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Synced and corrected By Katniss Everdeen
www.addic7ed.com
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Buongiorno, miei amici.
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(In Italian accent) The captain said
we will be docking at the Italian island
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00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:13,479
of Capaldi in two hours!
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He also said I need to
work on my Italian accent.
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Oh, I cannot wait to explore
the ancient Roman ruins there!
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A beautiful island and a history lesson.
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Is this a vacation or heaven?
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Nice necklace, Jessie.
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Yeah, where did you get it?
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00:00:29,742 --> 00:00:32,898
And does it have anything to do with
why we had to leave Spain so quickly?
12
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:37,269
No, that was because Luke
caused an international incident.
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00:00:37,271 --> 00:00:39,705
Okay. If you can't block a simple uppercut,
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00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:42,908
you have no business calling
yourself the Minister of Defense.
15
00:00:44,244 --> 00:00:47,312
Anyway, my dad actually got this necklace
16
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:49,415
while he was stationed in Italy years ago.
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00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:52,851
He told me it was lucky, but that
could just mean it was on sale.
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00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:56,822
Hey, why did you two pile
your dirty clothes in my room?
19
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:59,525
Uh, so you can wash them.
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Why else do you think we wanted
you to join us on this yacht?
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Your bubbly personality?
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Uh, Bertram, thank you again
for leaving Mrs. Kipling
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at the Reptile Reduction Retreat.
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I did not tell her it was a fat camp,
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but what her cankles do
not know cannot hurt her.
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Hey, Bertram, before you do
our laundry, how about a refill?
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No!
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Did it ever occur to you guys
that I'm on vacation, too?
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(Both laughing)
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Oh, good one.
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Let's all share a laugh while
you get me some more juice.
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♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh Oh, oh, oh, oh
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♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
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♪ It feels like a party every day
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♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
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♪ But they keep on
pulling me every which way
37
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:54,713
♪ Hey Jessie, hey Jessie
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♪ My whole world is
changing Turning around
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♪ They got me going crazy
Yeah, they're shaking the ground
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00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:05,724
♪ But they took a chance
on the new girl in town
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♪ And I don't want to
let them down, down, down
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00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:10,963
♪ Hey Jessie
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♪ Hey Jessie
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00:02:16,469 --> 00:02:19,905
♪ It feels like a party every day
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♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Jessie ♪
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What an astonishing example
of Roman architecture.
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I cannot wait to post this on Facepage.
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(Gasps) Maybe I will get my first like!
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00:02:35,089 --> 00:02:38,390
Not unless all your friends
are history professors.
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00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:41,627
Which they probably are.
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The Director of Tourism is meeting us
to give us a private tour of the island.
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This'll be fun. Ciao!
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(In Italian accent) I'm
Marco, I'll be your tour guide.
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And I thought that
volcano we saw was smokin'.
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Please, this way, come.
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00:02:55,508 --> 00:03:00,112
Man, guys with accents
always get the girls.
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00:03:00,114 --> 00:03:02,714
Well, most guys with accents.
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00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:07,619
You're all so lucky to be in Capaldi
at the very best time of year!
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00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:09,388
Shopping season?
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00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,923
Every season is shopping season.
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00:03:10,925 --> 00:03:12,958
We are what you call, "a tourist trap."
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No, this is a weeklong celebration
of our history and culture.
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The Festa di Fuoco, the Festival of Fire!
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Uh, hey, Marco.
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Ah, scusi.
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00:03:24,138 --> 00:03:27,773
So, what do the ladies on
this island like in a man?
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00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,108
FYI, I can burp the entire alphabet.
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All 15 letters.
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Impressive. (Chuckles)
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But what our women find
most attractive is bravery.
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At the festival tonight, you have
a chance to prove your bravery
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by attempting to walk on hot coals.
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(Luke gasps) That seems
incredibly irresponsible.
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Are you not worried about lawsuits?
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00:03:49,129 --> 00:03:51,530
No. The legal system in Capaldi is, uh...
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How you say...
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Imaginary, huh.
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Marco: Let's start the tour.
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Uh, but first, signorina, your necklace!
