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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,458
["Jingle Bells" playing]
2
00:00:14,791 --> 00:00:18,666
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bellsJingle all the way ♪
3
00:00:19,041 --> 00:00:21,583
♪ Oh, what fun it is to rideIn a one horse... ♪
4
00:00:22,041 --> 00:00:23,916
[woman] Fucking holidays.
5
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,375
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bellsJingle all the way ♪
6
00:00:27,458 --> 00:00:31,416
♪ Oh, what fun it is to rideIn a one horse open sleigh ♪
7
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,125
[sighs] Hmm.
8
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,458
Merry Christmas.
9
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,916
Ah! This is what you wear
to Christmas dinner?
10
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,000
Don't you even own a dress?
11
00:00:46,083 --> 00:00:47,666
I'm great, Mom. Thanks.
12
00:00:47,750 --> 00:00:49,500
House looks beautiful.
13
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,416
Well, your Aunt Susan
brought at-the-mall-Santa home.
14
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:53,333
[Susan chuckles]
15
00:00:53,416 --> 00:00:55,541
And your nephew just pooped in the manger.
16
00:00:55,625 --> 00:00:57,375
Ugh. It was a tiny poop,
17
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,416
and he moved the baby Jesus first.
18
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:00,750
- Hi.
- Hi.
19
00:01:00,833 --> 00:01:02,125
Merry Christmas.
20
00:01:02,208 --> 00:01:03,833
- Gingerbread elf?
- Oh!
21
00:01:04,666 --> 00:01:05,541
- Wow.
- Hey.
22
00:01:06,166 --> 00:01:08,083
Um, Rodney said you didn't call him.
23
00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:10,750
I'm sorry,
but I cannot date a professional clown.
24
00:01:10,833 --> 00:01:11,666
I'd never sleep.
25
00:01:11,750 --> 00:01:14,916
Jesus, Sloane, it's been six months.
You gotta get back out there.
26
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,666
How does she expect to meet anybody
27
00:01:16,750 --> 00:01:19,166
when she sits around the house
wearing pajamas?
28
00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:20,958
It's called working remote, Mother.
29
00:01:21,041 --> 00:01:24,250
My boss doesn't care what I wear
as long as I meet my quota.
30
00:01:24,333 --> 00:01:27,875
He does, however, request that my mother
stop FaceTiming me during business hours.
31
00:01:27,958 --> 00:01:29,916
You're not still smoking, are you?
32
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:32,416
Uh... No, Mom. I'm not still smoking.
33
00:01:32,833 --> 00:01:34,458
I had a smoky Uber.
34
00:01:34,541 --> 00:01:37,000
Well, I know the holidays
can be stressful,
35
00:01:37,083 --> 00:01:39,750
but no man wants to marry a smoker...
36
00:01:41,791 --> 00:01:42,791
who lies.
37
00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:47,208
Well, no man wants a bitchy mother-in-law.
38
00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:49,041
So, I guess that's three strikes.
39
00:01:51,125 --> 00:01:52,458
Woo-hoo hoo-hoo!
40
00:01:52,750 --> 00:01:55,125
You know it's a holiday
when my sister shows up alone.
41
00:01:55,208 --> 00:01:57,458
- Don't rub it in. She's obviously sad.
- Stop it.
42
00:01:57,541 --> 00:01:58,750
I'm not sad.
43
00:01:58,833 --> 00:02:00,541
Are you sure? You look really sad.
44
00:02:00,625 --> 00:02:01,458
Uh-uh.
45
00:02:01,666 --> 00:02:02,666
I'm not sad.
46
00:02:02,750 --> 00:02:06,291
[man] Boom! One sanitized manger.
47
00:02:06,375 --> 00:02:08,250
[chuckles] Aw, Sloane.
48
00:02:09,291 --> 00:02:10,458
You didn't call Rodney?
49
00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:14,541
[Susan] Isn't he great?
50
00:02:14,625 --> 00:02:16,541
- Hmm.
- I met him at the mall.
51
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:20,250
You'd be surprised at the quality of men
you can meet at the mall.
52
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:23,000
[sighs] I don't think I would actually.
53
00:02:23,083 --> 00:02:23,916
Relax.
54
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,333
It's not like I'm going to marry him.
55
00:02:26,958 --> 00:02:28,333
He's just my holidate.
56
00:02:28,916 --> 00:02:29,958
A "holidate"?
57
00:02:30,041 --> 00:02:32,291
You know, a date solely for the holiday.
58
00:02:32,625 --> 00:02:33,458
No commitment.
59
00:02:34,708 --> 00:02:36,416
Want me to see if he has a friend?
60
00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:49,125
[woman] Don't be nervous.
They'll love you.
61
00:02:49,208 --> 00:02:52,125
[in Australian accent] Your parents know
this is only our third date, right?
62
00:02:52,208 --> 00:02:53,583
Oh, my God. It's not a big deal.
63
00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:55,583
Actually,
I don't think they know you're coming.
64
00:02:55,666 --> 00:02:58,958
- Hi! Merry Christmas!
- [both] Merry Christmas!
65
00:02:59,041 --> 00:03:01,041
[all laughing]
66
00:03:01,125 --> 00:03:03,125
Oh, and you must be Jackson.
67
00:03:03,541 --> 00:03:05,875
You're even more handsome
than in the pictures.
68
00:03:05,958 --> 00:03:06,916
[chuckles]
69
00:03:07,458 --> 00:03:08,375
Pictures?
70
00:03:10,166 --> 00:03:13,625
Oh, and her first time on Santa's lap.
71
00:03:13,708 --> 00:03:17,708
She peed right through to Santa's leg.
[laughs]
72
00:03:18,125 --> 00:03:21,625
Ah, first ballet recital and...
73
00:03:21,708 --> 00:03:22,583
Oh!
74
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,333
This is the day she got her first period.
75
00:03:26,125 --> 00:03:27,125
[Jackson] Charming.
76
00:03:28,416 --> 00:03:30,166
Oh, and this one...
77
00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:32,916
was for Little Miss Evanston.
78
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,125
[chuckles]
79
00:03:36,833 --> 00:03:37,916
You should know,
80
00:03:40,083 --> 00:03:42,750
Carly's father and I
are perfectly comfortable
81
00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:44,916
with you two sleeping together in here.
82
00:03:46,125 --> 00:03:47,916
Oh, no. It's fine.
83
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,625
I won't be staying over.
84
00:03:49,708 --> 00:03:51,333
[scoffs] Nonsense.
85
00:03:51,416 --> 00:03:53,125
You're practically family.
86
00:04:01,625 --> 00:04:02,625
Fuck am I?
87
00:04:02,708 --> 00:04:04,375
[indistinct chatter]
88
00:04:05,291 --> 00:04:06,458
[all laughing]
89
00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:11,291
- [woman] Sloane.
- Yeah?
90
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:13,666
Stop being a baby. We can put the leaf in.
91
00:04:13,750 --> 00:04:16,208
No, thank you.
I prefer the singles table.
92
00:04:16,291 --> 00:04:17,375
[sighs]
93
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:21,166
All right, kids, let's check on presents.
Come on. Let's go.
94
00:04:22,041 --> 00:04:22,875
So...
95
00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:26,500
Aunt Sloane, why didn't you call Rodney?
96
00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:29,041
Why didn't you call Rodney?
97
00:04:29,125 --> 00:04:30,916
Because I already have a boyfriend.
98
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,458
His name is Levi,
99
00:04:32,541 --> 00:04:35,666
and he shares his juice box with me
every day at recess.
100
00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:38,250
Good for you, Daisy.
101
00:04:38,333 --> 00:04:40,208
You enjoy it while you can,
102
00:04:40,541 --> 00:04:42,791
because one day you are gonna
walk outside,
103
00:04:42,875 --> 00:04:45,416
and you're gonna catch Levi
sharing his juice box
104
00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,583
with a Starbucks barista named "Rainbow."
105
00:04:48,250 --> 00:04:50,291
Yeah, it's not a good day, Daisy.
106
00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:51,500
It hurts.
107
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,625
It hardens you.
108
00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:54,750
And the next thing you know,
109
00:04:54,833 --> 00:04:56,083
you're just south of 30,
110
00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:59,083
sitting at the kids table,
numbing the pain with a vodka.
111
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:00,583
[slurping]
112
00:05:00,666 --> 00:05:02,541
God, my parents love you!
113
00:05:02,625 --> 00:05:04,583
What the hell is wrong with you?
You told them...
114
00:05:04,666 --> 00:05:07,250
- You told your parents we're a couple?
- Oh, come on.
115
00:05:07,958 --> 00:05:09,500
You know you like me.
116
00:05:09,583 --> 00:05:12,083
You wouldn't be here on a major holiday
117
00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:14,416
- if you didn't like me.
- I...
118
00:05:14,833 --> 00:05:16,958
[gasps] A Clapper?
119
00:05:17,041 --> 00:05:18,958
Look, I told you
my parents are in Australia.
120
00:05:19,041 --> 00:05:20,791
- [unzips]
- I didn't have any other...
121
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:23,833
[stammers] ...plans.
122
00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:28,833
[women] Ooh!
123
00:05:29,125 --> 00:05:31,041
- Hey!
- Ah!
124
00:05:31,375 --> 00:05:32,708
- Pajamas.
- Yes!
125
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:37,166
I thought they were so cute and cozy
for, like, a girl's night in.
126
00:05:37,250 --> 00:05:38,208
[both chuckle]
127
00:05:40,875 --> 00:05:42,083
Hey!
128
00:05:43,791 --> 00:05:46,000
- Pants.
- They're khakis!
129
00:05:46,916 --> 00:05:49,083
Because golfers love khakis, right?
130
00:05:49,166 --> 00:05:51,958
I didn't know the size so I got three,
but you can exchange them.
131
00:05:52,708 --> 00:05:53,625
Pants...
132
00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:56,041
- and a project.
- [both chuckle]
133
00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:57,208
Thanks!
134
00:06:03,958 --> 00:06:05,083
[stutters]
135
00:06:05,166 --> 00:06:06,916
I'm sorry. I really didn't...
136
00:06:07,833 --> 00:06:09,666
think we're doing the whole present thing.
137
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:11,666
[scoffs] Why would you think that?
138
00:06:13,583 --> 00:06:16,083
Because you said we're not doing
the whole present thing.
139
00:06:17,208 --> 00:06:18,041
Oh!
140
00:06:19,791 --> 00:06:22,875
I see. So, you know me well enough
to cum in my mouth,
141
00:06:22,958 --> 00:06:25,583
but you don't know me well enough
to get me a Christmas present?
142
00:06:25,916 --> 00:06:27,125
[stutters] I...
143
00:06:28,708 --> 00:06:30,875
I could give you some cash.
I've got, what...
144
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:33,583
What have I got left? Forty bucks?
145
00:06:34,083 --> 00:06:35,166
Forty bucks?
146
00:06:36,375 --> 00:06:37,750
What am I, a prostitute?
147
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:39,916
No! God, no!
148
00:06:40,041 --> 00:06:41,625
Absolutely not. What the...
149
00:06:42,250 --> 00:06:43,416
I'll take 80.
150
00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:45,166
[scoffs]
151
00:06:45,666 --> 00:06:47,333
I'm not giving you $80.
152
00:06:47,833 --> 00:06:50,291
But we had sex, Jackson! Twice!
153
00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:54,208
I cannot believe that you didn't
get me a Christmas present!
154
00:06:54,291 --> 00:06:55,583
I can't believe
155
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:58,500
that you'd ambush me like this
in front of your parents!
156
00:06:58,583 --> 00:07:01,166
Actually, you know what? I can.
157
00:07:01,666 --> 00:07:04,208
'Cause chicks go mental on the holidays.
158
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,500
Lovely evening, guys. Beautiful dinner.
Have a merry Christmas.
159
00:07:11,916 --> 00:07:12,958
[grunts]
160
00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:14,291
[groans]
161
00:07:18,166 --> 00:07:19,166
Cheers.
162
00:07:19,916 --> 00:07:21,541
- [Sloane sighs]
- [boy clears throat]
163
00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:23,333
Could I have everyone's attention?
164
00:07:24,291 --> 00:07:26,166
There's something that I need to say.
165
00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:27,500
Who wants dessert?
166
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:29,708
[chuckles] Oh!
167
00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:31,708
Oh!
168
00:07:32,833 --> 00:07:34,166
Elizabeth Kimberly Chen...
169
00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:36,375
Fuck no.
170
00:07:36,833 --> 00:07:38,833
I know it's been only been three months
171
00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,333
and six heavenly days,
172
00:07:40,916 --> 00:07:43,250
but I feel like I've known you
my entire life.
173
00:07:43,875 --> 00:07:46,125
Will you make me
the happiest man in the world
174
00:07:46,625 --> 00:07:47,541
and marry me?
175
00:07:47,625 --> 00:07:49,250
[Liz] Oh, my gosh!
- [gasps]
176
00:07:49,708 --> 00:07:50,541
Yes!
177
00:07:50,625 --> 00:07:51,708
Yes, I'll marry you!
178
00:07:51,791 --> 00:07:54,166
- Two down, one to go!
- Congratulations.
179
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:56,375
- Best Christmas ever!
- Yes!
180
00:07:56,458 --> 00:07:58,666
[all cheering, whooping]
181
00:07:58,750 --> 00:08:01,500
Wow, this is... awesome.
182
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:04,166
My little brother getting married.
[chuckles]
183
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:05,708
[all cheering and laughing]
184
00:08:06,958 --> 00:08:08,000
Wow! I just...
185
00:08:09,250 --> 00:08:10,875
love these pajamas.
186
00:08:14,250 --> 00:08:17,083
- [man] What's the hold up?
- [woman] This is ridiculous.
187
00:08:17,208 --> 00:08:19,958
[Jackson] I've been in line
over half an hour. Please...
188
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:23,125
I'm sorry, without a gift receipt
I can only offer you a store credit.
189
00:08:23,541 --> 00:08:25,333
I don't want a store credit.
190
00:08:25,791 --> 00:08:28,166
I want to never have to return
to this store.
191
00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:31,833
We have some really cute stuff.
Have you tried our authentic skinny jeans?
192
00:08:32,250 --> 00:08:33,333
[Sloane] Excuse me!
193
00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:34,666
[woman] Come on, dude!
194
00:08:34,750 --> 00:08:35,916
Crocodile Dundee,
195
00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,708
some of us have jobs.
196
00:08:37,791 --> 00:08:39,041
Dundee. Original.
197
00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:42,291
Hang on. What makes you think
I don't have a job?
198
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:45,125
You're at the mall on a Wednesday
199
00:08:45,208 --> 00:08:46,708
returning slacker pants.
200
00:08:46,791 --> 00:08:49,541
Uh... These happen to be khakis.
201
00:08:49,625 --> 00:08:52,500
[with thick Australian accent]
Lots of employed people wear khaki pants.
202
00:08:52,583 --> 00:08:55,250
Hopefully, you mean khakis
and still don't care.
203
00:08:55,708 --> 00:08:57,833
Hi, there. I just have a quick return.
204
00:08:57,916 --> 00:08:58,750
Hey!
205
00:08:58,833 --> 00:09:01,125
- Receipt?
- They didn't come with a receipt.
206
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:03,666
Just the assumption
that I would be alone forever
207
00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:07,416
and, apparently, gorge myself
into the size of a lumberjack.
208
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,958
Nailed it.
209
00:09:09,041 --> 00:09:09,875
[chuckles]
210
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:13,375
You know what?
My Christmas already sucked.
211
00:09:13,458 --> 00:09:16,125
So, you can go "nail it" somewhere else.
212
00:09:16,208 --> 00:09:17,833
Uh, I need to go check on these.
213
00:09:17,916 --> 00:09:19,000
[indistinct chatter]
214
00:09:21,208 --> 00:09:24,916
I'll give you 40 bucks for those khakis,
and a Fresh Pretzel, two-for-one.
215
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,666
This is like 80 bucks worth of pants.
216
00:09:27,750 --> 00:09:28,583
No deal.
217
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,750
Hey, if it's any consolation,
218
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:38,291
I spent my holiday
in an ugly Christmas sweater,
219
00:09:38,791 --> 00:09:42,375
sipping mocktails with a room
full of people who I think were in a cult.
220
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:45,500
I'll see your ugly Christmas sweater,
221
00:09:45,583 --> 00:09:48,125
and raise you a seat at the kids table,
222
00:09:48,208 --> 00:09:49,958
my little brother getting engaged,
223
00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:52,958
and catching my aunt
getting her cookie licked by a mall Santa.
224
00:09:53,041 --> 00:09:55,625
That's a... festive visual.
225
00:09:56,125 --> 00:09:58,125
Seared into my brain like a bad tattoo.
226
00:09:58,208 --> 00:09:59,541
I got a bad tattoo once.
227
00:10:04,125 --> 00:10:06,208
Is that... Matt Lauer?
228
00:10:06,791 --> 00:10:08,916
I was a really big fan of the Today Show.
229
00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:12,875
Sorry, these are from two seasons ago.
230
00:10:12,958 --> 00:10:15,375
I can offer you a store credit
231
00:10:15,458 --> 00:10:17,333
at the current sales price of...
232
00:10:17,916 --> 00:10:20,000
[gasps] $4.99!
233
00:10:20,083 --> 00:10:22,083
[mouthing]
234
00:10:22,291 --> 00:10:23,375
$4.99?
235
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:26,333
Four dollars and ninety-nine cents.
[scoffs]
236
00:10:26,416 --> 00:10:28,791
My sister has become so cheap
since having kids.
237
00:10:28,875 --> 00:10:32,083
It'd be really cute if you
cut off the legs, like capri pants.
238
00:10:34,458 --> 00:10:35,875
Fifty bucks for everything.
239
00:10:35,958 --> 00:10:37,708
- Hey!
- Like you're making capri pants.
240
00:10:37,791 --> 00:10:38,958
I might.
241
00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:40,250
I have a crafty side.
242
00:10:40,333 --> 00:10:41,416
Okay.
243
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:42,333
Forty.
244
00:10:42,791 --> 00:10:43,791
Forty-five!
245
00:10:44,375 --> 00:10:45,875
And the pretzels, two-for-one.
246
00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:49,291
- You don't want any?
- I don't eat that crap.
247
00:10:49,375 --> 00:10:51,833
- Do you know what that does to your body?
- Yeah.
248
00:10:52,166 --> 00:10:54,333
It fills me with warm,
delicious happiness.
249
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:58,166
Like Christmas used to,
before I realized Santa was a big scam.
250
00:10:58,250 --> 00:10:59,083
[chuckles] Yeah.
251
00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:01,375
Christmas peaked for me at about ten.
252
00:11:01,458 --> 00:11:04,708
I got a surfboard
and my first complete set of golf clubs.
253
00:11:04,791 --> 00:11:05,708
[Sloane] Hmm.
254
00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,458
- It was good.
- My best Christmas...
255
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,958
was a Barbie Dream House, preassembled,
256
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:14,416
and a ventriloquist puppet named Lester.
257
00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:16,791
[Sloane] He looked like Jaleel White.
258
00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:17,708
Hmm?
259
00:11:18,208 --> 00:11:19,875
I sort of had a thing for Urkel.
260
00:11:19,958 --> 00:11:22,250
I spent months learning to throw my voice.
261
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,291
- Well, come on, let's hear it.
- No.
262
00:11:24,958 --> 00:11:26,916
Excuse me. I bought you a free pretzel.
263
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,250
So, you owe me an Urkel.
264
00:11:29,666 --> 00:11:30,500
Come on.
265
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,291
Come on.
266
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:33,208
[clears throat]
267
00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:35,833
[in monotone voice]
Did I do that?
268
00:11:37,375 --> 00:11:39,125
Did I do that?
269
00:11:39,208 --> 00:11:40,250
Nice.
270
00:11:40,958 --> 00:11:43,875
- What happened to Lester?
- Oh, he sleeps with me every night.
271
00:11:43,958 --> 00:11:44,958
What?
272
00:11:45,583 --> 00:11:47,166
Hey, Sloane!
273
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,291
Oh, God! Oh, God!
274
00:11:50,375 --> 00:11:52,750
Is that an ex-boyfriend of yours
or something?
275
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,958
No! That is the guy my aunt
brought home for Christmas.
276
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:58,083
That's the cookie licker?
277
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:00,250
Tell your Aunt Susan to call me!
278
00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:02,000
[Sloane] He was her holidate.
279
00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:03,458
Wait. What's a holidate?
280
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:06,333
Just some guy she picked up at the mall
to spend Christmas with.
281
00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:09,958
Wait, just Christmas or all holidays?
282
00:12:10,041 --> 00:12:11,416
Easter, New Year's...
283
00:12:11,916 --> 00:12:14,000
She's an equal opportunity holi-dater.
284
00:12:14,416 --> 00:12:16,458
That's what I need for New Year's Eve.
285
00:12:16,541 --> 00:12:19,125
You can try, but this late in the game,
he's probably booked.
286
00:12:19,208 --> 00:12:23,125
No. Seriously, I am done
casually dating on the holidays.
287
00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:25,083
There's way too much pressure.
It's ridiculous.
288
00:12:25,166 --> 00:12:27,750
I always end up being the asshole
at the end of the day, anyway.
289
00:12:27,833 --> 00:12:31,083
Yeah? Well, try being the only
single person left in your family.
290
00:12:31,166 --> 00:12:32,500
Every time I walk into a room,
291
00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:35,583
I'm showered in a sea of pity
and sad glances.
292
00:12:35,666 --> 00:12:38,791
I mean, why is everyone so suspicious
of a happy, single woman?
293
00:12:39,250 --> 00:12:40,750
Because you're obviously not happy.
294
00:12:40,875 --> 00:12:42,625
[chuckles] Yes, I am.
295
00:12:42,833 --> 00:12:44,083
Hmm... Happy.
296
00:12:44,708 --> 00:12:45,541
No, you're not.
297
00:12:46,333 --> 00:12:49,208
Human beings aren't meant to be alone
on the holidays.
298
00:12:49,750 --> 00:12:51,166
We actually need
299
00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:52,666
warmth,
300
00:12:53,208 --> 00:12:54,333
companionship,
301
00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:57,750
and someone
to drunk-mock strangers with at parties.
302
00:12:58,666 --> 00:13:01,541
I do enjoy
drunk-mocking strangers at parties.
303
00:13:02,125 --> 00:13:05,500
Well, then, this is perfect! We can be
each other's holidate for New Year's Eve.
304
00:13:05,583 --> 00:13:07,333
[chuckles] I don't even know you, so...
305
00:13:07,416 --> 00:13:09,750
Yeah, well, that's what makes it perfect.
306
00:13:09,833 --> 00:13:12,791
'Cause there's no pressure.
There's no expectations.
307
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:16,000
I mean... I don't even think
I find you that attractive.
308
00:13:17,041 --> 00:13:18,416
Wow! Calm down with the flattery.
309
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:21,166
Not that you're not attractive.
It's just that maybe...
310
00:13:21,583 --> 00:13:22,916
you're not that attractive to me.
311
00:13:24,583 --> 00:13:25,416
Goodbye!
312
00:13:26,833 --> 00:13:32,208
Okay, wait a second. You just said
that you're tired of all the sad glances
313
00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:34,625
- and looking pathetic.
- "Pity," not "pathetic."
314
00:13:34,708 --> 00:13:36,208
Okay, tomato, tomato.
315
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,958
I've got tickets to the Skyfall party.
316
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:40,250
- Wait, really?
- Yeah.
317
00:13:40,333 --> 00:13:41,666
That's such a fun party.
