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Here we go.
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It's starting!
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00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,200
Thank you for coming, everyone!
4
00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:51,720
Hello.
5
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,680
I'm the main character.
6
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:55,200
This is my story.
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No! Not her.
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There I am - the hero!
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My name is Sara Pascoe,
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and I'm going to destroy
your faith in love.
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MARIACHI MUSIC PLAYS
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Hey.
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Yes? I was here the other night.
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So, I was telling you
about my sister.
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You were so nice.
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I can't give you
any more free stuff.
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No. Erm...
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I just wanted to let you know
that she doesn't have cancer.
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00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,440
That wasn't her big news.
That's good.
20
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,360
Though, she might have it
and not know it yet.
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00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:53,640
Any of us might.
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00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:56,400
When was your last smear test?
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00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:57,600
What do you want?
24
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:58,920
To say thank you.
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Would you like anything to eat?
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Do YOU want something?
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Go on! Anything you'd like.
28
00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,160
You're asking me to order food?
29
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,800
The special is spicy rice
and black beans.
30
00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,560
I'm glad your sister's OK.
31
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:14,080
She got engaged.
32
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:16,120
We have to stop her!
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SHE CHUCKLES
I'm joking.
34
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,600
Haven't you got friends
you can talk to about this?
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00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:24,280
My best friend's name
is also Sara.
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00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:25,680
Like me.
37
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:28,640
My name's Sara,
and Sara's name is Sara.
38
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:31,080
Sara Cooper.
So we call her Scoopy.
39
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,840
I've rung her 13 times
and she hasn't answered.
40
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I think she's at her job.
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Scoopy's a cosmetic surgeon,
so she has to concentrate.
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PATRON CLEARS THROAT
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She says, I have to learn...
PATRON: Come on.
44
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,200
..to respect people's boundaries
and not turn up at their workplace
45
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,360
to go on and on about myself
and my latest calamity.
46
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:52,800
Yeah. OK. Bye.
47
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Scoopy's married, too.
48
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Why?
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00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:01,040
She has me.
50
00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,440
Thank you for FINALLY
getting back to me.
51
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:06,600
It is quite a bloody big deal.
52
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:07,760
Can I have a yoghurt?
53
00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,080
Eat them all. They're so disgusting.
I don't know why I buy them.
54
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,840
I don't think that you understand
the weight of what happened.
55
00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,160
Lucy told me it was bad.
56
00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,000
She shoved the ring in my face
all proud,
57
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,560
and I took a deep breath
and I said,
58
00:03:18,560 --> 00:03:20,840
"Don't worry, I'm not going to say
the wrong thing."
59
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:22,800
Yeah, right. Like when I told you
I was pregnant?
60
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,720
I'll never even see you again!
61
00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,960
The baby will always
want to see you!
62
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,440
I'm over the baby now.
I'm being really mature.
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00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:32,760
Are you? Can I home-school it?
64
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:34,240
No.
65
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,600
Your belly is getting bigger
and bigger, and it feels
66
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,480
like it's pushing me away.
67
00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:47,800
So, what happened with Lucy?
68
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,440
I'm getting married!
69
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:03,000
D...
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00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,840
I was trying so hard
not to say the wrong thing
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00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,200
that I couldn't say anything.
72
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,800
It's good that you're trying.
Do you have any spoons?
73
00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,320
I am trying.
74
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,720
Why didn't you just say,
"Congratulations, Lucy"?
75
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:26,560
I didn't think of that. There were
so many things I was suppressing.
76
00:04:26,560 --> 00:04:28,480
I didn't want to bring up
conflict in the Congo,
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00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,040
and how problematic diamonds are.
78
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,240
Where are your spoons?
Even though they are.
79
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,040
OK. Can you say something, though?
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00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:38,400
You've been staring at
my hand for eight minutes.
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00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:40,800
Yeah...
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Spoon.
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Diamonds are
shining beads of bloodshed.
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00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:46,320
That's not engagement chat!
85
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:48,960
Yeah. Also, I decided not to tell
her what I thought when I looked
86
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:50,560
at her hand, which was,
87
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,560
"Oh, God, we're all skeletons
with meat on us."
