Original subtitles

- ( bells jingling ) - ( rock music playing )

♪ ONE TWO THREE FOUR ♪

( cheering )

♪ UH-HUH ♪

♪ WHOO ♪

♪ I ALWAYS LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR ♪

♪ WHITE SNOW AND REINDEER ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

♪ THAT SPECIAL SOMETHING IN THE AIR ♪

♪ FRIENDS AND FAMILY EVERYWHERE ♪

♪ OH ♪

♪ WHEN EVERYBODY'S SINGING ♪

♪ MY HEART STARTS JINGALINGIN' ♪

♪ THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THOSE DECEMBER NIGHTS ♪

♪ TODAY'S THE DAY ♪

♪ LET'S CELEBRATE WITH THAT CHRISTMAS SOUL ♪

♪ FEEL THAT CHRISTMAS SOUL ♪

♪ WE'LL HAVE A BALL ♪

♪ LET'S DECK THE HALLS WITH THAT CHRISTMAS SOUL ♪

♪ FEEL THAT CHRISTMAS SOUL ♪

♪ WE'VE GOT THAT REINDEER KIND OF CHEER ♪

♪ SANTA'S FLYING OVER HERE ♪

♪ ALL THE WAY FROM THE NORTH POLE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE GOT CHRISTMAS SOUL ♪

♪ JUST FEEL THAT, JUST FEEL THAT ♪

♪ JUST FEEL THAT CHRISTMAS SOUL ♪

♪ JUST FEEL THAT, JUST FEEL THAT ♪

♪ JUST FEEL THAT CHRISTMAS SOUL ♪

♪ JUST FEEL THAT, JUST FEEL THAT ♪

♪ JUST FEEL THAT CHRISTMAS SOUL ♪

♪ OH. ♪

( cheering )

THANKS FOR COMING OUT,

AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

WHOO.

( chuckles )

MAN, I LOVE CHRISTMAS IN MIAMI.

I JUST WISH SANTA DIDN'T WEAR SHORTS.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS YEAR'S ALMOST OVER.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

"TIME FLIES WHEN YOU'RE HAVING FONDUE."

( chuckles )

DEZ, IT'S FUN.

IT IS FUN. YOU CAN DIP ANYTHING IN CHEESE.

BROCCOLI, BREAD, MY KEYS.

THOSE ARE MY KEYS.

( groans )

WHAT A YEAR.

JIMMY STARR SIGNED ME TO STARR RECORDS

AND I RELEASED MY FIRST ALBUM.

AND YOU STILL MIGHT GET TO LIVE OUT YOUR BIGGEST DREAM--

PLAYING TIMES SQUARE FOR NEW YEAR'S EVE!

IF TRISH CAN PULL THAT OFF,

THAT'D BE THE BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER.

YOU KNOW WHAT MY BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT WAS?

- THE FONDUE? - NOPE. THE FONDUE.

WAIT. DID YOU JUST SAY "THE FONDUE"?

THEN YOU WERE RIGHT.

GUESS WHAT I JUST DID?

I BOOKED AUSTIN TO PLAY TIMES SQUARE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE!

( cheering )

( gasping )

OHH.

MAN, TIMES SQUARE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE.

A BILLION PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE WATCHING.

NOW IS PROBABLY A GOOD TIME TO FINISH THAT SONG.

THANKS FOR MAKING THIS HAPPEN, TRISH.

I BETTER CALL TO SEE WHAT TIME

THEY WANT AUSTIN THERE.

- ( phone beeps ) - CHEERI,

CALL TIMES SQUARE PROMOTER.

Cheeri: Calling Tim's Square Pizza.

- NO. NOT TIM'S SQUARE PIZZA. - ( phone ringing )

TIM'S SQUARE, WHAT CAN I GET YOU?

SORRY, WRONG NUMBER.

NO. IT'S TIM'S SQUARE PIZZA.

BEST SQUARE PIZZA IN MIAMI.

TRISH, RIGHT?

WE SPOKE EARLIER WHEN YOU BOOKED AUSTIN

TO PLAY HERE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE.

HELLO? TRISH?

OH NO.

CHEERI MESSED UP.

I DIDN'T BOOK AUSTIN AT TIMES SQUARE.

I BOOKED HIM AT TIM'S SQUARE PIZZA.

OH, THAT'S HORRIBLE.

BUT SINCE YOU HAVE TIM ON THE PHONE,

COULD YOU ORDER ME A HALF MUSHROOM, HALF SURPRISE ME?

( rock music playing )

♪ OH OH OH OH OH OH ♪

♪ HEY, JESSIE! HEY, JESSIE! ♪

♪ WHEN THE CROWD WANTS MORE ♪

♪ I BRING ON THE THUNDER, 'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT MY BACK ♪

- ♪ AND I'M NOT GOING UNDER ♪ - ♪ HEY, JESSIE! ♪

♪ YOU'RE MY POINT, YOU'RE MY GUARD ♪

♪ YOU'RE THE PERFECT CHORD, AND I SEE OUR NAMES TOGETHER ♪

- ♪ ON EVERY BILLBOARD ♪ - ♪ HEY, JESSIE! ♪

♪ MY WHOLE WORLD IS CHANGING, TURNING AROUND ♪

♪ THEY GOT ME GOING CRAZY, YEAH, THEY'RE SHAKING THE GROUND ♪

♪ HEY, BUT THEY TOOK A CHANCE ON THE NEW GIRL IN TOWN ♪

♪ OH, AND I DON'T WANNA LET THEM DOWN ♪

♪ DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN ♪

♪ THERE'S NO WAY I COULD MAKE IT WITHOUT YA ♪

- ♪ HEY, HEY ♪ - ♪ DO IT WITHOUT YA, BE HERE WITHOUT YA ♪

♪ IT'S NO FUN WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT SOLO ♪

- ♪ HEY, HEY ♪ - ♪ WITH YOU IT'S LIKE, "WHOA," YEAH, AND I KNOW ♪

♪ I OWN THIS DREAM ♪

♪ 'CAUSE I GOT YOU WITH ME ♪

♪ HEY, JESSIE! ♪

SO, I WAS THINKING THE SONG SHOULD BE

ABOUT CHASING YOUR DREAMS.

SINCE YOUR DREAM'S ABOUT TO COME TRUE.

OH. THIS ALL SEEMS SO UNREAL--

LIKE BIGFOOT, OR THOSE MYTHICAL

BLACK AND WHITE STRIPED HORSES.

YOU MEAN ZEBRAS?

THOSE ARE REAL.

SURE THEY ARE, ALLY.

ANYWAY, I'VE BEEN WORKING ON A MELODY.

CHECK IT OUT.

( music playing through headphones )

ALLY?

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU IN PRIVATE.

IT'S OKAY. HE CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING.

LISTEN,

THERE'S BEEN A TEENY, TINY MIX-UP.

AUSTIN'S NOT PLAYING IN TIMES SQUARE ON NEW YEAR'S EVE.

- WHAT? - YOU GOTTA TELL HIM.

