the
recipes. Just try
to look cool.
128
00:06:57,688 --> 00:06:58,718
Try harder.
129
00:07:00,491 --> 00:07:05,101
Okay, we're live
in three, two...
130
00:07:05,856 --> 00:07:06,926
(BEAT BOXING)
131
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,627
(RAPPING)
♪ Yo, yo, yo. I'm ODB
132
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:09,729
♪ from the Upper West Side
133
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:12,930
♪ I live with a lizard
and a limo is my ride
134
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,713
♪ So listen up close
and I'll teach you
how to cook
135
00:07:15,706 --> 00:07:18,166
♪ My ahi tuna wraps
are off-the-hook!
136
00:07:20,771 --> 00:07:23,541
♪ Mix some brown sugar
with a little ginger soy
137
00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:26,784
♪ And marinate your
meat in some lemon
juice, boy-ee!
138
00:07:28,779 --> 00:07:31,819
♪ Yo, ODB's the boss
When it comes to sauce
139
00:07:31,822 --> 00:07:34,632
♪ This ain't no hobby
He makes his own wasabi!
140
00:07:36,727 --> 00:07:39,457
♪ Add diced wasabi
a little mayonnaise
141
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:42,830
♪ Throw it in the blender,
and hit puree
for days! ♪
142
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:44,974
(CHOKING)
143
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,168
Cut! Cut!
144
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,799
So, how did we do?
Did we get lots of votes?
145
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,712
No, but the comments
are rolling in.
146
00:07:55,706 --> 00:07:59,706
"This video is
so bad, it puts the
'why' in wi-fi."
147
00:08:01,011 --> 00:08:06,061
Here's another
bad one, "This show stinks,"
from Zurigurl300?
148
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,557
Tell me I'm wrong.
149
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:17,503
Gather, gather. Everyone, I
have an announcement.
150
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:19,998
Miss Channing won't be
able to make the show
151
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,770
because she's been
in a terrible accident.
152
00:08:22,773 --> 00:08:23,973
Yes!
153
00:08:28,679 --> 00:08:32,979
Kids! Get down here!
I'm about to make my
off-Broadway debut!
154
00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:35,294
You can do your
homework later!
155
00:08:35,285 --> 00:08:36,645
This is important!
156
00:08:37,988 --> 00:08:39,618
I can't believe
I'm actually going on.
157
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:40,950
I forgot my lines.
158
00:08:40,951 --> 00:08:42,951
I forgot my name!
It's Desiree Peacock.
159
00:08:42,953 --> 00:08:45,763
No, I mean
my actual name!
It's Jessie.
160
00:08:45,756 --> 00:08:47,126
Oh. Oh, that's pretty.
161
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:54,611
We're here!
Guys! This is so
sweet of you...
162
00:08:54,835 --> 00:08:57,865
"Get well soon,
Susan. No one
can take your place?"
163
00:08:59,670 --> 00:09:03,310
Uh, those are not
for you. But would you
care to sign the card?
164
00:09:04,675 --> 00:09:06,015
(PANTING) Stop!
165
00:09:07,578 --> 00:09:09,978
I couldn't find a cab
from the hospital, so I
grabbed this skateboard,
166
00:09:09,980 --> 00:09:12,850
held onto the back of the
104 bus, and got here
as fast as I could.
167
00:09:13,884 --> 00:09:15,134
Now, gimme my costume!
168
00:09:15,125 --> 00:09:17,285
Are you sure you
don't want me to go
on for you?
169
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:19,588
I mean, you're in
a neck brace...
170
00:09:19,590 --> 00:09:21,590
And your left eye is
kind of staring
at your right eye...
171
00:09:22,292 --> 00:09:25,772
I told you, I never
miss a performance.
You can't fill my shoes.
172
00:09:26,096 --> 00:09:27,596
Now, get out
of my shoes!
173
00:09:31,642 --> 00:09:33,342
Which are now stretched
beyond recognition!
174
00:09:33,343 --> 00:09:34,783
Thanks a lot, Sasquatch!
175
00:09:41,752 --> 00:09:43,712
I still think my
rapper idea was
awesome.
176
00:09:44,014 --> 00:09:47,124
Well, every single person
on the internet disagreed.
177
00:09:51,221 --> 00:09:53,761
Wow.
178
00:09:53,764 --> 00:09:56,734
I know. Doesn't he
look adorable?
179
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,698
Somebody get
me a rope.
180
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,700
So you can do rope tricks?
181
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:01,901
Yeah. That's why.
