All language subtitles for South Park s14e04 You Have 0 Friends.
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1
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:10,009
# I'm goin'
down to South Park #
2
00:00:10,094 --> 00:00:11,886
# gonna have myself a time #
3
00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,596
# friendly faces everywhere #
4
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,098
# humble folks
without temptation #
5
00:00:15,265 --> 00:00:16,599
# I'm goin'
down to South Park #
6
00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:18,142
# gonna leave my woes behind #
7
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:22,063
# ample parking day or night,
people spouting howdy neighbor #
8
00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:25,233
# headin' on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind #
9
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:32,156
# come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine #
10
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:38,788
- I've got
more friends than Kyle!
11
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:40,415
I've got
more friends than Kyle!
12
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:42,583
- How the hell do you have
more friends than me?
13
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,335
- 'Cause people think
I'm cool, dude.
14
00:00:44,503 --> 00:00:46,379
- How many friends
do you have, Kenny?
15
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,714
- 63.
- What?
16
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:50,007
How the hell do I only have
37 friends?
17
00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:52,468
- Aw, are you guys doing that
stupid Facebook stuff again?
18
00:00:52,636 --> 00:00:53,845
- Stupid Facebook stuff!
19
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,513
- Why are you guys in here
wasting your time?
20
00:00:55,597 --> 00:00:57,265
We're supposed to be out
playing video games!
21
00:00:57,349 --> 00:00:59,726
- Stan, you don't get how cool
Facebook has become.
22
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:00,977
You can message your friends,
23
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,103
play yahtzee
with your friends,
24
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,396
even start
your own virtual farm
25
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:04,605
and have your friends
visit it!
26
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,399
- Dude, who the hell
wants to play yahtzee?
27
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,443
- Stan, we know
it's hard to get started,
28
00:01:08,527 --> 00:01:09,777
but we have a little surprise
for you.
29
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,864
- Yeah, dude, we made you
your own Facebook page!
30
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:14,824
- Surprise!
31
00:01:14,992 --> 00:01:17,243
- No! I told you guys
I don't wanna be on Facebook!
32
00:01:17,494 --> 00:01:19,328
- Yeah, but now you can be
friends with all of us!
33
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:20,413
- Yeah!
34
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,665
- I'm not collecting friends
and I'm not building any farms.
35
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,167
I don't want to get
sucked into this!
36
00:01:24,293 --> 00:01:25,168
- All right, fine, dude,
37
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,294
you don't have to
add any friends.
38
00:01:26,462 --> 00:01:27,754
You can just be
like kip drordy.
39
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,839
- Who?
- Kip drordy, the third grader.
40
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,382
He's got no Facebook friends.
41
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:33,468
And he's had a profile
for more than six months!
42
00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:35,678
- Aw, gee that's so sad.
43
00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:38,181
Everyone should have one
Facebook friend.
44
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,391
- You guys are retarded.
I'm playing Xbox.
45
00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:42,351
- There's really
people out there
46
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,437
without a Facebook friend
in the world?
47
00:01:44,563 --> 00:01:46,230
That's so wrong.
48
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,483
Ahhhhhhhh!
49
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,526
Hahahaa!
50
00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:33,069
Ahhahahahah!
51
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,946
Yeah!
52
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:38,241
Mom! Dad!
I made a friend today!
53
00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:39,200
- Kip!
Really?
54
00:02:39,368 --> 00:02:41,285
- You did?
- Yeah!
55
00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:44,914
- Oh, son, that's wonderful!
- What's his name?
56
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:45,998
- Kyle broflovski!
57
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,041
He's a student
58
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,168
and his interests include
video games and reading!
59
00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:50,545
- Oh, is he a nice boy?
60
00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:51,671
- Oh, he's the best, mom!
61
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,589
He has a green hat,
and he wants the world
62
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:55,049
to stop talking about ninjas!
63
00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:56,175
Ooh, I need to tell him
64
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:57,385
what I'm currently
thinking about!
65
00:02:57,553 --> 00:02:58,886
What am I
currently thinking about?
66
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,728
- Hey, Stan, I was
on my computer at work
67
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:09,897
and saw that you have
a Facebook page now.
68
00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,233
- Yeah, dad,
I was kind of forced to.
69
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:16,112
- Well, so, are you gonna
add me as a friend?
70
00:03:17,072 --> 00:03:18,114
- No, dad.
71
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,032
I really don't want to
get more into it.
72
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:22,410
- Oh, okay.
73
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,914
So I'm--I'm not your friend,
then?
74
00:03:28,292 --> 00:03:29,542
- Dad, you are my friend.
75
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:32,420
- But you just don't want to
add me as a friend.
76
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:34,130
- Dad, it's just
a stupid click of a button
77
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:35,214
that takes two seconds.
78
00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,925
- Right, but you don't have
the two seconds or--
79
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:40,261
- I just want to do
my homework.
80
00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:41,679
- All right, fine.
81
00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:47,226
- Just to be clear,
you and I are not friends?
82
00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:49,061
- All right, dad!
I'll add you!
83
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:50,438
- Oh, cool! Okay.
84
00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:54,275
- Mom, dad!
My best friend, Kyle,
85
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,694
he went to the dentist yesterday
and got two fillings!
86
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,446
And today he's wondering
if hurt locker
87
00:03:58,614 --> 00:03:59,947
really deserved the Oscar!
88
00:04:00,115 --> 00:04:02,408
- That's great, kip!
- Yeah!
89
00:04:02,576 --> 00:04:04,744
- They sure are getting
to know each other.
90
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:05,620
- It's amazing.
91
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,122
You know kip spent the morning
at the boy's farm?
92
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,207
- His friend lives on a farm?
93
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,793
- Think I'll add
some more pigs.
94
00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:15,671
Ooh, maybe I should put in
another field of corn there.
95
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:18,049
There we go!
Nice.
96
00:04:21,345 --> 00:04:23,304
29?
No, I have 30 friends--
97
00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:26,891
hey, what the hell is--
98
00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:29,435
oh, no!
Oh, shit!
99
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,650
- Am I a joke to you?
100
00:04:37,235 --> 00:04:38,069
- What?
101
00:04:38,236 --> 00:04:39,528
- I just wanna know
is that all I am?
102
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:40,947
A big joke?
103
00:04:42,658 --> 00:04:43,407
- Um, no?
104
00:04:43,575 --> 00:04:46,035
- You do have
a Facebook page, Stan!
105
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:48,287
- Aw, God damn it. No, I just
got that because Kyle--
106
00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,498
- I saw your page, Stan.
Relationship status?
107
00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:51,916
Single?
- Relationship status?
108
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,834
I didn't even
pay any attention to--
109
00:04:54,002 --> 00:04:54,710
- you like being single, Stan?
110
00:04:54,878 --> 00:04:56,879
So that you can use Facebook
to find other girls?
111
00:04:57,047 --> 00:05:00,049
According to your Facebook page,
we aren't friends.
112
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:02,635
- All right. I'll add you
as a friend--I'm sorry!
113
00:05:02,761 --> 00:05:04,845
- And you better change
your relationship status
114
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:06,889
to in a relationship!
- How?
115
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:09,684
- By editing your profile
under basic information!
116
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,519
- Okay! I'm sorry!
117
00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:14,438
Edit profile.
118
00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,273
Basic settings.
119
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,316
Jesus Christ.
120
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:21,362
- Stan, why won't you
be friends with grandma?
121
00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:23,155
- Aw, dad, I just really
122
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,740
don't want to pay attention
to this thing--
123
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:25,658
- grandma is in the hospital,
124
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,243
and you won't even
be friends with her!
125
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,328
- All right, dad, I'll add
grandma as a friend.
126
00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:30,538
- That's better.
127
00:05:30,706 --> 00:05:32,123
Oh, and I sent you
a funny picture,
128
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,874
and you didn't respond to it.
129
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,044
- Dude, fuck Facebook,
seriously.
130
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:39,755
What the hell is this?
Podcast?
131
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:43,217
- Welcome to Cartman's
incredible podcast!
132
00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:45,136
Hello fellow facebookers.
133
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,680
Get you more friends!
134
00:05:48,140 --> 00:05:49,432
Looking around Facebook today,
135
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:52,059
we see that since adding
loser kip drordy as a friend,
136
00:05:52,144 --> 00:05:54,145
Kyle broflovski's stock
is plummeting.
137
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,230
He had 55 friends
just two days ago.
