Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,878 --> 00:00:02,837
Ladies and gentlemen, Todd Carr...
2
00:00:02,880 --> 00:00:05,256
who took my precious little novel,
wiped his ass,
3
00:00:05,299 --> 00:00:08,593
and transformed it
into this Crazy Little Thing Called Love.
4
00:00:13,140 --> 00:00:16,184
- Holy fucknuts!
- Oh, shit!
5
00:00:16,227 --> 00:00:18,353
What, don't you fuckin' knock?
6
00:00:18,395 --> 00:00:21,773
You used to be all about the morning sex.
What's going on with you?
7
00:00:21,815 --> 00:00:23,942
- Anybody home?
- Hey, baby!
8
00:00:23,984 --> 00:00:25,610
Good afternoon, Mrs Runkle.
9
00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:27,362
What do you want me to do?
10
00:00:27,404 --> 00:00:31,407
Maybe you want me to make
you wear a ball gag in your mouth.
11
00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:34,369
- You have to come get me.
- I'm a little busy right now.
12
00:00:34,411 --> 00:00:36,454
Asshole, my teacher...
he's coked out of his mind,
13
00:00:36,497 --> 00:00:37,914
and he's trying to get me into a threesome.
14
00:00:37,957 --> 00:00:39,541
You want to go to the movies
with us, Dad?
15
00:00:39,583 --> 00:00:42,001
It turns out that was
bald old Uncle Charlie,
16
00:00:42,044 --> 00:00:44,379
- and he's going through a rough patch.
- Uncle Charlie, huh?
17
00:00:44,421 --> 00:00:47,173
- You cried wolf.
- Maybe I just wanted to see you.
18
00:00:47,216 --> 00:00:52,262
You're not in love with me, Hank.
You're in love with the idea of love.
19
00:00:53,138 --> 00:00:55,014
You're running for the hills.
20
00:01:05,234 --> 00:01:07,485
OK, this is exciting.
21
00:01:07,528 --> 00:01:10,446
I'm ready. I'm all ears.
22
00:01:10,948 --> 00:01:13,199
"Nothing gold can stay.
23
00:01:13,242 --> 00:01:14,450
"Nature's first green..."
24
00:01:14,493 --> 00:01:16,703
Stop. I just threw up in my mouth a little.
25
00:01:17,454 --> 00:01:19,872
You had 20 centuries of halfway
decent verse to choose from
26
00:01:19,915 --> 00:01:22,709
and you're going
with some minor Frosty?
27
00:01:22,751 --> 00:01:26,045
I like it. It's short.
28
00:01:26,088 --> 00:01:28,339
- And?
- Bleak.
29
00:01:29,883 --> 00:01:30,967
And?
30
00:01:31,010 --> 00:01:33,886
- I saw it in a movie once.
- Oh.
31
00:01:33,929 --> 00:01:36,222
Well, then, it must be good. Continue.
32
00:01:36,265 --> 00:01:39,601
Well, basically it's about
how nothing good ever lasts,
33
00:01:39,643 --> 00:01:42,729
how, no matter what you do,
it all just turns to shit in the end...
34
00:01:42,771 --> 00:01:45,231
You know, like you and Mom.
35
00:01:45,274 --> 00:01:49,611
Ah. Trenchant, if profane, literary criticism.
It's an interesting take.
36
00:01:49,653 --> 00:01:51,487
I will put that one on your tab, by the way.
37
00:01:51,530 --> 00:01:52,989
But don't ever think that, honey.
38
00:01:53,032 --> 00:01:57,076
Just because something is bleak
doesn't necessarily make it true.
39
00:01:57,369 --> 00:01:58,411
The hair.
40
00:01:59,997 --> 00:02:02,999
Happy endings may get a bad rap,
but they do happen.
41
00:02:03,042 --> 00:02:06,252
And when they do,
they're just as true as the unhappy ones.
42
00:02:06,295 --> 00:02:10,381
So you're saying it is possible maybe one
day you and Mom could get back together?
43
00:02:10,424 --> 00:02:12,508
Of course. Anything's possible.
44
00:02:12,551 --> 00:02:14,385
Yes, but is it realistic?
45
00:02:17,139 --> 00:02:19,265
Who says we have to be realistic?
46
00:02:19,308 --> 00:02:20,850
- Mom.
- Oh.
47
00:02:22,102 --> 00:02:25,313
Well, not to contradict your dear old mom,
48
00:02:25,356 --> 00:02:27,315
who is both wicked smart
and wicked wonderful,
49
00:02:27,358 --> 00:02:29,942
but, no, we don't have to be...
realistic, that is.
50
00:02:29,985 --> 00:02:32,570
Not when it comes to love.
51
00:02:32,613 --> 00:02:33,863
Oh, jeez.
52
00:02:33,906 --> 00:02:36,574
Is that Yusuf? Oh.
53
00:02:37,242 --> 00:02:38,368
Guess that's her.
54
00:02:38,452 --> 00:02:41,954
Got to change
what I'm feeding that dog... or you.
55
00:02:44,708 --> 00:02:48,169
- Hello, sunshine.
- I'm double-parked, so I just got to grab her.
56
00:02:48,253 --> 00:02:51,589
Then, by all means, skip the pleasantries.
But can you do me a favour
57
00:02:51,632 --> 00:02:54,217
and stop telling our daughter
not to believe in happy endings?
