All language subtitles for Are.We.There.Yet.S01E06_English

I got the afternoon free.

You wanna watch
some of that doubleheader?

Actually, I'd love to,

but I'm going downtown
to watch it with the guys.

Why wasn't I invited?

For the same reason we didn't
invite Bernie Madoff...

Because we knew
you were unavailable.

Listen, man,
you just got married.

The other guys have been
married for years,

and they still have to lie
about where they're going.

Oh, yeah? Well, I can go
if I want to,

and I don't have
to lie about it.

So, you're gonna
tell Suzanne

that you're gonna spend
six hours on a Sunday in a bar,

drinking beer and watching
baseball with a bunch of dudes?

Fifty dollars says that's
exactly what I'm gonna say.

Exactly?

Exactly, exactly.

C'mon, Mom!
That isn't fair!

That's like TI going to jail
for killing Patrick Swayze!

Lindsey, that makes no sense!

Exactly!

What's going on?

Oh, well, the kids
are asking me about
their allowance,

but they haven't done
any work around the house
all week.

Now, I pay you guys
an allowance to be nice,

I'm not gonna pay y'all
just to live here anymore.

C'mon, your mother is right.

You kids know an allowance
is payment for work.

Just like a job.

And if you don't do your job,
you don't get paid.

Thank you, Nick.

We promise to do
more work this week.Yeah. We promise.

And I promise to pay you
when you do the work.

What about this week?

You should've thought about
this week last week.

If you don't start thinking
about next week this week,

you're gonna have
the same problem next week

that you're having this week,
when you could've solved it
last week.

So, we're not gonna get
our money from last week
until next week?

What about
this week?

There is no this week.

Now, I don't understand
what you're worried about.

You have everything you need.

But it's summer.
We need disposable income.

Well, by being lazy,
you threw away
last week's allowance.

So, I suggest,
unless you want to dispose

of this week's allowance,
you get to work.

Got it?BOTH: Got it.

Oh, hello, Martin.Hi, Suzanne.

What are you
guys up to today?

Hmm. What are we
up to, Nick?

Today, I am going
to a sports bar,

on a Sunday, for six hours,

to drink beer and watch
baseball with a bunch of dudes.

Great.
Good for you.

See?

A real man doesn't have to
lie to his wife. Now, pay up.

Next week.

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

♪ Are we there yet?

♪ Tell me, tell me, tell me

♪ Tell me, are we there yet?

♪ Are we there yet?

MARTIN: Hi.

[SIGHS]

Hi, there.
Welcome to Booty.

Hello.

Man, I thought we were going
to a regular sports bar.

You didn't tell me we were
going to Booty.

What's wrong with Booty?
It's a pirate-themed sports bar.

Hence the name "Booty."
Like treasure.

WAITRESS: Hi, guys.

That's Treasure.

Man, I gotta get out of here.
How am I gonna explain this
to Suzanne?

Oh, aren't you the real man
who doesn't have to lie to
his wife?

We're doing exactly what you
said we were gonna do.

We're at the bar, drinking beer,
watching the game.

Yeah, but she's gonna want
to know why I had to watch
the game here.

Because Booty
has such amazing...

Wings.

Ah. There are the guys.

Ahoy, mateys!

[GROWLING LIKE PIRATES]

These wings are disgusting.

What's the score of the game?

Thirty-six to 24 to 40.

Wow, this is
a high-scoring game.

So, what did you tell Suzanne
to get out of the house?

I told her I was coming
to watch the game.

I didn't. I told my wife I was
going to the grocery store.

And on my home,
I'll be sure to stop
at the grocery store.

Yeah, I told my wife
I was going to a strip club,

but instead I came here.

What is wrong with you, man?

I got an idea.

Let's tell Treasure
that it's Nick's birthday

and we'll get them to give him
one of their special birthday
celebrations.

Love that.

What special birthday
celebration?

Come on, man!
You never had a Booty birthday?

No, and I don't want
a Booty birthday.

I didn't know it was
your birthday, Nick.

How old are you?

Dude, I'm not...Oh, Treasure!

This scallywag be having
a birthday.

Come on. Guys, no.

Someone has a birthday?
Ladies.No.

Come on over here,
we got a birthday.

Happy birthday.Are you ready?

No, I'm not.
It's not my birthday.

[BOOTY MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Chicken wings, birthday cake
Let me see that booty shake

♪ Chicken wings, birthday cake
Let me see that booty shake

♪ Chicken wings, birthday cake
Let me see that booty shake

♪ Booty birthday
Booty birthday

♪ Booty birthday
Booty birthday

♪ Booty birthday
Booty birthday
Booty birthday

♪ Drop it, drop it
Drop it, drop it ♪

Okay, Mom.
We finished all our chores.

I cleaned up my room
and I took all the clothes
out of my hamper.

Yep, and I made my bed
and unclogged the toilet.

Kevin, aren't you the one
who clogged the toilet?

Yeah, it was a good one!

So, do we get
our allowances, now?

Guys, I'm really proud of you
for doing those things, but no.

So, I unclogged the toilet
for nothing?

No, you unclogged the toilet
'cause that's nasty.

So, what exactly do we
need to do to get
our allowance?

You need to show
some initiative,

and I'll pay you
for what it's worth.

We are showing initiative.

How?

By trying to convince you
to give us money.

I'm so glad you had
a good time today
with your friends.

Where'd you guys
go anyway? No Hitter?

No, I don't think so.
It was some other place.

Was it The Scoreboard?

No, I don't think so.

Well, there's only
a few sports bars.

You guys
were downtown,
right?

Yeah, I think so.

You think so?

Were you or weren't you?

I don't know.
Martin was driving.

I was just out
having a good time.

Nick.

Were you or weren't you
downtown at a sports bar,

watching the baseball game?

I was.

Well...

You weren't at The Scoreboard.

You weren't at No Hitter.

So, where were you?

Dang. I don't remember
the name of it.

Well, the only other place
that's open on Sundays
is Booty,

and I know
you weren't at Booty.

Which one
was that again?

The one with all the girls
with the big booties

dressed in pirate outfits.

Come to think of it,

yeah, I think that's
where we were.

You spent
six hours drinking,

watching the game
with your friends at Booty?

Baby, you told me to go out
and have a good time.

Not when it's at Booty!

Baby, it's not what you think.

Look, they just have
the most TVs,

the cheapest beer,
and the best wings.

You lied to me!No, I didn't!

Look, baby, I didn't even know
that's where we were going

until we got there.

Okay, so why didn't you
tell me that's where
you were when you got home?

Because it didn't come up.
And when it did, I told you.

So, what's the problem?

You really don't know
what the problem is?

No, I don't.

Well, you are about
to find out.

Here's some more
orange juice
for you, Mom.

Thank you, Lindsey.

Let me get that
for you, Mom.

Thank you, Kevin.

And we also got up extra early
and washed your car

and swept up the front yard.

So, can we have
our allowances now?

No.

What?How come?

Well, because I noticed
that your beds aren't made,

and Lindsey, you have
clothes all over the floor,

and Kevin,
the toilet is backed up again.

Just because you wake up early

and wash my car
and clean the front yard

doesn't mean you get to
neglect your everyday chores.

So, I washed your car
for nothing?

You didn't wash my car
for nothing.

Now, both of you go upstairs
and clean your rooms.

LINDSEY: Hi, Nick.Hey.

Where's my breakfast?

Why don't you
eat at Booty, since you
love their food so much.

Where's your breakfast?
[SCOFFS]

That's ridiculous.

They don't even
serve breakfast.

Let me ask you something, Gigi.

What do you do
when you find out

a man's been withholding
information from you?

Well, it depends
on two things...

The kind of information,
and how I found out.

Like this one time
I found out not only
was this guy cheating on me,

but he was lying
about his money.

How'd you find out?The other woman told me.

He and I had
just come back
from Aruba,

and she said he had
just taken her to Aruba.

And I was gonna stay
with him,
until I found out

where he was getting
his money from.

Where?From her.

If I'd known that,
I would have gone
to Aruba with her

and we both could have
got a man.

Does that help?

Not really.Oh.

Is Nick
hiding something
from you?

Well, yesterday, he went
to watch baseball

for six hours
with his friends
at Booty.

Booty? I love Booty!

You do?I do! It's so much fun.

How'd you find out?

I asked him,
and he admitted he went.

You asked him a question,
and he could've lied,

but he told you the truth,
and now you're mad at him?

Yes.

I can see that.

[BOOTY MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Hit it, hit it,
Hit it, hit it

♪ Chicken wings, birthday cake

♪ Do that booty
birthday shake ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

We need to
talk about Booty.

Suzanne, I still don't know
what the big deal is.

Look, it's just a fun place
where guys go to watch games.

SUZANNE: Mmm-hmm.

So, who won the game?

The, um...

And that's why
it's a big deal.

Oh, so now, I got to tell you
about every place I go
to do everything I do?

When you go grocery shopping,

I don't know exactly
where you go.

Because the guys
bagging my groceries

aren't walking around
with oily pecs,

in jock straps,
talking about paper or plastic.

"Helicopter,
helicopter, hey."

Are you done?

Look, Suzanne,
it's not like that.

Okay, you're overreacting.

I told you, they have
the best wings.

All right,
all kinds of people go there.

Families, everybody.Really?

Really.

Okay, fine.
I believe you.

Thank you.

So, tonight, you, me
and the kids are gonna
eat at Booty.

Excuse me?

We're gonna order the wings.

And you can turn
your music back on.

So, you sure
you wanna do this?

Yep, I really wanna
taste those wings.

I can't believe we're really
gonna eat there.

Me neither. This is awesome!
I've always wanted to go there.

For what?

It's food served by pirates!

Yeah. In booty shorts.

Well, here we are.
Just like you wanted.

Whoa. Look at
the size of those jugs!

Kevin, that is no way
to talk about a woman.

He's talking about
the pitchers of beer.

SUZANNE: Oh.

Whoa! Look how big
that booty is!

He's talking about
the treasure chest
by the door.

No, I'm not.

This place is tacky.
Are we really gonna eat here?

Yes, we are.

I'm doing this to prove
a point to your father.

What point? That he has
no taste in food?

Hey, Nick! How you doin'?
How's it goin'?Hey. Treasure?

Yes.I'm Suzanne. I'm Nick's wife.

Oh, Suzanne.
Beautiful.

Thank you.I didn't know
you were married, Nick.

That's great.

Well, you have
your beautiful kids with you.Thank you.

Okay, so what can I
get you to order?

We have heard so much
about those wings.

Those wings. So, how about
I bring you some over?

Great.All right, birthday boy.
I'll be right back.

Birthday boy?

Oh, I almost forgot.

Martin and the guys
thought it'd be funny

if they told the waitresses
it was my birthday.

Oh, and what type of
celebration do they do?

Oh...

You just get some free wings
and they sing "Happy Birthday."

It's no big deal.

All right, ladies. Listen up!
We got another birthday.

Booty birthday, come on.

[BOOTY MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Hit it, hit it
Hit it, hit it

♪ Chicken wings, birthday cake
Do that booty birthday shake ♪

Kevin, eyes front.

[VIDEO GAME PLAYING]

Sorry, buddy.
You got yourself
into this one.

What are you talking about?

You're the one that dragged
me down there!

Yeah, but I didn't
tell you to turn it into
a family field trip.

It doesn't matter.
She would've gotten
mad, anyway.

Yes, but if you had told her,
she would've gotten mad
ahead of time,

which is a lot better.

None of this wouldn't
have happened

if she hadn't seen
that stupid birthday
celebration.

Nick, please tell me
she did not witness
a Booty birthday.

She witnessed a Booty birthday.

Oh, come on, man!

Listen, you say
you want my help,

but then you won't even tell me
everything that happened.

You're like Keyser Soze,
just doling out little
pieces of information,

hoping that I'll figure it out

like I'm The Closer
or something.

Do I look like
Kyra Sedgwick to you?

You want my advice?
Here it is.

Be Nick. Okay?

Don't be some
phony acting Nick

who thinks he can do
whatever he wants,
even though he's married.

Because if your wife
is mad at you,

and you were with me,

it's only a matter of time
before I start catching heat.

And if I wanted some wife
to be mad at me,

I'd go to Russia
and I'd buy one of my own.

Okay, Mom,
we finished everything.

So, can we have
our allowances now?

Well, I guess
you guys have earned it.

Yes!Yes!

All right, Kevin, go get
my purse, please.

Thank you.

KEVIN: Fifty dollars.

Okay, here you go.
Five dollars each.

Five dollars?

That's it?

If we'd known
we were only gonna
get paid five dollars,

we would've never did
any of this stuff.

Which is exactly why
I didn't tell you I was
giving you $5.

Okay. I'm going to
go back upstairs,

take all my clothes
out of my hamper

and throw them back down
on the floor.

I'm gonna go re-clog
the toilet.

Freeze!

So, just because
I don't give in
to your demands,

you're gonna go
destroy my house?

Who are you, the Taliban?

I do not negotiate
with terrorists.

So, here is the deal.

You're either going to
take the $5,

or you're going to
take nothing.

We'll take it.

And you'll be
happy about it.

Thank you.

Ya'll better
not mess up
my house.

[BOOTY SONG PLAYING]

♪ Chicken wings, birthday cake
Do that booty birthday shake

♪ Yeah, baby, yeah
Yeah, baby, yeah

♪ Yeah, baby, yeah
Yeah, baby, yeah ♪

[MUSIC STOPS]

Nick. Can we have,
like, 20 bucks each?

Like, no.

Didn't your mother
give you
your allowance?

Yeah, but it was
only five bucks.

And a full day at the mall's
gonna cost me at least a 20.

Well, why don't you
take that five bucks

and spend a quarter day
at the mall?

Or you can save
that five bucks
and keep doing work

until you have the money
you need.

That's the lesson your mom's
trying to teach you.

We don't want lessons.
We want money.

Do you want to
live to spend it?

Sorry.

What do you need the money for?

I don't know.

Stuff.Stuff?

You guys are pulling
your hair out because
you want money,

and you don't even know
what you want it for?

We want mad money.

I'm not giving you guys money

just so
you can have it.
I'm sorry.

We forgive you.

Now, can we have some money?

No. Do some work.

Fine. Maybe I'll get
a job at Booty.

Suzanne,
what are you
afraid of?

That he's gonna leave you
for a girl with a big booty
and a bucket of wings?

I don't know.

Let me tell you this.
Big booty is unavoidable.

It's at the park.

It's at the grocery store.
It's even at church.

You can't hide from big booty.

Big booty, it's everywhere.

I know that booty
is everywhere.

I don't need him
to pretend it's not.

But if he's gonna go there,

I just want to
know about it.
That's all.

Well, have you tried
telling him that?

I mean, come on.You're good.

Thank you.

Man, I don't know how you do it.

I wish I was more like you.

Every time you get in trouble,
you just blurt out the truth.

They always say the cover-up
is worse than the crime.

Hey, baby.SUZANNE: Hey.

I just ran into the kids.

Thank you
for backing me up.

Well, you're right.
You're teaching them
a valuable lesson.

I'm trying to.

You know,
you could've just told me
you were at Booty.

I was afraid
you would have
gotten mad.

That's right.
I would have.

Then, what am I
supposed to do?

You're supposed to get used
to me getting mad at things.

Great.No, but I would've
gotten over it.

I don't understand
why you even want to go there.

Okay, I understand.

Look, it's not even that
I want to go to Booty.

It's just that
I don't like knowing

there are places
I might want to go
and can't.

Nick, I don't care
where you go.

I just care about
what you do.

I'll tell you what.

You tell me beforehand,
and you can go to Booty

anytime you want.

Except your actual birthday.

Why? What do you think
I might do?

End up in the hospital,

if I even think you did
something besides eat wings.

I have all the wings
I need right here.

Oh. I forgot.
I got you something.

You got me something?Yeah.

It's for me.
But it's mostly for you.

Oh.

Well, first we'll dive
into these

and then we'll dive
into those.

[SINGING BOOTY SONG]

♪ Don't stop

[BOTH VOCALIZING]

♪ Booty, booty, ooh, ooh

[CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING]