All language subtitles for S01E02 - Hell-A Woman - Ehhhh
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1
00:00:01,011 --> 00:00:03,262
- So, Hank.
- Meredith.
2
00:00:03,305 --> 00:00:05,347
- You're a writer.
- A great writer.
3
00:00:05,390 --> 00:00:08,142
Do you know what the worst thing is?
You're not writing.
4
00:00:08,185 --> 00:00:11,103
- Are you familiar with Hell-A magazine?
- Hell, no.
5
00:00:11,146 --> 00:00:14,440
- They would like you to blog for them.
- Do you have a gun?
6
00:00:14,483 --> 00:00:17,777
You're out there sticking
your dick in anything that moves.
7
00:00:18,737 --> 00:00:19,820
My name is Hank.
8
00:00:19,863 --> 00:00:22,490
I know. Mia.
9
00:00:25,744 --> 00:00:27,411
- Who did she go with?
- Bill's daughter.
10
00:00:27,454 --> 00:00:28,829
I didn't know Bill had a daughter.
11
00:00:28,872 --> 00:00:30,247
- How old is she?
- 16.
12
00:00:30,290 --> 00:00:33,918
This is Mia, Bill's daughter.
And this is Hank.
13
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,504
- Y-you two know each other?
- No.
14
00:00:36,546 --> 00:00:37,963
- I need you, baby.
- No.
15
00:00:38,965 --> 00:00:42,093
Hank, Hank, I'm getting married.
16
00:00:42,135 --> 00:00:44,512
Don't marry him. Marry me.
17
00:00:44,554 --> 00:00:45,888
Hey.
18
00:00:49,559 --> 00:00:51,894
- Becca.
- I hate you.
19
00:01:09,621 --> 00:01:11,914
What are you thinking about?
20
00:01:12,833 --> 00:01:17,002
I'm thinking about how much
I absolutely fucking loathe this city.
21
00:01:17,045 --> 00:01:21,257
Just as I was thinking about
how much I absolutely love it.
22
00:01:21,299 --> 00:01:25,094
Meanwhile, I haven't written
a goddamn word since we got here.
23
00:01:25,137 --> 00:01:29,890
You need to relax.
I just miss New York, honey.
24
00:01:29,933 --> 00:01:34,687
You know, and I miss you,
because you're still there,
25
00:01:34,729 --> 00:01:36,939
in that big, thick head of yours.
26
00:01:36,982 --> 00:01:39,567
Come back to us, Hank.
27
00:01:39,609 --> 00:01:41,569
Your girls miss you.
28
00:01:51,413 --> 00:01:53,080
So, who are you talking to?
29
00:01:53,123 --> 00:01:56,584
Oh. Nobody. Professional hazard.
30
00:01:56,626 --> 00:01:59,378
What do you do?
31
00:01:59,421 --> 00:02:02,590
I'm a writer. Nonpractising.
32
00:02:03,967 --> 00:02:06,343
- I've got something you could read.
- Yeah?
33
00:02:15,478 --> 00:02:18,355
Oh. I think you have potential.
34
00:03:23,004 --> 00:03:25,005
- Hank.
- Bob.
35
00:03:25,048 --> 00:03:26,507
- Bill.
- Really?
36
00:03:26,549 --> 00:03:27,967
Becca doesn't want to see you.
37
00:03:28,009 --> 00:03:30,344
You looking for a cock punch?
Let me talk to her.
38
00:03:30,387 --> 00:03:32,388
Trust me, as the father
of a teenage daughter,
39
00:03:32,430 --> 00:03:35,182
just give her some space,
she'll come around.
40
00:03:35,225 --> 00:03:37,434
Shit. You know something... Bill, is it?
41
00:03:37,477 --> 00:03:38,727
Yep. Still Bill.
42
00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:40,646
Well, I appreciate the parenting advice,
43
00:03:40,689 --> 00:03:43,983
but maybe giving them too much space
is not such a good idea.
44
00:03:44,025 --> 00:03:47,653
Maybe too much space is actually
the root of the problem. Rebecca?
45
00:03:47,696 --> 00:03:50,030
My daughter is 16, and she's an angel.
46
00:03:50,073 --> 00:03:52,199
Clearly I'm doing something right.
47
00:03:52,242 --> 00:03:54,159
- Oh, you poor bastard.
- Excuse me?
48
00:03:54,202 --> 00:03:55,369
- Homo says what?
- What?
49
00:03:55,453 --> 00:03:57,121
Gotcha.
50
00:03:58,331 --> 00:04:00,874
What the fuck is that?
51
00:04:00,917 --> 00:04:03,085
Oh, you like it?
I could've bought a car instead.
52
00:04:03,169 --> 00:04:04,962
I think you should still buy the car
53
00:04:05,005 --> 00:04:07,172
and then run over
whoever created that turd.
