Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:11,835
♪ I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time ♪
2
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,844
♪ Friendly faces everywhere ♪
3
00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,676
♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪
4
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,432
♪ Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind ♪
5
00:00:18,602 --> 00:00:20,309
♪ Ample parking day or night ♪
6
00:00:20,479 --> 00:00:22,516
♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!" ♪
7
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,056
♪ Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind ♪
8
00:00:25,234 --> 00:00:28,443
♪ Mrph rmhmhm rm!
Mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪
9
00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:32,447
♪ Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine ♪
10
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,529
♪♪
11
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:36,533
[ Children yelling ]
12
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:42,916
[Clattering]
13
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,621
[ Yelling continues ]
14
00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:45,956
This is an outrage!
15
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,041
This a violation
of our human rights!
16
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,456
Dude, what the hell
is going on?
17
00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:50,840
You didn't hear
the announcement?
18
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:53,001
They just canceled
Columbus Day.
19
00:00:53,178 --> 00:00:54,419
We have to come to school
on Monday!
20
00:00:54,596 --> 00:00:56,053
They what?!
21
00:00:56,223 --> 00:00:58,089
They can't do this!
We made plans!
22
00:00:58,267 --> 00:00:59,883
Some asshole went
and convinced the school board
23
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,017
that Columbus Day is racist
and should be eliminated.
24
00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:03,223
You can't take away
a day off.
25
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:05,013
We're just
innocent children!
26
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:07,807
Dude. What asshole would
take away a holiday?
27
00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:09,601
My name is Peter Galtman.
28
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,691
I am the head of
the school calendar committee.
29
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,275
I have decided the school
30
00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:16,156
will not celebrate
Columbus Day this year.
31
00:01:16,326 --> 00:01:17,567
I realize this is
32
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:18,655
a hot-button issue
for many families,
33
00:01:18,829 --> 00:01:20,491
but one parent in particular
34
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:23,031
has really swayed my opinion
with his passion...
35
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,200
Mr. Randy Marsh.
36
00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:27,369
Mr. Marsh pointed out to me
the hypocrisy
37
00:01:27,546 --> 00:01:29,663
of glorifying
a genocidal murderer.
38
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:32,674
And Mr. Marsh is, right now,
also working
39
00:01:32,843 --> 00:01:37,008
on having the Columbus statue
taken down in Canyon City.
40
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:41,682
Come on, everybody!
41
00:01:41,852 --> 00:01:43,844
Let's take
this fuckin' thing down!
42
00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:46,308
Yeah!! Yeah!
43
00:01:46,481 --> 00:01:47,437
Take it down!
44
00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,817
Columbus was a mass murderer!
45
00:01:50,986 --> 00:01:53,273
[ Chanting ]Tear it down!
Tear it down!
46
00:01:53,447 --> 00:01:54,312
Yeah!
47
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:57,698
[ Grunting ]
48
00:01:57,868 --> 00:02:00,110
Okay, it's not working.
49
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:03,075
[ Grunts ]
We almost got it, guys!
50
00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:04,830
Come on!
Throw the rope, Stan!
51
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,491
Good. That's good!
52
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,159
Okay,
hit the gas, Nelson!
53
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,496
We got it,
everybody!
54
00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:13,005
To hell with you,
Columbus, you...
55
00:02:13,175 --> 00:02:14,507
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
56
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:17,134
[ Crashes ]
57
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:17,964
♪♪
58
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,846
[ Cellphone rings ]
59
00:02:21,016 --> 00:02:22,223
Hey, dude.
60
00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,258
Dude, did you know
it's your dad
61
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,177
who's getting the school
to cancel Columbus Day?
62
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:28,017
Yeah. Dude, I don't know
what's going on.
63
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,556
He's really serious
about this.
64
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,065
Well, you got to
do something.
65
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:32,475
If you get him to back down,
66
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:33,894
maybe the school
will reconsider.
67
00:02:34,071 --> 00:02:35,152
I can't get him
to back down.
68
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,154
Stan, I have to deal
with my mom
69
00:02:37,324 --> 00:02:38,860
doing shit like this
all the time,
70
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,071
but she's never tried
to take away a holiday.
71
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:43,531
I'm your best friend,
but I can't have your back
72
00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:44,695
when the guys
find out about this.
