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1
00:00:20,937 --> 00:00:21,938
Removes hair.
2
00:00:22,605 --> 00:00:23,857
Lasts up to eight weeks.
3
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,443
Press and pull.
4
00:00:28,445 --> 00:00:29,445
Okay.
5
00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,424
- Bert?
- I heard someone say my name.
6
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,634
- Bert? Are you okay?
- Nikki? I need help.
7
00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:52,969
- I'm stuck.
- What's going on?
8
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:55,180
Hold on. Brace yourself
in the "Me Too" culture.
9
00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:56,903
- Okay.
- You're going to see my butthole.
10
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,767
I'm gonna see your butthole?
11
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:00,894
If you're comfortable with it,
please move forward.
12
00:01:00,977 --> 00:01:04,064
Okay, I am consenting to seeing
your butthole right now.
13
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,691
- Here's the problem we're in.
- Oh, my God!
14
00:01:06,775 --> 00:01:09,360
- I have a wax strip right there...
- Stop it.
15
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,696
...and it's stuck. I need help.
Please just rip it off.
16
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,156
In the direction of my hair.
17
00:01:13,239 --> 00:01:15,439
- Right. So down.
- Please, in the direction of my hair.
18
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:17,160
Oh, my God. You have the lowest asshole.
19
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:18,923
You gotta pull quick
and I gotta hold taut.
20
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:20,413
Ready? And...
21
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,626
- No, I'm touching it!
- It stung, Nikki.
22
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:25,960
Dude!
23
00:01:26,044 --> 00:01:27,087
- Wait.
- Who is that?
24
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,047
That's Caitlyn Jenner.
25
00:01:29,672 --> 00:01:31,966
- Oh, shit. Hold on.
- Do not have your...
26
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:34,677
Clean these...
Shit, it's on my fucking shoe.
27
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:37,222
- Am I interrupting anything?
- No, you're at the right place.
28
00:01:37,305 --> 00:01:39,766
- I'm Bert. This is my friend, Nikki.
- What are you... Ugh!
29
00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:43,436
- Nikki, so what do you got on there?
- Don't worry about that.
30
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,856
- Hi, good to see you again.
- I didn't disrupt anything?
31
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,776
No, just a little spring cleaning.
32
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:53,571
My name is Bert Kreischer.
33
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:56,032
I'm a father, a husband
and a stand-up comedian
34
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,284
and I jam way too much into my days.
35
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,513
I do stand-up,
hang out with friends in the green room,
36
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,289
drink, engage with fans,
drink more, get a veggie burrito.
37
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:05,542
I'm working on my diet.
Get another burrito.
38
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:06,865
They're kinda healthy. Go home.
39
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:08,604
Talk to my family,
do something nice for LeeAnn,
40
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,505
do a podcast about parallel universes,
41
00:02:10,588 --> 00:02:13,883
do bicep curls, do Georgia's homework,
work on my moves, do Ila's homework,
42
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,287
don't understand it but close enough,
spend time with Izzy,
43
00:02:16,344 --> 00:02:18,388
Good girl! Go to New York,
spread out and get comfy,
44
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:20,682
taxi on the runway for 20 minutes,
but it's all good.
45
00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:24,018
Chug a beer at a hockey game,
get on the Jumbotron, get on a helicopter,
46
00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,854
go to Chicago, three shows, three encores,
47
00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,606
go back to the airport, fly home,
pass out face-first on the lawn,
48
00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:30,066
hit rock bottom.
49
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,710
Have a heart-to-heart talk with LeeAnn,
50
00:02:31,734 --> 00:02:34,630
tell her I'm fine, but deep down
I know my lifestyle's catching up with me
51
00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:36,906
and if I keep going like this,
I'll have a heart attack.
52
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,670
I'll take some time away,
go to the wilderness, I'll eat, I'll pray,
53
00:02:39,701 --> 00:02:43,746
I'll love, I'll journal,
meditate, hydrate, contemplate, isolate.
54
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:44,956
I'll get better.
55
00:02:45,039 --> 00:02:46,583
I promise.
56
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,589
This has been
a interesting body episode.
57
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,048
- Yeah.
- We waxed my ass.
58
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,259
It started off with me seeing your ass.
59
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:57,342
Yeah.
60
00:02:57,802 --> 00:03:01,139
For me, this whole episode
is about getting my body healthy.
61
00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:05,560
I was having a problem where my ass hairs
were tying together when I ran,
62
00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,145
- so I wanted to wax them off.
- Yeah.
63
00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,312
Oh, right.
64
00:03:18,281 --> 00:03:21,367
Sometimes when you come out here,
you force the conversation,
65
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:24,120
and that's what I love about
what we had out here, was that
66
00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:29,542
despite how silly or ridiculous
the activity was we always ended up
67
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,377
stopping and just talking,
68
00:03:31,461 --> 00:03:35,298
which made this like such a seamless...
fun day.
69
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:36,549
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
70
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:39,385
I think what we all bring,
or at least I hope to bring,
71
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:42,180
- is always just honesty and authenticity...
- Oh, yeah.
72
00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:44,474
No one's more honest than Caitlyn Jenner.
73
00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,391
I proved that.
74
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,852
I mean, that's...
You're the pinnacle of just,
75
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:50,563
"This is who I am,
fuck you if you don't like it."
76
00:03:50,647 --> 00:03:53,483
Which is what we're all trying to,
you know, strive towards.
77
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,206
So tell us what we're doing today.
