All language subtitles for South Park s17e10 The Hobbit.eng

Yeah, yeah, do we rock,
yeah, yeah, take it to the top.

Yeah, yeah, are we gonna stop,
no way, no way.

Cheer squad roar call!

Heidi! Nicole! Bebe.

Lala. Fred. Annie.

Lisa Burger.

- Oh, God.
- Here we go.

Could we maybe try one
without Lisa Berger?

You guys, stop it.

Okay, Lisa, that's great but you
need to have more confidence, okay?

- But I'm the fat one.
- What?

Every cheerleading squad has
the fat ugly cheerleader and that's me.

See, that's the problem, Lisa.
You have a bad self image.

Just project all your sassiness
to all the boys out there, okay?

There's only one boy
that Lisa cares about.

- Yeah, Lisa has a crush on Butters.
- Shut up.

But Lisa, that's great! Have you
told Butters that you like him?

No way. I'd just get made fun of.

Lisa, this is exactly what you need.
Take Butters to see a movie or something.

It'll do wonders
for your confidence.

So then the family with the mustache
saw the cupcakes

then lady takes out a gun
and puts it in his face and she says...

Excuse me,
Butters.

Oh, yes?

Uh, well, I was just wondering if maybe
you'd like to go to a movie this weekend.

Oh, like a date?
No thanks, Lisa.

I really appreciate the offer
but you're too fat for me.

Okay. Thanks.

See you, Lisa!

Ha-ha, Butters got asked out
by a fat girl.

At least she didn't try
to sit on him.

You guys, come on.
That's not cute.

You shouldn't rip on her
because she's fat.

You should rip on her
because she's ugly, okay?

She looks like someone hit her
in the face with a hot shovel

and that's why she
sucks, alright?

Camptown ladies sing this song,
Doo-dah, Doo-dah...

Camptown race-track five miles long,
Oh, doo-dah day

- What the BEEP is your problem?
- Oh, hey, Wendy.

Are you just an asshole?
Is that it?

- Am I just an asshole?
- Yeah!

Well, no, I've got arms and legs,
I've got everything.

Lisa Burger asked you out
and you called her "fat"?!

Do you have any idea
how you made her feel?

She's a really nice girl!

I think she's a nice girl too.
She's just too big for me.

She's a little overweight, but that's
pretty normal for a girl in fourth grade.

Well Kim Kardashian is skinnee
and she just had a baby.

What?!

I'm sorry, Wendy, but I have a different
standard when it comes to my women.

I want a woman who takes care of herself
and knows how to look good,

who's got perfect skin and no splotches
on her leg, and perfect everything.

This is a fantasy, you moron!
You ever heard of Photoshop?

Kim Kardashian is a short overweight
woman who manipulates her image

and makes average girls
feel horrible about hemselves.

- You're a liar!
- Look it up, stupid!

In real life, Kim Kardashian
has the body of a hobbit.

You're gonna be
in real trouble

when the teachers find out what
you said to that poor girl.

Uh, take a seat, Wendy.

I guess some mean things were said
and I need to get to the bottom of it.

Oh, good, Lisa Burger told on you?
Good.

Uh, no, Wendy, apparently you called
Butters' girlfriend a hobbit.

Are you serious?

You did! You said Kim is short, fat,
with big hairy feet and she's a hobbit.

That's not his girlfriend.
It's Kim Kardashian!

But, Wendy, Kim Kardashian is considered
to be extremely beautiful. Okay?

Right. But she's not in real life.
She's a hobbit.

Wow, she said it again!

Now, Wendy, Kim might be
full figured,

but a woman's outward appearance
isn't all that matters, okay?

Have you stopped to consider
that maybe, just maybe...

You're jel?

I'm not jel.

And I happen to be the biggest
feminist at this school.

That may be true, but there's
a very fine line, Wendy,

between being a feminist
and being a hater, emkay?

And you're gonna have to find that line
because nobody likes a girl who's jelly.

Okay, kids, there's been
some hurtful and hateful things

being said around
this school.

And so, we're gonna hear
from a guest speaker,

here to explain why Kim Kardashian
is not a hobbit.

Please welcome Aquaman.

- Uh-huh. Uh-huh, that's right.
- Uh-oh.

Okay, first of all, I'm not Aquaman.
I'm a recovering gay fish.

Yes, I have met Aquaman, I have hung out
with Aquaman,

but the only thing I have in common with
Aquaman any more is my love for the sea.

Now, there've been malicious rumors
started at this elementary school

that my beautiful
fiancée is a hobbit.