I MEAN, I'D DO IT MYSELF,

BUT I'M NOT HERE.

THE SONG'S GOOD,

BUT INSTEAD OF CHASING YOUR DREAMS,

LET'S MAKE IT ABOUT YOUR DREAMS FINALLY COMING TRUE--

LIKE ME AND TIMES SQUARE.

( moans )

THAT WOULD BE A TERRIBLE IDEA.

BECAUSE...

THE SAD TRUTH IS...

A LOT OF PEOPLE'S DREAMS DON'T COME TRUE.

WE SHOULDN'T RUB IT IN THEIR FACES.

WOW. WAY TO BUM ME OUT.

BESIDES, IT'S ABOUT THE JOURNEY,

NOT THE DESTINATION.

WHAT SOUNDS BETTER--

SITTING ON A BEACH IN HAWAII

OR SITTING ON A PLANE FOR 12 HOURS TO GET THERE?

UH...

THE BEACH PART.

CLEARLY, YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT DREAMS...

OR THE FUN OF AIR TRAVEL.

LOOK, ALLY,

I DON'T WANT TO WRITE ABOUT THE JOURNEY.

I WANT TO WRITE ABOUT HOW GREAT IT FEELS

WHEN YOU FINALLY GET THERE.

I MEAN...

CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT IT'S GONNA FEEL LIKE

WHEN WE FINALLY GET TO TIMES SQUARE?

( sighs )

EXACTLY!

OH, WE'RE GONNA BE SPEECHLESS.

SO HOW'D AUSTIN TAKE THE NEWS?

I DIDN'T TELL HIM.

WHY?

TRISH, I'M TIRED OF YOU MAKING MESSES

AND EXPECTING SOMEBODY ELSE TO CLEAN THEM UP.

WHAT? ( scoffs )

I DON'T DO THAT.

DEZ, CLEAN THAT UP.

OH, MY PLEASURE.

DEZ, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

AND I DON'T HAVE TO SWEEP UP THE MALL PARKING LOT EITHER...

BUT I DO IT 'CAUSE I CARE.

OKAY.

TRISH, YOU'RE AUSTIN'S MANAGER.

YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM HE'S NOT PERFORMING IN TIMES SQUARE.

I CAN'T DO THAT.

- DEZ? - DON'T LOOK AT ME.

I CAN'T BREAK HIS HEART AGAIN.

I'LL NEVER FORGET HOW UPSET HE WAS

WHEN I TOLD HIM ZEBRAS WEREN'T REAL.

OKAY. NOBODY'S GONNA HAVE TO TELL HIM ANYTHING

BECAUSE I'M GONNA FIX THIS.

AND DEZ...

ZEBRAS ARE REAL.

OH, ALLY.

SURE THEY ARE.

YOU DISTRACT JIMMY WHILE I TAKE HIS COMPUTER

AND VIDEO CHAT THE TIMES SQUARE PROMOTER.

- CHECK. - HE AND JIMMY ARE OLD FRIENDS.

HE'LL ANSWER IF HE THINKS I'M JIMMY.

AND IF YOUR PLAN DOESN'T WORK,

AUSTIN STILL HAS THAT GREAT GIG AT THE PIZZA PLACE.

( gasps ) HERE HE COMES.

WHAT'S SO URGENT YOU HAD TO SEE ME AT 9:00 IN THE MORNING

ON NEW YEAR'S EVE?

JIMMY!

I HAVE A BUSINESS PROPOSAL THAT I THINK YOU'RE GONNA WANT TO HEAR.

MY JET'S WAITING TO TAKE ME TO NEW YORK.

YOU GOT FIVE MINUTES.

RIGHT.

CASH FLOW,

PROFIT MARGIN, MARKET SHARE

ARE THREE THINGS

I'VE HEARD BUSINESSMEN SAY.

THREE THINGS I'VE NEVER HEARD

A BUSINESSMAN SAY...

SPATULA, RUBBER DUCKY, CHIMICHANGA.

( beeps )

JIMMY, MY MAN.

WAIT, WHAT? WHO ARE YOU?

HI, MR. CLARKSON.

I'M TRISH. AUSTIN MOON'S MANAGER.

PLEASE DON'T HANG UP.

You're the girl who's left me 58 messages.

I KNOW YOU HAVE OTHER ACTS BOOKED FOR TONIGHT,

BUT AUSTIN ONLY NEEDS ENOUGH TIME TO DO ONE SONG.

LOOK, I LOVE AUSTIN'S MUSIC.

I DO, BUT--

NOBODY BRINGS IT LIKE AUSTIN.

IT'LL BE THE MOST UNFORGETTABLE

NEW YEAR'S EVE PERFORMANCE YOU'VE EVER SEEN.

I do like unforgettable.

SO...?

FIRE, THE AUTOMOBILE, THE INTERNET

ARE THREE THINGS THAT NOBODY KNOWS HOW THEY WORK.

I KNOW HOW ALL THOSE THINGS WORK.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SELL ME?

WELL, THAT'S A VERY GOOD QUESTION.

I'M TRYING TO SELL YOU, UH...

UH...

THIS BRIEFCASE.

PREMIUM FAKE LEATHER.

POCKETS FOR BUSINESS THINGS.

I'VE ALREADY GOT A BRIEFCASE.

WELL, THIS WAS A BIG WASTE OF MY TIME.

( screaming )

OKAY. THAT'S NOT YOUR SHOE-SALE SCREAM.

AND THAT'S NOT YOUR I-GOT-ALL-As-

ON-MY-REPORT-CARD SCREAM,

'CAUSE I'VE DEFINITELY NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE.

THAT'S YOUR AUSTIN-MOON SCREAM.

THEY JUST ADDED HIM TO TONIGHT'S

NEW YEAR'S EVE SHOW IN TIMES SQUARE.

SUPER. WE WILL ENJOY WATCHING HIM

FROM THE SAFETY OF OUR PENTHOUSE.

JESSIE, WE HAVE TO GO SEE AUSTIN PERFORM IN PERSON!

SORRY, EMMA, BUT I HAVE OTHER PLANS.

LIKE WHAT?

WORKING ON YOUR SAME OLD NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

THAT YOU NEVER KEEP?

"IMPROVE MY SPANISH.

MAKE IT ON BROADWAY.

MARRY A PRINCE."

UH, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A PRINCE.

SULTAN WILL WORK.

I DID IT, ALLY.

I BOOKED AUSTIN AT THE REAL TIMES SQUARE TONIGHT.

- YES! - AND I WAS THIS CLOSE

TO SELLING JIMMY A BRIEFCASE.

- THAT'S AMAZING. - I KNOW.

IT'S GOT A CALCULATOR CADDY,

COMBINATION LOCK, EIGHT POUCHES--

NOT THE BRIEFCASE.

TIMES SQUARE!

TRISH, I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT.

NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS JUST CHECK ON OUR FLIGHT.

CHEERI, IS OUR 1:00 FLIGHT ON TIME?

Cheeri: Your 1:00 flight left at 1:00 this morning.

THIS MORNING?!

I WANTED OUR FLIGHT FOR THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU STINK, CHEERI.

