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1
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,478
OOH, HE'S SO ADORABLE.
2
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:10,540
IT MAKES ME WANT
TO HAVE ANOTHER...
3
00:00:10,541 --> 00:00:12,611
All: NO!
4
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:15,093
FAMILY PHOTO TAKEN.
5
00:00:15,086 --> 00:00:16,616
OH.
6
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,187
OKAY, GUYS, LISTEN UP.
7
00:00:18,189 --> 00:00:22,119
IF YOU COULD DESCRIBE ME
IN ONE WORD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
8
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,553
JUST SAY THE FIRST THING
THAT COMES TO YOUR MIND.
9
00:00:23,554 --> 00:00:25,504
- GO.
- SPIRITED.
10
00:00:25,496 --> 00:00:26,796
- ANNOYING.
- PUSHY.
11
00:00:26,797 --> 00:00:27,797
SAUSAGE.
12
00:00:27,798 --> 00:00:30,728
DAD, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
13
00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:35,071
THAT I WANT MORE SAUSA--
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
14
00:00:35,066 --> 00:00:37,236
WHAT'S WITH
ALL THE QUESTIONS?
15
00:00:37,238 --> 00:00:39,108
OH, IT'S FOR
MY COLLEGE APPLICATIONS.
16
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:41,140
I'M WORKING ON THE MOST
IMPORTANT PART OF ALL--
17
00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,672
THE PERSONAL ESSAY.
18
00:00:42,673 --> 00:00:44,653
SO I HAVE TO WRITE IT
BASED ON ONE OF THESE TOPICS.
19
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:47,215
A SINGLE PAGE.
IT COULD DETERMINE
MY ENTIRE FUTURE.
20
00:00:47,218 --> 00:00:51,218
500 WORDS THAT SUM UP
THE ESSENCE OF TEDDY DUNCAN.
21
00:00:51,222 --> 00:00:52,652
- LONG-WINDED.
- BORING.
22
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,653
SAUSAGE.
23
00:00:55,426 --> 00:00:57,556
WELL, I STILL HAVEN'T
GOT MY SAUSAGE.
24
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,528
OKAY, TOPIC NUMBER TWO.
25
00:00:59,530 --> 00:01:03,230
WHO IS THE MOST INFLUENTIAL
PERSON IN YOUR LIFE?
26
00:01:03,234 --> 00:01:04,744
HELLO?
27
00:01:04,735 --> 00:01:07,395
MOM, WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?
28
00:01:07,398 --> 00:01:08,568
OH, I'M SORRY.
29
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,299
WOULD YOU PREFER TA-DA,
OR DING, DING, DING,
30
00:01:11,302 --> 00:01:13,472
OR YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER?
31
00:01:13,474 --> 00:01:15,454
HOW 'BOUT "NOT GONNA HAPPEN"?
32
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,147
( rock music playing )
33
00:01:18,149 --> 00:01:19,549
♪ TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST ♪
34
00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:21,510
♪ RUNNING LATE
AND DAD JOKES ♪
35
00:01:21,512 --> 00:01:24,392
♪ "HAS ANYBODY
SEEN MY LEFT SHOE?" ♪
36
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,285
♪ I CLOSE MY EYES,
TAKE A BITE ♪
37
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:27,687
♪ GRAB A RIDE,
LAUGH OUT LOUD ♪
38
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,688
♪ THERE IT IS
UP ON THE ROOF ♪
39
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:34,402
♪ I'VE BEEN THERE,
I SURVIVED ♪
40
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:37,565
♪ SO JUST TAKE
MY ADVICE ♪
41
00:01:37,568 --> 00:01:39,568
♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY ♪
42
00:01:39,570 --> 00:01:41,270
♪ THINGS ARE CRAZY ♪
43
00:01:41,272 --> 00:01:44,142
♪ BUT I KNOW
YOUR FUTURE'S BRIGHT ♪
44
00:01:44,135 --> 00:01:45,775
♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY ♪
45
00:01:45,776 --> 00:01:47,576
♪ THERE'S NO MAYBE ♪
46
00:01:47,578 --> 00:01:50,508
♪ EVERYTHING
TURNS OUT ALL RIGHT ♪
47
00:01:50,511 --> 00:01:52,511
♪ SURE LIFE
IS UP AND DOWN ♪
48
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:56,553
♪ BUT TRUST ME,
IT COMES BACK AROUND ♪
49
00:01:56,547 --> 00:02:00,487
♪ YOU'RE GONNA LOVE
WHO YOU TURN OUT TO BE ♪
50
00:02:01,492 --> 00:02:04,502
♪ HANG IN THERE, BABY. ♪
51
00:02:11,862 --> 00:02:13,362
HEY, GUYS,
52
00:02:13,364 --> 00:02:14,474
CHECK THIS OUT.
53
00:02:14,465 --> 00:02:16,735
A.V.M. IS COMING TO COLORADO.
54
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,767
HEY, THAT'S GREAT, DAD.
55
00:02:18,769 --> 00:02:20,269
WHAT'S A.V.M.?
56
00:02:20,271 --> 00:02:24,281
TEDDY, HOW MANY TIMES
HAVE WE TALKED ABOUT THIS?
57
00:02:24,275 --> 00:02:26,215
NO FOLLOW-UP QUESTIONS.
