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1
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Soon, we will be fighting
the greatest battle
2
00:00:10,705 --> 00:00:12,102
of our young, hot lives...
3
00:00:12,128 --> 00:00:13,192
Black Friday.
4
00:00:13,220 --> 00:00:15,663
Everyone who wants to
get PS4s, join with us.
5
00:00:17,313 --> 00:00:19,853
You can't die! Everybody really likes you!
6
00:00:19,884 --> 00:00:23,175
We are not going to be beat
by that traitor whore Kenny!
7
00:00:23,295 --> 00:00:26,272
Seems a shame that the
fight will be so one-sided.
8
00:00:26,334 --> 00:00:28,487
Go seek out George R.R. Martin for answers.
9
00:00:28,537 --> 00:00:30,037
He's the guy who writes Game of Thrones.
10
00:00:30,094 --> 00:00:31,664
You started as the
Canadian Minister of Health,
11
00:00:31,689 --> 00:00:33,429
and three months later, your
wife queefed in your face.
12
00:00:33,549 --> 00:00:36,932
This is gonna be a bloodbath, Tom.
13
00:00:37,220 --> 00:00:38,953
Wiener, wiener wiener
14
00:00:39,015 --> 00:00:40,429
wiener wiener
15
00:00:40,549 --> 00:00:43,451
- wiener, wiener
- one wiener
16
00:00:43,489 --> 00:00:46,273
- wiener, wiener
- next to another
17
00:00:46,323 --> 00:00:48,031
- wiener
- wiener party
18
00:00:48,068 --> 00:00:50,771
- wiener party
- two wieners
19
00:00:50,803 --> 00:00:53,229
alongside yet another
20
00:00:53,374 --> 00:00:55,358
wiener
21
00:00:55,478 --> 00:00:58,392
- dangle softly
- soft wieners
22
00:00:58,423 --> 00:00:59,962
- nice and soft
- flopping wieners
23
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,089
non-erect wieners
24
00:01:02,209 --> 00:01:04,579
flopping wieners, flopping wieners
25
00:01:09,065 --> 00:01:11,636
26
00:02:14,522 --> 00:02:15,779
He did what?
27
00:02:15,954 --> 00:02:18,082
He flew down in a parachute and he what?
28
00:02:18,420 --> 00:02:19,940
Apparently, he stopped Microsoft
29
00:02:19,972 --> 00:02:22,146
from blockading the
shipment of PS4s to the mall.
30
00:02:22,266 --> 00:02:23,488
Looks like he's all over the place
31
00:02:23,513 --> 00:02:24,970
winning the console wars for Sony.
32
00:02:24,989 --> 00:02:26,834
Because what... because he's cute?
33
00:02:26,897 --> 00:02:28,580
Cartman, he's got everyone on Sony's side.
34
00:02:28,593 --> 00:02:29,519
We can't stop him.
35
00:02:29,519 --> 00:02:31,602
But what does he do besides that he's cute?
36
00:02:31,646 --> 00:02:34,355
Sweetie, Bill Gates is
on the phone for you.
37
00:02:34,380 --> 00:02:36,720
Tell Bill Gates to suck my ass, mom!
38
00:02:37,678 --> 00:02:38,466
Mom?
39
00:02:38,685 --> 00:02:40,449
Don't seriously tell
Bill Gates to suck my ass.
40
00:02:40,481 --> 00:02:42,454
Tell him everything's cool and
I'll call him in a little bit.
41
00:02:43,042 --> 00:02:44,725
This would have never
happened if you would have
42
00:02:44,725 --> 00:02:46,984
let Kenny be a princess in the first place.
43
00:02:47,104 --> 00:02:49,887
He's not a princess. He's a dude.
44
00:02:50,007 --> 00:02:52,872
Well, unfortunately for us,
he's now on the other side.
45
00:02:52,909 --> 00:02:54,542
We're out of options.
46
00:02:54,662 --> 00:02:57,276
- So what are you saying, Kyle?
- I have an idea.
47
00:02:57,396 --> 00:03:00,567
I don't like it, but I think
it's the only choice we have.
48
00:03:10,372 --> 00:03:13,037
Tom, Black Friday is finally almost here,
49
00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:14,539
and as you can see behind me,
50
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:17,162
holiday shoppers are really getting antsy.
51
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:18,543
People have been waiting out here
52
00:03:18,568 --> 00:03:20,445
since midnight on Thanksgiving.
53
00:03:20,483 --> 00:03:22,222
They're cold, they're starving,
54
00:03:22,260 --> 00:03:24,124
and there's already been a lot of bloodshed
55
00:03:24,149 --> 00:03:25,632
over these holiday deals.