Cheeri: You stink.

WE MISSED OUR FLIGHT?

HEY, GUYS, I'M READY.

TIMES SQUARE, HERE WE COME.

WHY ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?

UH...

ALLY HAS SOMETHING SHE WANTS TO TELL YOU.

I'D DO IT MYSELF, BUT I'M NOT HERE.

LADIES!

I GOT THIS.

AUSTIN, THERE'S NO EASY WAY TO SAY THIS--

YOU'RE NOT PERFORMING AT TIMES SQUARE.

HEY, THAT WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF EASY TO SAY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE TRISH MESSED UP OUR FLIGHT.

I WAS SO CLOSE TO MY DREAM.

I KNOW YOU'RE BUMMED.

BUT TAKE IT FROM ME,

A GUY WHOSE DREAMS NEVER COME TRUE.

IT GETS BETTER?

NO, YOU'LL NEVER GET OVER THIS ONE.

MAYBE YOU WERE RIGHT, ALLY.

I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR THE YEAR I'VE HAD.

IT'S THE JOURNEY THAT COUNTS,

NOT THE DESTINATION.

FORGET THAT. IT'S THE DESTINATION.

I WANT TO GO TO NEW YORK.

GREAT NEWS.

I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MY AUNT

WHO WORKS FOR COASTAL AIR,

AND YOU GUYS ARE ON THE NEXT FLIGHT TO NEW YORK.

- ( cheering ) - YES YES!

OH!

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

OH, I'LL BE ON THE FLIGHT TOO.

( jet engine roaring )

WELCOME ABOARD COASTAL AIR.

I'M YOUR FLIGHT ATTENDANT IN TRAINING, TRISH.

THE CAPTAIN HAS TURNED OFF THE FASTEN SEAT BELT SIGN

AND YOU CAN NOW USE ELECTRONIC DEVICES.

ALTHOUGH I DON'T RECOMMEND USING CHEERI.

EXCUSE ME, MISS,

IT'S THERE A PILLOW UP THERE?

OH, THERE IS.

( clatters )

YOU LOOK LIKE AUSTIN MOON.

THAT'S 'CAUSE I AM AUSTIN MOON.

YOU WISH!

NO, IT'S TRUE.

PROVE IT.

DANCE.

I'M NOT GONNA DANCE FOR YOU.

YOU'RE SCARED TO DANCE 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT AUSTIN MOON.

( chuckles )

PLEASE. I'M NOT SCARED OF ANYTHING.

( yelps )

( hyperventilating )

EXCEPT TURBULENCE!

I KNEW YOU WEREN'T AUSTIN MOON.

LIAR.

UH, EXCUSE ME.

I LEFT MY EARBUDS IN MY BAG.

MIND IF I SCOOT PAST?

YOU GO GO RIGHT AHEAD, DEAR.

OW OW.

OW. HEY.

EXCUSE ME.

OH.

( grunting )

( snaps )

( sighs )

ON SECOND THOUGHT, I DON'T WANT TO LISTEN TO MUSIC.

I WANT TO READ.

( moaning )

UH...

OW!

UM, EXCUSE ME.

- ( snoring ) - HELLO?

( snoring )

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

OH!

- SORRY. - OW. HEY!

- SORRY. - ( grunts )

- OH, SORRY. - HEY!

WHOOPS. SORRY.

♪ JUST AN ILLUSION! ♪

THERE, NOW DO YOU BELIEVE I'M AUSTIN MOON?

NOPE.

EXCUSE ME.

- WHOA! - OH OH.

EXCUSE ME. COMING THROUGH.

CHEESE AND CRACKERS!

( exhales )

( sighs )

GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM.

YOU MIND IF I SCOOT PAST AGAIN?

YES! I DO MIND.

YOU'RE GONNA HOLD IT AND LIKE IT!

( grunts )

UM, EXCUSE ME.

WOULD YOU MIND IF I SIT THERE FOR A SEC?

I NEED TO TALK TO AUSTIN.

GO AHEAD.

BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW,

HE'S NOT THE REAL AUSTIN MOON.

POSER!

SORRY.

OKAY.

( sighs ) THANK YOU.

WHOO.

SO? ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT TONIGHT?

NOT AT ALL.

I CAN'T BELIEVE A BILLION PEOPLE

ARE GONNA BE WATCHING YOU.

WELL, NOW I'M A LITTLE NERVOUS.

( chuckling )

I'VE BEEN WATCHING NEW YEAR'S EVE IN TIMES SQUARE

SINCE I WAS A KID.

I REMEMBER THOSE PERFORMERS MADE ME FEEL LIKE I COULD DO ANYTHING.

I WANT TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL THE SAME WAY.

YOU WILL.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE CAPTAIN HAS INFORMED ME WE'RE EXPERIENCING

MINOR MECHANICAL TROUBLES,

SO INSTEAD OF LANDING IN NEW YORK,

WE'RE BEING DIVERTED TO PHILADELPHIA.

( all groaning )

SORRY, AUSTIN.

I'M GONNA MISS MY SHOW.

AND I'M GONNA MISS MY CONNECTING FLIGHT

TO MARS.

( screeches )

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ON STAGE IN THREE HOURS.

IT'S NOT SO BAD. ACCORDING TO THIS MAP,

PHILADELPHIA IS ONLY THIS FAR AWAY FROM NEW YORK.

I'M SURE WE CAN TRAVEL THIS FAR IN THREE HOURS.

WE'VE COME TOO FAR TO GIVE UP NOW.

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING. YOU'RE AUSTIN MOON!

- NO, HE'S NOT. - ZIP IT, KID!

AUSTIN, I'M GONNA FIND A WAY

TO GET YOU TO TIMES SQUARE.

- HOW? - HEY.

I'M YOUR MANAGER. I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

WHEN I START A JOB, I ALWAYS FINISH IT.

EXCUSE ME, MISS?

NO, SORRY, I QUIT.

( tires screeching )

AND THE CAB RIDE IS NOW OFFICIALLY LONGER

THAN THE PLANE RIDE.

AND MY WATCH WAS STOLEN AT THE AIRPORT.

( groans ) IS IT TOO LATE TO TURN BACK?

YES. WE'RE ALREADY IN CENTRAL PARK.

WE'RE GONNA GET TO THE SHOW ON TIME.

SEE, AUSTIN? YOU WERE WORRIED FOR NOTHING.

WHOA. GUYS.

THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.

DO WE HAVE ENOUGH TO COVER IT?

LET'S PUT ALL OF OUR MONEY TOGETHER.

- OH, OKAY. - YEAH YEAH.

AUSTIN. AUSTIN, YOU'RE ON MY PURSE.

HERE.

ALL RIGHT, I GOT--

- OKAY. - I GOT SOME.

UM...

UH...

UH, COVER YOUR EYES.

I DON'T WANT YOU SEEING WHERE I KEEP MY MONEY.

IT'S SECRET.

YOUR SECRET HIDING PLACE IS YOUR WALLET?

SHH! DON'T TELL ANYONE.