73
00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:45,909
I'll try, okay?
74
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:47,199
[ Door closes ]
I got to go.
75
00:02:47,376 --> 00:02:48,867
Okay, Stan.
you got your phone?
76
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:50,706
We need to call
everyone on this list.
77
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,370
They all live
in the same city.
78
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,789
Dad, listen, you need
to ease off a little here, okay?
79
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:57,083
Stan, it's not right
that people celebrate a man
80
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:58,341
who wiped out
millions of people
81
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,504
for his own glory.
Let's go.
82
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,890
Hello, is this, uh,
Howard Peterson?
83
00:03:04,059 --> 00:03:06,551
You live in Columbus, Ohio.
Is that correct?
84
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,141
Yeah?
You racist piece of shit.
85
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:10,304
You heard me.
86
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:11,689
You're an
intolerant pig.
87
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,520
Oh, you're not?
88
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,481
You just choose to live in a
city named for ethnic cleansing?
89
00:03:15,654 --> 00:03:17,065
No, fuck you.
90
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:18,855
Rename your city, asshole.
91
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,489
Hello?
92
00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,116
Okay, next one.
Come on. Get calling, Stan.
93
00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:23,150
Dad, come on.
94
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,569
We all get your point,
95
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,157
but don't you think
you're overdoing it?
96
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:27,947
You have to overdo
it in today's society, Stan.
97
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,037
You can't be nuanced
and subtle anymore
98
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,167
or else critics go, "Wow,
what was the point of that?"
99
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:34,249
Hi, Francis Melman?
100
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:36,585
Hey! How are you,
you fuckin' racist?
101
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:40,293
Reporter:
Christopher Columbus...
102
00:03:40,470 --> 00:03:41,802
explorer, pioneer.
103
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,089
Is he someone
who should be appreciated?
104
00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:46,508
Or was he
just a douche?
105
00:03:46,685 --> 00:03:48,551
For years. Columbus Circle
has been a landmark
106
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:51,437
and photogenic intersection
in New York City.
107
00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,222
So it came as a surprise
108
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,234
when someone defecated
on the statue earlier today.
109
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,986
I'm joined now by the man
who did the actual defecating,
110
00:03:59,156 --> 00:04:01,569
Mr. Randy Marsh
of South Park, Colorado.
111
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,233
Good evening!
112
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,402
Mr. Marsh, you took a dump
on the beloved statue that
113
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:07,036
has been an icon here
in the city for years.
114
00:04:07,205 --> 00:04:08,412
What was your reasoning?
115
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,164
Well, I just
have a problem
116
00:04:10,333 --> 00:04:12,450
with the racist people
of this city.
117
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:14,368
"Yee-haw!
I'm from New York.
118
00:04:14,546 --> 00:04:16,378
I drive around
a big circle
119
00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:18,631
that celebrates a guy
who murdered Native Americans.
120
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,587
Shoo wee!"
121
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,753
So, you're doing this
because of indigenous peoples
122
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,386
and their feelings?
123
00:04:24,556 --> 00:04:26,092
I don't care
if people get indigenous.
124
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,973
I'll crap all over
their statues.
125
00:04:28,143 --> 00:04:31,136
I'm the one who's indigenous
that this landmark even exists!
126
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:34,602
Uh, uh...
ba-back to you, Tom.
127
00:04:36,234 --> 00:04:39,443
[ Sniffles ]
128
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,479
It ain't right.
129
00:04:41,656 --> 00:04:43,318
They make you
work like a dog
130
00:04:43,492 --> 00:04:45,575
and then just tear away
your one day off in October
131
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,235
like you're
a piece of trash.
132
00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:48,778
Hey, guys.
133
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:51,413
Boo! Boo!
Nobody likes you, Stan.
134
00:04:51,583 --> 00:04:52,790
Look, I tried talking
to him, all right?
135
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,667
He's just really against
all the things Columbus did.
136
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:57,544
Does anybody know
what Columbus actually did?
137
00:04:57,714 --> 00:05:00,798
Yeah. In 1492, Columbus got us
a day off school.
138
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,208
That's what matters.
139
00:05:02,385 --> 00:05:03,876
No. No, wait, guys.
Maybe that's it.
140
00:05:04,054 --> 00:05:05,545
When I'm dealing
with my mom,
141
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,509
sometimes it works to be
on her side for a minute.
142
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,139
Maybe we should find out
all the things
143
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,425
people find offensive
about Columbus and...
144
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:11,592
And then totally act
like we care.
145
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,511
I like it, Kyle.
146
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,020
I'll just look up
"Columbus, offensive, inflammatory..."
147
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,273
Yeah, this is sweet.
148
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,354
It's like that movie where the dude pretended
to be on the monster's side.
149
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:20,894
You know, with the guy and the chick
that had the wife beater on,
150
00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:22,061
but her boobs were sweaty
so you could see them.
151
00:05:22,239 --> 00:05:23,229
Oh, I love
that movie!
152
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:24,317
Yeah, this is
a lot like that.
153
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:25,777
What'd you find, Kyle?
154
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,067
Nothing.
155
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:29,327
Dang it!
There's nothing?
156
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,909
Stan, can I talk to you
for a minute?
157
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,540
What? What?
What the hell was that?
158
00:05:37,045 --> 00:05:37,910
Hey, Dad?
159
00:05:38,088 --> 00:05:39,499
Not now, Stan.
160
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,084
I'm working on a proposal
161
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:43,124
to change British Colombia
to just British.
162
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:45,543
But, Dad, Kyle
found a picture on Instagram.
163
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,382
It pretty much looks like you
164
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,764
dressed as Columbus
at a Halloween party.
165
00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,140
♪♪
166
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:52,550
Where did you get that?
167
00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:53,763
If you hate Columbus
so much,
168
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,178
why'd you
dress up like him?
169
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,347
Look, that was
a long time ago. Okay?
170
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:59,231
Just a dumb
Halloween costume.
171
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:00,733
Yeah, but...
here's you
172
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,359
dressed as Columbus
at a formal dinner,
173
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:03,110
and here's you
dressed as Columbus
174
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,691
at a football game.
175
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,777
And you as Columbus
on St. Patrick's day.
176
00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:10,034
Look, I was younger!
We were all younger.
177
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,990
It was another time.
178
00:06:12,163 --> 00:06:15,327
You have to understand,
it was 2013.
179
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,708
Everyone was stoked
on Columbus back then.
180
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:20,086
Yeah, but, Dad, you seem to be
really stoked on Columbus.
181
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,338
If you guys found
those pictures online,
182
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,090
it's only a matter of time
before everyone else does.
183
00:06:25,260 --> 00:06:27,343
People won't care
about what I do now.
184
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:28,969
They'll just see me
185
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:32,348
as a thoughtless,
indigenous son of a bitch.
186
00:06:37,689 --> 00:06:40,397
Randy, do you mind cleaning out
the garage like I asked?
187
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:41,899
What's the point, Sharon?
188
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:43,775
Soon they're gonna be
coming after me.
189
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:46,688
Ugh.
190
00:06:46,865 --> 00:06:48,572
Announcer: Hey, you!
191
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,404
That's right, you!
192
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:53,160
Wouldn't you like to know
the story of you?
193
00:06:53,330 --> 00:06:55,367
What makes you, you?
194
00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,372
DNAandMe
is a genetic service
195
00:06:57,542 --> 00:06:59,124
that can help you find out
196
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,081
exactly who
your ancestors were.
197
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,790
You might be surprised.
198
00:07:02,964 --> 00:07:05,081
I thought I was just
a standard white guy.
199
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:07,170
But DNAandMe showed
200
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:10,837
that I'm actually
4.2% Cherokee Indian.
201
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:13,051
Turns out
I'm not totally white.
202
00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:16,137
I'm also part Northern Asian,
and even some Kurdish!
203
00:07:16,311 --> 00:07:18,018
I'm a victim of oppression!
204
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,851
I used to get in trouble
for always using the "N" word.
205
00:07:21,024 --> 00:07:25,064
But with DNAandMe, I found out
that I'm 2. 1% black!
206
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:25,851
Morning, Steve.
207
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:27,645
'Sup, nigga.
208
00:07:27,822 --> 00:07:29,233
Announcer:
The test is easy.