88
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,120
Wow. I'm really trying to hear
things in my head first,
89
00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,640
like you recommended.
90
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,600
Do you want to move back in?
91
00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,800
No. You can. I don't mind.
92
00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:17,200
I'll tell Steve for you.
93
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,440
What, that I'm leaving him?
94
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,440
You tried it. It didn't work out.
95
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:23,680
We could call the baby Sara
after both of us.
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00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:25,280
You don't have any spoons.
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00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,840
Is that the only reason?
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00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,280
Because I will get some.
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00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:31,120
I don't know why you're finding
Lucy's engagement so hard.
100
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,920
Like...just be happy for people.
101
00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,000
Why? Because you care about them.
102
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,080
No, that's what I said to her.
103
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,680
Why?
104
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:41,920
Cos we love each other, and we...
Why?
105
00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,160
Can you...can you just listen to me?
106
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:46,040
Stefan and I, we're just...
I don't know,
107
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,640
we're just meant to be together.
108
00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:48,880
Yeah, but why?
109
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,200
Because we want to.
110
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,920
Yes. But why?
111
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,880
Give me one good reason.
112
00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,120
He makes me feel amazing.
113
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:58,480
So? Loads of stuff makes you feel
amazing. You're being a baby.
114
00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,240
Getting free crisps from the vending
machine makes you feel amazing.
115
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,000
This isn't about crisps. And then...
This is about the rest of my life.
116
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,040
..they didn't drop down
because you'd stolen them.
117
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,880
Oh, my God. You need to get
over that. I was nine.
118
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,080
It's the principle.
119
00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:11,720
MOCKINGLY: Ha-ha!
Oh, you need to grow up.
120
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,520
I honestly thought, out of
all of the people in the world
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00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:16,920
you'd get it.
122
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:21,000
What happened to you
doesn't happen to everyone.
123
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,280
What happened to me?
124
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,640
Enlightenment.
125
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,160
Seeing the truth.
126
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:27,480
I really fancy some crisps now.
127
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,640
I'm trying to protect you, Lucy.
128
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,320
There's absolutely
no logical reason to marry anyone.
129
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,400
Spare me the lecture. All right?
130
00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,240
Which gave me an idea.
131
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,600
I should give my sister a
persuasive, well-constructed lecture
132
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,160
to persuade her not to get married.
133
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:51,040
Dopamine, phenethylamine,
oxytocin and vasopressin.
134
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:53,800
These are some of the hormones
and neurotransmitters
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00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,520
that we feel as love.
136
00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:58,560
Dopamine motivates us.
137
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:01,720
It makes us obsessed with
the objects of our affections,
138
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:04,960
whether that's Adam or Eve or Steve.
139
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,800
Then, once we're paired up,
140
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,840
phenethylamine makes us
buzzy and blissful -
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00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:12,320
can't sleep, can't eat,
142
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:13,960
can't stop boring others
143
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,480
with how happy you are,
how the world has more colours now,
144
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,960
how music really means something.
145
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,160
This is not because
you have finally met the one -
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00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,240
it's your brain on phenethylamine.
147
00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,640
By all means, enjoy it, because...
148
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..it wears off.
149
00:07:28,120 --> 00:07:31,640
SHOP ANNOUNCEMENT: Today's special
in aisle 5 is snake meat.
150
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Tastes just like chicken.
151
00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:37,520
But thanks to the vasopressin and
oxytocin that are released by sex
152
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:41,120
and intimacy, bonding may
continue for many years.
153
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:46,640
This is what I wanted to explain
to Lucy.
154
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,240
Though we call it love,
155
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:51,480
it's really just a set of
biological triggers and responses.
156
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:54,640
It's no more romantic than
digestion and excretion,
157
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,320
but I had to tell her that really
quickly because she was leaving.
158
00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:58,560
I had to condense it into...
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00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,600
"Your relationship is shit."
160
00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:05,040
CUSTOMERS GIGGLE
161
00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:09,000
It came out wrong.
162
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:14,560
Did you ever get me tested
for autism?
