subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Bad President 2020 720p WEB-DL x264 ESubs - MkvHub.Com_2

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,430 --> 00:00:02,200 [metallic thud] 2 00:00:02,230 --> 00:00:04,970 [ominous humming] 3 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:07,710 [flames crackling] 4 00:00:19,250 --> 00:00:22,020 [upbeat rhythmic music] 5 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:02,730 [bottle clatters] 6 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:21,310 [Luther chuckles] 7 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:24,030 ... 8 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:26,380 [Misery crying] 9 00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:28,490 Oh, you just cry. 10 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,390 You're just a little crybaby. 11 00:01:30,420 --> 00:01:31,620 That's all you do. 12 00:01:31,660 --> 00:01:32,560 Ahhh. 13 00:01:32,590 --> 00:01:34,060 - Ah, crybaby. - Crybaby. 14 00:01:34,090 --> 00:01:35,230 - [bat thuds] - Shut up! 15 00:01:38,830 --> 00:01:41,300 Minions, we have a problem. 16 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:47,070 Do any of you bickering geniuses know what that problem is? 17 00:01:48,140 --> 00:01:49,740 We have a recruiting problem. 18 00:01:51,340 --> 00:01:54,410 It has been years since we've had anybody 19 00:01:54,450 --> 00:01:58,050 in the game doing any kind of fucking damage. 20 00:01:59,150 --> 00:02:00,820 Gonna tell me why that is? 21 00:02:00,850 --> 00:02:02,150 To be fair... 22 00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:06,830 When have I ever been fair? 23 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:08,390 It's tough out there. 24 00:02:08,430 --> 00:02:10,660 What do we do when we go out recruiting? 25 00:02:10,700 --> 00:02:12,470 What do we look for? 26 00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:13,630 Greed. 27 00:02:13,660 --> 00:02:15,330 - And? - Chaos. 28 00:02:15,370 --> 00:02:16,300 Exactly. 29 00:02:16,330 --> 00:02:17,840 - And? - Rage. 30 00:02:17,870 --> 00:02:20,470 This is what I'm talking about! 31 00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:23,510 Rage against everything that is decent 32 00:02:23,540 --> 00:02:25,610 in this fucked up world. 33 00:02:27,550 --> 00:02:30,250 Do we have anybody that'll fit that bill? 34 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,120 The Kardashian sisters. 35 00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:33,450 They're witches! 36 00:02:34,290 --> 00:02:35,120 Succubus. 37 00:02:36,220 --> 00:02:38,120 They can suck a man's soul 38 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,260 and his testosterone right out of his dick. 39 00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:44,130 Look what they did to Bruce. 40 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:45,560 They couldn't get the juice. 41 00:02:46,430 --> 00:02:48,670 That dude had potentials. 42 00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:51,870 Find a new Jeffrey Dahmer or Bernie Madoff. 43 00:02:53,570 --> 00:02:55,170 I know somebody. 44 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:56,880 Somebody good. 45 00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:58,810 And what makes him a good one? 46 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,910 He's got all three of our key requirements. 47 00:03:01,950 --> 00:03:03,580 He's a narcissist. 48 00:03:03,610 --> 00:03:05,380 He's Machiavellian- 49 00:03:05,420 --> 00:03:06,790 A psychopath? 50 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:07,890 A dark triad. 51 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,660 And he wants to be president of the United States, 52 00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,890 which could set a new record for chaos. 53 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,130 I like it. 54 00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:18,200 Who are we talking about? 55 00:03:18,230 --> 00:03:20,300 Donald Trump. 56 00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:21,500 [Anger laughs] 57 00:03:21,530 --> 00:03:22,670 [Misery screams] 58 00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:24,170 What? What's wrong with him? 59 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,270 He's a fucking idiot for number one. 60 00:03:26,310 --> 00:03:27,310 He's perfect. 61 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:29,240 He has no shame. 62 00:03:29,270 --> 00:03:30,210 - [Shame laughs] - Number two, 63 00:03:30,240 --> 00:03:31,040 three, and four. 64 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,250 He's filed for bankruptcy three times. 65 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,210 He's filed Chapter 11, 11 times. 66 00:03:35,250 --> 00:03:37,820 Everything he's touched has turned to shit. 67 00:03:37,850 --> 00:03:39,420 If he didn't have a rich father, 68 00:03:39,450 --> 00:03:41,250 this motherfucker would be working 69 00:03:41,290 --> 00:03:43,720 at Popeye's Chicken selling that fucking sandwich to people. 70 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,530 That's what makes him the perfect candidate. 71 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,230 He wants to be president, 72 00:03:48,260 --> 00:03:49,430 the leader of the free world, 73 00:03:49,460 --> 00:03:53,530 and you [chuckles], you can make it happen. 74 00:03:53,570 --> 00:03:57,500 And just imagine all the chaos and problems he can cause. 75 00:03:57,540 --> 00:04:00,410 I'm telling you, he's our guy. 76 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:01,770 If he does to the world 77 00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:05,480 what he's done to all of his companies... 78 00:04:08,810 --> 00:04:13,820 Minions, I think it's time to tune in to human internet. 79 00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,960 [upbeat music] 80 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,490 Do you like what you see, Donald? 81 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,350 I do. 82 00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,460 Why don't you come over here? 83 00:05:02,330 --> 00:05:03,970 You know, there's nothing more I love in this world 84 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,270 than a sexy, beautiful woman 85 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,280 or a cheeseburger or money. 86 00:05:12,010 --> 00:05:14,680 You kind of remind me of my daughter, Ivanka. 87 00:05:14,710 --> 00:05:16,010 Whatever you like, Daddy. 88 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,290 Not even I can make this fool president. 89 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,560 You know, there's limits to what I'm capable of, you know? 90 00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:25,920 Ah, you're just being modest. 91 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,530 I'm telling you, this kind of opportunity 92 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,360 only comes up once every half-century or so. 93 00:05:30,390 --> 00:05:31,730 When was the last time you had a candidate 94 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:33,870 this built for mayhem and suffering? 95 00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:36,300 Ah, Hitler. 96 00:05:36,330 --> 00:05:37,400 But he was genius. 97 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,510 A mad genius, but genius. 98 00:05:40,540 --> 00:05:41,970 Ah, he's so good. 99 00:05:42,010 --> 00:05:45,410 He's got more credits on IMDb than any working actor. 100 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,510 He has his own network. 101 00:05:47,550 --> 00:05:48,980 They call it the History Channel. 102 00:05:51,350 --> 00:05:54,090 Trump is the king of chaos. 103 00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,050 You have to admit that. 104 00:05:56,090 --> 00:05:58,020 He does present a unique opportunity 105 00:05:58,060 --> 00:06:00,020 at this particular time. 106 00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,360 After Bush and Obama, 107 00:06:02,390 --> 00:06:06,970 America is ripe for a greed, racist-driven collapse. 108 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,030 And Trump just might be our guy 109 00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:12,000 to push the whole fucking thing over the edge, huh? 110 00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,880 - [telephone buzzes] - Yes, Mr. Trump? 111 00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,110 Get Michael Cohen in here. 112 00:06:19,140 --> 00:06:20,380 [door clacks] 113 00:06:20,410 --> 00:06:21,110 Sit. 114 00:06:21,150 --> 00:06:22,380 [door thuds] 115 00:06:24,420 --> 00:06:25,650 I'm not very happy with you. 116 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,520 - [scoffs] Why? - What's going on with Russia? 117 00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:30,720 There's nothing new to report. 118 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:31,760 There better be something. 119 00:06:31,790 --> 00:06:33,860 I want a Trump Tower in Moscow. 120 00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:35,830 Russia needs a Trump Tower. 121 00:06:35,860 --> 00:06:38,360 It'll give them credibility as a country. 122 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,430 I've run into a little bit of a brick wall. 123 00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:41,370 Nobody's getting back to me. 124 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,700 Well, call Putin directly. 125 00:06:42,730 --> 00:06:43,630 Putin loves me. 126 00:06:43,670 --> 00:06:44,770 Tell him I'm thinking about him, 127 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:45,900 that we need to get together. 128 00:06:45,940 --> 00:06:47,740 Well, we've reached out to him through third parties 129 00:06:47,770 --> 00:06:48,770 that are connected to him. 130 00:06:48,810 --> 00:06:49,640 And? 131 00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:51,140 Nothing. Silence. 132 00:06:51,180 --> 00:06:53,140 Well, reach out to him again. 133 00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,010 - Yes, sir. - You know, two years ago, 134 00:06:55,050 --> 00:06:56,450 Putin disrespected me 135 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:58,080 at the Miss Universe pageant in Russia. 136 00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,120 He said he was gonna show, 137 00:06:59,150 --> 00:07:00,090 he didn't. 138 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:01,620 Very disrespectful. 139 00:07:01,650 --> 00:07:02,720 So, I need to make this happen. 140 00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:04,390 - Yes, sir. - I'm not hiring you 141 00:07:04,420 --> 00:07:06,090 to be a loser, to make me look like a loser. 142 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:07,130 Am I? 143 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,130 No, absolutely not. No. 144 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,400 Then get the hell out of here and get it done. 145 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,400 Yes, sir. Absolutely. 146 00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:20,140 I've thought about it. 147 00:07:21,740 --> 00:07:25,440 And you may have a point about this little Trump guy. 148 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:26,580 Thank you. 149 00:07:26,610 --> 00:07:31,180 So, let's try a little experiment, 150 00:07:31,220 --> 00:07:32,620 shall we? 151 00:07:33,490 --> 00:07:34,090 [Luther laughs] 152 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,720 [all laughing] 153 00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:40,490 Ha. 154 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:43,130 [upbeat music] 155 00:07:50,130 --> 00:07:52,000 You could concede, you know. 156 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:54,670 Wouldn't that be easier than facing any more humiliation? 157 00:07:54,710 --> 00:07:57,510 I mean, you're three strokes down on a five par 18. 158 00:07:57,540 --> 00:07:59,140 And I got arthritis in both arms. 159 00:07:59,180 --> 00:08:00,710 I never concede, Rupert. 160 00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,150 You know that, right? 161 00:08:02,180 --> 00:08:03,220 Okay. 162 00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,480 If you'd rather be beaten by a virtual cripple. 163 00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:06,490 Not gonna happen. 164 00:08:07,620 --> 00:08:09,490 - [ball clacks] - [ball whooshing] 165 00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,590 [Donald laughs] 166 00:08:11,620 --> 00:08:12,220 Uh-oh. 167 00:08:12,260 --> 00:08:14,590 [ball whooshing] 168 00:08:15,790 --> 00:08:16,760 [Rupert] See? 169 00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:19,470 If you'd conceded, you could've avoided that. 170 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,670 I'd never show my face in this club again 171 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,200 if I hit a shot like that. 172 00:08:23,830 --> 00:08:25,570 It's an embarrassment to the game. 173 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:26,470 What happened? 174 00:08:26,510 --> 00:08:27,210 You hooked it, sir. 175 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:28,510 No shit. 176 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,220 I don't need your help. I can find my own ball. 177 00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:40,120 I'm not here to help. 178 00:08:40,150 --> 00:08:41,890 I'm making sure you don't cheat again. 179 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,920 It's a good thing your real estate game's better 180 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:48,030 than your golf game, or you'd be penniless. 181 00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:50,530 But think of the bright side, you're three shots down, 182 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:51,830 so this one's irrelevant. 183 00:08:51,860 --> 00:08:53,830 I'm not three shots down, I'm only one shot down. 184 00:08:53,870 --> 00:08:54,900 Three, Donald. 185 00:08:54,930 --> 00:08:55,800 Don't cheat. 186 00:08:55,830 --> 00:08:56,770 It's unbecoming. 187 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,240 No, give me the three wood. 188 00:09:01,270 --> 00:09:02,580 [Caddy] Are you sure? 189 00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:05,880 If it were me, I'd concede. 190 00:09:05,910 --> 00:09:07,650 This is gonna get ugly. 191 00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:10,220 [fire crackling] 192 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,720 Let's give him a little help. 193 00:09:14,750 --> 00:09:16,220 See what happens. 194 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:20,690 [ball clacks] 195 00:09:20,730 --> 00:09:21,760 [ball whooshing] 196 00:09:21,790 --> 00:09:23,730 He filed for bankruptcy three times. 197 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,560 [Donald laughs] 198 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,570 - [ball rattling] - What? 199 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:28,870 [upbeat music] 200 00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,500 In your face, Rupert. 201 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:37,310 [Donald laughs] 202 00:09:37,340 --> 00:09:38,240 We're tied. 203 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:39,840 If you don't make par, I win. 204 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:41,650 And I want cash, not a check. 205 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:43,580 You might be tempted to cancel it. 206 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:49,590 [Donald laughs] 207 00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:50,860 You choked, Rupert. 208 00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:52,320 You lose. 209 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:53,630 Pay up. 210 00:09:53,660 --> 00:09:54,890 What did you do? 211 00:09:54,930 --> 00:09:56,630 Sell your soul for that shot? 212 00:09:58,060 --> 00:09:59,260 No, but I would have. 213 00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:01,130 [lips smacking] 214 00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:06,340 I can't believe he's that easy. 215 00:10:06,370 --> 00:10:07,710 Let's go. 216 00:10:08,110 --> 00:10:10,840 [dramatic music] 217 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,310 How do you explain that shot? 218 00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:15,910 How do you explain that shot? 219 00:10:15,950 --> 00:10:17,080 I can't. 220 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:17,980 I agree with Murdoch. 221 00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:19,650 You must've made a deal with the devil. 222 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:21,190 [Donald sighs] 223 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:22,690 Who cares? 224 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:23,620 We won. 225 00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:24,290 [Donald laughs] 226 00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:29,030 - [telephone buzzes] - Tiffany, get me Tom 227 00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:30,630 - on the line. - Yes, sir. 228 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:33,260 Tom, it's Don. 229 00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:34,930 Need to make a move. 230 00:10:34,970 --> 00:10:36,070 Big move. 231 00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,440 Biggest move ever. 232 00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,370 [Donald on phone] That's really saying something, right? 233 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,870 That's saying something. 234 00:10:42,070 --> 00:10:42,880 What's going on? 235 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,680 Well, I can tell you 236 00:10:44,710 --> 00:10:46,780 the last season of "The Apprentice" is a disaster. 237 00:10:46,810 --> 00:10:47,850 You know what kind of celebrities 238 00:10:47,880 --> 00:10:49,180 NBC has come up with? 239 00:10:49,210 --> 00:10:52,580 Gilbert Gottfried, Lorenzo Lamas, and Kate Gosselin. 240 00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:55,320 Who the hell even knows who Kate Gosselin is? 241 00:10:55,350 --> 00:10:58,090 Lorenzo Lamas, total loser. 242 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,690 And that Gilbert Gottfried, what a weirdo. 243 00:11:00,730 --> 00:11:02,090 I don't even know where he came from. 244 00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:04,100 Some other planet. I don't know. 245 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:06,100 I thought you said the ratings were okay. 246 00:11:06,130 --> 00:11:07,330 Not anymore. 247 00:11:07,370 --> 00:11:08,700 And I've got even bigger problems. 248 00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:10,300 I'm up to my ass in debt. 249 00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:13,840 Golf courses and the hotels are down business-wise. 250 00:11:13,870 --> 00:11:15,370 I'm getting sued by some idiots 251 00:11:15,410 --> 00:11:18,040 that aren't even smart enough to get into Trump University. 252 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:19,880 I've got two morons for sons. 253 00:11:19,910 --> 00:11:21,710 Ivanka is married to an idiot 254 00:11:21,750 --> 00:11:23,910 who's running his father's business into the ground. 255 00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:25,380 I need a change, Tom. 256 00:11:25,420 --> 00:11:26,720 What did you have in mind? 257 00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:28,790 I'm running for president. 258 00:11:28,820 --> 00:11:30,420 [Tom chuckles] 259 00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:32,020 Tom, is that you? 260 00:11:32,060 --> 00:11:32,990 Are you laughing? 