182
00:10:03,774 --> 00:10:06,684
And... Action!
183
00:10:07,377 --> 00:10:09,837
Howdy, barbecuin'
buckaroos.
184
00:10:09,840 --> 00:10:14,280
Today I'm gonna show y'all
how to make every
cowboy's favorite,
185
00:10:14,685 --> 00:10:16,185
Five-Alarm Chili.
186
00:10:16,186 --> 00:10:20,216
It'll leave you rootin'
and tootin'...
(LAUGHS) Literally.
187
00:10:25,355 --> 00:10:26,755
Howdy, y'all!
188
00:10:26,757 --> 00:10:29,857
I'm his pard'ner in
cookin' crime,
Calamity Zuri!
189
00:10:29,860 --> 00:10:31,760
Hey, good accent.
190
00:10:31,762 --> 00:10:34,942
Thanks! This is how
Jessie talks in her sleep.
191
00:10:37,007 --> 00:10:41,667
First, y'all are gonna
need is a big pot of
boilin' water on the stove.
192
00:10:42,012 --> 00:10:43,942
Then, you gotta
get your beans.
193
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:49,416
Whoa, Nelly. These chaps
are chafing something fierce.
194
00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:54,651
And that, folks, is
what we call a
heapin' helpin' of TMI.
195
00:10:58,088 --> 00:11:01,958
Hurry up! Don't make
Calamity Zuri get
her cattle prod.
196
00:11:02,833 --> 00:11:07,743
I'm trying, but my
spur is stuck...
197
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,740
Puttin' the beans
in the boilin' water...
198
00:11:15,706 --> 00:11:17,046
(YELLS)
199
00:11:19,109 --> 00:11:23,979
Uh, sorry buckaroos.
Just sit tight while we...
200
00:11:24,755 --> 00:11:26,755
Oh, never mind, just cut it.
201
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:32,420
Okay, how bad are
the comments?
202
00:11:34,865 --> 00:11:38,395
Well, let's just say
you're wanted in Texas,
dead or alive.
203
00:11:38,398 --> 00:11:40,098
Mostly dead.
204
00:11:43,874 --> 00:11:45,444
Miss Channing, what
are you doing here?
205
00:11:45,435 --> 00:11:47,875
I was invited
by Morgan Ross.
206
00:11:47,878 --> 00:11:48,978
What are you doing here?
207
00:11:48,979 --> 00:11:51,039
I was also invited
by Morgan Ross.
208
00:11:51,041 --> 00:11:52,711
Three years ago.
To be his son.
209
00:11:54,384 --> 00:11:57,894
Hi, Susan. I'm Luke,
Morgan Ross's
other son.
210
00:11:58,088 --> 00:12:01,488
Dad just phoned to say
he's super excited to talk
to you about starring
211
00:12:01,491 --> 00:12:03,421
in his next summer
blockbuster.
212
00:12:03,423 --> 00:12:04,493
He did?
213
00:12:04,494 --> 00:12:06,034
Yes, he did.
214
00:12:07,097 --> 00:12:08,757
But he's running
a little late.
215
00:12:08,759 --> 00:12:11,729
How late? In two
hours I have an
audience to enchant.
216
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,831
Oh, he won't
be too long.
217
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,744
Why don't you wait
on the terrace?
218
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:16,835
Oh. Very well.
219
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,740
I thought Mr. Daddy was
in Nashville shooting
that country music
220
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:25,322
exploitation film,
Banjo Unchained.
221
00:12:25,776 --> 00:12:26,916
(SHUSHING)
222
00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:29,017
He is. I tricked
Susan into coming.
223
00:12:29,780 --> 00:12:33,150
So now all you've got
to do is distract her with
annoying fan boy questions
224
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:37,093
until she misses her
performance and
Jessie goes on instead!
225
00:12:37,427 --> 00:12:41,387
Done! I cannot wait to probe
the very depths of her soul!
226
00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:45,803
I asked you to keep
her here, not to
scare her away.
227
00:12:45,796 --> 00:12:46,496
No probing!
228
00:12:51,041 --> 00:12:54,911
...and that's how, at nine
years old, I ended up
writing my memoirs,
229
00:12:54,905 --> 00:12:56,375
Binky to Broadway.
230
00:12:57,507 --> 00:12:59,047
Look, I really
must be going...
231
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:02,179
Please, just one
more question!
232
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:05,062
I have always wondered
how you prepare
for a role.
233
00:13:05,255 --> 00:13:09,085
Well, my preparation
involves retiring
to a cave upstate
234
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,459
and living amongst
woodland creatures.
235
00:13:11,461 --> 00:13:14,561
Short story long, I lost
three toes to a badger.
236
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:19,526
Oh, and when you...
Look, as much as I love
talking about myself,
237
00:13:19,529 --> 00:13:21,529
I really must get
to the theater.
238
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:25,012
Tell your father the curtain
waits for no man, and
neither do I!
239
00:13:26,506 --> 00:13:30,136
Stop that! What are
you doing with
those handcuffs?
240
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:33,380
Making my nanny's
dreams come true.
241
00:13:36,446 --> 00:13:37,586
What have you done?
242
00:13:37,587 --> 00:13:39,817
Nothing! I am an
unwitting accomplice!
243
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:43,089
If you knew me, you would
know that I am often
the unwitting accomplice!
244
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,064
(GRUNTING)
245
00:13:48,598 --> 00:13:49,928
It's locked!
246
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,600
So, you thought you could
distract me by making me
talk about myself.
247
00:13:54,264 --> 00:13:57,314
What kind of self-centered,
egomaniac do you think I am?
248
00:13:57,307 --> 00:13:58,407
(GASPS)
249
00:13:58,408 --> 00:13:59,908
Would you look at that?
250
00:13:59,910 --> 00:14:02,270
Even desperate
and fearful, I'm stunning.
251
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:07,924
We just wanted our nanny,
Jessie, to get her
chance on stage!
252
00:14:08,178 --> 00:14:11,178
Jessie! You
mean my understudy?
253
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,621
Ooh, by the time I get
done with her, I'll make
sure she has
254
00:14:14,624 --> 00:14:18,294
a role in Fiddle Dee Die...
As the corpse!
255
00:14:19,189 --> 00:14:23,489
Your flair for dramatic
dialogue has me simultaneously
terrified and tingly!
256
00:14:25,635 --> 00:14:27,065
You got any threes?
257
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,398
I know you're cheating.
258
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,971
Jessie, you're on!
Susan's not coming!
259
00:14:34,444 --> 00:14:35,914
Yes, she is.
No, she's not!
260
00:14:35,906 --> 00:14:37,176
How do you know?
Because I handcuffed her
261
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,947
to a chair on
our terrace.
You what?
262
00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:41,909
I know it sounds bad,
but I did it for us!
263
00:14:41,912 --> 00:14:44,412
I didn't want our future
children to have a failed
actress as a mother!
264
00:14:46,056 --> 00:14:48,416
Luke! This is completely
unacceptable!
265
00:14:48,418 --> 00:14:51,058
I'm going to take you
straight home and
ground you...
266
00:14:51,061 --> 00:14:52,961
Five minutes to curtain!
267
00:14:52,963 --> 00:14:55,473
...right after I go out
there and give the
performance of my life.
268
00:14:55,465 --> 00:14:59,095
They'll never forget
the first time
they saw Jessie...
269
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,199
Now it's four minutes!
270
00:15:01,201 --> 00:15:04,231
Get into your costume, or
I will play that part myself!
271
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,575
Back off, pal.
This is my moment!
272
00:15:11,211 --> 00:15:12,941
I would've killed
in that role.
273
00:15:18,588 --> 00:15:20,988
Ugh. They put in
too much salt.
274
00:15:22,292 --> 00:15:23,692
So, how do we
look?
275
00:15:24,294 --> 00:15:27,034
Like cute, little,
show-stealing back-stabbers.
276
00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:29,528
He thinks we look cute!
277
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:33,499
I can't believe I'm
working behind the
scenes on my own show.
278
00:15:33,503 --> 00:15:36,543
Well, after trying to
make you a star,
279
00:15:36,536 --> 00:15:39,036
we realized where
we both went wrong.
280
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,539
It was the part where
we tried to make
you a star.
281
00:15:42,512 --> 00:15:44,672
But you don't
even know
how to cook!
282
00:15:44,674 --> 00:15:46,724
You do it every day.
How hard can it be?
283
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,617
Fine.
284
00:15:49,479 --> 00:15:50,479
And...
285
00:15:51,081 --> 00:15:52,351
Action.
286
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:55,732
BOTH: We're
the Sizzle Sisters!
287
00:15:56,386 --> 00:16:00,056
And we're going to show
you how to make the most
glamorous pizza ever.
288
00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:03,090
First, you roll
out the dough.
289
00:16:03,093 --> 00:16:07,043
Which we've pre-purchased
at our local supermarket.
