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1
00:00:11,497 --> 00:00:15,517
Subtitles by explosiveskull
www.OpenSubtitles.org
2
00:01:33,128 --> 00:01:34,495
Uh, guys.
3
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:36,530
My map says that the
campsites to the right.
4
00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:38,867
What, are you blind, Stacy?
5
00:01:38,900 --> 00:01:40,101
That's where the
insane asylum is.
6
00:01:40,135 --> 00:01:42,037
Can't you read arrows?
7
00:01:42,070 --> 00:01:43,004
I don't know, I just,
8
00:01:43,038 --> 00:01:45,974
I really don't have a
good feeling about this.
9
00:01:46,007 --> 00:01:47,042
Let's go.
10
00:01:47,075 --> 00:01:50,111
This weekend is all about
no rules, no clothes,
11
00:01:50,145 --> 00:01:51,980
and so cell service.
12
00:01:52,013 --> 00:01:53,048
Drive, Zach.
13
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,555
And it's like
that every time.
14
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:03,792
His instructions tell
me to do bad things
15
00:02:03,825 --> 00:02:05,492
and then get out of the movie.
16
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,128
That's my job.
17
00:02:07,162 --> 00:02:09,097
It's not that bad, Mike.
18
00:02:10,732 --> 00:02:11,699
Could you put these up a little?
19
00:02:11,733 --> 00:02:13,101
Yeah, in front of the face.
20
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:16,004
If someone's coming at ya,
where you gonna put 'em?
21
00:02:16,037 --> 00:02:16,570
Uh, here.
22
00:02:16,604 --> 00:02:18,006
You gonna remember that?
23
00:02:18,039 --> 00:02:19,007
Yes.
24
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:20,742
Up near the face.
25
00:02:24,779 --> 00:02:25,881
I mean first they had me
26
00:02:25,914 --> 00:02:28,149
planting satanic
relics in attics.
27
00:02:37,926 --> 00:02:38,827
Oh.
28
00:02:40,762 --> 00:02:42,496
Then they made me do that movie
29
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:45,466
where I was a shady
real estate agent.
30
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,135
Hope you enjoyed the tour.
31
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:51,072
This, this is the best
house on the market.
32
00:02:52,207 --> 00:02:53,074
Trust me.
33
00:02:53,909 --> 00:02:55,476
It just seems too
good to be true.
34
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:56,978
Uh.
35
00:02:57,012 --> 00:02:58,479
Uh, no, no.
36
00:02:58,512 --> 00:02:59,647
I don't think it is, actually.
37
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,484
It's got a really average
good to be true, uh, ratio.
38
00:03:03,517 --> 00:03:04,953
So, if we went to the library
39
00:03:04,986 --> 00:03:06,955
and asked for newspaper
clippings regarding
horrific events
40
00:03:06,988 --> 00:03:10,058
that occurred on the property,
they wouldn't have any?
41
00:03:10,091 --> 00:03:10,892
Yeah.
42
00:03:10,926 --> 00:03:13,194
Yeah, that's correct,
my good friend.
43
00:03:13,228 --> 00:03:18,767
Any newspaper after
1975 definitely
wouldn't say anything.
44
00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:21,535
I mean is there
gonna be enough room
45
00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:23,537
in the backyard for
your greenhouse?
46
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,742
Mike.
47
00:03:27,776 --> 00:03:30,611
There would be room in the
basement for the train set.
48
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,080
Of course the rooms upstairs.
49
00:03:33,181 --> 00:03:34,149
Mike!
50
00:03:34,182 --> 00:03:35,250
Hey!
51
00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,418
We'll take it.
52
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:38,485
Okay, I'll get the contracts
so nobody can turn around,
53
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:39,687
uh, I mean back out.
54
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,856
So, let's just remain
firm eye contact here
55
00:03:41,890 --> 00:03:43,691
as we seal the deal.
56
00:03:44,259 --> 00:03:45,393
Mike.
57
00:03:45,427 --> 00:03:47,896
Do you even know how
hard it is to curse a doll?
58
00:03:48,897 --> 00:03:50,098
No.
59
00:03:50,131 --> 00:03:51,632
Lot of steps.
60
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:14,889
I think I know what
your problem is.
61
00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:15,589
What?
62
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:16,992
You're looking for motivation.
63
00:04:17,025 --> 00:04:18,994
Yeah, of course I am, Wendy.
64
00:04:19,027 --> 00:04:20,795
I'm a person, I need an arc.
65
00:04:20,829 --> 00:04:23,298
You know, I want to
do something more.
66
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,531
I want to do something good.
67
00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,001
Yeah but it's not your job.
68
00:04:27,168 --> 00:04:28,370
You're a cold opener.
69
00:04:28,403 --> 00:04:30,972
You only have a few minutes to
put all the pieces in place.
70
00:04:31,006 --> 00:04:32,107
What am I supposed to do then?
71
00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:34,075
You know, it's not like I
get to come in at the end
72
00:04:34,109 --> 00:04:36,778
and rescue the good guys
and arrest the bad guys
73
00:04:36,811 --> 00:04:38,947
in the freaking finale,
you know, like some people.
74
00:04:38,980 --> 00:04:41,648
You know, my job
sucks sometimes, too.
75
00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:45,120
I have never hit the
heart or the brain.
76
00:04:45,153 --> 00:04:47,088
Honestly, I've never
hit a vital organ
77
00:04:47,122 --> 00:04:49,791
and I don't get it
'cause I'm always pointed
78
00:04:49,824 --> 00:04:51,092
right at the head
79
00:04:51,126 --> 00:04:53,128
and then somehow it's
always the left shoulder.
80
00:04:53,161 --> 00:04:53,862
I just.
81
00:04:53,895 --> 00:04:55,296
Maybe, maybe.
82
00:04:55,330 --> 00:04:56,765
Maybe I could hit a vital organ?
83
00:04:56,798 --> 00:04:58,632
You know, I just, I've
never gotten the chance.
84
00:04:58,665 --> 00:04:59,934
Mike!
Sorry, sorry.
85
00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:01,302
If you start fantasizing again
86
00:05:01,336 --> 00:05:03,604
I'm literally going to
punch you in the face.
87
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:04,538
Oh.
88
00:05:06,808 --> 00:05:10,544
Look, no offense, but
you're not a character.
89
00:05:11,946 --> 00:05:14,849
You're better off
with what you have.
90
00:06:11,172 --> 00:06:12,740
This blows.
91
00:06:12,774 --> 00:06:13,875
As if it wasn't bad enough
92
00:06:13,908 --> 00:06:16,077
that we're babysitting
on Halloween.
93
00:06:16,111 --> 00:06:18,712
We just need to find
the breaker box.
94
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,985
What was that?
95
00:06:51,946 --> 00:06:53,815
It's okay, it's okay.
96
00:06:53,848 --> 00:06:54,715
What do you want?
97
00:06:54,749 --> 00:06:56,284
Hi, I'm Mike.
98
00:06:56,317 --> 00:06:58,186
I'm a neighbor.
99
00:06:59,287 --> 00:07:04,292
I just wanted to see if
your power went out, too.
100
00:07:04,325 --> 00:07:05,193
It did.
101
00:07:06,394 --> 00:07:07,829
Thank you.
102
00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:09,264
Goodnight.
103
00:07:27,749 --> 00:07:29,884
It's just, can we talk?
104
00:07:29,918 --> 00:07:32,053
For a second.
105
00:07:32,086 --> 00:07:33,054
I'm sorry I scared you.
106
00:07:33,087 --> 00:07:35,456
I promise I'm, you can trust me.
107
00:07:40,795 --> 00:07:44,432
If you're a neighbor why
haven't I seen you before?
108
00:07:44,465 --> 00:07:47,368
I've been babysitting for
the Patterson's for years.
109
00:07:47,402 --> 00:07:50,471
A babysitter, of
course, that's classic.
110
00:07:50,505 --> 00:07:51,439
Excuse me?
111
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,208
And what's with your eye?
112
00:07:53,241 --> 00:07:56,844
Is that some sort of
Halloween costume thing?
113
00:07:56,878 --> 00:07:58,746
Yeah, oh, that's right.
114
00:07:58,780 --> 00:08:01,216
Definitely a costume.
115
00:08:01,249 --> 00:08:05,019
Anyways, I just heard
some tussling over here
116
00:08:05,053 --> 00:08:08,756
before the power out and
just wanted to check in.
117
00:08:08,790 --> 00:08:09,958
Well, we're fine.
118
00:08:09,991 --> 00:08:11,192
Thank you.
119
00:08:11,226 --> 00:08:13,228
Are you sure you didn't
want like, you know,
120
00:08:13,261 --> 00:08:17,832
someone to hang out and
like be all "what was that?"
121
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:18,866
if there was a noise or---
122
00:08:18,900 --> 00:08:20,368
That's okay.
123
00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:22,804
I've got my best
friend, Tess, here.
124
00:08:22,837 --> 00:08:24,005
Hi, Tess.
125
00:08:24,038 --> 00:08:26,908
Uh, what about like a
tough dude, you know,
126
00:08:26,941 --> 00:08:29,143
if some crazy guy shows up?
127
00:08:29,177 --> 00:08:30,812
I think you already have
the crazy dude thing down.
128
00:08:30,845 --> 00:08:31,479
So---
129
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:32,480
Oh, no.
130
00:08:32,513 --> 00:08:33,047
No, no.
131
00:08:33,081 --> 00:08:34,115
I'm not, I'm not crazy.
132
00:08:34,148 --> 00:08:36,517
I'm, uh, I'm Mike.
133
00:08:36,551 --> 00:08:38,486
I just want to help.
134
00:08:38,519 --> 00:08:39,420
Hannah.
135
00:08:42,390 --> 00:08:43,258
Talk in a second.
136
00:08:43,291 --> 00:08:44,525
Okay.
137
00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:46,561
He did it, he cut the power.
138
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:48,129
Are you sure?
139
00:08:48,162 --> 00:08:49,330
Look in his pocket.
140
00:08:53,434 --> 00:08:55,436
Okay, I've got a plan.
141
00:09:00,575 --> 00:09:01,442
Trust me.
142
00:09:04,479 --> 00:09:05,079
Hey, Mike.
143
00:09:05,113 --> 00:09:06,447
Want to come in for a sec?
144
00:09:06,481 --> 00:09:08,816
It seems like you
really want to hang out.
145
00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:10,852
Boy, do I, yeah.
146
00:09:16,190 --> 00:09:18,059
I'll be right back.
147
00:09:21,462 --> 00:09:22,530
Okay, see ya, Tess.
148
00:09:23,598 --> 00:09:25,033
She seems cool.
149
00:09:27,368 --> 00:09:28,202
I'm so excited.
150
00:09:28,236 --> 00:09:30,238
I've never gotten
to do this before.
151
00:09:30,271 --> 00:09:30,805
Do what?
152
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,173
Stick around this long.
153
00:09:32,206 --> 00:09:34,475
You know, introduce my
name and everything.
154
00:09:34,509 --> 00:09:36,544
I even have a backstory.
155
00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:39,480
Mike, concerned neighbor.
156
00:09:40,515 --> 00:09:42,116
That's great.
157
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:45,153
So, what do we do now?
158
00:09:45,186 --> 00:09:49,190
Um, maybe help me
find some candles?
159
00:09:49,223 --> 00:09:50,358
They're in there.
160
00:09:50,391 --> 00:09:51,326
Okay, yeah.
161
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:55,063
Oh man, I'm gonna
get fired for this.
162
00:09:56,097 --> 00:09:56,964
Oh yeah?
163
00:09:56,998 --> 00:09:57,865
Probably, probably.
164
00:09:57,899 --> 00:09:58,599
But it's so worth it.
165
00:10:00,134 --> 00:10:02,070
You know, Wendy was wrong.
166
00:10:02,103 --> 00:10:04,038
You know it's nice
to have an arc
167
00:10:04,072 --> 00:10:06,107
and feel like you're
helping people
168
00:10:06,140 --> 00:10:08,543
and doing some real good, yeah.
169
00:10:10,144 --> 00:10:11,112
What are you doing?
170
00:10:11,145 --> 00:10:12,113
What are you doing?
171
00:10:12,146 --> 00:10:13,014
Oh, I can explain.
172
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,148
You better.
173
00:10:14,182 --> 00:10:15,516
So my friend, Wendy,
and I were boxing.
174
00:10:15,550 --> 00:10:17,218
Well she was boxing,
175
00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:19,554
I was holding these
weird oven mitt things
176
00:10:19,587 --> 00:10:21,122
and then I started
to think, you know,
177
00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:23,491
what if I could be the
one to change my story
178
00:10:23,524 --> 00:10:24,025
and that's when
179
00:10:24,058 --> 00:10:25,493
and the sheers, yes.
180
00:10:25,526 --> 00:10:28,029
I cut the power, but you
know what am I gonna do?
181
00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:29,063
Murder you?
182
00:10:29,097 --> 00:10:30,064
You were gonna murder us?
183
00:10:30,098 --> 00:10:32,100
No, no, no.
184
00:10:32,133 --> 00:10:35,536
I said, I'm not
gonna murder you.
185
00:10:39,674 --> 00:10:40,975
Okay.
186
00:10:52,553 --> 00:10:53,454
Tess!
187
00:10:57,225 --> 00:10:59,260
Call the police, now!
188
00:10:59,293 --> 00:11:02,296
This is just a misunderstanding)
189
00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:08,569
Oh, oh no.
190
00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:10,571
Oh no.
191
00:11:12,173 --> 00:11:13,241
You okay?
192
00:11:29,157 --> 00:11:30,191
Uh, Tess?
193
00:11:31,459 --> 00:11:33,494
I think Hannah might
need some help.
194
00:11:36,464 --> 00:11:38,199
Do I take it out or leave it in?
