Original subtitles

Jessie, you really didn't have to come and get me.

You mean, I should've just let you walk home in your pajamas at 2:00 a.m.?

No, that would have been dangerous.

I could've taken the subway.

Or you could've just stayed at Nick's party until morning.

(LAUGHS) (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

That seems kind of crazy, doesn't it?

To stay there all night?

It's called a sleep-over!

The terms of the arrangement are right there in the name.

How am I supposed to sleep over if I can't sleep?

What was the problem?

Bad dreams? Bad bean dip?

No...

I missed Kenny.

Kenny the koala?

No, Kenny the plumber.

Of course, Kenny the koala!

He's my bedtime buddy. (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

You need to face it. You have a problem.

You are a koala-holic.

I am not.

Now I'm going upstairs,

but that has nothing to do with the fact that

Kenny is waiting for me on my pillow.

I should've just let him take the subway.

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party every day

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ But they keep on pulling me every which way

♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie

♪ My whole world is changing Turning around

♪ They got me going crazy Yeah, they're shaking the ground

♪ But they took a chance on the new girl in town

♪ And I don't want to let them down, down, down

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ Hey Jessie

♪ It feels like a party every day

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪

Good morning.

Ugh!

Stuart? What are you doing here?

You promised to watch me

while my parents perform emergency surgery in Mexico.

Ring a bell?

I plan on being a surgeon myself.

Good for you.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Or is this nanny thing pretty much it?

Um, did your parents mention how much they're paying me?

It's all here.

(CHUCKLES) Stay as long as you want.

"Thank you for taking care of our precious Stuart

"while we go off to save a child's life."

Apparently, they're not too worried about

messing up this child's life.

Now, Zuri, no matter what our personal feelings are,

we will do our best to make Stuart feel welcome, right?

As long as my beloved is here,

I feel welcome.

Scalp massage?

You're splitting that with me.

(CLEARS THROAT) I believe you are in my chair.

Sorry, but the convergence of air streams from the vents

is creating a dangerous draft on the guest chair.

Fine.

But if I catch a cold and start sneezing uncontrollably,

it will be on you. Literally.

Here you go.

Sweet-smelling soaps for my sweetie!

You call me "sweetie" again,

and you're gonna be eating some knuckles.

So, you don't want the gift?

Oh, I'm taking the gift.

Luke,

I think we should talk about the koala problem.

What problem? There's no problem.

I think there might be.

You can't sleep without Kenny.

And now, he's a stowaway in your pants.

Okay, last night was kind of rough.

So, of course, I need some extra Kenny-time.

I checked out this great nanny website

and I think it could help.

What did the website say?

That the best way to overcome separation anxiety is to start small.

How about giving Kenny up for a week?

No way! Two hours.

Three days. An hour!

Two days. Half an hour!

Yeah, I don't think you're getting the hang of this.

Here's what we're gonna do.

I'm going to keep Kenny until tomorrow night.

Tomorrow night? I'll never make it!

That is pathetic.

It's just a stuffed animal!

Oh, yeah?

And, uh, what's Chubby the Bear?

Hey, I'm eight!

On me, it's cute.

I'll say.

Uh, Luke?

Yeah? You gonna leave the bear?

Of course.

I'm telling you, Stuart is obsessed with me.

Come on. You're exaggerating.

(ZURI SCREAMS)

Stuart!

Right here, my angel.

Do you like it? Zuart is our 'ship name.

Oh! You're buying me a ship?

He means relationship.

Well, then forget it!

I hate Zuart!

I hear what you're saying.

I'll change it to Sturi.

BRB.

I think that kid's bowtie is on too tight.

Jessie, we don't need to do this.

I can sleep in my room.

Look, my nanny website says

if you want to break a habit,

it's good to get out of the environment that triggers it.

And MaryBloggins529 is never wrong.

So, I'm never going back to my room?

Sure you are. As soon as you get used to sleeping without Kenny.

So, I'm never going back to my room.

Kenny...

Where are you?

(GASPS)

(SCREAMS)

You said we'd be together forever, mate!

It's not my fault, Jessie took you!

Luke!

Kenny!

(GASPS)

Okay, I can do this, I can do this.

I can't do this!

Kenny, Daddy's here! Hang on, buddy!

Luke, I can't give you Kenny.

I hate doing this,

but it's for your own good.

I can't quit you, Kenny!

You woke up Mrs. Kipling.

And I'm too tired to make her another cup of warm milk

with tiny frogs floating on top.

You interrupted my dream about a shoe store

owned and operated by One Direction!

Harry was about to size my foot!

Everything okay?

What were you doing in my room?

I couldn't sleep in the guest room.