That is not funny.
And it's not true, all right?

Yes, Kim is heavier than most
of her pictures show her to be.

Yes, she gets her hair
lasered off her body.

Yes, she has a friend named Gandalf
who happens to be a wizard.

I'm sorry,
excuse me a minute.

Bitch, how you not the hobbit again?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
Right, right, right, yeah, okay.

Yup, okay. Let me.. Okay.
Yep, I got it. Okay. Love you too.

Okay. If my fiancée Kim
is a hobbit,

then how come... then, okay,
if she's a hobbit

then how come she don't live
in a hole in the ground?

Boom! All y'all just got lit up, cop!
She don't live in no hole in no ground,

she is lives in a big-ass mansion
with me,

in her room that is slightly below ground.

So, you can...

She-she is sexy and womanly
and she smokes a pipe,

she can blow them rings
over her head and...

Hold up.

Bitch, you not a hobbit, right?

No, I know, you just you smoke that long
pipe sometimes when you sit by the fire.

Oh, it's a... Oh, okay. Gottit, gottit.
What do you call it? Yup.

Yep. Got it. Okay.
Yep. Love you too.

That is not a hobbit pipe,
for your information.

It is a personal
oral humidifier,

to keep all the wrinkles around
her mouth from showing.

So ha ha, all you haters, ha!

- Butters, Butters, come here for a sec.
- Oh, no, you don't, Wendy.

You're not trapping me inside
the computer lab to beat me up.

Butters, would you please let me show you
something so we can put this behind us.

Alright, but if you try
to punch me, I'll scream.

I want you to see just how easy this is,
so we can better understand each other.

This is Lisa Burger's
class photo, right?

Okay...?

Now, first thing we do is just
photoshop the bulges on the sides,

we select the eyes, make them a nicer
shape, take off any blemishes on her skin,

lengthen the neck, add more to the hair,
select the lips, make 'em fuller,

take out any puffiness on her skin,
here, add fullness to the breast,

length to the torso, take away
that fold of skin,

streamline the shoulders, put
highlights in the eyes and... there.

- That's Lisa Burger?!
- Do you see what I'm talking about?

- She's pretty!
- That's how people like Kim Kardashian

destroy the self image
of little girls everywhere.

Hold up, are you saying
that girl wants to go out with me?

- What? What do you mean?
- And I said no?!

Oh, man, I got to upload this
and then go buy her some flowers,

- ...and then go tell her I love her.
- Butters!

Lisa? Lisa Burger?
Anybody seen Lisa Burger?

Oh, hi, Eric, have you seen
Lisa Burger anywhere?

I saw the picture of her
you put on the Internet.

I know. I'm gonna
tell her I love her,

and we're gonna be together
and be happy forever.

Uh, Butters, I don't know
how to tell you this, but...

- Lisa Burger's going out with Clyde.
- What?! Since when?

Dude, since like noon or 12:30 today.

Hey, Token. Token,
check out my girlfriend.

- Wow, she's hot.
- Yeah, we just started dating seriously.

You want to be
my new girlfriend, Tweek?

- Oh, man, you're a lucky guy.
- Yeah, I know.

Hey, Clyde,
nice score, dude.

- Yeah!
- Ha, thanks, guys.

Hey, Stan, did you see Clyde's
going out with Lisa Bu-Burger.

Yeah, dude. She looks amazing.
Clyde sent me her pics.

- She got really hot all of a sudden.
- Yeah, I wouldn't mind tapping that ass.

Excuse me.

Oh, hey, Wendy.
Clyde sent me these, don't be jel.

Why would I be jel?

Well, you got to admit.
Lisa Burger's pretty hot, Wendy.

She's not hot.
That's supposed to be the point.

- She looks pretty hot here.
- Lisa Burger is not hot!

She's fat and ugly.

- That's not very nice, Wendy.
- What's your problem, Wendy?

- I'm sorry. It's nothing personal, Lisa.
- You're just a hater.

Why don't you mind your own business
instead is of being jelly.

I am not jelly! I made
that picture of you to prove a point.

- And it's being taken the wrong way!
- It's okay, babe.

Girls that don't have what you
have will always put you down.

Thanks, babe.

Now, Wendy, I've tried
to be patient with you,

because you've always
been a good student, mkey?

But calling a little girl fat
and ugly is never mkay.

Mr. Mackey, I was trying
to show kids that...

No, no excuses. You have a problem
being jelly, Wendy. Mkey?

Just maybe I should have you
sent off to Jelly School.

Jelly School...?

That's right. In fact, I'm gonna call
the Jelly School right now, mkay?

I'm sorry about this, but
it's gone too far. I've had it.

Hello, is this the Jelly School?

Mkay, I have a girl here
who's extremely jelly.

I was wondering if you can
take her in for a few weeks.

Mkay, you're full? Mkay, I guess
she dodged the bullet this time

but she better watch
her jelly behavior

Mr. Mackey, I appreciate the point
you're trying to make.

Y-you do...?

Okay, well I'm not actually on the phone
with the Jelly School, Wendy, mkay?

Yes. I'm... I'm a few steps
ahead of that, yes.

Mkay, well, Wendy, I'm just tryin' to...
...Bye, Jelly School.

Uh, Wendy, I'm just trying
to make you understand

how serious it is when
you lash out at other girls,

Thank you, Mr. Mackey.
Yeah, I will... change.

M... kay.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor
to give the Person of the Year award

to this year's winner,
Pope Francis.

Gracias... Gracias...

- All of my children...
- Alright, hold up.

Hold up. I'm sorry, Pope,
but hold up.

I just gotta say this.

If my fiancée is a hobbit,
then, um...

Then what, bitch?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay,
if she was... if she is a hobbit,

then how come she don't
turn blue when goblins are near?

Oh, you didn't think of that!
Oh, I guess she's not a hobbit, then!

She must be
a beautiful sexy woman!

The hobbit doesn't turn blue
around goblins, just his sword does.

Man, get the BEEP out of here, you hobbit
trivia bitch. Who the BEEP asked you?

Nobody is talking any more
shit about my woman all right?

She is gorgeous.

If she was here you could all see
for yourself how beautiful she is,

but she can't be here, because
she has a movie coming out on Friday,

directed by Peter Jackson,
called "The Hobbit".

Hold up.

Bitch, that movie you got
coming out is called "The Hobbit"...?

Yeah, but it... It's what?
Oh, yeah, yup, yup.

I got it. Yup. Let me tell them.
Love you too.

Kim is not even in that movie.

That movie is just loosely
based on her television show,

"Keeping up with the Kardashians",

which is a show about short loud little
people living in a fantasy world. Hold up.

Bitch, if you the hobbit, you
need to let me know right now,

'cause I'm making a fool
of myself out here.

Yeah, yeah, do we rock,
yeah, yeah, take it to the top.

Yeah, yeah, are we gonna stop,
no way, no way.

Cheer squad roar call!

Heidi. Nicole.

Bebe. Lala. Fred. Annie.

Lisa Burger.

And I'm your captain,
Wendy.

Look, Wendy we're all
very happy for Lisa, okay?

Nobody here is jelly but the boys don't
even notice the rest of us any more.

All we're asking is you do for us
what you did for Lisa,

and help with our
imperfections.

- I won't do you, guys. I'm sorry.
- Why, don't you care about us?

Because it's wrong.

If you guys are unhappy with the way
you look, then that's your problem.

Hey, girls.

Don't be sad. If you want
to look really hot, like me,

you just got to be willing to sweat.
Get down to the gym and work.

All right, girls we're gonna trim
that fat and tone those bodies.

Let's do this.
You first.

Get right up there.

All right, now
look here.

Come on, burn it off. You got this.

Look at those thighs...
Come on, you gotta push harder!

You better work out, whore!

Whoa... She looks sweet.

Whoa, look at Bebe.
I had no idea Bebe was that hot.

Yeah, but did you see
Token's girlfriend?

Um, my bitch is still
the hottest, you guys.

No way, go back to Annie Nelson.
She's built like a slim-Jim.

Yeah, clearly Annie Nelson is the hottest
girl at our school. Look at those eyes!

Did you not see Erica Smith's boobs, Cal?
They're like perfect water balloons.

I do love water balloons.

- Hey, Wendy, can I ask you a big favor?
- What?

A lot of the pictures I have of you
are kinda outdated and I...

You know, I wanna be able
to show everyone how pretty you are.

So you want me to
photoshop-picture me

to take away any
imperfections, is that it?

- How dare you, Stan?
- Wendy, why is it such a big deal?

Because people should be
okay with the way they look!

I have pimples on my forehead.
My bottom teeth are crooked. So what?!

- You have short legs.
- I do?

Yeah, and Jason has freckles,
and Billy Turner has narrow shoulders.

The chearleaders? Bebe has acne,
Lala's arms are too short,

Nicole's eyes are puffy,
Annie has thin hair,

and Heidi Turner's butt
is flat!

- Oh, God dammit.
- You... hater!

Wendy, in my office,
right now, mkay?

