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>> Steve: FROM
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ROCKEFELLER CENTER IN THE HEART
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OF NEW YORK CITY, IT'S "THE
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TONIGHT SHOW" STARRING
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JIMMY FALLON
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TONIGHT, JOIN JIMMY AND HIS
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GUESTS -
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CHELSEA HANDLER,
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SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS
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MUSICAL GUEST THE WAR ON DRUGS
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AND FEATURING THE LEGENDARY
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ROOTS CREW
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AND NOW, HERE'S YOUR HOST,
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JIMMY FALLON
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[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
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♪
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>> Jimmy: THAT'S YOUR FAULT,
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YEAH
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OH MY GOODNESS
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OH, HEY.
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THANK YOU VERY MUCH, EVERYONE.
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THANK YOU.
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ON A FRIDAY!
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THAT'S SOME FRIDAY LOVE RIGHT
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THERE.
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THANK YOU.
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WELCOME TO "THE TONIGHT SHOW,"
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EVERYBODY.
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LET'S GET TO THE NEWS AND
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JOKES.
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WELL, GUYS, EVERYONE IS STILL
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TALKING ABOUT LAST NIGHT'S
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PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.
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BUT BASED ON THE EARLY RATINGS,
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IT HAD ABOUT 7 MILLION FEWER
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VIEWERS THAN THE FIRST ONE
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IT'S NOT THAT 7 MILLION PEOPLE
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CHOSE NOT TO WATCH, IT'S THAT
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AFTER THE FIRST DEBATE THEY
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LEFT THE COUNTRY
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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BUT BASED ON SOME SNAP POLLS,
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TRUMP WON THE DEBATE BY 98% TO
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2%
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THAT'S ACCORDING TO THE FAIR
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POLLING SITE
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"GUNTOTINGEAGLE.COM.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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BUT THIS IS INTERESTING, THE
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TRUMP CAMPAIGN ANNOUNCED THAT
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YESTERDAY WAS THEIR BIGGEST
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ONLINE FUNDRAISING DAY EVER,
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PULLING IN $26 MILLION
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WOW, HE REALLY HAS THE BIRD
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KILLING WIND AT HIS BACK
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[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
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YEP, TRUMP RAISED $26 MILLION.
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TODAY, HE WAS LIKE, "SPEND A
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A MILLION ON TV ADS, PUT THE
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REST IN MY CHINESE BANK
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ACCOUNT.
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DID YOU SEE THIS
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TWO OF TRUMP'S GUESTS LAST
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NIGHT WERE KID ROCK AND GOLFER
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JOHN DALY.
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TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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THEY LOOK GREAT.
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I THINK THEY BOUGHT THOSE
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CLOTHES AT QANON MEMBERS ONLY.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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YEP, TRUMP WANTED KID ROCK'S
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SUPPORT, MOSTLY BECAUSE HE
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THINKS KID ROCK IS
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DWAYNE JOHNSON'S SON
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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I SHOULDN'T MAKE FUN OF THEM
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IN 2024, THAT'S GOING TO BE THE
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REPUBLICAN TICKET.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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MEANWHILE, AFTER THE DEBATE,
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DONALD TRUMP JR., WENT ON
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FOX NEWS AND HE WAS REALLY
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PUMPED ABOUT HIS DAD'S
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PERFORMANCE.
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I MEAN, REALLY PUMPED.
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WATCH THIS
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>> THE MEDIA RUNS RIGHT AWAY
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IT'S RUSSIAN DISINFORMATION.
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THERE'S LITERALLY ZERO EVIDENCE
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THAT IT'S RUSSIAN
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DISINFORMATION
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THE DIRECTOR OF NATIONAL
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INTELLIGENCE SAID -- AND BY THE
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WAY, MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE FBI
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SAID IT, AND I DON'T SAY THAT
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BECAUSE I THINK THE FBI HAS
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MORE CREDIBILITY, I SAY THAT
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BECAUSE IT'S PRETTY CLEAR THAT
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THE FBI HAS DONE WHATEVER THEY
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POSSIBLY COULD TO HURT
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DONALD TRUMP
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SO IF THEY'RE EVEN COMING OUT
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AND SAYING THIS, MEANING THE
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UPPER LEVELS OF THE FBI.
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THE DOOR KICKERS LOVE US, NOT
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SO MUCH THE BUREAUCRATS AT THE
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TOP.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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>> Jimmy: OKAY
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WAS HE DOUBLE PARKED OR
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SOMETHING?
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE HAS BEEN
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DIPPING INTO DADDY'S NUCLEAR
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POWERED STEROIDS
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HE SOUNDS LIKE A KINDERGARTENER
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WHO CAN'T WAIT TO TELL YOU
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ABOUT HIS DAY.
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AND THEN -- AND THEN -- AND
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THEN WE FINGER PAINTED, AND
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THEN WE ATE LUNCH, AND THEN WE
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PLAYED OUTSIDE, AND THEN WE --
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AND THEN WE STUCK UP FOR
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RUSSIA, AND THEN -
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I DIDN'T KNOW IF I WAS WATCHING
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"HANNITY" OR AN EPISODE OF
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"NARCOS.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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IN SIX MONTHS, DON JR. IS GOING
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TO BE AUCTIONING OFF UNCLAIMED
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STORAGE UNITS.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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THAT WAS A GOOD --
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HE SOUNDS LIKE THE GUY WHO
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READS THE SIDE EFFECTS ON THE
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END OF A ZOLOFT COMMERCIAL
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[ INDISCERNIBLE
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SOUNDED LIKE EVERY CONVERSATION
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THAT'S EVER HAPPENED AT A RAVE
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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WELL, WITH LESS THAN TWO WEEKS
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UNTIL THE ELECTION, THE
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PRESIDENT IS CAMPAIGNING AS
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MUCH AS HE CAN
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TAKE A LOOK.
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TO BEGIN A WHIRLWIND WEEKEND OF
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CAMPAIGNING.
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HE'LL BE HEADING DOWN SOUTH FOR
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CAMPAIGN EVENTS IN THE
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VILLAGES, THEN A RALLY TONIGHT
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IN THE PANHANDLE AND PENSACOLA
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HE'LL BE STAYING OVERNIGHT IN
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FLORIDA, GETTING A CHANCE TO
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EARLY VOTE TOMORROW.
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HE'LL BE HOLDING RALLIES THIS
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WEEKEND IN PLACES LIKE
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NORTH CAROLINA, OHIO, AND
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WISCONSIN.
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AND THEN SUNDAY, ANOTHER RALLY
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IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
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>> Jimmy: HE'S STARTING TO TURN
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INTO THAT BAND WHERE YOU'RE
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JUST LIKE, WEREN'T THEY JUST
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HERE
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THE RALLIES AREN'T REALLY
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CHANGING TRUMP'S APPROVAL
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RATING
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HOWEVER, THE CORONAVIRUS
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NUMBERS ARE THROUGH THE ROOF
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TRUMP HASN'T WORKED THIS HARD
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SINCE HE HAD TO BE QUIET FOR
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TWO MINUTES AT THE DEBATE LAST
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NIGHT.
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[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
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THIS IS PRETTY CRAZY
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A SECURITY RESEARCHER CLAIMS
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THAT HE WAS ABLE TO GET INTO
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TRUMP'S TWITTER ACCOUNT BY
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GUESSING HIS PASSWORD.
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CHECK OUT WHAT IT WAS.
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>> A DUTCH SECURITY RESEARCHER
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WAS ABLE TO ACCESS
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PRESIDENT TRUMP'S TWITTER
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ACCOUNT LAST WEEK BY GUESSING
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HIS PASSWORD
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MAGA 2020.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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>> Jimmy: IF YOU'RE WORRIED
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ABOUT THE NUCLEAR CODES, DON'T
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BE
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THAT PASSWORD IS MAGA 2020 WITH
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TWO EXCLAMATION POINTS
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[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
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WELL, ANOTHER BIG STORY IS
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EARLY VOTING
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MILLIONS OF AMERICANS ARE DOING
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IT
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TODAY ONE OF THEM WAS
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MIKE PENCE
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HERE HE IS CASTING HIS BALLOT
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IN INDIANA
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THE PENCE'S WERE EXCITED
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THEY HAVEN'T DONE A JOINT
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THUMBS UP SINCE THEIR
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HONEYMOON.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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"WHAT DO YOU THINK?"
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"ALL RIGHT."
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SOME NEWS FROM OVERSEAS.
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>> Questlove: OKAY
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NEVERMIND.
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>> Jimmy: SOME NEWS FROM
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OVERSEAS, NORTH KOREA HAS
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ORDERED A LOCKDOWN OVER
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CONCERNS THAT YELLOW DUST FROM
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CHINA COULD SPREAD THE
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CORONAVIRUS.
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KIM JONG-UN MADE THE
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ANNOUNCEMENT, ALONG WITH HIS
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INFECTIOUS DISEASE EXPERT,
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DR. KIM JONG-FAUCI
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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IF THE LOCKDOWN WASN'T BAD
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ENOUGH, KIM JONG-UN IS NOW
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FORCING EVERYONE TO DO A ZOOM
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HAPPY HOUR
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IF YOU THINK QUARANTINE IN
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AMERICA IS BAD, OVER IN
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NORTH KOREA, THE ONLY THING
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THEY HAVE ON NETFLIX IS "EMILY
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IN PYONGYANG."
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>> Questlove: NICE ONE
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>> Jimmy: YOU CAN GIVE ME
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A THING.
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>> Questlove: I GOT IT
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>> Jimmy: YEAH, YEAH
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IT'S JUST A MENTAL -- IT'S A
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A SILENT -
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>> Questlove: I GOT IT
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>> Jimmy: IT'S ALRIGHT
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[ RIMSHOT
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NO, NO
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THAT'S RIGHT
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THAT'S HACKIE.
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I KNOW
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YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
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>> Questlove: I TAKE IT BACK
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>> Jimmy: OH, HE TOOK IT BACK.
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>> YEAH.
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[ APPLAUSE ]
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>> Jimmy: HE ACTUALLY REVERSED
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HIMSELF.
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HE REVERSED HIMSELF.
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THAT WAS AWESOME
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HEY, DID YOU SEE LAST NIGHT THE
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NEW YORK GIANTS WERE PLAYING
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SOME TEAM.
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>> Questlove: WHO?
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>> Jimmy: IT DOESN'T MATTER,
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RIGHT?
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THE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES.
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>> Questlove: YEAH
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>> Jimmy: AND THE GIANTS
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QUARTERBACK DANIEL JONES TRIED
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RUNNING FOR AN 88-YARD
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TOUCHDOWN.
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LET'S SEE HOW THAT WENT.
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>> FROM THE 12
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JONES KEEPS.
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GETS A BLOCK
272
00:07:05,029 --> 00:07:10,240
TAKES OFF, AND HE IS GONE!
273
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:15,029
TRYING TO STAY UPRIGHT, AND HE
274
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:15,029
TRIPS!
275
00:07:15,029 --> 00:07:19,220
[ LAUGHTER ]
276
00:07:15,029 --> 00:07:19,220
>> Jimmy: THAT FELT LIKE
277
00:07:19,220 --> 00:07:21,189
RE-WATCHING THE LAST SEASON OF
278
00:07:19,220 --> 00:07:21,189
"GAME OF THRONES."
279
00:07:21,189 --> 00:07:26,180
LIKE, YES, YES, Y'ALL!
280
00:07:21,189 --> 00:07:26,180
WELL, THE HOLIDAYS ARE COMING
281
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:27,250
UP, AND SOUTHWEST AIRLINES JUST
282
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:27,250
MADE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT
283
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:31,050
THEIR FLIGHTS.
284
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:31,050
TAKE A LOOK.
285
00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:32,100
>> SOUTHWEST AIRLINES IS
286
00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:32,100
DROPPING A PANDEMIC POLICY THAT
287
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:36,149
PROVIDED MORE SOCIAL DISTANCING
288
00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:36,149
ON FLIGHTS
289
00:07:36,149 --> 00:07:37,180
IT WILL NO LONGER KEEP MIDDLE
290
00:07:36,149 --> 00:07:37,180
SEATS EMPTY, STARTING
291
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:41,220
DECEMBER 1st
292
00:07:37,180 --> 00:07:41,220
SOUTHWEST SAYS AIR FILTERING
293
00:07:41,220 --> 00:07:46,259
AND MASKS HAVE CREATED HEALTHY
294
00:07:41,220 --> 00:07:46,259
ENVIRONMENTS ABOARD PLANES
295
00:07:46,259 --> 00:07:50,019
>> Jimmy: COME ON.
296
00:07:46,259 --> 00:07:50,019
IT'S SOUTHWEST
297
00:07:50,019 --> 00:07:51,240
THE WHOLE PLANE IS A MIDDLE
298
00:07:50,019 --> 00:07:51,240
SEAT
299
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:55,029
[ LAUGHTER ]
300
00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:55,029
YOU ACTUALLY DON'T HAVE TO
301
00:07:55,029 --> 00:07:56,029
WORRY, BECAUSE EVEN THE
302
00:07:55,029 --> 00:07:56,029
CORONAVIRUS DOESN'T WANT
303
00:07:56,029 --> 00:07:59,199
ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE MIDDLE
304
00:07:56,029 --> 00:07:59,199
SEAT ON SOUTHWEST.
