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Previously on Californication...
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- No kiss?
- I'm done with that.
3
00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:07,098
You, on the other hand,
have been a very naughty little Smurf.
4
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:10,894
- Bi-curious, are we?
- He started it, spanking his assistant.
5
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It was very sweet, actually.
6
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I want to learn from you.
7
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- I want to be an agent.
- I see.
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First, you systematically
destroy my marriage...
9
00:00:18,444 --> 00:00:20,153
I know about everything, Charlie.
10
00:00:20,196 --> 00:00:22,697
...and now you want me
to help with your career.
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I don't think you heard me.
I wrote something.
12
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- Hank wrote a new book? Can I read it?
- I don't think that's appropriate.
13
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Is there anything I can help you with?
14
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I wrote this novel, and I was just wondering
15
00:00:32,291 --> 00:00:34,334
- if Charlie would read it.
- What's it about?
16
00:00:34,376 --> 00:00:36,586
A 16-year-old girl
fucks a much, much older man
17
00:00:36,629 --> 00:00:39,380
and finds herself both spiritually
and sexually awakened.
18
00:00:41,383 --> 00:00:42,634
Dad, are you OK?
19
00:00:43,469 --> 00:00:44,928
No...
20
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But I'm working on it.
21
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This book is gonna be huge.
22
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:50,141
What's going on here?
Are you having second thoughts?
23
00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:52,477
- Are you questioning things?
- I question everything.
24
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,145
- It's very healthy.
- It is very healthy.
25
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:56,314
I just think you can't run off and marry a guy
26
00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:59,359
after making sweet love to yours truly.
27
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We had women that loved
us for who we were, and we fucked it up.
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Ain't life fuckin' grand?
29
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Yowsa.
30
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- Hey.
- You look great, Mom.
31
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Oh, thank you, sweetie.
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00:01:27,596 --> 00:01:29,681
I guess you're going with
a more liberal interpretation
33
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,432
of the whole "white wedding"
concept, are you?
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00:01:31,517 --> 00:01:34,435
Do you think I could go braless...
Ooh. Sorry.
35
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Didn't know we had
a gentleman in our presence.
36
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Well, only if you go with
a more liberal interpretation
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of the whole "gentleman" concept.
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Ouch.
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You know, as exciting as it is
to be behind the scenes
40
00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,406
in the girls' locker room
right before the big game,
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I think I'm going to take my leave.
42
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:49,742
Oh, shit.
43
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- I think my dad's coming.
- What?
44
00:01:51,579 --> 00:01:53,788
He was supposed to be playing racquetball.
45
00:01:53,831 --> 00:01:55,415
Yes, by all means, get that thing off.
46
00:01:55,457 --> 00:01:59,669
The groom should not see you in the dress
just before the wedding... that's bad luck.
47
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- What's worse luck is getting married itself.
- Shut up.
48
00:02:03,048 --> 00:02:05,383
It's like two out of three of those
end in divorce.
49
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:08,136
Sometimes more... three out of two.
50
00:02:08,179 --> 00:02:10,430
- Bill.
- Hank.
51
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- You look lovely.
- Thank you.
52
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:18,062
A little uncomfortable coming from you.
You know what? Oatmeal.
53
00:02:18,147 --> 00:02:19,314
Thank you, Daddy.
54
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,107
You should've seen the dress
Karen had on just now.
55
00:02:21,150 --> 00:02:23,568
She had the... I mean,
it was like, here...
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00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:26,487
- Cut it out.
- And then the back...
57
00:02:26,530 --> 00:02:27,989
- Hey. You're home early.
- Hi.
58
00:02:28,032 --> 00:02:31,201
Well, I'm playing Harry Greenberg.
I bageled him.
59
00:02:31,243 --> 00:02:33,411
Ah, ironically. You know what?
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00:02:33,454 --> 00:02:35,496
One day, you and me,
Bill Tilden. Mano a mano.
61
00:02:35,539 --> 00:02:37,582
We're gonna play the real tennis.
62
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:41,419
Not that sissy kind. We're going '70s style.
We're playing wooden rackets, knee socks.
63
00:02:41,462 --> 00:02:44,214
Plum smugglers. We do it.
But not today because I gotta go.
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00:02:44,256 --> 00:02:45,632
- Dad.
- Yes.
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00:02:45,674 --> 00:02:47,884
- You can't. Remember?
- No... What?
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00:02:47,927 --> 00:02:50,345
I have to talk to you... and Mom.
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00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:51,971
Really? What about, sweetie?
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Family stuff.
69
00:02:54,725 --> 00:02:57,769
Well, we're a family.
Or we will be very soon, right?
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00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,688
So I should say what I feel?
No matter what?
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00:03:00,731 --> 00:03:02,106
- Absolutely.
- Yes.
72
00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:05,235
- Always.
- I want to live with Dad.
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00:03:07,571 --> 00:03:10,865
I'll still visit and stuff. I just...