195
00:11:45,072 --> 00:11:46,207
Oh, no, no, no.
196
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,575
Tess, hello?
197
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:53,948
I really hope you
can't feel this.
198
00:12:06,661 --> 00:12:07,729
Oh my god.
199
00:12:08,663 --> 00:12:10,231
You psycho.
200
00:12:10,264 --> 00:12:11,599
You killed her.
201
00:12:11,632 --> 00:12:13,601
Oh, nope.
202
00:12:13,634 --> 00:12:15,470
No, I didn't kill her.
203
00:12:15,503 --> 00:12:19,207
Honestly, yes you, I stabbed
204
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:20,374
by accident, of course.
205
00:12:20,408 --> 00:12:22,677
I'm sorry but no,
I didn't stab her.
206
00:12:22,710 --> 00:12:24,078
I swear.
207
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,214
Oh, I wouldn't do that.
208
00:12:26,247 --> 00:12:28,750
I, I wouldn't do that.
209
00:12:36,157 --> 00:12:37,191
Oh geeze.
210
00:12:49,504 --> 00:12:50,404
Oh man.
211
00:12:51,272 --> 00:12:53,374
Tess was gonna kill me?
212
00:12:54,810 --> 00:12:57,178
I can't believe this.
213
00:12:57,211 --> 00:12:58,179
Oh no, it's not
what it looks like.
214
00:13:00,281 --> 00:13:01,616
Jesus Christ.
215
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,385
The shoulder?
216
00:13:05,286 --> 00:13:06,587
Seriously?
217
00:13:07,823 --> 00:13:09,023
You shot me.
218
00:13:10,224 --> 00:13:11,259
Mike?
219
00:13:12,426 --> 00:13:14,529
We got a call for some girl
talking about a crazy guy
220
00:13:14,562 --> 00:13:17,698
trying to kill
her and her friend
221
00:13:17,733 --> 00:13:20,701
and um, the kid
they're babysitting.
222
00:13:20,736 --> 00:13:21,737
Oh my god.
223
00:13:21,770 --> 00:13:22,570
I should check on the kid.
224
00:13:22,603 --> 00:13:24,105
He's probably so
freaked out right now.
225
00:13:24,138 --> 00:13:26,274
No, no.
226
00:13:26,307 --> 00:13:27,475
Don't.
227
00:13:27,508 --> 00:13:30,444
I just mean, maybe
I should do that.
228
00:13:39,420 --> 00:13:41,857
I didn't, I didn't
mean to kill everyone.
229
00:13:41,890 --> 00:13:44,793
It just sort of happened.
230
00:13:44,826 --> 00:13:47,428
Well, it isn't good, pal.
231
00:13:47,461 --> 00:13:51,232
Especially with the
whole name thing.
232
00:13:51,265 --> 00:13:52,834
Oh, it's just a coincidence.
233
00:13:52,868 --> 00:13:57,171
Well, I'm sitting here with
my friend, Michael Myers,
234
00:13:57,204 --> 00:14:00,241
on Halloween night and yeah,
235
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,243
there's a bunch of
dead bodies around.
236
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,612
So you tell me.
237
00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:05,747
I go by Mike.
238
00:14:06,581 --> 00:14:09,216
I don't like horror movies.
239
00:14:09,250 --> 00:14:10,718
They give me nightmares.
240
00:14:10,752 --> 00:14:12,453
Yeah, I know.
241
00:14:12,486 --> 00:14:14,188
Just a big softy.
242
00:14:14,722 --> 00:14:18,326
It's just not fair, you know?
243
00:14:18,359 --> 00:14:23,497
I just wanted to be
something more so badly.
244
00:14:24,632 --> 00:14:27,168
You know, I just wanted to do
something good, that's all.
245
00:14:27,201 --> 00:14:29,203
You tried your best.
246
00:14:29,236 --> 00:14:31,472
All we can do, right?
247
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:34,208
Yeah.
248
00:14:34,241 --> 00:14:35,476
Yeah, I guess, I just,
249
00:14:35,509 --> 00:14:37,345
what am I gonna do now?
250
00:14:37,378 --> 00:14:38,312
It's over.
251
00:14:38,346 --> 00:14:40,548
You know, I've got no job.
252
00:14:40,581 --> 00:14:42,450
I'm definitely not
getting another piece
253
00:14:42,483 --> 00:14:44,619
of paper with instructions
on it, that's for sure.
254
00:14:44,652 --> 00:14:47,756
Come on, they always make
sequels off this stuff.
255
00:14:47,789 --> 00:14:48,890
Really?
256
00:14:48,924 --> 00:14:50,191
Sure.
257
00:14:50,224 --> 00:14:52,761
I could be a, be a villain.
258
00:14:52,794 --> 00:14:53,694
Sure.
259
00:14:57,698 --> 00:15:01,569
Oh, I didn't realize
the sun had come up.
260
00:15:01,602 --> 00:15:05,506
Oh yeah, they always end
horror movies in daylight.
261
00:15:05,539 --> 00:15:06,875
It's a sign of hope.
262
00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:09,477
Oh.
263
00:15:15,549 --> 00:15:16,752
So, what do you think?
264
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:20,521
Uh, I just don't know about
all the meta stuff, you know?
265
00:15:20,554 --> 00:15:24,191
I mean a movie talking about
a movie within a movie.
266
00:15:24,225 --> 00:15:25,894
It's just confusing.
267
00:15:25,927 --> 00:15:28,562
You're just not ready
for primetime, kid.
268
00:15:31,565 --> 00:15:34,770
Well, you know a
phoenix has to burn
269
00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:36,805
before it can rise
from the ashes.
270
00:15:36,838 --> 00:15:38,372
So.
271
00:15:38,406 --> 00:15:39,674
I have no idea what that means.
272
00:15:39,707 --> 00:15:42,443
Me neither, my dad would
just always say it.
273
00:15:43,577 --> 00:15:45,446
I never met my father.
274
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:47,448
Cool.
275
00:15:48,249 --> 00:15:49,417
Uh, this is my stop.
276
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:55,389
Uh, well.
277
00:15:56,024 --> 00:15:57,725
Thanks for the ride.
278
00:15:57,759 --> 00:15:58,659
Ah.
279
00:16:09,470 --> 00:16:11,807
Hey, remember kid.
280
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,341
Picking up hitchhikers
is dangerous business.
281
00:16:14,375 --> 00:16:16,011
That's how horror movies start.
282
00:16:16,044 --> 00:16:17,645
You're scary, mister.
283
00:17:04,926 --> 00:17:05,794
On time.
284
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:08,462
And for your consideration.
285
00:17:09,630 --> 00:17:10,799
Damn it, Sam.
286
00:17:10,832 --> 00:17:13,534
You know how I feel about this.
287
00:17:14,568 --> 00:17:16,537
I'd be the model employee.
288
00:17:16,570 --> 00:17:17,906
This is a damn shame.
289
00:17:17,939 --> 00:17:19,573
I just, I can't.
290
00:17:19,607 --> 00:17:21,542
I have an encyclopedic
knowledge of movies.
291
00:17:21,575 --> 00:17:23,078
Nobody knows movies like I do.
292
00:17:23,111 --> 00:17:25,046
You're making a huge mistake.
293
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:26,647
People don't like you.
294
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:28,682
I mean look at your face.
295
00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:30,384
I just want to punch it.
296
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:31,519
Chad.
297
00:17:31,552 --> 00:17:32,520
How many times have
you been punched
298
00:17:32,553 --> 00:17:33,721
in the face this week?
299
00:17:33,755 --> 00:17:34,923
That's a trick question
300
00:17:34,956 --> 00:17:36,858
'cause you know my mom
hits me every morning
301
00:17:36,892 --> 00:17:38,492
to wake me up.
302
00:17:38,526 --> 00:17:39,761
Give me the job, man.
303
00:17:40,528 --> 00:17:41,963
Someone will come apply.
304
00:17:45,066 --> 00:17:46,367
Someday.
305
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,402
Keep those dreams
alive, partner.
306
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:49,104
Yeah, you, too.
307
00:17:49,137 --> 00:17:50,038
I'll be here.
308
00:17:51,405 --> 00:17:52,841
Until your mom picks you up.
309
00:18:15,730 --> 00:18:19,500
Hello, I'm here for video
store clerk position.
310
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:21,435
Name.
Hawn Fan.
311
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:22,570
Ever committed a felony?
No.
312
00:18:22,603 --> 00:18:23,839
Legal to work in the US?
Yes.
313
00:18:23,872 --> 00:18:24,471
Reliable form
314
00:18:24,505 --> 00:18:25,639
of transportation?
Yes.
315
00:18:25,673 --> 00:18:26,875
High school, GED, or equivalent?
316
00:18:26,908 --> 00:18:27,675
Yes.
317
00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:28,509
Have you ever
suffered the untimely
318
00:18:28,542 --> 00:18:30,045
and crushing loss
of a loved one?
319
00:18:30,078 --> 00:18:31,112
No.
320
00:18:31,146 --> 00:18:31,980
Nancy Thompson or Laurie Stroud?
321
00:18:32,013 --> 00:18:32,981
Laurie.
322
00:18:33,014 --> 00:18:34,015
Leprechaun in Space or
Leprechaun in the Hood?
323
00:18:34,049 --> 00:18:35,150
Space, I guess.
324
00:18:35,183 --> 00:18:36,584
Better sequel, Troll
2 or Halloween Three?
325
00:18:36,617 --> 00:18:37,853
Neither follow the
official canon.
326
00:18:37,886 --> 00:18:39,520
So neither are
official sequels, sir.
327
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:42,389
Have you ever had a best friend?
328
00:18:42,423 --> 00:18:43,124
No, sir.
329
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:46,460
When could you start?
330
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:47,595
Now.
331
00:18:47,628 --> 00:18:49,097
Season of the Witch was
pretty awesome, though, huh?
332
00:18:49,130 --> 00:18:50,464
Right.
333
00:18:51,632 --> 00:18:52,801
You gotta come forward a bit.
334
00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:53,969
Yeah, there you go.
Yes, sir.
335
00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:56,637
We'll just stick with
low fives for now.
336
00:18:56,670 --> 00:18:57,873
Yeah, that's a handshake.
337
00:18:57,906 --> 00:18:59,174
We'll work on that.
Sir.
338
00:18:59,207 --> 00:19:00,608
Come on around.
339
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:04,578
I'm training somebody
right now, Mom.
340
00:19:04,612 --> 00:19:06,513
I told you I'll make
it home for dinner.
341
00:19:06,547 --> 00:19:07,816
I might bring a friend.
342
00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:13,554
Anyway, you're gonna hit F4,
F11, and F9 with control alt
343
00:19:13,587 --> 00:19:14,823
to get to the account.
344
00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:18,860
This one again?
345
00:19:18,894 --> 00:19:20,795
It's bloody fucking hilarious.
346
00:19:20,829 --> 00:19:23,865
Bloody and hilarious or
are you just British?
347
00:19:23,899 --> 00:19:24,498
What?
348
00:19:24,531 --> 00:19:26,634
I'll have to check it out.
349
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:28,770
You haven't seen it?
350
00:19:28,803 --> 00:19:32,941
Oh Chad, you are
gonna flip your shit.
351
00:19:32,974 --> 00:19:34,475
You better clear your schedule
352
00:19:34,508 --> 00:19:36,011
because this is
required viewing.
353
00:19:36,044 --> 00:19:39,580
It all starts with a
group of characters
354
00:19:39,613 --> 00:19:42,583
walking through the woods
355
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:44,052
and you don't know
what's gonna happen next.
356
00:19:44,085 --> 00:19:48,622
When then all of a sudden,
one of the characters
357
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,860
steps in some nasty goo.
358
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:59,667
There's bug guts on my shoe.
359
00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:02,436
You're a big boy, hon,
you can clean it yourself.
360
00:20:03,704 --> 00:20:04,705
Fine.
361
00:20:05,907 --> 00:20:08,843
So do you think tonight's
gonna be the night with Trip?
362
00:20:11,780 --> 00:20:12,713
I don't know.
363
00:20:12,747 --> 00:20:14,682
I brought my own tent, so.
364
00:20:14,715 --> 00:20:16,583
Oh huh, weird.
365
00:20:16,617 --> 00:20:18,153
I don't see you setting it up?
366
00:20:18,186 --> 00:20:21,588
Well I think it would
be a little bit strange
367
00:20:21,622 --> 00:20:23,091
with you guys right there.
368
00:20:23,124 --> 00:20:24,960
Oh, that's okay 'cause
I like to watch..
369
00:20:24,993 --> 00:20:25,827
So it's good.
370
00:20:25,860 --> 00:20:29,965
Hey, you guys talking
about fucking or?
371
00:20:29,998 --> 00:20:31,532
Hey!
372
00:20:31,565 --> 00:20:33,168
Hey, you gotta help me.
373
00:20:33,201 --> 00:20:35,270
I need your help, okay,
you have to help me.
374
00:20:35,303 --> 00:20:36,171
What's up, man?
375
00:20:36,204 --> 00:20:37,571
Are you hurt?
376
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,640
I'm dangerous.
377
00:20:39,673 --> 00:20:41,242
I need you guys to
lock me up or tie me up
378
00:20:41,276 --> 00:20:42,710
'cause I'm gonna change.
379
00:20:42,744 --> 00:20:43,812
I'm gonna change.
380
00:20:44,879 --> 00:20:47,015
Oh yeah, okay hydrate.
381
00:20:48,249 --> 00:20:49,851
Wow.
382
00:20:49,884 --> 00:20:51,820
Oh, somebody get
this girl a refill.
383
00:20:51,853 --> 00:20:53,254
Piss off, dude.
384
00:20:53,288 --> 00:20:54,688
Get out of here.
385
00:20:54,722 --> 00:20:56,690
You don't understand!
386
00:20:56,724 --> 00:20:57,859
I'm gonna kill you all!
387
00:20:57,892 --> 00:21:00,195
I'm sorry but
388
00:21:03,732 --> 00:21:05,133
You have to kill me!
389
00:21:05,166 --> 00:21:05,900
Please.
390
00:21:09,904 --> 00:21:15,043
Let's help him.
391
00:21:17,345 --> 00:21:18,645
This won't work.
392
00:21:18,679 --> 00:21:19,814
Need silver.
393
00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:22,083
Sticks won't work, you fucks!
394
00:21:22,117 --> 00:21:23,852
You need sliver!
395
00:21:29,758 --> 00:21:30,724
Your earrings.
396
00:21:30,759 --> 00:21:32,027
Your earrings!
397
00:21:33,094 --> 00:21:34,329
Hurry!
398
00:21:34,362 --> 00:21:36,297
Those are gold, okay.
399
00:21:36,331 --> 00:21:37,598
Try your watch.
400
00:21:37,631 --> 00:21:39,801
Try your watch, try your watch.
401
00:21:39,834 --> 00:21:41,169
That's fake.
402
00:21:41,202 --> 00:21:42,070
That's fake.
403
00:21:43,104 --> 00:21:44,806
Oops.
404
00:21:44,839 --> 00:21:47,208
Guy said it was.
405
00:21:47,242 --> 00:21:48,109
It was real nice.
406
00:21:49,110 --> 00:21:50,245
You cheapskate!
407
00:21:50,278 --> 00:21:51,645
Hurry, hurry.
408
00:21:53,214 --> 00:21:54,182
What do I do?
409
00:21:54,215 --> 00:21:55,549
I don't know.
410
00:21:59,287 --> 00:22:00,889
Are those silver?
411
00:22:00,922 --> 00:22:02,891
I like fancy things.
412
00:22:03,792 --> 00:22:04,993
Nice, dude.
413
00:22:06,693 --> 00:22:09,264
Okay, great, you paused the
transformation, that's good.
414
00:22:09,297 --> 00:22:12,300
Could have happened a
little bit sooner but uh.
415
00:22:12,333 --> 00:22:13,234
Look, next we,
416
00:22:14,302 --> 00:22:16,137
hey, why does that
guy have handcuffs?
417
00:22:17,372 --> 00:22:18,873
Hey, yeah.
418
00:22:18,907 --> 00:22:19,974
Oh, he's kinky.
419
00:22:20,842 --> 00:22:23,211
Were those meant for me?
420
00:22:23,244 --> 00:22:24,279
You?
421
00:22:24,312 --> 00:22:25,880
Yeah.
422
00:22:25,914 --> 00:22:28,016
Just not in the way
you were thinking.
423
00:22:31,319 --> 00:22:32,353
He's super kinky.
424
00:22:32,387 --> 00:22:34,155
He's the backwoods slasher.
425
00:22:35,423 --> 00:22:36,723
Hey, stay back, Trip.
426
00:22:36,758 --> 00:22:38,093
You guys, all right?
427
00:22:39,327 --> 00:22:43,231
Hey, that guy's blood
is getting in my blood.
428
00:22:43,264 --> 00:22:45,333
Trip, bro, bro.
429
00:22:45,366 --> 00:22:46,901
Trip.
430
00:22:46,935 --> 00:22:50,105
You are deceptively
strong, my dude.
431
00:22:53,274 --> 00:22:55,777
Oh, that's disgusting.
432
00:23:00,849 --> 00:23:04,018
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!
433
00:23:09,324 --> 00:23:10,291
Wait.
434
00:23:10,325 --> 00:23:11,292
Brenda, look at me.
435
00:23:11,326 --> 00:23:12,393
I love you so much.
436
00:23:12,427 --> 00:23:13,394
You're my best friend.
437
00:23:13,428 --> 00:23:14,395
We're gonna be fine.
438
00:23:14,429 --> 00:23:15,396
Okay?
439
00:23:15,430 --> 00:23:16,697
I promise you, I promise you.
440
00:23:16,731 --> 00:23:17,765
I'm gonna get help.
441
00:23:17,799 --> 00:23:18,900
You wait here.
No, no, no.
442
00:23:18,933 --> 00:23:20,701
I think we should
stick together.
443
00:23:49,831 --> 00:23:50,899
Hello?
444
00:23:51,866 --> 00:23:53,101
I'm still here.
445
00:23:55,336 --> 00:23:56,237
Kill me?
446
00:23:57,238 --> 00:23:58,006
God damn it.
447
00:23:58,039 --> 00:24:00,041
I think my eyes
are gonna fall out.
448
00:24:18,092 --> 00:24:19,194
Hey.
449
00:24:19,227 --> 00:24:21,930
Hi, I'm hunting a
creature, well a man.
450
00:24:21,963 --> 00:24:23,097
Maybe you've seen him.
451
00:24:23,131 --> 00:24:24,866
He's about ye tall.
452
00:24:24,899 --> 00:24:27,402
He might be changing
into something.
453
00:24:27,435 --> 00:24:28,336
Keep it down.
454
00:24:28,369 --> 00:24:29,904
Why are you down there?
455
00:24:29,938 --> 00:24:32,240
Oh did you lose a contact?
456
00:24:32,273 --> 00:24:32,974
Oh that's not--
457
00:24:38,780 --> 00:24:40,782
Beating me with my own leg.
458
00:24:45,153 --> 00:24:46,287
Now he's beating me
with both my legs.
459
00:24:46,321 --> 00:24:48,389
I just signed up for a marathon.
460
00:24:53,061 --> 00:24:54,796
I got a butterfly ankle tattoo.
461
00:24:54,829 --> 00:24:56,231
I'll never enjoy it now.
462
00:24:58,967 --> 00:25:00,335
Hey, hey, hey.
463
00:25:01,135 --> 00:25:02,503
Lady, down here.
464
00:25:02,537 --> 00:25:03,838
Yeah, you.
465
00:25:03,871 --> 00:25:04,906
Hey if you unchain
me I can help you.
466
00:25:04,939 --> 00:25:06,341
No, I'm sorry.
467
00:25:06,374 --> 00:25:07,508
You're too gross,
I can't touch it.
468
00:25:07,542 --> 00:25:09,110
No, I'm fine.
469
00:25:09,143 --> 00:25:10,078
This is all hypoallergenic.
470
00:25:10,111 --> 00:25:10,912
You're not gonna sick at all.
471
00:25:10,945 --> 00:25:12,113
Look at me, come on,
472
00:25:12,146 --> 00:25:13,081
do I look somebody
that's gonna hurt you?
473
00:25:13,114 --> 00:25:15,149
People say I have kind eyes.
474
00:25:15,183 --> 00:25:18,286
Sorry, I just really don't
want to get goo on my--
475
00:25:25,994 --> 00:25:27,195
Hey, hey.
476
00:25:29,597 --> 00:25:33,234
Yeah, you know when that
guy like slipped in my goo,
477
00:25:33,268 --> 00:25:35,270
some of it separated
from the rest of my goo,
478
00:25:35,303 --> 00:25:36,971
do you think you could
just push it back together,
479
00:25:37,005 --> 00:25:39,240
kind of consolidate
the goo for me?
480
00:25:39,274 --> 00:25:42,844
I, no, I just don't
feel comfortable, with,
481
00:25:42,877 --> 00:25:45,346
you know, touching the goo.
482
00:25:45,380 --> 00:25:47,482
I'm just a little
concerned that like
483
00:25:47,515 --> 00:25:51,953
when I change back if I'm
missing some of the goo,
484
00:25:51,986 --> 00:25:55,156
I don't know what's
gonna happen, honestly.
485
00:25:55,189 --> 00:25:57,458
This isn't, you can't learn
this stuff in a manual.
486
00:25:57,492 --> 00:26:00,061
So, for me it's a
little bit scary.
487
00:26:01,329 --> 00:26:02,063
Okay, sure.
488
00:26:02,096 --> 00:26:03,197
Yes, great.
Yeah.
489
00:26:04,399 --> 00:26:07,568
Seriously, this is the nicest
thing anyone's ever done.
490
00:26:08,603 --> 00:26:10,305
I thought I could control it.
491
00:26:10,338 --> 00:26:12,173
I can't control it, now we know.
492
00:26:15,343 --> 00:26:16,210
Ow.
493
00:26:16,244 --> 00:26:18,880
My apologies in advance
for what's gonna,
494
00:26:18,913 --> 00:26:19,881
yeah its happening now.
495
00:26:19,914 --> 00:26:21,916
You look disgusting.
496
00:26:29,490 --> 00:26:30,591
God damn it.
497
00:26:33,194 --> 00:26:37,532
Okay from this green
goo on, that's my side.
498
00:26:37,565 --> 00:26:41,002
Okay, you have your
side, I have my side.
499
00:26:42,236 --> 00:26:44,472
Maybe let's just
not talk for awhile.
500
00:26:44,505 --> 00:26:46,174
All right, fine by me.
501
00:26:46,207 --> 00:26:49,077
I can not talk all day.
502
00:26:49,110 --> 00:26:50,311
All fucking day.
503
00:26:59,954 --> 00:27:00,922
What you thinking about?
504
00:27:00,955 --> 00:27:03,257
I'm melting, I'm melting.
505
00:27:04,625 --> 00:27:06,894
He was changing, not melting.
506
00:27:06,928 --> 00:27:08,563
Shut up, what do you know?
507
00:27:08,596 --> 00:27:11,099
I know you owe me a
dollar 49 for that soda.
508
00:27:11,132 --> 00:27:14,235
Why don't you go
get cleaned up, man?
509
00:27:20,508 --> 00:27:23,010
Does that kind of thing
happen a lot here?
510
00:27:23,044 --> 00:27:24,545
More than you would think.
511
00:27:24,579 --> 00:27:25,513
All right, training time.
512
00:27:25,546 --> 00:27:27,081
If I don't teach you
anything else today,
513
00:27:27,115 --> 00:27:30,118
you're gonna learn your ABCs.
514
00:27:30,151 --> 00:27:32,286
Always be...
515
00:27:33,187 --> 00:27:35,390
Playing video cassettes.
516
00:27:35,423 --> 00:27:36,491
Okay?
517
00:27:36,524 --> 00:27:38,626
You gotta keep the mood
in here alive, all right?
518
00:27:38,659 --> 00:27:41,262
You're like a DJ but
you're playing videos.
519
00:27:41,295 --> 00:27:43,564
So like a video DJ.
520
00:27:44,432 --> 00:27:46,134
You see that door over there?
521
00:27:48,737 --> 00:27:51,639
Never go in that door.
522
00:27:51,672 --> 00:27:52,573
Okay.
523
00:27:53,374 --> 00:27:55,643
Under any circumstances.
524
00:27:58,045 --> 00:28:00,681
I cannot stress this enough.
525
00:28:00,715 --> 00:28:01,616
Stay out.
526
00:28:03,584 --> 00:28:04,385
You're going great.
527
00:28:04,419 --> 00:28:06,187
Go ahead and talk
a little break.
528
00:28:07,321 --> 00:28:08,489
My little Pikachu.
529
00:28:23,438 --> 00:28:24,338
ABC.
530
00:28:25,606 --> 00:28:26,974
Hello.
531
00:28:27,008 --> 00:28:28,176
Come on.
532
00:28:30,011 --> 00:28:30,711
Unbelievable.
533
00:28:32,079 --> 00:28:33,714
Hawn, come on, man.
534
00:28:33,749 --> 00:28:35,016
Do you even want this?
535
00:28:35,049 --> 00:28:35,716
I just...
536
00:28:37,084 --> 00:28:37,718
Yes, sir.
537
00:28:37,753 --> 00:28:38,653
I'll work harder.
538
00:28:43,357 --> 00:28:46,194
This is what
disappointment looks like.
539
00:28:46,227 --> 00:28:49,130
You don't want to feel
what it feels like.
540
00:28:51,232 --> 00:28:52,266
Strike one.
541
00:29:01,810 --> 00:29:02,710
On the house.
542
00:29:05,213 --> 00:29:06,748
So you're having a rough night?
543
00:29:07,648 --> 00:29:08,649
It's 11 AM.
544
00:29:12,587 --> 00:29:13,488
Yeah.
545
00:29:14,455 --> 00:29:16,758
Having some trouble at home.
546
00:29:16,792 --> 00:29:18,359
You know what they say.
547
00:29:18,392 --> 00:29:19,994
Home is where the heart is.
548
00:29:21,262 --> 00:29:24,532
You know, that is very true.
549
00:29:26,133 --> 00:29:30,238
And the heart is
where the blood is.
550
00:29:31,606 --> 00:29:35,476
And the blood, blood
is thicker than water.
551
00:29:42,083 --> 00:29:43,651
I'm gonna go.
552
00:29:43,684 --> 00:29:45,653
Uh, you know.
553
00:29:45,686 --> 00:29:48,623
I gotta, go over there.
554
00:29:49,791 --> 00:29:50,691
Thank you.
555
00:29:56,697 --> 00:29:57,598
Okay.
556
00:30:35,636 --> 00:30:37,839
I'm doing
the best that I can.
557
00:30:37,873 --> 00:30:40,174
You need to start making
some real contributions
558
00:30:40,207 --> 00:30:41,242
to this family.
559
00:30:42,276 --> 00:30:43,411
You're not pulling your weight,
560
00:30:43,444 --> 00:30:44,813
you're not providing
like you should.
561
00:30:45,814 --> 00:30:49,350
I'm doing all the
sacrificing around here.
562
00:30:49,383 --> 00:30:51,218
What
do you want from me?
563
00:30:51,252 --> 00:30:52,453
Be a man.
564
00:31:02,630 --> 00:31:04,532
Look, I'm just gonna take
up most of the sidewalk.
565
00:31:04,565 --> 00:31:05,834
That's just how it goes.
566
00:31:05,867 --> 00:31:06,735
Okay?
567
00:31:06,768 --> 00:31:08,369
You fucking move.
568
00:31:08,402 --> 00:31:09,570
I don't give a shit.
569
00:31:10,338 --> 00:31:12,139
You know, who cares?
570
00:31:12,173 --> 00:31:13,407
Who gives a shit?
571
00:31:13,441 --> 00:31:15,877
That's exactly what I've been
talking about all these weeks.
572
00:31:15,911 --> 00:31:17,511
Look around you.
573
00:31:17,545 --> 00:31:20,214
Men have lost their
way from the pack.
574
00:31:20,247 --> 00:31:21,616
We are primal.
575
00:31:21,649 --> 00:31:25,119
We are pure, carnal instincts!
576
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:31,659
Fantasy leagues, comic
book movies, politics.
577
00:31:33,795 --> 00:31:34,695
Nerd shit.
578
00:31:36,564 --> 00:31:38,734
Exactly, what I
was talking about.
579
00:31:38,767 --> 00:31:39,533
You see that?
580
00:31:39,567 --> 00:31:42,370
We should be reacting,
not cowering.
581
00:31:42,403 --> 00:31:45,306
They are trying to domestic us.
582
00:31:45,339 --> 00:31:47,441
We roll over and we beg
583
00:31:47,475 --> 00:31:52,613
because society says we
should be softer, gentler.
584
00:31:53,314 --> 00:31:56,517
We heel to be good boys.
585
00:31:56,550 --> 00:32:00,621
We obey when we hear the
silent whistle of emasculation,
586
00:32:00,655 --> 00:32:03,557
the muzzle of oppression
is keeping us from being
587
00:32:03,591 --> 00:32:05,159
who we were meant to be.
588
00:32:05,994 --> 00:32:10,364
We're gonna take it back
and we're gonna attack.
589
00:32:10,398 --> 00:32:11,632
Right for the jugular.
590
00:32:18,774 --> 00:32:23,511
Okay, so let's uh, let's
hear from each other, yeah?
591
00:32:23,544 --> 00:32:24,980
Share plates?
592
00:32:25,013 --> 00:32:26,114
What if I just want my own meal?
593
00:32:26,148 --> 00:32:28,549
If I want to wear boat
shoes to her uncle's funeral
594
00:32:28,582 --> 00:32:29,818
what's wrong with that?
595
00:32:29,851 --> 00:32:32,286
If Billy Joel can write
Stormfront while wasted,
596
00:32:32,319 --> 00:32:33,755
I can do my taxes while stoned.
597
00:32:33,789 --> 00:32:36,424
So now what, now at work they
want me to count the seconds
598
00:32:36,457 --> 00:32:38,459
of the hugs that I give?
599
00:32:38,492 --> 00:32:39,728
What about womansplaining?
600
00:32:39,761 --> 00:32:41,830
I downloaded that
pic of the babysitter
601
00:32:41,863 --> 00:32:42,898
from Facebook for you.
602
00:32:42,931 --> 00:32:46,500
It actually takes less
energy to put a seat down.
603
00:32:46,534 --> 00:32:48,502
Well if you can't break
the glass ceiling,
604
00:32:48,536 --> 00:32:49,570
you might as well clean it.
605
00:32:49,603 --> 00:32:50,972
I park like that on purpose.
606
00:32:51,006 --> 00:32:52,908
It's a power move.
607
00:32:52,941 --> 00:32:55,376
What do you mean what's
happening in the movie?
608
00:32:55,409 --> 00:32:56,845
Just watch the movie.
609
00:32:56,878 --> 00:32:59,280
Just because I ask you
to shave your pubes
610
00:32:59,313 --> 00:33:00,581
doesn't mean I have to, too.
611
00:33:00,614 --> 00:33:02,450
And I told her, you
don't understand.
612
00:33:02,483 --> 00:33:04,585
I don't live with my mom,
my mom lives with me.
613
00:33:04,618 --> 00:33:06,587
I have no idea
where your keys are.
614
00:33:06,620 --> 00:33:08,656
You want to talk
about pro choice?
615
00:33:09,758 --> 00:33:12,226
I don't even know what
they did with my foreskin.
616
00:33:13,627 --> 00:33:14,595
Who brought these, by the way?
617
00:33:14,628 --> 00:33:15,831
Thanks for coming out.
618
00:33:15,864 --> 00:33:17,565
You know, you would of been
more than welcome to join us.
619
00:33:17,598 --> 00:33:19,835
You look like you have
a lot on your mind.
620
00:33:19,868 --> 00:33:23,004
A lot of things you said
really struck a chord.
621
00:33:23,038 --> 00:33:24,305
Well there's a lot more
622
00:33:24,338 --> 00:33:25,907
to us than what
you saw here today.
623
00:33:25,941 --> 00:33:27,809
It goes a lot further.
624
00:33:27,843 --> 00:33:29,010
I'm interested.
625
00:33:29,044 --> 00:33:30,644
I could really use a change.
626
00:33:31,612 --> 00:33:33,014
I really like you
said about the muzzle.
627
00:33:33,048 --> 00:33:34,415
Yeah, no it makes sense.
628
00:33:34,448 --> 00:33:35,649
Okay, I tell you what.
629
00:33:35,683 --> 00:33:37,284
We're having a get
together tonight,
630
00:33:37,318 --> 00:33:38,954
very special, very exclusive.
631
00:33:38,987 --> 00:33:42,924
It's just a little game
we play every month.
632
00:33:42,958 --> 00:33:44,258
You interested?
633
00:33:46,393 --> 00:33:47,929
Yeah.
634
00:33:47,963 --> 00:33:48,830
Great.
635
00:33:50,065 --> 00:33:51,499
He's gonna join us.
636
00:33:52,801 --> 00:33:53,935
Hey, guys.
637
00:33:53,969 --> 00:33:55,269
Hey.
Hey.
638
00:34:34,441 --> 00:34:35,777
Just in time.
639
00:34:36,710 --> 00:34:41,049
Tonight, we return to our glory.
640
00:34:41,082 --> 00:34:44,418
Tonight, we reclaim
our spot as the alpha
641
00:34:44,451 --> 00:34:46,320
by bringing about the omega.
642
00:34:47,621 --> 00:34:50,324
Tonight, we hunt.
643
00:35:22,190 --> 00:35:24,926
Are you ready to join the pack?
644
00:35:27,028 --> 00:35:28,964
I've already got one.
645
00:36:39,801 --> 00:36:41,169
Honey, I'm home.
646
00:36:42,670 --> 00:36:44,705
If you'll excuse me.
647
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:48,910
You almost didn't
make it in time.
648
00:36:52,247 --> 00:36:53,148
You did it.
649
00:36:53,181 --> 00:36:54,715
I knew you'd come through.
650
00:36:56,717 --> 00:36:57,886
I had to improvise.
651
00:37:00,121 --> 00:37:01,022
Werewolves.
652
00:37:01,756 --> 00:37:03,224
What a surprise.
653
00:37:04,591 --> 00:37:08,129
Well, it's not like we have
a monopoly on full moons.
654
00:37:08,997 --> 00:37:11,099
I hope it wasn't too difficult.
655
00:37:11,132 --> 00:37:14,601
I just really wanted to
show you how much I cared.
656
00:37:14,635 --> 00:37:15,703
Show everybody.
657
00:37:16,771 --> 00:37:18,873
Well, we didn't
start without you.
658
00:37:20,809 --> 00:37:21,743
Oh, werewolf pelts.
659
00:37:21,776 --> 00:37:24,179
These are a real delicacy.
660
00:37:24,212 --> 00:37:26,848
This is gonna be great
for the whole family.
661
00:37:26,881 --> 00:37:27,849
Come on, guys.
662
00:37:27,882 --> 00:37:29,117
Uh, everybody let's get started.
663
00:38:07,188 --> 00:38:08,256
Is that a dead animal?
664
00:38:08,289 --> 00:38:09,556
Looks real, don't it?
665
00:38:09,590 --> 00:38:10,992
It even feels real.
666
00:38:13,194 --> 00:38:14,561
Feels dead.
667
00:38:15,263 --> 00:38:17,766
That is a screen
used prop, my friend,
668
00:38:17,799 --> 00:38:19,234
from a werewolf movie.
669
00:38:19,267 --> 00:38:21,803
Any hoo, I got to go
get some work done.
670
00:38:42,991 --> 00:38:45,226
Do you know what they
call a Goldie Hawn
671
00:38:45,260 --> 00:38:46,761
in the fetish community?
672
00:38:48,229 --> 00:38:51,332
It's when you find a
gentleman by the name of Hawn
673
00:38:51,366 --> 00:38:54,202
and urinate on him.
674
00:38:54,235 --> 00:38:56,104
I'm not gonna do
that to you, Hawn,
675
00:38:56,137 --> 00:38:59,040
'cause I don't have that fetish.
676
00:39:00,208 --> 00:39:04,779
Besides, I don't even know
if you're real name is Hawn.
677
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:08,615
I am using my real name.
678
00:39:08,649 --> 00:39:11,786
I mean, what, nothing.
679
00:39:11,820 --> 00:39:12,854
Shut up.
680
00:39:25,133 --> 00:39:26,835
why do you have a balloon?
681
00:39:27,769 --> 00:39:32,006
I can't tell you that.
682
00:39:38,146 --> 00:39:40,782
There are balloon
fetishists as well
683
00:39:40,815 --> 00:39:43,084
and I think Chad
might be one of them.
684
00:39:43,118 --> 00:39:44,853
So, if you want to
keep working here
685
00:39:44,886 --> 00:39:48,123
with a pervert
like that you can.
686
00:41:14,776 --> 00:41:16,277
Thank you.
687
00:41:26,387 --> 00:41:28,356
We got one, we got one.
688
00:41:28,389 --> 00:41:29,290
Yes!
689
00:41:36,297 --> 00:41:37,398
You know what, let me
tell you the power of now
690
00:41:37,432 --> 00:41:39,434
so we can just be in the
moment and not think about--
691
00:41:39,467 --> 00:41:41,903
I've been in the
moment for 30 minutes
692
00:41:41,936 --> 00:41:43,104
waiting for you guys.
693
00:41:43,137 --> 00:41:46,507
Well let's get in the
moment and let's go.
694
00:42:19,007 --> 00:42:20,141
This is amazing.
695
00:42:20,174 --> 00:42:23,044
Oh this looks like
my grandma's house.
696
00:42:23,077 --> 00:42:24,412
I kind of love it.
697
00:42:24,445 --> 00:42:25,546
Let's get drunk.
698
00:42:25,580 --> 00:42:26,547
Yes.
699
00:42:26,581 --> 00:42:28,416
I haven't had sugar in 82 days.
700
00:42:28,449 --> 00:42:29,250
Calling it!
701
00:42:39,994 --> 00:42:41,429
Did you use porcelain?
It's still plastic.
702
00:42:41,462 --> 00:42:42,430
I never changed it.
703
00:42:42,463 --> 00:42:44,165
You cheap bitch.
704
00:42:44,198 --> 00:42:46,167
It was 75 bucks.
705
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:47,135
Oh girl.
Look.
706
00:42:47,168 --> 00:42:49,037
Yeah, she still has a scar.
707
00:42:49,070 --> 00:42:50,972
No pain, no gain.
708
00:42:51,005 --> 00:42:52,407
Yeah, you shouldn't...
709
00:43:09,924 --> 00:43:11,592
Oh, that's the one.
710
00:43:12,927 --> 00:43:14,195
Isn't this nice,
just getting away?
711
00:43:14,228 --> 00:43:16,364
I can't believe you
almost didn't make it.
712
00:43:16,397 --> 00:43:17,398
What?
713
00:43:17,432 --> 00:43:19,634
Yeah, what are you getting
too cool for us now?
714
00:43:19,667 --> 00:43:21,202
Hey I'm here, aren't I?
715
00:43:21,235 --> 00:43:22,503
Come on.
Very true.
716
00:43:24,639 --> 00:43:26,007
What did you do to our friend?
717
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,343
You're going to ruin
the anti-aging process.
718
00:43:32,246 --> 00:43:33,915
I look 22, right?
719
00:43:33,948 --> 00:43:35,550
Yeah, I mean.
720
00:43:37,618 --> 00:43:38,519
Um.
721
00:43:39,420 --> 00:43:40,988
What is that?
722
00:43:42,490 --> 00:43:43,491
You stole that.
723
00:43:43,524 --> 00:43:44,292
So what?
724
00:43:44,325 --> 00:43:46,127
You are such a klepto.
725
00:43:46,160 --> 00:43:47,362
It's fine.
I admit it.
726
00:43:47,395 --> 00:43:49,364
We bought a bunch of
stuff there, it's fine.
727
00:43:49,397 --> 00:43:50,098
That's right.
728
00:43:50,131 --> 00:43:51,499
You want to try it?
729
00:43:51,532 --> 00:43:52,567
Give me this thing.
730
00:43:53,668 --> 00:43:54,469
This is giant.
731
00:43:56,571 --> 00:43:58,506
You
are cheap as shit.
732
00:44:00,141 --> 00:44:02,276
It was not
easy to steal this.
733
00:44:04,612 --> 00:44:07,048
It's a pretty good find.
734
00:44:45,019 --> 00:44:47,121
I don't feel so good.
735
00:44:48,723 --> 00:44:51,192
My face is real hot.
736
00:44:54,529 --> 00:44:55,396
Oh thank you.
737
00:44:55,430 --> 00:44:57,031
I don't think I have
any pain killers.
738
00:44:57,064 --> 00:44:58,599
I think I, I might
have something.
739
00:45:04,773 --> 00:45:06,574
Oh my god.
740
00:45:06,607 --> 00:45:08,109
You still have this?
