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Previously on Californication...
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00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:04,421
- So, Hank.
- Meredith.
3
00:00:04,463 --> 00:00:05,797
Have you written anything
I might have read?
4
00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:08,550
Well, that depends on whether
or not you read, Meredith.
5
00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:12,762
The good people at Hell-A
are very interested in your thoughts.
6
00:00:12,805 --> 00:00:15,849
They would like you to blog for them.
7
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:20,353
- Jesus H. Christ.
- I am 16, you know.
8
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So I've been told.
9
00:00:21,647 --> 00:00:22,689
Hi, Daddy!
10
00:00:22,732 --> 00:00:24,774
Honey, put some clothes on.
We have company.
11
00:00:24,817 --> 00:00:27,068
Are you totally serious about marrying Bill?
12
00:00:27,111 --> 00:00:28,862
Yes. Why?
13
00:00:28,904 --> 00:00:30,030
What about Hank?
14
00:00:30,072 --> 00:00:31,281
Game on, brohem.
15
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,825
- You want to get fucked up?
- Oh!
16
00:00:36,328 --> 00:00:37,746
Oh, God.
17
00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:42,083
- Must be weird, though.
- What?
18
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,210
Becoming the employee of a man
you so clearly hate.
19
00:00:44,253 --> 00:00:46,379
- What are you talking about?
- My father.
20
00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:48,965
He owns Hell-A magazine.
21
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:56,890
Once upon a time, I wrote a book.
22
00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:00,143
People seemed to dig it, so I wrote another,
23
00:01:00,186 --> 00:01:01,436
and one after that.
24
00:01:01,479 --> 00:01:03,897
That's when Hollywood
came knocking at my back door.
25
00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:06,149
As soon as I cashed that cheque,
I wrapped my lips
26
00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:09,486
around the mighty erection
that is the film industry
27
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:12,739
and sucked hard...
just like a good whore should.
28
00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:15,617
Unfortunately, I had to be taught
not to orphan the balls.
29
00:01:15,659 --> 00:01:16,701
Moody!
30
00:01:16,744 --> 00:01:18,953
Ladies and gentlemen, Todd Carr...
31
00:01:18,996 --> 00:01:21,247
the caramel-coated, chrome-domed auteur
32
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,166
who took my precious little novel,
33
00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:26,753
wiped his ass, and transformed it into
the craptastic crowd-pleaser
34
00:01:26,796 --> 00:01:31,132
also known as
Crazy Little Thing Called Love.
35
00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:32,592
My people.
36
00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:34,636
You still bitching about whoring
yourself out to Hollywood?
37
00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,805
Only when my pimp's not around.
38
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,723
You're no goddamn fucking
Faulkner, you know.
39
00:01:38,766 --> 00:01:41,142
And you're no Brett fucking Ratner.
40
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:44,395
Although that could be a compliment,
and in that case, I didn't mean to.
41
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:47,857
I'm sick of you talking shit
about me in the press.
42
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:50,193
Oh, that's why you're here.
I thought you might have come by
43
00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:53,571
because you found out I fucked your wife
in almost every room of your house.
44
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,574
No? Every room of your house.
45
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:59,035
And I'm sorry about the rug.
I didn't realise the old lady was a squirter.
46
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:08,563
Hank.
47
00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:13,318
- Where's Karen?
- Home, with Becca.
48
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,652
She's funny, that one.
49
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,779
Becca? Yeah, she is a real character.
50
00:03:16,822 --> 00:03:19,782
No... Karen. She knows
how to push all my buttons.
51
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:22,160
I don't think she's trying
to push your buttons, Hank.
52
00:03:22,203 --> 00:03:26,039
Bill, I'm not really interested in what
you think, but thank you for sharing.
53
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:28,875
- I wanted to come.
- You did?
54
00:03:28,918 --> 00:03:31,836
- I'm not the bad guy.
- You're not the bad guy?
55
00:03:31,879 --> 00:03:33,880
Life is complicated, man.
56
00:03:33,923 --> 00:03:37,383
"Life is complicated, man."