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00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:03,408
No way, I was told this
tour was already paid for.
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00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,177
Oh. (Chuckles awkwardly) No, no.
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00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:07,613
The necklace is from right here in Capaldi.
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It's a treasured antique, and part of
the most romantic story ever told.
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00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:15,053
The most romantic thing that's
ever happened to me was just now,
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when you reached for my necklace.
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00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:20,492
Once, there was a very beautiful woman.
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Almost as beautiful as yourself, Jessie.
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(Giggles) Oh, stop it.
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I'm sure there are a lot
of women on this island
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who are almost as beautiful as me.
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00:04:31,537 --> 00:04:32,218
Actually, no.
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00:04:32,249 --> 00:04:34,940
Most of the women here are
not known for their beauty.
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00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,776
Super Mario was based on my
grandmother, Maria. (Chuckles)
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The woman loved her mushrooms.
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Gather round. Come on, kids.
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You see, according to legend, the
beautiful woman loved the Emperor's son,
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but the Emperor did not approve.
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He was all powerful,
but difficult to please.
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00:04:57,197 --> 00:04:59,765
Ditzia! Sarcastica!
100
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,568
You dare keep your emperor waiting?
101
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,804
You are late with my afternoon cheese!
102
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,507
You only requested it V minutes ago.
103
00:05:09,842 --> 00:05:11,843
Sorry, Emperor Harrius Backus.
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It's Berteus Maximus.
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00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,615
Tell that to the drain in the bathhouse.
106
00:05:18,484 --> 00:05:19,985
Sorry, your Royal Emperorness,
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00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:22,487
but they only invented
cheese-making three weeks ago.
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The sheep are still getting used to it.
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Enough excuses!
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How did you two even get this job?
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Because you tossed your last
servants into the jackal pit.
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00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,933
What's got your toga in a twist?
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00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:38,003
My son returns from battle today
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and I know he's going to
see his obnoxious girlfriend.
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I'd have her enslaved, but,
ugh, it's too much paperwork.
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Now fan me!
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(Sighs)
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Oscillate! Both: Yes, emperor!
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00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:02,594
Oh sure, "aqueducts will
improve everyone's lives."
120
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:05,931
Well, not for us human toilet brushes!
121
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,166
It was better when people
just pooped in the streets!
122
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,702
If there was a clog, you
just waited for it to rain.
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00:06:12,171 --> 00:06:14,039
Veritas dat, brother.
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Look, Nerdicus!
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There goes Hottia Messica, the
prettiest girl in the empire.
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She takes my breath away.
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00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:28,120
That could be the raw sewage. Ugh!
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(Gasps) Hunkio, my love.
129
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:35,594
Aw, you've returned safely from battle.
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And you look so cute
in your little uniform!
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Hottia, not in front of the guys.
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(Clears throat)
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A gift, my dear.
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Its magnificent beauty struck
me from across the battlefield,
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00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,042
and I just had to bring it back to you.
136
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,879
Ah, that is so romantic.
137
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:56,248
The Barbarian standing next
to it said the same thing.
138
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Right before I chopped his legs off.
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(Chuckles)
140
00:06:59,953 --> 00:07:02,020
And now I'm wondering if
this flower was always red.
141
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,222
Is that a piece of tendon?
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Hottia, while I was away fighting,
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all I could think about
was my deep love for you.
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00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:13,064
And not getting killed.
145
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,699
But mostly my deep love for you.
146
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:21,139
Why does Hunkio get the
hottest babeus in the land,
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00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:25,677
while we're up to our waists in waste?
148
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:30,749
He is a descendant of royalty, while
you are a filth-encrusted peasant.
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00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:31,983
You do the math.
150
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:34,186
Actually do not, it always ends badly.
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00:07:35,154 --> 00:07:36,221
True.
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00:07:37,990 --> 00:07:39,791
Hey.
153
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,693
Let's become gladiators.
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00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:43,728
No one's braver than those guys.
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The ladies will love us!
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00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,765
Brilliant, Odorus!
157
00:07:46,767 --> 00:07:49,034
But do you think there are any openings?