54
00:04:07,215 --> 00:04:10,050
Everything OK here, boys?
55
00:04:10,093 --> 00:04:11,135
It's all good.
56
00:04:11,177 --> 00:04:13,804
It's all good? That's kind of a hip lingo.
57
00:04:13,847 --> 00:04:16,557
"It's all good. It's all good."
58
00:04:16,599 --> 00:04:18,684
Yeah, that's...
that's what they say, the kids.
59
00:04:18,727 --> 00:04:22,146
- I still hate you.
- Naturally.
60
00:04:22,188 --> 00:04:24,606
But I do want to see your movie.
61
00:04:24,649 --> 00:04:26,608
It's my book. It's not my movie.
62
00:04:26,651 --> 00:04:29,361
Not my problem. I like your movie.
63
00:04:29,404 --> 00:04:31,572
Oh, how is that even possible, honey?
64
00:04:31,614 --> 00:04:36,160
Because it proves you're not
the asshole they say you are.
65
00:04:38,121 --> 00:04:40,914
Cursing will cost you.
66
00:04:44,794 --> 00:04:46,337
Now who says I'm an asshole?
67
00:04:46,379 --> 00:04:48,088
Can we swap nights this weekend?
68
00:04:48,131 --> 00:04:49,882
We're having some people over
on Saturday,
69
00:04:49,924 --> 00:04:51,717
and I'd love for Becca to be there.
70
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,803
- Uncle Charlie and Aunt Marcy.
- Thank you, sweetie.
71
00:04:54,846 --> 00:04:57,890
Dad should come.
They're his friends, too.
72
00:04:57,932 --> 00:04:59,558
And Uncle Charlie's his agent.
73
00:04:59,601 --> 00:05:01,477
Maybe he has an offer for him.
74
00:05:01,561 --> 00:05:04,355
You're welcome to come, Hank.
75
00:05:04,397 --> 00:05:07,441
Absolutely. Hey, bring a date.
76
00:05:09,194 --> 00:05:11,403
- Bring a date.
- Earbuds.
77
00:05:14,491 --> 00:05:18,744
First of all, you could not handle me hitting
it off with somebody right in front of you.
78
00:05:18,787 --> 00:05:21,121
Oh, you're right.
It could be very painful.
79
00:05:21,164 --> 00:05:23,040
But I think I'll get through it.
80
00:05:23,083 --> 00:05:25,334
OK, so I take this to mean
the answer is no,
81
00:05:25,377 --> 00:05:27,336
that you're not going to marry me.
82
00:05:27,379 --> 00:05:28,837
Hank, I'm standing right here.
83
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,173
Did you ever stop and think
that it might be nice for Becca
84
00:05:31,216 --> 00:05:32,883
to see us all get along for a change?
85
00:05:32,926 --> 00:05:34,176
Yes, and it might be nice
86
00:05:34,219 --> 00:05:37,221
if I could fellate
myself while farting The White Album,
87
00:05:37,263 --> 00:05:39,598
but I haven't been able
to quite master that yet.
88
00:05:39,641 --> 00:05:40,974
Is he coming?
89
00:05:41,017 --> 00:05:43,769
Absolutely. What can I bring, Bob?
90
00:05:43,812 --> 00:05:47,022
Bill. Billy Bob. Whatever the fuck...
91
00:05:47,065 --> 00:05:48,816
That's not a "fuck," Becca.
92
00:05:55,698 --> 00:05:59,868
Your assistant makes me want
to touch myself in a bad place.
93
00:06:01,579 --> 00:06:02,996
That's nice.
94
00:06:03,039 --> 00:06:04,998
My assistant makes me
want to hang myself.
95
00:06:05,041 --> 00:06:08,001
- While masturbating?
- Are you retarded or something?
96
00:06:08,044 --> 00:06:10,546
Funky back tat on the small of the back.
97
00:06:10,588 --> 00:06:12,548
- You know what that means.
- No.
98
00:06:12,590 --> 00:06:16,176
- She likes it in the pooper.
- Really?
99
00:06:16,219 --> 00:06:18,512
I have no idea.
I just wanted to say "pooper".
100
00:06:18,555 --> 00:06:20,055
I have found that the back tat
101
00:06:20,098 --> 00:06:22,349
is a watermark
of the promiscuous, though.
102
00:06:22,392 --> 00:06:24,685
Doesn't change the fact
she's the world's worst assistant.
103
00:06:24,727 --> 00:06:26,812
She drops calls, she loses manuscripts,
104
00:06:26,855 --> 00:06:29,314
she can't even get
my fucking macchiato right.
105
00:06:29,357 --> 00:06:33,402
But... but she does seem
to have a nipple ring. Quite possibly two.
