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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,000
2
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:18,080
Hey! So you are going already?
3
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:19,440
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
4
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:24,640
Listen, I had a great time
but this...isn't a thing.
5
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,520
But we can make it a thing, eh?
6
00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,320
Oh, don't get clingy, Valentine.
7
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,480
Hey, the Valentine is not clingy.
8
00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:31,760
Oh!
9
00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:33,120
(WHISPERS) You're clinging now.
10
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,720
Oh, I thought I was
holding my own hand.
11
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,440
Yeah. I'll give you a call, OK?
12
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:39,600
OK. Uh-uh, but you don't have
my number.
13
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:44,800
Oh! Valentine, your cleaner is here.
14
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,520
Uh-uh, Polly! Ah, wait! Hey!
15
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:48,960
Mama!
16
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,760
I am so glad you are here!
17
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,320
Hey, hey, Polly!
Make sure you call me!
18
00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:57,000
I am sorry I haven't had time to, uh,
tidy up the place
19
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,440
but don't worry,
you can have the bed
20
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,200
and I will take the, uh, sofa.
21
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,000
Go and put some clothes on, eh?
OK.
22
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,600
You want to catch a cold?
I know I know. OK.
23
00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,800
If you screw your eyes up
you can't see the words.
24
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:20,600
Might as well be hieroglyphics.
25
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:23,920
Oh, I really want the catering
business to go up a level
26
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:26,240
and I dunno where to start.
27
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:27,240
Oi!
28
00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:30,360
That food you did for little Dylan's
third birthday was brilliant.
29
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:32,680
It's not gonna get us
a house in Essex.
30
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:35,080
I wanna do proper events!
31
00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:36,960
That aren't at the Milton.
32
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:42,080
Well, maybe these will help.
Business cards.
33
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,800
I was up all night cutting them.
34
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:45,440
The first lot are a bit funny
looking
35
00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:47,360
and, uh, there's a bit of blood
on the ones at the end
36
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,520
but everything else
between is perfect.
37
00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:52,080
Thanks, babe.
38
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,160
Oh, well, I just wanna make sure
that you and the kids are set up for,
39
00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,720
you know, when I...die.
40
00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,040
(LAUGHS) Oh, stop it!
41
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,520
You're not going anywhere.
42
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,920
That is so, so sweet of you to say.
43
00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:08,000
You're not gonna die, you plum!
It was a panic attack.
44
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,480
Yeah, well, you weren't there.
45
00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:13,160
It was like I could feel death's
cold, bony hand around my heart
46
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,640
and all around my hips.
47
00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:16,800
Oh! Oh, it's happening again.
What?
48
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:17,920
Argh!
Bagpipes?
49
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:21,240
My leg! I can't feel my leg.
My foot's gone numb.
50
00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:23,080
God.
51
00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,000
Oh, wait a minute.
52
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,760
Oh! A bit of Lego in my slipper. Ha!
53
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:35,400
Honestly, Ag, all these books, they
bang on about seizing the moment.
54
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,640
Which bloody moment do I seize?
55
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,560
The washing the pants and socks
moment
56
00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:41,240
or picking carrot out the hair
moment?
57
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,760
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
58
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:43,920
Who are they?
59
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:47,160
Gangsters.
With clipboards?
60
00:02:47,160 --> 00:02:48,880
Organised gangsters, then.
61
00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,800
You right, Prince Charming?
62
00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,600
Oh! Hello. Charles Lander.
63
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,240
Kirsty.
64
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,280
Hello.
Hello.
65
00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:02,320
Are you here about
the car parking spaces?
66
00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:05,360
I guess you could say that.
Do you live here?
67
00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,600
Yes.
You obviously don't.
68
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:09,840
Actually, do either of you know
69
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,400
where I could grab
a decent bite to eat?
70
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,320
The Milton does good food.
71
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,880
What?!
Mm.
72
00:03:14,880 --> 00:03:16,840
I wouldn't call the food
at The Milton good.
73
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:18,800
Or food.