One thing I know,
My girl ain't no hobbit.

She might be stumpy,
that don't mean she a hobbit...

She's not a hobbit,
because she couldn't be.

She's got no Bagginses
in her family tree.

On occasion she hangs out
with dwarf friends.

But she never went on a quest
with her dwarf friend.

Except for one time,
she went to kill that dragon

She took his skull and...

Hang on a minute, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Bitch, remember when you out
to kill that dragon with them dwarves...?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Right, right, right. Yup, I got it.
Yup. Love you too.

It wasn't no dragon,
so my girl ain't no hobbit,

That was at Quiznos
and my bitch went to rob it,

'Cause they got the hap
that she rubs on her cellulite,

While she drinkin' her grog
and singin' those merry songs...

At night...

My girl ain't no hobbit. Please, God,
tell me I ain't engaged to no hobbit

Who are you yelling for?
South Park.

Let's go, cows. Who are you
yelling for? South Park.

Let's go, cows.

Heidi! Nicole! Bebe.

Lala. Fred. Annie.

Lisa Burger.

Wendy.

- Oh, she sucks!
- Oh, God...!

- Can we try this without Wendy?
- I agree.

Hey, come on, you guys.
She just needs more confidence.

It's okay, Wendy.

Who cares if no one likes you.
Maybe you should go out with Butters.

Let's just get back
to cheering, okay?

I don't think so.
We don't wanna cheer with a hater!

Yeah, you have a bad
self image, Wendy.

You need to get down to the gym
and get a better one.

Yeah, that's right!

See, the problem with having
fake pictures of yourself,

is that you start to believe
in your own bullshit!

This has gone way too far,
and if society won't fix it, I will!

What are you
gonna do?

Something that should have
been done a long time ago.

It's the morning News with
Tom and Tammy Thompson.

A little girl is making big waves
with her fight against Photoshop.

Nine-year-old Wendy Testaburger
started a campaign

and tomorrow will speak before the State
Senate to ban the use of Photoshop images,

saying they're harmful
to young girls.

Young lady, what
is your message?

Watching what Photoshop
is doing to society...

Little girls are aspiring to have
bodies they can't possibly have!

We have to put a stop to it.

And you're not
just being a hater.

No...

'Cause sometimes girls
who aren't well liked,

you know, lash out
at pretty and popular girls.

Are you well liked
at your school?

Not lately, no.

Uh-huh. But you're not
being jelly.

No, that has nothing to do with me wanting
to protest against Photoshop images.

OK, because I do understand that
the Jelly School in Aurora

is ready to take you in,
is that right, Rick?

Tom, I'm standing in front
of the Jelly School

where officials claim they do
have room for this little hater girl.

We're being told,
if she doesn't stop...

That's not a Jelly School.
That's a Dunkin' Donuts.

Well, okay, but you
are a hater.

That's fine! People can call me whatever
names they want to. I don't care!

There's a cancer in our country
and I'm not going to rest

until Photoshop images are required to
be labeled for what they are - fake.

And nothing in his world
is going to stop me.

Ah! What do you want?

Once upon a time there was a
little hobbit that lived in the forest.

And all the hobbit ever
wanted was to be beautiful.

And even though she was
short and fat and hairy,

this little hobbit dreams that one day
she could be pretty like Beyonce.

And then one day, along came
a magic powder called Photoshop.

And just like that, poof!
The little hobbit was beautiful.

And even though she still couldn't
sing like Beyonce or dance like Beyonce,

or act like Beyonce or be
a decent human being like Beyonce,

the little hobbit was looked up to
and loved...

Just like Beyonce!

Soon she had money
and adoration,

and a hip-hop fiancé who loved her
very much. I'm sorry. Hold up.

Hold up, I'm sorry.

Everything was good
for the hobbit,

but then this mean little girl
called the jelly monster.

She was so jelly of the hobbit
that she told everyone she was a liar...

And the hobbit's fiancé realized she was
just a hobbit and you know what he said?

He said I don't care!

And then the jelly
monster came

and tried to take the powder
away from the little hobbit.

So the hobbit prayed to God...

And God said, "Don't worry, little hobbit."

"I will go find
this jelly monster girl"

"and I will read her a story
and melt her icy heart."

And the hobbit said,
"Thank you",

and the hobbit and God lived happily
ever after because I love her so much.

I'm sorry. Hold up. Hold up.

- Hold up. I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry that I've been jelly.
- It's okay. Hold up.

No, I've been a hater
and I really am sorry.

It's okay. I've been jelly before too.
I'm sorry.

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