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1
00:00:01,003 --> 00:00:05,669
- (SOFT POP MUSIC)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
2
00:00:05,670 --> 00:00:06,759
What are you doing, exactly?
3
00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:09,299
Literally no one in this place
has any idea who you are,
4
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,639
including that book club over there
5
00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:13,098
who, on paper, should be
huge Jann Arden fans.
6
00:00:13,099 --> 00:00:15,137
I strongly disagree.
7
00:00:15,138 --> 00:00:17,859
This dude over here really
looks like he wants a picture.
8
00:00:17,860 --> 00:00:20,770
That dude over there is deciding
whether or not to call the police.
9
00:00:20,773 --> 00:00:23,417
You've got a real "see something,
say something" vibe going on.
10
00:00:23,418 --> 00:00:25,524
I am not in the mood to be recognized.
11
00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:28,399
- Sure.
- I just would like to be anonymous.
12
00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:29,698
Got it.
13
00:00:29,699 --> 00:00:32,279
I actually wish I was invisible.
14
00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:34,700
(BARISTA): "Yann"? Is there a "Yann"?
15
00:00:34,704 --> 00:00:37,279
- Order for "Yann".
- It's Jann!
16
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,249
(THEME MUSIC)
17
00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:44,249
Is it just me or do none
of these lids fit?!
18
00:00:44,250 --> 00:00:47,209
(MAN): Hi. Yeah.
Is there a latte for Yann?
19
00:00:47,210 --> 00:00:49,479
(WHISPERING): This isn't even my coffee.
20
00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:51,519
So here's the rundown for
tonight's charity event.
21
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:53,219
You're scheduled to sing one song
22
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,433
and lunch with you has been
added to the silent auction.
23
00:00:55,434 --> 00:00:57,479
Really? 'Cause I was
planning on staying home,
24
00:00:57,480 --> 00:00:59,720
not wearing pants and watching
a Hoarders marathon.
25
00:00:59,729 --> 00:01:00,729
Do better.
26
00:01:00,730 --> 00:01:02,731
(JANN SIGHS) What's the charity for?
27
00:01:02,732 --> 00:01:04,549
- It's for ocean garbage.
- What?
28
00:01:04,550 --> 00:01:06,384
The removal of general ocean garbage.
29
00:01:06,385 --> 00:01:09,140
It's the fifth annual Water
Waste Initiative Gala,
30
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:10,780
raising funds to pause and reverse
31
00:01:10,781 --> 00:01:12,527
the pollution of the
Pacific Garbage Patch.
32
00:01:12,528 --> 00:01:14,743
I'm not doing it. (JANN GASPS)
33
00:01:14,744 --> 00:01:17,067
Oh, would you look at this!
34
00:01:17,068 --> 00:01:18,831
Cynthia's law firm's sponsoring.
35
00:01:18,832 --> 00:01:20,349
You are so right, Cale.
36
00:01:20,350 --> 00:01:21,799
This is a very important charity.
37
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,919
I will absolutely be there
at the Ocean Garbage Gala
38
00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,796
because water and straws
should never mix.
39
00:01:26,797 --> 00:01:28,910
Do not use this work event
40
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,339
as an excuse to clean up
your messy personal life.
41
00:01:31,340 --> 00:01:34,599
(JANN GASPS) I am taken aback!
42
00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,139
My abrupt change of
heart has nothing to do
43
00:01:37,140 --> 00:01:38,348
with wanting Cynthia to love me
44
00:01:38,350 --> 00:01:42,149
and everything to do with
hating ocean garbage!
45
00:01:42,150 --> 00:01:43,929
Plus, I can PVR Hoarders.
46
00:01:43,930 --> 00:01:45,024
And you'll wear pants tonight.
47
00:01:45,025 --> 00:01:47,479
- Obviously!
- It does seem obvious, doesn't it?
48
00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:48,899
But unless I say it to your face,
49
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:52,029
and get a verbal response from
your face, I will wonder all day.
50
00:01:52,030 --> 00:01:53,680
I'm just gonna book a
waxing appointment.
51
00:01:54,820 --> 00:01:56,118
Let me take some of these
52
00:01:56,119 --> 00:01:59,162
because they are harder
and harder to find.
53
00:01:59,163 --> 00:02:04,209
If you'll excuse me, I need
to get a Brazilian blowout.
54
00:02:04,210 --> 00:02:06,002
Don't say blowout when you
look like the Unabomber.
55
00:02:06,003 --> 00:02:07,962
Whatever. Bye bye.
56
00:02:07,963 --> 00:02:10,459
- I drove you here.
- Ladies.
57
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:12,967
I really appreciate your
discretion so much,
58
00:02:12,968 --> 00:02:15,637
but I just wanna be treated
like a normal person:
59
00:02:15,638 --> 00:02:17,514
regular and boring, just like you.
60
00:02:17,515 --> 00:02:19,800
So thank you. Thank you so much.