( murmuring )

EXCUSE ME, SIR?

IS THIS GONNA BE ENOUGH TO GET US TO TIMES SQUARE?

( tires squealing )

WELL, I GUESS THAT WASN'T ENOUGH.

( winces )

I FEEL BAD WE COULDN'T TIP HIM.

HE'S GOT OUR BAGS IN THE TRUNK.

OH, GOOD.

I FEEL BETTER NOW.

HEY! I SEE THE BALL. WE MUST BE CLOSE.

CHEERI, HOW FAR AWAY ARE WE FROM TIMES SQUARE?

Cheeri: 1,283 miles.

NOT TIM'S SQUARE PIZZA!

CHEERI, YOU'RE USELESS. ( groans )

Cheeri: Searching "anger management."

( growls )

- ( crashes ) - Cheeri: Ouch.

PROBABLY SHOULD GO GET THAT.

COME ON, GUYS. LET'S JUST MAKE A RUN FOR IT.

WE CAN DO THIS.

JESSIE, CAN WE PLEASE

GO SEE AUSTIN MOON PERFORM TONIGHT?

SORRY, EMMA. THE ANSWER IS STILL NO.

TIMES SQUARE IS FILLED WITH ALL SORTS OF

CRAZY, ROWDY PEOPLE ON NEW YEAR'S.

IT'S NO PLACE FOR A 14-YEAR-OLD.

RYAN SEACREST IS HOSTING THE NEW YEAR'S EVE TELECAST.

YOU MIGHT GET A CHANCE TO ♪ MEET HIM. ♪

IF ANYONE ASKS, YOU'RE 15.

LET'S GO!

( crowd cheering )

UH, EXCUSE ME, OFFICER. WE NEED TO GET THROUGH.

SORRY, WE'RE AT CAPACITY.

BUT HE'S AUSTIN MOON.

YEAH! HE'S PERFORMING IN 18 MINUTES AND 23 SECONDS.

WELL, IF HE'S PERFORMING, I SUPPOSE I COULD JUST LET HIM THROUGH.

- REALLY? - NO.

NO ONE ELSE IS GETTING THROUGH.

COME ON, THERE'S GOT TO BE ANOTHER WAY.

OH, SORRY.

( gasps )

SHUT UP!

- ARE YOU? - YES, I'M AUSTIN MOON.

BUT I'M NOT GONNA SING OR DANCE TO PROVE IT.

( screams )

AS YOU CAN SEE, SHE'S A BIG FAN.

I CAN NO LONGER HEAR!

I'M JESSIE, AND THIS IS EMMA.

THIS IS ALLY, TRISH, AND DEZ.

Both: HEY.

SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE?

AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE PERFORMING UP THERE?

YEAH, BUT THAT COP WON'T LET US THROUGH,

AND THERE'S NO OTHER WAY FOR ME TO GET UP THERE.

OH, AUSTIN.

WHEN YOU KNOW RICH PEOPLE,

THERE'S ALWAYS ANOTHER WAY.

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D BE FLYING ABOVE NEW YORK CITY

IN A HELICOPTER ON NEW YEAR'S EVE!

I NEVER THOUGHT I'D THROW UP IN A HELICOPTER.

BUT ON A MAGICAL NIGHT LIKE TONIGHT,

ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE.

THIS IS AMAZING.

AND THE BEST PART IS YOU GUYS ARE HERE WITH ME.

I'M SO GLAD YOU FEEL THAT WAY.

BECAUSE I AM NEVER LEAVING YOUR SIDE.

JESSIE, YOU ROCK.

YOU HAVE YOUR OWN HELICOPTER,

AND YOU KNOW HOW TO FLY IT.

OH, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FLY IT.

All: WHAT?!

KIDDING. MY BOSS WOULD NEVER

LEND ME HIS HELICOPTER

IF I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO FLY IT.

- OH. - ( cellphone ringing )

IT'S JIMMY!

TRISH, WHAT'S GOING ON?

WHERE'S AUSTIN? HE GOES ON IN ONE MINUTE.

ONE MINUTE?

HE'LL BE THERE, JIMMY.

WE'RE JUST ABOUT TO LAND THE HELICOPTER.

YOU'RE IN A HELICOPTER?

DON'T WORRY. IT'S BEING FLOWN

BY A TEENAGE NANNY.

GOTTA GO.

HEY, THERE'S THE BUILDING.

GET READY, AUSTIN.

TIGHTEN YOUR SEAT BELTS, EVERYBODY.

WE'RE GOING DOWN.

ALLY, IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?

BELIEVE IT, AUSTIN. IT'S REAL.

JUST LIKE ZEBRAS.

( pop beat playing )

♪ I KNOW IT'S ON WHEN I CAN'T STOP MYSELF ♪

♪ FROM WATCHING YOU MO-OOH-OOH-OVE ♪

♪ Mo-ooh-ooh-ove ♪

♪ IT'S AUTOMATIC, GOTTA HAVE IT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE YOU GOT THAT BOOM DA BOOM BOOM ♪

♪ Boom da boom boom ♪

♪ WHEN THE LIGHTS COME UP ♪

♪ IT'S HARD TO HOLD BACK ♪

♪ SO COME ON ♪

♪ LET IT BLOW ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT ♪

♪ COMING DOWN DOWN DOWN? ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT ♪

♪ COMING DOWN DOWN DOWN? ♪

♪ MOVING FASTER, STRONGER, HARDER ♪

♪ MOVING FASTER, STRONGER, HARDER ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ TURN IT UP UP UP ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ TURN IT UP UP UP ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ TURN IT UP UP UP ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ FEEL IT, FEEL IT ♪

♪ HEY HEY ♪

♪ PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND GET IT ROCKIN' ♪

♪ HEY HEY, SHOW THE WHOLE WORLD ♪

♪ WE'RE NEVER STOPPING ♪

♪ HEY HEY ♪

♪ PUT YOUR HANDS UP WE'RE LIGHTING UP THE SKY ♪

♪ TONIGHT, TONIGHT ♪

♪ WHEN THE LIGHTS COME UP ♪

♪ IT'S HARD TO HOLD BACK ♪

♪ SO COME ON ♪

- ♪ LET IT BLOW... ♪ - YEAH!

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ TURN IT UP UP UP ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ TURN IT UP UP UP ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ TURN IT UP UP UP ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ FEEL IT, FEEL IT, OH! ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

( cheering )

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ TURN IT UP UP UP ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

♪ TURN IT UP UP UP ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT? ♪

HI, RYAN!

THAT'S RYAN SEACREST. RYAN!

RYAN, I LOVE YOU!

NO, NOT YOU.

NOT YOU. NO, NOT YOU EITHER.

DEFINITELY NOT YOU.

APPARENTLY THERE'S A LOT OF GUYS NAMED RYAN IN NEW YORK.

BUT THERE'S ONLY ONE AUSTIN MOON,

AND I GOT HIS PHONE NUMBER!

( squeals )

WHAT? HOW?

WOW. RICH KIDS WILL BUY ANYTHING.

