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1
00:00:04,613 --> 00:00:07,363
Oh, hey, do you mind
if Kevin hangs out
with me on Thursday?
2
00:00:07,398 --> 00:00:09,268
What for?
3
00:00:09,313 --> 00:00:12,063
Well, he'd been wanting
to get into other sports
besides soccer.
4
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:13,929
Maybe the cool uncle
can succeed
5
00:00:13,970 --> 00:00:15,710
where the father has failed.
6
00:00:15,754 --> 00:00:16,974
You're not his uncle.
7
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,407
That is a minor technicality.
8
00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:20,981
You're not cool.
9
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,111
Okay, now you're just
being ridiculous.
10
00:00:23,153 --> 00:00:24,463
What are you guys
gonna do?
11
00:00:24,502 --> 00:00:26,852
Oh, I don't know,
maybe shop for purses,
12
00:00:26,896 --> 00:00:29,506
go to a knitting class,
water ballet.
13
00:00:29,551 --> 00:00:32,731
What do you think?
We're just gonna hang out,
you know, like guys do.
14
00:00:32,771 --> 00:00:34,821
If it's okay with him,
it's okay with me,
15
00:00:34,860 --> 00:00:36,910
as long as you stay
out of trouble.
16
00:00:36,949 --> 00:00:38,689
If you're referring
to Kevin's birthday party,
17
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:40,524
the ad said entertainer.
18
00:00:40,562 --> 00:00:42,832
How was I supposed to know
she was that kind
of entertainer?
19
00:00:42,868 --> 00:00:44,218
Hey, Martin.
20
00:00:44,261 --> 00:00:46,051
Good morning, Suzanne.
You're out of corn flakes.
21
00:00:47,612 --> 00:00:48,872
Hey, baby.Good morning.
22
00:00:52,226 --> 00:00:54,226
Mom, can I borrow
your credit card?
23
00:00:54,271 --> 00:00:56,451
What for?
24
00:00:56,491 --> 00:00:58,881
I want to buy the sweater
that Michelle Obama's going
to wear at her next speech.
25
00:00:58,928 --> 00:01:00,888
You can only get it online.
26
00:01:00,930 --> 00:01:02,370
The first time,
I took too long.
27
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:04,670
The second time, I didn't
even have enough money.
28
00:01:04,716 --> 00:01:06,716
This time, I'm ready.
29
00:01:06,762 --> 00:01:08,372
But I need a credit card.
30
00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,072
No.
31
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:11,898
Why not?
32
00:01:11,941 --> 00:01:14,381
Because every time I ask you
to help me with something,
33
00:01:14,422 --> 00:01:16,252
you give me attitude.
34
00:01:16,293 --> 00:01:18,513
So why should I help you
get what you want
when you won't help me?
35
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:20,856
These dishes have been
sitting here since last night.
36
00:01:20,906 --> 00:01:22,036
But I've been busy.
37
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,132
Besides, I didn't dirty
all these dishes.
38
00:01:24,171 --> 00:01:26,351
That's exactly the attitude
I'm talking about.
39
00:01:26,390 --> 00:01:27,830
But...But nothing.
40
00:01:27,870 --> 00:01:29,740
I can't hear you.
41
00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:32,475
My plates are screaming,
"Clean me."
42
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:34,267
No, they're screaming,
43
00:01:34,311 --> 00:01:36,711
"Let Lindsey
use the credit card."
44
00:01:36,748 --> 00:01:38,748
My plates aren't stupid.
45
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:39,844
[THEME SONG PLAYING]
46
00:01:39,882 --> 00:01:41,932
♪ Are we there yet?
47
00:01:41,971 --> 00:01:45,151
♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me
48
00:01:45,192 --> 00:01:47,192
♪ Tell me, are we there yet?
49
00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:48,757
♪ Are we there yet?
50
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:57,330
Hello.
51
00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:58,378
Hi.
52
00:01:59,771 --> 00:02:01,251
[SIGHS]
53
00:02:05,342 --> 00:02:06,872
[SIGHS LOUDLY]
54
00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:11,778
[SIGHS LOUDLY]
55
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:14,704
What's up, Lindsey?
56
00:02:16,527 --> 00:02:17,917
I want to buy the sweater
57
00:02:17,963 --> 00:02:20,623
that Michelle Obama's wearing
at her next speech.
58
00:02:20,662 --> 00:02:22,052
Have you saved up
your money?
59
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:23,493
Yeah.
60
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:24,674
Where do you get it?
61
00:02:24,709 --> 00:02:26,189
At J.Crew.
