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1
00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:07,577
Guys, guess what?
2
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:08,778
The play I wrote is
going to be produced!
3
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,539
That's awesome.
On Broadway?
4
00:00:10,578 --> 00:00:13,548
No, in your
school auditorium!
5
00:00:13,581 --> 00:00:17,451
Which is just
four subway stops away
from Broadway!
6
00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:21,615
Principal Johnson called it
"well-formatted"
and "amazingly affordable."
7
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:25,464
Try not to let that
go to your head.
8
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:30,557
Jessie, look,
I'm on Mount Everest!
9
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:34,468
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
And I am her fearless
Sherpa guide.
10
00:00:34,502 --> 00:00:36,502
Fearless?
You cried all the way up.
11
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,468
(GRUNTING)
12
00:00:39,507 --> 00:00:40,607
Look out!
13
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,441
Luke! Watch out!
14
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:47,516
Wow, that was close.
Thanks.
15
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:48,548
Hiya, freckles!
16
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:50,422
(SCREAMS)
Creepy Connie!
17
00:00:50,451 --> 00:00:52,621
I'd rather be smushed
by the boulder!
18
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:55,593
Connie, thank you so much
for saving Luke.
19
00:00:55,623 --> 00:00:57,533
Now please
don't hurt him.
Or me.
20
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,529
(SCOFFS) Come on!
21
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:01,401
Who hasn't broken into
a boy's apartment,
22
00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:04,829
kidnapped his
favorite stuffed koala,
23
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,565
and then accidentally
decapitated him?
24
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,501
Am I right, ladies?
25
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:13,541
Aren't you supposed to have
a court-ordered companion?
26
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,505
Not since yesterday!
27
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:16,683
The 180 days are up!
28
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,482
Okay!
29
00:01:20,514 --> 00:01:23,454
Anyway, Luke, I am so sorry,
and I'm totally over you.
30
00:01:23,484 --> 00:01:24,524
So can't we
just be friends?
31
00:01:24,552 --> 00:01:27,522
Why don't you ask
Kenny the Koala?
32
00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:28,555
Jessie sewed
his head back on,
33
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,089
but it still
looks like this!
34
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,664
(WHIMPERS)
35
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,498
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
36
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,573
Are we going back
to your place?
37
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,571
I could use
some chicken wings
and a hot bath.
38
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,611
Gee, I would love that!
39
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:49,484
But we just moved.
40
00:01:49,510 --> 00:01:49,580
Yes, we did!
41
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:52,712
Bye, Connie!
42
00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:56,683
(GASPING)
43
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:58,645
A Luke hair!
44
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,520
I'll add it to the doll.
45
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:12,532
You're so handsome.
Yes, you are!
46
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,638
Dance for me!
47
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:18,641
(GIGGLING)
48
00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:21,611
Come on, Lukey,
let's go home.
49
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:25,745
That is messed up!
50
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:29,646
I know.
51
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,593
Luke gets all the girls!
52
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:36,624
* Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
53
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:40,527
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
54
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:43,661
* It feels like a party
every day
55
00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:47,597
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
56
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:50,735
* But they keep on pulling
me every which way
57
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:54,611
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
58
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:57,952
* My whole world is changing
Turning around
59
00:02:57,978 --> 00:03:01,648
* They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
60
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:04,722
* But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
61
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:08,762
* And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
62
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:10,619
* Hey Jessie
63
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:13,763
* Hey Jessie
64
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:19,733
* It feels like a party
every day
65
00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:22,667
* Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie *
66
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:31,247
Congratulations, Bertram.
67
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,979
For school,
I need to write a report
68
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,983
on someone
and their job.
69
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:35,545
And I chose you.
70
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,293
Well, of course you did.
71
00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:39,318
Because you have
a deep respect
72
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:41,393
for the rich history
of butlering.
73
00:03:41,422 --> 00:03:43,822
No, because you
don't do anything.
74
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:49,296
When Ravi first got here,
he thought you
were a bean bag chair.
75
00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:53,371
He also thought
the garbage disposal
was an angry god.
76
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,997
He was new.
77
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,366
Your gig is so easy,
anyone could do it.
78
00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:01,036
Oh, that sounds
like a challenge.
79
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,344
I wouldn't call
your job a challenge.
80
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:06,277
But I'm down
for a little
butler competition.
81
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:09,024
Fine.
May the best
butler win!
