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_
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? Goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ?
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It's one for the ladies!
4
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:26,172
? Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ?
5
00:00:26,172 --> 00:00:30,172
? Headin' down to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ?
6
00:00:33,206 --> 00:00:37,758
? So come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ?
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00:00:41,034 --> 00:00:43,344
When I look out
across this room,
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I see the backbone
of our community.
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The women of this town
need to stand together!
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00:00:51,137 --> 00:00:52,862
We are here, and we're proud.
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00:00:52,862 --> 00:00:55,344
And it is time
to let everyone know
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00:00:55,344 --> 00:00:58,275
that the women of South Park
should be treated
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00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:00,551
the same as the men!
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Oh! Aaaaah.
15
00:01:04,827 --> 00:01:06,172
Oh, God!
16
00:01:06,172 --> 00:01:09,827
Ohhh, sorry.
17
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,586
Oh-kay.
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00:01:12,586 --> 00:01:14,482
I'm alright.
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Oh!
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00:01:22,310 --> 00:01:23,517
Hello, boys.
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00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:26,000
Your mommy has
a bacterial infection
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called C. diff.
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It's very contagious.
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A bacterial infection?
In her stomach?
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00:01:31,413 --> 00:01:34,482
All of us have trillions
of microscopic critters
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00:01:34,482 --> 00:01:36,482
that grow on
and inside our bodies,
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00:01:36,482 --> 00:01:37,896
just like your mom.
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00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:40,448
There's tiny creatures
which live in your mom's skin,
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00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:42,413
on her eyelashes, in her vagina.
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00:01:42,413 --> 00:01:44,517
But the good bacteria
in your mommy's tummy
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00:01:44,517 --> 00:01:46,862
are being overrun
by bad bacteria.
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00:01:46,862 --> 00:01:48,862
We can't use antibiotics
because that will
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kill all the good bacteria, too.
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00:01:51,206 --> 00:01:52,965
So, what can you do for her?
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00:01:52,965 --> 00:01:55,827
We need to take
a healthy person's microbiome
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00:01:55,827 --> 00:01:58,413
and start to grow it
inside your mother.
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00:01:58,413 --> 00:02:00,793
We do this with
a fecal transplant.
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00:02:00,793 --> 00:02:03,068
We'll get a donor's feces,
mix it with water,
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00:02:03,068 --> 00:02:05,137
and put it up your mom's anus.
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00:02:05,137 --> 00:02:06,551
Ewwww!Ewwww!
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Your mom is tough, kids.
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00:02:08,172 --> 00:02:10,172
We're gonna do
the very best we can.
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00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:12,000
Try not to worry.
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00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:15,000
Ike, if mom lives...
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we can't let anyone
ever know about this.
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00:02:24,827 --> 00:02:26,275
? I am shopping ?
47
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? I'm grocery shopping ?
48
00:02:27,689 --> 00:02:31,310
? I'm buying food
for the people I love ?
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00:02:31,310 --> 00:02:32,517
Sheila?
50
00:02:32,517 --> 00:02:34,034
Oh! Hi, Laura!
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00:02:34,034 --> 00:02:37,344
My goodness, look at you!
I thought you were sick!
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00:02:37,344 --> 00:02:40,517
I was, but I had
an amazing procedure!
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00:02:40,517 --> 00:02:42,275
No, no, no, Mommy.
No, no, no, no!
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I had a fecal transplant.
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Oh! God damn it!You had a what?
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A fecal transplant.
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00:02:49,172 --> 00:02:52,034
It's when they take
the feces of a healthy donor
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and place it in your anus.
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I feel like a million dollars!
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00:02:55,793 --> 00:02:58,689
Sheila, is that you?
I thought you were sick!
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00:02:58,689 --> 00:03:01,827
I was,
but I had a fecal transplant.
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00:03:01,827 --> 00:03:03,068
Aaaaah!
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I'm telling you girls,
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00:03:04,379 --> 00:03:06,551
it solved every problem
I've ever had!
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00:03:06,551 --> 00:03:08,551
I've lost weight!
I have more energy!
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00:03:08,551 --> 00:03:12,448
I even think my arthritis
is clearing up!
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00:03:12,448 --> 00:03:14,068
Well, that certainly is...
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00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:15,379
interesting.
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00:03:15,379 --> 00:03:17,344
Looking great, Sheila!
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00:03:17,344 --> 00:03:20,724
Thanks, Janice!
Fecal transplant!
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If you're watching this video,
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00:03:36,827 --> 00:03:39,655
then your mom probably had
a fecal transplant.
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00:03:39,655 --> 00:03:42,655
And the one question on
your mind is most likely,
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00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:45,965
"How do I keep my friends
from ripping on me?"