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00:03:10,908 --> 00:03:13,534
I want to live most of the time with Dad.
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It's the first I've heard of this.
Karen. Karen.
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Karen! Karen!
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00:03:22,169 --> 00:03:25,129
Hey, Becca, have you...
have you thought this through?
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00:03:25,172 --> 00:03:26,673
I mean, have you... Becca.
79
00:03:26,715 --> 00:03:29,884
Shit. Becca! Becca.
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00:03:29,927 --> 00:03:32,095
- Bill. Bill.
- Yeah...
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00:03:33,264 --> 00:03:36,391
- Then there were two.
- Yeah.
82
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:38,643
I'm gonna need some help
getting out of this dress.
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And then there was one.
84
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- Thank you.
- Sure.
85
00:04:36,827 --> 00:04:38,328
Uncle Runkle.
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00:04:39,204 --> 00:04:42,123
- Sorry I'm late. I just...
- You just what?
87
00:04:42,166 --> 00:04:44,250
Nah. That's all I got.
88
00:04:45,377 --> 00:04:48,880
- I do have some news, though.
- Ah! Delight me.
89
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:52,258
Becca's moving back in with me.
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00:04:52,301 --> 00:04:54,093
- No shit.
- Yeah.
91
00:04:54,136 --> 00:04:56,763
- Poor Karen. She must be...
- Devastated.
92
00:04:56,805 --> 00:04:59,599
- That's brutal.
- It is. The good news is, though,
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00:04:59,641 --> 00:05:02,018
that as of today
you and your extensive porn collection
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00:05:02,061 --> 00:05:03,353
are moving into the Four Seasons.
95
00:05:03,395 --> 00:05:06,064
- Fantastic.
- I booked you a room
96
00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:07,607
in the Husbands Who've
Been Kicked To The Kerb
97
00:05:07,649 --> 00:05:09,650
"By Their Diminutive Lesbian Wives wing.
98
00:05:09,693 --> 00:05:12,153
It's right next to the Young Actresses
Fresh Into Town wing.
99
00:05:12,196 --> 00:05:14,947
- Am I correct?
- I don't know the layout of the hotel.
100
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,033
Well, that is news.
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00:05:17,076 --> 00:05:19,660
Boy, I'll miss the camaraderie.
102
00:05:19,703 --> 00:05:23,331
But that stain in your bedroom
was really starting to unnerve me.
103
00:05:23,374 --> 00:05:26,709
You inspired that stain,
you cunning linguist, you.
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00:05:26,752 --> 00:05:28,336
- It's a talent.
- Job well done.
105
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What were you doing
in my bedroom, you perv?
106
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:35,218
Snooping, of course.
Looking for some fucking words I can sell.
107
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:37,136
- Good luck with that shit.
- By the way,
108
00:05:37,179 --> 00:05:41,015
how come you never told me
Bill's little Lolita of a daughter was a writer?
109
00:05:41,058 --> 00:05:43,059
Cos I don't use that term loosely.
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00:05:43,102 --> 00:05:45,436
Writer. Everybody says
they're a writer in this town.
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I'll give her budding wordsmith, maybe.
112
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- Budding, huh? She's fuckin' bloomed, pal.
- Sorry?
113
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,778
Dani's dripping wet
over this manuscript of hers.
114
00:05:53,821 --> 00:05:57,698
In fact, she insists that I pump it,
launch her agenting career,
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00:05:57,741 --> 00:06:01,452
or she's gonna hit me with the mother
of all sexual-harassment suits.
116
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,663
Oh, Charlie, I'm sorry.
117
00:06:03,705 --> 00:06:06,040
Do you think you can get me
a front-row seat to the trial?
118
00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:08,126
I'd like to be behind you
in all the courtroom sketches.
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You're such a good friend.
120
00:06:09,211 --> 00:06:10,628
What the fuck do you want me to say?
121
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You fuck around with your assistant,
you're gonna get screwed.
122
00:06:13,924 --> 00:06:17,301
There's only a few things that could happen,
all of them bad.
123
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,387
You're gonna get threatened,
you're gonna get sued.
124
00:06:19,430 --> 00:06:21,222
You can go for the trifecta and get divorced.
125
00:06:21,265 --> 00:06:24,350
And yet, do I get any credit
for all the assistants I didn't fuck?
126
00:06:24,393 --> 00:06:26,102
- No, that's an injustice.
- It is.
127
00:06:26,145 --> 00:06:28,855
I get no credit for all the dicks I do not suck.
128
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,025
- Check, please.
- Then again, I don't know.
129
00:06:33,068 --> 00:06:35,445
If... if Mia turns out to really be talented,
130
00:06:35,487 --> 00:06:37,989
then I could pump this
till I'm blue in the face.
131
00:06:38,031 --> 00:06:39,699
No harm, no foul. Am I right there?
132
00:06:39,741 --> 00:06:44,787
She... she might have some talent,
from what I've seen, the little I have seen.