290
00:16:07,037 --> 00:16:08,197
(SCOFFS)
291
00:16:08,198 --> 00:16:12,198
Sizzle Sister tip number one,
cover your cutting board
with a layer of flour.
292
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:15,584
(BOTH COUGHING)
293
00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:18,646
Then, you gotta
twirl your dough.
294
00:16:19,749 --> 00:16:23,179
Higher! Higher!
Higher!
295
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,586
Well, while we wait
for that to land,
296
00:16:31,621 --> 00:16:33,261
let's check on one
we made earlier.
297
00:16:35,325 --> 00:16:36,595
(BEEPING)
298
00:16:36,596 --> 00:16:39,296
Bertram! Why didn't this
stupid oven get hot?
299
00:16:39,529 --> 00:16:41,529
Umm... Because
it's a dishwasher.
300
00:16:43,773 --> 00:16:46,613
Uh-oh. I put a frozen
pizza in here!
301
00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:49,538
(SCREAMING)
302
00:16:53,743 --> 00:16:55,453
Real smooth, Emma.
303
00:16:55,445 --> 00:16:56,445
(SHRIEKS)
304
00:16:56,646 --> 00:16:58,016
(LAUGHING)
305
00:17:01,251 --> 00:17:06,201
Help! Escaped,
enraged actress trying
to throttle me!
306
00:17:06,496 --> 00:17:08,396
Give me back my phone!
307
00:17:08,398 --> 00:17:09,798
Help me!
308
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,500
(STAMMERING) You're
Susan Channing!
309
00:17:13,563 --> 00:17:15,313
I loved you in
Valley of Dead Swans.
310
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:17,535
Careful! She is a biter!
311
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,407
Someone stop her!
312
00:17:19,409 --> 00:17:20,409
I got this.
313
00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:25,654
(SHRIEKING)
314
00:17:25,645 --> 00:17:26,775
ZURI: I think our
sauce is done.
315
00:17:29,219 --> 00:17:30,219
(SHRIEKS)
316
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,220
I'm covered in
over-salted sauce!
317
00:17:33,223 --> 00:17:34,253
Told ya.
318
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,525
And now I'm late
to the theater.
319
00:17:37,527 --> 00:17:39,487
Could things get any worse?
320
00:17:42,632 --> 00:17:45,442
I know you did your pour
husband in then used him
321
00:17:45,435 --> 00:17:46,565
to fertilize the begonias.
322
00:17:47,497 --> 00:17:51,467
Which was not only
unladylike, but
downright messy!
323
00:17:53,543 --> 00:17:55,553
I gotta admit,
Jessie's good.
324
00:17:55,545 --> 00:17:58,075
And I'm not just saying
that because she's
my future wife.
325
00:17:59,679 --> 00:18:01,479
Yeah, you heard me.
326
00:18:02,852 --> 00:18:06,222
Ah, dream big, kid.
That's what I did.
327
00:18:06,516 --> 00:18:10,656
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have to go empty the trash
in the dressing rooms.
328
00:18:12,662 --> 00:18:13,662
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
329
00:18:16,426 --> 00:18:18,526
Oh, no! Susan escaped?
330
00:18:18,768 --> 00:18:20,528
I've gotta warn Jessie!
331
00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:23,100
Oh, save your tears
for the judge.
332
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,442
Detective Beauregard,
take her away!
333
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:29,675
Um, excuse me, sir,
your mustache looks
a little crooked...
334
00:18:34,684 --> 00:18:35,694
Yes!
335
00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:39,486
Ah, man. I really wish
I'd been paying attention
336
00:18:39,489 --> 00:18:41,649
Jessie told me what
this play was about.
337
00:18:43,853 --> 00:18:47,363
I said, take her away!
338
00:18:48,658 --> 00:18:50,498
Whenever it's
convenient for you!
339
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:59,536
(IN BAD SOUTHERN ACCENT)
I say, I say, Detective
Beauregard is here.
340
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:02,769
With some very
important information!
341
00:19:04,414 --> 00:19:08,654
Detective Beauregard,
you're late. And short.
342
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:11,650
(LAUGHING)
343
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:13,351
You!
344
00:19:14,284 --> 00:19:16,564
Wow, she made good time
with that chair.
345
00:19:17,287 --> 00:19:18,287
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
346
00:19:21,391 --> 00:19:22,661
What do you have to
say for yourself?
347
00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:25,544
Line?
348
00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:30,396
This woman is an imposter
and a con artist!
349
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,570
That is disgraceful!
350
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:35,582
I do declare, I should
take you to the hoosegow!