That's what you got?
57
00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,385
Way to dip into the platitudes.
58
00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,262
I guess that's why you're the writer, Hank.
59
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:45,016
Oh, fuck. I didn't ask for you
to fucking come bail me out.
60
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,476
I didn't ask for a fucking job.
61
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,269
I don't know who the fuck you think you are.
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00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,355
You think I'm dying
to be in business with you?
63
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:52,732
Some rude, disrespectful jackass
64
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,692
who can't get out of his own way?
65
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,361
You looking for a dick punch?
66
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,780
Do you want to punch me in the dick?
67
00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:00,865
I kind of do, yeah,
but standing here talking about it
68
00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,450
is beginning to sound kind of gay.
69
00:04:02,493 --> 00:04:05,745
Go ahead. Take a shot.
But think...
70
00:04:05,788 --> 00:04:07,830
Would you want Becca to see this?
71
00:04:09,041 --> 00:04:11,209
I'll settle for a titty twister.
72
00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:14,796
God. You're 11.
73
00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,298
Fuck.
74
00:04:17,341 --> 00:04:22,845
Keep the job, Hank.
Get back on your feet. Get on with your life.
75
00:04:22,888 --> 00:04:25,974
And forget about the woman
you didn't want to marry.
76
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:31,521
Don't make me get up and kick
your ass all over again, Bill!
77
00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,231
Hi. Remember me?
78
00:05:16,608 --> 00:05:19,277
How could I forget?
Best blind date of my life, asshole.
79
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,486
We don't have much time.
80
00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,739
Your suitor will be returning
from the shitter posthaste,
81
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:25,825
but in his absence, I would like
to offer my sincere apologies.
82
00:05:25,868 --> 00:05:30,663
My behaviour the other night was beyond
appalling, despicable, reprehensible.
83
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:32,582
I was a mess. I have no words.
84
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,084
For a guy with no words,
that was a lot of words.
85
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:39,756
That's funny.
I wouldn't have expected that from you.
86
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,342
Because you had me so nailed.
87
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:46,679
Well, let me make it up to you.
Let me... can I... take you out sometime?
88
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:51,267
I'm out right now...
with a guy who's not an asshole.
89
00:05:51,310 --> 00:05:54,729
Right. Well, do you see
yourself marrying this fella?
90
00:05:54,772 --> 00:05:55,938
You never know.
91
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:59,275
Girls know in a matter of seconds whether
they want to fuck, marry, or kill a guy.
92
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:01,986
Which begs the question, how am I doing?
93
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,112
Bye, now.
94
00:06:05,616 --> 00:06:07,033
Be good to her, my friend.
95
00:06:07,076 --> 00:06:09,410
I had a shot with her once, but I blew it.
96
00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:12,121
Rock out with your cock out,
but remember...
97
00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:16,000
no gloving, no loving.
98
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:18,836
Au revoir, mes enfants. Au revoir.
99
00:06:28,347 --> 00:06:29,889
So...
100
00:06:29,932 --> 00:06:32,100
You were brought up
on the East Coast.
101
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:35,603
Jersey, maybe. No... Long Island.
102
00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:38,147
Dad had a chip on his shoulder,
blue on his collar.
103
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:39,899
Mom was a little beat down by it all,
104
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:42,402
but she was the one
who encouraged you to dream big.
105
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:46,280
They fought a lot, but they stayed together
through good times and bad.
106
00:06:46,323 --> 00:06:49,409
You had sisters. You learned about girls.
107
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:53,329
You were good with them...
maybe a little too good.
108
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:57,208
You read books, and you didn't want to die
five miles from where you were born.
109
00:06:57,251 --> 00:06:59,293
So you escaped
into the city you romanticised
110
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:02,755
and reinvented yourself
as a poor man's Mclnerney.
111
00:07:02,798 --> 00:07:04,048
How am I doing?
112
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:09,053
Pretty good...
a lot more gracious than mine.
113
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,888
I blacked out there in the middle,
114
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:14,976
when you were really strumming
my pain with your fingers, but...
