Original subtitles

[soft music]

- The act of dancing is so different

than any other creative media that I do

because it involves your whole body.

You can work through almost emotional and physical problems,

more so than with any other kind of artistic media.

- Pole dancing saved my life

because I was on the verge of suicide.

Pole is all about trust.

You have to learn how to trust yourself,

to know that you got your back,

that you're not gonna let yourself fall.

It teaches you how to control yourself,

how to control your body, your emotions.

- [Erica] I do like transforming myself.

I consider performers artists. We're forms of chameleons.

Pole dancing is incredibly empowering.

Being sexy is just one of the perks about it.

- I love what I do for my family.

And even though the money is coming from dancing,

my family doesn't really care.

It's like, as long as I'm not on drugs, I'm not in jail.

I'm not a thief, or anything like that, or a liar,

they have nothing to worry about.

- I got my master's degree in couples and family therapy

with a specialization in sex therapy.

When I dance, when I'm working in the strip club,

I really do enjoy it.

- [Announcer] All right, guys, it is that time.

Check out the one and only Della.

- I remember before I was ever a stripper

before I ever did porn,

I still had these preconceived notions about

who these people were,

why they were doing it, and what it must be like.

And I will admit that they were negative opinions

a lot of the time.

[soft music]

- Morningside.

I went to Morningside High School

from ninth grade to 12th grade.

I graduated there, thank God, got my diploma.

And I was in AP classes from ninth through 12th grade

honors classes.

I got Principal's Award twice.

So if you guys don't know what that is,

I reached a 4.0 GPA.

Also, honor roll every time,

every semester I got honor roll.

I had to get honor roll it was like a must.

[dramatic music]

- When I was 14 years old,

I was going to high school in Lexington, Kentucky.

I always was involved in some form of recreational activity,

whether if it was like sports, or dance, gymnastics,

but when I hit high school,

I started to do more theatrical things.

So I was exploring the arts in a different way.

[soft music]

- My grandpa served in the Army.

Both my parents were in the Army.

All of my uncles were in the Army.

And then me and my mom are the only females in my family

that were in the service, so I swore in on my 18th birthday.

[soft music]

- I got my first job when I was 16,

and that was kind of one of my first opportunities

to have a little bit of freedom.

And it was at a Christian bookstore, if you can believe it.

And it really gave me a chance to grow as a person,

and kind of expand and have a little bit of autonomy.

[soft music]

- I lost my virginity at 13 or 14.

I had a crush on this boy from school,

and he had these two girlfriends,

and we decided to like have a sleepover at my house.

And because I had a step-brother at the time,

I just told my dad that the guy was his friend,

and that they were gonna hang out.

We got a little drunk and one thing led to another.

And, yeah, next thing I knew I'm like having like

a foursome with like two other chicks and this guy.

[soft music]

- I started dancing in a strip club for the first time

when I was living in San Francisco,

and it was after grad school,

I was working part-time doing some mental health stuff,

but San Francisco is very expensive.

It's not enough to support myself.

Working in a club certainly did have an impact,

both good and bad on kind of my sense of self, sexually,

my body image, all those things that are wrapped up

when you are a willing participant in being a sexual object.

One of the challenges that I really found dancing

is the emotional labor

of interacting with customers on that level

because you're creating

this instantaneous connection with someone,

and it is a monetary transactional relationship.

[soft music]

- My mom's sister used to strip,

and she would talk to me about it.

So it was always something

that I was kind of like interested in doing,

and could see myself doing in the future.

And then when I moved from Pasadena to Hollywood,

when I was 18, 19, a lot of my friends out here

made money modeling and stripping,

so I just kind of glamorized it in my head.

[soft music]

- I got into exotic dancing and stripping out of necessity.

Like when I started pole dancing,

I never thought in a million years that I would ever,

ever be dancing as a stripper,

like stripping, or performing, period.

And I get VA benefits because I'm a disabled Veteran,

but it just wasn't enough for me to sustain myself.

I was at least 175 pounds,

and I started pole dancing when I was 200 pounds.

It was very stressful already

not being comfortable with my body weight.

It takes a lot of practice, and every time you dance,

you get better and better and better and better,

nothing's overnight,

so you can't just expect to walk into the club,

get on the stage, and look like a million bucks

if you've never practiced.

[soft music]

- So when I was 19, I was going to University of Kentucky

studying French and theater.

I wanted to be independent financially,

so I entered a amateur contest in Lexington, Kentucky,

and I did end up winning.

And part of winning was they gave you

a decent amount of money back then, and a job.

[soft music]

So I really put a lot of time into mastering my craft,

and the fact that we're doing this

in like eight inch heels, and a G-string,

I mean, that's magic straight up.

[soft music]

[applause]

- I would appreciate it if you guys didn't screenshot.

If I see any screenshots,

I will remove you as a friend,

and you won't see anything, okay?

Just chill and watch the show.

[soft music]

Back in summer of 2016, I downloaded Periscope,

and I'm like, hmm, this app is pretty cool.

Let me see what I can do on here.

[soft music]

People from Periscope

were coming to buy my premium Snapchat.

In a day I'll probably be making like $1,200.

So I'm figuring out how can I make more money?

Let me go just take some dancing class,

and see where this goes.

And maybe I'll become a stripper.

[soft music]

So it was like never my thought

to completely just go to a club,

but it was just at least learn a skill,

'cause if you can't do anything with your life,

please learn a skill because it will come in handy.

- It was not even comparable,

the amount of money you can make dancing

versus what I was doing.