56
00:03:25,688 --> 00:03:27,303
Joining me now is Rick Tellmore
57
00:03:27,303 --> 00:03:29,117
who's been out here for six days,
58
00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:32,133
and your five-year-old son
was eaten, is that correct?
59
00:03:32,134 --> 00:03:34,385
Yes, yes, that's right. We had to eat him.
60
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:36,113
We're all sort of starving out here,
61
00:03:36,127 --> 00:03:38,271
so we drew straws, and
he drew the shortest one.
62
00:03:38,391 --> 00:03:39,829
What is it you're hoping to get
63
00:03:39,854 --> 00:03:41,624
when Black Friday does finally start?
64
00:03:41,637 --> 00:03:43,032
A blu-ray player.
65
00:03:43,101 --> 00:03:45,860
96% off. It's gonna be about 20 bucks.
66
00:03:46,108 --> 00:03:47,625
Now, some people might say
67
00:03:47,669 --> 00:03:50,515
that eating your child
is not very Christmassy.
68
00:03:50,553 --> 00:03:52,392
What would you say to them?
69
00:03:53,662 --> 00:03:55,090
I...
70
00:03:55,091 --> 00:03:57,747
Ate my son for a blu-ray player
71
00:03:57,766 --> 00:04:00,719
with a ho, ho, ho and
a jingle jingle jingle
72
00:04:00,756 --> 00:04:03,134
my son got ate and he tasted good
73
00:04:03,153 --> 00:04:05,130
ho, ho, jingle, jingle ho-ho
74
00:04:05,148 --> 00:04:07,462
No doubt Christmas is alive and well
75
00:04:07,488 --> 00:04:09,490
at the South Park mall. Back to you, Tom.
76
00:04:09,527 --> 00:04:10,062
ho ho...
77
00:04:10,063 --> 00:04:11,580
All right, guys, here's the deal.
78
00:04:11,605 --> 00:04:13,363
The main entrance to the
mall is already blocked
79
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:14,883
by thousands of waiting shoppers
80
00:04:14,946 --> 00:04:17,643
the kids who want Xboxes plan
to flank from the left here.
81
00:04:17,711 --> 00:04:19,488
Our best chance of being first inside
82
00:04:19,608 --> 00:04:22,448
is finding a way to the
mall's back entrance... here.
83
00:04:22,517 --> 00:04:23,480
At Red Robin.
84
00:04:23,511 --> 00:04:25,720
That's right. Red Robin
has doors on the inside
85
00:04:25,751 --> 00:04:26,665
that go right out into the mall.
86
00:04:26,728 --> 00:04:28,479
The key to us being the first ones inside
87
00:04:28,511 --> 00:04:31,138
is taking over the Red Robin
before Black Friday starts.
88
00:04:31,145 --> 00:04:33,216
So how do we take over Red Robin?
89
00:04:33,429 --> 00:04:34,768
I have no idea.
90
00:04:34,888 --> 00:04:36,244
Hey, excuse me.
91
00:04:36,470 --> 00:04:38,991
- Yes?
- The Xbox fighters are here,
92
00:04:39,008 --> 00:04:40,392
and they say they want to switch sides.
93
00:04:40,512 --> 00:04:41,644
What?
94
00:04:45,547 --> 00:04:47,292
Go ahead and tell him, Cartman.
95
00:04:47,299 --> 00:04:48,150
All right.
96
00:04:48,707 --> 00:04:51,253
On behalf of the Xbox fighters of
Zaron, we hereby lay down our arms.
97
00:04:51,266 --> 00:04:52,429
We give up, okay?
98
00:04:52,982 --> 00:04:54,281
- Ha ha.
- Shut up, Craig.
99
00:04:54,306 --> 00:04:56,558
This is very difficult!
You guys win, all right?
100
00:04:56,975 --> 00:04:58,698
We'll all play on PlayStation 4s.
101
00:04:58,818 --> 00:05:00,719
We still think the Xbox
is a superior machine,
102
00:05:00,744 --> 00:05:02,471
but you guys got too
many people on your side,
103
00:05:02,489 --> 00:05:04,154
and then Kenny became a Japanese princess.
104
00:05:04,274 --> 00:05:05,610
Nobody saw that coming.
105
00:05:05,618 --> 00:05:06,956
Look, the truth is
106
00:05:06,956 --> 00:05:08,951
we all have a bigger
problem now, and you know it.
107
00:05:08,952 --> 00:05:11,229
Nobody's going to get anything
if we don't work together
108
00:05:11,242 --> 00:05:12,824
against those thousands of other shoppers.
109
00:05:12,944 --> 00:05:14,933
So better a PS4 than nothing... is that it?
110
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,935
I think we'll take our chances on our own.
111
00:05:17,836 --> 00:05:19,569
We know a way inside the Red Robin.
112
00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:22,653
You don't think you're the
only ones who thought of it.