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00:03:45,965 --> 00:03:49,689
Yes! People make fun of what
they don't understand.
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00:03:49,689 --> 00:03:53,344
So, let's learn why your mom
had a fecal transplant.
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00:03:53,344 --> 00:03:56,448
It was to replace
her microbiome.
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00:03:56,448 --> 00:03:58,862
Germs, bugs,
thousand of organisms
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00:03:58,862 --> 00:04:00,793
are all around you all the time.
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00:04:00,793 --> 00:04:02,758
That remote control
your holding...
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00:04:02,758 --> 00:04:04,137
It's teaming with life...
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00:04:04,137 --> 00:04:07,413
bacteria and other organisms.Eugh!
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00:04:07,413 --> 00:04:09,103
They also live on
your clothes...
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00:04:09,103 --> 00:04:12,241
Eesh! Small organisms are everywhere.
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Now, scratch your balls.
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Go on.
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00:04:16,137 --> 00:04:17,655
If you don't have balls,
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00:04:17,655 --> 00:04:20,724
scratch whatever else
might be down there.
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00:04:22,206 --> 00:04:26,620
Now smell your fingers.
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00:04:26,620 --> 00:04:29,448
That smell is millions
of living organisms
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00:04:29,448 --> 00:04:31,241
that you've just scraped
from your crotch
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00:04:31,241 --> 00:04:34,034
and are now going up
inside your nostrils...
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00:04:34,034 --> 00:04:35,827
your microbiome.
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00:04:35,827 --> 00:04:37,310
Ewwwww!
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00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,103
Creatures live in your teeth.
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00:04:39,103 --> 00:04:42,137
They live on your eyelashes,
on your skin.
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00:04:42,137 --> 00:04:45,517
And trillions and trillions
live inside your body.
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00:04:45,517 --> 00:04:47,862
In fact,
of all the cells in your body
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00:04:47,862 --> 00:04:50,137
only half are human cells.
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00:04:50,137 --> 00:04:54,379
The other half are all
microscopic organisms!
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00:04:54,379 --> 00:04:55,689
Aaaaaaah!
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00:04:57,620 --> 00:05:00,275
How is your salmon,
Sheila?Oh, it's amazing.
103
00:05:00,275 --> 00:05:02,241
You know, I could never
eat like this before.
104
00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:04,862
My allergy to shellfish
has literally gone away.
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00:05:04,862 --> 00:05:07,413
Oh, my gosh.
That's so wonderful!
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00:05:07,413 --> 00:05:10,482
Oh, that reminds me.
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00:05:10,482 --> 00:05:11,965
So, Sheila,
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00:05:11,965 --> 00:05:14,275
um, the girls and I
were talking...
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00:05:14,275 --> 00:05:16,758
Well, you seem so great,
110
00:05:16,758 --> 00:05:19,793
and we thought how nice
it would be for us...
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00:05:19,793 --> 00:05:23,172
to have a little bit
of your poop.
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00:05:23,172 --> 00:05:25,379
What?
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00:05:25,379 --> 00:05:27,413
Well, thing is,
we asked our doctors
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00:05:27,413 --> 00:05:29,137
about getting
fecal transplants, too,
115
00:05:29,137 --> 00:05:32,413
and they said they only do them
for "medical reasons."
116
00:05:32,413 --> 00:05:34,517
So, we have to
do them on our own.
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00:05:34,517 --> 00:05:36,241
Oh, well...
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00:05:36,241 --> 00:05:38,827
You know, girls, if the doctor
doesn't think it's safe,
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00:05:38,827 --> 00:05:42,068
you probably shouldn't be doing
DIY transplants.
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00:05:42,068 --> 00:05:44,551
No, that's very true, isn't it?
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00:05:44,551 --> 00:05:45,965
We were just thinking that...
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00:05:45,965 --> 00:05:48,586
your microbiome is
so healthy now,
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00:05:48,586 --> 00:05:50,379
it would be nice
to share a little.
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Yeah. Uh...
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Uh, I mean...
It's not that I don't want
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to share everything
with my friends.
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00:05:54,758 --> 00:05:56,586
It's just, you know...
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00:05:56,586 --> 00:05:59,413
I'm sorry it just
doesn't seem right.
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00:05:59,413 --> 00:06:01,241
And that is totally fine!
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00:06:01,241 --> 00:06:03,758
If it doesn't feel right,
then it probably isn't right!
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00:06:05,379 --> 00:06:08,793
Oh, this is Kyle.
Sorry, girls, let me take this.
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- Oh, okay!
- Okay.
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00:06:11,448 --> 00:06:13,931
That cunt!
I told you she'd say no.
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00:06:13,931 --> 00:06:16,655
How much of a bitch can you be?