305
00:07:59,199 --> 00:08:02,069
THE MIDDLE SEAT ON SOUTHWEST
306
00:07:59,199 --> 00:08:02,069
I WOULD RATHER BE ON LOCKDOWN
307
00:08:02,069 --> 00:08:05,009
IN NORTH KOREA
308
00:08:02,069 --> 00:08:05,009
PRETTY SURE THE ONLY IN-FLIGHT
309
00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:06,170
ENTERTAINMENT THEY HAVE ON
310
00:08:05,009 --> 00:08:06,170
SOUTHWEST IS "EMILY IN
311
00:08:06,170 --> 00:08:14,120
PYONGYANG.
312
00:08:06,170 --> 00:08:14,120
[ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ]
313
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,170
AND FINALLY, GUINNESS IS ABOUT
314
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,170
TO UNVEIL ITS NEWEST PRODUCT
315
00:08:17,170 --> 00:08:22,060
LET'S SEE WHAT IT IS
316
00:08:17,170 --> 00:08:22,060
>> GUINNESS LAUNCHING ITS
317
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:24,180
FIRST-EVER NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER.
318
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:24,180
IT'S CALLED GUINNESS ZERO.
319
00:08:24,180 --> 00:08:25,259
IT TOOK THE COMPANY FOUR YEARS
320
00:08:24,180 --> 00:08:25,259
TO RE-CREATE THE SAME TASTE AS
321
00:08:25,259 --> 00:08:30,050
IT'S ORIGINAL STOUT WITHOUT THE
322
00:08:25,259 --> 00:08:30,050
ALCOHOL.
323
00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:31,120
>> Jimmy: IF YOU ORDER THAT IN
324
00:08:30,050 --> 00:08:31,120
IRELAND, YOU'RE MARCHED THROUGH
325
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:35,059
TOWN WHILE EVERYONE THROWS
326
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:35,059
ROTTEN VEGETABLES AT YOU
327
00:08:35,059 --> 00:08:40,200
SHAME, SHAME
328
00:08:35,059 --> 00:08:40,200
GUINNESS WITHOUT BOOZE
329
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,190
HERE'S HOW IRISH PEOPLE ARE
330
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,190
REACTING
331
00:08:42,190 --> 00:08:44,240
>> COME ON
332
00:08:42,190 --> 00:08:44,240
>> Jimmy: THERE YOU GO
333
00:08:44,240 --> 00:08:47,120
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
334
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:47,120
GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROOTS,
335
00:08:46,129 --> 00:08:47,120
EVERYBODY.
336
00:08:50,179 --> 00:09:02,220
♪
337
00:08:50,179 --> 00:09:02,220
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
338
00:09:02,220 --> 00:09:05,210
>> Jimmy: WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
339
00:09:02,220 --> 00:09:05,210
FOR YOU TONIGHT.
340
00:09:05,210 --> 00:09:07,129
I WANT TO SHOW YOU THIS RIGHT
341
00:09:05,210 --> 00:09:07,129
HERE
342
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:09,190
THIS IS MY NEW BOOK.
343
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:09,190
THIS IS "5 MORE SLEEPS 'TIL
344
00:09:09,190 --> 00:09:11,080
CHRISTMAS.
345
00:09:09,190 --> 00:09:11,080
CAN YOU SEE IT
346
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:16,149
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
347
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:16,149
IT COMES OUT ON TUESDAY.
348
00:09:16,149 --> 00:09:18,250
IT'S NOT EVEN OUT YET.
349
00:09:16,149 --> 00:09:18,250
SO I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M
350
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:20,200
REALLY TALKING ABOUT IT.
351
00:09:18,250 --> 00:09:20,200
YOU KNOW WHY I'M TALKING ABOUT
352
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,240
IT, THOUGH
353
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:24,240
>> Tariq: DO WE GET A COPY
354
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,039
>> Jimmy: JUST PREORDER IT
355
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:26,039
NO, NOT EVERYONE IN THE
356
00:09:26,039 --> 00:09:28,100
AUDIENCE GETS COPIES
357
00:09:26,039 --> 00:09:28,100
NO
358
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,259
THERE'S NOT THAT MANY PEOPLE
359
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,259
HERE
360
00:09:29,259 --> 00:09:32,080
IT'S NOT OUT YET, SO I CAN'T
361
00:09:29,259 --> 00:09:32,080
EVEN GIVE IT AWAY.
362
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:36,190
BUT THIS IS -- WHAT'S HAPPENING
363
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:36,190
IS SHIPOCOLYPSE.
364
00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:40,200
>> Tariq: YEAH, WITH SHIPPING.
365
00:09:36,190 --> 00:09:40,200
>> Jimmy: YEAH, EXACTLY RIGHT.
366
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,019
YEAH, THE SHIPOCOLYPSE
367
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:43,019
AND EVERYONE IS --
368
00:09:43,019 --> 00:09:45,179
>> Tariq: I THOUGHT YOU SAID
369
00:09:43,019 --> 00:09:45,179
SOMETHING ELSE
370
00:09:45,179 --> 00:09:46,200
>> Jimmy: BUT YOU GUESSED
371
00:09:45,179 --> 00:09:46,200
SHIPPING
372
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,230
>> Tariq: NO
373
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,230
NO
374
00:09:48,230 --> 00:09:49,289
YEAH
375
00:09:48,230 --> 00:09:49,289
I FIGURED IT OUT
376
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,039
HEY, WHEN IT COMES OUT, IS IT
377
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:51,039
GOING TO BE LIKE A REAL BOOK
378
00:09:51,039 --> 00:09:56,090
WITH GLOSS AND ALL
379
00:09:51,039 --> 00:09:56,090
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
380
00:09:56,090 --> 00:09:58,240
>> Jimmy: REAL BOOKS DON'T HAVE
381
00:09:56,090 --> 00:09:58,240
GLOSS.
382
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:02,029
>> Tariq: I MEAN, HIGH QUALITY
383
00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:02,029
>> Jimmy: I MEAN, IT'S GOING TO
384
00:10:02,029 --> 00:10:07,139
BE LIKE YOUR ALBUM COVERS.
385
00:10:02,029 --> 00:10:07,139
[ LAUGHTER ]
386
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:09,059
>> Tariq: WHAT'S AN ALBUM
387
00:10:07,139 --> 00:10:09,059
COVER.
388
00:10:09,059 --> 00:10:11,240
[ LAUGHTER ]
389
00:10:09,059 --> 00:10:11,240
>> Jimmy: OH, REALLY, YOU'RE SO
390
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:14,230
YOUNG YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT
391
00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:14,230
IS
392
00:10:14,230 --> 00:10:16,029
ANY WAY, IT'S AVAILABLE FOR
393
00:10:14,230 --> 00:10:16,029
PREORDER NOW
394
00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:18,149
IT COMES OUT ON TUESDAY.
395
00:10:16,029 --> 00:10:18,149
I'M VERY PROUD OF IT
396
00:10:18,149 --> 00:10:21,129
"5 MORE SLEEPS 'TIL CHRISTMAS.
397
00:10:18,149 --> 00:10:21,129
IT'S ABOUT TWO KIDS EXCITED FOR
398
00:10:21,129 --> 00:10:22,230
CHRISTMAS.
399
00:10:21,129 --> 00:10:22,230
AND I'M EXCITED ABOUT IT
400
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,149
I'M EXCITED ABOUT IT
401
00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,149
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
402
00:10:24,149 --> 00:10:26,169
I GOT THREE MORE SLEEPS UNTIL I
403
00:10:24,149 --> 00:10:26,169
CAN TALK ABOUT FIVE MORE
404
00:10:26,169 --> 00:10:28,000
SLEEPS
405
00:10:26,169 --> 00:10:28,000
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU
406
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,289
TONIGHT.
407
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,289
YOU CAN SEE HER NEW STAND-UP
408
00:10:29,289 --> 00:10:32,139
SPECIAL "CHELSEA HANDLER:
409
00:10:29,289 --> 00:10:32,139
EVOLUTION" ON "HBO MAX."
410
00:10:32,139 --> 00:10:34,169
CHELSEA HANDLER IS HERE
411
00:10:32,139 --> 00:10:34,169
TONIGHT.
412
00:10:34,169 --> 00:10:37,230
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
413
00:10:34,169 --> 00:10:37,230
PLUS, HERE TO TALK ABOUT THE
414
00:10:37,230 --> 00:10:39,279
ELECTION, SENATOR
415
00:10:37,230 --> 00:10:39,279
BERNIE SANDERS IS ON THE SHOW.
416
00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:43,230
[ APPLAUSE ]
417
00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:43,230
AND THEIR NEW ALBUM, "LIVE
418
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:47,039
DRUGS," COMES OUT
419
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:47,039
NOVEMBER 20th.
420
00:10:47,039 --> 00:10:48,230
WE HAVE MUSIC FROM THE WAR ON
421
00:10:47,039 --> 00:10:48,230
DRUGS.
422
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:53,169
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
423
00:10:48,230 --> 00:10:53,169
GUYS, IT IS THE END OF THE
424
00:10:53,169 --> 00:10:54,230
WEEK
425
00:10:53,169 --> 00:10:54,230
AND, THAT'S USUALLY WHEN I
426
00:10:54,230 --> 00:10:55,289
CATCH UP WITH SOME PERSONAL
427
00:10:54,230 --> 00:10:55,289
STUFF.
428
00:10:55,289 --> 00:10:58,019
YOU KNOW, I CHECK MY INBOX OR
429
00:10:55,289 --> 00:10:58,019
RETURN SOME EMAILS, AND, OF
430
00:10:58,019 --> 00:11:00,240
COURSE, SEND OUT "THANK YOU
431
00:10:58,019 --> 00:11:00,240
NOTES.
432
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,269
WELL, I WAS RUNNING A BIT
433
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:01,269
BEHIND, SO I THOUGHT IF YOU
434
00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:03,009
GUYS WOULDN'T MIND, I WOULD
435
00:11:01,269 --> 00:11:03,009
LIKE TO WRITE OUT MY WEEKLY
436
00:11:03,009 --> 00:11:08,039
THANK YOU NOTES RIGHT NOW.
437
00:11:03,009 --> 00:11:08,039
JAMES, CAN I GET SOME THANK YOU
438
00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:17,059
NOTE WRITING MUSIC, PLEASE
439
00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:17,059
♪
440
00:11:17,059 --> 00:11:22,169
YOU MOVED A LITTLE BIT
441
00:11:17,059 --> 00:11:22,169
A LITTLE BIT OF MOVEMENT THERE
442
00:11:22,169 --> 00:11:24,059
♪
443
00:11:22,169 --> 00:11:24,059
THANK YOU, CANDY CORN, FOR
444
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:25,049
LOOKING LIKE A 5-YEAR-OLD'S
445
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:25,049
FINGER PAINTING OF
446
00:11:25,049 --> 00:11:32,179
DONALD TRUMP
447
00:11:25,049 --> 00:11:32,179
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
448
00:11:32,179 --> 00:11:35,019
M♪
449
00:11:32,179 --> 00:11:35,019
THANK YOU, APPLE PICKING, FOR
450
00:11:35,019 --> 00:11:36,100
GIVING COUPLES WHO ARE TIRED OF
451
00:11:35,019 --> 00:11:36,100
GETTING INTO FIGHTS AT IKEA AN
452
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:44,259
OUTDOOR ALTERNATIVE.
453
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:44,259
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
454
00:11:44,259 --> 00:11:49,039
I'M GOING TO PUT THEM IN THE
455
00:11:44,259 --> 00:11:49,039
ENVELOPE LATER
456
00:11:49,039 --> 00:11:51,100
>> Tariq: I MEAN, WOW, YOU
457
00:11:49,039 --> 00:11:51,100
REALLY ARE PHONING IT IN TODAY,
458
00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:56,000
HUH?
459
00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:56,000
THERE'S NO GLOSS
460
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,039
>> Jimmy: NO, IT'S NOT -- NO,
461
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,039
THERE IS NEVER GOING TO BE
462
00:11:57,039 --> 00:12:01,039
GLOSS.
463
00:11:57,039 --> 00:12:01,039
>> Tariq: OKAY
464
00:12:01,039 --> 00:12:02,139
SO HOW COME YOU'RE NOT PUTTING
465
00:12:01,039 --> 00:12:02,139
THEM IN THE ENVELOPE NOW
466
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:05,059
BECAUSE OF SHIPOCOLYPSE?
467
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:05,059
>> Jimmy: NO
468
00:12:05,059 --> 00:12:06,120
I'M NOT DOING IT, BECAUSE I
469
00:12:05,059 --> 00:12:06,120
FIGURED, WELL, IT JUST TAKES A
470
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:09,250
A LITTLE EXTRA BEAT OF TIME.
471
00:12:06,120 --> 00:12:09,250
I'LL LICK THE ENVELOPES ON THE
472
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,120
NEXT TWO
473
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:11,120
>> Tariq: DUDE, AFTER LIKE
474
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,179
17 YEARS OF, LIKE, YOU KNOW,
475
00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:12,179
THANK YOU NOTES WHERE YOU PUT
476
00:12:12,179 --> 00:12:18,129
IT IN THE ENVELOPE
477
00:12:12,179 --> 00:12:18,129
NOW WE CAN'T EVEN LOOK FORWARD
478
00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:24,000
TO THAT ON A FRIDAY.
479
00:12:18,129 --> 00:12:24,000
GREAT.
480
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,250
>> Jimmy: TARIQ, NOT EVERYTHING
481
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,250
CAN BE AS GLOSSY AS YOUR SHOES
482
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:32,090
[ LAUGHTER ]
483
00:12:26,250 --> 00:12:32,090
♪
484
00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:38,090
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
485
00:12:32,090 --> 00:12:38,090
>> Questlove: I SAW YOU
486
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,049
SEARCHING AND SEARCHING AND
487
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,049
SEARCHING.