61
00:02:23,062 --> 00:02:26,299
Oh, my God! Was that Jann Arden?
62
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:27,649
(WOMEN GASPING)
63
00:02:27,650 --> 00:02:29,499
- Oh, my God! She is!
- I love Jann Arden!
64
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:33,530
- I literally can't go anywhere.
- Jann! Jann!
65
00:02:33,531 --> 00:02:36,877
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC)
66
00:02:36,878 --> 00:02:40,039
Charley, which one of
these do you like better?
67
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,160
Gram, you are too cute!
68
00:02:42,164 --> 00:02:43,541
(CAMERA CLICKS)
69
00:02:43,550 --> 00:02:44,940
But you know what,
70
00:02:44,950 --> 00:02:48,002
the purple one makes you
look drop-dead gorg.
71
00:02:48,003 --> 00:02:51,256
That's what I'm going for. Thank you!
72
00:02:51,257 --> 00:02:52,340
Any time.
73
00:02:52,341 --> 00:02:55,209
(INDISTINCT AUDIO FROM COMPUTER)
74
00:02:55,210 --> 00:03:01,016
? ?
75
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,079
What a wonderful event and
for such a great cause!
76
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:08,959
Absolutely. And are these
centrepieces old tires?
77
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,276
Make it garbage, make it fashion.
78
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:13,139
Kind of makes you wonder if
you're for or against garbage
79
00:03:13,140 --> 00:03:14,689
- at this point, right?
- I'm against it.
80
00:03:14,690 --> 00:03:17,499
Well, you look great tonight,
Nigel, as always.
81
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,479
Oh, Cynthia. You don't have to suck up
82
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:21,539
just because I'm your
firm's biggest client.
83
00:03:21,540 --> 00:03:23,439
- Don't I?
- Well, maybe a little bit.
84
00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:24,699
I'm sure you already know this,
85
00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:27,539
but I'm a huge, massive Jann Arden fan.
86
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,793
Oh, really? I didn't know that.
87
00:03:28,794 --> 00:03:30,834
Yeah. I've seen her in
concert like, 11 times.
88
00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:31,959
That's a lot of times.
89
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:33,922
I even cut my hair
like hers back in '97.
90
00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:35,217
- In a bob?
- That's right.
91
00:03:35,218 --> 00:03:36,634
With the bangs?
92
00:03:36,635 --> 00:03:39,052
Yes! I was mistaken
for her at Lilith Fair.
93
00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:40,681
Best day of my whole life.
94
00:03:40,682 --> 00:03:41,931
Wow.
95
00:03:41,932 --> 00:03:43,767
It must be awesome
being Jann's girlfriend.
96
00:03:43,768 --> 00:03:45,919
Oh, we're not together anymore.
97
00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:49,439
Speaking of garbage, the ocean
needs less of it, am I right?
98
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:51,599
Were we speaking of garbage?
99
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,235
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
100
00:03:53,236 --> 00:03:54,820
_
101
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,940
"Ken and Bar-B."
102
00:03:57,950 --> 00:04:01,534
How is all you can eat barbeque
with Kenny G worth $1700?
103
00:04:01,535 --> 00:04:04,079
How do you even play saxophone
with greasy meat fingers?
104
00:04:05,340 --> 00:04:06,580
"The Reynolds Wrap",
105
00:04:06,582 --> 00:04:08,793
full-body nude mud wraps
with Ryan Reynolds.
106
00:04:08,794 --> 00:04:10,399
I'm bidding 600.
107
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,419
- And it is totally worth it.
- Really?
108
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:16,579
I think most people would want
to be nude with Ryan Reynolds.
109
00:04:16,580 --> 00:04:17,592
Not me.
110
00:04:17,593 --> 00:04:19,819
I don't think his face matches his body
111
00:04:19,820 --> 00:04:22,090
and I find that very unsettling.
112
00:04:23,182 --> 00:04:24,892
- _
- Are you bidding on yourself?
113
00:04:24,893 --> 00:04:27,299
Yes, I am bidding on myself, Cale,
114
00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,139
because you'd rather
get dirty with Deadpool.
115
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:32,441
It sounds even better when you
say it like that. I'm bidding 2500!
116
00:04:32,442 --> 00:04:34,776
- (UPBEAT POP MUSIC)
- (NORA SIGHS HEAVILY)
117
00:04:34,777 --> 00:04:36,861
Hey, Dave. Yo, dude.
118
00:04:36,862 --> 00:04:39,280
Which pair of shoes do you like best?
119
00:04:39,281 --> 00:04:42,607
Uh. Those, although it depends
on where you're going.
120
00:04:42,608 --> 00:04:44,953
- Is it a party?
- In a way, yes.
121
00:04:44,954 --> 00:04:47,373
- OK. Will there be dancing?
- Not for me.
122
00:04:47,374 --> 00:04:49,120
Toodles, poodles!
123
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,250
I don't know.
