subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Top Gear - 29x03 - Episode 3.WEB-DL.NTb+WEB-DL.DRi+HDTV.UKTV.English.HI.orig.Addic7ed.com

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian Download

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish Download

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,080 APPLAUSE 2 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:24,600 CHEERING, CARS BEEP 3 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:31,120 Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 4 00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:37,240 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. 5 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:39,200 Hello. Welcome to Top Gear. 6 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,800 We're still outside with our fantastic studio audience. 7 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:44,880 There's some absolute beauties out there, Fred. 8 00:00:44,880 --> 00:00:47,760 I know. Look at this down here. An old Mercedes Pagoda. 9 00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,160 Absolute mint condition. 10 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:51,680 But that's caught my eye over there, Paddy. TVR Tuscan. 11 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,320 I tried to buy one when I was younger but couldn't get it insured. 12 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,200 Something for everyone out there. 13 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,080 Especially... Look at him! Look at the eyes on him. Look at him! 14 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,400 I can't get enough of it. I can't get enough of it. 15 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,320 Look what we've got out here, people. 16 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,320 We've got everything from a TR7... 17 00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:08,560 We've got a G Series 911 Speedster 18 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:11,640 and one of 26 Jensens made in the mid to late '90s. 19 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:14,560 I mean, it's rocking horse poo, that stuff. Paddy? 20 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:18,840 I'm in heaven. Very close to heaven. BBC One, to be precise. 21 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:20,720 And they're spoiling us as well! 22 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:22,760 Gary Lineker doesn't get a big stage. 23 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,800 No, but he does earn some money, though, doesn't he, Padd? 24 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:28,040 In fact, BBC One, if you're watching, keep the stage. 25 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:29,920 We'll have Gary's wages. 26 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,400 Tonight we're talking about the greatest cars of all. 27 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:35,680 Not supercars, not sports cars, but hire cars. 28 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,080 Drive 'em like an idiot, hand 'em back when you're done. 29 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,920 You know what they say - "Don't be gentle, it's a rental." 30 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,720 So way back in February, to celebrate the humble hire car, 31 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:47,000 we decided it was time the three of us went on a mini break. 32 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,240 Cyprus. 33 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,480 The balmy Mediterranean island 34 00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,040 that's home to white, sandy beaches, 35 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,640 craggy peaks, 36 00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:13,120 and officially the cheapest hire cars in Europe. 37 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:18,800 The perfect place, then, to celebrate the joy of rentals. 38 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:27,800 Ah. Eh? Cyprus! 39 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,000 Why have you got so much stuff? 40 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,400 What have you got in them bags? We're on holiday. 41 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:34,720 They said a couple of days away. 42 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:36,680 Right, lads, here we go. 43 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:38,800 We're here for two days. 44 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,880 In here is the money to rent your car. 45 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:42,920 Thank you. 46 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,640 30 euros. 47 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:49,920 Hang on, so you get 15 euros a day?! 48 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:54,400 Yeah. To hire a car? Well done, Paddy. Thank you. Well done. 49 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,280 I reckon we go Budget, then, there. Look, Budget. 50 00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:02,040 You either go big-name corporate or you go local. I'm going local, boys. 51 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,080 Always go local cos you can haggle. 52 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:08,160 You can't haggle with Mr Avis. He's a corporation. Haggle. 53 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:10,640 Leave this to me. Leave this to me, boys. 54 00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:13,200 Yassas. Hello. 55 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,680 Oh, hello. I like that. Hello there. Welcome. 56 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:23,960 Right. Chaps, I've got 30 euros. Have a look at me. 57 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:28,120 I want something stylish and refined. For 30 euros? For 30 euros. 58 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,160 30 euros, right. 59 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,960 We'll start with that one. About 86 euros. 60 00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,120 No, no, no, no, no, no. 61 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,960 30 euros, I'll need something for two days. 62 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:42,120 A little cabriolet would be nice, wouldn't it? For 30? For 30 euros? 63 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:45,640 Well, what're you saying? Let's haggle. Let's haggle. Come on! 64 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:49,120 What insurance do you want with that? Do you want it full covered? 65 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,040 How much is that? It's an extra 20. Forget the insurance. 66 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,640 Don't worry about that. We're very careful, very good drivers. 67 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,240 Well, two of us are. 68 00:03:57,240 --> 00:04:00,800 I've only gone and done it, boys. Your turn next. Thank you! 69 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,640 With the haggling bar set very high... 70 00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,280 Hurry up! What's the excess on that? 71 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,200 1,500 euros. Aw, Jesus. 72 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:12,200 ...Flintoff and Harris decided they'd attack the desk together. 73 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:16,800 I want something big... ish. Yeah. Quite rugged. 30 euros as well. 74 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,760 Like that pick-up. How much is the pick-up? 75 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:21,720 Pick-up is about 90 euros for two days. About 90. 76 00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,880 What're you looking at? I just want something small and nippy. 77 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,360 OK, so you're two days as well? 78 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,560 Yes, please. Small and nippy. 79 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,720 Lads, top tip... Give me your licence and your credit card. 80 00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:35,720 There you go. Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 81 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:39,160 Coutts. The Queen's bank?! 82 00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:44,120 Oh-ho-ho! Oh, may I touch this card? 83 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,200 Put us all on the Coutts card. 84 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,280 GIGGLING 85 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:48,800 Lovely. 86 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,080 So three deals done, 87 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:54,520 Harris posher than ever, and with keys in hand, 88 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,520 next we headed to the car park 89 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,800 to see what treasures they'd unlock. 90 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,080 You don't look clever doing that. DISTANT CLICKING 91 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:03,880 Hang on, I can hear summat. 92 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:07,240 Oh, there she blows! 93 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:11,320 Not that thing. I've got myself a beauty. Thank you. 94 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:12,800 Kindred spirits! 95 00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,840 Paddy, are you on a retainer from Henry Ford? 96 00:05:18,840 --> 00:05:21,760 The old Focus CC. 97 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:24,680 I mean, that is the worst looking car. 98 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,200 Fred, do you think this is the one 99 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,160 of the most awkward-looking cars ever made? 100 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:32,640 It's horrible. Excuse me. Do you know who styled this? 101 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,960 Pininfarina. Pininfarina, thank you very much! 102 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,920 Who styled what, Chris? Everyone has an off day. What, Chris? 103 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:40,480 Everyone has an off day. Who were they associated with, Chris? 104 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,040 The odd Ferrari. Ferrari. 105 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,800 I tell you what - I am living the dream here, boys! 106 00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:48,000 It's always reassuring when the black rubber bits 107 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,280 have got body-coloured paint on it. 108 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:52,560 Dear God. Is that all the damage? 109 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:53,760 LAUGHTER 110 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:57,040 Right, you better click yours. I don't have a clicker. 111 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:02,560 That is old school. Look at that! We have to find it. It's a Suzuki. 112 00:06:02,560 --> 00:06:06,040 Suzuki! I like a Suzuki. So it's one of two things. 113 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:08,360 It's either a very small city car... 114 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:09,640 Oh, ey'up. 115 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,320 ...or that. 116 00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:17,160 It is the Jimny. You like a Jimny? 117 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,560 I love a new Jimny. I've never driven the old one. 118 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:23,360 Oh, you're in for a treat. It's 15 euros a day. 119 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,000 That's a bit of a worry. This here's not quite down, is it? 120 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:28,000 Ah, don't worry about that. 121 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,720 I think if you applied that level of detail to it, Fred, 122 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,080 you might be disappointed. 123 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,880 I'm happier with that than yours. 124 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:39,360 Please. No? This is not even allowed on the same car park as mine. 125 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,200 Shut up. It's a Jimny. But we're on holiday. I'm in a good mood. 126 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:47,200 I'm not going to go there. Come on, Chris. What you got? Right, lads. 127 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,160 No clicker. Please, Paddy. Paddy. Paddy, please. 128 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,640 Now, I've got... I don't know what's coming here. 129 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:59,280 Please, please. What is the reg? Please say ZK. Please. 130 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:04,520 Z. Z what? K? K? K. Oh-ho! 131 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:08,000 ♪ Saturday night I feel the air is getting hot. ♪ 132 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:09,520 It's a Kia Picanto, isn't it? 133 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,040 ♪ Like you baby. ♪ 134 00:07:12,560 --> 00:07:15,440 Right, lads. Come on, talk us through it, Chris. A Picanto. 135 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:20,360 A hire car - small, nimble, park it anywhere. 136 00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,560 This is the one. 137 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,880 Come on. You're trying to take the positives out of this. 138 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,120 You do not like this car. Now, look here. 139 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,000 What happens when Brits arrive on holiday? They get the convertible. 