All language subtitles for Are.We.There.Yet.S01E09_English

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Come in.

BOTH: Good night.

Hey, good night,
big man.

Hey, Mommy.[SIGHS WEARILY]

[HIGH-PITCHED BUZZING][YELLS]

Lindsey, what
are you doing?

It's an app for my phone.
It's an ultrasonic ring tone.

A what?It works like
a hearing test.

The younger you are,
the higher-pitched sounds
you can hear.

I got one
on my phone, too.

And why do you need it?

I use it when I
go to people's houses.

It helps find
where the dogs are.

Well, it looks like it works,
because there's a dog...

[YELLING]

Lindsey. Stop it.I didn't do anything!

Uh, that was me.

Oh, let me see.

Wow. That's amazing.

I didn't hear a thing.

Well, Lindsey,
just because I can't
hear your phone ring,

doesn't mean I can't
hear you talking.

Good night.Night.

Good night.
Night.

Guys, can I stay up
another half hour
on my computer?

You okay?Yeah.

I've just been
having some weird dreams.

No, you should go...Okay, stay up another...

Half...

A half hour. That's it.

Thanks.BOTH: Good night.

Sweetheart,
close the door.

Good night.Thank you.

[SIGHING AFFIRMATIVELY]
Finally.

[YAWNING]
I can't believe
how tired I am.

Are you sleepy,
or are you tired?

'Cause I can
work with tired.

Actually,
I'm pretty sleepy.

What?
Are you serious?

Look, baby, I know
what you're offering,

and I would love to have it,
but if I don't get some sleep,

one of us might end up
feeling pretty embarrassed.

Really?
You could fall asleep
right in the middle?

I don't want to risk it.

Fine.

Take your tired butt
to sleep.

Make sure you
get well rested.

Whoa, whoa,
let me get this straight.

When you don't
feel like it,
we don't do it.

But when I don't
feel like it...We should do it, anyway.

I'm a man,
not a machine.

Oh, trust me.
I know the difference.

What is that
supposed to mean?

It means, go to sleep.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

I know.

You know
I want to.

Really?

Can you describe that
for me?

No, no. I think
we need to wait.

Seriously.

Okay. I'll talk
to you soon.
Bye-bye.

Who're you
lyin' to now?

Her name
is Scorpio.

You do realize there's
no future with a woman

named after
a Zodiac sign.

It's not her future
I'm worried about.
It's her past.

Take a look
at this.

Can you give me
a ruling on that?

Is that her daughter?

No, that's her.
That's the problem.

I think she's 18
because I met her
at jury duty, but,

you know how
I love a younger lady.

You and R. Kelly.

[LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY] Right.

I draw the line
at teenagers.

You and R. Kelly.

Speaking of kids,
I have a situation.

And this stays here.

You say a word
of this to anyone...

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'll punch you so hard

that your grandkids
will get knocked out.
I got it.

I don't like to do it
when the kids
are in the house.

I'm afraid they'll hear.
That makes me nervous.

Nick, I've dated women
with kids before.

There's an easy solution here.
You just get 'em good and tired.

You have to treat children
like they're dogs.

What do you
want me to do?
Put 'em to sleep?

I was gonna suggest
maybe taking to the park

and throwing
a Frisbee around.

Now what you got
for me?

Because I'm not
touching this girl

until I'm sure
I'm not gonna
end up on Dateline.

Did you check
her driver's licence?

She's from New York.
She doesn't drive.

When did she graduate
high school?

She was home-schooled.

What's her favorite song?

Aaliyah.
Age Ain't Nothing But A Number.

Produced by R. Kelly.

Why don't you
just ask this girl
how old she is?

Oh, man,
she could say anything.

Did you ever look her up
on the internet?

Mm-hmm.
There are 48 Scorpios
in a 200-mile radius.

Ages 14 to 69.

A 69-year-old
named Scorpio?

Hmm.

That can't be good.

Maybe you should
just cut her loose.

Uh, did you
miss the part

where I showed you
how hot she is?

Yep.