115
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:16,060
Well done.
116
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:20,815
- How long you been working on that?
- A couple of weeks.
117
00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:23,025
It's a good story.
118
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,820
Any idea how it ends?
119
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:59,479
- Hey, where are you going?
- I have to get to work.
120
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:02,064
A job? What do you do?
121
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:05,151
Well, don't you remember?
I'm a poor gal's Martha Stewart.
122
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:07,987
Don't you remember I'm an asshole?
123
00:08:08,030 --> 00:08:10,323
Right. I'm an attorney.
124
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:14,285
Oh, then we're both assholes.
What's your thing?
125
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:15,745
Divorce.
126
00:08:15,787 --> 00:08:17,371
You must be a busy girl.
127
00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:20,374
That I am, which is
why I have to skedaddle.
128
00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:23,419
I can't believe you were trying to slink
out of here without saying goodbye to me.
129
00:08:23,462 --> 00:08:27,715
Hank. Please.
I assume this was a one-time thing.
130
00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,384
Why would you assume
something like that?
131
00:08:33,222 --> 00:08:35,014
No offence, but you don't seem
like the kind of guy
132
00:08:35,057 --> 00:08:36,599
who's looking for a lot of repeat business.
133
00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:40,937
- I'm offended. How about tonight?
- Are you sure?
134
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:45,149
Yeah, a proper date...
dinner, 20th-century style.
135
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,527
I'd be just as happy to come back here.
136
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:53,157
No. No, no, no. Dinner.
A girl's got to eat.
137
00:08:57,287 --> 00:09:00,414
That she does.
138
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:23,104
Are you gonna flush?
139
00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:28,568
- What the fuck are you doing here?
- The redhead let me in.
140
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:32,238
Question... does the carpet
match the drapes, Hanky-panky?
141
00:09:32,281 --> 00:09:36,867
- You scared the shit out of me.
- I know. You screamed like a little girl.
142
00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,954
- Kind of a turnoff, actually.
- What the fuck do you want?
143
00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:42,373
- I'm late.
- What?
144
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:45,793
That's not possible.
I wore a condom.
145
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:49,130
That's... that would be like
the Immaculate Conception.
146
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:52,550
And you... you're the one who... you...
And then you left.
147
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:54,427
I'm late for school.
148
00:09:55,762 --> 00:10:00,433
OK. Well, then, what do you want from me,
besides the obvious?
149
00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:02,226
Don't flatter yourself, champ.
150
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,936
I have a creative-writing course,
151
00:10:03,979 --> 00:10:06,897
and I need to turn
something in today, so...
152
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,942
OK, what's the problem?
It's creative writing.
153
00:10:10,027 --> 00:10:12,403
Be creative. Write something.
154
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:15,406
This from a guy who hasn't
written a word in five years?
155
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:17,283
Nobody likes a smartass.
156
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:21,245
You must have some piece-of-shit
short story you never published.
157
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,039
- No. No, nothing.
- Hank?
158
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:30,046
Stop that. And don't move.
159
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:31,589
Do not fuck around!
160
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:34,133
It's not funny.
161
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:39,805
Hey, look who's here.
162
00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:41,807
You don't call. You don't write.
163
00:10:41,850 --> 00:10:45,102
- You look like shit.
- And you look beautiful.
164
00:10:45,145 --> 00:10:48,272
Far too beautiful for these four walls.
Let's go out and get some breakfast.
165
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,524
- Get a coffee.
- No, we'll go out. We'll get it.
166
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:53,152
- Look, get dressed.
- Fuck!
167
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:59,617
- Hank?
- Yeah?
168
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:02,161
I just wanted...
169
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:07,333
- What, no points for safety?
- Yes, but magnums? Wow.
170
00:11:07,376 --> 00:11:10,086
- Yeah, well, you know.
- Did you have a growth spurt?
171
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:13,923
Well, no, I been...
I been working out. Just a lot of vitamins.
172
00:11:13,965 --> 00:11:15,007
I got a whole...