62
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,413
Well, why don't you just
go to the mall and get it?
63
00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:30,112
Anybody can go to J.Crew.
64
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,060
It's not like it's Rodeo Drive.
65
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:33,808
They never make it
to the store.
66
00:02:33,849 --> 00:02:36,419
Everyone buys them online,
and they sell out.
67
00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:37,940
It's easier
to get Michelle Obama
68
00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:40,123
than it is to get
a Michelle Obama sweater.
69
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,080
Did you forget
that I used to own
a sports collectible shop
70
00:02:43,119 --> 00:02:45,819
that specialized in acquiring
hard-to-find items?
71
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,560
Kinda.
72
00:02:47,602 --> 00:02:50,342
I am the master of getting
hard-to-find items.
73
00:02:50,387 --> 00:02:52,257
I got Kobe Bryant's 8 Jersey,
74
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,482
a Plaxico Burress
gun holster.
75
00:02:54,522 --> 00:02:56,612
I even got a pair
of Michael Phelps' floaties.
76
00:02:57,394 --> 00:02:59,274
So...
77
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,789
So, you're doing it
the wrong way.
78
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,793
Let me show you how
a professional does it.
79
00:03:04,836 --> 00:03:06,576
Can I use your credit card?
80
00:03:06,621 --> 00:03:08,621
Yeah. That's not a problem.
81
00:03:08,666 --> 00:03:10,146
And because you're family,
82
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,320
I'll offer you my services
free of charge.
83
00:03:12,366 --> 00:03:14,456
I wasn't gonna pay you.
84
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:16,938
That's also why
it's free of charge.
85
00:03:16,979 --> 00:03:18,419
So, let me get this straight.
86
00:03:18,459 --> 00:03:20,979
A man offered you money
to get him a signed bat
87
00:03:21,026 --> 00:03:22,546
A-Rod used in a game.Mm-hmm.
88
00:03:22,593 --> 00:03:24,773
So you sent letters
to a children's foundation
89
00:03:24,813 --> 00:03:26,383
pretending to be an orphan
90
00:03:26,423 --> 00:03:29,303
whose dream was to have
a signed A-Rod bat.Yes.
91
00:03:29,339 --> 00:03:31,389
But now, someone
from the children's foundation
92
00:03:31,428 --> 00:03:32,998
is coming here
to meet that kid,
93
00:03:33,038 --> 00:03:34,998
so you want me
to be that fake kid,
94
00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,690
lie to them and my dad,
95
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,778
who just thinks
we're going to hang out?
96
00:03:38,827 --> 00:03:41,127
Well, when you say it
like that, it sounds negative.
97
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,957
Yeah, it doesn't seem right.
98
00:03:43,005 --> 00:03:45,615
That's 'cause you left out
the good, wholesome
part of the story.
99
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:48,100
That guy is gonna give me
500 bucks for that bat,
100
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:49,580
and I'll give you $50.
101
00:03:49,620 --> 00:03:50,670
You're right.
102
00:03:50,708 --> 00:03:52,188
That does make it
seem better.
103
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,492
It's a deal.
104
00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:55,237
All right, sit down.
105
00:03:55,278 --> 00:03:57,498
Okay, this is everything
I could find online
106
00:03:57,541 --> 00:03:58,671
about A-Rod, okay?
107
00:03:58,716 --> 00:04:00,236
I need you
to study these stats
108
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:01,893
in case it comes up
in conversation.
109
00:04:01,937 --> 00:04:04,327
I'm talking RBIs,
slugging percentage,
110
00:04:04,374 --> 00:04:07,904
girlfriend history,
both celebrity
and non-celebrity, okay?
111
00:04:07,943 --> 00:04:09,163
And these are letters.
112
00:04:09,205 --> 00:04:10,335
I need you to
take a look at these,
113
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:12,340
because, well, you wrote them.
114
00:04:13,165 --> 00:04:15,075
What's a "crack whore"?
115
00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:17,264
Unfortunately, your mom.
116
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:23,605
Mm.
117
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:26,314
I smell cinnamon toast.
118
00:04:26,353 --> 00:04:29,273
No, you smell cinnamon.
The toast is gone.
119
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,972
Oh, I'm starved.
120
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:33,139
I didn't eat dinner
last night.
121
00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:34,745
Why didn't you eat dinner?
122
00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,796
Because I'm in between
boyfriends,
123
00:04:36,841 --> 00:04:38,801
and I didn't have anyone
to take me out.
124
00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:41,853
So, why don't you just
go to the grocery store?
