Original subtitles

Tobie: Welcome to Just Roll With It!

(theme music playing)

(cheering)

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

All: Just Roll With It!

‐(bell ringing) ‐(cheering)

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

(audience cheering)

Welcome to Just Roll With It!

When you hear this sound:

‐(foghorn blares) ‐(audience cheering)

You, the audience, get to vote on what happens to us in scenes.

(cheering)

I'm just hoping we don't see

Gary the Stage Ghost during tonight's show.

Uh, Gary the who?

Gary. He's this creepy ghost who wears coveralls

and always carries a big mop bucket.

He's why I always keep my magic amulet.

‐It's the... ‐(audience laughing)

It's the only way to vanquish him.

(audience laughs)

Are you talking about Gary the janitor?

No. Who's that?

He's, uh... He's the guy right over there.

Aah! He‐‐ He's the ghost!

Sorry about that, Gar‐‐

Gary?

(giggling)

Well, whatever happens, we'll have to...

All: Just Roll With It!

(audience cheering)

♪ ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ ♪

Morning, Mom.

I noticed you didn't have time for breakfast this morning, so I made you some.

(foghorn blares)

‐What?! ‐(audience cheering)

‐Announcer: All right, audience. It's time to vote. ‐(bell dinging)

You choose. What does Blair make for breakfast?

‐Oh, boy. ‐First line, first scene.

We will start on Blair's new line,

which you will read off of a hand‐card.

‐(gasps) Have fun, Tobie. ‐Tobie: Have fun. Have fun.

Announcer: And let's get back to the scene.

‐Director: Action! ‐Morning, Mom.

I noticed you didn't have breakfast back at the house,

so I've decided we should make pancakes together.

‐(bell dinging) ‐Great!

And since you like exotic foods,

I picked out ingredients I know you're going to love.

‐Rachel: Oh! ‐(audience groaning)

Let's‐‐ Let's‐‐ Let's see what we have.

Fish eyeballs, fried tarantulas,

blue cheese, giant worms...

(audience groans)

‐...silkworms... ‐(audience groans)

...some beetles...

(audience groaning)

‐Eyeballs. ‐Yes.

Blair: Mom, you're gonna love this.

‐Rachel: Oh! ‐Owen: Aah!

You know, I don't like when my food looks back at me.

‐(laughing) ‐Blair: Okay.

‐Um... ‐That is so much spider.

‐Tarantula‐‐ ‐(Rachel gags)

‐Aah! ‐(audience groans, shrieks)

Rachel: I'm gonna cut this guy a little bit.

‐(tarantula crunches) ‐Oh!

What sound was that?

‐Touch it. There you go. ‐Oh!

‐Rachel: Yeah. ‐(audience shrieks)

I hope this ends up tasting like chicken.

Byron: Ooh, they're the size of chestnuts!

Okay. That, that looks like enough.

‐Rachel: Ugh! ‐(audience groaning)

Packs a real protein punch, doesn't it?

‐All right. Here we go. ‐(Blair chuckling)

(sizzling)

Listen to that sizzle.

(kitchen timer dings)

Blair: Okay, let's get it off the griddle.

‐Rachel: Okay. ‐Blair: Set it down there.

Ooh! I hope this is gluten‐free.

‐Rachel: Ah... ‐(crunches)

‐Rachel: Oh‐aah! ‐(audience shrieking)

Rachel: The sound when they break open...

Here we go.

Count me in. Five,

Both: six, seven, eight.

(all screaming)

Byron: Yes!

‐(audience groaning) ‐(Owen screaming)

(Blair squealing indistinctly)

(laughing)

He's out!

‐Rachel: You know what? ‐Byron: Oh, yeah.

It actually tastes exactly like you think it would.

Byron: Okay.

‐I wanna try the fish eyeball. ‐Rachel: Whoa!

Freestyle? You're gonna do a freestyle fish eyeball?

(audience groaning, shrieking)

(chanting): Owen! Owen! Owen!

‐(audience cheering) ‐Rachel and Blair (chanting): Owen! Owen! Owen!

‐(Blair screams) ‐Rachel: No!

(shrieks)

That's my family! Give it up for my family!

‐(audience cheering) ‐Byron: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Well, I guess it's the thought that counts. (coughs)

But what's going on, Blair?

Why are you trying to be nice?

(scoffs) Because I love you.

Okay.

And also, I need $120 for an online hypnotism class.

Absolutely not.

Fine. Guess I'll just respectfully accept your decision and move on.

‐She definitely went to go ask my dad. ‐Oh, 100 percent.

(playing guitar chord)

‐Hey, Byron. Can I have‐‐ ‐Byron: Oh, good.