173
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:16,842
I got a regimen.
174
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:20,596
Hank, do not quit this job.
175
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:23,182
It's hardly a job, Karen. It's a blog.
176
00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:27,311
It's the best thing that's happened
to you in a long time, and you're good at it.
177
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:30,856
- Well, I just can't work for Bill.
- Why not?
178
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,983
Well, for one, he's a dick.
179
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:36,320
Could you just swallow your stupid pride
180
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:40,199
and keep the job, keep writing, keep doing
what you were put on this planet to do?
181
00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:44,787
What else is there for you besides
drowning in a sea of pointless pussy?
182
00:11:48,959 --> 00:11:50,126
It's the neighbours.
183
00:11:50,168 --> 00:11:54,964
OK. Do you know what?
I should go in there. I'm gonna go in there.
184
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,132
No!
185
00:11:56,174 --> 00:12:00,094
I'm gonna and tell her what to expect and
how to treat it. It's only fair.
186
00:12:00,137 --> 00:12:02,096
There are some images
187
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:05,182
you don't want floating around
your pretty little head.
188
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:10,438
Trust me, it's like a Mapplethorpe shoot
in there, except with less cock.
189
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,233
Shut up, OK? Shut up.
190
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:22,116
Keep the job, Hank.
Do it for Becca's sake.
191
00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:24,410
Give her something to look up to.
192
00:12:30,167 --> 00:12:32,918
Thanks for stopping by.
193
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,813
Just suppose you're a guy and you're
getting a massage from another guy,
194
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,815
and it's nice, it's relaxing.
195
00:12:54,858 --> 00:12:57,318
Then all of a sudden,
you get a little tingle,
196
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,153
a little unintentional stim.
197
00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:03,282
What do you call that,
where you get a little turgidity?
198
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:05,075
You know, you get a rollover going there.
199
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,786
That was Nora from Hell-A magazine.
200
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,163
She wants to know when
she can expect the new piece.
201
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:11,749
What would you call that phenomenon?
202
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:16,003
The whole idea behind the blog is
an ongoing narrative. You understand?
203
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:19,256
A series of events that follows
another series of events.
204
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,050
I get that. I get that. I really do.
205
00:13:21,092 --> 00:13:23,552
I just can't whore myself out
to the tall man any more.
206
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:26,347
Ongoing or not, I can't do it. Capisce?
207
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:31,727
With all due respect, Hank,
grow the fuck up already.
208
00:13:31,770 --> 00:13:34,188
Come on, you're the lying cocksucker
that got me into this in the first place.
209
00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:35,356
You set me up.
210
00:13:35,398 --> 00:13:38,275
If you mean that I contrive a situation
211
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,861
in which you might actually start
to produce words again,
212
00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,738
then, yes, OK, guilty as charged.
213
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,991
You should have told me
what you were up to. That was bullshit.
214
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:49,912
You wouldn't have done it!
OK? You see what I'm getting at here?
215
00:13:49,955 --> 00:13:52,081
Oh, fuck you. You're fired.
216
00:13:53,124 --> 00:13:57,503
You know that you've fired me every 90
days since we started to work together.
217
00:13:57,546 --> 00:14:00,172
Yeah, because
I'm a consistent motherfucker.
218
00:14:00,257 --> 00:14:03,008
Don't do this, Hank, OK? Not now.
219
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:06,554
No other agent in their right mind
would take you on at this point.
220
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:09,890
And the ones who would wouldn't be able
to get you a job writing kiddy porn.
221
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:13,894
Yeah, we'll see about that. It's a broner.
The word I'm looking for.
222
00:14:13,937 --> 00:14:17,022
Unintentionally man-inspired
boner... broner.
223
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,358
Duly noted.
224
00:14:23,405 --> 00:14:24,446
Broner!
225
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:28,742
What is so fucking difficult about
distinguishing diet from regular, huh?
226
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:31,495
Here. Just go. You're fired, all right?
227
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,164
Get out. Go!
Fucking get out of here!