113
00:05:22,773 --> 00:05:24,430
We were going to use the
Red Robin entrance too,
114
00:05:24,443 --> 00:05:25,707
and we figured out how.
115
00:05:25,827 --> 00:05:27,577
Red Robin can be rented out
116
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:28,929
for wedding parties.
117
00:05:28,991 --> 00:05:30,843
If we all chip in, we
can pay for the deposit
118
00:05:30,843 --> 00:05:31,982
to have a wedding party there.
119
00:05:32,102 --> 00:05:33,251
Hey, that could work.
120
00:05:33,371 --> 00:05:34,866
Let's do this together, dude.
121
00:05:34,903 --> 00:05:35,773
Our only shot
122
00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:37,944
at playing any next gen
console's by teaming up.
123
00:05:38,064 --> 00:05:39,802
If you win a game on a PS4,
124
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:41,104
then I do too.
125
00:05:41,636 --> 00:05:43,569
And you swear you'll be okay with that?
126
00:05:43,638 --> 00:05:46,197
You won't ever talk about
the Xbox being better again?
127
00:05:46,317 --> 00:05:47,758
I swear, Stan.
128
00:05:48,374 --> 00:05:51,385
All right, guys, looks like
we've got a wedding to plan.
129
00:06:00,739 --> 00:06:03,848
... Console wars.
130
00:06:05,844 --> 00:06:08,840
Xbox... Sony PS4...
131
00:06:15,826 --> 00:06:18,819
Wedding invitation.
132
00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:21,246
Huh? Wedding?
133
00:06:22,647 --> 00:06:25,400
Kenny Kun, please come home at once.
134
00:06:25,638 --> 00:06:27,622
Our two houses have found peace.
135
00:06:27,803 --> 00:06:29,467
Come to the Red Robin wedding,
136
00:06:29,530 --> 00:06:32,227
and we will all accept you
as the princess you are.
137
00:06:32,283 --> 00:06:34,341
Yours truly, the wizard king.
138
00:06:45,615 --> 00:06:48,018
... Kenny Chan!
139
00:06:48,036 --> 00:06:51,039
Princess Kenny... Sayonara!
140
00:07:07,568 --> 00:07:10,102
Princess Kenny...
141
00:07:25,624 --> 00:07:27,870
So Stan, I was hoping I could
talk to you about the wedding.
142
00:07:27,990 --> 00:07:29,203
Yeah, sure, what about it?
143
00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:30,943
I think it's best that when the time comes
144
00:07:30,961 --> 00:07:33,620
for the mall to open you should
stay back a bit from the doors.
145
00:07:33,921 --> 00:07:35,556
- Why?
- Well, think about it.
146
00:07:35,676 --> 00:07:37,643
The first people inside
are gonna have to take on
147
00:07:37,672 --> 00:07:39,439
the brunt of the holiday
shoppers from the main entrance.
148
00:07:39,802 --> 00:07:42,192
It's best we let butters
and Scott Malkinson go first.
149
00:07:42,312 --> 00:07:44,444
While they fight, we can simply slip on by.
150
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,615
Well, yeah, I guess that makes sense,
151
00:07:46,846 --> 00:07:49,036
but butters and Scott won't
be able to get their PS4s.
152
00:07:49,049 --> 00:07:50,525
Yes, that's true, but...
153
00:07:50,588 --> 00:07:52,327
Let's face it, sir Stan.
154
00:07:52,365 --> 00:07:54,520
This is all about you and
me getting PlayStations.
155
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,625
The rest are simply there to help us get...
156
00:07:56,635 --> 00:07:58,565
He's lying to you!
157
00:07:59,629 --> 00:08:01,736
They're just acting like they've given up,
158
00:08:01,755 --> 00:08:02,981
but it's a double-bluff.
159
00:08:03,101 --> 00:08:04,620
Dude! Dude!
160
00:08:04,889 --> 00:08:07,430
They're going to betray you
at the Red Robin wedding.
161
00:08:07,498 --> 00:08:09,720
He got the idea watching Game of Thrones.
162
00:08:09,788 --> 00:08:11,399
Dude, shut the fuck up!
163
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,278
Who is that?
164
00:08:12,398 --> 00:08:13,551
He's just this old crazy guy
165
00:08:13,582 --> 00:08:15,184
that gets pissed off 'cause
I'm in his garden all the time.
166
00:08:15,196 --> 00:08:16,667
They're going to lock you in!
167
00:08:16,667 --> 00:08:18,118
Goddamn it, shut up!
168
00:08:18,238 --> 00:08:20,020
He talked about it in my garden to, like,
169
00:08:20,026 --> 00:08:21,033
three other people.
170
00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,773
They're going to lock you in the Red Robin
171
00:08:22,798 --> 00:08:24,575
and then go get all the Xboxes.