133
00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:46,372
What is this thing about?
134
00:06:46,415 --> 00:06:49,083
This coverage makes it sound
really fuckin' hot, you know?
135
00:06:49,126 --> 00:06:52,044
There's this young woman
who's bangin' this older guy,
136
00:06:52,087 --> 00:06:54,714
and at one point, you know,
she... she hauls off
137
00:06:54,756 --> 00:06:56,924
and just punches him right in the face.
138
00:06:56,967 --> 00:06:59,469
That's... that's pretty ballsy
right there, right?
139
00:06:59,511 --> 00:07:02,305
I don't know what else happens,
but that's one scene.
140
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- Motherfucker.
- What?
141
00:07:07,186 --> 00:07:10,021
Fucking And Punching.
142
00:07:15,861 --> 00:07:17,195
This is beyond ballsy.
143
00:07:18,697 --> 00:07:20,656
Where are you...
144
00:07:21,825 --> 00:07:23,075
OK, then.
145
00:08:09,373 --> 00:08:13,709
- What the fuck?
- Oh. I guess you didn't hear me knocking.
146
00:08:13,752 --> 00:08:15,127
- No.
- No.
147
00:08:15,212 --> 00:08:17,380
Well, that's why I let myself in...
because I figured
148
00:08:17,422 --> 00:08:19,507
you'd probably be out here
in this general vicinity,
149
00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:20,800
unable to hear me knocking.
150
00:08:20,842 --> 00:08:24,095
Out by the pool, kickin' it,
you know, after school?
151
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,013
Right. Well, school doesn't get out till three.
152
00:08:26,056 --> 00:08:28,474
You need to get on top of that
kind of shit, Hank.
153
00:08:28,517 --> 00:08:30,017
Wow. Is that, like, universal?
154
00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:33,145
Cos I was over at Mia's school that day,
and it was very progressive,
155
00:08:33,188 --> 00:08:35,523
like maybe they didn't adhere
to that kind of strict...
156
00:08:35,566 --> 00:08:39,151
There's no one here. I'm all on my own
in my big, empty house,
157
00:08:39,194 --> 00:08:41,571
just like I will be when
you take my daughter away from me.
158
00:08:41,613 --> 00:08:43,573
Come on, honey.
I had nothing to do with that.
159
00:08:43,615 --> 00:08:45,908
Oh, really? You didn't put her up to it?
160
00:08:45,951 --> 00:08:47,618
No! Of course not. Why would I do that?
161
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:51,080
Well, I don't know... to embarrass me.
To score some big fucking victory over Bill.
162
00:08:51,123 --> 00:08:53,165
- No, I wouldn't do that.
- Your usual shit.
163
00:08:53,208 --> 00:08:56,085
No. No, no, no. I wouldn't do that.
164
00:08:56,128 --> 00:08:58,796
What, so she just came up with it all by
herself, out of the blue?
165
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:02,592
The system that's been working for us since
we split up, that's not working any more?
166
00:09:02,634 --> 00:09:04,719
"I want to live with Dad.
I don't want to live with Mom."
167
00:09:04,761 --> 00:09:08,347
She's a teenager. I think the word
you're looking for is mercurial.
168
00:09:08,390 --> 00:09:10,266
No, I'm not looking...
169
00:09:10,309 --> 00:09:12,393
And I would never
fuck with her head like that.
170
00:09:12,436 --> 00:09:14,979
Yours, yes. I can be
a dick like that sometimes.
171
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,940
But hers, never. Not in a million years.
172
00:09:19,151 --> 00:09:21,861
- Well, OK.
- What do you mean, OK?
173
00:09:21,903 --> 00:09:25,114
I mean, OK, I believe you.
But it's not gonna make any difference.
174
00:09:25,157 --> 00:09:26,949
It doesn't make it any easier for me.
175
00:09:26,992 --> 00:09:28,951
I know, but if you think about
it in practical terms,
176
00:09:28,994 --> 00:09:31,162
it just means, like,
a couple extra nights a week, right?
177
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:35,207
- I mean, it's not a big...
- No. Don't, OK? Don't do that.
178
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:37,335
I don't need your
fucking sympathy, Hank, OK?
179
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:40,129
Get out of my house,
cos I don't want to see you right now!
180
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,721
Where's Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS?
181
00:09:48,764 --> 00:09:51,432
- Excuse me?
- Dani. Where's Dani?
182
00:09:51,475 --> 00:09:54,435
She's... she's in a meeting with Mr Runkle.
183
00:09:54,478 --> 00:09:55,686
- And you are?
- Going in there.
184
00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:57,647
- I'm sorry, sir.
- Hey, look at the time.
185
00:09:57,689 --> 00:09:59,815
The big hand says fuck
and the little hand says off.
186
00:09:59,858 --> 00:10:01,400
Good thing it doesn't
have a second hand, huh?
187
00:10:01,443 --> 00:10:06,197
All right, I need to talk to you, and you,
and you need to get out, and you...