The bed has dust mites.

I've got my noise machine set to whale song extra loud,

and I can still hear you people!

Huh. I wonder if whales listen to sounds of you complaining to get to sleep?

Just keep quiet.

And we do not have dust mites!

Mite bite! Mite bite!

This is torture!

Not just for you!

(DOORS CLOSING)

ZURI: Get out!

So fiery.

(ZURI BANGING ON THE DOOR)

Where's Stuart?

Usually he's clinging to you like a wet bathing suit.

I keep giving him stuff to do,

so he can focus on something besides me.

Dearest, I completed your math homework.

Like you complete me.

Good work. I hope you got a few wrong.

I don't want the teachers to start expecting too much from me.

Soon she'll be Mrs. Dr. Stuart.

Do you have a decent maid of honor dress?

Duh.

But you're going about this all wrong.

If you want a girl to like you, or hate you less,

you need to give her some space.

And have some confidence.

You're polite, you're smart, and...

You can really rock a sweater vest.

I can? Yes!

And remember, Zuri isn't the only fish in the sea.

I'd love to hear more of your advice on matters of the heart.

Can you meet me at the park in an hour? Okay.

But in the meantime, you might want to take down this,

before Zuri punches that!

Over here, Em my gem!

What's all this?

A romantic lunch for my new beloved.

I'm wearing my picnic pants!

Salmon croquette?

(SCREAMING) No!

So, not a fan of salmon.

Three bean salad?

(YAWNING) Boy, am I beat. Time for bed!

It's 3:00 in the afternoon.

Is it?

Nice try, but you don't get Kenny back for six more hours.

(SIGHS) Please!

I just want to make sure he's okay.

Luke, we made a deal.

And you've been doing really well.

Except for ransacking my room, looking for Kenny.

I wasn't looking for Kenny!

I was looking for a book to read.

Oh, really? Spell "book."

I don't have time for a pop quiz!

I just want to know if Kenny's all right.

Luke, he is absolutely, 100% perfectly fine.

We have a slight issue.

(GASPS)

Oh... What is this?

Lizard spittle.

Oh! That is the second most disgusting thing I have ever touched!

Don't ask.

I truly apologize,

but why did you give me the koala in the first place?

Because I knew Luke would go through my room.

He does that even when I'm not hiding his stuff.

I never thought Kipling would try to eat Kenny!

Really? Have you seen my stuffed animal collection?

You don't have one. Exactly!

Look, Stuart, I appreciate the picnic,

but I think I gave you the wrong idea.

About what?

I'd say pretty much everything.

So my love for you is unrequited?

Yes! And unnerving.

Perhaps a bit of sparkling cider will change your mind.

Rock climbing's gonna cost you extra.

(LAUGHING)

Now he's hitting on Emma!

Priceless!

Excuse me.

Please get him away from me.

Oh, come on, Emma. He's been bugging Zuri for so long.

Why can't you take a turn being nice to him?

Aren't you the one getting paid to be nice to him?

(IMITATES PHONE RINGING)

Oh, hello, Mr. President.

Sorry, I have to take this.

Emma! Your sparkling cider is going flat!

I should've just walked out of that picnic.

Why didn't you?

My feet were too tingly from the foot massage.

He's not without skills.

(SCREAMS) Look at my door!

(LAUGHING)

Me and Stuart on the Titanic?

Add my door to the list of victims!

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

Hey, Jessie, I've got a riddle for you.

Oh, I love riddles!

What's pink and fluffy and could scar a child for life?

No idea.

(JESSIE GASPS)

Why did you turn Kenny pink?

Why did you put a bear in with my new red sweat pants?

You didn't tell me you were doing a red load!

You didn't tell me you were doing a koala load!

Stuart, I might've been a little mean to you yesterday,

so I want to make it up to you.

Here's my homework.

Sorry, I only do Emma's homework now.

If you'll excuse me, I have a lot of I's to dot with tiny hearts.

So that's it? You're with Emma now?

You should be happy I'm dating someone else.

It's obvious you don't like me.

What'd I do to make you think that?

You shoved me down the garbage chute!

Hey, I thought we were playing tag!

It's Kenny-time!

Give me that bear!

Kenny's outside drying. I gave him a little bath.

It's a thing where you pour water on yourself to get clean.

Oh, there's my boy!

How come you didn't put him in the dryer?

Oh, his label said not to.

It also says he's recommended for ages two to six.

Oh, allow me to un-clip Kenny.

Luke, I'm so proud of you.

You know, I always knew you could...

(SCREAMING) No! Kenny!

(SCREAMING)

Oh...

Kenny is such a tough little guy.

I really hope he survived the fall.

I think he did survive the fall...