158
00:07:50,670 --> 00:07:52,370
(Crashing) (Man screaming)
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(People gasping)
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00:07:56,742 --> 00:07:57,843
I'm guessing yes.
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00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:04,382
Ditzia!
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Sarcastica!
163
00:08:06,919 --> 00:08:09,354
Are you sleeping on the job?
164
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:15,026
What kind of lazy, good for nothing servant
naps when there's work to be done?
165
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,666
Sorry, Emperor, but we didn't
get much sleep last night.
166
00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:24,202
Our mattress is made from the
bones of your last servants.
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00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:26,338
Silence!
168
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:29,808
It is now time for the
imperial grape-feeding.
169
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:30,775
Ah!
170
00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:34,713
You do it.
171
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,248
No, you do it.
172
00:08:36,250 --> 00:08:40,785
Do you know how hard it is to get a job
as a nine-fingered servant in this economy?
173
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,756
(Chomping)
174
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:46,758
Blech! (Spits) (Shrieks)
175
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:51,129
These grapes are not peeled!
176
00:08:51,131 --> 00:08:53,031
What am I, livestock?
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00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:57,969
You two can make it up to
me with a back waxing!
178
00:08:58,838 --> 00:08:59,645
(Retching)
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00:08:59,676 --> 00:09:02,904
I think I'm gonna need
to hit the vomitorium.
180
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:07,245
Emperor Baldius...
181
00:09:07,247 --> 00:09:08,980
I mean, Berteus...
182
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,949
You have visitors.
183
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:16,054
Father, I know you do not approve of
our union, but I love Hottia Messica
184
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:17,489
and I intend to marry her.
185
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:19,157
What?
186
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:22,994
Yeah, maybe I'll just
go wait in the chariot.
187
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:29,267
So go ahead, throw us to the
lions, burn us at the stake,
188
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,903
hurl us from the highest
mountains... Sweetie.
189
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,038
Stop giving him ideas.
190
00:09:34,974 --> 00:09:36,408
Very well.
191
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:40,378
If you two are truly in
love, then I support you.
192
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:41,913
Say whatticus, now?
193
00:09:43,783 --> 00:09:45,784
In fact, I have a gift for you.
194
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,821
The Enchanted Necklace.
195
00:09:49,823 --> 00:09:50,755
(Gasps)
196
00:09:50,757 --> 00:09:52,924
Hey!
197
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,026
You said that would be my reward for
a life of brain-numbing servitude.
198
00:09:55,028 --> 00:09:58,129
Well, don't believe anything I
say when I'm hungry for grapes.
199
00:09:59,832 --> 00:10:02,400
Welcome to the family, my dear.
200
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,803
Aw, thanks, Dad.
201
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,438
Ugh... Okay. Okay.
202
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,006
It's baby steps, gotcha.
203
00:10:09,408 --> 00:10:11,876
Meet me at the arena tonight!
204
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:15,847
We shall celebrate by watching
a tiger eat a thief's foot!
205
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:20,385
I feel like Emperor Berteus
is just misunderstood.
206
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,921
He sounds like a great guy!
207
00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,923
No, he was obviously a mean,
208
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:27,959
demanding, bossy-pants
who mistreats his servants.
209
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,428
I'm tired of standing.
210
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:32,330
Knee seat! (Sighs)
211
00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:39,804
Signorina Jessie, there is
something I want to ask you.
212
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:41,873
Uh-oh. Here it comes.
213
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,341
He wants to borrow money.
214
00:10:45,011 --> 00:10:49,848
Or ask you to carry his suitcase,
"just until you get through customs."
215
00:10:50,549 --> 00:10:52,317
No, no, no.
216
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,886
I wish to ask Jessie to be my
date to the Festival of Fire.
217
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,088
Oh, Marco, I would love to.
218
00:10:57,090 --> 00:11:01,026
I'll wear my best flame-retardant
dress and go easy on the hair spray!
219
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:03,628
You make me the happiest
man in all of Capaldi!
220
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,963
Except for Giuseppe.
221
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,298
He invented the stuffed crust pizza.
222
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,434
He live like a King!
223
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:10,502
(Cell phone chiming)
224
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:12,971
Oh, mi scusi, per momento.