172
00:08:24,582 --> 00:08:27,008
That's why he wants you to
stay back from the doors.
173
00:08:27,070 --> 00:08:29,573
Well, why don't you just tell
the whole world everything, huh?
174
00:08:29,574 --> 00:08:31,262
Why don't you tell everyone
what Prometheus was about
175
00:08:31,281 --> 00:08:32,567
while you're at it!
176
00:08:32,801 --> 00:08:34,278
Did Kyle know about this?
177
00:08:34,297 --> 00:08:36,173
Dude, we're not gonna
betray you... Come on.
178
00:08:36,173 --> 00:08:37,218
Did you see Prometheus?
179
00:08:37,268 --> 00:08:38,889
I don't think the writers
even knew what that was about.
180
00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,791
Did Kyle know about this?
181
00:08:41,041 --> 00:08:42,899
Kyle thought of it.
182
00:08:44,113 --> 00:08:45,652
Stan! Dude, hold on.
183
00:08:45,772 --> 00:08:48,055
Xbox one is fucking sweet, dude.
184
00:08:52,779 --> 00:08:54,412
You're a fucking asshole! Fuck you!
185
00:08:54,437 --> 00:08:55,579
Get out of my garden.
186
00:08:55,581 --> 00:08:56,995
I'll shit in your fuckin' garden!
187
00:08:56,995 --> 00:08:58,290
Go fuck yourself!
188
00:08:59,279 --> 00:09:03,151
Well, the wait is over, and
Black Friday's finally here.
189
00:09:03,177 --> 00:09:04,384
Niles Lawton is at the scene,
190
00:09:04,391 --> 00:09:06,324
and it's about time, Niles.
191
00:09:06,349 --> 00:09:08,520
That's right, Tom. Mall officials have said
192
00:09:08,564 --> 00:09:10,585
they are ready, and doors will open
193
00:09:10,610 --> 00:09:12,011
as soon as their guest of honor
194
00:09:12,024 --> 00:09:14,114
cuts the ceremonial red ribbon.
195
00:09:14,234 --> 00:09:17,173
This year's ribbon cutter is,
of course, George R.R. Martin,
196
00:09:17,242 --> 00:09:19,771
who, uh, doesn't appear
to have shown up yet
197
00:09:19,813 --> 00:09:21,973
but says he is on his way.
198
00:09:22,093 --> 00:09:24,419
Just like the dragons
and zombies in his novels,
199
00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:26,058
he is on his way.
200
00:09:30,912 --> 00:09:32,459
Now, just hold on a minute!
201
00:09:33,179 --> 00:09:34,512
I'm pretty darn sure
202
00:09:34,537 --> 00:09:36,877
the fastest way back to
Colorado isn't on horseback.
203
00:09:36,939 --> 00:09:39,511
That may be true, but
horses have one quality
204
00:09:39,523 --> 00:09:42,371
that is unmatched by any
other mode of transition.
205
00:09:42,427 --> 00:09:43,265
What's that?
206
00:09:50,952 --> 00:09:52,997
Okay, cool, can we set up
the two lawn tables here
207
00:09:53,016 --> 00:09:54,574
like facing each other and then another
208
00:09:54,605 --> 00:09:55,719
for the bride and groom back there?
209
00:09:55,839 --> 00:09:58,422
I heard a rumor. May I ask...
210
00:09:58,542 --> 00:10:00,330
Who is it that's getting married?
211
00:10:00,349 --> 00:10:02,483
Tom Hanks and Beyonce.
212
00:10:02,603 --> 00:10:04,129
It's real? It's for real?
213
00:10:04,249 --> 00:10:06,218
Oh, my God, I love them.
214
00:10:06,236 --> 00:10:07,094
Yeah.
215
00:10:07,125 --> 00:10:09,121
So Beyonce's not with Jay Z anymore?
216
00:10:09,241 --> 00:10:10,653
Well, clearly she wouldn't
be marrying Tom Hanks
217
00:10:10,672 --> 00:10:11,879
at Red Robin if she was.
218
00:10:11,917 --> 00:10:13,306
Guys, guys, not those tables.
219
00:10:13,331 --> 00:10:15,671
Get the good tables. This is VIP, okay?
220
00:10:15,791 --> 00:10:17,554
Has anyone heard from
Butters and Scott Malkinson?
221
00:10:17,573 --> 00:10:19,102
- The fuck are they?
- Cartman, Cartman!
222
00:10:19,136 --> 00:10:21,483
I heard that Stan somehow
found out about our plan.
223
00:10:21,603 --> 00:10:22,703
Yes, he did.
224
00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:24,091
Well, what the hell are you doing?
225
00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:26,025
- This isn't gonna work now!
- Shh, shh, shh.
226
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:27,552
It's fine, Kyle.