I was a cocktail hostess at a bourbon and cigar bar.

A paycheck from doing that kind of job

I would make one night in dancing.

- I'm not the most popular stripper out there,

so I don't make as much money as a girl

whose like a conventionally beautiful white girl,

beautiful hair, blonde, brunette,

minimal tattoos, slender body.

Those type of girls they easily make $700,000 a year.

- I never made $1,000 in the night, but I've come close.

[upbeat music]

- When you listen to a song and you get on the pole,

the magic just happens

because you don't want to think too much.

You just want to let your body move

the way it's telling you to.

- All right, guys, it is that time.

Check out the hottie with a body,

Cinderella-like Bella.

This is the one and only Della on main stage.

- The artistry of stripping,

when you talk about just the dance itself,

the teasing, the seductiveness,

everyone has a little bit different way of doing it.

I tend to be very sensual myself just kind of in my life.

And that definitely translates onto stage.

[soft music]

- [Erica] And I definitely believe that when I'm dancing,

I am acting, I am performing.

I don't think any other dancer would deny that.

- I don't feel like I would be able to handle life

if I couldn't pole dance 'cause when I'm on the pole,

it's just like all my problems like melt away.

Whatever issues I have going on in my head

they like disappear for that moment.

- And I frickin' like get high off of it,

especially if I'm dancing,

and someone comes from the back of the club to come tip me,

or they're getting a drink,

and they come all the way to the stage to come tip me,

it makes me feel really, really good,

like I'm doing a superb job.

[soft music]

- [Erica] Yeah, the lines may get a little blurred

as opposed to exotic dancing versus burlesque.

There's not necessarily a difference for me.

I also tie musical theater and burlesque in together,

and stripping, like it all comes around full circle.

You look at Bob Fosse choreography.

We're literally doing the same thing.

- [Nikki] The act of dancing is so different

than any other creative media that I do

because it involves your whole body.

And I feel like you can work through almost emotional,

and physical problems more so

than with any other kind of artistic media.

[soft music]

- Anything worth having is worth working for,

and that includes pole skills.

It's all about your stage presence.

How you walk, how you move,

how you give eye contact to the crowd,

and what you're doing on the floor,

how you walk around the pole, your sex appeal,

and just the more you feel free and comfortable,

the easier it gets.

- [Erica] Why I like it is because it's so dynamic.

It's like, you're up, you're down.

You're in a triangle, now you're in a 180 degree line.

I'm literally playing with gravity and physics

when I'm up there.

[soft music]

- The best thing about pole dancing, and dancing in general

is that there's always something to be learned.

You could be at a level 10,

and learn something from somebody at a level one,

'cause we all have our style.

We all have our flow,

and everybody's style and flow is different.

[soft music]

- The way I dance is very sexual.

I don't want to call it a mating call,

but in a sense it's almost like a mating call.

A mating call for money.

[upbeat music]

- Stripping is the highest pressure sales job

you're ever gonna have because you are dealing with

a highly critical customer base already, most likely.

And then you're, also, you're selling

literally are selling yourself and not just your body,

but you're selling the experience,

not just the beauty of your body.

You could be the most beautiful girl in the club,

most perfect tits, most perfect hair, everything,

and if you've got a shitty attitude,

you don't know how to carry on a conversation,

and all you want is that money from that person.

and you make it very obvious, you're not gonna make money.

It's not gonna happen.

- You can't just say, hey, you want to dance?

You have to like sweet talk,

like, hey, you want to go to the back?

And I'll give you a fun time,

or just say like, you want to see the sparkles?

Like you want to see something like

that you can't even describe, basically,

so they'll be intrigued trying to see what can you do?

What do you have for me?

- Now, if you're a girl that does extras,

then you're going to make more

than a girl who doesn't do anything right off with

'cause a lot of guys are going in there,

and they're looking for more than just a lap dance.

They're looking to fuck, get their dick sucked.

They're just trying to get the rocks off.

So they're gonna, how much?

How much for what?

Pussy.

Oh, I don't do that.

Oh, well, uh, I might get that lap dance, I might not.

Uh, come back later.

So you don't want the lap dance

just because I said I don't do extras.

So when you do see that nigga leave to go get a lap dance

with somebody, whoever he's leaving with does extras.

- The amount of propositions I've had,

and sometimes in my life

where like I really could use some extra money,

I really wish I had it in me

to

fulfill whatever the client needs, and I do not, I do not.

- One of the reasons I wanted to be a therapist

is because I wanted to help people.

And I do genuinely enjoy giving and helping people.

So if giving a lap dance is helping someone,

I'll do it if you pay me.

[dramatic music]

- I would say that social media has made it easier for me

to dance on a more consistent basis,

and experience those feelings at home, or any time I want.

Being able to express myself with dance

for people at any time of the day

whenever I feel like it is pretty incredible.

[upbeat music]

- It really feels necessary to have a social media presence,

to be active with it, and to interact with fans, followers,

whatever you may call them

to be really successful as an adult performer,

as a model, as a stripper, as a brand ambassador.

One of the things that I find really interesting/satisfying

is considering the audience,

and thinking about the voyeuristic aspect of it.

They may not have access to be with someone like me,

or any of the other performers or women out there

that provide this kind of content in person,

so it's a available way for them to experience pleasure.

[soft music]

- So my favorite part about going through the carwash

at the gas station is that

no one is outside of my car washing it,

so I would normally pull out my phone,

turn on the light and set it up just right.