But not getting skewered by this taxi antenna.

(SCREAMS)

Or being squished by that garbage truck.

Or getting trampled by that mounted policeman.

Oh...

Or getting his leg chewed off by the horse.

Somehow I feel like this is all my fault.

That's because it is!

Not the chewed leg. That's clearly on the horse.

Luke, my condolences.

I got an extra shopping bag to put the parts in.

You went shopping at a time like this?

Shopping is for the living.

I was setting up an investment portfolio for Emma.

What'd I miss?

Luke's koala took a tumble off the terrace,

and it didn't end well.

This is the surgical challenge I've been waiting for my whole life!

I can save this koala!

BOTH: You can?

Yes! But first,

does the patient have any pre-existing conditions?

Well, Creepy Connie ripped his head off.

I'll put that on his chart.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go put on my surgery pants!

Let's start closing the major incisions.

Embroidery needle.

That's the one with... I know.

I was embroidering when you were in diapers.

Safety scissors. Safety scissors.

Juice box. Juice box.

Not grape. I hate grape!

My mistake, doctor.

Surgeons, they're such divas.

Oh, you're welcome, it was no trouble at all.

Luke, would you like some hot chocolate?

Zuri, tell Jessie thanks to her,

I'm too upset to drink anything.

Have Emma tell her.

I'm too busy doing my own homework.

Get over it, Zuri.

It's not my fault Stuart noticed how adorable I am!

It's your fault that you and Stuart are a thing!

We are not a thing! There is no thing!

I don't like him!

Neither do I!

Then why do you care if he likes me?

Because if he's going to do someone's homework,

massage someone's feet,

and hide someone's money in off-shore accounts,

it's gonna be mine!

Ladies, please! No need to fight.

The doctor's got the cure for both of you.

BOTH: Butt out, Stuart!

Luke, please, you've got to tell me.

What is it about this bear?

I can't talk about it.

It's too embarrassing.

You were walking around with a koala sticking out of your pants.

I think that ship has sailed.

Luke,

I think you'll feel better if you just explain it to us.

No one's going to laugh at you.

Right, guys?

BOTH: Right.

Okay.

Kenny and I came here together.

He's always been there for me.

Before I got adopted,

he was my only family.

Luke, we're your family now.

Yeah, you have me, and Emma and Ravi,

and Mom and Dad.

And me. And Bertram, too. Right, Bertram?

Bertram?

That's the saddest, sweetest story I've ever heard!

(SOBBING)

Luke, no matter what, we will always be here for you.

It's never going to be just you and your bear.

Thanks, guys.

Technically, he is a marsupial.

How's Luke holding up?

He's chewed off all of his fingernails,

and I'm afraid his toes could be next.

It's done.

The operation was a success.

Then what's that?

Juice-box hemorrhage.

Occupational hazard.

So, Kenny's okay?

It was touch-and-go for a while.

He lost a lot of stuffing,

but we were able to save him.

Thank you, Ravi.

And thank you, too, Stuart.

You're a miracle worker.

I have a gift. It would be a sin not to use it.

Unfortunately, Kenny did lose an eye.

But luckily, a donor came through at the last minute.

It's not a perfect match,

but I thought you should have it.

I'm sorry, I teased you about Kenny.

Thanks, Zuri.

You know, Chubby the Bear's eye would actually match better...

Touch him and you'll be picking your nose with a hook.

Stuart, this is for you.

Really? Yeah.

I realize there's more to you than being a pest.

You really come in handy sometimes.

I was just trying to make you jealous and it worked!

You're my one true love!

Emma means nothing to me!

Me neither.

Thank you for my gift.

Hey! Is this the same basket I gave you?

Uh, what makes you think that?

The plastic's torn, there's a hair on the soap,

and the card says "To Zuri, from Stuart."

Do you want it or not?

Oh, I'm taking the gift!

Jessie...

Listen, I am really sorry I got so mad at you after Kenny fell.

I know all this time you've been trying to help me.

Just doing the nanny thing.

You know what?

I think I can sleep without Kenny now.

Really? Do you think finally talking about it

made you realize how many people love you,

so you don't need Kenny quite as much?

Maybe.

Or, it could be that he stinks like bleach,

and it's burning my nostril hairs.

(COUGHING) Well...

It was either that or a hot-pink koala.

Now, let's go find Kenny a new eye.

That wonky one is freaking me out!

Stuart, this alphabet soup is delicious.

Extra vowels, just the way you like it.

More sparkling cider, please.

Thank you, my good man.

Ever try having a picnic on the ground?

Your tip.

Oh, oh. (SCREAMING)

Paging Dr. Stuart...

Bertram, please.

It's his day off.