140 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,440 First day, they put the roof down and they blister. I've got a roof. 141 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,520 First thing - always have a roof on your hire car. 142 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:36,560 Oh, that's the first... 143 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:39,880 When you go to anywhere sunny, I always request I must have a roof. 144 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,720 I do as well. Yeah. I don't want to see the sun. 145 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:44,320 This will have air conditioning. 146 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:47,560 Please have air conditioning. Please have air... 147 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,240 It's not got air conditioning, has it? 148 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,080 Doesn't have air conditioning. No. 149 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:52,920 LAUGHTER 150 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,800 It's got a vinyl seat there as well. 151 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,080 Lovely touch. This is going to be... Moist is the word. 152 00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,680 Get yourself in there, son. 153 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:03,760 Right. Pininfarina, let's go. 154 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:06,400 MUSIC: One More Time by Daft Punk 155 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,840 ENGINE REVS 156 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,640 ENGINE GOES QUIET 157 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,120 ENGINE SPUTTERS 158 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:13,640 Flintoff's stalled it already. 159 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:15,320 Not just once, Chris, but twice. 160 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:16,840 THEY LAUGH 161 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:22,080 ♪ One more time. ♪ 162 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,360 Ah, lovely stuff. 163 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,840 I tell you what, gentlemen. 164 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:34,760 You can keep your Rolls-Royces and your Monte Carlos. 165 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,720 I'd sooner be driving my hire car along the beachfront in Cyprus. 166 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,520 Look at this! Tell you what - I like it down here, lads. 167 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:54,960 I am so happy. For 15 euros a day, I've got myself a Suzuki Jimny. 168 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:58,280 The thing about the Jimny is don't be fooled how cute they are. 169 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:00,160 These are proper machines. 170 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:05,200 Four-wheel-drive, brilliant off-road. They're nippy around town. 171 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,280 All right, it's a bit dirty inside. There's a bit of rust. 172 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,120 Roof's not the best. 173 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,920 But I'm happy. 174 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,840 How's the cars running, boys? 175 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,640 Mine is running sweet as a nut. 176 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,640 It's really, really tight. 177 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,840 118,000 km. 178 00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:23,440 Could easily be 40,000. 179 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:25,680 That's a lie. 180 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:33,720 The Picanto has a few issues. She's steering really nicely. 181 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:38,480 Suspension's good but the clutch has got a horrible lump in it. 182 00:09:38,480 --> 00:09:40,320 So it comes off the floor slowly 183 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,360 and then you've got that sort of big, springy reaction. 184 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,800 You know what I mean. You've all driven one like it. 185 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,000 This is not helped by the fact 186 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,280 that the throttle is effectively an on-off switch. 187 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,800 Suddenly you get everything. 188 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,320 So this is not an easy car to drive smoothly. 189 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:54,360 CAR RATTLES 190 00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,760 Do you know, it's lovely. 191 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,760 Plenty of room, smooth ride. 192 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,880 I've got the biggest engine out of the three. 193 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,760 1,600, this. 194 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:09,640 Aircon, cabriolet, hard top. 195 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:11,560 Nothing this car can't handle. 196 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:17,120 Straight off the bat, lads. Car's running lovely. 197 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,800 It doesn't look lovely from the rear, Paddy. 198 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:20,880 Like you, Chris. 199 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:24,160 It's quite the eyeful in my windscreen, to be honest. 200 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:28,280 A little yellow Kia with a little bald head popping up and down. 201 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,440 You look like a Poundland transformer. 202 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,440 Truth be told, though, for the price of a London gin and tonic, 203 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:41,040 none of us had much to complain about. 204 00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,080 Go on, boys! 205 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:45,600 We'd managed to bag three absolute bargains. 206 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:50,040 And it got us thinking about the lost art of the haggle. 207 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,080 Right, Flintoff, your whole life is one haggle. 208 00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:56,720 You won't even buy a packet of Wine Gums without asking 20p off. 209 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,720 You're right, Chris. What I do with things, 210 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:01,000 I have a price I'm prepared to pay, 211 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,560 and I'm prepared to walk away from anything. 212 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,000 I mean, for someone like yourself, Chris, 213 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,240 haggle's probably a new thing to you. 214 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,360 Cos obviously you bank at Coutts, 215 00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,560 you've never haggled for anything in your life. 216 00:11:13,560 --> 00:11:16,400 I haggle more than you two put together. 217 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,640 Aw! You're dreaming, Chris. You're absolutely dreaming. 218 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,360 Please don't start with the... 219 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,920 Put your hands up if you've been asked to leave John Lewis 220 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,560 because your haggling technique was too aggressive. 221 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:33,080 Hands up if you've ever said a more middle-class statement in your life. 222 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:39,120 "Hey, have you ever been asked to leave John Lewis?" 223 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:40,520 I mean, come on! 224 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:41,560 "Bloody hell, Paddy. 225 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:44,120 "They don't like haggling in Selfridges neither." 226 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,360 Since actions speak louder than words, 227 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:54,920 it was just as well we'd been told to head to Cyprus' only racetrack 228 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:59,480 so we could start figuring out who'd really haggled the best hire car. 229 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,240 Oh, look at this! 230 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:11,960 This is superb! 231 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:15,320 Yassas! 232 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:22,280 Electric windows, still functioning. Thank you. 233 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:26,400 Lads, we've got a challenge here. "Time for some hot laps. 234 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,840 "To see how your hire cars handle summer temperatures, 235 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:33,920 "their interiors will now be heated to 40 degrees. 236 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,440 "Windows up, fastest lap wins. 237 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:40,040 "Oh, and watch out for the local traffic." 238 00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,760 40 degrees. 239 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,160 I'm wearing the heaviest denim 240 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,360 you can actually buy in the shops at the moment. 241 00:12:48,360 --> 00:12:50,600 Two words - ball soup. 242 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:56,800 Yes, to see how we'd cope with the classic holiday hire car hazards 243 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:00,680 of boiling interiors and unpredictable traffic, 244 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:04,120 the producers would now superheat our cars' cockpits 245 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:07,760 before sending us out to set the fastest time possible, 246 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,640 all while avoiding the traffic 247 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,840 heading the wrong way round the track. 248 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,360 Imagine how chuffed I was, then... 249 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,600 Bloody hell. 250 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,120 ...that I was up first. 251 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,240 You warm in there? It's absolutely roasting. 252 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:25,600 Can we crack on with this, please? It's a bit close out here as well. 253 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,200 Right, Mr Harris will be timing you. 254 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:30,880 You're going to have traffic coming the opposite way so do be careful. 255 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,920 You're in quite a high-sided vehicle there. 256 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,000 You're going to set off on the green flag. 257 00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,920 I'm off... in the Jimny. 258 00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,840 This is not the car for this job. 259 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:56,080 The thing with this Jimny, it's high-sided. 260 00:13:56,080 --> 00:14:00,000 He's high-sided naturally. 261 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,280 Oh, oh, don't clip the kerb. Don't clip the kerb. 262 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,040 Just feel it all going over! 263 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,840 Stay up, stay up, stay up! No, no, no! 264 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,200 So hot. 265 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,040 Here come the other cars. 266 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:17,400 Oh, bloody hell! 267 00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:20,760 CARS BEEP 268 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:23,040 Oh, look at that. Oh, dear. 269 00:14:23,040 --> 00:14:24,280 CARS BEEP 270 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:27,320 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa, whoa, whoa! 271 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:29,840 Oh, my word! 272 00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,640 Mitsubishi just came from nowhere! 273 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,880 Oh, dear, dear, dear. 274 00:14:36,880 --> 00:14:39,120 Come on, come on, come on, come on. Go, go, go! 275 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,000 CARS BEEP Whoa, whoa, whoa! 276 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,240 Ooh. 277 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,680 TYRES SQUEAL 278 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:51,680 He's tried the handbrake. It's never going to happen on this Jimny. 279 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:54,040 Oh! You glad to be out? 280 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,120 Horrible. It is warm in there, I'll give him that. 281 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,720 Can't imagine that was fast at all. Well, we don't know, do we? 282 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,920 But you did it in 3:15. 283 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,760 That's the time to beat. Looked pretty good to me. Did it? Yeah! 284 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:06,080 I'm not going to beat that in the Picanto, am I? 285 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:15,160 Oh, get lost. This is horrendous. I can't even hold... Ow! 286 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,520 I basically can't breathe in here. It's horrendous. 287 00:15:17,520 --> 00:15:19,760 And anything that's metal, I can't touch. 