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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,397
The Jocks got our food and water.
3
00:02:29,482 --> 00:02:32,572
And they took Jaden, Girl Jaden,
Gabriel, Zoey,
4
00:02:32,902 --> 00:02:35,612
Severe Bangs Carly, Other Gay Josh,
and Jaden.
5
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,781
Don't blame us.
6
00:02:37,866 --> 00:02:39,696
We tried murderlizing Josh
7
00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:41,044
so this wouldn't happen.
8
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,449
- That's a confession.
- Pssh.
9
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,081
I didn't say blit.
10
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,794
You said you tried to kill Josh.
11
00:02:45,874 --> 00:02:47,924
- Not what I said.
- It is.
12
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:49,211
Then you misheard me.
13
00:02:49,294 --> 00:02:50,424
I recorded it.
14
00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:54,514
We tried murderlizing Josh
so this wouldn't happen.
15
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:55,721
That's been fully edited.
16
00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,680
If you're looking for bad hombres,
then look around.
17
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:01,012
These kids are here illegally.
18
00:03:01,097 --> 00:03:03,387
They didn't come through
an authorized port of entry.
19
00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:04,894
They didn't apply for asylum.
20
00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:07,016
This is an invasion.
21
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:10,864
I trusted you.
22
00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:14,444
We were friends.
23
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:19,156
You know how you'd do anything
for Sam Dean?
24
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:22,201
I get that.
25
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,453
It's just...
26
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:27,707
You don't know Turbo the way I do.
27
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,790
What else have you lied to me about?
28
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,589
We should make sure
Triumph is still locked up.
29
00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:41,473
I'll go check.
30
00:03:41,554 --> 00:03:42,684
All right.
31
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:47,100
What are we gonna do about them, Josh?
32
00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:49,435
Why are you asking this dope?
33
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,020
Josh is such a wuss, his cock dropped off,
34
00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,567
hitchhiked to San Diego,
35
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:56,651
and is now getting a realtor's license,
36
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,236
all just to get away from Josh.
37
00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:02,869
Why are you asking me?
38
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:05,161
Because we trust you.
39
00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:08,622
What...
40
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:12,339
I don't know what to do
about these assholes.
41
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:14,128
Look, I'm not a judge or a lawyer.
42
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:17,382
I'm just a kid, same as Turbo, except...
43
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,968
Turbo's a spoiled brat
who throws temper tantrums.
44
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,552
He is never gonna leave me or us alone.
45
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:27,182
I don't know how,
but we need to take him out for good.
46
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,231
Glendale, latitude 34.1425 degrees North,
47
00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:39,947
longitude 118.2551 degrees West,
48
00:04:40,029 --> 00:04:43,949
to USS Michigan SSBN 727
Port of Washington.
49
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:45,325
Do you copy?
50
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:52,080
This is Angelica Green.
51
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,546
I'm trying to reach Dr. Winifred Green.
52
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,005
Do you copy?
53
00:05:01,259 --> 00:05:02,259
Mommy?
54
00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,261
Hello?
55
00:05:07,932 --> 00:05:09,142
I did something awful.
56
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,766
I lied to my friend Josh.
57
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:16,685
I disguised a dead body
58
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,860
to look like his girlfriend.
59
00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:25,161
I wanted him to be safe
and stay with me so I wouldn't be alone.
60
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:30,120
He's gonna be so mad at me
if he finds out.
61
00:05:32,415 --> 00:05:33,415
What do I do?
62
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,973
Do you know what happened
to Little Red Riding Hood
63
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:43,759
when she went traipsing
to Grandma's all alone?
64
00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,353
She was eaten by the Big Bad Wolf.
65
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,734
Oh, my God! Really?
66
00:05:50,808 --> 00:05:54,398
I've been reading this book,
but there are pages missing.
67
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:58,484
Did you eat the pages?
68
00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,281
Josh told me what you're doing.
69
00:06:03,363 --> 00:06:05,413
You cannot go to the cereal factory alone.
70
00:06:05,823 --> 00:06:06,873
There could be...
71
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,950
a wolf dressed as Grandma.
72
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,100
You're right.
73
00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:34,684
Turbo needs to go.
74
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:37,356
And now is the perfect time to do it.
75
00:06:37,897 --> 00:06:40,267
When he's injured,
hit by an arrow during the battle.
76
00:06:40,608 --> 00:06:43,108
Unfortunately, these mall kids
are pure priss.
77
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,744
They're not even the kids
who got picked last for kickball.
78
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,342
No, these are the kids who had
a doctor's note to get out of gym
79
00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,766
because they're allergic to dander.
80
00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:54,792
You speak English?
81
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:56,002
We are in America.
82
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:56,922
English?
83
00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,919
Look, we all do
what we need to do to survive.
84
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:02,421
Suburban whities ignore anyone
who doesn't look and sound like you.
85
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:03,795
People say anything around me
86
00:07:03,881 --> 00:07:05,881
because they think
I don't understand shit,
87
00:07:05,967 --> 00:07:07,467
and that nets me information.
88
00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:11,184
Intel is the only real currency
that anyone can trade on.
89
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:14,024
You wanna take out Turbo?
You need a tribe with skills.
90
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:20,610
English?
91
00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,077
We got a snake up in our house, y'all.
92
00:08:14,785 --> 00:08:17,245
Someone shot Turbo Bro Jock with an arrow.
93
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:21,379
If you are the filth
who tried to topple Turbo,
94
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:22,918
'fess up.
95
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:27,724
If you know who this stabber of backs is
or have heard any whispers,
96
00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:30,838
you best to raise your hand and spill.
97
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,562
So that's how this is gonna go?
98
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:41,234
You are all guilty until proven innocent.
99
00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:43,234
All are punished!
100
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:46,614
Court is now in session, motherfuckers!
101
00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:06,092
I play a lot of games,
102
00:09:07,755 --> 00:09:09,715
but want to know
how I know you're for real?
103
00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,231
I'm not gonna brain my cousin
just 'cause you kissed me.
104
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:30,608
I'm not trying to manipulate you, Wes.
105
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,485
Getting one off is my pre-game warmup.
106
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:35,697
Get in a sick cardio blast,
and it releases dopamine.
107
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,413
It's like real science and shit.
108
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,412
I like when you talk smart.
109
00:09:42,873 --> 00:09:44,003
I'm not dumb.
110
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:48,253
No, I know, but you did think that Hawaii
and Alaska were next to each other.
111
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,577
That's how it looks on the map.
112
00:09:49,630 --> 00:09:53,680
And you thought a cosine was getting
your maid to sign your math homework.
113
00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:56,931
I know sports, okay?
114
00:09:57,013 --> 00:10:01,393
And sports statistics, sports quotes,
and toys...
115
00:10:03,519 --> 00:10:04,519
and sports.
116
00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:08,858
Okay, maybe I didn't get
my dad's smart genes.
117
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,899
You did get his handsome DNA.
118
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:15,566
Please tell me that he's not some rich,
Simba-hunting douche.
119
00:10:16,198 --> 00:10:17,198
No.
120
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,825
No, my dad...
121
00:10:22,663 --> 00:10:25,583
So he used to be, like,
this mega tax lawyer,
122
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:27,172
but after my mom died,
123
00:10:27,251 --> 00:10:29,881
he decided he needed
to make the world a better place.
124
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:32,132
So he got AIDS drugs
to kids in South Africa.
125
00:10:32,214 --> 00:10:36,394
He was third chair in the war crimes trial
for Slobodan Milošević at The Hague.
126
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,636
He helps children detained at the border.
127
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:41,771
He's on the board of WHO,
and PATH, and UNICEF,
128
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:45,809
and the ACLU, and the NAACP, and YMCA.
129
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:49,935
He's done work for Pope Francis,
Nelson Mandela, Malala Yousafzai,
130
00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:54,324
the Obamas, the Clooneys, the Dalai Lama,
Kaepernick, LeBron...
131
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:57,739
- There's someone else I'm forgetting.
- Who? God?
132
00:10:57,823 --> 00:10:58,823
No.
133
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:00,332
Oprah.
134
00:11:00,409 --> 00:11:02,499
Damn! He coming to the game?
135
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:07,328
No, he's, um... He's saving
displaced Syrian orphans for the UN.
136
00:11:09,460 --> 00:11:11,340
He does whatever it takes
to protect the kids.
137
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:22,808
I'm gonna go to the mall
for my pre-game ritual:
138
00:11:24,016 --> 00:11:25,596
grab a 5-hour and a Slim Jim.
139
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:27,440
Let's go for a walk.
140
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:30,355
Yeah, walking's a good workout.
141
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:32,975
Increases the flow of blood to the brain.
142
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,070
You want to know how I know
you're for real?
143
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,871
You are gonna take us
all the way to state.
144
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:42,282
You're a winner.
145
00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:05,891
You wanna kill Turbo? Follow me.
146
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:39,944
That wasn't Chinese.
147
00:13:40,027 --> 00:13:41,027
It's Dothraki.
148
00:13:41,111 --> 00:13:43,451
I also know Na'vi, Elvish,
and a little Hebrew.
149
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,584
The JCC had a good preschool.
150
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:14,847
You've got some nerve,
KJ, after the shit you pulled in Frogtown.
151
00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:28,534
Josh, meet Aria Killigan
and her elite strikeforce, The Game Overs.
152
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,127
These are assassins?
153
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,974
You play video games.
154
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,798
We're a combat-ready unit.
Check out our Ghoulie kill-count.
155
00:14:46,635 --> 00:14:48,215
Jonah Hill's kind of an easy target.
156
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:51,564
Fat Jonah Hill, sure,
but skinny Jonah Hill is agile AF.
157
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:52,929
What were his last words?
158
00:14:53,017 --> 00:14:54,517
"I'm friends with Brad Pitt."
159
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:55,442
Of course.
160
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:56,899
You can't be for real.
161
00:14:57,313 --> 00:15:00,573
This is like a ten-year-old's
birthday party playing games on Nerf mode.
162
00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:02,649
We're online in elite arenas.
163
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:04,315
The bombs didn't knock out satellites.
164
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:07,033
We're playing across the globe.
Korea, Norway, Brazil.
165
00:15:07,114 --> 00:15:08,994
We're not the only only ones left.
166
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:10,584
There's a whole wide world.
167
00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:13,909
Is it... is it the same everywhere?
168
00:15:14,496 --> 00:15:16,206
Like just kids, no adults,
169
00:15:16,290 --> 00:15:18,880
or do they have adults like Baron Triumph
and the Witch?
170
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:21,751
Are there animals mutating?
Do they know why this happened?
171
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,957
Why the bombs went off,
or why we survived?
172
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:28,296
What's the mission?
173
00:15:28,385 --> 00:15:30,045
Liquidate Turbo Bro Jock.
174
00:15:30,137 --> 00:15:31,307
Fuck off.
175
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,098
- Don't get shook.
- No.
176
00:15:33,182 --> 00:15:34,602
High School taught us one thing.
177
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:38,063
There are winners, and there are losers.
The best way to live: don't pick sides.
178
00:15:38,562 --> 00:15:40,112
That's why gamers are anonymous.
179
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,779
Don't forget who pulled
you out of the shit in Encino.
180
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:43,858
You owe me.
181
00:15:44,193 --> 00:15:46,363
You do this, you're off my books.
182
00:15:49,865 --> 00:15:51,985
Fine. We'll help you.
183
00:15:54,745 --> 00:15:57,115
Let's just feed him
and get the fuck out of here.
184
00:16:12,179 --> 00:16:13,179
Don't worry.
185
00:16:14,139 --> 00:16:15,139
He's locked up.
186
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:39,075
I should've known
187
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,674
Josh Wheeler would pick
a rotten apple like you.
188
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:43,209
You remember me?
189
00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:46,707
How could I forget the girl
who gave me explosive diarrhea?
190
00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:49,587
You owe me a pair of I.I.Bean chinos.
191
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,005
There's an Old Navy at the mall.
192
00:16:51,093 --> 00:16:52,643
Well, that's hardly the same thing.
193
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:54,140
Feed him and go.
194
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:57,893
Oh, Ms. Crumble, you must think
the absolute worst of me.
195
00:16:58,267 --> 00:17:02,057
I'm so sorry that I ran away
when I saw you at the mall.
196
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,574
It was rude. I was scared.
197
00:17:08,652 --> 00:17:10,152
You're the boogeyman.
198
00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:11,607
I still have feelings.
199
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:15,081
Fear is a natural reaction
to seeing a ghost.
200
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:17,583
I don't believe in ghosts.
201
00:17:17,661 --> 00:17:21,501
I didn't believe I'd ever see
my racist Aunt Ida licking up gasoline
202
00:17:21,582 --> 00:17:24,922
at the ARCO station on Saticoy
with her Filipino nurse
203
00:17:25,002 --> 00:17:27,302
from the Jewish Home for the Aging,
but it happened.
204
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,377
Anything is possible now.
205
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:33,386
You... you thought I was dead?
206
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:35,099
Everybody I know is dead.
207
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:39,516
I'm so happy to learn that I'm not
the only adult left in the world.
208
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:41,225
And, well...
209
00:17:42,269 --> 00:17:43,269
I missed you.
210
00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:46,194
I really, really missed you.
211
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:52,742
Wait.
212
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,163
Did you two fuck?
213
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:57,740
I'm sorry.
214
00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:01,963
This was a big, big mistake.
I should not have come here.
215
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,209
You know what?
216
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:07,420
I have a Malbec that I tasted
at a sommelier class at Sur La Table.
217
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:11,758
It has the woody bouquet of damp morels
in a brown paper bag
218
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:15,136
and would pair majestically
with Angelica shank.
219
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,849
Crumble doesn't want to eat me.
220
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,679
She cares about me. We're friends.
221
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,604
I have a pair of I.I. Bean chinos
222
00:18:20,682 --> 00:18:23,312
that tells me exactly
how you treat your friends:
223
00:18:23,393 --> 00:18:24,653
you poop all over 'em.
224
00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:26,558
Crumble came here to keep me safe.
225
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:29,147
Crumble came here to get you alone.
226
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,535
Oyez, oyez.
227
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:25,459
The Honorable
Judge Turbo Pokaski presiding.
228
00:19:25,914 --> 00:19:27,754
Each one of you was in the mall.
229
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:31,553
We're gonna go through this bitch
to suss out fact from fuck-tion.
230
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:33,762
Someone in here is a traitor.
231
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:36,929
Someone's gonna Venmo for their treachery!
232
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:39,045
Charged in from the east.
233
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:39,966
Game for anything.
234
00:19:40,053 --> 00:19:40,973
In it to win it.
235
00:19:41,054 --> 00:19:42,514
I was near the Aéropostale.
236
00:19:42,598 --> 00:19:43,968
Pressed Juice.
237
00:19:44,057 --> 00:19:45,557
- Airwalk.
- Juicy Couture.
238
00:19:45,642 --> 00:19:46,892
I pulled a hammy.
239
00:19:46,977 --> 00:19:49,227
I didn't even have a bow and arrow.
240
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:51,323
- I used a weed wacker.
- Triple nunchucks.
241
00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,728
- A nine iron.
- At first, I thought it was my ACL,
242
00:19:53,817 --> 00:19:55,607
but no, it was a hammy.