106
00:06:33,445 --> 00:06:36,405
There is something very cool
going on in that area.
107
00:06:36,489 --> 00:06:39,366
OK, OK. Enough
about my assistant's nipples.
108
00:06:39,409 --> 00:06:42,453
You want to talk some business?
How's the new book coming?
109
00:06:42,495 --> 00:06:44,455
Now, that's a hostile question.
110
00:06:44,497 --> 00:06:48,000
Hank, you have owed your publisher a book
since Becca was breast-feeding.
111
00:06:48,042 --> 00:06:50,419
I remember because I used
to like to watch Karen do that.
112
00:06:50,462 --> 00:06:52,296
Kiss my black ass.
113
00:06:54,090 --> 00:06:56,133
You need a fucking job.
114
00:06:56,176 --> 00:06:58,760
What? OK. What? What do you got?
115
00:06:58,803 --> 00:07:02,848
- Wait a minute. Listen. You hear that?
- What?
116
00:07:02,891 --> 00:07:05,434
That's the sound of my phone
not ringing for you.
117
00:07:05,477 --> 00:07:09,104
Hank, you have burned every bridge
I built for you with my bare hands.
118
00:07:09,147 --> 00:07:10,230
Except, of course...
119
00:07:10,273 --> 00:07:12,024
- No, don't say it.
- Hell-A magazine.
120
00:07:12,066 --> 00:07:13,775
They want you to blog for them.
121
00:07:13,818 --> 00:07:15,861
Just take the fucking meeting already!
122
00:07:15,904 --> 00:07:18,447
No! No! Let's ask Dani California.
123
00:07:19,365 --> 00:07:21,992
Hell-A magazine. Thoughts?
124
00:07:22,035 --> 00:07:24,161
You'd be perfect for them.
125
00:07:25,079 --> 00:07:26,163
Nipple ring?
126
00:07:26,206 --> 00:07:27,664
Two?
127
00:07:28,791 --> 00:07:30,667
Anywhere else?
128
00:07:31,211 --> 00:07:33,712
She's got a nose ring, too.
You know what that means.
129
00:07:33,755 --> 00:07:36,715
- What? She likes it in the nose?
- That is sick.
130
00:07:36,758 --> 00:07:41,887
Look around. LA needs you.
Now more than ever.
131
00:07:41,930 --> 00:07:46,600
Your voice is a shotgun blast
to all the pretentious fucks
132
00:07:46,643 --> 00:07:48,977
who pollute this once-great city of yours.
133
00:07:49,020 --> 00:07:52,356
Just so you know,
it's not and never will be my city.
134
00:07:52,398 --> 00:07:54,983
Use the blog, Hank.
135
00:07:55,026 --> 00:07:57,027
Channel your rage.
136
00:07:59,364 --> 00:08:03,951
You're a dying breed.
You're a real writer, a real man.
137
00:08:03,993 --> 00:08:06,912
You've got heart, balls, and swagger.
138
00:08:06,955 --> 00:08:09,623
Either way.
139
00:08:09,666 --> 00:08:12,501
Come over to the dark side, Hank.
140
00:08:12,544 --> 00:08:15,587
Join us at Hell-A magazine.
141
00:08:15,630 --> 00:08:17,923
I appreciate the enthusiasm. I do.
142
00:08:17,966 --> 00:08:22,261
- But I just... I don't have much to say.
- Think about it.
143
00:08:22,303 --> 00:08:24,429
Oh, where you going?
I thought I was the real deal.
144
00:08:24,472 --> 00:08:28,016
It's a shame I'm in a relationship.
145
00:08:28,101 --> 00:08:31,436
Write me something, Hank.
146
00:08:34,607 --> 00:08:37,234
- Good night.
- Good night.
147
00:08:46,452 --> 00:08:47,619
The airplane. Oh.
148
00:09:02,093 --> 00:09:04,845
- So, what do you think?
- Very little of substance.
149
00:09:06,723 --> 00:09:08,390
No.
150
00:09:08,433 --> 00:09:11,101
My tits. Seriously.
151
00:09:13,479 --> 00:09:16,398
They seem pretty
fucking groovy to me.
152
00:09:16,441 --> 00:09:18,984
- Think they're too small?
- Too small for what?
153
00:09:19,027 --> 00:09:20,694
- I want to make them bigger.
- No.
154
00:09:20,737 --> 00:09:24,865
They're absolutely almost perfect,
in every conceivable titty way.
155
00:09:25,742 --> 00:09:27,326
What about my lips?
156
00:09:29,162 --> 00:09:31,121
Highly kissable.
157
00:09:33,082 --> 00:09:35,083
Not those lips.
158
00:09:35,668 --> 00:09:38,503
- These.
- Oh...
