All language subtitles for Jessie.S02E23_2

Hey, why are you touching
my utensils?

They only like me
to touch them!

Their rules, not mine!

Bertram, we're
making you breakfast

because it's your
birthday weekend.

Oh, thanks,
but I already have
a reservation

at Pancake Palace.

ALL: Yay!

It's for one.

ALL (DISAPPOINTED): Aw.

On that festive note...

What are you all giving
Bertram for his birthday?

A gently used lip balm.

Free hug.
My profound admiration.

This salt shaker.

Guys! Put in
a little effort.

I got Bertram the most
thoughtful gift ever.

Foot deodorant?

No, but you can get him
that for my birthday.

Look, Bertram hasn't
seen his mother in years.

So I asked your parents
to fly Mrs. Winkle in

for his party as
a surprise!

Ooh, I cannot wait to meet
Bertram's mother.

Yeah! She's got a lot
of explaining to do.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party
every day

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around

♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground

♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town

♪ And I don't want to let them
down, down, down

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party
every day

♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪

Where did all these eggs
come from?

(CRACKING)

Just my luck.
It's raining hens,
not men.

Sorry, Jessie.

We're doing
an egg drop competition
for science class.

We must build
a contraption

which will protect
an egg dropped
from a great height.

What do you do
for extra credit?
Toilet paper someone's house?

That would be more fun.

Ravi shut down
my best idea.

Dropping the egg
while it's still
inside the chicken.

When you speak,
it makes me sad.

Hey, Luke, maybe let Ravi
take the lead on this.

Science is his thing.

After all, he wouldn't
tell you how to dance

or play sports,
or be cool.

Thank you, Jessie.

Wait a moment...

Hey, I could be
good at science.

I just choose
to be popular.

I'm beginning to feel
your sadness.

Bertram! We have
a great birthday surprise
for you.

You're moving back to Texas
and taking the kids with you?

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Surprise, birthday boy!

Mom, what are you
doing here?

Wondering why
you're still not married.

And we're off.

Hi, Mrs. Winkle,
I'm Jessie.

Hi. So nice to meet you!

You have this
little angel to thank
for me being here.

(STRAINED)
Thanks, Jessie.

How is my little
Ber-tootchka?

Ber-tootchka?
(ALL LAUGHING)

I'm fine... Mom-moochka.
Aw.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, look at these
sweet children.

You're like the Von Trapps,
without the lederhosen.

Do they sing?

No, but they can whine
in four-part harmony.

Hello, Mrs. Bertram's mommy.
I am Ravi,
and these are my siblings

Emma, Luke and Zuri.
Welcome to our home.

Oh, aren't you the sweetest
little things?

You're nice.

Are you sure
you gave birth to that?

You betcha.

It was the second
greatest day of my life.

It wasn't the first?

I'm sorry, sweetie,
but numero uno
will always be

the night that I got
a standing ovation
opening for Frank.

You opened
for Frank Sinatra?

No, Frank Stallone.

So my birth ranks behind
Rocky's brother?

Aw.

To be fair, you were
a 12-pound breech.

Well, it was no picnic
on my end either.

Speaking of picnics,
you could skip a few.

Give the ants a chance.

Who wants candy?

Oh! Me! Me! Me!
Oh, I do!

No!
Ow!

So, Mrs. Winkle, how long
has it been since you've
seen Ber-tootchka?

(BOTH CHUCKLING)

Too long.

I would come more often,
but it's so far...

The resemblance is uncanny.

Do not worry, my spring
cushioned egg container

will get us a top grade.

Grade?

I thought
this was for money!

If knowledge is money,
then yes, we shall be rich.

You make me sick.

(THUDDING)
(WHOOSHING)

(GASPS)

(CRACKING)

(LAUGHS)

Suddenly, I feel better.

Okay, I need
to get a pinata
for Bertram's party.

Do you think
he'd like to whack a burro?

Because I checked,
and they don't have anything
that looks like Luke.

You know they
sell candy in stores.