288 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:23,080 I do feel for you, because not only is it 40 degrees in that car, 289 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:25,680 but you've got all that hair on your back as well. 290 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,560 Can we get on with this? I genuinely... 291 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,760 I won't last long in here like this. It's horrendous. 292 00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,400 Absolutely horrendous. 293 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:32,840 What's the time to beat, Fred? 294 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:34,880 I don't know. What is it? 3 minute 15? 295 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,080 Was it 3:15? The time? 296 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:39,760 Was it 3:15? Yeah. Think it was. 297 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:42,000 I don't care about his time! Just let me go! 298 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,560 Pipe down. You're going to make yourself hot. 299 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,960 Look at him. 3 minutes 15 seconds to beat. You go on the green flag. 300 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,120 Best of luck. 301 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:50,440 CAR REVS 302 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,520 The flag'll be going any minute, Chris. 303 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,960 Can't even hold the cocking steering wheel! 304 00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:01,200 Go! Oh! Look at that! Little wheel spin. 305 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,960 Oh, the little wheel spin on the Picanto! 306 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:10,840 This is horrible in here. 307 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:14,320 I can't change gear cos it burns my flipping hand. 308 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:19,680 It's an angry lap, this, by an angry man. 309 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:22,360 TYRES SQUEAL 310 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,600 Come on, the Picanto! 311 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,760 Oh! Oh, he's showing off now. 312 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:29,240 15 quid, that car! You don't want to be doing that! 313 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,480 Whoa, got to be careful here. 314 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:35,800 Please stay on your side of the road, minivan. 315 00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:37,920 CARS BEEP 316 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:40,800 I'm not losing to Flintoff... 317 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,680 ...in a bloody comedy off-roader. 318 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,560 What we on here? 2:30. What is it, 3:15? 319 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,440 No! 320 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:56,800 TYRES SCREECH 321 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,360 THEY CHEER 322 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,760 Oh. I was anxious watching that, Chris. 323 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:06,680 Do you want the good news or bad news? 324 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,040 Can I have the bad news? 325 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,360 Bad news - fantastic handbrake turn in the Picanto. 326 00:17:12,360 --> 00:17:15,000 Cameras weren't on you, but we enjoyed it. Yeah. 327 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,400 There wasn't a single camera? No, but looked good. 328 00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,480 That's the bad news. Oh, so the good news? 329 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,560 Good news is you beat me. You beat the Jimny. 330 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,120 By how much? Just over ten seconds. 331 00:17:24,120 --> 00:17:26,120 3:04:56. 332 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:32,080 Over to you in the Penis-farina. 333 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:35,360 Wow. He's been thinking of that one for three minutes, four seconds. 334 00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:36,880 Thank you very much. 335 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,440 I'll make sure the cameras are on me for my handbrake. 336 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:43,080 Are you going to do one? Was there really no-one on that? No-one on it. 337 00:17:43,080 --> 00:17:46,840 Nevertheless, the Picanto was still the car to beat 338 00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:50,880 as finally McGuinness lined up in his very hot Focus. 339 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,280 Oh, no. Oh, here we go. 340 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,880 Time for the vest. Look at the state of him. Right, Patrick. 341 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:02,880 You've got 3:04 to beat, which is probably unlikely, 342 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,840 so you might want to aim for 3:15. 343 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,360 That's probably more your level. 344 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:10,200 Ooh! 345 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,800 Ready when you are. Pathetic. 346 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,040 "Oh, you ought to aim for 3:15." 347 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:19,720 Right, Paddy. 348 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:23,880 He's off. 349 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:31,080 God, the car is so heavy! 350 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:32,760 The trouble is, with the Focus, 351 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:36,880 it looks lovely but it drives like a bag of spanners. 352 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,880 That doesn't look too quick, that. 353 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,960 Aw, the understeer's ridiculous! 354 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:46,040 It's a curiously ungraceful thing, isn't it? It's horrible. 355 00:18:46,040 --> 00:18:48,520 CARS BEEP 356 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:52,400 Where's he going?! Out of the way! 357 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,800 Oh, no. Ooh! CARS BEEP 358 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,000 Ah, the understeer! Nearly went into the Mini. 359 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,280 It isn't nice when they're coming and you're just drifting out. 360 00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:02,760 Out the way! 361 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,600 Jesus! 362 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:07,120 What is that?! 363 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,160 Idiot! 364 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,000 It's going to be tight. It's going to be tight. 365 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,280 Whoa! 366 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:16,800 Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! 367 00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,360 So what's our strategy if he does win? 368 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:23,600 Cos he'll do that, "Aw, look at me! Aw! Aw!" 369 00:19:25,920 --> 00:19:27,240 That'll do. 370 00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:28,800 And stop. 371 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:32,520 You've stopped it? Yes. Right, got it. Good lad. 372 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:34,040 Good lad, Fred. 373 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,160 TYRES SCREECH 374 00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:38,920 Look at him. He's so happy with himself! 375 00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,000 CAR REVS Oh, dear. 376 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,880 Oh, what's he done? I'll leave it here. 377 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:45,960 Phew. 378 00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:51,280 I feel like I know what a tomato feels like in a greenhouse. 379 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,000 You want the good news or the bad news? 380 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,480 I know what you're going to say. 381 00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,920 The good news - they got the handbrake turn. 382 00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,960 No, no, no. Bad news - wasn't quick enough. 383 00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:01,200 The good news is you exceeded all expectations. 384 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,120 Thank you. We thought you'd be miles off. 385 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:07,400 The bad news is, you were three tenths of a second slower than me. 386 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,720 Oh, my God, no! 387 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,720 Three tenths of a second. So, if you hadn't... 388 00:20:10,720 --> 00:20:14,480 If you'd gone one corner slightly quicker, you'd have had me. 389 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,880 Who was in charge of the timer? Paddy, Paddy, Paddy, I'll stop you. 390 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,640 I feel a little bit conflicted as an ex-sportsman. Right. 391 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,760 I don't like to cheat. Right. 392 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,400 Chris made me add another second on. 393 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:30,000 Was there any need for that? I had to come clean, I'm sorry. 394 00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,160 It's this whole North-South thing, isn't it? 395 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,800 The whole northern thing. 396 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:37,240 Can I just say, that's what it's all about in this game. Cricketers. 397 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:38,840 Sportsmanship. 398 00:20:38,840 --> 00:20:41,240 Right, I'm just going to go and give myself a quick wet wipe. 399 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,400 FREDDIE LAUGHS 400 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:44,600 I thought we had... I thought we were down. I couldn't. 401 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:46,800 I thought we were down. I was feeling bad. I was guilty. 402 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,400 It stopped him doing the big celebration, though, didn't it? 403 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,360 He didn't do the big... We're onto something there, aren't we? Yeah. 404 00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,680 Actually, sorry. I think he's a better man for it. Yeah. 405 00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:56,040 I forgot something. Yeah, what? 406 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,160 SCREAMS: Yes! 407 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,240 I can't deal with it. Have it! 408 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:01,760 I should have lied. Have it! 409 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,320 HE BELLOWS 410 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:05,400 Give me them wet wipes out. 411 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,520 Chris? 412 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:08,240 I hope they've been in the fridge. 413 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,960 So, the mighty Focus had taken the win, 414 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:17,600 and it was time to celebrate with a bit of top-down motoring. 415 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,320 This is living. 416 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,200 Better yet, for our next test, 417 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,560 we'd been told to head to a local reservoir. 418 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:28,680 I think I spy a gravel road ahead, lads. 419 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,920 And reaching it meant it was time for a bit of 420 00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:34,760 hire car driving heaven. 421 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:38,200 Come on, then, Jimny, a bit of off road. 422 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,600 Now this is what rental car-ing is all about. 423 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:42,880 Exactly. 424 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,040 When you take it back, yeah, 425 00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,680 they look round it with a fine-tooth comb, 426 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,880 but they never look underneath it, do they? 427 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:54,800 This is fun. 428 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,240 A bit of a hump. 429 00:21:58,600 --> 00:21:59,760 Yes. 430 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:01,280 The Picanto's got 65 horsepower, 431 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:05,080 but suddenly, off-road, it feels like it's got about 300. 432 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,080 Love it. 433 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:13,480 Unfortunately, though, it didn't take long for the two... children 434 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,320 to get overexcited. 435 00:22:18,360 --> 00:22:20,160 HE LAUGHS 436 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,200 LAUGHING: He's going. 437 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,800 This will be bread-and-butter for the Jimny. 438 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,640 Oh! Whoa! 439 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:38,240 Oh, the Jimny's here. 440 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,040 I can see the Jimny. 441 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:42,720 Oh! Oh! 442 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,360 Come on, Paddy! 