188
00:10:06,281 --> 00:10:09,784
You, I don't need to talk to, but I know you.
189
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:12,578
- Hello, Victoria.
- Well, so formal.
190
00:10:12,621 --> 00:10:15,998
Tricky Vicky, he used to call me,
back in the day.
191
00:10:16,041 --> 00:10:17,792
Where the hell have you been,
Hank Moody?
192
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:20,169
Haven't you owed me a book since
the good guy was in office?
193
00:10:20,212 --> 00:10:22,213
Yeah, it's been seven years,
thanks for asking.
194
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,674
It's coming along swimmingly.
Spell-checking as we speak.
195
00:10:24,716 --> 00:10:27,677
- I need to have a chat with you.
- I'm in the middle of a meeting.
196
00:10:27,719 --> 00:10:29,804
I can see that. It won't take long.
197
00:10:29,846 --> 00:10:32,390
Hank, do you think
you two could do this a little bit later?
198
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,142
Like after the meeting
that Victoria flew in from New York for?
199
00:10:36,019 --> 00:10:37,311
No. We should straighten it out now.
200
00:10:37,354 --> 00:10:40,022
We have a bunch more set up for later.
We don't want them to stack up.
201
00:10:40,065 --> 00:10:42,525
Thank you, Dani. I can handle this.
202
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:43,943
Well, handle it, then.
203
00:10:43,985 --> 00:10:46,445
Looks like you've got
a live one there, Runkle.
204
00:10:47,489 --> 00:10:50,741
Hank, have a seat.
We can talk about Chinese democracy
205
00:10:50,784 --> 00:10:53,119
as soon as I'm done talking
with the publishing sensation.
206
00:10:53,161 --> 00:10:55,746
I don't know if you're aware,
but this young woman's written
207
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:58,290
- what could be the book of the year.
- Is that right?
208
00:10:58,333 --> 00:11:01,627
Have I ever been wrong about this shit?
It's fantastic.
209
00:11:01,670 --> 00:11:03,713
It's like your early stuff. Not so juvenile.
210
00:11:03,755 --> 00:11:06,382
Not so many lame boner jokes.
211
00:11:06,425 --> 00:11:08,801
Well, coincidentally,
I have a lame boner right now.
212
00:11:08,844 --> 00:11:10,219
I have a lame boner for justice.
213
00:11:10,262 --> 00:11:12,513
And if you won't give me
a private sidebar right now,
214
00:11:12,556 --> 00:11:15,266
maybe there's something you'd like to say
to these good people?
215
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:18,519
I don't know. What might
they be interested in hearing?
216
00:11:18,562 --> 00:11:23,649
Come on, Mia. Just... just out with it.
217
00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:29,739
Wait. I know what I could say.
218
00:11:30,490 --> 00:11:31,782
Thank you, Hank.
219
00:11:31,825 --> 00:11:35,077
Thank you for giving me notes
and helping me with this.
220
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,079
It's been a dream come true, really,
221
00:11:37,122 --> 00:11:39,039
To have your favourite writer
in the whole wide world
222
00:11:39,082 --> 00:11:42,668
help you on your very first... novel.
223
00:11:42,711 --> 00:11:44,879
Hank, you're so sweet.
224
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,006
That's it? That's the way you want to play it?
225
00:11:47,883 --> 00:11:50,468
What do you want me to do,
blow you, Hank?
226
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:51,844
I mean, that would be untoward.
227
00:11:51,887 --> 00:11:54,472
Oh, my God, look at
the potty mouth on this one.
228
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:56,348
I love it.
229
00:11:56,391 --> 00:12:00,144
She'd be great with the press, right?
Like Elizabeth Wurtzel... with talent.
230
00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:02,897
OK, Hank. Let's go, huh?
231
00:12:02,939 --> 00:12:05,149
What the fuck is the matter with you?
232
00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:07,276
What do you have, epilepsy,
Asperger's, Tourette's?
233
00:12:07,319 --> 00:12:09,487
Good to see you, Hank.
Good luck with the spell-check.
234
00:12:09,529 --> 00:12:11,113
I need to talk to you, Charlie.
235
00:12:11,156 --> 00:12:14,241
- No, no...
- Later. Later. I will talk to you later.
236
00:12:21,625 --> 00:12:24,251
You can't pack her lunch
for the next six months.
237
00:12:24,336 --> 00:12:27,630
I know. I'm just packing it
for tomorrow because, you know,
238
00:12:27,672 --> 00:12:30,257
I figured if I get all
the sandwiches in for tomorrow,
239
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,384
then, if he forgets, it's OK, cos, like,
240
00:12:32,427 --> 00:12:34,470
she has sandwiches
for every day of the week.
241
00:12:34,513 --> 00:12:37,306
Stop stressing. Come here.
Come here. Come here.
242
00:12:38,350 --> 00:12:40,059
OK.
243
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:45,648
Is Mia back from her meeting yet?