You don't have to
beat it out of an animal.

I think Bertram would rather
smack the Scooter Bars
out of his mom.

He obviously
can't stand her!

Maybe he was just moody
this morning.

He's way beyond moody.

At lunch, he
gave our mini-pizzas
pepperoni frowns!

It was like eating cheesy,
thin crusted rage.

Okay, maybe things are
a little tense,

but Bertram's mother
is my present to him,

and I'm going to
make him like it
if it's the last thing I do!

That's what you said about
those three-fingered gloves
you knitted us.

BTW, we're not
cartoon characters.

I ran out of wool!

Look, the point is,
I'm sure I can
smooth things over.

Wanda seems like
a perfectly lovely lady.

I just had a brainstorm
on the toilet!

I hope she didn't use
my bathroom.

I think what
Bertie's party needs
is a big dance number!

Like a real show stopper!

That's a great idea!

You know,
I don't want to brag,

but I was on drill team
in high school.

Oh, well,
I do want to brag.

I was a Rockette
in New York City.

That's a drill team
for dancers who are good.

I was good.

Actually, a dance number
might cheer Bertram up.

Yeah, have you noticed
he seems a little grumpy?

When he was a kid
and he was crabby

it meant he had
an extra painful pimple
on his tushy.

I'm not checking for that.

Bertram, do you have
a big pimple on your tushy?

What? No!

So it must be a problem
with his mom.

But what could it be?

She's warm, and funny,
and upbeat...

Frankly,
it's hard to believe
you share the same DNA.

Oh, we do.
I paid for the test myself
when I was 12.

Did you two not notice
her insulting me?

Plus, she always needs
to be the center of attention.

What's wrong with that?

Everything.
My whole life,
it's always been about her.

It can't be that bad.
Not that bad?

At my elementary
school graduation,

she gave
the valedictorian speech
on my behalf.

Aw, were you too nervous?

No, she just beat me
to the podium!

Okay...

But you're both here now,
thanks to my lovely
birthday gesture,

you're welcome,

so why don't
you just talk to her?

I've been trying ever since
I learned to talk,

but she never listens!

You try being
Wanda Winkle's son!

You know what? I will.
Let's role-play.

I'll be you,
and you be your mom.

And I'll be Emma.
Good choice.

Okay. Here we go.

(AS BERTRAM)
Mom, I love you,

but, sometimes I think
you can be a bit critical.

(AS WANDA)
I am not, you loser!

I gave up a fabulous career
on the stage for you.

But I still have
dancers' legs.

(CHUCKLES) Remember
when I used to stand
outside in your kiddie pool

and make you shave them?

Jessie, I'm scared.

Run. Save yourself.

And since you were born,
I've had to go to the bathroom
every 10 minutes!

Time's up!

What are you guys
talking about?

Actually, you.

My favorite topic.

Bertram has something
he'd like to say to you.

Okay, Mom... The truth is...

When I'm around you,
sometimes it's
a little frustrating

because...
I know.

Because you wanted to
be a dancer, like me,

but you just didn't
have the gams for it.

You have chicken legs
like your father.

See?

I, on the other hand,
have calves like rocks.

Come over here, feel.

Come on.

Okay, I promise
this one will work.

Three... Two...

Welcome to Fail City.
Population Ravi.

Why will nothing work?

(SOBBING LOUDLY)

Luke! Did you chase Ravi
up onto the island again?

You know he can't
get down by himself.

I didn't do anything!

Ravi's just frustrated
because his stupid scientific
ideas aren't working.

Well, maybe you should let
Luke take the lead
on this project.

You need an outside
of the box thinker.

And Luke is so outside,
he doesn't know
where the box is.

Well, thank you.

But science is my thing.

Well, socks with sandals
can still be your thing.

I do make it work.

Kick, ball change.
Kick, ball change.
Eye-high kick!

Ow!
Did you say eye high
or thigh-high?

That's what happens
when you don't space
yourself properly.

Jessie, you really
should've been here
when we started rehearsing.