58
00:02:27,518 --> 00:02:31,718
A.V.M. STANDS FOR
ANIMAL, VEGETABLE, MINERAL--
59
00:02:31,722 --> 00:02:33,782
ONE OF THE GREATEST BANDS
OF THE '80s.
60
00:02:35,286 --> 00:02:37,426
THEY WERE A LITTLE BIT PUNK,
A LITTLE BIT METAL,
61
00:02:37,428 --> 00:02:38,558
A LITTLE BIT GLAM.
62
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,789
I'M A LITTLE BIT BORED.
63
00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:43,391
AND I SCORED TWO TICKETS.
64
00:02:43,394 --> 00:02:45,704
SO WHO WANTS
TO COME WITH ME?
65
00:02:45,696 --> 00:02:47,496
OH DAD, I'D LOVE TO,
66
00:02:47,498 --> 00:02:49,298
BUT I HAVE TO WORK
ON MY COLLEGE ESSAY.
67
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:50,540
OH, YEAH.
68
00:02:50,541 --> 00:02:52,401
AND YOU KNOW I PROBABLY
SHOULD START MINE TOO.
69
00:02:52,403 --> 00:02:54,283
IT'S ONLY FOUR YEARS AWAY.
70
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,805
YOU KNOW WHAT?
71
00:02:56,807 --> 00:02:59,877
YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE MISSING.
72
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,750
HEY, GUYS.
73
00:03:01,752 --> 00:03:03,182
HEY, PJ.
74
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:05,293
- OH, HEY, DAD'S IN THE KITCHEN.
- ( shushing )
75
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:08,786
IF PJ WANTS TO GO
INTO THE KITCHEN,
76
00:03:08,789 --> 00:03:11,889
LET HIM GO
INTO THE KITCHEN.
77
00:03:13,364 --> 00:03:16,234
( murmurs )
78
00:03:16,227 --> 00:03:18,497
I FEEL SO DIRTY.
79
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,769
IT GETS EASIER.
80
00:03:20,771 --> 00:03:22,531
REALLY?
81
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,707
( doorbell rings )
82
00:03:30,741 --> 00:03:31,911
ARE YOU GABE DUNCAN?
83
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,942
THAT DEPENDS.
WHO ARE YOU?
84
00:03:33,944 --> 00:03:35,324
MY NAME'S DEVON.
85
00:03:35,316 --> 00:03:38,586
ARE YOU GONNA
SERVE ME WITH PAPERS?
86
00:03:38,589 --> 00:03:40,289
NO.
87
00:03:40,291 --> 00:03:42,791
I GO TO YOUR OLD SCHOOL,
LINCOLN ELEMENTARY.
88
00:03:42,793 --> 00:03:44,333
IT'S AN HONOR
TO MEET YOU, SIR.
89
00:03:44,325 --> 00:03:46,395
YOUR PRANKS ARE LEGENDARY.
90
00:03:46,397 --> 00:03:47,757
IT'S DEVON, YOU SAY?
91
00:03:47,758 --> 00:03:48,758
THAT'S RIGHT.
92
00:03:48,759 --> 00:03:50,759
COME ON IN, DEVON.
93
00:03:50,761 --> 00:03:52,361
I CAN'T BELIEVE
IT'S REALLY YOU.
94
00:03:52,363 --> 00:03:54,413
YOU KNOW PEOPLE STILL
TALK ABOUT
95
00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:56,765
THE GREAT TOILET PAPER CAPER.
96
00:03:56,767 --> 00:04:00,307
UH-HUH, ONE OF
MY PROUDEST MOMENTS.
97
00:04:00,311 --> 00:04:02,271
YOU KNOW I MADE
THE PRINCIPAL CRY.
98
00:04:02,273 --> 00:04:04,653
YOU CAN'T PUT A PRICE
ON THAT.
99
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:08,345
I'M HERE BECAUSE
I NEED YOUR HELP.
100
00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:10,019
I WANT TO PRANK
ONE OF MY TEACHERS.
101
00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:11,620
OH, SORRY, KID.
102
00:04:11,622 --> 00:04:13,282
MY PRANKING DAYS ARE OVER.
103
00:04:13,284 --> 00:04:14,364
BUT HEY,
104
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:16,585
THANKS FOR THE TRIP
DOWN MEMORY LANE.
105
00:04:16,587 --> 00:04:19,427
TOO BAD.
I WAS REALLY HOPING
TO GET MR. SINGER.
106
00:04:19,430 --> 00:04:21,960
( dramatic Western theme )
107
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:24,802
SINGER.
108
00:04:24,795 --> 00:04:26,395
MR. SINGER.
109
00:04:26,397 --> 00:04:28,037
I THOUGHT I'D NEVER HAVE
TO HEAR THAT NAME AGAIN.
110
00:04:28,038 --> 00:04:29,398
YOU KNOW HIM?
111
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,440
HE WAS THE MEANEST TEACHER
I EVER HAD.
112
00:04:31,442 --> 00:04:34,042
I CREATED THE DUNCAN DUNK
JUST FOR HIM.
113
00:04:34,044 --> 00:04:35,684
THE DUNCAN DUNK?
114
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:39,046
IT REALLY DOES EXIST?
I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A MYTH.
115
00:04:39,049 --> 00:04:43,279
I DROPPED A BUCKET OF GLOP
ON HIM SO FOUL SMELLING,
116
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,923
HIS WIFE MADE HIM LIVE
IN THE GARAGE FOR A MONTH.