244
00:12:45,690 --> 00:12:47,066
- What meeting?
- She met with Charlie.
245
00:12:47,108 --> 00:12:49,318
She's trying to get
one of her stories published.
246
00:12:49,361 --> 00:12:51,070
- Isn't that great?
- Oh, wow, yeah.
247
00:12:51,112 --> 00:12:55,032
Yeah, I haven't read it, but my father's
intuition says it's probably pretty special.
248
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:57,785
Yes. Yeah.
I'm sure it is.
249
00:12:58,495 --> 00:13:01,080
Have you signed the papers yet?
250
00:13:01,122 --> 00:13:04,583
Oh, God. No, honey. Sorry. I forgot.
I've been a little preoccupied.
251
00:13:04,626 --> 00:13:06,418
I know. I know. Let's go. No, we got to go.
252
00:13:06,461 --> 00:13:08,420
- Come on. Come on.
- But, Bill...
253
00:13:08,463 --> 00:13:11,632
We're gonna take a look at this.
Nah, this is important stuff.
254
00:13:11,675 --> 00:13:15,970
Look, we have our prenup,
we have our wills.
255
00:13:16,012 --> 00:13:18,222
Don't you care about Becca's trust fund?
256
00:13:18,306 --> 00:13:20,224
Yeah... No.
257
00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:22,601
Bill, I don't. I don't care.
258
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,813
All I care about is Becca leaving me.
259
00:13:26,898 --> 00:13:30,067
Us. She's not leaving us.
260
00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:33,904
You know, she's moving out.
She doesn't want to live here any more.
261
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:37,283
I can't tell what's worse...
262
00:13:37,325 --> 00:13:40,202
whether she doesn't know
she's ripping my heart out,
263
00:13:40,245 --> 00:13:43,372
or whether she does know,
but, you know, she just doesn't care.
264
00:13:43,415 --> 00:13:45,207
Honey, honey, it's a phase.
265
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:47,293
She sees Mia acting so independently,
266
00:13:47,377 --> 00:13:49,920
she probably wants to see
what that feels like,
267
00:13:49,963 --> 00:13:52,882
so she's doing the only thing
she can to assert herself.
268
00:13:52,924 --> 00:13:54,300
What? Like getting away from me?
269
00:13:54,342 --> 00:13:56,886
Like I'm the Wicked Witch
of the West or something?
270
00:13:56,928 --> 00:13:58,554
No, it's not about that, trust me.
271
00:13:59,681 --> 00:14:01,140
As soon as her father lets her down,
272
00:14:01,182 --> 00:14:04,226
she'll be begging you
to bring her back home, I promise.
273
00:14:04,269 --> 00:14:07,229
We're talking about Hank here.
How long can that possibly take?
274
00:14:07,272 --> 00:14:11,150
He'll probably disappoint her on
the car ride home and have to turn around.
275
00:14:11,192 --> 00:14:13,819
Don't make me laugh,
cos I'm trying to wallow here, OK?
276
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,955
Thank you ever so kindly.
277
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:28,250
So you had your fun
and then you told them the truth, right?
278
00:14:28,293 --> 00:14:29,877
Told them what, Hank?
279
00:14:29,961 --> 00:14:33,923
You know, I think I'd appreciate
your particular brand of humour a lot more
280
00:14:33,965 --> 00:14:35,758
if you weren't fucking around with my life.
281
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,885
And you haven't fucked around
in mine at all?
282
00:14:37,928 --> 00:14:40,304
I mean, I know, I know... it was an accident.
283
00:14:40,347 --> 00:14:42,181
How could you possibly have known?
284
00:14:42,223 --> 00:14:43,891
The simple fact remains, you fucked me
285
00:14:43,934 --> 00:14:45,935
and you didn't want to have
anything to do with me.
286
00:14:45,977 --> 00:14:48,687
- That doesn't sit well with the ladies.
- So this is your revenge?
287
00:14:48,730 --> 00:14:50,940
You're some kind of
feminist caped crusader?
288
00:14:50,982 --> 00:14:53,609
Yeah, well, we all pay for
our sins sooner or later, Hank.
289
00:14:53,652 --> 00:14:56,487
Thank you. How'd you get ahold of it?
290
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:59,949
Well, it was just sitting there
all unappreciated and shit,
291
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:01,367
and I asked Karen if I could read it.
292
00:15:01,409 --> 00:15:04,119
- And she said no.
- Exactly.
293
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:06,830
She was afraid that I would
get corrupted in some way.
294
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:08,791
- I'm sure.
- Oh, man.
295
00:15:08,833 --> 00:15:11,460
I wonder what'd she think
if she knew that I had your dick in my mouth.
296
00:15:11,503 --> 00:15:14,838
But I digress.
Anyway, I took it to Kinko's
297
00:15:14,881 --> 00:15:16,924
and settled in
for what was truly a great read.
298
00:15:17,842 --> 00:15:20,386
It's so good, Hank.