Look, I'm sorry
I showed up late,

but I was at
the party supply store,

returning everything
I bought because
someone didn't like it.

Oh. Who was that?
Because I thought
they were lousy, too.

I was talking about y...

Never mind,
apology accepted.

Now, let's take it
from the top!

This time, with some pizazz!

(GRUNTS)
(SCREAMING)

You see, there's that
poor spacing again.

Did anyone on your
drill team survive?

Girls, be nice.

Jessie can't help it if
she has the grace
of a manatee with vertigo.

Thank you?

You know, Jessie,
it's not fair of us to ask
you to do the dance

and set up all
the decorations,
so...

So... You want me out
of the dance number?

If you insist.

Oh! Oh, right, 'cause you
wouldn't want too many people
in a Rockettes routine!

All the great kick lines
were three girls or less.

I knew you'd come around.
(CHUCKLES)

Now, could you
go around over there, please,

because you're
in my kick-zone!

(JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)

And, five, six,
seven, eight!

Fine, I'll go. But I want
you to know, you've
really hurt me in here.

And now... Up here.

Bertram, why are you
dressed like a waiter
at El Taco Grande?

I'm going to Cabo!

Tell my mom I'll send her
a chimichanga.

Bertram, I see Wanda
isn't the easiest person
to be around,

but she's still your mom,
and you can't run away
from your problems.

Maybe not in these sandals,
but I got a change of shoes
in my bag.

Look, I know what
it's like to have problems
with a parent.

My dad was really tough.

In fact, we didn't really
bond until I overcame
that last hurdle.

And what was that?

The last hurdle.
Of the obstacle course.

When I finally cleared it,
he stopped wishing
I was a boy.

I'm glad to hear it.
Meanwhile, I'm in
boarding group A, so, uh...

Bertram,
I know it's my fault
that your mom is here,

but you might as well
take advantage of it.

You know, you're right.
It is your fault.

Okay,
we've assigned blame,
let's move on.

My point is, your mom
is not going to be
around forever,

so you should tell her
how you feel!

And who's going to tape
her mouth shut
so I can do that?

I'm not going to let you go.

Oh, yeah?
How are you gonna stop me?

Is that your passport?

Wha... No! No! Oh!
(SOBBING)

(MUFFLED)
You'll thank me later.

I am ashamed I failed
at accomplishing
this scientific task.

Now I know how you feel
when you walk
out of every audition.

Well, I was going to try
and make you feel better,

but now I'm going to go
buy a bag of nuts.

I'm so sorry, Jessie.

I am just upset because
Luke has completely cut me
out of our project.

Good luck, Luke!
Break an egg!
(CHUCKLES)

Uh, Jessie, the entire point
of the project is not to
break...

It was a joke!

Not if you
have to explain it.

Is it a viscous disaster?

(APPLAUSE)

Ba-boosh!

It actually worked!
Luke succeeded in science.

It is snowing in Hades.

I told you
I had mad scientific skills!

I got us an A!

Congratulations, brother.

When you win the Nobel Prize,
will you at least
invite me to the after-party?

Only if I get a plus one,
and you're
the last person on Earth.

Thank you, brother!
(GRUNTS)

Okay, Luke,
I'm no Einstein,

but I'm pretty sure
this is a hard-boiled egg.

Hey, the project was
to drop an egg
without breaking it.

And that's what I did.

So you cheated?

No, I thought
outside the box.

Jessie, do you know
what this means?

Yes. Luke is
going to confess.

Which, I'm afraid,
means you're probably
both gonna get an F.

Who gives two soggy samosas?

This means I am
still better than Luke
in science!

Oh, I am happier than
an ion sharing its
valence electron!

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

I know!

(SCREAMING GLEEFULLY)

Thank you.

Jessie, why did you hire
so many waiters?

Oh, I didn't.
They're Bertram's
butler buddies.

I wish they would eat the food
instead of just offering it
to each other.

Thanks for the great party,
Jessie.

Now, if my mother
doesn't show up
to embarrass me,

it'll be perfect.

Bertram, give her a chance.
Maybe she'll surprise you.

After all,
she's older now, and wiser...

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Happy birthday,
Ber-tootchka!

...and she's jumping
out of a cake.

Kill me now.

(BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, aren't you guys
supposed to be dancing, too?

Wanda said we weren't good
enough, so she kicked us
out of the act.

Literally kicked us!

Those ex-Rockettes
don't mess around.

I've never been so sad
in a sparkly tutu.

Okay, that's it!

Nobody kicks my kids
out of a gaudy, over the top
dance routine!

(MUSIC STOPS)

Hold it right there,
and on behalf
of that boa, ew!

I'm dancing here!

So? Zuri and Emma
were supposed to
be dancing, too!

They worked
really hard at this,

and they were looking
forward to it.

Well, it's not my fault
they can't hack it.

Okay, that is it!

Mom, I'm going to talk,
and for once
you are going to listen!

Okay, gladly,
but right after
my big dance number.

No! I am tired of you
taking over my birthdays
and ruining them!

I don't do that!

Oh, really?

On my sixth birthday,
you canceled the clown

and insisted on doing
your stand-up act.

What's wrong with that?

A, prop comedy is not funny,

and B,
you charged everyone
a two juice box minimum!

That's how they get you.

On my 10th birthday,
you canceled the magician,

and insisted on sawing
me in half yourself.

I still have the scar!

And we never did find
Timmy Schwartz

after he stepped into
the Box of Mystery!

He'll turn up.

It was 40 years ago!

Well,
get over it already!

I'm sure Timmy has...
Wherever he is!

I can't get over it,
because you keep doing it!

And I let you,

but I draw the line
when you start hurting
the people I love!

What am I, chopped liver?

Just stop shouting at me!

This is why
you're all alone!
(ALL GASP)

Bertram's not alone!
He has us!

Yeah! Even when
he wants to be alone,
we won't let him!

Because he's our best friend!

What other butler would
have a tea party with me?

Or play paintball with me
in the park?

Or listen to my endless,
boring, boyfriend stories?

Or, as I consider them,
cautionary tales.

Or not get mad
when I use him as
a human science experiment?

Thanks, guys.

Ber-tootchka,
why didn't you just tell me
you felt this way?

Well, he tried,
but you started talking
about your gams!

Because they're fantastic!

Who wants to feel?
Come on, kids, line up.

I'm scared again.

Wanda! Focus!

Go ahead, Bertram.

Mom, I love you,
but it can't always
be about you!

Once in a while,
you have to give
someone else the spotlight.

Yeah, I never got
my pizazz on.

I'm so sorry.
I feel just terrible.

And I mean like
Jessie's dancing terrible.

Okay, I was the captain
of that drill team!

Jessie,
this is not about you.

Look, Ber-tootchka,
I realize now that I made
a lot of mistakes,

but I must've done
something right,

because obviously
these kids really love you.

We do.
Absolutely.

Yeah.
Indeed.

Love is a strong word.

And who loves you the most?

Me, and I always will.

Oh, Mom-moochka!
Oh, Ber-tootchka.

Oh, this is
the longest hug
we've ever had.

I'm licking icing
off your shoulder.

Whatever works.

Okay, Ber-tootchka!
Are you ready for
a big dance number?

I guess so.
Why aren't you in it?

Oh, because
a little Bertie told me

that not everything
has to be about me.

Good for you, Mom-moochka.

Although I did do
the choreography,

and the costumes,
and the make-up, and...

Hit it, Mrs. Kipling!

(GROWLING)

(UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)

Happy birthday, Bertram!

You'd better be
enjoying this,

'cause I think
I just pulled my hammy.

We hope you like this weird
American dance
old people seem to enjoy.

Ravi, it's rude to call
old people old!

I prefer
country line dancing.

Where's Rascal Flatts
when you need them?

Oh, guys, this is
the best birthday ever!

But did anybody
buy me an actual present?

Happy birthday.
Ber-tootchka!