209
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:30,773
Simply swab
the inside of your mouth
210
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,487
and send it in
to our labs.
211
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,618
People made fun of me
for being French.
212
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,405
DNAandMe showed
I was 8% Navajo.
213
00:07:37,582 --> 00:07:38,993
Nobody's making fun of me now,
214
00:07:39,167 --> 00:07:40,829
or my people,
who were victims.
215
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,743
I'm 13% victim!
216
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:44,503
I'm 21% victim.
217
00:07:44,673 --> 00:07:46,414
Announcer:
Order now and find out
218
00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:48,753
if your friends should be
more sympathetic towards you.
219
00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:51,795
DNAandMe.
Are you in?
220
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,838
Hell fuckin' yes,
I'm in.
221
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:56,348
[ Indistinct chatter ]
222
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,479
[ Chatter continues ]
223
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:12,903
All right. Everyone's here.
Let's do this.
224
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:14,487
Here you go,
just like I said.
225
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,903
$100 cash.
No questions asked.
226
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,491
Are we good?
227
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,032
Good.
No talking. Perfect.
228
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,792
Okay.
Let's get this over with.
229
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:35,887
Thank you.
230
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:38,424
Do not talk of this
to anyone.
231
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:43,679
All right, everybody!
Hey, thanks for coming.
232
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:45,143
If, uh, I can have
your attention, please,
233
00:08:45,316 --> 00:08:47,057
I think we're ready
to get started.
234
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:48,567
Uh, Mr. Marsh, you know
235
00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:50,023
none of this
was really necessary.
236
00:08:50,196 --> 00:08:51,687
For DNAandMe testing,
237
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,447
you can just swab the inside
of your mouth yourself
238
00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,232
and send it in the mail.
239
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,322
Yeah, I know, but I just...
I was really excited about it,
240
00:08:57,495 --> 00:08:59,532
wanted everyone
to witness my test.
241
00:08:59,706 --> 00:09:00,867
Well, to each their own,
I suppose.
242
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,452
All right.
Open wide.
243
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:06,494
Ahh...
244
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,082
Okay. I'll get this
back to the lab
245
00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,747
and get the results to you
as soon as possible.
246
00:09:09,924 --> 00:09:12,382
Okay, great.
I'm very interested to see
247
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,716
what those results
have to say.
248
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:20,350
[ Telephone rings ]
249
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,100
Galtman residence.
250
00:09:22,270 --> 00:09:23,932
[Distorted]
Listen to me carefully.
251
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:26,062
The man who convinced you
to cancel Columbus Day
252
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,439
is a fraud.
253
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:28,975
Who is this?
254
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,939
You will go online
and search Instagram
255
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:33,069
for images of Randy Marsh.
256
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:34,650
I most certainly
will not.
257
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:37,111
Randy Marsh is
a hypocrite and a fake.
258
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:40,198
You will be taken down with him
when he is exposed.
259
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:41,111
What's he saying?
260
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:42,655
Shh!
Mprphph mhprphm!
261
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,164
We know where you live,
262
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,166
and we know how
to make you suffer.
263
00:09:46,336 --> 00:09:48,328
Now you listen here,
Mr. Man.
264
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:49,666
The Galtmans
do not believe
265
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,501
in social media
or the Internet.
266
00:09:51,674 --> 00:09:54,166
It's all fake news.
Fake news.
267
00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,256
Then speak
with Marsh yourself.
268
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:59,547
The truth is out there.
269
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:00,885
Mrph. Rm rmhmhm
rm mrph rmhmhm.
270
00:10:01,059 --> 00:10:03,301
Hmmm. Sounds like
maybe the Galtmans
271
00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,060
need to check out
Randy Marsh.
272
00:10:05,230 --> 00:10:06,812
♪♪
273
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:12,898
♪♪
274
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:15,154
Shelley,
we've got an emergency!
275
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,235
We're getting rid of all the
Columbus stuff in this house!
276
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,070
Any Columbus costumes,
Columbus pictures...
277
00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:20,485
They all got to go!
278
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,654
I don't give a shit
about Columbus.
279
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,039
Sharon,
Peter Galtman called.
280
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,415
He sounds suspicious.
We got to get rid
281
00:10:26,584 --> 00:10:27,665
of all our Columbus shot glasses
and coffee cups.
282
00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:29,452
Where are they?
283
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,461
Your Columbus shot glasses
and coffee cups
284
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:33,088
are in that cupboard.
285
00:10:33,258 --> 00:10:36,251
Shot glasses, coffee cups,
towels, plates...
286
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,669
What about the Columbus figurine
salt and pepper shakers?
287
00:10:38,847 --> 00:10:41,089
I don't know where
you put them, Randy.
288
00:10:41,266 --> 00:10:42,677
Sharon, do you know
what they'll do to us
289
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,888
when they find out how stoked
we were on Columbus?
290
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:47,519
You were stoked on Columbus,
Randy. Not me.
291
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:48,645
Oh, really?!
292
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:50,431
Did you forget
our wedding?!
293
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:52,190
That's you right there,
294
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:53,851
standing there
with a big smile on your face.
295
00:10:54,028 --> 00:10:55,519
You didn't say
anything about it
296
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:56,938
being insensitive then,
did you?
297
00:10:57,115 --> 00:10:58,572
I actually was
a little upset
298
00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:00,073
that you dressed up as Columbus
for our wedding,
299
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:02,030
- but I decided...
- Oh, now!
300
00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:04,695
You say that now, 'cause
everyone's freaking out.
301
00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:07,081
But you were right there,
going along with it!
302
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:10,334
They're gonna be coming
after you, too, Sharon!
303
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,495
So you can just wipe that
indigenous look off your face.
304
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:13,879
[ Doorbell rings ]
305
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:16,165
Oh! That could be
my DNA results!
306
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,459
Here, take this stuff
out back!
307
00:11:26,477 --> 00:11:28,935
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no.
308
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:32,894
I've never felt so alive
until now.
309
00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:35,980
Thank you.
Lo-Lovely flowers. Thank you.
310
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:38,646
[ Telephone rings ]
311
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:40,564
Galtman residence.
312
00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,574
[Distorted] Listen carefully
if you want to live.
313
00:11:42,744 --> 00:11:45,532
You will make this Monday
a school holiday.
314
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,698
I spoke with Mr. Marsh,
and he denied any wrong doing.
315
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:49,865
Of course he did!
316
00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:51,579
That's what liars do!
317
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,335
I don't think you're being
intimidating enough.
318
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:56,167
Yeah, get meaner, Kenny.
Meaner like how, dude?
319
00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:57,707
CARTMAN: [Distorted]
I don't know, like... like maybe say...
320
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,091
Like talk about cutting off
his dick or something.
321
00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:00,922
We're gonna
cut off your dick!
322
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:02,836
Kyle: [Distorted] No, dude.
That's too far.
323
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,505
Okay, okay, just say we're gonna cut off
part of his dick.
324
00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:05,763
Just give me
the phone.
325
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:07,220
- Hello?
- What?
326
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,385
Randy Marsh is about to pay
for what he's done.
327
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:10,894
Protect him
and you will pay, too.
328
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,351
Time is running out.
329
00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:14,514
[ Normal voice ] Jesus!
330
00:12:15,818 --> 00:12:18,811
Sharon, have you seen
my Columbus staff and orb?
331
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,604
I have not.
332
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,273
Sharon, Galtman
called again.
333
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:24,237
Somebody is out there trying to
get me in trouble.
334
00:12:24,410 --> 00:12:26,652
Randy, why don't you just
admit to people
335
00:12:26,829 --> 00:12:28,991
that maybe you were
somewhat overly excited
336
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:31,578
about Columbus in the past.
337
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:33,959
Everyone was excited
about Columbus!
338
00:12:34,128 --> 00:12:36,245
For some reason, people are just
pointing fingers at me.
339
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,209
Just because he's suddenly
not cool now
340
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:40,966
doesn't mean I'm gonna be
the F'ing scapegoat!
341
00:12:42,553 --> 00:12:45,967
I got to burn
this stuff.
342
00:12:46,140 --> 00:12:47,972
Oh, God damn it.
343
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:52,227
I wrote you a song
to express my feelings for you.
344
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:53,478
Will you
get out of here?!
345
00:12:53,648 --> 00:12:58,564
[ Vocalizing ]
346
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:02,025
♪ And then he kissed me ♪
347
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:03,530
I didn't kiss you
'cause I like you.
348
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:07,444
[ Vocalizing ]
349
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,613
♪ And then he kissed me ♪
350
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,156
Okay, okay.
351
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,199
[ Vocalizing ]
352
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:17,370
♪ And the sun
began to shine ♪
353
00:13:17,547 --> 00:13:19,664
That's it.
Get off my property!
354
00:13:19,841 --> 00:13:21,707
Randy,
I cannot quit you.
355
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:24,376
Get off my land,
you piece of shit!
356
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,013
Don't post that.
357
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:38,356
Do not... post that.
358
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:40,017
Shit!
359
00:13:43,906 --> 00:13:44,817
Guys, what are
you doing?
360
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,402
It's over, Eric.
361
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,067
We have to come to school
on Monday.
362
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,610
Just face it.
363
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:51,403
I'm not facing anything.
We still have time.
364
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:52,662
There has to be
a way we can...
365
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,448
Dude, there's nothing
we can do, all right?
366
00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:57,242
Oh, okay. I see.
367
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,503
Is that what Columbus did?
Just give up?
368
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:02,585
On his dream?
No.
369
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,342
Columbus believed that kids
should have a day off school.
370
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:07,753
And even when his own country
wouldn't support his cause,
371
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,138
Columbus said, "Fine.
I'll go find a new land
372
00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:11,799
where kids
can have that day off."
373
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,308
Eric, just let it go.
374
00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:15,640
And when Columbus
sailed to distant places
375
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,270
only to find people
already there
376
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,102
who said, "No!
Stay off our land!
377
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,187
We want our kids
to have to go to school!"
378
00:14:21,361 --> 00:14:23,318
He said, "No!
It's just one day in October.
379
00:14:23,488 --> 00:14:24,979
They need a break!"
380
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,694
You guys can all give up,
but I'm not.
381
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:32,783
Because in 1492, Columbus
got us all a day off school.
382
00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:35,163
With just three ships,
he sailed over
383
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:38,246
so we could have
some 'me time' in October.
384
00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:39,955
And, yes,
millions were slaughtered
385
00:14:40,129 --> 00:14:41,415
and throats were cut.
386
00:14:41,589 --> 00:14:43,672
But if we don't get
that day off school,
387
00:14:43,841 --> 00:14:47,630
then for what?
388
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,215
Come on, guys.
389
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,425
There's something else
we can try.
390
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:55,927
[ Urinating ]
391
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,811
- Sharon, good news!
- What?!
392
00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,562
The people from the DNA test
called!
393
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:00,973
They're on their way over.
You want to come down?
394
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:02,607
I'm doing something.
395
00:15:02,777 --> 00:15:03,733
You sure?
396
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,690
These results could
be really interesting.
397
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,490
Oh, God damn it!
What the hell do you want?
398
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:12,572
I want you to stop
running from yourself.
399
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,327
We could be so happy.
400
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:15,362
[ Doorbell rings ]
401
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,247
Crap, it's them!
402
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,124
Just a second! Be right there!
Thanks!
403
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,000
Get over here!
404
00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:23,207
I don't have any feelings
for you. Do you understand?
405
00:15:23,381 --> 00:15:25,498
But, Randy,
what about the...
406
00:15:25,675 --> 00:15:28,167
No! No buts!
There's nothing here.
407
00:15:28,344 --> 00:15:31,462
I'm not in love with you,
got it?!
408
00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:32,925
Yes.
409
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,931
Yes, I understand.
410
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,434
Good. Now leave.
411
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,932
Hi. Sorry.
You guys have my results?
412
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,850
Well, Mr. Marsh,
we came because
413
00:15:45,027 --> 00:15:47,861
there was an irregularity
with your test.
414
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,646
What, you found something there
you didn't expect to find?
415
00:15:49,824 --> 00:15:51,031
What is it?
416
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,611
Well, it's just
a little too odd.
417
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,242
We need to do
the test again.
418
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:55,778
Do it again?
That's not fair.
419
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,162
Mr. Marsh, please,
420
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:58,538
if we could just have
one more sample.
421
00:15:58,708 --> 00:15:59,949
We want to be
absolutely sure
422
00:16:00,126 --> 00:16:00,991
of what we found.
423
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:02,831
Uh... okay,
no problem.
424
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:06,247
Give me... Give me
one sec. I'll be right back.
425
00:16:06,424 --> 00:16:09,007
Wait! Wait!
426
00:16:17,393 --> 00:16:19,259
Okay. Okay.
All set. Let's do this.
427
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:21,019
Ahh!
428
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:23,681
Mr. Marsh, we were hoping
to do a more precise test.
429
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,440
It's better
for harder cases like this,
430
00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:29,274
but it is an anal swab
this time.
431
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:31,109
An anal swab?
432
00:16:31,282 --> 00:16:34,571
Give me..
tw... three minutes.
433
00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,451
[ Whispering ]
Hey, where'd you go?
434
00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:37,737
Mr. Marsh, we're in
a bit of a hurry
435
00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,155
if you don't mind.
436
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:41,995
[ Normal voice ] Oh.
Oh, shit.
437
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:50,709
♪♪
438
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:54,128
All right, it's clear.
Bring him in.
439
00:16:54,305 --> 00:16:55,512
Move your ass,
Galtman!
440
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:57,013
This is a violation
of my rights.
441
00:16:57,183 --> 00:16:58,549
Just shut up
and watch
442
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:00,137
what someone posted
on their Instagram!
443
00:17:00,311 --> 00:17:02,143
I most certainly
will not!
444
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,475
If you want me to look at
the internet, I will die first.
445
00:17:04,649 --> 00:17:05,639
It's fake news.
446
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,317
That's why we had it
transferred to vhs.
447
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:10,352
Oh.
Vhs is fine.
448
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,066
Take off
his blindfold.
449
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:16,567
Get off my land,
you piece of shit!
450
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:20,116
Don't post that.
451
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:21,530
Hmm.
452
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,634
Oh, Mr. Marsh.
453
00:17:38,808 --> 00:17:41,972
Oh, hey!
How are you?
454
00:17:42,144 --> 00:17:44,807
Good.
What are you up to?
455
00:17:44,981 --> 00:17:47,689
Chillin', chillin'.
456
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:51,022
Well, uh, we did get your DNA
results back this morning.
457
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,436
Would you like to go over them?
458
00:17:52,613 --> 00:17:54,320
Oh, you did?
Oh, great.
459
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:56,527
Sure.
Why not? I'm here.
460
00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,408
Let's, uh...
Let's do that.
461
00:17:58,578 --> 00:17:59,864
Man: All right, Mr. Marsh,
462
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,619
here's your
DNAandMe portfolio.
463
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:03,872
This shows
that we actually found
464
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:06,499
a mix of a few things
in your regional ancestry.
465
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,956
Really? Like Native American?!
Like... Like a little bit?!
466
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,837
No, we didn't find any trace
467
00:18:11,007 --> 00:18:12,999
of any Native American DNA
in your test...
468
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:15,041
Nuts.
469
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,835
But as you can see here,
we found
470
00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:19,050
that you're about
43% Northern European,
471
00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:20,839
37% Mediterranean,
472
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:23,304
and 18% Southwest Asian.
473
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:26,060
In fact, your genetic profile
most closely matches...
474
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,222
your standard
Caucasian British person.
475
00:18:28,399 --> 00:18:29,685
[ Sighs ]
476
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:31,395
And you might
be interested to know
477
00:18:31,569 --> 00:18:34,607
that you are actually
2.8 % Neanderthal,
478
00:18:34,780 --> 00:18:35,770
which is fairly high.
479
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:36,984
Neanderthal?
480
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:38,490
What the hell is that about?
481
00:18:38,659 --> 00:18:40,446
Well, the Neanderthals
were actually a species
482
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,077
that was wiped out
by homo sapiens.
483
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,954
Wiped out...
all of my people?
484
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,911
Yes, but you see,
because of some cross breeding,
485
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:49,041
some people like you
still possess
486
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,042
Neanderthal DNA.
487
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:51,293
Isn't that interesting?
488
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:54,081
Cross breeding?
You mean rape.
489
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:56,545
You're telling me
that my ancestors
490
00:18:56,719 --> 00:18:59,132
were raped
and then eradicated by you...
491
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,718
you maniacs?!
492
00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,848
The Earth wasn't big enough
for Neanderthals,
493
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:06,510
So your ancestors
just got rid of them, huh?!
494
00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:09,771
Well, to hell with all of you!
495
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:22,493
Well, well.
Mr. Marsh.
496
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:23,994
I'd like to have a word, please.
497
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:29,328
You find this funny,
Galtman?!
498
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:30,959
What'd I do?
499
00:19:31,128 --> 00:19:32,460
Nobody had the guts
500
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:34,462
to tell me what happened
to my people, huh?
501
00:19:34,632 --> 00:19:36,294
Get the hell out of here!
502
00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:39,505
I brought my parents over
so you could meet them.
503
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,296
Oh, God!
504
00:19:42,473 --> 00:19:43,680
Don't worry.
505
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,967
My parents are very okay
and cool with us.
506
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:48,726
Who the hell is that?
507
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,263
Yeah, sure, everyone gang up
on the Neanderthal!
508
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,521
Isn't it funny?!
509
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,355
Randy, you must face
who you are.
510
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,736
Stop pretending, Randy.
511
00:19:57,905 --> 00:20:02,115
For once, just allow
yourself to feel.
512
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:04,617
[ Sighs ]
513
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:08,246
You're right.
You're right.
514
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:12,126
It's only now, when everyone's
being so indigenous to me,
515
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:16,004
That I realize how indigenous
I've been acting all along.
516
00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:19,337
I thought being a victim
would solve all my problems.
517
00:20:19,510 --> 00:20:21,968
But being a victim
has a downside, too.
518
00:20:22,138 --> 00:20:24,926
Mr. Galtman,
I haven't been honest.
519
00:20:25,099 --> 00:20:29,218
It's time for us all
to be honest.
520
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:32,559
What is a holiday?
521
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:35,816
It's a day off work, yes,
a day off school.
522
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:39,774
But holidays are also meant
to be a time to reflect.
523
00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:42,530
Today, I'm happy to announce
524
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,316
that the school calendar
committee
525
00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:46,325
is reinstating the day off.
526
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,202
[ Cheers and applause ]
527
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:50,989
But instead
of glorifying anyone,
528
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,954
let us make it a holiday
529
00:20:53,127 --> 00:20:56,086
about the negative feelings
that we all sometimes feel,
530
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:59,168
say what we're really thinking
so we can move on.
531
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:01,298
And so, the second Monday
of October
532
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,210
will still be a holiday.
533
00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:04,923
But instead of Columbus Day,
534
00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:06,554
it will be
for ripping on each other
535
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:08,181
and tearing each other down,
536
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:11,058
and we will call it
Indigenous Peoples Day.
537
00:21:11,228 --> 00:21:14,062
For, perhaps, if we all do it
at the same time,
538
00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:17,019
we won't be so indigenous
the rest of the year.
539
00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:19,856
And since this is the second
Monday of October,
540
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:22,237
let's all embrace
the new meaning of the holiday
541
00:21:22,406 --> 00:21:23,522
starting right now.
542
00:21:23,699 --> 00:21:25,065
Do you even know
543
00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,824
what indigenous means,
you frickin' idiot?
544
00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,485
That's the spirit, Dave!
Come on!
545
00:21:28,662 --> 00:21:30,619
Everybody, let's just all
be totally indigenous!
546
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:31,280
Come on!
547
00:21:31,457 --> 00:21:34,040
Who the hell let this guy
talk to the school counsel?
548
00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:35,872
Good one, Kurt.
Your wife's a whore.
549
00:21:36,045 --> 00:21:37,286
Come on, everyone!
550
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,045
Indigenous Peoples Day!
Let's go for it!
551
00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:41,047
Woman: Shut up,
and get off the podium!
552
00:21:41,217 --> 00:21:43,254
Okay.
I will in a second, fatso.
553
00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:44,634
All right.
Who else?
554
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,295
Come on!
Get it out of your system!
555
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:48,088
Happy Indigenous Peoples Day,
everyone.
556
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:49,096
Suck my asshole.
557
00:21:49,146 --> 00:21:53,696
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40756
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
