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1
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:09,507
Ah! What a glorious
day at the park.
2
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:13,080
Did you not think
the baby lizards
behaved beautifully?
3
00:00:13,084 --> 00:00:16,154
If by "beautifully"
you mean chasing a soccer mom
up the climbing wall...
4
00:00:16,147 --> 00:00:17,647
And peeing in
the water fountain...
5
00:00:17,648 --> 00:00:18,788
And turning that
kindergarten class
6
00:00:18,789 --> 00:00:20,119
into an afternoon snack,
7
00:00:21,552 --> 00:00:21,752
then, yes.
8
00:00:25,556 --> 00:00:27,226
(HISSING)
9
00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:28,328
(HISSING)
10
00:00:30,201 --> 00:00:30,761
What disgusting
little creatures.
11
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,214
I'm sorry,
Mrs. Chesterfield.
12
00:00:35,206 --> 00:00:37,436
The lizards have been
a bit of a handful.
13
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,068
And you
meant the kids.
14
00:00:41,172 --> 00:00:43,342
Precisely.
15
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,254
Although if you're
having trouble with
those other animals,
16
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:48,246
I'd be more than happy
to take them
off your hands.
17
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,719
You are
all kinds of creepy.
18
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:54,162
I could never part
with my babies.
19
00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:56,185
Just look at this face.
20
00:00:56,187 --> 00:00:56,787
(GASPS)
21
00:00:59,390 --> 00:01:01,830
He got goop all
over my jacket!
22
00:01:01,832 --> 00:01:03,462
Why do you think
we named him Gupta?
23
00:01:05,496 --> 00:01:07,536
You know,
uh, when a lizard
throws up on you,
24
00:01:07,538 --> 00:01:08,598
it means he likes you.
25
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,770
No, it does not.
26
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:10,841
(WHISPERS) Just go with it!
27
00:01:13,344 --> 00:01:16,454
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
28
00:01:16,447 --> 00:01:19,107
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
29
00:01:19,110 --> 00:01:22,550
♪ It feels like a party
every day
30
00:01:22,553 --> 00:01:27,363
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
31
00:01:27,358 --> 00:01:29,718
♪ But they keep on pulling
me every which way
32
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:34,270
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
33
00:01:34,265 --> 00:01:38,095
♪ My whole world is changing
Turning around
34
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:41,528
♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
35
00:01:41,532 --> 00:01:44,342
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
36
00:01:44,335 --> 00:01:47,605
♪ And I don't
want to let them
down, down, down
37
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,838
♪ Hey Jessie
38
00:01:52,183 --> 00:01:53,643
♪ Hey Jessie
39
00:01:55,646 --> 00:01:58,646
♪ It feels like a party
every day
40
00:01:58,649 --> 00:02:02,349
♪ Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie ♪
41
00:02:08,459 --> 00:02:09,629
(EXCLAIMS)
42
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:10,901
(LAUGHING)
43
00:02:13,764 --> 00:02:13,864
(YELLS)
44
00:02:17,768 --> 00:02:19,768
Yeah, watch out
for the cereal boxes.
45
00:02:19,770 --> 00:02:21,910
Ravi Jr.'s been
nesting in them again.
46
00:02:21,912 --> 00:02:23,912
Ew!
47
00:02:23,914 --> 00:02:25,424
I thought those were
chocolate chips!
48
00:02:25,416 --> 00:02:28,216
(GAGGING)
49
00:02:28,219 --> 00:02:30,819
Jessie?
I am afraid Mohandas
got into your closet.
50
00:02:30,821 --> 00:02:33,321
(GASPS)
My Miss Teen
Assault Vehicle sash?
51
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:38,186
I retreaded a tank
in 30 minutes
to win this!
52
00:02:38,189 --> 00:02:38,789
In a bikini!
53
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,161
I miss all the good stuff.
54
00:02:43,634 --> 00:02:46,674
Ravi, sweetie,
55
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,397
I know you love
your lizards,
56
00:02:48,399 --> 00:02:50,369
but I think it might be
time for them
to leave the nest.
57
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:53,701
You mean find them
a new forever home?
58
00:02:53,704 --> 00:02:55,814
No! They must
stay with me.
59
00:02:55,806 --> 00:02:57,876
But cooping up
young lizards
in a penthouse
60
00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,248
will only make
them miserable.
61
00:03:00,251 --> 00:03:02,181
If you love them,
don't you want what's
best for them?
62
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,252
Of course, but...