And people go crazy when I do that 'cause they're like,

oh, my God, I wish I was at that gas station.

Where is that gas station?

They just want to find me.

I get a clean car, and I get to make some side money,

and orgasm to start the day.

[upbeat music]

- A lot of times I'll work with photographers

that give me the images to edit myself

because I use Adobe programs for color editing and stuff.

And I have full creative freedom when it comes to making

more artistic erotic stuff that pushes the envelope.

The way it's colored, the lighting, the outfit,

it's all calculated.

It it's so much fun

because it takes the art to a whole other level.

[upbeat music]

- I just ignore my DMs on Instagram.

I started working on my Instagram just about two years ago,

and I've grown it all myself organically.

In some ways I'm like, holy shit,

100,000 people are watching everything I post.

- I'd say that was close, but on my squat nine.

- 'Cause the first eight went really well.

- Hello Netherlands.

Oh, hi Dublin, Ireland.

I live in Los Angeles, Chris.

I like to interact with my fans.

And one of the ways I do it is I do an Instagram live,

and I'll do it while I'm getting ready for my day,

so while I'm doing my makeup.

And this has been some of the feedback that I've gotten.

It's been a really cool way for people to see

another side of me,

and be real,

be authentic.

What am I gonna be for Halloween?

I'm going to be a stripper 'cause that's what I am.

Thank you. Bye guys.

- I usually up anywhere from six a.m. to eight.

I need to get my thoughts gathered.

Need to get on Instagram make my daily morning posts.

[soft music]

- Social media was something that I really dived into

when I moved to Los Angeles.

It's incredibly powerful,

and I've started to use it for my advantage.

I am in a city that runs literally off entertainment.

So it's like I will constantly be advertising my shows.

Eventually like I'll have someone that follows up with like,

hey, I would love to train with you,

or, hey, like, are you available for a booking?

I have people that come across my page,

and literally booked me off my page.

I'm not a fucking diva.

I'm not a fuckin' diva.

This has too much milk in it.

[laughing]

[rock and roll music]

I love to go-go dancing, I do.

Go-go dancing is a little harder on my body.

And that's because like I have to dance

for about 45 minutes that's nonstop,

but it's a different form of dance,

so I like to challenge myself,

and it keeps the Sunset Strip vibe alive.

[heavy metal music]

When you are dancing with live music,

and particularly rock music, heavy metal music,

you have no choice, but to absolutely 100% fully commit.

[heavy metal music]

- How I got into teaching was I started by

teaching private pole dancing lessons out of my house.

So girls would see me at the club,

and most of my clients were strippers

because I'm a stripper,

and I bust my pole dancing out at the club.

So the girls would see me and they'll be like,

whoa, I don't dance anything like that.

I want you to teach me.

I want you to teach me how to do these moves.

I'll pay you to teach me. Can you do that?

I'm like, hell yeah, give me your money, no.

I'll teach you because it's fun for me, it's enjoyable.

I know how I feel on the pole,

so why not help somebody else feel that way.

- Lord.

- Yeah.

[funky music]

- In order to be a millionaire,

you got to have different multiple ways of income.

So one of my ways is camming.

And I can't keep cam at home because I live with my family.

So I would normally book a room, have my lights,

get my computer, grab all my toys.

So, when I get to the room I like set up my cameras,

make sure the lighting is good

'cause you cannot film with horrible lighting.

I just feel freedom,

like, oh, my God, I could do whatever I want.

Hey everybody, make sure you come check me out

on my free cams tonight.

My username is SiziSevXX,

and we could have some fun together.

- When I first got into the adult industry,

I didn't have that many restrictions

as far as the type of scenes that I would shoot.

So I did regular boy, girl. I did anal.

I did like a glory hole scene.

So kind of like a blow bang.

So basically it's just, I'm sucking a bunch of dicks.

So pretty basic content.

[moaning]

- [Nikki] Doing porn has definitely helped me

with my dancing career.

It's boosted my social media and my branding,

and has made it easier for me

to get more people to come see me.

I have more porn fans that want to come see me dance,

which is awesome.

[funky music]

- But now I'm doing just kind of my own stuff.

It's cool because I do get to dictate

who I'm gonna shoot with, when I'm gonna shoot it,

where I'm gonna shoot it,

and what kind of scene I'm going to do myself.

I'm the one that's really dictating

what it's going to look like in the finished process.

And a lot of times

it's pretty simple stuff that I do myself,

but there is that sense of freedom,

which is becoming a theme in my life.

- You never go in someplace like complaining.

You never go whining. You just go happy vibe.

And I can do all that jump on the bed,

or whatever I want to,

to get them engaged in my personality and I get them hooked.

And then I'll lead to like a little sexier dancing,

or moving my ass slow like stripper moves.

If you've ever seen a dancer

that just doesn't really do pole tricks,

but she does floor work.

That's what I would do to get them intrigued,

but camming is like a job.

You really have to be on there hours.

Do not think that you're gonna go on there,

make like $5,000 in a fucking hour.

No, this is like an eight hour day.

I'm taking over a Redtube's Snapchat,

and they have like 8,000 people watching my snaps right now.

So I'm bound to get some new fans from 8,000 people.

- I am a pole dance instructor.

I love training my student Jeffrey, he's an actor.

He got booked to be a male stripper at a big party.

He was just so open and vulnerable.

It was really refreshing to see that

because you have a lot of people that are like closed off

when it comes to stripping,

but he was really interested in learning,

and taking it seriously.

- I do feel like some of the scenes that I did

contributed to me becoming known.