78
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:58,488
We're gonna have a competitive match
of ax throwing against this board here.
79
00:03:58,571 --> 00:04:01,324
And then at one point, can I do
the one between the legs like that?
80
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:04,077
You can, but does your insurance
cover scrotums?
81
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,453
- Yep.
- We're good.
82
00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:06,579
All right, we're good.
83
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,020
Caitlyn, you said your father was
in the tree-trimming business?
84
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,462
Jenner Tree Service in Connecticut.
85
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:17,298
- So you know your way around an ax?
- I know what an ax is.
86
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,550
- My dad was an ax murderer.
- Oh!
87
00:04:19,634 --> 00:04:21,636
So, I haven't been around it,
but it's in my blood.
88
00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:24,138
And so is my mom's blood,
is everywhere in there.
89
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:25,390
- Yeah.
- On the crime scene.
90
00:04:26,599 --> 00:04:29,018
Were you just there on the side
thinking of all this?
91
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,688
- You were thinking of ax jokes?
- No, I just came up with it.
92
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,607
- What could my dad have done with an ax?
- Yeah, write that down.
93
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,235
- Yeah.
- There you go.
94
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,278
Okay.
95
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:42,573
- There you go.
- I did it!
96
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:43,700
All right, here we go.
97
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:45,827
- Caitlyn, do it!
- Here we go.
98
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,120
Nice.
99
00:04:48,746 --> 00:04:52,250
- A little high.
- How do you say "bullseye" in Español?
100
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:53,333
Oh, fuck.
101
00:04:54,294 --> 00:04:56,188
- Goddamn it.
- That was kind of scary.
102
00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:58,399
Like when you have sex,
accidentally put it in her butt.
103
00:04:58,423 --> 00:04:59,525
You're like, "Ooh, here we go."
104
00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,010
Often a guy will say "bullseye"
before he does it.
105
00:05:03,594 --> 00:05:07,307
I've heard "Bullseye! Oh, fuck!"
a lot of times and I go, "You meant that."
106
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,739
What did you guys think
about ax throwing?
107
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:12,395
It felt cathartic, I see the appeal of it.
108
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:15,064
I really got some feelings out
that I needed to get out.
109
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,817
I don't often do something
that's just like... Yeah!
110
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:19,652
- And it felt good. Yeah.
- Really?
111
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:22,405
Would it be good if she yelled out
some mantra as she threw it?
112
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,216
- Something that angers her?
- What angers me?
113
00:05:24,240 --> 00:05:26,826
- "Inequality!"
- Other women's success!
114
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:29,412
- "Other women's success!"
- That's...
115
00:05:30,538 --> 00:05:32,540
I think she's talking to you.
116
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,752
Society's expectations of women!
117
00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:40,256
Nikki, what was your motivation
before each throw?
118
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,426
It was just to look inside myself
and go like,
119
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:47,096
"What's really bothering you?
Just scream it into the air."
120
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,783
"Other women that have been
in the business and do better than me."
121
00:05:49,807 --> 00:05:54,437
Yes, just like getting out your things
of like, "That's a dumb thing to be..."
122
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:57,315
No, it's not dumb. It's what everyone
fucking says in their head.
123
00:05:57,398 --> 00:05:58,316
And we say it too!
124
00:05:58,399 --> 00:06:01,819
If you're really looking inside yourself
you're motivated by like...
125
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:05,114
Does that nose ring
go all the way through?
126
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,450
- No, fake.
- It's a fake nose ring!
127
00:06:07,533 --> 00:06:08,533
- Shut up!
- Fake it!
128
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,337
No one needs to get their nose pierced
anymore. You just get infected.
129
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:12,891
I've had one before. It's a nightmare.
130
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:15,375
You just pop it in and out,
everyone thinks it's real.
131
00:06:15,458 --> 00:06:16,376
No one thinks it's not.
132
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:20,588
- Where did the name Caitlyn come from?
- Throw, it's a long story.
133
00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,633
Messed your ass up. Yeah.
134
00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:28,346
Try naming yourself. That's, like,
the most difficult thing you can do.
135
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,972
- I had all sorts of names.
- Yeah?
136
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:33,476
And my assistant at the time goes,
"I always loved the name Caitlyn."
137
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:36,938
- My God, it's on my top three. No way!
- Yes!
138
00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:41,150
She goes, "Yeah,
but you should spell it C-A-I-T-L-Y-N."
139
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,027
- Yeah.
- I said, "That's perfect."
140
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:44,737
I'm not going with a "K".
141
00:06:45,029 --> 00:06:47,365
Yeah. Oh, that would make sense.
142
00:06:47,448 --> 00:06:49,843
- There's gotta be a little separation.
- I'm going, "Really?"
143
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:51,667
When I told Kim, she goes,
"What's your name?"
144
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:54,224
I said "Caitlyn," she goes,
"Oh, good, you stayed with the Ks."
145
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:59,252
- I'm going, "No, not so fast."
- "Not so fast, honey."
146
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:04,590
When did you find out,
"This is a thing that other people...
147
00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,843
This might not just be me."
148
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,845
When the Internet started.
149
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,888
That changed everything.
150
00:07:10,972 --> 00:07:13,182
Trans people would have a website, and...
151
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,226
all of a sudden it kind of opens us up
152
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:18,396
where today there's literally
millions of...
153
00:07:19,397 --> 00:07:23,067
sites, places you can go
to get information on it.