741
00:45:08,142 --> 00:45:09,010
Yeah.
742
00:45:09,043 --> 00:45:11,112
Mine broke ages ago.
743
00:45:11,145 --> 00:45:12,113
Oh my god.
744
00:45:12,146 --> 00:45:13,381
Allie, remember this night?
745
00:45:13,414 --> 00:45:16,117
You almost went home with that
guy that looks like a turtle.
746
00:45:16,150 --> 00:45:19,120
Oh my god, she did.
747
00:45:19,153 --> 00:45:20,321
He like literally had a shell.
748
00:45:20,354 --> 00:45:22,023
He was disgusting.
749
00:45:22,056 --> 00:45:23,124
He was super creepy.
750
00:45:23,157 --> 00:45:24,492
We were like no, but.
751
00:45:24,525 --> 00:45:25,426
Allie?
752
00:45:34,235 --> 00:45:35,470
Allie?
753
00:45:38,774 --> 00:45:39,640
I take it back.
754
00:45:52,153 --> 00:45:54,188
I think I feel better now.
755
00:45:54,222 --> 00:45:55,456
What's wrong, you guys?
756
00:45:56,290 --> 00:45:57,425
Oh my god.
757
00:45:57,458 --> 00:45:58,726
What?
758
00:45:58,760 --> 00:45:59,660
You guys.
759
00:46:02,697 --> 00:46:03,598
No!
760
00:46:06,100 --> 00:46:07,001
Jamie.
761
00:46:09,403 --> 00:46:11,138
What do you think of this color?
762
00:46:11,172 --> 00:46:13,374
This is all your fault.
763
00:46:14,275 --> 00:46:16,778
Don't worry, we can fix this.
764
00:46:16,812 --> 00:46:18,279
How are we gonna fix this?
765
00:46:18,312 --> 00:46:21,315
I got it, I got it, I got it.
766
00:46:26,554 --> 00:46:31,158
Whoa.
767
00:46:40,101 --> 00:46:41,302
Hello?
768
00:46:41,335 --> 00:46:43,371
I'm wondering about
a piece of candy
769
00:46:43,404 --> 00:46:45,673
that we got at your store.
770
00:46:45,706 --> 00:46:48,109
Tell her I'm sorry.
771
00:46:55,616 --> 00:46:57,251
Why is she, why
are you laughing?
772
00:46:57,285 --> 00:46:58,386
What is so funny?
773
00:48:43,792 --> 00:48:44,926
Keep your focus.
774
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:47,395
Never break.
775
00:48:47,428 --> 00:48:48,529
Wow, you're good.
776
00:48:51,232 --> 00:48:51,933
Okay.
777
00:48:54,702 --> 00:48:56,537
That's only seven
tapes every 10 seconds.
778
00:48:56,570 --> 00:48:58,205
Faster, faster, you gotta move.
779
00:48:58,239 --> 00:48:59,407
You gotta move.
780
00:48:59,440 --> 00:49:02,543
Efficiency, elegance,
destruction of ego.
781
00:49:03,745 --> 00:49:06,714
I gotta say, I am
really impressed.
782
00:49:06,748 --> 00:49:08,482
You clean a hell of a bathroom.
783
00:49:08,516 --> 00:49:09,717
Thank you, sir.
784
00:49:09,751 --> 00:49:11,318
Now, we just gotta get
that piranha tank clean.
785
00:49:11,352 --> 00:49:12,420
The what?
786
00:49:15,489 --> 00:49:16,724
Why do you even have that?
787
00:49:16,758 --> 00:49:19,260
It was a failed promotion
I did back in 2010.
788
00:49:19,293 --> 00:49:20,361
No way.
789
00:49:20,394 --> 00:49:22,196
Did you just say no to me?
790
00:49:26,802 --> 00:49:27,568
I'll clean it.
791
00:49:27,601 --> 00:49:28,837
Where did you come from?
792
00:49:28,870 --> 00:49:29,905
I'm always here
793
00:49:31,605 --> 00:49:33,742
and I will always be here
794
00:49:34,876 --> 00:49:37,746
until you give me the job
that was rightfully mine.
795
00:49:38,646 --> 00:49:41,716
You guys continue having
your little employee
796
00:49:41,750 --> 00:49:44,585
employer meeting
in the bathroom.
797
00:49:47,588 --> 00:49:48,723
That's my mom.
798
00:49:49,657 --> 00:49:51,893
She's out getting the
shagging wagon detailed.
799
00:49:52,626 --> 00:49:55,362
Big plans this weekend.
800
00:49:55,396 --> 00:49:59,500
So, you're not off the
hook, I'll be back.
801
00:50:00,334 --> 00:50:01,803
I'll be back real soon.
802
00:50:04,305 --> 00:50:05,473
He will.
803
00:50:05,506 --> 00:50:06,842
He just keeps coming
back again and again.
804
00:50:06,875 --> 00:50:09,010
He's like that killer in
the Night He Came Back Again
805
00:50:09,044 --> 00:50:10,511
Part IV The Final Kill.
806
00:50:10,544 --> 00:50:11,679
You know that's the nicest thing
807
00:50:11,712 --> 00:50:13,514
anybody's ever said to me?
808
00:50:15,349 --> 00:50:16,051
God damn it, Mom!
809
00:50:16,084 --> 00:50:17,585
I'm coming.
810
00:50:20,387 --> 00:50:21,790
Who?
811
00:50:21,823 --> 00:50:22,690
Just this dude.
812
00:50:23,557 --> 00:50:25,659
He kills people, keeps
coming back again.
813
00:50:41,777 --> 00:50:44,445
How much longer
do we have to watch this?
814
00:50:46,413 --> 00:50:47,548
Now!
815
00:51:07,836 --> 00:51:11,039
Every Fourth of July,
we have fireworks,
816
00:51:11,072 --> 00:51:14,776
hot dogs, and you.
817
00:51:15,911 --> 00:51:19,815
Whether at a cabin, the
county fair, or summer camp
818
00:51:19,848 --> 00:51:22,416
you show up and kill everyone
819
00:51:22,449 --> 00:51:24,518
including my boyfriends.
820
00:51:27,055 --> 00:51:28,522
You'll be fine.
821
00:51:30,524 --> 00:51:32,093
Every year, I
leave you for dead,
822
00:51:33,460 --> 00:51:37,098
the next year you come back.
823
00:51:38,632 --> 00:51:40,035
That ends tonight.
824
00:51:58,452 --> 00:51:59,720
That was easy.
825
00:52:26,147 --> 00:52:27,148
Thanks.
826
00:52:27,182 --> 00:52:28,649
Yeah, no problem.
827
00:52:30,051 --> 00:52:31,619
Babe, it's over now.
828
00:52:31,652 --> 00:52:32,988
He can't hurt you anymore.
829
00:52:33,021 --> 00:52:35,656
Now we can finally
go all the way.
830
00:52:35,689 --> 00:52:37,524
No, it's not over.
831
00:52:37,558 --> 00:52:39,194
He could still come back.
832
00:52:39,227 --> 00:52:40,461
Babe, he's dead.
833
00:52:40,494 --> 00:52:41,963
Look.
834
00:52:41,997 --> 00:52:43,064
Greg, don't.
835
00:52:43,098 --> 00:52:44,632
Do you know how many girls
I turned down this year
836
00:52:44,665 --> 00:52:46,968
'cause I was saving
myself for you?
837
00:52:48,669 --> 00:52:50,038
Stop messing around, Greg.
838
00:52:50,071 --> 00:52:51,840
Fuck off, Will.
839
00:52:53,975 --> 00:52:54,675
Greg.
840
00:52:54,708 --> 00:52:56,177
Daisy, he's dead.
841
00:52:56,211 --> 00:52:57,946
Now have sex with me!
842
00:53:11,525 --> 00:53:13,995
Will, get the jumper cables.
843
00:53:21,770 --> 00:53:23,939
Okay, he's ready.
844
00:53:25,974 --> 00:53:27,541
Why are they on his nipples?
845
00:53:27,574 --> 00:53:28,944
I mean, isn't that
where they go?
846
00:53:28,977 --> 00:53:30,245
No, this isn't some porno.
847
00:53:30,278 --> 00:53:31,445
But it on his neck.
848
00:53:32,147 --> 00:53:33,480
Come on, man.
849
00:53:33,514 --> 00:53:34,215
I didn't, I...
850
00:53:37,584 --> 00:53:38,652
Okay.
851
00:53:39,988 --> 00:53:41,622
Just die!
852
00:54:01,176 --> 00:54:02,944
Did it work?
853
00:54:06,281 --> 00:54:07,648
Seth, don't.
854
00:54:07,681 --> 00:54:08,817
It's too dangerous.
855
00:54:08,850 --> 00:54:11,252
It's okay, I'm pre-med.
856
00:54:30,005 --> 00:54:30,805
Oh.
857
00:54:38,079 --> 00:54:38,980
Damn it!
858
00:55:05,206 --> 00:55:08,109
Say hi to the founding
fathers, asshole.
859
00:55:17,852 --> 00:55:21,022
Happy Fourth of July, fucker.
860
00:55:38,273 --> 00:55:39,673
Holy shit.
861
00:55:39,706 --> 00:55:40,742
We did it.
862
00:55:44,779 --> 00:55:46,047
Oh my god.
863
00:55:46,081 --> 00:55:46,981
We did it.
864
00:55:48,249 --> 00:55:49,117
Hey, uh.
865
00:55:49,884 --> 00:55:52,120
I'm sorry about Seth.
866
00:55:52,153 --> 00:55:53,388
Oh, it's okay.
867
00:55:53,421 --> 00:55:56,357
We were only going out
for a few weeks anyway.
868
00:56:00,829 --> 00:56:02,596
He was pre-med.
869
00:56:06,401 --> 00:56:07,302
Crazy night.
870
00:56:09,170 --> 00:56:10,271
Yeah.
871
00:56:11,906 --> 00:56:13,408
Thank you.
872
00:56:13,441 --> 00:56:14,843
Yeah.
873
00:56:14,876 --> 00:56:16,845
I couldn't have
done it without you.
874
00:56:16,878 --> 00:56:18,813
I'm always here for you, Daisy.
875
00:56:20,081 --> 00:56:21,749
Always.
876
00:56:21,783 --> 00:56:24,786
Um, yeah I'm sorry about Greg.
877
00:56:26,020 --> 00:56:29,023
Yeah, I really liked him
878
00:56:30,158 --> 00:56:32,693
but maybe I should
just stay single.
879
00:56:32,726 --> 00:56:34,796
It seems to be
working out for you.
880
00:56:41,970 --> 00:56:43,972
What should we do with these?
881
00:56:46,207 --> 00:56:47,008
Chloe!
882
00:57:18,773 --> 00:57:19,673
Fuck.
883
00:57:22,877 --> 00:57:24,312
Oh.
884
00:57:29,484 --> 00:57:31,286
No, just stay away from, Will.
885
00:57:31,319 --> 00:57:33,988
Everyone I care
about ends up dead.
886
00:57:34,989 --> 00:57:36,157
You care about me?
887
00:57:37,959 --> 00:57:39,127
Of course I do.
888
00:57:39,160 --> 00:57:41,963
I care about you, too, a lot.
889
00:57:43,097 --> 00:57:47,068
Every time I find a good
guy he ends impaled,
890
00:57:47,101 --> 00:57:49,971
decapitated, or stabbed
through the head.
891
00:57:50,004 --> 00:57:52,840
Well maybe the good guy
you've been searching for
892
00:57:52,874 --> 00:57:55,410
has been right here
in front of you?
893
00:57:57,111 --> 00:57:59,214
I, I love you, Daisy.
894
00:58:10,992 --> 00:58:12,126
Come on!
895
00:58:16,397 --> 00:58:17,498
Will.
896
00:58:17,532 --> 00:58:19,100
Take off his mask.
897
00:58:19,133 --> 00:58:20,935
I want to look this
bastard in the eye
898
00:58:20,969 --> 00:58:22,003
when I finally kill him.
899
00:58:22,036 --> 00:58:23,805
Are you sure it's necessary--
900
00:58:23,838 --> 00:58:24,505
Do it!
901
00:58:40,321 --> 00:58:42,257
What, what are you waiting for?
902
00:58:46,494 --> 00:58:47,929
Oh no, no.
903
00:58:47,962 --> 00:58:49,197
Are you into him?
904
00:58:49,230 --> 00:58:51,332
No, you got to be
fucking kidding me.
905
00:58:53,334 --> 00:58:54,235
Daisy.
906
00:58:56,037 --> 00:58:57,138
Shoot him.
907
00:59:02,510 --> 00:59:03,411
I can't.
908
00:59:06,447 --> 00:59:07,348
I...
909
00:59:08,850 --> 00:59:09,550
Hate you.
910
00:59:31,906 --> 00:59:32,807
Hello?
911
00:59:33,941 --> 00:59:37,145
I'd like to rent a wood chipper.
912
00:59:51,926 --> 00:59:52,827
Daisy.
913
00:59:54,028 --> 00:59:55,430
I'm your brother.
914
00:59:56,364 --> 00:59:57,265
What?
915
01:00:46,080 --> 01:00:47,415
Are you still mad at me?
916
01:00:51,319 --> 01:00:53,888
But did you finish
cleaning the piranha tank?
917
01:00:54,655 --> 01:00:56,290
Oh, oh gotta poop.
918
01:01:05,199 --> 01:01:06,934
Oh and don't forget,
919
01:01:06,968 --> 01:01:08,336
you go anywhere near that door,
920
01:01:08,369 --> 01:01:09,670
I'll have to kill ya.
921
01:01:11,672 --> 01:01:12,507
Oh.
922
01:01:12,540 --> 01:01:16,144
Oh, and can you bring
some fresh coffee?
923
01:01:36,230 --> 01:01:37,932
No Daddy?
924
01:03:14,128 --> 01:03:14,796
You don't have to do this.
925
01:03:14,830 --> 01:03:16,097
I have so much to do.
926
01:03:16,130 --> 01:03:18,800
I have so much to do.
927
01:03:18,834 --> 01:03:20,334
Please, please.
928
01:03:20,368 --> 01:03:21,369
You don't have to do this.
929
01:03:21,402 --> 01:03:23,504
Please, please, please.
930
01:03:39,620 --> 01:03:40,521
Please!
931
01:03:42,189 --> 01:03:44,058
I have so much to do.
932
01:04:25,901 --> 01:04:27,201
Oh and
I can't wait to see
933
01:04:27,234 --> 01:04:28,202
what's gonna happen with that.
934
01:04:28,235 --> 01:04:29,203
Oh no, no.
935
01:04:29,236 --> 01:04:30,371
La la la la la.
936
01:04:30,404 --> 01:04:31,472
Look, I do not want
to hear that, okay?
937
01:04:31,505 --> 01:04:32,473
I'm only up to
season four, damn it.
938
01:04:32,506 --> 01:04:33,742
Girl, I'm am insulted.
939
01:04:33,775 --> 01:04:35,376
You think I'm over here
trying to spill details,
940
01:04:35,409 --> 01:04:36,745
trying to spill
the show details?
941
01:04:36,778 --> 01:04:37,913
All right, you're right.
942
01:04:37,946 --> 01:04:40,281
Fran, you think I'm
over here dropping spoilers?
943
01:04:40,314 --> 01:04:42,316
Okay look, now
you're being silly.
944
01:04:42,350 --> 01:04:43,351
You're being silly.
945
01:04:43,384 --> 01:04:44,619
No, this is ridiculous.
946
01:04:44,652 --> 01:04:46,287
You're ridiculous.
947
01:04:57,833 --> 01:04:58,800
Stop it.
948
01:04:58,834 --> 01:04:59,801
You stop it.
949
01:04:59,835 --> 01:05:00,836
Okay.
Okay.
950
01:05:00,869 --> 01:05:02,370
Okay.
Okay.
951
01:05:08,777 --> 01:05:10,411
Seriously though, I'm
just gonna go home,
952
01:05:10,444 --> 01:05:11,913
I'm gonna binge the whole thing,
953
01:05:11,947 --> 01:05:13,347
I'm gonna be so caught up.
954
01:05:13,381 --> 01:05:15,416
Hashtag a stay cay.
955
01:05:15,449 --> 01:05:16,852
Boo, how long
is that gonna take?
956
01:05:16,885 --> 01:05:18,887
'Cause the series
finale drops tonight
957
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:20,856
and I don't know how long I
can keep everything to myself.
958
01:05:20,889 --> 01:05:23,524
Okay, well you better
because I will murder you.
959
01:05:23,557 --> 01:05:26,427
I hate, hate hate spoilers.
960
01:05:26,460 --> 01:05:27,963
You and me both.
961
01:05:27,996 --> 01:05:29,196
Shit.
962
01:05:29,230 --> 01:05:30,431
Hey, hang on.
963
01:05:32,734 --> 01:05:33,634
Oh god.
964
01:05:51,820 --> 01:05:56,390
Maggie, is it like cloudy
where you are or foggy?
965
01:05:59,660 --> 01:06:00,561
Maggie?
966
01:06:01,863 --> 01:06:02,731
Maggie.
967
01:06:03,832 --> 01:06:04,699
Shit.
968
01:06:08,335 --> 01:06:09,871
Oh my god, oh shit.
969
01:06:35,997 --> 01:06:37,933
Hello, Fran?
970
01:06:39,633 --> 01:06:41,302
Girl, I can't hear you.
971
01:06:41,335 --> 01:06:42,403
Are you still there?
972
01:06:42,436 --> 01:06:43,905
Francesca, hello?
973
01:06:45,907 --> 01:06:46,808
Fran.
974
01:06:47,776 --> 01:06:48,676
Fran?
975
01:06:49,945 --> 01:06:52,346
I have so much to do.
976
01:06:52,379 --> 01:06:53,614
Oh. Oh don't even trip.
977
01:06:53,647 --> 01:06:54,816
I'll call you tomorrow, bitch.
978
01:06:54,850 --> 01:06:55,751
Peace.
979
01:07:42,898 --> 01:07:44,933
Previously on
Battle of Mages.
980
01:07:45,767 --> 01:07:47,568
Jay
Battle, are you ready?
981
01:07:47,601 --> 01:07:49,905
I was
born ready, bro.
982
01:07:57,545 --> 01:07:58,579
Hey.
983
01:08:05,887 --> 01:08:07,655
I said hey!
984
01:08:32,513 --> 01:08:33,815
That's my body.
985
01:08:41,455 --> 01:08:42,356
I.
986
01:08:43,091 --> 01:08:43,992
Hate.
987
01:08:45,193 --> 01:08:46,761
Spoilers.
988
01:11:53,314 --> 01:11:54,182
Mother!
989
01:12:52,740 --> 01:12:53,875
McGuffin?
990
01:12:53,908 --> 01:12:54,876
Oh, sorry.
991
01:12:54,909 --> 01:12:55,877
I didn't see you.
992
01:12:55,910 --> 01:12:57,779
Wait, McGuffin?
993
01:12:57,812 --> 01:12:58,746
McMuffin.
994
01:12:58,780 --> 01:13:00,782
Do you want a McMuffin?
995
01:13:00,815 --> 01:13:02,616
What are you doing
with that tape?
996
01:13:03,852 --> 01:13:04,953
What are you doing with it?
997
01:13:04,986 --> 01:13:07,856
It's my friend Baron's film,
he told me to watch it.
998
01:13:07,889 --> 01:13:10,825
So I wrote "watch me" on
it so I wouldn't forget.
999
01:13:13,261 --> 01:13:16,297
Oh no, you saw
inside, didn't you?
1000
01:13:18,699 --> 01:13:20,168
I mean not much.
1001
01:13:21,302 --> 01:13:22,904
But you saw it.
1002
01:13:23,905 --> 01:13:25,073
So you know.
1003
01:13:26,241 --> 01:13:28,243
Oh yeah, you know.
1004
01:13:28,276 --> 01:13:29,944
You know too much.
1005
01:13:31,312 --> 01:13:33,181
Cat's out of the bag.
1006
01:13:38,353 --> 01:13:42,689
Well, it was supposed
to be a surprise.
1007
01:13:42,723 --> 01:13:46,394
You know, best new employee.
1008
01:13:46,427 --> 01:13:48,096
Best new friend.
1009
01:13:49,464 --> 01:13:50,865
Now it's ruined.
1010
01:13:52,800 --> 01:13:53,835
You like cake?
1011
01:14:00,074 --> 01:14:02,143
You know what my least
favorite horror trope is?
1012
01:14:02,177 --> 01:14:03,311
It's when there's
some blathering idiot
1013
01:14:03,344 --> 01:14:06,848
and he's not paying any
attention to his surroundings
1014
01:14:06,881 --> 01:14:08,682
and somebody sneaks
up and just--
1015
01:14:28,803 --> 01:14:31,039
Welcome.
1016
01:14:41,849 --> 01:14:44,085
What the hell is going on here?
1017
01:14:51,392 --> 01:14:52,794
You little fucker.
1018
01:14:52,827 --> 01:14:54,896
You were behind this?
1019
01:14:54,929 --> 01:14:56,130
This makes zero sense.
1020
01:14:56,164 --> 01:15:00,134
I put you through my
entire orientation.
1021
01:15:00,168 --> 01:15:02,804
Who would do
something like that?
1022
01:15:02,837 --> 01:15:03,738
Her.
1023
01:15:05,106 --> 01:15:08,176
Come on,
1024
01:15:08,209 --> 01:15:09,077
no, no.
1025
01:15:09,877 --> 01:15:10,912
What about the blonde girl?
1026
01:15:10,945 --> 01:15:12,013
It's horror logic.
1027
01:15:12,880 --> 01:15:13,848
The new guy.
1028
01:15:13,881 --> 01:15:15,783
I'm gonna need that key back.
1029
01:15:15,817 --> 01:15:17,018
And you're fired.
1030
01:15:18,553 --> 01:15:20,355
I love that little man.
1031
01:15:21,356 --> 01:15:23,358
There's nothing we
could have done.
1032
01:15:23,391 --> 01:15:24,559
She's right.
1033
01:15:25,760 --> 01:15:28,062
Look, they got guns and
guards and god knows what else
1034
01:15:28,096 --> 01:15:29,397
beyond those doors.
1035
01:15:29,430 --> 01:15:31,266
But I thought the dragon
lady was his sister?
1036
01:15:31,299 --> 01:15:33,301
No, Jamie and Cersei
are brother and sister,
1037
01:15:33,334 --> 01:15:34,135
Dany's his aunt.
1038
01:15:34,168 --> 01:15:36,304
Oh okay, so it's
like good incest?
1039
01:15:36,337 --> 01:15:38,940
There's no such,
there's not a thing
1040
01:15:38,973 --> 01:15:40,541
that's called good incest.
1041
01:15:40,575 --> 01:15:41,976
Never mind, look.
1042
01:15:42,010 --> 01:15:45,079
Jon's dad, Rhaegar, is
Dany's older brother.
1043
01:15:45,113 --> 01:15:46,881
I thought Jon was Sean,
1044
01:15:46,914 --> 01:15:48,850
is it Sean Bean or
was Liam Neeson kid?
1045
01:15:48,883 --> 01:15:49,884
You mean Ned Stark?
Yeah.
1046
01:15:49,917 --> 01:15:51,286
No, Ned know his
true lineage but,
1047
01:15:51,319 --> 01:15:54,155
it didn't matter,
he kept it a secret.
1048
01:15:54,188 --> 01:15:57,091
He brought Jon home, pretended
he was his bastard kid.
1049
01:15:57,125 --> 01:15:58,426
Cat didn't even know the truth.
1050
01:15:58,459 --> 01:15:59,894
There was a cat?
1051
01:15:59,927 --> 01:16:00,561
I love cats.
1052
01:16:00,595 --> 01:16:01,462
Fuck you, man.
1053
01:16:01,496 --> 01:16:03,298
Caitlyn, Ned's wife.
1054
01:16:03,331 --> 01:16:04,899
Hi, doll, aren't you a cutie?
1055
01:16:04,932 --> 01:16:06,034
Come on in here.
1056
01:16:06,067 --> 01:16:07,135
My name's Dixie.
1057
01:16:07,168 --> 01:16:09,904
Can I get you a beverage
of some kind, tonic water,
1058
01:16:09,937 --> 01:16:12,340
seltzer water, Topo Chico?
1059
01:16:13,441 --> 01:16:15,943
Well just step on
up here, darling.
1060
01:16:15,977 --> 01:16:17,078
Here you go.
1061
01:16:18,112 --> 01:16:20,014
Here we are, up
on the treadmill.
1062
01:16:20,048 --> 01:16:21,215
Okay, are we ready?
1063
01:16:22,116 --> 01:16:23,918
Ready for what exactly?
1064
01:16:23,951 --> 01:16:26,454
Okay, we're limber,
ready to run.
1065
01:16:26,487 --> 01:16:27,455
That's what I mean.
1066
01:16:27,488 --> 01:16:29,390
Need a little stretching,
you ready to run?
1067
01:16:30,658 --> 01:16:31,926
Okay.
1068
01:16:31,959 --> 01:16:34,362
Bring in the Devil's
Lake Impaler.
1069
01:16:35,396 --> 01:16:36,464
Devil's what?
1070
01:16:36,497 --> 01:16:38,132
You'll see.
1071
01:16:38,166 --> 01:16:39,300
Look, I don't know
what to tell you, bro,
1072
01:16:39,334 --> 01:16:41,602
I just like woke up here.
1073
01:16:41,636 --> 01:16:45,473
I was first that was
like, 90 minutes ago?
1074
01:16:45,506 --> 01:16:47,175
90 minutes?
1075
01:16:48,676 --> 01:16:49,544
Horror logic.
1076
01:16:52,347 --> 01:16:53,381
Jock.
1077
01:16:56,684 --> 01:16:59,520
Stoner.
1078
01:16:59,554 --> 01:17:00,455
Right?
1079
01:17:01,923 --> 01:17:02,623
Yeah.
1080
01:17:05,493 --> 01:17:06,394
Slut.
1081
01:17:06,427 --> 01:17:07,128
Excuse me?
1082
01:17:07,161 --> 01:17:08,029
Whoa, man.
1083
01:17:08,062 --> 01:17:09,030
That's not cool.
1084
01:17:09,063 --> 01:17:10,331
No, I don't need your protection
1085
01:17:10,365 --> 01:17:11,966
but I don't need your
ignorant bullshit either.
1086
01:17:11,999 --> 01:17:13,868
It was the 80s,
it's not my fault.
1087
01:17:16,003 --> 01:17:17,238
And uh.
1088
01:17:17,271 --> 01:17:19,173
You sure you want to do this?
1089
01:17:19,207 --> 01:17:20,975
I was gonna say British.
1090
01:17:21,008 --> 01:17:22,977
Did I hear a slight accent?
1091
01:17:23,010 --> 01:17:26,881
Which would you
make you final girl.
1092
01:17:27,482 --> 01:17:28,916
Well then who the hell are you?
1093
01:17:28,950 --> 01:17:32,420
Well I am obviously the
know it all horror guy.
1094
01:17:32,453 --> 01:17:37,091
That's not really like a stock
horror character, though.
1095
01:17:37,125 --> 01:17:37,992
Yeah, it is.
1096
01:17:38,025 --> 01:17:39,127
Randy from Scream.
