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1
00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:11,454
Okay, larger ornaments
go on the bottom,
smaller on the top,
2
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:16,479
and gold and silver
tinsel must never cross!
3
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:18,617
Emma's a little OCD.
Obsessed with
Christmas details.
4
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:25,355
I just want everything
to be perfect for when
Mom and Dad come home!
5
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:28,463
Back home on the army base,
we used to just spray-paint
a missile red and green,
6
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,556
hang a few grenades
on it, and hoo-ah!
Merry Christmas!
7
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:32,495
Jessie! Help!
8
00:00:33,834 --> 00:00:35,644
Ha! You're under
the mistletoe.
9
00:00:36,504 --> 00:00:38,544
Ha! You're underage!
10
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:39,642
There you go.
11
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:46,406
Oh, goodie.
Now I can reach.
12
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,619
Ow!
13
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:50,620
I'm a butler,
not a stepstool!
14
00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,091
Zuri, that
doesn't go there.
15
00:00:55,123 --> 00:00:55,493
Okay.
16
00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:58,363
Ow! Ow! Ow!
17
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,532
How about if
I put it here?
18
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:03,301
I know where
you can both put it.
19
00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:05,671
Bertram! Don't make
me wash your mouth
out with tinsel!
20
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:09,141
I think it needs
to be higher.
21
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,240
Okay!
22
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:13,111
(JOOw! Ow! Ow!NG)
23
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:16,281
That crackling
sound you hear
isn't the fire.
24
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:16,540
It's my spine.
25
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,150
(SOBBING)
26
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:27,192
* Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
27
00:01:27,221 --> 00:01:29,661
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
28
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:34,260
* It feels like a party
every day
29
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,625
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
30
00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:40,525
* But they keep on pulling
me every which way
31
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:45,138
* Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
32
00:01:45,173 --> 00:01:48,583
* My whole world is changing
Turning around
33
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:52,279
* They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking
the ground
34
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:55,253
* But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
35
00:01:55,283 --> 00:01:58,423
* And I don't want to let them
down, down, down
36
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,222
* Hey Jessie
37
00:02:02,690 --> 00:02:05,190
* Hey Jessie
38
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,460
* It feels like a party
every day
39
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:13,527
* Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, Jessie *
40
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:25,682
That wasn't ice skating!
That was ultimate fighting
in a meat locker!
41
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:29,423
It was awesome.
You spent more time
skating on your face
42
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:30,280
than on your feet.
43
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:37,161
New Yorkers are so rude.
I can't believe that
little girl ran over me!
44
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,229
Hello!
45
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:43,461
You fell right
in front of me!
46
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,327
You probably should
have stayed in
the beginners' lane.
47
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,666
There were lanes?
48
00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:51,741
Jessie, you should have
stayed at the snack bar
with me, eating chesty nuts.
49
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:56,341
* I'm off to Cabo
and vacation
50
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,407
* Fa-la-la-la-la
la-la-la-la
51
00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:00,476
* No more kids
and aggravation
52
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,684
* Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
ha-ha-ha
53
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,786
(OPERATICALLY)
* Ha!
54
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:10,715
Wow. Bertram is belting
a bitter butler ballad.
Bravo!
55
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:17,229
I won't miss you,
or you, and I think I'll
miss you least of all!
56
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:18,665
(BERTRAM CHUCKLING)
57
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:24,409
Bertram, you forgot
your hammock.
58
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:27,738
That's not a hammock.
It's my bathing suit,
which I will wear
59
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,005
as I frolic in the
crystal blue waters
of Mexico!
60
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,353
(SCATTING JOYFULLY)
61
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:34,781
And this is my impression
of the fish when he does.
62
00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,675
(SCREAMING)
63
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,285
Adios, suckers!
64
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,294
Hey, Ravi, want to write
our lists to Santa?
65
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:50,325
Who is this Santa
you speak of?
66
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:55,044
Oh, he's wonderful.
He's old and chubby
and he has a cool beard.
67
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,668
So he is like
Bertram?
68
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,836
No, Santa likes
his job.
69
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:05,475
He watches every
child all the time.
70
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:08,483
He knows when you've
been sleeping. He knows
when you're awake.
71
00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,860
A fat man is
constantly
spying on us?
72
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:22,756
Is it just me, or is
that really creepy?
73
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:27,436
No, it's great!
Because if you've been
good, he brings you toys!
74
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,798
But what if you
have been bad?
75
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:31,740
Don't be.
76
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:41,381
JESSIE: Okay, kids. I've
got a lot of stuff to buy,
so let's get in and get out.
77
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:43,445
I want to go
see Santa!
78
00:04:43,484 --> 00:04:44,524
He is here?
79
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,458
Ravi, why do you
look so scared?
80
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:54,701
Because Zuri told me
a horrible tale about this
fat, judgmental gnome,
81
00:04:56,364 --> 00:05:00,874
a corpulent voyeur
obsessed with children
and their naughtiness!
82
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:05,441
This Santa person
is not real, is he Jessie?
83
00:05:07,741 --> 00:05:10,741
Of course Santa is real!
And he loves children.
84
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:12,378
For breakfast?
85
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,921
Oh, man up, Mowgli!
86
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,719
Look! There's Santa!
87
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,755
Hey! Nice boys and girls
wait their turn.
88
00:05:24,792 --> 00:05:30,532
But if you want lap time now
with the big guy, you can
slip me some cookie dough.
89
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:37,465
Hey, Jessie!
Santa's bouncer is trying
to hit us up for a bribe.
90
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:42,477
Little girl, that's
a ho, ho, horrible
accusation.
91
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:45,811
Back of the line!
92
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,816
Don't talk to
my kids that way!
93
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:51,918
Please do not
provoke Santa's
peevish henchman.
94
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,792
Get lost,
before I convince
a certain someone
95
00:05:54,822 --> 00:05:56,722
to put these kids
on the naughty list!
96
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,587
No!
97
00:05:58,626 --> 00:05:59,426
Do not talk to my kids
like that!
I'm watching you!
98
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:08,695
Don't worry, Zuri.
You and Ravi will get
your turn on Santa's lap.
99
00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:11,671
(CRYING)
100
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:28,161
He beckons me like Yama,
the god of death who dwells
in the fires of naraka!
101
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:28,558
(SCREAMING)
102
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,703
He's gonna lose it
when the Easter Bunny
comes to town.
103
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:45,439
Luke, I told you the pattern
was popcorn, popcorn,
cranberry, popcorn!
104
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:47,843
Instead, you did cranberry,
cranberry, popcorn, cranberry.
105
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:53,910
Oh, I know. And I'll
have to live with that
for the rest of my life.
106
00:06:55,983 --> 00:07:00,223
Once, I made a gingerbread
house that wasn't up to code.
107
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,723
It collapsed on a little
gingerbread family.
108
00:07:04,024 --> 00:07:05,034
Still haunts me.
109
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:12,972
I hate snow.
110
00:07:15,669 --> 00:07:18,239
Just because one little
jumbo jet slides off
the runway
111
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:21,541
into short-term parking,
my vacation is ruined!
112
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:22,909
(SOBS)
113
00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:29,476
Jessie, can you help me
wrap my present
for Mr. Kipling?
114
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,947
Oh, of course, sweetie.
What did you get him?
115
00:07:30,984 --> 00:07:32,594
BUgh!
116
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:41,932
(INSECTS BUZZING)
117
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,762
(CJESSIE: Emma!NG)
118
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:44,827
CHRISTINA: Hi, guys!
119
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:45,965
MORGAN: Hey, guys!
120
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,029
(CHILDREN EXCLAIMING)
121
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,066
Merry almost
Christmas!
122
00:07:50,103 --> 00:07:53,513
Listen, guys, all the planes
coming out of Chicago have
been grounded,
123
00:07:53,541 --> 00:07:56,681
so Mom and Dad are
gonna hop on a train.
124
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,910
With the 10,000 other
people who are also stuck
at the airport.
125
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:01,547
So we're gonna make
lots of new friends!
126
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:05,546
Is Mrs. Mommy upset?
127
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,656
Hard to tell since
she got the BOTOX.
128
00:08:09,723 --> 00:08:11,933
So, kids, why don't you
go get Great-Grandma Ross'
129
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:14,929
porcelain angel
for the top of the tree?
130
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,632
(ZURI GASPS)
131
00:08:16,664 --> 00:08:19,304
Jessie, come closer.
132
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:23,672
CHRISTINA: Whoa, hey!
No! Not that close!
133
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:27,274
We need to get her
a faciaOh, yeah!istmas.
134
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:30,607
I texted you a list
of some more presents
you need to get.
135
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:34,824
Oh... Yes, I see!
136
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:39,548
Uh, maybe it would be faster
to send me a list of things
you don't need.
137
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:42,717
You mean like a negative
nanny with humongous
pores? (LAUGHING)
138
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:45,788
(FEIGNS LAUGHTER)
139
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:50,827
Well, I will be there
when the stores open.
140
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,134
Me and my
cavernous pores.
141
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:55,942
Get off it!
142
00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,709
I always put
the angel on!
143
00:08:57,738 --> 00:08:59,768
That's why
it's my turn!
144
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:02,880
Gotta go! Ho ho ho!
145
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,114
Hey! Back away
from the railing!
146
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:10,947
If I've said it
once, I've said it
a thousand times.
147
00:09:10,984 --> 00:09:14,094
No fighting over
a priceless, extremely
fragile family heirloom
148
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:15,661
at the top of the stairs
next to a steep drop!
149
00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:22,132
Ravi! Mr. Kipling
is eating his present
before Christmas!
150
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,732
Mr. Kipling!
Shame on you!
151
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:28,698
(SNAPPING SOUND)
152
00:09:28,736 --> 00:09:29,736
Stand back!
153
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:30,640
(CREAKING)
154
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:40,749
ALL: (SCREAMING) No!
155
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:46,749
(ALL CHEERING)
156
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:51,156
And Mr. Kipling
makes the catch!
157
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,191
(ALL CHEER)
158
00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:03,767
For the 9,000th time
today, we're out
of any doll
159
00:10:03,804 --> 00:10:08,044
that screams, cries, or wets.
And if you ask me again,
I'll do all three!
160
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:09,982
Next!
161
00:10:11,078 --> 00:10:14,678
Hi. How are you today?
162
00:10:18,185 --> 00:10:22,185
I'm sorry for asking.
Here. I don't want the kids
to see what I'm buying,
163
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:24,862
so can you just
hurry up with this?
164
00:10:24,892 --> 00:10:27,632
Gee, and here I was
hoping to ring in
the new year with you.
165
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,170
Christina Ross?
The supermodel?
166
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:34,099
No offense,
167
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,674
but you're no
Christina Ross.
168
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:39,174
I know, I know. I have
pores like manhole
covers. Moving on!
169
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:44,682
Christina gave me her card
to use, so just ring me up
and you can go back
170
00:10:44,712 --> 00:10:47,052
to service
with a scowl.
171
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:47,950
Security!
172
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:48,081
(ALARM RINGING)
173
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:51,720
What's the problem?
174
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:52,252
Ugh, you again!
175
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:55,958
Ugh, back at ya!
176
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:58,029
Keep your pointy
ears out of this.
177
00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,128
She gave me
a stolen credit card!
178
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:03,159
She's trying to pass herself
off as Christina Ross!
179
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,996
(BOTH LAUGHING)
180
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:08,243
Right, and I'm
Tyra Banks.
181
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,798
(LAUGHING)
182
00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:11,837
Ow! No, no, no!
183
00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,812
You don't understand!
I'm a nanny. That's
my boss' credit card.
184
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:16,011
Her kids are here.
They'll explain it.
Emma! Luke!
185
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:20,978
Hey! Get your hands
off my girlfriend!
186
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,054
You're his girlfriend?
That is sick!
187
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:26,253
I'm putting you and
your whole gang away.
188
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,146
Gang? We're just kids!
189
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:29,487
I hate kids!
190
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,162
(EMMA WHIMPERS)
191
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:33,230
But you're
Santa's helper.
192
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:37,830
No, I'm not. I'm undercover.
I'm a store detective.
193
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:42,035
Oh, so if anything goes
missing off the bottom
two shelves, you're on it!
194
00:11:42,069 --> 00:11:44,139
Ow!
195
00:11:44,171 --> 00:11:47,471
Keep your curly-toed
shoes off my kid.
Come on, guys.
196
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,907
Hold it, criminals!
You're all coming
with me!
197
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,751
Ignore the elf.
198
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,847
Don't make me
use this.
199
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:59,024
What? Am I gonna
get a candy caning?
200
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,722
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
201
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,220
(ALL GASPING)
202
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:08,297
Uh, she was really
naughty this year.
203
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:19,905
I should be the one
laying on a table getting
salt rubbed into me.
204
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:23,280
Bertram, can you
see the muscles on
my skin twitching?
205
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:27,850
Because I am pretty sure
that is happening.
206
00:12:27,881 --> 00:12:32,991
That's a sugar high.
Don't worry. Afterwards,
you'll sleep so soundly
207
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:34,250
you won't hear
your teeth rotting.
208
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,557
(SCREAMS)
209
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:38,631
(EXCLAIMS)
210
00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:48,903
Well, I found
the fruit salad.
211
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:53,036
Mmm, I love fruit.
Almost as much
as I love sprinkles.
212
00:12:53,073 --> 00:12:54,573
Sprinkles, sprinkles,
sprinkles!
213
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,137
I need to eat
more sprinkles!
I need a nap.
214
00:13:00,247 --> 00:13:06,187
Okay, this is officially
the worst shopping trip ever.
215
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:09,259
And that includes the time
my dad took me shopping
for my first training bra!
216
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,389
The army surplus store
is not exactly known for
its young miss department!
217
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,961
We're never gonna
get out of here!
218
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:20,596
I'm never gonna
have a boyfriend,
or a sweet 16, or prom!
219
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:24,243
Unless I have a prom
in prison... I don't
wanna have a prison prom!
220
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:27,836
I'd like to volunteer
to slap Emma back to sanity.
221
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,947
(SCREAMING)
Get us out of here!
222
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,120
Stop shaking me!
I'm not a snow globe!
223
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:40,320
Emma, don't worry.
I'm gonna bust us
out of this joint.
224
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:42,893
All right? Just...
Oh, oh!
225
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:43,623
I saw this
in a movie once.
226
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,416
Gonna chisel us
out of here.
227
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,899
By the time you do,
Emma will be dancing
at her prison prom.
228
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:53,703
(CRYING)
229
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:58,043
There will be
no prison prom!
230
00:14:01,008 --> 00:14:04,208
Well, I guess that's why
nobody ever tunneled out
of jail with a candy cane.
231
00:14:06,013 --> 00:14:08,283
Warden! Let me out!
I'm innocent!
232
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,445
I'll get the keys.
233
00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,054
Prepare to be grateful.
234
00:14:16,456 --> 00:14:18,926
I got it!
I got it!
I got it!
235
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:26,270
I don't got it.
236
00:14:26,299 --> 00:14:27,629
I think I'm stuck.
237
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:28,367
Here.
238
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:31,971
Ow! You're gonna
rip my ears off!
239
00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:34,035
What do you care?
You never listen anyway.
240
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,344
(SCREAMS)
241
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,375
Here, ready?
And go!
242
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,750
(SCREAMING)
243
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:42,948
Pipe down! The girls
in the complaint department
are complaining!
244
00:14:46,353 --> 00:14:50,293
Look, Officer Jingles,
(CHUCKLING)
245
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,096
I know my rights
and I demand a phone call.
246
00:14:55,695 --> 00:14:55,955
Okay.
247
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:01,937
Hello? Hello?
248
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:03,970
(COW MOOING)
249
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:05,274
(GASPS)
250
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:05,905
Does anybody here speak cow?
251
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:09,481
You gave us
a toy phone?
252
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:11,109
You're in toy jail.
253
00:15:12,712 --> 00:15:14,682
We need a
Christmas miracle!
254
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,324
Jingles, the police
just called.
255
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,489
There was a heist
at a jewelry store.
256
00:15:18,518 --> 00:15:20,348
Someone just stole
five golden rings.
257
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:24,087
ALL: Five golden rings?
258
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,394
So they can't pick up
your suspects.
259
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,095
Well, I'm not just
gonna let them go.
260
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:31,128
But the store Christmas
party is starting, and I
got us matching outfits!
261
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:36,242
Come on, Officer Jingles.
You don't want to miss
the party.
262
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,239
After all, you've
got the limbo contest
in the bag.
263
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:44,142
Oh, just get out
and never come back!
264
00:15:44,411 --> 00:15:47,151
LUKE: Okay!
265
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:51,250
Free at last! From now on,
I'm shopping online!
266
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:51,424
JESSIE: Go, go.
267
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:57,087
Thank you, sir... Ma'am...
Officer? Elf? I don't...
268
00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,491
Hey! You forgot something!
269
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:05,373
Here, bite down on this.
270
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,626
Oh, boy.
271
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:11,297
This is gonna hurt you
a lot more than it hurts me.
272
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:12,168
(GOw!TS)
273
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:23,453
Mommy and Daddy
should be home by now.
274
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:27,153
Perhaps the evil Santa
has kidnapped them
and put them to work
275
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,557
in his North Pole
sweatshop!
276
00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:38,028
Okay, I'm gonna say this
once more, slowly and calmly.
277
00:16:38,065 --> 00:16:40,325
(SCREAMING)
Santa is a good guy!
278
00:16:44,471 --> 00:16:46,241
Do you know how late it is?
279
00:16:46,273 --> 00:16:48,213
How dare you leave me
all alone with these
sugar fiends!
280
00:16:50,177 --> 00:16:52,507
Yeah, I can see how
tough it's been.
281
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:56,775
Meanwhile, I was caned
and thrown in the slammer
by a power-mad elf!
282
00:16:56,816 --> 00:17:00,816
Long story.
About a short person.
283
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:02,593
Well, I'm still
picking cherries
out of my nose!
284
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:03,922
I don't want to hear
about your nose cherries!
285
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:07,186
Or how you should be
shaking your maracas
in a Mexican disco!
286
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,197
I should be
shaking my...
287
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,299
Hi, guys.
288
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:11,561
ALL: Hi!
289
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,528
Hi, Mommy!
290
00:17:13,566 --> 00:17:16,066
Where are you?
291
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:20,073
Well, we're on the train,
but the blizzard has shut
everything down.
292
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:22,837
Oh, that gives me
an idea for a movie!
293
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:25,475
Two parents trying to get home
to their kids for Christmas,
294
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:27,512
but they're trapped
in a blizzard on a train!
295
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,317
How do you do it?
296
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,349
I don't know!
297
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:35,224
So you're not gonna
be home for Christmas?
298
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,355
Of course we will, sweetie.
299
00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,859
When you wake up Christmas
morning, we'll be there.
300
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:43,161
And meantime, Jessie
and Bertram are gonna
make this
301
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:46,226
the best Christmas
ever, right guys?
302
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:50,866
Right! The best ever.
303
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:55,383
Kids, gather by the fire,
and Daddy and I will read you
The Night Before Christmas.
304
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:56,278
Yeah, let's go.
305
00:17:57,544 --> 00:18:00,254
I hope the evil Santa
is not in that story.
306
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:06,523
We're lucky Morgan and
Christina had these presents
in their regifting closet.
307
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:07,553
That bike will be
perfect for Ravi.
308
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,417
Only if he likes
peddling in place.
309
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,657
This is a stationary bike!
310
00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:13,492
He just came
all the way
from India.
311
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,296
He doesn't need
to go anywhere else.
312
00:18:16,329 --> 00:18:22,339
Meanwhile, this mushroom
extract will be perfect
for Zuri's laugh lines.
313
00:18:22,369 --> 00:18:25,269
You can't put anti-aging
make-up on a 7-year-old.
She'll disappear!
314
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:30,206
Fine, then we will give
Zuri the canned ham,
315
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:31,683
Luke the laser hair
removal session...
316
00:18:31,711 --> 00:18:35,381
You really want to put Luke
in the same room with a laser?
317
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:38,415
Good lookin' out.
Yeah, we'll give
this to Emma.
318
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:41,291
She's starting
to get a unibrow.
319
00:18:41,321 --> 00:18:43,321
Okay, grab your beard,
and let's go take
some photos.
320
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:50,298
Why do I have
to do this?
321
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:53,200
So Ravi sees that
Santa is a good guy,
and not a creepy stalker.
322
00:18:54,734 --> 00:18:58,274
Ho, ho, ho.
323
00:18:58,305 --> 00:19:00,705
Oh, come on.
Show me the jolly!
324
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:04,440
I'm trying, but this beard
is itchy and these pants
smell like reindeer pee.
325
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:08,584
Ow! Ow! My hair!
326
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,445
Oh! Oh! Oh!
327
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:12,591
Hey!
328
00:19:12,619 --> 00:19:14,519
That hurts!
DonStop!ve!
329
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:17,264
Stop! Stop! Stop!
330
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:18,260
Don'Hey!ve!