SO, BUDDY,

WHAT'S YOUR NEXT BIG DREAM?

TO BORROW A WARMER JACKET!

MAN, NEW YORK IS COLD.

WHOO.

WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME LIKE THAT?

OH, I STARTED TEARING UP DURING YOUR PERFORMANCE,

AND MY EYES FROZE OPEN.

HMM.

WELL, AUSTIN,

WHATEVER YOUR NEXT BIG DREAM IS,

JUST KNOW I'M GONNA BE THERE FOR YOU.

THANKS, TRISH.

HEY, HOW ARE WE GETTING HOME?

I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

♪ OH OH OH OH OH OH ♪

♪ HEY, JESSIE, HEY, JESSIE! ♪

HI, DAD! IT'S MY FIRST NEW YEAR'S EVE IN TIMES SQUARE.

IT'S KINDA LIKE BEING ON A BATTLEFIELD,

EXCEPT THE PROJECTILES ARE STREAMERS AND VOMIT.

JESSIE! I GOT A GREAT SOUVENIR FROM THE CONCERT.

WHAT? A T-SHIRT? A C.D.?

NO, AUSTIN MOON'S SHOE!

ALRIGHTY. PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU HAVE HIS FOOT IN YOUR POCKET.

EWW! NO.

THAT WOULD BE WEIRD.

WOULDN'T IT, LEFTY?

- JESSIE! - WHAT?

BERTRAM, I TOLD YOU TO STAY AT HOME WITH THE KIDS

- WHILE I TOOK EMMA TO THE CONCERT. - THEY WANTED TO COME TOO,

SO THEY TRICKED ME. THEY TOLD ME 98° WAS PERFORMING,

BUT INSTEAD IT'S 9.8°.

AND NOW WE'VE LOST ZURI!

WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN "WE'VE LOST ZURI"?

WE HAD HER, NOW WE DON'T. KEEP UP!

WELL, WE SHOULD ALERT SECURITY.

WHERE IS THE LAST PLACE YOU SAW HER?

- SOMEWHERE DOWN THERE. - ( crowd cheering )

WOW. THIS IS, LIKE,

THE MOST DIFFICULT "WHERE IS WALDO?" EVER!

All: ZURI! ZURI!

- HEY, OVER HERE! - BERTRAM, DO YOU SEE ZURI?

NO, BUT WE'RE ON THE JUMBOTRON.

HI, MOM!

- OW! - ( cellphone rings )

- IT'S ZURI! - ( beeps )

ZURI! YOU'RE-- YOU'RE WHERE?

I CAN'T HEAR YOU, SWEETIE. SPEAK UP.

YOU'RE AT THE MALL?

( gasps ) CAN YOU PICK ME UP SOME BOOTS?

'CAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I JUST STEPPED IN.

NO, I SAID, "I'M IN A BALL."

Look up!

SHE IS SO GROUNDED!

WELL, ONCE I GET HER BACK ON THE GROUND.

( sighs ) WE HAVE TO GET TO THE TOP OF THAT BUILDING.

HOW ON EARTH DID YOU GET UP THERE, ANYWAY?

WELL, YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE SHINY THINGS,

SO YADA YADA YADA, BAM!

SUDDENLY I'M STUCK IN A BALL.

DON'T WORRY. I'LL GET YOU DOWN.

FIRST ONE WITH AN IDEA GETS TO STAY UP PAST THEIR BEDTIME.

IT'S ALREADY PAST OUR BEDTIME.

A CURSORY EXAMINATION REVEALS

THE BALL IS OPERATED BY A TIMER.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS OPEN THIS BOX AND OVERRIDE THE SYSTEM.

( grunts )

ALAS, THIS FORTRESS IS IMPENETRABLE.

POOR ZURI, WE HARDLY KNEW YOU.

LET A MAN HANDLE THIS. ( clears throat )

( grunts ) OW!

MY ZESTING FINGER.

I'VE GOT JUST THE RIGHT TOOL FOR THIS JOB.

- WHOO. - Jessie: NICE.

- ( beeping ) - OH MAN, THIS LOOKS REALLY COMPLICATED.

NOT AT ALL! THIS IS WHY YOU CALL MY COUNTRY

WHEN YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR COMPUTER.

( clicks )

- ( whirring ) - Jessie: ZURI, HANG ON!

All: 10, NINE, EIGHT,

- SEVEN, SIX, FIVE... - CAN'T THIS THING GO ANY FASTER?

- Luke: JESSIE, PLEASE! - ...FOUR, FOUR, FOUR,

FOUR, FOUR, FOUR...

DOES ANYBODY CARE THAT IT'S STILL SIX MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT?

- ( clicking ) - ( whirring )

...THREE, TWO, ONE!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

- ( gasps ) OH, ZURI! - JESSIE!

OH, THANK GOODNESS.

OH, THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE OKAY.

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. IF YOU EVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT AGAIN,

YOU WILL NOT LIVE TO SEE DOUBLE DIGITS.

MAKE UP YOUR MIND!

ARE YOU HAPPY TO SEE ME OR ARE YOU MAD?

BOTH. I JUST WANNA SQUEEZE THE LIFE OUT OF YOU!

- ( electrical crackling ) - ( gasps )

- ( beeping ) - Ravi: I THINK I HIT THE WRONG BUTTON.

EITHER THESE ARE THE WORLD'S WORST FIREWORKS...

- ( bangs, whirs down ) - ( all gasp )

...OR RAVI BROKE NEW YORK.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: GET MORE EXERCISE.

RUN!

HEY, JESSIE, CAN YOU PROOFREAD MY POEM FOR SCHOOL?

- SURE, WHAT'S IT CALLED? - "STRANDED:

MY NIGHT OF TERROR HIGH ABOVE TIMES SQUARE."

IS THIS A POEM OR A POLICE REPORT?

CAN'T YOU WRITE SOMETHING THAT WON'T GET ME FIRED?

HEY, I JUST GO WHERE MY MUSE TAKES ME.

( screams )

THANK YOU! FINALLY, SOMEBODY LOVES MY FRENCH TOAST.

NO. AUSTIN MOON IS ON HIS WAY UP HERE.

- HOW DID HE GET OUR ADDRESS? - I MIGHT'VE TEXTED IT TO HIM...

FIVE OR SIX HUNDRED TIMES.

CAREFUL. NO ONE LIKES A FANGIRL WITH BEEFY THUMBS.

( gasps )

WELL, IT WILL BE REALLY COOL TO HAVE ANOTHER MUSICIAN IN THE APARTMENT.

- WHO IS THE FIRST ONE? - ME!

WHAT I MEANT WAS...

LUKE SLEEPS IN ONE OF YOUR T-SHIRTS!

- WHAT? - ( elevator dings )

All: WHOA.

AUSTIN! YOU'VE COME BACK FOR ME!

( grunts )

ACTUALLY, I CAME FOR MY SHOE.

IT'S FREEZING OUTSIDE AND MY FOOT IS NUMB.

OOH! IF FROSTBITE CAUSES ONE OF YOUR TOES TO FALL OFF,

I CALL DIBS!