154
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,736
It's nice when you have
something going on in your head
155
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:29,073
to know that it's not...
Like, I have anxiety and OCD
156
00:07:29,157 --> 00:07:30,908
and I thought I was crazy
my whole life.
157
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:33,661
Then one day someone explained it
and I went, "That's what I got!"
158
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:36,539
- "I have a thing that has a name!"
- Like, "Oh, my God!
159
00:07:36,622 --> 00:07:38,583
I'm not the only one out there?"
160
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:42,170
- Are we ready? Is this my last one?
- Yes.
161
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:43,921
Okay, I need some points here.
162
00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,591
My whole goal is just to beat you
so my dad says I'm his hero.
163
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,720
- That's a bullseye!
- Bullseye, yeah!
164
00:07:50,803 --> 00:07:52,513
What does that get me, a thousand points?
165
00:07:52,597 --> 00:07:53,723
- Yes.
- Six points?
166
00:07:53,806 --> 00:07:54,806
Caitlyn won?
167
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:58,311
I thought it was great from my standpoint.
A great come-from-behind victory.
168
00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:01,397
You are the come-from-behind victory
person in life.
169
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:02,482
I know. In life, it is.
170
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:05,002
What was the decathlon you did,
I think it was the qualifyings
171
00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,487
where everyone was like,
"Who the fuck is that?"
172
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,823
- The Olympic trials in 1972.
- That's it. The Olympic trials in 1972.
173
00:08:10,907 --> 00:08:12,617
- Yes.
- And you came from out of nowhere.
174
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,369
I was in eleventh place after five events
in the decathlon.
175
00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,246
And then you came in and I feel like...
176
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:21,083
I beat this guy by 18 seconds
in the 1,500 meter.
177
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,336
- Eight seconds?
- I beat him by 20 seconds.
178
00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:26,339
I feel like that happened to me
at the ax throwing today
179
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:28,049
- Here we go.
- Trick shot.
180
00:08:28,132 --> 00:08:29,383
Trick shot?
181
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:34,305
- Heads up everybody.
- Your last throw, I'm still reliving it.
182
00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:37,266
Old trick-shot Kreischer.
183
00:08:39,143 --> 00:08:41,145
- Oh, shit!
- Jesus, Bert!
184
00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,606
- Fucking... Fucking shit!
- Okay, you're done.
185
00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:45,525
Okay, everybody's alive.
186
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,152
We're done, thank you!
187
00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:50,196
- Thank you.
- That's a wrap.
188
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:53,449
I got to be honest,
that wasn't my nickname in high school.
189
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,973
Anyone else wanna try the trick shot?
190
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,455
That's okay, we're done.
You're done with the ax, okay?
191
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:02,959
- Come on, let's get chainsaws.
- Yeah, let's do a chainsaw throw next.
192
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:05,795
So how's it going today?
Are Nikki and Caitlyn getting along?
193
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:07,798
Almost too well.
I feel like I'm the third wheel.
194
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:08,965
- That's good.
- Yeah.
195
00:09:09,048 --> 00:09:11,801
What stinks is that I wanted them
to meet Fortune Feimster
196
00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:13,469
but it's not gonna happen now.
197
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,973
- Is she coming up later?
- No. She was already here. She left.
198
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:18,057
Oh!
199
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:20,892
Hello?
200
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:23,813
Fortune.
201
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:27,692
- Is that a mud bath?
- A mud bath.
202
00:09:27,775 --> 00:09:31,279
I figured if I timed it out right,
you'd show up and help hose me off.
203
00:09:31,362 --> 00:09:34,824
I can do that. I'd love to hose you off.
Wait, am I about to see a wiener?
204
00:09:34,907 --> 00:09:37,159
- If you want to I can take my pants off!
- No!
205
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:39,662
- You ready?
- Yep.
206
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,666
That's cold.
I hooked it up to hot water!
207
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:45,418
Jesus, that's fucking ice cold!
208
00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:47,503
Get it off! Make it quick!
209
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,006
Um... do I win a prize?
210
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:55,011
- Go inside here too.
- Oh, my God, I just saw your dick.
211
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,930
- Is that your first one?
- Second one.
212
00:09:58,014 --> 00:10:00,850
- In life? For real?
- I gave a hand job once in high school.
213
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,768
Do you want me to put the jet on the...?
214
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:05,229
I thought you were gonna ask
if you wanted a hand job.
215
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,374
"Do you want a hand job?
I'll show you how I did it?"
216
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,567
Would you like me to dust off
the old hands?
217
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:14,196
- We're making goat's milk ice cream
- Oooh...
218
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,407
- And then we put this on like this.
- Okay.
219
00:10:16,949 --> 00:10:19,243
I've been around a lot of balls today.
220
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,912
- Is that good?
- Man, this ball is... You just shake it?
221
00:10:24,332 --> 00:10:25,458
Here, I'll just shake.
222
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:28,544
- Oh, I gotta shake it. Okay.
- Yeah, you gotta... And then shake.
223
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,007
And it's ready. No, I'm kidding.
224
00:10:33,090 --> 00:10:35,885
- And that's it.
- Do you know who's coming over today?
225
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:37,094
- Who?
- Caitlyn Jenner.
226
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,429
- Nuh-uh.
- Yeah.
227
00:10:38,512 --> 00:10:40,181
- That's pretty cool.
- It is pretty cool
228
00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:42,516
- Were you a Bruce Jenner decathlon...
- I was too young.
229
00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,600
Oh, okay.
230
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,912
I said to my kids, "You know,
I'm meeting Caitlyn Jenner."
231
00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:48,206
They're like, "Who's Caitlyn Jenner?"
I go, "Well, she's a
232
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:50,858
older lady who won
the men's decathlon in 1976."
233
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,902
They're like, "What?"
I was like, "Don't worry."
234
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,570
You know, one day that won't sound odd?
235
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,657
That's where the future's going.
One day the kids will be like, "Hey, Dad,
236
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:01,118
a lot of old ladies win
the men's decathlon in 1976.
237
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,119
100%.
238
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,872
I think this is the most intimate
I've ever been with a man.
239
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:06,916
It's the most intimate
we've ever gotten together.
240
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,167
Fuck!
241
00:11:09,627 --> 00:11:11,629
- You went right to jet!
- I got it in the hole.
242
00:11:11,712 --> 00:11:14,006
You saw a wrinkle and went right to jet!
243
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,091
Am I straight?
244
00:11:16,133 --> 00:11:19,095
Am I currently cheating on my fiancée?
245
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:21,222
We're both cheating
in the worst way possible.
246
00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:23,182
When did you know you were gay?
247
00:11:23,265 --> 00:11:25,059
I came out at 25.
248
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,812
What was your relationship with your dad?
How was he with it?
249
00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:30,564
I think I was more nervous,
'cause I was just like
250
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,733
I don't know how to do this
with my dad.
251
00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:35,695
- Yeah.
- And so I asked my mom to be there.
252
00:11:35,778 --> 00:11:37,547
- You told your mom first?
- I told her first.
253
00:11:37,571 --> 00:11:39,949
I asked my mom to be there.
We were in a park
254
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:44,078
and I said to my dad, I'm like,
"Dad, I gotta tell you,
255
00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:45,871
I'm gay."
256
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:49,375
And he, because we've never had,
like, a deep conversation,
257
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,836
he didn't know what to say,
258
00:11:51,919 --> 00:11:54,547
but he wanted to support me,
so he just kept going.
259
00:11:54,630 --> 00:11:57,383
"All right, you're my daughter.
You're my daughter.
260
00:11:57,883 --> 00:11:58,926
I love you.
261
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:02,179
You'll always be my daughter."
And he kept saying it.
262
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:07,268
And my mom was like, "Mike,
she knows she's your daughter."
263
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:09,645
"She's telling you she's gay."
264
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:13,315
And all these people turn and I'm like,
"Shut up, Mom!"
265
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:16,652
"She's gay, Mike! Look at her!"
266
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,739
- And he's like, "She's my daughter."
- Then I'm yelling at my mom.
267
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,323
- "Mom!"
- "Get out of here!"
268
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:23,701
"Well, you asked me to be here."
269
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,163
It's a full-on family fight.
270
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:31,917
- You ever milked a goat?
- I've never milked anything.
271
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,962
That looks like a sheep.
Is a sheep a goat?
272
00:12:35,045 --> 00:12:37,006
Um... that does look like a sheep.
273
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:40,009
- Well, what makes a better ice cream milk?
- Goat's milk.
274
00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:42,803
- Okay.
- We gotta try to jerk off the sheep too.
275
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:45,222
You and I are gonna be...
276
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,974
The double...
277
00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:49,143
Spring break '86!
278
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:50,644
I should've come out to my dad.
279
00:12:50,728 --> 00:12:53,314
- As what?
- Just, as gay, and see how he reacted
280
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:54,857
to see if he really loved me.
281
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,526
He'd probably know that
you were messing with him.
282
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:01,113
- I used to dress up as women in college.
- What, like as a fraternity thing?
283
00:13:01,197 --> 00:13:02,364
No.
284
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:05,576
- Just for shits and giggles.
- More like, I could get away with it
285
00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:08,913
'cause I was a loud guy. We'd all dress up
as chicks, just go out and party.
286
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:12,625
- Like, in dresses?
- More like a onesie for a woman.
287
00:13:12,708 --> 00:13:14,835
- Like, where it's...
- Like a jumper or a romper?
288
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:15,920
- A romper.
- Yeah.
289
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:18,339
Are you gonna bring the romper look back?
290
00:13:18,422 --> 00:13:20,582
I would bring it back in a heartbeat
if I was skinnier.
291
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,593
- Okay.
- Fat romper looks never look good.
292
00:13:22,676 --> 00:13:25,054
- That's why I don't wear a romper.
- Me either!
293
00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:27,973
Let's see if we can get milk
out of this thing.
294
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:30,726
- All right. Okay.
- Here we go.
295
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,102
All right, I got her.
296
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,605
You really do not have her,
for the record.
297
00:13:34,688 --> 00:13:37,024
All right, come on, baby. Here we go.
298
00:13:37,107 --> 00:13:38,651
No, not...
299
00:13:38,734 --> 00:13:40,236
Did you really just go like this?
300
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:42,071
No, you go...
301
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,407
Here! Here!
302
00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:47,243
- I'm going straight tap.
- Okay, hold on.
303
00:13:48,702 --> 00:13:50,162
Oh, my God.
304
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:51,246
Too much.
305
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,041
- It's in my eyes.
- Oh, my God.
306
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,752
- It doesn't taste like I thought.
- No.
307
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,379
Good job.
308
00:13:58,462 --> 00:14:00,756
Why'd she leave?
She couldn't stay the whole day?
309
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,093
Uh... Long story, LeeAnn.
I decided to wax my ass.
310
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:05,176
What?
311
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,012
Fortune!
312
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:09,223
- Yeah.
- I'm changing and I need your help.
313
00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:10,641
Okay. Hold on.
314
00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,311
Fortune!
315
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,314
- Where are you?
- Back here.
316
00:14:18,649 --> 00:14:19,817
- Fortune.
- One second
317
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,569
- Where are you going?
- Hmm...
318
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:25,823
I gotta get something out of my car.
319
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:27,366
What are you getting in your car?
320
00:14:27,449 --> 00:14:29,451
- Fortune!
- I'll be back!
321
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:33,873
Fortune! I need your... Fortune!
322
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:36,374
Fortune!
323
00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:39,085
I'd have needed help.
324
00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,881
And so I was going to do it
and then have her help me
325
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,507
and I guess it spooked her
and she ran.
326
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:44,693
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah. I know.
327
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,720
It all turned out good though.
Nikki and Caitlyn are getting along great.
328
00:14:47,803 --> 00:14:50,973
- Okay, well, you have fun up there.
- I will.
329
00:14:54,768 --> 00:14:56,395
Hey, you guys want to lasso?
330
00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:57,938
- Yeah.
- Nikki, it's a rope.
331
00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,857
This remind you of any good dates?
332
00:14:59,940 --> 00:15:01,400
Good question, Caitlyn!
333
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:04,129
- Wait, I don't get that joke.
- No, it's not a joke, it's a question.
334
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,780
- Do you like getting tied up?
- Oh, my God. Yeah.
335
00:15:06,864 --> 00:15:08,991
- There it is.
- No one's ever used a rope before.
336
00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:11,410
- That's why it didn't summon anything.
- What is it, ties?
337
00:15:11,493 --> 00:15:15,456
Yeah, like restraints at the end.
My boyfriend bought a whole rig.
338
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,541
- Handcuffs.
- Yeah.
339
00:15:17,625 --> 00:15:20,044
I like it
because you don't have to do any work.
340
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:21,170
I know.
341
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:23,088
- I'm going to ask you a question.
- Please.
342
00:15:23,172 --> 00:15:26,967
I can guarantee you it's a question
you've never been asked before.
343
00:15:27,676 --> 00:15:29,678
When did you know you were a girl?
344
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:36,602
When someone told me?
I don't really know the answer to that.
345
00:15:36,685 --> 00:15:38,854
Bert, when did you know
that you were a boy?
346
00:15:39,605 --> 00:15:42,066
I mean, I knew I was attracted to women.
347
00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:44,652
I remember the first time I saw
Wonder Woman, I was like,
348
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:46,528
"Oh, shit, that's a..."
349
00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:49,740
Here's the thing and where both of you
are getting it a little bit wrong.
350
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:51,325
- What?
- Being trans
351
00:15:51,408 --> 00:15:53,702
has nothing to do with sexuality.
352
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,664
It has everything to do with identity.
353
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,166
Too many people think of it
as "you're gay."
354
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:02,294
I mean, people, "Oh, my God,
was Bruce gay all the time?"
355
00:16:02,378 --> 00:16:06,799
No, it had nothing to do with sexuality,
it had it all to do with gender identity.
356
00:16:06,882 --> 00:16:08,175
You just cleared that up for me.
357
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:10,552
That's why they changed the name
from transsexual,
358
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:13,722
because it had a sexual orientation,
to transgender.
359
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:14,640
Right.
360
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,433
Caitlyn, do you like getting kinky?
361
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:18,936
- Do I like getting kinky?
- Like, tied up and stuff?
362
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,188
- No, honestly I don't. Yeah.
- Really? I do.
363
00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,690
I'm so boring.
364
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:26,235
- Bert, have you ever tied LeeAnn up?
- I asked her if I could tie her up once
365
00:16:26,318 --> 00:16:28,195
and she said, "Why?"
366
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:31,073
She goes, "You have heart problems,
what if you have a heart attack?"
367
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:33,242
- Hey!
- Wow, good job!
368
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,244
This story's going somewhere!
We got a lasso.
369
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:36,537
You guys are talking sex,
370
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,372
- I'm practicing.
- I know.
371
00:16:38,455 --> 00:16:40,416
- Do you still run?
- No, I don't.
372
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,960
I have not run since the day of the Games.
373
00:16:43,043 --> 00:16:43,961
Oh, my God.
374
00:16:44,044 --> 00:16:46,338
Did your dad get to see
you win the Olympics?
375
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:47,715
Yes.
376
00:16:47,798 --> 00:16:49,591
- Oh, shut up!
- Actually... Yeah.
377
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:54,096
Everything about me ultimately comes down
to wanting my dad to be proud of me.
378
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,432
Well, that's one thing
that bothers me now.
379
00:16:56,515 --> 00:16:58,392
He's the only one that
380
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:02,646
didn't have the opportunity to see me
live my life authentically.
381
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:05,524
At first, I think he would say,
"You're what?"
382
00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:06,942
Yeah.
383
00:17:07,484 --> 00:17:11,155
'Cause I never showed any signs of it,
it was something I lived with internally,
384
00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:14,992
but I would hope to think that once
he saw the things that I was doing
385
00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:19,371
and trying to bring understanding
to a lot of these issues...
386
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,790
Hmm... Yeah, I think he'd be proud.
387
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,002
Do you think we're
going to become friends?
388
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:26,712
No.
389
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,257
- Sorry, I laughed.