159
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:43,342
What...
160
00:09:43,384 --> 00:09:45,802
What about them?
161
00:09:45,845 --> 00:09:47,638
Do you think they're too flappy?
162
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:51,058
- What's that? Flappy?
- Flappy?
163
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,310
I was thinking about
getting them fixed.
164
00:09:53,353 --> 00:09:55,896
Vaginal rejuvenation.
You heard about it?
165
00:09:55,938 --> 00:09:57,564
Get them trimmed up a little.
166
00:09:57,607 --> 00:10:00,609
That way they don't look like
day-old deli meat.
167
00:10:02,403 --> 00:10:04,863
Ooh. I think I just lost my manhood.
168
00:10:04,906 --> 00:10:07,240
And got hungry at the same time.
169
00:10:07,283 --> 00:10:09,159
I can help you find that.
170
00:10:10,036 --> 00:10:11,745
You can try.
171
00:10:24,592 --> 00:10:27,928
- Hey, this is you.
- Oh. I thought you recognized me.
172
00:10:27,970 --> 00:10:29,930
I'm not a big porn guy, actually.
173
00:10:29,972 --> 00:10:32,015
And who might that be?
174
00:10:32,058 --> 00:10:36,186
- Oh, that's my daughter.
- Do you need to go... see to her?
175
00:10:36,229 --> 00:10:41,066
It's OK. She'll quiet down.
Don't worry about it.
176
00:10:43,403 --> 00:10:45,445
Go be with your daughter.
177
00:10:47,281 --> 00:10:50,534
I'm gonna have to confiscate
this for further study.
178
00:11:09,178 --> 00:11:10,971
Piece of shit.
179
00:11:15,101 --> 00:11:17,644
"Hell-A magazine blog number one.
180
00:11:17,687 --> 00:11:20,147
"Hank hates you all.
181
00:11:20,231 --> 00:11:22,607
"A few things I've learned in my travels
182
00:11:22,650 --> 00:11:24,693
"through this crazy little thing called life...
183
00:11:24,736 --> 00:11:26,987
"One... a morning of awkwardness
184
00:11:27,029 --> 00:11:30,031
"is far better than a night of loneliness.
185
00:11:30,074 --> 00:11:32,784
"Two... I probably won't go down in history,
186
00:11:32,827 --> 00:11:35,120
"but I will go down on your sister.
187
00:11:35,163 --> 00:11:37,247
And three... while I'm down there,
188
00:11:37,290 --> 00:11:40,459
"it might be nice to see a hint of pubis.
189
00:11:40,501 --> 00:11:43,670
"I'm not talking about a huge
'70s Playboy bush or anything,
190
00:11:43,713 --> 00:11:45,005
"just something that reminds me
191
00:11:45,047 --> 00:11:48,592
that I'm performing
cunnilingus on an adult.
192
00:11:48,634 --> 00:11:51,136
"But I guess
the larger question is,
193
00:11:51,179 --> 00:11:54,264
"why is the City of Angels so hell-bent
194
00:11:54,307 --> 00:11:57,225
"on destroying its female population?"
195
00:12:18,915 --> 00:12:20,373
Jesus H. Christ.
196
00:12:23,544 --> 00:12:26,630
Nope. Just little old me.
197
00:12:26,672 --> 00:12:30,175
Are you OK? You look a little pale.
198
00:12:30,218 --> 00:12:32,427
You're not gonna have
a heart attack, are you?
199
00:12:32,470 --> 00:12:34,012
You are getting on in years.
200
00:12:34,055 --> 00:12:37,599
Just because I'm older than you,
doesn't necessarily make me old.
201
00:12:37,642 --> 00:12:40,977
- Well, I am 16, you know.
- So I've been told.
202
00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:43,522
What's the word for that again?
203
00:12:43,564 --> 00:12:46,274
Oh, yeah. It's statutory rape.
204
00:12:46,317 --> 00:12:47,901
That's two words.
205
00:12:47,944 --> 00:12:49,694
Hi, Daddy.
206
00:12:50,530 --> 00:12:53,990
Honey, put some clothes on, OK?
We have company.
207
00:12:54,033 --> 00:12:57,327
Well, I'm sure it's nothing
he hasn't seen before.
208
00:12:57,370 --> 00:12:59,830
- Hank.
- Tim.
209
00:12:59,872 --> 00:13:03,291
- Thanks for coming.
- Thanks for having me.
210
00:13:03,334 --> 00:13:06,211
- It's my pleasure.
- Oh, the pleasure is all mine.
211
00:13:06,254 --> 00:13:09,214
I think this is...
212
00:13:09,257 --> 00:13:12,467
an important first step
we're taking here.
213
00:13:12,510 --> 00:13:14,094
Really? What step is that?