117
00:04:45,916 --> 00:04:48,956
BUT HE PAID ME BACK.
118
00:04:48,959 --> 00:04:51,559
HE MADE THE REST OF MY 4th GRADE
YEAR A LIVING NIGHTMARE.
119
00:04:51,562 --> 00:04:53,462
HE'S DOING THE SAME THING
TO ME.
120
00:04:53,464 --> 00:04:56,334
I WANT TO GET HIM.
I WANT TO GET HIM BAD.
121
00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:58,297
I LIKE YOUR SPIRIT, KID.
122
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,428
BUT ARE YOU PREPARED
TO DO WHAT IT TAKES?
123
00:05:00,431 --> 00:05:02,901
THE HARD WORK?
THE METICULOUS PREPARATION?
124
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,073
THE TIRELESS TRAINING?
125
00:05:04,074 --> 00:05:05,414
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
126
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,336
WE'RE GONNA NEED
ABOUT AN HOUR.
127
00:05:07,338 --> 00:05:09,438
COME BACK TOMORROW
AFTER SCHOOL.
128
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:11,310
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL BE HERE.
129
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,441
GABE DUNCAN.
130
00:05:15,686 --> 00:05:18,316
( sighs ) JUST WHEN
I THOUGHT I WAS OUT,
131
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:20,388
THEY PULL ME BACK IN.
132
00:05:25,396 --> 00:05:27,626
( Teddy's voice )
OKAY, TOPIC NUMBER THREE:
133
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,028
CHOOSE YOUR
MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT
134
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,099
AND WRITE ABOUT HOW
THE EXPERIENCE AFFECTED YOU.
135
00:05:31,101 --> 00:05:33,101
MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT.
136
00:05:33,103 --> 00:05:36,343
MOST EMBARRASSING
MOMENT...
137
00:05:45,816 --> 00:05:47,416
NOTHING THERE.
138
00:05:47,418 --> 00:05:50,018
NEXT QUESTION.
DESCRIBE YOUR FAMILY
139
00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:52,120
AND THE IMPACT
THEY'VE HAD ON YOUR LIFE.
140
00:06:00,591 --> 00:06:04,501
WAY TOO MUCH THERE.
141
00:06:04,495 --> 00:06:05,765
HEY, HONEY.
142
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,096
- HOW'S IT GOING?
- NOT TOO GOOD.
143
00:06:08,098 --> 00:06:11,398
STILL CAN'T THINK OF A TOPIC
FOR MY COLLEGE ESSAY.
144
00:06:11,402 --> 00:06:13,002
TOO BAD YOU DON'T HAVE ONE.
145
00:06:13,003 --> 00:06:14,813
OH, BUT YOU DO.
146
00:06:17,408 --> 00:06:19,548
"MY MOTHER: MY STAR"?
147
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:24,761
"THE MOST INFLUENTIAL
PERSON I KNOW
148
00:06:24,755 --> 00:06:26,915
IS A LADY WITH SPARKLE
AND GLOW.
149
00:06:26,917 --> 00:06:29,517
SHE MAY NOT BE TALL,
BUT SHE'S GOT IT ALL.
150
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:31,590
SHE EVEN APPEARS ON A SHOW.
151
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,562
GOOD MORNING, DENVER.
WEEKDAYS AT 8:00."
152
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,896
HOW MANY ESSAYS ARE GONNA
OPEN WITH A LIMERICK?
153
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:41,429
INCLUDING MINE?
NONE.
154
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,914
YOU'LL BE BACK.
155
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,906
IT'S YOUR ROOM.
156
00:06:52,042 --> 00:06:53,082
HEY, CHARLIE.
157
00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:54,453
WHERE YOU GOING?
158
00:06:54,445 --> 00:06:55,445
TO A CONCERT.
159
00:06:55,446 --> 00:06:57,416
THE GURGLES?
160
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,417
( sighs )
I WISH.
161
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,589
NO, IT'S SOME OLD BAND
DAD LOVES.
162
00:07:01,592 --> 00:07:03,452
I'M SORRY.
163
00:07:03,454 --> 00:07:05,164
WELL, I'M NOT.
164
00:07:05,155 --> 00:07:07,125
DAD DOES A LOT
OF NICE THINGS FOR ME,
165
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,657
FOR ALL OF US.
166
00:07:09,660 --> 00:07:11,800
I'M GLAD I HAVE A CHANCE
TO DO SOMETHING FOR HIM.
167
00:07:11,802 --> 00:07:12,862
Bob: YOU READY, PJ?
168
00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:19,208
YOU NEVER MAKE IT EASY,
DO YOU, DAD?
169
00:07:21,712 --> 00:07:22,712
WHO'S THAT?
170
00:07:28,479 --> 00:07:31,649
SO MR. SINGER ALWAYS
ENTERS HIS CLASSROOM
171
00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:33,222
FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
172
00:07:33,223 --> 00:07:35,133
SO THE BUCKET MUST BE
IN PLACE THE NIGHT BEFORE,
173
00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:36,155
WHICH IS TONIGHT.
174
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,456
GOT IT.
175
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:40,157
DO YOU?
176
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,830
WHAT ANGLE SHOULD
THE BUCKET BE PLACED AT?
177
00:07:43,834 --> 00:07:45,574
UM...
178
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:46,936
I-- I DON'T KNOW.
179
00:07:48,699 --> 00:07:51,739
YOU DON'T KNOW.
180
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:55,483
I GUESS YOU DON'T
"GOT IT," DO YOU?
181
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,805
NO, SIR, I DON'T.
182
00:07:57,808 --> 00:08:01,248
THE BUCKET HAS TO BE
AT A 45-DEGREE ANGLE.
183
00:08:01,251 --> 00:08:04,521
AND THE DOOR HAS TO BE
OPEN EXACTLY 3 INCHES.
184
00:08:04,515 --> 00:08:06,785
NOT TWO. NOT FOUR.
185
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:07,887
THREE.
186
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:11,058
45 DEGREES,
3 INCHES.
187
00:08:11,061 --> 00:08:13,191
REMEMBER-- PRANKING
IS NOT JUST AN ART,
188
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,633
IT'S ALSO A SCIENCE.
189
00:08:14,625 --> 00:08:16,925
I SHOULD KNOW.
I CAME UP WITH THIS PRANK
190
00:08:16,927 --> 00:08:19,527
WHILE FLUNKING
ART AND SCIENCE.
191
00:08:19,530 --> 00:08:22,030
I'M FLUNKING THOSE TOO!
192
00:08:22,032 --> 00:08:24,232
NO WAY. NICE!
193
00:08:24,234 --> 00:08:25,584
OKAY.
194
00:08:25,576 --> 00:08:27,136
NOW LET'S TALK GLOP.
195
00:08:27,137 --> 00:08:29,137
HERE ARE YOUR INGREDIENTS:
196
00:08:29,139 --> 00:08:32,809
WATER-BASED PAINT,
TUNA OIL FOR THE SMELL,
197
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:35,153
MOLASSES FOR
THE CONSISTENCY,
198
00:08:35,145 --> 00:08:37,685
AND OF COURSE,
PANCAKE BATTER.
199
00:08:37,688 --> 00:08:38,888
PANCAKE BATTER?
200
00:08:38,889 --> 00:08:40,189
IF THERE'S A BETTER WAY
201
00:08:40,190 --> 00:08:41,690
TO HOLD
CHICKEN GIZZARDS TOGETHER,
202
00:08:41,692 --> 00:08:42,852
I HAVE NOT HEARD IT.
203
00:08:45,195 --> 00:08:46,855
THERE'S ONE MORE THING.
204
00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:53,662
WOW.
205
00:08:53,664 --> 00:08:56,214
ONE OF YOUR FAMOUS
SKULL HOODIES.
206
00:08:56,206 --> 00:08:58,206
I WANT YOU
TO WEAR THAT TOMORROW.
207
00:08:58,208 --> 00:09:00,768
WHEN MR. SINGER WIPES AWAY
THAT BLINDING GLOB,
208
00:09:00,771 --> 00:09:03,211
I WANT THE FIRST THING
HE SEES TO BE THAT SKULL.
209
00:09:03,213 --> 00:09:05,053
THEN HE'LL KNOW.
210
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,115
( dramatic Western theme )
211
00:09:10,781 --> 00:09:12,281
WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, SIR,
212
00:09:12,282 --> 00:09:13,722
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?
213
00:09:13,724 --> 00:09:15,264
YOU KNOW, I HAVE NO IDEA.
214
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,625
I COME FROM
A REALLY NICE FAMILY.
215
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,743
( rock music playing )
216
00:09:28,298 --> 00:09:32,198
HA! I AM SO READY TO ROCK.
217
00:09:32,202 --> 00:09:36,252
OKAY, LET ME TELL YOU
A LITTLE BIT ABOUT A.V.M.
218
00:09:36,246 --> 00:09:38,146
LITTLE AS POSSIBLE, PLEASE.
219
00:09:38,148 --> 00:09:39,908
BOYS IN THE BAND.
220
00:09:39,910 --> 00:09:44,990
YOU GOT MINERAL A.K.A.
LEGENDARY DRUMMER CLIFF LEDGE.
221
00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:50,155
THEN THERE'S LEAD SINGER
VEGETABLE A.K.A.
RUSSELL SPROUTS.
222
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,190
WHAT'S ANIMAL'S NAME?
223
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:53,192
STEVE.
224
00:09:55,766 --> 00:09:58,826
OH, MAN.
THIS TRAFFIC IS AWFUL.
225
00:09:58,829 --> 00:10:00,969
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
226
00:10:00,971 --> 00:10:03,601
GOOD THING YOUR OLD MAN
KNOWS A SHORTCUT.
227
00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:06,283
OH...
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS?
228
00:10:06,276 --> 00:10:07,806
SHOULDN'T WE STAY
ON THE MAIN ROAD?
229
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:10,008
NO!
WE CAN'T BE LATE.
230
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:13,180
THEY OPEN EVERY SHOW
WITH THEIR HAUNTING BALLAD
"SHE'S A HEIFER."
231
00:10:15,145 --> 00:10:17,215
THE SONG ALWAYS MAKES ME CRY.
232
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:25,732
FIRST OF ALL,
LET ME JUST SAY...
233
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,126
WELCOME, NEIGHBORS.
234
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,697
THANK YOU FOR COMING.
235
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,161
AS I'M SURE YOU ALL KNOW,
236
00:10:33,163 --> 00:10:35,373
I AM APPLYING TO COLLEGE.
237
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,908
WELL, I AM.