82
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:11,289
I'm gonna buttle
your butt off!
83
00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:12,449
(BO(GROANING)NG)
84
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:19,034
Hey, guys.
Are you gonna try out
for the play?
85
00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:21,029
I've gotten the lead role
every year
86
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:21,601
since my kindergarten
health pageant.
87
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:23,859
He played gingivitis.
88
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:28,365
What can I say?
I've got talent,
good looks, and charisma.
89
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:31,312
And don't forget
that weird egg smell.
90
00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:33,369
You smell it, too?
91
00:04:33,407 --> 00:04:35,307
And still he
gets all the girls.
92
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:38,383
Meanwhile,
I douse myself
with manly cologne
93
00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,452
and I get bupkis.
94
00:04:45,453 --> 00:04:49,323
Okay, I know you're all
super-excited to
audition for my play,
95
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:50,357
Grenade to the Heart.
96
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:56,461
I'll take that
loud breathing
as a yes.
97
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,867
Okay.
Let me set the scene
for you.
98
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,099
Josie, a waitress in
a Texas cantina,
99
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,474
is crushed when
Ben, the soldier she loves,
dumps her,
100
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,374
destroying her young life.
101
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:08,336
Sounds like
the feel-good play
of the semester.
102
00:05:08,376 --> 00:05:12,446
Wait, wait, wait!
Did I mention there's
a, uh, werewolf?
103
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,110
(STUDENTS EXCLAIM EXCITEDLY)
104
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,477
That's gonna be
an easy rewrite.
105
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:21,387
Ooh, I hope I get picked
to be in this
thinly-veiled dramatization
106
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:24,492
of yet another of
Jessie's romantic
train wrecks.
107
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:28,125
This play is not about
my pathetic love life!
108
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,461
I'm writing a musical
about that.
109
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:32,470
Can I do the wardrobe?
110
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,370
The story of
your failed love
may be the same,
111
00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:35,372
but at least the clothes
won't be tragic.
112
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,408
Hello, fellow thespians!
113
00:05:41,475 --> 00:05:45,905
Hark, doth I see
a sign-up sheet?
114
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,276
A little Shakespeare
for ya there.
115
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:52,394
Uh, Connie,
you've never tried out
for the school play before.
116
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,920
I know, but I just suddenly
felt the urge to be on stage,
117
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,525
feel the lights
on my face...
118
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,488
Didn't you get
enough of that during
your police line-up?
119
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:04,359
But Officer Turner said
I had star quality.
120
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:09,399
Anyway,
all the parts are taken.
121
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:10,497
Right, Jessie?
122
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,538
Jessie, your play
is so brilliant.
123
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:15,943
It's pure poetry.
124
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:17,446
Auditions start
right now.
125
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:18,548
Break a leg!
(CHUCKLES)
126
00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:19,409
Oh, don't give her
any ideas!
127
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:28,189
Round one,
introducing a guest.
128
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:29,421
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
129
00:06:35,463 --> 00:06:39,433
Introducing Mr. Kipling,
of the Ranjapooni Kiplings.
130
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,172
Thank you, good sir.
131
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:48,436
An extra dead mouse
will be
on your pillow tonight.
132
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:53,577
Boring.
That's not
an introduction.
133
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,624
This is an introduction.
134
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,587
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
135
00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,219
And now!
136
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:06,593
Introducing,
your main monitor!
137
00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:10,427
Mr. Kipling!
138
00:07:24,645 --> 00:07:27,005
(MUSIC STOPS)
139
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:29,477
I think that music
made me deaf.
140
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:32,047
Aww!
Does that mean
you can't hear this?
141
00:07:33,521 --> 00:07:34,561
(SHOUTING) Point, Zuri!
142
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:36,486
(MUSIC PLAYING)
143
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,532
All right,
I'm posting the cast list.
144
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,627
Whoa! Ow! Ow!
145
00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:49,597
Look, someone's selling
a used clarinet.
146
00:07:55,075 --> 00:07:57,505
Yes! I got the male lead.
147
00:07:57,545 --> 00:07:58,645
Of course.
148
00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:01,579
I am the werewolf?
Thank you, Jessie!
149
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:06,285
What clinched it,
my bad boy reputation or
my animal magnetism?
150
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,619
The fact that you were
the only other boy
151
00:08:08,656 --> 00:08:09,516
who wanted to be
in the play.