I was about to come grab you. Gator and I are getting ready

to record our new track, which is:

Both: "Straight Fire"!

(strums)

I didn't know you wanted to be a musician.

Of course, Blair. People have lots of dreams before they have kids.

I was in tons of pop groups when I was coming up.

I was even in a group with G‐Dimples.

G‐Dimples? He's super legit.

Yeah, but my bandmates kept ditching me for bigger and better things.

But not this time, because this time,

we're doing a family band.

And as they say in every Diesel Team movie,

Both: "Family never betrays family."

So Blair, you wanna be in the band?

Don't you think it's gonna be hard

for two guys in their 40s to become pop stars?

Aah, late 30s. (chuckles)

Uh, besides, that's where you come in.

I wrote you a verse, so you can give us some of that youthful edge.

‐What do you say? Please? ‐Ugh.

Fine. I'll do it. But I have to warn you,

I'm not going to try at all.

No problem. We've got Auto‐Tune.

‐(clears throat) ‐All right, let me start the beat.

(slow, rhythmic drumbeat)

♪ Comin' up I couldn't see the forest for all the trees ♪

♪ Beatin' balls, but everyone seems to blow up except me ♪

♪ Now times have changed, things are different ♪

♪ The whole world's gonna see ♪

♪ Grab my pillow tight 'cause I'm hangin' onto these dreams ♪

(singing off‐key): ♪ Dreams! ♪

♪ Are my best friend ♪

♪ I have these dreams and I'll keep dreamin' ♪

♪ To the end ♪

♪ Dreams ♪

♪ They let me fly ♪

♪ And I'll keep dreamin' 'cause I'm a dreamy guy ♪

♪ I'm just a dreamy guy, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

Um, right. (clears throat)

(monotonically): ♪ Yo, I may be young ♪

♪ But you know what kids like me think is cool? ♪

♪ Guys with dreams in their 30s, having dreams really rules ♪

(mutters)

‐(music stops) ‐Byron,

this is ridiculous.

And what is Gator doing? Is there even any guitar in this song?

I'm just, like, the look of the band.

Blair, you were doing great.

I'm telling you, people are gonna really dig

this funky, fresh new sound. Let's run it back.

(music resumes)

(singing off‐key): ♪ Dreams ♪

♪ Are my best friend ♪

Penworth: Hi there, kids.

Beautiful day, isn't it?

It's even better in these breezy,

poly‐spandex leggings.

Ooh. They're butterfly soft,

and their patented breathe‐easy elastic waistband

means they're guaranteed not to chafe your problem areas.

Mr. Penworth, we've told you before,

we're not interested in buying leggings.

Or hearing about your problem areas.

Aw, man.

I had to give this company half my savings

to become a certified "Gold Level Leggings Distributor."

I was sure these bad boys were gonna take off.

Blair Bennett?

‐Who's asking? ‐Skeeter Swindell.

I'm a producer with Kid Factory Records.

I saw the video your dad posted of your band singing last night.

Aw, man. He posted that?

(chuckles): Yeah. I've been sending it

to all my friends in the biz as a goof,

but I gotta say, I've been doing this a long time,

and you've got what it takes to be a star.

Yeah, I know.

But no thanks.

I don't really wanna be famous.

I like to sleep a lot,

and famous people seem like they're always having to do stuff.

See? That's what makes you so hip!

You are over it.

Detached. Aloof.

I mean, you are just barely mumbling the words,

like you've got a billion different places you'd rather be,

and that, my friend, is cool.

And cool sells.

You do like money, right?

(slams)

I do.

Hey. Wait a minute.

Do you think if I became famous,

I could make, like, 120 bucks?

Chyah!

I'll give you that just as a signing bonus.

Whoa! Sweet!

This town's about to get their butts hypnotized.

Kid, mark my words.

You sign with me, and not only will we leave that crummy band in the dust,

I will make you the biggest pop star in the world!

That sounds great, but I can't.

It'll be just like what happened to my stepdad

in all his old bands.

If I blow up and become a star, it'll crush him.

Like they say, "Family never betrays family."

Ah, love the Diesel Team movies.

But don't worry.

We'll just give you a secret identity.

No one will ever know.

You'll have the best of both worlds.

‐You can do that? ‐Absolutely!

In fact, my own sister

actually had a similar situation back in the day.

All you need is a wig.

Huh. Well in that case,

you've got a deal.

So, tell me about your sister.

(audience cheering)

♪ ♪

(electronic music playing)

♪ ♪

♪ I am so bored and done and cool ♪

♪ I don't like parents or my school ♪

♪ Buy my T‐shirts and stream my song ♪

♪ Because then you'll belong ♪

This song is awesome!