443 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:54,200 HE LAUGHS 444 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,320 It's a tough little bugger, this. 445 00:22:57,320 --> 00:22:59,520 He's got me. Need a bit of flat. 446 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:04,160 Here we go. Shunt! 447 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,360 BLEEP 448 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:08,600 Whoa! 449 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,560 HE LAUGHS 450 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:17,280 We're supposed to be looking after these. 451 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:19,680 The front of your car's taken a battering, mate. 452 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:23,440 A few hundred quid, I reckon, Pad. 453 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:25,960 It's all right for you, Mr Coutts. 454 00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:28,480 The rest of us are in normal banks. 455 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,720 Fred, the bodywork were all right until you cut me off. 456 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,480 Cut you off? You hit me. 457 00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,760 Half of your car went missing when you went through a big puddle. 458 00:23:36,760 --> 00:23:39,200 And then you just decided to drive into me. 459 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,080 In me defence, and I don't know if this is an argument you can have 460 00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,640 with the car hire people, but if I say, 461 00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:47,840 "Look, lads, it were a gravel road," 462 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:49,920 they'll forgive me for that, won't they? 463 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:52,760 Unlikely. 464 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:57,560 Still, before McGuinness could rearrange any more of his 465 00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:00,920 dreadful Italian styling, we arrived at the reservoir. 466 00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,000 I see a challenge there, lads. 467 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,480 Oh. Challenge! 468 00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:09,960 Here we go, then. 469 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,920 Time for a drag race. 470 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,640 "To test the performance of your hire cars, 471 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:19,480 "they will now drag you on water skis across this lake." 472 00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:24,680 How? Hang on a minute. Have you ever water skied? 473 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,840 Once, for about ten minutes. Whatever. Seriously. 474 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,040 Have you? 475 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:31,720 Of course he has. He was brought up in the Caribbean. 476 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,720 Here we go. All that, "Wey!" 477 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:35,680 "Faster, Daddy, faster." 478 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,520 He's going to be good at this. He might have found something. Oh, God. 479 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,680 Come on, then. Let's get down there. 480 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,040 There's nothing better than watching a rookie water-skier swallow water. 481 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,560 Again, you're off with your middle-class statements again. 482 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:48,920 Especially a gobby one with stupid ears. 483 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,840 "Nothing better than a rookie water-skier." 484 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:55,200 Who says that? Try and talk your way out of this. 485 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:59,840 Right, in what has to be the worst possible way to test performance, 486 00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:03,600 our hire cars would now become water ski tow ropes. 487 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:07,840 Yep, jacked up, with a front wheel removed, 488 00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:11,360 you simply hit the accelerator to reel in the skier. 489 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,880 And since we'd be the ones in the water, to make things fair, 490 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,600 local pro George will be taking the wheel. 491 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,920 Oh, hang on a minute, I think I've just spotted Gollum's stunt double. 492 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:25,680 Here he is. Oh, my word. 493 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,080 When they show this on the telly, they'll have that music, 494 00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:29,960 like when Daniel Craig comes out of the sea. 495 00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:33,280 No, no, what they'll play is the theme tune to the Lord Of The Rings. 496 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,400 Yeah, I don't know where I should be looking, 497 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,120 but where I am looking, I shouldn't be. 498 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,480 This is George. Hello. 499 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,480 Hello, George, how are you? I'm good. 500 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:42,400 Very experienced in the old water-skiing. 501 00:25:42,400 --> 00:25:45,120 I've done it once before. Oh, don't start that. That's excellent. 502 00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:47,360 Now, he's been saying how good he is. Grew up doing it. 503 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:49,360 How different is it to being towed by a boat? 504 00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:50,760 A lot. 505 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:52,440 Ah. 506 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:55,080 Now, to give us a fighting chance, 507 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,200 we'd each be given three goes to record a speed. 508 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,880 And since he's so keen on his watersports, 509 00:26:00,880 --> 00:26:03,920 first up was the Hobbit and his Picanto 510 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:06,120 to show us all how it's done. 511 00:26:06,120 --> 00:26:07,240 Are you ready, George? 512 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:11,000 Oh, he's off, he's off. 513 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:13,920 Oh, he's up, he's up. Oh, no! 514 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,360 THEY CHEER 515 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:21,640 HE GROANS 516 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,480 Fantastic, Chris! 517 00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:29,600 Take two! He's up, he's up. Go, go, go. 518 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:31,800 THEY CHEER 519 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,720 THEY LAUGH 520 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,040 He's doing it again. Go on, Harris! Go on, Harris! 521 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,280 Two goes down and no results on the board. 522 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:44,720 Come in, Chris, this is embarrassing. 523 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,160 Right, we're going to get it. 524 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:50,160 The pressure was on for Harris's final attempt. 525 00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,480 Oh, ay oop. Oh. 526 00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,760 Go on, Harris! 527 00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,400 He's still going. Ay oop. 528 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:57,840 Oh. That's a good effort. 529 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,640 Here he is now. 530 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,360 Come on, George, come on! 531 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:05,840 BOTH: Oh! 532 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:09,480 Brilliant, Chris, brilliant. 533 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,480 Hey, you're a natural. 534 00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:16,880 The speed was 15mph, one-five. 535 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:20,160 Oh, no need for that. Absolute weapon. 536 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,840 With a score now to aim for, 537 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:25,080 McGuinness was next out the changing room. 538 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,600 Oh, my word. 539 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,680 Safety first with them goggles, eh, Pad? 540 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:29,920 Contact lenses, Fred. 541 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,520 Is that what it is? You can never be too careful in this game. 542 00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,280 I might borrow them for mine. Oh, my... 543 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,200 What are those? 544 00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:37,720 These? Yes. 545 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,440 I've seen you lot in Monte Carlo. I know what you wear. 546 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:42,840 Hang on a minute, you what? 547 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,000 What?! Him, him. You what? 548 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,360 Him and his family. 549 00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:51,400 Rubbish trash talk out of the way, the Focus was lined up, 550 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,160 while Paddy headed out on the water. 551 00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:55,760 15's the time to beat. 552 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:57,840 You know what's going to happen here, don't you? 553 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:00,920 He's going to get up first time and smash it. 554 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:02,920 Or then again... 555 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,200 ...maybe not. 556 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,440 Oh! Hey-hey-hey! 557 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:08,600 PADDY LAUGHS 558 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:09,760 HE SPITS 559 00:28:09,760 --> 00:28:11,600 Come on, Padd, keep going, son! 560 00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:13,520 Come on. This time. 561 00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:16,760 Here we go, here we go, here we go. 562 00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,800 Going, Padd. Go on, lad! 563 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,520 Oh, he's doing it. He's on. No, he's not. 564 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,120 CHRIS LAUGHS 565 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,160 Lads! 566 00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:31,360 Yeah? 567 00:28:31,360 --> 00:28:34,920 I think I'm going to go to plan B. 568 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:36,640 What was plan A? 569 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,520 I don't know. 570 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,920 I know one thing. What? 571 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,920 I've definitely got gastroenteritis. 572 00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:46,600 THEY LAUGH 573 00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:55,240 Here he goes, here he goes, here he goes. Come on, come on, come on. 574 00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,080 Go. Flat out! 575 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,640 It's going to rub his hair off, this. 576 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:09,120 PADDY SPLUTTERS 577 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:10,960 Ha! 578 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:12,440 What's next, plan C? 579 00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:13,680 You got all these big guns 580 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:15,840 and you've got the arm strength of four-year-old. 581 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:17,600 I couldn't breathe, you dickhead! 582 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:21,160 FREDDIE LAUGHS Thanks, Paddy. Thank you. 583 00:29:22,280 --> 00:29:24,320 Do you want your speed? 584 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,960 It says here you got 3mph. 585 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:30,240 Three-zero? 586 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:32,080 Three. 587 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:34,920 So, with the Picanto well in the lead, 588 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:36,520 all we had to do now was wait 589 00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:38,920 for McGuinness to get out of the water... 590 00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:40,600 I used to be a lifeguard. 591 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:44,080 If any of you get in trouble in the water, give me a shout, boys. 592 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:45,280 ...and then wait 593 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:48,280 to see what the world's most competitive man could do 594 00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:49,640 with his Jimny. 595 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:53,680 He's just holding on for dear life. 596 00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,960 He's up. I told you he'd do it. I told you he do it. 597 00:29:56,960 --> 00:29:58,760 Is he in? He's in. He's down. 598 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,480 We're on again. Come on, lurch! 