318
00:13:41,750 --> 00:13:43,833
- Oh, come on, then say yes.
- Ugh!
319
00:13:43,916 --> 00:13:45,291
I just wanna go.
320
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,625
I wanna relax, have a few drinks.
321
00:13:47,708 --> 00:13:49,416
Not worry about my date
322
00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:52,500
going batshit
if I don't drop a knee at midnight.
323
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,083
What makes you sure I'm not batshit?
324
00:13:56,750 --> 00:13:58,125
You had me at Lester.
325
00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:01,416
I'm Jackson, by the way.
326
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,000
Sloane.
327
00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:04,833
Nice to meet you, Sloane.
328
00:14:04,916 --> 00:14:06,625
Here are my details.
329
00:14:07,625 --> 00:14:08,500
"Golf pro?"
330
00:14:09,541 --> 00:14:10,666
What's your real job?
331
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,375
Just think about it and text me.
332
00:14:13,916 --> 00:14:15,541
Not texting you, Tiger Woods.
333
00:14:16,041 --> 00:14:18,125
- Think about it.
- Not texting you!
334
00:14:18,208 --> 00:14:19,458
Just send me a text.
335
00:14:20,208 --> 00:14:21,958
[Sloane] Uh... I'm almost finished.
336
00:14:22,458 --> 00:14:25,708
We are right on target
for queue three, and...
337
00:14:25,791 --> 00:14:26,750
[computer ringing]
338
00:14:27,166 --> 00:14:28,041
[beeps]
339
00:14:28,125 --> 00:14:31,291
I'll have those numbers
teed up first thing in the morning.
340
00:14:31,375 --> 00:14:32,916
[computer ringing]
341
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,083
I'm sorry. Can I...
342
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:35,833
call you back?
343
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:37,166
Yeah.
344
00:14:37,958 --> 00:14:39,375
Mom, I'm working!
345
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:41,208
That's what you wear to work?
346
00:14:41,625 --> 00:14:43,541
You could at least put on a nice top.
347
00:14:44,041 --> 00:14:46,083
Honey, I want you to meet someone.
348
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,750
This my new neighbor, Faarooq.
349
00:14:50,208 --> 00:14:52,833
- [Faarooq] Hello.- Faarooq is a doctor,
350
00:14:52,916 --> 00:14:53,833
and he's single.
351
00:14:54,958 --> 00:14:57,083
She's much prettier with makeup.
352
00:14:57,166 --> 00:14:58,333
I'm wearing makeup!
353
00:14:58,708 --> 00:15:01,958
- Faarooq is free on New Year's...
- Goodbye, Mother.
354
00:15:02,041 --> 00:15:03,666
And so, I thought that...
355
00:15:04,166 --> 00:15:05,375
[sighs deeply]
356
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,458
[man chuckles] Almost got me
on that one. No.
357
00:15:19,541 --> 00:15:21,041
Nope! Okay.
358
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:22,541
Eh... nope.
359
00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:24,333
Maybe!
360
00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:25,416
No.
361
00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:27,041
Uh-uh. Mm.
362
00:15:27,541 --> 00:15:29,291
How do you say "no" in Italian?
363
00:15:29,375 --> 00:15:30,541
"No, grazie."
364
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:31,666
[both chuckle]
365
00:15:32,041 --> 00:15:34,041
Nah. Oh. Oh!
366
00:15:34,125 --> 00:15:35,916
She is fine!
367
00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:37,708
And she got a little baby goat!
368
00:15:37,791 --> 00:15:40,166
Didn't you hook up with her
last month at the pro-am?
369
00:15:41,375 --> 00:15:42,208
Didn't you?
370
00:15:45,666 --> 00:15:47,958
Oh, I did!
371
00:15:48,041 --> 00:15:49,958
She must've left the goat at home.
372
00:15:50,041 --> 00:15:53,250
- I should give her a call...
- Why are you using my account anyway?
373
00:15:53,416 --> 00:15:54,458
Because I told you,
374
00:15:54,541 --> 00:15:57,708
I have some obsessive exes
that just can't get rid of this.
375
00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:00,166
- Okay?
- Know what the problem is with girls?
376
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,250
They got these crazy eyes, right?
377
00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:05,500
They're real,
and... I don't need a real girl.
378
00:16:06,583 --> 00:16:08,750
- I need a holidate.
- You said a what-a-date?
379
00:16:08,833 --> 00:16:10,041
[phone ringing]
380
00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:12,500
Hello?
381
00:16:16,916 --> 00:16:18,750
I thought I said text me, not call me.
382
00:16:18,833 --> 00:16:20,750
What's "holidate"?
383
00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:22,750
Is that a new app I need to download?
384
00:16:23,125 --> 00:16:24,333
I cannot keep up.
385
00:16:24,875 --> 00:16:28,875
- [all cheering]
- [dance music playing]
386
00:16:31,375 --> 00:16:33,375
I think the leather-vest-mate's up now.
387
00:16:33,458 --> 00:16:35,375
Oh, okay, he's an options trader.
388
00:16:35,458 --> 00:16:37,458
Divorced. Two kids at Northwestern.
389
00:16:37,958 --> 00:16:41,541
She was his decorator on the new condo,
390
00:16:41,625 --> 00:16:44,625
- hoping to be wife number three.
- Very good. Very good.
391
00:16:46,083 --> 00:16:48,083
Ooh, uh, white satin ruffles.
392
00:16:48,166 --> 00:16:49,250
Rented tuxedo.
393
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,500
He's just drenched in sweat.
394
00:16:51,583 --> 00:16:54,041
They are definitely getting engaged
at midnight.
395
00:16:54,125 --> 00:16:55,291
[indistinct chatter]
396
00:16:55,791 --> 00:16:56,875
[Sloane] Wow.
397
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:59,666
- You're good.
- It's a gift.
398
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:04,916
By the way, your tits
look exceptional in that dress.
399
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,791
Thanks. That's why I bought it.
400
00:17:06,875 --> 00:17:09,041
[sighs] Love the way it hugs
your ass, too.
401
00:17:09,541 --> 00:17:11,166
That's really sweet of you to notice.
402
00:17:11,250 --> 00:17:12,791
[chuckles] This is great.
403
00:17:12,875 --> 00:17:14,708
I love it. I just can say whatever I want
404
00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:17,000
'cause I don't care
if you think I'm a classy guy or not.
405
00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:20,500
And I can wear a slutty dress
and not worry about being slut-shamed.
406
00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:21,541
What a holidate bonus.
407
00:17:21,625 --> 00:17:22,458
[Sloane] Hmm.
408
00:17:24,458 --> 00:17:25,416
[Jackson] Ooh.
409
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:28,750
Okay, so he is
a sexually confused art student
410
00:17:29,208 --> 00:17:30,458
with mommy issues.
411
00:17:30,541 --> 00:17:31,833
And she's a wealthy widow
412
00:17:31,916 --> 00:17:34,083
with a taste for bondage.
[mimics whipcrack]
413
00:17:34,166 --> 00:17:35,166
Aunt Susan?
414
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:36,833
[gasps] Sloane!
415
00:17:36,916 --> 00:17:38,666
- Hi.
- Hi.
416
00:17:38,750 --> 00:17:40,791
- Oh, baby.
- Wow.
417
00:17:40,875 --> 00:17:43,666
- Your tits look great in that dress.
- [Sloane chuckles]
418
00:17:43,750 --> 00:17:44,916
That's what I said.
419
00:17:45,375 --> 00:17:46,916
This is... Ronnie.
420
00:17:47,958 --> 00:17:48,791
Robert.
421
00:17:49,416 --> 00:17:50,416
- Hello.
- Hi.
422
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:51,916
We met at the Art Institute.
423
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,041
I was a nude model
for his figure sculpting class.
424
00:17:55,458 --> 00:17:57,875
He made me the most perfect clay clitoris.
425
00:17:58,416 --> 00:18:00,583
Like a butterfly taking flight.
426
00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:03,000
[sighs] You have to see it.
427
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,375
Pass. Thanks. [chuckles]
428
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:05,833
I'd love to see that.
429
00:18:06,291 --> 00:18:07,416
That can be arranged.
430
00:18:08,333 --> 00:18:10,666
Well, Happy New Year, you kids. Have fun.
431
00:18:12,166 --> 00:18:13,375
Come on, Francois.
432
00:18:13,916 --> 00:18:15,083
Your aunt seems nice.
433
00:18:15,375 --> 00:18:17,458
[sighs] I need a drink.
434
00:18:20,375 --> 00:18:22,791
There's just no way in hell
her character would ever do that.
435
00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:24,125
Who cares? It was funny.
436
00:18:24,208 --> 00:18:26,000
Uh-uh.
It was cockamamie.
437
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:29,125
I'm sorry,
no one uses that word anymore.
438
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:31,083
[scoffs] Well, it's the only word I know
439
00:18:31,166 --> 00:18:34,083
that accurately describes
every romantic comedy in history.
440
00:18:34,166 --> 00:18:37,250
There's always some fake reason
the stars can't be together
441
00:18:37,333 --> 00:18:39,833
when you know they're gonna be together
from the poster.
442
00:18:40,291 --> 00:18:42,041
It's like, "Oh, boo-hoo.
443
00:18:42,125 --> 00:18:43,750
I'm so heartbroken.
444
00:18:43,833 --> 00:18:45,541
Even though you're perfect for me,
445
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,791
- I'm taking a break from dating."
- [giggles]
446
00:18:47,875 --> 00:18:49,458
I mean, no one is ever...
447
00:18:50,541 --> 00:18:51,916
taking a break from dating!
448
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,083
And let me tell you,
449
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:54,875
if Ryan Gosling waltzed in here,
450
00:18:54,958 --> 00:18:58,166
picked me up, floated me around
to the theme of Dirty Dancing,
451
00:18:58,250 --> 00:18:59,416
I'm not gonna be like,
452
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:03,000
"Oh, hey, Ryan, buddy, bad timing.
I'm taking a break from dating."
453
00:19:03,083 --> 00:19:05,916
[scoffs] I am jumping on that train.
454
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,625
The Ryan Gosling train.
455
00:19:07,708 --> 00:19:09,500
I'd jump on the Ryan Gosling train.
456
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:14,041
So, who was this dickhead
that ruined romantic comedies for you?
457
00:19:14,541 --> 00:19:17,583
- [chuckles] I'd rather not go there.
- We're already here.
458
00:19:17,666 --> 00:19:18,541
[laughs]
459
00:19:18,625 --> 00:19:20,666
What's his name? Bill?
460
00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:22,166
Fred?
461
00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:23,708
Carlos?
462
00:19:24,500 --> 00:19:26,000
- Juan?
- What?
463
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:27,791
Bob? What?
464
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:30,166
Luc.
465
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,083
Luc?
466
00:19:32,166 --> 00:19:33,291
Luc.
467
00:19:33,375 --> 00:19:35,125
Oh, he sounds like a wanker.
468
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:36,083
No.
469
00:19:36,541 --> 00:19:38,083
He was handsome,
470
00:19:38,166 --> 00:19:39,416
smart,
471
00:19:39,791 --> 00:19:41,375
- French.
- [groans]
472
00:19:41,458 --> 00:19:44,500
He wore these sexy,
little John Lennon glasses.
473
00:19:44,583 --> 00:19:46,750
- Ugh...
- Did triathlons.
474
00:19:47,625 --> 00:19:49,000
Man, he had stamina.
475
00:19:49,375 --> 00:19:51,166
[scoffs] So, what happened?
476
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:52,541
Hmm.
477
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,875
Nothing much.
We just wanted different things.
478
00:19:55,458 --> 00:19:57,791
I wanted someone
to take home for the holidays,
479
00:19:57,875 --> 00:19:59,958
and he wanted to text photos of his cock
480
00:20:00,041 --> 00:20:02,916
to the girl that made
his double macchiato, so... Ha!
481
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:03,958
Ouch.
482
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:07,500
[chuckles] Well, it was my fault.
483
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,291
He was too hot to be trustworthy.
484
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:12,041
"Always date down."
That's what my sister says.
485
00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:13,833
I didn't listen.
486
00:20:14,583 --> 00:20:15,416
Hmm.
487
00:20:15,958 --> 00:20:17,000
I gotta pee.
488
00:20:22,416 --> 00:20:25,541
[woman] Oh, my God.
It looks like I got stabbed.
489
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:26,666
[woman 2] It's just wine.
490
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:30,250
- I can't get engaged wearing this dress!
- [woman] It's okay. It's not that bad.
491
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:32,875
- Yeah. It kind of looks like a flower.
- Right.
492
00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:35,166
A flower of blood.
493
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:36,125
Oh...
494
00:20:37,291 --> 00:20:38,458
I'll trade with you.
495
00:20:40,125 --> 00:20:41,750
Oh, my God.
496
00:20:42,916 --> 00:20:43,791
I'm Carrie.
497
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:46,583
Listen, he loves you.
498
00:20:46,666 --> 00:20:48,833
Okay? He's still gonna propose.
499
00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:52,458
All my life, I wanted to be proposed to
on New Year's Eve.
500
00:20:53,125 --> 00:20:54,833
And now it's ruined.
501
00:20:54,916 --> 00:20:56,416
Let's just go.
502
00:20:59,041 --> 00:21:00,000
Hi.
503
00:21:00,083 --> 00:21:01,375
Oh, my God.
504
00:21:01,750 --> 00:21:04,166
You look so beautiful.
505
00:21:04,875 --> 00:21:05,958
[sobbing]
506
00:21:06,041 --> 00:21:08,041
[loud electronic music playing]
507
00:21:13,083 --> 00:21:14,333
[Sloane] Don't ask.
508
00:21:15,458 --> 00:21:16,541
Come on.
509
00:21:17,583 --> 00:21:20,208
["Cant Get Enough" playing]
510
00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:24,041
♪ I can't get enoughI love it, love it, love it ♪
511
00:21:24,666 --> 00:21:26,541
- ♪ Let's keep it going ♪
- [whooping]
512
00:21:26,625 --> 00:21:29,083
♪ I can't get enoughI love it, love it, love it ♪
513
00:21:30,458 --> 00:21:33,208
♪ Oh-oh ooh-oohI love it, love it, love it ♪
514
00:21:33,291 --> 00:21:34,333
[Sloane squeals]
515
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:38,750
- [Jackson] Woo-hoo!
- [Sloane laughing]
516
00:21:40,083 --> 00:21:42,083
- [Sloane giggles]
- Oh!
517
00:21:42,958 --> 00:21:44,416
[Sloane screams, laughs]
518
00:21:49,458 --> 00:21:52,041
♪ I love itI can't get enough ♪
519
00:21:52,583 --> 00:21:54,708
♪ I love itI can't get enough ♪
520
00:21:55,333 --> 00:21:58,500
♪ Let's keep it going onI can't get enough ♪
521
00:21:59,166 --> 00:22:00,625
- What?
- Thank you!
522
00:22:00,708 --> 00:22:03,666
["(I've Had) The time of my life" playing"
523
00:22:03,750 --> 00:22:06,416
♪ ...Had the time of my life ♪
524
00:22:07,250 --> 00:22:08,250
♪ No, I've never... ♪
525
00:22:08,333 --> 00:22:09,791
No!
526
00:22:09,875 --> 00:22:11,000
[squeals]
527
00:22:11,083 --> 00:22:13,291
Nobody puts Baby in a corner.
528
00:22:13,666 --> 00:22:15,333
♪ It's the truth ♪
529
00:22:16,250 --> 00:22:20,416
♪ And I owe it all to you... ♪
530
00:22:21,125 --> 00:22:23,208
[Jackson] All right, everyone, move back.
531
00:22:23,458 --> 00:22:25,250
♪ So we take each other's hand ♪
532
00:22:25,375 --> 00:22:30,541
♪ 'Cause we seem to understandThe urgency... ♪
533
00:22:31,708 --> 00:22:32,958
[woman] Yes! Do it!
534
00:22:33,291 --> 00:22:35,375
♪ You're the one thing... ♪
535
00:22:35,458 --> 00:22:38,625
[crowd cheering, applauding]
536
00:22:42,166 --> 00:22:44,500
- [song continues playing]
- [crowd shouting, chanting]
537
00:22:44,583 --> 00:22:48,333
[crowd] Go! Go! Go!
538
00:22:50,541 --> 00:22:53,708
♪ So I'll tell you something... ♪
539
00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:57,375
Oh, shit!
540
00:22:57,458 --> 00:22:59,166
♪ Because ♪
541
00:22:59,708 --> 00:23:03,625
♪ I've had the time of my life ♪
542
00:23:03,708 --> 00:23:04,625
[cloth ripping]
543
00:23:06,083 --> 00:23:07,166
Whoa...
544
00:23:07,875 --> 00:23:09,250
[woman] Boobs! Boobs!
545
00:23:09,333 --> 00:23:10,458
[screams]
546
00:23:10,541 --> 00:23:12,708
[music slowly fades out]
547
00:23:14,416 --> 00:23:16,166
[crowd groans, gasps]
548
00:23:16,250 --> 00:23:18,250
[dance music playing in background]
549
00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:22,583
[sighs] Nobody drops Baby on her head.
550
00:23:25,333 --> 00:23:26,625
I'm gonna take a piss.
551
00:23:31,458 --> 00:23:33,041
[announcer] All right, y'all!
552
00:23:33,125 --> 00:23:35,458
Are y'all ready for a new year, Chicago?
553
00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:37,041
[crowd cheering]
554
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:38,250
[announcer] Yeah!
555
00:23:38,333 --> 00:23:41,708
All right. Grab your sweethearts,
and let's do this thing, baby!
556
00:23:41,791 --> 00:23:42,958
Come on, y'all! And...
557
00:23:43,041 --> 00:23:44,791
[announcer and crowd] Nine, eight,
558
00:23:44,875 --> 00:23:46,250
seven, six,
559
00:23:46,333 --> 00:23:48,250
five, four,
560
00:23:48,333 --> 00:23:49,916
three, two,
561
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:50,916
one!
562
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,125
Happy New Year, Chicago!
563
00:23:55,208 --> 00:24:00,041
["Auld Lang Syne Crooner" playing]
564
00:24:07,583 --> 00:24:11,041
♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot ♪
565
00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:13,791
♪ And never brought to mind? ♪
566
00:24:13,875 --> 00:24:15,083
Will you marry me?
567
00:24:15,166 --> 00:24:17,500
[woman] Oh, my God. Yes! Yes! Yes!
568
00:24:18,208 --> 00:24:19,958
I love you! I love you! I love you!
569
00:24:22,625 --> 00:24:25,875
♪ For auld lang syne, my friend ♪
570
00:24:26,291 --> 00:24:28,750
♪ For auld lang syne... ♪
571
00:24:28,833 --> 00:24:29,666
[sighs]
572
00:24:29,750 --> 00:24:32,208
♪ We'll take a cup of kindness... ♪
573
00:24:32,291 --> 00:24:33,250
Shit.
574
00:24:33,541 --> 00:24:34,583
Sorry.
575
00:24:36,541 --> 00:24:38,291
- Happy New Year.
- Happy New Year.
576
00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:47,916
♪ And there's a hand, my trusty friend ♪
577
00:24:48,833 --> 00:24:51,083
♪ And give me a hand o' thine ♪
578
00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:55,000
♪ We'll take a rightAt gude-willy waught ♪
579
00:24:55,791 --> 00:24:57,875
♪ For auld lang syne ♪
580
00:25:03,708 --> 00:25:05,208
You know, tonight didn't suck.
581
00:25:05,583 --> 00:25:07,583
I actually had a fairly decent time.
582
00:25:07,666 --> 00:25:08,500
Yeah.
583
00:25:08,583 --> 00:25:11,000
I mean, not the worst night of my life.
[chuckles]
584
00:25:11,708 --> 00:25:13,208
What are you doing for Valentine's?
585
00:25:13,875 --> 00:25:15,666
That's in two months.
586
00:25:15,750 --> 00:25:17,833
Yeah, I know, but if I lock in plans now,
587
00:25:17,916 --> 00:25:20,041
then maybe I won't end up
doing anything stupid.
588
00:25:20,458 --> 00:25:23,125
Hmm. Flattered, but two months
is a long time.
589
00:25:23,208 --> 00:25:25,708
You know, a lot could happen before then.
590
00:25:26,333 --> 00:25:27,166
Sure.
591
00:25:28,375 --> 00:25:31,000
And if not, I have a standing date
at a candy store.
592
00:25:31,083 --> 00:25:32,458
So, I'm good.
593
00:25:33,708 --> 00:25:35,416
[Jackson] Hmm, okay.
594
00:25:35,583 --> 00:25:36,416
Sure.
595
00:25:37,125 --> 00:25:38,250
Good night then.
596
00:25:38,833 --> 00:25:39,666
Happy New Year.
597
00:25:40,458 --> 00:25:41,416
Happy New Year.
598
00:25:52,416 --> 00:25:55,500
{\an8}[Liz] What do you mean,
you don't have a date for Valentine's Day?
599
00:25:55,583 --> 00:25:57,958
Don't say it like I just told you
I have cancer.
600
00:25:58,750 --> 00:26:00,000
But it's Valentine's Day.
601
00:26:00,083 --> 00:26:02,166
No, it's Thursday.
602
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:04,875
And I'm gonna take a long, hot bath,
603
00:26:05,250 --> 00:26:06,666
pop a bottle of pinot,
604
00:26:06,750 --> 00:26:09,791
treat myself to a few pounds of chocolate,
and who knows,
605
00:26:09,875 --> 00:26:11,583
might even watch a little porn.
606
00:26:11,666 --> 00:26:14,291
[whispering] You can't watch porn
on Valentine's Day!
607
00:26:14,375 --> 00:26:17,208
You should especially watch porn
on Valentine's Day.
608
00:26:17,625 --> 00:26:20,791
Ugh! So, what is that cute doctor?
What's his name, Faarooq?
609
00:26:21,208 --> 00:26:23,416
- [Liz] You should call him.
- Forget it.
610
00:26:23,500 --> 00:26:26,250
I'm not dating someone
my mother sets me up with.
611
00:26:26,333 --> 00:26:28,916
What about the mall guy?
You had fun on New Year's.
612
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:30,791
Yeah, but it was a one-time thing.
613
00:26:31,083 --> 00:26:32,625
He wasn't attracted to me.
614
00:26:32,958 --> 00:26:34,208
- He said that?
- Yep.
615
00:26:34,875 --> 00:26:35,750
Ick.
616
00:26:36,083 --> 00:26:37,500
Were you attracted to him?
617
00:26:37,583 --> 00:26:38,958
Uh, No.
618
00:26:39,041 --> 00:26:40,500
He can't even speak English.
619
00:26:40,583 --> 00:26:42,541
You should hear him say "khaki."
620
00:26:42,625 --> 00:26:44,708
[mimics Australian accent]
He says it like, "khakis."
621
00:26:44,791 --> 00:26:45,833
[Abby laughs]
622
00:26:47,541 --> 00:26:49,666
Look, I'm perfectly happy being single.
623
00:26:49,750 --> 00:26:51,750
I get to do what I want when I want,
624
00:26:51,833 --> 00:26:54,333
and I don't have to deal
with the stress of shaving
625
00:26:54,416 --> 00:26:56,916
and plucking and waxing.
626
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:59,083
Ugh, best thing about marriage,
no more waxing.
627
00:26:59,541 --> 00:27:02,458
Okay. Well, what about the wedding?
You can't be alone at the wedding.
628
00:27:02,541 --> 00:27:04,541
The wedding's in eight months.
629
00:27:04,625 --> 00:27:06,583
And you're already letting yourself go.
630
00:27:07,541 --> 00:27:09,708
Everyone needs to mind their own business.
631
00:27:09,791 --> 00:27:12,291
My romantic status and personal hygiene
632
00:27:12,375 --> 00:27:14,000
are completely under control.
633
00:27:14,083 --> 00:27:15,416
Now, if you'll excuse me,
634
00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:17,791
I have an obscene amount of candy to buy.
635
00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:22,416
I bet Rodney's still available.
636
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:24,166
- Oh, God. Please text him.
- Okay.
637
00:27:26,333 --> 00:27:29,458
[gasps] Ooh. Mmm.
638
00:27:31,375 --> 00:27:33,291
[grunts, gasps]
639
00:27:33,375 --> 00:27:34,291
Sloane?
640
00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:37,333
Luc?
641
00:27:39,625 --> 00:27:40,875
My God.
642
00:27:40,958 --> 00:27:42,416
How are you?
[chuckles]
643
00:27:43,250 --> 00:27:44,083
What is...
644
00:27:44,583 --> 00:27:45,916
Baby, taste this.
645
00:27:48,458 --> 00:27:50,791
- How amazing.
- [Luc] Hmm. Yeah.
646
00:27:50,875 --> 00:27:53,458
My tongue is having
a major orgasm right now.
647
00:27:53,541 --> 00:27:54,500
[both chuckle]
648
00:27:55,875 --> 00:27:57,625
Do these come in any other flavors?
649
00:27:58,208 --> 00:27:59,875
Oh, I... I don't work here.
650
00:27:59,958 --> 00:28:03,041
Sorry. I thought you were
stocking the shelves or something.
651
00:28:03,125 --> 00:28:04,083
[laughs]
652
00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:05,375
No.
653
00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:07,166
- I'm not.
- [Luc] Oh, no. No.
654
00:28:07,625 --> 00:28:09,000
Darling, this is Sloane.
655
00:28:09,416 --> 00:28:11,958
We were lovers for a few months.
656
00:28:12,875 --> 00:28:15,708
Oh, lucky you.
657
00:28:15,791 --> 00:28:17,583
Isn't he amazing in bed?
658
00:28:17,666 --> 00:28:21,041
He's like the Terminator,
only I'm the one who never stops coming.
659
00:28:21,375 --> 00:28:22,208
Um...
660
00:28:23,041 --> 00:28:23,958
Hey, love muffin!
661
00:28:24,041 --> 00:28:27,750
I thought you were gonna meet me
in Brookstone and try out those massagers.
662
00:28:27,833 --> 00:28:29,166
Good day, I'm Jackson.
663
00:28:29,250 --> 00:28:32,500
I'm Sloane's little boy toy of the moment,
you know?
664
00:28:32,583 --> 00:28:34,750
I'm just trying
to nail her down long-term,
665
00:28:34,833 --> 00:28:37,583
but you know, she's such a strong
and independent woman.
666
00:28:38,041 --> 00:28:40,916
- Stop this. Stop. Stop. it.
- Fingers crossed.
667
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,291
I'm Luc, and, uh...
668
00:28:43,041 --> 00:28:44,166
this is Felicity.
669
00:28:44,625 --> 00:28:45,458
Wow.
670
00:28:45,750 --> 00:28:48,250
So, you two are just beautiful.
671
00:28:48,333 --> 00:28:49,791
- Mm-hmm.
- I mean...
672
00:28:49,875 --> 00:28:50,708
Wow.
673
00:28:50,791 --> 00:28:52,166
Thank you. [chuckles]
674
00:28:54,666 --> 00:28:55,833
Are we done here, babe?
675
00:28:55,916 --> 00:28:59,750
Because I had some big plans for you
676
00:28:59,833 --> 00:29:02,416
in Victoria's Secret.
677
00:29:02,541 --> 00:29:04,000
[both chuckle]
678
00:29:04,083 --> 00:29:05,916
- Shall we go? Gonna get the thing.
- Yeah.
679
00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:07,333
- Yeah.
- Perfect. Okay.
680
00:29:07,416 --> 00:29:09,625
Lovely to meet you.
Seriously, all the best.
681
00:29:09,708 --> 00:29:11,500
- Thank you. Bye, Felicia.
- Good to see you.
682
00:29:11,583 --> 00:29:12,791
It's Felicity.
683
00:29:13,125 --> 00:29:15,416
- [Sloane] I'm gonna be sick.
- [Jackson] Just breathe.
684
00:29:17,958 --> 00:29:19,666
- [groans]
- Hey, here. Some tissues.
685
00:29:20,625 --> 00:29:22,250
- [moans]
- Now drink this.
686
00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:24,500
[pants and slurps]
687
00:29:25,166 --> 00:29:27,125
Ugh, now I'm for sure gonna be sick.
688
00:29:27,416 --> 00:29:29,750
It's green juice. It's good for you.
689
00:29:30,083 --> 00:29:33,541
You know, the human body is capable
of living to about 120 years
690
00:29:33,625 --> 00:29:35,083
if you take care of it.
691
00:29:35,166 --> 00:29:36,541
Who cares?
692
00:29:36,625 --> 00:29:38,375
It's all downhill after 40.
693
00:29:38,458 --> 00:29:41,000
Who wants an extra 80 years
of the worst part of life?
694
00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,125
Well, if you got
a Felicity in your life...
695
00:29:45,500 --> 00:29:47,125
Sorry, that was a low blow.
696
00:29:47,958 --> 00:29:51,375
Why does the next girlfriend
always have to be younger and hotter?
697
00:29:51,458 --> 00:29:53,375
Is it like some kind of unwritten law?
698
00:29:53,458 --> 00:29:56,333
Well, you know, normally,
the younger and hotter the girl,
699
00:29:56,416 --> 00:29:58,458
the less chance of commitment, so...
700
00:29:59,125 --> 00:30:01,000
in a way, it's actually a compliment.
701
00:30:03,041 --> 00:30:04,250
Wait, that's it.
702
00:30:04,541 --> 00:30:07,458
He's afraid.
Dating Felicity is a cry for help.
703
00:30:08,166 --> 00:30:09,208
What, are you drunk?
704
00:30:09,291 --> 00:30:10,958
[sighs] Maybe a little.
705
00:30:11,041 --> 00:30:13,500
Those bourbon truffles
are stronger than I thou...
706
00:30:15,166 --> 00:30:16,041
I took this.
707
00:30:16,458 --> 00:30:17,458
I stole it!
708
00:30:17,541 --> 00:30:19,458
Well, I'm not going back there, so...
709
00:30:19,875 --> 00:30:21,708
we may as well destroy the evidence.
710
00:30:22,708 --> 00:30:25,791
Uh... no, I don't eat that crap.
I'm a professional athlete.
711
00:30:25,875 --> 00:30:26,875
[scoffs]
712
00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:28,166
Seriously?
713
00:30:28,458 --> 00:30:30,833
Golf is the least athletic sport
on the planet.
714
00:30:30,916 --> 00:30:34,333
I'll have you know that golf requires
more precise muscle control
715
00:30:34,416 --> 00:30:36,125
and hand-eye coordination
716
00:30:36,208 --> 00:30:38,500
than football and basketball combined.
717
00:30:38,958 --> 00:30:39,875
Maybe.
718
00:30:39,958 --> 00:30:43,291
But LeBron doesn't need a tiny car
to take him up and down the court.
719
00:30:43,375 --> 00:30:44,708
[chuckles]
720
00:30:44,791 --> 00:30:46,875
Come on. Don't be such a pussy.
721
00:30:46,958 --> 00:30:48,750
It's weird when girls say "pussy."
722
00:30:49,208 --> 00:30:51,791
Oh, my God, you really are a pussy.
723
00:30:52,291 --> 00:30:54,375
Well, if I wasn't such a pussy,
724
00:30:54,458 --> 00:30:56,208
you'd be stuck in a candy store
725
00:30:56,291 --> 00:30:59,458
talking to your ex-boyfriend
and his smoking hot new girlfriend.
726
00:31:00,125 --> 00:31:02,541
So, you're welcome, by the way.
727
00:31:05,750 --> 00:31:06,708
You're right.
728
00:31:07,083 --> 00:31:08,500
- Thank you.
- Hmm.
729
00:31:10,458 --> 00:31:11,291
I owe you.
730
00:31:11,375 --> 00:31:12,458
That's better.
731
00:31:12,541 --> 00:31:13,375
[Sloane sighs]
732
00:31:13,458 --> 00:31:16,875
Now, I'll take my hand job
in the parking lot. Thank you.
733
00:31:17,291 --> 00:31:19,541
Oh, a hand job.
734
00:31:20,791 --> 00:31:21,958
What are you, like, 12?
735
00:31:22,250 --> 00:31:23,500
You gave hand jobs at 12?
736
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:25,125
I developed early.
737
00:31:25,875 --> 00:31:27,625
[Jackson] Oh, my God, it's so good.
738
00:31:27,708 --> 00:31:29,541
[Sloane] Is that enough
or do you want more?
739
00:31:29,625 --> 00:31:30,458
[Jackson] More.
740
00:31:30,541 --> 00:31:33,375
- [Sloane] Stop moving. I'm almost done.
- [Jackson] This chocolate is good.
741
00:31:33,458 --> 00:31:35,125
Oh, my God, you were not kidding.
742
00:31:35,208 --> 00:31:36,750
- Hold on, hold on.
- Shit!
743
00:31:37,083 --> 00:31:39,750
- Shit, it's all over my pants.
- You have baby wipes?
744
00:31:39,833 --> 00:31:42,458
Um, yeah, in my glove box
next to the diapers.
745
00:31:42,541 --> 00:31:44,625
[chuckles] Oh, my God,
you're a bad influence.
746
00:31:44,708 --> 00:31:45,666
No, I'm not.
747
00:31:46,083 --> 00:31:47,000
[moans]
748
00:31:47,083 --> 00:31:49,333
- Do you want a cigarette?
- You smoke?
749
00:31:50,750 --> 00:31:51,833
No.
750
00:31:51,916 --> 00:31:53,958
Not really, just, like, sometimes.
751
00:31:54,541 --> 00:31:56,458
A little tobacco never killed anybody.
752
00:31:56,541 --> 00:31:57,833
Mm, pretty sure it has.
753
00:31:57,916 --> 00:31:59,500
[tires screeching in distance]
754
00:31:59,583 --> 00:32:02,791
Look, I get it, okay?
It sucks running into your boyfriend
755
00:32:02,875 --> 00:32:05,458
on Valentine's Day, in a candy store,
wearing pajamas.
756
00:32:05,541 --> 00:32:07,958
Ex-boyfriend, and these are not pajamas.
757
00:32:08,041 --> 00:32:09,458
They're lounge pants.
758
00:32:09,541 --> 00:32:10,458
Hmm.
759
00:32:11,375 --> 00:32:14,250
Believe it or not, this isn't
the worst Valentine's Day of my life.
760
00:32:15,041 --> 00:32:16,583
Why didn't you just call me?
761
00:32:16,666 --> 00:32:18,041
I don't know.
762
00:32:18,125 --> 00:32:20,166
I guess I was just embarrassed to admit
763
00:32:20,250 --> 00:32:22,375
that nothing had changed since New Year's.
764
00:32:22,458 --> 00:32:24,625
Isn't that the point
of this holidate thing
765
00:32:24,708 --> 00:32:28,125
that we get to avoid
this stupid pressure and all the judgment?
766
00:32:28,208 --> 00:32:30,250
Look, whatever.
At least the biggies are behind us.
767
00:32:30,666 --> 00:32:33,041
I mean, Christmas, New Year's,
Valentine's Day.
768
00:32:33,125 --> 00:32:35,666
Yeah, but I'm telling you,
the small ones are just as risky.
769
00:32:35,750 --> 00:32:37,166
I once spent an Earth Day
770
00:32:37,250 --> 00:32:39,666
chained to a tree
with a chick from Greenpeace.
771
00:32:40,083 --> 00:32:42,125
It was the longest ten days of my life.
772
00:32:42,583 --> 00:32:43,416
[sighs]
773
00:32:44,875 --> 00:32:47,250
It would be nice
to bring someone home for Easter.
774
00:32:47,958 --> 00:32:49,333
So, let's make it official.
775
00:32:49,416 --> 00:32:51,125
Holidates until further notice?
776
00:32:52,041 --> 00:32:52,958
What about sex?
777
00:32:53,041 --> 00:32:54,708
Will Lester be joining us?
778
00:32:54,791 --> 00:32:57,333
No, I'm serious.
Friends with benefits never works.
779
00:32:57,416 --> 00:32:59,875
Yeah, but that's only because
you girls get clingy
780
00:32:59,958 --> 00:33:01,291
and always want more.
781
00:33:01,750 --> 00:33:03,208
- Us?
- Well, yeah.
782
00:33:03,291 --> 00:33:04,416
It's not your fault.
783
00:33:04,500 --> 00:33:07,583
Women are hardwired
to attach and procreate.
784
00:33:07,666 --> 00:33:09,833
And men are hardwired to panic and flee.
785
00:33:09,916 --> 00:33:11,458
Okay, fine. So, we agree.
786
00:33:11,791 --> 00:33:13,791
Non-sexual holidates from now on.
787
00:33:17,958 --> 00:33:18,916
[scoffs]
788
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:19,833
Now...
789
00:33:20,416 --> 00:33:21,458
coconut cluster.
790
00:33:21,791 --> 00:33:23,750
- Hmm? Now...
- Oh!
791
00:33:23,833 --> 00:33:25,708
[both cheer and laugh]
792
00:33:25,791 --> 00:33:27,083
["Smash the Windows" playing]
793
00:33:27,166 --> 00:33:28,166
♪ Smash them up ♪
794
00:33:28,250 --> 00:33:30,541
♪ Smash the windows
Smash them up... ♪
795
00:33:30,625 --> 00:33:32,250
[crowd] Slainte! Slainte!
796
00:33:36,458 --> 00:33:39,416
[grunts] I can't. I can't. I'm sorry.
797
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:41,000
[man] I can! I can, I can!
798
00:33:41,083 --> 00:33:42,708
All right. Here we go.
799
00:33:42,791 --> 00:33:46,208
[all cheering]
800
00:33:46,291 --> 00:33:49,375
[crowd] Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy!
801
00:33:52,583 --> 00:33:53,833
[crowd gasps]
802
00:33:53,916 --> 00:33:54,833
York?
803
00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:57,041
Holy shit! No way.
804
00:33:58,000 --> 00:33:59,583
[Jackson] Dude! What the fuck?
805
00:33:59,666 --> 00:34:01,291
- How are you, mate? Hello!
- [York] Hello!
806
00:34:01,375 --> 00:34:03,291
Wait, you guys know each other?
807
00:34:03,375 --> 00:34:05,208
Wait, you guys know each other?
808
00:34:05,708 --> 00:34:07,291
Yeah, that's my little brother.
809
00:34:07,375 --> 00:34:10,250
Jack's been giving me golf lessons
for over a year now.
810
00:34:10,333 --> 00:34:11,208
[Liz] You play golf?
811
00:34:11,291 --> 00:34:13,750
- Only since you've known me.
- [Liz chuckles]
812
00:34:13,875 --> 00:34:16,208
All right. Jackson, meet my fiance Liz.
813
00:34:16,291 --> 00:34:17,916
- Hi.
- It's still Liz, right?
814
00:34:18,375 --> 00:34:20,208
- And my sister, Abby.
- Hi.
815
00:34:20,291 --> 00:34:22,166
- Her invisible husband, Peter.
- Hi. Hi.
816
00:34:22,250 --> 00:34:24,000
- Where is Peter?
- Nice to meet you.
817
00:34:24,083 --> 00:34:27,416
He doesn't trust the kids with a sitter.
I keep saying it's fine.
818
00:34:27,500 --> 00:34:29,291
A two-year-old can dial 911.
819
00:34:29,875 --> 00:34:31,458
- Uh...
- I'm joking.
820
00:34:31,541 --> 00:34:32,541
[both chuckle]
821
00:34:32,625 --> 00:34:34,708
But the six-year-old is more than capable.
822
00:34:34,791 --> 00:34:36,916
Ignore my sister. She has four kids.
823
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:37,833
- Oh!
- Ah!
824
00:34:37,916 --> 00:34:39,875
Oh, God, I have four kids. Jesus!
825
00:34:39,958 --> 00:34:41,583
It sounds like you need a drink.
826
00:34:41,666 --> 00:34:43,750
- Many.
- That is a two-man job.
827
00:34:43,833 --> 00:34:45,291
And me. Drink.
828
00:34:46,291 --> 00:34:47,458
Ooh...
829
00:34:48,375 --> 00:34:49,958
Is that the guy from the mall?
830
00:34:50,041 --> 00:34:51,250
- Yeah.
- 'Cause he's cute.
831
00:34:51,333 --> 00:34:53,125
- Really?
- So, wait. What's the deal?
832
00:34:53,208 --> 00:34:55,333
It's like friends with benefits?
833
00:34:55,416 --> 00:34:56,541
No. No benefits.
834
00:34:56,625 --> 00:34:58,000
We're hardly even friends.
835
00:34:58,083 --> 00:35:00,208
We never talk. It's strictly holidays.
836
00:35:00,291 --> 00:35:01,500
So, what's the point?
837
00:35:01,916 --> 00:35:05,041
Uh... the point is that
I'm here with someone.
838
00:35:05,125 --> 00:35:06,416
I'm having fun.
839
00:35:06,875 --> 00:35:08,791
You're not parading me around the bar
840
00:35:08,875 --> 00:35:11,458
and forcing my number
on anything with a Y chromosome.
841
00:35:11,541 --> 00:35:12,833
Speaking of that...
842
00:35:13,166 --> 00:35:14,958
uh, if you get a strange text,
843
00:35:15,041 --> 00:35:16,625
- his name is Leroy.
- Oh, please.
844
00:35:16,708 --> 00:35:17,750
He's a bouncer.
845
00:35:18,291 --> 00:35:19,875
Did you guys know York golfed?
846
00:35:20,791 --> 00:35:21,625
[both] Yes.
847
00:35:24,500 --> 00:35:27,000
["Move Bitch" playing]
848
00:35:27,500 --> 00:35:30,041
♪ And you about to get ran the fuck over ♪
849
00:35:30,125 --> 00:35:32,416
♪ Move bitch, get out the way ♪
850
00:35:32,500 --> 00:35:35,250
♪ Get out the way bitchGet out the way ♪
851
00:35:35,333 --> 00:35:37,916
♪ Move bitch, get out the way ♪
852
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:40,708
♪ Get out the way bitchGet out the way ♪
853
00:35:40,791 --> 00:35:42,916
♪ Move bitch, get out the way... ♪
854
00:35:43,333 --> 00:35:44,708
[Sloane] In honor of Easter,
855
00:35:44,791 --> 00:35:46,500
Jackson will enjoy his first taste
856
00:35:46,583 --> 00:35:49,833
- of blue dye number seven.
- No! They've done experiments on those.
857
00:35:49,916 --> 00:35:52,333
They don't decompose
after ten years in the sun.
858
00:35:52,416 --> 00:35:53,583
- Really?
- Yeah.
859
00:35:53,666 --> 00:35:55,166
So, it's like anti-aging.
860
00:35:55,250 --> 00:35:56,083
Hmm.
861
00:35:56,625 --> 00:35:58,375
Hoppy Easter, my little bunnies.
862
00:35:59,291 --> 00:36:00,375
This is Jesús.
863
00:36:00,458 --> 00:36:03,708
- I see what you did there.
- What in God's name are you wearing?
864
00:36:04,333 --> 00:36:05,208
Bunny ears.
865
00:36:05,291 --> 00:36:09,208
This is an Easter brunch.
This is not the time for a silly costume.
866
00:36:09,291 --> 00:36:11,458
Hop-hop-hop...
867
00:36:12,083 --> 00:36:14,125
Looks like someone else
didn't get the memo.
868
00:36:14,541 --> 00:36:15,750
[bunny chuckles]
869
00:36:17,041 --> 00:36:18,750
Oh, Faarooq.
870
00:36:19,166 --> 00:36:21,000
I'm so glad you could make it.
871
00:36:21,083 --> 00:36:22,583
Thank you. I'm sorry I'm late.
872
00:36:22,666 --> 00:36:23,916
I was doing rounds
873
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:25,666
for the kids in the cancer ward.
874
00:36:25,750 --> 00:36:26,833
[both] Aw!
875
00:36:26,916 --> 00:36:28,500
I like a man in fur.
876
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:29,875
Thank you.
877
00:36:30,250 --> 00:36:32,875
You remember my daughter, Sloane?
878
00:36:33,416 --> 00:36:34,458
Hi, of course.
879
00:36:34,833 --> 00:36:36,333
You're even prettier in person.
880
00:36:36,416 --> 00:36:38,125
[chuckles] Oh, thank you.
881
00:36:38,208 --> 00:36:40,583
- Hey, I'm Jackson. Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
882
00:36:40,666 --> 00:36:42,750
- Dig the bunny suit.
- I'm sorry, Faarooq.
883
00:36:43,291 --> 00:36:45,583
We weren't expecting
Sloane to bring a guest.
884
00:36:45,666 --> 00:36:46,791
Really?
885
00:36:46,875 --> 00:36:48,625
Because I explicitly said
886
00:36:48,708 --> 00:36:49,958
I was bringing a guest.
887
00:36:50,041 --> 00:36:51,666
[mouths] What is wrong with you?
888
00:36:52,791 --> 00:36:54,000
[mouths] What are you...
889
00:36:55,750 --> 00:36:57,625
- I'll just go say hi to the kids.
- Hmm.
890
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,083
You see what you did?
891
00:37:01,166 --> 00:37:04,083
- Now, he thinks you're not interested.
- I'm not interested.
892
00:37:04,166 --> 00:37:07,458
I can't believe you're trying
to set me up on Easter with a bunny.
893
00:37:07,541 --> 00:37:09,500
That's because I care about you.
894
00:37:09,583 --> 00:37:12,333
I want you to find someone
who has real potential.
895
00:37:13,375 --> 00:37:16,916
- Not this holidate crap like your aunt.
- [Susan chuckles]
896
00:37:17,916 --> 00:37:19,833
She seems like she's having fun.
897
00:37:20,833 --> 00:37:21,958
[cheers]
898
00:37:22,041 --> 00:37:24,166
- [Susan] Score!
- She's gonna die alone
899
00:37:24,250 --> 00:37:26,250
in a wheelchair and a diaper.
900
00:37:26,333 --> 00:37:28,250
- [Susan laughing]
- Is that what you want?
901
00:37:29,833 --> 00:37:31,708
Do I get a male nurse?
902
00:37:31,791 --> 00:37:33,041
[Susan continues laughing]
903
00:37:35,125 --> 00:37:38,125
So, Daisy, how are things with Levi,
the juice box king?
904
00:37:38,458 --> 00:37:39,500
We broke up.
905
00:37:39,833 --> 00:37:41,458
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
906
00:37:41,541 --> 00:37:42,583
It's okay.
907
00:37:42,666 --> 00:37:45,041
He wasn't ready for a real relationship.
908
00:37:45,125 --> 00:37:47,333
I need someone
who's going to put me first.
909
00:37:47,916 --> 00:37:48,750
Gotta go.
910
00:37:50,583 --> 00:37:51,500
Wow.
911
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,291
- She is in such great shape.
- Hmm.
912
00:37:57,458 --> 00:37:58,375
You know...