I don't like to say famous, being known.

There's a lot of really cool opportunities for me to have

various ways that I make money.

One of them might be that I get fans that request

that I send them an eight by 10 photo and I'll autograph it.

I've also had some fans make artwork for me.

And I've gotten permission to use that,

and print that out and sell that.

- Exactly, so you pull yourself back up, nice,

Beautiful.

Miranda is another client of mine

who actually did find me on social media.

So she also is an exotic dancer.

So she's self-taught and she's phenomenal.

She was coming to me to help her clean things up,

and get technical.

Pole dancing is incredibly empowering.

Being sexy is just one of the perks about it.

- [Sizi] So dancing and porn are like kind of like

a nice match made in heaven.

I have to like basically promote myself

because there's girls doing the exact same thing

that I'm doing so you have to make sure

that your stuff is top of the notch,

it's different, and it's unique,

or you're just gonna be another person

playing with your pussy online.

- I thoroughly enjoy doing porn.

I love having sex,

and being able to work with awesome performers,

and great directors is so much fun

because I mean, I'm still creating something cool.

It takes a certain kind of person to be in the industry

like they really are people that truly don't give a fuck

what other people think.

And I absolutely love that because living in L.A.

there are so many phony people

like their whole life is revolving around

like what other people think.

And porn stars are just kind of like here it is.

If you don't like it, I don't really give a shit.

And I fucking love that.

It's so bold and brave and out there.

It's probably the most out there shit you could do.

And a lot of people take offense to it,

and I understand that,

but the majority of those people also watch porn.

- I was teaching for about a year in my house.

Then an audition for a Romance and Dance came up.

The environment is very nice.

It's friendly, it's fun, it's ratchet, but it's ratchet fun.

And the students are a fucking trip.

For your fireman

you're gonna have your inside hand high.

Outside hand comes across.

This is your pull, this is your push.

So as you're pulling your body up with this hand,

you're pushing your body away from the pole with this arm.

Each student is different.

You have your confidence students who come in,

and like, I got this shit.

Then you have your shy students who are like,

I don't want you to look at me,

and then I'll have to turn around,

but I'll be peeking in the mirror and they be hitting it.

Boom.

Step, outside leg, step.

And then we're gonna go onto a pirouette.

Make sure you're on your tippy-toes, tippy-toes.

Don't let the pole work you, you work the pole,

not the other way around.

It's a very rewarding feeling to see your students do moves

that you taught them and to see them perfect the move,

so it's like a visual manifestation

of all your personal hard work going,

and being transferred into somebody else.

And now I can look at my students,

and be in awe when I see them dance

'cause I'm just like I taught you that.

I did that for you.

[electronic music]

- When I feel like my place is on point and it's clean,

I feel not just better about myself and my place,

but I feel more motivated to do things.

And it's easier for me

because my mind isn't cluttered with actual clutter.

The ritual of cleaning and like physically cleaning

is very therapeutic because it's almost like meditating.

It's like you're not really thinking about

anything other than what you're doing at that very moment,

which is cleaning.

It's a lot easier to just kind of put on some music,

get stoned, jam out, and then clean.

[electronic music]

- I've changed my hair and my look

so many times throughout my life.

I like to push myself out of my comfort zone,

push myself in my own abilities,

and my own discipline in achieving goals.

And this feels like just kind of another way

that I kind of push myself to take a risk.

So, I like that and I trust Randall to do it

because he's one of my very good friends.

[soft music]

- I like wigs, I love wigs

'cause they allow me to just take a break from my own hair.

It's like once you put a wig on, or change your hair up,

you become like a totally new person.

You can go from basic to batty.

Basic to working that shit, fierce as fuck.

Especially when you're dancing, and you have your hair on,

and you're just whipping that shit,

ba, ba, ba, side to side.

And then it just gives off a whole new aura about yourself.

[electronic music]

- As a dancer and entertainer, I feel like it is a must

that you get a mani pedi every two weeks to three weeks

to stay on top and stay clean

because those guys are going to be looking at your feet,

nice soft feet, clean.

[electronic music]

It actually helps boost my confidence

when I have my nails done

because I feel like I have like old people hands.

So having my nails just makes me feel

more in tune with my youngness.

- I do like transforming myself.

I consider performers artists.

We're forms of chameleons, we blend in.

So you have like my everyday look,

but then you have my performance look.

So when I start to put my warpaint on,

I literally am preparing myself for battle,

and battle is usually the stage.

[dramatic music]

- I served in the Navy about three years and 10 months.

So two months shy of four years.

I was on the USS Ronald Reagan, so that was my ship.

So if you've ever seen those commercials Go Navy,

or something like that,

that's my ship, the aircraft carrier.

The biggest ship there was my ship.

And then I got gang-raped,

and then I had to get off the ship.

- But when I was 15, going on 16, my father passed away.

And that really

changed my life as far as where I was living.

And

it really, it happened unexpectedly.

So literally my life changed overnight.

- So growing up as a kid, I went through a lot of drama.

And I went through like molestation.

I went through like getting kidnapped type of stuff

with my own grandfather.

And I was exposed to a lot of adult things.

If I were to see my grandfather, I would just tell him like,

you're fucked up, like you're wrong.

Why did you touch me? Why did you do that?

And it's more fucked up because it wasn't just me,

like he touched my aunties before me, my mom, you know?

So it was just crazy, like I just, I don't know.

I wouldn't even give him my energy, to be honest.

I wouldn't even talk to him.

- I was hanging out with this dude that

he's a contractor, but the last time we hung out,

he had his friend with him, and it was cool and what-not.

♪ But this ain't no dream no this ain't no fairytale ♪

We went back to his place.

Yeah, him and his friend took full advantage of me

while I was drunk.

♪ And my life is something you dismissed ♪

♪ But not knowing what because I refuse to die ♪

♪ And I got you so I refuse to cry ♪

[sobbing]

I remember the whole thing.

And it was like, I was crying and saying, man,

I was looking at him straight in his eyes.

And I told him to stop and he wouldn't.

And it's like they took turns.

- And it was my uncle who told me.

And he didn't even look at me in the face.

He told me while I was in the backseat of a car

that my father passed away.

I just froze and went numb, absolutely,

but then there was something that snapped in me.

I started to get into partying,

and definitely not that kind of party

you think that a 16-year-old should be doing.

- And like, I feel like that whole thing

just fuckin' ruined my military career

'cause I got discharged

because I got PTSD from what happened.

'Cause I didn't want anybody to fuckin' touch me,

I didn't get a rape kit done, which is like,

I feel like one of the biggest regrets of my life

because without that rape kit nothing could happen to them.

- I grew up in a very conservative Christian family.

My parents are still married.

And also because I was homeschooled,

I was homeschooled all 12 years my entire schooling.

It often feels sometimes

like I don't relate to people of my own age.

There's really this feeling of

really pervasive kind of frustration,

just feeling really restricted,

feeling like I didn't have any choice in how I thought.

I wasn't allowed to date.

I really wasn't even allowed to have friends

of the opposite gender.

The nuclear family is what is right,

being straight is right.

God is gonna punish you

if you don't adhere to these guidelines.

[soft music]

- I was a hermit for almost a year.

I stayed in the house, I didn't go out.

I got fat because like I didn't want to go outside.

And all I was eating was Domino's

'cause they bring that shit to you.

I couldn't handle being in crowds, being around people.

And then I went out by myself without a friend,

and I took a pole dancing class,

and my life was like changed from that day.

Pole dancing saved my life

because I was on the verge of suicide.

- I've had people say to me, oh, your behavior

it's just because you're rebelling

against your strict upbringing, it's so typical.

And that is a lot of negativity that I've heard from people.

And, typically, it's from people

who frankly have no fucking idea what they're talking about.

They're not in the sex-positive community.

They don't even know anyone whose a stripper.

The closest thing they've seen to a stripper

is watching it on TV.

- You can never judge somebody just by their appearances.

You got to actually take your time to know somebody,

and see what they've been through.

[soft music]

♪ Why you bitches playin' mean ♪

♪ You know my hands be slapping B's ♪

♪ I fight you bitch don't test me please ♪

♪ I take you down like gravity ♪

So I sing and I rap.

So I usually rap about shit in the strip club.

And if somebody pisses me off, I write about it.

So right now I'm working with a producer out here in L.A.

His name is Mega Hands.

We're working on a song right now.

He's making my beat,

and I'm working on writing some lyrics up,

and hopefully it turns out really good.

So far I like what we got going.

♪ I'm bound by money yeah I need it right now ♪

♪ I'm a hustle I'm a grind by the sweat of my brow ♪

♪ I'm a hustlin' yeah I'm shaking my ass making money ♪

♪ You could see it by the sweat of my brow ♪

♪ I keep grinding yeah I got a couple jobs ♪

♪ So a bitch don't need a ride by the sweat of my brow ♪

♪ I stayed in my lane and you need to stay in yours ♪

♪ To reach a goal by the sweat of your brow ♪

♪ Woke up with the money on my mind ♪

♪ Get up motivated by the grind ♪

♪ Stack up I'm spending yours never mine nigga ♪

♪ That's how you stay rich not 'cause of crime bitch ♪

♪ I'm on my way up top of the line ♪

♪ I'm in my prime bitch it's so divine ♪

♪ He's taking pictures of me 'cause I'm sublime ♪

♪ Don't need to scam oh no just to make a dime ♪

♪ I'm making money all day no need for crime ♪

♪ And if your nigga payin' that's for my time ♪

♪ You want to be my little daddy on the low ♪

♪ Uh bitch my daddy's on the dough ♪

- [Woman] Scene one, take one.

[electronic music]

- When I'm acting it as a form of dance.

We're literally doing a tango

because you take my step, and then I take yours.

I give you power, you give me some back.

Yeah, there's an energy exchange.

So you're not here to interrogate me?

- No. - No.

- Pointing to a space photograph.

What's it say? Read it.

- This is a black hole. It consumes matter.

Sucks it in and crushes it to non-existence.

This is a black hole.

It consumes matter, sucks it in and crushes it.

Learning lines is very personal and intimate for me

because I have to go places in my head

that are very hard for me.

I have to go places emotionally.

You're literally seeing it raw, pure, uncut, stripped.

- He's a cop. You're a crook.

Is he interrogating you? Yes and no.

What did he just say to you?

- I've known Jim for about a year,

and I do trust him, absolutely.

- [Man] Is this making sense?

- Yeah, no, I forgot how many deep questions you ask,

and then I do start to get analytical,

and then I'm like, oh, fuck.

I've even lost myself in the black hole at this point.

- [Man] Yeah.

- This is a safe place to expose yourself.

Just strip yourself down

because you are literally letting it all hang out.

- [Man] To the couch sit down.

- People always ask me when they know that I do porn,

or that I strip, what is that like?

Are people doing blow on set?