238
00:10:41,912 --> 00:10:45,322
SO I'VE DECIDED TO WRITE
MY COLLEGE ESSAY ON THE TOPIC
239
00:10:45,315 --> 00:10:48,015
"HOW HAVE MY NEIGHBORS
SHAPED ME
240
00:10:48,018 --> 00:10:49,218
INTO THE PERSON I AM TODAY?"
241
00:10:49,219 --> 00:10:51,149
AND THAT'S WHERE
YOU GUYS COME IN.
242
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,981
I HAVE A QUESTION.
243
00:10:52,983 --> 00:10:54,283
WHO ARE THEY?
244
00:10:55,686 --> 00:10:57,156
THEY'RE YOUR NEIGHBORS, BERT.
245
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,987
HENCE THE WORDS,
"WELCOME, NEIGHBORS."
246
00:11:01,892 --> 00:11:04,032
I'M ESTELLE DABNEY.
247
00:11:04,034 --> 00:11:06,804
AND I'M DEBBIE DOOLEY.
HOW YOU DOING?
248
00:11:06,797 --> 00:11:09,197
HOW AM I DOING?
YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?
249
00:11:09,199 --> 00:11:11,999
IT'S JUST A CATCHPHRASE I USE,
250
00:11:12,002 --> 00:11:15,712
SO... NO, THANKS.
251
00:11:15,706 --> 00:11:17,776
LADIES, THIS IS BERT DUGAN.
252
00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:19,178
I KNOW WHO HE IS.
253
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:22,749
HE MOWS HIS LAWN
IN THOSE TINY SHORTS.
254
00:11:22,753 --> 00:11:23,953
( shudders )
255
00:11:26,216 --> 00:11:30,886
YOU KNOW WHAT I ALWAYS THINK
IS A FUN FASHION OPTION?
256
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:32,821
PANTS.
257
00:11:34,324 --> 00:11:37,404
OKAY, ALL RIGHT, WE'RE GETTING
A LITTLE BIT OFF TOPIC.
258
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,797
LET'S GET BACK TO THE SHAPING.
259
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,100
OKAY, SO,
260
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:45,212
WHAT'S THE MOST VALUABLE
LIFE LESSON YOU'VE LEARNED?
261
00:11:45,205 --> 00:11:47,105
NEVER MARRY A REDHEAD.
262
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:48,437
OR A DEPUTY.
263
00:11:48,438 --> 00:11:51,438
OR FRED DABNEY.
264
00:11:51,441 --> 00:11:53,381
OKAY, GUYS, LOOK,
265
00:11:53,383 --> 00:11:55,793
WE'VE BEEN LIVING NEXT TO EACH
OTHER FOR ALL THESE YEARS.
266
00:11:55,786 --> 00:12:00,446
THERE MUST BE SOME SORT OF
IMPACT WE'VE HAD ON
EACH OTHER'S LIVES.
267
00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:02,150
I'D LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING.
268
00:12:02,152 --> 00:12:04,052
GREAT, BERT, GET US STARTED.
269
00:12:04,054 --> 00:12:06,104
YOUR CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
ARE STILL UP.
270
00:12:06,096 --> 00:12:10,896
UP LIKE THOSE TINY,
TINY SHORTS YOU WEAR.
271
00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:12,361
WHY, IT'S LIKE
THE SOUTH OF FRANCE
272
00:12:12,362 --> 00:12:14,302
RIGHT HERE IN DENVER.
273
00:12:15,906 --> 00:12:17,806
AS LONG
AS WE'RE COMPLAINING,
274
00:12:17,808 --> 00:12:20,168
WHY DO YOU LEAVE
YOUR TRASH CANS ON THE STREET?
275
00:12:20,170 --> 00:12:21,740
I NEVER KNOW WHEN
THEY'RE COMING.
276
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,211
PICKUP IS TUESDAY.
277
00:12:23,213 --> 00:12:25,823
Both: IT'S ALWAYS TUESDAY.
278
00:12:25,816 --> 00:12:28,276
YEAH? WHAT ABOUT
HOLIDAY WEEKS, HUH?
279
00:12:28,278 --> 00:12:30,118
OH, YOU DIDN'T THINK
ABOUT THAT, DID YOU?
280
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,780
WELL, THINK ABOUT THIS.
281
00:12:31,782 --> 00:12:35,162
( overlapping arguing )
282
00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:36,385
GUYS, STOP.
STOP IT.
283
00:12:36,386 --> 00:12:37,526
STOP FIGHTING
284
00:12:37,527 --> 00:12:41,087
AND START SHAPING ME.
285
00:12:41,091 --> 00:12:44,801
YOU KNOW, I USED TO THINK
YOU WERE THE GOOD ONE,
286
00:12:44,795 --> 00:12:48,295
BUT YOU'RE JUST AS BAD
AS ABE AND RJ.
287
00:12:48,298 --> 00:12:49,898
IT'S GABE AND PJ.
288
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,470
WHO CARES?
I'M OUT OF HERE.
289
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,941
RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
290
00:12:53,944 --> 00:12:56,354
THANKS
FOR HAVING US OVER.
291
00:12:56,346 --> 00:12:57,476
HOPE THAT HELPED.
292
00:12:57,477 --> 00:13:01,177
IT DIDN'T AT ALL.
293
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:04,011
JUST ANOTHER CATCHPHRASE,
SWEETIE.
294
00:13:04,014 --> 00:13:05,564
BYE, NOW.