351
00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:40,507
Ow! I think you ripped
off a few freckles.
352
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:43,181
You!
353
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:44,712
Feel free to
keep the chair.
354
00:19:44,714 --> 00:19:45,724
Bye!
355
00:19:47,717 --> 00:19:50,617
Okay. This is all a
giant misunderstanding.
356
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:52,660
I am not a con artist!
357
00:19:52,662 --> 00:19:55,232
Oh, really? What do
you call a person
who pretends to be
358
00:19:55,225 --> 00:19:57,465
someone she's not
in order to fool
an audience?
359
00:19:57,927 --> 00:19:59,197
An actress?
360
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,869
So you deny you
wanted my role?
361
00:20:02,872 --> 00:20:07,512
Well, no. Of course
I wanted it!
362
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:14,607
But, Miss Channing, surely
you can understand
a young actress's desire
363
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:17,554
to have her chance
in the spotlight,
364
00:20:17,547 --> 00:20:21,217
just one shining moment...
365
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,790
As someone who was
once a talented
beginner yourself,
366
00:20:23,793 --> 00:20:29,463
can't you find it in
your heart to forgive
a colleague? A fan?
367
00:20:29,899 --> 00:20:32,629
Dare I say...
A new friend?
368
00:20:33,563 --> 00:20:34,833
Security!
369
00:20:36,966 --> 00:20:39,736
Does this mean I can't
go to the cast party?
370
00:20:44,574 --> 00:20:47,554
We are very sorry
we got you fired
from the play, Jessie.
371
00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:49,977
Luckily, there was
no real harm done.
372
00:20:50,580 --> 00:20:53,250
No harm done?
Tell that to my career!
373
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,622
And the terrace door!
374
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:57,685
How did she even
break through?
375
00:20:57,687 --> 00:20:59,427
She put a flower pot
on my head
376
00:20:59,429 --> 00:21:01,429
and used me as
a human battering ram.
377
00:21:02,732 --> 00:21:06,742
I am definitely not paying
my Susan Channing Fan Club
dues this month.
378
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,297
That'll show her.
379
00:21:10,340 --> 00:21:12,370
You guys know I have
to punish you, right?
380
00:21:12,642 --> 00:21:14,572
What you did to Susan
was really wrong.
381
00:21:15,445 --> 00:21:18,545
That said, thank you
so much for trying
to help me.
382
00:21:18,548 --> 00:21:20,278
I know your hearts
were in the right place.
383
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,910
After that crash through
the door, mine may not be.
384
00:21:23,313 --> 00:21:25,013
I have a heartbeat
in my heinie.
385
00:21:26,716 --> 00:21:28,656
Just promise me you'll never
try to help me again
386
00:21:28,658 --> 00:21:30,788
by holding someone
against their will.
387
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:32,390
BOTH: We promise.
388
00:21:33,523 --> 00:21:34,793
Unless it's for
a major movie role...
389
00:21:34,994 --> 00:21:39,834
In which case, use
a sturdy rope in a
room with no windows.
390
00:21:39,829 --> 00:21:40,829
Amateurs.
391
00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:45,914
Bertram,
guess what?
392
00:21:46,636 --> 00:21:49,706
The Sizzle Sisters got
the most votes
of any video,
393
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,309
so Emma and I won
the contest!
394
00:21:52,542 --> 00:21:54,782
You're kidding! But
it was a disaster.
395
00:21:54,784 --> 00:21:57,624
Exactly! A celebrity disaster!
396
00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:59,787
"Diva Gets Dumped On"
went viral.
397
00:21:59,789 --> 00:22:01,789
We're right up there
with those goats that
scream like humans!
398
00:22:02,592 --> 00:22:03,822
(SCREAMS)
399
00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:08,656
Yep. That's them.
400
00:22:10,099 --> 00:22:11,929
We're really sorry
we stole your show,
Bertram.
401
00:22:12,532 --> 00:22:14,062
Yeah, me too.
402
00:22:14,063 --> 00:22:16,973
Plus, I've got flour in
crevices I'll never be
able to reach.
403
00:22:16,966 --> 00:22:19,466
Please tell me you
mean behind the fridge.
404
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,970
To make it up to you,
we're going to clean
all this up.
405
00:22:23,713 --> 00:22:25,683
Please, let me.
406
00:22:26,376 --> 00:22:28,576
Aww, because
you forgive us?
407
00:22:28,578 --> 00:22:31,678
No. Because you're
putting dirty plates
in the oven.
31761
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