They have all these crazy questions

because that's what they really believe is happening on set.

And so I would say that doing comedy helps bring

a fresh new perspective on being in that industry.

- I've given this intro to a lot of comedians before,

but this is the first time it's ever actually been true.

You can see this next comedian sucking dick on the internet.

Please put your hands together

for Nikki Knightly everybody, Nikki.

[cheers and applause]

- I'm sure you're probably wondering,

oh, my God, what horrible thing happened to you

that made you get into the industry?

I'll be completely honest, nothing.

I'm just really, really fuckin' slutty.

The biggest reason why there's so many preconceived notions

about the industry is because girls don't talk about

what it's like to be in the industry.

I tried to have a regular job, but I wasn't very good at it,

but that's okay because I'm great at a lot of other jobs

like hand jobs, and blow jobs, front jobs, boob jobs.

I mean the list literally goes on and on.

I don't know if this is a girl thing or what the deal is,

but I was shooting with a girl and she was like, hey,

can you spit in my mouth?

Sure, yeah, I can do that for sure.

I can for sure spit in your mouth.

And then she was like, can I spit in your mouth?

I'm like, I have a lot of spit in my mouth.

So I'm also an exotic dancer.

I know what you're thinking.

Oh, my God, you're so talented.

[laughter]

So it's awesome to be able to not only make people laugh,

but educate people on a level that makes them think,

oh, okay, wow, yeah, she does that,

and she actually enjoys doing it,

and like that seems really cool, as opposed to like,

oh, God, her life is probably all fucked up,

and she's all depressed and messed up

because she's selling her body for money,

and she thinks she's a sex object.

That's not true. That's not how I feel.

Hopefully you guys look me up,

and masturbate to me after the show.

Thank you so much.

[cheers and applause]

- Nikki Knightly everybody, keep it going for Nikki Knightly.

Get off your phones it's rude.

[electronic music]

- So I've been like lately taking time for myself,

genuinely enjoying being alone,

and talking to myself, but not like in a crazy way,

but just doing affirmations to myself,

letting myself know that I'm grounded.

I am beautiful. I'm confident.

All of those things and believe those things,

and those things have been just like surfacing in my life.

And that just became my reality. And I love being alone.

Like I don't mind going to the beach by myself.

I need that sometimes when I'm moving around a lot,

I just need to go to the beach and have some like me time.

So I don't want to do porn in the next few years

because I don't feel like that is my personality anymore.

I want to just be flowing with the universe

'cause you can't be sad and upset and depressed

when you're just one with the universe.

♪ I can't wait to bury you ♪

♪ Just another notch in my belt ♪

♪ Just another story to tell ♪

♪ Bloody blades and empty eyes ♪

♪ Muffled screams ♪

♪ And convenient lies ♪

My love of music is something

that has always been a part of me.

I am in a band called Dirty Lovely Creatures,

and it has been awesome.

It's only the second band

that I've actually ever been in besides choir.

I don't know if you can count choir as a band.

- This is "Bury You" take one.

- I love being able to come into a session

with maybe some lyrics and a tune,

and it flushes out to a real song,

and it's just really, really gratifying.

♪ I can't wait to bury you ♪

♪ Just another notch in my belt ♪

♪ Just another story to tell ♪

♪ Bloody blades and empty eyes ♪

♪ Muffled screams ♪

♪ Convenient lies ♪

- This is the beautiful Della Dane.

Everybody say, hello, Della.

- [Man] Hello nurse.

- And when you put us all together,

we are called Dirty Lovely Creatures.

- [Man] And aren't we all.

- I love playing live music. I love being on stage.

I love getting a chance to express myself through a song.

Whether that's a song I wrote, someone else wrote,

or I have some sort of collaborative process.

[dramatic music]

- Pole dancing is like the most addictive drug

that I've ever been on because I could be free.

It's just me, the music and the pole.

I'm just looking at the ceiling,

and how fast it's spinning around,

and otherworldly my body gets a little tingle.

- I struggle in most places in my life

in finding balance.

Get them up, come up get them up.

- [Man] Bounce them.

- There you go.

- [Woman] You have some of the best natural boobs

I've ever seen, this is one of my boobs, but you know.

- I think it's gonna be kind of a constant process.

A lot of us are trying to balance these multiple demands

on our personalities, our responsibilities,

and then our public persona.

And you might be partying and drinking and getting drunk,

and God knows what.

So we all have different realms

where we are different people.

[electronic music]

- [Man] Hey, Christina, I got some Whip-its

if you guys want to do some with me.

[electronic music]

- Happy birthday.

As far as the Whip-its go,

if I have some people over or something.

I think it's okay and fun to do that once in a while.

Definitely not something you should do on a regular basis

'cause it kills your brain cells.

- Sometimes we'll have our little parties,

come to my house, or their house,

and we'll fuck around on the pole, get drunk, or what-not,

and we're just partying for us.

Our parties be so lit walkin' on the ceiling,

and just holding onto the pole with just our hands.

No feet, no legs, just hands, not even arms, just hands.

Who can do that? Who do you know can do that?

Nobody.

Your friends be basic. My friends be bad bitches.

That's just how it goes.

[electronic music]

- [Nikki] Marijuana to me is medicinal.

It helps with my anxiety, my depression,

social anxiety, helps me sleep at night.

I wouldn't consider weed as a party drug personally.

[electronic music]

- So now that I smoke marijuana, now that I'm older,

I've been smoking it for years.

I have grown a higher tolerance for marijuana.

So I'll even have breathing like techniques

while I'm smoking so I can like utilize it.