261 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:34,860 I have a cold. 262 00:11:34,890 --> 00:11:36,730 Can I count on you, Tom? 263 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,360 This is my best advice: Get some other reactions first. 264 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,430 See what people say, then we'll talk. 265 00:11:42,470 --> 00:11:43,740 Good idea. 266 00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,670 I knew I was smart calling you first. 267 00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:46,840 I'll get some feedback. 268 00:11:46,870 --> 00:11:47,970 Everyone will be thrilled. 269 00:11:48,010 --> 00:11:49,270 Everyone loves Trump. 270 00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,440 [Tom laughs] 271 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:54,150 I'm running for president, and I'm going to win. 272 00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:55,750 - [Rupert laughs] - [cellphone ticking] 273 00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:57,010 [Rupert] That's very funny. 274 00:11:57,050 --> 00:12:00,050 Good luck, Donald, 'cause you're gonna need it. 275 00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:01,150 [Rupert laughs] 276 00:12:01,190 --> 00:12:02,150 [toilet flushes over phone] 277 00:12:02,190 --> 00:12:02,990 [Rupert laughs] 278 00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:04,390 Oh, wow. 279 00:12:04,420 --> 00:12:06,360 You're joking, right, Donald? 280 00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:07,460 I never joke. You know that. 281 00:12:07,490 --> 00:12:08,930 I'm serious. 282 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:09,930 I'm putting you on the speakerphone. 283 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:10,930 I have to get ready. 284 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,030 [cellphone beeps] 285 00:12:12,060 --> 00:12:13,260 Donald, I have to tell you something. 286 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,130 Lots of people voted for you, and you're a fucking midget. 287 00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,700 When I was younger, I was a Boy Scout. 288 00:12:18,740 --> 00:12:20,400 Something I'm sure you never learned. 289 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:22,010 I'm tall. Good on TV. 290 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,310 Great on TV. 291 00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:25,110 You have zero chances 292 00:12:25,140 --> 00:12:27,250 of winning the Republican nomination. 293 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,450 You look like you need a step ladder 294 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:30,180 just to get up to the screen. 295 00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:33,820 [Donald grunting] 296 00:12:33,850 --> 00:12:35,490 [Donald sighs] 297 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:36,420 Good workout. 298 00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:39,090 [Donald sighs] 299 00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:40,360 Daddy. 300 00:12:42,490 --> 00:12:44,030 You're running for president? 301 00:12:44,060 --> 00:12:45,000 No way. 302 00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:46,200 [Ivanka gasps] 303 00:12:46,230 --> 00:12:47,930 Oh, my God. That is so wonderful. 304 00:12:48,930 --> 00:12:50,400 I can't wait to run your campaign. 305 00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:54,110 Over my dead body. 306 00:12:54,140 --> 00:12:55,240 That can be arranged. 307 00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:56,340 Believe me. 308 00:12:56,370 --> 00:12:57,180 [door slams] 309 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:59,080 [Eric gulps] 310 00:12:59,110 --> 00:13:00,910 [Eric sighs] 311 00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:03,780 We have been bankrupt five times. 312 00:13:03,810 --> 00:13:07,820 Sometimes, I wish I had you lobotomized as a child. 313 00:13:07,850 --> 00:13:09,120 Oh, wait, you were. 314 00:13:13,490 --> 00:13:14,790 Did you hear the big news? 315 00:13:14,830 --> 00:13:15,990 No. 316 00:13:16,030 --> 00:13:17,330 I was shopping all day. 317 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,060 Big news, huge news. 318 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:20,430 Everyone's very excited. 319 00:13:20,470 --> 00:13:22,830 I've never seen people this excited. 320 00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,100 I'm running for president. 321 00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:26,300 You're what? 322 00:13:26,340 --> 00:13:30,040 I'm running for president of the United States. 323 00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:31,510 You are not. 324 00:13:31,540 --> 00:13:32,480 I just told you I was. 325 00:13:32,510 --> 00:13:34,850 No, you are not. 326 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,050 I will not stand for it. 327 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,350 Does that mean you're moving back 328 00:13:37,380 --> 00:13:39,120 to Slovenia with your parents? 329 00:13:39,150 --> 00:13:41,150 - [Melania sighs] - That is not funny. 330 00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:42,290 I thought it was. 331 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,820 You frighten me. 332 00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:45,260 This is bad idea. 333 00:13:45,290 --> 00:13:46,360 I oppose. 334 00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:50,090 Since when do you tell me what I can and can't do? 335 00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:54,800 Since you tell me I am the best sex supply you ever have. 336 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,370 Doesn't matter. I'm still running for president. 337 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:59,140 There's nothing you can do about it. 338 00:13:59,170 --> 00:14:00,910 [Melania sighs] 339 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:01,810 I'm very upset. 340 00:14:02,840 --> 00:14:04,810 And you know what that means. 341 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:05,910 No. 342 00:14:05,940 --> 00:14:10,120 You will not be touching my pussy for a long time. 343 00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:10,980 Oh. 344 00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:17,520 Happy now? 345 00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,360 Good luck for president. 346 00:14:20,390 --> 00:14:21,830 Thank you for your support. 347 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,560 - [lips smacking] - Love you too. 348 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,400 [cellphone clicking] 349 00:14:26,430 --> 00:14:27,300 Big news. 350 00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:31,940 [Donald chomping] 351 00:14:33,940 --> 00:14:36,440 Tiffany, get me Bob Greenblatt on the phone. 352 00:14:36,470 --> 00:14:37,840 [Tiffany] Yes, sir. 353 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:42,110 - [cellphone ringing] - [cellphone buzzing] 354 00:14:42,610 --> 00:14:44,420 Hello, Donald. 355 00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:45,620 What can I do for you? 356 00:14:45,650 --> 00:14:47,620 How about what you have not done for me, Bob? 357 00:14:47,650 --> 00:14:49,090 You've not done anything to bring up 358 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,060 the ratings on "Celebrity Apprentice." 359 00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:53,520 You've done nothing to get me better talent. 360 00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:55,560 I mean, I thought last year was bad. 361 00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:58,430 Gary Busey, Meatloaf, and Andrew Dice Clay, 362 00:14:58,460 --> 00:14:59,560 they were the worst. 363 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,370 But this year, Lorenzo Lamas? 364 00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,470 Nobody cares about Lorenzo Lamas 365 00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,940 except other losers like Lorenzo Lamas. 366 00:15:05,970 --> 00:15:08,870 At least last season, it was exciting to watch Meatloaf 367 00:15:08,910 --> 00:15:10,610 almost rip off Gary Busey's head. 368 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:11,580 That was fun. 369 00:15:11,610 --> 00:15:13,350 We do the best we can. 370 00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:15,580 The show's been around a long time. 371 00:15:15,610 --> 00:15:18,420 The concept is a little tired. 372 00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:20,950 I'm sick and tired of your bullshit, Bob. 373 00:15:20,990 --> 00:15:23,220 I'm sick and tired of shitty celebrities. 374 00:15:23,250 --> 00:15:25,460 I need a change, and I want out. 375 00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:27,890 I want out, Bob. 376 00:15:27,930 --> 00:15:29,900 I'm sorry to hear that, Donald. 377 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:30,930 [Robert laughs] 378 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,130 [Robert coughs] 379 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:36,100 Just out of curiosity, what are you planning to do now? 380 00:15:36,130 --> 00:15:38,070 Besides running my global empire, 381 00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:40,570 besides being the biggest celebrity on TV, 382 00:15:40,610 --> 00:15:43,170 besides being the most handsome man in the world, 383 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,940 a billionaire, and banging some of the hottest, 384 00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:48,010 I mean, one of the hottest women in the world, 385 00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:49,920 you mean, besides all of that, Bob? 386 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:53,220 We at CBC wish you the best. 387 00:15:53,250 --> 00:15:54,620 - [Donald slurping] - And I look forward 388 00:15:54,650 --> 00:15:56,120 to finishing out the season. 389 00:15:56,150 --> 00:15:58,620 With a bang, Bob, a very big bang. 390 00:15:58,660 --> 00:16:01,130 The biggest bang the world's ever heard. 391 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,230 One big bang. 392 00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:05,060 Come on, Donald. 393 00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:07,600 We've known each other for a long time. 394 00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:10,000 Don't leave me hanging out there like that. 395 00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:11,440 What are you planning? 396 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,640 I'm going to run for president. 397 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,940 [Robert laughs hysterically] 398 00:16:16,980 --> 00:16:18,010 [handset clacks] 399 00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,540 Bob, are you laughing? 400 00:16:19,580 --> 00:16:20,910 You stop laughing. 401 00:16:22,050 --> 00:16:23,350 I'm gonna get you. You better believe it. 402 00:16:23,380 --> 00:16:24,280 You're done, Bob. 403 00:16:24,310 --> 00:16:25,220 You're done! 404 00:16:31,460 --> 00:16:34,360 [crowd applauding] 405 00:16:36,690 --> 00:16:37,500 Wow. 406 00:16:37,530 --> 00:16:38,430 Whoa. 407 00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:40,300 This is some group of people. 408 00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:41,670 Big crowd. 409 00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,540 - Thousands. - [crowd cheering] 410 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:46,740 This is beyond anyone's expectations. 411 00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:50,610 There's never been a crowd like this, and I know why, 412 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,040 because I've never actually announced 413 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,050 that I'm running for president of the United States. 414 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,080 Is this the greatest thing or what? 415 00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:58,750 [crowd applauding] 416 00:16:58,780 --> 00:17:00,090 Unbelievable. 417 00:17:01,050 --> 00:17:02,420 Let me tell you why I'm running. 418 00:17:02,450 --> 00:17:04,660 The US has become a dumping ground 419 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:06,520 for everyone else's problems. 420 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,030 For example, when Mexico sends its people, 421 00:17:09,060 --> 00:17:10,260 they're not sending their best. 422 00:17:10,290 --> 00:17:11,060 ...bringing drugs. 423 00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:12,500 They're bringing crime. 424 00:17:12,530 --> 00:17:14,000 They're bringing rapists. 425 00:17:14,030 --> 00:17:16,200 And some I assume are good people, but who knows? 426 00:17:16,230 --> 00:17:18,270 Everyone knows I have the best golf courses 427 00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:19,170 in the world, right? 428 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:20,640 The best. 429 00:17:20,670 --> 00:17:23,040 And if I'm elected, I won't have time to play golf. 430 00:17:23,070 --> 00:17:23,980 [crowd applauding] 431 00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:27,750 Our country needs a truly great leader. 432 00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:30,480 North Korea, they call him Kim Jong-un. 433 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:31,520 Supreme leader. 434 00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:32,750 That's what we need. 435 00:17:32,780 --> 00:17:34,790 A book like "The Art of The Deal." 436 00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:35,720 Have you read it yet? 437 00:17:35,750 --> 00:17:37,390 Wasn't that a great book? 438 00:17:37,420 --> 00:17:40,330 Many people say it's one of the greatest books of all time. 439 00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,060 And frankly, some people, smart people, 440 00:17:43,090 --> 00:17:44,530 say it is the best book of all time. 441 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:47,060 I want you to know I'm using my own money to run. 442 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,570 And that's because I'm really rich. 443 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:49,770 Constantly making money. 444 00:17:49,800 --> 00:17:51,040 I'm even making money when I sleep. 445 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:55,240 I will bring it back, bigger, and stronger than ever before. 446 00:17:55,270 --> 00:17:57,440 And we will make America great again. 447 00:17:57,470 --> 00:17:59,080 Doesn't that sound great? 448 00:17:59,110 --> 00:18:01,810 - Make America great again. - [crowd applauding] 449 00:18:01,850 --> 00:18:03,450 Everybody likes that. 450 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:04,420 Who came up with that? 451 00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:06,020 He must have been a genius. 452 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,050 Oh, I guess it was me. 453 00:18:10,150 --> 00:18:11,420 Anyway, thank you. 454 00:18:11,460 --> 00:18:12,760 Thank you very much. 455 00:18:12,790 --> 00:18:14,290 Thank you. 456 00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:16,590 Oh, this is the guy I'm supposed to make president? 457 00:18:16,630 --> 00:18:18,460 I mean, give me a fucking break. 458 00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:20,800 With your help, remember your objectives. 459 00:18:20,830 --> 00:18:22,830 He's a dream come true. 460 00:18:22,870 --> 00:18:24,270 He's an embarrassment 461 00:18:24,300 --> 00:18:26,740 to God's favorite creation, humanity. 462 00:18:26,770 --> 00:18:28,470 I mean, look at him. 463 00:18:28,510 --> 00:18:31,810 He eats fucking Mickey D's all goddamn day long. 464 00:18:31,840 --> 00:18:34,380 He's a walking fucking heart attack. 465 00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:37,780 He probably hasn't taken a shit in a year and a half. 466 00:18:37,820 --> 00:18:40,120 Just saying he's full of shit. 467 00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:42,090 He's hanging out with little Yum Yum. 468 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,560 Chewing bubble gum, having fun, fun. 469 00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:47,130 Press button again, missile go boom. 470 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,090 Missile go boom. 471 00:18:49,130 --> 00:18:49,990 You think I wanna deal 472 00:18:50,030 --> 00:18:52,160 with this fucking shit every day, huh? 473 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,100 No. 474 00:18:53,130 --> 00:18:54,330 I don't like little Yum Yum, 475 00:18:54,370 --> 00:18:56,300 but there's some cute Korean women over there 476 00:18:56,330 --> 00:18:57,500 I'd like to fuck. 477 00:18:57,540 --> 00:19:00,470 Anyway, they eat too much rice. 478 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:02,170 - [Misery sighs] - I like rice. 479 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,610 [Newscaster] Reactions among New Yorkers 480 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:09,380 to Donald Trump's announcement earlier today 481 00:19:09,410 --> 00:19:10,710 that he is running for president 482 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,180 have been swift and crystal clear. 483 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,520 Almost everyone thinks he is joking. 484 00:19:15,550 --> 00:19:17,190 And those who believe him say 485 00:19:17,220 --> 00:19:18,890 they are appalled at the things he said 486 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:21,160 in the rambling speech that broke the news. 487 00:19:21,190 --> 00:19:23,630 New Yorkers are either amused or offended 488 00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:25,430 by Donald Trump's announcement. 489 00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:26,900 You're kidding, right? 490 00:19:26,930 --> 00:19:28,470 Actually, I'm not. 491 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,500 God help us all. 492 00:19:30,630 --> 00:19:31,770 Why do you say that? 493 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:34,810 I cannot trust a man who cannot do a proper comb-over. 494 00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:39,140 Is there anything else you'd like to say about his hair? 495 00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:40,540 His hair looks like Christmas past 496 00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:43,210 after the eggnog's been spilled on it. 497 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:43,880 Thank you. 498 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,550 - Really? - [on TV] He's a sexist pig. 499 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,260 What kind of woman would vote for a philanderer like him? 500 00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,220 What kind of woman do you think would vote for him? 501 00:19:53,260 --> 00:19:54,890 Maybe a stripper or hooker? 502 00:19:56,430 --> 00:20:00,230 I watch on the TV, he call us rapist and drug dealers. 503 00:20:00,260 --> 00:20:02,800 [man speaks in foreign language] 504 00:20:02,830 --> 00:20:03,670 Pea brain. 505 00:20:04,730 --> 00:20:05,440 [remote thuds] 506 00:20:08,470 --> 00:20:11,210 Log on to the New York Daily News website. 507 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,210 Why? You know, I don't like the Daily News. 508 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,610 Just do it. 509 00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:18,180 - Okay. - [keyboard clacking] 510 00:20:19,780 --> 00:20:20,850 Unbelievable. 511 00:20:21,750 --> 00:20:22,890 [Donald] Bullshit. 512 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:24,820 It's not so bad, Dad. 513 00:20:25,990 --> 00:20:27,530 People love clowns. 514 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,390 Don't they? 515 00:20:28,990 --> 00:20:30,260 I love clowns 516 00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:35,430 and the circus, with cotton candy. 517 00:20:35,470 --> 00:20:37,500 Cotton candy? Circus? 518 00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:38,640 Get this moron out of here 519 00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:40,570 - before I kill him! - Dad, Dad. 520 00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:41,540 Your blood pressure. 521 00:20:42,270 --> 00:20:43,740 Oh, right. 522 00:20:43,770 --> 00:20:44,580 All right. 523 00:20:45,540 --> 00:20:46,340 Right. 524 00:20:48,450 --> 00:20:49,910 Don't be afraid. 525 00:20:49,950 --> 00:20:50,950 Go play. 526 00:20:52,120 --> 00:20:55,690 Even though you're a moron, you know I love you, Eric. 527 00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,220 Where were we, Don? 528 00:20:57,250 --> 00:20:58,690 Go back to the news site. 529 00:20:58,720 --> 00:20:59,920 - [cellphone beeping] - [keyboard clacking] 530 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:01,930 Click on, "See pages four and five." 531 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,830 - [video game noises] - Okay. 532 00:21:03,860 --> 00:21:05,300 Scroll down. 533 00:21:05,330 --> 00:21:06,000 Scrolling. 534 00:21:06,030 --> 00:21:07,200 Read the tweets. 535 00:21:09,370 --> 00:21:11,000 That's what they're saying about me? 536 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,500 [Don] You have to know how the people feel about you. 537 00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:16,240 You know, I don't like talking about feelings. 538 00:21:16,270 --> 00:21:17,740 What do you think, Melania? 539 00:21:18,780 --> 00:21:19,610 What? 540 00:21:21,310 --> 00:21:22,310 Ivanka? 541 00:21:22,350 --> 00:21:23,680 I love you, Daddy. 542 00:21:23,710 --> 00:21:24,850 That's my girl. 543 00:21:25,950 --> 00:21:27,550 What'd I tell you, boss? 544 00:21:27,590 --> 00:21:30,490 He's the king of mayhem and destruction. 545 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,920 What psycho would vote for this son of a bitch? 546 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,560 You can get him all the votes he needs. 547 00:21:35,590 --> 00:21:37,030 If our people turn out- 548 00:21:37,060 --> 00:21:41,030 Our people have this little problem called sanity. 549 00:21:41,070 --> 00:21:42,770 Common sense. 550 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,840 Trust me, boss, this may be the last opportunity you have. 551 00:21:45,870 --> 00:21:47,870 And he's vulnerable now. 552 00:21:47,900 --> 00:21:50,380 - [Misery chuckles] - He can't tolerate humiliation. 553 00:21:50,410 --> 00:21:52,580 This is our time to move. 554 00:21:52,610 --> 00:21:53,680 Not yet. 555 00:21:53,710 --> 00:21:55,550 Why not? 556 00:21:55,580 --> 00:21:59,720 Number one, things are gonna get a whole lot worse 557 00:21:59,750 --> 00:22:01,520 for our little friend, Trump. 558 00:22:01,550 --> 00:22:06,060 Number two, I don't even know if I can work with this man. 559 00:22:06,090 --> 00:22:08,290 Come on, boss, you worked with Charles Manson. 560 00:22:08,330 --> 00:22:09,660 - Ah. - Richard Nixon? 561 00:22:09,690 --> 00:22:10,890 - Ah. - Hitler. 562 00:22:10,930 --> 00:22:12,800 - I know. - Why the hesitation, then? 563 00:22:12,830 --> 00:22:15,970 Those three gentlemen had one thing in common. 564 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,340 They were smart. 565 00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:18,900 This dude is dumber than dirt. 566 00:22:18,940 --> 00:22:20,610 And dirt don't think. 567 00:22:21,970 --> 00:22:23,840 I don't even know if this guy is controllable. 568 00:22:23,870 --> 00:22:27,940 When was the last time you ran into a genuine dark triad? 569 00:22:27,980 --> 00:22:29,850 Let's just see how things play out. 570 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,880 We got plenty of time. 571 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,350 Hell is forever. 572 00:22:36,950 --> 00:22:38,690 [Luther laughs] 573 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,290 [all laughing] 574 00:22:52,670 --> 00:22:54,740 If a guy from Kenya, not even born in the US, 575 00:22:54,770 --> 00:22:57,080 can become president, you can too. 576 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,110 Let's make some orange juice, huh? 577 00:23:01,140 --> 00:23:02,650 Orange man's gonna do it. 578 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:03,680 - Oh. - [Anger laughs] 579 00:23:03,710 --> 00:23:04,880 Suck it up, Don. 580 00:23:04,910 --> 00:23:07,420 Don't be discouraged. 581 00:23:07,450 --> 00:23:10,060 When the going gets tough, you get going. 582 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,660 I deserve the finer things in life. 583 00:23:15,990 --> 00:23:18,430 I'm entitled to a happy existence. 584 00:23:19,830 --> 00:23:23,400 I refuse to beat myself up. 585 00:23:23,430 --> 00:23:24,940 I'm an attractive person. 586 00:23:24,970 --> 00:23:26,900 I'm fun to be with. 587 00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:28,110 What the fuck? 588 00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:32,410 Well, hello there, handsome, Mr. T. 589 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:33,940 - Who the hell are you? - [organ music playing] 590 00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:35,850 I am Billy J.C.- 591 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,850 ♪ Ah ♪ 592 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:38,720 Sunday. 593 00:23:39,650 --> 00:23:42,120 You remember me, man, from your church. 594 00:23:42,150 --> 00:23:44,020 I have no idea what you're talking about. 595 00:23:44,050 --> 00:23:44,960 Church. 596 00:23:44,990 --> 00:23:46,420 I've never been to church. 597 00:23:46,460 --> 00:23:48,660 When you came in the goddamn church, 598 00:23:48,690 --> 00:23:50,630 everybody cried 'cause you wore a helmet 599 00:23:50,660 --> 00:23:52,130 and you were orange, man. 600 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:53,160 You bumped into shit. 601 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:54,700 We thought you were blind. 602 00:23:54,730 --> 00:23:56,000 - Really? - Really. 603 00:23:57,170 --> 00:24:01,770 Look, I just want you to say these words with me, man. 604 00:24:01,810 --> 00:24:03,440 Look me in the eye. 605 00:24:03,470 --> 00:24:04,610 Say it along with me. 606 00:24:05,780 --> 00:24:07,680 [Both] I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, 607 00:24:07,710 --> 00:24:09,480 and doggone it, people like me. 608 00:24:09,510 --> 00:24:11,880 No wonder you got to buy pussy. 609 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:13,780 Say the shit again. 610 00:24:13,820 --> 00:24:14,820 Come on. Let's do it together. 611 00:24:16,450 --> 00:24:18,490 [Both] I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, 612 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:19,960 and doggone it, people like me. 613 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:21,160 I believed that. 614 00:24:21,190 --> 00:24:22,190 That was fucking good. 615 00:24:22,230 --> 00:24:23,490 This is ridiculous. 616 00:24:23,530 --> 00:24:24,930 Am I being punk'd? 617 00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,700 Is James Cameron behind this? 618 00:24:26,730 --> 00:24:29,430 Nobody puts Billy J.C.- 619 00:24:29,470 --> 00:24:30,130 ♪ Ah ♪ 620 00:24:30,170 --> 00:24:32,000 Sunday up to anything. 621 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,610 I'm doing this 'cause I care about you, you orange fuck. 622 00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:36,440 Sure. 623 00:24:36,470 --> 00:24:37,440 Good. 624 00:24:37,470 --> 00:24:38,440 Now thank me. 625 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:39,840 - Are you kidding? - [demonic voice] I'm not! 626 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,150 Fuck you, you little piece of shit, you. 627 00:24:42,180 --> 00:24:42,980 You fucking thank me, boy, 628 00:24:43,010 --> 00:24:45,620 or I'll jump out this fucking window, 629 00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:47,450 and I'll make orange juice out of your fucking ass. 630 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,490 You'll change your name to Sunny D. 631 00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:51,520 - [Billy claps] - Thank me, fucker. 632 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:52,760 Thank you. 633 00:24:52,790 --> 00:24:57,630 [regular voice] Now remember, everything is gonna be fine. 634 00:24:59,660 --> 00:25:01,970 [Shame] Everything is gonna be fine. 635 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,600 So, what do you think? 636 00:25:03,630 --> 00:25:05,200 I don't know. You on board? 637 00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,240 Oh, most definitely, man. 638 00:25:07,270 --> 00:25:09,770 Now the real fun's about to begin. 639 00:25:10,970 --> 00:25:12,510 Next time I show up, 640 00:25:14,010 --> 00:25:16,180 I'm gonna be a guy named Epstein. 641 00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:20,080 - Mm. - Serving up small children- 642 00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:22,690 - [Shame chuckles] - On an island called 643 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:24,760 Fuck 'Em While They On The School Bus. 644 00:25:25,820 --> 00:25:27,020 I used to live there. 645 00:25:27,060 --> 00:25:28,060 - You lived there? - Mm-hm. 646 00:25:28,090 --> 00:25:29,130 - Had a lot of fun? - Mm. 647 00:25:29,160 --> 00:25:30,830 No wonder your name is Shame. 648 00:25:30,860 --> 00:25:32,230 - Thank you. - That's a fucking shame. 649 00:25:32,260 --> 00:25:34,630 - Mm. - Anger, you know what to do. 650 00:25:34,660 --> 00:25:35,700 [Anger] Come here. 651 00:25:35,730 --> 00:25:36,930 [Shame screams] 652 00:25:39,270 --> 00:25:41,570 [bland elevator music] 653 00:25:41,770 --> 00:25:43,210 [air whooshing] 654 00:25:44,580 --> 00:25:45,640 Oh! 655 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:46,710 [Tiffany chuckles] 656 00:25:46,740 --> 00:25:47,640 May I help you? 657 00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,610 I'm here to see Donald Trump. 658 00:25:50,650 --> 00:25:52,550 Do you have an appointment? 659 00:25:52,580 --> 00:25:55,950 No, I don't, but I'm sure he would like to see me. 660 00:25:55,990 --> 00:25:57,620 Why would you think that? 661 00:25:57,650 --> 00:25:59,690 I know that to be a fact. 662 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:04,530 I'm sorry, but Mr. Trump is very, very busy. 663 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:06,960 You can leave a business card or a note. 664 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,540 I traveled very far to come and see him. 665 00:26:10,570 --> 00:26:11,540 I must see him. 666 00:26:11,570 --> 00:26:14,170 I will see him. 667 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,770 Please, don't be difficult. 668 00:26:16,810 --> 00:26:18,580 I'm asking you to leave. 669 00:26:18,610 --> 00:26:20,040 I'm sorry. 670 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:21,210 It's not gonna happen. 671 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:23,210 So now what? 672 00:26:24,710 --> 00:26:25,780 - [handset clacks] - [tone humming] 673 00:26:25,820 --> 00:26:26,620 [telephone beeps] 674 00:26:26,650 --> 00:26:28,290 [line rings] 675 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,250 You're needed at the front desk. 676 00:26:34,190 --> 00:26:36,960 [dramatic music] 677 00:26:40,930 --> 00:26:44,630 This gentleman needs to be escorted out of the office. 678 00:26:44,670 --> 00:26:46,540 All right, pal, you got to go. 679 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:49,940 As I was explaining to this beautiful, 680 00:26:49,970 --> 00:26:52,010 vivacious young lady here, 681 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,010 [bell dings] 682 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,350 I'm not going anywhere until I see Mr. Trump. 683 00:26:55,380 --> 00:26:58,720 Well, that ain't happening, so take a walk. 684 00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:01,820 I'd advise you to back the fuck up. 685 00:27:01,850 --> 00:27:02,820 Is that right? 686 00:27:02,850 --> 00:27:04,150 That's right. 687 00:27:04,190 --> 00:27:06,920 [tense music] 688 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:10,830 - [arm thuds] - [Keith groans] 689 00:27:10,860 --> 00:27:13,800 Either I see Donald Trump 690 00:27:13,830 --> 00:27:16,330 or you going to the hospital with a lot of broken bones. 691 00:27:16,370 --> 00:27:20,240 And I'd really hate to see that happen to anyone. 692 00:27:20,270 --> 00:27:22,740 Am I making myself perfectly clear now? 693 00:27:23,940 --> 00:27:27,710 Please inform Mr. Trump I'm bringing someone up. 694 00:27:27,740 --> 00:27:28,710 [Keith groans] 695 00:27:28,750 --> 00:27:33,280 - [air whooshes] - [Keith panting] 696 00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,320 [thrilling music] 697 00:27:35,350 --> 00:27:36,990 - [Keith grunts] - [Keith groans] 698 00:27:37,020 --> 00:27:38,620 [punch thuds] 699 00:27:38,660 --> 00:27:40,630 Is the temperature to your liking? 700 00:27:40,660 --> 00:27:42,060 - [water splashing] - [fire roaring] 701 00:27:42,090 --> 00:27:44,830 I thought you might be a little thirsty. 702 00:27:47,660 --> 00:27:48,730 I'm new at this. 703 00:27:48,770 --> 00:27:51,400 Sorry to barge in like this, but it's very important. 704 00:27:51,430 --> 00:27:52,370 What the hell happened to you? 705 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,670 I told you the pool is for family use only. 706 00:27:54,700 --> 00:27:56,210 Now I've got to drain it again. 707 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:57,410 I heard he pissed in it. 708 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:01,950 No offense, but I'd like to have a private conversation 709 00:28:01,980 --> 00:28:05,920 with our next president of these United States. 710 00:28:05,950 --> 00:28:07,720 Do you want me to stay? 711 00:28:07,750 --> 00:28:09,350 You're not here to assassinate me, are you? 712 00:28:09,390 --> 00:28:11,190 Don, hell no. 713 00:28:11,220 --> 00:28:12,920 I'm a huge fan. 714 00:28:13,990 --> 00:28:15,060 Okay. You can go. 715 00:28:15,090 --> 00:28:16,660 But if you hear any gunshots, 716 00:28:16,690 --> 00:28:19,330 you call 911 and you rush right back in here. 717 00:28:23,730 --> 00:28:26,000 So, who are you? What's your story? 718 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:27,340 You look kind of familiar. 719 00:28:28,870 --> 00:28:30,440 I'm here to help, Don. 720 00:28:30,470 --> 00:28:31,210 Help me how? 721 00:28:32,310 --> 00:28:35,680 Help you become president of the good old US of A. 722 00:28:35,710 --> 00:28:37,350 Make America great again. 723 00:28:37,380 --> 00:28:38,680 You think I need your help? 724 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,720 Motherfucker, you definitely need some help. 725 00:28:42,750 --> 00:28:45,060 So, what kind of help are you gonna give me? 726 00:28:45,090 --> 00:28:47,760 Let's just say I have the power to intervene 727 00:28:47,790 --> 00:28:50,430 in situations like nobody else can. 728 00:28:50,460 --> 00:28:52,030 Is that a threat? 729 00:28:52,060 --> 00:28:55,130 I have a very powerful personal attorney, Michael Cohen. 730 00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:56,200 Maybe you've heard of him. 731 00:28:56,230 --> 00:28:57,400 Absolutely. 732 00:28:57,430 --> 00:28:58,440 He's an idiot. 733 00:28:58,470 --> 00:28:59,900 You know, one day, Don, 734 00:28:59,940 --> 00:29:03,110 he's gonna get you in a shitload of trouble. 735 00:29:03,140 --> 00:29:04,780 What kind of trouble? 736 00:29:04,810 --> 00:29:06,210 He knows all your secrets. 737 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,280 I know, but I trust him with my life. 738 00:29:08,310 --> 00:29:09,480 Exactly. 739 00:29:09,510 --> 00:29:11,380 That's the problem. 740 00:29:11,410 --> 00:29:12,750 Forget Cohen. 741 00:29:12,780 --> 00:29:14,080 Let's talk about you. 742 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:15,490 Give me an example of the kind of things 743 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:17,790 you think you can help me with. 744 00:29:17,820 --> 00:29:22,730 Well, do you remember this amazing golf shot 745 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:26,030 you had playing golf with this little troll shit 746 00:29:26,060 --> 00:29:29,330 of a human being with the last name Murdoch? 747 00:29:29,370 --> 00:29:30,870 How'd you know about that? 748 00:29:30,900 --> 00:29:32,440 That wasn't your shot, Don. 749 00:29:32,470 --> 00:29:34,740 That was my shot. 750 00:29:34,770 --> 00:29:38,110 Or how about the motivational speaker 751 00:29:38,140 --> 00:29:39,780 who likes to float above water 752 00:29:39,810 --> 00:29:42,310 and have wine on Sunday afternoons? 753 00:29:42,350 --> 00:29:43,880 That was me also. 754 00:29:43,910 --> 00:29:45,420 Ha ha ha. 755 00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:47,750 That's funny. What do you think, I'm stupid? 756 00:29:47,790 --> 00:29:48,750 Don't ask me that question. 757 00:29:48,790 --> 00:29:51,520 I'm brutally honest, and the truth always hurts. 758 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,090 What are you? Psychic? 759 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:54,360 A magician? 760 00:29:54,390 --> 00:29:55,460 Did you come from The Magic Castle? 761 00:29:55,490 --> 00:29:58,760 Let's just say I have a unique 762 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,300 set of skills that you need. 763 00:30:01,330 --> 00:30:02,870 Skills, really? 764 00:30:02,900 --> 00:30:04,300 You know who you're talking to? 765 00:30:04,330 --> 00:30:05,870 I'm like the Wizard of Oz. 766 00:30:05,900 --> 00:30:09,410 All-knowing, all-powerful without the curtain. 767 00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:10,780 Excuse me, Dorothy. 768 00:30:10,810 --> 00:30:13,240 It is precisely for those reasons 769 00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,410 you so eloquently just stated 770 00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:19,820 that nobody, and I mean absolutely nobody, 771 00:30:19,850 --> 00:30:22,450 including your family, is gonna believe 772 00:30:22,490 --> 00:30:26,020 you got a chance in hell of becoming the president. 773 00:30:26,060 --> 00:30:27,360 That's it. You're done. 774 00:30:27,390 --> 00:30:28,260 Get out of here. 775 00:30:28,290 --> 00:30:30,060 And what if I refuse? 776 00:30:30,090 --> 00:30:32,130 I'm gonna get my big, strong bodyguard in here. 777 00:30:32,160 --> 00:30:35,200 He's gonna rough you up, throw you out on the street. 778 00:30:35,230 --> 00:30:37,370 I believe that he's got track shoes on. 779 00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,200 He's gonna run like the bitch he is. 780 00:30:41,100 --> 00:30:41,870 But fine. 781 00:30:42,940 --> 00:30:43,940 Take my card. 782 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:51,580 When that one brain cell of yours starts to register sound 783 00:30:51,620 --> 00:30:52,720 in that orange head of yours, 784 00:30:54,590 --> 00:30:57,520 you're gonna realize that you really, really need me. 785 00:30:58,990 --> 00:31:02,890 And at that moment, pick up the phone, call. 786 00:31:02,930 --> 00:31:04,600 I'll be here in a flash. 787 00:31:04,630 --> 00:31:08,830 I could make you president of the United States. 788 00:31:09,930 --> 00:31:10,840 I can guarantee it. 789 00:31:13,900 --> 00:31:14,540 Wait a minute. 790 00:31:16,110 --> 00:31:20,240 If I agree to do this, what do you want in return? 791 00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:23,450 [Luther laughs] 792 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:26,550 We'll talk about that when the time comes. 793 00:31:27,450 --> 00:31:29,890 But in the meantime, 794 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:34,160 you're gonna run into a bumpy next couple of weeks. 