125
00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:44,410
I'm not gonna be without
a boyfriend for that long.
126
00:04:44,458 --> 00:04:46,978
Besides, I spend my money
on looking good,
127
00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:49,895
so other people
will buy me food.
128
00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:51,680
But for now,
129
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:55,376
I'll have to depend
on me, myself, and I.
130
00:04:56,818 --> 00:04:58,248
I'm hungry.
131
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,996
What do you have
for me to eat?
132
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:02,912
[EXHALES]
133
00:05:10,701 --> 00:05:13,441
Are you gonna watch
Michelle Obama's speech
this afternoon?
134
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:15,267
Yeah, of course. Why?
135
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,835
Well, Lindsey wants
whatever J.Crew sweater
136
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:19,582
she's gonna be wearing,
and apparently,
137
00:05:19,623 --> 00:05:21,233
so does every other girl
in the country.
138
00:05:21,277 --> 00:05:23,927
Really? Girls care
about J.Crew sweaters?
139
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:26,885
If Michelle Obama wore it.
140
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:29,935
But, you know, she wanted
to use my credit card,
but I wouldn't let Lindsey,
141
00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:32,421
because she hasn't been
helping me around the house.
142
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:35,032
You know, if those sweaters
are that popular,
143
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,083
maybe I can sell one online
144
00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:40,949
and it'll help
tide me over while
I'm in between boyfriends.
145
00:05:40,992 --> 00:05:44,342
Did you know
gas is over $3 a gallon?
146
00:05:44,735 --> 00:05:46,685
Yes.
147
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:49,697
Anyway, I think
you should help Lindsey.
148
00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,570
Housework will be here
every week.
149
00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:54,352
Michelle Obama sweaters
are here for
a limited time only.
150
00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:57,573
Toaster waffles, huh?
151
00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:58,968
How do you make these?
152
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:04,760
Okay.
153
00:06:04,799 --> 00:06:07,669
In what year was A-Rod
drafted by the Mariners?
154
00:06:07,715 --> 00:06:09,405
Uh, 1993?
155
00:06:09,934 --> 00:06:10,944
Correct.
156
00:06:11,936 --> 00:06:13,546
When was A-Rod born?
157
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:17,730
July 27, 1975.
158
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,028
Correct. What's A-Rod's
middle name?
159
00:06:20,075 --> 00:06:21,815
Emmanuel.Correct.
160
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:25,429
I can't believe you.
161
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:27,432
What are you
talking about?
162
00:06:27,474 --> 00:06:30,694
I was actually thinking
about giving you my credit card.
163
00:06:30,738 --> 00:06:32,608
But you just
don't get it, Lindsey.
164
00:06:32,653 --> 00:06:35,093
This basket of clothes
has been in there all day.
165
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:37,833
You could have folded them.
You could have put them away.
166
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,615
But no, you left them there
to remind me
167
00:06:39,660 --> 00:06:42,920
that you don't do anything
to help me around this house.
168
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,667
You know what?
169
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:47,538
Michelle Obama did not
get to be the First Lady
by being lazy.
170
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,145
She didn't get there
by folding clothes either.
171
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:58,588
SUZANNE:
Now you're definitely
not getting it.
172
00:07:02,857 --> 00:07:05,337
Bam! You ready to get this?
173
00:07:05,381 --> 00:07:07,781
Okay, so how does
all this stuff work?
174
00:07:07,818 --> 00:07:09,118
We got to see
Michelle Obama
175
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,647
the second
she walks out onstage,
176
00:07:10,691 --> 00:07:13,351
and I mean
the first second,
not the second second.
177
00:07:13,389 --> 00:07:15,519
Look, all these screens
are a different shot,
178
00:07:15,565 --> 00:07:17,085
so I got all the angles.
179
00:07:17,132 --> 00:07:19,702
I got East,
West, North, South,
180
00:07:19,743 --> 00:07:22,753
northwest, northeast,
southwest, southeast,
east west.
181
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:24,230
"East west"?
182
00:07:24,269 --> 00:07:26,489
When I say
all the angles,
I mean all the angles.
183
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:29,803
Look, I've already pulled up
the possible websites
where we can buy it,
184
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:32,970
so as soon as you identify
the color and style
of the sweater...
185
00:07:33,017 --> 00:07:34,057
Bam!
186
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:35,845
Oh, my God. There she is.
187
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:37,940
[KEYBOARD CLACKING RAPIDLY]What's the color?
188
00:07:37,979 --> 00:07:39,329
[KEYBOARD CLACKING RAPIDLY]Pink.