488
00:12:40,049 --> 00:12:46,149
[ LAUGHTER ]
489
00:12:40,049 --> 00:12:46,149
YOU GOT ME
490
00:12:46,149 --> 00:12:47,240
YOU GOT ME
491
00:12:46,149 --> 00:12:47,240
OKAY
492
00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:51,200
♪
493
00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:51,200
>> Jimmy: ALRIGHT, COME ON,
494
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:55,049
JAMES.
495
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:55,049
♪
496
00:12:55,049 --> 00:12:56,090
THANK YOU, DUNKIN'S NEW SPICY
497
00:12:55,049 --> 00:12:56,090
GHOST PEPPER DONUTS FOR
498
00:12:56,090 --> 00:13:03,039
EXPLAINING THEIR NEW SLOGAN,
499
00:12:56,090 --> 00:13:03,039
AMERICAN GETS RUNS ON DUNKIN
500
00:13:03,039 --> 00:13:12,159
[ LAUGHTER ]
501
00:13:03,039 --> 00:13:12,159
THAT'S FOR YOU
502
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,250
♪
503
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:14,250
THANK YOU, PUMPKIN CARVING, FOR
504
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:16,009
TEACHING KIDS THAT HALLOWEEN
505
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:16,009
ISN'T JUST ABOUT TAKING CANDY
506
00:13:16,009 --> 00:13:20,179
FROM STRANGERS
507
00:13:16,009 --> 00:13:20,179
IT'S ALSO ABOUT PLAYING WITH
508
00:13:20,179 --> 00:13:23,210
KNIVES
509
00:13:20,179 --> 00:13:23,210
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
510
00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:31,179
♪
511
00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:31,179
THANK YOU, LEAVES TURNING RED,
512
00:13:31,179 --> 00:13:45,259
OR AS TREES PUT IT, "OMG, THIS
513
00:13:31,179 --> 00:13:45,259
IS SO EMBARRASSING."
514
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:51,200
AMERICA GETS RUNS.
515
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:51,200
♪
516
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:56,250
THANK YOU, REMOVING THE A.C.
517
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:56,250
WINDOW UNIT AT THE END OF
518
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:57,289
SUMMER, FOR BEING THE ONLY
519
00:13:56,250 --> 00:13:57,289
CHORE THAT LEADS TO A POSSIBLE
520
00:13:57,289 --> 00:14:00,289
MANSLAUGHTER CHARGE IF I DO IT
521
00:13:57,289 --> 00:14:00,289
WRONG.
522
00:14:00,289 --> 00:14:08,250
[ LAUGHTER ]
523
00:14:00,289 --> 00:14:08,250
PACK EVERYTHING UP, WE'RE
524
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:16,009
MOVING
525
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:16,009
♪
526
00:14:16,009 --> 00:14:20,149
THANK YOU, HOT STONE MASSAGES,
527
00:14:16,009 --> 00:14:20,149
FOR THE CALMING SENSATION OF
528
00:14:20,149 --> 00:14:22,210
BEING BRANDED.
529
00:14:20,149 --> 00:14:22,210
[ APPLAUSE ]
530
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:24,039
THERE YOU HAVE IT.
531
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:24,039
THOSE ARE MY "THANK YOU NOTES,"
532
00:14:24,039 --> 00:14:25,100
EVERYBODY.
533
00:14:24,039 --> 00:14:25,100
WE HAVE A GREAT SHOW
534
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:26,250
COME ON BACK
535
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:26,250
MORE "TONIGHT SHOW."
536
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:53,220
♪
537
00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:53,220
>> Jimmy: MY FIRST GUEST IS ONE
538
00:14:53,220 --> 00:14:56,009
OF MY FAVORITES.
539
00:14:53,220 --> 00:14:56,009
SHE'S A FIVE-TIME NUMBER ONE
540
00:14:56,009 --> 00:14:59,190
"NEW YORK TIMES" BEST SELLING
541
00:14:56,009 --> 00:14:59,190
AUTHOR, AND A VERY, VERY
542
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:03,019
TALENTED COMEDIENNE.
543
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:03,019
HER NEW STANDUP SPECIAL
544
00:15:03,019 --> 00:15:07,059
"CHELSEA HANDLER, EVOLUTION" IS
545
00:15:03,019 --> 00:15:07,059
STREAMING NOW ON HBOMAX.
546
00:15:07,059 --> 00:15:10,009
HERE IS THE ALWAYS ENTERTAINING
547
00:15:07,059 --> 00:15:10,009
CHELSEA HANDLER!
548
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:13,259
HI, CHELSEA.
549
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:13,259
WELCOME BACK TO THE SHOW
550
00:15:13,259 --> 00:15:17,039
YOU LOOK GREAT, BUD.
551
00:15:13,259 --> 00:15:17,039
THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING ON
552
00:15:17,039 --> 00:15:20,029
THE SHOW, AND ACTUALLY I WANT
553
00:15:17,039 --> 00:15:20,029
TO THANK YOU FOR COMING ON THE
554
00:15:20,029 --> 00:15:23,009
SHOW BACK WHEN WE FIRST STARTED
555
00:15:20,029 --> 00:15:23,009
DOING THE SHOW FROM HOME, FROM
556
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,240
THE -- WHERE WE STARTED THE
557
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,240
QUARANTINE, EARLY IN THE
558
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,049
QUARANTINE
559
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,049
>> YEAH, YOU WEREN'T IN A GOOD
560
00:15:26,049 --> 00:15:28,220
WAY WHEN THE QUARANTINE
561
00:15:26,049 --> 00:15:28,220
STARTED.
562
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,179
I REMEMBER
563
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,179
YOU WERE LIKE -- I WAS LIKE,
564
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,059
"HE BETTER GET BACK TO WORK
565
00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,059
SOON."
566
00:15:32,059 --> 00:15:36,149
YOU WERE LIKE, "HOW LONG AM I
567
00:15:32,059 --> 00:15:36,149
GOING TO HAVE TO STAY HOME?"
568
00:15:36,149 --> 00:15:39,169
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.
569
00:15:36,149 --> 00:15:39,169
I REMEMBER GETTING OFF OF OUR
570
00:15:39,169 --> 00:15:42,129
ZOOM AND I WAS LIKE, "HE'S NOT
571
00:15:39,169 --> 00:15:42,129
GOING TO LIKE THIS
572
00:15:42,129 --> 00:15:45,210
HE'S NOT LIKING QUARANTINE AT
573
00:15:42,129 --> 00:15:45,210
ALL.
574
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,230
>> Jimmy: THAT WAS CHALLENGING,
575
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:47,230
MAN.
576
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:49,159
BUT I DID -- NOW I LOOK BACK
577
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:49,159
AND I GO, "OH, YEAH, I THINK IT
578
00:15:49,159 --> 00:15:52,240
WAS FUN, THE HOME SHOWS.
579
00:15:49,159 --> 00:15:52,240
>> YEAH.
580
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,269
>> Jimmy: BUT I DON'T REMEMBER
581
00:15:52,240 --> 00:15:53,269
THEM REALLY.
582
00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:55,230
IT JUST LIKE -- JUST HAPPENED
583
00:15:53,269 --> 00:15:55,230
SO FAST.
584
00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:58,179
IT WAS JUST ME -- IT WAS NANCY
585
00:15:55,230 --> 00:15:58,179
AND I.
586
00:15:58,179 --> 00:15:59,269
THERE WAS NO ONE -- DID I SAY
587
00:15:58,179 --> 00:15:59,269
ME AND NANCY
588
00:15:59,269 --> 00:16:01,269
JUST ME AND NANCY.
589
00:15:59,269 --> 00:16:01,269
>> IT'S JUST NANCY AND ME IS
590
00:16:01,269 --> 00:16:05,110
REALLY WHAT YOU SHOULD BE
591
00:16:01,269 --> 00:16:05,110
SAYING
592
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:07,100
I MEAN, I HATE TO CONSTANTLY GO
593
00:16:05,110 --> 00:16:07,100
OVER GRAMMAR WITH YOU.
594
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,149
IT'S EXHAUSTING.
595
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,149
>> Jimmy: WE JUST STARTED THE
596
00:16:09,149 --> 00:16:10,259
INTERVIEW.
597
00:16:09,149 --> 00:16:10,259
THAT'S ONE
598
00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:12,250
>> I KNOW.
599
00:16:10,259 --> 00:16:12,250
>> Jimmy: I GET THREE STRIKES.
600
00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:15,070
>> IN THIS INTERVIEW, YOU GET
601
00:16:12,250 --> 00:16:15,070
THREE STRIKES.
602
00:16:15,070 --> 00:16:16,259
IN OUR HISTORY -
603
00:16:15,070 --> 00:16:16,259
>> Jimmy: IN OUR HISTORY, OH,
604
00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:18,149
FORGET IT.
605
00:16:16,259 --> 00:16:18,149
I'M ALREADY -- OH, PLEASE.
606
00:16:18,149 --> 00:16:19,279
ARE YOU KIDDING ME
607
00:16:18,149 --> 00:16:19,279
I'M AWFUL.
608
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,269
I'M BAD WITH THAT.
609
00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,269
I'VE GOT TO FIGURE THAT OUT.
610
00:16:21,269 --> 00:16:23,029
NEXT TIME I TALK TO YOU, YOU
611
00:16:21,269 --> 00:16:23,029
CAN TEST ME ON GRAMMAR AND SEE
612
00:16:23,029 --> 00:16:26,110
IF I'M GETTING BETTER.
613
00:16:23,029 --> 00:16:26,110
>> ALL RIGHT, THAT SOUNDS LIKE
614
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,129
A FAIR SHAKE
615
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,129
THANK YOU.
616
00:16:28,129 --> 00:16:29,190
>> Jimmy: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A
617
00:16:28,129 --> 00:16:29,190
A REALLY EXCITING PART OF THE
618
00:16:29,190 --> 00:16:30,220
INTERVIEW.
619
00:16:29,190 --> 00:16:30,220
>> YEAH, IT SOUNDS LIKE AN
620
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:34,039
EPISODE PEOPLE ARE GOING TO BE
621
00:16:30,220 --> 00:16:34,039
DYING TO SEE
622
00:16:34,039 --> 00:16:37,179
>> Jimmy: "OH DID SEE IT
623
00:16:34,039 --> 00:16:37,179
CHELSEA GRAMMAR EPISODE?
624
00:16:37,179 --> 00:16:39,139
>> CHELSEA -- CHELSEA GRAMMAR.
625
00:16:37,179 --> 00:16:39,139
I CAN TEAM UP WITH
626
00:16:39,139 --> 00:16:42,100
KELSEY GRAMMER
627
00:16:39,139 --> 00:16:42,100
AND WE CAN BOTH DOUBLE TEAM YOU
628
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,289
ON YOUR GRAMMAR.
629
00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,289
>> Jimmy: DO YOU HAVE YOUR
630
00:16:44,289 --> 00:16:47,169
HALLOWEEN COSTUME YET?
631
00:16:44,289 --> 00:16:47,169
IF NOT, YOU COULD BE CHELSEA
632
00:16:47,169 --> 00:16:49,159
GRAMMAR.
633
00:16:47,169 --> 00:16:49,159
>> THAT'S IT
634
00:16:49,159 --> 00:16:51,220
>> Jimmy: I'M JUST SAYING.
635
00:16:49,159 --> 00:16:51,220
ARE YOU A HALLOWEEN PERSON
636
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:55,000
I FEEL LIKE YOU WERE AND NOW
637
00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:55,000
YOU'RE NOT
638
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,100
>> IT'S WEIRD THAT YOU WOULD
639
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,100
THINK THAT, BUT I'M NOT INTO
640
00:16:56,100 --> 00:17:00,240
DRESSING UP.
641
00:16:56,100 --> 00:17:00,240
I FEEL LIKE IT'S DEGRADING
642
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,100
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
643
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,100
>> Jimmy: YEAH
644
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,159
>> I'M NOT INTO COSTUMES
645
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,159
YOU'RE A GOOD SPORT, AND I
646
00:17:03,159 --> 00:17:04,150
DON'T HAVE A GOOD SPORT
647
00:17:03,159 --> 00:17:04,150
ATTITUDE
648
00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:05,279
I'M KIND OF LIKE A SCROOGE WHEN
649
00:17:04,150 --> 00:17:05,279
IT COMES TO PEOPLE TELLING ME
650
00:17:05,279 --> 00:17:08,099
WHAT TO DO ON A CERTAIN DAY OF
651
00:17:05,279 --> 00:17:08,099
THE YEAR
652
00:17:08,099 --> 00:17:15,170
I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT
653
00:17:08,099 --> 00:17:15,170
[ LAUGHTER ]
654
00:17:15,170 --> 00:17:16,240
IT'S LIKE CHRISTMAS, "NO, DON'T
655
00:17:15,170 --> 00:17:16,240
TELL ME WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO
656
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:17,289
GIVE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY
657
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:17,289
GIFTS AND CELEBRATE SOMETHING I
658
00:17:17,289 --> 00:17:26,180
DON'T EACH BELIEVE IN.
659
00:17:17,289 --> 00:17:26,180
>> Jimmy: I AGREE WITH YOU
660
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:28,039
"MOTHER, DON'T TELL ME WHAT YOU
661
00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:28,039
WANT FOR CHRISTMAS
662
00:17:28,039 --> 00:17:29,200
THAT'S THE WHOLE IDEA -- NO,
663
00:17:28,039 --> 00:17:29,200
I'M GIVING A GIFT.
664
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,150
I'M JUST GIVING AND EITHER YOU
665
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,150
TAKE IT AND 'GO WOW, OKAY.'"
666
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:35,069
>> YEAH.
667
00:17:32,150 --> 00:17:35,069
>> Jimmy: YOU GET WHAT YOU GET
668
00:17:35,069 --> 00:17:37,119
>> THIS CHRISTMAS IS GOING TO
669
00:17:35,069 --> 00:17:37,119
BE DIFFERENT BECAUSE LIKE --
670
00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:42,000
YOU KNOW, LIKE YOU, I SPENT
671
00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:42,000
A LOT OF TIME WITH MY FAMILY
672
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,119
BUT I SPENT A LOT OF TIME, THEY
673
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,119
DESCENDED UPON MY HOUSE WHEN
674
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,240
QUARANTINE STARTED
675
00:17:45,119 --> 00:17:47,240
MY SISTER, SIMONE, WHO I USED
676
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,170
TO LIKE A LOT MORE, AND HER
677
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,170
THREE CHILDREN
678
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,119
THEY LIVED WITH ME FOR TWO
679
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:52,119
MONTHS
680
00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:55,039
AND THAT WAS, YOU KNOW,
681
00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:55,039
WONDERFUL TO SEE MY HOUSE BEING
682
00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:58,029
USED IN THAT WAY
683
00:17:55,039 --> 00:17:58,029
BUT IT WAS A LOT OF TIME WITH
684
00:17:58,029 --> 00:18:01,109
CHILDREN THAT I CHOSE NOT TO
685
00:17:58,029 --> 00:18:01,109
HAVE ON MY OWN, YOU KNOW
686
00:18:01,109 --> 00:18:03,000
SO IT FELT LIKE, WAIT A SECOND,
687
00:18:01,109 --> 00:18:03,000
I MADE THE RIGHT DECISIONS IN
688
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,140
MY LIFE, YET I'M BEING
689
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:07,140
PUNISHED
690
00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:10,130
AND THEN OVER THE SUMMER, WE
691
00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:10,130
WENT ON FOR LIKE A TWO-WEEK
692
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:12,220
FAMILY VACATION WITH MY ENTIRE
693
00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:12,220
FAMILY
694
00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:15,049
>> Jimmy: AWW.
695
00:18:12,220 --> 00:18:15,049
>> AND WITH ALL MY NIECES AND
696
00:18:15,049 --> 00:18:16,059
NEPHEWS.
697
00:18:15,049 --> 00:18:16,059
SO FOR CHRISTMAS, THEY'RE LIKE,
698
00:18:16,059 --> 00:18:18,049
"WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR
699
00:18:16,059 --> 00:18:18,049
CHRISTMAS?
700
00:18:18,049 --> 00:18:20,250
AND WE USUALLY GO FOR CANADA
701
00:18:18,049 --> 00:18:20,250
I'M LIKE, "WE CAN'T GET INTO
702
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:23,140
CANADA THIS YEAR, BECAUSE WE'RE
703
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:23,140
PARIAHS.
704
00:18:23,140 --> 00:18:26,150
WE CAN'T GO SKIING."
705
00:18:23,140 --> 00:18:26,150
I SAID, "SO I GUESS EVERYONE IS
706
00:18:26,150 --> 00:18:28,210
ON THEIR OWN THIS YEAR FOR
707
00:18:26,150 --> 00:18:28,210
COVID.
708
00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:34,279
YOU KNOW, WE ALREADY HAD THE
709
00:18:28,210 --> 00:18:34,279
VACATION AT MARTHA'S VINEYARD.
710
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,170
AND MY BROTHER ACTUALLY HAD THE
711
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,170
AUDACITY TO SAY TO ME, "WHAT
712
00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:38,220
ABOUT YOU COMING EAST AND WE
713
00:18:36,170 --> 00:18:38,220
ALL GO SKIING IN VERMONT?"
714
00:18:38,220 --> 00:18:41,170
I GO, "I DON'T THINK YOU'RE
715
00:18:38,220 --> 00:18:41,170
GETTING THE MESSAGE.
716
00:18:41,170 --> 00:18:43,029
I'M NOT CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS
717
00:18:41,170 --> 00:18:43,029
WITH YOU GUYS, OKAY?
718
00:18:43,029 --> 00:18:45,029
I WANT TO BE ALONE."
719
00:18:43,029 --> 00:18:45,029
>> Jimmy: NO
720
00:18:45,029 --> 00:18:47,109
YOU'RE LIKE, "I DON'T GO TO
721
00:18:45,029 --> 00:18:47,109
YOU, WE GO TO A PLACE.
722
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:49,029
BUT I'M NOT GONNA GO -- WHAT
723
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:49,029
ARE WE -- I THINK YOU'RE GOING
724
00:18:49,029 --> 00:18:52,180
TO GO.
725
00:18:49,029 --> 00:18:52,180
>> I'M NOT GOING TO VERMONT.
726
00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:53,250
I'M NOT.
727
00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:53,250
>> Jimmy: TURNS OUT I DON'T
728
00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:56,170
KNOW YOU AT ALL.
729
00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:56,170
>> NO, YOU DON'T
730
00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:57,250
IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE THE MORE
731
00:18:56,170 --> 00:18:57,250
WE TALK THE LESS IT SEEMS LIKE
732
00:18:57,250 --> 00:19:00,150
YOU KNOW
733
00:18:57,250 --> 00:19:00,150
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
734
00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:01,220
>> Jimmy: I'VE READ THE BOOKS,
735
00:19:00,150 --> 00:19:01,220
I'VE SEEN THE SPECIALS, I WATCH
736
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:05,059
THE SHOW
737
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:05,059
I'VE WATCHED -- I'VE SEEN
738
00:19:05,059 --> 00:19:07,049
EVERYTHING, THE WHOLE -- THE
739
00:19:05,059 --> 00:19:07,049
EVOLUTION.
740
00:19:07,049 --> 00:19:09,240
I'M NOT SEGUEING YET, BUT THE
741
00:19:07,049 --> 00:19:09,240
EVOLUTION OF YOUR CAREER
742
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,230
I'VE BEEN THERE.
743
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:11,230
WE'RE GETTING CLOSE.
744
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:13,019
>> YOU HAVE.
745
00:19:11,230 --> 00:19:13,019
>> Jimmy: I HAVE THE LONG
746
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,000
SETUP.
747
00:19:13,019 --> 00:19:15,000
SO I SAY EVOLUTION, THEN
748
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,059
EVENTUALLY WE'LL GET TO THE
749
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,059
SETUP.
750
00:19:17,059 --> 00:19:19,059
BUT NOT YET.
751
00:19:17,059 --> 00:19:19,059
>> OKAY, SHOULD I JUST WAIT
752
00:19:19,059 --> 00:19:20,279
HERE
753
00:19:19,059 --> 00:19:20,279
SHOULD I JUST WAIT HERE?
754
00:19:20,279 --> 00:19:22,200
>> Jimmy: YES.
755
00:19:20,279 --> 00:19:22,200
YOU SHOULD JUST WAIT THERE
756
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:26,150
I WAS THINKING IS MY GRAMMAR
757
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:26,150
CORRECT ON THAT?
758
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:28,180
YOU'RE VERY OPEN ABOUT HOW
759
00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:28,180
THERAPY HAS HELPED YOU BECOME
760
00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:34,220
A MORE PATIENT PERSON IN SOME
761
00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:34,220
WAYS
762
00:19:34,220 --> 00:19:36,170
IS THAT SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE
763
00:19:34,220 --> 00:19:36,170
TO WORK ON ALL THE TIME AND
764
00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:39,089
STILL DO
765
00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:39,089
>> WELL, YES
766
00:19:39,089 --> 00:19:41,029
I MEAN, FOR SURE
767
00:19:39,089 --> 00:19:41,029
IF I COULD HAVE LEARNED HOW TO
768
00:19:41,029 --> 00:19:44,130
GET A HANDLE ON MY PATIENCE,
769
00:19:41,029 --> 00:19:44,130
ANYONE CAN
770
00:19:44,130 --> 00:19:47,210
AND YOU KNOW, YOU THINK YOU'RE
771
00:19:44,130 --> 00:19:47,210
DOING WELL, LIKE I -- YOU KNOW,
772
00:19:47,210 --> 00:19:48,269
I'M MAKING A LOT OF
773
00:19:47,210 --> 00:19:48,269
IMPROVEMENTS, I'M LESS
774
00:19:48,269 --> 00:19:53,019
REACTIVE
775
00:19:48,269 --> 00:19:53,019
BUT WHEN I CAME HOME THE LAST
776
00:19:53,019 --> 00:19:54,279
TRIP, I HAD BEEN GONE TWO
777
00:19:53,019 --> 00:19:54,279
MONTHS
778
00:19:54,279 --> 00:19:56,140
I WENT AND SHOT MY SPECIAL, I
779
00:19:54,279 --> 00:19:56,140
WENT ON MY FAMILY VACATION,
780
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:59,150
THEN I RENTED A HOUSE IN MAINE
781
00:19:56,140 --> 00:19:59,150
FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS.
782
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:03,269
AND I CAME HOME AND MY
783
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:03,269
ASSISTANT HAD HAD ALL THE DECKS
784
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:07,190
PAINTED BLACK, DARK, DARK
785
00:20:03,269 --> 00:20:07,190
BLACK.
786
00:20:07,190 --> 00:20:10,240
PAINT ON MY WOOD, MY EPAY WOOD,
787
00:20:07,190 --> 00:20:10,240
AND MY HOUSE
788
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,220
AND THIS IS -- AND I THINK, YOU
789
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,220
KNOW, LIKE "OH, I'M REASONABLE
790
00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:16,099
I'M A RATIONAL PERSON.
791
00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:16,099
I WALKED OUTSIDE, SAW MY -- AND
792
00:20:16,099 --> 00:20:18,259
MY DECKS, AND MY HOUSE, AND
793
00:20:16,099 --> 00:20:18,259
COMPASS, EVERYTHING.
794
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:21,140
AND I WENT OFF
795
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:21,140
I WAS LIKE, "HOW COULD YOU
796
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:25,160
THINK THAT I WOULD THINK THAT
797
00:20:21,140 --> 00:20:25,160
THIS WOULD LOOK GOOD
798
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,220
BLACK PAINT!
799
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:27,220
>> Jimmy: YEAH
800
00:20:27,220 --> 00:20:28,210
>> I GO, "IT'S TOO HOT TO EVEN
801
00:20:27,220 --> 00:20:28,210
WALK ON.
802
00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:31,289
THE DOGS ARE GOING TO SCALD
803
00:20:28,210 --> 00:20:31,289
THEIR LITTLE BABY PAWS."
804
00:20:31,289 --> 00:20:33,150
AND THEN -- I COULDN'T BELIEVE
805
00:20:31,289 --> 00:20:33,150
IT
806
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:34,240
I GO, "HOW COULD YOU THINK I
807
00:20:33,150 --> 00:20:34,240
WOULD LIKE PAINT?"
808
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,180
>> Jimmy: YES.
809
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:36,180
>> "HOW COULD YOU PAINT WOOD
810
00:20:36,180 --> 00:20:37,240
AND HOW COULD PAINT IT THIS
811
00:20:36,180 --> 00:20:37,240
COLOR?
812
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,029
>> Jimmy: "AM I A PERSON THAT
813
00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:39,029
LOOKS LIKE THEY LIKE PAINTED
814
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:41,190
WOOD
815
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:41,190
DON'T YOU KNOW ME?
816
00:20:41,190 --> 00:20:43,210
>> YEAH, AND I LOOKED -- AND
817
00:20:41,190 --> 00:20:43,210
I'M LIKE -
818
00:20:43,210 --> 00:20:46,059
AS SOON AS IT'S OUT AND I'M
819
00:20:43,210 --> 00:20:46,059
SCREAMING AND SAYING THESE
820
00:20:46,059 --> 00:20:48,119
WORDS AND BEING SUCH A SMALL
821
00:20:46,059 --> 00:20:48,119
PERSON AND I'M WORRIED ABOUT MY
822
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,240
STUPID DECKS WHEN WE'RE IN THE
823
00:20:48,119 --> 00:20:50,240
MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC, I WAS
824
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,230
LIKE "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT
825
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,230
UP, YOU'RE BEING A BITCH
826
00:20:52,230 --> 00:20:55,220
SHUT UP, SHUT UP
827
00:20:52,230 --> 00:20:55,220
STOP TALKING
828
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:57,029
STOP TALKING."
829
00:20:55,220 --> 00:20:57,029
AND I'M LIKE, "YOU THINK YOU'RE
830
00:20:57,029 --> 00:20:58,079
ALL, YOU KNOW, FIXED OR BETTER
831
00:20:57,029 --> 00:20:58,079
AND THEN YOU HAVE A SLIP-UP
832
00:20:58,079 --> 00:21:02,079
LIKE THAT," AND THAT WAS
833
00:20:58,079 --> 00:21:02,079
EMBARRASSING
834
00:21:02,079 --> 00:21:04,170
I HAD TO APOLOGIZE TO MY
835
00:21:02,079 --> 00:21:04,170
ASSISTANT 'CAUSE I HAD AN
836
00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:06,089
OUTBURST LIKE I HADN'T HAD IN
837
00:21:04,170 --> 00:21:06,089
YEARS.
838
00:21:06,089 --> 00:21:09,019
SO IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS
839
00:21:06,089 --> 00:21:09,019
>> Jimmy: YEAH, I HAVE TO CALL
840
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:12,130
YOUR THERAPIST, 'CAUSE I HAVE
841
00:21:09,019 --> 00:21:12,130
THE SAME PROBLEM
842
00:21:12,130 --> 00:21:15,019
DID YOU -- LET'S GET INTO
843
00:21:12,130 --> 00:21:15,019
SOMETHING LESS STRESSFUL
844
00:21:15,019 --> 00:21:16,240
DID YOU WATCH THE DEBATE LAST
845
00:21:15,019 --> 00:21:16,240
NIGHT?