225
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:17,976
Well, Jessie,
226
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:19,944
it looks like you finally got the
romantic adventure you were looking for.
227
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:21,112
You can say that again.
228
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:22,280
Slump over!
229
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:24,182
(Gasps)
230
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,851
Jessie, you ruined the ruins!
231
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:29,154
That was already broken.
232
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,129
(All gasping)
233
00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:42,967
(Both giggle)
234
00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:48,173
Man, Marco was right.
235
00:11:48,175 --> 00:11:49,641
Girls love firewalking.
236
00:11:49,643 --> 00:11:50,909
Come on.
237
00:11:51,343 --> 00:11:53,978
Uh, hi.
238
00:11:53,980 --> 00:11:56,414
Me and my bro are going to
be firewalking later, too.
239
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,449
(Chuckles) Huh?
240
00:11:57,451 --> 00:12:02,087
But, you know, even slower
and, uh, brave-ier.
241
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:03,688
(Chuckles awkwardly)
242
00:12:03,690 --> 00:12:04,923
(Cracking knuckles)
243
00:12:05,991 --> 00:12:08,426
Luke. Yeah?
244
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:12,130
I'm afraid your mouth has written
a check our feet cannot cash.
245
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:15,166
I also think I just
broke one of my knuckles.
246
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:18,503
Okay, who wants to hear the rest
of the story of the necklace? Huh?
247
00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:19,904
What else is there to hear?
248
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:22,674
Emperor Berteus is awesome. End of story.
249
00:12:22,676 --> 00:12:25,910
Oh, no, stories on Capaldi
are notoriously long.
250
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,412
Minimum two bathroom breaks.
251
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:30,014
Don't you worry. I have
the bladder of an elephant.
252
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:31,950
Okay, not what men want to hear.
253
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,118
On with the story!
254
00:12:34,954 --> 00:12:36,020
Oh.
255
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:36,896
Hunkio.
256
00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:40,391
As an early wedding present, I got
you this designer sundial watch.
257
00:12:40,393 --> 00:12:42,127
It keeps perfect time.
258
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:43,528
As long as you use it outside.
259
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,196
During the day. And there's no clouds.
260
00:12:47,032 --> 00:12:49,033
Hottia, I'm sorry, but...
261
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,069
The wedding is off!
262
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:53,638
Okay, not an accessories guy. Noted.
263
00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:56,074
No, it is...
264
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,709
I cannot explain it.
265
00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,077
Somehow...
266
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,513
I am just not in love with you anymore.
267
00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:03,715
What? Is this about your father?
268
00:13:03,717 --> 00:13:04,584
No...
269
00:13:04,615 --> 00:13:08,082
I do not know what it is. It is just over.
270
00:13:09,555 --> 00:13:10,622
Wait!
271
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:13,024
Hunkio, can't we talk about this?
272
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,026
Oh, but you're just gonna keep the watch?
273
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,394
Okay. All right...
274
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,333
My lady, are you all right?
275
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,102
No.
276
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:27,038
The love of my life just
handed me my walking parchments.
277
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,174
And I have no clue in Hades why!
278
00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,976
I am so sorry that happened to you.
279
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,711
The names Odorus Armpiticus.
280
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:35,246
Here's my Roman numeral.
281
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,481
Call me.
282
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:39,050
Excuse him.
283
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:43,421
He's feeling rather confident as we
have just signed up to be gladiators!
284
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,256
I hear they have a great retirement plan.
285
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:48,226
Of course, no one's ever
lived to use it, but still.
286
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:54,165
Okay, I'm done cutting your hair.
287
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:55,200
All four of them.
288
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:59,270
Hey, you got it easy!
289
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,207
It's like trying to cut
through marble down here!
290
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:04,075
Gross, nasty marble.
291
00:14:05,965 --> 00:14:07,445
You know what would make that harder?
292
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,380
If I cut off your hand.
293
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:12,150
Which, I won't do, as
I'm in such a good mood.
294
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:15,420
Because you're happy that your son
has found true love with Hottia?
295
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,422
What? No!
296
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,657
Their relationship is doomed!