Won't share your feces?
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00:06:16,655 --> 00:06:18,344
Talk about anal retentive.
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00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:19,344
Fuck her.
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00:06:19,344 --> 00:06:21,482
Fuck her.
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00:06:29,172 --> 00:06:31,551
Half the cells in my body...
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00:06:31,551 --> 00:06:32,931
half...
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00:06:32,931 --> 00:06:35,551
They're inside me right now,
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00:06:35,551 --> 00:06:36,724
alive...
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00:06:36,724 --> 00:06:38,689
all over me...
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00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:40,482
The bookcase...
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00:06:40,482 --> 00:06:42,068
The bookcase!
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00:06:43,689 --> 00:06:46,241
Do you guys have any idea
what I'm saying?
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00:06:46,241 --> 00:06:48,551
Half the cells in our bodies
aren't human.
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00:06:48,551 --> 00:06:50,068
Right now,
there are alive creatures
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00:06:50,068 --> 00:06:52,241
in your eyelashes
and in your teeth!
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00:06:52,241 --> 00:06:54,103
So..?
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00:06:54,103 --> 00:06:55,517
"So"?!
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00:06:55,517 --> 00:06:57,413
Right now, that straw
has a bunch of little bugs
152
00:06:57,413 --> 00:06:59,000
and they're...
they're going into your mouth
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00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,482
And mixing with trillions
of other little bugs
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00:07:00,482 --> 00:07:02,379
that are alive inside you.
155
00:07:02,379 --> 00:07:03,862
You aren't even totally you!
156
00:07:03,862 --> 00:07:06,310
Dude, Kyle why are you talking
about all this?
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00:07:06,310 --> 00:07:09,068
Okay, guys.
Listen.
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00:07:09,068 --> 00:07:12,034
My mom had a fecal transplant.
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00:07:12,034 --> 00:07:13,275
Ha!
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00:07:16,758 --> 00:07:18,965
Fecal transplant!
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00:07:18,965 --> 00:07:23,793
Hi, Kyle. I'm Harriet.
Henrietta and Bradley's mommy?
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00:07:23,793 --> 00:07:26,275
I've been looking
all over town for you!
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00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:27,517
Why?
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00:07:27,517 --> 00:07:29,206
Well, I went
to the video game store,
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00:07:29,206 --> 00:07:33,000
and I bought this...
"Jedi Fallen Order."
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00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,793
It's getting great reviews...
thought you might want it.
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00:07:35,793 --> 00:07:37,931
Whaaat?Yeah! He wants it!
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00:07:37,931 --> 00:07:41,344
Great! Could you just do
one little thing for me, Kyle?
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00:07:41,344 --> 00:07:42,931
Mrph rmhmhm rm!
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00:07:42,931 --> 00:07:46,172
When you go back home,
could you find a way to get
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00:07:46,172 --> 00:07:50,620
a little of your mom's poop
and put it in this jar?
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00:07:50,620 --> 00:07:52,206
What?! Ew!
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00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:53,620
No!
Yes!
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I don't need much.
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00:07:55,172 --> 00:07:56,931
I'm sure you can find a way
to sneak it from her.
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00:07:56,931 --> 00:07:59,206
You do that,
and the game is all yours!
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00:07:59,206 --> 00:08:01,689
That is disgusting!
Absolutely not.
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00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:02,758
Kyle.
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00:08:02,758 --> 00:08:04,655
Oh, well.
Think about it.
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00:08:04,655 --> 00:08:06,103
The offer stands.
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00:08:06,103 --> 00:08:11,379
I heard you can customize
your own light saber.
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What is your problem?
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00:08:13,379 --> 00:08:14,586
What is myproblem?!
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00:08:14,586 --> 00:08:16,689
I'm not gonna go
steal my mom's shit.
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00:08:16,689 --> 00:08:17,965
Dude, you realize
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00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:19,068
we won't get that game
till Christmas.
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00:08:19,068 --> 00:08:20,379
We could be playing it tomorrow.
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00:08:20,379 --> 00:08:21,758
Mrph rmh mhm!
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00:08:21,758 --> 00:08:24,344
I said no, and that's final!
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She's in!
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00:08:38,862 --> 00:08:40,448
Kyle's mom just squatted
on the toilet!
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00:08:40,448 --> 00:08:41,827
Okay.
We've got contact.
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00:08:41,827 --> 00:08:43,206
You ready with the bucket,
Kenny?
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00:08:43,206 --> 00:08:44,379
Mrph mhm!
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00:08:44,379 --> 00:08:47,000
Place it directly under
this pipe.
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00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,758
Alright.
That should just about do it.
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00:08:49,758 --> 00:08:51,241
Now we just wait...
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00:08:51,241 --> 00:08:57,793
for the flush.
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00:08:57,793 --> 00:08:59,068
Mrph rmh mhm!
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00:08:59,068 --> 00:09:00,758
That's good
she's not flushing yet.
201
00:09:00,758 --> 00:09:02,275
That means she's got
more serious business,
202
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,310
and serious business
is just what we're after.
203
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:05,896
You think she'll poop
a big enough log?
204
00:09:05,896 --> 00:09:07,275
You see how fat Kyle's mom is?
205
00:09:07,275 --> 00:09:08,931
That bitch must poop
at least 2 pounders.
206
00:09:08,931 --> 00:09:10,551
The fuck are you doing?
207
00:09:10,551 --> 00:09:12,379
Oh, hey, Kyle.
What's goin' on?
208
00:09:12,379 --> 00:09:15,482
You are notstealing
my mom's shit!
209
00:09:15,482 --> 00:09:18,275
Kyle, this is the world
we are living in, okay?
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00:09:18,275 --> 00:09:20,827
People are finding new and
exciting ways to get healthy,
211
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:22,586
and who are we
to stand in their way?
212
00:09:26,655 --> 00:09:28,896
It just freaks me out, Doc.
213
00:09:28,896 --> 00:09:31,931
We all have these...
things living inside our bodies,
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00:09:31,931 --> 00:09:33,724
and everyone
just seems fine with it.
215
00:09:33,724 --> 00:09:36,379
It's like as soon as people
learn they have microbiomes,
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00:09:36,379 --> 00:09:38,551
the first thing they want to do
is start swapping them!
217
00:09:38,551 --> 00:09:40,103
Well, young man, the truth is,
218
00:09:40,103 --> 00:09:42,344
we still don't know
a lot about the microbiome.
219
00:09:42,344 --> 00:09:45,034
but you shouldn't let it
freak you out.
220
00:09:45,034 --> 00:09:46,724
But where does it stop?!
221
00:09:46,724 --> 00:09:48,034
Then are people
just gonna start wanting
222
00:09:48,034 --> 00:09:49,827
skinny people's microbiomes
to be skinny
223
00:09:49,827 --> 00:09:53,000
or an athletes' microbiome to
feel athletic and young again?
224
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,620
Yes, it's possible,
but we don't know enough.
225
00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:57,275
There is no "super feces,"
226
00:09:57,275 --> 00:09:59,068
which can make you
athletic and young.
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00:09:59,068 --> 00:10:02,931
Well, like...
what about Tom Brady's poop?
228
00:10:04,689 --> 00:10:06,103
The spice...
229
00:10:06,103 --> 00:10:08,379
He knows about the spice.
230
00:10:08,379 --> 00:10:10,137
I-I'm just saying
that Tom Brady seems
231
00:10:10,137 --> 00:10:11,724
to work really hard
on his diet and stuff.
232
00:10:11,724 --> 00:10:13,137
His shit must be pretty good.
233
00:10:13,137 --> 00:10:14,896
More than pretty good.
234
00:10:14,896 --> 00:10:18,758
The Spice Melange.
235
00:10:18,758 --> 00:10:21,172
What?
236
00:10:21,172 --> 00:10:23,379
Nothing.
237
00:10:23,379 --> 00:10:24,793
It's unobtainable.
238
00:10:24,793 --> 00:10:26,620
The Spice.
239
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:29,931
But could he be the one
to bring it here?
240
00:10:32,931 --> 00:10:36,551
And now back to
"One For the Ladies"!
241
00:10:38,620 --> 00:10:40,103
Have you been in
that store at all?
242
00:10:40,103 --> 00:10:41,931
No, I think it's new, isn't it?
243
00:10:41,931 --> 00:10:44,103
It used to be that watch store.
244
00:10:44,103 --> 00:10:46,482
Oh, my God!
Harriet?
245
00:10:46,482 --> 00:10:49,344
Oh! Hi, girls!
What's new?
246
00:10:49,344 --> 00:10:50,931
My goodness!
Look at you!
247
00:10:50,931 --> 00:10:53,275
You look great!
What happened?
248
00:10:53,275 --> 00:10:55,793
Fecal transplant.
It's true what they say.
249
00:10:55,793 --> 00:10:57,620
I feel 20 years younger.
250
00:10:57,620 --> 00:10:59,862
Lookin' good, Mrs. B!
251
00:10:59,862 --> 00:11:03,275
Fecal transplant, Damon!
Keep your eyes on the road!
252
00:11:03,275 --> 00:11:04,586
Harriet?
253
00:11:04,586 --> 00:11:07,068
Oh. Hey, Sheila.
254
00:11:07,068 --> 00:11:09,172
You're looking chipper today.
255
00:11:09,172 --> 00:11:11,310
Yeah, I had a little
procedure done.
256
00:11:11,310 --> 00:11:12,758
Fecal transplant.
257
00:11:12,758 --> 00:11:14,241
I thought the doctor
wouldn't give you
258
00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:16,310
a fecal transplant, Harriet.
259
00:11:16,310 --> 00:11:20,482
No, I... did it myself.
With a turkey baster.
260
00:11:20,482 --> 00:11:22,413
Where did you get the feces?
261
00:11:22,413 --> 00:11:24,413
Well, it's really none
of your business, Sheila.
262
00:11:24,413 --> 00:11:26,344
It's a private matter,
a fecal transplant.
263
00:11:26,344 --> 00:11:28,206
I'd really rather not
talk about it.
264
00:11:28,206 --> 00:11:30,862
- See ya, girls.
- Bye, Harriet!
265
00:11:30,862 --> 00:11:32,793
Two faced bitch!
266
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,241
You know what she said
about you at lunch?
267
00:11:34,241 --> 00:11:36,862
What?She called you the C-word.
268
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:39,206
You're joking!Oh, no!
269
00:11:39,206 --> 00:11:40,896
Clearly, she couldn't stand
that you were
270
00:11:40,896 --> 00:11:43,413
the only one in town
who's shit didn't stink.
271
00:11:43,413 --> 00:11:44,724
Fuck her.
272
00:11:44,724 --> 00:11:46,172
Fuck her.
273
00:11:47,931 --> 00:11:49,448
Boys, I brought you in here
274
00:11:49,448 --> 00:11:53,241
because some rumors are floating
around the school, mkay.
275
00:11:53,241 --> 00:11:55,965
These rumors are that you three
276
00:11:55,965 --> 00:11:59,551
somehow stole feces
from Kyle's mom, mkay,
277
00:11:59,551 --> 00:12:00,931
and gave it to Mrs. Biggle
278
00:12:00,931 --> 00:12:03,103
in return for
"Jedi Fallen" Order."
279
00:12:03,103 --> 00:12:05,517
That is 100% untrue.
280
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:09,344
Mkay, well, someone in this
school is a little turd burglar,
281
00:12:09,344 --> 00:12:10,724
and I want some answers.
282
00:12:10,724 --> 00:12:12,896
How can we answer that to which
we have no knowledge?
283
00:12:12,896 --> 00:12:14,620
Very nice. Very nice.
284
00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:17,517
It must be hard...
285
00:12:17,517 --> 00:12:20,862
having to take turns playing
"Jedi Fallen Order."
286
00:12:20,862 --> 00:12:23,344
It's a single player game,
I believe.
287
00:12:23,344 --> 00:12:24,758
Wouldn't know.
288
00:12:24,758 --> 00:12:29,034
Oh, because I could get you
each your own copy.
289
00:12:29,034 --> 00:12:30,896
That would be a lot a fun,
wouldn't it?
290
00:12:30,896 --> 00:12:34,620
You guys stole the poop.
291
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:36,551
Could you do it again?
292
00:12:36,551 --> 00:12:38,000
You want us to steal
293
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,827
some of Kyle's mom's poop
for you?
294
00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,655
Not Kyle's mom's.
295
00:12:41,655 --> 00:12:43,241
Someone else's.
296
00:12:43,241 --> 00:12:44,724
Whose?
297
00:12:44,724 --> 00:12:47,034
The Spice.
298
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:49,034
I must have it.
299
00:12:49,034 --> 00:12:52,862
The Spice Melange.
300
00:12:54,965 --> 00:12:57,862
Alright. Alright.
Um, proud of our team today.
301
00:12:57,862 --> 00:12:58,931
It was, uh...
302
00:12:58,931 --> 00:13:00,275
You know, I thought the defense
303
00:13:00,275 --> 00:13:02,068
did a great job
keeping us in the game.
304
00:13:02,068 --> 00:13:03,689
And, again, I think
the offense has
305
00:13:03,689 --> 00:13:04,827
a lot of room for improvement
306
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:06,724
and all that starts with me.
307
00:13:06,724 --> 00:13:08,275
Questions?
Yeah.
308
00:13:08,275 --> 00:13:10,448
Can we have your poop?
309
00:13:10,448 --> 00:13:14,275
No, guys, I'm not gonna take
any requests for my microbiome.
310
00:13:14,275 --> 00:13:15,965
I just wanna focus on the team.
311
00:13:15,965 --> 00:13:17,655
We're 10-1 now, you know?
312
00:13:17,655 --> 00:13:19,413
But we can't let up.
Yeah?