Like when I'm rolling my blunt I have my intentions.

I don't just roll it.

I have thoughts that I'm thinking about when I'm rolling it,

how I want to feel, so I can't just do it unconsciously.

I have to set it before I smoke it.

[upbeat music]

- [Bama] I like to smoke all day every day,

but I normally when I get up, I usually roll me a blunt.

I have about three, four trays that I use interchangeably.

[upbeat music]

- [Erica] Marijuana is definitely medicine.

And when I moved to California from Kentucky

coming from a red state, completely mind blowing.

If I had a choice between like a beer or a joint,

I'm probably gonna go with a joint, yeah.

Alcohol is not the best for athletes.

- There's a lot of alcoholics in my family.

A lot of people have died from alcoholism in my family.

When I was in my younger 20s

I definitely had a bit of a drinking problem.

I would drink and not know when to stop,

or not want to stop, and I would black out,

and find myself in very precocious situations.

- When I went to rehab, I felt as if I got to address

some of those issues I experienced as a child,

from losing my dad to substance abuse,

watching my mom go to rehab,

and just dealing with all the pain I experienced,

and finally getting a chance to address it.

So I'm glad I went and I'm glad I haven't had to go back.

[electronic music]

- In the morning I'll get up stretch a little bit

because I have to go to work.

Obviously, I work at a pole studio,

so I don't want to be going in there all cold,

and lacking 'cause I got warm up there, too,

but I like to get all my morning stretches out the way.

Give my neck a little twirl back and forth, side to side.

[soft music]

- [Man] Stand fast, that's still too light.

You can do 12, two.

Yeah, one more.

Good.

- [Della] This new approach that I'm taking to my health,

my fitness certainly feels more sustainable.

And it's really what I've been seeking.

- Pause, and then we control forward and then we stand up,

bring the hips forward, there you go.

Good.

Seven, four, five, six,

seven, eight, nine, and 10.

- So I had always thought about

doing a bodybuilding competition,

and it was a really, really tough process

when it's so all-consuming, and you are literally

just down to the most minute detail on your body,

it's really, really difficult for that not to impact you.

[soft music]

- [Erica] I really like tattoos

because it's another form of storytelling.

So my back piece was something I started,

actually, when I got out of rehab.

And it was like a rite of passage,

and like a little chapter in my life.

I always kind of put tattoos on me

when I'm making a turning point in my life.

[soft music]

- When I'm driving around in my little Toyota car,

I just feel good, I don't care whose watching me.

That's like my own little club.

Driving down the streets I used to walk on as a kid.

Now you're older, you got a car.

It's like bliss, like wow, time has flown by.

I got my car now, I'm not on a bus.

So I can do whatever,

kick people out your car if you want 'cause it's your car.

[soft music]

- [Nikki] I started going to music festivals

a couple years ago, probably when I was like 24.

I've always loved music.

I would say music and dance are heavily correlated.

Part of the high of dancing is dancing to music you like.

It's almost like a community of like some of the best people

with some of the best music playing.

Everybody is just happy and loving and caring.

And for a weekend you live in this fantasy world

where people are actually kind of nice to each other.

[soft music]

- Come here baby, come here.

I have many loves in my life right now.

I feel very fortunate.

One is Mew Mew my teacup Chihuahua rescue dog

that I got less than a year ago.

And she is amazing. She is my little angel.

I take her almost everywhere with me.

I struggle with depression a lot,

and not wanting to like leave the house.

And she's just so sweet. She just gives me so much love.

And that's the thing that's great about dogs.

They're amazing. They love you unconditionally.

And she's the best. I love her so much.

And then I have Penelope my black cat.

She was my first pet that was solely mine.

Penelope can be kind of a bitch sometimes.

She's peed on a lot of my stuff, but I do love her.

She's a great cat. She's got such a personality.

- My cat Honey, he's so cute.

He's a little gray cat.

I don't know if he's a Russian Blue or Korot.

I think he's a Korot because he yeps a lot, he talks a lot.

Mew, mew, mew, blur, that's how he sounds.

He's so cute with his big-ass balls.

I call them fuzzy almonds

'cause they look like almonds with fur on them.

They're so cute.

A lot of people have never seen cat balls

because people normally get their cat neutered,

but my cat got some big kahunas.

- He's like I'm outta here.

My cats are my babies.

I rescued them about two or three years ago.

I was volunteering at an animal shelter for a while.

And the animals that I saw that were just

because they weren't cute enough people didn't love them.

Animals are like people to me.

That's why I don't eat meat

because I truly believe that sentient beings

have personalities and feelings,

and are more complex emotionally than we realize,

or want to believe.

My cat's names are Milo and Otis.

They're incredible, and they make me so happy.

They're so therapeutic for me when I feel lonely,

or I'm having boy problems.

I have two boys right here that love me so much,

and bring me so much happiness and it's nice.

It feels good to take care of something and make them happy.

It makes me happy.

- I don't really have an official pet,

but I have a stray cat, and I call him Woods.

Wood was literally here the first day I moved in here.

He was just waiting at my door.

He makes me so happy.

He is my black cat.

He knows when I'm sad, he'll be here at my door.

Sometimes he'll stay the night

because he is a stray a little bit feral sometimes.

And, especially, if there's a full moon, I kid you not,

he just acts really weird, he's great, I love him.

We can't have animals in my building,

so I get away with having a stray cat.

- I like how they're just there.

Like if I need something to look at, and they're just there,

like they're alive moving creatures.