295
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:24,942
GEE, THIS ROAD'S GETTING
KIND OF NARROW, HUH?
296
00:13:24,935 --> 00:13:27,235
DAD, WE'RE NOT ON A ROAD.
297
00:13:27,237 --> 00:13:29,007
WE'RE DRIVING IN THE WOODS.
298
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:32,239
IT SAYS IT'S A ROAD
ON THE GPS.
299
00:13:32,242 --> 00:13:34,992
IT SAYS PROJECTED ROAD.
300
00:13:34,985 --> 00:13:36,985
( brakes squeak )
301
00:13:36,987 --> 00:13:38,217
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
302
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,948
MAYBE WE SHOULD JUST
GET BACK ON THE MAIN DRAG.
303
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,820
( gears shift )
304
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,251
( tires spinning )
305
00:13:43,253 --> 00:13:45,963
GREAT.
STUCK IN THE MUD.
306
00:13:45,956 --> 00:13:47,026
NOW WHAT?
307
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,927
NO PROBLEM.
NO PROBLEM.
308
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,299
I PAID EXTRA
FOR ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE.
309
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,600
LET'S SEE WHAT THEY CAN DO.
310
00:13:51,601 --> 00:13:53,161
( ringback tone )
311
00:13:53,163 --> 00:13:54,943
Female Operator:
ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE.
312
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,565
WHAT IS YOUR
LIFE-THREATENING EMERGENCY?
313
00:13:56,566 --> 00:14:00,206
YES. WE'RE LATE
FOR AN A.V.M CONCERT!
314
00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:02,240
PLEASE HOLD.
315
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:06,282
( easy listening music
plays )
316
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:11,180
YOU THINK SHE'S COMING BACK?
317
00:14:11,181 --> 00:14:13,281
I WOULDN'T.
318
00:14:19,129 --> 00:14:22,129
( Teddy's voice )
OKAY. QUESTION FIVE.
319
00:14:22,132 --> 00:14:23,932
IF YOU COULD GO
BACK IN TIME,
320
00:14:23,934 --> 00:14:26,274
WHAT PERIOD OF HISTORY
WOULD YOU CHOOSE
321
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,466
AND WHY?
322
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,468
( yawns )
323
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:31,970
OH, I NEED A BREAK.
324
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:34,442
MAYBE I'LL TAKE
A LITTLE CATNAP.
325
00:14:34,444 --> 00:14:36,114
WAKE UP READY TO GO.
326
00:14:48,458 --> 00:14:51,158
OH, LOOK WHAT
CHARLIE DREW.
327
00:14:51,161 --> 00:14:52,461
OHH!
328
00:14:52,462 --> 00:14:54,562
ISN'T THAT CUTE.
IT'S A--
329
00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:56,204
IT'S A--
330
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,026
HELP ME OUT HERE.
331
00:14:58,028 --> 00:15:00,568
I THINK IT'S A HUNTER
CHASING A DINOSAUR.
332
00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:02,370
CHARLIE.
333
00:15:02,372 --> 00:15:05,242
HONEY, DINOSAURS HAVE BEEN
EXTINCT FOR LIKE THREE YEARS.
334
00:15:09,639 --> 00:15:11,009
OH, THERE HE IS.
335
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:12,281
DID YOU FIND
A JOB YET?
336
00:15:12,282 --> 00:15:13,312
NO.
337
00:15:13,313 --> 00:15:17,093
IT JUNGLE OUT THERE.
338
00:15:17,087 --> 00:15:18,947
WHY DOES HE
TALK LIKE THAT?
339
00:15:18,949 --> 00:15:21,019
HE'S NOT AS EVOLVED
AS WE ARE.
340
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,929
MY QUEEN.
341
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,560
MAY I PRESENT
THE FOOL.
342
00:15:33,563 --> 00:15:36,173
YEAH, ABOUT THAT.
343
00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:37,606
SILENCE.
344
00:15:37,607 --> 00:15:39,137
AMUSE ME.
TELL ME A JOKE,
345
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:42,539
AND IT BETTER BE FUNNY OR
IT'S OFF WITH YOUR HEADS.
346
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,142
YOU GO FIRST.
347
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:47,024
OH, THAT'S GOOD.
I'VE BEEN WORKING ON
A NEW TYPE OF JOKE.
348
00:15:47,017 --> 00:15:48,217
OKAY.
349
00:15:48,218 --> 00:15:49,248
KNOCK KNOCK.
350
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,179
WHO'S THERE?
351
00:15:52,182 --> 00:15:54,252
THAT'S AS FAR AS I GOT.
352
00:15:55,485 --> 00:15:58,025
EXECUTIONER?
353
00:15:59,389 --> 00:16:00,589
TOUGH CASTLE, HMM?
354
00:16:03,133 --> 00:16:05,143
( whistling a tune )
355
00:16:07,597 --> 00:16:09,297
SWELL BREAKFAST, MOM.
356
00:16:09,299 --> 00:16:11,139
OH, THANKS, HON.
357
00:16:11,141 --> 00:16:14,471
THIS LITTLE SPORT
SURE SEEMS TO THINK SO.
358
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:16,554
HEY, SWELL TIE, POP.
359
00:16:16,546 --> 00:16:18,276
THANKS, CHAMP.
360
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,309
I LOVE TOBY.
361
00:16:21,311 --> 00:16:23,481
WELL, OF COURSE YOU DO,
SWEETHEART.