313
00:13:19,413 --> 00:13:21,655
Please, can we have your
poop.Okay, I'm not...
314
00:13:21,655 --> 00:13:23,827
I'm not gonna stay out here.
You guys. It's just...
315
00:13:23,827 --> 00:13:25,862
Does anyone have
a real question?
316
00:13:25,862 --> 00:13:27,034
Tom, after you leave here,
317
00:13:27,034 --> 00:13:28,413
are you gonna go eat somewhere
318
00:13:28,413 --> 00:13:30,551
or go right home and... No, no. See?
319
00:13:30,551 --> 00:13:32,344
I'm not gonna tell you guys
where I'm doing
320
00:13:32,344 --> 00:13:33,758
because then
you're all gonna try
321
00:13:33,758 --> 00:13:34,965
and follow me into the bathroom.
322
00:13:34,965 --> 00:13:36,482
You're not taking my feces,
323
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,034
so unless you have
a football question,
324
00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:39,172
we're done here.
325
00:13:39,172 --> 00:13:41,448
Can we buy your poop?
326
00:13:44,827 --> 00:13:46,034
Microbiome...
327
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,827
Inside me...
328
00:13:51,137 --> 00:13:54,172
They are inside me.
329
00:13:54,172 --> 00:13:56,137
Are they a part of me?
330
00:13:56,137 --> 00:13:57,965
When I eat, they eat.
331
00:13:57,965 --> 00:13:59,448
When I die,
332
00:13:59,448 --> 00:14:02,620
they consume me
and continue to live.
333
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:06,655
Am I just an Airbnb
in Santa Clarita?
334
00:14:06,655 --> 00:14:08,482
They're not a part of me.
335
00:14:08,482 --> 00:14:11,379
They are me.
336
00:14:13,206 --> 00:14:15,931
The bookcase.
337
00:14:15,931 --> 00:14:18,551
The bookcase!
338
00:14:18,551 --> 00:14:20,172
You have to understand,
339
00:14:20,172 --> 00:14:22,482
a lot of people
want things from Tom Brady.
340
00:14:22,482 --> 00:14:25,137
He has to be
a little protective.
341
00:14:25,137 --> 00:14:27,310
Yes, we do understand.
We just...
342
00:14:27,310 --> 00:14:29,275
Well, since you're his publicist
we thought that...
343
00:14:29,275 --> 00:14:31,068
You could give Mr. Brady
our message-
344
00:14:31,068 --> 00:14:32,862
It's alright Stan.
don't cry.
345
00:14:32,862 --> 00:14:35,689
You see, ma'am, our friend
little Kenny here is dying.
346
00:14:35,689 --> 00:14:39,241
And he's...He's just the biggest
Patriots fan.
347
00:14:39,241 --> 00:14:41,000
You know, I can call him,
348
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,482
but he's very busy right now
with the season.
349
00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:45,482
Well, if Mr. Brady
could just, you know,
350
00:14:45,482 --> 00:14:47,793
have Kenny stay over
at his house for a night.
351
00:14:47,793 --> 00:14:49,896
Kind of like a Michael Jackson
kind of thing.
352
00:14:49,896 --> 00:14:51,758
Ohhghghgh!
353
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,172
Oh, gosh, we're losing him!
354
00:14:53,172 --> 00:14:54,852
We need to make this happen
quickly, ma'am.
355
00:14:55,379 --> 00:14:58,862
They want the spice.
Just like the rest.
356
00:14:58,862 --> 00:15:02,034
Perhaps they are the ones...
357
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:03,551
Uh, ma'am?
358
00:15:03,551 --> 00:15:06,482
A chance. Perhaps.
359
00:15:06,482 --> 00:15:10,275
They could actually obtain
the Spice Melange...
360
00:15:10,275 --> 00:15:13,379
Let me...
see what I can do.
361
00:15:15,241 --> 00:15:18,965
Girls, can I just say...
you both look fantastic.
362
00:15:18,965 --> 00:15:20,551
Oh, thanks girlfriend.
363
00:15:20,551 --> 00:15:22,517
We've been working out
and dieting, you know...
364
00:15:22,517 --> 00:15:24,793
not cheating, like
that bitch Harriot.
365
00:15:24,793 --> 00:15:27,172
Well, it's great you guys
are doing it the natural way
366
00:15:27,172 --> 00:15:29,965
and we don't have to deal
with Harriot anymore.
367
00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:32,965
There you are,
you Goddamn bitch!
368
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:35,034
I will take you to court,
fat whore!
369
00:15:35,034 --> 00:15:37,068
Harriot,
I do not like your tone-
370
00:15:37,068 --> 00:15:39,034
You knew I was going to
steal your poo,
371
00:15:39,034 --> 00:15:40,931
and so you tainted it,
didn't you?!