331
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:21,261
Let her go,
you bearded brute!
(SCREAMS)
332
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:24,356
(BOTH SCREAMING)
333
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:26,996
This is how
we do it in Calcutta!
334
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:29,243
Ravi! Ravi!
Stop! Quit!
335
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:31,703
Stop it!
336
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:36,583
Ravi! You're
beating Santa!
337
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:37,339
With something that
says "peace on Earth."
338
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:45,386
Yes, keep crawling like
the insect you are!
339
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:49,758
Ravi, thank you
so much, but Santa
wasn't hurting me.
340
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,389
An innocent man
does not run.
341
00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:56,260
What is all
the racket?
342
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:57,756
Are Mom
and Dad here?
343
00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:01,327
(SIGHS) No, guys,
you know they wish
they could be here,
344
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:02,738
but they can't
control the weather.
345
00:20:02,769 --> 00:20:07,269
All we wanted was
to have Mommy
and Daddy home.
346
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:10,637
I wouldn't say "all,"
because Mortal Terror 5
just came out,
347
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,977
but it was still
really important!
348
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:16,252
(ALL CRYING)
349
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:19,653
Guys, guys, please don't cry!
We can still have
a fun Christmas.
350
00:20:19,686 --> 00:20:20,786
Look, Zuri!
351
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,285
A ham!
352
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,403
Can you put
sprinkles on it?
353
00:20:28,428 --> 00:20:30,728
Of course. I can do
anything you want.
354
00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:33,633
Can you make Mommy
and Daddy appear?
355
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:37,396
Oh, trust me, guys,
if I could, they'd walk out
of that elevator right now.
356
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,571
BOTH: Merry Christmas!
357
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:45,349
Thanks, Jessie!
Now turn Luke
into a pony!
358
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:50,717
Guys, I thought
the trains were stopped.
How did you make it home?
359
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:54,520
Mommy and Daddy ran into
Santa Claus, and he gave us
a ride home in his sleigh.
360
00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:56,694
CHRISTINA: Absolutely.
361
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:58,533
And he even
let me steer!
362
00:20:58,558 --> 00:21:01,288
CHRISTINA: He was so nice!
363
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:05,528
Well, now I feel terrible,
because I just beat
the curry out of him.
364
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,610
(PIANO PLAYING
CHRISTMAS MUSIC)
365
00:21:15,542 --> 00:21:19,052
RAVI: Mr. Kipling loves
his new antlers.
366
00:21:19,078 --> 00:21:20,348
You are a cute
little rein-lizard.
Yes, you are.
367
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,485
Ooh, a new phone!
368
00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:28,319
Cut! Love it!
369
00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:29,315
Okay, sweetheart,
that was great.
370
00:21:29,356 --> 00:21:31,416
Let's try one more
with a little more energy.
371
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:38,604
Ooh! A new phone!
(SHRIEKING) I love it!
372
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,731
We'll go with
the first one.
I'll fix it in post.
373
00:21:43,770 --> 00:21:45,740
You're my new best friend.
374
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:48,410
Next to Hammy.
375
00:21:50,910 --> 00:21:54,480
Okay, guys, I want to take
a picture by the tree.
376
00:21:54,514 --> 00:21:57,384
Oh, and by the way,
I love that the strings
377
00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,887
are popcorn, popcorn,
cranberry, popcorn.
378
00:21:59,919 --> 00:22:03,459
I told you! I'm so glad
someone appreciates
my popcorn pattern.
379
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:09,800
Wait a minute.
Where is Jessie?
380
00:22:09,829 --> 00:22:11,759
Yeah, she needs
to be in the family
picture, too.
381
00:22:11,798 --> 00:22:13,128
(JESSIE SNORING)
382
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,365
ZURI: Yeah.
383
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:19,706
All right, everybody
gather around Jessie.
384
00:22:19,739 --> 00:22:22,509
Aw, she looks
so cute.
385
00:22:22,542 --> 00:22:23,842
Aw, she's drooling.
386
00:22:25,177 --> 00:22:26,377
That makes two of us.
387
00:22:28,615 --> 00:22:30,475
Everybody, say
"Jessie."
388
00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:31,847
ALL: Jessie!
389
00:22:31,884 --> 00:22:32,894
Huh?
390
00:22:34,521 --> 00:22:35,521
Yes!
29617
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