As hot as a night
in Roman Polanski's Jacuzzi.

Okay, a little sexier
this time.

You know, I'm beginning
to worry about you two.

This isn't
the first time.It's not like that.

Yes, it is.No, it's not.

You offered?Yes.

He said?No.

Question...[STUTTERS]

It doesn't matter what
I was wearing, Gigi.

The man said
he was tired.

Well, that's one
of two things.

Either he has diabetes

or he has a girlfriend.

Nick is not sick

and he is not
cheating on me.

It has to be
something else.

Well, this
is a long shot,

but maybe you should
just ask him what's wrong.

I don't like to talk
about my love life like that.

All clinical.
Takes the magic out of it.

Any other suggestions?

Well, if he's
too tired at night,

maybe you should just
try him in the morning.

He can't be tired, then.

He just woke up.

[CHUCKLING]

Every now and again,
you make sense.

All right, now,
pucker up and say,
"Burma is a war zone."

Burma's a war zone!

Nice.

Then we'll
come out here.

And why are you
making us
go hiking, again?

Your mother needs
some time to herself.

Are you guys fighting?

No. Sometimes
if you love someone,
you leave 'em alone.

You hear that, Lindsey?

If you love me,
you leave me alone.

[BUZZING][YELLING]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Look, this is a surprise.
Do not tell your mother.

Uh-huh.Okay.

Hey, man,
what are you
doing here?

Oh, nothing.

I just wanted
to introduce you
to my friend, Scorpio.

It's really nice
to meet you.

Martin told me
so much about you.

Mm-hmm.Really?

"Scorpio," such
an interesting name.

When is your birthday?

It's June.

Everybody thinks
I'm named after
the Zodiac sign,

but really, I'm named after
some guy in a group,

The Grandmaster Five
and the Furious Flash.

The Grandmaster Flash
and the Furious Five.

Right. My dad was
like their biggest fan.

Oh, boy.

He must be
a little older than me.

Like forty-something?

Actually, I don't know,
my mother refuses
to talk about him now.

He left her
for a younger woman
10 years ago.

He's dead to her.
Me too.

Wow. That must be tough'
on the kid.

How old were you
when they broke up?

Old enough to know
I will never take
another woman's man.

Ah, I don't want
to hold you guys up.
Where are you going?

We are going
to the movies.

There's a special screening
of Night at the Museum,
one and two.

It is like
my favorite movie ever.

And Robin Williams
[GASPS] is so sexy.

The things I
would do to him.

Come on, Martin.
I don't want to be late.

Hey, babe,
why don't you go
wait out in the car?

I'll meet you there
in a minute?

Sound good?
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Nice to meet you.Nice to meet you, Nick.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] Okay.

I can't help it, man.
Night at the Museum?

Robin Williams?

[SHUDDERS]

[SNORING]

[SNORING]

Sweetheart.

Good morning.BOTH: Morning.

[BUZZING][YELLS]

Lindsey, stop it.

Hey, you heard
that one?

Yeah, I have
great hearing.

If Mom and Dad
dropped a pin
in their room,

I'd be able
to hear it.

LINDSEY: Awesome.

Not really. When they sleep,
they make too much noise.

Honey, I missed you
this morning.

Why didn't you
wake me up?

Well, I know
what it's like
to be sleepy,

so I figured I'd let you
get some rest, too.

Oh, so,
what's going on?

Well, we got
a big day planned.

I'm takin' the kids
for a walk, then we're
going to go to the park,

throw the Frisbee around
and then we're going
to go for a hike.

He's making us go.

Yeah, we only wanted
to go to the movies.

Well, I wish you
would have told me,

'cause I was hoping
to spend a little time
with you this morning.

Well, how about I
make it up to you

and we spend
a little time
together tonight?

Mm.

How about you guys
spend some time
together right now

and me and Kevin
can go to the movies
by ourselves?

Because I don't
want you to get
kidnapped and molested

and have to raise your kids
in some man's backyard.

Yeah.

I bet you guys don't
hear anything tonight.