124
00:04:53,254 --> 00:04:56,047
I just noticed that you
were eating for two,
125
00:04:56,048 --> 00:04:59,801
so this lunch with me would
be such a great deal for you.
126
00:04:59,802 --> 00:05:01,009
Jann.
127
00:05:01,010 --> 00:05:02,679
- Oh. Hey, Todd.
- Hey.
128
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,055
You look so elegant.
129
00:05:04,056 --> 00:05:05,849
And when you get dressed up,
130
00:05:05,850 --> 00:05:07,935
- there you are!
- (PHONE RINGING)
131
00:05:07,936 --> 00:05:09,219
One second.
132
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:12,939
- Oh. Hey, Max.
- Hey, Max! You look so elegant!
133
00:05:12,940 --> 00:05:14,260
Thanks, Todd.
134
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:16,229
Hey, Jann, did you by chance tell Mom
135
00:05:16,230 --> 00:05:17,739
that she was going to the
charity event with you?
136
00:05:17,740 --> 00:05:19,899
Because she seems to be
picking out an outfit.
137
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,072
I didn't invite her.
138
00:05:21,073 --> 00:05:22,940
But while I have you on the line,
139
00:05:22,950 --> 00:05:24,868
how much would you pay to watch me eat?
140
00:05:24,869 --> 00:05:26,649
- $300.
- American?
141
00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:28,400
Give me some credit, Maxie.
142
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:31,100
I'm not an old lady confused
about going to a charity event.
143
00:05:31,110 --> 00:05:33,559
I'm just planning my funeral,
for God sakes.
144
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,419
Uh... you guys are way too much drama.
145
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:37,879
Miss you, guys!
146
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:41,509
Jann, I want to introduce you
to my new client, Nia Taylor.
147
00:05:41,510 --> 00:05:43,737
- She's been dying to meet you.
- You're here!
148
00:05:43,738 --> 00:05:45,889
You were like, legit inspiring to me.
149
00:05:45,890 --> 00:05:47,765
- How sweet.
- Quick question.
150
00:05:47,766 --> 00:05:50,435
Uh, why did you retire?
'Cause I was all like,
151
00:05:50,436 --> 00:05:53,347
- "What? No!" Why though?
- (TODD WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
152
00:05:53,348 --> 00:05:55,523
Not retired. Just rebranding.
153
00:05:55,524 --> 00:05:58,526
- That's tight.
- So how did you two meet, Todd?
154
00:05:58,527 --> 00:06:01,696
Long story short, I met
him at a Red Lobster.
155
00:06:01,697 --> 00:06:03,531
Oh. Well, he's very
allergic to shellfish.
156
00:06:03,532 --> 00:06:04,779
He came for the biscuits.
157
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:06,284
- Left with a client.
- Of course.
158
00:06:06,285 --> 00:06:08,537
I was a waitress singing
"Happy Birthday"
159
00:06:08,538 --> 00:06:10,199
- to my table.
- Oh.
160
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,416
It was so beautiful, I was moved
to tears. Ruined the biscuits!
161
00:06:12,417 --> 00:06:13,829
When Todd told me he was a manager
162
00:06:13,830 --> 00:06:14,899
and wanted to represent me,
163
00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:16,579
I quit right then and there.
164
00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:18,739
- Oh, impulsive!
- So far, no regrets.
165
00:06:18,740 --> 00:06:20,506
In the future, when you're
retelling that story,
166
00:06:20,507 --> 00:06:24,053
you might wanna let people know
that it's gonna be long story long.
167
00:06:24,054 --> 00:06:25,220
Ah.
168
00:06:26,450 --> 00:06:27,473
I have an idea.
169
00:06:33,180 --> 00:06:34,219
I'm so bad.
170
00:06:34,220 --> 00:06:35,519
I just want Jann to sit near me.
171
00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:36,899
Don't tell anyone or I'll get you fired.
172
00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:39,260
- Got it.
- I can't wait to show Jann my tattoo.
173
00:06:40,590 --> 00:06:42,119
- Who is that?
- It's Jann!
174
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,799
- Oh, is it?
- Yes, it just looks a little off
175
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,959
because it's covering an
old Michael Bolton tattoo.
176
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,242
I'm off him now.
177
00:06:48,243 --> 00:06:50,019
Oftentimes, people say
it looks like Guy Fieri.
178
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,038
I don't know why.
179
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,779
Well, would you look at that.
180
00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,659
We're sitting together.
181
00:06:56,660 --> 00:06:59,004
Can I get some more wine?
182
00:06:59,370 --> 00:07:00,709
It's really good to see you.
183
00:07:00,710 --> 00:07:02,619
I'm Nigel. My husband and
I have seen you in concert
184
00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:03,629
11 times.
185
00:07:03,630 --> 00:07:06,426
Listen, Cyn, I really
owe you an apology.
186
00:07:06,427 --> 00:07:08,221
Such a thoughtful and kind human being.
187
00:07:08,222 --> 00:07:11,182
I should not have stood you up
after I made out with my ex
188
00:07:11,183 --> 00:07:13,226
- in front of those young boys.
- I'm sure you had your reasons.
189
00:07:13,227 --> 00:07:15,129
I should have told you the truth.
190
00:07:15,130 --> 00:07:16,197
I was being selfish.
191
00:07:16,198 --> 00:07:17,809
So self-aware!
192
00:07:17,810 --> 00:07:19,100
- Wow!
- Thank you.
193
00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:20,855
- I appreciate the apology.
- Do you?
194
00:07:20,856 --> 00:07:22,402
You don't seem that appreciative.
195
00:07:22,403 --> 00:07:24,039
I'm fine. Let's just move on.
196
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,199
Jann, I got this for you.
197
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,615
Oh, Dog the Bounty Hunter!
198
00:07:27,616 --> 00:07:29,617
I like Dog the Bounty Hunter.
199
00:07:29,618 --> 00:07:32,949
This is so important.
We all have to do our part
200
00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:35,340
in restricting the high-density
polyethylene plastics
201
00:07:35,350 --> 00:07:38,459
- in the oceanic gyres.
- What are you actually talking about?
202
00:07:38,460 --> 00:07:41,671
99% of the ocean's plastic
is deep under the surface.
203
00:07:41,672 --> 00:07:43,979
There's an ocean expedition
cleanup coming up.
204
00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:45,719
- You should come with me!
- Can you swim?
205
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:47,802
- Excuse me. Excuse me.
- Of course I can!
206
00:07:47,803 --> 00:07:50,357
- Excuse me, coming in!
- Todd!
207
00:07:50,358 --> 00:07:52,537
Were you feeling left out? I'm sorry.
208
00:07:52,538 --> 00:07:54,518
Yeah, Todd, were you feeling left out?
209
00:07:54,519 --> 00:07:56,879
No. I just want you to know,
210
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:58,149
not only can I swim,
211
00:07:58,150 --> 00:08:00,019
I'm wearing spandex swim shorts
under my slacks right now.
212
00:08:00,020 --> 00:08:01,809
Why?
213
00:08:01,810 --> 00:08:03,419
It's my prototype for male Spanx.
214
00:08:03,420 --> 00:08:06,319
I was hoping to pitch one of
the Dragons here tonight.
215
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,406
What do you look for in a friend?
216
00:08:07,407 --> 00:08:10,519
- No new friends.
- O-M-G. Same. Totally same.
217
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,615
Nigel, your donation to tonight's cause
218
00:08:12,616 --> 00:08:14,099
is incredibly generous.
219
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,457
Wow, Cynthia, could you
stop kissing my ass?
220
00:08:16,458 --> 00:08:17,957
I'm embarrassed for you.
221
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:20,299
- Your hair is like spun gold.
- (PHONE CHIMES)
222
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,080
- Excuse me.
- Sure.
223
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:27,119
Tell her she looks amazing dead, period.
224
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:29,419
But she's not taking
those pearls with her,
225
00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:31,137
exclamation point.
226
00:08:31,138 --> 00:08:33,181
Winky face emoji.
227
00:08:33,182 --> 00:08:35,737
- You are everything.
- (HOST): Thank you so much
228
00:08:35,738 --> 00:08:39,021
for coming this afternoon.
You've been so generous.
229
00:08:39,022 --> 00:08:40,659
And speaking of generosity,
230
00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:44,499
our first performer, Nia Taylor,
is all about that giving.
231
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:45,902
I've met her. There's not much there.
232
00:08:45,903 --> 00:08:48,554
She didn't want us to
make a big deal about it,
233
00:08:48,555 --> 00:08:50,157
so please don't kill me, Nia,
234
00:08:50,158 --> 00:08:53,719
but Miss Taylor has graciously
agreed to donate
235
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:57,497
her performance fee from tonight
back to the charity. Yes!
236
00:08:57,498 --> 00:08:59,540
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
- Yes! Yes!
237
00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:00,659
(TODD): She did?
238
00:09:00,660 --> 00:09:02,760
You're here for nothing!
239
00:09:02,770 --> 00:09:03,898
I'm bringing awareness to the ocean...
240
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:05,920
- Nothing!
- (HOST): Ladies and gentlemen,
241
00:09:05,923 --> 00:09:06,937
Nia Taylor!
242
00:09:06,938 --> 00:09:08,550
- Yes!
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
243
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,222
Cale! Do I have to do that?
244
00:09:14,223 --> 00:09:17,308
No way, girl. I'm not throwing
my cut into the oceanic gyre.
245
00:09:17,309 --> 00:09:18,893
Hell yeah. Thank you.
246
00:09:18,894 --> 00:09:20,312
(SLOW R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
247
00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:27,930
? I could hardly believe it ?
248
00:09:27,936 --> 00:09:31,030
? When I heard the news today ?
249
00:09:31,031 --> 00:09:36,867
? I had to come and get
it straight from you ?
250
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:39,279
Wow, she'd look great on my calf!
251
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:41,379
? You said you were leavin' ?
252
00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:45,002
? Someone swept your heart away ?
253
00:09:45,003 --> 00:09:48,880
Charley, Sam, Frankie,
can you come here, please?
254
00:09:50,634 --> 00:09:53,904
- Everything OK, Gram?
- More than OK.
255
00:09:53,905 --> 00:09:57,891
I had some of my favourite rings
turned into jewellery for you.
256
00:09:59,060 --> 00:10:00,579
Did you bring us anything else?
257
00:10:00,580 --> 00:10:03,219
Girls, say thank you, Grandma.
258
00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:04,231
- Thanks.
- Thanks, Gran.
259
00:10:04,232 --> 00:10:05,349
Werther's.
260
00:10:05,350 --> 00:10:07,317
- In my purse.
- (BOTH): Yay!
261
00:10:07,318 --> 00:10:11,060
Oh, I love this. Are you sure
you wanna give it away?
262
00:10:11,070 --> 00:10:12,989
Oh, I love the idea of
you enjoying them now.
263
00:10:12,990 --> 00:10:16,785
Well, no point in letting old
rings sit in a box until I die!
264
00:10:16,786 --> 00:10:18,179
Ahem.
265
00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:19,799
Maxie, did you say something?
266
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,873
No. I was just clearing my throat.
267
00:10:21,874 --> 00:10:23,829
Well, this is really sweet.
268
00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:25,119
Thank you so much, Gram.
269
00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,199
Charley, I could use some
help with something else.
270
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,799
I wanna choose what song
they'll play at my funeral.
271
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:31,883
Oh...
272
00:10:31,884 --> 00:10:34,303
Did you know that you can get your ashes
273
00:10:34,304 --> 00:10:36,260
pressed into a vinyl record?
274
00:10:36,270 --> 00:10:38,179
Oh, score one for cremation!
275
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:40,259
Uh... yeah.
276
00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:41,819
Do you have a favourite song?
277
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:44,225
I have two, but I can't
decide between them.
278
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:47,260
Fleetwood Mac's "Don't Stop
Thinking About Tomorrow"
279
00:10:47,270 --> 00:10:48,400
and OutKast's "Hey Ya!"
280
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:55,519
Well... one is bittersweet and
has a really great message
281
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:58,899
- about moving forward and...
- But the other one
282
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,384
would encourage my mourners
283
00:11:00,385 --> 00:11:02,539
to "shake it like a Polaroid picture."
284
00:11:02,550 --> 00:11:04,779
OK. This is warm enough.
285
00:11:04,780 --> 00:11:05,917
(CHUCKLES)
286
00:11:05,918 --> 00:11:08,369
? How can I blame you ?
287
00:11:08,370 --> 00:11:10,959
? When I built my world around ?
288
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,169
? The hope that one day ?
289
00:11:13,170 --> 00:11:16,940
? We'd be so much more than friends ?
290
00:11:16,950 --> 00:11:19,639
- I know what you're doing.
- What?
291
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,349
You're trying to poach
another one of my clients.
292
00:11:21,350 --> 00:11:24,219
And I will not allow that, Cale.
293
00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:26,646
Literally nothing about
you is threatening, Todd.
294
00:11:26,647 --> 00:11:28,717
If you make a move on Nia,
295
00:11:28,718 --> 00:11:30,734
I will consider it an act of war.
296
00:11:30,735 --> 00:11:31,777
And do what?
297
00:11:32,660 --> 00:11:34,899
? How am I supposed to live ?
298
00:11:34,900 --> 00:11:36,260
OK, Todd.
299
00:11:36,270 --> 00:11:37,787
- You're not wrong.
- I'm not?
300
00:11:37,788 --> 00:11:39,951
I could take her away if I wanted to,
301
00:11:39,952 --> 00:11:41,599
- but I don't want to.
- Why not?
302
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:42,828
Because Nia likes you.
303
00:11:42,829 --> 00:11:44,664
And I don't steal happy clients.
304
00:11:44,665 --> 00:11:46,916
Oh. OK.
305
00:11:46,917 --> 00:11:50,545
Besides, the client I already
stole is kind of a handful.
306
00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:52,290
Nope.
307
00:11:52,297 --> 00:11:54,629
Not edible. That is a real tire.
308
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:58,419
? ?
309
00:11:58,420 --> 00:12:02,349
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
310
00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:06,880
Well, you are a hard act to follow, Nia!
311
00:12:06,888 --> 00:12:09,855
And now, our next act is Jann Arden!
312
00:12:09,856 --> 00:12:11,565
(NIGEL GASPS) Finally!
313
00:12:11,566 --> 00:12:13,526
(CHEERING)
314
00:12:13,527 --> 00:12:14,655
That's my best friend!
315
00:12:14,656 --> 00:12:16,071
Go, best friend!
316
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:25,019
Thank you so much, everybody.
Thank you very much.
317
00:12:25,020 --> 00:12:29,920
This next song is dedicated
to ocean garbage.
318
00:12:29,930 --> 00:12:32,003
We're coming for you, ocean garbage!
319
00:12:32,004 --> 00:12:33,713
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
320
00:12:33,714 --> 00:12:40,469
Uh... there's also a... very
special person here tonight.
321
00:12:40,470 --> 00:12:42,805
- You know who you are.
- Oh, no, no.
322
00:12:42,806 --> 00:12:44,891
- This is for you.
- Oh, yes, yes!
323
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:48,180
? I loved you ?
324
00:12:48,186 --> 00:12:50,522
? More than anything ?
325
00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:53,309
? I loved you ?
326
00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:56,569
? More than anyone ?
327
00:12:56,570 --> 00:13:01,282
? You were the peaches in my cream ?
328
00:13:01,283 --> 00:13:04,995
? You were my setting sun ?
329
00:13:07,210 --> 00:13:10,249
This woman's inability to
read social cues is beyond.
330
00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:14,254
? ?
331
00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:21,379
? You were my favourite hockey card ?
332
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:26,098
? You were my smoky little bar ?
333
00:13:26,099 --> 00:13:31,562
? You were my cherry popsicle ?
334
00:13:31,563 --> 00:13:36,942
? You'll never ever know ?
335
00:13:36,943 --> 00:13:39,528
? I was so in love ?
336
00:13:39,529 --> 00:13:41,822
? I lost myself ?
337
00:13:41,823 --> 00:13:44,899
? I was so far gone ?
338
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:47,060
? I could not get out ?
339
00:13:47,070 --> 00:13:49,917
? I had disappeared ?
340
00:13:49,918 --> 00:13:51,957
? I had slipped away ?
341
00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:54,835
? I was so in love ?
342
00:13:54,836 --> 00:13:57,046
- ? With you, baby ?
- Oh!
343
00:13:57,047 --> 00:13:59,382
I am dying and now I am deceased.
344
00:13:59,383 --> 00:14:01,349
? Hey ?
345
00:14:01,350 --> 00:14:05,099
? Yeah ?
346
00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:06,138
? Oh, oh ?
347
00:14:06,139 --> 00:14:08,049
? Yeah ?
348
00:14:08,050 --> 00:14:10,737
- ? Oh, yeah ?
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
349
00:14:10,738 --> 00:14:13,479
? Hey... ooh! ?
350
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,565
? Ooh, ooh, ooh ?
351
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:19,229
(DOOR CLOSES)
352
00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:20,520
(WHISPERING): Cynthia!
353
00:14:21,740 --> 00:14:22,906
Cynthia?
354
00:14:25,409 --> 00:14:28,285
Cynthia? Oh, God!
355
00:14:28,286 --> 00:14:30,622
- Please leave me alone.
- Oh, hey!
356
00:14:30,623 --> 00:14:32,329
Where have you been?
357
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,959
I've been looking all over for you!
358
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,837
Did you like the song? I kind
of put a fresh new spin on it.
359
00:14:36,838 --> 00:14:39,179
No! I did not like the song!
360
00:14:39,180 --> 00:14:42,339
Well, you were kind of blushing
when I was sitting on your lap.
361
00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,464
Out of humiliation!
362
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:46,579
- Oh, that's a bit harsh.
- I asked you to stop.
363
00:14:46,580 --> 00:14:47,803
Why wouldn't you stop?
364
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:50,239
Because sometimes,
you can be really hard to read.
365
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,975
Like right now, for instance.
366
00:14:52,976 --> 00:14:54,854
I can't tell if you're upset
367
00:14:54,855 --> 00:14:56,849
or you're hungry or...
368
00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:59,199
This was a work function for me.
369
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,659
I would have never done that to you.
370
00:15:00,660 --> 00:15:03,196
Well, obviously, because you cannot
sing your way out of a paper bag.
371
00:15:03,197 --> 00:15:05,480
- Really?!
- OK,
372
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:08,319
a reusable cloth bag!
373
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,619
- (CYNTHIA SCOFFS)
- Whatever's better for the ocean.
374
00:15:10,620 --> 00:15:11,949
Cynthia?
375
00:15:11,950 --> 00:15:13,800
Cynthia, can you help me up?
376
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:20,550
(SOFT POP MUSIC)
377
00:15:21,980 --> 00:15:24,758
Can I get a second
opinion about something?
378
00:15:24,759 --> 00:15:25,759
Oh, Jesus.
379
00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,429
I'm thinking about what I
want done with my remains.
380
00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:31,439
I'm considering composting.
381
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,642
You're a landscaper.
382
00:15:32,643 --> 00:15:35,739
Would my remains be of use to you?
383
00:15:35,740 --> 00:15:38,239
That would... be the most
eco-friendly choice.
384
00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:40,259
- Why are you encouraging this?