227
00:10:27,565 --> 00:10:29,179
Everything's been taken care of.
228
00:10:29,299 --> 00:10:32,890
Stan won't be telling
anybody anything ever again.
229
00:10:33,672 --> 00:10:35,079
What the hell did you do?
230
00:10:35,111 --> 00:10:36,224
What had to be done
231
00:10:36,249 --> 00:10:38,408
so that we can play our
games on Xboxes, Kyle!
232
00:10:38,827 --> 00:10:41,117
No. Tell me you didn't.
233
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,952
He's not allowed to come out of his room,
234
00:10:43,964 --> 00:10:45,467
so you can talk to him through the door.
235
00:10:45,472 --> 00:10:47,299
- Thanks, Mrs. Marsh.
- And keep it short.
236
00:10:47,317 --> 00:10:48,688
He's in real trouble.
237
00:10:48,808 --> 00:10:51,109
He defecated in a nice old man's garden.
238
00:10:51,134 --> 00:10:52,229
O... okay.
239
00:11:00,605 --> 00:11:01,900
Stan?
240
00:11:02,764 --> 00:11:04,453
Stan? Hello?
241
00:11:04,491 --> 00:11:05,097
Who's that?
242
00:11:05,135 --> 00:11:06,655
Stan, it's me.
243
00:11:07,130 --> 00:11:08,276
Get out of here.
244
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:10,434
Dude, I know you're pissed at me right now.
245
00:11:10,478 --> 00:11:11,911
You gotta understand that I did it
246
00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:13,318
because I know in my heart
247
00:11:13,362 --> 00:11:15,884
that Xbox is better for all of us.
248
00:11:16,004 --> 00:11:17,229
You completely betrayed
249
00:11:17,236 --> 00:11:19,200
the last bit of friendship we still had.
250
00:11:20,106 --> 00:11:21,809
You weren't playing fair, dude.
251
00:11:21,859 --> 00:11:24,243
Getting your dad to work
part-time in the mall wasn't fair.
252
00:11:24,293 --> 00:11:27,353
I didn't even know he was
working at the mall, Kyle.
253
00:11:27,828 --> 00:11:28,823
You didn't?
254
00:11:29,336 --> 00:11:31,145
But you couldn't just ask me,
255
00:11:31,620 --> 00:11:33,271
because Xbox people
256
00:11:33,309 --> 00:11:34,942
don't care about the truth.
257
00:11:35,411 --> 00:11:38,715
They just care about seamless
multimedia connectivity.
258
00:11:39,315 --> 00:11:42,024
I'm sorry, Stan. I'm sorry.
259
00:11:42,144 --> 00:11:44,677
The whole war has just
got us so screwed up...
260
00:11:44,797 --> 00:11:46,554
I just want us to be playing Call of Duty
261
00:11:46,554 --> 00:11:47,724
on the right machine.
262
00:11:47,844 --> 00:11:49,250
You don't understand.
263
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,621
I'm never playing Call
of Duty with you again.
264
00:11:53,611 --> 00:11:55,263
Stan, don't say that.
265
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:56,834
Get out of here. I'm done with you.
266
00:11:57,378 --> 00:11:59,405
Mom! Mom!
267
00:11:59,637 --> 00:12:01,025
Get him out of here!
268
00:12:01,576 --> 00:12:03,641
Get him out!
269
00:12:05,699 --> 00:12:07,357
Now listen up.
270
00:12:07,638 --> 00:12:09,728
There are only eight of us now.
271
00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:12,008
Peterson was a great guy,
272
00:12:12,236 --> 00:12:15,127
and he did not deserve
to get beheaded like that.
273
00:12:15,746 --> 00:12:16,923
Now, I don't know about you,
274
00:12:16,948 --> 00:12:19,031
but I'm sick and tired
275
00:12:19,050 --> 00:12:20,777
of getting to know people here,
276
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:23,061
getting invested in their personalities
277
00:12:23,067 --> 00:12:25,964
and their back stories,
and then having them die.
278
00:12:26,170 --> 00:12:27,634
When those doors open,
279
00:12:27,671 --> 00:12:29,667
we all stick together.
280
00:12:29,975 --> 00:12:32,849
If anyone panics, it puts us all at risk.
281
00:12:32,969 --> 00:12:34,691
Stay tough, rookie.
282
00:12:34,965 --> 00:12:36,637
We're not gonna make it, sir.
283
00:12:36,637 --> 00:12:37,763
We're gonna make it!
284
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:39,447
You've got a newborn little girl
285
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:40,948
who needs her daddy to make it.
286
00:12:41,005 --> 00:12:43,407
I'm not going to let you die, okay?
287
00:12:43,527 --> 00:12:44,946
- Okay.
- Okay?