795 00:31:35,260 --> 00:31:36,560 Will that be you too? 796 00:31:36,590 --> 00:31:38,530 Uh, no. 797 00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:42,430 It's gonna be the media mostly. 798 00:31:42,470 --> 00:31:44,100 Believe me. 799 00:31:49,910 --> 00:31:50,880 Whoa. 800 00:31:50,910 --> 00:31:51,740 [Newscaster] Pressure is mounting 801 00:31:51,780 --> 00:31:53,910 on Republican presidential candidate 802 00:31:53,940 --> 00:31:56,580 Donald Trump to release his tax returns. 803 00:31:56,610 --> 00:31:59,880 Even Republican members of Congress are now urging him 804 00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:01,420 to follow the long-held tradition 805 00:32:01,450 --> 00:32:03,620 among candidates seeking the White House. 806 00:32:03,650 --> 00:32:06,920 Last January on NBC's "Meet The Press," 807 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,360 Trump told host Chuck Todd 808 00:32:09,390 --> 00:32:11,500 that he would be releasing his returns. 809 00:32:11,530 --> 00:32:13,400 Well, we're working on that right now, Chuck. 810 00:32:13,430 --> 00:32:16,600 I have very big returns, as you know, very big returns. 811 00:32:16,630 --> 00:32:18,600 Some of the biggest returns ever, 812 00:32:18,630 --> 00:32:20,340 and I have everything all approved. 813 00:32:20,370 --> 00:32:22,970 Frankly, I have some of the most beautiful tax returns 814 00:32:23,010 --> 00:32:24,410 that anyone has ever seen. 815 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:26,410 They're like works of art. 816 00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:29,050 Now that Trump has officially declared that he's running, 817 00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:31,180 he's changed his tune a little bit. 818 00:32:31,210 --> 00:32:33,620 Joining me now is one of Donald Trump's biographers. 819 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:38,520 Tom, you know Donald Trump as well as anybody. 820 00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,360 What do you make of his recent vagueness 821 00:32:40,390 --> 00:32:43,090 regarding releasing his tax returns? 822 00:32:43,130 --> 00:32:45,400 Well, first of all, Anderson, 823 00:32:45,430 --> 00:32:47,630 I do know him as well as anybody, 824 00:32:47,660 --> 00:32:50,370 but I know him better than most people. 825 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:52,270 So, let me just say this first. 826 00:32:52,300 --> 00:32:55,910 Pigs will fly before Donald Trump releases his tax returns. 827 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:57,610 And why is that? 828 00:32:58,540 --> 00:32:59,180 Well, because then we'll see how corrupt 829 00:32:59,210 --> 00:33:00,680 he's been over these years. 830 00:33:00,710 --> 00:33:02,280 And the American people will see 831 00:33:02,310 --> 00:33:05,080 that he goes to great lengths to avoid paying taxes. 832 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:06,480 Then why do you think he ever promised 833 00:33:06,520 --> 00:33:07,720 to release them in the first place? 834 00:33:07,750 --> 00:33:09,450 'Cause he's a con artist. 835 00:33:09,490 --> 00:33:11,690 And he knows that the people that support him are stupid. 836 00:33:11,720 --> 00:33:14,360 So, they'll buy his story that he's avoiding 837 00:33:14,390 --> 00:33:16,190 releasing his tax returns 838 00:33:16,230 --> 00:33:21,030 because he's under audit by the IRS, which is not true. 839 00:33:21,060 --> 00:33:22,330 Just another Trump lie. 840 00:33:23,270 --> 00:33:24,670 Fake news. 841 00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:26,200 That's what I'm gonna call it from now on. 842 00:33:26,240 --> 00:33:27,140 Fake news. 843 00:33:27,170 --> 00:33:29,010 Why you call it fake news? 844 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:30,470 You know it is real news. 845 00:33:30,510 --> 00:33:32,240 You are just making excuses. 846 00:33:32,280 --> 00:33:34,450 Why don't you just read your stupid magazine? 847 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:35,410 Fine. 848 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:37,350 I go to my room, and I go to sleep. 849 00:33:37,380 --> 00:33:38,980 Wait a minute. Hold it. 850 00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:40,750 Okay. 851 00:33:40,780 --> 00:33:42,020 You win. 852 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:47,560 Here you go. 853 00:33:49,590 --> 00:33:51,200 I am not in mood tonight. 854 00:33:51,230 --> 00:33:52,430 I have bad headache. 855 00:33:52,460 --> 00:33:55,130 Headache? I just gave you $10,000. 856 00:33:56,730 --> 00:33:57,730 Fine. 857 00:34:01,770 --> 00:34:03,040 [bills whooshing] 858 00:34:03,070 --> 00:34:04,010 [hand whooshing] 859 00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:05,580 You know, you're no different than a hooker. 860 00:34:05,610 --> 00:34:06,610 I don't care. 861 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:07,440 Do you? 862 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:08,550 No. 863 00:34:08,580 --> 00:34:11,380 Do you think I marry you because you are charming? 864 00:34:11,410 --> 00:34:12,180 Of course. 865 00:34:12,220 --> 00:34:13,420 - Smart? - Sure. 866 00:34:13,450 --> 00:34:14,680 No. 867 00:34:14,720 --> 00:34:18,220 I marry you to become US citizen, have easy life. 868 00:34:19,260 --> 00:34:20,760 And if I am your prostitute, 869 00:34:20,790 --> 00:34:23,630 you are my John, and you only last one minute. 870 00:34:23,660 --> 00:34:27,060 So now we have sex. 871 00:34:27,100 --> 00:34:28,300 [body whooshing] 872 00:34:28,330 --> 00:34:29,770 - [body thuds] - [Melania groans] 873 00:34:31,740 --> 00:34:32,700 [Donald] We have to do something 874 00:34:32,740 --> 00:34:34,610 about this tax return thing. 875 00:34:35,570 --> 00:34:36,640 The tax thing? 876 00:34:36,670 --> 00:34:40,380 The press is killing me over this tax return issue. 877 00:34:40,410 --> 00:34:42,580 It's a big surprise, right? 878 00:34:42,610 --> 00:34:43,750 You want my advice? 879 00:34:43,780 --> 00:34:47,220 There needs to be a fire at your accountant's offices. 880 00:34:47,250 --> 00:34:49,050 We could do that? 881 00:34:49,090 --> 00:34:50,620 - [Michael scoffs] - No doubt about it. 882 00:34:50,650 --> 00:34:51,760 Great. Then make it happen. 883 00:34:51,790 --> 00:34:53,260 - How soon? - Whoa, wait a minute. 884 00:34:53,290 --> 00:34:54,260 Are you nuts? 885 00:34:54,290 --> 00:34:55,830 I was just kidding. 886 00:34:55,860 --> 00:34:57,060 I'm not. 887 00:34:57,090 --> 00:34:57,830 We've got to do something. 888 00:34:57,860 --> 00:35:00,130 I'm not releasing my tax return. 889 00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,270 So just say that, just put an end to the speculation. 890 00:35:03,300 --> 00:35:04,540 Great idea. 891 00:35:04,570 --> 00:35:06,540 I mean, who really cares whether I pay my taxes, 892 00:35:06,570 --> 00:35:07,740 whether I don't, right? 893 00:35:08,610 --> 00:35:09,770 What would you do if you were me? 894 00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:13,340 Honestly, I'd drop out of the race. 895 00:35:13,380 --> 00:35:15,080 I think you were out of your fucking mind 896 00:35:15,110 --> 00:35:16,280 to ever announce in the first place 897 00:35:16,310 --> 00:35:17,750 that you were running for president. 898 00:35:17,780 --> 00:35:18,620 Corey? 899 00:35:20,350 --> 00:35:21,180 I'd drop out. 900 00:35:22,190 --> 00:35:24,490 Really? That's the big advice I pay you for? 901 00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:26,620 It's the best I got. 902 00:35:29,830 --> 00:35:30,800 Sorry, boss. 903 00:35:37,870 --> 00:35:39,870 I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, 904 00:35:39,900 --> 00:35:41,400 and doggone it, people like me. 905 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,340 I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, 906 00:35:43,370 --> 00:35:45,340 and doggone it, people like me. 907 00:35:45,380 --> 00:35:47,210 I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, 908 00:35:47,240 --> 00:35:49,150 and doggone it, people like me. 909 00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:50,880 I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, 910 00:35:50,910 --> 00:35:53,080 and doggone it, people like me. 911 00:35:53,650 --> 00:35:54,890 I will not drop out of the race. 912 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:56,820 I will not release my tax returns. 913 00:35:56,850 --> 00:35:58,790 I'm a winner, not a quitter. 914 00:35:58,820 --> 00:36:01,590 [rumbling] 915 00:36:02,530 --> 00:36:03,430 Are you in there? 916 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,200 No, I'm not in there, you dumb fuck. 917 00:36:07,230 --> 00:36:08,830 This guy is fucking delusional. 918 00:36:08,860 --> 00:36:10,430 What are you gonna do now, boss? 919 00:36:11,300 --> 00:36:12,700 What I'm really good at. 920 00:36:14,370 --> 00:36:16,110 Turning up the heat. 921 00:36:17,340 --> 00:36:18,810 Dad, you gotta see this. 922 00:36:18,840 --> 00:36:20,410 Oh, I love Forbes. 923 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:20,880 They love me. 924 00:36:20,910 --> 00:36:21,880 Is it good? 925 00:36:22,510 --> 00:36:23,850 Bad, Dad. 926 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:25,780 Very, very bad. 927 00:36:25,820 --> 00:36:27,280 Is it the tax thing again? 928 00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:28,220 Worse. 929 00:36:28,250 --> 00:36:30,290 It's about our foundations. 930 00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:31,460 What's the headline? 931 00:36:31,490 --> 00:36:33,560 [Eric sighs] 932 00:36:33,590 --> 00:36:36,390 "How Donald Trump shifted kids' cancer charity money 933 00:36:36,430 --> 00:36:37,890 into his business." 934 00:36:37,930 --> 00:36:39,660 So, what does the article say? 935 00:36:39,700 --> 00:36:42,400 It talks about St. Jude's Hospital golf course tournament 936 00:36:42,430 --> 00:36:44,900 and how my foundation funneled all of the money 937 00:36:44,930 --> 00:36:47,370 back to The Trump Organization. 938 00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:48,710 Read me the worst part. 939 00:36:50,570 --> 00:36:53,210 "All of this seems to defy federal tax rules 940 00:36:53,240 --> 00:36:54,710 "and state laws that ban 941 00:36:54,740 --> 00:36:56,880 self-dealing and misleading donors." 942 00:36:57,450 --> 00:36:58,680 Is that it? 943 00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:00,620 It gets worse. 944 00:37:02,850 --> 00:37:04,650 "The person who specifically commanded 945 00:37:04,690 --> 00:37:06,660 "that the for-profit Trump Organization 946 00:37:06,690 --> 00:37:09,490 "start billing hundreds of thousands of dollars for the use 947 00:37:09,530 --> 00:37:12,200 "of Trump National Golf Club in Westchester County 948 00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:14,660 "to the nonprofit Eric Trump Foundation, 949 00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:17,530 "according to two people directly involved, 950 00:37:17,570 --> 00:37:18,900 "was none other than current 951 00:37:18,930 --> 00:37:21,740 "Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump." 952 00:37:21,770 --> 00:37:23,970 That's definitely the worst part, right? 953 00:37:24,010 --> 00:37:25,410 [Don speaks in foreign language] 954 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:27,240 Let me read this. 955 00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:30,250 "This maneuver would appear to have more in common 956 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,550 "with a drug cartel's money-laundering operation 957 00:37:33,580 --> 00:37:36,950 "than a charity's best-practices textbook." 958 00:37:36,990 --> 00:37:38,720 Forbes said that? 959 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:40,920 What the hell are you going to do? 960 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,460 What I always do. 961 00:37:42,490 --> 00:37:43,290 [crowd applauding] 962 00:37:43,330 --> 00:37:45,900 [upbeat music] 963 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,540 Now has anyone ever met a Mexican they can trust? 964 00:37:54,570 --> 00:37:55,940 I don't think so. 965 00:37:55,970 --> 00:37:58,010 That's why they wear these hats. 966 00:37:58,040 --> 00:37:59,510 They can hide your wallet in here, 967 00:37:59,540 --> 00:38:02,250 your jewelry, pretty much anything. 968 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:03,480 They're dope fiends. 969 00:38:03,510 --> 00:38:05,620 You really You really can't blame them for being thieves. 970 00:38:05,650 --> 00:38:08,590 [crowd applauding] 971 00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:15,660 Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump 972 00:38:15,690 --> 00:38:17,860 went on an epic anti-Mexican rant 973 00:38:17,890 --> 00:38:19,860 at a campaign rally in Texas tonight. 974 00:38:19,900 --> 00:38:22,000 Again, calling Mexicans rapists and murderers 975 00:38:22,030 --> 00:38:23,030 [Donald laughing] 976 00:38:23,070 --> 00:38:24,230 while wearing a sombrero and serape. 977 00:38:24,270 --> 00:38:28,800 This recent controversy has silenced, at least for now, 978 00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,380 reports of fraud at The Eric Trump Foundation 979 00:38:31,410 --> 00:38:33,880 and money laundering at The Trump Organization. 980 00:38:33,910 --> 00:38:35,780 Am I a genius or what? 981 00:38:35,810 --> 00:38:38,320 Attention diverted, mission accomplished. 982 00:38:39,450 --> 00:38:41,020 May I get you something to drink, Mr. Trump? 983 00:38:41,050 --> 00:38:42,450 Not right now, Susan. Thank you. 984 00:38:42,490 --> 00:38:44,260 Whatever you'd like, sir. 985 00:38:46,090 --> 00:38:47,760 - [keyboard clacks] - Recent reports from Mexico 986 00:38:47,790 --> 00:38:50,890 reveal that Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto 987 00:38:50,930 --> 00:38:53,330 was so outraged by Trump's comments 988 00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:56,300 that he had to be sedated by his personal physician. 989 00:38:56,530 --> 00:38:58,940 [upbeat music] 990 00:39:11,350 --> 00:39:13,720 [inaudible dialogue] 991 00:40:04,430 --> 00:40:05,500 Fucking genius. 992 00:40:05,530 --> 00:40:07,970 I mean, who knew he's a real master of distraction? 993 00:40:09,570 --> 00:40:11,140 Maybe he doesn't need me after all. 994 00:40:11,170 --> 00:40:13,080 Oh, he needs you, boss. 995 00:40:13,110 --> 00:40:16,510 You just gotta turn up the heat, and he'll crack. 996 00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:22,550 I miss you so much. 997 00:40:22,590 --> 00:40:25,360 If only you were here now, things would be so different. 998 00:40:25,620 --> 00:40:26,860 [knocking] 999 00:40:26,890 --> 00:40:27,920 Uh, give me a minute. 1000 00:40:30,460 --> 00:40:31,090 Come in. 1001 00:40:34,460 --> 00:40:36,470 What the hell do you two want? 1002 00:40:36,500 --> 00:40:37,800 Turn on the TV. 1003 00:40:37,830 --> 00:40:38,740 CSN. 1004 00:40:39,700 --> 00:40:41,070 What is it this time? 1005 00:40:41,100 --> 00:40:42,000 Just do it. 1006 00:40:44,970 --> 00:40:46,180 [Reporter on TV] The federal judge overseeing 1007 00:40:46,210 --> 00:40:48,410 the ongoing class-action fraud lawsuit 1008 00:40:48,450 --> 00:40:51,410 against the now-defunct Trump University has unsealed 1009 00:40:51,450 --> 00:40:53,620 the sworn testimony of a former salesman 1010 00:40:53,650 --> 00:40:55,620 for the real estate educational venture. 1011 00:40:55,650 --> 00:40:57,990 And his testimony is devastating. 1012 00:40:58,020 --> 00:41:00,160 Ronald Schnackenberg testified that, quote, 1013 00:41:00,190 --> 00:41:01,860 "While Trump University claimed 1014 00:41:01,890 --> 00:41:04,490 "it wanted to help consumers make money in real estate, 1015 00:41:04,530 --> 00:41:07,160 "in fact, Trump University was only interested 1016 00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:08,270 "in selling every person 1017 00:41:08,300 --> 00:41:11,470 "the most expensive seminars they possibly could." 1018 00:41:11,500 --> 00:41:12,770 The affidavit concludes, quote, 1019 00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:15,570 "Based upon my personal experience and employment, 1020 00:41:15,610 --> 00:41:18,840 "I believe that Trump University was a fraudulent scheme, 1021 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,610 "and that it preyed upon the elderly and uneducated 1022 00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:24,650 "to separate them from their money," end quote. 1023 00:41:24,680 --> 00:41:27,480 As you might recall, based upon previous court filings, 1024 00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:28,880 despite Trump University's claim 1025 00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,690 that it offered graduate programs, postgraduate programs, 1026 00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:35,720 and even doctoral programs, it wasn't a university at all. 1027 00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:36,890 - Really? - It was simply 1028 00:41:36,930 --> 00:41:38,530 a private company that claimed 1029 00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:41,570 to be selling Trump's secrets to real estate success. 1030 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,900 And of course, long before the fraudulent lawsuit was filed, 1031 00:41:44,930 --> 00:41:46,770 many people were asking, 1032 00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:49,010 "Who would want the real estate secrets of a man 1033 00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:52,040 "who had gone bankrupt at least five times?" 1034 00:41:52,070 --> 00:41:53,010 Unbelievable. 1035 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:54,510 Other observers are asking 1036 00:41:54,540 --> 00:41:56,580 whether the growing Trump University scandal 1037 00:41:56,610 --> 00:41:58,950 will be the thing that ends Trump's candidacy 1038 00:41:58,980 --> 00:42:00,520 before it even gets going. 1039 00:42:01,020 --> 00:42:03,250 And of course, the irony of this news today is that 1040 00:42:03,290 --> 00:42:06,190 the judge in the case, US District Judge Gonzalo Curiel, 1041 00:42:06,220 --> 00:42:08,120 is a Mexican American. 1042 00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:10,030 We all know judges are supposed to be impartial, 1043 00:42:10,060 --> 00:42:11,890 but after Trump's sombrero-clad tirade 1044 00:42:11,930 --> 00:42:14,100 against the Mexicans last night, who knows? 1045 00:42:14,130 --> 00:42:15,970 Maybe this is revenge. 1046 00:42:16,230 --> 00:42:18,270 That liberal left-wing bitch. 1047 00:42:18,300 --> 00:42:20,070 Now, there was a time I would have banged her, 1048 00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:23,570 maybe set her up in a condo and nail her on a regular basis, 1049 00:42:23,610 --> 00:42:25,510 she's got nice tits for a broad her age, 1050 00:42:25,540 --> 00:42:27,610 but now she's just a disgrace. 1051 00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:29,750 I wouldn't touch her with Anderson Cooper's dick. 1052 00:42:29,780 --> 00:42:32,080 Dad, you need to do something. 1053 00:42:32,110 --> 00:42:35,650 The bad news, day after day, is killing us. 1054 00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:37,750 And it's not just your candidacy. 1055 00:42:37,790 --> 00:42:39,760 This whole thing is gonna start doing damage 1056 00:42:39,790 --> 00:42:42,690 to the Trump brand, to our business. 1057 00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:45,530 So, if you're such a genius, what do you have in mind? 1058 00:42:45,560 --> 00:42:46,830 I don't know. 1059 00:42:46,860 --> 00:42:48,500 And it might already be too late, 1060 00:42:49,630 --> 00:42:52,100 but you've got to do something. 1061 00:42:52,140 --> 00:42:53,670 No shit, Sherlock. 1062 00:42:55,100 --> 00:42:55,910 Bingo. 