Come on, Lindsey.

Here we go.
There you go,
nice and tired.

Yeah.

Come on, Kev.
Come on up, man.
All righty.

Aw, look at you.
There we go.

[SENSUAL MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS IN RELIEF]

[EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY]

[SNORING]

Nick?

Baby?

He's not in the kitchen.

Nick.What?

What is this?

What's what?

That.That?
That's wine.

I know
what it is.

So, you'd rather drink
and sleep on the couch
than be with me.

I'll tell you what.

You better
pray to God
you got diabetes.

Damn it.

Mom.What?

Are you okay?

I'm fine.
What would make you
think I'm not fine?

'Cause you're beating eggs
with a knife.

I'm sorry,
I don't really
feel like cooking today.

Do you guys mind
having cereal?

Okay.

[SIGHS WEARILY]

Can we eat the cereal
with spoons
instead of knives?

Sure.

Did Nick do something?

It's not what he did,
sweetheart.
It's what he didn't do.

I'm confused.

If guys get in trouble
for stuff they do,

and then get in trouble
for stuff they don't do,

how're you supposed
to know what to do?

Just don't be stupid.
That's how.

My little girl
is growing up.

You're so smart.

[SIGHS WEARILY]

I don't know, man.

How am I supposed
to explain this to a kid?

"What? That noise?

"Oh, last night.

"Mommy and Daddy
was watching a movie,
and Mommy got scared."

What? Oh,
you heard me scream?

I got a little scared, too.

Who are you
talking to?

Nobody. I was just
thinking out loud.

Well, I hope
you're thinking

about how to
make what you did
make sense to me.

Because I don't
understand.

Do you have diabetes?

No. Why do you
keep saying that?

Because I'm hoping for
the best.

Nick, I understand
your being tired.

But, you're too tired
to lie down next to me,
and you're drinking?

You got it all wrong.

Are you having
man problems?

No, I am not having
man problems.

Would you tell me
if you were?

Yes.

[SIGHS WEARILY]

Okay, well,
that's it.

I don't know
what your problem is,

and you don't seem
to want to tell me

and that's okay,
but I'll tell you what.

Tonight, it's on.

Like Donkey Kong.

Got it?

Got it.

What's up?

Whoa, what happened
to you?

Oh, nothing.

I had to tell Scorpio
I got into a fender bender.

I think that girl
is part octopus.

Anyway, I told her
my neck will be healed
in a couple of days

and she's like,
"As soon as that thing
comes off, it's on."

Yeah, a lot
of that going around.

Women do not like
to be turned down.

Yeah, even if
your neck is broken.

They just won't hear it.

She won't hear it.

That's it!

I know exactly
what you need.

This is the answer
to your problems.

The phone?

[EXCLAIMING IN PAIN]
What is that?

It's an ultrasonic
ring tone.

The younger you are
the better you hear it.

Kevin is ten, so he can
hear up to 20 kilohertz.

Lindsey can hear
up to 19.1,
and she's 14.

I'm guessing if Scorpio
can't hear anything
over 17 kilohertz,

she should be
in the clear.

That's insane.

I love it!

Take that stupid thing off.

Oh, good. I think I'm
starting to get a rash.

Man, if this works,
I definitely owe you one.

Can you pay me back now?

So you've been
ducking Suzanne
all this time

because you're afraid
the kids would hear?

It just started
last week.

Kevin was having
bad dreams.

I didn't tell Suzanne
because I didn't want her

to think I was having
problems with her kids.

Oh, man, that's
just regular stuff.

Says the man
who hates kids.

I don't hate kids.

I simply
respect children
enough to know

I shouldn't be
in their lives
on a regular basis.

Anyway, you know
what to do.

Yeah, yeah. I'm the kids.
You're you and Suzanne.

You walk around,
you play the sound,

I tell you
when I can't
hear it anymore.

Exactly.

We'll start downstairs
and work our way
around the house.

Although,
you are
newly weds.

I mean,
what are we using
for a demo here?