297
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:24,095
The enchanted necklace I
gave Hottia has a spell on it!
298
00:14:24,097 --> 00:14:26,331
(Gasps) A spell?
299
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,633
I had a witch curse it.
300
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:34,505
Whoever is in possession of that necklace,
will forever be unlucky in love.
301
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:35,573
(Laughs maniacally)
302
00:14:38,377 --> 00:14:41,613
Now, if you'll excuse me,
it is time for my milk bath.
303
00:14:41,615 --> 00:14:44,349
Servants, squeeze me a goat!
304
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:48,052
This is terrible!
305
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,188
We have to go warn Hottia.
306
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:52,457
And that goat!
307
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,219
Jessie: Whoa, whoa,
whoa, stop right there!
308
00:14:54,693 --> 00:14:55,240
So...
309
00:14:55,271 --> 00:14:57,428
The necklace that I'm wearing right now,
310
00:14:57,430 --> 00:15:00,598
the one I thought was
lucky, is actually cursed?
311
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,500
It's not that simple, you see.
312
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:06,104
Oh, mi scusi, one more time, per favore.
313
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:08,267
Wait, so...
314
00:15:08,298 --> 00:15:11,442
My love life is the
victim of an ancient curse?
315
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:14,846
That explains so, so much.
316
00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,749
Yeah!
317
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:21,085
That necklace is the reason that
Jessie and I are not a couple.
318
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,187
Hmm, it's not even on
the first page of reasons.
319
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,824
You know what, my dad gave me this necklace
320
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:29,127
right before my first school dance.
321
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:32,630
No wonder every boy turned me down,
even the guy in the coyote suit.
322
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,232
You mean the mascot?
323
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:35,099
No.
324
00:15:36,568 --> 00:15:38,269
What about Marco?
325
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,505
Yeah, he's obviously into you.
326
00:15:40,507 --> 00:15:41,579
Maybe you guys are right.
327
00:15:41,610 --> 00:15:43,838
Marco is great, and he
does seem to like me.
328
00:15:47,579 --> 00:15:49,147
And her!
329
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:49,896
What!
330
00:15:49,927 --> 00:15:52,914
That two-timing tour
guide has a girlfriend?
331
00:15:53,852 --> 00:15:55,720
Maybe I am cursed.
332
00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:58,156
I'll never find true love.
333
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:01,326
We didn't have to travel all the way
to the Mediterranean to find that out.
334
00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:07,165
Many apologies, my friends,
for all the interruptions.
335
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:12,136
Oh, Jessie, you have a cute vein on
your forehead going boom-boom-boom.
336
00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:15,206
Yeah, that means I either want to
smack someone, or it's going to rain.
337
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,874
Come on, kids, let's get back to the boat.
338
00:16:18,905 --> 00:16:21,612
Jessie, don't you want to hear
the end of the necklace story?
339
00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,215
Yeah, maybe there's a
way to break the curse.
340
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:27,318
Right, I mean, you don't
want to end up like Ravi.
341
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,287
Hey!
342
00:16:29,289 --> 00:16:32,156
I will have you know I have been
chatting with a very cute girl online.
343
00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,258
Her screen name is Catfish.
344
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:38,363
Yeah. I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
345
00:16:39,365 --> 00:16:41,232
All right. Fine.
346
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,267
We'll let Marco finish his story.
347
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:45,603
While he still has his teeth.
348
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,572
So... Where were we?
349
00:16:49,208 --> 00:16:51,609
Can't I just throw this
cursed necklace away?
350
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:54,345
Or trade it in for store
credit at Abercrombie and Witch?
351
00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:56,214
No!
352
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:58,349
There's only one way to lift the curse.
353
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,552
You must place it in the
Cave of Cursicus Reversicus.
354
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:05,323
The name's a bit on-the-nose,
but so is the word fireplace,
355
00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:08,393
and no one has a problem with that.
356
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:11,829
But first, you must get past the
vicious lion that guards the entrance.
357
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:14,365
(Sighs) Why does it
always have to be a lion?
358
00:17:15,401 --> 00:17:17,239
We're gonna need some gladiators.