1063 00:42:56,970 --> 00:42:57,770 It's time to go. 1064 00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,880 - [Shame laughing] - [Misery clapping] 1065 00:43:03,310 --> 00:43:04,580 [light hums] 1066 00:43:04,610 --> 00:43:05,820 [chair squeaks] 1067 00:43:05,850 --> 00:43:06,980 How the hell did you get in here? 1068 00:43:07,020 --> 00:43:08,950 How the hell do you think, Don? 1069 00:43:08,990 --> 00:43:09,790 You flew? 1070 00:43:09,820 --> 00:43:10,890 Something like that. 1071 00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:11,890 People don't fly. 1072 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:13,220 People don't fly. 1073 00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:15,560 Get the hell out of here. 1074 00:43:15,590 --> 00:43:17,560 That's just not gonna happen, Don. 1075 00:43:17,590 --> 00:43:18,600 We're friends. 1076 00:43:18,630 --> 00:43:19,600 You're my dog. 1077 00:43:19,630 --> 00:43:21,330 Keith, get in here. 1078 00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:24,200 [dramatic music] 1079 00:43:25,670 --> 00:43:26,770 What the hell are you waiting for? 1080 00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:27,840 Get his ass out of here. 1081 00:43:27,870 --> 00:43:28,970 He's trespassing. 1082 00:43:30,140 --> 00:43:31,710 - [hand whooshes] - [light crackles] 1083 00:43:31,740 --> 00:43:34,310 [light whooshes] 1084 00:43:35,950 --> 00:43:37,610 Uh, is he dead? 1085 00:43:37,650 --> 00:43:39,150 He's just counting sheep right now. 1086 00:43:39,180 --> 00:43:40,750 He'll be fine. 1087 00:43:40,780 --> 00:43:42,120 Now, sit down. 1088 00:43:42,150 --> 00:43:43,650 Shut up. 1089 00:43:43,690 --> 00:43:44,890 Pay attention. 1090 00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:46,320 Nobody talks to me that way. 1091 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:48,190 Everybody talks to you that way, Don. 1092 00:43:48,220 --> 00:43:51,190 You're just too narcissistic to hear 'em. 1093 00:43:51,230 --> 00:43:52,760 Do you know why I'm here? 1094 00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:54,030 Because you can fly? 1095 00:43:54,060 --> 00:43:55,630 No, because you need me more 1096 00:43:55,660 --> 00:43:58,630 than you did the last time I was here. 1097 00:43:58,670 --> 00:43:59,270 Yes. 1098 00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:02,470 It was just a matter of time 1099 00:44:02,510 --> 00:44:05,340 before your dream of getting back at President Obama 1100 00:44:05,380 --> 00:44:06,980 for clowning the shit out of you 1101 00:44:07,010 --> 00:44:10,650 at that presidential luncheon is all over. 1102 00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:12,010 You know, he was really good. 1103 00:44:12,050 --> 00:44:14,050 I mean, it was funny. 1104 00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:17,850 Talked about your hair and how orange you were, and- 1105 00:44:17,890 --> 00:44:19,120 I'm pretty tough. 1106 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:20,860 Nobody's tough enough to go through 1107 00:44:20,890 --> 00:44:24,860 the Normandy storm bombing that you do every single day. 1108 00:44:24,890 --> 00:44:27,200 Ha ha. You obviously don't know much about me. 1109 00:44:27,230 --> 00:44:28,800 I've been dealing with shit storms 1110 00:44:28,830 --> 00:44:30,800 since I was a kid in the Military Academy. 1111 00:44:30,830 --> 00:44:32,640 I thought you had bone spurs 1112 00:44:32,670 --> 00:44:34,340 and paid a doctor a shitload of money 1113 00:44:34,370 --> 00:44:36,640 to get you out of the military. 1114 00:44:36,670 --> 00:44:37,970 How do you know about that? 1115 00:44:38,010 --> 00:44:40,740 I can take your powers of bullshitting, Don, 1116 00:44:40,780 --> 00:44:43,210 to a whole new level. 1117 00:44:43,250 --> 00:44:45,680 So, show me. Do something. 1118 00:44:45,720 --> 00:44:47,650 - A little experiment, huh? - A little experiment. 1119 00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:48,950 I don't do experiments. 1120 00:44:48,990 --> 00:44:50,190 You're either in, or you're out. 1121 00:44:50,220 --> 00:44:52,790 You know, no one out negotiates me, right? 1122 00:44:52,820 --> 00:44:55,290 You're correct. You wrote the book on negotiation. 1123 00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:56,360 That's right. 1124 00:44:56,390 --> 00:44:58,960 So, are you in, or are you out? 1125 00:44:58,990 --> 00:45:00,860 - In. - Good. 1126 00:45:00,900 --> 00:45:02,360 Okay, listen. 1127 00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:04,230 This morning, there was a court hearing in Miami. 1128 00:45:04,270 --> 00:45:07,300 One of my painting contractors is suing me for nonpayment 1129 00:45:07,340 --> 00:45:09,440 for some job he did at the Trump Hotel. 1130 00:45:09,470 --> 00:45:12,280 I need you to fix it for me, is that possible? 1131 00:45:12,310 --> 00:45:13,110 Done. 1132 00:45:13,140 --> 00:45:14,380 How long will it take? 1133 00:45:14,410 --> 00:45:16,710 Watch the TV tonight. 1134 00:45:16,750 --> 00:45:17,410 That soon? 1135 00:45:18,410 --> 00:45:19,180 I don't waste people's time, especially mine. 1136 00:45:19,220 --> 00:45:21,680 So how much is this gonna cost me? 1137 00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:23,190 Not a dime. It's on the house. 1138 00:45:23,220 --> 00:45:24,660 This one's on me. 1139 00:45:25,450 --> 00:45:27,090 Oh, I get it. 1140 00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:29,090 You want my soul. 1141 00:45:29,130 --> 00:45:29,960 Soul. 1142 00:45:31,030 --> 00:45:32,430 Don't worry about that. 1143 00:45:32,460 --> 00:45:35,260 We'll get to that when the time comes, Don. 1144 00:45:35,300 --> 00:45:36,430 You're not getting my soul. 1145 00:45:36,470 --> 00:45:37,300 That's a deal-breaker. 1146 00:45:37,330 --> 00:45:39,130 I don't even know if I have a soul, 1147 00:45:39,170 --> 00:45:40,970 but if I do, you're not getting it. 1148 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:42,070 You have a soul. 1149 00:45:42,100 --> 00:45:44,110 It just hasn't been operational for quite a while. 1150 00:45:44,140 --> 00:45:45,710 You're still not getting it. 1151 00:45:45,740 --> 00:45:46,880 Fine. 1152 00:45:46,910 --> 00:45:48,710 We'll take it slow and easy. 1153 00:45:50,850 --> 00:45:52,920 My eyes worked a whole hell of a lot better 1154 00:45:52,950 --> 00:45:55,020 when I was first cast down. 1155 00:45:55,050 --> 00:45:58,150 The centuries, they pass so fast. 1156 00:45:58,190 --> 00:45:59,920 Congratulations, boss. 1157 00:45:59,960 --> 00:46:03,030 Here's to you and mayhem. 1158 00:46:03,060 --> 00:46:03,890 A toast. 1159 00:46:05,230 --> 00:46:07,230 A toast to my minions. 1160 00:46:07,260 --> 00:46:09,170 Job well done. 1161 00:46:10,070 --> 00:46:12,430 Drink up, celebrate. 1162 00:46:12,470 --> 00:46:14,200 Get drunk. You deserve it. 1163 00:46:17,470 --> 00:46:19,240 Just like Trump, I don't drink. 1164 00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:24,080 Now, who's got the weed? 1165 00:46:26,280 --> 00:46:27,120 Roll it up. 1166 00:46:29,820 --> 00:46:30,550 [Reporter on TV] In other news, 1167 00:46:30,590 --> 00:46:32,090 a Miami painting contractor, 1168 00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:35,160 who had just won a 120,000-dollar judgment 1169 00:46:35,190 --> 00:46:38,990 against Donald Trump for work done at his local golf resort, 1170 00:46:39,030 --> 00:46:41,060 was struck and killed by a speeding car 1171 00:46:41,100 --> 00:46:43,800 this afternoon outside his office, 1172 00:46:43,830 --> 00:46:45,500 just hours after his court victory 1173 00:46:45,530 --> 00:46:48,170 against the Republican presidential candidate. 1174 00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:50,470 [victorious music] 1175 00:46:51,910 --> 00:46:53,110 - [remote clicks] - We have some breaking news 1176 00:46:53,140 --> 00:46:55,510 that I think is going to shock a lot of people. 1177 00:46:55,550 --> 00:46:57,110 For the first time since announcing 1178 00:46:57,150 --> 00:46:59,520 his candidacy just a month ago, 1179 00:46:59,550 --> 00:47:02,490 Donald Trump now leads the entire Republican field 1180 00:47:02,520 --> 00:47:04,520 of presidential candidates. 1181 00:47:04,550 --> 00:47:06,520 That's according to a new poll out tonight 1182 00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:08,930 from USA Today and Suffolk University. 1183 00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:13,900 [upbeat music] 1184 00:47:13,930 --> 00:47:15,400 What do you say now? 1185 00:47:15,430 --> 00:47:17,900 I'm the front runner for the Republican nomination 1186 00:47:17,930 --> 00:47:19,940 for president of the United States. 1187 00:47:19,970 --> 00:47:22,140 I don't even know what to say. 1188 00:47:22,170 --> 00:47:23,540 Of course you don't, idiot. 1189 00:47:23,570 --> 00:47:25,310 Shut up and drink your water. 1190 00:47:25,340 --> 00:47:26,880 I think is great. 1191 00:47:26,910 --> 00:47:28,810 Maybe we can go shopping for celebrate? 1192 00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:30,310 There's nothing more you need. 1193 00:47:30,350 --> 00:47:31,550 You can take me shopping. 1194 00:47:31,580 --> 00:47:33,180 There's lots of things I need. 1195 00:47:33,220 --> 00:47:34,080 Of course, pumpkin. 1196 00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:35,280 Whatever you want. 1197 00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:37,990 This is gonna be great for business. 1198 00:47:38,020 --> 00:47:40,560 The Trump brand will be hotter than ever. 1199 00:47:40,590 --> 00:47:43,430 Everyone will want in on our deals. 1200 00:47:43,460 --> 00:47:44,360 Did you hear that, Eric? 1201 00:47:44,390 --> 00:47:45,390 He's the smart one. 1202 00:47:45,430 --> 00:47:46,960 He's got the big ideas. 1203 00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:48,060 He gets it. 1204 00:47:48,100 --> 00:47:49,100 [hand slaps] 1205 00:47:49,130 --> 00:47:50,900 Can you rename the White House, 1206 00:47:50,930 --> 00:47:54,400 the "Trump White House" and put a logo on it? 1207 00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:55,610 That's not bad. 1208 00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:57,840 I kinda like it. 1209 00:47:57,870 --> 00:47:59,010 Good idea, Eric. 1210 00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:00,540 See, everybody, once in a while, 1211 00:48:00,580 --> 00:48:02,450 he comes up with a bright idea. 1212 00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,550 Makes me think he's not really a retard. 1213 00:48:04,580 --> 00:48:06,380 No, I think he's retarded. 1214 00:48:08,380 --> 00:48:09,990 So what do you think now, Rupert? 1215 00:48:10,020 --> 00:48:12,390 Still think Trump as president is funny? 1216 00:48:12,620 --> 00:48:13,660 Yeah. 1217 00:48:13,690 --> 00:48:15,590 It's even funnier than the last time you said it. 1218 00:48:15,630 --> 00:48:16,890 [Rupert laughs] 1219 00:48:16,930 --> 00:48:18,160 Piece of shit. 1220 00:48:18,190 --> 00:48:19,630 Now, I think that the joke is on 1221 00:48:19,660 --> 00:48:20,860 the country and the world. 1222 00:48:20,900 --> 00:48:22,160 You know what, Michael? 1223 00:48:22,200 --> 00:48:24,070 I think you need some of that growth hormone stuff. 1224 00:48:24,100 --> 00:48:26,170 Then, maybe you'll be tall enough to run for president. 1225 00:48:26,200 --> 00:48:28,970 In the meantime, you can just be jealous. 1226 00:48:30,070 --> 00:48:31,310 Wow. 1227 00:48:31,340 --> 00:48:33,010 What a jerk. 1228 00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:34,140 God. 1229 00:48:37,350 --> 00:48:38,910 [air whooshing] 1230 00:48:38,950 --> 00:48:40,920 Well, surprise, surprise. 1231 00:48:41,620 --> 00:48:43,120 So what should I call you? 1232 00:48:43,150 --> 00:48:45,490 I've had many names over the centuries. 1233 00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:47,890 Luther will do. 1234 00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,290 You're doing a great job, Luther. 1235 00:48:49,320 --> 00:48:50,430 Great job. 1236 00:48:50,460 --> 00:48:52,060 I just made an amazing deal. 1237 00:48:52,090 --> 00:48:53,030 Smart deal. 1238 00:48:54,230 --> 00:48:55,300 You want some chicken? 1239 00:48:55,330 --> 00:48:56,600 No GMOs. 1240 00:48:56,630 --> 00:48:58,530 Look, Donnie, I just dropped in to say 1241 00:48:58,570 --> 00:49:00,900 it's time to step up your game. 1242 00:49:00,940 --> 00:49:02,610 You're a master of distraction. 1243 00:49:02,640 --> 00:49:04,410 I've never seen anything like it. 1244 00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:05,940 You could fuck up, and people think 1245 00:49:05,970 --> 00:49:07,940 it's the biggest fuck up ever, 1246 00:49:07,980 --> 00:49:11,110 and you've got one bigger and loaded up for the next day. 1247 00:49:11,150 --> 00:49:15,150 Distraction after distraction till everybody's just fucked. 1248 00:49:15,180 --> 00:49:16,520 I love it. 1249 00:49:16,550 --> 00:49:19,160 We got to press the envelope even further, 1250 00:49:19,190 --> 00:49:20,290 build the momentum. 1251 00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:21,290 I can do momentum. 1252 00:49:22,720 --> 00:49:26,530 So this "press the envelope" thing, any ideas? 1253 00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:30,030 How about flaming the fire with old John McCain? 1254 00:49:30,070 --> 00:49:31,230 Now, that would be fun. 1255 00:49:31,270 --> 00:49:32,970 That would be fun. 1256 00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,200 I can do fun. 1257 00:49:34,240 --> 00:49:35,270 Do it. 1258 00:49:37,670 --> 00:49:39,940 Mr. Trump, we've polled our readers. 1259 00:49:39,980 --> 00:49:42,640 And this is the number one question they'd like to know: 1260 00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:44,580 You're famous for applause lines. 1261 00:49:44,610 --> 00:49:46,280 And people do love that. 1262 00:49:46,320 --> 00:49:49,490 But referring to Mexicans as "rapists"? 1263 00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:52,090 Referring to John McCain, a war hero, 1264 00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:56,560 five and a half years as a POW, and you call him a "dummy"? 1265 00:49:56,590 --> 00:49:58,990 Is that appropriate if you're running for president? 1266 00:49:59,030 --> 00:50:00,060 You have to let me speak 1267 00:50:00,100 --> 00:50:02,660 because you're interrupting me all the time, okay? 1268 00:50:02,700 --> 00:50:04,500 Let's take John McCain. 1269 00:50:04,530 --> 00:50:05,740 I'm in Phoenix. 1270 00:50:05,770 --> 00:50:07,700 We have a rally that's going to have 500 people 1271 00:50:07,740 --> 00:50:09,240 at The Biltmore Hotel. 1272 00:50:09,270 --> 00:50:12,010 We get a call from the hotel that it's mayhem, 1273 00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:14,310 thousands and thousands of people are showing up 1274 00:50:14,340 --> 00:50:15,740 three or four days early. 1275 00:50:15,780 --> 00:50:17,710 So we move it to the convention center. 1276 00:50:17,750 --> 00:50:21,750 We have 15,000 people, the biggest crowd ever. 1277 00:50:21,780 --> 00:50:23,350 Bigger than Bernie Sanders. 1278 00:50:23,390 --> 00:50:24,590 And the people who show up 1279 00:50:24,620 --> 00:50:27,060 at the event are incredible people 1280 00:50:27,090 --> 00:50:28,690 that were wonderful great Americans. 1281 00:50:28,720 --> 00:50:31,060 I will tell you, John McCain goes, 1282 00:50:31,090 --> 00:50:33,400 "Oh, boy, Trump makes my life difficult." 1283 00:50:33,430 --> 00:50:36,230 He had 15,000 crazies show up. 1284 00:50:36,260 --> 00:50:37,200 Crazies. 1285 00:50:37,230 --> 00:50:39,000 He called you all crazies. 1286 00:50:39,030 --> 00:50:40,470 I said, "They aren't crazies. 1287 00:50:40,500 --> 00:50:43,110 "They are all great Americans." 1288 00:50:43,140 --> 00:50:45,010 He insulted everyone in that room. 1289 00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:48,340 So I said, "Somebody should run against John McCain," 1290 00:50:48,380 --> 00:50:51,010 who's been, in my opinion, not so hot. 1291 00:50:51,050 --> 00:50:53,780 He ran for president against a black guy from Kenya. 1292 00:50:53,820 --> 00:50:55,720 Somebody who wasn't even a real American. 1293 00:50:55,750 --> 00:50:58,790 Somebody who's illegal as a candidate, and he lost. 1294 00:50:58,820 --> 00:51:00,620 So I didn't like him as much after that 1295 00:51:00,660 --> 00:51:03,290 because everyone knows I don't like losers. 1296 00:51:03,320 --> 00:51:04,660 But he's a war hero. 1297 00:51:04,690 --> 00:51:07,400 He was a war hero because he was captured. 1298 00:51:09,130 --> 00:51:11,500 We're just a few hours into a breaking political story 1299 00:51:11,530 --> 00:51:14,500 with major implications for 2016. 1300 00:51:14,540 --> 00:51:17,740 At a conference of religious conservatives today in Iowa, 1301 00:51:17,770 --> 00:51:22,780 Donald Trump said Senator John McCain is not a war hero. 1302 00:51:23,450 --> 00:51:27,350 The firestorm has been nearly instant, and it is intense. 1303 00:51:27,380 --> 00:51:30,120 Our man on the ground is live in Ames, Iowa, 1304 00:51:30,150 --> 00:51:32,820 with reactions from other 2016 candidates, 1305 00:51:32,860 --> 00:51:35,090 and also the prospective voters behind him. 1306 00:51:35,860 --> 00:51:37,430 A defiant Donald Trump says 1307 00:51:37,460 --> 00:51:39,760 he will not apologize for his remarks 1308 00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:43,530 about Senator John McCain's military service. 1309 00:51:43,570 --> 00:51:45,700 Trump suggested he admires veterans 1310 00:51:45,730 --> 00:51:50,410 who were not captured, over POWs, particularly John McCain. 1311 00:51:50,710 --> 00:51:53,810 He was a war hero because he was captured. 1312 00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:56,850 Former Florida Governor, Jeb Bush, tweeted, 1313 00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,480 "Enough with the slanderous attacks. 1314 00:51:59,510 --> 00:52:03,750 "Senator John McCain and all our veterans, particularly POWs, 1315 00:52:04,490 --> 00:52:06,590 "have earned our respect and admiration." 1316 00:52:06,620 --> 00:52:08,420 Do you believe this? 1317 00:52:08,460 --> 00:52:09,390 Unbelievable. 1318 00:52:09,430 --> 00:52:12,160 South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham tweeted, 1319 00:52:12,190 --> 00:52:14,130 "If there was ever any doubt 1320 00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:18,330 "that he should not be #GOP standard bearer, 1321 00:52:18,370 --> 00:52:20,700 "his growing mountain of stupid statements 1322 00:52:20,740 --> 00:52:22,540 "should end all doubt." 1323 00:52:23,740 --> 00:52:24,610 Unbelievable. 1324 00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:25,710 [Donald sighs] 1325 00:52:26,310 --> 00:52:29,310 [airplane roaring] 1326 00:52:29,340 --> 00:52:30,850 Cox News. 1327 00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:32,180 Ah, I love this network. 1328 00:52:32,210 --> 00:52:33,820 It's always full of shit. 1329 00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:35,720 I love this. I love this, man. 1330 00:52:35,750 --> 00:52:37,890 Man, he's the king of mayhem. 1331 00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:40,120 You think shit like that'll get him elected? 1332 00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:42,190 He definitely needs to clean up his act. 1333 00:52:42,220 --> 00:52:45,890 But once he's elected, he's a dream come true. 1334 00:52:45,930 --> 00:52:46,900 I mean, my favorite part 1335 00:52:46,930 --> 00:52:49,900 of American history was the Great Depression. 1336 00:52:49,930 --> 00:52:52,870 But when this guy Trump gets in the White House, 1337 00:52:52,900 --> 00:52:57,210 ah, he could bring down society as we know it. 1338 00:52:57,240 --> 00:52:57,840 [Shame] Mm. 1339 00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:03,180 I mean, all he really needs is just a little... coaching. 1340 00:53:11,920 --> 00:53:14,690 [pulsating hums] 1341 00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:21,160 Got a lot of nerve showing your face around here. 1342 00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:21,900 Why's that? 1343 00:53:21,930 --> 00:53:23,570 You gave me lousy advice. 1344 00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:25,200 What are you trying to do? Sabotage me? 1345 00:53:25,230 --> 00:53:26,200 The McCain thing. 1346 00:53:26,240 --> 00:53:27,400 Good guess. 1347 00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:29,170 I told you to put a little flame to a fire, 1348 00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:31,710 not set the whole fucking country ablaze. 1349 00:53:31,740 --> 00:53:33,240 Well, next time you give me some advice, 1350 00:53:33,280 --> 00:53:34,840 be a little more clear. 1351 00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:35,910 I'll give you that. 1352 00:53:35,950 --> 00:53:37,250 You're making a big mistake 1353 00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:38,210 if you're gonna mess with Trump. 1354 00:53:38,250 --> 00:53:39,710 Nobody messes with Trump. 1355 00:53:39,750 --> 00:53:41,750 - Really? - Really. 1356 00:53:41,780 --> 00:53:44,290 [light booms] 1357 00:53:45,450 --> 00:53:46,960 Don't ever forget who's in charge 1358 00:53:46,990 --> 00:53:48,720 of this little production. 1359 00:53:49,890 --> 00:53:52,330 No offense, but you're the biggest fuck up 1360 00:53:52,360 --> 00:53:54,300 I've ever come across. 1361 00:53:54,330 --> 00:53:56,400 How'd you ever become rich? 1362 00:53:56,430 --> 00:53:58,900 Oh, yeah, your daddy made you rich. 1363 00:53:58,930 --> 00:54:01,270 You're daddy's little rich, snotty nose brat. 1364 00:54:01,300 --> 00:54:01,870 How dare you talk... 1365 00:54:01,900 --> 00:54:03,810 Shut up and listen. 1366 00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:06,980 If you're serious about becoming president of the United States, 1367 00:54:07,010 --> 00:54:11,480 I suggest you stop fucking up and acting like a lunatic. 1368 00:54:11,510 --> 00:54:12,820 I'm counting on you. 1369 00:54:14,350 --> 00:54:15,920 To do what? 1370 00:54:15,950 --> 00:54:20,290 Make America great again, of course. 1371 00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:22,790 [Luther laughs] 1372 00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:29,230 Donald Trump has reached another milestone 1373 00:54:29,260 --> 00:54:31,870 in his quest for the GOP presidential nomination. 1374 00:54:31,900 --> 00:54:33,270 According to a new poll 1375 00:54:33,300 --> 00:54:35,470 out this morning from ORC International, 1376 00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:37,970 the renegade Republican business tycoon 1377 00:54:38,010 --> 00:54:39,910 is at an all-time high 1378 00:54:39,940 --> 00:54:42,510 in terms of support from Republican voters. 1379 00:54:42,540 --> 00:54:44,450 Yes, this order is very important. 1380 00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:45,950 National security. 1381 00:54:45,980 --> 00:54:48,850 I want a Trump taco bowl, a Diet Coke, 1382 00:54:48,880 --> 00:54:50,990 and two scoops of chocolate ice cream. 1383 00:54:52,050 --> 00:54:53,590 Make that three scoops. 1384 00:54:56,060 --> 00:54:57,630 Big news this afternoon. 1385 00:54:57,660 --> 00:55:01,330 Releasing my big tax plan, biggest tax plan ever. 1386 00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:01,930 What's in it? 1387 00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:03,270 I have no idea. 1388 00:55:03,300 --> 00:55:05,270 My people say it looks terrific. 1389 00:55:05,300 --> 00:55:07,570 Tax cut for the middle class? 1390 00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:08,370 Ugh. 1391 00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:09,440 Maybe. Who knows? 1392 00:55:09,470 --> 00:55:11,270 But it's a big tax cut for us. 1393 00:55:11,310 --> 00:55:13,340 So you don't know what's in it, then? 1394 00:55:13,380 --> 00:55:14,510 Doesn't matter. 1395 00:55:14,540 --> 00:55:16,550 As long as it gets rid of the alternative minimum tax 1396 00:55:16,580 --> 00:55:17,850 and the estate tax. 1397 00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:19,980 That way, it'll save me 30 million a year, 1398 00:55:20,010 --> 00:55:22,550 and you billions when I go and you take over. 1399 00:55:22,580 --> 00:55:23,590 That's great, Dad. 1400 00:55:24,720 --> 00:55:26,990 I am so proud of you. 1401 00:55:27,020 --> 00:55:29,860 I'm proud of you too, Don, even you, Eric. 1402 00:55:29,890 --> 00:55:31,060 [tender music] 1403 00:55:31,090 --> 00:55:32,690 I think I'm gonna cry. 1404 00:55:33,360 --> 00:55:34,630 After initially pledging 1405 00:55:34,660 --> 00:55:37,300 that he would self-fund his presidential campaign, 1406 00:55:37,330 --> 00:55:40,500 Donald Trump raised more than $3.5 million 1407 00:55:40,540 --> 00:55:43,810 from individual donors over the last two months. 1408 00:55:43,840 --> 00:55:45,040 That's according to documents filed 1409 00:55:45,070 --> 00:55:47,380 with the Federal Election Commission. 1410 00:55:47,410 --> 00:55:49,380 When asked why Trump has contradicted 1411 00:55:49,410 --> 00:55:52,010 his original claim to use his own money, 1412 00:55:52,050 --> 00:55:53,980 campaign spokesperson Hope Hicks responded. 1413 00:55:54,780 --> 00:55:58,350 Mr. Trump is just responding to the enthusiasm 1414 00:55:58,390 --> 00:56:01,390 of ordinary Americans that wish to support him 1415 00:56:01,420 --> 00:56:02,860 with their hard-earned money. 1416 00:56:03,790 --> 00:56:05,030 America loves Trump. 1417 00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:08,060 Look at her, Dave, isn't she fantastic? 1418 00:56:08,100 --> 00:56:10,400 Look at those all-American tits. 1419 00:56:10,430 --> 00:56:11,600 They're not that big. 1420 00:56:11,630 --> 00:56:13,470 Usually, I don't like 'em unless they're monster hooters, 1421 00:56:13,500 --> 00:56:15,040 but there's something about her. 1422 00:56:15,070 --> 00:56:16,910 Maybe it's that her name is Hope. 1423 00:56:16,940 --> 00:56:18,110 Quite frankly, I hope to bang her 1424 00:56:18,140 --> 00:56:19,840 before this thing's all over. 1425 00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:22,340 That's what we love about you, Donald. 1426 00:56:22,380 --> 00:56:23,710 [Dave chuckles] 1427 00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:29,720 How much money we making on the campaign so far? 1428 00:56:29,750 --> 00:56:33,460 You mean, besides using campaign funds for rent here? 1429 00:56:33,490 --> 00:56:34,320 Um. 1430 00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:36,730 I'm not sure. Why? 1431 00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:37,960 Remember I told you I was gonna be 1432 00:56:37,990 --> 00:56:40,400 the first candidate ever to make a profit 1433 00:56:40,430 --> 00:56:42,100 by running for president? 1434 00:56:42,130 --> 00:56:44,130 Now that the cash is flowing in, 1435 00:56:44,170 --> 00:56:46,100 we need to maybe figure out a few other ways 1436 00:56:46,140 --> 00:56:47,200 to generate some income, 1437 00:56:47,240 --> 00:56:51,770 like charging the Secret Service to use golf carts 1438 00:56:51,810 --> 00:56:53,410 and gouging the press for everything. 1439 00:56:53,440 --> 00:56:55,980 My base loves it when we gouge the press. 1440 00:56:56,010 --> 00:56:57,110 It's brilliant. 1441 00:56:57,150 --> 00:56:58,550 You're a genius. 1442 00:56:59,510 --> 00:57:00,580 Why didn't I think of this? 1443 00:57:00,620 --> 00:57:01,620 Very good question. 1444 00:57:03,020 --> 00:57:04,620 So, go get me a cheeseburger. 1445 00:57:09,190 --> 00:57:11,860 You know, I've been thinking a lot about this Muslim thing. 1446 00:57:12,630 --> 00:57:13,930 Muslim thing? 1447 00:57:13,960 --> 00:57:14,760 What Muslim thing? 1448 00:57:14,800 --> 00:57:15,830 You know what I mean. 1449 00:57:15,860 --> 00:57:16,770 No, I don't. 1450 00:57:17,770 --> 00:57:19,970 How do you feel about Muslims? 1451 00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:21,640 I don't know any Muslims. 1452 00:57:21,670 --> 00:57:23,110 I think most people don't like Muslims. 1453 00:57:23,140 --> 00:57:25,440 I know my base doesn't. 1454 00:57:25,470 --> 00:57:26,610 They think Muslims are terrorists. 1455 00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:28,110 Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. 1456 00:57:28,140 --> 00:57:31,610 I'm not sure, but I've got to come up with a Muslim plan. 1457 00:57:31,650 --> 00:57:32,850 I've talked about it. 1458 00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:34,580 Haven't really done anything about it. 1459 00:57:34,620 --> 00:57:35,950 I need to come up with a plan 1460 00:57:35,980 --> 00:57:37,990 so everyone knows I'm on top of the issues. 1461 00:57:38,020 --> 00:57:40,720 Hmm. Before Muslim plan, I'm hungry. 1462 00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:41,660 Can we have food? 1463 00:57:41,690 --> 00:57:43,160 Do you want Indian or Chinese? 1464 00:57:45,030 --> 00:57:47,460 [people chattering] 1465 00:57:48,460 --> 00:57:50,800 Hello, I'm Gary Ward with "Millennium News." 1466 00:57:50,830 --> 00:57:51,930 I'm here at the headquarters 1467 00:57:51,970 --> 00:57:55,440 of Republican candidate Donald J. Trump 1468 00:57:55,470 --> 00:57:57,170 who's now making his bid for president. 1469 00:57:57,210 --> 00:57:58,740 How are you today, Mr. Trump? 1470 00:57:58,770 --> 00:58:00,210 Thank you for having me, Gary. 1471 00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:01,180 Let's get right to it. 1472 00:58:01,210 --> 00:58:02,680 Let's talk about your immigration policies 1473 00:58:02,710 --> 00:58:04,780 regarding Muslim Americans. 1474 00:58:04,810 --> 00:58:06,520 Now, you've suggested that maybe 1475 00:58:06,550 --> 00:58:09,020 we should increase surveillance on these citizens? 1476 00:58:09,050 --> 00:58:10,450 As you know, Gary, 1477 00:58:10,490 --> 00:58:13,690 France recently declared a state of emergency, 1478 00:58:13,720 --> 00:58:15,190 closed their borders, 1479 00:58:15,220 --> 00:58:17,760 and ordered searches without warrants 1480 00:58:17,790 --> 00:58:19,500 in order to protect their country. 1481 00:58:19,530 --> 00:58:21,930 Do you think that we're in a state of emergency? 1482 00:58:21,960 --> 00:58:25,500 And should Muslims in this country be subjected 1483 00:58:25,530 --> 00:58:26,500 to warrantless searches? 1484 00:58:26,530 --> 00:58:27,940 Well, we have to do something. 1485 00:58:27,970 --> 00:58:32,170 Last Friday, 130 innocent people, good people, 1486 00:58:32,210 --> 00:58:36,510 were massacred in Paris by terrorists. 1487 00:58:36,550 --> 00:58:37,910 These people are animals, 1488 00:58:37,950 --> 00:58:39,550 and we need to do something to protect 1489 00:58:39,580 --> 00:58:41,050 our people in our country. 1490 00:58:41,080 --> 00:58:43,850 What are the type of policies that you would have in place 1491 00:58:43,890 --> 00:58:46,550 to protect our citizens, as well as our borders? 1492 00:58:46,590 --> 00:58:49,230 I'm not sure yet, everything's on the table. 1493 00:58:49,260 --> 00:58:51,790 Got to keep our eyes open on all these mosques. 1494 00:58:51,830 --> 00:58:54,160 See who's coming, who's going. 1495 00:58:54,200 --> 00:58:56,000 Be vigilant and safe. 1496 00:58:56,030 --> 00:59:00,200 So, you've also suggested a Muslim registry. 1497 00:59:00,240 --> 00:59:02,640 Would that be at the forefront of your policies 1498 00:59:02,670 --> 00:59:03,840 on immigration as well? 1499 00:59:03,870 --> 00:59:05,510 It's too early to say that, 1500 00:59:05,540 --> 00:59:08,940 but, as you know, Gary, in this country, by law, 1501 00:59:08,980 --> 00:59:11,180 everyone needs to register their cars, 1502 00:59:11,210 --> 00:59:14,980 register their guns and weapons, so why not our Muslims? 1503 00:59:15,020 --> 00:59:16,650 Wouldn't that be eerily similar 1504 00:59:16,680 --> 00:59:19,150 to what happened to Jewish people in Eastern Europe, 1505 00:59:19,190 --> 00:59:20,590 right before World War II? 1506 00:59:20,620 --> 00:59:22,820 I can't comment on any decisions that were made 1507 00:59:22,860 --> 00:59:26,230 by another administration in World War II. I can only 1508 00:59:26,260 --> 00:59:30,730 comment on my campaign for president right now. 1509 00:59:30,770 --> 00:59:33,240 Well, thank you very much, Mr. Trump, for the interview. 1510 00:59:37,810 --> 00:59:40,540 [crowd cheering] 1511 00:59:43,840 --> 00:59:45,810 I watched TV last night, 1512 00:59:45,850 --> 00:59:49,080 and I saw our president talking about Islamic terrorism 1513 00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:51,590 and the recent attacks in Paris. 1514 00:59:51,620 --> 00:59:54,060 Didn't know what the hell he was talking about. 1515 00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:56,160 He has no idea what's going on, 1516 00:59:56,190 --> 01:00:01,300 and he refuses to use the term "radical Islamic terrorism." 1517 01:00:01,760 --> 01:00:02,660 Now look, 1518 01:00:03,730 --> 01:00:05,800 we all know our current president is not American. 1519 01:00:05,830 --> 01:00:08,000 He's from Kenya, okay? 1520 01:00:08,040 --> 01:00:10,110 So what the hell should we expect? 1521 01:00:10,140 --> 01:00:12,610 Africans have no schools, no food. 1522 01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:14,210 They live in mud huts. 1523 01:00:14,240 --> 01:00:15,740 So let's give Obama a break, 1524 01:00:15,780 --> 01:00:18,050 but I'm telling you, we have to do something 1525 01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:21,580 about what I call "the Muslim problem." 1526 01:00:21,620 --> 01:00:23,650 And so tonight, I'm announcing that I'm calling 1527 01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:26,220 for a total and complete shutdown 1528 01:00:26,250 --> 01:00:28,690 of Muslims entering the United States 1529 01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:31,290 until our country's representatives can figure out 1530 01:00:31,330 --> 01:00:33,130 what the hell is going on. 1531 01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:35,930 I mean, let's face it, folks, Muslims are not like us. 1532 01:00:35,960 --> 01:00:39,000 They're deranged with all this jihad stuff. 1533 01:00:39,030 --> 01:00:41,670 So, we need to keep 'em out of our country. 1534 01:00:41,700 --> 01:00:44,210 [crowd cheering] 1535 01:00:49,710 --> 01:00:51,850 This guy could single-handedly start a holy war 1536 01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:53,980 between the Christians and the Muslims. 1537 01:00:54,020 --> 01:00:56,990 Besides not being a very good public speaker, 1538 01:00:58,050 --> 01:01:00,390 he could rival Hitler when the time comes. 1539 01:01:00,420 --> 01:01:01,760 That's only true if he wins. 1540 01:01:01,790 --> 01:01:03,390 You really think he could win? 1541 01:01:03,430 --> 01:01:04,190 You doubt me? 1542 01:01:04,230 --> 01:01:05,730 - [Misery gasps] - [sheepishly] No. 1543 01:01:05,760 --> 01:01:07,330 We got a long way to go. 1544 01:01:08,430 --> 01:01:11,270 But in the immortal words of Dr. Martin Luther King, 1545 01:01:12,670 --> 01:01:15,770 "We're gonna get to the Promised Land." 1546 01:01:15,800 --> 01:01:17,270 What about, "We have a dream?" 1547 01:01:17,300 --> 01:01:19,810 It became a nightmare when I got involved. 1548 01:01:21,040 --> 01:01:23,210 Don't doubt this guy. 1549 01:01:23,240 --> 01:01:25,610 Don't underestimate our friends. 1550 01:01:28,380 --> 01:01:31,050 There's a lot of good shit going on out there. 1551 01:01:32,890 --> 01:01:35,360 Let's just sit back and watch it play out. 1552 01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:44,070 [men speaking in foreign language] 1553 01:01:46,900 --> 01:01:47,900 He is the guy. 1554 01:01:50,470 --> 01:01:53,210 [men applauding] 1555 01:01:59,110 --> 01:02:01,720 This is an interesting development. 1556 01:02:01,750 --> 01:02:02,890 It's not your doing? 1557 01:02:04,090 --> 01:02:08,390 Vlad has an independent streak, and a lot of great ideas. 1558 01:02:09,820 --> 01:02:12,260 I bet you he's got something up his sleeve on this one. 1559 01:02:13,830 --> 01:02:15,300 We'll see. 1560 01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:24,770 You look so beautiful. 1561 01:02:24,810 --> 01:02:25,780 [knocking on door] 1562 01:02:25,970 --> 01:02:27,440 What is it? Come in. 1563 01:02:29,780 --> 01:02:30,910 Very good news. 1564 01:02:30,950 --> 01:02:33,210 The Russians are on board. 1565 01:02:33,250 --> 01:02:34,250 Great. 1566 01:02:34,280 --> 01:02:35,280 I knew this would work out. 1567 01:02:35,320 --> 01:02:37,720 Putin loves me, loves me. 1568 01:02:37,750 --> 01:02:39,460 Frankly, I think he's jealous. 1569 01:02:40,390 --> 01:02:41,760 So, what do we do next? 1570 01:02:42,890 --> 01:02:44,430 Putin has a whole bunch of the psycho bitch's emails. 1571 01:02:44,460 --> 01:02:45,930 When the time is right, 1572 01:02:45,960 --> 01:02:48,400 they're gonna release them through WikiLeaks. 1573 01:02:48,430 --> 01:02:49,760 [Don laughs] 1574 01:02:49,800 --> 01:02:51,070 Good work, Don. 1575 01:02:51,100 --> 01:02:52,900 Let's hope they do it in the right timing. 1576 01:02:52,930 --> 01:02:55,400 Timing is everything in life, right, kitten? 1577 01:02:55,440 --> 01:02:56,870 You're always right, Daddy. 1578 01:03:04,450 --> 01:03:07,480 [pulsating hums] 1579 01:03:07,520 --> 01:03:08,980 Doesn't this ever get old? 1580 01:03:09,020 --> 01:03:10,150 Never. 1581 01:03:10,180 --> 01:03:10,990 I missed you. 1582 01:03:11,020 --> 01:03:12,490 I've been watching. 1583 01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:16,260 And I have to say, Don, I'm thoroughly impressed. 1584 01:03:16,290 --> 01:03:18,260 That was you, made me bulletproof, right? 1585 01:03:18,290 --> 01:03:19,800 What can I say? 1586 01:03:19,830 --> 01:03:20,800 I'm a man of my word. 1587 01:03:20,830 --> 01:03:21,530 I'm kidding! 1588 01:03:21,560 --> 01:03:23,030 I'm tanking in the polls. 1589 01:03:23,060 --> 01:03:24,100 Who knew? 1590 01:03:24,130 --> 01:03:25,300 So, what do you want? 1591 01:03:25,330 --> 01:03:27,070 That's a loaded question, isn't it? 1592 01:03:27,100 --> 01:03:30,000 I'm sure you didn't fly in here just to chit chat? 1593 01:03:30,040 --> 01:03:31,270 Of course not. 1594 01:03:31,310 --> 01:03:32,510 So, what do you need? 1595 01:03:32,540 --> 01:03:34,280 Election night's in less than a month. 1596 01:03:34,310 --> 01:03:38,210 And as of right now, you have zero chance of winning, 1597 01:03:38,250 --> 01:03:40,520 even if we could stop you from sabotaging 1598 01:03:40,550 --> 01:03:41,980 your stupid ass self, 1599 01:03:42,020 --> 01:03:45,190 but everybody knows that's impossible. 1600 01:03:45,220 --> 01:03:48,820 Look, Don, if you really want this presidential thing, 1601 01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:54,030 I think it's time we solidify our relationship, 1602 01:03:54,060 --> 01:03:55,530 if you catch my drift. 1603 01:03:55,560 --> 01:03:56,500 I told you before, 1604 01:03:56,530 --> 01:03:59,500 any kind of serious pact is off the table. 1605 01:03:59,900 --> 01:04:02,800 If you wanna help me, which according to the past, 1606 01:04:02,840 --> 01:04:04,840 haven't been helping me that much, 1607 01:04:04,870 --> 01:04:06,410 but if you feel like you need to help me 1608 01:04:06,440 --> 01:04:09,010 for your own reasons, that's your business. 1609 01:04:09,040 --> 01:04:11,280 It's our business. 1610 01:04:11,310 --> 01:04:13,080 What are you saying? We're partners? 1611 01:04:13,110 --> 01:04:16,420 Well, not as of right now, 1612 01:04:16,450 --> 01:04:18,590 but I believe it's time. 1613 01:04:18,620 --> 01:04:21,220 Oh, right. The soul thing? 1614 01:04:21,260 --> 01:04:22,220 Ah. 1615 01:04:22,260 --> 01:04:23,460 Not happening. 1616 01:04:23,490 --> 01:04:25,830 I told you, you need me more than I need you. 1617 01:04:25,860 --> 01:04:27,330 We need each other. 1618 01:04:27,360 --> 01:04:30,870 We have the same goals in mind, Don. 1619 01:04:30,900 --> 01:04:32,100 And what is that? 1620 01:04:32,130 --> 01:04:35,540 A positive, righteous, resounding victory. 1621 01:04:35,570 --> 01:04:37,910 Somehow, you and righteousness 1622 01:04:37,940 --> 01:04:39,610 doesn't really sound that great together. 1623 01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:43,140 You know, I can say the same thing about you, Donny. 1624 01:04:43,180 --> 01:04:44,150 No offense. 1625 01:04:44,180 --> 01:04:45,910 You're wasting my time, Luther. 1626 01:04:45,950 --> 01:04:48,550 I guess we'll see what happens when election time comes. 1627 01:04:48,580 --> 01:04:52,550 In the meantime, get out of here. 1628 01:04:52,590 --> 01:04:53,390 No offense. 1629 01:04:53,420 --> 01:04:54,560 So that's it? 1630 01:04:54,590 --> 01:04:55,890 [Donald] That's it. 1631 01:04:55,920 --> 01:04:56,930 No deal? 1632 01:04:56,960 --> 01:04:57,590 No deal. 1633 01:04:58,990 --> 01:05:00,500 [gentle rumbling] 1634 01:05:00,530 --> 01:05:01,430 Okay. 1635 01:05:01,460 --> 01:05:03,570 [loud rumbling] 1636 01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:08,600 - [hand whooshing] - [head thudding] 1637 01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:11,970 You ever see "The Exorcist"? 1638 01:05:12,010 --> 01:05:14,580 [dramatic music] 1639 01:05:18,550 --> 01:05:21,320 [vomit splashes] 1640 01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:25,590 [Luther laughs] 1641 01:05:26,150 --> 01:05:28,860 [upbeat music] 1642 01:05:29,620 --> 01:05:31,190 Within just hours of the release yesterday 1643 01:05:31,230 --> 01:05:34,030 of an audiotape of Donald Trump making lewd comments 1644 01:05:34,060 --> 01:05:37,430 about his offensive and possibly illegal treatment of women 1645 01:05:37,470 --> 01:05:40,000 to "Access Hollywood" cohost Billy Bush, 1646 01:05:40,030 --> 01:05:42,070 his fellow Republicans nationwide 1647 01:05:42,100 --> 01:05:43,170 have loudly condemned him, 1648 01:05:43,200 --> 01:05:45,410 with a number of them demanding that he step aside 1649 01:05:45,440 --> 01:05:47,410 as the GOP candidate for president. 1650 01:05:47,940 --> 01:05:51,150 On the tape, first reported by "The Washington Post," 1651 01:05:51,180 --> 01:05:52,910 Trump made shocking statements 1652 01:05:52,950 --> 01:05:55,420 that many people now say have destroyed his candidacy 1653 01:05:55,450 --> 01:05:57,550 just one month before the election. 1654 01:05:57,590 --> 01:05:59,520 [Donald on TV] You know, Billy, I'm automatically attracted 1655 01:05:59,550 --> 01:06:00,920 to beautiful women. 1656 01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:02,020 I just start kissing them. 1657 01:06:02,060 --> 01:06:03,290 It's like a magnet. 1658 01:06:03,320 --> 01:06:04,630 I just kiss. 1659 01:06:04,660 --> 01:06:05,590 I don't even wait. 1660 01:06:05,630 --> 01:06:07,560 And when you're a star, they let you do it. 1661 01:06:07,590 --> 01:06:09,060 - [Donald sighs] - You can grab anything. 1662 01:06:09,100 --> 01:06:10,930 Grab them by the pussy. 1663 01:06:10,970 --> 01:06:12,170 Reaction to Trump's comments 1664 01:06:12,200 --> 01:06:14,240 has been swift and unequivocal. 1665 01:06:14,270 --> 01:06:16,700 Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice 1666 01:06:16,740 --> 01:06:18,970 wrote on Facebook, "Enough. 1667 01:06:19,010 --> 01:06:20,580 "Donald Trump should not be president. 1668 01:06:20,610 --> 01:06:22,280 "He should withdraw." 1669 01:06:22,310 --> 01:06:25,410 Republican Utah Senator Mike Lee has also called on Trump 1670 01:06:25,450 --> 01:06:27,720 to step down as the GOP nominee. 1671 01:06:27,750 --> 01:06:29,380 And House Speaker Paul Ryan 1672 01:06:29,420 --> 01:06:31,950 called Trump's remarks reprehensible. 1673 01:06:31,990 --> 01:06:34,390 [upbeat music] 1674 01:06:45,770 --> 01:06:46,670 This better be good. 1675 01:06:46,700 --> 01:06:48,170 I've just been through hell. 1676 01:06:48,200 --> 01:06:49,440 Congratulations, Dad. 1677 01:06:49,470 --> 01:06:52,070 You've fucking outdone yourself this time. 1678 01:06:52,110 --> 01:06:53,210 Huh? 1679 01:06:53,240 --> 01:06:54,440 How come you never told us 1680 01:06:54,480 --> 01:06:56,350 it's okay to grab women by the pussy? 1681 01:06:57,710 --> 01:07:00,450 That makes it way easier to get laid, right? 1682 01:07:01,620 --> 01:07:02,750 [Don Jr] What are we gonna do now? 1683 01:07:02,780 --> 01:07:04,620 Look, I already made a statement, 1684 01:07:04,650 --> 01:07:06,050 regretting all those terrible things 1685 01:07:06,090 --> 01:07:07,760 I said over 10 years ago. 1686 01:07:07,790 --> 01:07:09,060 The statement was great. 1687 01:07:09,090 --> 01:07:10,330 Really great. 1688 01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:14,160 The story is getting bigger, not going away. 1689 01:07:14,200 --> 01:07:16,030 Maybe you could just say that women 1690 01:07:16,060 --> 01:07:19,000 actually like being grabbed by the pussy, 1691 01:07:20,030 --> 01:07:21,540 that it's like a caveman thing. 1692 01:07:25,640 --> 01:07:27,040 That'd be cool. 1693 01:07:27,070 --> 01:07:27,940 Shut up, Eric. 1694 01:07:27,980 --> 01:07:29,780 Every time you open your stupid mouth, 1695 01:07:29,810 --> 01:07:31,210 I wish you weren't mine. 1696 01:07:32,810 --> 01:07:34,050 Wait a minute. 1697 01:07:35,020 --> 01:07:38,050 The timing of all this is very suspicious. 1698 01:07:39,050 --> 01:07:40,720 I think I know what's happening. 1699 01:07:40,760 --> 01:07:43,330 So, put Michael Cohen on 'em. 1700 01:07:43,360 --> 01:07:45,390 Have him bring in some of his muscle. 1701 01:07:45,430 --> 01:07:47,730 I'm not sure that's gonna work this time. 1702 01:07:47,760 --> 01:07:49,360 Muscle always works. 1703 01:07:49,400 --> 01:07:52,600 And Michael can fix anything. 1704 01:07:52,630 --> 01:07:55,070 That's what you always say, right? 1705 01:07:55,100 --> 01:07:56,470 Maybe not this time. 1706 01:07:59,070 --> 01:08:01,540 [tense music] 1707 01:08:04,310 --> 01:08:07,150 [people chanting] 1708 01:08:10,750 --> 01:08:13,590 [gentle rumbling] 1709 01:08:15,160 --> 01:08:18,090 You think you're pretty clever, don't you? 1710 01:08:18,130 --> 01:08:20,100 You can't intimidate me. 1711 01:08:20,130 --> 01:08:23,230 I'm the one who does the intimidation, okay?! 1712 01:08:23,260 --> 01:08:25,230 So good luck with your agitation 1713 01:08:25,270 --> 01:08:28,200 and your Beelzebub bullshit! 1714 01:08:28,240 --> 01:08:30,070 Fuck you, Luther! 1715 01:08:30,100 --> 01:08:32,770 Lucifer, whatever the fuck you wanna call yourself. 1716 01:08:32,810 --> 01:08:35,210 There's a reason you're in hell, 1717 01:08:35,240 --> 01:08:37,080 and you're gonna fucking stay there! 1718 01:08:37,110 --> 01:08:37,910 You got it?! 1719 01:08:39,310 --> 01:08:44,320 - [feet stomping] - [Donald screaming] 1720 01:08:49,760 --> 01:08:51,830 Just days after an old "Access Hollywood" tape 1721 01:08:51,860 --> 01:08:54,500 embroiled Donald Trump in a firestorm, 1722 01:08:54,530 --> 01:08:57,160 new allegations of sexual assault are being made 1723 01:08:57,200 --> 01:08:59,730 against the Republican presidential candidate. 1724 01:08:59,770 --> 01:09:01,670 Among them is a writer for "People" magazine, 1725 01:09:01,700 --> 01:09:05,470 who says that Trump sexually assaulted her in 2005 1726 01:09:05,510 --> 01:09:07,640 when she went to his Mar-a-Lago estate in Florida 1727 01:09:07,680 --> 01:09:09,380 to interview him for a profile. 1728 01:09:09,410 --> 01:09:11,410 Natasha Stoynoff claims that 1729 01:09:11,450 --> 01:09:14,580 after Melania Trump had left the room, Trump, quote, 1730 01:09:14,620 --> 01:09:16,180 "Pushed me against the wall 1731 01:09:16,220 --> 01:09:17,890 "and stuck his tongue down my throat." 1732 01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:19,190 Do you believe her? 1733 01:09:19,220 --> 01:09:20,260 What is she? A two? 1734 01:09:20,290 --> 01:09:21,420 Maybe a three? 1735 01:09:21,460 --> 01:09:24,690 Everyone knows I don't do anything less than an eight, 1736 01:09:24,730 --> 01:09:25,860 especially if I'm married. 1737 01:09:26,530 --> 01:09:28,260 Stoynoff's accusations are reinforced 1738 01:09:28,300 --> 01:09:29,460 by the comments Trump made 1739 01:09:29,500 --> 01:09:31,600 to "Access Hollywood" cohost Billy Bush, 1740 01:09:31,630 --> 01:09:34,200 in which he clearly said he often kissed women 1741 01:09:34,230 --> 01:09:38,340 against their will and grabbed them by their private parts. 1742 01:09:38,370 --> 01:09:41,510 Last Sunday evening, after the presidential debate, 1743 01:09:41,540 --> 01:09:43,440 I asked Trump whether he ever kissed women 1744 01:09:43,480 --> 01:09:44,850 without their permission. 1745 01:09:44,880 --> 01:09:47,150 "I have not," Trump insisted. 1746 01:09:47,810 --> 01:09:50,620 I always knew your dick would be the end of ya. 1747 01:09:50,650 --> 01:09:52,920 You're always jealous because I have more women than you. 1748 01:09:52,950 --> 01:09:54,220 That's true. 1749 01:09:55,260 --> 01:09:56,530 My sex is consensual. 1750 01:09:57,660 --> 01:09:58,690 [Donald] Not funny. 1751 01:09:59,730 --> 01:10:01,300 [Rupert] But true. 1752 01:10:01,330 --> 01:10:03,700 Have you seen her show, "The Writer"? 1753 01:10:03,730 --> 01:10:05,270 What a joke. 1754 01:10:05,300 --> 01:10:06,330 She's a total dog. 1755 01:10:06,370 --> 01:10:08,200 Everybody knows I don't do dogs. 1756 01:10:08,240 --> 01:10:09,600 Believe me. 1757 01:10:09,640 --> 01:10:11,270 Never, ever. 1758 01:10:11,310 --> 01:10:12,540 Ever. 1759 01:10:12,570 --> 01:10:15,810 [airplane roaring] 1760 01:10:15,840 --> 01:10:17,580 - [hand slaps] - Dammit! 1761 01:10:17,610 --> 01:10:18,410 - [hand thuds] - Fuck! 1762 01:10:18,450 --> 01:10:21,280 [gentle rumbling] 1763 01:10:25,250 --> 01:10:26,290 You're not gonna break me. 1764 01:10:26,320 --> 01:10:28,220 I never lose, ever! 1765 01:10:28,260 --> 01:10:30,430 And I'm sure as hell not gonna submit to you. 1766 01:10:30,460 --> 01:10:31,430 So, bring it on! 1767 01:10:32,430 --> 01:10:33,930 Give it your best shot, bitch. 1768 01:10:41,300 --> 01:10:42,540 What the hell happened, Michael? 1769 01:10:42,570 --> 01:10:44,270 All these women are coming out of the woodwork. 1770 01:10:44,310 --> 01:10:45,570 You said it was taken care of. 1771 01:10:45,610 --> 01:10:46,680 I thought it was. 1772 01:10:46,710 --> 01:10:48,240 So, what happened? 1773 01:10:48,280 --> 01:10:50,710 Look, there are only so many hours in the day. 1774 01:10:50,740 --> 01:10:52,610 I mean, I'm focused on the most serious cases 1775 01:10:52,650 --> 01:10:53,810 from the most recent past. 1776 01:10:53,850 --> 01:10:56,350 I mean, I didn't think they'd go back five or 10 years. 1777 01:10:56,380 --> 01:10:58,290 You said this was taken care of. 1778 01:10:58,320 --> 01:10:58,920 I'm sorry. 1779 01:10:58,950 --> 01:11:00,490 I guess I misspoke. 1780 01:11:00,520 --> 01:11:01,890 Well, you better fix this, and fast. 1781 01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:03,390 All right, what do you want me to do 1782 01:11:03,420 --> 01:11:04,460 about it at this point? 1783 01:11:04,490 --> 01:11:06,230 Put your finger in the dyke. 1784 01:11:08,360 --> 01:11:09,930 Are you fucking a lesbian? 1785 01:11:09,960 --> 01:11:11,300 No, you idiot. 1786 01:11:11,330 --> 01:11:12,270 It's an expression. 1787 01:11:12,300 --> 01:11:13,270 You've never heard the saying, 1788 01:11:13,300 --> 01:11:14,740 "Put your finger in the dyke"? 1789 01:11:14,770 --> 01:11:16,240 I don't know, I just... 1790 01:11:16,270 --> 01:11:18,640 Whenever I hear that word, dyke, I just, you know? 1791 01:11:20,740 --> 01:11:22,980 Sometimes, I think you're stupider than Don Jr. 1792 01:11:23,010 --> 01:11:25,250 and Eric put together, if that's even possible. 1793 01:11:25,280 --> 01:11:27,680 Now, get the hell out of here and get this taken care of 1794 01:11:27,720 --> 01:11:29,320 before I kill you and fire you. 1795 01:11:29,350 --> 01:11:29,990 Yes, sir. 1796 01:11:31,650 --> 01:11:32,490 Moron. 1797 01:11:33,890 --> 01:11:34,760 [Donald sighs] 1798 01:11:34,790 --> 01:11:37,860 [gentle rumbling] 1799 01:11:37,890 --> 01:11:39,490 It's Armageddon time, Luther. 1800 01:11:39,530 --> 01:11:41,330 You hear me?! 1801 01:11:41,360 --> 01:11:42,600 [hand thuds] 1802 01:11:45,070 --> 01:11:47,770 He can't hold out much longer. 1803 01:11:47,800 --> 01:11:50,340 Although I'd have to say 1804 01:11:50,370 --> 01:11:53,570 he's a little tougher than I thought he would be to rope in. 1805 01:11:55,010 --> 01:11:59,280 But a couple of more real good shots right to the nuts, 1806 01:11:59,310 --> 01:12:01,480 and we'll have him right where we want him. 1807 01:12:02,650 --> 01:12:06,720 Now, it's time to have some real fun with him. 1808 01:12:06,750 --> 01:12:07,760 And hit him where it hurts. 1809 01:12:14,530 --> 01:12:18,000 [cellphone buzzes] 1810 01:12:18,030 --> 01:12:19,300 This is Michael. 1811 01:12:19,330 --> 01:12:20,030 [Man on phone] It's Angelo. 1812 01:12:20,070 --> 01:12:22,300 You got a problem in the making. 1813 01:12:22,340 --> 01:12:24,640 You need to get on it, like now. 1814 01:12:25,510 --> 01:12:26,910 Is this a Trump problem? 1815 01:12:26,940 --> 01:12:28,680 A big Trump problem. 1816 01:12:29,740 --> 01:12:30,810 What else is new? 1817 01:12:32,050 --> 01:12:33,680 What is it this time? 1818 01:12:33,720 --> 01:12:36,620 Does the name Stormy Daniels ring a bell? 1819 01:12:36,980 --> 01:12:37,820 [scoffs] 1820 01:12:39,350 --> 01:12:41,390 Like a fucking fire alarm. 1821 01:12:41,420 --> 01:12:43,960 - What is it? - She's preparing to go public 1822 01:12:43,990 --> 01:12:46,060 about her night with shithead. 1823 01:12:47,630 --> 01:12:49,360 I warned him that she was probably 1824 01:12:49,400 --> 01:12:51,370 the worst mistake that he has ever made. 1825 01:12:51,400 --> 01:12:54,800 Well, pal, you better correct the mistake. 1826 01:12:54,840 --> 01:12:55,840 Quick. 1827 01:12:55,870 --> 01:12:56,670 Capiche? 1828 01:12:57,870 --> 01:12:58,770 Yeah, on it. 1829 01:13:01,410 --> 01:13:02,310 [sighs] 1830 01:13:02,340 --> 01:13:04,350 This guy's gonna fucking kill me, I swear. 1831 01:13:07,910 --> 01:13:08,750 I swear! 1832 01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:13,620 - Hey, hey. - Hey. 1833 01:13:13,650 --> 01:13:15,020 Mr. Davidson? 1834 01:13:15,060 --> 01:13:15,890 You look great. 1835 01:13:17,490 --> 01:13:18,360 - Thanks. - Yeah. 1836 01:13:18,390 --> 01:13:19,790 Come on in. 1837 01:13:19,830 --> 01:13:24,130 So, do I call you Mrs. Daniels or Miss Clifford or... 1838 01:13:24,160 --> 01:13:25,070 Stormy. 1839 01:13:25,100 --> 01:13:26,000 The only people who call me 1840 01:13:26,030 --> 01:13:27,200 anything else are my mother and the IRS. 1841 01:13:27,230 --> 01:13:30,870 And trust me, you don't wanna be associated with either. 1842 01:13:30,900 --> 01:13:32,570 I assume you know about me. 1843 01:13:33,810 --> 01:13:35,940 You know, the kinda things I do for people. 1844 01:13:35,980 --> 01:13:38,410 Your reputation precedes you. 1845 01:13:38,450 --> 01:13:39,410 Well, I know that, sweetie, 1846 01:13:39,450 --> 01:13:41,450 but why don't you enlighten me 1847 01:13:41,480 --> 01:13:43,080 and tell me how you know that? 1848 01:13:43,120 --> 01:13:44,650 We have a mutual friend 1849 01:13:44,690 --> 01:13:46,120 who told me that you're responsible 1850 01:13:46,150 --> 01:13:47,720 for the deal between Trump 1851 01:13:47,760 --> 01:13:49,720 and the "Enquirer" and that Playmate chick? 1852 01:13:49,760 --> 01:13:50,890 Karen McDougal. 1853 01:13:50,930 --> 01:13:52,390 That's the one. 1854 01:13:52,430 --> 01:13:54,060 Yeah. I made her a lot of money. 1855 01:13:55,200 --> 01:13:57,030 I'm guessing you want a similar deal? 1856 01:13:57,860 --> 01:13:59,170 Not exactly. 1857 01:13:59,200 --> 01:14:02,100 I was contacted by Trump's attorney, Michael Cohen? 1858 01:14:02,140 --> 01:14:03,140 Never heard of him. 1859 01:14:03,170 --> 01:14:07,440 Anyway, in light of Trump's recent, 1860 01:14:07,480 --> 01:14:09,580 shall we say, escapades, 1861 01:14:09,610 --> 01:14:11,680 I was considering coming forward 1862 01:14:11,710 --> 01:14:14,850 about a night of consensual sex I had with him. 1863 01:14:14,880 --> 01:14:18,520 Golf tournament, Lake Tahoe, 2006. 1864 01:14:18,550 --> 01:14:21,490 Stormy, if the sex was consensual, 1865 01:14:21,520 --> 01:14:22,790 what are we even doing here? 1866 01:14:22,820 --> 01:14:25,430 Well, 'cause of all the bad publicity 1867 01:14:25,460 --> 01:14:26,860 he's received in the last two weeks, 1868 01:14:26,890 --> 01:14:30,130 Trump's pretty freaked out that if it got leaked 1869 01:14:30,160 --> 01:14:32,200 he had sex with a porn star, 1870 01:14:32,230 --> 01:14:34,870 it would be the end of his campaign. 1871 01:14:35,500 --> 01:14:36,770 They wanna silence you? 1872 01:14:36,800 --> 01:14:37,970 Mm. 1873 01:14:38,010 --> 01:14:40,480 With a nondisclosure agreement, I'm guessing? 1874 01:14:40,510 --> 01:14:41,780 Now you're catching up. 1875 01:14:41,810 --> 01:14:43,710 Okay. We got something to work with. 1876 01:14:46,250 --> 01:14:47,080 ND... 1877 01:14:50,020 --> 01:14:53,450 So, I'm assuming that you'd rather take the money than... 1878 01:14:53,490 --> 01:14:54,660 Than what? 1879 01:14:54,690 --> 01:14:57,790 Let the entire world find out that I had sex with that? 1880 01:14:58,260 --> 01:15:00,160 [scoffs] Absolutely! 1881 01:15:01,730 --> 01:15:04,000 And his attorney has threatened to destroy me. 1882 01:15:04,030 --> 01:15:06,130 Well, you think they could actually do that? 1883 01:15:06,170 --> 01:15:07,570 Duh. 1884 01:15:07,600 --> 01:15:09,470 I'm a porn star. 1885 01:15:09,500 --> 01:15:10,670 Well, is this Mr.- 1886 01:15:10,700 --> 01:15:12,140 - Cohen. - Cohen. 1887 01:15:12,170 --> 01:15:15,580 Has he made any kind of formal offer in writing? 1888 01:15:15,610 --> 01:15:17,550 He just said, find an attorney 1889 01:15:17,580 --> 01:15:19,780 and have the guy contact him ASAP. 1890 01:15:19,810 --> 01:15:20,450 So... 1891 01:15:21,650 --> 01:15:23,490 The election is in two weeks. 1892 01:15:23,520 --> 01:15:25,490 Hence the "ASAP" part. 1893 01:15:25,520 --> 01:15:29,720 So, let's just say that in return 1894 01:15:29,760 --> 01:15:32,230 for me getting you the best cash deal that I can get, 1895 01:15:33,290 --> 01:15:35,900 are you willing to sign an NDA? 1896 01:15:35,930 --> 01:15:37,070 You bet. 1897 01:15:37,100 --> 01:15:38,930 And what if we can't make the deal? 1898 01:15:40,030 --> 01:15:44,000 Then I go public in a very big 1899 01:15:44,040 --> 01:15:47,040 but tiny way. 1900 01:15:47,070 --> 01:15:48,880 And why would you say that? 1901 01:15:48,910 --> 01:15:53,910 I can describe Trump's dick in perfect detail. 1902 01:15:54,580 --> 01:15:57,850 So accurately that Melania and every woman 1903 01:15:57,890 --> 01:16:02,590 who's had the unfortunate experience of being with him 1904 01:16:02,620 --> 01:16:05,030 will know that I'm telling the truth. 1905 01:16:05,060 --> 01:16:09,030 And it's not a pretty picture, if you know what I mean. 1906 01:16:09,060 --> 01:16:10,900 I'm trying not to imagine it. 1907 01:16:12,100 --> 01:16:13,700 Yeah. I think we're onto something here. 1908 01:16:13,730 --> 01:16:16,570 I think, me and you, we see eye to eye. 1909 01:16:16,600 --> 01:16:18,840 And, Stormy, I wanna let you know 1910 01:16:18,870 --> 01:16:22,180 that I have your best interest right here. 1911 01:16:23,040 --> 01:16:23,880 I bet. 1912 01:16:24,880 --> 01:16:27,780 130 grand, is that the best deal you could get? 1913 01:16:27,810 --> 01:16:30,280 It's 20 grand cheaper than Karen McDougal. 1914 01:16:30,320 --> 01:16:31,490 And it's a hell of a lot cheaper 1915 01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:33,590 than some of the other broads I've been taking care of. 1916 01:16:33,620 --> 01:16:35,820 And let me tell you something, this Miss Daniels, 1917 01:16:35,860 --> 01:16:38,160 she's way more dangerous than any of them. 1918 01:16:38,190 --> 01:16:39,230 Why is that? 1919 01:16:39,260 --> 01:16:42,630 Because she's a porn star, duh. 1920 01:16:42,660 --> 01:16:45,300 She's willing to describe your cock, in detail, 1921 01:16:45,330 --> 01:16:46,830 to the American public. 1922 01:16:46,870 --> 01:16:49,300 Worse than that, directly to Melania. 1923 01:16:49,340 --> 01:16:51,910 And then you got a far more expensive problem to deal with. 1924 01:16:51,940 --> 01:16:55,910 So, 130 grand, she goes away, with an ironclad NDA? 1925 01:16:55,940 --> 01:16:56,980 Guaranteed. 1926 01:16:57,010 --> 01:16:58,610 What do you need from me? 1927 01:16:58,650 --> 01:17:00,610 You pretend you're a guy named David Dennison, 1928 01:17:00,650 --> 01:17:02,750 then you reimburse me after I make the payments. 1929 01:17:02,780 --> 01:17:04,650 Why can't I just write her a check now? 1930 01:17:04,690 --> 01:17:07,360 No. No, we need to have a cover story, just in case. 1931 01:17:07,390 --> 01:17:09,690 And that cover story, if we ever need it, 1932 01:17:09,720 --> 01:17:11,360 is that I paid her out of my own pocket. 1933 01:17:11,390 --> 01:17:13,030 And then I reimburse you? 1934 01:17:13,060 --> 01:17:15,000 Yeah, through small monthly payments, 1935 01:17:15,030 --> 01:17:16,300 you know, like a retainer's fee. 1936 01:17:16,330 --> 01:17:17,730 Trust me, I do this all the time. 1937 01:17:17,770 --> 01:17:19,730 And this can't come back to haunt me? 1938 01:17:20,640 --> 01:17:21,270 Never. 1939 01:17:26,270 --> 01:17:29,010 [pulsating hums] 1940 01:17:33,110 --> 01:17:34,180 Don't mean to interrupt. 1941 01:17:34,220 --> 01:17:37,590 I know you're eating dinner, but it's an emergency. 1942 01:17:38,720 --> 01:17:39,350 Have a seat. 1943 01:17:41,290 --> 01:17:42,360 You want some vodka? 1944 01:17:42,390 --> 01:17:43,890 It's the best. 1945 01:17:43,920 --> 01:17:45,390 I made it last weekend myself. 1946 01:17:45,430 --> 01:17:46,760 Look, I've known you 1947 01:17:46,790 --> 01:17:48,030 since you were a youngster in the KGB. 1948 01:17:48,060 --> 01:17:50,300 You know by now, I don't drink. 1949 01:17:51,270 --> 01:17:52,770 What can I do for you? 1950 01:17:52,800 --> 01:17:54,770 Donald Trump. 1951 01:17:54,800 --> 01:17:57,900 Our presidential candidate in the US election? 1952 01:17:57,940 --> 01:17:59,810 I need to get his attention. 1953 01:17:59,840 --> 01:18:00,810 He's a tough guy. 1954 01:18:01,910 --> 01:18:03,380 [Vladimir laughs] 1955 01:18:03,410 --> 01:18:05,410 [Luther laughs] 1956 01:18:05,450 --> 01:18:07,410 Oh, you kill me every time. 1957 01:18:07,450 --> 01:18:08,650 He's a fucking idiot. 1958 01:18:08,680 --> 01:18:10,120 A fucking suka. 1959 01:18:10,150 --> 01:18:11,390 You can say that again. 1960 01:18:11,420 --> 01:18:14,320 But, a useful suka. 1961 01:18:14,350 --> 01:18:17,160 Are you going to recruit him, to the team? 1962 01:18:17,190 --> 01:18:18,360 I want him to be president 1963 01:18:18,390 --> 01:18:21,800 for reasons other than your own. 1964 01:18:21,830 --> 01:18:23,660 I want him to be president 1965 01:18:23,700 --> 01:18:28,170 because he's not Hillary fucking Clinton. 1966 01:18:28,200 --> 01:18:29,400 Hillary Clinton was quite 1967 01:18:29,440 --> 01:18:32,870 an intellectual fat booty white bitch. 1968 01:18:32,910 --> 01:18:35,110 She would have fucked up my international plans 1969 01:18:35,140 --> 01:18:37,680 for world dominance and confusion. 1970 01:18:37,710 --> 01:18:39,210 What do you want me to do? 1971 01:18:40,850 --> 01:18:44,090 2013, Miss Universe contest. 1972 01:18:44,120 --> 01:18:47,460 Prostitutes, golden shower. 1973 01:18:47,490 --> 01:18:49,720 Video on Obama's bed. 1974 01:18:49,760 --> 01:18:50,720 Precisely. 1975 01:18:53,130 --> 01:18:54,200 I like it. 1976 01:18:54,230 --> 01:18:55,760 I show my friends. 1977 01:18:55,800 --> 01:18:57,470 That's your business. 1978 01:18:57,500 --> 01:18:59,900 I thought you said you want him to be president. 1979 01:18:59,930 --> 01:19:01,440 I do. 1980 01:19:01,470 --> 01:19:06,340 Seems to me you want to destroy him and humiliate him. 1981 01:19:06,370 --> 01:19:08,380 Humiliation, unfortunately, 1982 01:19:08,410 --> 01:19:11,240 is the only thing this idiot understands. 1983 01:19:11,280 --> 01:19:14,680 He has one brain cell, and it's stuck on stupid. 1984 01:19:15,150 --> 01:19:18,050 Have you explained to him the benefits? 1985 01:19:18,090 --> 01:19:21,890 Benefits, you asked for all of this, you have all of it. 1986 01:19:21,920 --> 01:19:22,720 I deliver. 1987 01:19:24,020 --> 01:19:26,760 This one's a different kind of a brain. 1988 01:19:26,790 --> 01:19:28,260 He's delusional. 1989 01:19:28,300 --> 01:19:31,270 He thinks he's worth a trillion fucking dollars. 1990 01:19:31,300 --> 01:19:34,440 He's broke on nine continents and there's only seven. 1991 01:19:35,800 --> 01:19:39,010 Look, man, the election comes up in less than a month. 1992 01:19:39,040 --> 01:19:42,480 I need to close my deal with Trump. 1993 01:19:42,510 --> 01:19:43,410 I got the machines. 1994 01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:46,810 You make it look good. 1995 01:19:46,850 --> 01:19:48,080 You have my word. 1996 01:19:49,420 --> 01:19:50,520 Okay. 1997 01:19:50,550 --> 01:19:51,720 We work together. 1998 01:19:53,120 --> 01:19:55,790 Now, show me the room where this pissing took place. 1999 01:20:00,430 --> 01:20:02,060 [telephone ringing] 2000 01:20:02,100 --> 01:20:03,160 - [telephone beeps] - Yes? 2001 01:20:03,200 --> 01:20:04,430 [Tiffany] You have a call from a woman 2002 01:20:04,470 --> 01:20:05,500 who says you know her. 2003 01:20:05,530 --> 01:20:07,140 Does she have a name? 2004 01:20:07,170 --> 01:20:09,000 She says she wants that to be a surprise. 2005 01:20:09,040 --> 01:20:10,770 I don't like surprises. 2006 01:20:10,810 --> 01:20:11,840 Get rid of her. 2007 01:20:11,870 --> 01:20:12,940 No problem. 2008 01:20:12,970 --> 01:20:14,410 [telephone beeps] 2009 01:20:16,040 --> 01:20:18,410 [telephone ringing] 2010 01:20:18,440 --> 01:20:19,580 - [telephone beeps] - Yes? 2011 01:20:19,610 --> 01:20:21,410 [Tiffany] She says the call is very important. 2012 01:20:21,450 --> 01:20:22,820 At least I think that's what... 2013 01:20:22,850 --> 01:20:23,550 You're not sure? 2014 01:20:23,580 --> 01:20:25,190 She's hard to understand. 2015 01:20:25,220 --> 01:20:27,190 She has a very thick accent. 2016 01:20:27,220 --> 01:20:29,160 Accent. What kind of accent? 2017 01:20:29,190 --> 01:20:31,790 I'm guessing, but I think she's Russian. 2018 01:20:33,560 --> 01:20:35,100 Did she say anything else? 2019 01:20:35,130 --> 01:20:37,160 Just that she has a big surprise 2020 01:20:37,200 --> 01:20:39,870 for you from your friend, Vladimir. 2021 01:20:39,900 --> 01:20:42,440 She wants you to come to see her and her girlfriend 2022 01:20:42,470 --> 01:20:44,370 at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel. 2023 01:20:44,400 --> 01:20:45,270 Put her through. 2024 01:20:46,870 --> 01:20:49,140 Hello, sexy man. 2025 01:20:50,040 --> 01:20:53,580 This is Nathalia from Moscow. 2026 01:20:53,610 --> 01:20:55,520 You remember me? 2027 01:20:55,550 --> 01:20:56,480 Hello, Natalia. 2028 01:20:56,520 --> 01:20:57,590 How are you, darling? 2029 01:20:57,620 --> 01:20:58,920 I'm very good. 2030 01:21:00,190 --> 01:21:04,960 I'm here at the Ritz-Carlton, in Washington, with my friends. 2031 01:21:05,560 --> 01:21:06,890 [Alexandra] Oh. 2032 01:21:06,930 --> 01:21:08,560 Alexandra and Olga. 2033 01:21:08,600 --> 01:21:10,860 You remember them too? 2034 01:21:10,900 --> 01:21:11,530 [Both] Hi. 2035 01:21:11,560 --> 01:21:13,470 Of course I remember them. 2036 01:21:13,500 --> 01:21:15,570 Who could forget them, yes? 2037 01:21:15,600 --> 01:21:18,510 Certainly not you. 2038 01:21:18,540 --> 01:21:19,570 [Nathalia laughs] 2039 01:21:19,610 --> 01:21:21,480 Mr. Putin sent us, 2040 01:21:22,580 --> 01:21:26,050 and he sent a surprise. 2041 01:21:26,080 --> 01:21:28,250 You must come over. 2042 01:21:28,280 --> 01:21:30,850 Uh, did he say what kind of surprise it was? 2043 01:21:30,890 --> 01:21:32,620 You mean beside us? 2044 01:21:32,650 --> 01:21:34,290 - [all laughing] - Don't play games. 2045 01:21:34,320 --> 01:21:35,520 I don't like games. 2046 01:21:35,560 --> 01:21:39,590 Do you remember game that we played in Moscow? 2047 01:21:39,630 --> 01:21:40,600 Oh. 2048 01:21:40,630 --> 01:21:42,860 You must come over, tonight. 2049 01:21:43,900 --> 01:21:45,870 Mr. Putin insists. 2050 01:21:46,970 --> 01:21:47,530 [phone clicks] 2051 01:21:49,370 --> 01:21:51,370 ♪ What you see is what you get ♪ 2052 01:21:51,400 --> 01:21:54,270 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2053 01:21:55,910 --> 01:21:56,880 [woman moaning on TV] 2054 01:21:56,910 --> 01:21:59,850 [women laughing on TV] 2055 01:22:02,120 --> 01:22:03,890 [women laughing] 2056 01:22:20,970 --> 01:22:22,170 - [lips smacking] - I'm sorry, ladies. 2057 01:22:22,200 --> 01:22:23,140 I can't do this. 2058 01:22:23,170 --> 01:22:24,470 No. 2059 01:22:24,510 --> 01:22:29,010 Don't you want us to pee-pee on you again? 2060 01:22:29,040 --> 01:22:30,640 [Nathalia laughs] 2061 01:22:30,680 --> 01:22:31,510 No! 2062 01:22:34,350 --> 01:22:36,550 Didn't I tell you not to hire hookers 2063 01:22:36,580 --> 01:22:38,090 to pee in Obama's bed? 2064 01:22:39,450 --> 01:22:42,160 But you couldn't just control yourself, as per usual. 2065 01:22:42,190 --> 01:22:43,290 I hope you're happy. 2066 01:22:43,320 --> 01:22:45,430 I think I know what's going on here, 2067 01:22:45,460 --> 01:22:47,660 and it's nothing short of blackmail. 2068 01:22:47,690 --> 01:22:50,260 But by Putin? That doesn't make any sense. 2069 01:22:50,300 --> 01:22:52,700 He saved your ass by dropping Hillary's emails 2070 01:22:52,730 --> 01:22:55,140 after the disaster of the "Access Hollywood" tapes. 2071 01:22:55,170 --> 01:22:56,400 I'm not talking about Putin. 2072 01:22:56,440 --> 01:22:58,270 All right, well, then, who's blackmailing you? 2073 01:22:58,310 --> 01:23:00,340 I can have them taken care of. 2074 01:23:00,370 --> 01:23:02,310 Not this time. This is something different. 2075 01:23:02,340 --> 01:23:06,010 Then you better wise up and face facts, Donald. 2076 01:23:06,050 --> 01:23:08,450 You're gonna lose, and you're gonna lose big. 2077 01:23:08,480 --> 01:23:09,650 I never lose. 2078 01:23:09,680 --> 01:23:11,620 And I'm not gonna lose now, understand? 2079 01:23:17,730 --> 01:23:18,690 Gotta tell you, Luther, 2080 01:23:18,730 --> 01:23:21,030 really love what you've done with this place. 2081 01:23:21,060 --> 01:23:22,560 Gotta give you credit. 2082 01:23:22,600 --> 01:23:25,630 The Russian hookers and their big surprise was a nice touch. 2083 01:23:25,670 --> 01:23:28,570 You know, you were a rough nut to crack, Trump. 2084 01:23:28,600 --> 01:23:31,570 Just so we're clear, this deal is involuntary. 2085 01:23:31,600 --> 01:23:33,370 Quite frankly, it's extortion. 2086 01:23:33,410 --> 01:23:34,410 Exactly. 2087 01:23:34,440 --> 01:23:35,710 What about the polls? 2088 01:23:35,740 --> 01:23:37,040 The bad press? 2089 01:23:37,080 --> 01:23:38,080 All the late-night jokes? 2090 01:23:38,110 --> 01:23:39,310 Meaningless. 2091 01:23:39,350 --> 01:23:41,010 You know, the polls haven't been wrong 2092 01:23:41,050 --> 01:23:42,980 in a presidential election since Dewey and Truman. 2093 01:23:43,020 --> 01:23:45,320 There's a first time for everything, Donny. 2094 01:23:45,350 --> 01:23:46,990 So, what do you need from me? 2095 01:23:47,020 --> 01:23:50,660 For starters, I want this inaugural to be dark, 2096 01:23:51,760 --> 01:23:53,730 very dark. 2097 01:23:53,760 --> 01:23:57,000 I want you to make George W. Bush 2098 01:23:57,030 --> 01:23:59,200 and Dick Cheney look like optimists. 2099 01:23:59,230 --> 01:24:00,170 Done. 2100 01:24:00,200 --> 01:24:02,140 You and I are gonna have a whole lot of fun 2101 01:24:02,170 --> 01:24:03,640 once you're on the team. 2102 01:24:03,670 --> 01:24:05,070 What about Putin? 2103 01:24:05,100 --> 01:24:06,070 Is he on the team? 2104 01:24:06,110 --> 01:24:08,780 Putin is one of the star players of this team. 2105 01:24:08,810 --> 01:24:12,050 I also got Kim Yum Yum starting at center. 2106 01:24:13,180 --> 01:24:17,050 Once you're in that office, sky's the limit. 2107 01:24:17,080 --> 01:24:18,390 Anything else? 2108 01:24:18,420 --> 01:24:19,250 That's it. 2109 01:24:28,060 --> 01:24:29,530 The art of the deal. 2110 01:24:31,800 --> 01:24:33,770 The art of the deal. 2111 01:24:33,800 --> 01:24:35,270 Welcome to the game. 2112 01:24:36,800 --> 01:24:38,040 Take your seat. 2113 01:24:47,150 --> 01:24:48,020 Feels good. 2114 01:24:49,150 --> 01:24:51,550 Very presidential. 2115 01:24:51,590 --> 01:24:52,320 [hand whooshes] 2116 01:24:54,090 --> 01:24:57,090 [audience cheering] 2117 01:25:04,700 --> 01:25:07,100 In his first words to the nation and the world 2118 01:25:07,130 --> 01:25:10,200 after being sworn in as president of the United States, 2119 01:25:10,240 --> 01:25:13,070 Donald Trump, on Friday, delivered a populist manifesto 2120 01:25:13,110 --> 01:25:14,240 that depicted the U.S. 2121 01:25:14,270 --> 01:25:17,240 as a wasteland of abandoned factories, 2122 01:25:17,280 --> 01:25:20,680 economic angst, rising crime, and dystopian carnage. 2123 01:25:20,710 --> 01:25:23,250 Reciting a litany of devastating criticisms 2124 01:25:23,280 --> 01:25:26,820 of the country, including gangs, drugs, 2125 01:25:26,850 --> 01:25:30,390 crime, poverty, and unemployment. 2126 01:25:30,420 --> 01:25:33,690 Trump told the nation, "This American carnage 2127 01:25:33,730 --> 01:25:34,660 - stops right here." - A demoralizing tirade 2128 01:25:34,690 --> 01:25:38,260 left many observers with one single question: 2129 01:25:38,300 --> 01:25:40,570 Does Trump really hate America? 2130 01:25:40,600 --> 01:25:41,540 I don't think so. 2131 01:25:42,540 --> 01:25:44,340 Everything works out in the end. 2132 01:25:44,770 --> 01:25:47,340 [lively music] 2133 01:25:50,410 --> 01:25:53,180 - Plane crash. - [airplane crashes] 2134 01:25:53,210 --> 01:25:54,680 - Car wreck. - [tires screeching] 2135 01:25:54,720 --> 01:25:56,120 [car crashes] 2136 01:25:56,150 --> 01:25:56,750 - Shoot your mama. - [gun clacking] 2137 01:25:56,780 --> 01:25:58,520 [gun firing] 2138 01:25:58,550 --> 01:26:01,650 [siren wailing] 2139 01:26:01,690 --> 01:26:04,860 Here's to our greatest accomplishment, 2140 01:26:06,590 --> 01:26:11,600 a complete definite dark triad. 2141 01:26:12,330 --> 01:26:13,600 How bad can it get?! 2142 01:26:13,630 --> 01:26:14,870 - [Shame laughs] - Bad. 2143 01:26:15,940 --> 01:26:20,340 Very, very, very bad! 2144 01:26:20,370 --> 01:26:22,180 [crowd cheering] 2145 01:26:22,210 --> 01:26:24,180 Especially if you're Muslim. 2146 01:26:24,210 --> 01:26:24,880 [crowd cheering] 2147 01:26:24,910 --> 01:26:26,710 As-salamu alaykum. 2148 01:26:26,750 --> 01:26:28,180 Or you a Mexican. 2149 01:26:28,220 --> 01:26:28,880 [crowd cheering] 2150 01:26:28,920 --> 01:26:30,220 Taco, burrito. 2151 01:26:30,250 --> 01:26:31,150 [Crowd] Yeah! 2152 01:26:31,190 --> 01:26:32,620 Or you's a Jew! 2153 01:26:32,650 --> 01:26:33,450 [Crowd] Yeah! 2154 01:26:33,490 --> 01:26:34,820 It's all mashugana. 2155 01:26:34,850 --> 01:26:37,190 - Yeah! - Or you a negro. 2156 01:26:37,220 --> 01:26:39,460 Wells, I don't know. 2157 01:26:39,490 --> 01:26:41,330 Or you's a African American. 2158 01:26:41,360 --> 01:26:43,200 Well, chronologically speaking. 2159 01:26:43,230 --> 01:26:43,830 [Crowd] Yeah! 2160 01:26:43,860 --> 01:26:44,800 Or you black! 2161 01:26:44,830 --> 01:26:45,800 Hey, dog! 2162 01:26:45,830 --> 01:26:48,340 Everybody in trouble is what I'm trying to say. 2163 01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:49,940 - [crowd cheering] - If you breathing, 2164 01:26:49,970 --> 01:26:51,700 your ass gonna get it 2165 01:26:51,740 --> 01:26:54,310 with this orange motherfucker that I got! 2166 01:26:54,340 --> 01:26:55,440 [crowd cheering] 2167 01:26:55,480 --> 01:26:57,340 Now, some more hell. 2168 01:26:57,380 --> 01:26:58,210 Keep it coming. 2169 01:26:58,240 --> 01:27:01,220 [crowd cheering] 2170 01:27:02,320 --> 01:27:05,190 [siren wailing] 2171 01:27:17,730 --> 01:27:19,770 [airplane roaring] 2172 01:27:21,340 --> 01:27:22,870 Would you like some dinner, Mr. Trump? 2173 01:27:22,900 --> 01:27:24,200 Sounds good. 2174 01:27:24,240 --> 01:27:25,010 We have chicken. 2175 01:27:25,040 --> 01:27:28,940 Would you like leg, thigh, breast? 2176 01:27:30,510 --> 01:27:32,250 Better bring the whole chicken. 2177 01:27:32,280 --> 01:27:33,210 You got it. 2178 01:27:36,520 --> 01:27:38,250 [airplane rumbling] 2179 01:27:38,280 --> 01:27:41,220 [intercom dinging] 2180 01:27:42,020 --> 01:27:42,820 [Susan yelps] 2181 01:27:42,860 --> 01:27:45,960 [Susan panting] 2182 01:27:45,990 --> 01:27:48,560 [both chomping and moaning] 2183 01:27:59,840 --> 01:28:01,710 ♪ What you see is what you get ♪ 2184 01:28:01,740 --> 01:28:03,740 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2185 01:28:03,780 --> 01:28:05,710 ♪ What you see is what you get ♪ 2186 01:28:05,750 --> 01:28:07,720 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2187 01:28:07,750 --> 01:28:09,750 ♪ What you see is what you get ♪ 2188 01:28:09,780 --> 01:28:11,790 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2189 01:28:11,820 --> 01:28:13,750 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2190 01:28:13,790 --> 01:28:15,290 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2191 01:28:15,320 --> 01:28:16,420 ♪ I don't believe in excuses ♪ 2192 01:28:16,460 --> 01:28:18,530 ♪ I hear what you say, but you still didn't do it ♪ 2193 01:28:18,560 --> 01:28:19,690 ♪ That's losing ♪ 2194 01:28:19,730 --> 01:28:21,560 ♪ I'm in the business of winning, I go and I get it ♪ 2195 01:28:21,600 --> 01:28:23,030 ♪ I will not lay down, I refuse it ♪ 2196 01:28:23,060 --> 01:28:25,300 ♪ I am the type that lives life by the second ♪ 2197 01:28:25,330 --> 01:28:27,270 ♪ I'm taking advantage while all you misuse it ♪ 2198 01:28:27,300 --> 01:28:29,270 ♪ Running the extra mile just to prove it ♪ 2199 01:28:29,300 --> 01:28:31,270 ♪ Doing what everyone found so amusing ♪ 2200 01:28:31,310 --> 01:28:33,570 ♪ I kill it, I feel it, I focus on what is important ♪ 2201 01:28:33,610 --> 01:28:35,340 ♪ I've set out to do what I told you ♪ 2202 01:28:35,380 --> 01:28:37,480 ♪ My father taught me to not ever show weakness to no one ♪ 2203 01:28:37,510 --> 01:28:38,550 ♪ 'Cause it can expose you ♪ 2204 01:28:38,580 --> 01:28:40,580 ♪ Hoping that one day you take this life lesson ♪ 2205 01:28:40,610 --> 01:28:42,620 ♪ And use it to guide you, use it to mold you ♪ 2206 01:28:42,650 --> 01:28:44,790 ♪ Into something better like it is supposed to ♪ 2207 01:28:44,820 --> 01:28:47,790 ♪ Do something better 'cause yesterday's old news ♪ 2208 01:28:47,820 --> 01:28:49,820 ♪ What you see is what you get ♪ 2209 01:28:49,860 --> 01:28:51,760 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2210 01:28:51,790 --> 01:28:53,790 ♪ What you see is what you get ♪ 2211 01:28:53,830 --> 01:28:55,830 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2212 01:28:55,860 --> 01:28:57,800 ♪ What you see is what you get ♪ 2213 01:28:57,830 --> 01:28:59,830 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2214 01:28:59,870 --> 01:29:01,730 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2215 01:29:01,770 --> 01:29:03,470 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2216 01:29:03,500 --> 01:29:05,370 ♪ Brand new, like the Js, don't blink ♪ 2217 01:29:05,400 --> 01:29:07,510 ♪ I'm in the gym all day, Kobe ♪ 2218 01:29:07,540 --> 01:29:09,040 ♪ Westbrook, popping clutch, OT ♪ 2219 01:29:09,080 --> 01:29:11,310 ♪ Man, Curry from the end of the block, so sweet ♪ 2220 01:29:11,350 --> 01:29:12,950 ♪ Lebron from the top and I rap like me ♪ 2221 01:29:12,980 --> 01:29:14,910 ♪ I'm an old school dude, but I fall in clean ♪ 2222 01:29:14,950 --> 01:29:16,150 ♪ So cool, so fresh, so mean ♪ 2223 01:29:16,180 --> 01:29:18,520 ♪ All the weight on my back, you know I carry the team ♪ 2224 01:29:18,550 --> 01:29:19,350 ♪ That's me ♪ 2225 01:29:19,390 --> 01:29:20,250 ♪ You know I bleed for my family ♪ 2226 01:29:20,290 --> 01:29:21,920 ♪ I'll take a bullet for them all ♪ 2227 01:29:21,950 --> 01:29:23,160 ♪ I don't think you understand me ♪ 2228 01:29:23,190 --> 01:29:25,090 ♪ You know I'm swinging for the fence when I'm batting ♪ 2229 01:29:25,130 --> 01:29:27,060 ♪ Negan with the bat, I'm about to start cracking ♪ 2230 01:29:27,090 --> 01:29:28,930 ♪ I don't need a bullet, I'm already automatic ♪ 2231 01:29:28,960 --> 01:29:31,030 ♪ I don't need a clip, I'm already good without it ♪ 2232 01:29:31,060 --> 01:29:33,370 ♪ I don't need to talk, I'm already all about it ♪ 2233 01:29:33,400 --> 01:29:35,740 ♪ But I'm about I emphasize I did what you all doubted ♪ 2234 01:29:35,770 --> 01:29:37,770 ♪ What you see is what you get ♪ 2235 01:29:37,800 --> 01:29:39,740 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2236 01:29:39,770 --> 01:29:41,780 ♪ What you see is what you get ♪ 2237 01:29:41,810 --> 01:29:43,780 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2238 01:29:43,810 --> 01:29:45,750 ♪ What you see is what you get ♪ 2239 01:29:45,780 --> 01:29:47,780 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2240 01:29:47,810 --> 01:29:49,780 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2241 01:29:49,820 --> 01:29:52,720 ♪ This is who I am ♪ 2242 01:29:52,770 --> 01:29:57,770 ... 158425