599 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,160 Here he goes. He's up again. 600 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:06,520 Oh, he's in now. There he goes. 601 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,320 Oh, no. There he goes. 602 00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:10,040 There he goes. 603 00:30:11,040 --> 00:30:13,120 You all right? He keeps stopping. 604 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:17,320 Yeah, that's cos you've fallen in. Tell him not to stop. 605 00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:20,200 Give it the berries, George. Just rip his arms off. Yes. 606 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:21,600 You've seen the size of him. 607 00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,720 This is the big one now. 608 00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:25,080 Come on, here we go. 609 00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,080 Come on, see if we can get up. 610 00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:29,360 Here we go, we're moving. 611 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,200 He's up, he's up. Here he comes now. Here he comes. 612 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,880 Oh. 613 00:30:33,880 --> 00:30:35,720 ♪ How d'you like me now? ♪ 614 00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:38,840 He's going, he's going, he's going! 615 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:40,400 ♪ How d'you like me now? ♪ 616 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,720 Yes! Oh! 617 00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:45,240 LAUGHTER 618 00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,200 You've not timed him. I have. What did I get? 619 00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:50,880 12. Shut up! 620 00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:53,040 I was flying down there. 621 00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:55,480 Right, come on, let's get you dried off. 622 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:56,880 Cos I was a lifeguard, 623 00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,760 do you want me to show you how we do the eggbeater leg kick? 624 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:02,960 I'll save you. Come on. Hold on to them. The what? 625 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:04,240 Help. 626 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:08,040 Don't worry, I'm here. I've had a freak skiing accident... 627 00:31:08,040 --> 00:31:10,240 This is what we used to do... ...with a Suzuki Jimny. 628 00:31:10,240 --> 00:31:12,680 ...when I was at Horwich Leisure Centre. 629 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:14,600 Stay still. Don't panic. 630 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,120 Don't panic. 631 00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:19,120 OK. 632 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,560 He's a bit bigger than my normal... 633 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:26,840 Ah! Ooh, I've hurt me foot on a ski. FREDDIE LAUGHS 634 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,680 Did you? You kicked it then. Hang on. 635 00:31:30,840 --> 00:31:33,440 We're going to get you on the side, sir. 636 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,240 Give you mouth-to-mouth. 637 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:37,240 You worry about that when you're there. 638 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:38,640 CHRIS LAUGHS 639 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,080 Grab his hand, Mr Harris. No, I'm not touching him. 640 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,440 He'll drag me in. 641 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,760 He's going to drag me in. I'm not getting dragged in. 642 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,760 Mr Harris. No. This man's drowning! No. 643 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,280 Come on! 644 00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:50,840 Get hold of him. 645 00:31:50,840 --> 00:31:53,200 OK. If he drags me in... 646 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:54,800 Hurry up! 647 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,320 Get hold! 648 00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:58,600 No, no, I don't... SPLASH 649 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,400 I hate you! 650 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:06,920 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 651 00:32:09,960 --> 00:32:12,440 What can I say, boys? 652 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:15,520 Some of us are born natural sportsmen. 653 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,000 Some of you aren't so lucky. 654 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:18,480 It's not even a sport, mate. 655 00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:20,320 You were water-skiing 15mph. 656 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:22,520 I can do that on a pedalo. LAUGHTER 657 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:24,920 He wasn't even water-skiing. He was just dragged... 658 00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:26,560 It was like landing a pilchard! 659 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,400 FREDDIE LAUGHS A pilchard. 660 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,960 Stop deflecting, you. You've already crashed a Lamborghini. 661 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:32,680 This week you've crashed another car. 662 00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,160 You're a serial crasher. 663 00:32:34,160 --> 00:32:36,640 You are a pilchard. 664 00:32:36,640 --> 00:32:39,280 OK, we'll get back to our big hire car adventure 665 00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:42,120 a little later in the show, but before that a question - 666 00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:45,720 money's no object - what's the ultimate family car? 667 00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,680 Well, I reckoned I knew the answer. 668 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:49,160 As did I. 669 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:52,560 So the producers ordered these two to report to the Top Gear test track 670 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:54,000 for an argument. 671 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:06,160 Right, the ultimate family car can only be an estate. 672 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:11,160 Specifically, this estate. 673 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,160 The new Audi RS6 Avant. 674 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,560 92,000 angry-looking pounds worth 675 00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:23,600 of big-booted four-wheel-drive practicality... 676 00:33:26,400 --> 00:33:31,080 ...strapped to the back of a 600 horsepower twin turbo V8... 677 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:32,960 ...rocket. 678 00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,400 0 to 60 a little over three seconds. 679 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:43,640 Top speed 190mph. 680 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,360 Wow. 681 00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:50,480 Little boost gauge flickers and then it just goes! 682 00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,560 So it's stinking quick 683 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:02,480 but stinking quick Audi estate cars are nothing new. 684 00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:05,800 Now, what's new is this one is actually quite good fun to drive. 685 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:18,440 There's something inherently naughty about a car that's shaped like this 686 00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,760 for carrying dogs and family and clobber... 687 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:24,120 ...that will do this. 688 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,480 What a weapon! What a weapon! 689 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:41,320 Ultimate family car! 690 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:46,080 You'd have to be an idiot to consider anything else. 691 00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,680 The ultimate family car, you say? 692 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:57,280 For me, it's got to be this. 693 00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:01,960 The Lamborghini Urus. 694 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:06,160 Yes, folks, Lamborghini have done an SUV... 695 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:11,840 ...and it's the absolute business! 696 00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:21,800 You see, boxy estates are the old answer to the family car. 697 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:27,640 These days, everyone wants an SUV, 698 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:32,760 and the Urus might just be the most exciting SUV ever made. 699 00:35:34,240 --> 00:35:36,320 It costs 160 grand. 700 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,480 It's packing 641 horsepower. 701 00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,160 And as the Italians say, 702 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:45,960 it goes like cacca off a pala. 703 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,440 Oh, it's fast! 704 00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:54,160 How the hell... 705 00:35:56,720 --> 00:36:01,600 ...have they got a car of this size and weight to perform like it does? 706 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:09,680 I mean, the engineering on this thing is unbelievable. 707 00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:11,880 It's Hogwarts level, it's magic! 708 00:36:13,440 --> 00:36:18,320 Look at it, it's an SUV and it's driving like a supercar! 709 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,320 And there's loads of room in it 710 00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,080 for your expensive family 711 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:29,600 and your expensive dog. 712 00:36:30,960 --> 00:36:32,280 I mean, come on. 713 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:36,680 If you're talking the ultimate money-is-no-object family car, 714 00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:39,360 this is the answer. 715 00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:45,640 But since Harris would have you spend your hard-earned elsewhere... 716 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:47,120 Wow. 717 00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:50,280 That is just horrendous. 718 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,960 ...we thought it best to talk it out like grown-ups. 719 00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,080 Predictable. Boring. 720 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,080 Before we get onto the cars, 721 00:37:03,080 --> 00:37:05,000 what the hell are them on your feet? 722 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,520 Those are style. 723 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,800 You literally look like that bloke in accounts 724 00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:13,600 who thinks he's a bit wacky by putting on pink socks. 725 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:15,800 That's what you are today. 726 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,040 You're an accountant 727 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:18,280 with pink socks 728 00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:19,840 in your estate car. 729 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:22,880 OK, look, first of all, Urus, what's an Urus? 730 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:25,760 It sounds like an orifice, mate. It sounds like an exit hole. 731 00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:28,800 Listen... It is a terrible name. I can't argue with that. OK. 732 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,720 That's the one thing I can't argue with. 733 00:37:30,720 --> 00:37:33,640 Also, SUVs, in general, are wrong. 734 00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:35,160 They're bigger than they need to be, 735 00:37:35,160 --> 00:37:37,440 heavier than they need to be... Whoa, hang on a minute. 736 00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:39,560 You sit too high, high centre of gravity... Listen. 737 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,200 No... The physics are all wrong. 738 00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,000 I see a person going in a showroom buying an estate 739 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:48,000 as someone in a grey suit with grey socks, 740 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,960 grey face, grey hair. 741 00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:53,320 Is there anything that thing can do that this can't? 742 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:55,120 Plenty. What? 743 00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,560 You can say it's a Lamborghini. Great. 744 00:37:57,560 --> 00:38:00,160 OK, look, we need to settle this once and for all 745 00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,720 and we're going to deploy science. 746 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,440 Now, as these are family cars, 747 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:13,800 their primary function in life is, of course, the school run. 748 00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:19,160 The average school run in the UK is 1.6 miles, 749 00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:24,440 so with a few cones laid out to create a 1.6 mile handling course, 750 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:29,160 it was time to see which of our cars was fastest door-to-door. 751 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:33,240 Quick question. Mm-hm. 752 00:38:33,240 --> 00:38:35,000 If home's there... Yeah. 753 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:37,120 ...and school's there... Yeah. 754 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,240 ...why are we driving all the way round there? 755 00:38:39,240 --> 00:38:41,960 Is it not just easier to walk across? 756 00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:44,120 That's why the icecaps are melting, people like you. 757 00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:45,520 Unnecessary journeys. 758 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:47,160 Look at that, straight across. 759 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:48,480 If I show you how it's done, 760 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:50,400 do I have to not listen to you any more? 761 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:52,760 Great. Right. Off you pop. Here we go. 762 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:59,280 OK. Three, two, one, go! 763 00:39:00,400 --> 00:39:03,160 Off the line, it just goes like a lunatic. 764 00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:07,000 Ooh, that kicked off nicely from there 765 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:09,040 with the agility of that four-wheel steering. 766 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:11,240 It's fast coming up to the chicane. 767 00:39:11,240 --> 00:39:12,680 Let's have a look. 768 00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:14,240 That's quick through there. 769 00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:15,840 So agile and fast. 770 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:17,720 ENGINE GROWLS 771 00:39:17,720 --> 00:39:19,480 Oh, listen to that. 772 00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:23,120 Cor, these big, fast estate cars are so capable. 773 00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:27,520 Come on, Audi. 774 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:29,560 Oh, it's gone well out of there. 775 00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:32,000 Coming up to a minute now. 776 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,920 This would be a lively school run. 777 00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:36,760 I think the children would now be chundering quite hard. 778 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:38,040 Ooh. 779 00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:39,600 Ooh! 780 00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:42,800 Come on! 781 00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:44,360 And over the line! 782 00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:48,000 No way McGuinness is beating that. 783 00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:53,280 What do you reckon? I've no idea. 784 00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:55,320 Have a guess. One minute, 20. 785 00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,600 Are you psychic? What is it? 786 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:01,960 One minute, 20! Yes! 787 00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:03,760 Good lad! 788 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:08,400 1:20.28 to be precise. That's the time to beat. Well done. 789 00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:11,080 Right, you get in your horrendous truck and try and beat that. 790 00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:15,120 I've just been nice to you. I know. Just try giving a bit back. 791 00:40:15,120 --> 00:40:17,040 OK. I like your... gilet. 792 00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:21,600 I tried. 793 00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:22,840 Ready? 794 00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:26,200 Three, two, one, go! 795 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:30,960 Now we're going! 796 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,480 Come on, let's do it for the SUVs. 797 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,080 However many times you see it, 798 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,800 something that big and heavy going that fast is shocking. 799 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,560 Past all the other parent in their estates. 800 00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:42,320 Get out the way! 801 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:48,280 It's just a terrible looking vehicle, isn't it? 802 00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,160 And I hate to say it, they're driven by terrible people. 803 00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:52,880 Argh! 804 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,800 Ha-ha! He's on the grass! Come on! 805 00:40:57,960 --> 00:40:59,920 Oh, this is not quick enough. 806 00:40:59,920 --> 00:41:02,440 15, 16.17. 807 00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:04,240 I think Harris has got me in the Audi. 808 00:41:04,240 --> 00:41:08,040 I'm safe. The honour of the estate car has been saved. 809 00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,360 Oh, he's going to love this. 810 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,160 Not good. What do you think? 811 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:18,920 1:29? 812 00:41:18,920 --> 00:41:23,440 No, much quicker. Really? 1:24.6. That's surprised me. 813 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:26,520 For a man of your skills in a Lamborghini, that's damn good. 814 00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,240 Thank you, I'll take that as praise. Two differences. Yeah. 815 00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:32,680 Lower centre of gravity, proper car, truck, and... 816 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:33,880 ...if you'd had these on, 817 00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:35,600 you'd have gone a second quicker. 818 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,440 I'll take the second slower, thanks. 819 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:40,520 Anyhow, the fact of the matter is you designed that course 820 00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:42,320 and we need a test that reflects 821 00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:44,360 what these cars are actually used for. 822 00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:45,560 What, your car? Yes. 823 00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:48,000 Driving slowly around town looking like a wally? 824 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:50,680 See you in a minute. 825 00:41:53,680 --> 00:41:55,400 Let's face it, 826 00:41:55,400 --> 00:42:01,760 the biggest test of any family car is going away on your holidays... 827 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:07,880 ...which means there's one thing that matters above everything else. 828 00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:11,400 Caravans? 829 00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:14,360 That's right, son. You need to get out in the real world. 830 00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:16,800 This is what people are using family cars for now. 831 00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:20,560 When's a Lamborghini Urus ever going to tow a caravan 832 00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,360 apart from now? 833 00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,160 Anyhow, very simple, this one - 834 00:42:25,160 --> 00:42:27,600 straight drag race to the bottom, 835 00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:29,280 first over the line wins. 836 00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:33,040 What's your 0 to 60? 837 00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,960 3.6 seconds. Same here. 838 00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:38,480 What's your peak torque output? 839 00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:40,920 It's got a Lamborghini badge on the front. 840 00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:43,760 Is that the answer you're looking for? 841 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:48,880 Three, two, one, go! ENGINES REV 842 00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:52,560 Oh! 843 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:53,720 I'm just ahead! 844 00:42:53,720 --> 00:42:55,840 It's got the legs, it's got the legs! 845 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,040 Bye-bye! 846 00:42:57,040 --> 00:42:59,040 PADDY LAUGHS 847 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,760 Oh, McGuinness has done me. 848 00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,480 Oh, what a machine! 849 00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,480 100mph. 850 00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:08,480 I mean, it's just ludicrous. 851 00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:10,520 I can't even see him. 852 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:14,840 Easy meat. 120mph towing a caravan. 853 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:20,360 Wow. So quick. 854 00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:23,480 Enjoy your caravan holiday, folks. 855 00:43:24,720 --> 00:43:26,680 Too much torque in that bad boy. 856 00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:29,200 Oh, what is he going to be saying now? 857 00:43:32,360 --> 00:43:36,600 So what you've proved is that a car that will never ever tow 858 00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:38,760 is good in a towing drag race. 859 00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:40,160 A win's a win. 860 00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:45,800 OK, I'll concede that you won that one, so it's 1-1, 861 00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,560 but there's no doubt 862 00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:50,320 which one makes the driver look like a complete arse though. 863 00:43:52,080 --> 00:43:55,040 Says the man in Keith Lemon's trainers. 864 00:43:59,520 --> 00:44:01,280 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 865 00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:02,560 Fantastic. 866 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:09,040 So you spent the entire day messing about on our track 867 00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:12,160 and still failed to reach a conclusion? Yes. That is correct. 868 00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:13,600 Well, it's lucky I'm here to help. 869 00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:16,320 We're going to settle this family car debate once and for all 870 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,040 with some Stig laps. Ooh-hoo-hoo! 871 00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:20,960 Oh, yes, earlier today, we handed both of these cars over 872 00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:24,680 to our tame racing driver to see which was fastest around our track. 873 00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:27,640 Do you want to see what happened? Yes, I do. Let's have a look. 874 00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:29,320 ENGINE REVS 875 00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:31,040 Oh, it's a split screen, isn't it? 876 00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:34,440 There we go, RS6 versus the Lamborghini Urus. Head-to-head. 877 00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,080 Built ultimately by the same company, 878 00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:37,480 very similar engine, 879 00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:40,000 but the Lamborghini, crucially, has 50 horsepower more 880 00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,920 and the estate car is only 100kg less. 881 00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:43,160 This will be close. 882 00:44:43,160 --> 00:44:45,760 Immediately, look how little roll there is in the Lamborghini 883 00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:48,840 but the RS6 is a bit softer sprung - it's really rolling. 884 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:50,080 Hopefully looking for grip 885 00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,320 so that it can annihilate and humiliate 886 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:53,680 that horrible yellow thing. 887 00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:55,040 Going into Chicago. 888 00:44:55,040 --> 00:44:57,800 Braking performance pretty good. Both look stable. 889 00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,720 Again, the Audi looks a bit more sluggish. 890 00:44:59,720 --> 00:45:01,000 It's rolling more, isn't it? 891 00:45:01,000 --> 00:45:03,480 They've both come out of here like stabbed rats, though. 892 00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:05,880 They're fast, so fast, for big, heavy cars. 893 00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:07,560 Braking into hammerhead. 894 00:45:07,560 --> 00:45:09,280 What does it look like? Looks good. 895 00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:11,360 Again, the Urus's initial turn looks better. 896 00:45:11,360 --> 00:45:12,960 The Audi has four-wheel steering, 897 00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:14,640 it's got all the tech book, that Audi, 898 00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:16,040 even more than the Lamborghini, 899 00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:17,680 but I'm not seeing much difference. 900 00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:20,400 Stig using all the road and a little bit more as well. 901 00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,120 Now, this is the quick section. 902 00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:23,600 This is where he demonstrates 903 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:26,040 the size of his or her or whatever it is berries. 904 00:45:27,840 --> 00:45:30,760 Oh, they both look really quick, the tyre wall juddering 905 00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:32,920 with the wash there and the wake of the air. 906 00:45:32,920 --> 00:45:35,480 Second to last, the most difficult corner on our circuit. 907 00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,320 Oh, he's looking neat and tidy through both. 908 00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:38,640 You can't split them, can you? 909 00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,560 I hate to say it, at this moment in time, it's too close to call. 910 00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:42,880 Over the line. 911 00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 912 00:45:49,320 --> 00:45:50,720 Right. 913 00:45:50,720 --> 00:45:53,080 Proper grudge match, this. Yeah. Proper grudge match. 914 00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:54,520 I've got the times. Go on. 915 00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:57,440 Put your neck on the block, Chris. Which one's going to be faster? 916 00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,160 I really hope it's the Audi, 917 00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,720 but the Lamborghini looked worryingly flat and fast, 918 00:46:01,720 --> 00:46:03,480 and also that's got more power. 919 00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:05,520 Oh, we're starting. 920 00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:08,240 We're starting with the excuses. Shut up, McGuinness. Shut up. 921 00:46:08,240 --> 00:46:09,600 First up, the Audi RS6 Avant. 922 00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,680 Where do you think we're looking at, Chris? 923 00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:14,160 It's big, heavy, and it's not on the best tyres, 924 00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:15,600 so it's in this range. 925 00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,760 I reckon we're looking at Alfa Giulia, Tesla Model 3 region. 926 00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:20,160 Yeah? Yeah, go on. 927 00:46:20,160 --> 00:46:24,960 Well, I can tell you the Audi RS6 Avant went round 928 00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:26,600 in one minute... 929 00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,440 ...21.9, 930 00:46:29,440 --> 00:46:33,000 which puts it just behind... Oh, he's struggling again. 931 00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,520 ...the Jaguar F-Type R. Ooh. 932 00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:37,760 OK, so that's not as quick as I thought it was going to be. 933 00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:40,160 This is not helpful. That is quite low down, Christopher. 934 00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:42,960 Anything that adds credence to McGuinness's argument is a problem. 935 00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:46,040 So next one. And now the big one. Yeah. 936 00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:49,000 The Lamborghini Urus. Come on, Fred! 937 00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:51,640 It is you in car form. It's totally tasteless. 938 00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:53,840 Look how excited Paddy is. It is! Paddy... 939 00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:56,080 They could have called it the Lamborghini McGuinness. 940 00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:58,040 Are you ready, Pad? Yeah. Yes. 941 00:46:58,040 --> 00:47:01,040 The Lamborghini Urus went round 942 00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:03,440 in one minute... 943 00:47:03,440 --> 00:47:05,840 ...21.. Oh! 944 00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:08,600 ...point... 945 00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:10,720 ...7! Paddy, lad, Look at that! Yes! APPLAUSE 946 00:47:10,720 --> 00:47:13,600 Oh, it's faster than the Audi! Yes! 947 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:15,920 Oh, my word. Yes! PADDY LAUGHS 948 00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:20,800 The end of civilisation as we know it. Oh! 949 00:47:20,800 --> 00:47:23,000 Yes! No! 950 00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:24,320 Thank you! FREDDIE LAUGHS 951 00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:27,200 Oh, God. 952 00:47:27,200 --> 00:47:30,760 Now it's time to get back to our big Cypress adventure, 953 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:34,520 where we're discovering just how much adventure 30 euros could buy. 954 00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:48,160 Day two of our 30 euro road trip 955 00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:52,200 and we'd been told that there was more in store for our rentals 956 00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,080 up in the Cypriot mountains... 957 00:47:55,080 --> 00:47:56,520 ...which, to be honest, 958 00:47:56,520 --> 00:48:02,080 didn't really have the kind of sunny holiday hire car vibe we'd come for. 959 00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:07,360 Lads, what's that white stuff over there on the right-hand side? 960 00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:08,880 Snow. 961 00:48:08,880 --> 00:48:10,480 But we're in Cyprus. 962 00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:14,240 Whoa, look at that. 963 00:48:14,240 --> 00:48:16,600 Like we're in the Swiss Alps. 964 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:18,560 I'm dressed for Ayia Napa here. 965 00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:22,720 Yes, not only does Cyprus have snow, 966 00:48:22,720 --> 00:48:24,560 it's got a ski resort, 967 00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,440 which was exactly where we'd been told to head 968 00:48:27,440 --> 00:48:29,320 for our final challenge. 969 00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,320 Oh, good work, Jimny. Lovely stuff. 970 00:48:33,520 --> 00:48:35,760 This is Cyprus! 971 00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:37,840 Are we in the same country, lads? 972 00:48:37,840 --> 00:48:39,960 I've just driven past the Ski-Doo. 973 00:48:41,120 --> 00:48:42,920 Do they have those in Ayia Napa? 974 00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:48,040 I've not seen a beach or a glass of ouzo since I've been here. 975 00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:50,280 Nothing. It's bonkers. 976 00:48:50,280 --> 00:48:53,000 What? There's a... There's a bloke skiing here! 977 00:48:54,720 --> 00:48:57,560 Oh. Thank you. 978 00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:00,840 The card's cold. 979 00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:02,480 Just going to wind the window back up. 980 00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:07,960 Hire cars aren't just for summer, they're for winter too. 981 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:10,800 To test your car's cold weather performance, 982 00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:14,360 you will now race around the Mount Olympus ski resort. 983 00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:15,600 What? 984 00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:20,080 We've already had enough damage on these cars. 985 00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:22,560 I'm telling you now, this is a recipe for disaster. 986 00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:25,760 We can't afford any more damage. We'll never get home. 987 00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:31,160 Luckily for us, though, the producers have thought of this 988 00:49:31,160 --> 00:49:34,200 and laid on a selection of hastily cobbled together 989 00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:36,360 protective measures. 990 00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:37,440 McGuinness had gone for 991 00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:39,640 the lightweight zero functionality choice 992 00:49:39,640 --> 00:49:41,600 of li-los. 993 00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:43,240 Flintoff had inexplicably gone for 994 00:49:43,240 --> 00:49:47,120 the heavier, more potentially damaging boat buoys. 995 00:49:47,120 --> 00:49:51,440 While I had chosen the all-round total-coverage solution 996 00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:52,760 of bubble wrap. 997 00:49:55,360 --> 00:49:56,800 Is that going to do anything? 998 00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:59,800 Bubble wrap seems the right balance between protection and weight to me. 999 00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:00,960 Yeah, but what you've done, 1000 00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:03,000 you've not even gone for the premium bubble wrap. 1001 00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,520 You've gone for that stuff that they whack in your parcels 1002 00:50:05,520 --> 00:50:06,600 coming to your house. 1003 00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:08,680 If you go to the till at a supermarket, 1004 00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:11,760 you buy yourself a couple of cups, that's what they wrap your cups in. 1005 00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:14,080 Should have got the big bubbles, shouldn't he? 1006 00:50:14,080 --> 00:50:15,320 And let me get this right, 1007 00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:18,960 Fred's going down the slopes with a car surrounded by buoys. 1008 00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:20,480 FREDDIE LAUGHS 1009 00:50:22,880 --> 00:50:27,160 Right, the title of best winter rental would now be decided 1010 00:50:27,160 --> 00:50:31,080 with a two lap race down the main piste slalom run. 1011 00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:33,080 And with a snowcat waiting at the bottom 1012 00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:34,800 to drag us back up to the top, 1013 00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,640 whoever reaches that first, will be the front of the queue 1014 00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:41,760 for the final run down to the finish line. 1015 00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:46,360 And what all that really meant was it was time to get the elbows out. 1016 00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:52,240 I'm going to set off a little bit slower in this 1017 00:50:52,240 --> 00:50:55,600 because those two will be off like lunatics. 1018 00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:57,640 They'll start smashing into each other. 1019 00:50:57,640 --> 00:51:00,280 It will be a total disaster and I will just... 1020 00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:03,760 ...slalom past 'em. 1021 00:51:03,760 --> 00:51:05,760 Boom. Ski Sunday. 1022 00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:08,480 Here we go. 1023 00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:12,960 Three, two, one, go. 1024 00:51:12,960 --> 00:51:14,320 We're off. 1025 00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:17,000 CARS THUD 1026 00:51:17,000 --> 00:51:18,680 Oh, Flintoff. 1027 00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:22,000 I've got Harris all over me. I'm just all over the shop. Come on. 1028 00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:26,040 PADDY LAUGHS 1029 00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:29,240 Flintoff's going well. 1030 00:51:29,240 --> 00:51:31,960 The Jimny's killing it. 1031 00:51:31,960 --> 00:51:34,080 PADDY LAUGHS Oh! 1032 00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:37,400 Oi. 1033 00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:39,440 PADDY LAUGHS 1034 00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,000 He rammed me! 1035 00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:47,720 I've done it, I'm front! 1036 00:51:47,720 --> 00:51:50,080 He's going the wrong way. They're cheating. 1037 00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:51,520 You can't be having that. 1038 00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:56,960 ♪ Da-da-da, da-da-daa Da-da-da-da-da-da-daaa 1039 00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:58,480 ♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. ♪ 1040 00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:00,920 Hey! 1041 00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:04,400 Oh! First place! Wonderful. CARS THUDS 1042 00:52:04,400 --> 00:52:06,800 AIR HISSES FROM LI-LO PADDY LAUGHS 1043 00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:08,160 HONKS HORN 1044 00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:10,360 Get back, Harris, you cheating BLEEP. 1045 00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:15,360 Hook me up, boys, hook me up. No way. 1046 00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:18,040 No way, I was first! I was first! 1047 00:52:18,040 --> 00:52:20,600 You cheated! You didn't go through the gate. He rammed me! 1048 00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:22,440 I were first! You didn't go through the gate. 1049 00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:26,560 Paddy, next time go through the gate, or at least try. 1050 00:52:26,560 --> 00:52:30,520 HE SIGHS The level of... skulduggery. 1051 00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:34,520 Chris has just jumped the queue. Paddy didn't go round the bollards. 1052 00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:36,640 Technically when they look at the replay of this, 1053 00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:37,840 I should be in first place. 1054 00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:39,120 ELEVATOR MUSIC PLAYS 1055 00:52:39,120 --> 00:52:41,320 Well, since we've got a bit of time to kill 1056 00:52:41,320 --> 00:52:44,280 while we wait for the lift, let's have a look, shall we? 1057 00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:48,680 Here you can clearly see the mighty Pininfarina 1058 00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:51,160 easing its way through the field. 1059 00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:54,000 Then, Harris completely loses control 1060 00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,920 and Flintoff goes the long way round - 1061 00:52:56,920 --> 00:52:59,400 none of which was my fault. 1062 00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:03,560 He hit me hard. 1063 00:53:03,560 --> 00:53:05,160 Now he's moaning. 1064 00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:07,400 "Blah, blah, blah, blah, I was there first." 1065 00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:10,080 He didn't even attempt to go through any of the gates! 1066 00:53:10,080 --> 00:53:13,320 He's done this kind of thing before, racing on snow and all that. 1067 00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:16,640 He came in last - accept it! 1068 00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:19,520 You didn't go through the gate! I were first! 1069 00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:22,240 While the other two were still whingeing on, though, 1070 00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:24,360 we had reached the top of the slope 1071 00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:28,240 and me and the Jimny... I'm going... were ready to pounce. 1072 00:53:32,560 --> 00:53:36,240 Where are the boys? I'm not losing to Flintoff. 1073 00:53:36,240 --> 00:53:38,400 HE GROANS This is horrendous. 1074 00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:42,320 Oh, it's an exhibition from the Jimny. 1075 00:53:43,720 --> 00:53:45,680 Better still... Come on! 1076 00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:48,080 ...McGuinness was struggling... Bollocks! 1077 00:53:48,080 --> 00:53:50,160 ...to even get off the lift. 1078 00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:52,400 Come on, the Picanto! 1079 00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:57,000 Here comes Harris. Here he comes. 1080 00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:59,680 The Suzuki Jimny for the first win of the trip. 1081 00:53:59,680 --> 00:54:01,200 He's coming through the line! 1082 00:54:02,360 --> 00:54:04,520 Oh! 1083 00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:06,280 CHRIS GROANS 1084 00:54:06,280 --> 00:54:08,800 Unbelievable. 1085 00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:10,280 Oh, second. 1086 00:54:11,440 --> 00:54:13,800 There we go, Harris. I'm going to get him back. 1087 00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:15,360 Oh! FREDDIE LAUGHS 1088 00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:18,840 That serves you right, son. Payback, Harris. 1089 00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:21,880 So that was first and second place sorted, 1090 00:54:21,880 --> 00:54:24,560 which just left one question. 1091 00:54:24,560 --> 00:54:27,560 Where's McGuinness, then? I think he's stuck. 1092 00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:29,480 Once I do get this chain off, 1093 00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:32,080 what I'm going to do is just enjoy the focus 1094 00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:34,760 and enjoy the slopes to myself. 1095 00:54:34,760 --> 00:54:38,000 I don't have to be going down with two absolute tools. 1096 00:54:38,000 --> 00:54:39,800 Shall we see where he is? Yeah. 1097 00:54:41,600 --> 00:54:43,280 And we're off. 1098 00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:46,200 Here we go. This is pleasant now. 1099 00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:50,160 Cue the Ski Sunday music. 1100 00:54:50,160 --> 00:54:52,320 SKI SUNDAY MUSIC 1101 00:54:54,160 --> 00:54:55,960 Here he is. 1102 00:54:55,960 --> 00:54:58,440 PADDY LAUGHS 1103 00:54:58,440 --> 00:55:00,400 Woohoo! 1104 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:02,400 Lovely! 1105 00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,400 Better without them two. 1106 00:55:04,400 --> 00:55:06,080 Doesn't sound good, does it? 1107 00:55:06,080 --> 00:55:08,760 It's just gone from the top - urr, urr, urr - making noises. 1108 00:55:08,760 --> 00:55:10,920 Hey-hey! 1109 00:55:12,160 --> 00:55:14,040 Come on. 1110 00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:16,200 Oh, look at that. 1111 00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:19,920 Here he is. 1112 00:55:19,920 --> 00:55:21,920 You came third. 1113 00:55:21,920 --> 00:55:25,840 I've got to say, that were a lot of fun, lads. 1114 00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:28,360 Loved that. Wonderful. 1115 00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:29,720 The slope to myself... 1116 00:55:29,720 --> 00:55:32,560 What do they call it, off piste? Can you explain why you came third? 1117 00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:34,680 Sorry? Can you explain why you came third? 1118 00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:36,640 Are you still talking about the race? Yes. Yes. 1119 00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:38,120 I've forgot about that now cos... 1120 00:55:38,120 --> 00:55:40,480 When you win, you ceaselessly go on about it for hours... 1121 00:55:40,480 --> 00:55:42,640 No, I did, I did win. ..and then when you lose, 1122 00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:44,720 it's just about having fun, is it? No, no, I won, 1123 00:55:44,720 --> 00:55:46,200 and then you went in front of me... 1124 00:55:46,200 --> 00:55:48,000 You won? ..and then he went in front of me. 1125 00:55:48,000 --> 00:55:50,920 Stop your bickering for a second. I don't know what you're on about. 1126 00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:54,320 Stop cos I think in this scenario, there's actually no winners. 1127 00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:58,040 These cars have got to go back to the airport and pay excess. 1128 00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,760 Look at yours. Look at it. 1129 00:56:03,440 --> 00:56:06,240 Flintoff was, of course, absolutely right. 1130 00:56:07,240 --> 00:56:10,040 Because let's face it, we could probably have agreed 1131 00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:13,240 his 4x4 off-roader was the best rental for winter 1132 00:56:13,240 --> 00:56:16,480 without crashing all three of them down a ski slope. 1133 00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:20,520 And as we made our way back to the airport 1134 00:56:20,520 --> 00:56:23,120 to drop off what was now left of them, 1135 00:56:23,120 --> 00:56:26,640 rental return anxiety had fully taken hold. 1136 00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:30,080 I feel terrible. 1137 00:56:30,080 --> 00:56:33,600 It's like when I was younger and you have a party at your house. 1138 00:56:33,600 --> 00:56:35,960 You know, your parents are away, you have your mates over 1139 00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:37,840 and someone always breaks something 1140 00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:40,640 and you have to explain it after and you feel so guilty - 1141 00:56:40,640 --> 00:56:41,760 that's how I feel now. 1142 00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:44,120 If I'm honest with you, 1143 00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:47,120 I've never handed a car back in this condition before, 1144 00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:50,000 and I'm in a much better situation than those two. 1145 00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,640 They don't look good in the rear-view mirror. 1146 00:56:52,640 --> 00:56:55,400 They look like they've just done the Dakar Rally. 1147 00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:58,200 The brakes have gone, the front-end's hanging off, 1148 00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:02,720 I've lost a panel from the side, the backend's dented. 1149 00:57:02,720 --> 00:57:05,040 This car has taken an absolute battering. 1150 00:57:06,120 --> 00:57:08,000 Looks good that side. 1151 00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:10,800 Other side's knackered. 1152 00:57:10,800 --> 00:57:12,840 I don't know what I'm going to say to the bloke. 1153 00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:16,360 I mean, I don't think he's ever had blokes returning cars saying, 1154 00:57:16,360 --> 00:57:19,760 "Ooh, sorry, I was doing some slalom skiing in it." 1155 00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:21,320 I think in this case, Paddy, 1156 00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:23,640 the truth might not be the best policy. 1157 00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:29,240 Well, it was time to find out because all too soon... 1158 00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:31,920 AWKWARDLY: Hello. Ha-ha-ha. 1159 00:57:31,920 --> 00:57:35,560 ...we limped up to the airport. 1160 00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:38,320 Oh, here we go. 1161 00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:43,480 Is he there? Not seen him. 1162 00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:47,680 Oh, here he comes. Oh, geez. 1163 00:57:47,680 --> 00:57:49,360 I can't even hide that, can I? 1164 00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:52,680 What did you do? 1165 00:57:52,680 --> 00:57:54,000 Erm... 1166 00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:57,480 Can I just point out a couple of positives? 1167 00:57:57,480 --> 00:57:59,200 Wasn't me, that. Yeah? 1168 00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:00,920 You just come round here. 1169 00:58:03,200 --> 00:58:06,600 We've retrofitted a roll bar on there. 1170 00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:08,640 Does the roof still work? Oh, hey... 1171 00:58:08,640 --> 00:58:10,360 Does the roof still work? 1172 00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:12,640 Let me just... 1173 00:58:12,640 --> 00:58:14,160 That... 1174 00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:16,760 He's picked on one of the things that DOES work. 1175 00:58:16,760 --> 00:58:19,280 I don't know if you know much about the Ford Focus CC, 1176 00:58:19,280 --> 00:58:20,840 it does take a while to come up, 1177 00:58:20,840 --> 00:58:23,320 that's nothing to do with the damage. 1178 00:58:23,320 --> 00:58:25,240 It's just the design of the thing. 1179 00:58:27,240 --> 00:58:29,120 Smooth as silk. 1180 00:58:29,120 --> 00:58:30,560 Look at that. 1181 00:58:33,680 --> 00:58:35,560 It's impressive that, Padd. 1182 00:58:36,840 --> 00:58:39,320 That's... He's made it look a bit better 1183 00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:41,600 cos it wasn't a good-looking car from the front, was it? 1184 00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:43,880 No, no, that's the wrong... Sh. 1185 00:58:43,880 --> 00:58:45,400 Your one's just this? 1186 00:58:49,080 --> 00:58:52,600 Go on. Mate, the back as well, if I'm being honest. 1187 00:58:54,280 --> 00:58:55,720 Bit round here. 1188 00:58:59,920 --> 00:59:01,440 And the yellow one? 1189 00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:06,640 I think you caught that with your leg 1190 00:59:06,640 --> 00:59:08,960 cos that was fine when I came in. He's winding him up. 1191 00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:10,600 Chris, will you stop it? 1192 00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:12,440 Can I just say, 1193 00:59:12,440 --> 00:59:15,400 your eyes are piercing in this light. 1194 00:59:15,400 --> 00:59:18,040 Beautiful. Beautiful. Lovely eyes. 1195 00:59:18,040 --> 00:59:19,360 Yeah. 1196 00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:21,080 Lovely eyes. 1197 00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:22,600 Um... 1198 00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:25,200 We all declined the full insurance as well, yes? 1199 00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:26,880 Well, I tried to take it, 1200 00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:29,480 but Paddy declined it on my behalf. Excuse... I did. 1201 00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:32,400 He said, "Do you want insurance?" I said, "Yeah." You go, "No, no." 1202 00:59:32,400 --> 00:59:34,240 I didn't think we were water-skiing. 1203 00:59:34,240 --> 00:59:35,720 I didn't think we'd be skiing. 1204 00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:37,640 I didn't think we'd be doing anything. 1205 00:59:37,640 --> 00:59:39,520 Oh. That was him, that. Oh, whoa. That was you. 1206 00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:41,280 That was you. That's out of order. 1207 00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:43,280 That's not how you treat a vehicle, is it? 1208 00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,880 Anyhow, one of us has left a Coutts card, 1209 00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:47,120 put it on that. 1210 00:59:47,120 --> 00:59:49,160 That's you, Harris - that's your card, isn't it? 1211 00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:51,520 All of them, yeah. Cheers, Chris. Thanks, mate. Sorry. 1212 00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:54,320 I'll sort it out with you after, send you the invoice. 1213 00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:57,880 Oi! I'm not... I'm not paying for that. 1214 00:59:57,880 --> 01:00:00,120 What? What? I'm not... You've wrecked my car. 1215 01:00:00,120 --> 01:00:02,160 He won't even notice it out of a Coutts account. 1216 01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:04,120 I didn't cause any damage to that car... 1217 01:00:04,120 --> 01:00:06,080 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1218 01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:07,640 Ooh. 1219 01:00:08,960 --> 01:00:10,160 HORNS HONK 1220 01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:12,680 It wasn't our finest moment, was it, boys? 1221 01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:15,560 They're beeping over there. I feel quite bad. 1222 01:00:15,560 --> 01:00:18,320 I hate damaging cars, but at least mine wasn't as bad as yours. 1223 01:00:18,320 --> 01:00:21,160 It was an absolute mess - big repair job there, Patrick. 1224 01:00:21,160 --> 01:00:22,640 Well, you say that. 1225 01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:24,800 Not as expensive as what you thought, erm... 1226 01:00:24,800 --> 01:00:26,160 ...cos they scrapped it. 1227 01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:27,640 LAUGHTER 1228 01:00:28,960 --> 01:00:31,920 But on the plus side, it's now a lovely coffee table. 1229 01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:35,880 So the moral is - do be gentle, it's a rental. 1230 01:00:35,880 --> 01:00:37,120 Correct, Fred. 1231 01:00:37,120 --> 01:00:38,640 And that's all for tonight. 1232 01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:41,120 We'll see you next week when we take a Bentley, a McLaren, 1233 01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:44,280 and an Aston Martin on a road trip to beautiful Wales. 1234 01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:45,800 Thanks for watching, goodnight. 1235 01:00:45,800 --> 01:00:48,320 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 93777