359
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:21,669
But where are we gonna find big,
brave gladiators on a moment's notice?
360
00:17:22,574 --> 00:17:23,841
Hey, ladies!
361
00:17:24,510 --> 00:17:26,244
Whatus uppus?
362
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,382
Would scrawny, smelly gladiators do?
363
00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:40,391
Remember, you must go
to the back of the cave
364
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,460
and place the necklace on the marble altar.
365
00:17:42,462 --> 00:17:45,797
Then wait for a large puff of smoke,
which means the curse has been reversed.
366
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:47,398
We think.
367
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,567
Nobody's ever made it out of there alive.
368
00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,403
But, hey, there's always a first time.
369
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,377
Huh. Thank Jupiter!
370
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,946
It appears the lion is not here.
371
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,815
(Lion roaring)
372
00:18:04,349 --> 00:18:06,284
Huh. Um...
373
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,419
Caves don't usually burp, do they?
374
00:18:10,522 --> 00:18:15,493
Okay, I need you guys to go in there and
lure out the lion so I can sneak in.
375
00:18:17,262 --> 00:18:18,362
Who, us?
376
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:20,565
Yes, you.
377
00:18:20,567 --> 00:18:23,034
That's what gladiators do, battle lions.
378
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:24,335
And tigers. And bears.
379
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:25,558
Oh my!
380
00:18:25,589 --> 00:18:30,471
Well, I never thought I would miss cleaning
up human excrement, yet here we are.
381
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:33,544
Here kitty, kitty, kitty...
382
00:18:35,347 --> 00:18:37,715
(Lion roaring) (Both screaming)
383
00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:45,423
Wow, I've never seen two
guys in skirts run that fast.
384
00:18:46,992 --> 00:18:48,459
(Sighs) Okay.
385
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:49,235
I'm going in.
386
00:18:49,266 --> 00:18:52,360
Let me know if the lion finishes
his lunch and comes back for dessert.
387
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,435
I really hope this works.
388
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,757
I don't want to live the rest
of my life without true love.
389
00:19:02,107 --> 00:19:05,009
I'd just be happy to get
some bread without maggots.
390
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:07,478
(Gasps) I thought those were raisins.
391
00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:14,819
I don't see the lion anymore.
392
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:16,654
Do you think we lost it?
393
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,423
(Lion growling) (Both shriek)
394
00:19:22,361 --> 00:19:23,628
No. I do not.
395
00:19:26,398 --> 00:19:27,932
(Both screaming)
396
00:19:35,507 --> 00:19:36,548
Okay.
397
00:19:36,579 --> 00:19:40,741
I just inhaled a bonfire, and stepped
in what I think was my second cousin.
398
00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:45,449
But on the bright side,
the curse is reversed.
399
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:46,851
Congratulations!
400
00:19:46,853 --> 00:19:49,353
We knew you could do it!
401
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:52,356
(Lion roaring) (All screaming)
402
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:59,363
Hunkio? Hottia!
403
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:02,466
Guards! Fetch the foot eating tiger!
404
00:20:02,468 --> 00:20:04,936
I hope he didn't get too full on thief.
405
00:20:04,938 --> 00:20:07,405
No, Father, wait!
406
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:11,475
Suddenly, I love Hottia again and
I've missed her desperately.
407
00:20:11,477 --> 00:20:12,810
You what?
408
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,979
Ha! In your face, Berteus!
409
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,881
Please don't hurt me.
410
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:20,484
Hottia, I know I said some
terrible things to you and,
411
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:23,387
honestly, I still do not know why.
412
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,389
But I did not mean any of it.
413
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,858
I want to marry you, if
you will still have me.
414
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,027
Of course I will.
415
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:31,095
(Gasps)
416
00:20:32,464 --> 00:20:34,098
(All cheering)
417
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,700
A thousand blessings on your house!
418
00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:37,868
Babooshio!
419
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:40,571
Oh, and we can even
honeymoon at Caesar's Palace.
420
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,440
Great! I have a coupon for the buffet. Oh!
421
00:20:42,442 --> 00:20:45,576
Yeah! Stupid curse reversing cave.