63
00:03:03,714 --> 00:03:05,424
(SIGHS)
64
00:03:06,517 --> 00:03:08,187
Okay, I will consent
to interviews,
65
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,758
but I refuse to
let my babies go
66
00:03:11,762 --> 00:03:14,272
unless we find
the perfect new family.
67
00:03:14,265 --> 00:03:15,925
Oh, hallelujah!
I'll post the pet
adoption ad myself!
68
00:03:18,969 --> 00:03:21,269
Wow. I haven't seen
him run that fast
69
00:03:21,272 --> 00:03:23,632
since those
Backstreet Boys reunion
tickets went on sale.
70
00:03:27,638 --> 00:03:30,978
So, to recap,
you are both
immature, unemployed
71
00:03:30,981 --> 00:03:34,211
and have failed
to provide three
valid forms of ID.
72
00:03:39,750 --> 00:03:40,890
Ravi.
They're eight.
73
00:03:42,753 --> 00:03:44,303
I am still going
to need to see
some tax records.
74
00:03:44,295 --> 00:03:45,925
But they don't have...
Next!
75
00:03:48,529 --> 00:03:49,999
Absolutely not.
76
00:03:50,961 --> 00:03:52,761
I appreciate
your interest,
77
00:03:52,763 --> 00:03:55,273
but it is clear that
neither of you
78
00:03:55,266 --> 00:03:57,736
is properly equipped
to parent a baby lizard.
79
00:04:00,971 --> 00:04:02,741
I know. Next!
80
00:04:07,578 --> 00:04:09,018
Ravi, I get that you
have high standards,
81
00:04:09,019 --> 00:04:11,679
but your lizards
need a new home,
82
00:04:11,682 --> 00:04:13,522
and you're
rejecting people
as fast as...
83
00:04:13,524 --> 00:04:14,864
Men reject you?
84
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:17,685
You couldn't just
let one go by?
85
00:04:17,688 --> 00:04:20,558
Hey, you pitch one
down the middle,
I'm gonna swing.
86
00:04:22,533 --> 00:04:24,503
But, Jessie,
I do not want to
separate my babies!
87
00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:28,265
And no one
wants to adopt
all 12 lizards.
88
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:28,898
WOMAN: I do.
89
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,870
I'm Cassandra.
90
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:36,612
(GASPS)
And aren't you
cute little guys? Oh!
91
00:04:36,607 --> 00:04:37,907
JESSIE:
Are you're a lizard lover?
92
00:04:37,908 --> 00:04:39,448
Does a varanus salvator
enjoy carrion?
93
00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:40,610
(LAUGHS)
94
00:04:40,611 --> 00:04:42,381
Classic.
95
00:04:45,055 --> 00:04:47,855
Look, I'll level
with you.
96
00:04:47,858 --> 00:04:50,488
The only person who loves
lizards more than I do
is my boss,
97
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,621
and she wants
to adopt all 12.
98
00:04:52,623 --> 00:04:56,433
So just sign here,
and she'll send them
99
00:04:56,427 --> 00:05:00,367
to a lovely place upstate
with lots of room
and lizard playmates.
100
00:05:00,371 --> 00:05:02,531
That sounds perfect,
right, Ravi?
101
00:05:02,533 --> 00:05:05,483
I mean, this lady's here,
and she'll take
all the lizards,
102
00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:08,676
and she's here...
103
00:05:08,679 --> 00:05:11,009
The only small condition
is that I would need to
take them now.
104
00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,781
My boss is anxious
to get her hands on them.
105
00:05:12,783 --> 00:05:16,823
Wait! Is this place
lizard-proofed?
106
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,747
Do you provide
proper claw care?
107
00:05:18,749 --> 00:05:20,449
Will there be
a nightlight?
108
00:05:20,451 --> 00:05:21,591
Because Sanjay is
a sleep-crawler.
109
00:05:21,592 --> 00:05:22,892
And you know how...
Don't worry,
110
00:05:22,893 --> 00:05:24,603
they'll be well
taken care of.
111
00:05:25,095 --> 00:05:26,395
(SIGHS)
112
00:05:28,699 --> 00:05:31,999
Well, as long as
they will be happy.
113
00:05:32,002 --> 00:05:33,602
But we are going to
miss them so much.
114
00:05:33,604 --> 00:05:36,614
Yes, we're all going to
need time to grieve.
115
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,045
People grieve in
different ways.