1097
01:17:39,160 --> 01:17:42,130
Any hoo, what is
important here, people,
1098
01:17:42,163 --> 01:17:44,966
is that we
1099
01:17:44,999 --> 01:17:46,200
are in a horror movie!
1100
01:17:49,036 --> 01:17:50,538
Nobody?
1101
01:17:50,571 --> 01:17:51,472
Horror.
1102
01:17:52,573 --> 01:17:53,508
Horror movie.
1103
01:18:02,016 --> 01:18:03,584
Pretty scary, huh?
1104
01:18:10,158 --> 01:18:11,159
I don't know man,
I'm getting more
1105
01:18:11,192 --> 01:18:12,326
like a Breakfast Club vibe.
1106
01:18:12,360 --> 01:18:14,996
We are literally locked in
this room against our will.
1107
01:18:15,029 --> 01:18:16,197
Exactly.
1108
01:18:26,140 --> 01:18:29,076
Start running, he's
gonna chase ya.
1109
01:18:29,110 --> 01:18:30,378
Okay.
1110
01:18:30,411 --> 01:18:32,713
There you go, nice nice.
1111
01:18:32,748 --> 01:18:34,115
I like this.
1112
01:18:34,750 --> 01:18:35,983
You're doing a good job.
1113
01:18:36,017 --> 01:18:36,684
There you go.
1114
01:18:36,717 --> 01:18:38,453
Yeah just keep on going.
1115
01:18:38,486 --> 01:18:39,287
Oh.
1116
01:18:40,655 --> 01:18:41,656
I, I asthma, asthma.
1117
01:18:41,689 --> 01:18:42,323
So it's--
1118
01:18:42,356 --> 01:18:44,292
I'm sure it was the asthma.
1119
01:18:44,325 --> 01:18:45,761
It's fine, air
quality these days.
1120
01:18:45,794 --> 01:18:47,462
Yeah.
1121
01:18:48,362 --> 01:18:49,464
That's a shame.
1122
01:18:49,497 --> 01:18:50,398
Okay.
1123
01:18:50,431 --> 01:18:51,599
Keep going 'cause he's
gonna keep chasing ya,
1124
01:18:51,632 --> 01:18:52,400
he's a murderer.
1125
01:18:52,433 --> 01:18:55,002
Just keep on running,
there you go.
1126
01:18:55,036 --> 01:18:56,404
Oh, there's another one.
1127
01:18:56,437 --> 01:18:58,573
Look, the longer we all
sit here doing nothing,
1128
01:18:58,606 --> 01:19:01,142
the more likely we
all get slaughtered.
1129
01:19:01,175 --> 01:19:02,076
Slaughtered?
1130
01:19:02,109 --> 01:19:03,311
Slaughtered, body slashed,
1131
01:19:03,344 --> 01:19:04,746
I haven't figured out
what kind of subgenre
1132
01:19:04,780 --> 01:19:05,781
we're dealing with yet.
1133
01:19:05,814 --> 01:19:06,681
Oh hell, no.
1134
01:19:06,714 --> 01:19:07,348
What the fuck, man?
1135
01:19:07,381 --> 01:19:09,183
Nobody's getting slaughtered
1136
01:19:09,217 --> 01:19:10,284
and we're not in a horror film.
1137
01:19:10,318 --> 01:19:14,355
That's because we are in
John Hughes' teen classic.
1138
01:19:14,388 --> 01:19:15,690
None of this is helping anybody.
1139
01:19:15,723 --> 01:19:18,426
Jock always takes the
lead, total trope.
1140
01:19:18,459 --> 01:19:20,094
I'm getting a headache.
1141
01:19:30,104 --> 01:19:31,706
Christine, faster.
1142
01:19:32,707 --> 01:19:34,609
Listen to her, come on.
1143
01:19:34,642 --> 01:19:36,244
Pick it up, pick
it up, pick it up.
1144
01:19:36,277 --> 01:19:37,813
He's gonna get ya.
1145
01:19:42,683 --> 01:19:44,652
And another one.
1146
01:19:46,187 --> 01:19:47,655
Great job, honey.
1147
01:19:47,688 --> 01:19:48,757
Fascinating.
1148
01:19:48,790 --> 01:19:51,392
Aerys the second,
Dany's dad, Jon's granddad,
1149
01:19:51,425 --> 01:19:53,661
was king, he went a little
nuts, started killing fools.
1150
01:19:53,694 --> 01:19:55,530
Including Ned's
father and brother.
1151
01:19:55,563 --> 01:19:57,198
Now, some of the
houses rebelled,
1152
01:19:57,231 --> 01:19:59,200
Starks, Tullys,
, Baratheons,
1153
01:19:59,233 --> 01:20:00,535
now the battle of the Trident,
1154
01:20:00,568 --> 01:20:02,370
Robert Baratheon who was
betrothed to Lyanna Stark,
1155
01:20:02,403 --> 01:20:04,639
Jon's actual birth mother,
ended up killing Rhaegar,
1156
01:20:04,672 --> 01:20:06,574
who everyone believed kidnapped
Lyanna against her will
1157
01:20:06,607 --> 01:20:09,610
and during the whole
rebellion, Tywin Lannister,
1158
01:20:09,644 --> 01:20:12,346
the Hand of the King,
also turned on Aaerys.
1159
01:20:12,380 --> 01:20:14,148
Tywin is the father of
Tyrion and the twins.
1160
01:20:14,181 --> 01:20:15,416
The twins?
1161
01:20:15,449 --> 01:20:16,517
The sibling fuckers.
1162
01:20:16,551 --> 01:20:18,419
Oh yeah, the good incest.
1163
01:20:18,452 --> 01:20:20,221
There's not,
there's no good incest,
1164
01:20:20,254 --> 01:20:21,289
no good incest.
1165
01:20:21,322 --> 01:20:23,658
Moving on, so Aearys
ordered Jamie, a Kingsguard
1166
01:20:23,691 --> 01:20:25,660
at the time, to kill his
own dad for the betrayal.
1167
01:20:25,693 --> 01:20:29,263
Jamie was like I'll kill you
instead you crazy bastard,
1168
01:20:29,297 --> 01:20:31,399
and he stabbed him in the back.
1169
01:20:31,432 --> 01:20:33,467
Whoa, that's fucked up.
1170
01:20:33,501 --> 01:20:34,569
Yeah, it's fucked up.
1171
01:20:34,602 --> 01:20:35,837
You're watching HBO, bitch.
1172
01:20:35,871 --> 01:20:36,738
It's not TV.
1173
01:20:37,538 --> 01:20:40,441
Security breached.
1174
01:20:41,208 --> 01:20:42,276
Warning.
1175
01:20:45,680 --> 01:20:46,681
Security breach.
1176
01:20:48,349 --> 01:20:51,519
My little panda bear,
what has happened to you?
1177
01:20:51,552 --> 01:20:52,420
Run.
1178
01:21:01,763 --> 01:21:02,731
Damn mess.
1179
01:21:03,631 --> 01:21:05,366
I got to get out of here.
1180
01:21:06,367 --> 01:21:07,803
A bunsen burner.
1181
01:21:07,836 --> 01:21:10,204
Hey, you're not gonna
want to follow him.
1182
01:21:10,237 --> 01:21:11,205
Why?
1183
01:21:31,325 --> 01:21:33,527
Hey, follow final girl.
1184
01:21:35,229 --> 01:21:36,664
What the hell are
you guys doing?
1185
01:21:37,698 --> 01:21:38,699
Jon Snow.
1186
01:21:42,336 --> 01:21:43,437
Was that a treadmill?
1187
01:21:44,940 --> 01:21:46,140
Oh my god.
1188
01:21:47,642 --> 01:21:49,310
Oh my god.
1189
01:22:02,958 --> 01:22:04,558
Oh god.
1190
01:22:10,264 --> 01:22:11,900
This shit is fucked up.
1191
01:22:14,468 --> 01:22:15,569
Are we all now in agreement
1192
01:22:15,603 --> 01:22:17,338
about this whole
horror movie thing?
1193
01:22:29,818 --> 01:22:32,420
When placed within 14 meters
of any American made car,
1194
01:22:32,453 --> 01:22:36,792
the engine will not start
in 17 out of 18 cases.
1195
01:22:36,825 --> 01:22:38,426
Hey, where'd you guys
get your flashlights?
1196
01:22:38,459 --> 01:22:39,427
I brought mine.
1197
01:22:39,460 --> 01:22:41,963
Whoa, you guys.
1198
01:22:41,997 --> 01:22:43,698
Check this out.
1199
01:22:43,732 --> 01:22:46,968
That killer dude who's
like doing all that stuff,
1200
01:22:47,002 --> 01:22:49,838
it's the Devils Lake Impaler.
1201
01:22:51,039 --> 01:22:52,440
Who?
1202
01:22:52,473 --> 01:22:56,310
He's this psychopath who
killed like 11 people.
1203
01:22:56,343 --> 01:22:58,479
But he's actually
a really good dude.
1204
01:22:59,280 --> 01:23:00,849
Yeah, he's the best.
1205
01:23:00,882 --> 01:23:03,384
I mean he like was
a really good dude.
1206
01:23:03,417 --> 01:23:04,753
I saw it on a Forensics
Files episode,
1207
01:23:04,786 --> 01:23:06,520
he was like in this
Big Brother program
1208
01:23:06,554 --> 01:23:07,688
for this eight year
old cancer kid.
1209
01:23:07,722 --> 01:23:11,827
He even donated his lungs
to help save the kid's life.
1210
01:23:11,860 --> 01:23:15,362
You can't donate
both your lungs.
1211
01:23:15,396 --> 01:23:16,832
All right well, like, okay,
1212
01:23:16,865 --> 01:23:18,767
well he like saved
him or whatever
1213
01:23:18,800 --> 01:23:24,305
but then in some like fraternity
hazing ritual gone awry,
1214
01:23:24,338 --> 01:23:25,774
the kid died.
1215
01:23:26,640 --> 01:23:30,979
The kid was in college,
like a Doogie Howser thing?
1216
01:23:31,012 --> 01:23:31,679
What?
1217
01:23:31,712 --> 01:23:33,514
No, like the fraternity did it.
1218
01:23:33,547 --> 01:23:34,648
What are you, no.
1219
01:23:34,682 --> 01:23:37,518
Anyway, the point is
that, the kid died
1220
01:23:37,551 --> 01:23:38,754
and the Devils Lake Impaler,
1221
01:23:38,787 --> 01:23:40,488
or like I guess at this point
1222
01:23:40,521 --> 01:23:42,490
his name was just like
Damon or something,
1223
01:23:42,523 --> 01:23:44,860
he just like totally snapped
1224
01:23:44,893 --> 01:23:46,627
and he started killing
all the frat brothers
1225
01:23:46,660 --> 01:23:49,898
one by one in the most
horrific was imaginable.
1226
01:23:49,931 --> 01:23:50,799
Whoa.
1227
01:23:50,832 --> 01:23:52,934
And they say that he
took off all the faces
1228
01:23:52,968 --> 01:23:58,506
of the frat bros and now
he wears them as a mask.
1229
01:23:59,406 --> 01:24:00,674
Resourceful.
1230
01:24:01,910 --> 01:24:04,913
I bet they're banging
it out right now.
1231
01:24:04,946 --> 01:24:05,981
Who?
1232
01:24:06,014 --> 01:24:08,784
The uh, promiscuous
girl and the jock.
1233
01:24:08,817 --> 01:24:10,351
I bet they're slapping skinnies.
1234
01:24:10,384 --> 01:24:13,354
You know, the skin
and the squirrel,
1235
01:24:13,387 --> 01:24:14,488
smoking the Gouda.
1236
01:24:15,123 --> 01:24:16,524
It's a horror trope.
1237
01:24:19,493 --> 01:24:20,661
Did you hear that?
1238
01:24:31,605 --> 01:24:32,874
It's coming toward us.
1239
01:24:36,945 --> 01:24:37,746
20 meters.
1240
01:24:37,779 --> 01:24:39,781
Where'd the hell
you get that gun?
1241
01:24:43,584 --> 01:24:44,652
15 meters.
1242
01:24:50,792 --> 01:24:51,592
10.
1243
01:24:57,999 --> 01:24:59,000
Five meters.
1244
01:25:28,029 --> 01:25:28,930
Dicks.
1245
01:25:32,167 --> 01:25:33,935
Nameless, faceless girl.
1246
01:25:33,969 --> 01:25:36,437
I'm really surprised
she lasted this long.
1247
01:25:36,470 --> 01:25:38,639
Her name was
Christine, you asshole.
1248
01:25:38,672 --> 01:25:40,407
She taught kindergarten.
1249
01:25:40,441 --> 01:25:41,877
She's kind of hot.
1250
01:25:41,910 --> 01:25:44,678
Take that tracker thing
off, it's on her arm.
1251
01:25:46,513 --> 01:25:47,648
It's off.
1252
01:25:52,486 --> 01:25:53,721
Oh god.
1253
01:25:59,593 --> 01:26:01,162
Let's get out of here.
1254
01:26:01,196 --> 01:26:02,097
Go.
1255
01:26:04,733 --> 01:26:05,934
Get, love of.
1256
01:26:11,072 --> 01:26:12,173
Oh my god.
1257
01:26:12,207 --> 01:26:13,174
Fuck.
1258
01:26:19,080 --> 01:26:20,481
Oh my god, fuck.
1259
01:26:20,514 --> 01:26:23,584
This is a lot deeper
than I thought.
1260
01:26:31,259 --> 01:26:32,227
Let me help you up.
1261
01:26:32,260 --> 01:26:33,762
No I got it, I got it, I got it.
1262
01:26:43,104 --> 01:26:44,072
Can you even walk?
1263
01:26:44,105 --> 01:26:46,107
Yeah, I'm fine.
1264
01:26:52,579 --> 01:26:54,816
Alrighty then, I'll follow you.