214
00:13:14,136 --> 00:13:16,012
The one where I sit back and watch
215
00:13:16,055 --> 00:13:18,473
as you try to steal my family
out from under me?
216
00:13:18,516 --> 00:13:20,767
It's not gonna happen.
217
00:13:20,810 --> 00:13:23,395
Game on, brohem.
218
00:13:23,437 --> 00:13:25,188
Hey. You didn't have to do that.
219
00:13:25,231 --> 00:13:28,608
I didn't. It's for me. Sorry about that.
220
00:13:29,569 --> 00:13:31,987
Hank, Sonja.
221
00:13:32,029 --> 00:13:33,488
Sonja, Hank.
222
00:13:33,531 --> 00:13:36,324
Hi. I love your writing.
223
00:13:36,367 --> 00:13:38,285
And I love you.
224
00:13:38,327 --> 00:13:41,371
I read your adaptation way back
when Soderbergh was gonna do it.
225
00:13:41,414 --> 00:13:44,207
- I fucking loved it.
- Hey, my salad days.
226
00:13:44,250 --> 00:13:46,626
You and I are gonna get along just fine.
227
00:13:46,669 --> 00:13:49,379
I'm sorry. Honey?
Can I borrow the missus for a moment?
228
00:13:49,422 --> 00:13:52,632
- Yeah.
- Can I talk to you?
229
00:13:52,675 --> 00:13:55,468
- What the fuck are you doing?
- What do you mean?
230
00:13:55,511 --> 00:13:58,138
You're trying to set me up
with this woman.
231
00:13:58,180 --> 00:13:59,973
I thought it might be nice for you
232
00:14:00,016 --> 00:14:02,225
to have a playdate
with someone your own age.
233
00:14:02,268 --> 00:14:05,937
- And what if we get along swimmingly?
- Hankie.
234
00:14:05,980 --> 00:14:08,773
I had to leave you, remember?
235
00:14:08,816 --> 00:14:10,650
I'm not holding a torch here.
236
00:14:10,693 --> 00:14:13,403
And you need to get on with your life.
237
00:14:13,446 --> 00:14:16,865
And you need to get in touch
with your emotions, woman.
238
00:14:20,995 --> 00:14:24,539
He says he's not used to dating.
239
00:14:33,007 --> 00:14:34,382
Nobody likes you.
240
00:14:34,425 --> 00:14:37,552
You're ugly and your mother
dresses you funny.
241
00:14:37,595 --> 00:14:40,055
Now smile, you fucking douche.
242
00:15:08,209 --> 00:15:12,045
- Dad? Dad?
- Yes.
243
00:15:12,088 --> 00:15:14,089
- Can I get a dog?
- Absolutely. Yes.
244
00:15:14,131 --> 00:15:19,177
- As long as it poops here.
- We'll talk about it, honey.
245
00:15:20,388 --> 00:15:22,013
I'm sorry, Hank. My apologies.
246
00:15:22,056 --> 00:15:24,099
That's fine, Bill. She's very sweet.
247
00:15:24,141 --> 00:15:26,893
Well, I'd like to propose a toast.
248
00:15:26,936 --> 00:15:28,186
To friends...
249
00:15:30,064 --> 00:15:33,483
...family, a new beginning...
250
00:15:33,526 --> 00:15:36,236
- And a happy ending.
- Well said, honey.
251
00:15:36,278 --> 00:15:38,738
- I'll drink to that.
- Cheers.
252
00:15:38,781 --> 00:15:42,283
Cheers, cheers.
253
00:15:42,326 --> 00:15:45,662
So, how did you and Bill meet?
254
00:15:45,705 --> 00:15:48,289
I don't think this is
the right setting for that...
255
00:15:48,332 --> 00:15:51,292
I think this is the perfect
setting for that story.
256
00:15:51,335 --> 00:15:54,629
Bill hired Karen to redo
his place... this place.
257
00:15:54,672 --> 00:15:59,759
And along the way, they talked Zen
And The Art Of The Mid-Life Crisis
258
00:15:59,802 --> 00:16:02,721
and eventually
fell head over heels in love.
259
00:16:02,763 --> 00:16:05,348
In Karen's case, heels over head.
260
00:16:05,391 --> 00:16:07,851
And Bill got another trophy for his mantel,
261
00:16:07,893 --> 00:16:12,439
and Karen got to move
into her own Barbie dream house.
262
00:16:12,481 --> 00:16:15,025
Talk about being the architect
of your very own...
263
00:16:15,067 --> 00:16:16,609
happy ending.
264
00:16:16,652 --> 00:16:19,612
- Got it.
- That's a bit of an oversimplification, Hank.
265
00:16:19,655 --> 00:16:22,157
- But I'm not surprised.
- Floor is all yours, Bill.