288
00:12:44,947 --> 00:12:46,767
Yes, sir! Yes, sir.
289
00:12:46,942 --> 00:12:50,101
Not one more good person dies on my watch.
290
00:12:52,854 --> 00:12:55,606
Oh, my God, they're
coming in through the roof!
291
00:12:55,813 --> 00:12:58,800
I can't do this. I'm
sorry, I can't do this!
292
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,180
Stay at your post!
293
00:13:04,691 --> 00:13:07,250
No! No!
294
00:13:07,370 --> 00:13:10,096
Everybody really liked him!
295
00:13:10,216 --> 00:13:11,373
No!
296
00:13:14,195 --> 00:13:15,790
Here we go, Tom.
297
00:13:15,821 --> 00:13:17,883
George R.R. Martin has finally arrived
298
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,880
to cut the red ribbon.
299
00:13:21,271 --> 00:13:23,386
Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor
300
00:13:23,411 --> 00:13:24,751
to be here this morning
301
00:13:24,769 --> 00:13:27,084
on behalf of South Park mall partners
302
00:13:27,115 --> 00:13:28,923
and Channel 9 News,
303
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:32,114
your go-to source for
news, weather, and sports.
304
00:13:32,114 --> 00:13:34,228
Just do it!
305
00:13:34,503 --> 00:13:36,049
Very well.
306
00:13:36,287 --> 00:13:39,127
In the tradition of our ancestors,
307
00:13:39,247 --> 00:13:41,811
let's ring in the holidays!
308
00:13:44,983 --> 00:13:47,703
But first I'd like to share with you
309
00:13:47,705 --> 00:13:49,438
a few words about my wiener.
310
00:13:54,449 --> 00:13:56,614
Hey, sorry, guys, Red Robin is closed
311
00:13:56,639 --> 00:13:57,984
for a special event today.
312
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,686
Yeah, we know. We're with the wedding.
313
00:13:59,686 --> 00:14:01,400
Oh, great. Go right on in.
314
00:14:14,109 --> 00:14:16,950
Everyone, everyone, a Black Friday toast.
315
00:14:17,162 --> 00:14:19,767
How awesome that we are all friends again.
316
00:14:19,768 --> 00:14:21,874
Our two houses brought together.
317
00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:24,477
Soon we will all have our PlayStation 4s.
318
00:14:26,336 --> 00:14:29,832
And to you, my old friend, Princess Kenny.
319
00:14:29,894 --> 00:14:31,233
You really look stunning.
320
00:14:31,353 --> 00:14:34,393
No doubt the gods have smiled
down upon your perky boobs.
321
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,341
Now if you'll excuse me, my lady,
322
00:14:38,461 --> 00:14:39,898
I need to take a shit.
323
00:14:43,129 --> 00:14:45,701
What have you found out?
The mall isn't open yet.
324
00:14:46,233 --> 00:14:48,967
They're waiting for George R.
R. Martin to cut the ribbon.
325
00:14:48,998 --> 00:14:50,708
Okay. That could be a while.
326
00:14:50,709 --> 00:14:52,051
All our men are ready.
327
00:14:52,107 --> 00:14:54,003
When the mall opens, blow the whistle.
328
00:14:54,123 --> 00:14:55,316
We'll rush through the doors
329
00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:57,869
and lock the Sony dorks inside.
330
00:14:58,394 --> 00:15:00,571
All right, now, I really
do need to take a shit.
331
00:15:00,784 --> 00:15:03,684
Oh, soft and pink with purple head,
332
00:15:03,685 --> 00:15:06,027
gently, you lay with me on my bed.
333
00:15:06,083 --> 00:15:08,292
Get on with it, George R.R. Martin!
334
00:15:08,412 --> 00:15:12,078
Growl, growl calls the wiener from on high,
335
00:15:12,198 --> 00:15:15,542
a little tiny wiener still
so pleasing to the eye.
336
00:15:15,545 --> 00:15:17,234
Enough with the wieners already!
337
00:15:17,259 --> 00:15:18,423
Yeah, come on!
338
00:15:24,646 --> 00:15:25,782
Clyde?
339
00:15:25,982 --> 00:15:28,637
Where the hell is Clyde? Clyde?
340
00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:30,611
Princess Kenny, I believe it's time
341
00:15:30,634 --> 00:15:32,632
we return the wizard's hospitality.
342
00:15:36,258 --> 00:15:37,620
What the hell is this?
343
00:15:37,621 --> 00:15:38,619
I'm sorry, Cartman.
344
00:15:38,620 --> 00:15:41,088
There's been a little change in plan.
345
00:15:45,662 --> 00:15:47,399
Sir, Kyle, they're about to open the mall.
346
00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:48,287
What are you doing?
347
00:15:48,350 --> 00:15:50,152
I am no longer an Xbox guy.