422
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,045
I have got to have that thing filled in.
423
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:51,082
And fire that lion.
424
00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:55,553
Oh, Hottia, I cannot wait to spend
the rest of our lives together.
425
00:20:55,555 --> 00:20:59,857
And thanks to modern medicine, that
could be as much as three more years.
426
00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:04,161
So, the curse was lifted?
427
00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:06,464
That can't be true. You must
have told the story wrong.
428
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:07,313
Oh, no, signorina.
429
00:21:07,344 --> 00:21:09,934
This is the most famous
story in all of Capaldi.
430
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,436
And also the only one not
involving a magical zucchini.
431
00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:15,506
Okay, my necklace must be cursed.
432
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:18,109
How else can you explain
my miserable love life?
433
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:20,511
Maybe it's those earrings you always wear.
434
00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:22,213
You think my earrings are cursed, too?
435
00:21:22,215 --> 00:21:23,748
No. They're just tacky.
436
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:27,218
I am sure you exaggerate, signorina.
437
00:21:27,220 --> 00:21:29,887
Give me one example of why
your love life is so horrible.
438
00:21:29,889 --> 00:21:32,490
(Scoffs) Do not get her started.
439
00:21:32,492 --> 00:21:34,625
You'll wish you were eaten by a lion.
440
00:21:35,527 --> 00:21:37,228
Here's a great example.
441
00:21:37,230 --> 00:21:37,884
You!
442
00:21:37,915 --> 00:21:40,498
I thought you were this amazing, sweet guy,
443
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,033
and then I find out you have a girlfriend.
444
00:21:42,035 --> 00:21:45,236
What? No, no, I do not have a girlfriend.
445
00:21:45,238 --> 00:21:47,505
Oh, Marcella, my little sister.
446
00:21:47,507 --> 00:21:49,573
She came home for the Festa.
447
00:21:49,575 --> 00:21:50,841
Oh!
448
00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:52,109
I am so sorry.
449
00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:54,578
I'm just not used to
seeing siblings get along.
450
00:21:54,580 --> 00:21:57,682
Last April Fools', Zuri framed
Luke for a diamond heist.
451
00:22:01,253 --> 00:22:03,921
Can I get you two anything to eat or drink?
452
00:22:03,923 --> 00:22:07,591
Or perhaps carry you both
around in a giant baby bjorn?
453
00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:10,628
You know what, Bertram?
454
00:22:10,630 --> 00:22:11,762
Relax for a while.
455
00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:13,564
This is your vacation too.
456
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:14,587
Absolutely.
457
00:22:14,618 --> 00:22:18,669
We realized we were being just
like that mean emperor, Berteus.
458
00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:20,538
I'm sorry. Me too.
459
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,074
That's very nice of you.
460
00:22:23,076 --> 00:22:24,642
Thank you.
461
00:22:24,644 --> 00:22:26,811
But we draw the line at
cutting your toenails.
462
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:30,147
(Chuckles awkwardly)
463
00:22:31,616 --> 00:22:33,751
Okay, Ravi, the girls are watching us.
464
00:22:33,753 --> 00:22:34,885
We can't be wimps!
465
00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:36,687
I am not a wimp.
466
00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,890
I am just a sensitive
soul with sensitive soles.
467
00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:43,627
Hey, just remember those gladiators.
468
00:22:43,629 --> 00:22:45,963
When in doubt, run!
469
00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:47,665
(Both screaming)
470
00:22:52,137 --> 00:22:53,971
Guys, that was amazing!
471
00:22:53,973 --> 00:22:57,575
You were so brave! And broiled.
472
00:22:57,577 --> 00:23:00,077
That smell isn't the grilled calamari.
473
00:23:00,612 --> 00:23:01,679
It's us!
474
00:23:03,782 --> 00:23:06,283
Do not make a big deal of
this in front of the girls,
475
00:23:06,285 --> 00:23:09,086
but we need immediate medical attention.
476
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:14,459
I'd call for help, but I'm pretty
sure the village ambulance is just a
477
00:23:14,490 --> 00:23:16,530
donkey with some Christmas
lights wrapped around it.
35690
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