846
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,160
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
847
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:19,160
>> YOU KNOW WHAT
848
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,220
I TOOK MYSELF OUT TO DINNER
849
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:20,220
INSTEAD OF WATCHING THE DEBATE,
850
00:21:20,220 --> 00:21:22,019
BECAUSE I HEARD THAT IDIOT TALK
851
00:21:20,220 --> 00:21:22,019
FOR FOUR YEARS AND I DON'T NEED
852
00:21:22,019 --> 00:21:30,240
TO HEAR HIM SAY ANOTHER WORD
853
00:21:22,019 --> 00:21:30,240
I MEAN, SERIOUSLY.
854
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,279
MY BLOOD PRESSURE, YOU COULD
855
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:31,279
ALREADY TELL WHEN I GET
856
00:21:31,279 --> 00:21:33,220
AGGRAVATED
857
00:21:31,279 --> 00:21:33,220
IT'S NOT GOOD FOR ANYBODY.
858
00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:35,049
>> Jimmy: NO
859
00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:35,049
>> SO I CAN'T WATCH HIM TALK
860
00:21:35,049 --> 00:21:38,000
NO THANKS.
861
00:21:35,049 --> 00:21:38,000
>> Jimmy: I THINK -- GO.
862
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,029
>> AND YOU KNOW, YOU HEARD
863
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,029
ABOUT MY EX-BOYFRIEND, RIGHT
864
00:21:39,029 --> 00:21:44,079
50 CENT AND HIS SUPPORT OF
865
00:21:39,029 --> 00:21:44,079
DONALD TRUMP
866
00:21:44,079 --> 00:21:45,210
HOW HE TWEETED ABOUT IT.
867
00:21:44,079 --> 00:21:45,210
>> Jimmy: YEAH, WHAT'S GOING
868
00:21:45,210 --> 00:21:46,240
ON
869
00:21:45,210 --> 00:21:46,240
I SAW YOUR TWEETS AND I GO,
870
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,089
"WAIT, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
871
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,089
'CAUSE YOU SAID HE WAS YOUR
872
00:21:48,089 --> 00:21:51,210
FAVORITE EX-BOYFRIEND.
873
00:21:48,089 --> 00:21:51,210
AND THEN HE -- WHAT DOES HE DO
874
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:54,089
HE'S SUPPORTING TRUMP?
875
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:54,089
>> HE SAYS HE DOESN'T WANT TO
876
00:21:54,089 --> 00:21:55,099
PAY 62% OF TAXES, WHICH BY THE
877
00:21:54,089 --> 00:21:55,099
WAY, ISN'T A PLAN OF
878
00:21:55,099 --> 00:22:00,190
JOE BIDEN'S.
879
00:21:55,099 --> 00:22:00,190
THAT'S A LIE
880
00:22:00,190 --> 00:22:01,279
SO HE DOESN'T WANT TO PAY 62%
881
00:22:00,190 --> 00:22:01,279
OF TAXES BECAUSE HE DOESN'T
882
00:22:01,279 --> 00:22:07,089
WANT TO GO FROM BEING 50 CENT
883
00:22:01,279 --> 00:22:07,089
TO 20 CENT
884
00:22:07,089 --> 00:22:10,269
AND I -- AND I HAD TO REMIND
885
00:22:07,089 --> 00:22:10,269
HIM THAT HE WAS A BLACK PERSON
886
00:22:10,269 --> 00:22:12,160
SO HE CAN'T VOTE FOR
887
00:22:10,269 --> 00:22:12,160
DONALD TRUMP AND THAT HE
888
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:13,220
SHOULDN'T BE INFLUENCING AN
889
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:13,220
ENTIRE SWATH OF PEOPLE WHO MAY
890
00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:14,269
LISTEN TO HIM BECAUSE HE'S
891
00:22:13,220 --> 00:22:14,269
WORRIED ABOUT HIS OWN PERSONAL
892
00:22:14,269 --> 00:22:22,029
POCKETBOOK
893
00:22:14,269 --> 00:22:22,029
SO I HAVEN'T HEARD BACK FROM
894
00:22:22,029 --> 00:22:25,269
HIM YET, BUT I AM WILLING TO,
895
00:22:22,029 --> 00:22:25,269
YOU KNOW, SEAL THE DEAL IN MORE
896
00:22:25,269 --> 00:22:27,039
WAYS THAN ONE IF HE CHANGES HIS
897
00:22:25,269 --> 00:22:27,039
MIND AND PUBLICLY DENOUNCES
898
00:22:27,039 --> 00:22:31,240
DONALD TRUMP
899
00:22:27,039 --> 00:22:31,240
I MIGHT BE WILLING TO GO FOR
900
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:35,089
ANOTHER SPIN, IF YOU KNOW WHAT
901
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:35,089
I'M TALKING ABOUT.
902
00:22:35,089 --> 00:22:37,170
>> Jimmy: CHELSEA, I WANT TO
903
00:22:35,089 --> 00:22:37,170
TALK ABOUT YOUR NEW STANDUP
904
00:22:37,170 --> 00:22:42,119
SPECIAL, WHICH IS -- I HAVE SO
905
00:22:37,170 --> 00:22:42,119
MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT IT AND HOW
906
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:45,069
YOU PULLED IT OFF.
907
00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:45,069
AND DO YOU MIND STICKING AROUND
908
00:22:45,069 --> 00:22:48,259
FOR TWO MORE MINUTES
909
00:22:45,069 --> 00:22:48,259
>> I WOULD LOVE TO
910
00:22:48,259 --> 00:22:50,279
>> Jimmy: MORE WITH
911
00:22:48,259 --> 00:22:50,279
CHELSEA HANDLER WHEN WE COME
912
00:22:50,279 --> 00:22:52,240
BACK
913
00:22:50,279 --> 00:22:52,240
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
914
00:22:52,240 --> 00:23:10,220
♪
915
00:22:52,240 --> 00:23:10,220
>> Jimmy: WELCOME BACK,
916
00:23:10,220 --> 00:23:11,210
EVERYBODY.
917
00:23:10,220 --> 00:23:11,210
I'M TALKING WITH
918
00:23:11,210 --> 00:23:14,180
CHELSEA HANDLER.
919
00:23:11,210 --> 00:23:14,180
CHELSEA, CONGRATS ON THE NEW
920
00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:18,039
STANDUP SPECIAL "EVOLUTION."
921
00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:18,039
STANDUP, I MEAN -- BY THE WAY,
922
00:23:18,039 --> 00:23:23,009
IT'S YOUR FIRST STANDUP IN SIX
923
00:23:18,039 --> 00:23:23,009
YEARS.
924
00:23:23,009 --> 00:23:26,230
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
925
00:23:23,009 --> 00:23:26,230
WHY HAS IT BEEN SIX YEARS?
926
00:23:26,230 --> 00:23:28,220
>> WELL, BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE
927
00:23:26,230 --> 00:23:28,220
REALLY ANYTHING TO SAY
928
00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:31,039
YOU KNOW, I KIND OF NEEDED A
929
00:23:28,220 --> 00:23:31,039
A TIME-OUT FROM EVERYTHING
930
00:23:31,039 --> 00:23:34,049
YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE
931
00:23:31,039 --> 00:23:34,049
ON A SHOW EVERY SINGLE DAY
932
00:23:34,049 --> 00:23:37,069
SO I KIND OF JUST BURNED OUT IN
933
00:23:34,049 --> 00:23:37,069
A BIG WAY.
934
00:23:37,069 --> 00:23:38,130
BUT WHEN I DID MY BOOK TOUR
935
00:23:37,069 --> 00:23:38,130
LAST YEAR AND I WAS DOING THE
936
00:23:38,130 --> 00:23:39,190
TOUR BEING INTERVIEWED BY
937
00:23:38,130 --> 00:23:39,190
PEOPLE, LIKE, ABOUT WHAT WAS IN
938
00:23:39,190 --> 00:23:44,230
THE BOOK
939
00:23:39,190 --> 00:23:44,230
AND AS I WAS TELLING THESE
940
00:23:44,230 --> 00:23:45,250
STORIES, I'M LIKE, "OH, I'M
941
00:23:44,230 --> 00:23:45,250
WARMING UP MY SET IN AN
942
00:23:45,250 --> 00:23:47,000
INTERVIEW STYLE SO THAT I CAN
943
00:23:45,250 --> 00:23:47,000
GET SOME LEGS UNDERNEATH IT
944
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,069
BEFORE I GET UP AND TRY STANDUP
945
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,069
AGAIN BECAUSE I HADN'T DONE IT
946
00:23:48,069 --> 00:23:57,079
SO LONG.
947
00:23:48,069 --> 00:23:57,079
I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IF ANYONE
948
00:23:57,079 --> 00:24:00,029
WOULD WANT ME TO DO IT OR WANT
949
00:23:57,079 --> 00:24:00,029
TO SEE ANYTHING I WAS DOING.
950
00:24:00,029 --> 00:24:01,089
YOU KNOW, OR IF I COULD SELL
951
00:24:00,029 --> 00:24:01,089
TICKETS IN THE SAME WAY BECAUSE
952
00:24:01,089 --> 00:24:05,099
I WASN'T ON A TV SHOW ALL THE
953
00:24:01,089 --> 00:24:05,099
TIME
954
00:24:05,099 --> 00:24:09,180
SO IT WAS A REAL HUMBLING,
955
00:24:05,099 --> 00:24:09,180
LIKE, FORAY OUT THERE.
956
00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:10,240
YOU KNOW, LIKE PUTTING MYSELF
957
00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:10,240
OUT THERE IN THAT WAY WAS GOOD
958
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,259
FOR ME BECAUSE I NEEDED TO KIND
959
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,259
OF GET A LITTLE HUMBLED.
960
00:24:13,259 --> 00:24:16,000
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN
961
00:24:13,259 --> 00:24:16,000
I WANTED TO REALLY GIVE
962
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,069
SOMETHING DURING THIS TIME
963
00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:18,069
YOU KNOW, I WANTED TO PUT
964
00:24:18,069 --> 00:24:19,190
SOMETHING OUT THERE THAT WAS
965
00:24:18,069 --> 00:24:19,190
GOING TO BRING SOME RELIEF AND
966
00:24:19,190 --> 00:24:23,240
SOME JOY AND SOME HUMANITY TO
967
00:24:19,190 --> 00:24:23,240
THIS DARK TIME THAT WE'RE ALL
968
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,289
LIVING IN.
969
00:24:23,240 --> 00:24:25,289
>> Jimmy: WE NEED IT RIGHT NOW
970
00:24:25,289 --> 00:24:30,009
WE NEED IT
971
00:24:25,289 --> 00:24:30,009
IT'S SO FUNNY, THE SPECIAL, BUT
972
00:24:30,009 --> 00:24:31,170
ALSO, IT'S -- RAW AND KIND OF
973
00:24:30,009 --> 00:24:31,170
EMOTIONAL.
974
00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:34,250
>> YEAH.
975
00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:34,250
>> Jimmy: AND YOU DO TALK ABOUT
976
00:24:34,250 --> 00:24:38,170
YOUR OLDER BROTHER, WHO DIED
977
00:24:34,250 --> 00:24:38,170
WHEN YOU WERE NINE AND THE
978
00:24:38,170 --> 00:24:42,220
IMPACT IT HAD ON YOU AND THE
979
00:24:38,170 --> 00:24:42,220
FAMILY
980
00:24:42,220 --> 00:24:45,130
YOU WENT THERE
981
00:24:42,220 --> 00:24:45,130
>> YEAH.
982
00:24:45,130 --> 00:24:48,089
I MEAN, IT ALWAYS WAS A THING
983
00:24:45,130 --> 00:24:48,089
FOR ME
984
00:24:48,089 --> 00:24:49,140
YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER WATCHING
985
00:24:48,089 --> 00:24:49,140
"STEEL MAGNOLIAS," YOU KNOW
986
00:24:49,140 --> 00:24:50,210
THAT SCENE WHERE JULIA ROBERTS'
987
00:24:49,140 --> 00:24:50,210
CHARACTER DIES AND SALLY FIELD
988
00:24:50,210 --> 00:24:51,259
IS HYSTERICALLY CRYING, AND
989
00:24:50,210 --> 00:24:51,259
SHE'S JUST, LIKE, "I JUST WANT
990
00:24:51,259 --> 00:24:59,089
TO HIT SOMEBODY, I JUST WANT TO
991
00:24:51,259 --> 00:24:59,089
HIT SOMEBODY."
992
00:24:59,089 --> 00:25:03,049
AND THEN, OLIVIA DUKAKIS IS
993
00:24:59,089 --> 00:25:03,049
LIKE "HERE, HIT WEEZA," AND
994
00:25:03,049 --> 00:25:06,000
THROWS HER IN HER FACE, RIGHT.
995
00:25:03,049 --> 00:25:06,000
[ LAUGHTER ]
996
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,029
SO YOU HAVE THAT PIVOT FROM
997
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,029
THAT HYSTERICAL, LIKE
998
00:25:07,029 --> 00:25:14,160
HYSTERICALLY CRYING TO THIS
999
00:25:07,029 --> 00:25:14,160
HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER AND JOY.
1000
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:15,240
AND I THOUGHT, "OH, WHEN I SAW
1001
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:15,240
"HANNAH GATSBY: SPECIAL" A FEW
1002
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,009
YEARS AGO AND SHE WAS ABLE TO
1003
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,009
DO THAT, I THOUGHT "OH, YOU CAN
1004
00:25:17,009 --> 00:25:18,029
DO THAT IN THIS MEDIUM."