189
00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,071
Bam!
190
00:07:42,113 --> 00:07:44,513
What kind of pink?
Fuchsia, salmon, coral?
191
00:07:44,551 --> 00:07:46,251
[KEYBOARD CLACKING RAPIDLY]Salmon.
192
00:07:47,554 --> 00:07:49,644
Bam! What's the sleeve?
193
00:07:49,686 --> 00:07:50,686
Three-quarter.
194
00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:53,205
Bam! What's the length?
195
00:07:53,995 --> 00:07:54,995
Short waist.
196
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:57,130
Button-down?
197
00:07:57,564 --> 00:07:58,704
Bam!
198
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:01,480
Bam! What's the size?
199
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:02,794
I don't know
what size she wears.
200
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,400
Not her size, your size.
201
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:05,919
Small.
202
00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:08,138
Bam!
203
00:08:08,749 --> 00:08:10,099
Credit card on file.
204
00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:11,974
BOTH: Bam!
205
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,283
Express shipping.
206
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:15,284
BOTH: Bam!
207
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,500
Submit order.
208
00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:18,279
BOTH: Bam!
209
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:20,544
Order confirmation.
210
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:21,537
Wait for it.
211
00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:23,554
BOTH: Bam!
212
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,370
[SQUEALS] We did it!
213
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:26,847
We did it! I told you!
214
00:08:26,897 --> 00:08:30,207
[BOTH SINGING] ♪ I am
the pink sweater master
215
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:33,638
♪ You are
the pink sweater master
216
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:36,817
♪ We are
the pink sweater masters ♪
217
00:08:39,344 --> 00:08:40,744
[DOORBELL RINGS]
218
00:08:49,050 --> 00:08:50,270
[GRUNTS SOFTLY]
219
00:08:54,838 --> 00:08:57,058
"Lindsey Kingston-Persons."
220
00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:09,553
Wow.
221
00:09:16,033 --> 00:09:17,773
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
222
00:09:17,818 --> 00:09:20,038
Was somebody
at the front door?
223
00:09:20,081 --> 00:09:22,341
Why? Were you
expecting somebody?
224
00:09:22,387 --> 00:09:23,907
No. Why?
225
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:26,524
Because you asked. That's why.
226
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,786
Lindsey, I just saw
a delivery truck.
227
00:09:29,830 --> 00:09:31,180
Did you get your sweater yet?
228
00:09:31,222 --> 00:09:33,622
What sweater?This sweater.
229
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:36,140
Bam! [CHUCKLES] Give me.
Give me. Give me. Give me.
230
00:09:36,184 --> 00:09:39,454
Ooh, this is ni...
Oh, my God.
231
00:09:39,491 --> 00:09:41,191
If they had this
in triple X...
232
00:09:41,624 --> 00:09:42,844
Mm.
233
00:09:42,886 --> 00:09:44,366
That's nice. That's cashmere.
234
00:09:44,409 --> 00:09:46,279
Oh, feel it.
Watch this. Oh, bam!
235
00:09:47,325 --> 00:09:48,715
What's wrong with you?
236
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:49,892
Lindsey, sit down.
237
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:56,160
Nick, did you help Lindsey
get this sweater?
238
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:57,604
Yes, I did.
239
00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:01,040
♪ Because I am
the pink sweater master
240
00:10:01,078 --> 00:10:03,598
♪ I am
the pink sweater master
241
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:05,949
♪ I am the...
242
00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:09,481
You have no idea
what's going on, do you?
243
00:10:09,521 --> 00:10:11,091
Um, no.
244
00:10:12,481 --> 00:10:14,181
You got played.
245
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:16,442
I told your daughter
she couldn't get this sweater
246
00:10:16,485 --> 00:10:18,875
because she hasn't been
helping me around the house.
247
00:10:19,662 --> 00:10:20,622
Is this true?
248
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:22,881
Well...
249
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:25,804
You used my powers for evil?
250
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,932
I'm sorry, Dad.
251
00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:30,015
Why are you
apologizing to him?
252
00:10:30,064 --> 00:10:33,074
He just got tricked.
I got disrespected.
253
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,940
But I was...SUZANNE: But...
254
00:10:34,982 --> 00:10:36,682
Here's what's
gonna happen, Lindsey.
255
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,293
You are gonna
march down to the mall,
256
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,683
and you're gonna return
this sweater.
257
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:40,766
But I was...
258
00:10:40,814 --> 00:10:42,034
Are you still talking?
259
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:43,986
Go upstairs.
260
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,870
I'm sorry, baby.
I didn't know.