362
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,493
EVERYONE'S ALWAYS HAPPY
IN THE '50s.
363
00:16:28,718 --> 00:16:31,018
LOOK WHAT I LEARNED
AT THE SOCK HOP LAST NIGHT.
364
00:16:35,465 --> 00:16:37,165
WHOA.
365
00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:39,027
- GOLLY.
- OH, JEEZ.
366
00:16:39,029 --> 00:16:42,299
- HA!
- WHEN IS SOMETHING
INTERESTING GONNA HAPPEN?
367
00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:45,042
YOU DON'T THINK
THIS IS INTERESTING?
368
00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:46,135
NO.
369
00:16:46,136 --> 00:16:49,006
I DON'T, AND I NEED
SOMETHING FOR MY ESSAY.
370
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:51,608
NOW, TEDDY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
JUST FORGET THAT OLD ESSAY.
371
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:54,481
SKIP COLLEGE,
STAY HOME WITH THE FAMILY.
372
00:16:54,484 --> 00:16:56,494
NO, I CAN'T STAY HOME!
373
00:16:56,486 --> 00:16:58,116
I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
374
00:17:08,158 --> 00:17:09,498
( sighs )
375
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:15,242
YEAH, NICE BEDHEAD.
376
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,235
EXECUTIONER?
377
00:17:19,709 --> 00:17:21,709
OH, THOSE WERE THE DAYS.
378
00:17:23,673 --> 00:17:26,323
( rock music playing )
379
00:17:28,318 --> 00:17:29,378
WE MADE IT!
380
00:17:29,379 --> 00:17:31,149
HEY, EXCUSE ME.
381
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:32,151
EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.
382
00:17:32,152 --> 00:17:34,152
OH! EXCUSE ME.
PARDON ME.
383
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:35,594
EXCUSE ME.
384
00:17:35,585 --> 00:17:37,485
MAN, HOPE WE DIDN'T
MISS TOO MUCH.
385
00:17:37,487 --> 00:17:39,827
WE'RE A.V.M.!
GOOD NIGHT!
386
00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:41,829
( cheering )
387
00:17:53,743 --> 00:17:54,803
HEY, ALL RIGHT,
I'M HERE.
388
00:17:54,804 --> 00:17:56,114
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
389
00:17:56,106 --> 00:17:58,246
UM, I CAN'T
FIGURE OUT THE BUCKET.
390
00:17:58,248 --> 00:18:01,508
SEE, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU SEND A BOY
391
00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:04,481
TO DO AN OLDER BOY'S JOB.
392
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:06,294
SO WHERE IS THE BUCKET?
393
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:07,586
IT'S INSIDE.
394
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:08,687
ALL RIGHT.
395
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:09,758
WATCH AND LEARN,
LITTLE MAN.
396
00:18:12,322 --> 00:18:13,522
HA!
397
00:18:13,523 --> 00:18:15,203
( groans )
398
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:18,826
( chuckles )
399
00:18:18,828 --> 00:18:20,828
WHAT JUST HAPPENED HERE?
400
00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:22,170
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT HAPPENED.
401
00:18:22,172 --> 00:18:24,272
DUNCAN GOT DUNKED.
402
00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,105
YOU SET ME UP.
403
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:28,476
I THOUGHT YOU HATED
MR. SINGER.
404
00:18:28,478 --> 00:18:31,408
YOU MEAN, UNCLE RICK?
405
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:37,354
I TRUSTED YOU,
AND YOU BETRAYED ME.
406
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,319
NICE WORK.
407
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:46,833
I'VE WAITED FOUR YEARS
TO GET YOU BACK, DUNCAN.
408
00:18:46,826 --> 00:18:49,156
I GUESS WE'RE
FINALLY EVEN.
409
00:18:49,159 --> 00:18:50,499
I GUESS WE ARE.
410
00:18:50,500 --> 00:18:51,800
FOR NOW.
411
00:18:58,508 --> 00:19:00,508
DID HE SAY
"FOR NOW"?
412
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:02,240
MM-HMM.
413
00:19:02,242 --> 00:19:04,372
SWEET MAMA,
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
414
00:19:12,522 --> 00:19:14,522
WELL...
415
00:19:14,524 --> 00:19:17,194
THAT WAS THE WORST
NIGHT EVER.
416
00:19:18,528 --> 00:19:20,528
IT'S IN THE TOP FIVE.
417
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,230
( engine puttering )
418
00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:27,173
AND WE'RE
OUT OF GAS.
419
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,666
TOP THREE.
( chuckles )
420
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,169
( laughs )
421
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,501
OHH.
422
00:19:34,504 --> 00:19:36,514
PJ, I AM SO SORRY
423
00:19:36,506 --> 00:19:38,506
I DRAGGED YOU ALONG
ON THIS AWFUL NIGHT.
424
00:19:38,508 --> 00:19:42,278
IT'S MY FAULT FOR
WALKING INTO THE KITCHEN.
425
00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:43,852
OH, RIGHT.
426
00:19:43,853 --> 00:19:46,623
GUESS I SHOULD CALL
ROADSIDE ASSISTANCE AGAIN.
427
00:19:46,616 --> 00:19:48,616
( easy listening music
playing )
428
00:19:51,521 --> 00:19:53,721
I THINK WE'RE
STILL ON HOLD.
429
00:19:53,723 --> 00:19:54,723
SHOULD WE WAIT?