152
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:12,094
Works for me!
153
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:16,261
I wonder who's
going to play Josie.
154
00:08:16,296 --> 00:08:16,326
Me, I hope!
155
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:22,671
What?
156
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:24,543
I'm playing a tumbleweed?
157
00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:26,542
Tumbleweed Number One!
158
00:08:27,575 --> 00:08:30,575
You are the lead weed!
159
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,651
You roll across
the stage twice!
160
00:08:34,314 --> 00:08:35,654
You're okay
with that, right?
161
00:08:36,617 --> 00:08:38,547
Sure.
162
00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:40,316
Not everyone can be
the star, right?
163
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,093
I'm just happy to be
a part of the cast.
164
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,292
Great!
165
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,563
So, Luke,
166
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:48,703
looks like you'll be doing
the kissing scene
with Charlotte Dunbar.
167
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,659
Lucky her.
168
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:54,696
Lucky me!
She must be
a great kisser.
169
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,695
I've seen the way
she plays the trumpet.
170
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:58,567
(BLOWING RASPBERRY)
171
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:06,684
I just couldn't be
happier for Charlotte.
172
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:08,615
(SCREAMING)
173
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,622
(SHOUTING)
What are you staring at?
174
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:25,070
JESSIE:
Welcome to our
first rehearsal.
175
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:28,138
I want you all to
feel free to explore
your characters.
176
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:30,068
But if you change
one word of my dialogue,
177
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,173
you're going
to detention.
178
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:37,142
Wow, somebody
went through puberty
awful fast.
179
00:09:37,177 --> 00:09:41,617
It is makeup.
It will help me get
into character.
180
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:44,079
And if you get lost,
into the animal shelter!
181
00:09:44,117 --> 00:09:45,387
(SNARLS)
182
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,118
Ravi, I appreciate
your dedication...
183
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:49,124
Good. Because I
have many questions.
184
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:50,356
When was I first bitten?
185
00:09:50,390 --> 00:09:54,130
Oh! When I kill,
do I feel remorse?
186
00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,661
How do I keep my fur
shiny and manageable?
187
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,168
I don't know,
I don't care,
and conditioner!
188
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:06,642
Jessie, what do you think
of this for Luke's character?
189
00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:09,184
You know,
army uniforms
shouldn't sparkle.
190
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:12,179
It kinda undercuts
the whole
camouflage thing.
191
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:16,177
Now, where's the
actress playing me?
192
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:17,376
I mean, Josie?
193
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:18,647
Haven'tOh!u heard?
194
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:23,123
Poor Charlotte was
coming down the stairs
195
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:26,226
and slipped on
a limited edition
Tickle Me Voldemort doll.
196
00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:29,395
Well, that's odd.
197
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,629
Voldemort doesn't
strike me as a giggler.
198
00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:36,143
So sadly,
the only cast Charlotte's
going to be in
199
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,639
is a full-body cast.
(LAUGHING)
200
00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:41,782
I mean, aww.
201
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:46,153
So you love Harry Potter,
202
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:49,149
and the Dark Lord
just happened to end up
taking out your competition?
203
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:50,682
How do you explain that?
204
00:10:50,718 --> 00:10:52,718
Death Eaters are
everywhere.
205
00:10:55,222 --> 00:10:57,422
Jessie,
don't you see what's
going on here?
206
00:10:57,457 --> 00:11:00,227
Creepy Connie wants
to play Josie
so she can kiss me!
207
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,730
And who can
blame her?
But help me!
208
00:11:03,263 --> 00:11:05,203
Maybe she's just
excited to be a part of
209
00:11:05,232 --> 00:11:08,202
such a groundbreaking
piece of theater.
210
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:10,695
You are aware
we're all doing this
211
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,208
just to get out
of Home Ec, right?
212
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:18,706
Well, actually,
I was not aware
of that.
213
00:11:21,749 --> 00:11:23,249
That explains
your attitude
214
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,723
and why you can't
work a blender.
215
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,757
Anyway,
216
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,789
Becky Greenberg is
next in line for the part.
217
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:32,764
Becky Greenberg?
218
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,763
She is the understudy.
219
00:11:34,795 --> 00:11:36,755
Right. Uh-huh.
220
00:11:36,797 --> 00:11:38,697
Yeah, the six feet
understudy.
221
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,270
ENothing.?
222
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:45,272
That's fine.