299
00:15:20,428 --> 00:15:22,721
A really great first draft.
300
00:15:22,764 --> 00:15:24,098
You're gonna get caught, you know.
301
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:26,517
People are gonna recognise my writing.
302
00:15:26,559 --> 00:15:29,144
No, see, I covered my tracks.
303
00:15:29,187 --> 00:15:31,397
I added little bits of me when I re-typed it.
304
00:15:31,439 --> 00:15:34,858
It's not really so much
an outright theft as a mash-up.
305
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:38,112
An homage, if you will. From me to you.
306
00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:41,907
You are a very young...
307
00:15:41,950 --> 00:15:43,993
sociopath-in-training.
308
00:15:44,035 --> 00:15:49,164
Oh, come on. That's like Satan calling
one of his junior minions a big meanie.
309
00:15:49,207 --> 00:15:51,041
Yes, but I never set out to hurt you, Mia.
310
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,418
What else is out there for me, huh?
311
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:56,088
College, going to Europe,
working at an agency,
312
00:15:56,131 --> 00:15:58,173
a network, a studio?
313
00:15:58,216 --> 00:16:01,427
Blech! Boring! This has been fun.
314
00:16:01,469 --> 00:16:06,473
I never intended to be famous,
but I do like being the centre of attention.
315
00:16:06,516 --> 00:16:09,685
It feels just like I thought it would...
316
00:16:09,728 --> 00:16:11,687
totally fucking great.
317
00:16:13,231 --> 00:16:15,983
But it's gonna go away.
318
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:22,364
Well, we just got offers
from Victoria Newsome and Little, Brown,
319
00:16:22,407 --> 00:16:25,325
but I think Random House
is gonna blow them out of the water.
320
00:16:25,368 --> 00:16:29,121
Random House?
I didn't even know they were...
321
00:16:29,164 --> 00:16:31,498
Did I miss these calls?
I didn't see messages.
322
00:16:31,541 --> 00:16:33,834
No, I didn't think it was
worth bothering you about.
323
00:16:33,877 --> 00:16:37,212
Some KahlĂșa with your coffee?
We seem to be all out of champagne.
324
00:16:37,255 --> 00:16:41,675
I think the TV people drank it all
when they sold Slut Wars into syndication.
325
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,343
No. No, thank you.
326
00:16:43,386 --> 00:16:45,721
Don't mind if I do.
327
00:16:45,764 --> 00:16:48,057
It's been a great ride, Charlie Runkle.
328
00:16:48,099 --> 00:16:50,559
We proved sex and the workplace can mix.
329
00:16:50,602 --> 00:16:52,770
We subverted some dominant paradigms.
330
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:54,063
And from a feminist standpoint,
331
00:16:54,105 --> 00:16:56,774
we're about to launch
a major female writer.
332
00:16:56,816 --> 00:16:58,484
She was great, wasn't she?
333
00:16:58,526 --> 00:17:00,861
I mean, she was poised,
she was funny...
334
00:17:00,904 --> 00:17:05,074
she had them eating out of her hand
and looking up her skirt at the same time.
335
00:17:05,116 --> 00:17:07,117
Yeah, that is quite a feat.
336
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:11,371
The girl's gonna sell five million copies
based on the jacket photo alone.
337
00:17:11,414 --> 00:17:15,501
And did you see how completely
unfazed she was by Hank?
338
00:17:15,543 --> 00:17:17,086
I mean, no offence, he's a cool guy,
339
00:17:17,128 --> 00:17:19,004
but it was kind of pathetic, right?
340
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:23,634
Yeah, Dani, I actually have
a little bit of a headache, you know?
341
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:25,928
I think I'm just gonna lie down
here for a while.
342
00:17:25,970 --> 00:17:29,556
OK. You rest, I'll take the calls.
343
00:17:53,540 --> 00:17:55,749
So, here's the last of your T-shirts.
344
00:17:56,835 --> 00:17:58,252
Thanks.
345
00:17:58,294 --> 00:18:01,171
You know, you can always
bring your stuff home,
346
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,007
for me to wash
on the weekends or whenever.
347
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:05,342
I know.
348
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,762
Cos your dad, you know,
349
00:18:08,805 --> 00:18:12,432
he'll probably just buy you new clothes
when the old ones get dirty.
350
00:18:12,475 --> 00:18:15,185
- That would be his solution...
- Mom, I know.
351
00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:20,524
You know.
352
00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:22,442
Yeah.
353
00:18:22,485 --> 00:18:23,694
Hey!
354
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:24,862
Wow!
355
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,364
Shit, you're not taking everything, are you?
356
00:18:27,407 --> 00:18:29,950
No. Just the essentials.
357
00:18:32,453 --> 00:18:35,956
I'm gonna let you guys...
give her a hand, yeah?
358
00:18:35,999 --> 00:18:38,500
- Mom?
- Yeah?
359
00:18:38,543 --> 00:18:40,169
You and me...