I love how she looks like she doesn't even wanna be there!

That's so relatable for me as a kid!

What's everybody watching?

The new Shayna Pennsylvania video.

Who's Shayna Pennsylvania?

Um, she's only the coolest person on the planet.

How have you not heard of her?

‐Wait. That's Blair. ‐Blair: Owen!

What are you talking about? This girl has bangs.

Blair doesn't have bangs.

Are you out of your mind?

Look at Blair's face, then look at Shayna Pennsylvania's face.

It's the same face.

Chyah, right! Shayna Pennsylvania's cool.

Blair's wack.

‐Excuse me! ‐(phone rings)

‐Hello? ‐Blair! How does it feel to be famous, huh?

One hundred million views in less than 24 hours.

You are the biggest thing on Planet Earth right now.

We got a big problem.

I didn't think this was gonna get as big as it has,

and my brother's onto us.

Who cares? I got you a spot on Mid‐Day with Tay Zonday.

I need you here ASAP.

If my stepdad finds out I ditched his band to get famous,

he'll be devastated.

Blair! We have a contract.

And if you don't get down here,

I will sue you very, very hard!

You have your disguise, right?

Ugh. Yes. (sighs)

Byron (off‐key): ♪ Dreams! ♪

(theme song plays)

Welcome back to Mid‐Day with Tay Zonday.

Our next guest's new song is the hottest thing in music right now‐‐

Shayna Pennsylvania!

'Sup?

Shayna, welcome to the show.

‐Now‐‐ ‐(foghorn blares)

‐(bell dings) ‐Announcer: Okay, audience, you get to decide.

What does Blair have to do for her interview?

What?

We're gonna start on Tay Zonday's new line,

which he will read from a cue card.

‐You got it, Kaylin. ‐Woo! Yeah.

Announcer: And let's get back to the scene.

‐Director: Action! ‐Shayna, welcome to the show.

You're in for a treat today,

because we are bringing back one of our old segments:

the Human Sushi Roll!

‐(bell dinging) ‐(cheering)

I'm really cool, so nothing bothers me.

Now, let's make some sushi!

Blair: Careful. I'm worth a lot of money.

Let's get some raw fish on there.

(audience groaning)

(squishes)

Woo! Ha‐ha‐ha!

I bet you guys wouldn't do this to Ariana Grande.

(audience laughing)

So, Shayna, who are your musical influences?

Yeah, I guess I don't really have any influences,

because I'm the greatest.

You know, I like my sushi spicy.

Toss on some spicy mayo, would you?

(audience exclaiming)

Oh, gross! Oh! Oh!

Tay Zonday: Speaking of food,

if you could make the skies rain any dessert item,

what would it be?

Uh, chocolate?

(laughs) Gotta love that.

Guys, this needs more of a kick. Add the wasabi.

(audience exclaiming)

What do you do to the talk show guests you don't like?

Ew, it's so slimy!

Tay Zonday: One last step.

Let's get rollin'!

That wakes you up. (shudders): Oh!

(audience cheering)

Can you guys just roll me back to the dressing room?

I'm getting dizzy.

I hope this doesn't end up being a cut roll.

Let's stand her up.

‐Oh! ‐(audience exclaiming)

I hope this makes you all buy my album.

Let's give a round of applause for Shayna Pennsylvania!

(cheering)

♪ ♪

Byron (off‐key): ♪ Dreams! ♪

‐Tay Zonday (over TV): Shayna Pennsylvania! ‐(mutters): Ridiculous!

Look at this sellout. She doesn't even have a guy with a guitar.

Why don't they ever interview artists with real talent?

Byron, what did I say about muttering at the TV?

Sorry, honey.

(muttering): Can't even mutter in my own dang house.

Blair (as Shayna over TV): I'm really cool, so nothing bothers me.

Byron, don't watch that!

Because... TV will rot your brain.

Fine by me. I can't stand these new pop stars.

They've got nothing on our family band.

And speaking of which, did you see?

We're up to 42 views! (laughs)

We have got to strike while the iron's hot.

I wrote a new song for us called "You Can Always Count on Family."

Yeah. Right.

Ah. Gather 'round, everybody!

I have assembled iron‐clad evidence

proving without a shadow of a doubt

that Blair is, in fact, Shayna Pennsylvania.

What?

Both Blair and Shayna have the exact same upper‐lip‐to‐nose ratio.

The odds of these being identical are less than one percent.

They also both have moles on the right side of their neck,

their voices are a 100 percent match,

and they both have a small scar to the left of their chin,

from when Blair fell off her bike last summer.