You're the director.
You know best.
223
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:46,305
(CHUCKLING)
224
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,281
(YELLING) Ow!
225
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,310
Ravi, that was fabulous,
but save it for show night.
226
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:58,854
(VACUUM WHIRRING)
227
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:04,356
Done! Ha!
228
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:08,231
Vacuumed all 14 stairs
in two minutes,
six seconds!
229
00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:09,761
Now that's fast!
230
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:12,767
ZURI: No, this is fast!
231
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:13,800
(TIR(WHIRRING)ING)
232
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:19,311
Where did you get that?
233
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:21,239
Tony knows a guy.
234
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:22,844
He pimped my ride.
235
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:26,745
(MUSIC PLAYING)
236
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:37,856
Whoo!
237
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:45,532
Emma, my dad sent
this flamethrower
238
00:12:45,565 --> 00:12:46,765
for Ben to use
in the play.
239
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:50,800
Your dad had
a flamethrower just
lying around the house?
240
00:12:50,838 --> 00:12:52,338
Yeah.
He's too cheap to
buy a barbecue.
241
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:57,314
Okay, BTW,
do not push that button.
242
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:01,312
All right!
243
00:13:01,348 --> 00:13:03,878
Okay, let's
start rehearsal.
244
00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:06,547
Where is my actress
playing Josie?
245
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:07,786
Haven't you heard?
246
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:15,833
Unfortunately, poor Becky
had a terrible mishap
in shop class today.
247
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,363
Somehow,
and this is a weird one,
248
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:22,902
her braces got welded
to a crescent wrench.
249
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:24,066
How did that happen?
250
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:27,344
I have to believe
basic safety rules
were violated.
251
00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:33,879
But poor Becky
can't even say who did it,
because she can't talk.
252
00:13:36,884 --> 00:13:37,954
(SCREAMING)
253
00:13:39,419 --> 00:13:41,319
But I'm available.
254
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,424
Pucker up, Luke.
255
00:13:47,394 --> 00:13:48,434
Jessie! Sidebar?
256
00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:53,599
Open your eyes!
257
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,343
Can't you see
Connie is bumping
off the competition?
258
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,598
Luke, we open tomorrow.
I don't have time
for your paranoia!
259
00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:59,367
So, what are we
talking about?
260
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:03,409
We're talking about
how Dina Papadakis
261
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,353
is going to be
our new Josie!
262
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:08,418
Oh, congratulations, Dina!
263
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:10,918
I am so happy for you.
264
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,451
You deserve
everything that's
coming to you.
265
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:17,420
Run!
266
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:22,660
Dina, wait!
267
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,025
Now what am I
gonna do?
268
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,974
Unless I can find an actress
who can learn that part
in one day,
269
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,370
my New York debut
is ruined!
270
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,912
Lucky for you,
I know the part forwards.
271
00:14:31,939 --> 00:14:35,439
"Ben, you know you are
the only one for me."
272
00:14:35,475 --> 00:14:36,675
And backwards,
273
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,949
"Me for one the only
you know you, Ben."
274
00:14:41,414 --> 00:14:42,484
Part the got you, wow!
275
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:45,987
You're my new Josie!
276
00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:48,419
Oh, my gosh!
This is so exciting!
277
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,015
I've got to go
scrape my tongue.
278
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:56,956
What is on her tongue?
279
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:59,027
And why does she
have to scrape it off?
280
00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:08,680
Ta-da!
281
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:09,978
My souffle!
282
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:11,710
(CHUCKLES)
283
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,484
Prepare to taste
a culinary feat.
284
00:15:14,514 --> 00:15:17,924
If your dessert
tastes like feet,
you don't stand a chance.
285
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:20,949
(BELL DINGS)
286
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:23,958
My Queasy Bake
brownies are done!
287
00:15:23,991 --> 00:15:26,691
Yay! They came out perfect!
288
00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:28,726
(SNICKERS)
289
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,501
Okay, let's see what
Mr. Kipling thinks.
290
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:32,531
BERTRAM:
He'll choose mine.
291
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:39,438
Yes!
292
00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:40,972
No!
293
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:44,478
Hey, you put crickets
in your brownies?
294
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:45,711
That's cheating!
295
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:47,705
No, that's good butlering.
296
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:52,017
Mr. Kipling's eating,
but you just got served.
297
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:52,522
You're mean.