348
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,716
I let my friend get grounded.
349
00:15:51,836 --> 00:15:54,269
But today I will get him a PlayStation.
350
00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:56,716
Kyle, the PlayStation controller
sucks, and you know it!
351
00:15:56,785 --> 00:15:58,167
The fight is over, Cartman.
352
00:15:58,173 --> 00:15:59,293
It's not over.
353
00:15:59,413 --> 00:16:01,939
Looks like I came just in time.
354
00:16:01,964 --> 00:16:03,635
Oh, Bill Gates, sweet!
355
00:16:03,674 --> 00:16:05,274
In your face, Kyle!
356
00:16:05,394 --> 00:16:07,639
You will not interfere, Bill Gates!
357
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:11,386
These children will get their PS4s.
358
00:16:13,119 --> 00:16:14,195
Wait a minute.
359
00:16:14,451 --> 00:16:16,565
How the hell did these
two guys end up here?
360
00:16:16,597 --> 00:16:17,849
They're not part of your betrayal?
361
00:16:17,874 --> 00:16:19,419
No. They're not part of your betrayal?
362
00:16:19,425 --> 00:16:20,288
No.
363
00:16:20,464 --> 00:16:21,567
Whose betrayal is this?
364
00:16:23,335 --> 00:16:24,668
We're done with betrayals.
365
00:16:24,690 --> 00:16:26,664
It's time to put an end to this.
366
00:16:26,693 --> 00:16:27,884
Stan?
367
00:16:29,799 --> 00:16:32,358
Sir, sir, operations just
said they need one of us
368
00:16:32,389 --> 00:16:33,666
to unlock the door to Red Robin
369
00:16:33,697 --> 00:16:35,924
to let some wedding party inside the mall.
370
00:16:36,044 --> 00:16:38,014
Screw them, they'll have
to fend for themselves.
371
00:16:38,258 --> 00:16:39,090
Wait,
372
00:16:39,334 --> 00:16:41,141
Red Robin wedding?
373
00:16:41,442 --> 00:16:42,731
Who's getting married?
374
00:16:42,762 --> 00:16:44,706
Tom Hanks and Beyonce.
375
00:16:44,745 --> 00:16:46,685
What?! Oh, my God,
376
00:16:46,708 --> 00:16:49,207
everyone loves Tom Hanks and Beyonce!
377
00:16:49,232 --> 00:16:50,908
I gotta save them!
378
00:16:51,028 --> 00:16:52,897
I appreciate what you're
trying to do, Kyle,
379
00:16:52,922 --> 00:16:54,161
but I have a better idea.
380
00:16:54,161 --> 00:16:56,019
This isn't our war, you guys.
381
00:16:56,139 --> 00:16:57,621
It never was.
382
00:16:57,622 --> 00:16:59,723
We've been pitted against
each other by two companies
383
00:16:59,761 --> 00:17:01,006
for the sake of marketing.
384
00:17:01,062 --> 00:17:03,333
That's why they want
lines around the block.
385
00:17:03,796 --> 00:17:06,362
Because they want a war
to promote their product.
386
00:17:06,632 --> 00:17:09,215
They don't give a crap what
kind of friendships it costs.
387
00:17:09,636 --> 00:17:13,300
You two want a war so bad,
then you fucking fight.
388
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:16,644
So...
389
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:19,876
Then let's finish it, you and me,
390
00:17:19,996 --> 00:17:21,202
right here.
391
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,893
Winner take all.
392
00:17:25,225 --> 00:17:26,952
Oh, dude, this is pretty sweet.
393
00:17:27,072 --> 00:17:31,019
Then let this be your
last fight, Bill Gates.
394
00:17:38,421 --> 00:17:41,005
Hey, fellas, what did I miss?
395
00:17:43,194 --> 00:17:45,271
Look at this wiener.
396
00:17:45,302 --> 00:17:47,082
Judge it by its size.
397
00:17:47,086 --> 00:17:50,039
Rub it three times, and it has a surprise.
398
00:17:50,395 --> 00:17:53,136
That's it, you're not
delaying this anymore,
399
00:17:53,173 --> 00:17:54,224
you wiener-loving bitch!
400
00:18:04,694 --> 00:18:06,333
Happy holidays, Rick.
401
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:08,204
And to you, my friend.
402
00:18:16,256 --> 00:18:18,711
Grab it, Rebecca, grab it!
403
00:18:22,349 --> 00:18:24,777
Kiss my fat vagina!
404
00:18:25,027 --> 00:18:28,068
- Give me that camera.
- Give it up!
405
00:18:39,389 --> 00:18:42,267
Get back, get out of my way.
406
00:18:43,532 --> 00:18:45,214
Commander Marsh.