913
00:37:59,041 --> 00:38:00,333
the bunny doctor
914
00:38:00,416 --> 00:38:01,458
seems nice.
915
00:38:02,375 --> 00:38:04,375
- Maybe you should go for it?
- [Sloane] Really?
916
00:38:04,875 --> 00:38:05,833
Full head of hair.
917
00:38:06,666 --> 00:38:08,375
- Doctor.
- [Sloane chuckles]
918
00:38:08,458 --> 00:38:10,708
[Jackson] Obviously, great
with kids. It's...
919
00:38:11,458 --> 00:38:12,833
every girl's dream, right?
920
00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:14,875
I don't know.
921
00:38:14,958 --> 00:38:15,833
Maybe?
922
00:38:17,083 --> 00:38:18,083
Plus, I'm...
923
00:38:18,750 --> 00:38:20,375
- I'm not ready.
- What's it been?
924
00:38:20,958 --> 00:38:22,208
Almost a year?
925
00:38:22,291 --> 00:38:23,250
So?
926
00:38:23,333 --> 00:38:26,541
Women process heartbreak differently.
We need time.
927
00:38:26,625 --> 00:38:28,166
You just dump us and move on.
928
00:38:28,250 --> 00:38:29,916
Hey, women can be just as brutal.
929
00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:30,833
Trust me.
930
00:38:30,916 --> 00:38:32,125
I know plenty of blokes
931
00:38:32,208 --> 00:38:35,583
who've had their hearts crushed by some
chick who pretended to care about him.
932
00:38:36,166 --> 00:38:37,916
Pretended she liked his friends
933
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,041
and was into his hobbies,
934
00:38:40,125 --> 00:38:41,458
like cricket
935
00:38:41,541 --> 00:38:44,041
and... backgammon.
936
00:38:44,791 --> 00:38:46,208
And even went so far
937
00:38:46,291 --> 00:38:48,708
as to put all this girlie stuff
in his bathroom,
938
00:38:48,791 --> 00:38:51,000
and hide bobby pins
in the strangest places.
939
00:38:51,666 --> 00:38:53,833
You know, maybe they even
started exploring
940
00:38:53,916 --> 00:38:55,458
couple of certain sexual doors
941
00:38:55,541 --> 00:38:57,458
that they've never explored before.
942
00:38:59,250 --> 00:39:02,000
And then one day, without warning,
943
00:39:02,708 --> 00:39:05,958
the bathroom's cleared out,
and she's changed her phone number,
944
00:39:06,041 --> 00:39:08,791
and she snuck out of my place
with a panini maker.
945
00:39:11,250 --> 00:39:12,583
A fucking panini maker.
946
00:39:14,041 --> 00:39:14,875
Well...
947
00:39:16,083 --> 00:39:17,541
panini makers are expensive.
948
00:39:17,625 --> 00:39:18,458
Oh, I know.
949
00:39:19,041 --> 00:39:20,250
I paid for it.
950
00:39:25,125 --> 00:39:26,500
So, uh...
951
00:39:27,250 --> 00:39:29,541
what kind of sexual doors are we talking?
952
00:39:29,625 --> 00:39:31,333
- Really?
- What? You brought it up.
953
00:39:31,416 --> 00:39:32,666
Now, I'm curious.
954
00:39:33,833 --> 00:39:36,500
- Are we talking, like, backdoor?
- Uh...
955
00:39:36,583 --> 00:39:38,250
["Cielito Lindo" playing]
956
00:39:38,583 --> 00:39:40,958
[crowd cheering] Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!
957
00:39:43,791 --> 00:39:45,000
[Jackson grunts]
958
00:39:46,166 --> 00:39:47,833
You never answered my door question.
959
00:39:48,708 --> 00:39:50,333
Because it's none of your business.
960
00:39:50,916 --> 00:39:52,250
Come on.
961
00:39:52,333 --> 00:39:53,833
Were there props involved?
962
00:39:53,916 --> 00:39:55,125
Costumes?
963
00:39:55,916 --> 00:39:57,000
An invited guest?
964
00:39:57,083 --> 00:39:58,208
Stop, please.
965
00:39:58,500 --> 00:40:01,375
Just because you don't have
a sex life of your own,
966
00:40:01,458 --> 00:40:03,666
it doesn't mean
you can pilfer through mine.
967
00:40:04,208 --> 00:40:05,875
I have a sex life.
968
00:40:06,333 --> 00:40:07,166
Really?
969
00:40:07,583 --> 00:40:09,083
When was the last time you had sex?
970
00:40:09,583 --> 00:40:10,666
When did you?
971
00:40:11,666 --> 00:40:12,625
Thursday.
972
00:40:13,041 --> 00:40:14,291
Thursday?
973
00:40:14,375 --> 00:40:15,250
With who?
974
00:40:15,708 --> 00:40:18,791
Uh... that cocktail waitress
on Saint Patrick's Day.
975
00:40:19,333 --> 00:40:20,583
You met a cocktail waitress
976
00:40:20,666 --> 00:40:21,958
- on Saint Patrick's Day?
- Yeah.
977
00:40:22,041 --> 00:40:24,375
- You were with me.
- Yeah, but she just hopped in my Uber.
978
00:40:24,458 --> 00:40:27,666
[crowd cheering] Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!
979
00:40:27,750 --> 00:40:28,791
[Jackson groans]
980
00:40:28,875 --> 00:40:30,125
[crowd cheering]
981
00:40:30,458 --> 00:40:34,166
What happened to holidate rule number one,
which was, "No judgments?"
982
00:40:34,250 --> 00:40:36,208
Yes, you're right. I'm sorry.
983
00:40:36,291 --> 00:40:38,750
Your lack of a sex life
is none of my business.
984
00:40:38,833 --> 00:40:41,250
- I just feel bad for you, that's all.
- [scoffs]
985
00:40:41,333 --> 00:40:43,458
Oh, you feel bad for me?
986
00:40:44,000 --> 00:40:46,791
- Hmm.
- [scoffs and laughs sarcastically]
987
00:40:46,875 --> 00:40:48,500
I see what you're trying to do.
988
00:40:48,583 --> 00:40:49,750
What am I trying to do?
989
00:40:50,125 --> 00:40:53,625
You're trying to get in my head
and freak me out so we end up having sex.
990
00:40:53,708 --> 00:40:56,291
- I don't wanna have sex with you.
- Oh, right. How could I forget?
991
00:40:56,375 --> 00:40:59,583
- You don't find me attractive.
- That's not what I said.
992
00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:01,041
Whatever.
993
00:41:01,625 --> 00:41:03,375
- It's your loss.
- Sure it is.
994
00:41:03,791 --> 00:41:06,416
Seriously. I am fantastic in bed.
995
00:41:06,500 --> 00:41:08,708
Yeah, right. You developed early
996
00:41:08,791 --> 00:41:10,166
and hand jobs at 12.
997
00:41:10,250 --> 00:41:11,208
Yada yada yada.
998
00:41:11,291 --> 00:41:14,791
Okay. Well, it doesn't mean
I was a slut or anything.
999
00:41:14,875 --> 00:41:17,541
But some people are just naturally gifted.
1000
00:41:18,458 --> 00:41:20,250
I happen to be one of those people.
1001
00:41:21,500 --> 00:41:22,916
I guess we'll never know.
1002
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:24,125
I guess we won't.
1003
00:41:24,708 --> 00:41:28,291
[crowd cheering] Shot! Shot! Shot! Shot!
1004
00:41:31,708 --> 00:41:33,791
["Tequila" playing]
1005
00:41:41,208 --> 00:41:43,208
[crowd cheering fading away]
1006
00:41:53,916 --> 00:41:54,791
[fan squeaks]
1007
00:41:56,500 --> 00:41:57,375
[sighs]
1008
00:41:59,375 --> 00:42:00,208
[fan squeaks]
1009
00:42:03,166 --> 00:42:04,041
[sigh deeply]
1010
00:42:06,083 --> 00:42:06,916
Hello.
1011
00:42:07,458 --> 00:42:08,416
Hi.
1012
00:42:10,458 --> 00:42:11,833
You're on the floor.
1013
00:42:12,291 --> 00:42:13,916
Yes, I...
1014
00:42:15,333 --> 00:42:17,500
remember falling off the couch,
1015
00:42:17,583 --> 00:42:19,250
and it just seemed like...
1016
00:42:19,750 --> 00:42:22,083
Seemed like a lot of work to get back up.
1017
00:42:23,083 --> 00:42:25,166
So, I guess we might've...
1018
00:42:26,416 --> 00:42:27,375
No.
1019
00:42:27,666 --> 00:42:28,833
We didn't.
1020
00:42:29,750 --> 00:42:31,125
[Sloane groans]
1021
00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:33,916
You're wearing my underwear.
1022
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:34,958
[gasps]
1023
00:42:36,916 --> 00:42:38,833
Well, that doesn't mean anything.
1024
00:42:38,916 --> 00:42:41,625
I probably got cold in the night,
1025
00:42:42,125 --> 00:42:44,833
after my panties fell off.
1026
00:42:45,375 --> 00:42:47,458
Come on, you must be able to tell somehow.
1027
00:42:47,541 --> 00:42:50,750
- Tell how?
- I don't know. I don't have a vagina.
1028
00:42:52,708 --> 00:42:55,500
Well, there's no forensic evidence.
1029
00:42:55,750 --> 00:42:57,083
Nothing's dried on my leg.
1030
00:42:57,166 --> 00:42:59,625
There's no wrapper on the floor,
1031
00:42:59,708 --> 00:43:01,375
if that's what you're wondering.
1032
00:43:01,875 --> 00:43:03,083
[sighs]
1033
00:43:03,166 --> 00:43:04,458
Can't you tell?
1034
00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:08,208
I mean, he looks a little tired, but...
1035
00:43:09,041 --> 00:43:10,958
I don't think he's really satisfied.
1036
00:43:11,041 --> 00:43:12,125
I'm telling you.
1037
00:43:12,208 --> 00:43:13,375
We didn't do it.
1038
00:43:13,458 --> 00:43:15,541
One of us would for sure be able to tell.
1039
00:43:16,250 --> 00:43:17,833
Sweet. Let's go with that.
1040
00:43:18,083 --> 00:43:20,125
Good. Coffee?
1041
00:43:20,208 --> 00:43:21,708
- Please.
- Cream?
1042
00:43:21,791 --> 00:43:23,208
- No, thank you, black.
- Yeah?
1043
00:43:23,833 --> 00:43:24,833
Okay.
1044
00:43:24,916 --> 00:43:25,791
[Jackson] Cheers.
1045
00:43:27,708 --> 00:43:28,583
[grunts]
1046
00:43:29,541 --> 00:43:30,500
[fan squeals]
1047
00:43:31,958 --> 00:43:35,791
It's Mother's Day, can we not talk
about my personal life for a change?
1048
00:43:35,875 --> 00:43:39,750
It's my day and I have a right to know
what my only child is doing with her life.
1049
00:43:39,833 --> 00:43:43,666
- You have two other children.
- Not single. You're the one I worry about.
1050
00:43:43,750 --> 00:43:47,208
And I don't understand why
you're wasting my daughter's time
1051
00:43:47,291 --> 00:43:49,791
- with this meaningless stuff.
- It's not meaningless.
1052
00:43:49,875 --> 00:43:51,208
We're... friends.
1053
00:43:51,458 --> 00:43:54,041
She doesn't need another friend.
She needs a husband.
1054
00:43:54,125 --> 00:43:55,083
A partner.
1055
00:43:55,166 --> 00:43:57,833
Someone legally bound to be there
during the chemo.
1056
00:43:58,500 --> 00:44:00,458
- What chemo?
- Oh, honey.
1057
00:44:00,541 --> 00:44:01,708
Don't kid yourself.
1058
00:44:01,791 --> 00:44:03,291
You have bad genes.
1059
00:44:03,666 --> 00:44:06,916
And bald women
don't really get a lot of dates.
1060
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:08,750
You have nothing to worry about.
1061
00:44:08,833 --> 00:44:10,291
Sloane is a great girl.
1062
00:44:10,375 --> 00:44:11,458
Even bald.
1063
00:44:11,541 --> 00:44:13,416
Then why aren't you sleeping with her?
1064
00:44:14,125 --> 00:44:15,041
Mom!
1065
00:44:15,125 --> 00:44:15,958
Jesus!
1066
00:44:16,041 --> 00:44:18,458
I'm just saying it's not gonna
kill you to try.
1067
00:44:18,541 --> 00:44:20,833
It's like escargot.
1068
00:44:20,916 --> 00:44:22,458
It may sound unappealing.
1069
00:44:22,541 --> 00:44:23,750
It may look unappealing.
1070
00:44:23,833 --> 00:44:26,750
Once you put it in your mouth,
it'll knock your socks off.
1071
00:44:26,833 --> 00:44:28,916
So, maybe this holidate thing
1072
00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,416
will turn into something.
1073
00:44:33,291 --> 00:44:35,041
Did you just compare
1074
00:44:35,125 --> 00:44:37,458
sex with me to eating slugs?
1075
00:44:38,250 --> 00:44:39,166
Well...
1076
00:44:40,166 --> 00:44:41,375
she has a point.
1077
00:44:41,458 --> 00:44:43,291
I'm just saying.
1078
00:44:43,375 --> 00:44:46,333
I mean, I hear the bathrooms here
are really nice.
1079
00:44:48,708 --> 00:44:49,666
Oh...
1080
00:44:49,750 --> 00:44:50,708
is this...
1081
00:44:51,416 --> 00:44:54,083
Is this the place
with the Egyptian cotton towels?
1082
00:44:54,166 --> 00:44:55,083
Easy cleanup.
1083
00:44:55,166 --> 00:44:56,291
[chuckles]
1084
00:44:56,375 --> 00:44:58,416
Excuse me. Where are the ladies rooms?
1085
00:44:58,500 --> 00:45:00,333
- Over there to the left.
- Thank you.
1086
00:45:00,416 --> 00:45:01,750
[Sloane chuckles]
1087
00:45:02,958 --> 00:45:03,833
Shall we?
1088
00:45:03,916 --> 00:45:04,750
We shall.
1089
00:45:04,833 --> 00:45:06,833
You guys are hilarious.
1090
00:45:06,916 --> 00:45:08,750
Happy Mother's Day, Mom.
1091
00:45:08,833 --> 00:45:09,958
This one's for you.
1092
00:45:13,083 --> 00:45:14,166
I think we got her.
1093
00:45:14,250 --> 00:45:15,250
Oh, yeah.
1094
00:45:15,791 --> 00:45:17,458
[Elaine] You're not funny.
1095
00:45:18,500 --> 00:45:19,750
["Somewhere In America" playing]
1096
00:45:19,833 --> 00:45:21,375
{\an8}♪ Somewhere in America ♪
1097
00:45:22,458 --> 00:45:23,500
{\an8}♪ There's a young man... ♪
1098
00:45:23,583 --> 00:45:25,208
{\an8}Think this is gonna be enough?
1099
00:45:25,291 --> 00:45:26,458
I think it's a start.
1100
00:45:29,708 --> 00:45:31,291
Bye, honey. Drive safely.
1101
00:45:31,375 --> 00:45:33,291
Bye. Love you. You got it.
1102
00:45:33,375 --> 00:45:35,666
[kids shouting] Bye, Mom!
1103
00:45:36,625 --> 00:45:38,750
[sighs] Let's get this party started.
1104
00:45:39,166 --> 00:45:41,416
- Shotgun.
- You can't call shotgun!
1105
00:45:41,500 --> 00:45:45,208
- Really? 'Cause it sounded like I did.
- No. I am not getting back there with him.
1106
00:45:45,291 --> 00:45:47,208
Uncle Sam? He's harmless.
1107
00:45:47,916 --> 00:45:49,750
But we said it was a girls' trip.
1108
00:45:49,833 --> 00:45:51,583
He can't drive with his glaucoma.
1109
00:45:52,083 --> 00:45:53,416
Liz, come on, get in the car!
1110
00:45:53,833 --> 00:45:55,833
[whimpers] Ooh...
1111
00:45:58,583 --> 00:45:59,916
Oh, that smell.
1112
00:46:00,791 --> 00:46:01,958
Is that pot?
1113
00:46:02,416 --> 00:46:03,541
It's medicinal.
1114
00:46:03,625 --> 00:46:05,250
For my sciatica.
1115
00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:06,208
Ooh!
1116
00:46:06,291 --> 00:46:08,041
I love pot. Can you pass it over?
1117
00:46:08,125 --> 00:46:09,791
We're going to Peter's family reunion.
1118
00:46:09,875 --> 00:46:11,541
- Let's be respectful.
- [Susan snorts]
1119
00:46:11,625 --> 00:46:14,041
Liz, these are your last days
as a single woman.
1120
00:46:14,125 --> 00:46:15,791
You need to loosen up.
1121
00:46:15,875 --> 00:46:17,041
Sam, give her a hit.
1122
00:46:17,125 --> 00:46:20,250
Oh, I'm not putting my lips
on that thing. I'm a bride.
1123
00:46:20,333 --> 00:46:21,583
A little hit won't kill you.
1124
00:46:21,666 --> 00:46:23,916
Grandmothers and cancer patients
smoke pot, Liz.
1125
00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:25,000
[Abby] Yeah.
1126
00:46:25,083 --> 00:46:27,166
- [Sloane] Do it for the kids.
- Aw, the kids.
1127
00:46:27,250 --> 00:46:28,875
- Hmm...
- Okay
1128
00:46:29,958 --> 00:46:30,958
[coughs]
1129
00:46:31,416 --> 00:46:33,250
I don't feel anything. [groans]
1130
00:46:33,500 --> 00:46:34,958
You didn't inhale. Try again.
1131
00:46:35,375 --> 00:46:36,375
Oh, okay.
1132
00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:42,958
[sighs]
1133
00:46:44,625 --> 00:46:45,625
Nope.
1134
00:46:45,875 --> 00:46:47,375
Still don't feel a thing.
1135
00:46:48,791 --> 00:46:49,708
Bummer.
1136
00:46:50,250 --> 00:46:51,250
-Woo-hoo
-[man] Hey!
1137
00:46:52,166 --> 00:46:53,875
[man] Hey, guys! Stop it!
1138
00:46:54,291 --> 00:46:55,875
[fireworks exploding]
1139
00:46:56,541 --> 00:46:58,125
[men cheering]
1140
00:46:59,500 --> 00:47:01,416
- God bless America!
- Yeah!
1141
00:47:01,500 --> 00:47:03,375
- [country music playing]
- [men whooping]
1142
00:47:03,458 --> 00:47:04,333
[slurps]
1143
00:47:04,416 --> 00:47:05,291
[fireworks popping]
1144
00:47:05,375 --> 00:47:06,375
Hmm.
1145
00:47:08,458 --> 00:47:11,291
I guess I'm one of those people
that drugs don't affect.
1146
00:47:11,833 --> 00:47:13,125
[Sloane] Yeah, that's you.
1147
00:47:13,208 --> 00:47:15,500
- Unaffected, all right.
- [Liz] Hmm.
1148
00:47:16,500 --> 00:47:17,833
- [Jackson] Ready?
- Gotta throw it.
1149
00:47:17,916 --> 00:47:19,541
- Right till the end.
- Throw it.
1150
00:47:20,791 --> 00:47:23,041
- [firework explodes]
- [men cheering, whooping]
1151
00:47:23,125 --> 00:47:26,458
- That's how you blow shit up!
- Love the smell of napalm, man.
1152
00:47:26,541 --> 00:47:29,000
What is it about men and explosives?
1153
00:47:30,291 --> 00:47:31,791
All about the cock.
1154
00:47:31,875 --> 00:47:35,791
What do fireworks have to do
with a man's... anatomy?
1155
00:47:36,208 --> 00:47:38,125
It's like jacking off.
1156
00:47:38,208 --> 00:47:41,208
- Men live for the orgasm.
- [laughs]
1157
00:47:41,291 --> 00:47:44,583
If they're not fucking,
they're dreaming about fucking,
1158
00:47:44,666 --> 00:47:46,083
or blowing stuff up.
1159
00:47:46,583 --> 00:47:48,333
Next best thing to fucking.
1160
00:47:50,125 --> 00:47:53,500
So, they're all down there right now
thinking about...
1161
00:47:55,041 --> 00:47:55,958
[whispering] Fucking.
1162
00:47:56,041 --> 00:47:57,000
[giggles]
1163
00:47:57,625 --> 00:48:00,291
- You can say it, Liz.
- I don't need to say it.
1164
00:48:01,125 --> 00:48:02,291
I think you do.
1165
00:48:02,375 --> 00:48:04,083
[chuckling] Just leave her alone.
1166
00:48:04,166 --> 00:48:06,750
No! She's getting married soon.
1167
00:48:06,833 --> 00:48:08,666
She needs to learn to express herself
1168
00:48:08,750 --> 00:48:11,208
and not be so bunched up and repressed.
1169
00:48:11,708 --> 00:48:13,125
Come on, say it.
1170
00:48:13,208 --> 00:48:14,250
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
1171
00:48:14,333 --> 00:48:15,375
No!
1172
00:48:16,583 --> 00:48:18,041
Come on. "Fuck."
1173
00:48:18,125 --> 00:48:19,166
No!
1174
00:48:19,916 --> 00:48:20,875
Fuck!
1175
00:48:20,958 --> 00:48:22,041
No!
1176
00:48:22,458 --> 00:48:23,375
Fuck!
1177
00:48:24,875 --> 00:48:26,208
[echoing] Fuck!
1178
00:48:26,541 --> 00:48:28,250
Are you all happy now?
1179
00:48:28,458 --> 00:48:30,916
- [loud explosion]
- [men cheering]
1180
00:48:31,458 --> 00:48:33,083
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
1181
00:48:33,166 --> 00:48:34,875
Fuckity-fuck!
1182
00:48:35,291 --> 00:48:36,250
Hey.
1183
00:48:36,416 --> 00:48:39,000
Um... do we have
a first aid kit by chance?
1184
00:48:39,083 --> 00:48:40,666
Maybe Band-Aids. Why?
1185
00:48:40,750 --> 00:48:42,083
Jackson, he...
1186
00:48:43,166 --> 00:48:45,291
He just blew off his finger, a little bit.
1187
00:48:45,375 --> 00:48:46,666
Oh, my God!
1188
00:48:48,875 --> 00:48:51,541
Okay, everybody, remain calm.
1189
00:48:51,625 --> 00:48:54,416
Liz, go get some ice and a baggie.
1190
00:48:54,500 --> 00:48:56,750
York, find something to make a tourniquet.
1191
00:48:57,416 --> 00:48:58,833
Do we have the finger?
1192
00:48:59,833 --> 00:49:01,750
Okay, gang, a little hustle, please.
1193
00:49:01,833 --> 00:49:03,541
We gotta find that finger.
1194
00:49:03,625 --> 00:49:04,541
[York] Got it! Got it!
1195
00:49:04,625 --> 00:49:05,625
- [Liz] Yeah!
- [Sam] Yeah!
1196
00:49:05,708 --> 00:49:07,125
- Yes!
- [all cheering]
1197
00:49:07,208 --> 00:49:08,500
-[York] Booyah! Good eye!
1198
00:49:09,708 --> 00:49:10,750
[Liz] Ew!
1199
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:12,125
Are you sure that's mine?
1200
00:49:12,208 --> 00:49:14,250
He's in shock. Get him to the hospital.
1201
00:49:14,333 --> 00:49:16,583
- I'll take him.
- No! You're drunk. I'll take him.