298
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:57,055
Well, Josie,
I should be getting
back to the base.
299
00:15:57,090 --> 00:16:02,730
But Ben, every time
we say goodbye,
it's like
300
00:16:02,762 --> 00:16:04,502
a grenade to the heart.
301
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:08,035
(RAVI HOWLING)
302
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:10,568
The moon is full
and I must feed!
303
00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:15,013
I think I integrated
that pretty well.
304
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:19,483
Stay away from that girl!
305
00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:22,552
Mortal fool.
Only silver can
kill a werewolf.
306
00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:24,582
Oh, thanks
for the tip.
307
00:16:27,054 --> 00:16:29,764
Oh! Silverware!
308
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:30,589
The pain!
309
00:16:32,525 --> 00:16:32,585
Ah!
310
00:16:35,062 --> 00:16:36,602
(GROANING DRAMATICALLY)
311
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,004
Zip it, Fido!
You're dead!
312
00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:45,773
This is torture.
313
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:49,035
Oh, Ben, how can I ever
thank you for saving me?
314
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,152
Ooh...
Up top!
315
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,063
This is where
we're supposed to kiss!
316
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,125
Yeah, not gonna happen.
You were lucky I gave you
a high-five.
317
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,072
Wait a minute,
that's not in my script.
318
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:15,001
I am not leaving
without a kiss.
319
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:18,614
That's not
a good idea, Josie.
(COUGHS)
320
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:20,068
I think I'm coming down
with something.
321
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:22,607
I'll risk it, Ben!
322
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,112
Luckily, I have
a very strong
immune system.
323
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,579
Ah!
324
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:32,646
Kiss me, kiss me,
kiss me now!
325
00:17:38,858 --> 00:17:41,628
I'm starting to think
maybe Connie was
lying about
326
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,101
the whole
"being over Luke" thing.
327
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,834
(GRUNTS)
328
00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:50,566
Now, you can kiss me,
or you can kiss the cactus!
329
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,643
I pick the cactus!
330
00:17:52,605 --> 00:17:53,605
Whoa!
331
00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:55,682
(SCREAMING)
332
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:03,177
Kiss me! Kiss me!
Kiss me!
333
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,576
Bertram, wake up.
334
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:06,147
It's finally getting good.
335
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:08,164
LUKE: Connie, no!
336
00:18:10,223 --> 00:18:12,693
Oh, Jessie, help!
I told you Connie was
still creepy!
337
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,604
You know, Ben,
338
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:20,169
I'm tired of being
the one who always
gets burned.
339
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,700
Does she know
about the button?
340
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:24,703
(LUKE SCREAMING)
341
00:18:26,906 --> 00:18:28,706
She knows about the button!
She knows about the button!
342
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:31,180
I'm going in!
343
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,211
Wait!
344
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:35,146
Here!
345
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:35,722
Is this flame retardant?
346
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:38,148
No, but it's super cute.
347
00:18:41,921 --> 00:18:43,721
Are you okay...
Ben?
348
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:50,198
I am an oddly dressed MP,
here to help.
349
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:55,901
I don't know what's worse,
her writing or her acting.
350
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:58,205
This is more confusing
than Inception.
351
00:18:59,739 --> 00:19:01,209
What is the problem?
352
00:19:03,210 --> 00:19:03,780
For starters,
your outfit!
353
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,710
(GASPS)
That was snippy.
354
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:11,648
You have to learn
to accept it if a guy is
not interested in you.
355
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:13,224
Well, how do you know
he's not interested?
356
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,763
ALL: He's not interested!
357
00:19:16,723 --> 00:19:18,933
Nobody asked you!
358
00:19:18,958 --> 00:19:20,758
Look, you need to
find someone else.
359
00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:23,955
But no one likes me.
360
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,196
Oh, gee, I wonder why.
361
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,773
Maybe it's because
you're creepy,
and you cook people!
362
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:34,240
Connie...
I mean, Josie,
363
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:37,744
look, you are
a beautiful, smart girl,
okay?
364
00:19:37,777 --> 00:19:39,947
Forget Ben!
365
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:42,319
Somewhere out there is
a guy who's gonna
appreciate you.
366
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,250
Or a wolf!
367
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:47,986
I thought you were dead.
368
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,290
Uh...
369
00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:52,262
That silverware
was not real silver.
370
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:53,762
Just cheap
stainless steel.