372
00:15:40,931 --> 00:15:42,517
What are you talking about?
373
00:15:42,517 --> 00:15:45,241
I have been shitting
and throwing up all day!
374
00:15:45,241 --> 00:15:47,482
It has to be from your feces!
375
00:15:47,482 --> 00:15:50,241
So, you did take my poo,
huh, Harriot?
376
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:52,379
That's besides the point now!
377
00:15:52,379 --> 00:15:54,344
Oh, IS it?
'Cause the girls told me
378
00:15:54,344 --> 00:15:56,137
you called me the C word
the other day!
379
00:15:56,137 --> 00:15:59,103
Oh, you're all
backstabbing bitches now!
380
00:15:59,103 --> 00:16:00,862
Fuck you, Harriot!
381
00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:02,896
Uhhh... Okay, ladies.
come on...
382
00:16:02,896 --> 00:16:05,448
Just admit it!
I can't stop puking and shitting
383
00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:06,931
because of what you did to me!
384
00:16:11,896 --> 00:16:13,172
What the fuck?
385
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:15,103
You thought you were
such hot shit, Harriot.
386
00:16:15,103 --> 00:16:17,137
We took the leftover feces
from your house,
387
00:16:17,137 --> 00:16:19,586
and put it up our asses
with a Turkey baster!
388
00:16:19,586 --> 00:16:21,344
Oh. Oh, God.
389
00:16:35,379 --> 00:16:39,137
We now return to
"One for the Ladies."
390
00:17:07,241 --> 00:17:08,931
Hello, ma'am.
We are the darling children
391
00:17:08,931 --> 00:17:11,275
who's dying friend is all set
to meet Tom Brady.
392
00:17:11,275 --> 00:17:17,034
I am Mabel Gonzales,
the housekeeper.
393
00:17:17,034 --> 00:17:19,172
They're here for the spice.
394
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:22,068
I can sense it.
395
00:17:22,068 --> 00:17:25,137
I wonder why everyone
keeps taking really long pauses
396
00:17:25,137 --> 00:17:27,379
after they talk?
397
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,862
People just keep looking at me
398
00:17:28,862 --> 00:17:31,655
like I'm supposed
to say something.
399
00:17:31,655 --> 00:17:33,448
Why did I agree to this?
400
00:17:33,448 --> 00:17:36,482
I don't even have a machine
to play Fallen Order on.
401
00:17:36,482 --> 00:17:37,689
Come on in.
402
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:41,310
Mr. Brady is just
using the bathroom.
403
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:45,413
Music to your ears, I suppose.
404
00:17:50,034 --> 00:17:54,413
We've got more sick incoming.
Try and make some more room.
405
00:17:54,413 --> 00:17:56,620
We have a major epidemic,
here, detective.
406
00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:58,620
C-diff has spread
to half the town.
407
00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:01,448
We don't have enough staff or
enough supplies to keep up with it.
408
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:02,793
How did this happen?!
409
00:18:02,793 --> 00:18:04,827
Apparently, the outbreak
started at a restaurant,
410
00:18:04,827 --> 00:18:06,862
when some women
got sick on everybody.
411
00:18:06,862 --> 00:18:08,379
The women contracted C-diff
412
00:18:08,379 --> 00:18:10,931
by giving themselves
DIY fecal transplants.
413
00:18:10,931 --> 00:18:13,586
So, they got sick from
another woman's feces?
414
00:18:13,586 --> 00:18:16,000
No. They got sick
from using this...
415
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:17,827
a common household
turkey baster.
416
00:18:17,827 --> 00:18:20,137
It's a thing most people
only use once a year,
417
00:18:20,137 --> 00:18:21,482
around Thanksgiving.
418
00:18:21,482 --> 00:18:23,172
The rest of the year,
it just sits in a drawer,
419
00:18:23,172 --> 00:18:24,620
collecting bacteria.
420
00:18:24,620 --> 00:18:27,241
And then, the ladies went
and stuck it up their asses.
421
00:18:27,241 --> 00:18:28,965
Oh, those ladies!
422
00:18:28,965 --> 00:18:30,241
It gets worse.
423
00:18:30,241 --> 00:18:32,000
We're completely out
of healthy donor feces.
424
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,379
Even if we found a donor at this
point it wouldn't be enough
425
00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:36,000
to give everyone transplants.
426
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:37,379
So what happens next?
427
00:18:37,379 --> 00:18:40,586
With how contagious C-diff is,
and how deadly,
428
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:43,551
Half of South Park
is going to die.
429
00:18:43,551 --> 00:18:47,551
Jesus. What have those
rascally ladies done?