- I don't know.
385
00:15:40,260 --> 00:15:43,569
The other option is burial
with your father,
386
00:15:43,570 --> 00:15:45,039
though that would mean
I would be on top.
387
00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,364
Oh, that doesn't feel right.
I was never on top.
388
00:15:47,365 --> 00:15:50,201
- Oh, the girls are fighting.
- No, they're not.
389
00:15:50,202 --> 00:15:51,870
Yeah, I'm going for other reasons.
390
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:55,460
If I decide on cremation,
391
00:15:55,470 --> 00:15:57,799
you have to tell them to
take my pacemaker out
392
00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,794
before I go in the incinerator.
Otherwise, ka-pow!
393
00:16:00,795 --> 00:16:02,880
Oh, my God! Mom! Enough.
394
00:16:02,884 --> 00:16:04,048
Beg your pardon?
395
00:16:04,049 --> 00:16:06,399
I don't wanna hear another
word about your burial
396
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,619
or your funeral or my
goddamn inheritance.
397
00:16:08,620 --> 00:16:09,970
You're not dying!
398
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,390
We all gotta go sometime.
399
00:16:17,398 --> 00:16:19,981
- (PHONE RINGING)
- Oh.
400
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:22,799
Hey, Jann.
401
00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,329
If somebody serenaded you in front
of a whole bunch of people,
402
00:16:25,330 --> 00:16:27,179
including some very important
business colleagues,
403
00:16:27,180 --> 00:16:28,323
would you find that romantic?
404
00:16:28,324 --> 00:16:31,149
- No. I wouldn't.
- A lot of people did, Max,
405
00:16:31,150 --> 00:16:33,179
because they were recording
it on their cellphones.
406
00:16:33,180 --> 00:16:35,288
You did that to Cynthia?
Tell me you're joking.
407
00:16:35,289 --> 00:16:36,409
No joke.
408
00:16:36,410 --> 00:16:37,450
I'm serious.
409
00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:41,330
Well, I would find that
highly embarrassing
410
00:16:41,336 --> 00:16:43,086
and I would never wanna
see your face again.
411
00:16:43,087 --> 00:16:44,889
Well, how the heck are you
supposed to show someone
412
00:16:44,890 --> 00:16:46,466
- that you love them?
- Jann,
413
00:16:46,470 --> 00:16:48,739
love isn't about big
displays of affection.
414
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:49,939
It's about the little things.
415
00:16:49,940 --> 00:16:52,634
It's about listening when someone
has something to say,
416
00:16:52,635 --> 00:16:56,460
or... or considering their needs
as much as your own and...
417
00:16:56,470 --> 00:16:58,460
I just heard that out loud.
418
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,520
I have to go.
419
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,730
Can you repeat that last
half? I kinda tuned out.
420
00:17:04,734 --> 00:17:06,486
Max?
421
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,439
The girls' lunches are all ready to go.
422
00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:18,780
Thanks.
423
00:17:22,180 --> 00:17:24,620
I'm sorry that I blew up at you earlier.
424
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:28,999
I was just thinking about myself
425
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,620
and my feelings, and not yours.
426
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,264
I just had a baby.
427
00:17:35,260 --> 00:17:38,299
I want you to be around
for a long, long time,
428
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:42,479
and I... I can't even...
think about you being gone.
429
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,008
I understand.
430
00:17:45,009 --> 00:17:49,219
I didn't mean for it to
seem so... serious,
431
00:17:49,220 --> 00:17:53,819
but I need to take control
of some things in my life
432
00:17:53,820 --> 00:17:56,119
- while I can.
- I get that.
433
00:17:56,120 --> 00:18:00,059
And the most important thing
for me right now is to make sure
434
00:18:00,060 --> 00:18:03,629
that I am not a burden to you, girls.
435
00:18:03,630 --> 00:18:06,499
I want everything to be taken care of
436
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:09,173
so that you don't have
to worry about anything.
437
00:18:09,174 --> 00:18:10,383
Thanks.
438
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:14,339
You know, just to be clear,
I was just upset earlier.
439
00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:15,739
- You know, I...
- Mm-hmm.
440
00:18:15,740 --> 00:18:17,760
I do want my inheritance.
441
00:18:17,770 --> 00:18:20,299
Well, all that's left is the pearls,
442
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:21,819
and I'm taking those with me.
443
00:18:21,820 --> 00:18:24,639
- Mm.
- (CHUCKLING)
444
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,060
(SOFT POP MUSIC)
445
00:18:27,928 --> 00:18:30,109
What? (SIGHS)
446
00:18:30,110 --> 00:18:31,480
Oh, what the...
447
00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:34,740
- (SIGHS)
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
448
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,119
(SIGHS)
449
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,319
- Hi.
- Hey. Here you go.
450
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:44,416
It's the centrepiece
from the charity dinner.
451
00:18:44,417 --> 00:18:47,336
I know. I was there.