371
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:58,273
The point is,
372
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,768
I find your fiery nature
and lack of stability
quite alluring.
373
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:02,842
You do?
374
00:20:07,006 --> 00:20:08,236
Oh, what the heck?
375
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,275
Come here, Wolfie!
376
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:12,009
Yes! I have me a woman!
377
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,054
(BONES CRACKING)
378
00:20:13,079 --> 00:20:14,809
With the crushing strength
of a Burmese python!
379
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:21,793
Everyone bow!
380
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,292
Emma, lower the curtain!
381
00:20:26,826 --> 00:20:28,256
No! Not that rope!
382
00:20:28,295 --> 00:20:29,295
(SCREAMING)
383
00:20:32,365 --> 00:20:35,835
Yes, this UFO would've
made a lot more sense
if we had gotten to Act Three.
384
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:45,810
Hey, Bertram,
wanna read my report
on you and your job?
385
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,005
No. If I wanted to
read mean things,
386
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:51,817
I'd check the comments
on that video you kids posted
of me farting in my sleep.
387
00:20:54,053 --> 00:20:55,863
"Beddytime Butler
Boom Booms."
388
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:58,256
That one's classic.
389
00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:02,297
Will you just read this?
390
00:21:04,063 --> 00:21:05,833
(SIGHS)
391
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:09,295
"For my job report,
I followed around
my butler.
392
00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:11,836
"He does lots of stuff
around our home,
393
00:21:11,871 --> 00:21:16,781
"like introducing guests,
cooking, and putting up
with the 'mini monsters.'
394
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:20,779
"That's his pet name
for us kids.
395
00:21:20,813 --> 00:21:26,323
"He has tea parties with me,
and always rearranges my dolls
so they can mingle.
396
00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:27,853
"But Bertram is not
just our butler,
397
00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:30,857
"he's my friend,
and...
398
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:33,389
"I love him.
399
00:21:34,894 --> 00:21:34,934
"The end."
400
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:41,396
That is so beautiful!
I love it!
401
00:21:41,434 --> 00:21:41,874
(SOBBING)
402
00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:44,840
I'm glad.
403
00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:46,341
(BONES CRACKING)
404
00:21:46,373 --> 00:21:47,913
Room.
Becoming.
Dark.
405
00:21:49,442 --> 00:21:51,382
Oh! Sorry.
406
00:21:55,915 --> 00:21:57,875
What are you guys
looking at?
407
00:21:57,917 --> 00:22:00,087
The review of your play
on the school website.
408
00:22:00,119 --> 00:22:04,089
They said it was
my best performance
since gingivitis.
409
00:22:04,123 --> 00:22:05,863
What did they say
about my writing
and directing?
410
00:22:07,126 --> 00:22:08,896
Huh!
411
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:10,428
I'm surprised
they're allowed to
use words like that
412
00:22:10,463 --> 00:22:11,933
on a school website.
413
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,870
Well, at least one good
thing came out of it.
414
00:22:15,902 --> 00:22:18,342
You realized
the only Tony you're ever
gonna get is our doorman?
415
00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:21,136
No...
416
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:24,843
I mean Ravi and Connie
made a love connection.
417
00:22:24,877 --> 00:22:27,377
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
418
00:22:27,414 --> 00:22:29,884
(GASPS)
She's choking him!
I'm coming, Ravi!
419
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:32,894
Oh!
420
00:22:34,954 --> 00:22:37,894
Jessie,
compose yourself.
421
00:22:37,924 --> 00:22:41,934
Connie was not trying to
garrote me like
a Thuggee assassin.
422
00:22:41,961 --> 00:22:44,431
Yeah. I was just
giving him
a friendship necklace.
423
00:22:44,464 --> 00:22:47,874
See the little heart says
"Property of Connie."
424
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:49,170
She wanted to brand me.
425
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:50,471
This was our compromise.
426
00:22:52,905 --> 00:22:57,435
Aw, well, I'm so glad
my play brought you two
crazy kids together.
427
00:22:57,477 --> 00:22:59,947
Now, could somebody
pop my shoulder back
into its socket?
428
00:23:00,447 --> 00:23:01,247
(SCREAMS)
429
00:23:02,181 --> 00:23:05,151
My Connie has
the face of an angel,
430
00:23:05,184 --> 00:23:07,454
and the biceps of
a longshoreman.
30564
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