163
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,760
Maybe I'm on the spectrum, and
everyone's being really mean to me.
164
00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:20,200
Sara, really, shut up.
165
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:24,320
Mum! Stop finding yourself so
fascinating and help me find the...
166
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,360
What?
167
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,040
You just stopped halfway through
a sentence. No, I didn't.
168
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:35,640
Is this the menopause?
169
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,720
Can't find them. What?
170
00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:42,480
My photo albums from when
I married your dad.
171
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,160
I need them for inspiration.
172
00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:46,920
Didn't you do a fire ritual?
173
00:08:46,920 --> 00:08:49,880
I've got to start planning.
You burned them all, Mum.
174
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:51,840
And I'm not menopausal.
175
00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:53,320
Er, I think you are.
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00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:57,400
DOORBELL CHIMES
Oh, the bride to be!
177
00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,160
Shit.
178
00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:00,480
Oh!
179
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,920
You promised she wouldn't be here!
180
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,160
Congratulations, Lucy!
181
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,360
She just turned up.
I didn't invite her.
182
00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:14,280
Mum! Well, you did.
I am allowed to come round.
183
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,520
I wanted to apologise to you, Lucy.
Cos Scoops told you to.
184
00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:19,360
Because I didn't react correctly.
185
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,440
She said you didn't have
any cutlery in your house.
186
00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:22,600
She's my friend.
187
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:23,800
Can you stop texting her?
188
00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,240
Get your own friend!
189
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,200
I don't have any friends.
190
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,160
They just sleep with your husband.
191
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,640
Give me your hand.
192
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,680
Congratulations and well done.
193
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:38,720
You're going to be someone's wife.
Stefan's!
194
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,040
Yeah, I know. Why do you have to
bring him up all the time?
195
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,120
Oh, God.
196
00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,560
Glass.
197
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:51,080
By the way, Luce, if Stefan ever
sleeps with one of your friends...
198
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,480
Mum! .. or anyone else,
for that matter...
199
00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:56,360
Mum! ..I'll castrate him.
200
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,560
Mum, he wouldn't.
201
00:09:57,560 --> 00:09:59,240
And I've told him that.
202
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,960
Well, Facebooked him.
203
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:02,920
Stefan wouldn't do that.
204
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:04,920
Not now he's seen my status update.
205
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,360
Actually, Lucy, now that
I've got you, I wanted to explain
206
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,600
to you about the chemicals.
207
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:09,680
Oh, here she goes.
208
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:12,360
It's just your body
making you feel things.
209
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:13,720
It's not real.
210
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,760
It's like...
My feelings aren't real?
211
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,560
They're real feelings.
212
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:21,000
What I mean to say is
they're not special.
213
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,960
You wanted to get married once.
214
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:24,560
No, I didn't.
215
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:25,920
No flashback!
216
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:27,440
Mum, you're talking nonsense.
217
00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:28,920
She must be really drunk.
218
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,840
Stick your fingers down your throat.
That is rude! YOU'RE rude!
219
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:34,280
Thanks for the engagement party,
guys.
220
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:38,200
So far we've covered
my partner's undoubted infidelity,
221
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,720
and how unspecial my emotions are.
222
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:41,760
So...
223
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,600
SARCASTICALLY: Yeah! Oh, Lucy.
224
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,680
I never thought I'd get married.
225
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,800
I didn't think this would happen.
226
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,920
I never thought
I'd get married again.
227
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,720
Mum, you haven't got remarried.
228
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,040
I know.
229
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:57,440
I'd like to.
230
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:05,400
Do you know, you two always,
without fail, make me feel worse?
231
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,760
Lucy, all I'm saying is
if it can happen for you,
232
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,320
it can happen for anyone.
233
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,160
I brought you these crisps
to apologise. Oh, that's...
234
00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:15,120
I'm going to be so nice,
235
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:18,040
and make so much effort.
It's going to be the best.
236
00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,400
And if you give me the crisps back
237
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,520
then we're even for
the ones you stole.
238
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:24,680
She's... Mum!
239
00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:27,680
SHE LAUGHS
240
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:31,760
OFF-SCREEN:
Other people just ruin everything.