1005
00:25:17,009 --> 00:25:18,029
YOU CAN BE ORIGINAL AND MAKE
1006
00:25:18,029 --> 00:25:27,289
IT -- I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN
1007
00:25:18,029 --> 00:25:27,289
MARRY THOSE MOMENTS.
1008
00:25:27,289 --> 00:25:32,200
YOU CAN STILL HAVE HYSTERICAL
1009
00:25:27,289 --> 00:25:32,200
JOKES FOR 45 MINUTES AND GET
1010
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:33,289
SERIOUS FOR FIVE MINUTES
1011
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:33,289
LIKE, THERE'S NO REASON THAT
1012
00:25:33,289 --> 00:25:35,049
THAT FORM IS, YOU KNOW, IT'S
1013
00:25:33,289 --> 00:25:35,049
NOT SO RIGID AND DEFINED AS IT
1014
00:25:35,049 --> 00:25:39,049
USED TO BE
1015
00:25:35,049 --> 00:25:39,049
SO IT WAS CHALLENGING AND IT
1016
00:25:39,049 --> 00:25:40,099
WAS JUST -- IT FEELS SO GOOD
1017
00:25:39,049 --> 00:25:40,099
THAT I WAS ABLE TO ACCOMPLISH
1018
00:25:40,099 --> 00:25:45,210
SOMETHING DURING COVID
1019
00:25:40,099 --> 00:25:45,210
>> Jimmy: BECAUSE I'VE NEVER
1020
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:48,289
SEEN YOU DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT
1021
00:25:45,210 --> 00:25:48,289
USUALLY, IT'S ALL JOKES THE
1022
00:25:48,289 --> 00:25:51,140
WHOLE THING.
1023
00:25:48,289 --> 00:25:51,140
WHICH I LOVE
1024
00:25:51,140 --> 00:25:52,190
BUT THIS WAS A GOOD LITTLE
1025
00:25:51,140 --> 00:25:52,190
THING AND EVERYONE IS LIKE --
1026
00:25:52,190 --> 00:25:53,250
AND AFTER READING YOUR LAST
1027
00:25:52,190 --> 00:25:53,250
BOOK, LEARNING MORE ABOUT YOU
1028
00:25:53,250 --> 00:25:59,259
AND YOUR FAMILY, IT'S A PERSON
1029
00:25:53,250 --> 00:25:59,259
UP THERE
1030
00:25:59,259 --> 00:26:04,269
BUT YOU DID IT PERFECTLY
1031
00:25:59,259 --> 00:26:04,269
YOU WROTE THE LINE PERFECTLY
1032
00:26:04,269 --> 00:26:07,089
AND YOU DID IT IN NEW JERSEY
1033
00:26:04,269 --> 00:26:07,089
>> THANK YOU
1034
00:26:07,089 --> 00:26:08,180
I DID IT IN NEW JERSEY
1035
00:26:07,089 --> 00:26:08,180
I THOUGHT IT WAS A NICE
1036
00:26:08,180 --> 00:26:12,140
HOMECOMING
1037
00:26:08,180 --> 00:26:12,140
I WANTED TO LIKE HAVE A NIGHT
1038
00:26:12,140 --> 00:26:14,200
OUT IN MY HOMETOWN WHERE PEOPLE
1039
00:26:12,140 --> 00:26:14,200
COULD COME, YOU HAVE TO
1040
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,250
QUARANTINE TO EVEN BE IN MY
1041
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,250
AUDIENCE
1042
00:26:16,250 --> 00:26:18,009
SO THESE PEOPLE, SOME OF THEM
1043
00:26:16,250 --> 00:26:18,009
HADN'T BEEN OUT FOR COVID THE
1044
00:26:18,009 --> 00:26:20,240
WHOLE TIME
1045
00:26:18,009 --> 00:26:20,240
AND THEN, BRINGING THEM INTO
1046
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,019
THIS BEAUTIFUL OUTDOOR TRAIN
1047
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,019
STATION, I CALL IT LIBERTY
1048
00:26:23,019 --> 00:26:27,029
STATION.
1049
00:26:23,019 --> 00:26:27,029
AND MY VIEW WAS OF THE
1050
00:26:27,029 --> 00:26:30,259
MANHATTAN SKYLINE.
1051
00:26:27,029 --> 00:26:30,259
SO IT JUST FELT GREAT TO LIKE
1052
00:26:30,259 --> 00:26:33,109
BRING THAT KIND OF RELIEF.
1053
00:26:30,259 --> 00:26:33,109
AND IT JUST REMINDED ME OF,
1054
00:26:33,109 --> 00:26:35,230
LIKE, "OH, YEAH, YOU KNOW,
1055
00:26:33,109 --> 00:26:35,230
WE'VE GOT TO, LIKE -- PEOPLE
1056
00:26:35,230 --> 00:26:39,259
ARE DEPENDING ON US TO BRING
1057
00:26:35,230 --> 00:26:39,259
JOY AND LAUGHTER TO THIS TIME.
1058
00:26:39,259 --> 00:26:41,000
AND YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW IT AS
1059
00:26:39,259 --> 00:26:41,000
WELL AS I KNOW IT THAT IT'S
1060
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,099
A RESPONSIBILITY THAT WE SHOULD
1061
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:42,099
TAKE A LOT OF PRIDE IN, YOU
1062
00:26:42,099 --> 00:26:50,250
KNOW, IN HONORING AND BRING IT,
1063
00:26:42,099 --> 00:26:50,250
LIKE BRING IT.
1064
00:26:50,250 --> 00:26:53,140
BRING THE COMEDY, BRING THE
1065
00:26:50,250 --> 00:26:53,140
LAUGHTER, BRING ME SOMETHING
1066
00:26:53,140 --> 00:26:54,200
>> Jimmy: WE DON'T HAVE AN
1067
00:26:53,140 --> 00:26:54,200
OPTION RIGHT NOW
1068
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,150
WE HAVE TO DO IT
1069
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,150
YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP, YEAH.
1070
00:26:57,150 --> 00:26:59,200
IT'S AWESOME THAT YOU DID THIS
1071
00:26:57,150 --> 00:26:59,200
I LOVE IT, AND I LOVE -- DON'T
1072
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,259
FORGET WHERE YOU CAME FROM
1073
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,259
I LOVE THAT.
1074
00:27:01,259 --> 00:27:04,049
IT'S SO COOL
1075
00:27:01,259 --> 00:27:04,049
I WANT TO SHOW A CLIP.
1076
00:27:04,049 --> 00:27:04,240
HERE'S CHELSEA HANDLER IN HER
1077
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,259
STANDUP SPECIAL "EVOLUTION" ON
1078
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:06,259
HBO MAX.
1079
00:27:05,269 --> 00:27:06,259
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
1080
00:27:08,089 --> 00:27:09,140
>> I'M LIKE, I SPEND TONS OF
1081
00:27:08,089 --> 00:27:09,140
TIMES IN HOTELS AND I GET HOME
1082
00:27:09,140 --> 00:27:12,170
AT LIKE 1:00, 2:00 IN THE
1083
00:27:09,140 --> 00:27:12,170
MORNING.
1084
00:27:12,170 --> 00:27:13,240
I WANT MY SNACK AND I CALL DOWN
1085
00:27:12,170 --> 00:27:13,240
AND I ORDER WHAT I WANT FROM
1086
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:18,019
ROOM SERVICE
1087
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:18,019
AND THAT'S TOO SLOW.
1088
00:27:18,019 --> 00:27:20,240
AT 1:30 IN THE MORNING, THERE
1089
00:27:18,019 --> 00:27:20,240
SHOULD BE LIKE A DOUBLE SPEED,
1090
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,259
YOU KNOW, WHERE PEOPLE ARE
1091
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,259
QUICKER AND MORE ALERT OR JUST
1092
00:27:22,259 --> 00:27:26,019
QUICKER.
1093
00:27:22,259 --> 00:27:26,019
THEN THEY WANT TO REPEAT THE
1094
00:27:26,019 --> 00:27:29,000
ORDER BACK TO ME
1095
00:27:26,019 --> 00:27:29,000
IT'S LIKE, "PLEASE, WHATEVER
1096
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,250
YOU THINK YOU HEARD, JUST BRING
1097
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,250
DOUBLE."
1098
00:27:30,250 --> 00:27:33,250
[ LAUGHTER ]
1099
00:27:30,250 --> 00:27:33,250
AND DON'T SAY CHICKEN FINGERS
1100
00:27:33,250 --> 00:27:36,059
OUT LOUD AGAIN
1101
00:27:33,250 --> 00:27:36,059
I'M 45 YEARS OLD
1102
00:27:36,059 --> 00:27:38,109
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE THIS
1103
00:27:36,059 --> 00:27:38,109
CONVERSATION
1104
00:27:38,109 --> 00:27:40,099
>> Jimmy: CHELSEA HANDLER,
1105
00:27:38,109 --> 00:27:40,099
EVERYBODY.
1106
00:27:40,099 --> 00:27:43,049
"CHELSEA HANDLER: EVOLUTION" IS
1107
00:27:40,099 --> 00:27:43,049
STREAMING NOW ON HBO MAX
1108
00:27:43,049 --> 00:27:45,210
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH
1109
00:27:43,049 --> 00:27:45,210
SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS
1110
00:27:45,210 --> 00:28:03,160
STICK AROUND, EVERYBODY.
1111
00:27:45,210 --> 00:28:03,160
♪
1112
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:04,220
>> Jimmy: MY NEXT GUEST IS A
1113
00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:04,220
A SENATOR FROM THE GREAT STATE
1114
00:28:04,220 --> 00:28:07,069
OF VERMONT
1115
00:28:04,220 --> 00:28:07,069
I'M PLEASED TO WELCOME HIM BACK
1116
00:28:07,069 --> 00:28:10,279
TO THE SHOW.
1117
00:28:07,069 --> 00:28:10,279
HERE IS SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS
1118
00:28:10,279 --> 00:28:14,099
HEY, SENATOR SANDERS
1119
00:28:10,279 --> 00:28:14,099
YOU LOOK GREAT
1120
00:28:14,099 --> 00:28:15,200
REALLY GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN
1121
00:28:14,099 --> 00:28:15,200
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING
1122
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:19,069
HERE
1123
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:19,069
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME, JIMMY
1124
00:28:19,069 --> 00:28:20,259
>> Jimmy: THERE'S A LOT TO TALK
1125
00:28:19,069 --> 00:28:20,259
ABOUT.
1126
00:28:20,259 --> 00:28:22,019
FIRST, I WOULD LOVE TO GET YOUR
1127
00:28:20,259 --> 00:28:22,019
THOUGHTS ON LAST NIGHT'S
1128
00:28:22,019 --> 00:28:25,279
DEBATE
1129
00:28:22,019 --> 00:28:25,279
>> WELL, WHAT I THINK IS THAT
1130
00:28:25,279 --> 00:28:30,029
IT WAS CERTAINLY NOT AS CRAZY
1131
00:28:25,279 --> 00:28:30,029
A DEBATE AS THE FIRST DEBATE
1132
00:28:30,029 --> 00:28:32,069
>> Jimmy: YEAH
1133
00:28:30,029 --> 00:28:32,069
>> BUT I CONTINUE TO BE
1134
00:28:32,069 --> 00:28:34,069
ASTOUNDED BY THE DEGREE TO
1135
00:28:32,069 --> 00:28:34,069
WHICH DONALD TRUMP LIES.
1136
00:28:34,069 --> 00:28:39,089
JUST LIES AND LIES AND LIES.
1137
00:28:34,069 --> 00:28:39,089
NOT ONLY HIS LIES, HIS DOWN
1138
00:28:39,089 --> 00:28:42,099
PLAYING OF THIS TERRIBLE
1139
00:28:39,089 --> 00:28:42,099
PANDEMIC FROM DAY ONE IS JUST
1140
00:28:42,099 --> 00:28:49,160
ASTOUNDING TO ME
1141
00:28:42,099 --> 00:28:49,160
AND I HOPE THE AMERICAN PEOPLE
1142
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:50,210
UNDERSTAND THAT BECAUSE OF HIS
1143
00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:50,210
IRRESPONSIBILITY, BECAUSE OF
1144
00:28:50,210 --> 00:28:51,269
HIS REJECTION OF SCIENCE, HIS
1145
00:28:50,210 --> 00:28:51,269
ATTACKS ON DR. FAUCI THAT TENS
1146
00:28:51,269 --> 00:29:03,160
OF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE HAVE
1147
00:28:51,269 --> 00:29:03,160
DIED UNNECESSARILY
1148
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,180
>> Jimmy: ONE OF THE THINGS I
1149
00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:05,180
ADMIRED ABOUT YOU IS THAT YOU
1150
00:29:05,180 --> 00:29:06,240
ENDORSED VICE PRESIDENT BIDEN,
1151
00:29:05,180 --> 00:29:06,240
ALTHOUGH YOU DON'T AGREE WITH
1152
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:14,069
HIM ON EVERY ISSUE
1153
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:14,069
I JUST THINK THAT SENDS -- WHAT
1154
00:29:14,069 --> 00:29:20,269
MESSAGE ARE YOU SENDING THERE?