(BOTH LAUGH)
74
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:20,440
New chef.
75
00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:21,800
You should pop in.
76
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,040
Just not today.
Definitely not today.
77
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:26,600
OK. When are they open?
78
00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,280
When are you next in the area?
79
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,920
Thursday.
They're open on Thursdays.
80
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,240
OK, well, that sounds great.
81
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:35,920
I will be there.
82
00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:37,960
See you...I hope.
OK.
83
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,200
Bye-bye.
84
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,280
We didn't find out
what they're up to.
85
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,760
Who cares?
86
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,960
I've just got my first rich
customer, Ag, for my restaurant.
87
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,000
What?! I didn't know
you had a restaurant.
88
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,160
Neither did I. Neither does Frank.
Mm.
89
00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,520
Gotta seize the moment.
Gotta seize it till it bloody cries.
90
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,960
You dis woman! Huh?
(LAUGHS) Yeah!
91
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,360
There were these men
on the estate today -
92
00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:10,280
sharp suits, nice cars...
93
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,800
Bailiffs?
No, I don't think so.
94
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,200
And then, when I went to work
95
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,800
I saw a picture of one of them
in the office.
96
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,760
I don't think they're here
for parking spaces.
97
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:24,880
Oh! Agnes Christie and the Mystery
of the Ordinary Coincidence.
98
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,720
Walter, I'm being serious.
99
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:28,200
I'm...
(DOOR SLAMS)
100
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,520
Well, there was a time when you
would come home and say hello.
101
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:34,200
Hello.
102
00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:36,400
Oh, are you hungry?
103
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,160
The food done done.
No, darling.
104
00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:39,680
I'm not hungry anyway.
105
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,600
Come here. Where have you been?
106
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,760
Out.
"Out".
107
00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:47,080
I know that, by the way that
you slammed the door off the hinges.
108
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:48,560
Leave it out.
109
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,600
Kobna...
"Leave it out"?!
110
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,360
Listen, I will leave you out if you
talk to me like that again, eh?
111
00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,520
Foolish boy!
(DOOR SLAMS)
112
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:58,480
Utter cheek! That boy
eats all the food, pays no rent.
113
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,560
Who does he think he is -
Valentine?
114
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,800
No, no, no, no, no, no.
115
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:07,040
You know, I bet you didn't
tell your mama everything, mm?
116
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,240
Mm...
117
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:11,000
Look, Kobna is becoming a man.
118
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:13,320
Maybe we need to start
treating him like one.
119
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:14,960
With my belt.
120
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:19,840
(AFROBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
121
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,240
(LAUGHS JOYOUSLY)
122
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,240
(APPLAUSE)
123
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:25,880
(LAUGHS)
124
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:29,960
Whoo!
125
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:33,560
I haven't danced like that
since I was 16 years old.
126
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:35,480
Hey!
127
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:37,560
You have a talent, my son!
128
00:05:37,560 --> 00:05:40,600
Thank you.
I've dedicated myself to the art.
129
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,440
Well, now you need to
dedicate yourself
130
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,440
to the art of finding a good woman.
131
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:49,120
Oh, don't worry, Mama.
There are plenty of good women here.
132
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:51,160
Look at that one.
133
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,320
Hey!
134
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:57,800
You need to check the soil
in which you are sowing your seeds.
135
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,680
I want it to look swanky, Frank.
136
00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,120
My whole business model is swanky.
137
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:03,960
Yeah, it's about the branding,
Frank.
138
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,360
Like the golden M or Jesus's cross.
139
00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,920
Yeah, but in Kirsty's case, swank.
140
00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,160
How many power points have you got?
141
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,520
Kirsty's got enough hot plates
to cater for Live Aid.
142
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,480
Uh, big man,
I would not touch that.
143
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,080
(SHOUTS ABOVE MUSIC) I am going to
find you a nice woman.
144
00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:25,120
No, Mama, that is not necessary.
It is.
145
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,600
Don't do that Bagpipes! Don't...