243
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:56,744
We were dominating.
244
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:58,910
I was getting hungry...
245
00:19:58,989 --> 00:20:00,409
I bagged three squifs.
246
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:02,334
Saw a Cinnabon.
247
00:20:02,409 --> 00:20:04,749
I mean, the mall kids fought back.
248
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:07,498
Downed 50 BonBites.
249
00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:09,171
I grabbed Matt and Will.
250
00:20:09,249 --> 00:20:11,561
- Then I got thirsty.
- Little pyro tried to set me on fire.
251
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:12,665
Real thirsty.
252
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:15,673
Wesley, he knocked me down
without throwing a punch.
253
00:20:15,756 --> 00:20:17,586
That coconut water hit the spot.
254
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:20,974
No, I didn't see who shot the arrow.
255
00:20:21,053 --> 00:20:22,603
I think it came from the Aéropostale.
256
00:20:22,679 --> 00:20:24,099
- Airwalk.
- Juicy Couture.
257
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,021
- Nine West.
- And the next thing I know,
258
00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:28,689
I see Turbo bleeding,
and I would have helped, but...
259
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:29,939
You pulled a hammy.
260
00:20:30,938 --> 00:20:32,358
I don't know who did it,
261
00:20:32,439 --> 00:20:34,779
but maybe this is all
just some big mistake.
262
00:20:34,858 --> 00:20:37,028
Maybe the guilty party won't come forward
263
00:20:37,110 --> 00:20:39,589
because it was an accident,
and they're too scared to admit it.
264
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:41,823
Are you calling Turbo a liar?
265
00:21:05,722 --> 00:21:08,122
I didn't know which one you wanted,
so I got you all of them.
266
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:14,557
Either you lied
about your dad being a lawyer,
267
00:21:14,648 --> 00:21:17,898
and he's actually a picture frame model,
which is sad...
268
00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:20,824
or this isn't really your dad,
269
00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:23,034
and you just bought a picture frame...
270
00:21:24,074 --> 00:21:25,074
which is sadder.
271
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:30,116
No, this is embarrassing,
but the truth is,
272
00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:33,285
my dad was working in Africa
for Médecins Sans Frontières.
273
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:35,728
- That means Doctors Without Borders.
- I know what it means.
274
00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:37,842
He was on a mission
volunteering with Mary and Annie.
275
00:21:37,921 --> 00:21:38,921
Mary and Annie?
276
00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,424
Mary J. Blige and Annie Leibovitz.
277
00:21:40,507 --> 00:21:41,837
Well, sure.
278
00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:45,175
They were on this wildlife preserve,
and Annie was taking pictures...
279
00:21:45,262 --> 00:21:47,490
- 'Cause she's Annie Leibovitz.
- So a couple months later,
280
00:21:47,514 --> 00:21:49,854
a publisher was looking through her proofs
and saw my dad.
281
00:21:49,933 --> 00:21:52,693
This dude sells stock photos
and wanted to buy the picture.
282
00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:55,864
Apparently, exotic locations
help sell frames, or some shit like that.
283
00:21:55,897 --> 00:21:57,817
People wanna escape their mundane lives.
284
00:21:57,899 --> 00:21:59,109
So Dad said yes,
285
00:21:59,192 --> 00:22:02,902
but only if they donate a portion
of the sales to Doctors Without Borders.
286
00:22:07,242 --> 00:22:09,372
You know you can be honest with me.
287
00:22:10,620 --> 00:22:11,790
I'm not lying.
288
00:22:12,873 --> 00:22:14,373
Whatever. See you at the game.
289
00:22:26,219 --> 00:22:28,099
We've been playing Overwatch with a Jock.
290
00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:30,470
His username is 5318008.
291
00:22:30,557 --> 00:22:32,117
This dude wants to kill Turbo for real.
292
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:33,734
He's the one that's gonna help us?
293
00:22:33,810 --> 00:22:34,730
That's the plan.
294
00:22:34,811 --> 00:22:36,731
Our inside man should be online soon.
295
00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:43,449
Hey, quit fogging up my screen,
mouth breather.
296
00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:44,568
Come.
297
00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:47,530
Wait. What?
298
00:22:47,616 --> 00:22:50,536
Gamer etiquette is serious.
Just mute your mic and watch.
299
00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:54,040
I had no idea any of this was here.
300
00:22:54,122 --> 00:22:55,922
Because you're an epic noob.
301
00:22:55,999 --> 00:22:57,959
I do fine, thank you.
302
00:22:58,043 --> 00:22:59,963
Doing fine is why you're a noob.
303
00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,705
Oh, better to be a liar, like you?
304
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:03,007
Don't you get it?
305
00:23:03,090 --> 00:23:05,090
Moral codes are worth
less than stale Cheetos.
306
00:23:05,467 --> 00:23:08,177
If you're such a ninja, then how come
you were caught by Triumph?
307
00:23:09,679 --> 00:23:11,559
First, that's racist.
308
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:13,020
And second, you were caught too.
309
00:23:13,100 --> 00:23:15,190
- I got us free.
- Because of me.
310
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:17,269
Why are you even helping me?
311
00:23:18,021 --> 00:23:20,381
You don't seem like the type
who'd do something for nothing.
312
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:21,440
I don't.
313
00:23:23,735 --> 00:23:24,565
Yes!
314
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:28,373
All right. 5318008 is on board.
315
00:23:28,448 --> 00:23:30,158
He'll help us get inside the school.
316
00:23:30,242 --> 00:23:33,082
We move at 1700, full battle rattle.
317
00:23:33,703 --> 00:23:36,213
Tonight, we squelch Turbo Pokaski.
318
00:23:41,294 --> 00:23:42,424
Go away!
319
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:44,840
Why are you doing this?
320
00:23:45,715 --> 00:23:47,295
Are you fucking around with me?
321
00:23:47,717 --> 00:23:51,677
Is this some Boy Cried Wolf shit,
trying to teach me to be a better person?
322
00:23:52,889 --> 00:23:56,349
I'll tell Josh the truth,
just stop doing this shit, okay?
323
00:23:57,769 --> 00:23:59,769
Ugh.
324
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:01,820
I think you hurt me.
325
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:05,943
I'm leaking.
326
00:24:06,695 --> 00:24:08,355
Is this blood?
327
00:24:08,864 --> 00:24:11,324
Why is there black blood in my crotch?
328
00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:13,487
Is this why you wanna eat me?
329
00:24:15,245 --> 00:24:16,245
Fuck.
330
00:24:17,205 --> 00:24:18,865
I think I just got my period.
331
00:24:31,094 --> 00:24:32,394
Are you there, Crumble?
332
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,524
It's me, Angelica.
333
00:24:38,018 --> 00:24:40,848
I need help here.
I don't know how to tampon.
334
00:24:40,937 --> 00:24:42,607
Maybe I can help.
335
00:24:45,275 --> 00:24:47,145
Go away.
336
00:24:47,235 --> 00:24:48,645
I wish I could,
337
00:24:48,737 --> 00:24:50,487
but you and I are both
stuck at the moment.
338
00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:52,119
Why are you being nice?
339
00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,201
I still care about children.
340
00:24:54,284 --> 00:24:57,544
Ms. Crumble and I are both
dealing with the world changing,
341
00:24:57,621 --> 00:25:00,421
our bodies changing, just like you.
342
00:25:01,082 --> 00:25:02,712
It's normal to be nervous.
343
00:25:02,792 --> 00:25:06,882
Grown-ups who hide porn
on their work laptops are nervous.
344
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:08,419
I'm not.
345
00:25:09,132 --> 00:25:11,222
I can do this myself, fuck you very much.
346
00:25:11,676 --> 00:25:16,426
As principal, I had to stay up-to-date
on current trends in adolescent medicine.
347
00:25:17,224 --> 00:25:18,734
And it's really very simple.
348
00:25:19,309 --> 00:25:21,269
Just place the applicator tip
349
00:25:21,728 --> 00:25:23,558
at a 70-degree angle
350
00:25:24,105 --> 00:25:25,645
toward the base of your spine.
351
00:25:26,274 --> 00:25:28,154
Unless you have a retroverted uterus.
352
00:25:28,235 --> 00:25:29,985
Do you have a retroverted uterus?
353
00:25:30,070 --> 00:25:32,070
I can't even tell which end is the tip!
354
00:25:32,155 --> 00:25:36,325
And... what is this string for?
Do I like pull it for a parachute?
355
00:25:36,409 --> 00:25:38,699
No, you need the string.
Don't lose the string.
356
00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:40,247
You can get toxic shock.
357
00:25:42,999 --> 00:25:44,879
If commercials taught me anything,
358
00:25:46,836 --> 00:25:49,166
it's that this is my mom's responsibility.
359
00:25:51,299 --> 00:25:55,889
She should be here to get the blood out
of my pants, and stroke my face,
360
00:25:55,971 --> 00:25:58,061
and take me out
for some fucking ice cream.
361
00:25:58,139 --> 00:26:00,269
I know. I know, sweetie.
362
00:26:00,767 --> 00:26:02,887
Everything is upside down.
363
00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:06,568
If you want some ice cream,
I blended Ryan Scott into a nice gelato.
364
00:26:09,025 --> 00:26:10,935
This coming-of-age story sucks.
365
00:26:16,741 --> 00:26:19,831
And again, where the fuck were you?
366
00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:22,371
I was near the Aéropostale.
367
00:26:22,455 --> 00:26:24,915
Pressed... Juice.
368
00:26:25,292 --> 00:26:26,292
Airwalk.
369
00:26:27,168 --> 00:26:28,208
Juicy Couture.
370
00:26:28,628 --> 00:26:30,048
Nine West.
371
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:32,090
The hair straightener kiosk.
372
00:26:32,173 --> 00:26:35,053
And I pulled a hammy.
We've been going over this for hours.
373
00:26:35,135 --> 00:26:37,885
And we'll keep right on truckin'
till dawn if we have to.
374
00:26:38,305 --> 00:26:40,265
Someone in this room is a deceiver,
375
00:26:40,348 --> 00:26:43,178
and no soul is leaving
until we find out who.
376
00:26:57,866 --> 00:26:58,866
It's me.