- Nikki, you and I...
390
00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:31,592
the best.
391
00:17:31,675 --> 00:17:34,887
Yes! Yes, that is all I've ever wanted.
392
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:37,056
Just 'cause you guys
are the same shoe size.
393
00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,808
Oh, my God. Is Kendall too?
394
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,052
Do you ever ask your daughters
if you can borrow money?
395
00:17:43,395 --> 00:17:44,646
No, but you know what?
396
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,190
- I have ten children...
- Yeah?
397
00:17:46,273 --> 00:17:49,151
...and not one child
has ever asked me for a dime.
398
00:17:49,735 --> 00:17:50,735
Wow!
399
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,738
That is a good parent.
400
00:17:52,821 --> 00:17:55,324
- That's a good parent.
- That's bringing them up right, baby.
401
00:17:55,407 --> 00:17:57,177
- That's good.
- This is gonna be my daughters,
402
00:17:57,201 --> 00:18:00,287
"Dad, I've got a business plan.
I've started making dream catchers
403
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,539
and I was thinking
if you put them on your Instagram,
404
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,291
we could sell a lot of dream catchers."
405
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:06,186
- I'd buy one.
- How many followers do you have?
406
00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,836
- A million.
- How many you got?
407
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,339
- Uh... half a million.
I have a good following.
408
00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:14,551
Maybe what we could do is I'll post
something the two of us together.
409
00:18:15,511 --> 00:18:18,889
Hey, guys, what am I?
The fucking Ghost of Christmas Past?
410
00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:20,140
I'm right here.
411
00:18:20,224 --> 00:18:22,392
She doesn't wanna be friends
with you, Bert.
412
00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:24,686
In my family,
I'm nobody as far as Instagram.
413
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:26,814
- Well...
- No shit.
414
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:29,000
- I have ten million followers.
- You have ten million?
415
00:18:29,024 --> 00:18:30,264
You have ten million followers?
416
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:33,987
Put these down, let's get our phones out
and send out a fucking tweet!
417
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:38,200
Shit, everybody, what's up?
Caitlyn, me and Nikki!
418
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,369
- Hanging out. Besties!
- Hey!
419
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,204
- Okay, now I tag you.
- Follow them!
420
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,082
No, you're going to re-post it
and then they're going to follow us.
421
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:48,001
- I'm gonna post this? Okay.
- Don't worry, I got you.
422
00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:51,797
Do you think, after our Instagram post,
any of your famous children will...
423
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,507
- Cheers.
- No, I want more wine.
424
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:55,884
Jesus Christ, it's not all about you.
425
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,761
- I am so sorry.
- It's out already?
426
00:18:57,845 --> 00:19:00,347
Oh, my God. I got a half a glass!
427
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:01,682
I killed it, I'm sorry.
428
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:03,976
I've been listening.
I'm an active listener.
429
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:07,229
Do you think any of your children will
follow us after our Instagram post?
430
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:09,982
Doubt it.
431
00:19:10,065 --> 00:19:12,693
- Fuck.
- I'm going to earn it the right way.
432
00:19:12,776 --> 00:19:15,821
If you bring Nikki into your inner circle
before me, I'm going to be so hurt.
433
00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:19,992
- We exchanged numbers already.
- You did not exchange numbers!
434
00:19:20,075 --> 00:19:21,535
- Yeah, we did. Sorry.
- Yep.
435
00:19:24,955 --> 00:19:27,142
- We're going to shoot from here?
- Let's do it.
436
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,627
Hang on, wait! No, hold on.
That doesn't mean just start shooting.
437
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:33,130
- I haven't told you what to do.
- Okay. Yeah.
438
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:34,423
Jesus Christ, Nikki.
439
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,091
I guess you're Johnny Appleseed and...
440
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:38,278
Johnny Appleseed's the guy
that got everyone pregnant.
441
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,803
- Okay.
- This is William Tell.
442
00:19:39,887 --> 00:19:43,098
That was my idea from a long time ago.
I've always wanted to do William Tell.
443
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,809
That was really fun.
Thank you for sacrificing yourself to us.
444
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:46,810
That was very good.
445
00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:49,354
- All right, here we go.
- Caitlyn, that's right at my face.
446
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:50,856
This is gonna hit me in the throat.
447
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:54,193
Ooh! Mine was close.
448
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:56,737
Bert, do your interview.
What's going on here, dude?
449
00:19:56,820 --> 00:19:59,114
- I'm trying to.
- This is your show, be a professional.
450
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:03,076
- Be a professional.
- So, Caitlyn...
451
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:06,580
Oh!
452
00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:09,559
- Caitlyn, can I ask you a question?
- Yeah, go ahead.
453
00:20:09,583 --> 00:20:11,043
- You ask her, Nikki!
- What is it?
454
00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:12,966
- Do you miss peeing standing up?
- Not at all.
455
00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:16,673
To be honest with you, in the old days,
I never stood up.
456
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:17,841
Ha!
457
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,593
- I don't stand up either!
- Yeah!
458
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:22,512
Yes! That's awesome.
Why should...? I wouldn't either.
459
00:20:22,596 --> 00:20:24,056
Sitting's awesome.
460
00:20:24,139 --> 00:20:27,059
All I'm thinking is
the huge missed opportunity
461
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:29,353
for me to do this entire episode
dressed as a woman.
462
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:34,316
I could have been legit
and experimented...
463
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:39,029
to see how I felt while we do
all this fun stuff outside.