58
00:02:54,259 --> 00:02:55,677
What's next... no Santa Claus?
59
00:02:55,719 --> 00:02:57,804
You gonna shit all over
the Easter Bunny, too?
60
00:02:57,846 --> 00:03:00,723
I think she figured out
the Santa Claus thing already,
61
00:03:00,766 --> 00:03:02,767
and I do believe in happy endings,
62
00:03:02,810 --> 00:03:05,561
just not when it comes
to the Ballad Of Hank And Karen.
63
00:03:05,604 --> 00:03:09,691
Bullshit. We practically made out last week.
That's nothing if not progress.
64
00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:11,484
I hope to get to second base this week.
65
00:03:11,527 --> 00:03:13,277
Oh, please. That was an accident.
66
00:03:13,320 --> 00:03:14,529
- It was an accident?
- Yeah.
67
00:03:14,571 --> 00:03:17,490
- Your tongue just slipped into my mouth?
- No, other way around.
68
00:03:17,533 --> 00:03:20,618
The fact that you're making
these lame excuses up
69
00:03:20,661 --> 00:03:24,622
can only mean one thing...
you're totally into me still.
70
00:03:24,665 --> 00:03:26,332
- Oh, really?
- Totally.
71
00:03:29,044 --> 00:03:31,295
- Come on, honey.
- Goodbye, sweetie.
72
00:03:31,338 --> 00:03:33,798
Bye.
73
00:03:35,592 --> 00:03:38,010
Hey. Stay gold, Ponyboy.
74
00:04:27,978 --> 00:04:30,313
There is no fucking soy milk!
75
00:04:30,397 --> 00:04:34,317
Will you nut up
and learn to digest dairy?
76
00:04:34,359 --> 00:04:35,985
What the fuck is wrong with you?
77
00:04:36,028 --> 00:04:38,613
Nothing a brand-new
gastrointestinal tract wouldn't fix.
78
00:04:38,655 --> 00:04:40,239
Bullshit. Here.
79
00:04:40,282 --> 00:04:42,867
It's not vanilla, but you
can punish me for that later.
80
00:04:42,910 --> 00:04:44,994
I'll dust off the whips and chains.
81
00:04:45,037 --> 00:04:47,163
Ha ha ha. Very funny.
82
00:04:47,206 --> 00:04:49,999
Seriously. I've been
a very naughty hausfrau.
83
00:04:50,042 --> 00:04:51,834
You almost died from malnutrition.
84
00:04:51,877 --> 00:04:54,670
These jokes are never
gonna get old, are they?
85
00:04:54,713 --> 00:04:56,839
What is a marriage, if not an opportunity
86
00:04:56,882 --> 00:04:58,466
to mock someone through thick and thin
87
00:04:58,509 --> 00:05:03,221
while simultaneously exploring
your deepest, darkest sexual desires?
88
00:05:03,263 --> 00:05:05,306
Yeah, well, let's say one day soon
89
00:05:05,349 --> 00:05:07,600
we lay off mine and start discussing yours?
90
00:05:07,643 --> 00:05:09,268
Yeah, like you could handle that.
91
00:05:09,311 --> 00:05:11,062
Oh, oh, you want to try me?
92
00:05:12,022 --> 00:05:13,564
I want to do it with a girl.
93
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:23,241
So, what, this is something
you feel you might enjoy?
94
00:05:23,283 --> 00:05:25,743
Yeah, sure. I hear it's nice, you know?
95
00:05:25,786 --> 00:05:28,955
Getting a little work done
by someone who owns her own set of tools.
96
00:05:28,997 --> 00:05:31,249
But I wouldn't want to leave you out.
97
00:05:31,291 --> 00:05:35,086
It seems more, I don't know,
honest that way.
98
00:05:35,712 --> 00:05:39,298
Honest... Right.
99
00:05:39,341 --> 00:05:43,386
Don't you see what this means?
This is a gift from on high.
100
00:05:43,428 --> 00:05:46,347
This is a cosmic Get Out Of Jail Free card.
101
00:05:46,390 --> 00:05:49,141
The whole thing was her idea.
102
00:05:49,184 --> 00:05:51,060
I'm trying to mentally masturbate about it,
103
00:05:51,103 --> 00:05:53,938
but an image of you keeps popping
into my head, and that's a problem.
104
00:05:53,981 --> 00:05:56,357
No, see, if I do this... if we do this thing,
105
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,026
then all this guilt I've been
carrying around for weeks...
106
00:05:59,069 --> 00:06:02,488
the massive, crushing guilt...
poof, that is gone.
107
00:06:02,531 --> 00:06:04,115
I am absolved.
108
00:06:05,158 --> 00:06:07,493
I know you Hebrews do things
a little differently,
109
00:06:07,536 --> 00:06:10,746
but last I checked, a ménage à trois
was not a pit stop
110
00:06:10,789 --> 00:06:12,248
on the road to redemption.
111
00:06:12,291 --> 00:06:14,458
This could save the marriage.
112
00:06:14,501 --> 00:06:16,168
So can buying a beach house.
113
00:06:16,211 --> 00:06:19,297
Or you could try adopting
an incredibly good-looking African baby.
114
00:06:19,673 --> 00:06:20,840
I hear good things about that.
115
00:06:20,883 --> 00:06:22,717
Speaking of...
116
00:06:24,219 --> 00:06:26,262
Oh, you got to be fucking kidding me.
That cocksucker?
117
00:06:26,305 --> 00:06:27,763
That cocksucker has the good taste
118
00:06:27,806 --> 00:06:30,266
to want to option your blog
for a nice chunk of change.
119
00:06:30,309 --> 00:06:33,019
- So play nice.
- How the fuck do you option a blog?
120
00:06:33,061 --> 00:06:35,229
What is there to option? The title? The font?
121
00:06:35,272 --> 00:06:40,109
Todd! Good to see you, man.
Glad you could make it.
122
00:06:40,152 --> 00:06:41,277
- Moody.
- Carr.
123
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:44,530
I would stand, but that would expose
my nether-regions to attack.
124
00:06:45,866 --> 00:06:48,743
I got no beef with you, Moody.
I'm here on business.
125
00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:50,870
So I'm told by the Fredo Corleone of agents.
126
00:06:50,913 --> 00:06:54,624
Although I can't for the life of me
imagine what that business might be,
127
00:06:54,666 --> 00:06:57,376
unless it's to discuss custody
of our retarded love child.
128
00:06:57,419 --> 00:06:59,253
Let the man talk, will you?
129
00:06:59,296 --> 00:07:01,172
Todd here has a three-picture
deal at Paramount.
130
00:07:01,214 --> 00:07:04,634
He's looking to get his sack back
with some seriously edgy material.
131
00:07:04,676 --> 00:07:08,262
Well, I'm sorry, but my testicles
are not available for time-share.
132
00:07:08,305 --> 00:07:10,890
It told you this was
a waste of my fucking time.
133
00:07:10,933 --> 00:07:12,975
Do you know how much shit
a guy like me had to take
134
00:07:13,018 --> 00:07:15,019
for directing a frothy little romcom?
135
00:07:15,062 --> 00:07:17,730
You think Antoine Fuqua returns my calls?
136
00:07:17,773 --> 00:07:21,567
But I did it. I knocked that motherfucker
into the cheap seats.
137
00:07:21,610 --> 00:07:23,611
And I'm glad I did it. Do you know why?
138
00:07:23,654 --> 00:07:26,697
Because it keeps the baby mamas
in Juicy Couture?
139
00:07:26,740 --> 00:07:30,826
No, hey, I'm not hating. I'm not judging.
140
00:07:30,869 --> 00:07:33,412
- I got a little baby mama all my own. I do.
- It's true. He does.
141
00:07:33,455 --> 00:07:37,124
Hey, I'm sensing some common ground
here. Do you remember Karen?
142
00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:39,710
Yeah, she was way
too fucking hot for this mope.
143
00:07:39,753 --> 00:07:41,295
That's true. She is.
144
00:07:41,338 --> 00:07:44,507
She also happens to be
one fan-fucking-tastic architect.
145
00:07:44,549 --> 00:07:47,718
Is someone looking to pimp out
the McMansion in Baldwin Hills?
146
00:07:47,761 --> 00:07:50,846
- I own a Ray fucking Kappe house.
- Ray fucking Kappe, huh?
147
00:07:50,889 --> 00:07:53,849
No shit. Guy has a hard-on for architecture
bigger than Brad Pitt's.
148
00:07:53,892 --> 00:07:55,184
Oh, colour me impressed.
149
00:07:55,227 --> 00:07:57,186
What, a brother can't love modernism?
150
00:07:57,229 --> 00:08:00,523
I like this. We're free-associating here.
151
00:08:00,565 --> 00:08:04,610
This is nice. Lines
of communication... wide open. Excellent.
152
00:08:04,653 --> 00:08:06,529
Do you know why I wanted
to work with you again, Moody?
153
00:08:06,571 --> 00:08:09,407
When you're not wallowing
in narcissistic despair,
154
00:08:09,449 --> 00:08:11,784
you're the rarest thing
this town has to offer...
155
00:08:11,827 --> 00:08:14,078
Someone with some goddamn vision.
156
00:08:14,121 --> 00:08:18,582
I thought it was cos you liked
the feel of my balls on your knuckles.
157
00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:20,042
Later, Runkle.
158
00:08:26,383 --> 00:08:28,467
Well done, my friend.
159
00:08:28,510 --> 00:08:31,178
I don't know. I feel like we bonded.
160
00:08:37,060 --> 00:08:40,980
Who the fuck is answering
my fucking phones if there's... oh.
161
00:08:41,023 --> 00:08:44,150
- Oh.
- Baby, where have you been?
162
00:08:44,192 --> 00:08:46,902
I had a burst of inspiration.
163
00:08:46,945 --> 00:08:49,530
- Come here, you.
- Hello.
164
00:08:49,573 --> 00:08:52,616
So I was talking to Dani here
about our sexual problem.
165
00:08:52,659 --> 00:08:56,078
- Our what?
- She's totally in.
166
00:08:56,121 --> 00:09:00,249
- Excuse me?
- Her, me, you.
167
00:09:00,292 --> 00:09:02,460
We had a little girl-to-girl
chat on the subject,
168
00:09:02,502 --> 00:09:04,962
and she agrees with me
about the toolbox thing.
169
00:09:06,048 --> 00:09:10,134
Oh, shit. I said "tool".
170
00:09:10,177 --> 00:09:11,677
And "box".
171
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,972
OK, uh, Dani, could you
give us just a second, please?
172
00:09:15,015 --> 00:09:17,725
I believe my wife forgot to take
her Librium this morning.
173
00:09:17,768 --> 00:09:22,146
No problem, sir. So, um, hold all your calls?
174
00:09:22,189 --> 00:09:24,065
Yes, Dani, hold all my calls.
175
00:09:24,107 --> 00:09:26,442
Very good, sir.
176
00:09:30,614 --> 00:09:33,115
Wife, have you lost your fucking mind?
177
00:09:33,158 --> 00:09:36,660
This is perfect.
It's exactly what we talked about.
178
00:09:36,703 --> 00:09:39,455
Yeah, talked... as in
hypothetical conversation.
179
00:09:39,498 --> 00:09:43,084
- That's my fucking secretary!
- So?
180
00:09:43,126 --> 00:09:45,669
So, if it goes badly, I'll have to fire her.
181
00:09:45,712 --> 00:09:47,463
Shit, if it goes well, I'd have to fire her.
182
00:09:47,506 --> 00:09:51,300
Either way, I'm out one fucking secretary
and up a giant lawsuit.
183
00:09:51,343 --> 00:09:53,344
I thought you said she was God-awful?
184
00:09:54,721 --> 00:09:57,431
They're all God-awful
until you train them.
185
00:09:57,474 --> 00:10:00,518
- Then they improve.
- What, like dogs?
186
00:10:00,560 --> 00:10:03,020
Come on. You're not gonna do this for me?
187
00:10:03,063 --> 00:10:06,315
- I helped you out with your fantasy.
- Yeah, badly.
188
00:10:06,358 --> 00:10:08,234
Look, just...
189
00:10:08,276 --> 00:10:10,319
Just pick someone else, that's all.
190
00:10:10,362 --> 00:10:14,198
- Like who?
- I don't know... somebody, anybody.
191
00:10:14,241 --> 00:10:17,660
Someone from the salon or I...
what about Karen?
192
00:10:18,912 --> 00:10:21,038
The prim reaper?
193
00:10:21,081 --> 00:10:24,166
She's so tall... and Presbyterian.
194
00:10:24,209 --> 00:10:26,043
The woman's a goddess. She's gorgeous.
195
00:10:26,086 --> 00:10:27,837
I don't want to go where Hank has been.
196
00:10:27,879 --> 00:10:30,297
He probably left booby traps
up there like the Viet Cong.
197
00:10:32,175 --> 00:10:34,677
Come on, baby... Please?
198
00:10:34,719 --> 00:10:36,720
I want the little one.
199
00:10:36,763 --> 00:10:38,597
She looks like she knows things.
200
00:10:44,604 --> 00:10:46,730
- Oh, my God.
- You like?
201
00:10:46,773 --> 00:10:49,400
Well, yeah, of course I like.
It's a Ray Kappe house.
202
00:10:49,442 --> 00:10:50,693
Ray fucking Kappe.
203
00:10:50,735 --> 00:10:53,237
That's one of those guys
from architecture school
204
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:54,864
that used to get you all juiced up.
205
00:10:54,906 --> 00:10:57,616
I thought you'd like to see one
all up close and personal.
206
00:10:57,659 --> 00:10:59,743
Hank, can you get back in the car?
207
00:10:59,786 --> 00:11:03,247
We're gonna get Tasered
by the Bel Air patrol.
208
00:11:03,290 --> 00:11:04,915
My lady.
209
00:11:04,958 --> 00:11:07,668
What are you doing?
210
00:11:07,711 --> 00:11:10,796
Just made a little deal
with the caramel-coated devil.
211
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,674
Tasering... you like that?
212
00:11:13,717 --> 00:11:15,718
Is that something you're into now?
213
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:19,221
- Oh, my God.
- It's fucking gorgeous, huh?
214
00:11:19,264 --> 00:11:21,473
Not a lot of closet space, though.
215
00:11:21,516 --> 00:11:24,435
Hank never really got
architecture as an art form.
216
00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:27,479
Too much compromise involved,
too many practicalities.
217
00:11:27,522 --> 00:11:31,066
Dude would rather hang out all alone
in his ivory tower, right?
218
00:11:31,109 --> 00:11:33,485
Massaging those precious
little words of his.
219
00:11:33,528 --> 00:11:36,238
Like anyone gives a fuck
if it's an "and" instead of "or".
220
00:11:36,281 --> 00:11:39,783
You got me all wrong.
I try to live in an ivory tower,
221
00:11:39,826 --> 00:11:42,620
but a tide of shit is
constantly beating at its walls.
222
00:11:42,662 --> 00:11:44,663
Don't be impressed.
He stole that from Flaubert.
223
00:11:44,706 --> 00:11:48,375
Hey, Carr, if you don't mind my asking,
how much a place like this set you back?
224
00:11:48,418 --> 00:11:51,879
The feeling of real architecture...
you can't put a price tag on that.
225
00:11:51,922 --> 00:11:53,047
So you do mind.
226
00:11:53,089 --> 00:11:55,466
Makes your heart soar, lifts your soul.
227
00:11:56,343 --> 00:11:57,801
You know what I mean.
228
00:11:57,844 --> 00:12:00,721
It's just incredible.
229
00:12:00,764 --> 00:12:02,389
I think it was Ruskin that once said...
230
00:12:02,432 --> 00:12:05,434
- "Oh, it was Ruskin".
- Shut up.
231
00:12:05,477 --> 00:12:09,396
"Without architecture,
there would be no remembering".