430
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,034
So... You're all here
to meet Tom Brady, too?
431
00:18:53,034 --> 00:18:54,620
Yeah.
I'm a sports writer.
432
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:56,827
Getting a little interview.
433
00:18:56,827 --> 00:19:00,206
A little interview,
and hopefully more.
434
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:02,034
Yes, and we are here
with our little girl
435
00:19:02,034 --> 00:19:03,724
who's dying,
just like your friend.
436
00:19:03,724 --> 00:19:04,965
I'm dying, Mommy?
437
00:19:04,965 --> 00:19:06,310
Shut up, Theresa!
438
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,137
The Spice Melange.
439
00:19:08,137 --> 00:19:10,517
It is here in this house.
440
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:14,965
Everyone, the honorable
Thomas Brady.
441
00:19:14,965 --> 00:19:16,448
Hey, everybody.
442
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:17,758
The rest of you, stand back!
443
00:19:17,758 --> 00:19:19,586
They all deceive you,
Mr. Brady!
444
00:19:19,586 --> 00:19:22,310
They only want to get to
the Spice Melange!
445
00:19:22,310 --> 00:19:26,000
Oh, God, not again.
Alright, everybody out.
446
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,551
Come on. Let's go.
447
00:19:27,551 --> 00:19:29,482
Mr. Brady, can we just see
your basement really fast?
448
00:19:29,482 --> 00:19:30,827
Nope. Nope.
That's all.
449
00:19:30,827 --> 00:19:32,793
If you people want
a healthy microbiome,
450
00:19:32,793 --> 00:19:34,931
then proper diet
and healthy choices, alright?
451
00:19:34,931 --> 00:19:37,965
That's it.
You are all being ridiculous.
452
00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:48,551
Kyle? Dude,
what are you doing here?
453
00:19:50,413 --> 00:19:53,482
You don't get to be part
of Turd Burglars now, Kyle.
454
00:19:57,896 --> 00:19:59,620
The Bookcase.
455
00:20:13,344 --> 00:20:15,172
Okay, look, I got sick of people
456
00:20:15,172 --> 00:20:17,724
going to my basement
and screwing with my plumbing.
457
00:20:17,724 --> 00:20:20,551
The spice.
So much of it.
458
00:20:20,551 --> 00:20:24,655
Enough for everyone.
Enough to bring peace to all.
459
00:20:24,655 --> 00:20:27,310
I stopped flushing them
because people kept breaking
460
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:28,689
my pipes to get them.
461
00:20:28,689 --> 00:20:31,482
Never, in my wildest dreams,
did I believe
462
00:20:31,482 --> 00:20:33,689
so much could be obtained.
463
00:20:33,689 --> 00:20:37,103
This is enough for
all the universe.
464
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,689
I mean, you'd all
do the same thing
465
00:20:38,689 --> 00:20:41,172
if people were always trying
to steal your shit.
466
00:20:58,827 --> 00:21:01,931
That's good. Stay still.
Almost there.
467
00:21:01,931 --> 00:21:05,724
Oh, Sheila, I'm so sorry
for stealing your feces.
468
00:21:05,724 --> 00:21:09,068
And we're sorry for stealing
it from you, Harriot.
469
00:21:09,068 --> 00:21:10,758
Girls this was all my fault.
470
00:21:10,758 --> 00:21:12,551
I think I got
a little carried away
471
00:21:12,551 --> 00:21:14,689
bragging about
my fecal transplant.
472
00:21:14,689 --> 00:21:17,551
I hope we can all
be besties again.
473
00:21:17,551 --> 00:21:19,551
You ladies are pretty lucky.
474
00:21:19,551 --> 00:21:22,241
If it hadn't been for these
little turd burglars, here,
475
00:21:22,241 --> 00:21:24,448
you'd be dead...
and also responsible
476
00:21:24,448 --> 00:21:26,551
for the deaths
of countless others.
477
00:21:26,551 --> 00:21:28,034
Kyle, how did you do it?
478
00:21:28,034 --> 00:21:30,758
I mean, how did you even know
what was going on?
479
00:21:30,758 --> 00:21:33,137
I didn't know.
My microbiome did.
480
00:21:33,137 --> 00:21:35,206
All along, they were trying
to tell me something.
481
00:21:35,206 --> 00:21:37,000
I've really learned that
I'm not just me.
482
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,931
I'm also all the creatures
inside of me.
483
00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,827
From now on, I'm gonna trust
my gut a little more.
484
00:21:41,827 --> 00:21:44,413
Well, I think we've all
learned something.
485
00:21:44,413 --> 00:21:48,137
"One for the Ladies" is one
too many for the ladies.
486
00:21:48,187 --> 00:21:52,737
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