464
00:20:39,613 --> 00:20:43,533
I've brought all sorts of people out.
But anyways, so...
465
00:20:43,617 --> 00:20:46,328
- Are you wearing a cup, Bert?
- No, let me tuck it in between.
466
00:20:46,411 --> 00:20:48,038
Okay, yeah, tuck it.
467
00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:50,332
- My balls, I got a fruit basket.
- Wash your hands!
468
00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:52,335
I'm not sharing the veggie tray
with you anymore.
469
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:54,711
Oh!
470
00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:57,256
- Come on, that was good!
- Oh, shit! Dude.
471
00:20:57,339 --> 00:21:00,592
Aim for the head, then last second,
go down and boom, hit him low.
472
00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:01,551
- Okay.
- Are you ready?
473
00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,011
All right, start high.
474
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:06,098
On three. One, two, three.
475
00:21:07,015 --> 00:21:09,017
Yeah.
476
00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:12,104
All right, that's a wrap
for bow and arrows.
477
00:21:15,065 --> 00:21:18,026
Dad, you're never going to guess
who I have on the show today.
478
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,361
Caitlyn Jenner.
479
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:23,406
Did Mom tell you?
480
00:21:24,032 --> 00:21:25,575
Yes.
481
00:21:25,659 --> 00:21:27,494
Do you remember watching her
in the Olympics?
482
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:30,789
You might have watched her with me.
You were about 3.5 years old at the time.
483
00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:34,418
- Wow!
- It was the '76 Olympics in Montreal.
484
00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:37,921
Absolutely, I saw her run the 1,500 meters
485
00:21:38,005 --> 00:21:41,174
to win the decathlon and set
a world record, she was incredible.
486
00:21:41,258 --> 00:21:44,428
- What should I talk to her about?
- Well, first of all, be very respectful.
487
00:21:44,511 --> 00:21:46,930
- Obviously, yeah.
- All right, if it's obvious,
488
00:21:47,014 --> 00:21:50,642
- I won't give you further advice.
- No. I'm not going to be disrespectful.
489
00:21:50,726 --> 00:21:52,394
Do you think she's the kind of person,
490
00:21:52,477 --> 00:21:54,604
that if you mixed up her pronouns to her
491
00:21:54,688 --> 00:21:56,523
that she'd be upset
or would she roll with it?
492
00:21:56,606 --> 00:22:00,235
She would probably go with it because
many people think of her as Bruce.
493
00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:03,405
Caitlyn Jenner at that time
was a real stud.
494
00:22:03,488 --> 00:22:05,657
I mean, good-looking, personable.
495
00:22:05,741 --> 00:22:09,494
Everywhere you looked, you saw, whether
it was on the cereal box or commercials,
496
00:22:09,578 --> 00:22:10,954
pictures of Jenner.
497
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:13,707
My memories of those days
are Bruce Jenner
498
00:22:13,790 --> 00:22:15,630
and I don't think
she would be offended at all.
499
00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:18,045
I think that's how many people
remember her.
500
00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:20,048
She's in the other room,
you want to talk to her?
501
00:22:20,088 --> 00:22:21,798
- Sure.
- Okay, hold on one sec.
502
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:26,553
You know my dad's losing his shit
right now that I'm with you.
503
00:22:26,636 --> 00:22:27,637
- Really?
- Hardcore.
504
00:22:27,721 --> 00:22:30,057
My dad was a huge track and field guy.
505
00:22:30,140 --> 00:22:32,642
Obsessed with running, growing up.
506
00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:35,479
And so the fact that you're here is, like,
I'm picking your brain...
507
00:22:35,562 --> 00:22:39,024
- Is your dad still around?
- My dad wants to FaceTime you and say hi.
508
00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:41,485
- Oh, good.
- My dad's like, "Buddy,
509
00:22:41,568 --> 00:22:46,531
you have no idea. Ask her if she... Did
she ever pole vault with aluminum poles?
510
00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:47,783
I'm really curious..."
511
00:22:49,117 --> 00:22:51,912
In high school, that's all they had
was an aluminum pole
512
00:22:51,995 --> 00:22:54,790
and then pretty soon I started
getting fiberglass poles.
513
00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:57,376
And all of the sudden,
the world record jumped up a foot.
514
00:22:57,459 --> 00:22:58,919
- Immediately.
- Yeah.
515
00:22:59,002 --> 00:23:00,253
I'm gonna get Dad on the phone.
516
00:23:01,004 --> 00:23:02,672
- Hey.
- Hey, how you doing?
517
00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:04,257
- Hang on. Caitlyn Jenner.
- Al.
518
00:23:04,341 --> 00:23:07,094
Hey, how are you?
I've been a big fan for many years.
519
00:23:07,177 --> 00:23:08,303
Well, thank you.
520
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:10,180
That's very nice of you to say.
521
00:23:10,263 --> 00:23:11,973
Bert's told me a lot about you.
522
00:23:12,057 --> 00:23:14,393
Yeah, I went to Villanova,
I actually ran track there.
523
00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:15,310
Oh, okay.
524
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:18,897
I was telling Bert, the decathlon,
I don't know how you train for that.
525
00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:21,775
It's hard enough to train for one event
let alone ten...
526
00:23:21,858 --> 00:23:23,693
Yeah, you know what?
527
00:23:23,777 --> 00:23:27,322
Well, briefly, you have to look at it
as a whole, not as ten events.