146
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,080
I am going to find you...
(MUSIC STOPS)
147
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,240
..a good, wholesome woman
148
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:34,640
who you can marry
and plant your seed in, hey!
149
00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,000
Oh...Mama.
(GIGGLING)
150
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:38,600
Why did you say that?
151
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,640
Oh...sorry.
152
00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:41,840
See.
153
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,480
Do you think anyone will notice
if I have a little nap before lunch?
154
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,080
Here? Mm, you'll be fine.
155
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,400
Now, look. Who is this man?
156
00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:56,720
Does he come here?
157
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,680
Him? Yeah, I've seen him around.
158
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,560
Gorgeous, isn't he?
Mm.
159
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:02,840
Like Shakespeare
dipped in chocolate.
160
00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,640
Oh, no! I've done it again,
haven't I?
161
00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:07,680
Mm.
162
00:07:07,680 --> 00:07:09,400
They should really
send me on a course or something.
163
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,880
Or something.
164
00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:12,280
Do you know him?
165
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,120
No, but I'm glad
he's brightening up the place.
166
00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:17,800
Better than hairy Roy in dispatch.
167
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,480
Although, Roy doesn't
have a girlfriend so...
168
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,000
Hey!
169
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,240
Oh.
170
00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:35,840
Hey.
171
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,560
Hello. Hey, hey.
172
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,240
So pleased to meet you.
173
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:42,480
Ooh! Strong.
174
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:43,880
Hm, hm. Hey, hey.
175
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,440
Deborah, say hello.
176
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,920
Pleased to meet you.
177
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,360
And, uh, you.
178
00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:53,800
Aha.
OK.
179
00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,120
Mm-hm.
180
00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:00,400
Why...why don't you
go and get cleaned up
181
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,560
and then we can all go downstairs.
182
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,600
Downstairs, to the pub?
183
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:05,880
Yes.
184
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:09,280
Then we can all get
to know each other better.
185
00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:10,520
Oh...
186
00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:12,200
Oh!
187
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,640
Oh.
188
00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:17,360
Excuse me, I just need to...
sch, sch, sch...freshen up.
189
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,000
OK.
190
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,280
Mama, look at him!
191
00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:23,760
(MUTTERS FURIOUSLY)
192
00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:25,920
Eh, sit down!
Eh.
193
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,360
Eh.
Oh!
194
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,560
Excellent!
195
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:35,080
(BAMAKO BY SONGHOY BLUES PLAYS)
196
00:08:51,720 --> 00:08:53,680
What a dump.
197
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:56,200
It'll be unrecognisable
by the time I'm done with it.
198
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,440
Alright, we'll start cracking on
in the morning.
199
00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,720
Who are you, Mr Lander?
200
00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:06,640
(SINGS) # We can't go on together...
201
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,520
Shh!
# With suspicious minds
202
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,880
# And we can't build our dreams... #
203
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:31,840
What did you do?
What is keeping you?
204
00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,360
I think I was hoping that everyone
would just forget about it and leave.
205
00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:37,400
Why?
206
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,000
What is wrong with your mama
finding you a woman
207
00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,760
who does not expose her bottom
in public?
208
00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:45,360
At least you know what
you are getting, eh? (CHUCKLES)
209
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:46,840
Ooh. Sorry, Mama.
210
00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:51,520
Look, I need to do
this in my own way.
211
00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:52,880
This is a...
212
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:54,600
The perfect opportunity
213
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,560
for you to meet
the mother of your children.
214
00:09:57,560 --> 00:10:00,160
Hey! You are behaving like
the African Cilla Black.
215
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,200
Hey! Who is this black Cilla?
216
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,280
Oh, she's a lady that does...
217
00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,680
Actually, it doesn't matter.
I'm not happy with you.
218
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,760
I want to go to my grave
219
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:18,640
with the knowledge that my son, his
wife and my future grandchildren,
220
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:24,080
all three of them,
are well and safe before I die.
221
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,680
OK, OK. Hey, hey.
222
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:27,760
Come on, you know I don't like it
when you talk like that.
223
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,160
(SIGHS)
224
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,480
OK. (SIGHS)
225
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,440
I will do this. Hm, hm, hm, hm?
226
00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:36,920
For you, hey-hey?
Oh!
227
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,440
This makes me so happy.
228
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:41,000
Hey, hey. Good.
229
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:44,360
OK. Now, change the shirts.
230
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,160
It makes you look like a goat.
231
00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:52,280
(MAGNUM PI THEME PLAYS)
232
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,560
What time did you say we're open?
233
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,040
7:00.
234
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,160
Right.
235
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,520
Welcome to Kirsty's.
236
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,000
May I take your name, please?
237
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,840
It's, uh...Valentine.
238
00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:56,600
Easmon. I called earlier.
239
00:11:57,680 --> 00:11:59,720
Oh, yes! There you are.
240
00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,800
I'll get Dean to show
you to your, um...
241
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,000
Dean?
242
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:07,720
(MACHINE MAKES ELECTRONIC NOISES)
243
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:09,080
(YELLS) Dean!
244
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:13,360
Can you show these customers
to the table, please, Dean?
245
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:16,800
Oh.
246
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,840
Thank you.
247
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,960
Well, I'm glad you've turned up.
Nobody else has.
248
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,200
Hey, the less witnesses
the better, eh?
249
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,760
Yeah, but I need more people in here.
250
00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:33,400
Oh, I know! I'll get Bagpipes
to fetch Walter.
251
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:34,520
(YELLS) Bagpipes!
252
00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:37,000
What?
253
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:46,720
WALTER: Kobna! If you leave
the bathroom like this again,
254
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,280
I will send you to live with Mama!
255
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:50,400
Leave me alone!
No, don't slam the door!
256
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,560
(DOOR SLAMS)
Mm, plan B me thinks.
257
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,400
I hope you're hungry, Rajesh.
258
00:12:55,400 --> 00:13:01,280
So, Valentine, you're a DJ.
So exciting.
259
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:04,960
A man with music in his heart.
260
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,680
Yes, it is my passion.
261
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,800
Oh! Deborah likes music, don't you?
262
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,720
Oh, yes. Very much.
263
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,280
What is your favourite hymn,
Valentine?
264
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,720
Hymn? Oh...uh...
265
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,680
Oh, yes, my hymn. It is, uh...
266
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:23,560
# Do they know it's Christmastime
at all... #
267
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:27,800
Valentine also has
a day job, don't you?
268
00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:31,000
He travels all over the country.
269
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,240
Ah! A businessman, Deborah.
270
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,120
Well, yeah, you could say that.
271
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:40,080
Deborah, what do you do
in your spare time?
272
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,680
Ah!
273
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:43,120
I pray.
274
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:48,440
(LAUGHS)
275
00:13:48,440 --> 00:13:52,080
My daughter,
I mean she's so witty.
276
00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:57,680
It may seem quite unattractive
but it's actually very endearing.
277
00:13:57,680 --> 00:13:59,560
OK, why don't I buy
everybody drinks, hey?
278
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:01,000
Uh, Deborah, help him out.
279
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,080
Uh, no, no, no. It's OK, I got it.
280
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,960
Hey, uh, can I have a tonic and
lemon, an orange juice and a cola.
281
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,840
Eish, and I'll have
a triple hairy naughty bastard.
282
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,880
Actually, hold on the naughty
and make it all bastard.
283
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:23,400
Teaching your liver some respect?
284
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,000
Hey. My mother has set me up
with that lady over there.
285
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:30,520
Which one? The old one
or the younger-looking one?
286
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,760
I wish it were the older one.
(LAUGHS)
287
00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:37,520
Or you.
288
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:40,480
Are you asking me out on a date
while you're on a date?
289
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,720
You can't blame me for trying, eh?
290
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,760
I can, actually.
291
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:48,440
Does this approach
usually work for you?
292
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:52,040
My charms have a 100% success rate.
293
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,560
Is it? 100%, yeah?
294
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,600
Mm-hm, that's what I said.
295
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:02,480
Well, I guess I'm just the exception
that proves your rule.
296
00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,280
Hey! Don't watch me.
297
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:21,040
(BAMAKO BY SONGHOY BLUES PLAYS)
298
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,760
Now's my chance.
299
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:28,240
Hey, cramp!
300
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,440
Mr Lander!
301
00:15:49,320 --> 00:15:51,280
Welcome.
302
00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:56,280
So when you said "they" do food
you meant "you" do food?
303
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:57,880
Yeah.
304
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,000
Sorry. Is that a piss-take?
305
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:01,960
Absolutely. But it's a good one.
306
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,720
Can I help you with your coat?
Thank you.
307
00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:12,560
I simply cannot wait to sample
the fine delectations.
308
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:15,360
Yes!
309
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:19,280
I hear wonderful things
about the chef -
310
00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:21,160
compliments and such.
311
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:24,880
Yes!
312
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,440
Here you are, sir.
Thank you.
313
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,280
Lovely glass of red wine.
314
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,960
Aggie! You made it!
315
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,800
Come and sit down.
Make yourself comfortable.
316
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:39,480
Mm. This orange juice
is so delicious.
317
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:47,040
Oh!
Oh.
318
00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,000
Hello again.
Hey, hello.
319
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,960
Do you know, I never saw you there.
320
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:54,160
Ah, nice surprise for both of us.
Do you know... (CLEARS THROAT)
321
00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:58,360
..you never told me
what brings you here.
322
00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:00,600
Oh, I'm working on a project
with the council.
323
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,160
Oh, you know, I work
for the council too.
324
00:17:03,160 --> 00:17:04,600
Oh! You'll be at the conference,
then?
325
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,000
The conference?
326
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,760
Well, it's a little something I've
organised for the council staff.
327
00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:10,080
Well, I hope you can make it.
328
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:11,640
It'd be great to get your input,
actually.
329
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:14,600
And voila.
330
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,200
Ah, thank you.
331
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,120
Hey! We ordered first!
332
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,200
Bobo? I mean...Kobna.
333
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,480
I was wondering if, uh...
you would like to go to the pub...
334
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:30,200
..with me, have a drink...
335
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,680
..like, uh...like men.
336
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:35,160
Can I get any drink I want?
Oh, yes.
337
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:37,560
Anything you want - Coke or Pepsi.
338
00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,120
Or Babycham?
339
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:42,400
Well, you could have a...
a shandy like a real man.
340
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,120
Yes!
341
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,000
OK, let me get my coat.
342
00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,360
Well, this has been lovely, eh?
343
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:01,800
Please don't go. This was going so
much better than the other times.
344
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:05,400
Other times?
This is the third one this week!
345
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,800
If you tried a little bit harder
we wouldn't have to do so many.
346
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,640
A little make-up for instance!
347
00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:14,360
I will wear make-up for one man.
348
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,320
Jesus.
Ah!
349
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,280
Not for some delivery driver
in a strange pub.
350
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:21,280
I'm also a DJ.
351
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:25,200
Just a minute, young lady!
You are not so special yourself!
352
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,440
Hey!
353
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,600
Don't you be talking
to my daughter like that!
354
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,960
OK, maybe we should order starters?
May we go now, Mummy?
355
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,000
Hush!
Be quiet!
356
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,760
Now you...
Mummy...
357
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:37,760
358
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:41,840
(BOTH YELL OVER EACH OTHER)
359
00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:58,840
Hey. There I was, a panic attack.
360
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,400
It's a bit like
having a heart attack,
361
00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:04,000
but it's having a panic attack.
362
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:08,680
At first I was like...
(BREATHES RAPIDLY)
363
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,040
And then...and then it was like...
364
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,240
Argh! Argh!
365
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:16,080
Argh! Argh! Argh!
366
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,080
Yeah.
367
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,720
It sounds awful.