[soft music]

Hey fishy, fishies.

[soft music]

[dramatic music]

- Over time my sexual orientation

kind of self-identification has changed.

And I currently identify as queer.

Many people have different definitions for that,

and that's kind of exactly what the purpose of the word is,

but for me personally, I'm attracted to people,

not genitals, so I like to keep my options open,

I guess you could say.

- [Erica] Dancing definitely has affected my relationships.

I always tell people this,

like I moved to Los Angeles to have a career.

I did not move to Los Angeles to get married.

I have had long-term boyfriends while dancing,

and it's not easy, of course, they get jealous,

paranoid or think that like I am going to some crazy party,

and will hook up with everyone there.

And as far as like dancing and taking care of my career,

that is my focus right now.

- When I'm able to contribute to my household,

and help my aunt I really feel like

I'm growing into the young woman that I am going to be.

And I feel like I'm gonna be somebody

because there are people in my family that are like older,

like 30, 40 staying with their mom or dad,

and they don't contribute.

They don't help pay a bill. They just sit there and sleep.

And I'm very proud of myself that I don't have that in me

to just be broke,

or I don't have that in me to not help out my aunt

'cause she got me out of foster care you guys.

So I have to like, I feel like I owe her that

'cause I could have got lost in the system,

or anything could have happened to me.

- So my grandma bought a beach house

in Malibu about 20 years ago.

I always love being able to go out there,

and hang out with her.

So, yeah, it was really fun. I had a great time.

The downstairs unit,

which is where we were hanging out,

the entire floor is hand painted underwater theme.

So there's like coral and fish and whales and dolphins.

And then on one of the walls,

she has me painted as a mermaid.

I love going there

because it's such a nice tranquil place to kind of hang out,

and like clear my mind and I get to see family.

And then I also get to create cool stuff while I'm there.

[electronic music]

- When all your friends are all bad bitches,

you can all do the same things and whatever I got, you got.

If I don't got it, you could teach me.

If you don't got it, I could teach you.

We're trading off, we all a bunch of bad bitches.

Then we're all the show. The whole group is the show.

We're all the stars of the party.

And there's no sense of being at the top alone.

If I'm poppin' you poppin'.

If you poppin' I'm poppin'

'cause we always gonna be together.

We're a family, we're friends,

and I got your back, you got my back no matter what.

As long as you're not threatening to fight me or kill me,

we can always be friends.

[upbeat music]

- Three years deep in Los Angeles.

This city has absolutely tried to kill me.

And for some reason I just keep coming back

better and better.

I've enjoyed all the twists and all the turns

that it's thrown to me.

I've enjoyed all the people I've met out here,

and I'm ready to take it to the next level.

And I have no doubts in myself that I'm going to kick ass.

[upbeat music]

- [Bama] Pole is life. Pole is all around healing.

It's healing from the inside out.

Whatever struggles you may be facing in life,

it's all temporary,

and that there's a way to get through it.

And the healing that you get from pole is no other healing

because you gain a family.

I came in there alone and I left with a family.

I left with people that love me and that support me.

- [Nikki] So I would say that

one of the most important keys to happiness

is doing things for yourself,

and not living your life for other people,

but living your life for yourself,

which is why I love doing porn, and I love dancing

because I'm not afraid of people telling me

that they're not okay with what I'm doing

because I'm not living for them, I'm living for myself.

And if that's what makes me happy, I don't care who I upset.

I love my family,

but like they want me to be happy when it comes down to it.

Even if they don't totally agree with what I'm doing.

I think my happiness is a lot more important to them.

[soft music]

- I just hope that everyone takes from my story,

that I'm a little like goofy, positive, loving person.

And don't define me off of how I make my money,

or how I decided to like choose my career.

So my future self,

I think I would be into like the hair industry,

the makeup industry,

like something that has to do with my hands

because I feel like I can do good hair, good makeup.

And I would like to open a business surrounding beauty.

- For anyone who doesn't have a personal connection to,

or hasn't done this work, I just encourage them

to keep an open mind when you do come across someone

because the stigma that we carry is very heavy.

I speak out and I'm open and transparent about what I do

simply to try to do my own part in breaking that stigma,

but if you're someone who is carrying

that negativity with you, or that criticism,

I just encourage you to try to remember

that we're all just people

moving through this world and making our choices.

And we all need a little empathy at the end of the day.

[soft music]

♪ I'm bound my money yeah I need it right now ♪

♪ I'm a hustle I'm a grind by the sweat of my brow ♪

♪ I'm a hustlin' yeah I'm shakin' my ass making money ♪

♪ You could see it by the sweat of my brow ♪

♪ I keep grinding yeah I got a couple jobs ♪

♪ So a bitch don't need to ride by the sweat of my brow ♪

♪ I stayed in my lane and you need to stay in yours ♪

♪ To reach your goal by the sweat of your brow ♪

♪ Woke up with the money on my mind ♪

♪ Get up motivated by the grind ♪

♪ Stack up I'm spending yours never mine nigga ♪

♪ That's how you stay rich not 'cause of crime bitch ♪

♪ I'm on my way up top of the line ♪

♪ I'm in my prime bitch it's so divine ♪

♪ He's taking pictures of me 'cause I'm sublime ♪

♪ Don't need to scam oh no just to make a dime ♪

♪ I'm making money all day no need for crime ♪

♪ And if your nigga is payin' it's for my time ♪

♪ Do you want to be my little daddy on the low ♪

♪ Uh bitch my daddy's on the dough ♪