116
00:05:50,381 --> 00:05:51,421
Goodbye, Sanjay.
117
00:05:51,982 --> 00:05:52,352
Be a good boy.
118
00:05:56,527 --> 00:05:59,487
Mowgli, be sure to chew
your food five times.
119
00:05:59,490 --> 00:06:01,690
Or until it
stops struggling.
120
00:06:03,734 --> 00:06:06,744
And Scooter.
121
00:06:06,737 --> 00:06:09,837
Oh, Scooter,
I do not know
what to say.
122
00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:11,800
How about goodbye?
123
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,384
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
124
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,905
Time to go!
125
00:06:16,907 --> 00:06:18,677
Goodbye, my treasures!
126
00:06:18,679 --> 00:06:20,149
Mrs. Kipling and I
will miss you very much!
127
00:06:20,150 --> 00:06:23,710
We will see you
on visiting day!
128
00:06:23,714 --> 00:06:25,594
Wait, will there be
a visiting day?
129
00:06:29,019 --> 00:06:30,889
What if my babies
get homesick?
130
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,121
I wish they could text.
131
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,025
I know, buddy,
132
00:06:36,026 --> 00:06:39,566
but we couldn't find a
family plan big enough,
remember?
133
00:06:39,570 --> 00:06:42,430
And no one offers
lizard-to-lizard minutes.
134
00:06:42,433 --> 00:06:43,673
Because it's not a thing.
135
00:06:47,538 --> 00:06:48,708
Hi, Mrs. C.
136
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:49,879
Ugh!
137
00:06:51,642 --> 00:06:53,442
Can't one exit
an elevator anymore
138
00:06:53,444 --> 00:06:56,524
without being
bombarded by youth?
139
00:06:58,689 --> 00:07:00,119
Although I must say,
140
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,420
you're not the most
unbearable child
in your brood.
141
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:06,933
Um, thank you?
142
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,827
At least you're
the only one who
doesn't dress
143
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,159
like you looted
a 50-cent store.
144
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,932
Where did you
get those flats?
145
00:07:14,505 --> 00:07:16,165
These?
146
00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:19,166
Oh, my gosh, there's
this little boutique I love
on Fifth Avenue,
147
00:07:19,169 --> 00:07:20,169
I'll give you
the add...
Enough,
148
00:07:20,170 --> 00:07:22,910
I'm already bored.
149
00:07:22,913 --> 00:07:25,923
I only meant to say
that I don't hate them.
150
00:07:25,916 --> 00:07:28,116
And I always appreciate
a subtle feather detail.
151
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,120
Oh, that's not
supposed to be there.
152
00:07:32,122 --> 00:07:34,562
I just walked too
close to some pigeons
fighting over a donut.
153
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:35,155
Bored again.
154
00:07:39,029 --> 00:07:41,159
So, where are
the baby lizards?
155
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:43,131
I have to go to the bathroom,
and I don't want
to be surprised again.
156
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,736
They have left.
157
00:07:47,738 --> 00:07:49,598
But the good news is,
that they are going to
a beautiful place upstate,
158
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:51,940
where they will have
lots of room to play.
159
00:07:52,943 --> 00:07:54,243
(CHUCKLING) Upstate.
160
00:07:54,244 --> 00:07:55,184
(LAUGHING)
161
00:07:56,707 --> 00:07:58,577
What was that, Bertram?
162
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,109
Mmm? Oh, nothing.
163
00:08:00,110 --> 00:08:02,080
It's just,
when I was young,
my parents sent
164
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:05,022
my old, sick pet turtle
to a "farm upstate."
165
00:08:05,015 --> 00:08:06,785
Bertram!
166
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:09,517
Why are your
finger quotes making
me nervous?
167
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:12,560
Well, later I found out that
"farm upstate" was actually
168
00:08:12,563 --> 00:08:14,703
the old flusheroo
down the toilet.
169
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,125
(MOUTHING)
170
00:08:16,126 --> 00:08:17,566
Burial at sea.
171
00:08:17,568 --> 00:08:19,868
(LAUGHING)
172
00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:23,700
Are you saying
"farm upstate" is just a
metaphor for certain death?
173
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:24,784
Yup.
174
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,608
What is not
clear to you
about this?
175
00:08:30,741 --> 00:08:32,211
Quick!
Hand me that water!
176
00:08:35,746 --> 00:08:37,616
Ah!
177
00:08:38,689 --> 00:08:39,589
(YELLS)
178
00:08:41,051 --> 00:08:44,961
Oh, I had a
terrible nightmare.
179
00:08:44,955 --> 00:08:47,855
My babies were being
sent to their doom.
180
00:08:47,858 --> 00:08:49,558
Really?
What a coincidence!
Luke...
181
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,030
Because that's what's
happening in real life, too!
182
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,942
(SCREAMING)
183
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:56,205
Clearly, I need
a new signal.
184
00:09:01,311 --> 00:09:04,951
I cannot believe
we gave my babies
to a total stranger.
185
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:07,845
I'm sure your lizards
are gonna be fine.
186
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:10,048
Cassandra seemed
like a completely
trustworthy person.
187
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,080
MRS. CHESTERFIELD:
Cassandra? It's me.
188
00:09:12,082 --> 00:09:14,862
Have the Ross's lizards
been delivered yet?
189
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:17,185
I'll be there
in a few hours to
finish things off.
190
00:09:17,187 --> 00:09:20,657
Those little monsters
are going to make me
look great!
191
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:21,731
Ta-ta.
192
00:09:23,694 --> 00:09:26,344
Did you see those
boots she is wearing?
193
00:09:26,336 --> 00:09:28,196
Oh, yes,
they are so fabulous.
194
00:09:28,198 --> 00:09:29,268
I have to ask her
where she got...
Jessie!
195
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,701
They are lizard-skin!
196
00:09:33,704 --> 00:09:38,884
Mrs. Chesterfield is
going to turn my babies
into fine footwear!
197
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,779
Okay, let's not
jump to conclusions.
198
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,811
Especially so
close to the edge
of the terrace.
199
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,820
(SHOUTING IN HINDI)
200
00:09:52,823 --> 00:09:55,133
I know, I know,
but she seemed so nice.
201
00:09:55,125 --> 00:09:57,295
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You understand
what he's saying?
202
00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:59,597
Yeah, I've become
pretty familiar
with the phrase,
203
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,099
"Jessie, this is
all your fault,"
in Hindi.
204
00:10:03,634 --> 00:10:05,614
Ravi, I am so sorry,
205
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,635
but what's important now
is rescuing the lizards.
206
00:10:07,638 --> 00:10:10,138
And not mentioning this
to your parents.
207
00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:11,880
We must hurry.
208
00:10:11,882 --> 00:10:14,652
I fear that red-headed
she-devil will
slaughter my babies
209
00:10:14,645 --> 00:10:16,815
faster than she
sprays on her tan.
210
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:20,617
Okay, um, we know
that Mrs. C has taken
a liking to Emma.
211
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,250
I wouldn't say "liking."
More like "least hating."
212
00:10:22,252 --> 00:10:23,852
That'll do.
213
00:10:23,854 --> 00:10:25,804
Emma, infiltrate
her home base,
214
00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:30,696
do some recon,
get the lizards' location,
and radio back to HQ, stat!
215
00:10:30,701 --> 00:10:32,661
I love it when she
talks all military.
216
00:10:34,034 --> 00:10:34,914
Snap out of it!
217
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:41,008
Ow. What'd you
do that for?
218
00:10:41,011 --> 00:10:41,871
Fun.
219
00:10:45,716 --> 00:10:46,746
I must say, Jemma...
220
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,677
It's Emma.
Who cares?
221
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:54,790
I was pleasantly surprised
that you've come to me
for clothing advice.
222
00:10:54,785 --> 00:10:56,785
You know, in my
not-too-distant past,
I was a model.
223
00:10:58,689 --> 00:11:00,159
(CHUCKLES) Really?
224
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,931
I mean, really.
225
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,095
Yes. Look familiar?
226
00:11:09,299 --> 00:11:11,899
Are you okay?
Do you have a cramp?
227
00:11:11,902 --> 00:11:13,672
No, this is my
signature pose.
228
00:11:15,806 --> 00:11:18,776
In Vogue? Elle?
229
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,909
Poultry Enthusiasts Weekly.
230
00:11:22,813 --> 00:11:26,463
I was PEW's
catalogue queen.
231
00:11:26,456 --> 00:11:29,216
But I gave up
all the glamour for
Mr. Chesterfield.
232
00:11:29,219 --> 00:11:32,889
Aw, was it
love at first sight?
233
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:36,473
No. He had halitosis
and nose hair
you could braid.
234
00:11:36,466 --> 00:11:38,466
But after I saw
his bank account,
235
00:11:38,468 --> 00:11:39,768
I had
twenty million reasons
to love him.