I TOLD YOU NEW YORKERS ARE WEIRD.

- AT LEAST SHE'S A FAN. - MIGHT BE A CANNIBAL.

SORRY, SHE'S ACTUALLY HARMLESS.

THEN WHY IS AUSTIN NOT BREATHING?

EMMA! RELEASE! HEY!

( breathing deeply )

WELL, GUESS WE SHOULD GO BACK TO THAT HOTEL ROOM WE DON'T HAVE.

( all four sigh )

MAYBE WE CAN FIND FOUR PARK BENCHES CLOSE TO EACH OTHER.

AND SOME LONELY PIGEONS TO KEEP US WARM.

WAIT! IF YOU GUYS NEED A PLACE TO STAY,

WE HAVE PLENTY OF ROOM HERE.

AND WE CAN FLY YOU HOME IN OUR PRIVATE JET.

IT'S LIKE YOU'RE BEING STALKED BY A BLONDE BILL GATES.

THAT IS SO NICE OF YOU GUYS.

HOW COULD WE EVER REPAY YOU?

UH, SHE ALREADY TOLD YOU--

GIVE HER ONE OF YOUR TOES.

( chuckles )

( whispers ) EMMA, YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND

INVITING STRANGERS TO STAY WITH US THEN OFFER TO FLY 'EM HOME.

YOU KNOW, IF WE HELP THEM OUT,

AUSTIN MIGHT BE WILLING TO PERFORM ONE OF YOUR SONGS AND TURN IT INTO A BIG HIT.

WELCOME, BESTIES!

THE BEDROOMS ARE UPSTAIRS, THE DAY SPA IS DOWNSTAIRS

AND OUR BUTLER WILL BE HAPPY TO PREPARE ANYTHING YOU DESIRE.

NO, I WON'T! GO AWAY!

NO MORE KIDS!

AUSTIN, I JUST ORDERED YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE--

"ULYSSES S. GRANT: ZOMBIE SLAYER."

HOW DO YOU KNOW MY FAVORITE MOVIE?

I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.

YOUR FAVORITE COLOR IS ORANGE,

YOUR FAVORITE FOOD IS PANCAKES

AND YOUR FAVORITE MARSUPIAL IS THE WALLABY.

YOU HAVE A FAVORITE MARSUPIAL?

( snorts ) YOU DON'T?

- ( growls ) - ( Trish and Ally scream )

MRS. KIPLING, THE MOVIE IS STARTING.

SETTLE IN NEXT TO ME AND MAKE YOUR CELLPHONE IS ON VIBRATE.

HEY, I THINK SHE LIKES ME.

Luke: HUH. THAT'S WEIRD.

SHE ALWAYS SITS NEXT TO YOU DURING MOVIES.

WELL, I MEAN, IT IS NOT LIKE THERE IS A SEATING CHART OR ANYTHING.

REALLY?

IF YOU WERE JUST A LITTLE BIT TALLER...

AND THE RIGHT SPECIES.

AND THEY THINK NEW YORKERS ARE WEIRD?

HEY, DID YOU FINISH YOUR POEM FOR SCHOOL?

YUP, IT'S ABOUT IMAGINARY FRIENDS.

OH, GREAT. MEANWHILE, I'M HAVING TROUBLE DECIDING

WHICH OF MY SONGS TO SHOW TO AUSTIN.

IT'S LIKE ASKING ME TO PICK WHICH ONE OF YOU KIDS IS MY FAVORITE.

LET ME MAKE THIS EASY FOR YOU.

I'M CUTE, SWEET

AND I HAVE A REALLY SHARP CRAYON IN MY HAND.

AND WE HAVE A WINNER.

SO YOU SEE, IF YOU REALLY WANNA GROW YOUR FAN BASE,

THE KEY IS TO EXPLOIT YOUR YUMMY FACTOR

WHILE MAINTAINING A BELIEVABLE DEGREE OF HUMILITY.

I CALL IT THE HUNKY-TO-HUMBLE RATIO.

TRISH, ARE YOU TAKING NOTES?

YOU BET.

( sighs )

DON'T HOLD BACK, HANZ.

JUST-- YEAH.

OH, AND REMEMBER TO CHARGE ALL THIS TO THE PENTHOUSE.

AND NOW I'M GONNA GO GET MY SCALE MODEL

OF THE AUSTIN WORLD THEME PARK.

WAIT TILL YOU SEE THE MOON FLUME.

YOU'D BETTER NOT LEAVE ANY HAIRS BEHIND.

SHE HAS ENOUGH MONEY TO CLONE YOU.

HI, GUYS. GLAD YOU'RE MAKING YOURSELVES AT HOME.

OH, HEY, HANS.

SO WHAT WOULD YOU GUYS SAY IF IF TOLD YOU

THAT THE WORLD'S GREATEST SONGWRITER WAS RIGHT HERE IN THIS VERY ROOM?

AWW. THANKS, JESSIE.

- I REALLY TRY TO CAPTURE THE ESSENCE OF-- - YEAH, TALKING ABOUT ME HERE.

AUSTIN, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU GUYS COULD LOOK AT SOME OF MY LYRICS.

ACTUALLY, AUSTIN AND I WRITE ALL OF OUR OWN MATERIAL.

( chuckles ) BUT...

WE'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO LOOK THESE OVER ON THE PRIVATE JET.

YOU KNOW, THE ONE WITH THE FREE OMELET BAR.

MAYBE THEY HAVE A PANCAKE BAR.

OH, WE DO.

Trish: WOW, JESSIE'S LYRICS STINK.

OH WAIT, HANG ON. THIS ONE'S NOT BAD.

ACTUALLY, IT'S REALLY GOOD.

- UH, HEY, JESS-- - SO, DID YOU LOVE 'EM?

WE LOVED ONE OF THEM.

I'M FINE WITH BEING A ONE-HIT WONDER.

IT JUST NEEDS A PROFESSIONAL TOUCH.

ALLY WOULD BE HAPPY TO WORK ON IT WITH YOU.

- REALLY? - REALLY? AH!

YOU KNOW, I'M A SINGER TOO.

SORT OF A DOUBLE THREAT.

TRIPLE IF YOU COUNT KRAV MAGA.

( yells )

GOOD TO KNOW. PERHAPS WE CAN TALK

ABOUT THIS AT THE DAY SPA DOWNSTAIRS?

- ABSOLUTELY. - AND IF YOU THROW IN A FREE OXYGEN FACIAL,

MAYBE YOU GUYS CAN SING THIS AS A DUET AT AUSTIN'S NEXT CONCERT.

DONE! WHERE'S THE CONCERT? MADISON SQUARE GARDEN?

CLOSE. OUR LOCAL MALL IN MIAMI.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S KINDA SHORT NOTICE TO TAKE THE KIDS TO MIA--

BON VOYAGE!

REALLY? YOU ALREADY HAD OUR BAGS PACKED?

OH, I ALWAYS KEEP 'EM PACKED.

I'VE ALSO INCLUDED YOUR PASSPORTS.