1265
01:26:57,584 --> 01:26:58,619
Jesus.
1266
01:26:59,720 --> 01:27:00,789
What the fuck?
1267
01:27:00,822 --> 01:27:03,992
Guys, I'm pretty sure
something bad happened here.
1268
01:27:04,025 --> 01:27:05,226
Yeah, no shit.
1269
01:27:26,247 --> 01:27:29,483
If you people want to
live, come with me.
1270
01:27:31,685 --> 01:27:33,121
Joe Bob Briggs.
1271
01:27:36,623 --> 01:27:38,726
It's time to get the
hell out of Dodge.
1272
01:27:38,760 --> 01:27:39,828
Come on.
1273
01:27:45,767 --> 01:27:47,135
Mr. Briggs, um, Joe Bob,
1274
01:27:47,168 --> 01:27:49,771
I just have to tell you
I am your biggest fan.
1275
01:27:49,804 --> 01:27:51,906
I actually saw my first
set of boobs on your show.
1276
01:27:51,940 --> 01:27:53,174
Son, what is your name?
1277
01:27:53,208 --> 01:27:54,109
Chad Buckley.
1278
01:27:54,142 --> 01:27:55,276
Okay, listen, Brad.
1279
01:27:55,310 --> 01:27:57,912
You know it's a horror film,
I know it's a horror film,
1280
01:27:57,946 --> 01:28:00,581
they know, but they don't know.
1281
01:28:00,614 --> 01:28:01,648
We have to get them out of here.
1282
01:28:01,682 --> 01:28:02,884
That is our only goal right now.
1283
01:28:02,917 --> 01:28:04,185
Can you help me with that?
1284
01:28:04,219 --> 01:28:05,954
You called me son.
1285
01:28:05,987 --> 01:28:07,155
Do you think we'll
be best friends
1286
01:28:07,188 --> 01:28:07,856
or best best friends?
1287
01:28:07,889 --> 01:28:09,590
Do you like slumber parties--
1288
01:28:09,623 --> 01:28:10,892
Do you know what you are, Brad?
1289
01:28:10,925 --> 01:28:12,626
You're the personification
of what the internet
1290
01:28:12,659 --> 01:28:14,162
did to film criticism.
1291
01:28:14,195 --> 01:28:15,096
Thank you.
1292
01:28:21,336 --> 01:28:22,569
What the hell?
1293
01:28:22,603 --> 01:28:23,704
You threw a cat?
1294
01:28:23,738 --> 01:28:25,040
It was walking
around, I'm sorry.
1295
01:28:25,073 --> 01:28:27,275
I don't know, I thought
I could help it.
1296
01:28:27,308 --> 01:28:28,675
I got afraid.
1297
01:28:28,709 --> 01:28:30,611
That doesn't work,
I already tried.
1298
01:28:30,644 --> 01:28:33,048
Oh it works, you
just need a badge.
1299
01:28:34,916 --> 01:28:35,817
Access granted.
1300
01:28:35,850 --> 01:28:37,819
See, isn't he the coolest?
1301
01:28:40,755 --> 01:28:42,190
I told you they had sex.
1302
01:28:42,223 --> 01:28:44,092
Dude, seriously.
1303
01:28:44,125 --> 01:28:46,928
I'm sorry to disappoint
you, but I'm a virgin.
1304
01:28:47,962 --> 01:28:49,297
You can't be a virgin.
1305
01:28:49,330 --> 01:28:50,965
She's the virgin.
1306
01:28:50,999 --> 01:28:53,301
Nope, definitely not a virgin.
1307
01:28:54,335 --> 01:28:55,203
Are you sure?
1308
01:28:55,236 --> 01:28:56,905
I mean I don't know
how it all works but.
1309
01:28:58,840 --> 01:29:00,008
What the hell?
1310
01:29:00,041 --> 01:29:03,278
You have to a be virgin, final
girls are always a virgin
1311
01:29:03,311 --> 01:29:05,046
so you have to be a virgin.
1312
01:29:23,398 --> 01:29:25,166
Huh, impaler.
1313
01:29:25,200 --> 01:29:26,101
I get it.
1314
01:30:27,061 --> 01:30:28,363
Whatever you do don't touch
1315
01:30:28,396 --> 01:30:30,431
the emergency security system.
Self destruct
1316
01:30:30,465 --> 01:30:31,866
sequence activated.
1317
01:30:31,900 --> 01:30:33,768
Alarm, alarm.
1318
01:30:33,801 --> 01:30:35,870
10 minutes till
self destruction.
1319
01:30:35,904 --> 01:30:37,438
Yeah, this is bad.
1320
01:30:37,472 --> 01:30:39,874
Alarm alarm.
1321
01:30:41,843 --> 01:30:43,011
Alarm alarm.
1322
01:30:45,914 --> 01:30:47,015
Alarm alarm
1323
01:30:50,285 --> 01:30:51,386
alarm alarm.
1324
01:30:51,419 --> 01:30:52,320
So, what now?
1325
01:30:52,353 --> 01:30:53,354
It will be okay.
1326
01:30:53,388 --> 01:30:55,156
Yes, Tweedledum here has
locked down the building
1327
01:30:55,190 --> 01:30:56,791
and cut off our only way out.
1328
01:30:56,824 --> 01:30:58,159
But I can override it.
1329
01:30:58,193 --> 01:31:01,930
Do not let Brad
touch anything else.
1330
01:31:01,963 --> 01:31:02,997
Love you, Dad.
1331
01:31:04,499 --> 01:31:05,867
Alarm alarm.
1332
01:31:07,001 --> 01:31:09,170
Guys, this is Joe Bob
Briggs we're talking about.
1333
01:31:09,204 --> 01:31:10,905
He is an absolute legend.
1334
01:31:10,939 --> 01:31:12,307
He has forgotten
more about horror
1335
01:31:12,340 --> 01:31:14,242
than I could ever
even hope to know.
1336
01:31:14,275 --> 01:31:16,945
There is nothing to worry about.
1337
01:31:16,978 --> 01:31:19,713
How does any of that
help us right now?
1338
01:31:21,082 --> 01:31:22,350
Stabilizing.
1339
01:31:22,951 --> 01:31:24,819
See, what did I tell ya?
1340
01:31:24,852 --> 01:31:26,454
Joe Bob is the man.
1341
01:31:29,357 --> 01:31:30,258
No!
1342
01:31:42,403 --> 01:31:44,105
Can you just leave?
1343
01:31:49,244 --> 01:31:51,346
Just rest up, my sweet prince,
1344
01:31:51,379 --> 01:31:54,115
and let your worries
just float away.
1345
01:31:54,148 --> 01:31:56,951
Like the blood currently
leaving your organs.
1346
01:32:00,488 --> 01:32:01,990
Brad.
1347
01:32:02,023 --> 01:32:03,024
Yes, pa pa?
1348
01:32:06,261 --> 01:32:07,161
Closer.
1349
01:32:08,563 --> 01:32:09,464
Closer.
1350
01:32:12,100 --> 01:32:13,434
You're a moron.
1351
01:32:14,869 --> 01:32:16,004
Okay, yeah.
1352
01:32:16,037 --> 01:32:18,406
I thought you were gonna
something a little different.
1353
01:32:24,145 --> 01:32:27,248
I guess it's true
what momma said,
1354
01:32:27,282 --> 01:32:30,385
never met your heroes,
or your father.
1355
01:32:42,463 --> 01:32:43,898
We have to go.
1356
01:32:43,931 --> 01:32:45,800
No, you have to go.
1357
01:33:07,088 --> 01:33:09,223
This is my destiny.
1358
01:33:14,629 --> 01:33:15,897
Don't mess with the bull, man,
1359
01:33:15,930 --> 01:33:17,565
or you get the horns.
1360
01:33:18,933 --> 01:33:20,435
Fuck yeah, Chad.
1361
01:33:56,404 --> 01:33:59,540
It's probably how
he wanted to go.
1362
01:34:07,081 --> 01:34:09,484
So you're the final girl, huh?
1363
01:34:09,517 --> 01:34:10,418
That's cool.
1364
01:34:16,524 --> 01:34:18,693
Please
evacuate immediately.
1365
01:34:18,726 --> 01:34:19,627
Goodbye.
1366
01:34:39,046 --> 01:34:40,081
Come on.
1367
01:34:41,349 --> 01:34:44,085
We need to make a plan.
1368
01:34:44,118 --> 01:34:46,621
What would happen in
a horror movie now?
1369
01:34:46,654 --> 01:34:48,489
I don't know, the only
one I really remember
1370
01:34:48,523 --> 01:34:53,294
is that Friday the 13th
one with Cory Feldman.
1371
01:34:53,327 --> 01:34:54,195
The Lost Boys dude?
1372
01:34:54,228 --> 01:34:55,696
No, that's Cory Haim.
1373
01:34:56,664 --> 01:34:59,567
Pretty sure that's
License to Drive.
1374
01:34:59,600 --> 01:35:00,468
No, oh.
1375
01:35:07,776 --> 01:35:08,676
Whoa.
1376
01:35:10,311 --> 01:35:13,114
Does this make me final boy?
1377
01:35:14,682 --> 01:35:16,584
Focus, he's gonna
be here any minute.
1378
01:35:16,617 --> 01:35:17,618
We need a plan.
1379
01:35:24,492 --> 01:35:25,660
Cory Feldman.
1380
01:35:29,163 --> 01:35:31,232
I think I have a plan.
1381
01:35:52,788 --> 01:35:55,022
What the fuck?
1382
01:36:00,294 --> 01:36:01,362
I rewound.
1383
01:36:09,470 --> 01:36:10,371
Owie!
1384
01:36:11,840 --> 01:36:13,374
Hey, Damon.
1385
01:36:13,407 --> 01:36:16,010
It's me, Jimmy.
1386
01:36:17,311 --> 01:36:18,679
Don't you remember me?
1387
01:36:19,815 --> 01:36:21,783
I beat the cancer.
1388
01:36:21,817 --> 01:36:23,017
Can you believe it?
1389
01:36:24,285 --> 01:36:27,488
Those frat guys were
so mean but I made it,
1390
01:36:27,522 --> 01:36:30,525
I got away and I
beat the cancer.
1391
01:37:25,179 --> 01:37:27,548
Holy shit, it actually worked.
1392
01:37:27,582 --> 01:37:29,250
We did it.
1393
01:37:29,283 --> 01:37:30,618
Yes, we did it!
1394
01:37:31,719 --> 01:37:33,254
Oh we're alive!
1395
01:37:33,287 --> 01:37:35,089
Oh god, we're alive.
1396
01:37:37,491 --> 01:37:38,459
That was so crazy.
1397
01:37:38,492 --> 01:37:39,527
Did you see that?
1398
01:37:39,560 --> 01:37:42,496
Oh my god, what if he hugged me?
1399
01:37:43,598 --> 01:37:46,200
Guess we could have taken
this the whole time.
1400
01:37:46,233 --> 01:37:51,205
Huh, well I really wish
you thought of that before.
1401
01:37:51,238 --> 01:37:52,206
Fuck.
1402
01:37:52,239 --> 01:37:53,474
What?
1403
01:37:53,507 --> 01:37:55,443
It's not starting.
1404
01:37:57,478 --> 01:37:58,914
When
placed within 14 meters
1405
01:37:58,947 --> 01:38:02,650
of any American made car,
the engine will not start...
1406
01:38:02,683 --> 01:38:03,752
14 meters.
1407
01:38:04,753 --> 01:38:05,887
What?
1408
01:38:05,921 --> 01:38:07,588
That's what they were doing
back there, testing shit.
1409
01:38:07,622 --> 01:38:10,524
He's gotta be 14 meters
away or it won't start.
1410
01:38:11,626 --> 01:38:14,362
Oh fuck, I've gotta move him.
1411
01:38:14,395 --> 01:38:15,496
Oh fuck no!
1412
01:38:16,664 --> 01:38:17,398
Come on.
1413
01:38:17,431 --> 01:38:19,300
Jesus Christ!
1414
01:38:19,333 --> 01:38:21,669
I don't want to touch that dude.
1415
01:38:21,702 --> 01:38:22,336
Fuck!
1416
01:38:22,370 --> 01:38:24,806
Hey, don't be the final boy.
1417
01:38:25,941 --> 01:38:26,842
Be the final man.
1418
01:38:32,246 --> 01:38:33,414
All right.
1419
01:38:36,852 --> 01:38:37,819
How big is a meter?
1420
01:39:00,809 --> 01:39:01,676
Okay.
1421
01:39:01,709 --> 01:39:02,576
He's dead!
1422
01:39:04,278 --> 01:39:04,946
He's passed away.
1423
01:39:10,786 --> 01:39:11,686
Jesus!
1424
01:39:12,954 --> 01:39:13,822
Shit.
1425
01:39:13,855 --> 01:39:14,722
He's heavy.
1426
01:39:20,996 --> 01:39:23,264
Okay, all right.
1427
01:39:23,297 --> 01:39:24,432
Try again.
1428
01:39:40,414 --> 01:39:42,316
Oh god, I gotta split.
1429
01:40:55,957 --> 01:40:56,925
I made it!
1430
01:40:56,958 --> 01:40:57,725
I made it till the end.
1431
01:40:57,759 --> 01:40:59,627
We have to go.
No, we have to go.
1432
01:40:59,660 --> 01:41:00,829
You're hurt.
What are you doing?
1433
01:41:00,862 --> 01:41:02,530
Let me help you.
1434
01:41:02,563 --> 01:41:03,799
What are you doing?
1435
01:41:03,832 --> 01:41:06,567
Don't worry, it's not,
I don't actually smoke.
1436
01:41:06,600 --> 01:41:07,701
It's my job.
1437
01:41:14,475 --> 01:41:15,944
No.
1438
01:46:08,165 --> 01:46:13,165
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