377
00:26:59,701 --> 00:27:00,581
I'm the traitor.
378
00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:03,790
Sit your slow ass down, Owen.
379
00:27:03,872 --> 00:27:05,082
You weren't even there!
380
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:07,134
I'm Equipment Manager.
381
00:27:07,208 --> 00:27:10,088
If I don't put linseed oil
on the bowstring, it misfires.
382
00:27:11,212 --> 00:27:12,342
It's my fault.
383
00:27:12,422 --> 00:27:13,972
I took my eye off the ball.
384
00:27:14,424 --> 00:27:17,474
I just haven't been paying much attention
because I've been running drills,
385
00:27:17,552 --> 00:27:18,552
weight training.
386
00:27:18,595 --> 00:27:20,805
I've gained five pounds of muscle mass.
387
00:27:22,724 --> 00:27:24,144
I thought I could make the team,
388
00:27:24,726 --> 00:27:26,726
like Rudy in Rudy,
389
00:27:27,312 --> 00:27:29,112
or Lucas in Lucas,
390
00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:31,902
or the waterboy in The Waterboy.
391
00:27:33,902 --> 00:27:35,822
I just wanted to be part of the tribe.
392
00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:39,028
Look, I betrayed you with my love.
393
00:27:39,908 --> 00:27:41,828
Put me on the American Ninja Idol stage.
394
00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:43,327
Just...
395
00:27:44,579 --> 00:27:46,789
let me sing
something from Jesus Christ Superstar.
396
00:27:47,874 --> 00:27:48,924
There's no traitor.
397
00:27:49,417 --> 00:27:51,797
Slowen failed.
By your law, he has to be punished.
398
00:27:51,878 --> 00:27:54,628
Hey, fuck you, Gary!
Owen is a treasure!
399
00:27:54,714 --> 00:27:56,384
- Fuck you!
- Sit the fuck down!
400
00:27:59,135 --> 00:28:00,255
Sit the fuck down!
401
00:28:22,534 --> 00:28:25,084
Selena, where's my jacket?
402
00:28:26,413 --> 00:28:29,333
It's Homecoming. You're supposed
to take it to the dry cleaner.
403
00:28:30,291 --> 00:28:31,291
Selena!
404
00:28:34,045 --> 00:28:35,045
Dad.
405
00:28:38,967 --> 00:28:39,797
Hey, champ.
406
00:28:39,884 --> 00:28:41,014
I thought you were in Syria.
407
00:28:41,094 --> 00:28:42,184
I was in Syria.
408
00:28:42,721 --> 00:28:45,971
And Budapest, Brussels, and Tokyo...
409
00:28:47,434 --> 00:28:48,444
where I got you...
410
00:28:51,896 --> 00:28:53,266
The guy said they were rare.
411
00:28:53,356 --> 00:28:56,066
Perfect condition, original packages even.
412
00:28:56,151 --> 00:28:57,151
I love it.
413
00:29:01,531 --> 00:29:03,741
You're getting too old for these toys,
aren't you?
414
00:29:03,825 --> 00:29:04,865
No. No, no.
415
00:29:06,202 --> 00:29:07,292
I don't know, maybe.
416
00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:10,919
You just...
You only give me presents when you leave.
417
00:29:13,752 --> 00:29:15,252
I met with DHS this morning.
418
00:29:16,379 --> 00:29:18,219
They're getting me
the visas I need for Aleppo.
419
00:29:18,882 --> 00:29:20,262
My flight leaves in an hour.
420
00:29:27,891 --> 00:29:29,891
- You know it's Homecoming tonight.
- I know,
421
00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:33,150
but I promised Pong Pong
I'd make them s'mores.
422
00:29:34,522 --> 00:29:36,232
This game gets us into state.
423
00:29:36,316 --> 00:29:37,646
College scouts are coming.
424
00:29:38,401 --> 00:29:39,611
Also, you know coach is dying?
425
00:29:40,236 --> 00:29:41,276
I thought he was retiring.
426
00:29:41,321 --> 00:29:43,031
He's retiring because he's dying!
427
00:29:49,537 --> 00:29:50,747
This game is important to me.
428
00:29:51,164 --> 00:29:52,164
I get it.
429
00:29:54,209 --> 00:29:56,289
I get it, my big Turbo Bro Jock.
430
00:29:56,669 --> 00:29:58,169
I hate it when you call me that.
431
00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:01,465
Hey.
432
00:30:02,217 --> 00:30:05,087
There are 5,000 kids waiting
for me to bring them those visas.
433
00:30:06,095 --> 00:30:08,345
They're hungry. They're dying.
434
00:30:08,890 --> 00:30:09,890
Ten every hour.
435
00:30:11,017 --> 00:30:12,017
Now, if I stay,
436
00:30:12,602 --> 00:30:14,482
that delays my trip by 16 hours.
437
00:30:14,562 --> 00:30:18,572
That's 160 dead orphans
for a three-hour football game.
438
00:30:19,567 --> 00:30:20,767
Do you really want me to stay?
439
00:30:22,529 --> 00:30:23,529
It's up to you.
440
00:30:24,531 --> 00:30:26,831
Or do you want me
to do whatever it takes...