232
00:12:09,439 --> 00:12:10,940
- I like that.
- Yeah.
233
00:12:10,982 --> 00:12:14,818
- That's nice.
- About four, five mill?
234
00:12:14,861 --> 00:12:17,613
I'm so sorry.
235
00:12:17,656 --> 00:12:19,698
Can I just say thank you so much?
236
00:12:19,741 --> 00:12:23,118
It's always been a dream of mine
to see inside this house.
237
00:12:23,161 --> 00:12:24,411
I really appreciate your time.
238
00:12:24,454 --> 00:12:26,872
It's gonna be even more slick
239
00:12:26,915 --> 00:12:29,291
when I have a pool out here,
a little guesthouse,
240
00:12:29,334 --> 00:12:30,584
maybe a screening room.
241
00:12:30,627 --> 00:12:33,337
Plus, I want the whole thing
to be all eco-friendly.
242
00:12:33,380 --> 00:12:35,130
Hank says you're some kind
of genius at that.
243
00:12:35,173 --> 00:12:36,590
No, I...
244
00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:38,717
That's why I was really hoping
you would take the job.
245
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,052
What job?
246
00:12:40,095 --> 00:12:43,013
Did I forget to mention
that Carr here is looking for an architect?
247
00:12:44,683 --> 00:12:45,808
I think my work here is done.
248
00:12:45,850 --> 00:12:46,892
Me?
249
00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:49,103
What do you think?
250
00:12:49,145 --> 00:12:51,397
Oh, my God!
251
00:12:51,439 --> 00:12:53,482
Oh. I like that.
252
00:12:55,777 --> 00:12:57,027
Want to jump my bones now
253
00:12:57,070 --> 00:13:00,781
or hold out for a situation
with a little more back support?
254
00:13:02,242 --> 00:13:03,450
I did good, didn't I?
255
00:13:03,493 --> 00:13:05,452
You did. Thank you so much.
256
00:13:05,495 --> 00:13:08,205
I'm so excited.
257
00:13:08,248 --> 00:13:10,082
Will you take me home so I can celebrate?
258
00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:13,711
- I'm up for that. Let's hit El Pollo Loco.
- No, no, no. I mean with Becca.
259
00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:16,463
Her too. The crazy chicken
does not discriminate.
260
00:13:16,506 --> 00:13:18,424
- Oh, right, it's Wednesday night.
- Yeah.
261
00:13:18,466 --> 00:13:20,884
OK, well, I can celebrate some other time.
262
00:13:20,927 --> 00:13:24,596
You will not stay home alone
on the night of your big victory.
263
00:13:24,639 --> 00:13:26,724
You'd swap nights with me?
264
00:13:26,808 --> 00:13:29,143
Sadly, no, but I will repeat
my original offer
265
00:13:29,185 --> 00:13:31,603
that all three of us
throw down the carbs together...
266
00:13:31,646 --> 00:13:33,439
- man, woman, and child.
- Hank, that's...
267
00:13:33,481 --> 00:13:35,524
You wanted to celebrate. Come on.
268
00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:38,027
- Not with you.
- I want to celebrate with you.
269
00:13:38,069 --> 00:13:40,821
- Invite me over.
- No.
270
00:13:40,864 --> 00:13:43,574
Invite me over. I will cook for you.
271
00:13:44,909 --> 00:13:47,036
- Cook? You?
- Yes.
272
00:13:47,078 --> 00:13:49,163
I have my one dish.
273
00:13:49,205 --> 00:13:51,165
- Not the cheese sensation.
- Cheese sensation!
274
00:13:51,207 --> 00:13:52,791
Yes, five different kinds of cheeses,
275
00:13:52,834 --> 00:13:54,835
including cream cheese,
the people's cheese.
276
00:13:57,088 --> 00:13:59,715
Don't knock the haute cuisine
of Long Island.
277
00:13:59,758 --> 00:14:02,343
- It'll be like old times.
- Yeah, but which ones?
278
00:14:02,385 --> 00:14:06,305
The good ones, like when we lived
on Charles Street, amongst the gays.
279
00:14:06,348 --> 00:14:08,223
- You hated that place.
- Yeah, but you loved it.
280
00:14:08,266 --> 00:14:10,684
Just like you love
fucked-up architecture like this
281
00:14:10,727 --> 00:14:13,604
and David Hockney
and gigantic fucking earrings
282
00:14:13,646 --> 00:14:16,940
and the complete and utter cliché
of driving west on Mulholland at sunset.
283
00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:21,570
You think I don't know these things, but I do.
284
00:14:25,116 --> 00:14:26,158
I'm in, aren't I?
285
00:14:28,286 --> 00:14:29,828
Oh, I'm in.
286
00:14:43,551 --> 00:14:45,719
How do I look?
287
00:14:45,804 --> 00:14:48,430
Good. You look good.
288
00:14:51,684 --> 00:14:53,310
You think she likes nuts?
289
00:14:53,353 --> 00:14:54,978
Maybe we should offer her
some mixed nuts?
290
00:14:55,021 --> 00:14:57,523
I don't know.
291
00:14:57,565 --> 00:14:59,024
What? You think she's allergic?
292
00:14:59,067 --> 00:15:02,945
How the fuck should I know
something like that? I don't know.
293
00:15:02,987 --> 00:15:06,365
You work with people, these things
come up in casual conversation.
294
00:15:06,408 --> 00:15:08,742
"None for me, thanks.
I have a nut allergy".
295
00:15:08,785 --> 00:15:11,245
I'm sorry. We don't have
that kind of relationship.
296
00:15:11,287 --> 00:15:14,164
Really, I don't know very much
about this girl.
297
00:15:14,207 --> 00:15:17,000
Other than you think
that she's fucking hot.
298
00:15:17,043 --> 00:15:19,002
How am I supposed
to respond to that?
299
00:15:19,045 --> 00:15:20,546
What do you want me to say?
300
00:15:20,588 --> 00:15:24,299
You want me to say, "I love you.
This is fucking crazy. Let's not do this"?
301
00:15:24,342 --> 00:15:27,761
Don't yell at me, asswipe!
I am nervous enough as it is!
302
00:15:27,804 --> 00:15:30,055
- Yeah, and isn't that a sign?
- A sign of what?
303
00:15:30,098 --> 00:15:31,807
That we shouldn't go through with this.
304
00:15:31,850 --> 00:15:33,684
I mean, look what we have here.
305
00:15:33,726 --> 00:15:36,061
This... this is pretty great, right?
306
00:15:36,104 --> 00:15:38,605
How do we know we're gonna
be the same afterwards?
307
00:15:38,648 --> 00:15:41,400
The same?
I thought the same was the problem.
308
00:15:41,443 --> 00:15:44,945
What problem? There's no problem.
309
00:15:51,119 --> 00:15:54,121
Do you want to get that, or should I?
310
00:16:20,482 --> 00:16:23,275
Yeah? I'm gonna be there in like five...
311
00:16:23,318 --> 00:16:25,486
Oh. Hello, Mia.
312
00:16:25,528 --> 00:16:28,280
Yes. Oh, wow.
313
00:16:28,323 --> 00:16:30,199
Wow. No, I'm sure you're in trouble.
314
00:16:30,241 --> 00:16:32,117
That just... it sounds...
315
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:33,869
It sounds pretty tragic, actually.
316
00:16:33,912 --> 00:16:36,246
Quite a story. Very familiar, too.
317
00:16:36,289 --> 00:16:38,790
Oh, that's right. I heard it last week.
318
00:16:38,833 --> 00:16:40,459
Ciao.
319
00:17:03,358 --> 00:17:06,735
Where did you get that bra? That is so cute!
320
00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:11,865
Sorry. My bad. Mood killer.
321
00:17:36,808 --> 00:17:39,351
You're not gonna fist me
or anything, are you?
322
00:17:39,394 --> 00:17:41,270
Because I'm not sure
if I'm ready for that.
323
00:17:41,312 --> 00:17:44,314
- Marce!
- What?
324
00:17:44,357 --> 00:17:46,400
A little less talk might be nice.
325
00:17:46,442 --> 00:17:48,151
Everybody's a fucking critic.
326
00:17:48,194 --> 00:17:52,030
Hey, hey. Put me in, coach.
I'll bring it home for you.
327
00:17:56,494 --> 00:17:58,996
Do you think we should... I don't know...
328
00:17:59,038 --> 00:18:01,081
include him somehow?
329
00:18:01,833 --> 00:18:03,584
It's your fantasy.
330
00:18:07,422 --> 00:18:09,965
Uh, hello?
331
00:18:10,008 --> 00:18:11,049
I'm thinking.
332
00:18:11,092 --> 00:18:14,428
I mean, shit, I can sleep
with you any night of the week.
333
00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:17,014
This is not how this is supposed to be.
334
00:18:17,056 --> 00:18:21,101
It's a fantasy.
It's not supposed to be at all.
335
00:18:31,988 --> 00:18:33,780
- Hey. Thank God you're here.
- Hey.
336
00:18:33,823 --> 00:18:36,658
- OK, sweetie. I got to go.
- Where you going?
337
00:18:36,701 --> 00:18:39,036
Mia's in some fucked-up
situation with her teacher.
338
00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:41,580
She's kind of drunk or drugs...
I don't even know.
339
00:18:41,623 --> 00:18:42,956
Look, hey, I'm gonna come with you.
340
00:18:42,999 --> 00:18:46,168
- It's not your problem. Stay with Becca.
- I know, but you...
341
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:49,838
You don't know this guy.
He's like a sex crime waiting to happen.
342
00:18:49,881 --> 00:18:52,257
25 minutes at 300, OK?
Throw that in the oven.
343
00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:54,217
- Why are you going?
- Because I have to.
344
00:18:54,260 --> 00:18:56,678
No, you don't. It's just Mia.
345
00:18:56,721 --> 00:18:58,805
Last I checked,
you guys weren't blood-related.
346
00:18:58,848 --> 00:19:01,224
- Right.
- Your mother needs backup.
347
00:19:01,267 --> 00:19:02,684
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
348
00:19:02,727 --> 00:19:04,478
Can you stay with Becca?
She's been waiting for you.
349
00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:07,189
You can't handle this guy alone.
350
00:19:07,231 --> 00:19:09,900
He doesn't look it, but he's dangerous.
351
00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:12,027
I think he's dan... Just let me drive.
352
00:19:12,070 --> 00:19:14,905
I'll drive you there.
We'll go. We'll go together.
353
00:19:49,023 --> 00:19:52,693
Here. Do with it what you will.
354
00:19:52,735 --> 00:19:57,906
Or maybe you can dish it out
but can't take it.
355
00:19:57,949 --> 00:20:01,785
Is this gonna hurt?
Cos this looks like it might hurt.
356
00:20:01,828 --> 00:20:04,121
That's kind of the point, isn't it?
357
00:20:04,163 --> 00:20:07,207
I mean, he's done some
pretty bad things, this guy.
358
00:20:08,251 --> 00:20:10,585
He deserves to be punished for them.
359
00:20:11,879 --> 00:20:16,591
- Things like what?
- You know, the usual.
360
00:20:20,513 --> 00:20:23,098
Oh, man. I got to get my camera.
361
00:20:23,141 --> 00:20:24,766
Motherfucker!
362
00:20:24,809 --> 00:20:27,227
- Cocksucker! Shit! Fuck!
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
363
00:20:27,270 --> 00:20:29,730
- You're attached to the fucking chain!
- OK! OK!
364
00:20:29,772 --> 00:20:32,399
- I know!
- Just don't move! Get it off your underwear!
365
00:20:38,322 --> 00:20:39,614
Finally.
366
00:20:39,657 --> 00:20:42,159
You guys got to get this fucking
jailbait out of my house.
367
00:20:42,243 --> 00:20:43,994
Mia, honey, it's me. It's Karen.
368
00:20:44,036 --> 00:20:45,787
Hey, hey, wake up.
369
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:49,040
You know what? This isn't just alcohol.
She's taken something.
370
00:20:49,083 --> 00:20:51,710
- Come on, baby.
- Mia. Mia. Hey. Mia, wake up.
371
00:20:51,753 --> 00:20:54,588
- Mia.
- Hank, you came.
372
00:20:54,630 --> 00:20:56,631
- Yes.
- What the fuck's she talking about?
373
00:20:56,674 --> 00:20:58,049
You came?
374
00:20:58,092 --> 00:21:00,135
I don't know. She's confused.
Keep your eyes open.
375
00:21:00,178 --> 00:21:01,928
Shit, look at me. Keep your eyes open.
376
00:21:01,971 --> 00:21:04,014
- Sit up.
- Animal, what'd you give her?
377
00:21:04,056 --> 00:21:06,433
Do I look like I need
some fucking date-rape drug?
378
00:21:06,476 --> 00:21:07,684
It's Valium, for Christ's sakes.
379
00:21:07,727 --> 00:21:10,479
The girl's got a goddamn
Rite Aid in her purse.
380
00:21:10,521 --> 00:21:12,439
- What?
- How many did you take?
381
00:21:13,733 --> 00:21:14,900
What? Five, four?
382
00:21:14,942 --> 00:21:17,068
45? Four or five?
383
00:21:17,111 --> 00:21:19,446
See? Nobody's gonna
off themselves with four.
384
00:21:19,489 --> 00:21:20,906
- OK. All right.
- It's all an act.
385
00:21:20,948 --> 00:21:24,743
You know how fucking popular
this shit is with the young ladies?
386
00:21:24,786 --> 00:21:26,787
- We're gonna take you home.
- Do you think it's funny?
387
00:21:26,829 --> 00:21:29,372
This is someone's child here,
you asshole!
388
00:21:29,415 --> 00:21:33,293
They trusted you!
You are meant to be her teacher!
389
00:21:33,336 --> 00:21:35,337
You think I wanted Sylvia Plath
to come over here
390
00:21:35,379 --> 00:21:36,963
and go all fucking Bell Jar on me?
391
00:21:37,006 --> 00:21:39,132
- I'm the one getting manipulated here.
- What?
392
00:21:39,175 --> 00:21:41,426
She comes up to me
after fucking debate practice...
393
00:21:41,511 --> 00:21:43,804
Do you want me to smack you? Do you?
394
00:21:43,846 --> 00:21:46,014
- Oh!
- Oh, shit.
395
00:21:46,057 --> 00:21:49,017
- I bet she feels a lot better now.
- Oh, she did not just...
396
00:21:49,060 --> 00:21:50,769
- Come on, honey.
- Oh, I see two.
397
00:21:50,853 --> 00:21:54,272
- Two what?
- Two pills. Is that a third one there?
398
00:21:54,315 --> 00:21:56,191
- I see sushi. Is that a pill?
- What...
399
00:21:57,443 --> 00:21:59,444
Let's get the fuck out of here.
400
00:21:59,487 --> 00:22:01,571
Ah, shit, Moody!
401
00:22:01,614 --> 00:22:04,074
Now I'm gonna fucking hurl.
402
00:22:06,118 --> 00:22:07,410
Fuck!
403
00:22:10,373 --> 00:22:13,208
Who's your primary care guy again?
404
00:22:13,251 --> 00:22:14,960
How should I fucking know?
405
00:22:15,002 --> 00:22:16,503
Jesus Christ,
you think these people
406
00:22:16,546 --> 00:22:18,547
are ever gonna get around
to sewing me up?
407
00:22:18,589 --> 00:22:20,966
I'm in considerable fucking pain here!
408
00:22:21,008 --> 00:22:23,426
I'm sorry, OK?
I said it a thousand times.
409
00:22:23,469 --> 00:22:25,595
You know I'm bad
with mechanical things.
410
00:22:25,638 --> 00:22:27,806
Tell that to my missing nipple.
411
00:22:27,849 --> 00:22:29,724
You took off, like, 12 layers of skin.
412
00:22:29,767 --> 00:22:32,686
I'm sorry, nipple.
413
00:22:34,105 --> 00:22:37,399
Now that I've maimed you,
where am I gonna rest my head?
414
00:22:37,441 --> 00:22:39,734
That was, like, my favourite spot.
415
00:22:43,865 --> 00:22:45,824
Some fantasy, huh?
416
00:22:45,867 --> 00:22:49,494
How the fuck did we end up here?
417
00:22:49,537 --> 00:22:51,997
On some level,
I think you wanted to punish me.
418
00:22:52,039 --> 00:22:55,041
- I think you both wanted to punish me.
- For what?
419
00:22:55,084 --> 00:22:57,752
Shit, you know... everything.
Husband stuff.
420
00:22:57,795 --> 00:23:00,881
Not me, dickwad. Her.
Why the fuck would she want to punish you?
421
00:23:00,923 --> 00:23:03,049
She barely knows you.
What the fuck does she care?
422
00:23:03,092 --> 00:23:06,845
I'm her boss, OK?
I make her do humiliating things all day.
423
00:23:06,888 --> 00:23:09,389
You think she likes that?
424
00:23:09,432 --> 00:23:11,224
What?
425
00:23:13,352 --> 00:23:15,645
You leaned wrong.
426
00:23:15,730 --> 00:23:17,188
I'm sorry.
427
00:23:19,358 --> 00:23:23,445
She's an interesting girl, though, that one.
428
00:23:23,487 --> 00:23:26,573
Fantastic ass.
429
00:23:28,409 --> 00:23:31,119
How is she?
430
00:23:31,162 --> 00:23:37,167
Oh, she's fine, she's gonna feel
like seven different kinds of shit tomorrow.
431
00:23:37,209 --> 00:23:39,210
You gonna tell Bill?
432
00:23:39,253 --> 00:23:41,922
Well, yeah. I mean, I have to, right?
433
00:23:41,964 --> 00:23:44,466
Wouldn't you want to know
if your 16-year-old daughter
434
00:23:44,508 --> 00:23:47,886
was hanging out with some creepy perv
who's, like, twice her age?
435
00:23:47,929 --> 00:23:50,639
The situation may not be
exactly as it seems.
436
00:23:51,390 --> 00:23:52,849
Oh, you've got to be kidding.
437
00:23:52,892 --> 00:23:55,226
- You're on the side of the pervert, right?
- Always.
438
00:23:55,269 --> 00:23:57,687
Somebody's got to stand up
for the creepy common man.
439
00:23:57,730 --> 00:24:01,024
You know, that should be
a lesson to you, Hank Moody.
440
00:24:01,067 --> 00:24:04,903
To me? A lesson to me? Why?
441
00:24:04,946 --> 00:24:06,905
Why did you point your finger at me?
442
00:24:06,948 --> 00:24:09,115
I'm just kidding. It's OK.
443
00:24:09,158 --> 00:24:12,243
You're a great dad.
You have nothing to worry about.
444
00:24:12,286 --> 00:24:16,998
I mean, that's the sexiest thing about you.
445
00:24:17,041 --> 00:24:19,501
You want to say good night to Becca?
446
00:24:20,628 --> 00:24:21,753
Please.
447
00:24:21,796 --> 00:24:24,255
Go, then.
448
00:24:24,298 --> 00:24:26,508
You know, you did need
my backup tonight.
449
00:24:26,550 --> 00:24:29,761
You might have killed that guy
if I wasn't there.
450
00:24:44,485 --> 00:24:47,737
- Dad?
- Hey.
451
00:24:47,822 --> 00:24:49,155
What are you listening to, there?
452
00:24:49,198 --> 00:24:51,950
A little falling-asleep music?
453
00:24:51,993 --> 00:24:54,077
Little Joni Mitchell, Blood On The Tracks?
454
00:24:56,205 --> 00:24:57,998
Death Cab For Cutie.
455
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:01,918
Wow. You really know how to hurt a guy.
456
00:25:04,005 --> 00:25:06,589
Hey, I know tonight
457
00:25:06,632 --> 00:25:09,801
kind of got a little ruined.
458
00:25:09,844 --> 00:25:12,846
It's OK. I'm used to it.
459
00:25:12,888 --> 00:25:16,349
Yeah, well, I'll make it up to you, I swear.
460
00:25:16,392 --> 00:25:20,437
- I know.
- Do you?
461
00:25:20,479 --> 00:25:22,355
Sure.
462
00:25:22,398 --> 00:25:25,358
You never mean to let me down.
463
00:25:25,401 --> 00:25:28,361
But you do.
464
00:25:29,572 --> 00:25:32,198
Yeah, I guess I do.
465
00:25:33,284 --> 00:25:35,076
You know, it's all well and good
466
00:25:35,119 --> 00:25:37,787
to talk about happy endings...
467
00:25:37,830 --> 00:25:39,664
But if a person can't deliver,
468
00:25:39,707 --> 00:25:43,460
if he keeps screwing up,
469
00:25:43,502 --> 00:25:45,170
well, eventually,
470
00:25:45,212 --> 00:25:48,006
I guess you kind of
just have to say, "fuck you".
471
00:25:52,511 --> 00:25:55,305
Or words to that effect.
472
00:26:06,901 --> 00:26:08,526
You can keep the change.
37455
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.