241
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,560
Ah, that's better.
242
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:35,680
Alone. Cosy.
243
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,640
Reading my intellectual literature.
244
00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,560
No, no, no, I'm not
being haunted by the past.
245
00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:46,400
No, I'm reading. I'm...
I'm not thinking about him.
246
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,000
I'm... No. No.
247
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,120
Yes, concentrate,
there's a path and...
248
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:51,920
Oh, a lovely forest. Oh, very green,
249
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,520
and...is that a badger coming...?
250
00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:54,960
It's over, Sara.
251
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:57,600
I can't do this.
252
00:11:58,640 --> 00:11:59,920
Don't hate me.
253
00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:02,840
I'm a really great guy.
254
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:04,160
I said no flashback!
255
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:10,400
My back story of exquisite pain
and rejection has nothing to do
256
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,640
with my current position
of extreme cynicism.
257
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,560
Hey!
258
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:19,600
Don't worry,
I'm not here to buy anything.
259
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,400
You don't understand restaurants.
260
00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,960
Hold on a sec.
261
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,960
Here. You made me a card?
262
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:26,840
No. You're a lonely lady.
263
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,560
I'm not lonely. I'm a...lone.
264
00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:32,120
Although, I did ask Scoopy to move
back in, so maybe I am ready...
265
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:33,360
This isn't a card.
266
00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,640
..to get a pet. It's a leaflet
about cervical cancer.
267
00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:38,280
What's that?
268
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:41,320
I was just telling Luna how it's
possible to be contentedly whole
269
00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:42,920
without being in a relationship.
270
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:44,560
Oh, yeah, definitely.
271
00:12:44,560 --> 00:12:48,240
Just get your vibrator, and, then,
like, fix your car yourself, innit?
272
00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:52,240
Is that a question? Ever since,
like, Beyonce and learning to vote,
273
00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:53,360
sky's the limit, innit?
274
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:54,640
Yeah?
275
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,560
I'm going to be five minutes.
Will you cover for me?
276
00:12:57,560 --> 00:12:59,720
You're the boss. Ah, cheers, bro.
277
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,200
Actually, my literal boss.
278
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:02,680
See you in an hour.
279
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:05,680
WHISPERING:
Is that your boyfriend?
280
00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,600
Because we're both black?
281
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,560
Oh, no. No, sorry.
282
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,240
For what?
Asking personal questions?
283
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,000
OK. I think I can hear my bus. Bye!
284
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:17,520
He's my ex.
285
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:18,880
We've all been there.
286
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,800
Ooooooh.
287
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,200
Now we work together.
288
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,000
Oh, no! And he's seeing my friend...
289
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,680
No! ..who I used to be in love with.
290
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,120
Shit, girl!
291
00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,720
What kind of place do you think this
is? Get your shoes off the counter!
292
00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:33,640
Sorry.
293
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:35,720
Do you have any spoons and
stuff that I could have?
294
00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,600
Your bare feet?
How is that better? Get off.
295
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,920
Be careful.
She's really difficult to befriend.
296
00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:48,200
Sorry about that.
297
00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:55,480
♪ Me and all of
the wonderful things I do
298
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,720
♪ Now I'm free
299
00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:04,000
♪ Living my life how I wanted to
300
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:07,600
♪ Without you
301
00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:12,240
♪ And all of
the wonderful things you do
302
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:16,360
♪ To me
303
00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:20,600
♪ Making my life feel so colourful
304
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,680
♪ It's true
305
00:14:24,680 --> 00:14:28,800
♪ Life was much better as two
306
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,560
♪ To be alone
To be alone
307
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:35,600
♪ Is a tragedy
A tra... ♪
308
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:38,400
It's not very subtle, is it?
309
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,400
What? Am I supposed to look at this
and realise,
310
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,600
"Oh, everyone else is in a couple.
311
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,200
"It must be me who's wrong.
312
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,960
"I'll go and get a boyfriend."
313
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,760
It's very productive for me
to be single, actually,
314
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,040
because I can
concentrate on my career.