441
00:30:27,742 --> 00:30:28,952
to protect the children?
442
00:31:12,287 --> 00:31:13,497
What's going on?
443
00:31:17,083 --> 00:31:18,383
Power is cut.
444
00:31:18,459 --> 00:31:22,919
Username 5318008 said that we could find
Turbo in Mrs. Fitz's old class.
445
00:31:23,464 --> 00:31:25,264
Everyone move into kill positions.
446
00:31:25,341 --> 00:31:26,721
Unit, report in.
447
00:31:26,801 --> 00:31:27,891
Nimrod, check.
448
00:31:28,303 --> 00:31:29,553
Bronyboy, standing by.
449
00:31:29,846 --> 00:31:32,056
Styx, getting into position
in the south corridor.
450
00:31:36,811 --> 00:31:37,811
Styx is fragged.
451
00:31:37,854 --> 00:31:39,444
Everyone, hold your position.
452
00:31:39,522 --> 00:31:40,572
Shit! Someone's coming!
453
00:31:43,026 --> 00:31:44,026
Bronyboy is offline.
454
00:31:44,319 --> 00:31:47,069
Something is wrong here.
Something is really fucking wrong.
455
00:31:54,579 --> 00:31:57,369
- You're the last one standing, Killigan.
- Fuck.
456
00:31:57,457 --> 00:31:59,167
Turbo isn't in Mrs. Fitz's class.
457
00:31:59,250 --> 00:32:01,130
There's just some scared kids in here.
458
00:32:01,502 --> 00:32:03,302
No. No, no! We've been set...
459
00:32:21,564 --> 00:32:25,494
You lose.
460
00:32:26,569 --> 00:32:28,909
You lose.
461
00:32:28,988 --> 00:32:30,698
You lose.
462
00:32:31,115 --> 00:32:32,985
You lose.
463
00:32:33,076 --> 00:32:37,406
You lose! You lose! You lose!
464
00:32:42,794 --> 00:32:46,264
After the episiotomy,
during which the skin between the vagina
465
00:32:46,339 --> 00:32:49,719
and the anus is sliced open
to prevent the skin from tearing,
466
00:32:50,343 --> 00:32:52,643
the fetus emerges from the birth canal,
467
00:32:52,720 --> 00:32:55,310
- coated in a film of vernix caseosa...
- Ugh!
468
00:32:55,390 --> 00:32:56,980
A cheese-like substance.
469
00:32:57,308 --> 00:32:58,228
Babies who have...
470
00:32:58,309 --> 00:33:00,689
Our perimeter is locked down.
471
00:33:00,770 --> 00:33:03,270
Twenty-four-hour guards, a minefield.
472
00:33:03,564 --> 00:33:06,484
Shit, the only thing we're missing
is a moat filled with piranhas.
473
00:33:06,818 --> 00:33:10,198
Someone let you in the school. Who?
474
00:33:13,032 --> 00:33:15,992
Oh, we got days of educational films
for you to watch.
475
00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:19,214
What's next? Inside the Urethra:
476
00:33:19,288 --> 00:33:21,118
Gonorrhea and You.
477
00:33:21,916 --> 00:33:24,956
Or there's Hobo Jim Lost a Limb:
478
00:33:25,294 --> 00:33:27,264
Danger on the Railroad Tracks.
479
00:33:32,802 --> 00:33:35,222
What is the traitor's name?
480
00:33:35,596 --> 00:33:38,216
His username is 5318008.
481
00:33:44,939 --> 00:33:46,229
That's your username, Gary.
482
00:33:48,026 --> 00:33:50,316
5318008?
483
00:33:52,071 --> 00:33:53,661
That spells "boobies" on a calculator.
484
00:33:53,740 --> 00:33:55,070
That sounds like Gary.
485
00:33:55,158 --> 00:33:56,578
I never played Overwatch.
486
00:33:56,659 --> 00:33:58,199
I saw you playing yesterday.
487
00:33:58,327 --> 00:33:59,867
Okay, but not with these assburgers.
488
00:33:59,954 --> 00:34:02,924
5318008 plays as Wrecking Ball.
489
00:34:02,999 --> 00:34:04,209
Gary plays as Wrecking Ball.
490
00:34:04,500 --> 00:34:07,420
5318008 has a biohazard skin.
491
00:34:07,503 --> 00:34:09,423
Gary has a biohazard skin.
492
00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:12,842
5318008 kinda sucks at laying mines.
493
00:34:12,925 --> 00:34:15,335
Gary kinda sucks at laying mines.
494
00:34:15,428 --> 00:34:19,428
Did you even pull a hammy, 5318008?
495
00:34:19,515 --> 00:34:21,845
I get inflamed muscles. Barry knows.
496
00:34:22,518 --> 00:34:23,978
Tell 'em it wasn't me, Barry.
497
00:34:26,230 --> 00:34:27,820
Tell them it wasn't fucking me.
498
00:34:27,899 --> 00:34:29,609
You said the Jocks were all swole.
499
00:34:30,318 --> 00:34:33,068
You said we'd methodically
plan our path to the hole.
500
00:34:34,447 --> 00:34:35,317
We're masters.
501
00:34:35,406 --> 00:34:36,566
This is bullshit.
502
00:34:36,657 --> 00:34:38,947
I'm being set up.
I'm being fucking set up!
503
00:34:39,535 --> 00:34:41,365
Permission to treat
the witness as hostile?
504
00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:48,416
An all new episode
of American Ninja Idol returns tonight
505
00:34:48,503 --> 00:34:49,843
at 8:00 p.m.
506
00:34:58,513 --> 00:34:59,513
I don't know, hoss.
507
00:35:00,807 --> 00:35:03,727
All this evidence against Gary,
and he still won't confess?
508
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:05,980
Something's not kosher.
509
00:35:39,011 --> 00:35:41,221
Car's here. Wanna walk me down, champ?
510
00:36:19,427 --> 00:36:21,217
I talked to Hoyles about your dad.
511
00:36:21,304 --> 00:36:23,144
I'm sorry I said you were lying.
512
00:36:28,644 --> 00:36:30,444
I'm sorry I asked you to hit your cousin.
513
00:36:31,647 --> 00:36:32,647
Just need a win.
514
00:36:40,907 --> 00:36:42,277
You're smiling.
515
00:36:44,327 --> 00:36:45,327
It was you.
516
00:36:46,621 --> 00:36:48,161
You set this all up.
517
00:38:38,524 --> 00:38:40,484
My hammy!
518
00:38:40,568 --> 00:38:43,068
No!
519
00:38:56,417 --> 00:38:57,747
I don't know what to do.
520
00:38:58,919 --> 00:38:59,919
About?
521
00:39:00,338 --> 00:39:01,338
Anything!
522
00:39:02,298 --> 00:39:04,178
I'm a dope. I mean, Wesley lied.
523
00:39:04,258 --> 00:39:05,378
I totally fell for it.
524
00:39:05,926 --> 00:39:08,676
You lied, and I totally fell for it.
525
00:39:10,389 --> 00:39:11,389
Shit.
526
00:39:12,475 --> 00:39:14,805
You know, everything I thought
I knew about the apocalypse
527
00:39:14,894 --> 00:39:16,354
has been absolutely wrong.
528
00:39:18,606 --> 00:39:20,686
I just wish I knew something that is true.
529
00:39:28,032 --> 00:39:30,992
KJ stands for Karen Jane.
530
00:39:33,996 --> 00:39:36,166
It's a first-generation Chinese thing.
531
00:39:37,875 --> 00:39:38,875
Truth.
532
00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:45,934
Well, it's my dumb fault
the gamers were caught.
533
00:39:46,008 --> 00:39:49,098
I should have let this go,
but I was so pissed at Turbo and...
534
00:39:49,595 --> 00:39:50,595
Wesley, too.
535
00:39:50,888 --> 00:39:52,468
I wanted to hurt them both.
536
00:39:54,016 --> 00:39:55,136
It was childish.
537
00:39:55,768 --> 00:39:57,808
I mean, Burr was right.
We're all out of control!
538
00:39:57,895 --> 00:39:58,895
No!
539
00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:02,817
You freed those kids from Baron Triumph
and gave them a home,
540
00:40:03,275 --> 00:40:04,275
and me.
541
00:40:05,403 --> 00:40:08,533
The mall can be a place
for all the stragglers that don't fit in.
542
00:40:13,786 --> 00:40:15,366
I've never met anyone like you.
543
00:40:16,539 --> 00:40:17,539
You're a good guy.
544
00:40:18,916 --> 00:40:19,916
You're so nice.
545
00:40:21,794 --> 00:40:24,514
Nice is what you say when you have
nothing else to say about someone.
546
00:40:25,005 --> 00:40:26,415
It's lame. I'm not nice.
547
00:41:02,793 --> 00:41:03,793
Crumble?
548
00:41:04,545 --> 00:41:06,295
Figured out how to use the tampon.
549
00:41:07,298 --> 00:41:09,678
Maybe you won't go crazy
if you can't smell the blood.
550
00:41:11,594 --> 00:41:12,974
It's cherry scented.
551
00:41:13,053 --> 00:41:14,393
Help me.
552
00:41:15,556 --> 00:41:16,556
Crumble?
553
00:41:20,394 --> 00:41:22,064
- Oh, what's wrong?
- I'm sorry.
554
00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:24,774
Please help me.
555
00:41:33,157 --> 00:41:34,197
It hurts.
556
00:41:34,658 --> 00:41:35,738
You're okay.
557
00:41:38,662 --> 00:41:39,662
It's okay.
558
00:41:53,469 --> 00:41:55,049
Position in the south corridor.
559
00:41:56,847 --> 00:41:58,557
Shit! Someone's coming!
560
00:41:59,433 --> 00:42:01,193
No. No, no! We've been set...
561
00:42:07,983 --> 00:42:11,653
You lose.
562
00:42:11,987 --> 00:42:13,817
You lose.
563
00:42:14,281 --> 00:42:16,741
You lose. You lose!
564
00:42:16,825 --> 00:42:19,615
You lose! You lose!
565
00:42:19,703 --> 00:42:22,463
You lose! You lo...
565
00:42:23,305 --> 00:43:23,180
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