261
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,702
It doesn't make
any difference.
262
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:57,310
You shouldn't be
making decisions
like this without me.
263
00:10:57,352 --> 00:10:58,882
Wait. How am I
supposed to know
264
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:01,399
what decisions
to check with you about?
265
00:11:01,443 --> 00:11:02,493
That's easy.
266
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:04,931
Before you decide,
check with me.
267
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:08,151
Fine.
268
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:11,109
From now on,
I don't do anything
without asking you first.
269
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:16,936
Oh.
270
00:11:19,026 --> 00:11:22,376
Excuse me. Can I leave?
271
00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,950
Actually, it's "may" you,
and, yes, you may.
272
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:40,482
Candace, this is the kid
I wrote to you...
273
00:11:40,525 --> 00:11:43,345
I mean, the poor child
who wrote to you
274
00:11:43,398 --> 00:11:45,048
about his love of A-Rod.
275
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:48,355
We're in
a mentor program together.
276
00:11:48,403 --> 00:11:50,753
It's great to
meet you, Kevin.
Give me a pound, yo.
277
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:51,837
Huh?
278
00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:52,925
She wants you
to shake her hand.
279
00:11:52,973 --> 00:11:54,323
Shake?Shake.
280
00:11:54,365 --> 00:11:55,405
Yeah.
281
00:11:55,453 --> 00:11:56,933
Rrr! [CHUCKLES]
282
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,887
So I'm sorry to get you
out of bed so early.
283
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:01,895
I'm sure after holding down
a corner all night,
you must be exhausted.
284
00:12:01,938 --> 00:12:03,768
I don't know how you do it
on the drug time.
285
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,380
Drug time? What...
286
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:08,080
Actually, Kevin doesn't get
much sleep at the group home.
287
00:12:08,118 --> 00:12:10,378
You know how it is
with the constant fighting
288
00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:11,765
and the stabbings
and whatnot.
289
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,558
Right, and all the gunshots
and ghetto birds.
290
00:12:14,603 --> 00:12:16,783
Ghetto birds?She means helicopters.
291
00:12:16,823 --> 00:12:19,043
Ah, Boyz n the Hood.
"Domino!"
292
00:12:20,261 --> 00:12:21,961
You know,
we at the foundation
293
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:25,092
were shocked when we found out
that Kevin is a baseball fan.
294
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:26,791
Why is that?
295
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,533
Well, most kids
in Kevin's situation
296
00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:31,494
are more inclined
to be basketball fans.
297
00:12:31,533 --> 00:12:32,583
Ah.
298
00:12:32,621 --> 00:12:34,321
You know,
"Pass me the rock."
299
00:12:34,362 --> 00:12:36,362
"Hitting the tre."
"And one."
300
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,757
"I'm open, homey. I'm open.
Pass it! Pass it!"
301
00:12:38,801 --> 00:12:40,191
We get it. Yeah. Um...
302
00:12:40,237 --> 00:12:43,367
Well, Kevin here is
definitely a baseball fan,
303
00:12:43,414 --> 00:12:45,424
especially when
it comes to A-Rod.
304
00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:46,850
Am I right, Kevin?
305
00:12:46,896 --> 00:12:49,376
Right. I am definitely
a fan of A-Rod,
306
00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:52,080
who was drafted
by the Mariners in 1993.
307
00:12:52,989 --> 00:12:54,029
Yeah.
308
00:12:54,077 --> 00:12:55,727
And I love baseball.
309
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,905
Oh, he is so articulate.
310
00:12:57,951 --> 00:12:59,871
I understood
every word he said.
311
00:13:01,824 --> 00:13:03,484
Who are your
other favorites, Kevin?
312
00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:05,221
Uh...
313
00:13:05,262 --> 00:13:08,182
B-Rod and his brother C-Rod
314
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:09,792
and his other brother D-Rod.
315
00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:11,052
Ah, you're a comedian.
316
00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:12,404
MARTIN: Yes. Yes, he is.
317
00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:14,453
He's like a little
Original Kings of Comedy.
318
00:13:14,489 --> 00:13:17,139
Get you a nine-button
purple suit and a hat,
319
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,537
put you on tour?
320
00:13:18,580 --> 00:13:20,580
Okay, um, listen, we know
your time is valuable.
321
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,925
You probably have
some rally to attend.
322
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:26,106
Uh, so if I could just
get that bat from you
323
00:13:26,153 --> 00:13:27,423
for little Kevin here.
324
00:13:27,458 --> 00:13:28,978
Oh, well, that is exactly
325
00:13:29,025 --> 00:13:30,935
what I came
to talk to you about.