228
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:45,009
You OK there, tiger?
229
00:14:46,469 --> 00:14:49,305
Did you ever have one of those days
where you feel like a tired, old whore
230
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:52,641
whose uterus is about to fall out?
231
00:14:52,684 --> 00:14:55,019
I think I'm in touch with that emotion.
232
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:58,606
Really? I was just being dramatic. Do tell.
233
00:14:58,648 --> 00:15:01,442
That guy you saw me with last night?
234
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,152
He's married.
235
00:15:03,194 --> 00:15:05,404
Oh, you dirty cheater, you.
236
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:06,488
Five years.
237
00:15:06,531 --> 00:15:09,366
Been fucking a married guy for five years?
238
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:10,451
Classy, huh?
239
00:15:11,912 --> 00:15:13,579
I tend to think of myself
240
00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:15,789
as a whatever-makes-you-happy
kind of a guy,
241
00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:19,627
but I have to ask...
What's in it for you, lady?
242
00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:21,712
I love him.
243
00:15:22,672 --> 00:15:25,716
And I tend to believe him
when he says he loves me.
244
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:28,218
That sounds like a charming
little romcom,
245
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:31,847
except for the part
where he won't leave his wife.
246
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:35,517
The guy's richer than God.
He doesn't want to cut it in half.
247
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:39,063
I haven't known you very long,
and this probably means precious little
248
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:43,400
coming from a guy who treated you like
a piece of prison ass on a blind date,
249
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:47,279
but I think you deserve
a hell of a lot more.
250
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,575
My baby.
251
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:55,245
You have a baby with the married guy?
Holy fuck.
252
00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:56,538
No...
253
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:59,249
my dog...
254
00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,709
Cat Stevens.
255
00:16:00,752 --> 00:16:03,837
You have a dog named Cat Stevens?
256
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,215
Holy fuck!
257
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:11,470
A gift from married guy.
258
00:16:11,513 --> 00:16:16,183
I know it sounds incredibly lame,
but he was like our baby.
259
00:16:17,185 --> 00:16:20,688
The one thing that was ours... just ours.
260
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:25,526
So, his wife goes out of town,
and I bring Cat Stevens over to the house.
261
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:27,987
Naturally, the bitch comes home early.
262
00:16:28,029 --> 00:16:31,407
I barely have enough time to put on
my clothes and sneak out the back.
263
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:34,743
And then I realised I left him behind.
264
00:16:34,786 --> 00:16:40,082
That fucking bitch thought
sweet little Cat Stevens was a gift for her.
265
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:44,795
- Married guy doesn't say anything?
- How could he?
266
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,297
That is sick.
Come on.
267
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:51,427
- Where are we going?
- We're gonna fix this.
268
00:18:19,641 --> 00:18:20,933
Hey, honey.
269
00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:33,779
You're insane.
270
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:36,406
You've been fucking a married
guy for five years,
271
00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,575
you've got a dog named Cat Stevens,
and I'm insane?
272
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:39,660
Point taken.
273
00:18:39,702 --> 00:18:43,497
I got to figure out a way to get in there
without breaking a window or something.
274
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,707
How about this?
275
00:18:58,721 --> 00:18:59,847
Cat?
276
00:19:03,309 --> 00:19:06,895
And you'll never have dried-up
meat in the refrigerator.
277
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:09,022
Hey. Cat Stevens.
278
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:11,441
Come here, Cat.
279
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,193
Roast beef, lamb, turkey.
280
00:19:13,236 --> 00:19:16,488
This knife is like a hot knife
going right through butter.
281
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:17,990
It has a fork with the end,
282
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:20,284
so you pick up the meat,
dip it into the gravy.
283
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,452
Remember, here's a grapefruit. Look at this.
284
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:25,455
Not a seed, not a drop of juice comes out.
285
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,916
Come here.
286
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:30,043
I'll take you away from all this.
287
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:35,924
Cat! Yusuf Islam!
288
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:38,135
Be Straight is a good song.
289
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:40,888
Come here, Cat. Come here.