315
00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:54,680
CROWD APPLAUDS
316
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:57,720
Good evening and
welcome to me, Sarah Pascoe.
317
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,560
I focused on my job and worked hard.
318
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,160
I get MY nice brain chemicals
from career success.
319
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,200
APPLAUSE
320
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,760
See? And the great thing
about getting all your self-worth
321
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:14,320
from your job is that if it all
goes wrong, you're not heartbroken.
322
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,880
Just poor.
323
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,440
JOLLY MUSIC
324
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:20,000
MUSIC SLOWS
325
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,840
My name's Sara Pascoe and
a life without love wore me down.
326
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,480
I had no-one to take care of.
327
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:27,400
No-one to work hard for.
328
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,280
No affection.
329
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:30,320
No...
330
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,440
My job is your rock bottom?
331
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:33,760
Oh! Pardon me.
332
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,760
You look like that comedian.
333
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:40,760
I am me! Hello.
334
00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:42,560
I used to really like you.
335
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:43,720
Thank you?
336
00:15:43,720 --> 00:15:45,560
How come you're not on TV any more?
337
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,520
I am! I'm on TV right now.
338
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:48,840
This is my programme.
339
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,480
You're all on my programme!
340
00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:51,720
BELL RINGS
341
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,160
Start the bus.
342
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:57,080
BELL RINGS REPEATEDLY
343
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,040
BUS IDLES
344
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:00,680
DRIVER COUGHS
345
00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:05,560
The trouble with being
the main character
346
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,160
is I'm supposed to be likeable.
347
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:11,480
That's why I have to stop
criticising committed monogamy.
348
00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:13,320
You all like it so much.
349
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:17,280
You believe all the lies about
"till death do us part"
350
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,040
and "in sickness and in health."
351
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:24,680
So...I'll pretend I believe it, too.
352
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:28,360
I'll join the cult. I'll just keep
all my real thoughts buried.
353
00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,920
And I'll tell my sister
what she wants to hear.
354
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,280
Easy peasy.
355
00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:40,680
Ah!
356
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,080
I wonder what that's about.
357
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:58,080
Mum? Yeah.
358
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:10,240
Is this you? Smear tests?!
359
00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:11,760
Hello, guys.
360
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:17,680
SARA SINGS THE BRIDAL CHORUS
361
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:18,760
Sara!
362
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:20,120
CONTINUES SINGING
363
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:21,480
Do you think this is funny?
364
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,680
What are you doing here?
365
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,000
We had Zumba.
366
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,240
Is that the dress?
Nothing suspicious about Zumba.
367
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:30,720
Why are you wearing that?
368
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,280
I'm being supportive.
369
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:34,720
How's my baby?
Did you book everyone a smear test?
370
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,920
Not you, I'm afraid.
I don't have your doctor's details.
371
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,240
I can book my own cervical
screening, thanks. You're welcome.
372
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,760
I've saved you the time.
Anyway, shut up, everyone.
373
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:43,840
Will you stop interfering,
please?
374
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,680
Did you hear me say shut up?
I've had a revelation!
375
00:17:46,680 --> 00:17:49,920
I really love weddings
and everything they represent.
376
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,640
I really want to help you, Lucy.
Fuck off.
377
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,200
I am getting fully behind
the terrible decision you're making.
378
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,200
It's so hard trying to impress you.
379
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:14,040
So we're just doing, like,
a rough ideas brainstorm. Great!
380
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,280
This is so fun
and not a waste of money.
381
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,840
Mum's paying for it, so...
Of course she is. You work in Boots.
382
00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,280
Do you want to stop being a bitch?
Don't spit wine at me again.
383
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:22,760
This isn't funny.
384
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,120
I know, I don't know
what's wrong with me. Sorry.
385
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,200
OK. I never want to upset you.
386
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,760
Just because you don't want to get
married or do any of that stuff,
387
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,320
doesn't mean you can ruin it
for everyone else. All right.
388
00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:41,280
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
389
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,480
I'll stop.
390
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,120
Oh, I'll drink to that.
391
00:18:46,400 --> 00:18:47,680
Can I?
392
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:52,720
Are you allowed to Zumba?