266
00:16:22,199 --> 00:16:25,035
- I'll pass.
- That doesn't surprise me.
267
00:16:25,077 --> 00:16:26,327
How did you and Karen meet?
268
00:16:26,370 --> 00:16:29,289
- Mia, I don't think...
- Some other time, sweetie.
269
00:16:29,331 --> 00:16:31,332
- What? I'm curious.
- Me too.
270
00:16:31,375 --> 00:16:33,209
Karen's not a big fan of memory lane.
271
00:16:33,252 --> 00:16:35,670
- I'll tell it.
- Rebecca.
272
00:16:35,713 --> 00:16:39,549
Mom was going to art school and playing
bass in this downtown noise band.
273
00:16:39,592 --> 00:16:42,052
Dad had just published his first novel.
274
00:16:42,094 --> 00:16:44,387
They met cute at...
what was it called again?
275
00:16:44,430 --> 00:16:46,097
- CBGBs.
- Right.
276
00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:48,183
He thought she was pretentious,
277
00:16:48,225 --> 00:16:51,311
and she thought he was
way too pleased with himself.
278
00:16:51,353 --> 00:16:53,354
But they had sex anyway.
279
00:16:53,397 --> 00:16:55,774
In the morning, he made her breakfast,
280
00:16:55,816 --> 00:16:57,942
and she talked about her plan
to move to Seattle
281
00:16:57,985 --> 00:17:01,154
- so she could stalk and marry...
- Chris Cornell.
282
00:17:01,197 --> 00:17:05,408
Right. But then she read Dad's writing.
283
00:17:05,493 --> 00:17:06,576
And that was it.
284
00:17:07,703 --> 00:17:10,413
Nine months later, I was born.
285
00:17:10,456 --> 00:17:12,791
They never got married, of course.
286
00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:16,878
But they stayed together a long time.
287
00:17:16,962 --> 00:17:20,006
A lot longer than most people do.
288
00:17:25,513 --> 00:17:30,016
Oh, my boyfriend's here. I got to go.
Bye, Daddy.
289
00:17:30,059 --> 00:17:31,142
Oh! Bye.
290
00:17:31,185 --> 00:17:33,394
- Good night.
- Good night.
291
00:17:33,437 --> 00:17:34,771
- Bye, honey.
- So long.
292
00:17:34,814 --> 00:17:38,108
I wish I could tell an interesting story
about my me and my ex,
293
00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:41,319
but it's really just LA cliché number 4b.
294
00:17:41,362 --> 00:17:43,655
He was sleeping with his assistant.
295
00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:45,490
Oh, shit. That happens.
296
00:17:45,533 --> 00:17:47,534
- His name was Ted.
- Your husband?
297
00:17:47,576 --> 00:17:49,410
His assistant.
298
00:17:50,913 --> 00:17:52,956
- Could be worse.
- Really? How so?
299
00:17:52,998 --> 00:17:55,959
Well, instead of finding out
your husband was gay,
300
00:17:56,001 --> 00:18:00,171
you could've found out
that he was a...
301
00:18:00,214 --> 00:18:03,758
Scientologist or something like that.
302
00:18:03,801 --> 00:18:06,136
I'm a Scientologist, Hank.
303
00:18:08,681 --> 00:18:10,140
Or a Nazi.
304
00:18:11,433 --> 00:18:13,685
Or al-Qaeda.
305
00:18:14,478 --> 00:18:15,895
Keep trying.
306
00:18:15,938 --> 00:18:18,273
See, this is what I love
about LA, is the diversity.
307
00:18:18,315 --> 00:18:20,358
I bet you do.
308
00:18:20,401 --> 00:18:23,027
The Eagles!
309
00:18:23,070 --> 00:18:25,697
Oh. Eagles Of Death Metal.
310
00:18:25,739 --> 00:18:27,824
Cool. Right on.
311
00:18:27,908 --> 00:18:30,118
I liked having you here tonight.
312
00:18:30,161 --> 00:18:34,205
- Well, I liked being here tonight.
- Bullshit.
313
00:18:34,248 --> 00:18:39,002
Oh. It's a pleasure doing business with you.
314
00:18:39,044 --> 00:18:40,962
I hate to burst your bubble, sweetie,
315
00:18:41,005 --> 00:18:43,673
but that movie has nothing
to do with your old man.
316
00:18:43,716 --> 00:18:45,008
Of course it does.
317
00:18:45,050 --> 00:18:48,052
Your novel, while very much
an exercise in nihilism,
318
00:18:48,095 --> 00:18:50,096
is firmly rooted in romanticism.
319
00:18:50,139 --> 00:18:52,765
You read the novel?
320
00:18:52,808 --> 00:18:54,684
Oh, Jesus fuck.