452
00:18:47,337 --> 00:18:50,079
So you know that it's not edible.
453
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:51,640
What do you expect me to do with that?
454
00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:54,134
It's a peace offering.
If you don't want it,
455
00:18:54,135 --> 00:18:56,679
- chuck it in the ocean.
- Oh, Jesus.
456
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,806
I am so sorry about today.
457
00:18:58,807 --> 00:19:00,349
I was trying to do something nice,
458
00:19:00,350 --> 00:19:02,226
and I know that the...
459
00:19:02,227 --> 00:19:05,034
- lap dance went too far.
- Well, thank you.
460
00:19:05,035 --> 00:19:08,039
I like that you go big,
but that was too big.
461
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,860
I will try and be small.
462
00:19:12,660 --> 00:19:15,860
Well, thanks for coming by
and bringing your garbage.
463
00:19:15,865 --> 00:19:17,742
Well, what are you...
what are you doing right now?
464
00:19:17,743 --> 00:19:19,379
I'm just fighting with my duvet cover.
465
00:19:19,380 --> 00:19:21,119
It's one of the worst
things about being single.
466
00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:22,579
Definitely.
467
00:19:22,580 --> 00:19:24,639
I once got caught in my own duvet cover
468
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,624
and I was stuck in there for a
good part of the afternoon.
469
00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,129
- You fell asleep?
- I did.
470
00:19:30,210 --> 00:19:31,755
You want some help?
471
00:19:31,756 --> 00:19:33,841
This is so much easier.
472
00:19:33,842 --> 00:19:35,301
Well, you know what they say...
473
00:19:35,302 --> 00:19:38,888
- ? It takes two, baby ?
- (CYNTHIA LAUGHS)
474
00:19:38,890 --> 00:19:41,469
(BOTH): ? It takes two, baby ?
475
00:19:41,470 --> 00:19:43,059
? Me and you ?
476
00:19:44,220 --> 00:19:46,850
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC)
477
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:49,870
(SIGHS)
478
00:19:49,878 --> 00:19:51,750
(SNORING)
479
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,949
(JANN CLEARS HER THROAT)
480
00:19:55,950 --> 00:19:57,380
Ahem!
481
00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:00,199
(CYNTHIA SIGHS)
482
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,400
Woopsie-daisy!
483
00:20:03,228 --> 00:20:05,089
Your name is Daisy, right?
484
00:20:05,090 --> 00:20:06,640
(CYNTHIA CHUCKLES)
485
00:20:07,990 --> 00:20:11,060
Hey. If we're gonna do this,
486
00:20:11,070 --> 00:20:13,179
I don't want us to make
the same mistakes
487
00:20:13,180 --> 00:20:16,268
and keep repeating these patterns.
488
00:20:16,269 --> 00:20:18,448
Maybe we should do some
couples counselling.
489
00:20:18,449 --> 00:20:21,279
Deal. I'm sorry, can you repeat that?
490
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,516
I... I kinda tuned you out.
I didn't hear the last part.
491
00:20:26,770 --> 00:20:28,817
? Ooh, hoo ?
492
00:20:28,818 --> 00:20:33,087
? Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo ?
493
00:20:33,088 --> 00:20:34,899
? Hoo, hoo ?
494
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,380
- Ow!
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
495
00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,080
Yeah!
496
00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:42,160
Yeah, honey!
497
00:20:42,168 --> 00:20:44,289
Yeah, darlin'!
498
00:20:44,290 --> 00:20:46,979
You know what I'm talkin' about!
499
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:49,499
You know where I'm comin' from!
500
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:52,085
You know what I'm saying' now, baby!
501
00:20:52,086 --> 00:20:53,907
'Cause I love you!
502
00:20:53,908 --> 00:20:56,047
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
503
00:20:56,048 --> 00:20:58,103
? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ?
504
00:20:58,104 --> 00:21:00,093
You wanna sing somethin'?
505
00:21:00,094 --> 00:21:03,597
? No, oh, oh, oh ?
506
00:21:03,598 --> 00:21:05,388
Is anybody gonna yell "cut"?
507
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,620
This is gonna go on forever.
508
00:21:07,630 --> 00:21:09,228
(MAN): Cut!
509
00:21:09,229 --> 00:21:11,139
(LAUGHING AND APPLAUSE)
510
00:21:11,140 --> 00:21:13,439
? I am cool and I'm wise ?
511
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,379
? And I'm larger than your life ?
512
00:21:15,380 --> 00:21:18,779
? I am bigger than the sun ?
? Watch me burning to the end ?
513
00:21:18,780 --> 00:21:20,629
? Of all time, I'll be fine ?
514
00:21:20,630 --> 00:21:23,320
? Watch me breaking
through finish line ?
515
00:21:23,330 --> 00:21:25,494
? Finish line ?
516
00:21:25,495 --> 00:21:30,499
? I am an army ?
517
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,159
? I don't do what I'm told ?
37759
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