290
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,557
Come on.
291
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:59,072
Go!
292
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,327
Go. Go, go, go.
293
00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:13,587
Don't worry, I'll be gone
for good in a few minutes.
294
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:18,759
Actually, I was...
I was gonna call you.
295
00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:21,136
You could've emailed.
296
00:20:22,263 --> 00:20:28,977
I think I overreacted yesterday,
and I'm sorry about that,
297
00:20:29,020 --> 00:20:33,190
So, the job is yours
if... if you still want it.
298
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:36,443
- I want it.
- Good.
299
00:20:38,404 --> 00:20:39,529
But...
300
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:41,740
But?
301
00:20:41,783 --> 00:20:47,120
From now on, if I make a mistake
or I screw something up,
302
00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:51,250
you should feel free to discipline me
in whatever way you see fit.
303
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:52,584
You're the boss.
304
00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:01,551
Oh, and Hank called.
305
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:04,846
He said you could still be
his agent if you want.
306
00:21:22,532 --> 00:21:24,324
I thought that was you.
307
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:27,953
I would have focused
on a different area altogether.
308
00:21:27,996 --> 00:21:31,415
- Get your ass back in bed then.
- I got to go to work.
309
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:35,168
Ah, yes, I don't think I've ever dated
a woman who had a job before.
310
00:21:36,754 --> 00:21:39,923
Is that what we're doing? Dating?
311
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:42,426
It does feel that way...
312
00:21:42,468 --> 00:21:47,264
Kind of, sort of, maybe, a little bit.
313
00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:51,727
Yeah. I guess it kind of does.
314
00:21:51,769 --> 00:21:54,813
Too many tongues.
315
00:21:56,149 --> 00:21:57,983
Hey, take your fucking dog.
316
00:21:58,026 --> 00:22:02,404
I didn't have the heart to tell you,
but that's not Cat Stevens.
317
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:04,614
- What?
- You took the wrong dog.
318
00:22:04,699 --> 00:22:06,992
So not your fault...
the bitch has a lot of them.
319
00:22:07,035 --> 00:22:11,121
Look on the bright side.
He seems to really like you.
320
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,380
Thank you.
321
00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:27,012
This is not a macchiato.
A macchiato...
322
00:22:34,228 --> 00:22:37,689
What am I going to do with you?
323
00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:40,984
Whatever you want, boss.
324
00:22:51,704 --> 00:22:53,663
Look what a mess I've made.
325
00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:32,327
- Guess who.
- Something's familiar.
326
00:23:32,370 --> 00:23:34,621
Did you switch to Camel Lights?
327
00:23:34,705 --> 00:23:37,207
Ah, that's cute. What you reading?
328
00:23:37,250 --> 00:23:41,211
Oh, you're not gonna go through
with that barbaric ritual, are you?
329
00:23:41,254 --> 00:23:44,673
- I was thinking about it.
- You don't sound too excited.
330
00:23:44,715 --> 00:23:49,302
I am. It's just weird.
I never thought I'd get married.
331
00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:52,848
You had me convinced
it was all a bullshit fairy tale.
332
00:23:52,890 --> 00:23:55,517
- And it's not?
- Not if you meet the right person.
333
00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:57,769
You say it's about meeting Mr Right.
334
00:23:57,812 --> 00:24:00,480
I think you're settling
for Mr Right In Front Of You.
335
00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:04,943
I'm asking you to consider
Mr Lurking Right Above You.
336
00:24:05,027 --> 00:24:06,361
Hank, Hank, Hankie.
337
00:24:07,864 --> 00:24:12,242
I wouldn't want to erase the fact that,
once upon a time, I used to love you. But...
338
00:24:13,536 --> 00:24:14,578
Hank!
339
00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:16,621
- Hello.
- William.
340
00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:18,457
I have something for you.
341
00:24:18,499 --> 00:24:23,253
Hank, uh, Hank,
you didn't have to do this.
342
00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:26,631
Considering I got my precious
bodily fluids all over yours,
343
00:24:26,674 --> 00:24:29,885
I felt like, yeah, I kind of did.