321
00:19:00,983 --> 00:19:03,693
You shouldn't take the Lord's
name in vain, you know.
322
00:19:03,736 --> 00:19:06,362
- Where'd you get that old chestnut?
- Bill.
323
00:19:06,405 --> 00:19:08,990
I was wearing
my Cradle Of Filth t-shirt.
324
00:19:09,033 --> 00:19:11,576
The one that says
"Jesus was a C-word" on the back.
325
00:19:11,619 --> 00:19:13,161
That's my girl.
326
00:19:14,413 --> 00:19:17,957
But I do pray sometimes. Sort of.
327
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,126
What do you pray for?
328
00:19:20,169 --> 00:19:21,836
That you and Mom work out your shit
329
00:19:21,879 --> 00:19:24,797
and we move back to New York.
330
00:19:26,425 --> 00:19:31,346
No, honey. You don't owe me
anything for that one.
331
00:19:31,388 --> 00:19:33,181
- Dad?
- Yeah?
332
00:19:33,265 --> 00:19:35,183
Are you OK?
333
00:19:40,105 --> 00:19:41,731
No.
334
00:19:41,774 --> 00:19:44,108
But I'm working on it.
335
00:19:45,694 --> 00:19:48,905
Can I get a dog?
336
00:19:48,948 --> 00:19:50,907
Oh, you're good.
337
00:19:50,950 --> 00:19:52,617
You're good.
338
00:20:01,001 --> 00:20:02,418
Son-ja.
339
00:20:02,461 --> 00:20:05,546
Hey, look, I'm sorry
about before... what I said.
340
00:20:05,589 --> 00:20:08,216
I don't know what the fuck
I'm talking about half the time.
341
00:20:08,259 --> 00:20:11,636
- Ask anybody. They'll tell you.
- No worries. No worries.
342
00:20:12,388 --> 00:20:15,932
You want... you want to...
you want to get fucked up?
343
00:20:22,898 --> 00:20:24,524
Why are you so smiley?
344
00:20:24,566 --> 00:20:26,567
There's nothing quite like getting stoned
345
00:20:26,610 --> 00:20:32,073
on the very bed that your ex-domestic
partner shares with her fiancé.
346
00:20:32,116 --> 00:20:34,826
It's the little things.
347
00:20:36,287 --> 00:20:39,831
- Could you do me a favour?
- Absolutely.
348
00:20:45,379 --> 00:20:47,380
Tell me what you think.
349
00:20:51,927 --> 00:20:55,638
- Honestly?
- Yeah. Honestly.
350
00:20:55,681 --> 00:20:58,933
I'm 40-something years old.
351
00:20:58,976 --> 00:21:02,687
I don't have time to play games.
I need to know the truth.
352
00:21:05,065 --> 00:21:09,986
Well, your breasts are obviously real.
353
00:21:10,029 --> 00:21:14,949
And, um, you have an abundance
of pubic hair,
354
00:21:14,992 --> 00:21:17,827
which is really nice.
355
00:21:19,413 --> 00:21:23,249
And, um, there's no evidence
of vaginal rejuvenation.
356
00:21:23,292 --> 00:21:26,544
I'd say aside from the fact
that you worship a space alien,
357
00:21:26,587 --> 00:21:29,088
you just might be the most
beautiful woman I've seen
358
00:21:29,131 --> 00:21:31,174
in a long, long time.
359
00:21:32,384 --> 00:21:34,510
Thank you.
360
00:21:34,595 --> 00:21:37,263
It's my pleasure.
361
00:21:39,016 --> 00:21:42,393
- Would you do me another favour?
- Yeah.
362
00:21:42,436 --> 00:21:44,437
Would you fuck me?
363
00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:47,523
My husband recently left me
for a guy named Ted,
364
00:21:47,566 --> 00:21:49,942
and right now all I want to do
is get fucked stupid
365
00:21:49,985 --> 00:21:52,195
by a guy who actually likes women.
366
00:21:52,237 --> 00:21:53,946
If that's OK with you.
367
00:21:54,656 --> 00:21:56,741
Well, I'd be lying
if I said I never wondered
368
00:21:56,784 --> 00:21:59,911
what it might be like
to violate a Scientologist.
369
00:22:01,747 --> 00:22:06,292
You must be looking like
Art Garfunkel down there lately.
370
00:22:06,335 --> 00:22:08,086
Oh, my God. You're obsessed.
371
00:22:08,128 --> 00:22:11,381
Well, you haven't been in
for a wax in months.
372
00:22:11,423 --> 00:22:14,384
So either you're taking
your lady business elsewhere
373
00:22:14,426 --> 00:22:17,512
or you're sporting
a ginormous hippie bush.
374
00:22:17,554 --> 00:22:20,973
I hate that shit.
I just came to keep you in business.