138
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:57,523
He's down to just 1 1
this morning.
139
00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:59,275
Run to your Facebook account
and delete Kyle
140
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,776
from your friends list
because he is poison,
141
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,029
and I don't see him making
a comeback any time soon!
142
00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,280
You're going to
want to dump Kyle,
143
00:06:04,448 --> 00:06:06,574
and if at all possible,
add Clyde Donovan.
144
00:06:06,658 --> 00:06:08,242
Why? Birthday!
145
00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:09,994
That's right, Clyde has
a birthday coming up,
146
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,246
and his mom is taking everyone
to casa bonita.
147
00:06:13,290 --> 00:06:14,373
If you don't have Clyde
as a friend,
148
00:06:14,416 --> 00:06:15,541
you're going to
want to add him
149
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,959
because Clyde's numbers
are about to go way up.
150
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:18,085
And now word on the street!
151
00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:19,920
Recording:
Word on the street!
152
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:22,048
The rumors are now becoming
more than that.
153
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,008
Jimmy and bebe have agreed to
share their friends!
154
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,093
That's right, it looks like
we are about to have a merger!
155
00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,219
Merger!
156
00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,429
- So if you're a friend
of Jimmy's,
157
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,930
you're about to luck into
about 90 chick friends.
158
00:06:30,015 --> 00:06:31,348
And as we all know,
chick friends are worth
159
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,892
almost triple
what dude friends are.
160
00:06:32,934 --> 00:06:34,518
That's all the time
I have for today.
161
00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:37,229
Remember, update that profile
and steer clear of Kyle!
162
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,110
Can I come in?
163
00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:44,862
- Sure, dude.
164
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:48,949
- Dude, what's the matter?
165
00:06:49,117 --> 00:06:52,578
- I don't have any friends.
166
00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:54,538
- What?
167
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:56,582
- I mean, I do, but--
168
00:06:57,250 --> 00:07:00,252
ever since I became friends
with that kip drordy kid,
169
00:07:00,462 --> 00:07:02,379
a bunch of my other friends
have started ignoring me.
170
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:05,508
It would be fine except for
my farm is starting to shrink.
171
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:08,010
I know that I should just
dump kip as a friend,
172
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,970
but that's such
a terrible thing to do, and--
173
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,847
I'm sorry.
I'm just so confused.
174
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:13,808
I really need a friend
right now.
175
00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:16,227
- Okay, dude,
I'm here for you.
176
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:17,978
- Okay, so then
get on Facebook
177
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,730
and fertilize my crops.
178
00:07:20,315 --> 00:07:21,398
- No.
179
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:22,566
- Please!
180
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,902
My farm hasn't expanded
in three days!
181
00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,362
- Dude, I've already had to
become friends
182
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,280
with all of Wendy's friends
and my grandma's friends!
183
00:07:28,365 --> 00:07:30,449
I do not wanna start doing
all the farming stuff, too!
184
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:32,159
I'm not getting
sucked into that!
185
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,161
- You don't get
sucked into it!
186
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:35,955
You don't get sucked in
at all!
187
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,415
Please!
188
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:39,667
- Fuck!
189
00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:42,795
Okay.
It says I'm at your farm.
190
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,589
- Okay. So now just click
on the little soil button
191
00:07:45,757 --> 00:07:48,843
and then maybe put a sign up
to comment on my farm.
192
00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:52,471
Okay. Now I can
read the sign you put up.
193
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:56,517
- Okay. It says you and I
are now very good friends.
194
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,853
- Yeah, we're
very good friends!
195
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,021
We're very good friends,
Stan!
196
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:06,235
- So, kip, you spend more time
with your buddy Kyle today?
197
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:07,194
- Oh, yeah, dad!
198
00:08:07,237 --> 00:08:08,487
We've been having
the best time!
199
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:10,156
I showed him
all the pictures of me
200
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,866
in that silly Halloween costume
last year!
201
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,160
- Oh? What'd he say
about those?
202
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,202
- He laughed out loud!
203
00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:16,871
And then he was rolling
on the floor laughing!
204
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:19,165
- Sounds like you boys
had a ball!
205
00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:21,667
- Mom, dad, I'm all done.
Can I go hang out with Kyle
206
00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,252
and tell him all about
what I had for dinner?
207
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,629
- Well, it's a little late,
but it is Friday.
208
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:26,922
- I think
the more time you spend
209
00:08:26,923 --> 00:08:28,340
with your little friend
the better.
210
00:08:28,466 --> 00:08:31,010
- Wow, thanks!
- Have fun and be safe!
211
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:40,519
- Ate pork chop for dinner.
212
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,688
Had nice applesauce too!
213
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:01,040
Ha, ha! Yeah!
214
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:04,293
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
215
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,882
- "I think you look cute
in your bunny costume."
216
00:09:10,592 --> 00:09:11,717
- What?
217
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,761
- "I think you look cute
in your bunny costume?"
218
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,804
What is that supposed to mean?
219
00:09:16,431 --> 00:09:17,514
- I have no idea!
220
00:09:17,682 --> 00:09:20,017
- That's what susan92 wrote
on your Facebook wall!
221
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,311
You give girls pictures of you
in bunny outfits?
222
00:09:22,354 --> 00:09:23,854
Fuck you!
223
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,607
- Susan92 is a friend
of my grandma's
224
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,609
and she's 92 years old!
225
00:09:31,613 --> 00:09:32,446
- Oh, hey, Stan!
226
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:34,573
I'm your friend Brian
through your Uncle jimbo?
227
00:09:34,699 --> 00:09:36,408
Hey, I commented
on your status,
228
00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:37,952
but I haven't heard back
from you.
229
00:09:38,036 --> 00:09:39,828
Could you give me a poke
sometime soon?
230
00:09:40,205 --> 00:09:41,330
- Fine.
231
00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:44,166
- Hey, kid!
232
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:46,669
How come you ignored
my friend request?
233
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,879
- I don't know you!
234
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,882
- Yeah, well, I'm just a guy
that gets ignored, I guess!
235
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,320
- Stan, grandma
said she poked you
236
00:10:13,405 --> 00:10:15,406
and you haven't
sent a poke back.
237
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:16,949
- Dad, I didn't even want to
do this.
238
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:18,951
- Stan, poke your grandma!
239
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,956
- No. No!
240
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,791
Screw this!
You know what?
241
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,127
Edit profile.
Update profile.
242
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,670
There!
Delete profile.
243
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,047
"You have requested to delete
for Facebook profile.
244
00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:33,590
"If this is an error,
hit cancel.
245
00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:35,884
"Proceed.
Delete your profile.
246
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:36,969
"Are you sure?
Yes/no?
247
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:37,970
Yes.
248
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,221
"Are you totally sure?"
249
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,639
Yes!
250
00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:47,646
- Can't let me do that?
What are you talking about?
251
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:51,150
- I'm gonna have to put you
on the game grid.
252
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,153
- Delete profile.
"Are you totally sure?
253
00:10:54,237 --> 00:10:55,446
Yes/no"--
yes. God damn it, yes!
254
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,573
Delete!
Delete! Delete!
255
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:03,037
Hey, dad?
256
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:06,749
Dad?
257
00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,525
Oh, dude,
what the fuck?
258
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,527
- All right,
get moving, profile.
259
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,279
- Profile?
I'm not a profile!
260
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,781
- Ignore.
- Aah!
261
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,494
- Tom Davis says hello
to Linda green's profile!
262
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,914
- Linda green likes how tom
Davis has changed his status.
263
00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,249
- Excuse me. My name is--
- ignore.
264
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:50,751
- Hey, could you
tell me how I--
265
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:53,003
- ignore.
- Aw, God damn it.
266
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:54,671
I got sucked into Facebook!
267
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:55,964
- I don't know what to do.
268
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:59,218
I just can't seem to get
my friend numbers to go up.
269
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:00,844
I'm desperate.
270
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:03,472
That's why I came to you.
271
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,182
- You're very smart, Kyle.
272
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:06,100
But the truth is,
273
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:07,851
as long as you have
that kip drordy loser
274
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:08,560
as a Facebook friend,
275
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,771
people view your friendship
as a liability.
276
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:11,855
You gotta dump him.
277
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,108
- I can't do that.
I'd just feel too bad.
278
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,692
- Well, Kyle,
then what you have to do
279
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:16,985
is go outside
the normal circles
280
00:12:17,153 --> 00:12:18,570
and try to make friends
with people
281
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:19,738
who've never heard of kip.
282
00:12:19,906 --> 00:12:20,906
- I've been trying!
283
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,032
But I just don't know
284
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,534
how to make totally new friends
on the Internet.
285
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:25,202
- It's not as hard
as it sounds, Kyle.
286
00:12:25,328 --> 00:12:26,954
Have you ever heard
of chat roulette?
287
00:12:27,122 --> 00:12:28,956
- No. What's chat roulette?
288
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,000
- Yup. Finding new friends is
easier today than ever before.
289
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:33,460
We just set ourselves up
on webcam,
290
00:12:33,628 --> 00:12:35,712
and then the computer
will randomly put us
291
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,214
with one
of the 50,000 people online
292
00:12:37,382 --> 00:12:38,841
also doing chat roulette.
293
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:40,509
- Hey, that's kind of cool.
294
00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:41,510
- Uh-huh. All right.
295
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,095
Let's see who our first
chat partner is.
296
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,346
Connect.
297
00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,348
- Aw, that's some dude
jacking off!
298
00:12:46,516 --> 00:12:47,724
- Oh, yeah,
you get those sometimes.
299
00:12:47,892 --> 00:12:49,309
We'll just click to
the next person.
300
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:50,352
There we go.
Hello?
301
00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:51,895
- That's just
a guy's penis, too!
302
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:53,147
- Okay.
Let's try this one.
303
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:56,483
- Dude, I don't want to see
a bunch of guys' penises!
304
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:57,526
- Hold on, Kyle!
305
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:58,986
This is seriously
an amazing gathering place
306
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,320
where people
from all over the world
307
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:02,072
can share their thoughts
and ideas!
308
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,784
Okay. That's a dude
jacking off, but...
309
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:07,828
Okay, dude jacking off.
310
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,288
Penis, penis...
311
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,039
Penis, penis, penis.
312
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:12,458
Ah, here's a guy.
313
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:14,293
Hey, dude, how's it goin?
314
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,003
- Hey.
- This is my friend Kyle.
315
00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:17,588
He's looking
for some new friends.
316
00:13:17,672 --> 00:13:18,881
- Oh, yeah?
317
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,300
- Oh, he's taking out
his penis.
318
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,177
Okay. Next guy.
- Dude, screw this.
319
00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:24,386
I don't want to see
anymore!
320
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:25,679
- Kyle, this is the way
the world works!
321
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,181
If you wanna find
some quality friends,
322
00:13:27,265 --> 00:13:29,224
you can wade through
all the dicks first!
323
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,187
- Excuse me.
324
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:35,522
Could you please tell me
what the hell is going on?
325
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:36,690
- No, you aren't my friend.
326
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,233
Would you like to be
my friend?
327
00:13:38,359 --> 00:13:40,402
- No, I seriously
don't want any more friends.
328
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:41,403
- Ignore.
329
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:44,198
So anyway, I really like taking
long walks in the summer,
330
00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,282
you know, because...
331
00:13:45,283 --> 00:13:47,034
- Okay, okay.
I'll be your friend.
332
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:49,119
- Confirm.
333
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:54,374
Ooh, tom Davis is thrilled
to have become powerful
334
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:55,501
by adding a new friend!
335
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,085
Here are some pictures
of my dog.
336
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,795
And here he is
in some silly outfits.
337
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,547
Can you comment on these?
338
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:01,798
- Ugh.
339
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:03,592
- Move it, profile!
340
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:04,885
- Uh-oh.
- Why "uh-oh"?
341
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,887
- They're taking him
to the gaming arena.
342
00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,847
- Looks like I'm gonna be
down a friend.
343
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,604
- You are about
to face each other in combat!
344
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:19,274
You will play the game
for the amusement of the users.
345
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:26,156
Let the game commence!
346
00:14:34,165 --> 00:14:35,165
- Yahtzee?
347
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,501
- One round only!
Begin!
348
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:47,302
- Uh, I'm going to
count fives, my five box.
349
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,513
- Can't we play on speeder bikes
or something?
350
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:51,431
- Play, profile!
351
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:56,311
- Yahtzee.
352
00:14:57,814 --> 00:15:00,941
Aah!
353
00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:04,486
- Dude jacking off,
dude jacking off!
354
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,822
That's a dude jacking off.
355
00:15:06,990 --> 00:15:08,907
- That's it, Cartman.
I'm out of here!
356
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,410
Chat roulette is no way for me
to find new friends!
357
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,828
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, Kyle!
358
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,413
Here's a nice
little Jewish kid!
359
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,206
- Hey. Hi there!
- Hello.
360
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:18,959
- Hey, nice to meet you.
My friend Kyle is a Jew, too!
361
00:15:19,127 --> 00:15:20,836
- Oh. That's cool.
I was starting to think
362
00:15:21,004 --> 00:15:22,588
this was nothing
but dudes jacking off.
363
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,132
- Hey, so do you wanna be
Facebook friends?
364
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,509
- Well, sure, if you'll come
and visit my farm.
365
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,011
- Heck, yeah,
I'll visit your farm.
366
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:30,429
You should check mine out too!
367
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,805
- Honey, where's kip?
368
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,390
I haven't seen him all day.
369
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:35,601
- No, he's been out spending
the whole day
370
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:36,560
with his best friend Kyle.
371
00:15:36,728 --> 00:15:38,687
I think
they're at the movies now.
372
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,111
- Ah! Ha ha haaa!
373
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:47,195
Ahghhghgh!
374
00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:51,033
Whoaaa!
Ha ha ahaaaaa!
375
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,288
- Troublemaker!
376
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:59,499
You were not supposed to survive
the game of yahtzee!
377
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,335
You have made things
complicated!
378
00:16:01,586 --> 00:16:04,129
- I've made them complicated?
I don't even want to be here!
379
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,506
- That's not
what your profile said.
380
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:07,799
- My profile?
381
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,176
God damn it,
my Facebook profile
382
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:10,719
has taken on
a life of its own!
383
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:11,678
Where is it?
384
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,097
- Your profile
is one of the most powerful
385
00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:15,515
in all of Facebook.
386
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:17,059
You cannot stop it now.
387
00:16:17,226 --> 00:16:18,685
- Oh, yeah?
I can try.
388
00:16:21,856 --> 00:16:23,231
- After him!
389
00:16:27,528 --> 00:16:29,154
- Okay, I fed the pigs.
390
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:32,741
Now I definitely
should water some fields.
391
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:34,034
Oh, wow, cool!
392
00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:36,286
That Jewish kid
put up a sign on my farm!
393
00:16:36,454 --> 00:16:38,622
"Hey, Kyle.
Really like your farm."
394
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,666
Oh, awesome!
395
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,959
What the hell is that?
Stan?
396
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:45,754
- You're an asshole, Kyle!
397
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,297
- What?
398
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,091
- What's the one thing
I told you?
399
00:16:49,217 --> 00:16:51,009
That I didn't want to
get sucked into Facebook!
400
00:16:51,135 --> 00:16:52,719
This is all your fault!
401
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,806
- Dude, what are you doing?
402
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,182
- What's it look like
I'm doing?
403
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:58,392
I found your farm on Facebook
404
00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,893
so you can help me
deal with this bullshit!
405
00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,770
You gotta go check
my profile status.
406
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,480
- Profile status?
407
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:04,940
- Just bring up
my Facebook page
408
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:06,775
and see what it says
my status is!
409
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:10,487
- Well, Stan I have to harvest
my crops before it's too late.
410
00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,614
- Dude, fuck your crops!
411
00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:14,324
- Dude! Dude, okay!
412
00:17:14,492 --> 00:17:16,493
Stop! I'm sorry!
413
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:19,579
It says that you are
currently hosting
414
00:17:19,664 --> 00:17:21,873
an online chat party
for all your friends.
415
00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:24,000
- Where?
- Cafeworld.
416
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,585
- Son of a bitch.
417
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:29,423
- An online chat party
for all his friends?
418
00:17:29,590 --> 00:17:32,342
Dude,
I should get over there!
419
00:17:36,681 --> 00:17:38,098
- Jesus Christ.
420
00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:42,102
- Randy marsh
is at work right now.
421
00:17:42,228 --> 00:17:43,186
Work is boring!
422
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,980
Randy marsh
is at work right now.
423
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:45,981
Work is boring!
424
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,191
- Butters stotch is enjoying
Stan's chat party!
425
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:51,069
- Herbert Garrison
likes butter's comment!
426
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:54,281
- Grandma marsh would like to be
friends with Kevin Donohue.
427
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,367
- Kevin donahue accepts
grandma marsh's friendship!
428
00:17:57,535 --> 00:17:59,536
- Has anybody seen
my stupid profile?
429
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:03,331
- Susan92 has pictures
of Stan in a bunny costume!
430
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,293
- Gary Johnson thinks
the pictures are fantastic!
431
00:18:06,461 --> 00:18:08,336
- Wow, there's a lot
of profiles here!
432
00:18:08,504 --> 00:18:09,629
Kyle broflovski is amazed
433
00:18:09,797 --> 00:18:11,173
Stan has so many Facebook
friends!
434
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:13,633
- Hey, Kyle broflovski
is amazed isayah
435
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:15,594
is also a Facebook friend
of Stan's!
436
00:18:15,803 --> 00:18:18,221
- Isayah zordon is deleting Kyle
broflovski as a friend.
437
00:18:18,389 --> 00:18:19,222
- What? Why?
438
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,016
- User saw your are friends
with kip drordy,
439
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,100
who only has one friend.
440
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:23,643
Kyle broflovski
is bad friend stock.
441
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:25,395
- Aw, no, I'm not really
friends with him.
442
00:18:25,563 --> 00:18:28,190
- Ignore.
- Ugh, that does it!
443
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,859
- All right,
all right, enough!
444
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,736
Everybody just shut up!
445
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:35,822
Where is profile Stan marsh?
446
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:38,492
- Right here.
447
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,165
- Uh-oh.
448
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:49,127
- "I'm sorry, kip, but I really
can't be your friend anymore.
449
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:51,671
"It was a great ride,
but I must say good-bye.
450
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,632
"This is the hardest thing
I've ever had to do,
451
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,093
but ending a friendship
is never easy."
452
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:07,562
- Ha ha ahaaa.
453
00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,301
- What do you want from me,
dude?
454
00:19:38,469 --> 00:19:39,845
- I'm your profile.
455
00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:43,682
And as you can see, I am much
more powerful than you.
456
00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,809
- Damn it! I should have
deleted you a long time ago!
457
00:19:45,977 --> 00:19:48,645
- Why do you think
I brought you in here?
458
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:51,147
The fact of the matter is
I'm up and running now
459
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:52,524
with almost a million friends.
460
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,442
I don't need you anymore.
461
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:57,445
I have more friends than you'll
ever have in the real world.
462
00:19:57,572 --> 00:19:58,405
- Who cares?
463
00:19:58,489 --> 00:20:00,115
Friends shouldn't be
some kind of commodity
464
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:01,408
for a person's status!
465
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:04,744
- Who is more powerful,
the user or the profile?
466
00:20:04,912 --> 00:20:06,997
Let's end this
once and for all.
467
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,422
- Let the final battle begin!
468
00:20:22,972 --> 00:20:25,348
- Fuckin' yahtzee again?
Seriously?
469
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:36,818
- What did I tell you?
That's a large flush already!
470
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:38,695
You don't have a chance
in here, user!
471
00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:40,071
Your pathetic little--
472
00:20:40,114 --> 00:20:41,406
- yahtzee.
473
00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:42,282
- What?
474
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:43,867
- Yahtzee. Sixes.
475
00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,536
- No! It can't be!
476
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:47,787
- Yahtzee!
477
00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:49,039
- No!
478
00:20:49,206 --> 00:20:50,832
Aah!
479
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:05,221
- Oh...
480
00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:11,519
- Oh, thank God.
481
00:21:12,647 --> 00:21:16,066
- Hey, Stan, my computer says
we're not friends anymore?
482
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:18,109
- My Facebook profile
went rogue, dad.
483
00:21:18,152 --> 00:21:19,819
Had to go into the circuitry
and do battle with it.
484
00:21:20,363 --> 00:21:22,572
I sent all my friends
somewhere else.
485
00:21:22,782 --> 00:21:24,074
- Oh, okay.
486
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,826
So we're--we're not
friends then?
487
00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:28,578
- Fuck off, dad.
488
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:42,926
- Ahhhh.
489
00:21:43,177 --> 00:21:45,220
Ahhahahahahahaha!
490
00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:49,820
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