1155
00:29:14,069 --> 00:29:20,269
>> WELL, THE MESSAGE IS THAT -
1156
00:29:20,269 --> 00:29:22,289
LET ME BE VERY FRANK, AND NOT
1157
00:29:20,269 --> 00:29:22,289
EVERYBODY WILL AGREE WITH ME,
1158
00:29:22,289 --> 00:29:24,059
BUT I THINK THAT DONALD TRUMP
1159
00:29:22,289 --> 00:29:24,059
IS THE MOST DANGEROUS PRESIDENT
1160
00:29:24,059 --> 00:29:25,109
IN THE MODERN HISTORY OF THIS
1161
00:29:24,059 --> 00:29:25,109
COUNTRY, AND IT'S NOT JUST
1162
00:29:25,109 --> 00:29:31,220
BECAUSE HE LIES ALL THE TIME
1163
00:29:25,109 --> 00:29:31,220
IT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE HE
1164
00:29:31,220 --> 00:29:34,180
DOESN'T BELIEVE IN SCIENCE
1165
00:29:31,220 --> 00:29:34,180
IT'S NOT JUST BECAUSE HE'S A
1166
00:29:34,180 --> 00:29:35,210
A RACIST OR A SEXIST OR
1167
00:29:34,180 --> 00:29:35,210
A HOMOPHOBE OR A XENOPHOBE, IT
1168
00:29:35,210 --> 00:29:36,200
IS BECAUSE HE IS QUITE
1169
00:29:35,210 --> 00:29:36,200
INTENTIONALLY TRYING TO
1170
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:46,079
UNDERMINE AMERICAN DEMOCRACY
1171
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:46,079
TRYING TO SUPPRESS THE VOTE.
1172
00:29:46,079 --> 00:29:50,190
WE ARE A DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY.
1173
00:29:46,079 --> 00:29:50,190
PEOPLE HAVE FOUGHT AND DIED TO
1174
00:29:50,190 --> 00:29:54,170
DEFEND OUR DEMOCRACY, AND WE
1175
00:29:50,190 --> 00:29:54,170
CANNOT RE-ELECT THE PRESIDENT
1176
00:29:54,170 --> 00:29:57,160
WHO DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THE
1177
00:29:54,170 --> 00:29:57,160
RULE OF LAW, OUR CONSTITUTION,
1178
00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:01,259
OR IN FACT, OUR DEMOCRACY.
1179
00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:01,259
I HAVE KNOWN JOE FOR MANY, MANY
1180
00:30:01,259 --> 00:30:05,289
YEARS.
1181
00:30:01,259 --> 00:30:05,289
HE IS A VERY DECENT GUY.
1182
00:30:05,289 --> 00:30:07,069
AS YOU HAVE INDICATED, HE AND I
1183
00:30:05,289 --> 00:30:07,069
HAVE DIFFERENCES OF OPINIONS ON
1184
00:30:07,069 --> 00:30:10,119
A NUMBER OF ISSUES
1185
00:30:07,069 --> 00:30:10,119
BUT I CAN VOUCH FOR HIS DECENCY
1186
00:30:10,119 --> 00:30:15,269
AND HIS BELIEF IN THE RULE OF
1187
00:30:10,119 --> 00:30:15,269
LAW AND DEMOCRACY.
1188
00:30:15,269 --> 00:30:17,029
>> Jimmy: WHEN WAS THE FIRST
1189
00:30:15,269 --> 00:30:17,029
TIME -- DO YOU REMEMBER MEETING
1190
00:30:17,029 --> 00:30:21,039
JOE BIDEN, THE VICE PRESIDENT?
1191
00:30:17,029 --> 00:30:21,039
>> I DO.
1192
00:30:21,039 --> 00:30:24,119
HE WAS A SENATOR AND I WAS A
1193
00:30:21,039 --> 00:30:24,119
A SENATOR.
1194
00:30:24,119 --> 00:30:25,150
HE WAS AROUND FOR A VERY LONG
1195
00:30:24,119 --> 00:30:25,150
TIME
1196
00:30:25,150 --> 00:30:26,250
I WAS NEW.
1197
00:30:25,150 --> 00:30:26,250
AND THE THING I THINK THAT
1198
00:30:26,250 --> 00:30:27,279
PEOPLE WILL LEARN ABOUT
1199
00:30:26,250 --> 00:30:27,279
JOE BIDEN, HE IS A VERY, VERY
1200
00:30:27,279 --> 00:30:33,049
DOWN-TO-EARTH GUY.
1201
00:30:27,279 --> 00:30:33,049
MY WIFE REMEMBERS THE FIRST
1202
00:30:33,049 --> 00:30:37,130
TIME THAT SHE MET HIM, AND SHE
1203
00:30:33,049 --> 00:30:37,130
NEVER TALKED TO HIM AT ALL
1204
00:30:37,130 --> 00:30:39,119
HE SAT DOWN AND HE CHATTED WITH
1205
00:30:37,130 --> 00:30:39,119
HER ABOUT IRELAND, THEIR
1206
00:30:39,119 --> 00:30:41,079
FAMILIES BOTH COME FROM
1207
00:30:39,119 --> 00:30:41,079
IRELAND.
1208
00:30:41,079 --> 00:30:45,220
>> Jimmy: YEAH
1209
00:30:41,079 --> 00:30:45,220
>> VERY HUMAN GUY.
1210
00:30:45,220 --> 00:30:49,099
A VERY EMPATHETIC GUY.
1211
00:30:45,220 --> 00:30:49,099
>> Jimmy: ALTHOUGH THE ELECTION
1212
00:30:49,099 --> 00:30:50,160
IS NOVEMBER 3RD, AND IT'S BEEN
1213
00:30:49,099 --> 00:30:50,160
SAID WE WON'T KNOW THE RESULTS
1214
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:56,039
UNTIL DAYS LATER
1215
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:56,039
WHEN DO YOU THINK WE'LL KNOW
1216
00:30:56,039 --> 00:30:59,160
THE RESULTS?
1217
00:30:56,039 --> 00:30:59,160
>> JIMMY, YOU RAISE AN
1218
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:00,230
IMPORTANT POINT, AND I HOPE THE
1219
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:00,230
AMERICAN PEOPLE UNDERSTAND IT,
1220
00:31:00,230 --> 00:31:06,049
BECAUSE THIS IS SOMETHING I
1221
00:31:00,230 --> 00:31:06,049
WORRY ABOUT.
1222
00:31:06,049 --> 00:31:10,170
MY VIEW IS EVERY VOTE MUST BE
1223
00:31:06,049 --> 00:31:10,170
COUNTED.
1224
00:31:10,170 --> 00:31:13,269
FOR REASONS WHICH I DON'T HAVE
1225
00:31:10,170 --> 00:31:13,269
THE TIME TO GET INTO TONIGHT,
1226
00:31:13,269 --> 00:31:14,269
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A
1227
00:31:13,269 --> 00:31:14,269
A SITUATION, I SUSPECT, IN
1228
00:31:14,269 --> 00:31:15,289
STATES LIKE PENNSYLVANIA,
1229
00:31:14,269 --> 00:31:15,289
MICHIGAN, WISCONSIN, OTHER
1230
00:31:15,289 --> 00:31:17,059
STATES, WHERE THEY ARE GOING TO
1231
00:31:15,289 --> 00:31:17,059
BE RECEIVING HUGE AMOUNTS OF
1232
00:31:17,059 --> 00:31:29,200
MAIL-IN BALLOTS.
1233
00:31:17,059 --> 00:31:29,200
AND UNLIKE STATES LIKE FLORIDA
1234
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,240
OR VERMONT, THEY'RE NOT ABLE,
1235
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:30,240
FOR BAD REASONS, TO BEGIN
1236
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,009
PROCESSING THOSE BALLOTS UNTIL,
1237
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,009
I DON'T KNOW, ELECTION DAY OR
1238
00:31:32,009 --> 00:31:43,250
MAYBE WHEN THE POLLS CLOSE
1239
00:31:32,009 --> 00:31:43,250
THAT MEANS YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
1240
00:31:43,250 --> 00:31:48,000
STATES DEALING WITH PERHAPS
1241
00:31:43,250 --> 00:31:48,000
MILLIONS OF MAIL-IN BALLOTS.
1242
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:51,049
HERE IS MY WORRY
1243
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:51,049
WHAT POLLS SHOW, AND WHAT
1244
00:31:51,049 --> 00:31:53,279
STUDIES HAVE SHOWN IS THAT FOR
1245
00:31:51,049 --> 00:31:53,279
WHATEVER REASON, DEMOCRATS ARE
1246
00:31:53,279 --> 00:32:00,000
MORE LIKELY TO USE MAIL-IN
1247
00:31:53,279 --> 00:32:00,000
BALLOTS.
1248
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,069
REPUBLICANS ARE MORE LIKELY TO
1249
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,069
WALK INTO POLLING BOOTHS ON
1250
00:32:01,069 --> 00:32:06,099
ELECTION DAY
1251
00:32:01,069 --> 00:32:06,099
IT IS LIKELY THAT THE FIRST
1252
00:32:06,099 --> 00:32:07,170
VOTES THAT WILL BE COUNTED WILL
1253
00:32:06,099 --> 00:32:07,170
BE THOSE PEOPLE WHO CAME IN ON
1254
00:32:07,170 --> 00:32:13,289
ELECTION DAY, WHICH WILL BE
1255
00:32:07,170 --> 00:32:13,289
REPUBLICAN
1256
00:32:13,289 --> 00:32:16,160
AND HERE IS THE FEAR, AND I
1257
00:32:13,289 --> 00:32:16,160
HOPE EVERYBODY HEARS THIS.
1258
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:17,250
IT COULD WELL BE, I DON'T KNOW
1259
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:17,250
WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN, NOBODY
1260
00:32:17,250 --> 00:32:20,220
DOES
1261
00:32:17,250 --> 00:32:20,220
BUT IT COULD WELL BE AT
1262
00:32:20,220 --> 00:32:21,269
10:00 ON ELECTION NIGHT, TRUMP
1263
00:32:20,220 --> 00:32:21,269
IS WINNING IN MICHIGAN, HE'S
1264
00:32:21,269 --> 00:32:23,029
WINNING IN PENNSYLVANIA, HE'S
1265
00:32:21,269 --> 00:32:23,029
WINNING IN WISCONSIN, AND HE
1266
00:32:23,029 --> 00:32:24,089
GETS ON THE TELEVISION AND HE
1267
00:32:23,029 --> 00:32:24,089
SAYS THANK YOU, AMERICANS, FOR
1268
00:32:24,089 --> 00:32:35,029
RE-ELECTING ME
1269
00:32:24,089 --> 00:32:35,029
IT'S ALL OVER.
1270
00:32:35,029 --> 00:32:38,130
HAVE A GOOD DAY.
1271
00:32:35,029 --> 00:32:38,130
BUT THEN THE NEXT DAY AND THE
1272
00:32:38,130 --> 00:32:41,259
DAY FOLLOWING, ALL OF THOSE
1273
00:32:38,130 --> 00:32:41,259
MAIL-IN BALLOTS START GETTING
1274
00:32:41,259 --> 00:32:46,099
COUNTED AND IT TURNS OUT THAT
1275
00:32:41,259 --> 00:32:46,099
BIDEN HAS WON THOSE STATES
1276
00:32:46,099 --> 00:32:47,160
AT WHICH POINT TRUMP SAYS,
1277
00:32:46,099 --> 00:32:47,160
"SEE, I TOLD WHOLE THING WAS
1278
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:51,279
FRAUDULENT
1279
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:51,279
I TOLD YOU THOSE MAIL-IN
1280
00:32:51,279 --> 00:32:55,130
BALLOTS WERE CROOKED
1281
00:32:51,279 --> 00:32:55,130
AND I'VE GOT -- WE'RE NOT GOING
1282
00:32:55,130 --> 00:33:00,109
TO LEAVE OFFICE.
1283
00:32:55,130 --> 00:33:00,109
SO THAT IS A WORRY THAT I AND
1284
00:33:00,109 --> 00:33:02,230
A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE
1285
00:33:00,109 --> 00:33:02,230
SO THE RESULTS, YOU KNOW, WE
1286
00:33:02,230 --> 00:33:05,009
DON'T KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENED
1287
00:33:02,230 --> 00:33:05,009
MAYBE THE RESULTS WILL BE KNOWN
1288
00:33:05,009 --> 00:33:08,000
ON ELECTION NIGHT.
1289
00:33:05,009 --> 00:33:08,000
BUT PEOPLE SHOULD BE AWARE OF
1290
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,150
THAT POSSIBILITY
1291
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,150
>> Jimmy: I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE
1292
00:33:11,150 --> 00:33:17,279
BEEN WORKING WITH PEOPLE
1293
00:33:11,150 --> 00:33:17,279
RUNNING IN TEXAS
1294
00:33:17,279 --> 00:33:20,259
WHY IS TEXAS IMPORTANT
1295
00:33:17,279 --> 00:33:20,259
I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE
1296
00:33:20,259 --> 00:33:27,140
HIGHLIGHTING TEXAS
1297
00:33:20,259 --> 00:33:27,140
>> I THINK THAT TEXAS MAY BE --
1298
00:33:27,140 --> 00:33:28,180
IN MANY WAYS, TEXAS IS THE
1299
00:33:27,140 --> 00:33:28,180
FUTURE OF PROGRESSIVE POLITICS
1300
00:33:28,180 --> 00:33:36,279
IN AMERICA
1301
00:33:28,180 --> 00:33:36,279
HISTORICALLY, BECAUSE THERE HAS
1302
00:33:36,279 --> 00:33:39,269
BEEN A LOT OF VOTER
1303
00:33:36,279 --> 00:33:39,269
SUPPRESSION.
1304
00:33:39,269 --> 00:33:42,289
TEXAS IS ONE OF THE STATES
1305
00:33:39,269 --> 00:33:42,289
WHERE THEIR REPUBLICAN STATE
1306
00:33:42,289 --> 00:33:45,049
GOVERNMENT HAS, FOR A LONG
1307
00:33:42,289 --> 00:33:45,049
TIME, TRIED TO MAKE IT AS
1308
00:33:45,049 --> 00:33:49,089
DIFFICULT AS POSSIBLE FOR
1309
00:33:45,049 --> 00:33:49,089
PEOPLE TO VOTE
1310
00:33:49,089 --> 00:33:50,160
BUT YOU HAVE FOLKS OVER THERE,
1311
00:33:49,089 --> 00:33:50,160
BETO O'ROURKE AND OTHERS ARE
1312
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:55,160
DOING A GREAT JOB REGISTERING
1313
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:55,160
PEOPLE, GETTING PEOPLE TO VOTE
1314
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:56,210
THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT IF
1315
00:33:55,160 --> 00:33:56,210
TEXAS BECOMES A BLUE STATE AND
1316
00:33:56,210 --> 00:33:57,279
A PROGRESSIVE STATE, AS I THINK
1317
00:33:56,210 --> 00:33:57,279
IT CAN, IT HAS A LOT OF YOUNG
1318
00:33:57,279 --> 00:34:05,049
PEOPLE
1319
00:33:57,279 --> 00:34:05,049
IT HAS A LOT OF LATINOS, A LOT
1320
00:34:05,049 --> 00:34:09,000
OF AFRICAN-AMERICANS
1321
00:34:05,049 --> 00:34:09,000
IT CAN BECOME A PROGRESSIVE
1322
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,090
STATE.
1323
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:12,090
AND IF THAT HAPPENS, AND IF
1324
00:34:12,090 --> 00:34:13,130
THOSE 38 ELECTORAL VOTES GO
1325
00:34:12,090 --> 00:34:13,130
DEMOCRATIC, THEN WE HAVE
1326
00:34:13,130 --> 00:34:17,150
CHANGED THE FACE OF AMERICAN
1327
00:34:13,130 --> 00:34:17,150
POLITICS
1328
00:34:17,150 --> 00:34:20,289
>> Jimmy: WOW.
1329
00:34:17,150 --> 00:34:20,289
I THINK THAT WOULD BE -- THAT
1330
00:34:20,289 --> 00:34:22,190
WOULD BE -- I MEAN, ARE PEOPLE
1331
00:34:20,289 --> 00:34:22,190
PREDICTING THAT?
1332
00:34:22,190 --> 00:34:25,269
OR THIS IS JUST YOUR PEOPLE?
1333
00:34:22,190 --> 00:34:25,269
>> THERE'S NO QUESTION THE
1334
00:34:25,269 --> 00:34:28,139
TREND IS WITH US
1335
00:34:25,269 --> 00:34:28,139
WHAT WE DON'T KNOW IS HOW IT
1336
00:34:28,139 --> 00:34:34,239
PLAYS OUT THIS ELECTION.
1337
00:34:28,139 --> 00:34:34,239
AND TO THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE
1338
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,130
WHO SAY, "OH, TEXAS IS A
1339
00:34:34,239 --> 00:34:36,130
A CONSERVATIVE STATE."
1340
00:34:36,130 --> 00:34:38,289
TRUST ME, IT IS NOT.
1341
00:34:36,130 --> 00:34:38,289
YOU HAVE SOME GREAT, GREAT
1342
00:34:38,289 --> 00:34:43,010
PROGRESSIVE CANDIDATES WHO ARE
1343
00:34:38,289 --> 00:34:43,010
RUNNING FOR OFFICE WHO STAND A
1344
00:34:43,010 --> 00:34:47,079
A GREAT CHANCE TO WIN, AND THE
1345
00:34:43,010 --> 00:34:47,079
FUTURE IS WITH PROGRESSIVE
1346
00:34:47,079 --> 00:34:49,289
POLITICS IN TEXAS.
1347
00:34:47,079 --> 00:34:49,289
>> Jimmy: IT WILL BE
1348
00:34:49,289 --> 00:34:53,139
INTERESTING TO WATCH WHAT
1349
00:34:49,289 --> 00:34:53,139
HAPPENS IN TEXAS
1350
00:34:53,139 --> 00:34:55,199
BERNIE SANDERS, THANK YOU SO
1351
00:34:53,139 --> 00:34:55,199
MUCH FOR COMING BACK TO MY
1352
00:34:55,199 --> 00:34:58,000
SHOW
1353
00:34:55,199 --> 00:34:58,000
AND GIVE MY BEST TO THE
1354
00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,150
GRANDKIDS.
1355
00:34:58,000 --> 00:34:59,150
I KNOW WE ALWAYS TALK ABOUT
1356
00:34:59,150 --> 00:35:02,239
THEM EVERY TIME YOU'RE ON.
1357
00:34:59,150 --> 00:35:02,239
YOU ALWAYS SMILE EVERY TIME I
1358
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:05,099
BRING THEM UP.
1359
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:05,099
BUT I APPRECIATE YOU COMING
1360
00:35:05,099 --> 00:35:06,269
BACK ON THE SHOW
1361
00:35:05,099 --> 00:35:06,269
IT MEANS A LOT TO ME, SO THANK
1362
00:35:06,269 --> 00:35:08,210
YOU.
1363
00:35:06,269 --> 00:35:08,210
SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS,
1364
00:35:08,210 --> 00:35:11,260
EVERYONE
1365
00:35:08,210 --> 00:35:11,260
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A
1366
00:35:11,260 --> 00:35:12,219
A PERFORMANCE FROM THE WAR ON
1367
00:35:11,260 --> 00:35:12,219
DRUGS.
1368
00:35:12,219 --> 00:35:27,119
STICK AROUND
1369
00:35:12,219 --> 00:35:27,119
♪
1370
00:35:27,119 --> 00:35:30,099
>> Jimmy: PERFORMING THEIR NEW
1371
00:35:27,119 --> 00:35:30,099
UNRELEASED SONG "OCEAN OF
1372
00:35:30,099 --> 00:35:31,059
DARKNESS," HERE IS THE WAR ON
1373
00:35:31,059 --> 00:35:52,130
DRUGS.
1374
00:35:32,260 --> 00:35:52,130
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
1375
00:35:35,110 --> 00:35:52,130
♪
1376
00:35:59,130 --> 00:36:08,010
FOR JUST YOU AND M
1377
00:35:59,130 --> 00:36:08,010
GOT CAUGHT IN A CROSSWIN
1378
00:36:08,010 --> 00:36:17,010
UNFORTUNATELY ♪
1379
00:36:08,010 --> 00:36:17,010
♪ I FEEL LIKE AN ORPHAN
1380
00:36:17,010 --> 00:36:24,010
PLEASE COMFORT M
1381
00:36:17,010 --> 00:36:24,010
I WAS BORN IN
1382
00:36:24,010 --> 00:36:29,239
ROLLING WAVE ♪
1383
00:36:24,010 --> 00:36:29,239
♪ THE SEA NEVER END
1384
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:34,250
I WAS TIRED OF WAITING
1385
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:34,250
PULLING THE ROPE
1386
00:36:34,250 --> 00:36:41,079
FEELING MISUNDERSTOOD ♪
1387
00:36:34,250 --> 00:36:41,079
♪ AND NOW FLOWING AWAY INTO
1388
00:36:41,079 --> 00:36:45,170
THESE OCEANS OF DARKNESS
1389
00:36:41,079 --> 00:36:45,170
COME PULLING ME BACK
1390
00:36:45,170 --> 00:36:51,010
FOR GOOD ♪
1391
00:36:45,170 --> 00:36:51,010
♪ OOOH YEAH ♪
1392
00:36:51,010 --> 00:37:00,059
♪
1393
00:36:51,010 --> 00:37:00,059
♪ NOW YOU'RE JUST A
1394
00:37:00,059 --> 00:37:04,269
POOR BOY
1395
00:37:00,059 --> 00:37:04,269
YOUR BLOOD RUSHE
1396
00:37:04,269 --> 00:37:12,289
THROUGH ME ♪
1397
00:37:04,269 --> 00:37:12,289
♪ ALONE IN THIS GREAT DIVID
1398
00:37:12,289 --> 00:37:22,019
TO LOVE AND UNDERSTANDIN
1399
00:37:12,289 --> 00:37:22,019
ONCE I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD
1400
00:37:22,019 --> 00:37:31,039
I'D STARE AT THE CEILING ♪
1401
00:37:22,019 --> 00:37:31,039
♪ GET LOST IN A MEMOR
1402
00:37:31,039 --> 00:37:37,010
REMEMBER THE FEELING
1403
00:37:31,039 --> 00:37:37,010
I WAS TIRED OF WAITING
1404
00:37:37,010 --> 00:37:43,139
IN THE OLD ROAD♪
1405
00:37:37,010 --> 00:37:43,139
♪ FEELING MISUNDERSTOOD
1406
00:37:43,139 --> 00:37:48,159
AND NOW FLOATING AWAY INTO
1407
00:37:43,139 --> 00:37:48,159
THESE OCEANS OF DARKNESS
1408
00:37:48,159 --> 00:37:53,170
COME PULLING ME BACK ♪
1409
00:37:48,159 --> 00:37:53,170
♪ FOR GOO
1410
00:37:53,170 --> 00:38:13,079
OOOH YEAH ♪
1411
00:37:53,170 --> 00:38:13,079
♪
1412
00:38:13,079 --> 00:38:17,210
♪ I GOT CAUGHT IN THI
1413
00:38:13,079 --> 00:38:17,210
GREAT BIG WAVE
1414
00:38:17,210 --> 00:38:22,070
MY BLOOD RUSHE
1415
00:38:17,210 --> 00:38:22,070
THROUGH YOU ♪
1416
00:38:22,070 --> 00:38:26,079
♪ SOME MOMENTS AR
1417
00:38:22,070 --> 00:38:26,079
REAL MOONLIGHT
1418
00:38:26,079 --> 00:38:36,030
BEFORE THEY DESTROYED YO
1419
00:38:26,079 --> 00:38:36,030
I'M JUST A POOR OLD BOY ♪
1420
00:38:36,030 --> 00:38:41,070
♪ DROWNING AWAY
1421
00:38:36,030 --> 00:38:41,070
GOT CAUGHT I
1422
00:38:41,070 --> 00:38:48,030
THE CROSSFIR
1423
00:38:41,070 --> 00:38:48,030
UNFORTUNATELY ♪
1424
00:38:48,030 --> 00:38:52,239
♪ I WAS TIRED OF WAITIN
1425
00:38:48,030 --> 00:38:52,239
IN THE OLD ROA
1426
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:58,280
FEELING MISUNDERSTOO
1427
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:58,280
AND NOW FADING AWAY ♪
1428
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:05,050
♪ INTO THESE OCEANS OF DARKNESS
1429
00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:05,050
COME PULLING ME BACK FOR GOO
1430
00:39:05,050 --> 00:39:08,130
YEAH ♪
1431
00:39:05,050 --> 00:39:08,130
♪ I'M TIRED OF WAITIN
1432
00:39:08,130 --> 00:39:11,019
MY LOVE OVERFLOWIN
1433
00:39:08,130 --> 00:39:11,019
THEY TOOK YOU FOR ALL THEY
1434
00:39:11,019 --> 00:39:16,289
COULD ♪
1435
00:39:11,019 --> 00:39:16,289
♪ AND NOW I'M FADING AWAY
1436
00:39:16,289 --> 00:39:19,210
INTO THESE
1437
00:39:16,289 --> 00:39:19,210
OCEANS OF DARKNESS
1438
00:39:19,210 --> 00:39:25,050
COMING PULLING ME BACK ♪
1439
00:39:19,210 --> 00:39:25,050
♪ FOR GOO
1440
00:39:25,050 --> 00:39:34,010
OOOH ♪
1441
00:39:25,050 --> 00:39:34,010
♪
1442
00:39:34,010 --> 00:39:42,230
♪ WOOO ♪
1443
00:39:34,010 --> 00:39:42,230
♪
1444
00:39:42,230 --> 00:39:51,190
♪ WOOO ♪
1445
00:39:42,230 --> 00:39:51,190
♪
1446
00:39:51,190 --> 00:40:06,079
♪ WOOO ♪
1447
00:39:51,190 --> 00:40:06,079
♪
1448
00:40:06,079 --> 00:40:09,219
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
1449
00:40:06,079 --> 00:40:09,219
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU TO THE WAR
1450
00:40:09,219 --> 00:40:11,170
ON DRUGS
1451
00:40:09,219 --> 00:40:11,170
STICK AROUND FOR MORE "TONIGHT
1452
00:40:11,170 --> 00:40:14,210
SHOW," EVERYBODY
1453
00:40:11,170 --> 00:40:14,210
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
1454
00:40:14,210 --> 00:40:29,250
♪
1455
00:40:14,210 --> 00:40:29,250
>> Jimmy: THANK YOU ALL FOR
1456
00:40:29,250 --> 00:40:31,070
WATCHING
1457
00:40:29,250 --> 00:40:31,070
STAY SAFE OUT THERE.
1458
00:40:31,070 --> 00:40:33,000
WASH YOUR HANDS.
1459
00:40:31,070 --> 00:40:33,000
DON'T TOUCH YOUR FACE.
1460
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,019
STAY TUNED FOR "LATE NIGHT WITH
1461
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,019
SETH MEYERS.
1462
00:40:35,019 --> 00:40:40,260
GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY.
1463
00:40:35,019 --> 00:40:40,260
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE
1464
00:40:40,260 --> 00:40:55,050
♪
90964
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