375
00:22:22,101 --> 00:22:25,561
And I just want you to be happy
and hair-free.
376
00:22:25,604 --> 00:22:28,481
Well, I am happy.
377
00:22:28,524 --> 00:22:31,025
Thank you very much.
378
00:22:32,611 --> 00:22:35,363
Are you sure you're not
making a deal with the devil
379
00:22:35,406 --> 00:22:37,281
that your ass can't cash?
380
00:22:37,324 --> 00:22:39,534
What does that even mean?
381
00:22:41,495 --> 00:22:46,582
What?
382
00:22:46,625 --> 00:22:49,419
Are you totally serious
about marrying this guy?
383
00:22:49,461 --> 00:22:51,879
- Yes.
- Why?
384
00:22:51,922 --> 00:22:55,425
I love him. He loves me.
He's great with Becca.
385
00:22:55,467 --> 00:22:59,220
- I mean, what else is there?
- What about Hank?
386
00:22:59,263 --> 00:23:02,557
- What about him?
- He loves you.
387
00:23:02,599 --> 00:23:04,767
He's trying to get his shit together.
388
00:23:04,810 --> 00:23:07,019
He has been trying
to get his shit together
389
00:23:07,062 --> 00:23:09,272
since the day we first met.
390
00:23:10,858 --> 00:23:15,611
And the sex with Bill? Is it good?
391
00:23:17,156 --> 00:23:19,490
Yeah. It's different, you know?
392
00:23:21,410 --> 00:23:22,869
Come on.
393
00:23:24,121 --> 00:23:27,373
- I want to show you my house.
- Oh, my God.
394
00:23:28,876 --> 00:23:31,043
My house is my art.
395
00:23:33,505 --> 00:23:37,049
I don't think Tom and Katie would approve
of what we're doing right now.
396
00:23:37,092 --> 00:23:40,178
- Oh, God. Shut up and fuck me already.
- Are you clear yet?
397
00:23:40,220 --> 00:23:42,513
Shut up and fuck me.
398
00:23:42,556 --> 00:23:45,141
You are one kinky Thetan.
399
00:23:55,152 --> 00:23:56,235
Are you OK?
400
00:24:04,620 --> 00:24:06,996
Oh. OK.
401
00:24:07,581 --> 00:24:08,623
Right.
402
00:24:22,262 --> 00:24:23,471
Oh, God.
403
00:24:23,514 --> 00:24:25,097
Jesus.
404
00:24:33,148 --> 00:24:34,440
My painting.
405
00:24:34,483 --> 00:24:37,443
It's all good. We got it under control.
406
00:24:41,448 --> 00:24:42,782
It's all good.
407
00:24:45,077 --> 00:24:47,245
OK. We're so high!
408
00:24:47,287 --> 00:24:49,080
I don't know what happened.
409
00:25:02,803 --> 00:25:04,679
You look like ass.
410
00:25:06,181 --> 00:25:08,808
Did we just have sex?
411
00:25:12,479 --> 00:25:16,649
- What do you want from me?
- Isn't it obvious?
412
00:25:19,027 --> 00:25:23,990
What happened the other night
will never, ever happen again.
413
00:25:24,074 --> 00:25:26,075
And why is that?
414
00:25:26,159 --> 00:25:28,619
Because it's sick and wrong.
415
00:25:28,662 --> 00:25:31,872
Well, maybe I'm in the minority here,
416
00:25:31,915 --> 00:25:35,167
but I just don't think
there's anything sick and wrong
417
00:25:35,210 --> 00:25:38,337
about a little fucking and punching
between consenting adults.
418
00:25:38,380 --> 00:25:41,424
You're not an adult, for one.
419
00:25:41,466 --> 00:25:44,051
You dirty old man.
420
00:25:46,722 --> 00:25:49,056
Well, I guess I'll just have
to get out my vibrator
421
00:25:49,141 --> 00:25:50,766
and read your blog.
422
00:25:50,809 --> 00:25:54,645
That's cool. Then it won't be
a total waste of time.
423
00:25:54,688 --> 00:25:56,814
I thought it was cool.
424
00:25:56,857 --> 00:26:00,735
I was like, "Hey, I totally fucked that guy."
425
00:26:04,823 --> 00:26:07,700
- Must be weird, though.
- What?
426
00:26:07,743 --> 00:26:11,078
Becoming the employee of a man
you so clearly hate.
427
00:26:11,121 --> 00:26:14,290
What are you talking about?
428
00:26:14,916 --> 00:26:18,878
My father.
He owns Hell-A magazine.
429
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:21,589
Mia, is that you?
430
00:26:21,632 --> 00:26:24,383
Coming, Daddy.
431
00:26:37,731 --> 00:26:41,025
Always a pleasure.
32386