MAY I SUGGEST A LOVELY CRUISE THROUGH THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE?

( luggage thuds )

ALRIGHTY THEN!

SUNSHINE AND STARDOM, HERE WE COME.

JESSIE, I REALLY LOVE THESE LYRICS.

- OH. - "IMAGINARY FRIENDS CAN'T TAKE THE PLACE

OF YOU AND ME JUST TALKING FACE TO FACE."

HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THAT?

UH... ( chuckling ) YOU KNOW,

I GUESS I'M JUST REALLY IN TOUCH WITH MY INNER CHILD.

THAT'S WHY I WROTE IT IN CRAYON.

( jet engines roaring )

♪ YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH. ♪

- WHOO! - THIS SONG'S REALLY COMING TOGETHER.

OH, THANK YOU. GUYS, THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE FOR ME.

AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE SURE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU WROTE THE LYRICS.

( sighs )

UH, MAYBE WE SHOULD DO

A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SONG.

I HAVE THIS ONE ABOUT A GIRL AND HER FLAMETHROWER.

- IT'S A TORCH SONG AND-- - JESSIE. ( chuckling )

THE THING ABOUT YOUR OTHER SONGS IS--

HAVE I MENTIONED YOU'RE A REALLY GREAT NANNY.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THIS ONE'S GREAT,

- SO LET'S TAKE IT AGAIN FROM THE TOP. - YEAH.

- HI. - Jessie: NO!

UH... ( stammers )

- ( discordant notes ) - OH! WHAT?

WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

BECAUSE YOUR GUITAR WAS OUT OF TUNE.

WHAT, THESE AREN'T TUNING SCISSORS?

WHAT KIND OF A MUSIC STORE IS THIS?

OH, ARE THOSE SOME NEW LYRICS? ( chuckles )

NO, IT'S A BILL FOR THE STRINGS.

ZURI, I THOUGHT I SENT YOU TO WATCH THAT SHUFFLEBOARD CONTEST.

IT WAS JUST A BUNCH OF OLD PEOPLE PUSHING SOMETHING AROUND WITH A STICK.

IT WAS LIKE HOCKEY, BUT SLOWER.

AND THE FIGHTS WERE JUST SAD.

HEY, ZURI, WANNA HEAR OUR SONG.

UHH... ( grunts, chuckles )

OH! OH!

- JESSIE! - WHAT? I THOUGHT WE NEEDED SOME THEATRICS.

ROCK 'N' ROLL! AM I RIGHT?

SHOULD I JUST START YOU A TAB?

UM, HEY, ZURI,

WHY DON'T WE GO HELP TRISH SET UP THE STAGE?

YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A ROADIE, RIGHT?

YEAH, FOR LADY ANTEBELLUM.

AUSTIN, I HAD THIS MADE SO YOUR FANS CAN TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU,

BUT YOU WON'T HAVE TO GET TOO CLOSE TO THEM.

THANKS, BUT I ENJOY TAKING PICTURES WITH MY FANS.

YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL, THOUGH.

SOME OF THEM ARE A LITTLE BIT...

♪ CUCKOO! ♪

- ( camera shutter clicks ) - YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET BURNED, MRS. KIPLING.

THE ONLY RED ON YOUR SNOUT

SHOULD BE FROM THE BLOOD OF YOUR VICTIMS.

( both scream )

YOU ARE ONE BIG CAN OF GIRL REPELLANT.

SO, LITTLE DUDES, WHAT COOL MIAMI SIGHTS CAN I SHOW YOU FIRST?

THE WORLD'S LARGEST BOTTLE OF SUNSCREEN?

A MANATEE THAT LOOKS LIKE ERNEST HEMINGWAY?

OH! THE VANILLA ICE MUSEUM?

( beatboxing )

THIS GUY'S NUTTIER THAN A PORTA POTTY ON A PEANUT FARM.

TRUE DAT.

THANK YOU, MR. DEZ,

BUT WE HAVE OTHER PLANS.

Bazi: MRS. KIPLING.

MMM!

LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THE DEZMEISTER.

MAYBE WE COULD ALL GO TO THE BEACH.

GREAT IDEA!

PERHAPS I COULD BURY YOU IN THE SAND UP TO YOUR NECK

AND THE CRABS WILL START NIBBLING AT YOUR EYEBALLS!

( laughs ) VANILLA ICE MUSEUM IT IS!

- HEY, AUSTIN! - WHOA! BACK OFF, RED.

WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF GUITARS!

NO NO NO, I WAS JUST OUTSIDE AND GOT INSPIRED TO WRITE A BRAND NEW SONG.

IT'S CALLED "GRANNY IN A TUBE TOP" AND IT GOES A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

- ( beatboxes ) - ♪ GRANNY IN A TUBE TOP-- ♪ - JESSIE. JESSIE!

JESSIE, LET ME STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.

QUIT WORRYING. YOUR SONG ABOUT THE IMAGINARY FRIENDS

- IS REALLY GREAT. - HER WHAT?

- ABOUT WHO? - SEE YOU ON THE STAGE.

- N-- - AND JUST IN CASE YOU FEEL LIKE BREAKING SOMETHING ELSE,

I'VE GOT THE ENTIRE STORE'S INVENTORY UP HERE.

( clicks tongue )

OKAY, ZURI, LOOK, I KNOW THIS LOOKS REALLY BAD--

ME, AN ADULT, STEALING A POEM FROM YOU, AND EIGHT-YEAR-OLD GIRL--

OH, IT ALSO SOUNDS REALLY BAD.

( sighs ) I AM SO SORRY. OKAY?

IF YOU WANT TO SMASH SOMETHING, GO AHEAD. I'VE GOT A TAB.

NO, IT'S OKAY. I'M COOL.

WAIT, YOU'RE NOT MAD?

NO, I KNOW HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO YOU,

SO YOU CAN TAKE CREDIT FOR IT.

ZURI. OH, THAT IS SUCH AN AMAZING GESTURE.

- THANK YOU. - BESIDES, WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT IN YOUR LIFE?

PLAYWRITING DIDN'T WORK OUT,

ACTING DIDN'T WORK OUT

AND YOU'RE DATING A DOORMAN.

EWW.

YOU COULD'VE JUST STOPPED AT THE GESTURE.

Luke: DEZ AND MRS. KIPLING LOOK REALLY COOL SURFING.

Razi: MEANWHILE, EVEN THE MANATEES WERE LAUGHING AT ME.

- ( clicks ) - Luke: HERE'S DEZ AND KIPLING CHILLING LIKE "MIAMI VICE."

WHILE THEY WERE HAVING FUN, THAT OLD LADY WAS PINCHING OFF MY CHEEK.

- ( clicks ) - Luke: AND HERE'S YOU DRESSED LIKE A GIRL.

BECAUSE THEY TOOK THE TWO BEST HOLES.

I CANNOT BEAR TO LOOK AT THESE PICTURES YOU TOOK ANY LONGER.

THEY PROVE MRS. KIPLING FAVORS ANOTHER.

DUDE, THERE'S NO WAY SHE'D CHOOSE DEZ OVER YOU.