368
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,000
Oh...ugh!
My daughter is...
369
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:22,040
She will suck the life
out of my son!
370
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,000
Ha! He should be so lucky!
371
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,920
Nobody is sucking anybody.
372
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,800
OK, let's not throw
anybody's ideas off the table.
373
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,360
(WOMEN CONTINUE SHOUTING)
374
00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:33,360
Um...must, uh, get on.
375
00:19:33,360 --> 00:19:35,840
Nice meeting you, uh, both.
376
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:37,040
Yes!
377
00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,920
Repent! Repent!
378
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,200
KIRSTY: Oh, are you leaving already?
Look...
379
00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:45,240
..this...
You can't even talk properly!
380
00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:46,360
..is madness.
381
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:49,640
But your food...
Mm?
382
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:51,080
..so good.
383
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:52,880
Look, I'd like to recommend you
to some people.
384
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,320
How will I get in touch?
385
00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:56,680
Ooh, um...
Ta-da!
386
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,600
I made these.
387
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,560
You did, didn't you?
388
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,520
(CONTINUE SHOUTING)
389
00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:12,920
(TURNING JAPANESE
BY THE VAPORS PLAYS)
390
00:20:19,280 --> 00:20:21,600
Look what you've done,
you silly boy!
391
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,400
Oh! Oh, dear! I'm on fire.
Raj!
392
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,000
Oh, my God! Oh!
393
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,000
(CONTINUE YELLING)
394
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:30,760
I've got to work in the morning!
395
00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:32,800
I'm on fire! I'm actually on fire!
396
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,520
Health and safety! Health and...
397
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:35,800
That's bloody ice!
398
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,520
Not tonight, son.
399
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,560
Not tonight.
400
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:41,920
Come on.
401
00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:56,640
Agnes, thank you
for looking after my boys.
402
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:58,520
Why do you have to go?
403
00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:02,360
Ah, it's time I went back
to Freetown. England too cold.
404
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:04,760
Where's Walter?
Oh, I'm here!
405
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,320
I was just packing your Opal Fruits.
406
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:09,920
Oh...
407
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:12,720
Oh, now, come. Come.
408
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,160
I'm sure I will see you again soon.
409
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:16,400
Mm-mm.
410
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,440
If I don't...
BOTH: Ah! No, no, no.
411
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:23,480
IF I don't, I will always be here.
412
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:24,960
Hm?
413
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,400
And here.
Ow!
414
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:28,960
OK, OK, OK.
415
00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:32,600
So buck up, hey?
Mm.
416
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:34,880
You can't miss me if I'm not gone.
417
00:21:34,880 --> 00:21:38,000
Hey, hey. Ah!
418
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,080
God go with you, Mama.
419
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,080
Ah... (SPEAKS NATIVE LANGUAGE)
..my daughter.
420
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:43,640
Bye, Grandma.
Bye.
421
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,440
Don't worry, Kobna.
You'll see Mama again, huh?
422
00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,400
Oh, I'm gonna miss Mama.
Oh.
423
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,160
I don't want her to go.
424
00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:58,400
Valentine, stop the car!
425
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,240
She's not going.
(CHUCKLES) Hey-hey-hey!
426
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,880
Mama!
I've left my Harrods carrier bag.
427
00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,040
(SPEAKS NATIVE LANGUAGE)
Oh!
428
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,080
Agnes! Come open the door.
429
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:10,560
Me?
430
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,160
You laughing?
Mm-hm.
431
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:13,840
Then go open the door.
Kobna, go open the door.
432
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,000
Kobna your hair
looks like a black sponge.
433
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,280
Walter!
434
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:19,800
Go, quick!
Look at your hair.
435
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,800
Spongy, spongy, spongy.
Oh, OK.
436
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,040
(UCHANDIFUNGA
BY FOUR BROTHERS PLAYS)
437
00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:28,280
Captions by Red Bee Media
438
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,800
Copyright Australian Broadcasting
Corporation
439
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:50,800
30559
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