430
00:19:54,724 --> 00:19:56,574
I WOULDN'T.
431
00:19:56,566 --> 00:19:58,566
( car approaching )
432
00:19:59,929 --> 00:20:01,529
( murmuring )
433
00:20:01,531 --> 00:20:02,971
IS THAT A TOUR BUS?
434
00:20:02,972 --> 00:20:04,202
THERE'S SOMEBODY
GETTING OUT.
435
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,536
YOU BLOKES
NEED A RIDE?
436
00:20:10,510 --> 00:20:11,980
MY SWEET LORD.
437
00:20:11,981 --> 00:20:13,881
IT'S RUSSELL SPROUTS!
438
00:20:15,645 --> 00:20:16,845
DO I LOOK OKAY?
439
00:20:16,846 --> 00:20:17,886
HOW'S MY MAKEUP?
440
00:20:28,558 --> 00:20:30,228
ARE YOU SAD?
441
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,299
( sighs )
YEAH, CHARLIE. I AM.
442
00:20:33,303 --> 00:20:34,563
WHY?
443
00:20:34,564 --> 00:20:36,274
WELL, BECAUSE I CAN'T
THINK OF WHAT TO WRITE
444
00:20:36,266 --> 00:20:38,306
FOR MY COLLEGE ESSAY.
445
00:20:38,308 --> 00:20:39,808
I KNOW WHAT YOU
COULD WRITE ABOUT.
446
00:20:39,809 --> 00:20:42,239
YEAH? WHAT?
447
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,241
MOMMY.
448
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,013
REALLY?
449
00:20:45,014 --> 00:20:46,584
DID MOMMY TELL YOU
TO SAY THAT?
450
00:20:46,576 --> 00:20:47,746
NO COMMENT.
451
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,977
OKAY.
452
00:20:49,979 --> 00:20:53,619
WELL, YOU TELL MOMMY
I'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
453
00:20:53,623 --> 00:20:55,363
OKAY.
GOOD LUCK, TEDDY.
454
00:20:57,857 --> 00:20:58,987
GOOD LUCK, TEDDY.
455
00:20:58,988 --> 00:21:00,858
THAT'S IT!
456
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,860
I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T
THINK OF THAT BEFORE.
457
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:03,992
IT'S PERFECT.
458
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:09,998
Well, Charlie.
459
00:21:09,999 --> 00:21:13,539
I just sent in my first
college application.
460
00:21:13,543 --> 00:21:15,883
And thanks to you,
461
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:19,545
I finally came up with
a great topic for my essay.
462
00:21:19,549 --> 00:21:21,879
It's all about these
video diaries I've been doing.
463
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:23,881
See, I realized
464
00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:26,023
that I started making them
to help you,
465
00:21:26,015 --> 00:21:30,015
but as I went along,
I learned a lot about myself.
466
00:21:30,019 --> 00:21:34,859
And our crazy
wonderful family.
467
00:21:34,864 --> 00:21:36,004
Richie?
468
00:21:35,995 --> 00:21:37,995
You're not gonna believe
who I met last night.
469
00:21:37,997 --> 00:21:39,867
Russell Sprouts.
470
00:21:39,869 --> 00:21:40,999
( squeals )
471
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,530
I know! I know!
472
00:21:42,532 --> 00:21:45,002
It was amazing.
We shared eyeliner tips.
473
00:21:45,004 --> 00:21:46,544
Oh, yes, we did.
474
00:21:46,536 --> 00:21:48,006
Yes, we did!
475
00:21:51,711 --> 00:21:54,881
Sometimes more crazy
than wonderful.
476
00:21:54,884 --> 00:21:55,954
Good luck, Charlie.
477
00:22:00,790 --> 00:22:02,650
- ♪ SHOO-BOP SHOO-SHOO-BOP ♪
- ♪ OOH ♪
478
00:22:02,652 --> 00:22:04,792
- ♪ SHOO-SHOO-BOP
SHOO-SHOO-BOP ♪
- ♪ OOH-OH-OOH ♪
479
00:22:04,794 --> 00:22:06,664
♪ SHOO-BOP
SHOO-SHOO-BOP ♪
480
00:22:06,656 --> 00:22:08,656
- ♪ SHOO-SHOO-BOP ♪
- ♪ DIP DIP DOO ♪
481
00:22:08,658 --> 00:22:10,658
♪ TODAY'S ALL BURNT TOAST ♪
482
00:22:10,660 --> 00:22:12,460
♪ RUNNING LATE
AND DAD JOKES ♪
483
00:22:12,462 --> 00:22:14,802
♪ "HAS ANYBODY SEEN
MY LEFT SHOE?" ♪
484
00:22:14,804 --> 00:22:15,844
♪ LEFT SHOE ♪
485
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,105
♪ CLOSE MY EYES,
TAKE A BITE ♪
486
00:22:18,107 --> 00:22:20,107
♪ GRAB A RIDE,
LAUGH OUT LOUD ♪
487
00:22:20,109 --> 00:22:22,439
♪ THERE IT IS
UP ON THE ROOF ♪
488
00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:25,452
♪ AH-ROO! ♪
489
00:22:30,620 --> 00:22:32,120
BOB, HONEY.
490
00:22:32,121 --> 00:22:34,681
HAVEN'T YOU
EVOLVED YET?
491
00:22:36,125 --> 00:22:37,655
ME NEVER WIN.
32694
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