236
00:11:41,932 --> 00:11:43,372
(DOG SNARLING)
237
00:11:43,373 --> 00:11:45,243
Uh! Back, Zeus, back!
(SCISSORS SNAP)
238
00:11:45,235 --> 00:11:49,435
Cassandra!
What are you doing here?
239
00:11:49,439 --> 00:11:52,139
I got the scissors
you wanted for
the lizards tonight.
240
00:11:52,142 --> 00:11:54,142
The rest of
the supplies are in
the truck downstairs.
241
00:11:54,144 --> 00:11:57,824
But I told you
everything goes upstate
to the place.
242
00:12:00,050 --> 00:12:01,890
No, you didn't.
243
00:12:01,892 --> 00:12:04,832
Well, I'm
telling you now!
244
00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:07,425
For heaven's sake,
earn your paycheck!
245
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:08,997
You don't pay me.
246
00:12:08,999 --> 00:12:09,929
Well, that explains
that hideous sweater.
247
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:14,974
I won't be a moment.
248
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:22,769
O-M-G.
Lizards being
held upstate.
249
00:12:22,773 --> 00:12:25,423
X-O-X-O, sad face,
hash tag, hurry!
250
00:12:27,517 --> 00:12:27,847
(CELL PHONE DINGS)
251
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,080
Emma says there's
a truck downstairs
252
00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:34,522
that Cassandra's driving
to where the lizards
are being held.
253
00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:38,494
No! My babies
cannot go for a drive
without their car seats!
254
00:12:38,488 --> 00:12:40,928
They're gonna be
car seat covers if
we don't stop this!
255
00:12:42,893 --> 00:12:45,103
Stall her!
We're on our way.
256
00:12:45,095 --> 00:12:46,795
(CELL PHONE DINGS)
257
00:12:46,797 --> 00:12:48,937
"P.S. Be careful.
She's got giant scissors
258
00:12:48,939 --> 00:12:50,069
"and she's not afraid
to use them"?
259
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,300
(GASPS)
260
00:12:51,301 --> 00:12:52,801
Why would she
need giant scissors?
261
00:12:52,803 --> 00:12:54,343
As long as she's
not running with them.
262
00:12:54,344 --> 00:12:59,814
Sorry,
it's the nanny in me.
Overprotective.
263
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:02,480
Now, come on, kids,
time to stow away on a
total stranger's truck
264
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:03,382
that's headed
who knows where!
265
00:13:05,455 --> 00:13:07,215
Have fun.
I won't wait up.
266
00:13:07,217 --> 00:13:09,217
Bertram, can I see
that magazine?
267
00:13:09,219 --> 00:13:10,519
Oh, sure,
there's a great article
on frothing egg whites.
268
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,490
Oh!
Ow!
269
00:13:14,024 --> 00:13:15,474
We need your help!
You're coming!
270
00:13:15,465 --> 00:13:16,895
But upstate is so far.
271
00:13:22,472 --> 00:13:23,572
Whoa!
272
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:24,984
Whee!
Whee!
273
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:29,507
Is everybody okay?
274
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:33,409
Sure. If my tailbone is
supposed to be 50 shades
of black and blue.
275
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:37,493
Quiet! We don't want
Cassandra to know
we're back here.
276
00:13:37,487 --> 00:13:40,417
(GASPS)
These people
are monsters!
277
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:44,490
This box is full of
lizard skin bags and
lizard skin belts...
278
00:13:44,494 --> 00:13:47,064
Mrs. Chesterfield is
going to use
those giant scissors
279
00:13:47,057 --> 00:13:49,597
to turn my angels
into accessories!
280
00:13:49,599 --> 00:13:52,499
Look, we'll get
your lizards back,
okay? I promise.
281
00:13:52,502 --> 00:13:55,012
As soon as we stop
I'm gonna stand up
to Cassandra
282
00:13:55,005 --> 00:13:56,105
and tell her to...
(TRUCK DOOR CLOSING)
283
00:13:56,106 --> 00:13:57,966
She's coming!
Quick! Hide!
284
00:14:09,419 --> 00:14:11,179
Bertram!
285
00:14:11,181 --> 00:14:12,851
Sorry. I know you
love those lizards,
286
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,582
but this looks
really good on me.
287
00:14:17,487 --> 00:14:18,927
(GASPS)
Get her!