360
00:18:40,211 --> 00:18:42,588
I was thinking next Saturday
we could go to the Getty.
361
00:18:43,673 --> 00:18:48,010
- Just us.
- That'd be great. I'd love that, sweetie.
362
00:18:52,390 --> 00:18:53,974
And so it begins.
363
00:18:54,017 --> 00:18:56,602
The non-custodial parent time, hm?
364
00:18:56,644 --> 00:19:00,063
Oh, hey, not The Dark Side Of The Moon.
I might want to borrow that one.
365
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:03,483
- It's way too small for you.
- Uh, yeah. That's why I like it.
366
00:19:03,526 --> 00:19:07,946
- Whatever.
- Hey, I was just teasing.
367
00:19:07,989 --> 00:19:10,199
That's what sisters do, you know?
368
00:19:10,241 --> 00:19:12,743
They borrow clothes, talk about boys,
369
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:16,038
conspire against the parental units...
370
00:19:18,666 --> 00:19:20,667
You know, it's not gonna be
any fun here without you.
371
00:19:20,710 --> 00:19:24,254
- Was it fun before?
- Hm, true.
372
00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,132
But, hey, you're not gonna have
that problem any more, living with your dad.
373
00:19:27,175 --> 00:19:29,968
Sure. It'll be a hoot.
374
00:19:30,011 --> 00:19:32,512
Like taking Kafka
to the Third Street Promenade.
375
00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:35,015
You're not even excited a little bit?
376
00:19:35,058 --> 00:19:38,810
- I suppose.
- Well, shit, I would be stoked.
377
00:19:38,853 --> 00:19:43,106
Cos your dad, I mean, he's a riot.
He's totally awesome.
378
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,943
I'm not going to live with
my dad because it's fun.
379
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:48,695
I'm going because I have to.
380
00:19:48,738 --> 00:19:52,866
I don't know if you've noticed,
but your dad is about to marry my mom.
381
00:19:52,909 --> 00:19:55,744
- Yeah, so?
- So it's really happening.
382
00:19:55,787 --> 00:19:58,205
He can't pretend any more that it's not.
383
00:19:59,916 --> 00:20:01,416
And whatever miraculous thing
384
00:20:01,459 --> 00:20:03,877
he thought was going to happen
with the writing...
385
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,921
You know, that thing he wrote
back home in New York
386
00:20:05,964 --> 00:20:08,215
that was going to be
the redemption of us all?
387
00:20:08,258 --> 00:20:11,093
Well, obviously, that's not happening, either.
388
00:20:11,970 --> 00:20:13,595
Yeah, I guess not.
389
00:20:13,638 --> 00:20:14,930
So it's official.
390
00:20:14,973 --> 00:20:17,683
Rock bottom.
391
00:20:17,725 --> 00:20:20,060
The death of hope.
392
00:20:20,103 --> 00:20:22,229
Can't leave him alone now.
393
00:20:22,272 --> 00:20:23,522
The man's got nothing.
394
00:20:24,607 --> 00:20:26,775
Well, that's not entirely true.
395
00:20:27,986 --> 00:20:29,653
He's got you.
396
00:20:31,322 --> 00:20:34,366
We should all be so lucky.
397
00:21:07,859 --> 00:21:10,068
Loved your new novel.
398
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,909
I knew from the first page.
399
00:21:19,704 --> 00:21:22,080
Strange, too. It was like 1987.
400
00:21:22,123 --> 00:21:23,874
I went to this party with Bret Easton Ellis.
401
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,625
I asked him who
the good young writers were.
402
00:21:25,668 --> 00:21:27,711
He showed me that short story of yours.
403
00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:29,755
I had the same feeling when I read it.
404
00:21:29,797 --> 00:21:32,758
Like this person and I
are connected somehow.
405
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,385
Like we were gonna do
something special together.
406
00:21:35,428 --> 00:21:39,014
Well, I'm just overjoyed that
you saw me in there somewhere.
407
00:21:39,057 --> 00:21:40,474
You're all over it, pal.
408
00:21:40,516 --> 00:21:42,309
But, listen, I got to ask,
409
00:21:42,352 --> 00:21:46,772
you know, since you always tend to write
exactly what you know...
410
00:21:50,610 --> 00:21:52,402
What's the fuckin' deal?
411
00:22:00,912 --> 00:22:03,622
You have done some
fucked-up shit in your time,
412
00:22:03,664 --> 00:22:06,917
but I didn't think you'd do that.
413
00:22:06,959 --> 00:22:08,210
Not knowingly.
414
00:22:08,252 --> 00:22:10,921
What, she tricked you into it?
I find that hard to believe.
415
00:22:10,963 --> 00:22:13,507
She was at a book store,
and she was reading my book.
416
00:22:13,549 --> 00:22:16,301
You know, that's always a great
conversation starter for me,
417
00:22:16,344 --> 00:22:19,137
and she was cute and flirty,
I was half in the bag, anyway.