528
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,741
Each event contradicts the next,
529
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:32,911
so how can you train to become
the best hundred-meter man
530
00:23:32,994 --> 00:23:35,497
on the same day you're best
1,500-meter man,
531
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:38,375
but that was kind of...
The longer the race the better I was
532
00:23:38,458 --> 00:23:39,918
compared to everybody else.
533
00:23:40,001 --> 00:23:43,046
To see your mile time was incredible,
I thought, especially at the end of it.
534
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:44,423
Yeah. Al...
535
00:23:44,756 --> 00:23:46,425
- We wanted to kick it in big.
- Yeah.
536
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:50,345
I didn't run for 12 years of my life
and 70 miles a week
537
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:53,098
- to run the last 400 meters slow.
- God.
538
00:23:53,181 --> 00:23:55,559
Well, anyways, it's very nice to meet you.
539
00:23:55,642 --> 00:23:58,854
- Yeah, you're a hero.
- Well, thank you. I appreciate that.
540
00:23:58,937 --> 00:24:01,106
Thank you.
It's a real pleasure to talk to you.
541
00:24:01,189 --> 00:24:03,775
- Nice talking to you.
- All right, Dad. I love you.
542
00:24:03,859 --> 00:24:05,610
- Bye.
- Okay, bud. I love you.
543
00:24:05,694 --> 00:24:07,446
I'm gonna get emotional real quick.
544
00:24:10,991 --> 00:24:15,162
I'm not... I've never heard my dad
talk to anyone like that.
545
00:24:15,245 --> 00:24:16,245
Really?
546
00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:24,838
My dad is not impressed
by celebrity at all.
547
00:24:24,921 --> 00:24:26,756
It doesn't register to him.
548
00:24:28,175 --> 00:24:30,177
When my dad said,
549
00:24:31,887 --> 00:24:33,138
"You're a real hero."
550
00:24:34,306 --> 00:24:38,059
I've never heard him talk like that
about anybody ever in my whole life.
551
00:24:38,143 --> 00:24:39,644
I've never heard him say that.
552
00:24:40,854 --> 00:24:41,938
Caught me off guard.
553
00:24:42,981 --> 00:24:46,610
You mean so much to him at that time
in his life when I think he was lost
554
00:24:46,693 --> 00:24:48,862
and trying to figure out
who he was gonna be
555
00:24:48,945 --> 00:24:51,990
and he left sports behind
and he was watching you succeed.
556
00:24:53,116 --> 00:24:56,870
You just gave your dad a gift
that he would have never had
557
00:24:56,953 --> 00:25:00,999
had you not done all of this
and been in a position to...
558
00:25:01,708 --> 00:25:03,293
introduce him to his hero.
559
00:25:03,376 --> 00:25:07,756
I can't wait to call him tonight and go,
"It was fiberglass poles."
560
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:15,600
Caitlyn, the major reason
I brought you out here
561
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:18,517
is because you have been
so connected with "body,"
562
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,562
from the Olympics to where you are now.
All I need is one solid sentence
563
00:25:22,646 --> 00:25:26,900
of where I need to go, what I need to do,
where I need to have my head.
564
00:25:27,442 --> 00:25:28,442
Give me a sentence.
565
00:25:29,402 --> 00:25:30,403
There's no hope.
566
00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:31,863
That was a death sentence.
567
00:25:31,947 --> 00:25:34,074
- Cool.
- There's just no hope. Do you think?
568
00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,660
I think it's just, it's over for him.
569
00:25:37,285 --> 00:25:39,162
- He's too old.
- "He's too old."
570
00:25:39,246 --> 00:25:41,831
We're all going to die.
You probably sooner.
571
00:25:42,332 --> 00:25:44,668
- Yes.
- Fucking... What the fuck?
572
00:25:44,751 --> 00:25:47,003
- This is spiraling.
- She's just being honest with you.
573
00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:49,965
I'm just being honest,
which you probably don't want to hear.
574
00:25:51,091 --> 00:25:52,717
- How you doing, babe?
- I'm good.
575
00:25:52,801 --> 00:25:54,678
- It was a great day.
- It was?
576
00:25:54,761 --> 00:25:57,222
Yeah, I did not expect it
to turn out the way it did.
577
00:25:57,305 --> 00:26:00,725
I talked to Dad this morning,
and he was so excited.
578
00:26:00,809 --> 00:26:04,062
I've never seen him like that ever
and I just was... I started crying.
579
00:26:04,145 --> 00:26:06,022
- You did? Aww!
- Yeah.
580
00:26:06,106 --> 00:26:08,692
He watched Caitlyn Jenner
right when I was born.
581
00:26:08,775 --> 00:26:12,571
Those Olympics, he had just had a kid
and he knew he would never run again.
582
00:26:12,654 --> 00:26:14,781
I think those Olympics
connected with him.
583
00:26:14,864 --> 00:26:16,032
That's so amazing.
584
00:26:16,116 --> 00:26:17,993
What a great gift you gave your dad.
585
00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:20,745
- I had a blast.
- Aww! Well, that's nice.
586
00:26:20,829 --> 00:26:23,832
- You made a friend.
- Yep, I'm friends with my dad's hero.
587
00:26:25,125 --> 00:26:27,544
Well, I'm very proud of you.
Sounds like you did a great job.
588
00:26:27,627 --> 00:26:30,046
- I love you. I'm going to bed now.
- I love you too, babe.
589
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:31,339
- Have a good night.
- Bye.
590
00:26:35,409 --> 00:26:37,409
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