YOU HATCHED HER FROM AN EGG.

YOU TOOK CARE OF HER BABIES.

TRUST ME, SHE LOVES YOU.

FOR REALSIES?

FOR REALSIES.

I HEARD EVERYTHING.

I'M SO SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO STEAL YOUR BEST FRIEND.

ANIMALS JUST LOVE ME.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, SENOR WHISKERS?

- ( squeaks ) - ( growls )

WAIT, HOW LONG HAVE YOU HAD THAT RAT?

IT'S NOT A RAT. IT'S A GERBIL. AND I GOT HIM IN NEW YORK.

YOU GUYS HAVE GOT TONS OF THESE JUST ROAMING THE STREETS.

- ( chuckles ) - OH, THANK GOODNESS!

MRS. KIPLING WAS ONLY AFTER HER FAVORITE SNACK!

SHE DOES NOT GIVE ONE WET TOOT ABOUT YOU.

( gasps ) RUDE! I DON'T THINK OUR WHOLE FRIENDSHIP

- IS BASED OFF SENOR WHISKERS. - ( growls )

( screams )

REMEMBER, NO FLASH PHOTOGRAPHY.

- AND-- - AND MAKE SURE TO STAY

AT LEAST 10 FEET AWAY FROM AUSTIN AT ALL TIMES.

- CUTE DRESS. - ( giggles )

MAKE THAT 20 FEET!

- YOUR SISTER'S KINDA WEIRD ABOUT AUSTIN. - PSSH! I'LL SAY.

SHE'S BEEN COLLECTING HIS HAIRS SO SHE CAN CLONE HIM.

HE SHOULD REALLY GET MORE SECURITY...

AND A HAIRNET.

AND INTRODUCING AUSTIN MOON

( cheers, applause )

WHOO!

I WANNA INTRODUCE A NEW FRIEND OF MINE.

HEY, JESSIE!

( cheers, applause )

- WHOO! - SHE'S GONNA BE SINGING THIS NEW DUET WITH ME,

AND SHE WROTE THE LYRICS.

( cheers, applause )

ACTUALLY, I DIDN'T WRITE THEM.

AN AMAZING LITTLE GIRL NAMED ZURI ROSS DID.

( cheers, applause )

THAT EXPLAINS A LOT. ( laughing )

NOT ALL OF IT, BUT A LOT.

I'M SORRY. I KNOW I SHOULD'VE TOLD YOU EARLIER.

I JUST WANTED THIS SO MUCH.

WOW. IT TAKES A REALLY BIG PERSON TO ADMIT--

ENOUGH WITH THE JIBBER-JABBER!

SING MY SONG!

♪ I'VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ♪

♪ YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN WORKING IN THE STUDIO ♪

♪ WE SHOULD WRITE A NEW SONG ♪

♪ MAYBE THEY'LL PLAY IT ON THE RADIO ♪

♪ WHEN CAN WE GET TOGETHER? ♪

♪ LET'S NOT WAIT ANOTHER DAY ♪

♪ DON'T FORGET YOUR GUITAR ♪

♪ GOT IT ALREADY AND I'M ON MY WAY ♪

♪ IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE I SAW YOU ♪

♪ I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WERE EVEN REAL, REAL ♪

Both: ♪ NOW I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES ♪

♪ YEAH, YOU'RE NOT PRETEND ♪

♪ I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE MY IMAGINARY FRIEND ♪

♪ YOU'RE LIKE A STAR THAT LANDED HERE FROM OUTER SPACE ♪

♪ MY WORLD JUST GOT A WHOLE LOT BRIGHTER ♪

♪ NOW THAT I CAN SEE YOU FACE TO FACE ♪

♪ IMAGINARY FRIENDS CAN'T TAKE YOUR PLACE ♪

♪ I NEED TO SEE YA, I NEED TO SEE YA ♪

♪ YOU AND ME JUST TALKING FACE TO FACE ♪

♪ FACE TO FACE ♪

♪ NOW I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES ♪

♪ YEAH, YOU'RE NOT PRETEND ♪

♪ I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE MY IMAGINARY FRIEND ♪

♪ YOU KNOW THAT NO ONE ELSE COULD EVER TAKE YOUR PLACE ♪

♪ MY WORLD JUST GOT A WHOLE LOT BRIGHTER ♪

♪ NOW THAT I CAN SEE YOU FACE TO FACE ♪

- ♪ Face to face ♪ - ♪ NOW THAT I CAN SEE YOU FACE TO FACE ♪

♪ LET'S GO GET SOME PANCAKES ♪

♪ I JUST WANNA SEE YOU FACE TO FACE ♪

♪ IT'S A PARTY EVERY DAY ♪

♪ I JUST WANNA SEE YOU FACE TO FACE ♪

- ♪ SO, LATER ♪ - ♪ YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH. ♪

( crowd cheers, applauds )

( all cheer )

GREAT VIDEO, MR. DEZ!

AUSTIN, YOU WERE AMAZING.

OH, LOOK, YOU HAVE A HAIR OUT OF PLACE.

- OW! - GOT IT.

WE TOLD YOU.

SECURITY!

HEY, I NEED THAT HAIR!

IT'S MY FAVORITE!

Girls: AWW.

YOU REALLY DO HAVE A WAY WITH LYRICS, ZURI.

IT'S A GIFT. NOW LET'S TALK MONEY.

OH. GLADLY. AS YOUR MANAGER,

I'LL BE TAKING THE STANDARD 50% OF YOUR EARNINGS.

50? I'M EIGHT, NOT STUPID.

YOU'RE FIRED.

AGAIN?

YOU KNOW, JESSIE, THE LYRICS MAY NOT HAVE BEEN YOURS,

- BUT YOU ARE A GREAT PERFORMER. - SO WHAT I'M HEARING IS

"JESSIE AND AUSTIN WORLD TOUR."

'CAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M SAYING.

BUT I'M OKAY WITH JUST EUROPE.

( chuckles ) THE UNITED STATES?

THE CAROLINAS? OUR LIVING ROOM IS PRETTY BIG.

AUSTIN? PLEASE, I NEED THIS!

- I'M DATING A DOORMAN! - ( door opens, slams )

- WHOA! - ( cymbals crash )

I'M REALLY GONNA NEED YOUR CREDIT CARD BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

- ( toy train whistling ) - ( mimics train whistle )

( laughing )

( mimics train chugging )

BERTRAM. ( chuckles ) WHATCHA DOING?

PLAYING WITH MY CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

AH. HELLO, HELLO.

HOW COME YOU HAVE FIVE DOLLS THAT LOOK JUST LIKE US?

OHH! ARE WE PASSENGERS ON YOUR CHOO-CHOO?

- ( clicks ) - ( bell dinging )

UH, PASSENGERS ARE NOT USUALLY TIED TO THE TRACKS.

( whistle toots )

( kids yell )

( laughing hysterically )

OOPS. ( continues laughing )

NEXT YEAR, WE'RE GETTING HIM A COOKBOOK.

AND A GIRLFRIEND.