1202
00:49:16,666 --> 00:49:18,166
Hit a Burger King on the way.
1203
00:49:18,250 --> 00:49:19,958
- Are you stoned?
- No. Why, are you?
1204
00:49:20,041 --> 00:49:21,916
Okay. Peter's sober. You can drive him.
1205
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,333
- We'll watch the kids.
- [Uncle Sam] Cool.
1206
00:49:24,416 --> 00:49:26,000
- You kids can tread water?
- [kids] Yeah!
1207
00:49:26,083 --> 00:49:26,916
[Peter] Uh...
1208
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:29,375
Nope. No way I'm leaving my children
with these degenerates.
1209
00:49:29,458 --> 00:49:30,750
Good call. Oh, God!
1210
00:49:30,833 --> 00:49:32,708
- Okay. All right.
- Please, no. Not me.
1211
00:49:32,791 --> 00:49:35,541
I'm not good with blood. You know this.
Or cars. Or blood.
1212
00:49:35,625 --> 00:49:36,791
Yes. Yes.
1213
00:49:36,875 --> 00:49:38,416
- No!
- You got this.
1214
00:49:38,500 --> 00:49:40,375
Go, go, go, go! Breathe! Breathe!
1215
00:49:41,583 --> 00:49:43,041
You're gonna be okay, buddy.
1216
00:49:44,291 --> 00:49:46,666
It's my fuck-you finger!
[panting]
1217
00:49:46,750 --> 00:49:49,000
- I can't lose my fuck-you finger.
- Sloane, good luck.
1218
00:49:49,083 --> 00:49:51,666
- His fuck-you finger is in your hands.
- Don't say that!
1219
00:49:53,083 --> 00:49:54,958
- [car accelerates]
- [Jackson] Oh!
1220
00:49:55,041 --> 00:49:56,166
- [tires screech]
- [loud slam]
1221
00:49:56,250 --> 00:49:59,833
Oh! Jesus H. Christ!
[whimpering]
1222
00:49:59,916 --> 00:50:01,958
I'm sorry. Does it hurt really bad?
1223
00:50:02,041 --> 00:50:03,833
- No, it's like a paper cut.
- Really?
1224
00:50:03,916 --> 00:50:05,333
[screams] No, not really!
1225
00:50:05,416 --> 00:50:06,583
Don't yell at me!
1226
00:50:06,666 --> 00:50:09,708
I'm a nervous driver,
technically unlicensed.
1227
00:50:09,791 --> 00:50:12,041
- You don't have a license?
- I mean, I had one.
1228
00:50:12,125 --> 00:50:14,166
It just expired a while back.
1229
00:50:14,250 --> 00:50:17,125
Jesus Christ!
My finger is in a fucking Ziploc bag!
1230
00:50:17,208 --> 00:50:20,333
I know, and it's really freaking me out.
Can you put it in the glove box?
1231
00:50:20,416 --> 00:50:22,416
We wouldn't want you to be freaked out,
would we?
1232
00:50:22,500 --> 00:50:23,958
[tires screeching]
1233
00:50:24,041 --> 00:50:26,583
- Your sister smokes weed?
- There's a lighter in my purse.
1234
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,125
I... I don't do drugs.
1235
00:50:28,208 --> 00:50:30,166
And you call yourself
a professional athlete?
1236
00:50:30,250 --> 00:50:32,083
- [Jackson] Watch out!
- [Sloane screams] Oh, God!
1237
00:50:32,166 --> 00:50:34,166
[Jackson] Slow down! Right, right, right!
1238
00:50:34,708 --> 00:50:35,708
[Jackson] Shrubbery!
1239
00:50:36,208 --> 00:50:38,000
Sloane, seriously!
1240
00:50:38,083 --> 00:50:39,208
Car!
1241
00:50:39,291 --> 00:50:41,166
- [both screaming]
- [car horn blaring]
1242
00:50:42,458 --> 00:50:44,500
[Sloane]
Why couldn't they just call an Uber?
1243
00:50:44,583 --> 00:50:45,500
[loud beep over PA]
1244
00:50:45,583 --> 00:50:48,166
[woman on PA] Dr. Lambert to the OR, stat.
1245
00:50:49,041 --> 00:50:50,583
[reggae music playing]
1246
00:50:51,083 --> 00:50:53,291
[both laughing and coughing]
1247
00:50:54,041 --> 00:50:55,208
[Sloane] Oh, my God.
1248
00:50:57,041 --> 00:50:58,625
- Just relax.
- [coughs]
1249
00:50:58,708 --> 00:51:00,958
I've got it all under control.
1250
00:51:01,458 --> 00:51:03,625
You don't have to lift a finger.
1251
00:51:03,708 --> 00:51:05,083
[both laughing]
1252
00:51:05,166 --> 00:51:06,416
[woman] Seriously?
1253
00:51:11,833 --> 00:51:13,416
I'm too tired to report you.
1254
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:17,000
- Thanks, mate.
- I'm sorry.
1255
00:51:18,333 --> 00:51:20,916
Honestly, I know you from somewhere.
1256
00:51:22,583 --> 00:51:23,458
I just...
1257
00:51:23,833 --> 00:51:27,000
[sighs] I just can't put my finger on it.
1258
00:51:27,083 --> 00:51:29,208
[both laughing]
1259
00:51:31,250 --> 00:51:33,791
The doctor will be with you shortly.
He's reattaching a toe.
1260
00:51:33,875 --> 00:51:34,750
Toe?
1261
00:51:35,250 --> 00:51:36,208
Hold on a second.
1262
00:51:36,291 --> 00:51:38,916
A finger must take priority over a toe.
1263
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:40,333
Sorry.
1264
00:51:40,416 --> 00:51:43,250
If only you'd been a jackass
a little earlier in the day.
1265
00:51:46,333 --> 00:51:47,166
Wow.
1266
00:51:47,791 --> 00:51:49,416
You've really got her
1267
00:51:49,500 --> 00:51:51,750
wrapped around your finger.
1268
00:51:51,833 --> 00:51:53,083
[both laughing]
1269
00:51:55,291 --> 00:51:56,833
[doctor] All right.
1270
00:51:57,291 --> 00:51:58,125
Faarooq?
1271
00:51:59,708 --> 00:52:00,541
Sloane.
1272
00:52:00,625 --> 00:52:01,958
Are you hurt?
1273
00:52:02,041 --> 00:52:03,500
- Are you okay?
- Hi.
1274
00:52:03,583 --> 00:52:04,416
Hey.
1275
00:52:05,125 --> 00:52:08,125
No, I'm fine. I didn't know you worked
all the way out here.
1276
00:52:08,208 --> 00:52:10,833
I don't, normally.
They called me to reattach a pinkie toe.
1277
00:52:10,916 --> 00:52:11,791
[chuckles]
1278
00:52:12,041 --> 00:52:13,416
That's so amazing.
1279
00:52:14,041 --> 00:52:16,041
It's a crucial phalange.
1280
00:52:16,125 --> 00:52:17,791
Stop.
[laughing]
1281
00:52:18,625 --> 00:52:19,458
[laughs]
1282
00:52:19,541 --> 00:52:21,833
Wow, you're doing such amazing work.
1283
00:52:21,916 --> 00:52:23,250
It's like wow.
1284
00:52:23,333 --> 00:52:25,416
[both laugh]
1285
00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:26,833
I'm just doing my part.
1286
00:52:26,916 --> 00:52:27,916
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1287
00:52:28,541 --> 00:52:29,375
Aw...
1288
00:52:30,416 --> 00:52:33,791
[Faarooq] I was a little disappointed
I didn't hear back from you.
1289
00:52:33,875 --> 00:52:37,625
And I'm disappointed that
I don't get to see my favorite bunny suit.
1290
00:52:37,708 --> 00:52:39,666
Ah! Yes, Jackson.
1291
00:52:39,750 --> 00:52:40,750
From Easter.
1292
00:52:41,333 --> 00:52:43,083
Sparkler got away from you, did it?
1293
00:52:43,166 --> 00:52:45,333
Uh, It was an M-80, actually.
1294
00:52:46,166 --> 00:52:47,333
Ah... ooh!
1295
00:52:47,875 --> 00:52:48,958
That's gonna hurt.
1296
00:52:49,708 --> 00:52:50,833
Skin's a little crispy...
1297
00:52:51,541 --> 00:52:52,375
[retching]
1298
00:52:52,458 --> 00:52:55,083
But it looks like the bone didn't shatter.
1299
00:52:55,166 --> 00:52:56,250
Oh, yes.
1300
00:52:56,333 --> 00:52:57,666
All right. Hang tight.
1301
00:52:58,166 --> 00:52:59,875
We'll get you prepped for surgery, okay?
1302
00:52:59,958 --> 00:53:03,000
- [gasps] You can fix it! He can fix it!
- Well... we'll see.
1303
00:53:03,666 --> 00:53:04,625
Fingers crossed.
1304
00:53:06,791 --> 00:53:08,000
Tough crowd.
1305
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:10,875
[door opens]
1306
00:53:10,958 --> 00:53:12,166
[Sloane] All right.
1307
00:53:12,250 --> 00:53:13,375
Here we go.
1308
00:53:13,458 --> 00:53:14,291
You good?
1309
00:53:14,375 --> 00:53:16,875
Oh, okay. Is this a shoeless apartment?
[chuckles]
1310
00:53:17,208 --> 00:53:18,333
All right.
1311
00:53:18,416 --> 00:53:20,250
I got your prescriptions right here.
1312
00:53:20,333 --> 00:53:21,333
Thank you.
1313
00:53:21,916 --> 00:53:24,666
The deli down the block
will be delivering your soup.
1314
00:53:24,750 --> 00:53:25,958
Mm-hmm.
1315
00:53:26,500 --> 00:53:27,458
And...
1316
00:53:28,583 --> 00:53:30,458
- I called your mother.
- Really? What...
1317
00:53:30,875 --> 00:53:31,916
What did she say?
1318
00:53:32,000 --> 00:53:34,166
She didn't answer.
I just left a message.
1319
00:53:34,625 --> 00:53:35,541
Oh, yeah.
1320
00:53:35,625 --> 00:53:38,750
Told her you had a little accident
and should probably give you a call.
1321
00:53:39,291 --> 00:53:40,250
Thanks.
1322
00:53:40,958 --> 00:53:41,791
Uh...
1323
00:53:42,666 --> 00:53:45,666
I'm really sorry that I ruined
your Fourth of July.
1324
00:53:45,750 --> 00:53:46,583
[laughs]
1325
00:53:47,041 --> 00:53:48,500
Holidate rule number three,
1326
00:53:48,708 --> 00:53:50,375
"Leave no holidate behind."
1327
00:53:51,083 --> 00:53:52,791
Or their appendages.
1328
00:53:52,875 --> 00:53:54,583
[both giggle]
1329
00:54:01,791 --> 00:54:03,208
[sighs]
1330
00:54:07,083 --> 00:54:09,416
You should...
You should probably get some rest.
1331
00:54:09,500 --> 00:54:11,625
Yeah. Yeah, I should.
1332
00:54:13,583 --> 00:54:14,708
Unless...
1333
00:54:15,375 --> 00:54:16,791
you need anything else?
1334
00:54:19,958 --> 00:54:21,458
No, I think I'm good.
1335
00:54:23,333 --> 00:54:24,708
Look, I... I think I'm fine.
1336
00:54:27,750 --> 00:54:29,041
I'm really tired.
1337
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:30,958
Okay.
1338
00:54:31,666 --> 00:54:33,958
I guess I'll just go then.
1339
00:54:34,041 --> 00:54:35,000
[both chuckle]
1340
00:54:35,125 --> 00:54:36,541
Okay. Yeah, sure.
1341
00:54:41,833 --> 00:54:43,166
- See you later.
- [chuckles]
1342
00:55:02,833 --> 00:55:03,875
[door closes]
1343
00:55:10,291 --> 00:55:11,500
[golf club hits]
1344
00:55:13,666 --> 00:55:14,791
Our hands touched.
1345
00:55:16,458 --> 00:55:17,458
Holy shit.
1346
00:55:19,750 --> 00:55:20,791
You use protection?
1347
00:55:20,875 --> 00:55:23,333
[whispers] I'm telling you,
there was a vibe.
1348
00:55:23,416 --> 00:55:24,541
Vibes are hot.
1349
00:55:25,291 --> 00:55:27,166
God, I miss vibes.
1350
00:55:27,250 --> 00:55:28,666
Yeah, but now it's weird.
1351
00:55:28,750 --> 00:55:32,583
Weirder than not knowing whether or not
his penis was actually inside of you?
1352
00:55:32,666 --> 00:55:36,083
Yes, actually,
because vibes could be real feelings.
1353
00:55:36,166 --> 00:55:38,333
I'm trying to tell you
there was a serious shift.
1354
00:55:38,416 --> 00:55:40,583
It is... not platonic anymore.
1355
00:55:40,666 --> 00:55:43,083
You're in trouble. You gotta get out.
1356
00:55:43,166 --> 00:55:45,375
I can't.
It's her brother's wedding on Labor Day.
1357
00:55:45,458 --> 00:55:47,333
I'm so confused.
1358
00:55:47,666 --> 00:55:50,500
You like him. He likes you.
These are not real problems.
1359
00:55:50,583 --> 00:55:51,625
Yes, they are.
1360
00:55:51,708 --> 00:55:55,375
I can't "like him" like him until
I know for sure he "likes me" likes me.
1361
00:55:55,458 --> 00:55:58,708
You cannot go to a wedding with a girl
who has actual feelings for you.
1362
00:55:58,791 --> 00:56:00,375
They start to get ideas and shit.
1363
00:56:00,458 --> 00:56:03,041
Listen to me, brother, as a black man,
I'm speaking to this.
1364
00:56:03,125 --> 00:56:05,708
Don't do it. No. No.
1365
00:56:05,791 --> 00:56:07,750
Labor Day is technically a holiday.
1366
00:56:07,833 --> 00:56:09,291
We have the holidate deal.
1367
00:56:09,375 --> 00:56:10,791
A wedding trumps a holiday.
1368
00:56:10,875 --> 00:56:12,125
You understand that, right?
1369
00:56:12,791 --> 00:56:15,958
Men loathe weddings,
even if it's a holiday, right?
1370
00:56:16,041 --> 00:56:18,416
So, if he's not trying to get out of it,
1371
00:56:18,791 --> 00:56:19,958
there's your answer.
1372
00:56:20,833 --> 00:56:22,541
I'm gonna ask him about the wedding.
1373
00:56:22,625 --> 00:56:25,708
Tell her to go with someone else.
Someone who has actual potential.
1374
00:56:26,125 --> 00:56:27,583
Like you're doing her a favor.
1375
00:56:28,250 --> 00:56:30,291
Well, then who do I bring?
1376
00:56:31,750 --> 00:56:34,250
Someone who doesn't
give a shit about weddings.
1377
00:56:34,708 --> 00:56:36,958
- I'm booked.
- [golf club hits]
1378
00:56:37,041 --> 00:56:39,041
[cellphone vibrating]
1379
00:56:41,083 --> 00:56:43,250
It's not a holiday.
Why are you calling me?
1380
00:56:43,333 --> 00:56:45,333
It's an emergency. If you don't help me,
1381
00:56:45,416 --> 00:56:48,000
York and Liz are gonna get
a gift card for their wedding present.
1382
00:56:48,333 --> 00:56:49,333
What about this?
1383
00:56:52,166 --> 00:56:54,000
Hideous and wrong.
1384
00:56:54,083 --> 00:56:56,625
The Pottery Barn pillow sham
are still available...
1385
00:56:56,708 --> 00:56:58,791
Guys don't get other guys shams.
1386
00:56:59,083 --> 00:57:00,666
It's mostly for Liz.
1387
00:57:01,291 --> 00:57:02,458
I suppose you're right.
1388
00:57:02,958 --> 00:57:05,708
I... look, you know, I was thinking, and,
1389
00:57:05,791 --> 00:57:08,625
honestly, I was not expecting
to be invited.
1390
00:57:09,291 --> 00:57:12,333
So, I don't really know the protocol here.
1391
00:57:12,416 --> 00:57:14,208
You know, it's a wedding, but...
1392
00:57:14,291 --> 00:57:15,625
But also a holiday.
1393
00:57:15,708 --> 00:57:18,041
Yeah, I... had the same thought.
1394
00:57:18,125 --> 00:57:19,125
- [sighs]
- Oh!
1395
00:57:19,541 --> 00:57:20,375
You did?
1396
00:57:20,958 --> 00:57:21,833
That's great.
1397
00:57:21,916 --> 00:57:22,875
It is?
1398
00:57:23,333 --> 00:57:24,375
Oh, well.
1399
00:57:24,458 --> 00:57:25,750
[chuckles] I'm so relieved.
1400
00:57:25,833 --> 00:57:27,000
Me too. [chuckles]
1401
00:57:27,208 --> 00:57:29,208
- So, we'll just...
- So, we'll bring dates.
1402
00:57:30,583 --> 00:57:31,666
Uh, dates?
1403
00:57:32,375 --> 00:57:34,000
Well... yeah.
1404
00:57:34,458 --> 00:57:35,458
Dates, right?
1405
00:57:36,750 --> 00:57:38,458
Yeah. Dates.
[chuckles]
1406
00:57:39,291 --> 00:57:40,958
- Other... people.
- Perfect.
1407
00:57:46,625 --> 00:57:48,166
[upbeat music playing]
1408
00:57:49,916 --> 00:57:51,666
[York]
Attention! Attention! Gather around.
1409
00:57:51,750 --> 00:57:53,250
I got something I need to say.
1410
00:57:53,500 --> 00:57:54,416
All right?
1411
00:57:54,500 --> 00:57:57,500
First off, Liz's parents,
or should I say, "Mom and Dad"?
1412
00:57:57,583 --> 00:57:59,791
Thank you for this
freaking awesome wedding.
1413
00:57:59,875 --> 00:58:01,041
[guests cheering]
1414
00:58:01,125 --> 00:58:03,458
Most importantly, to my beautiful bride,
1415
00:58:04,000 --> 00:58:05,166
and lady fate.
1416
00:58:05,791 --> 00:58:09,291
If I hadn't taken the wrong I train
that day, we never would've met.
1417
00:58:10,333 --> 00:58:11,833
But we met at a party.
1418
00:58:11,916 --> 00:58:13,083
I love you, baby!
1419
00:58:13,166 --> 00:58:15,041
- Cheers!
- [guests] Cheers!
1420
00:58:16,666 --> 00:58:17,791
To us.
1421
00:58:18,208 --> 00:58:19,375
We did it.
1422
00:58:19,458 --> 00:58:20,958
[Elaine laughs]
1423
00:58:24,291 --> 00:58:26,250
I cannot believe he brought her
to the wedding.
1424
00:58:26,333 --> 00:58:28,166
I mean, they hardly know each other.
1425
00:58:28,875 --> 00:58:30,500
I mean, admit it. It's weird.
1426
00:58:30,583 --> 00:58:32,208
- You have to admit it.
- I don't...
1427
00:58:32,291 --> 00:58:35,125
But they're both single and sexy.
It's not that weird.
1428
00:58:35,208 --> 00:58:37,458
She's family, and he's a friend.
1429
00:58:38,791 --> 00:58:39,916
[fake laughing]
1430
00:58:42,583 --> 00:58:44,500
- Stop!
- What?
1431
00:58:44,666 --> 00:58:45,708
[both laughing]
1432
00:58:46,541 --> 00:58:47,541
It's really weird,
1433
00:58:47,625 --> 00:58:51,208
because Sloane gets queasy at the sight
of blood, and now she's with a doctor.
1434
00:58:51,291 --> 00:58:52,125
[both laughing]
1435
00:58:52,208 --> 00:58:55,000
- [Susan] He sure scrubs up nice.
- You think he's handsome?
1436
00:58:55,083 --> 00:58:57,416
Oh, face: eight, hands: ten.
1437
00:59:01,166 --> 00:59:02,833
- For a woman...
- [Sloane] Stop!
1438
00:59:02,916 --> 00:59:04,875
...it's all about the hands.
1439
00:59:04,958 --> 00:59:05,833
[Faarooq] Hey.
1440
00:59:08,333 --> 00:59:09,708
- Yeah. Look.
- What?
1441
00:59:11,833 --> 00:59:12,750
[Abby] Hmm.
1442
00:59:13,250 --> 00:59:14,666
Yeah, I know. I know. Hey!
1443
00:59:15,291 --> 00:59:18,208
They're probably just friends.
She's being friendly, right?
1444
00:59:21,541 --> 00:59:22,625
[Susan] Nothing?
1445
00:59:23,583 --> 00:59:25,750
Whatever. You know what?
I don't even care.
1446
00:59:27,541 --> 00:59:29,541
[both chuckle]
1447
00:59:30,708 --> 00:59:31,541
What...
1448
00:59:34,041 --> 00:59:34,916
[pops]
1449
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:35,833
Nope.
1450
00:59:36,208 --> 00:59:37,416
I don't feel a thing.
1451
00:59:39,875 --> 00:59:41,416
[scoffs] Completely numb.
1452
00:59:42,833 --> 00:59:44,416
I'm gonna get us another drink.
1453
00:59:45,416 --> 00:59:46,458
Oh, Elaine!
1454
00:59:46,541 --> 00:59:48,541
- Congratulations.
- Oh, thank you.
1455
00:59:48,625 --> 00:59:51,291
Finally, you can get yourself
another holidate.
1456
00:59:51,375 --> 00:59:52,875
My daughter's taken...
1457
00:59:53,458 --> 00:59:54,708
by a doctor.
1458
00:59:57,083 --> 00:59:58,166
[Faarooq] Ow!
1459
00:59:58,250 --> 00:59:59,625
[upbeat music playing]
1460
00:59:59,708 --> 01:00:00,541
Thank you.
1461
01:00:01,000 --> 01:00:02,166
[crowd chattering, laughing]
1462
01:00:04,875 --> 01:00:05,708
Champagne.
1463
01:00:08,250 --> 01:00:09,291
Nice wedding.
1464
01:00:10,166 --> 01:00:11,250
Beautiful.
1465
01:00:14,833 --> 01:00:15,791
Have fun.
1466
01:00:16,125 --> 01:00:17,333
Are you gonna sleep with her?
1467
01:00:18,833 --> 01:00:19,791
I don't know.
1468
01:00:19,875 --> 01:00:21,791
Thought we might
get through desserts first.
1469
01:00:22,500 --> 01:00:23,833
So, you might?
1470
01:00:24,125 --> 01:00:25,625
That's none of your business.
1471
01:00:25,708 --> 01:00:27,333
We're related. It's my business.
1472
01:00:27,416 --> 01:00:28,708
Are you gonna sleep with the doc?
1473
01:00:29,125 --> 01:00:32,041
Hmm. The man saved your finger.
It's the least I could do.
1474
01:00:32,125 --> 01:00:33,333
He botched the job.
1475
01:00:33,416 --> 01:00:35,208
I still can't flip a full bird.
1476
01:00:35,291 --> 01:00:38,333
Lucky for you, Aunt Susan's eyes
aren't what they used to be.
1477
01:00:38,416 --> 01:00:39,791
You said it wasn't so bad.
1478
01:00:39,875 --> 01:00:41,500
I was being nice.
1479
01:00:41,583 --> 01:00:43,458
Oh, well, don't do me any favors.
1480
01:00:43,541 --> 01:00:45,291
You know what, ditto!
1481
01:00:45,375 --> 01:00:48,125
In fact, maybe we should
just rethink this whole holidate thing.
1482
01:00:48,208 --> 01:00:49,208
Maybe we should.
1483
01:00:49,291 --> 01:00:50,750
- Great.
- Great.
1484
01:00:51,125 --> 01:00:53,208
- Awesome.
- Fantastic.
1485
01:00:53,416 --> 01:00:56,916
[announcer] And now, for the moment
we've all been waiting for.
1486
01:00:57,208 --> 01:01:00,625
[speaking Mandarin]
1487
01:01:01,333 --> 01:01:03,000
The father-daughter dance.
1488
01:01:03,125 --> 01:01:05,583
- [crowd cheering]
- [speaking Mandarin}
1489
01:01:05,666 --> 01:01:07,833
["I'll Make Love to You" playing]
1490
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:10,541
[woman] What is going on?
1491
01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:13,333
- Do they know what this song is about?
- [man] No.
1492
01:01:14,000 --> 01:01:15,125
[Liz chuckles]
1493
01:01:15,208 --> 01:01:16,916
[woman] Wait, isn't that her dad?
1494
01:01:17,625 --> 01:01:19,625
[man] This is so inappropriate.
1495
01:01:20,750 --> 01:01:24,291
♪ And I'll hold you tight
Baby, all through the night... ♪
1496
01:01:24,375 --> 01:01:25,625
[Sloane] Are they serious?
1497
01:01:26,208 --> 01:01:28,333
That is not gonna look good on the video.
1498
01:01:28,416 --> 01:01:30,333
Yeah, someone needs to tell them.
1499
01:01:30,416 --> 01:01:31,833
[man] So weird, her daddy.
1500
01:01:32,541 --> 01:01:33,375
[woman] Seriously.
1501
01:01:34,291 --> 01:01:35,916
- No, not us!
- Come on. We got this.
1502
01:01:36,000 --> 01:01:37,125
[Sloane groans]
1503
01:01:39,333 --> 01:01:41,000
- Excuse me.
- Beautiful wedding, sir.
1504
01:01:41,083 --> 01:01:42,291
["Sexytime" playing]
1505
01:01:42,375 --> 01:01:43,708
[Sloane] Hey!
1506
01:01:44,750 --> 01:01:45,666
York.
1507
01:01:45,750 --> 01:01:47,125
♪ It's sexytime... ♪
1508
01:01:48,583 --> 01:01:49,583
Yeah.
1509
01:01:50,458 --> 01:01:52,583
- ♪ What time is it? ♪
- ♪ It's sexytime ♪
1510
01:01:52,666 --> 01:01:54,541
- ♪ What time is it? ♪
- ♪ It's sexytime ♪
1511
01:01:54,625 --> 01:01:57,000
- ♪ What time is it? ♪
- ♪ It's sexytime ♪
1512
01:01:57,125 --> 01:01:59,125
- ♪ What time is it? ♪
- ♪ It's sexytime ♪
1513
01:01:59,583 --> 01:02:02,000
♪ I want you ♪
1514
01:02:02,583 --> 01:02:04,083
♪ To put your ♪
1515
01:02:04,958 --> 01:02:07,041
♪ Power hand on me ♪
1516
01:02:08,291 --> 01:02:10,875
♪ I want you ♪
1517
01:02:11,333 --> 01:02:12,750
♪ To put your ♪
1518
01:02:13,583 --> 01:02:16,166
♪ Many hands on me ♪
1519
01:02:16,833 --> 01:02:19,250
♪ I want you ♪
1520
01:02:20,250 --> 01:02:21,791
♪ To put your ♪
1521
01:02:22,250 --> 01:02:25,000
♪ Second hand on me ♪
1522
01:02:25,500 --> 01:02:27,666
♪ And ticktock, ticktock... ♪
1523
01:02:27,875 --> 01:02:28,708
Oh, shit.
1524
01:02:29,875 --> 01:02:31,083
My niece.
1525
01:02:32,041 --> 01:02:33,791
♪ All over me ♪
1526
01:02:33,875 --> 01:02:35,666
♪ 'Cause it's sexytime ♪
1527
01:02:36,416 --> 01:02:37,583
♪ It's sexytime... ♪
1528
01:02:37,666 --> 01:02:38,625
Hi.
1529
01:02:38,708 --> 01:02:40,000
♪ It's sexytime ♪
1530
01:02:40,625 --> 01:02:42,250
♪ It's sexytime ♪
1531
01:02:42,958 --> 01:02:45,166
- ♪ What time is it? ♪
- ♪ It's sexy time ♪
1532
01:02:45,250 --> 01:02:47,333
- ♪ What time is it? ♪
- ♪ It's sexy time ♪
1533
01:02:47,416 --> 01:02:49,458
- ♪ What time is it? ♪
- ♪ It's sexy time ♪
1534
01:02:49,541 --> 01:02:51,458
- ♪ What time is it? ♪
- ♪ It's sexy time... ♪
1535
01:02:51,541 --> 01:02:52,458
- [screams]
- [loud thud]
1536
01:02:52,541 --> 01:02:53,958
[crowd gasps]
1537
01:02:54,041 --> 01:02:55,708
[Susan moans and grunts]
1538
01:02:59,000 --> 01:03:00,125
Are you okay?
1539
01:03:00,500 --> 01:03:01,416
I am now.
1540
01:03:01,500 --> 01:03:03,500
[romantic music playing]
1541
01:03:07,166 --> 01:03:08,666
That needs to be iced.
1542
01:03:15,000 --> 01:03:16,416
Any ideas for Halloween?
1543
01:03:16,500 --> 01:03:17,625
Already on it.
1544
01:03:19,291 --> 01:03:21,375
[kids laughing] Trick or treat!
1545
01:03:29,541 --> 01:03:31,583
[Abby] Sloane, stop eating
all the chocolate.
1546
01:03:31,666 --> 01:03:33,208
[Abby] You're gonna be sick.
1547
01:03:33,291 --> 01:03:34,458
[Sloane groans]
1548
01:03:35,125 --> 01:03:36,625
- Okay, ready? And suck.
- [screams]
1549
01:03:36,708 --> 01:03:38,375
Okay. There, there, there.
1550
01:03:39,125 --> 01:03:40,625
- Oh, my God.
- [Sloane sighs]
1551
01:03:40,708 --> 01:03:44,000
I am so excited. This is my first
adult party since the kids.
1552
01:03:44,083 --> 01:03:45,500
Are you sad Peter's not coming?
1553
01:03:45,583 --> 01:03:47,916
Well, why should it be different tonight?
1554
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,333
- Okay, ready? Suck! Suck!
- Oh! Jesus!
1555
01:03:51,208 --> 01:03:52,041
Ah!
1556
01:03:52,458 --> 01:03:55,583
When did Halloween go from dressing up
like a princess to a whore?
1557
01:03:55,666 --> 01:03:57,000
I don't know, sixth grade?
1558
01:03:57,500 --> 01:03:58,375
What's a whore?
1559
01:03:59,291 --> 01:04:02,083
Um, somebody who gets paid
to play with boys.
1560
01:04:02,166 --> 01:04:03,666
I wanna be a whore.
1561
01:04:04,041 --> 01:04:04,916
Me too!
1562
01:04:05,750 --> 01:04:08,666
Okay, but just remember
that the house gets 50 percent.
1563
01:04:09,083 --> 01:04:10,625
- Hmm?
- [Abby laughs]
1564
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:15,583
Well, this is what I get for
putting Jackson in charge of costumes.
1565
01:04:16,750 --> 01:04:17,583
[Abby] Here.
1566
01:04:17,666 --> 01:04:19,875
- What is that?
- It is a preemptive antacid.
1567
01:04:19,958 --> 01:04:21,250
Just pretend it's candy.
1568
01:04:21,458 --> 01:04:22,416
["All the Rage" playing]
1569
01:04:22,500 --> 01:04:25,291
♪ I will be all the rage tonight ♪
1570
01:04:25,375 --> 01:04:26,541
♪ Tonight... ♪
1571
01:04:26,625 --> 01:04:28,833
[man] I have the flyest costume
in this joint.
1572
01:04:28,916 --> 01:04:31,416
Look at it. Oh, this suit is fabulous.
1573
01:04:31,500 --> 01:04:32,583
I look good, don't I?
1574
01:04:32,666 --> 01:04:34,458
I look good. Tell me I look good.
1575
01:04:34,541 --> 01:04:35,791
You look ridiculous.
1576
01:04:35,875 --> 01:04:38,416
And you're scaring people
and not in a good way.
1577
01:04:38,500 --> 01:04:40,125
You judging me, Jack Sparrow?
1578
01:04:40,208 --> 01:04:42,875
I'm the Black Panther. Wakanda forever!
1579
01:04:42,958 --> 01:04:46,333
- You look nothing like the Black Panther.
- I'm unique. This is my interpretation.
1580
01:04:46,416 --> 01:04:47,916
Look, I've been practicing the accent.
1581
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:50,000
[in Wakanda accent]
Hello. How are you today?
1582
01:04:50,083 --> 01:04:52,083
- That's actually really good.
- Good, right?
1583
01:04:52,166 --> 01:04:54,333
- Ahoy, mateys!
- Oh, hey.
1584
01:04:54,416 --> 01:04:55,916
Good... it fits.
1585
01:04:57,166 --> 01:04:58,166
Perfectly.
1586
01:05:00,708 --> 01:05:03,541
- Uh, Neil, this is my sister, Abby.
- Hi.
1587
01:05:04,208 --> 01:05:06,750
[Neil clears throat and yodels]
1588
01:05:07,250 --> 01:05:11,208
[in Wakanda accent] Hello. How are you
today, my fine German pussycat?
1589
01:05:11,291 --> 01:05:12,125
[Abby chuckles]
1590
01:05:13,125 --> 01:05:15,083
No. Thank you.
1591
01:05:15,458 --> 01:05:16,375
[stammers]
1592
01:05:16,916 --> 01:05:19,250
[grunts] Panther on the prowl.
1593
01:05:20,291 --> 01:05:21,958
[Neil] Where'd you go, baby girl?
1594
01:05:22,291 --> 01:05:23,125
Drink?
1595
01:05:23,208 --> 01:05:24,916
- Immediately.
- Two, please.
1596
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:26,166
- [Neil] Oh!
- [Abby] Oh, my...
1597
01:05:26,250 --> 01:05:27,916
[Neil] Hey! What's up?
1598
01:05:28,000 --> 01:05:29,708
I see. You're playing hard to get.
1599
01:05:29,791 --> 01:05:31,791
[Neil] She's playing hard to get.
Wakanda forever.
1600
01:05:31,875 --> 01:05:33,583
[Neil chuckles]
Let me go get her.
1601
01:05:33,666 --> 01:05:34,625
[Neil purring]
1602
01:05:34,708 --> 01:05:37,708
[Neil] Hey, baby, come back.
Chill right here. I don't bite.
1603
01:05:37,791 --> 01:05:39,041
[Neil chuckles]
1604
01:05:40,500 --> 01:05:42,750
- [song changes]
- [Sloane] Liz, great party. Congrats.
1605
01:05:42,833 --> 01:05:46,250
It's a complete disaster.
Who fills a place with this much dry ice?
1606
01:05:46,333 --> 01:05:49,083
But that's fun. And you know, scary and...
1607
01:05:49,625 --> 01:05:51,333
I love the costume.
1608
01:05:51,416 --> 01:05:54,583
I'm so embarrassed. We're supposed to be
Cleopatra and Mark Antony.
1609
01:05:54,666 --> 01:05:56,458
Trick or treat, party people!
1610
01:05:56,916 --> 01:05:58,500
Who are you supposed to be?
1611
01:05:58,583 --> 01:06:00,375
Marc Anthony. Whoo!
1612
01:06:01,708 --> 01:06:03,083
The little Latin singer?
1613
01:06:04,791 --> 01:06:06,000
JLo's husband?
1614
01:06:06,083 --> 01:06:07,625
They're not even together anymore.
1615
01:06:07,708 --> 01:06:09,208
She's with Alex Rodriguez now.
1616
01:06:10,666 --> 01:06:11,500
[gasps]
1617
01:06:12,833 --> 01:06:14,500
You invited Luc?
1618
01:06:14,583 --> 01:06:15,791
Hello, everyone.
1619
01:06:16,833 --> 01:06:19,500
- Happy Halloween.
- I love the slut costume.
1620
01:06:20,333 --> 01:06:21,666
Thank you.
1621
01:06:21,750 --> 01:06:24,166
Yours too.
I mean, that big belly's incredible.
1622
01:06:24,250 --> 01:06:26,541
You look really, really pregnant.
1623
01:06:26,625 --> 01:06:28,625
- Not fake!
- [Jackson] Not fake?
1624
01:06:28,708 --> 01:06:30,416
Not fake.
[chuckles]
1625
01:06:30,833 --> 01:06:32,083
Uh... due in two days.
1626
01:06:32,500 --> 01:06:34,166
[Luc] I couldn't keep her at home.
1627
01:06:34,250 --> 01:06:37,166
I told you, baby,
this baby's not gonna change our lives.
1628
01:06:37,250 --> 01:06:41,625
[laughing sarcastically]
1629
01:06:41,708 --> 01:06:43,000
That's adorable.
1630
01:06:43,083 --> 01:06:44,041
Thank you.
1631
01:06:44,125 --> 01:06:45,208
Wow. [chuckles]
1632
01:06:45,708 --> 01:06:46,541
Pregnant!
1633
01:06:46,958 --> 01:06:48,500
[Sloane laughs nervously] Oh!
1634
01:06:48,583 --> 01:06:50,250
- She's pregnant.
- I know.
1635
01:06:50,333 --> 01:06:51,833
She's adorable.
1636
01:06:51,916 --> 01:06:54,458
- Wanna get a drink? Let's get a drink.
- Congrats.
1637
01:06:54,541 --> 01:06:57,416
- [Felicity] Thank you.
- Congratulations.
1638
01:06:57,500 --> 01:06:58,875
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
1639
01:06:58,958 --> 01:07:01,333
I'm so happy for you. Wow!
1640
01:07:02,041 --> 01:07:04,375
Pregnant? She's fucking pregnant?
1641
01:07:04,458 --> 01:07:07,541
How's this even possible?
She's barely out of puberty.
1642
01:07:07,625 --> 01:07:08,750
Oh, God!
1643
01:07:08,833 --> 01:07:11,458
- I don't feel well.
- All right, listen. You need a drink.
1644
01:07:11,541 --> 01:07:14,416
No, I really don't feel well.
1645
01:07:14,500 --> 01:07:18,500
I've had about 50 mini-size candy bars.
I've had a bucket of candy corn,
1646
01:07:18,583 --> 01:07:21,291
and my ex-boyfriend has impregnated
a teenage girl.
1647
01:07:21,375 --> 01:07:23,208
Sweetie, here have another antacid.
1648
01:07:23,291 --> 01:07:24,791
[Jackson] Are you all right?
1649
01:07:25,083 --> 01:07:25,916
No.
1650
01:07:26,708 --> 01:07:27,958
No! Okay?
1651
01:07:28,041 --> 01:07:31,291
This is what I get for letting you
trap me in this torture device!
1652
01:07:32,958 --> 01:07:35,458
- Do you want me to take you home?
- Yeah.
1653
01:07:36,250 --> 01:07:38,250
- Oh.
- It's all right. I can take her.
1654
01:07:38,333 --> 01:07:41,041
No. I can. I mean, it's just that...
1655
01:07:41,125 --> 01:07:43,083
- If you're volunteering...
- [Jackson] It's fine.
1656
01:07:43,166 --> 01:07:46,083
- [Sloane] You don't have to do this.
- Holidate rule number three:
1657
01:07:46,166 --> 01:07:48,166
Leave no holidate behind. Come on.
1658
01:07:53,875 --> 01:07:55,208
[tires screeching]
1659
01:07:56,833 --> 01:07:57,833
[Jackson] Okay.
1660
01:07:58,666 --> 01:08:02,125
[Jackson] All right. Come on, dear.
Let's go. Let's go.
1661
01:08:02,208 --> 01:08:05,208
[Sloane grunts] You know what,
just leave me. Ouch!
1662
01:08:05,333 --> 01:08:08,125
- Yeah, okay, no. We're gonna go. Ready?
- Leave me, please.
1663
01:08:08,208 --> 01:08:10,208
- One, two, three!
- No, no, no! No!
1664
01:08:10,291 --> 01:08:11,250
[Jackson grunts]
1665
01:08:11,333 --> 01:08:12,333
Okay.
1666
01:08:12,416 --> 01:08:13,500
Come on.
1667
01:08:13,583 --> 01:08:14,750
We're almost there.
1668
01:08:15,833 --> 01:08:17,500
- [Jackson grunts]
- [Sloane moans]
1669
01:08:17,583 --> 01:08:18,583
Oh, my God.
1670
01:08:18,833 --> 01:08:21,416
- It's Halloween!
- Yeah, hence the costumes.
1671
01:08:21,500 --> 01:08:24,750
February, March, April, May, June,
July, August, September, October.
1672
01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:26,041
They did it
1673
01:08:26,125 --> 01:08:27,916
on Valentine's Day.
1674
01:08:28,500 --> 01:08:30,375
Everyone did it on Valentine's Day.
1675
01:08:30,458 --> 01:08:33,125
- I didn't do it on Valentine's Day!
- [elevator dings]
1676
01:08:33,208 --> 01:08:34,208
Neither did I!
1677
01:08:34,291 --> 01:08:37,625
They hardly even know each other,
and they're already procreating.
1678
01:08:37,708 --> 01:08:39,291
It's a mess. Let's go. Come on.
1679
01:08:39,375 --> 01:08:41,708
Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.
1680
01:08:41,791 --> 01:08:44,708
- Trust me, I've seen much worse.
- How could this get worse?
1681
01:08:44,791 --> 01:08:46,333
- Yeah.
- My tummy hurts.
1682
01:08:46,416 --> 01:08:48,125
- Can I have one more pill?
- Yeah.
1683
01:08:48,208 --> 01:08:50,208
[upbeat music playing]
1684
01:08:51,500 --> 01:08:52,333
[Abby] Oh, shit!
1685
01:08:53,333 --> 01:08:59,416
[stomach growling, gurgling]
1686
01:09:01,041 --> 01:09:02,125
Untie me.
1687
01:09:02,833 --> 01:09:04,791
- What?
- Just... don't question!
1688
01:09:04,875 --> 01:09:06,000
Just untie me!
1689
01:09:06,083 --> 01:09:07,083
Come on.
1690
01:09:08,041 --> 01:09:11,458
- The laces! Hurry!
- What the hell is all this?
1691
01:09:12,000 --> 01:09:13,458
I'm trying, okay? I'm trying!
1692
01:09:13,541 --> 01:09:15,375
[stomach gurgling]
1693
01:09:15,458 --> 01:09:16,291
Just rip it.
1694
01:09:16,750 --> 01:09:17,750
Okay, just...
1695
01:09:17,833 --> 01:09:20,166
You know what? Just rip it.
1696
01:09:20,250 --> 01:09:22,875
Just rip my fucking pants off!
1697
01:09:22,958 --> 01:09:23,958
[elevator dings]
1698
01:09:25,458 --> 01:09:27,458
[stomach growls]
1699
01:09:30,458 --> 01:09:31,500
[elevator dings]
1700
01:09:31,583 --> 01:09:33,666
[Jackson] You're locked up like
Houdini in this!
1701
01:09:33,750 --> 01:09:35,916
- [Sloane] This is your fault!
- [stomach gurgling loudly]
1702
01:09:36,000 --> 01:09:38,166
Oh, Jesus! Oh, Jesus!
1703
01:09:38,250 --> 01:09:40,416
Please don't let this happen to me.
1704
01:09:40,500 --> 01:09:41,458
Fuck!
1705
01:09:42,833 --> 01:09:45,375
Don't let me be
the girl who shits her pants.
1706
01:09:45,458 --> 01:09:48,125
[Jackson] Come on, almost there!
I'm almost there.
1707
01:09:49,000 --> 01:09:51,250
[Sloane] Get it off.
[stomach growls]
1708
01:09:51,333 --> 01:09:53,291
- [Jackson] Shit. Come on.
- [Sloane] The door.
1709
01:09:53,375 --> 01:09:55,583
- You got it. Come on. We got it.
- Shit!
1710
01:09:55,666 --> 01:09:56,791
[Sloane grunts]
1711
01:09:56,875 --> 01:09:59,083
- Come on. You're all right. Close!
- [Sloane] Let me go!
1712
01:09:59,166 --> 01:10:01,291
- [Jackson] Wait, wait, wait!
- [Sloane] I can't! I can't!
1713
01:10:01,375 --> 01:10:03,125
[stomach growling]
1714
01:10:03,208 --> 01:10:04,625
Got it!
1715
01:10:04,708 --> 01:10:06,458
[Sloane screaming] Oh, no!
1716
01:10:06,541 --> 01:10:08,583
[Sloane moans and cries]
1717
01:10:08,666 --> 01:10:09,916
Did you make it?
1718
01:10:10,625 --> 01:10:12,250
[Sloane] Go away!
1719
01:10:13,583 --> 01:10:14,500
Go away!
1720
01:10:28,083 --> 01:10:29,125
Don't look at me.
1721
01:10:29,208 --> 01:10:30,541
I'm not looking.
1722
01:10:39,208 --> 01:10:40,083
[sighs]
1723
01:10:59,333 --> 01:11:00,666
Peppermint tea.
1724
01:11:01,250 --> 01:11:02,375
Helps with the nausea.
1725
01:11:03,666 --> 01:11:05,125
I have peppermint tea?
1726
01:11:05,833 --> 01:11:07,000
Uh, sort of.
1727
01:11:07,083 --> 01:11:10,250
I mean, it's just crushed Altoids
in boiling water.
1728
01:11:11,333 --> 01:11:12,166
Hmm.
1729
01:11:13,666 --> 01:11:14,500
[sighs]
1730
01:11:15,875 --> 01:11:16,791
So, I guess...
1731
01:11:17,416 --> 01:11:20,208
I'll be an anecdote
you tell at parties now?
1732
01:11:21,166 --> 01:11:22,416
The girl who...
1733
01:11:24,125 --> 01:11:25,958
[sighs] The girl who...
1734
01:11:27,541 --> 01:11:28,375
[whimpers]
1735
01:11:28,875 --> 01:11:30,958
The girl who shit her pants on Halloween?
1736
01:11:31,458 --> 01:11:32,916
Oh, God.
1737
01:11:33,000 --> 01:11:33,875
[moans]
1738
01:11:34,750 --> 01:11:35,583
[whimpers]
1739
01:11:37,083 --> 01:11:38,000
You know,
1740
01:11:38,583 --> 01:11:39,458
technically...
1741
01:11:40,625 --> 01:11:43,333
we've all been shitting our pants
since we were born.
1742
01:11:45,458 --> 01:11:46,333
[chuckles]
1743
01:11:49,458 --> 01:11:51,666
Don't worry, okay?
I'm not gonna tell anyone.
1744
01:11:52,708 --> 01:11:53,666
I promise.
1745
01:12:00,958 --> 01:12:01,791
Thank you.
1746
01:12:18,708 --> 01:12:19,750
[sniffs]
1747
01:12:23,500 --> 01:12:24,458
[sighs]
1748
01:12:26,291 --> 01:12:28,291
[birds chirping]
1749
01:12:35,000 --> 01:12:37,000
[dog barking in distance]
1750
01:12:39,625 --> 01:12:41,625
[sirens wailing in distance]
1751
01:12:47,958 --> 01:12:49,208
[both chuckle]
1752
01:12:51,208 --> 01:12:52,250
[both sigh]
1753
01:12:54,333 --> 01:12:55,208
[Sloane chuckles]
1754
01:12:56,500 --> 01:12:58,083
[Jackson exhales]
1755
01:13:11,416 --> 01:13:14,625
[Sloane] I hate, in movies,
when people kiss in the morning.
1756
01:13:15,833 --> 01:13:17,375
I think it's gross.
1757
01:13:17,458 --> 01:13:18,416
[both chuckle]
1758
01:14:47,625 --> 01:14:48,458
[Jackson] Wow.
1759
01:14:49,875 --> 01:14:50,708
[Sloane] Yeah.
1760
01:14:53,125 --> 01:14:54,625
So, I guess we should...
1761
01:14:56,041 --> 01:14:58,041
[sighs] You can go if you want.
1762
01:14:58,708 --> 01:14:59,541
[pants]
1763
01:15:00,375 --> 01:15:01,416
You want me to leave?
1764
01:15:02,708 --> 01:15:03,541
[chuckles]
1765
01:15:05,916 --> 01:15:08,916
I... I mean, if... if... if you want. I...
1766
01:15:09,666 --> 01:15:10,500
Don't feel
1767
01:15:11,250 --> 01:15:12,625
obligated to stay.
1768
01:15:13,708 --> 01:15:14,791
Obligated?
1769
01:15:16,750 --> 01:15:18,958
Halloween's over, right?
1770
01:15:21,458 --> 01:15:22,291
Right.
1771
01:15:23,166 --> 01:15:24,375
Halloween's over.
1772
01:15:28,541 --> 01:15:30,333
[doorbell dings repeatedly]
1773
01:15:30,416 --> 01:15:31,750
[knocking on door repeatedly]
1774
01:15:31,833 --> 01:15:34,000
[doorbell dings repeatedly]
1775
01:15:35,583 --> 01:15:37,583
[knocking continues]
1776
01:15:39,041 --> 01:15:40,083
[knocking continues]
1777
01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:42,708
[doorbell dings repeatedly]
1778
01:15:42,791 --> 01:15:44,833
[knocking rapidly]
1779
01:15:44,916 --> 01:15:46,666
[Sloane] All right, coming!
1780
01:15:47,250 --> 01:15:49,291
- [Sloane gasps]
- [Abby breathing heavily]
1781
01:15:49,375 --> 01:15:50,916
I kissed the Black Panther.
1782
01:15:51,000 --> 01:15:52,666
- What?
- The Black Panther!
1783
01:15:53,208 --> 01:15:54,291
I kissed him!
1784
01:15:54,375 --> 01:15:56,000
We were standing in line,
1785
01:15:56,375 --> 01:15:59,500
you know, waiting for the bathroom,
and then it suddenly happened.
1786
01:15:59,583 --> 01:16:00,458
We kissed.
1787
01:16:00,541 --> 01:16:02,000
Ew! With tongue?
1788
01:16:02,083 --> 01:16:02,958
[Abby gags]
1789
01:16:03,041 --> 01:16:06,458
Oh, my God. I'm a horrible person.
I'm going to hell a thousand times.
1790
01:16:06,541 --> 01:16:10,208
- You're not a horrible person...
- Oh, my God! Yes, I am! Yes, I am!
1791
01:16:10,291 --> 01:16:12,916
I am a horrible wife and mother,
1792
01:16:13,000 --> 01:16:15,666
and I am married to a freaking saint.
1793
01:16:15,750 --> 01:16:18,291
Peter is, like,
the best man in the whole world,
1794
01:16:18,375 --> 01:16:20,000
and this is how I treat him?
1795
01:16:20,625 --> 01:16:22,083
I hate myself.
1796
01:16:22,416 --> 01:16:24,500
- No...
- I can't fucking believe
1797
01:16:24,583 --> 01:16:29,041
that I kissed the Black Panther!
[screaming]
1798
01:16:29,125 --> 01:16:30,250
[sobbing]
1799
01:16:30,333 --> 01:16:31,916
[grunts and screams]
1800
01:16:32,541 --> 01:16:33,541
Morning, Abby.
1801
01:16:33,625 --> 01:16:34,625
[sobbing stops abruptly]
1802
01:16:39,791 --> 01:16:40,708
Oh, hi.
1803
01:16:41,208 --> 01:16:42,250
Hey, um...
1804
01:16:43,208 --> 01:16:45,958
I was just telling Sloane
about this dream I had last night.
1805
01:16:46,041 --> 01:16:47,041
[Jackson] Cool.
1806
01:16:48,583 --> 01:16:49,875
Well, I was just leaving.
1807
01:16:52,250 --> 01:16:53,083
Wait.
1808
01:16:56,500 --> 01:16:57,625
You guys had sex.
1809
01:16:57,708 --> 01:16:58,833
[scoffs]
1810
01:16:58,916 --> 01:17:00,000
No, we didn't.
1811
01:17:00,416 --> 01:17:01,333
We didn't?
1812
01:17:04,708 --> 01:17:06,000
Oh, I should go. Okay.
1813
01:17:06,083 --> 01:17:07,500
No, no, no! You should stay.
1814
01:17:07,583 --> 01:17:09,791
You seem... you seem really upset
1815
01:17:09,875 --> 01:17:11,375
about your dream.
1816
01:17:12,375 --> 01:17:14,291
Yeah. You stay. I'll go.
1817
01:17:19,666 --> 01:17:20,583
Okay?
1818
01:17:25,875 --> 01:17:26,708
Okay.
1819
01:17:28,333 --> 01:17:29,208
Bye.
1820
01:17:30,250 --> 01:17:32,333
Okay, bye! See you at Thanksgiving!
1821
01:17:36,333 --> 01:17:37,583
What the hell was that?
1822
01:17:38,666 --> 01:17:39,958
What?
1823
01:17:40,375 --> 01:17:41,500
Nothing.
1824
01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:43,041
I'm gonna make coffee.
1825
01:17:43,125 --> 01:17:45,000
She practically shoved me out the door.
1826
01:17:45,833 --> 01:17:47,875
- She didn't even want to snuggle?
- Uh-uh.
1827
01:17:47,958 --> 01:17:49,583
- Cuddle?
- No.
1828
01:17:49,666 --> 01:17:50,791
Go to brunch?
1829
01:17:52,250 --> 01:17:53,708
I didn't get a cup of coffee.
1830
01:17:54,125 --> 01:17:56,208
[sighs] Damn, man. That hurts.
1831
01:17:56,291 --> 01:17:57,125
Hmm.
1832
01:17:57,458 --> 01:17:59,041
You know, I've never been asked to leave.
1833
01:17:59,125 --> 01:18:00,541
Yeah, bro. I feel you, okay?
1834
01:18:00,666 --> 01:18:03,750
Me and Abby had a real connection,
and she hasn't even called.
1835
01:18:05,125 --> 01:18:07,416
Do you know what the last thing
she said to me was?
1836
01:18:07,875 --> 01:18:09,416
"See you at Thanksgiving."
1837
01:18:09,958 --> 01:18:12,750
Like, it was completely
meaningless to her.
1838
01:18:12,833 --> 01:18:14,541
That is cold, man.
1839
01:18:15,541 --> 01:18:17,625
But you still got your holidate, right?
1840
01:18:18,166 --> 01:18:21,833
- I don't think I can do it anymore.
- This is what I'm thinking, okay?
1841
01:18:22,416 --> 01:18:25,250
You go to Thanksgiving,
and act like nothing has changed.
1842
01:18:25,333 --> 01:18:26,166
Okay.
1843
01:18:26,250 --> 01:18:28,333
If it makes you feel better,
I'll go with you.
1844
01:18:29,166 --> 01:18:30,500
- Why?
- [chuckles] "Why?"
1845
01:18:31,583 --> 01:18:33,750
Me and Abby made a connection, remember?
1846
01:18:35,083 --> 01:18:36,208
- Really?
- Yeah.
1847
01:18:36,666 --> 01:18:38,125
You made a connection
1848
01:18:38,208 --> 01:18:40,333
- with a married mother of four?
- [groans]
1849
01:18:40,833 --> 01:18:43,208
Oh, it sounded bad
when you said it like that.
1850
01:18:44,083 --> 01:18:46,416
- [sighs] But if she asks about me...
- She won't.
1851
01:18:46,500 --> 01:18:47,625
Yeah. Okay.
1852
01:18:48,041 --> 01:18:49,750
- But if she does...
- She will not.
1853
01:18:49,833 --> 01:18:50,958
Whoa.
1854
01:18:51,041 --> 01:18:51,958
Okay.
1855
01:18:52,458 --> 01:18:54,375
- Let it go.
- I'm trying to let it go.
1856
01:18:55,000 --> 01:18:57,625
You don't wanna close one door
'cause it'll open another.
1857
01:18:57,708 --> 01:19:00,833
[Jackson] Yes, you do.
Shut it tight. Lock it.
1858
01:19:00,916 --> 01:19:02,333
- If she does...
- She will not.
1859
01:19:02,416 --> 01:19:03,333
I'm here.
1860
01:19:04,750 --> 01:19:06,666
[Susan] Oh, hello!
1861
01:19:06,750 --> 01:19:09,375
Happy Thanksgiving.
1862
01:19:09,458 --> 01:19:11,333
- Happy Thanksgiving.
- Kisses.
1863
01:19:11,583 --> 01:19:13,208
Mwah! Mwah!
1864
01:19:13,333 --> 01:19:15,500
Now, meet my new friend, Warren.
1865
01:19:15,916 --> 01:19:17,583
- Wally.
- That's what I said.
1866
01:19:17,666 --> 01:19:19,083
[chuckles] Hi, I'm Abby.
1867
01:19:19,166 --> 01:19:20,500
- Wally. Yeah.
- Sloane.
1868
01:19:20,583 --> 01:19:21,625
Sloane, pleasure...
1869
01:19:22,416 --> 01:19:26,750
Ooh! Howdy-ho! Something smells great
coming from this kitchen.
1870
01:19:26,833 --> 01:19:28,416
May I take a sample?
1871
01:19:28,500 --> 01:19:29,375
No.
1872
01:19:30,000 --> 01:19:30,875
Maybe later.
1873
01:19:31,458 --> 01:19:33,416
I told you, my sister burns everything.
1874
01:19:33,500 --> 01:19:35,541
It's not burnt. It's well-done.
1875
01:19:36,583 --> 01:19:38,166
That's what basting is for.
1876
01:19:38,541 --> 01:19:39,708
It's okay with me.
1877
01:19:39,791 --> 01:19:41,791
Kind of like my meat a little crispy.
1878
01:19:47,875 --> 01:19:49,208
You didn't invite Faarooq?
1879
01:19:49,291 --> 01:19:50,791
Oh, that? Oh, no.
1880
01:19:51,750 --> 01:19:53,083
You know me.
1881
01:19:53,166 --> 01:19:54,833
One holidate per customer.
1882
01:19:54,916 --> 01:19:57,125
But you guys seemed so happy together.
1883
01:19:57,208 --> 01:20:00,083
Short and sweet, honey.
Everything ends eventually.
1884
01:20:00,750 --> 01:20:03,083
So, why sit around
waiting for it to happen?
1885
01:20:08,708 --> 01:20:12,083
Liz, York. Abby, Peter, me,
1886
01:20:12,166 --> 01:20:14,625
Susan, Susan's latest.
1887
01:20:14,708 --> 01:20:16,375
Me and Jackson.
1888
01:20:16,458 --> 01:20:18,333
Are you sure he's coming?
1889
01:20:18,416 --> 01:20:20,083
I don't want to put the leaf in.
1890
01:20:20,166 --> 01:20:21,000
Yes.
1891
01:20:21,083 --> 01:20:21,916
He's coming.
1892
01:20:22,333 --> 01:20:23,875
And he's coming alone, right?
1893
01:20:24,291 --> 01:20:25,333
Okay, all right.
1894
01:20:25,583 --> 01:20:27,875
- Just put the leaf in.
- It's in the basement.
1895
01:20:27,958 --> 01:20:30,208
- [Sloane] Mom.
- We can use the piano bench.
1896
01:20:30,291 --> 01:20:32,208
Just put the goddamn leaf in!
1897
01:20:32,625 --> 01:20:33,666
[fire alarm beeping]
1898
01:20:34,083 --> 01:20:35,208
[Liz] Is everything okay?
1899
01:20:35,291 --> 01:20:37,291
[Elaine] Oh! Oh!
1900
01:20:37,750 --> 01:20:40,208
- [Liz] Is dinner burning?
- [Elaine coughing]
1901
01:20:40,291 --> 01:20:41,500
I'll call 911.
1902
01:20:41,583 --> 01:20:43,208
No. No. It's okay, honey.
1903
01:20:43,291 --> 01:20:45,333
Nana just burnt the turkey and stuffing
1904
01:20:45,416 --> 01:20:47,291
and hopefully a pie.
1905
01:20:49,000 --> 01:20:51,541
- Yams. Not sweet potatoes.
- Yeah, I got it.
1906
01:20:51,625 --> 01:20:52,791
And cranberry sauce.
1907
01:20:52,875 --> 01:20:54,250
Not that hoity-toity crap
1908
01:20:54,333 --> 01:20:56,333
- claiming to be whole cranberries.
- Yes.
1909
01:20:56,416 --> 01:20:57,333
And a pie!
1910
01:21:02,625 --> 01:21:03,500
Hi.
1911
01:21:03,583 --> 01:21:04,416
Hey.
1912
01:21:05,166 --> 01:21:06,083
Hello.
1913
01:21:07,750 --> 01:21:08,791
[Elaine] Oh!
1914
01:21:08,875 --> 01:21:10,375
We're covered for dessert,
1915
01:21:10,458 --> 01:21:12,750
but maybe the neighbors can use it.
1916
01:21:15,625 --> 01:21:17,750
I have to go to the store. So, you can...
1917
01:21:19,041 --> 01:21:19,916
I'll drive.
1918
01:21:20,333 --> 01:21:21,375
[birds chirping]
1919
01:21:21,833 --> 01:21:22,791
Okay.
1920
01:21:26,916 --> 01:21:28,916
[pumping air]
1921
01:21:37,291 --> 01:21:38,208
So...
1922
01:21:39,041 --> 01:21:39,958
how have you been?
1923
01:21:40,750 --> 01:21:41,666
Good.
1924
01:21:42,125 --> 01:21:42,958
Busy.
1925
01:21:43,625 --> 01:21:44,500
You?
1926
01:21:45,000 --> 01:21:45,833
Good.
1927
01:21:46,083 --> 01:21:47,000
Busy.
1928
01:21:48,625 --> 01:21:50,791
- Chip?
- You know I don't eat that shit.
1929
01:21:50,875 --> 01:21:52,625
It's not shit. It's organic.
1930
01:21:53,041 --> 01:21:55,750
Are we gonna pretend
like what happened didn't happen?
1931
01:21:55,833 --> 01:21:56,875
Works for me.
1932
01:21:59,875 --> 01:22:02,791
Okay, but for the record, I'm not the one
that wanted to leave that morning.
1933
01:22:02,875 --> 01:22:04,791
Oh, I didn't hear you asking to stay.
1934
01:22:04,875 --> 01:22:06,833
Well, you didn't give me a chance.
1935
01:22:06,916 --> 01:22:08,041
Oh, please.
1936
01:22:08,125 --> 01:22:10,833
You didn't want to have sex with me
in the first place.
1937
01:22:11,291 --> 01:22:12,375
[girl gasps]
1938
01:22:13,166 --> 01:22:16,041
[woman] Hmm. Come on. Let's go.
1939
01:22:16,958 --> 01:22:19,166
You're not even that attracted to me,
right?
1940
01:22:19,666 --> 01:22:21,125
Why can't you let that go?
1941
01:22:22,083 --> 01:22:24,000
Because when a guy basically opens
1942
01:22:24,083 --> 01:22:26,500
with the fact
he doesn't find a girl attractive,
1943
01:22:26,583 --> 01:22:29,041
it kinda sets the tone
for the rest of the relationship.
1944
01:22:31,125 --> 01:22:33,833
I was some random bloke at the mall.
1945
01:22:33,916 --> 01:22:36,250
Honestly, what do you think
would have happened
1946
01:22:36,333 --> 01:22:38,916
if I'd said,
"Hey, I think you're incredibly beautiful!
1947
01:22:40,625 --> 01:22:42,083
With these lips that...
1948
01:22:43,833 --> 01:22:45,208
beg to be kissed.
1949
01:22:47,916 --> 01:22:48,916
These eyes that are...
1950
01:22:50,916 --> 01:22:53,541
Honestly, I don't know what they are.
They make me forget my name.
1951
01:22:57,916 --> 01:23:00,000
There's just no way
you would've gone out with me.
1952
01:23:00,500 --> 01:23:02,375
Especially, not on New Year's Eve.
1953
01:23:05,500 --> 01:23:06,500
So...
1954
01:23:09,291 --> 01:23:10,625
does that change anything?
1955
01:23:14,666 --> 01:23:15,625
No.
1956
01:23:16,125 --> 01:23:17,208
Nothing has changed.
1957
01:23:18,083 --> 01:23:19,833
In fact, you can relax
1958
01:23:19,916 --> 01:23:23,625
and continue to bang all the cocktail
waitresses you want between holidays.
1959
01:23:23,708 --> 01:23:26,625
No one is expecting you
to drop a knee at Thanksgiving.
1960
01:23:31,375 --> 01:23:32,583
Thanks for the update.
1961
01:23:32,666 --> 01:23:34,625
At least I'm not the asshole this time.
1962
01:23:34,708 --> 01:23:37,791
What is that supposed to mean?
You think I'm being an asshole?
1963
01:23:37,875 --> 01:23:38,708
Yeah.
1964
01:23:39,125 --> 01:23:40,666
- Me?
- Yes!
1965
01:23:40,750 --> 01:23:44,166
You're trying so hard
not to feel anything.
1966
01:23:44,250 --> 01:23:47,083
That means you're lying to both of us.
And that makes you an asshole.
1967
01:23:48,125 --> 01:23:50,166
Well, I'd rather be an asshole
1968
01:23:50,250 --> 01:23:53,875
than so desperate for companionship
that I troll the mall for a holidate.
1969
01:23:53,958 --> 01:23:54,958
No.
1970
01:23:55,041 --> 01:23:57,416
You were desperate enough
to take me up on the offer.
1971
01:23:59,708 --> 01:24:01,666
- Where are you going?
- I'm going away.
1972
01:24:01,750 --> 01:24:04,041
[scoffs] Fine. Go.
1973
01:24:04,583 --> 01:24:07,333
I see another ugly Christmas sweater
in your future!
1974
01:24:12,708 --> 01:24:13,875
Maybe there is.
1975
01:24:15,000 --> 01:24:17,291
But at least I won't be alone,
1976
01:24:17,500 --> 01:24:20,958
sitting at the kids table,
blaming everyone else for my problems.
1977
01:24:22,916 --> 01:24:24,166
And you know what?
1978
01:24:25,083 --> 01:24:26,500
I bet you money,
1979
01:24:26,583 --> 01:24:29,083
that if Ryan Gosling
waltzed down this frozen food aisle,
1980
01:24:29,166 --> 01:24:33,458
and offered to take you on the ride
of your life, you would still say no.
1981
01:24:36,708 --> 01:24:39,083
'Cause you'd be too afraid
to get on that train.
1982
01:24:39,916 --> 01:24:41,500
The Ryan Gosling train.
1983
01:24:46,125 --> 01:24:48,000
You are so wrong!
1984
01:24:49,916 --> 01:24:53,083
Ryan Gosling would never
do his own shopping!
1985
01:24:55,666 --> 01:24:57,416
He's way too cool for that.
1986
01:25:01,125 --> 01:25:04,125
Well, I think you should stop
being so cheap and buy a new table.
1987
01:25:04,208 --> 01:25:05,625
This is Mother's table!
1988
01:25:05,708 --> 01:25:08,125
You're just jealous
because she left it to me.
1989
01:25:08,750 --> 01:25:10,208
Because I didn't want it.
1990
01:25:10,291 --> 01:25:12,000
I think it's a beautiful table.
1991
01:25:12,083 --> 01:25:13,583
Oh, shut up, Warren.
1992
01:25:13,666 --> 01:25:14,875
- Wally.
- Wally.
1993
01:25:15,375 --> 01:25:16,625
- [Elaine chuckles]
- [door slams]
1994
01:25:18,125 --> 01:25:19,750
Hey. Where's Jackson?
1995
01:25:19,833 --> 01:25:21,625
Uh... don't know. Don't care.
1996
01:25:21,708 --> 01:25:23,625
I knew it! No leaf!
1997
01:25:23,958 --> 01:25:25,875
[Abby] Jesus, Sloane, what did you do?
1998
01:25:26,333 --> 01:25:28,708
I didn't do anything.
What makes you think it was me?
1999
01:25:29,375 --> 01:25:31,958
Well, honey, you don't have
the best track record.
2000
01:25:32,041 --> 01:25:33,666
Maybe you can still apologize?
2001
01:25:33,750 --> 01:25:36,458
- Yeah, Sloane. Jack's a good guy.
- Whoa. Wait a second.
2002
01:25:37,000 --> 01:25:38,625
What makes you think this was my fault?
2003
01:25:38,708 --> 01:25:42,125
- If you would be honest with him.
- Oh, you want me to be honest?
2004
01:25:42,416 --> 01:25:44,000
Yes. Yes. And then maybe, for once,
2005
01:25:44,083 --> 01:25:47,166
we could get through a holiday
without your personal life ruining dinner.
2006
01:25:47,250 --> 01:25:48,625
My personal life?
2007
01:25:48,708 --> 01:25:49,875
It's a mess!
2008
01:25:49,958 --> 01:25:51,916
It's always a mess!
2009
01:25:52,000 --> 01:25:53,583
Okay, well, my "personal life"
2010
01:25:53,666 --> 01:25:56,916
might be a mess, but at least
I didn't kiss the Black Panther!
2011
01:25:57,000 --> 01:25:58,041
You bitch.
2012
01:25:58,416 --> 01:26:00,875
- What's the black panther?
- Jackson's friend at Halloween?
2013
01:26:00,958 --> 01:26:02,791
He was dressed as Black Panther.
It was legit.
2014
01:26:02,875 --> 01:26:05,583
[Peter] Wait, what?
You kissed the Black Panther?
2015
01:26:07,750 --> 01:26:09,666
Barely. It was an accident.
2016
01:26:09,750 --> 01:26:12,750
- I didn't see any tongue.
- You saw them kiss and didn't tell me?
2017
01:26:12,833 --> 01:26:14,916
- You can't keep secrets.
- How do you know?
2018
01:26:15,000 --> 01:26:17,250
- You know nothing about me!
- I was trick-or-treating.
2019
01:26:17,333 --> 01:26:20,541
I trusted you.
I let you go to a party without me!
2020
01:26:20,625 --> 01:26:21,458
[toys squeak]
2021
01:26:21,541 --> 01:26:23,458
I go everywhere without you.
2022
01:26:23,791 --> 01:26:25,833
And you never have time for me.
2023
01:26:25,916 --> 01:26:28,041
- All you care about is the kids!
- One of us has to!
2024
01:26:28,125 --> 01:26:30,291
- [loud bang]
- [Elaine] Wally!
2025
01:26:30,375 --> 01:26:32,291
- Oh, my God! He's choking!
- York, do the Heimlich!
2026
01:26:32,375 --> 01:26:34,208
- I don't know the Heimlich.
- How can you not?
2027
01:26:34,291 --> 01:26:36,041
Step aside! I know the Heimlich!
2028
01:26:36,125 --> 01:26:38,791
Stop it! He's not choking!
He's having a heart attack.
2029
01:26:38,875 --> 01:26:40,166
Somebody call 911.
2030
01:26:40,250 --> 01:26:42,458
- I'm on it!
- [siren wailing]
2031
01:26:47,833 --> 01:26:50,458
- You can ride with us, ma'am.
- What? No. We're not together.
2032
01:26:50,541 --> 01:26:53,416
- Aunt Susan, go!
- You have to come with me.
2033
01:26:53,500 --> 01:26:54,458
- No. No, no.
- Yes.
2034
01:26:54,541 --> 01:26:55,583
You're coming.
2035
01:26:55,666 --> 01:26:56,500
Go! Go!
2036
01:26:59,000 --> 01:27:00,083
[siren wails]
2037
01:27:00,166 --> 01:27:01,541
[woman chatting on PA]
2038
01:27:01,625 --> 01:27:04,375
- He's in good hands now. Let's go.
- No.
2039
01:27:04,458 --> 01:27:07,625
We can't go.
Your date just had a heart attack.
2040
01:27:07,708 --> 01:27:08,958
I barely know him.
2041
01:27:09,041 --> 01:27:10,750
I had to write his name on my arm.
2042
01:27:11,166 --> 01:27:12,041
Look.
2043
01:27:12,625 --> 01:27:13,458
[gasps]
2044
01:27:14,333 --> 01:27:15,166
[Susan] Hmm.
2045
01:27:15,916 --> 01:27:17,375
It's all my fault, you know.
2046
01:27:18,583 --> 01:27:21,000
[sighs] I've had so many opportunities.
2047
01:27:21,083 --> 01:27:24,041
I've had so many men that loved me.
2048
01:27:24,291 --> 01:27:25,208
[chuckles]
2049
01:27:26,083 --> 01:27:28,541
Once they got too close, I backed off.
2050
01:27:29,625 --> 01:27:31,041
So, here I am at...
2051
01:27:32,750 --> 01:27:34,916
age 49.
2052
01:27:36,416 --> 01:27:37,541
It's too late now.
2053
01:27:37,625 --> 01:27:38,916
Wallace Lupinski?
2054
01:27:39,333 --> 01:27:41,375
Is anyone here for Mr. Lupinski?
2055
01:27:42,750 --> 01:27:44,000
[woman on PA]
2056
01:27:44,250 --> 01:27:45,125
Faarooq?
2057
01:27:47,666 --> 01:27:48,500
Susan.
2058
01:27:51,041 --> 01:27:52,625
You're working on Thanksgiving.
2059
01:27:55,041 --> 01:27:56,041
Are you here for...
2060
01:27:56,875 --> 01:27:57,833
Wallace Lupinski?
2061
01:27:58,750 --> 01:27:59,583
Uh...
2062
01:28:00,083 --> 01:28:00,916
No.
2063
01:28:02,875 --> 01:28:03,958
You sure, 'cause...
2064
01:28:04,875 --> 01:28:06,375
Oh, he's a family friend.
2065
01:28:06,458 --> 01:28:07,833
How's he doing, by the way?
2066
01:28:09,708 --> 01:28:10,625
Mild heart attack,
2067
01:28:11,125 --> 01:28:12,291
but he's gonna be fine.
2068
01:28:16,041 --> 01:28:17,250
It was nice to see you.
2069
01:28:22,041 --> 01:28:23,833
[mutters nervously]
2070
01:28:27,958 --> 01:28:30,208
- Say something.
- I can't. Let's just go.
2071
01:28:30,916 --> 01:28:33,666
No. You have to say something.
Say anything, just...
2072
01:28:34,416 --> 01:28:35,250
I fucked up!
2073
01:28:37,916 --> 01:28:39,625
You're the most amazing man I've ever met.
2074
01:28:40,291 --> 01:28:41,583
So, you broke up with me.
2075
01:28:44,958 --> 01:28:46,875
I got scared. It's what I do.
2076
01:28:48,500 --> 01:28:50,750
Losing you was the dumbest mistake
of my life.
2077
01:28:51,458 --> 01:28:52,291
[chuckles]
2078
01:28:52,916 --> 01:28:55,041
Please tell me we can have another chance?
2079
01:28:56,541 --> 01:28:57,625
[man chatting on PA]
2080
01:28:58,750 --> 01:28:59,750
I can't...
2081
01:29:02,250 --> 01:29:03,416
imagine...
2082
01:29:04,583 --> 01:29:06,291
being happy without you.
2083
01:29:08,541 --> 01:29:10,041
- Susan.
- Yeah.
2084
01:29:10,500 --> 01:29:11,541
I love you.
2085
01:29:12,083 --> 01:29:13,541
[mumbles] I love you.
2086
01:29:18,416 --> 01:29:19,416
[chuckles]
2087
01:29:35,958 --> 01:29:36,833
[sighs]
2088
01:30:12,125 --> 01:30:13,333
[Jackson] See you, mate.
2089
01:30:28,750 --> 01:30:30,958
[choir singing "Deck The Halls"]
2090
01:30:33,583 --> 01:30:36,500
♪ Troll the ancient Yuletide carol ♪
2091
01:30:37,458 --> 01:30:40,625
♪ Fa la la la la, la la la laFa la la la la, la la la la... ♪
2092
01:30:40,708 --> 01:30:43,708
So, you're stalking him
but not actually speaking to him?
2093
01:30:43,791 --> 01:30:49,083
Well, I wouldn't call showing up outside
his door and hiding "stalking," but okay.
2094
01:30:49,166 --> 01:30:50,625
Well, I recommend therapy.
2095
01:30:50,708 --> 01:30:54,041
York and I are finally taking off
our masks and getting to know each other.
2096
01:30:54,125 --> 01:30:55,000
No, thanks.
2097
01:30:55,083 --> 01:30:56,375
I like my masks.
2098
01:30:56,958 --> 01:31:02,000
♪ Fa la la la la, la la laDeck the halls... ♪
2099
01:31:02,083 --> 01:31:03,500
[music fades away]
2100
01:31:10,791 --> 01:31:12,708
It's fate. Go after him.
2101
01:31:12,791 --> 01:31:13,958
It's not fate.
2102
01:31:14,041 --> 01:31:16,291
The guy practically lives at the mall.
2103
01:31:16,958 --> 01:31:18,875
[sighs] All right! Let's get presents!
2104
01:31:19,583 --> 01:31:20,666
Aunt Sloane.
2105
01:31:20,750 --> 01:31:22,333
Life is giving you a moment.
2106
01:31:24,958 --> 01:31:26,125
Don't fuck it up.
2107
01:31:32,500 --> 01:31:33,625
Jackson!
2108
01:31:34,416 --> 01:31:37,208
Excuse me, sir. Excuse me.
Coming through. Jackson!
2109
01:31:38,125 --> 01:31:39,375
Jackson! Coming through.
2110
01:31:39,458 --> 01:31:41,250
[all chattering]
2111
01:31:41,333 --> 01:31:44,416
[Sloane] Excuse me, sorry. I have to talk
to that guy over there. Excuse me!
2112
01:31:45,208 --> 01:31:46,083
Jackson!
2113
01:31:47,750 --> 01:31:48,833
Jackson!
2114
01:31:50,791 --> 01:31:51,708
Jackson!
2115
01:31:54,458 --> 01:31:56,041
[choir singing louder]
2116
01:31:56,708 --> 01:31:57,958
Jackson!
2117
01:31:59,750 --> 01:32:00,750
[Sloane] Sorry.
2118
01:32:01,666 --> 01:32:02,958
Excuse me.
2119
01:32:03,041 --> 01:32:05,041
Excuse me. Pardon me. Jackson!
2120
01:32:10,125 --> 01:32:11,250
Excuse me. Pardon me.
2121
01:32:11,333 --> 01:32:12,666
- Jackson!
- [woman] Ma'am.
2122
01:32:13,875 --> 01:32:16,291
Jackson!
2123
01:32:16,375 --> 01:32:18,625
[audience cheering]
2124
01:32:18,708 --> 01:32:20,708
- Jackson!
- [Abby] Jackson!
2125
01:32:20,791 --> 01:32:22,708
- Jackson!
- Jackson!
2126
01:32:22,791 --> 01:32:25,250
[choir] Jackson
2127
01:32:30,958 --> 01:32:31,791
Hi.
2128
01:32:35,166 --> 01:32:36,166
I just...
2129
01:32:37,791 --> 01:32:38,625
Oh!
2130
01:32:39,208 --> 01:32:40,208
Thank you.
2131
01:32:43,500 --> 01:32:44,875
I just wanna say I fucked up.
2132
01:32:44,958 --> 01:32:46,416
[microphone feeds back]
2133
01:32:46,500 --> 01:32:47,791
Oh, God.
2134
01:32:47,875 --> 01:32:49,958
Um, sorry, kids.
2135
01:32:50,291 --> 01:32:52,000
[chuckles] Don't say that at home.
2136
01:32:53,000 --> 01:32:53,875
Um...
2137
01:32:56,125 --> 01:32:57,125
Okay.
2138
01:32:58,458 --> 01:32:59,625
What I wanna say is...
2139
01:33:00,583 --> 01:33:01,625
Is, um...
2140
01:33:02,041 --> 01:33:03,750
It's really, really hot in here.
2141
01:33:03,833 --> 01:33:04,750
Huh!
2142
01:33:05,208 --> 01:33:06,250
Hot.
2143
01:33:07,125 --> 01:33:08,250
Okay.
2144
01:33:08,333 --> 01:33:10,541
Look, what I'm trying to say...
2145
01:33:11,750 --> 01:33:14,791
Is I've had more fun
with you in the last year
2146
01:33:14,875 --> 01:33:17,416
than I've had with my loser
ex-boyfriends combined.
2147
01:33:17,500 --> 01:33:19,250
[crowd chuckles]
2148
01:33:21,416 --> 01:33:22,458
You were right.
2149
01:33:24,208 --> 01:33:25,708
I do have feelings for you.
2150
01:33:32,083 --> 01:33:32,916
And I fuck...
2151
01:33:33,666 --> 01:33:34,833
[crowd murmurs]
2152
01:33:35,250 --> 01:33:36,750
...messed it up...
2153
01:33:39,375 --> 01:33:40,875
because I was scared.
2154
01:33:40,958 --> 01:33:42,083
[crowd] Aw!
2155
01:33:43,166 --> 01:33:44,541
Letting you go
2156
01:33:44,875 --> 01:33:47,416
has been one of the biggest mistakes
of my life.
2157
01:33:48,958 --> 01:33:49,791
[sighs]
2158
01:33:52,041 --> 01:33:54,041
I miss you so much.
2159
01:33:57,041 --> 01:33:57,916
[sighs]
2160
01:33:58,041 --> 01:34:00,875
I miss you so much
that I totally quit smoking.
2161
01:34:01,458 --> 01:34:04,500
And candy is only mildly comforting.
2162
01:34:05,958 --> 01:34:09,083
- You've ruined all my vices for me.
- Hmm.
2163
01:34:12,916 --> 01:34:13,750
[sighs]
2164
01:34:14,708 --> 01:34:17,083
I thought I wanted a holidate,
2165
01:34:19,166 --> 01:34:20,666
but the truth is...
2166
01:34:22,125 --> 01:34:23,333
I just want you.
2167
01:34:24,666 --> 01:34:26,000
For all holidays.
2168
01:34:26,791 --> 01:34:28,000
And weekends.
2169
01:34:28,625 --> 01:34:30,666
And weekdays too would be nice.
2170
01:34:34,500 --> 01:34:37,250
- [Santa sniffs]
- I know I'm probably too late,
2171
01:34:37,333 --> 01:34:40,000
but honestly,
2172
01:34:42,625 --> 01:34:45,208
you're the only one
I'd wanna go through chemo with.
2173
01:34:45,291 --> 01:34:46,333
[crowd gasps]
2174
01:34:49,000 --> 01:34:51,250
Oh. No, no, no. No. I'm... I'm fine.
2175
01:34:51,666 --> 01:34:52,833
It's a long story.
2176
01:34:52,916 --> 01:34:54,750
[crowd sighs]
2177
01:34:56,583 --> 01:34:57,500
[chuckles]
2178
01:34:58,750 --> 01:35:00,541
If it's any consolation,
2179
01:35:01,875 --> 01:35:04,541
it really was
the worst Thanksgiving of my life.
2180
01:35:10,416 --> 01:35:12,375
That was an opening, by the way.
2181
01:35:13,250 --> 01:35:14,083
[sighs]
2182
01:35:14,791 --> 01:35:15,750
[chuckles]
2183
01:35:23,666 --> 01:35:24,750
Nah.
2184
01:35:24,833 --> 01:35:28,375
[crowd gasping, murmuring]
2185
01:35:33,750 --> 01:35:36,041
[romantic Christmas music playing]
2186
01:35:40,291 --> 01:35:41,875
[crowd] Aw!
2187
01:35:47,416 --> 01:35:49,750
[crowd cheering]
2188
01:35:51,958 --> 01:35:53,416
That speech was cockamamie.
2189
01:35:55,708 --> 01:35:57,708
[choir sings "Joy To The World"]
2190
01:35:59,250 --> 01:36:01,041
♪ Joy to the world... ♪
2191
01:36:01,291 --> 01:36:02,208
[Daisy] Yay!
2192
01:36:02,916 --> 01:36:06,125
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2193
01:36:06,541 --> 01:36:08,250
♪ Joy to the world... ♪
2194
01:36:08,333 --> 01:36:10,166
- How about New Year's Eve?
- Yes!
2195
01:36:10,250 --> 01:36:12,000
♪ Joy ♪
2196
01:36:12,083 --> 01:36:15,250
["Dancing on Top of the World" playing]
2197
01:36:15,333 --> 01:36:16,333
♪ All right ♪
2198
01:36:16,416 --> 01:36:18,333
♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪
2199
01:36:18,416 --> 01:36:19,625
♪ I'm dancing ♪
2200
01:36:19,708 --> 01:36:20,708
♪ Hey ♪
2201
01:36:20,791 --> 01:36:23,291
♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪
2202
01:36:23,375 --> 01:36:25,458
♪ All rightDancing on top of the world ♪
2203
01:36:25,541 --> 01:36:27,666
♪ I'm dancin', I'm dancin' ♪
2204
01:36:27,750 --> 01:36:29,750
♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪
2205
01:36:29,833 --> 01:36:31,750
♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪
2206
01:36:31,833 --> 01:36:34,000
♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪
2207
01:36:34,625 --> 01:36:36,041
♪ On top, top ♪
2208
01:36:36,125 --> 01:36:37,958
♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪
2209
01:36:38,041 --> 01:36:40,041
♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪
2210
01:36:40,125 --> 01:36:42,125
♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪
2211
01:36:43,041 --> 01:36:44,958
♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪
2212
01:36:46,083 --> 01:36:46,916
♪ Yeah ♪
2213
01:36:47,500 --> 01:36:48,833
- ♪ Oh ♪
- ♪ Roll the dice ♪
2214
01:36:48,916 --> 01:36:49,958
♪ Accept your fate ♪
2215
01:36:50,041 --> 01:36:51,750
♪ No new friends, no holidate ♪
2216
01:36:51,833 --> 01:36:54,166
♪ Vacation's all I ever wanted ♪
2217
01:36:54,250 --> 01:36:55,916
♪ Just me and you
Let's get away ♪
2218
01:36:56,000 --> 01:36:58,083
♪ Play on the white-sand beaches ♪
2219
01:36:58,166 --> 01:37:00,250
♪ Road trip hit
To look for breeches ♪
2220
01:37:00,333 --> 01:37:02,250
♪ Imagination, take flight ♪
2221
01:37:02,333 --> 01:37:04,333
♪ Roll to the left
No need to swipe right ♪
2222
01:37:04,416 --> 01:37:05,458
♪ Hey ♪
2223
01:37:05,541 --> 01:37:08,250
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
2224
01:37:08,333 --> 01:37:09,458
- ♪ All right ♪
- ♪ All right ♪
2225
01:37:09,541 --> 01:37:12,125
- ♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪
- ♪ I'm dancing, I'm dancing ♪
2226
01:37:12,208 --> 01:37:13,541
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
2227
01:37:13,625 --> 01:37:16,250
♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪
2228
01:37:16,333 --> 01:37:17,416
♪ All right, all right ♪
2229
01:37:17,500 --> 01:37:20,333
- ♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪
- ♪ I'm dancing, I'm dancing ♪
2230
01:37:20,416 --> 01:37:22,708
- ♪ All right ♪
- ♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪
2231
01:37:22,791 --> 01:37:24,541
♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪
2232
01:37:24,625 --> 01:37:26,708
♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪
2233
01:37:27,541 --> 01:37:28,750
- ♪ On top, top ♪
- ♪ All right ♪
2234
01:37:28,833 --> 01:37:30,708
♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪
2235
01:37:30,791 --> 01:37:32,750
♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪
2236
01:37:32,833 --> 01:37:34,833
♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪
2237
01:37:34,916 --> 01:37:37,041
{\an8}♪ I'm dancing on top of the world ♪
2238
01:37:37,125 --> 01:37:38,875
♪ It says two, but I'll take four ♪
2239
01:37:38,958 --> 01:37:40,833
♪ Come uptown, I'll give you a tour ♪
2240
01:37:40,916 --> 01:37:42,791
♪ Oh, new year, new place ♪
2241
01:37:42,875 --> 01:37:45,041
♪ Fireworks, exotic spaces ♪
2242
01:37:45,125 --> 01:37:47,041
♪ Free fallin', Vegas, ballin' ♪
2243
01:37:47,125 --> 01:37:49,083
♪ Burn the midnight oil
All-in ♪
2244
01:37:49,666 --> 01:37:50,833
♪ Leave a permanent mark ♪
2245
01:37:50,916 --> 01:37:53,750
♪ And let's reignite that, huh
Permanent spark ♪
2246
01:37:53,833 --> 01:37:56,875
- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪
2247
01:37:56,958 --> 01:37:58,166
- ♪ All right ♪
- ♪ All right ♪
2248
01:37:58,250 --> 01:38:00,041
♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪
2249
01:38:00,125 --> 01:38:02,291
- ♪ I'm dancin', I'm dancin' ♪
- ♪ Hey ♪
2250
01:38:02,375 --> 01:38:05,041
- ♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
2251
01:38:05,125 --> 01:38:06,250
{\an8}- ♪ All right ♪
- ♪ All right ♪
2252
01:38:06,333 --> 01:38:09,041
{\an8}- ♪ Dancing on top of the world ♪
- ♪ I'm dancin', I'm dancin' ♪
2253
01:38:09,125 --> 01:38:11,208
{\an8}- ♪ All right ♪
- ♪ Dancin' on top of the world ♪
2254
01:38:11,291 --> 01:38:13,250
{\an8}- ♪ Oh, yeah, ♪
- ♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪
2255
01:38:13,333 --> 01:38:15,416
{\an8}♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪
2256
01:38:15,500 --> 01:38:17,375
{\an8}♪ Trip, on top, top ♪
2257
01:38:17,458 --> 01:38:19,458
{\an8}- ♪ All right ♪
- ♪ Dancin' on top of the world ♪
2258
01:38:19,541 --> 01:38:21,541
{\an8}♪ You'd be my favorite girl ♪
2259
01:38:21,625 --> 01:38:23,875
{\an8}- ♪ All right ♪
- ♪ Drippin' in diamonds and pearls ♪
2260
01:38:23,958 --> 01:38:26,416
{\an8}- ♪ I'm dancing on top of the world ♪
- ♪ Dancin' ♪
2261
01:38:26,500 --> 01:38:29,500
♪ I'm dancing on top of the world ♪
2262
01:38:29,875 --> 01:38:31,958
["Joy To The World" playing]
2263
01:38:33,541 --> 01:38:35,541
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2264
01:38:37,166 --> 01:38:40,583
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2265
01:38:40,750 --> 01:38:42,750
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2266
01:38:44,458 --> 01:38:47,875
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2267
01:38:48,041 --> 01:38:50,041
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2268
01:38:51,750 --> 01:38:55,125
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2269
01:38:55,375 --> 01:38:56,958
♪ Joy ♪
2270
01:38:57,250 --> 01:39:00,625
♪ Joy to the worldthe Lord is come ♪
2271
01:39:04,500 --> 01:39:08,250
♪ Joy to the worldReceive her king ♪
2272
01:39:11,833 --> 01:39:14,666
♪ Let every heart ♪
2273
01:39:15,500 --> 01:39:18,083
♪ Prepare him room ♪
2274
01:39:18,208 --> 01:39:21,875
♪ And Heaven and nature sing ♪
2275
01:39:22,250 --> 01:39:24,458
♪ Heaven and nature sing ♪
2276
01:39:24,541 --> 01:39:26,375
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2277
01:39:33,666 --> 01:39:37,333
♪ Joy to the worldThe Savior reigns ♪
2278
01:39:40,916 --> 01:39:44,583
♪ Let everyone this songs employ ♪
2279
01:39:48,208 --> 01:39:51,000
♪ While fields and floods ♪
2280
01:39:51,875 --> 01:39:54,375
♪ Rocks, hills and plains ♪
2281
01:39:54,583 --> 01:39:58,250
♪ Repeat the sounding joy ♪
2282
01:39:58,666 --> 01:40:02,583
♪ Repeat the sounding joyJoy to the world ♪
2283
01:40:02,666 --> 01:40:06,250
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2284
01:40:06,333 --> 01:40:08,208
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2285
01:40:09,958 --> 01:40:13,458
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2286
01:40:13,541 --> 01:40:15,333
♪ Joy ♪
2287
01:40:15,416 --> 01:40:19,166
♪ Joy to the worldThe Lord is come ♪
2288
01:40:22,791 --> 01:40:26,458
♪ Joy to the worldReceive her King ♪
2289
01:40:29,583 --> 01:40:32,833
♪ Wonders of his love ♪
2290
01:40:33,208 --> 01:40:36,416
♪ Wonders of his love ♪
2291
01:40:37,208 --> 01:40:38,708
♪ Joyful, joyful ♪
2292
01:40:40,916 --> 01:40:42,416
♪ Joyful, joyful ♪
2293
01:40:44,500 --> 01:40:46,083
♪ Joyful, joyful ♪
2294
01:40:48,083 --> 01:40:49,666
♪ Joyful, joyful ♪
2295
01:40:51,791 --> 01:40:53,291
♪ Joyful, joyful ♪
2296
01:40:55,250 --> 01:40:56,916
♪ Joyful, joyful ♪
2297
01:40:59,083 --> 01:41:00,583
♪ Joyful, joyful ♪
2298
01:41:02,708 --> 01:41:04,166
♪ Joyful, joyful ♪
2299
01:41:04,583 --> 01:41:07,833
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2300
01:41:08,125 --> 01:41:10,125
♪ The Lord is come ♪
2301
01:41:11,750 --> 01:41:15,166
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2302
01:41:15,500 --> 01:41:17,500
♪ Receive her king ♪
2303
01:41:19,000 --> 01:41:22,333
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2304
01:41:22,666 --> 01:41:24,666
♪ The Lord is come ♪
2305
01:41:26,333 --> 01:41:29,833
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2306
01:41:29,916 --> 01:41:31,916
♪ Joy to the world ♪
2307
01:41:32,666 --> 01:41:35,166
[soft instrumental music playing]
163376
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