393
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:53,840
Mind your own business.
394
00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:55,840
How else is she going to
keep her weight off?
395
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:57,240
Scoops, sit.
396
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:01,520
When I was pregnant,
Sara was always going on at me.
397
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,200
"Oh, you shouldn't be drinking,
it'll affect the baby's brain."
398
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,360
Where is Marie?
399
00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,520
She's at her dad's.
I haven't lost her.
400
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,040
Oh! Again?
401
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,560
Right. Planners out.
402
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:23,080
Does this wedding have a theme?
403
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:24,320
Urrrrrghh!
404
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:28,240
What? Nothing! Ignore me.
Carry on, I'm being supportive.
405
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:31,560
All I want is for
everything to be perfect.
406
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,560
Oh, that sounds lovely.
407
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:35,840
Fairground theme.
408
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,720
Nine bridesmaids.
Bagsie not bridesmaid.
409
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,600
Can someone write that down?
Make a note. Scoops? Yeah.
410
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:45,480
My moaning, shitting-on-my-parade
sister is not a bridesmaid.
411
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,120
She's my friend. Our friend.
412
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:51,160
Choose. Scoopy's Choice.
413
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:56,960
N...No. I'd choose Lucy.
414
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,160
Let's change the subject.
415
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,880
Scoopy, please can I have
your doctor's details?
416
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,240
Because she lives nearer
and she made me a grandmother.
417
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,720
Yeah. Actually, I'd choose Lucy
as well. What did you say?
418
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,720
Lucy. Is the one you don't choose?
419
00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,600
She's fun to be around.
420
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:14,600
What, so you can both be wives
and talk about veils and housework,
421
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,600
and being heteronormative?
422
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:19,080
She's not bitter and... No.
423
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,640
Heartbroken.
She's still heartbroken.
424
00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,440
I'm neither of those things!
425
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:26,840
What is it about me getting married
that has set you off like this?
426
00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:31,240
I'm having the time of my life.
I have a TV programme!
427
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:33,520
And none of you can
be in it any more.
428
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:38,360
Right, you going to have people
paying to enter, like a fairground?
429
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,360
The thing about being
the main character is you don't need
430
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,720
any of the other characters
and they can all piss off.
431
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,400
I'll entertain you by myself.
432
00:20:57,400 --> 00:20:58,680
Ta-dah!
433
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:04,840
I hate it when
people say things like,
434
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:07,360
"Every little girl dreams
of their wedding day"
435
00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:09,240
because I didn't.
436
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,440
I dreamt of my funeral.
437
00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,960
I was watching it from up above
and everyone was crying
438
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,040
and regretting
how mean they'd been to me.
439
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,760
You can't hire a field
and put 200 people in it.
440
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:23,080
That's Glastonbury. Bastards!
441
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,320
I still dream it, literally.
442
00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,080
I cry in my sleep
443
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:32,080
while my subconscious
conjures up this big church
444
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,400
with everyone I know all missing me
445
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:36,600
and celebrating how great I am.
446
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:37,720
Was.
447
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:42,200
So I do understand why
people want to get married.
448
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:45,240
It's like a funeral
you can enjoy while you're alive.
449
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,360
WEDDING BELLS TOLL
450
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,600
Is it organic?
Yeah, definitely.
451
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,960
Oh, I don't know, the other one
sounds good as well.
452
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,120
Yes. The Caesar sounds good.
453
00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:00,960
Or you can have a hot box
if you like.
454
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,240
Or a cappuccino.
455
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,960
I'll leave it.
456
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:07,720
Just get some... It's fine.
457
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,360
Sad Halloumi Lady.
You know my name.
458
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,440
It me - Sara!
459
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,600
How've you been? What is this?
460
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:21,440
I thought maybe we could
have a nice chat, semi-regularly.
461
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:23,800
I'd benefit from
your cool-person youth wisdom
462
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:27,440
and you could benefit from
my older lady homeowner wisdom.
463
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,240
I know what this is.
464
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,040
You're sneaking me
into your programme
465
00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:32,760
so it's not all white people.