344
00:24:29,927 --> 00:24:34,806
But that piece of art
is worth a small fortune.
345
00:24:34,849 --> 00:24:37,809
Don't look a gift piece
of overpriced pop art in the mouth.
346
00:24:37,852 --> 00:24:40,520
I know people who know people.
Just enjoy it.
347
00:24:40,605 --> 00:24:43,899
Consider it a belated engagement present.
348
00:24:43,941 --> 00:24:46,610
Hang it over your marital bed.
349
00:24:46,652 --> 00:24:49,279
What's up with you?
You seem kind of, um...
350
00:24:49,322 --> 00:24:50,906
- Jaunty?
- Yes.
351
00:24:50,948 --> 00:24:52,240
- Devil-may-care?
- Yes.
352
00:24:52,283 --> 00:24:54,451
- Happy?
- Even.
353
00:24:54,494 --> 00:24:55,827
Well, maybe I met a girl.
354
00:24:55,870 --> 00:24:57,829
- Hey, Dad.
- Hey, honey.
355
00:24:57,872 --> 00:24:59,372
I've got something for you, too.
356
00:24:59,457 --> 00:25:01,625
Just hold on. Stay right there.
357
00:25:05,213 --> 00:25:09,549
I'm partial to Yusuf Islam,
but you can call him whatever you want.
358
00:25:09,592 --> 00:25:11,635
And, Bill, don't worry.
He can stay with me.
359
00:25:11,677 --> 00:25:13,136
That's so nice of you, Hank.
360
00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:16,097
Yes, Hank,
that's very nice of you.
361
00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:19,601
Well, you guys look like one big happy.
362
00:25:19,644 --> 00:25:23,271
I am proud to report
that my daughter has just penned
363
00:25:23,314 --> 00:25:26,691
one of the most impressive short stories
I have ever had the pleasure of reading.
364
00:25:26,734 --> 00:25:30,237
Now, the prose was a bit on the purple side,
365
00:25:30,279 --> 00:25:33,281
but still, I had no idea she had it in her.
366
00:25:33,324 --> 00:25:38,745
- I'm sure the prose wasn't that purple.
- No, it was, but still, it was good stuff.
367
00:25:38,788 --> 00:25:41,122
That is something.
368
00:25:41,165 --> 00:25:43,041
Well, it's what I do.
369
00:25:43,084 --> 00:25:46,127
Speaking of which,
dare I ask about the blog?
370
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:49,965
Honey, to quote the Clash,
371
00:25:50,007 --> 00:25:53,385
should I stay or should I rock the casbah?
372
00:25:53,427 --> 00:25:57,639
Do what you want, Dad.
I love you no matter what.
373
00:26:00,726 --> 00:26:02,352
"Good morning, Hell-A.
374
00:26:02,395 --> 00:26:06,690
"In the land of the lotus-eaters,
time plays tricks on you.
375
00:26:06,732 --> 00:26:08,149
"One day you're dreaming.
376
00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:12,445
"The next, your dream
has become your reality.
377
00:26:12,488 --> 00:26:17,659
"It was the best of times.
If only someone had told me.
378
00:26:17,702 --> 00:26:20,662
"Mistakes were made,
hearts were broken,
379
00:26:20,705 --> 00:26:23,707
"harsh lessons learned.
380
00:26:23,749 --> 00:26:25,625
"My family goes on without me,
381
00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:30,171
"while I drown in a sea
of pointless pussy.
382
00:26:32,550 --> 00:26:35,135
"I don't know how I got here.
383
00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:39,931
"But here I am, rotting away
in the warm California sun.
384
00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,184
"There are things
I need to figure out,
385
00:26:43,227 --> 00:26:46,021
"for her sake, at least.
386
00:26:46,063 --> 00:26:47,689
"The clock is ticking.
387
00:26:47,732 --> 00:26:49,691
"The gap is widening.
388
00:26:52,194 --> 00:26:56,615
"She won't always love me
no matter what."
30982
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