407
00:18:45,277 --> 00:18:47,366
Did you know that your son
is supposed to be grounded
408
00:18:47,372 --> 00:18:49,462
and he snuck out to go to Red Robin?
409
00:18:49,518 --> 00:18:52,140
What? Stan's at the Red Robin wedding too?
410
00:18:52,260 --> 00:18:54,555
Oh, God, I really care about him.
411
00:18:56,750 --> 00:19:00,292
This is over. Now you die!
412
00:19:07,406 --> 00:19:08,369
It's over.
413
00:19:08,594 --> 00:19:11,028
Xbox wins!
414
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:14,681
Yay, Xbox wins. Yay.
415
00:19:15,613 --> 00:19:17,941
Stan, you're alive!
416
00:19:18,061 --> 00:19:19,555
I saved you!
417
00:19:20,062 --> 00:19:22,996
It's okay, Beyonce, the fight's over.
418
00:19:23,116 --> 00:19:24,879
You can still shop.
419
00:19:24,999 --> 00:19:26,782
Go on, kids.
420
00:19:27,695 --> 00:19:29,786
Go get your Xboxes.
421
00:19:52,455 --> 00:19:54,876
Can Elmo smell your genitals?
422
00:20:02,452 --> 00:20:05,462
Happy holidays, guys. What
can you interest you in?
423
00:20:05,643 --> 00:20:07,710
We'd like to get Xbox ones please.
424
00:20:07,733 --> 00:20:09,285
Good choice.
425
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:11,712
Tom, the shopping frenzy is over,
426
00:20:11,719 --> 00:20:14,290
and it looks like Microsoft's new Xbox one
427
00:20:14,328 --> 00:20:16,123
is this year's hot item.
428
00:20:16,167 --> 00:20:18,087
No doubt this will secure its place
429
00:20:18,118 --> 00:20:20,515
as the go-to next gen console.
430
00:20:20,635 --> 00:20:22,197
Black Friday is over.
431
00:20:22,317 --> 00:20:24,182
There's been death, violence,
432
00:20:24,238 --> 00:20:26,222
horrible human behavior,
433
00:20:26,342 --> 00:20:30,433
and the big winner here
decidedly is Channel 9 News.
434
00:20:36,859 --> 00:20:38,503
The interface is pretty cool.
435
00:20:39,148 --> 00:20:41,957
See, I told you guys it's
really a seamless interface.
436
00:20:42,077 --> 00:20:43,315
Yeah, it is.
437
00:20:43,597 --> 00:20:46,668
The graphics are definitely
10% better than the old Xbox.
438
00:20:46,706 --> 00:20:48,420
Yeah, that... that's pretty nice.
439
00:20:50,034 --> 00:20:52,356
You guys want to play outside or something?
440
00:20:56,882 --> 00:20:58,987
Cartman, your side won, dude.
441
00:20:59,107 --> 00:21:00,345
Why are you so sad?
442
00:21:00,388 --> 00:21:03,541
I just... I can't get
the image of Bill Gates
443
00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:06,581
bashing that guy's head
apart out of my eyes.
444
00:21:06,701 --> 00:21:08,465
Yeah, I know what you mean.
445
00:21:08,772 --> 00:21:11,779
Well, look, guys. Xbox won
the console wars, I mean...
446
00:21:11,899 --> 00:21:14,823
What are we going to
do, not play video games?
447
00:21:14,835 --> 00:21:17,188
The last few weeks we've been
too busy to play video games,
448
00:21:17,308 --> 00:21:18,489
and look at what we did.
449
00:21:18,546 --> 00:21:21,217
There's been drama, action, romance.
450
00:21:21,248 --> 00:21:22,574
I mean, honestly, you guys,
451
00:21:22,694 --> 00:21:24,413
do we need video games to play?
452
00:21:24,426 --> 00:21:26,403
- That's right.
- He's trying to make a point.
453
00:21:26,523 --> 00:21:29,362
Maybe we started to rely on
Microsoft and Sony so much
454
00:21:29,482 --> 00:21:31,833
that we forgot that all we need
to play are the simplest things
455
00:21:32,302 --> 00:21:35,187
like... like this! We
can just play with this!
456
00:21:35,307 --> 00:21:37,608
- Screw video games, dude.
- Who fuckin' needs them?
457
00:21:37,728 --> 00:21:38,584
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
458
00:21:38,628 --> 00:21:39,328
Fuck 'em!
459
00:21:39,448 --> 00:21:40,937
The South Park video game,
460
00:21:40,943 --> 00:21:42,425
coming to stores soon.
461
00:21:42,694 --> 00:21:43,758
Yeah, and if you believe that
462
00:21:43,770 --> 00:21:44,903
I got a big, floppy wiener
463
00:21:44,934 --> 00:21:46,523
to dangle in your face.
464
00:21:46,573 --> 00:21:51,123
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