466
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:36,280
It's not my fault
all my family are white. Isn't it?
467
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:37,920
Should I get a dog?
468
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:40,360
Do I get a plotline or
am I just listening to your stuff?
469
00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,120
That's my bus!
470
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:44,800
You shouldn't use people of colour
as a way of propping up
471
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,160
or reflecting upon
a white person's narrative!
472
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:51,040
We have our own stories! My niece
is bi-racial - in your face!
473
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,480
Why am I still holding
your gross shoes?
474
00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,400
Hi. Erm...
475
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,800
So, just a few things I want
to clear up from this episode.
476
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:15,200
So, number one,
I didn't lose my daughter.
477
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,600
I've never lost my daughter,
despite what was insinuated.
478
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,480
I forgot to pick her up
from school once.
479
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:23,680
Erm...
480
00:23:23,680 --> 00:23:25,520
She went bowling with some friends,
481
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:29,200
had a lovely weekend and social
services have been very helpful.
482
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:35,960
Two - my sister, Sara,
is actively trying to ruin
483
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,720
the happiest time of my life.
484
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:39,680
No. No way.
485
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,880
You're not in it any more.
What? Yes. Yes, I am.
486
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,760
Mum! She's not in it either.
487
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:46,720
Can you just... Can you tell her
I'm the more relatable character?
488
00:23:46,720 --> 00:23:49,240
I'm the relatable one. We think
Lucy should be the main part.
489
00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:50,440
It's her wedding.
490
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:53,320
It's a romcom about
a single mum finding love
491
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,120
and giving up the sluttery.
492
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:56,560
Sluttery?! Mum!
493
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,080
I'm the only normal person
in this family.
494
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,800
You're not normal.
495
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,600
You've got no spoons.
496
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,520
Yeah, why does this have
to be your story?
497
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,920
I mean, I'm the one getting married.
498
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,360
And yet somehow it's all about you.
499
00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,680
You've barely talked
about my weight loss.
500
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:13,040
Where's that storyline?
501
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:18,400
SOBS: I don't know why
I'm not over it.
502
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,440
It was 15 years ago.
Why am I still broken?
503
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:26,280
ON FILM: What are you doing here?
504
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,200
I'm glad I caught you.
This is bad luck.
505
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,520
It's over, Sara.
506
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,600
I've changed my...
507
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:45,240
I've changed my mind.
508
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,480
I can't do this.
509
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,160
This isn't the dress.
I'm going to try on a different one.
510
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,040
I need a change. But this...
511
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,640
This is a change in
the wrong direction. We can wait.
512
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,440
Will you tell your mum?
No, let's talk about this tonight.
513
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:02,760
Shall we...?
514
00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:08,040
It's over, Sara.
515
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,200
I should be normal by now.
516
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,120
It's just brain chemicals.
It's not real.
517
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:26,880
I know Stefan's amazing.
518
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,040
I know you're happy. It's fine.
519
00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,520
Sometimes it doesn't go away.
520
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:37,880
I mean, I still hate my ex.
Your father.
521
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,680
Yeah, we all hate Dad, Mum. Mm.
522
00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:43,920
But I don't hate him. Craig.
523
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,680
I just don't know why I'm suddenly
thinking about it so much,
524
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,960
all the time.
I haven't seen him for years.
525
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,880
I don't want to be
obsessing about what happened.
526
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:59,840
I don't want to be wondering
how he is or what's he up to.
527
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:01,840
What is he up to?
528
00:26:01,840 --> 00:26:03,480
Oh, God. Is he a gigolo?
529
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:07,880
Um...
530
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:10,000
Hang on, is that you?
531
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:14,080
No, that's, erm... That's not us.
532
00:26:14,080 --> 00:26:16,040
You saw Craig?!
533
00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:29,360
♪ See the way I move my crotch?
534
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,040
♪ Count it on your Apple Watch
535
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:36,840
♪ I can make you love yourself
536
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:41,280
♪ I'm good for your mental health
537
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:48,880
♪ I've got the hips of a living god
538
00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:50,640
♪ I've got the hips... ♪
539
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:55,680
APPLAUSE
39488
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