288
00:14:20,090 --> 00:14:21,060
(YELLS)
289
00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,533
(GROANING)
290
00:14:24,534 --> 00:14:26,404
I said, "Get her,"
not, "Crush her."
291
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,469
Look at us!
292
00:14:32,442 --> 00:14:33,602
(WHIMPERS)
293
00:14:37,547 --> 00:14:41,477
Aren't we just adorable!
294
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:41,981
Ooh, Jemma,
295
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,363
couldn't you just die?
296
00:14:46,987 --> 00:14:47,987
Yup.
297
00:14:51,962 --> 00:14:54,322
Are you sure
this is where
my lizards are?
298
00:14:54,324 --> 00:14:55,574
(MUFFLED PROTEST)
299
00:14:55,565 --> 00:14:57,995
Shh.
300
00:14:57,998 --> 00:14:59,468
I feel like I'm
being watched.
301
00:14:59,469 --> 00:15:01,099
(SCOFFS)
What do you expect when
you wear that dress?
302
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:01,171
Not by you!
303
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,113
(LIZARDS CALLING)
304
00:15:06,376 --> 00:15:07,406
(ALL GASPING)
305
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,479
This is why I don't like
to leave the couch.
306
00:15:18,288 --> 00:15:19,918
ALL: Whoa!
307
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:24,449
Kumar! Padma!
All my babies are here!
308
00:15:24,454 --> 00:15:26,604
Oh. Group hug! Hmm!
309
00:15:28,959 --> 00:15:32,599
Why would Chesterfield
collect all these lizards
in a giant terrarium?
310
00:15:32,602 --> 00:15:35,142
Obviously,
to lull them into a
false sense of security,
311
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:38,305
before she
skins them alive!
312
00:15:38,308 --> 00:15:40,668
You are sick.
313
00:15:40,670 --> 00:15:42,270
(MUFFLED)
314
00:15:42,272 --> 00:15:43,412
Oh, save it for the
animal protection cops.
315
00:15:43,413 --> 00:15:46,023
Have you
called them, Jessie?
316
00:15:46,016 --> 00:15:46,246
No, but that
would have been
a good idea.
317
00:15:49,579 --> 00:15:51,149
And now I
have no cell service.
318
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,951
Okay, enough chit-chat.
319
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,563
Let's get
all of Ravi's lizards
and say, "Later, alligator."
320
00:15:56,556 --> 00:16:00,226
We cannot just
leave the rest of them
here to die!
321
00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:02,630
Jessie, can we
take them all?
Please, please, please!
322
00:16:02,632 --> 00:16:04,732
We'll clean our rooms!
We won't talk back!
323
00:16:04,734 --> 00:16:06,374
I make no promises.
324
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:08,968
Yes, let's do it.
325
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,468
All right!
326
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,171
How are we supposed
to catch...
(LIZARDS CHOMPING)
327
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:12,242
(YELLING)
328
00:16:18,448 --> 00:16:19,978
Well, you just
caught ten.
329
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,149
Ow! Make that 12.
330
00:16:27,057 --> 00:16:30,257
There. Oh! I do believe
I have outdone myself.
331
00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:32,520
Are you ready to see?
332
00:16:32,522 --> 00:16:34,062
I'm not sure.
333
00:16:34,064 --> 00:16:36,034
Maybe give me
something to
bite down on.
334
00:16:38,668 --> 00:16:40,468
I love it.
335
00:16:41,471 --> 00:16:42,601
It's so me.
336
00:16:44,134 --> 00:16:47,714
And so not you!
337
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:50,737
Don't be so sure.
I wore this when I was
a Spring Chicken.
338
00:16:50,740 --> 00:16:51,580
You mean before
you were old?
339
00:16:51,581 --> 00:16:54,581
Watch it.
340
00:16:54,584 --> 00:16:56,494
"Spring Chickens"
is what they called
us poultry models.
341
00:16:56,486 --> 00:16:59,286
My nickname
was Rhoda Island Red.
342
00:17:02,152 --> 00:17:03,592
Well, it's beautiful.
343
00:17:03,593 --> 00:17:05,133
It's yours.
344
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,555
You're giving
it to me?
Mmm-hmm.
345
00:17:06,556 --> 00:17:08,296
Why?
Oh!
346
00:17:08,298 --> 00:17:10,298
Don't read
anything into it.
347
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,330
Let's just say
you remind me
of someone.
348
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:15,242
Is her name
Rhoda Chesterfield?
349
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,765
No, Evelyn Norman.
We met at summer camp.
350
00:17:17,767 --> 00:17:19,737
Now she works at
a gas station in Jersey.
351
00:17:21,771 --> 00:17:24,241
Oh. Well, thank you.
352
00:17:26,416 --> 00:17:28,176
You know,
Mrs. Chesterfield,
353
00:17:28,178 --> 00:17:28,648
I think you're
actually a nice person.
354
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,618
Well, duh!
355
00:17:32,322 --> 00:17:36,062
In fact, just recently,
I endowed
a lizard sanctuary.
356
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:38,325
(CHOKING)
357
00:17:38,328 --> 00:17:40,128
That's where I
had my assistant
take Ravi's lizards
358
00:17:40,130 --> 00:17:41,590
after I adopted them.
359
00:17:41,591 --> 00:17:43,391
A lizard sanctuary?
360
00:17:43,393 --> 00:17:45,573
As in a place that
saves lizards?
361
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:48,095
Yes. I... I apologize
for the secrecy,
362
00:17:48,098 --> 00:17:50,798
but I knew
he would never give
them to me directly.
363
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:52,170
He probably would have
thought I'd turn them
into boots or something.
364
00:17:52,172 --> 00:17:54,242
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)
365
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,445
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
366
00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:01,309
What's the matter?
You're sweating.
367
00:18:01,311 --> 00:18:02,851
There's no sweating
in vintage.
368
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:06,285
Here you go, little dude.
369
00:18:07,657 --> 00:18:09,717
I hope this bag
wasn't related to you.
370
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:11,220
Oh, well.
371
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:13,363
Go!
372
00:18:16,626 --> 00:18:18,266
We must hurry!
373
00:18:18,268 --> 00:18:20,668
I'm trying,
but I'm covered in bites.
374
00:18:20,670 --> 00:18:22,330
Those are love bites.
375
00:18:22,332 --> 00:18:24,332
And how are those
different from hate bites?
376
00:18:24,334 --> 00:18:26,284
I will have to get
back to you on that.
377
00:18:27,877 --> 00:18:30,477
Okay, I think
that was the last lizard.
378
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,280
Great! Let's make
like a bread truck
and haul buns!
379
00:18:34,844 --> 00:18:37,724
Wait! Where is Scooter?
380
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,817
He was in my pocket,
but he must have
jumped out!
381
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,522
Look, there he is!
382
00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:45,404
ZURI: Go get him!
383
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,697
Welcome, everyone,
384
00:18:49,699 --> 00:18:52,759
to the dedication
of the Chesterfield
Lizard Sanctuary.
385
00:18:52,762 --> 00:18:56,542
Yes! Yes.
386
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:59,906
Oh! Well, it was either
this or give my money
to cankle research,
387
00:18:59,909 --> 00:19:01,769
and I do believe
I've made
the right choice.
388
00:19:01,771 --> 00:19:03,441
(LAUGHING)
389
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,853
Debatable.
390
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:08,345
I can't wait
for you all to see
391
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:10,178
these majestic creatures
in their new home.
392
00:19:10,180 --> 00:19:13,250
So without further ado,
393
00:19:16,226 --> 00:19:16,386
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
394
00:19:18,328 --> 00:19:20,588
I give you
lizard paradise!
395
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:25,574
(ALL GASPING)
396
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,867
Hey, look, we're on TV!
397
00:19:33,703 --> 00:19:35,253
Rhoda Chesterfield
is murdering lizards!
398
00:19:35,245 --> 00:19:37,405
(ALL GASPING)
399
00:19:37,407 --> 00:19:38,647
They should throw
the book at her!
400
00:19:38,648 --> 00:19:41,278
A big, heavy book
that would really hurt!
401
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,481
I recommend Moby Dick!
402
00:19:46,356 --> 00:19:47,586
Emma, what are you
pointing at?
403
00:19:53,623 --> 00:19:54,463
Uh...
404
00:19:59,529 --> 00:20:02,229
This is a lizard sanctuary.
405
00:20:02,232 --> 00:20:03,532
And ouch!
406
00:20:05,605 --> 00:20:07,335
Sorry.
407
00:20:07,337 --> 00:20:09,977
On the bright side,
you can cancel that
mustache waxing.
408
00:20:12,942 --> 00:20:15,492
I've spoken to the media
and managed to
set the record straight.
409
00:20:15,485 --> 00:20:18,445
Are you eating
the hors d'oeuvres?
410
00:20:18,448 --> 00:20:21,218
(MUFFLED) No.
411
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:23,890
Why would you think
I would do something
so horrible
412
00:20:23,893 --> 00:20:24,993
as to hurt
baby lizards?
413
00:20:24,994 --> 00:20:28,334
Gee, I don't know.
414
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:29,458
Have you met you?
415
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,630
Look, we're sorry.
416
00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:35,272
But in our defense,
things did look
pretty suspicious.
417
00:20:35,265 --> 00:20:38,635
Like the fact that
you are wearing
lizard-skin shoes,
418
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,938
and all of that
lizard-skin swag!
419
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,810
Fake.
420
00:20:42,812 --> 00:20:44,812
As fake as my feelings
for my first husband.
421
00:20:47,317 --> 00:20:50,477
But you said those lizards
were going to
make you look good.
422
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:55,490
Yes, well...
I was hoping this
lizard sanctuary
423
00:20:55,485 --> 00:20:58,255
would help change
my image.
424
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:02,687
It might surprise you
to know that in some circles,
people seem to think I'm a...
425
00:21:02,692 --> 00:21:03,792
Nightmare?
Horror?
426
00:21:03,793 --> 00:21:04,733
Evil shrew?
427
00:21:07,497 --> 00:21:09,967
Look, everyone,
Mrs. Chesterfield
isn't that bad.
428
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:12,799
When I was forced to
spend an afternoon
with her,
429
00:21:12,802 --> 00:21:16,882
I actually hated it
a lot less than I thought.
430
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:19,806
That is the nicest
thing anyone's ever
said to me, Jemma.
431
00:21:22,852 --> 00:21:26,692
Mrs. Chesterfield,
I am sorry
I misjudged you.
432
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:29,486
You have earned a lot of
good karma today,
433
00:21:29,489 --> 00:21:32,059
so just know
something equally nice
will soon happen to you.
434
00:21:32,061 --> 00:21:36,071
Oh, it already has.
435
00:21:36,065 --> 00:21:40,495
You mean putting an end
to our feud and forging
six new friendships?
436
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,000
(LAUGHS)
No, of course not.
437
00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:48,643
I mean finally getting
12 annoying lizards
out of my building.
438
00:21:48,638 --> 00:21:49,578
Point, Rhoda!
439
00:21:53,643 --> 00:21:55,993
She's awful!
How can you
stand her?
440
00:21:55,985 --> 00:21:56,545
She's my mom.
(ALL GASPING)
441
00:21:59,088 --> 00:22:01,988
Oh, you poor thing.
442
00:22:01,991 --> 00:22:05,431
Well, at least
someday you'll inherit
a lot of money.
443
00:22:05,425 --> 00:22:08,325
Not if Zeus has
anything to say
about it.
444
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:09,597
Why does a dog
need a house
in the Hamptons?
445
00:22:11,961 --> 00:22:15,061
You know, being your prisoner
was the highlight of my year.
446
00:22:15,735 --> 00:22:18,035
Aww.
447
00:22:18,037 --> 00:22:18,837
Could you be sure
to mention that
to the authorities?
448
00:22:23,342 --> 00:22:24,872
You know,
I can't believe
I'm saying this,
449
00:22:24,874 --> 00:22:26,954
but I kind of miss
the baby lizards.
450
00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:30,946
Spoken like someone
who's never been
their chew toy.
451
00:22:30,950 --> 00:22:33,520
Well, I'm not going to
miss the teeth marks
on my shoes.
452
00:22:33,523 --> 00:22:36,033
Or the lizard surprises
in my shoes.
453
00:22:36,025 --> 00:22:39,855
Or the times
I caught Scooter
wearing my shoes.
454
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:43,429
That little guy
had weird hobbies.
455
00:22:43,433 --> 00:22:44,963
Well, anyway,
thank goodness
we're back to being
456
00:22:44,964 --> 00:22:45,674
just a normal,
one-lizard family.
457
00:22:51,571 --> 00:22:54,071
Jessie!
Mrs. Kipling's babies
missed their mommy,
458
00:22:54,073 --> 00:22:58,013
and they brought
their new friends over
for a playdate.
459
00:22:58,007 --> 00:23:00,577
Can they sleep over?
Please?
460
00:23:00,580 --> 00:23:02,410
Sure.
461
00:23:02,412 --> 00:23:03,812
Bertram! We're gonna
need more crickets!
462
00:23:03,813 --> 00:23:06,423
And a hundred
tiny sleeping bags!
33813
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