Boom. I rest my case.

Uh... I'm not seein' it.

Yeah. Honey, Shayna has bangs.

(doorbell rings)

Is this where Shayna Pennsylvania lives?

We followed her from the studio. I want her to sign my face.

You guys have the wrong house.

Shayna Pennsylvania doesn't live here.

But we saw her walk in.

We're gonna camp here until she comes back out.

Being into Shayna Pennsylvania is my entire personality!

(sighs) Okay.

I'm Shayna Pennsylvania.

No, you're not. Shayna has bangs.

‐(gasps) It's her! ‐(all screaming)

Yeah, but this isn't my house.

And I'm asking you all to leave.

‐Ah! Shayna! ‐(all screaming)

Blair, your friends are okay to hang out on the porch,

but they can't be screaming and aggressively banging the windows, okay?

Sure thing, Mom. We were just leaving, anyway.

I left some things at school I have to get.

Gotta go. Don't ask me any follow‐up questions. Bye!

(fans screaming)

♪ ♪

(audience cheering)

It was fun. I did not see it coming.

♪ ♪

Blair, did you hear?

Shayna Pennsylvania uploaded a video last night,

announcing her retirement.

You don't say.

The school's letting us out early, so we can go home

and cry. (sobbing)

What's the point of anything anymore?

I'm dropping out of school!

Blair, what's all this about Shayna Pennsylvania retiring?

The label's getting ready to launch a huge campaign around you.

I made up my mind. I can't do this anymore.

I don't like lying to my stepdad.

Fame and fortune aren't worth hurting him.

(mockingly): Ooh, so you're saying it wasn't worth it?

You are going up against Hollywood, Miss Bennett,

and Hollywood always wins.

We have a contract.

Oh, yeah. About that. I looked it up.

Twelve‐year‐olds aren't supposed to sign contracts, dude.

And you're not supposed to be hanging around school

if you don't have a kid that goes here.

So I called security.

This is the guy.

Unhand me! Do you have any idea who I am?

Yesterday, I had lunch with Lin Manuel Miranda.

‐Thanks for the heads‐up, kid. ‐Don't mention it.

Hey, is there a law against trying to sell leggings to kids at school?

Can you get rid of that guy, too?

Yeah, why not? We're already down here.

(foghorn blares)

(audience cheering)

‐Announcer: Last vote, audience. ‐(bell dings)

You choose. How does school security

arrest Mr. Penworth?

Our actors are leaving the stage

so we can prepare your choice.

Vote now.

‐(bleating) ‐I think it's all you.

I think it's gonna be where they take Penworth.

Announcer: And let's get back to the scene.

Director: Action!

We're already down here and we wanted to test our new unit: The Guard Goats.

‐(bell dinging) ‐(audience cheering)

Security officer: Release the goats!

(bleating)

(yells) Whoa. Yo. Easy. Easy. Oh!

Oh, my gosh. They're so cute!

‐(goats bleating) ‐Penworth: Look at this.

Oh! Oh!

‐(audience laughing) ‐(Mr. Penworth yelling)

I surrender. I surrender!

Or, or, or, in your language, Baaah! Baaah!

Nice work, goats.

(audience cheering)

That was humiliating.

‐Let's book him. ‐Aah!

Let's go. Come on.

‐Oh, wow. Aah! ‐Bye, Mr. Penworth.

Have fun at the petting zoo.

Mom. Byron. What are you doing here?

We were watching the news and we saw a video of Shayna Pennsylvania

announcing her retirement.

We know she's you.

(monotonically): Ow, wow.

How did we not put it together?

So, how'd you figure it out?

Blair, you filmed the announcement in your bedroom.

Oh. Right.

I don't understand. It looks like things were going great.

So why'd you keep this from us, and why'd you quit?

Well,

I didn't wanna ditch you like all your old bandmates.

After all, family never betrays family.

Whoa, whoa, Blair.

You didn't betray me.

You're my daughter, and I want the best for you.

I would have been proud of you. I am proud of you.

Another thing, Byron and I have been talking,

and we decided to get you that hypnotism class.

That is so sweet.

But I already used my Shayna Pennsylvania signing bonus to pay for the class.

You did what?

Yeah. I've kind of been using it on you guys,

so that if you ever found out about my whole secret life,

I could have a trigger word to make you guys not so upset.

Blair Bennett, I cannot believe you!

You deliberately went behind our backs!

‐"Anchovies." ‐But I guess it's not really that big a deal.

I mean, kids will be kids. You know what I mean?

And that's our show!

You guys have been a great crowd!

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

(theme music playing)

♪ ♪