418
00:22:19,180 --> 00:22:21,139
I was just right for that moment.
419
00:22:21,224 --> 00:22:23,558
The self-loathing
was strong in me that night.
420
00:22:23,601 --> 00:22:27,562
I didn't know she was Bill's daughter,
and I thought she was in college.
421
00:22:27,605 --> 00:22:31,608
You know, maybe older. I was wrong.
422
00:22:31,651 --> 00:22:33,902
Jesus Christ.
423
00:22:34,779 --> 00:22:36,613
How'd we get ourselves into this one?
424
00:22:37,281 --> 00:22:39,282
Thank you for saying we.
425
00:22:40,451 --> 00:22:43,328
Look, I'll do whatever
you want me to do, you know?
426
00:22:43,371 --> 00:22:45,414
I'll take it off the counter,
you... you say the word.
427
00:22:46,249 --> 00:22:48,375
- Are there offers?
- Many.
428
00:22:48,418 --> 00:22:49,459
Well, then I'm fucked.
429
00:22:49,502 --> 00:22:52,587
If I say anything,
if I do anything about this shit,
430
00:22:52,630 --> 00:22:54,923
there's no telling
what she's gonna do.
431
00:22:54,966 --> 00:22:58,510
There's no stopping her
from telling Karen or Bill or Becca.
432
00:22:58,594 --> 00:23:00,470
Fuck. The police.
433
00:23:01,139 --> 00:23:03,056
Fuck the police.
434
00:23:06,018 --> 00:23:07,102
Expecting someone?
435
00:23:12,817 --> 00:23:16,862
Wait. Let me get that.
436
00:23:20,074 --> 00:23:22,367
- Good evening, ladies.
- Hey.
437
00:23:22,452 --> 00:23:23,994
I should get going. Call me later?
438
00:23:24,036 --> 00:23:25,829
- I will.
- Four Seasons.
439
00:23:26,831 --> 00:23:28,081
- Good night.
- Night.
440
00:23:33,171 --> 00:23:36,089
- I'm gonna go put my stuff down.
- Sure.
441
00:23:40,303 --> 00:23:44,973
- I'm sorry.
- About what?
442
00:23:45,016 --> 00:23:47,142
You won.
443
00:23:47,185 --> 00:23:50,228
Not if you're this upset.
I didn't win a goddamn thing.
444
00:23:51,022 --> 00:23:52,856
I hate seeing you this sad.
445
00:23:52,899 --> 00:23:55,692
Ever.
446
00:23:55,735 --> 00:23:58,153
Except maybe after sex with Bill.
447
00:23:58,196 --> 00:24:02,324
Hmm? That's a smile.
A small smile, but a smile nonetheless.
448
00:24:02,366 --> 00:24:06,328
- I'll take it.
- Don't worry, Mom. I'll be fine.
449
00:24:06,370 --> 00:24:09,289
I know. And it's not you I'm worried about.
450
00:24:09,332 --> 00:24:10,999
I know.
451
00:24:11,042 --> 00:24:13,084
But first of all, this is not goodbye.
452
00:24:13,836 --> 00:24:16,171
Just think of it
as me on the road with the band,
453
00:24:16,214 --> 00:24:18,715
playing a few out-of-town gigs.
454
00:24:18,758 --> 00:24:20,759
Plus, you get a break from my noisy guitar.
455
00:24:20,801 --> 00:24:24,221
Yeah, but I love your noisy guitar.
456
00:24:24,263 --> 00:24:26,306
I would say, you know, "Take care of her,"
457
00:24:26,349 --> 00:24:29,100
but I think she's probably
gonna take better care of you.
458
00:24:29,143 --> 00:24:30,727
I don't disagree.
459
00:24:30,770 --> 00:24:33,605
Call me if you need anything, OK?
460
00:24:33,648 --> 00:24:36,149
Anything at all.
461
00:24:37,944 --> 00:24:39,653
I love you, honey.
462
00:24:39,695 --> 00:24:41,446
I love you, too.
463
00:24:45,368 --> 00:24:48,036
She's highly emotional, that one.
464
00:24:49,038 --> 00:24:50,622
All the good ones are.
465
00:24:52,208 --> 00:24:54,543
In exchange, they've given their word
466
00:24:54,585 --> 00:24:58,296
they will only fight al-Qaeda.
467
00:24:58,339 --> 00:25:01,383
Take a picture. It'll last longer.
468
00:25:06,013 --> 00:25:07,097
Are you OK?
469
00:25:07,139 --> 00:25:09,516
You seem depressed.
470
00:25:09,559 --> 00:25:12,477
- What do you mean? Like more than usual?
- Yes.
471
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,271
I sense these things.
472
00:25:14,313 --> 00:25:16,982
Oh, yeah?
473
00:25:17,024 --> 00:25:18,567
I'm peachy.
474
00:25:22,029 --> 00:25:23,321
Trust me.
475
00:25:51,726 --> 00:25:53,893
Hey, Bill.
38500
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