326
00:13:30,984 --> 00:13:32,864
We talked to A-Rod's people
327
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:34,809
and told them Kevin's story,
328
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:36,467
and he has agreed to let you
329
00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:38,771
come to the game today
as his special guest,
330
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,818
where he'll sign
the bat for you in person.
331
00:13:40,863 --> 00:13:42,873
Isn't that great?So you don't have the bat?
332
00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:44,909
No, well, I was worried
about bringing it here.
333
00:13:46,869 --> 00:13:49,789
But he'll sign it
at the game in person.
Isn't that great?
334
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,399
Yeah, wonderful, mm-hmm.
335
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:53,960
Do I really have to go?
336
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:56,487
Oh, uh, don't worry.
There are no metal detectors.
337
00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:57,621
What?
338
00:13:57,662 --> 00:13:58,752
You can wear your bling.
339
00:14:03,581 --> 00:14:04,671
GIGI: Suzanne!
340
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:06,365
Yeah?
341
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:09,150
I need you to help me find
the J.Crew sweater
342
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,236
Michelle Obama
was wearing the other day.
343
00:14:11,285 --> 00:14:12,755
What? What are you
talking about?
344
00:14:12,808 --> 00:14:15,158
Well, after you told me
how valuable they were,
345
00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:16,902
I posted one online for sale,
346
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,863
and the bidding price
is skyrocketing.
347
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,902
But you don't actually
have one to sell.
348
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:24,248
Right, I thought I could
just go down to the store
and buy one,
349
00:14:24,298 --> 00:14:26,208
but those things
are impossible to find.
350
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:27,996
That's why they're so valuable.
351
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:31,131
Well, I know that now.
352
00:14:31,174 --> 00:14:33,664
I'm gonna change the channel
from SportsCenter.
Is that okay?
353
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:34,918
Yes.
354
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,221
Can I say hi to Gigi?
355
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:37,306
Yes.
356
00:14:37,354 --> 00:14:38,494
Hi, Gigi.
357
00:14:38,529 --> 00:14:40,789
Hi. You know what?
358
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:43,006
You should've let Lindsey
get that sweater.Why?
359
00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:45,056
Because then
you could've told her
she couldn't have it,
360
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:47,021
and then you could've
given it to me.
361
00:14:47,060 --> 00:14:49,580
As a matter of fact,
Lindsey did buy the sweater,
362
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,237
and I did tell her
she couldn't have it.
363
00:14:51,281 --> 00:14:52,331
Great. Can I have it?
364
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,199
No. I'm making her
take it back.
365
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:56,591
Well, how do you take
something back to the internet?
366
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:59,814
She's taking it back
to the mall.
367
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:02,725
Can I watch
a cool thing about cheetahs
on the Discovery Channel?
368
00:15:02,771 --> 00:15:03,771
Yes.
369
00:15:05,861 --> 00:15:09,261
You know what?
You can't take that sweater
back to the mall.
370
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:10,649
I'll buy it from you.
371
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,692
With what?I'll give you a cut.
372
00:15:12,737 --> 00:15:15,087
How you gonna
give me a cut
of something you don't have?
373
00:15:16,872 --> 00:15:19,092
Besides, Gigi,
it's not about the money,
374
00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,395
it's about the principle.
375
00:15:20,441 --> 00:15:22,311
Oh, please.
I've said that before,
376
00:15:22,356 --> 00:15:24,876
and believe me,
it's about the money.
How much?
377
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:26,974
I'm not selling you
the sweater.
378
00:15:27,013 --> 00:15:29,063
Can I put my feet up
on the coffee table?
379
00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:30,152
Yes.
380
00:15:33,236 --> 00:15:35,796
I can't believe
you're gonna sacrifice
hundreds of dollars
381
00:15:35,847 --> 00:15:38,977
just to teach your daughter
a lesson, when you could
teach her two lessons.
382
00:15:39,025 --> 00:15:41,505
One, do not
disobey your mother.
383
00:15:41,549 --> 00:15:43,549
Two, even you can earn money
384
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,954
in the comfort and privacy
of your own home.
385
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:48,555
No.
386
00:15:49,339 --> 00:15:50,779
Three,
387
00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:53,129
it's better to give
than to receive.
388
00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:55,611
Sometimes.
389
00:15:55,911 --> 00:15:56,911
No.
390
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,010
You're lucky all you do
is bobble, Chuck.
391
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:09,233
Oh, you know, I'm sorry.
I probably shouldn't
be talking to you.
392
00:16:09,272 --> 00:16:10,492
I didn't ask permission.
393
00:16:13,059 --> 00:16:14,629
Hey.
394
00:16:14,669 --> 00:16:17,539
Hey, honey.
What are you doing?
395
00:16:17,585 --> 00:16:20,845
Breathing.
Oh, is that okay?
396
00:16:20,892 --> 00:16:24,372
Nick, I shouldn't have
blamed you
for what Lindsey did.
397
00:16:24,418 --> 00:16:26,548
I was angry,
and I'm sorry.
398
00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:28,034
Thank you.
399
00:16:28,074 --> 00:16:29,294
Come here, babe.
400
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:35,116
Look, Lindsey saved up
for a sweater
401
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:37,518
Michelle Obama was wearing.
402
00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:39,821
She wants to dress
like the First Lady.
403
00:16:39,868 --> 00:16:42,308
I could think
of a lot worse things.
404
00:16:42,349 --> 00:16:44,439
She could be looking up
to Amy Winehouse,
405
00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:47,311
Heidi Montag, Courtney Love,
406
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,534
the Real Housewives
of Orange County,
407
00:16:49,573 --> 00:16:51,623
you know, white women.
408
00:16:52,707 --> 00:16:54,487
You're right.
409
00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:57,055
Hey, where's Kevin?
I haven't seen him all day.
410
00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:59,583
Oh, I told him
he could hang out with Martin.
411
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:02,407
Why would Martin want
to hang out
with a ten-year-old?
412
00:17:02,456 --> 00:17:04,806
He said he wanted
to teach him guy stuff.
413
00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:08,199
Well, he could have just
stayed here with you
and watched baseball.
414
00:17:08,244 --> 00:17:09,424
[CHEERING ON TV]
415
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:10,643
ANNOUNCER: [ON TV]
Ladies and gentlemen,
416
00:17:10,681 --> 00:17:13,161
this is a truly
heartwarming story.
417
00:17:13,206 --> 00:17:15,296
A-Rod is dedicating
this at-bat
418
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:16,768
to young Kevin Martin,
419
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:18,858
an orphan whose
drug-addicted parents
420
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,867
gave him up
for an eight ball.
421
00:17:20,909 --> 00:17:22,349
"Gave him up
for an eight ball"?
422
00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:24,167
That is awful.
423
00:17:25,348 --> 00:17:26,998
Oh, my God! That's Kevin!
424
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,086
What?
425
00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:29,274
ANNOUNCER: Poor kid.
426
00:17:29,309 --> 00:17:30,879
Kevin Martin's
cracked-out parents
427
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:32,399
should be ashamed
of themselves.
428
00:17:32,442 --> 00:17:34,402
Crack? I'm not on crack!
429
00:17:35,445 --> 00:17:36,655
Kevin Martin?
430
00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:38,667
Did Martin have something
to do with this?
431
00:17:38,709 --> 00:17:40,539
ANNOUNCER:
And A-Rod steps up
to the plate
432
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,151
and points to the bleachers.
433
00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:45,411
Oh, he's gonna hit a home run
for poor little Kevin.
434
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,204
First pitch,
435
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:50,631
and it's a swing and a miss.
Strike one.
436
00:17:50,678 --> 00:17:52,378
Uh-uh.You suck, A-Rod.
437
00:17:52,419 --> 00:17:53,769
Come on, man.
438
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:55,771
ANNOUNCER:
A-Rod steps back
to the plate.
439
00:17:55,813 --> 00:17:57,293
Here's the wind up
and the pitch,
440
00:17:57,337 --> 00:17:59,597
and it's fouled away.
441
00:17:59,643 --> 00:18:02,733
BOTH: What is wrong
with you, man?
442
00:18:02,777 --> 00:18:04,907
ANNOUNCER:
A-Rod just can't
catch a break.
443
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:07,173
Here comes the pitch.
And it's a bunt.
444
00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:09,128
A bunt?
445
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:12,215
ANNOUNCER:
A surprise bunt
for young Kevin Martin.
446
00:18:12,265 --> 00:18:14,085
And A-Rod's thrown out
at first,
447
00:18:14,136 --> 00:18:17,096
just like young Kevin
was thrown out of life.
448
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:20,705
You do realize I'm
gonna kill your friend.
449
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,230
Yep.
450
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:31,811
Hey.
451
00:18:31,849 --> 00:18:33,159
Hey.
452
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:35,939
Thank you for
cleaning up the kitchen.
453
00:18:35,984 --> 00:18:39,474
I'm sorry
for disrespecting you
and lying to Dad.
454
00:18:39,509 --> 00:18:41,249
I just really wanted
that sweater.
455
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:42,824
I know.
456
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,170
Can we do this?
457
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:45,170
Yeah.
458
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:46,949
Bam!
459
00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:48,475
Really?SUZANNE: Mm-hmm.
460
00:18:49,215 --> 00:18:50,385
Oh.
461
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:51,913
Thank you, Mom.
462
00:18:51,956 --> 00:18:53,566
You're welcome.
463
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:55,000
[LAUGHS GLEEFULLY]
464
00:18:56,613 --> 00:18:58,313
SUZANNE: She did a good job.
465
00:18:58,354 --> 00:19:00,054
NICK: Yeah, look at this.
466
00:19:00,878 --> 00:19:03,048
Oh, hey, guys.
467
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:04,528
NICK: Hey.KEVIN AND MARTIN: Hey.
468
00:19:04,578 --> 00:19:06,618
Kevin, did you have
a good time with Martin?
469
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,497
It was cool.What did you do?
470
00:19:08,538 --> 00:19:10,928
We went to the
Mariners-Yankees game.
471
00:19:10,975 --> 00:19:13,325
[CLICKS TONGUE] You don't say.MARTIN: Oh, yeah.
472
00:19:13,369 --> 00:19:16,499
I even got this bat signed
by one Alex Rodriguez.
473
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:18,243
Mm.
474
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,455
I'll take that. Thank you.
475
00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:22,807
Be careful with that.
It's worth $1,000.
476
00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:24,339
$1,000?
477
00:19:24,380 --> 00:19:26,080
I thought you said
it was worth $500.
478
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:27,341
Yeah, I lied.
479
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:30,784
What else did you
lie about, Martin?
480
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:33,431
Are you the one
who told millions of people
481
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,566
that my child
was a crack baby?
482
00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:39,484
I never said that Kevin
was a crack baby.
483
00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:42,136
I said his mother
was a crack whore.
484
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,881
[DOORBELL RINGS]
485
00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:46,661
You've got three seconds
to tell her I had
nothing to do with this.
486
00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:48,967
All right, fine. I admit it.
It was all my doing.
487
00:19:49,013 --> 00:19:50,843
I mean,
you know Nick, Suzanne.
488
00:19:50,885 --> 00:19:52,365
Does he seem
like he could come up
489
00:19:52,408 --> 00:19:54,108
with a plan
this complicated?
490
00:19:54,149 --> 00:19:55,719
Fortunately,
no one was harmed.
491
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,279
So can I get my bat, please?
492
00:19:58,327 --> 00:19:59,807
Your bat?
493
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:03,720
You got this using my child
under false pretenses.
494
00:20:03,767 --> 00:20:06,157
Yeah. That's why I said
I was sorry.
495
00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:08,555
This is my bat.
496
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:10,248
What?
497
00:20:10,296 --> 00:20:12,426
Never trust a crack whore.
498
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:14,822
Suzanne,
I'm in big trouble.
499
00:20:14,865 --> 00:20:16,165
What's wrong?
500
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,905
I sold that
Michelle Obama
sweater online,
501
00:20:17,955 --> 00:20:20,255
and now the winning bidder
is threatening to sue me.
502
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:21,436
Here.
503
00:20:21,481 --> 00:20:23,831
Maybe A-Rod can help you.
504
00:20:23,874 --> 00:20:25,404
What am I gonna do with this?
505
00:20:25,441 --> 00:20:27,661
Sell it to Martin
for $1,000.
506
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:29,104
I'll give you $500.
507
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,660
I still need
to make a profit on this.
508
00:20:30,707 --> 00:20:31,747
$750.
509
00:20:31,795 --> 00:20:33,795
You still get $250
out of it.
510
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:37,501
$650, and I don't tell Suzanne
what you said about her ankles.
511
00:20:37,540 --> 00:20:40,720
I know my friend,
and she didn't say anything
about my ankles.
512
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:42,365
$850.
513
00:20:43,459 --> 00:20:45,239
Fine, deal.
514
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:47,067
What about
my $100 bucks?
515
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,195
$100. We agreed on $50.
516
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,598
That's when you said
it was worth $500.
517
00:20:51,641 --> 00:20:52,641
You're dead to me.
518
00:20:53,513 --> 00:20:56,523
Kevin, you were in on this?
519
00:20:56,559 --> 00:20:58,469
I only did it for the money.
520
00:20:58,518 --> 00:21:00,518
[CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
36860
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