I mean, you don't
have a tape...

That's my wife, man.

Hey, buddy, it's
your experiment.

It's women's tennis.

Sorry?

You ever see
a women's tennis match?

Sounds like...

[EXCLAIMING QUIZZICALLY]

For real.

Just keep listening.

All right.

NICK: [OVER RADIO]
You ready?

Yes, Eagle one.
We are. Go.

Can you hear it now?[WOMAN SQUEALING]

Oh, yes, I can.

Are you sure
that's women's tennis?

Yes, I'm sure,
it's women's tennis.

I'm turning this down.

Can you hear it now?

Uh-huh. Who is
the high-pitched one?

Maria Sharapova.

I just never knew tennis
was this compelling.

Can you
hear it now?

Okay, right there.
Nothing.

Dude, when did you
unlock the secret
of women's tennis?

The Williams' sisters.
I started watching.

Let's go upstairs.

I want to see what you hear
from the kids' rooms.

I'm tellin' you, man.
This is a great find.

It's a lot less embarrassing
to walk into blockbuster

and rent a tennis match.

What?

What was wrong
with that guy?I don't know.

But I can bet you
that's the last time

he'll ever throw
a rock on a police car.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[WOMAN SQUEALING]

[WOMAN SQUEALING]

What's that?[WOMAN SQUEALING]

That sounds like...

BOTH: Oh, my God!

Okay. On three, we make
covering noises.

You take the kids
to the car

and go get them
something to eat.

Okay.Do not bring them back
until I call you.

Okay.One.

Suzanne.What?

I'm sorry.
I was really hoping
he had diabetes.

Thank you.

BOTH: One, two, three.

[BOTH SINGING]
♪ La la la la la la

♪ La la la la la la

[WOMAN SQUEALING]

I will not kill my man.

I will not kill my man.

I've gotta
tell you, man,

I didn't think
that was gonna work.

I hate to be
on the down-low
in my own house.

But you gotta do
what you gotta do.

At least now the kids
won't know, right?

Nick Kingston-Persons.

How could you?

Suzanne, no!

Do you love him?

Baby, you got it all wrong.

Don't touch me.

Suzanne.

Um, what the hell
was that about?

Suzanne, no!

Gigi, it's a big
misunderstanding.

I know she's there.

'Cause I can
hear her tell you

to tell me
that she's not there.

Just tell her
to come home, please?

Gigi run
an interference?

Yep.

After you talk
to Suzanne,
I need to talk to her.

We need to
make sure things
are perfectly clear.

This is how
rumors get started.

And I should know
because I've hooked up

with plenty of women
by starting them.

Did the ring tones
work out?

It turns out Scorpio
can't hear anything
above 15 kilohertz.

That's good.
It means she's over 18.

Yeah, way over.
She's 37.

And quote, too old
to be messing around
with some guy

who tries to figure out
a woman's age
by fooling with ring tones.

She said if I wanted
to know how old she was,
I should've just asked.

Like that's gonna work.

I guess you
guys didn't...

No.

Can I borrow this?

Excuse me.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Hey, baby.

Why're you ringing
the doorbell?
Haven't you got your key?

No.

But I can only take
so many surprises
in one day.

Nick, please
make this
make sense to me.

I mean, I can't believe
what was
going on in here.

We have kids!

I know.
That's my problem.

Why are my kids
your problem?

Look.

The reason I wasn't,

you know,

was because
I was afraid
the kids could hear us.

The sounds
you heard earlier
weren't me and Martin.

It was women's tennis.

It's the closest sound
I could think of
to what we weren't doing.

I wanted to
see how loud
things could get

without the kids
hearing us.

Women's tennis?

Who was playing?

Maria Sharapova.

A white woman?

Can we have
one argument
at a time?

You're telling me
the truth?

Yes.

Prove it.

What?The kids
aren't here.

I told Gigi
to keep them with her
until I called.

Oh, then it's on.

Hey.What?

You better not
be thinking about
any white women.

[CHUCKLING]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

[LAUGHING]

[CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING]