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♪ If you'll open up your soul ♪
2
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♪ And let my love come in ♪
3
00:01:02,018 --> 00:01:05,065
♪ If you'll spread
your lovely arms ♪
4
00:01:05,195 --> 00:01:07,893
♪ The sky will start to spin ♪
5
00:01:08,024 --> 00:01:09,678
♪ Yeah ♪
6
00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:13,464
♪ Aren't you feeling a
great big vibration ♪
7
00:01:13,595 --> 00:01:17,120
♪ And a warm flow
of anticipation ♪
8
00:01:17,251 --> 00:01:20,341
♪ With a flood of sensation ♪
9
00:01:20,471 --> 00:01:22,821
♪ You know that in the end ♪
10
00:01:22,952 --> 00:01:25,085
♪ You'll give in ♪
11
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:28,740
♪ Groove into it ♪
12
00:01:28,871 --> 00:01:30,177
♪ Yeah ♪
13
00:01:30,307 --> 00:01:32,614
♪ Just let yourself
groove into it ♪
14
00:01:33,919 --> 00:01:35,921
♪ Come on move into it ♪
15
00:01:36,052 --> 00:01:37,662
♪ Yeah ♪
16
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:40,056
♪ Be free and you'll
groove into it ♪
17
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:41,927
♪ Yeah ♪
18
00:01:42,058 --> 00:01:45,366
♪ I wanna move and groove and
move and groove and move ♪
19
00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:48,499
♪ And fill you with my love ♪
20
00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:57,421
♪ On the soft sand of a beach ♪
21
00:01:57,552 --> 00:01:59,771
♪ All warm upon your skin ♪
22
00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:04,515
♪ Let the juices of a peach ♪
23
00:02:04,646 --> 00:02:07,866
♪ Go runnin' down your chin ♪
24
00:02:07,997 --> 00:02:09,346
♪ Yeah ♪
25
00:02:09,477 --> 00:02:12,871
♪ Let's go diving in
Pussycat fountains ♪
26
00:02:13,002 --> 00:02:16,353
♪ Let's go climbing in
Pussycat mountains ♪
27
00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:18,703
♪ Let's walk the clouds ♪
28
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:20,096
♪ Let's fly the wind ♪
29
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:21,750
♪ Let's touch the sun ♪
30
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:26,189
♪ So groove into it ♪
31
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:27,973
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
32
00:02:28,104 --> 00:02:31,325
♪ Be free, just groove
into it Come on ♪
33
00:02:31,455 --> 00:02:33,805
♪ Come on, move into it ♪
34
00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:35,242
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
35
00:02:35,372 --> 00:02:39,028
♪ You'll see you'll
groove into it ♪
36
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:44,294
♪ I wanna move and groove and
move and groove and move ♪
37
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,168
♪ I wanna groove ♪
38
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:56,611
♪ Pussycat, Pussycat ♪
39
00:02:56,741 --> 00:02:59,396
NARRATOR: Rome,
the eternal city.
40
00:03:01,137 --> 00:03:04,488
The Colosseum,
a monument to Julius Caesar.
41
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:12,017
The Trevi Fountain,
a monument to Pope Alexander.
42
00:03:12,148 --> 00:03:16,283
Piazza Navona, a monument
to the great Bernini.
43
00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:21,201
St. Peter's,
a monument to God.
44
00:03:22,767 --> 00:03:24,900
[HONKING]
45
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:28,991
The traffic jam,
a monument to Henry Ford.
46
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:30,514
[ALL HONKING]
47
00:03:33,474 --> 00:03:35,998
Fred Dobbs.
48
00:03:36,128 --> 00:03:40,002
He's more worried about
losing his hair
than losing his wife.
49
00:03:40,132 --> 00:03:43,179
Right now he's late
to his appointment
with his scalp therapist.
50
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:44,485
This man.
51
00:03:46,008 --> 00:03:48,880
Anna, my dear,
may I see you a moment?
52
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:57,367
His name is Dr. Fahrquardt.
53
00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:59,717
He has no degree.
That's his name.
54
00:03:59,848 --> 00:04:01,893
Like yours is Irving,
his is doctor.
55
00:04:05,419 --> 00:04:07,638
Meet Anna, the doctor's wife.
56
00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:14,384
Few of us are happily married,
but this is ridiculous.
57
00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:17,518
[DR. FAHRQUARDT GRUNTS]
58
00:04:19,433 --> 00:04:21,783
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
59
00:04:21,913 --> 00:04:23,741
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
60
00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:25,395
[VEHICLES HONKING]
61
00:04:28,572 --> 00:04:29,965
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
62
00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:01,692
Tell, come on.
Tell me.
63
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:03,651
I'm losing my hair,
I just know it. Look.
64
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:06,741
Let me worry about your hair.
65
00:05:06,871 --> 00:05:11,354
Now, just tell me about
all those girls, eh?
66
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:14,618
NARRATOR: Dr. Fahrquardt is
interested in Fred's sex life
67
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:17,012
because he gets none of his own.
68
00:05:17,142 --> 00:05:20,320
Having met his wife,
you can understand why.
69
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:21,756
Who said anything about girls?
70
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:25,673
I did. Just now.
Didn't you hear me?
71
00:05:25,803 --> 00:05:27,979
What's the matter?
You losing your hearing,
too?
72
00:05:28,110 --> 00:05:30,025
Too? Then I am losing
my hair. You...
73
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:31,766
Even as we speak.
74
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:35,770
But so long as
these two hands...
75
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:38,990
God bless them....keep their skill,
76
00:05:39,121 --> 00:05:42,124
you'll have a little
something left to comb.
77
00:05:42,254 --> 00:05:45,780
NARRATOR: This clown
really believes
he's a scalp therapist.
78
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:48,565
The sad thing is
his patients believe it, too.
79
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,872
I...
80
00:05:51,002 --> 00:05:52,961
just couldn't stand being bald.
81
00:05:53,091 --> 00:05:55,093
Who could?
82
00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:58,488
It's disgusting.
All that empty space
gleaming up at everybody
83
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:00,360
like an undiapered baby.
84
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,449
Oh, it's obscene.
85
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:05,713
No more so than your dream
about being shipwrecked
on that desert island.
86
00:06:05,843 --> 00:06:08,455
Just you and that male gorilla.
87
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,415
[GASPING]
88
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:16,071
Low pain threshold, eh?
89
00:06:16,201 --> 00:06:18,247
You must have been pretty
scared of that gorilla.
90
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,249
Terrified.
91
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,685
Perfectly normal.
92
00:06:23,818 --> 00:06:26,386
Well, the hell he was.
He fell in love with me.
93
00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:29,519
I love you.
94
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,434
I ran.
95
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,654
Oh, masculine protest, eh?
96
00:06:33,784 --> 00:06:35,395
Then why can't you run
from those girls?
97
00:06:35,525 --> 00:06:38,006
It's not the same thing.
98
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:40,704
You're right...
99
00:06:40,835 --> 00:06:43,881
You're, you're right.
You're right. I can't say no.
100
00:06:46,580 --> 00:06:48,059
My darling wife, for example.
101
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:50,235
DR. FAHRQUARDT: To whom you're
criminally unfaithful.
102
00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,020
My Mistress Ornella.
103
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:55,719
With whom you've had your way,
as the old books put it.
104
00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:58,461
And some of those old
books put it rather well.
105
00:06:58,592 --> 00:07:01,072
I bet you underlined
all the hot passages.
106
00:07:01,203 --> 00:07:03,074
You sex clod!
107
00:07:03,205 --> 00:07:05,947
It's like a disease.
And then this wild,
new pussycat.
108
00:07:06,077 --> 00:07:07,775
What? Gwendolyn.
109
00:07:07,905 --> 00:07:09,298
Gwen-do-lyn.
110
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,039
I hate to tell you
about Gwendolyn.
111
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:12,910
What hate?
112
00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:14,129
It's the least
you can do while
I stand here
113
00:07:14,259 --> 00:07:16,784
trying to save
your morally
exhausted hair.
114
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,614
I am most grateful.
115
00:07:20,744 --> 00:07:22,050
As well you should be.
116
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:24,661
Without me you'd be
a melon with eyes.
117
00:07:24,792 --> 00:07:26,533
Now tell me about this...
118
00:07:27,098 --> 00:07:28,448
Gwen...
119
00:07:28,578 --> 00:07:30,275
I couldn't say no to Gwen.
120
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:32,321
She was cold, unattainable.
The absolute end.
121
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,584
Oh, a real pageant, go.
122
00:07:34,715 --> 00:07:37,108
FRED: We were alone together,
by accident.
123
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:41,112
DR. FAHRQUARDT: Gwen...
124
00:07:41,243 --> 00:07:43,419
I don't care if I am
your wife's sister.
125
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:44,899
It's more erotic this way.
126
00:07:45,029 --> 00:07:46,727
Right.
127
00:07:46,857 --> 00:07:48,685
If it happens,
it happens, Pussycat.
128
00:07:48,816 --> 00:07:50,731
Let nature take its course.
129
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:52,167
Right.
130
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:54,343
I dig nature.Right.
131
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,953
It's beautiful.
I dig nature.
132
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:57,868
Start digging.
133
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,050
[WATCH BUZZING]
134
00:08:06,181 --> 00:08:07,487
My time's up.
135
00:08:07,617 --> 00:08:09,227
But time...
136
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,795
What is time when
137
00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:14,537
scalp-wise a scientific
breakthrough is imminent?
138
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:20,108
Easy, now, easy,
Victor Vicarious.
139
00:08:20,238 --> 00:08:22,197
You interested in
my scalp or my women?
140
00:08:22,327 --> 00:08:25,287
Oh, don't give me
that holier-than-thou
attitude, Clyde.
141
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:27,507
If just once
142
00:08:27,637 --> 00:08:30,118
I treated your rapidly
vanishing hair
143
00:08:30,248 --> 00:08:31,859
without checking on
the distaff action,
144
00:08:31,989 --> 00:08:34,035
you'd choke with frustration.
145
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:36,385
You dig re-living it.
146
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:37,995
That's how sick you are.
147
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,129
No.Yes.
148
00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:43,566
No.Yes.
149
00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:46,308
No! Yes!
150
00:08:46,438 --> 00:08:47,439
No! Yes!
151
00:08:47,570 --> 00:08:48,832
No! Yes!
152
00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:49,833
No! Yes!
153
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,226
Yes! Yes!
154
00:08:51,356 --> 00:08:53,184
Yes! Yes!
155
00:08:53,315 --> 00:08:55,186
Yes! Yes! Yes!
156
00:08:55,317 --> 00:08:56,840
Desist, sir!
157
00:08:56,971 --> 00:08:59,451
Cease these unmanly
tears immediately,
158
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:03,194
or I shall be forced to lock
you in the little dark room.
Ah?
159
00:09:05,762 --> 00:09:07,634
Now, calm for your own good.
160
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:10,593
Tell?
161
00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:13,161
You bet your scalp.
162
00:09:13,291 --> 00:09:16,947
FRED: It all started at
the Battle of the Bulge.
163
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:19,341
DR. FAHRQUARDT: The Battle
of the Bulge?
164
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:22,170
FRED: A ladies'
reducing salon.
165
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,346
Oh, they take men on
Tuesdays and Thursdays.
166
00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:26,653
DR. FAHRQUARDT: And you
went on Friday?
167
00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:28,568
FRED: Well, I am, er, normal.
168
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:40,275
[WOMEN GIGGLE]
169
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,247
Good afternoon, Madame.
170
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:58,685
My name's Liz.
I hope you enjoy
your massage.
171
00:09:59,250 --> 00:10:00,382
[GASPS]
172
00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:08,564
Hello.
173
00:10:08,695 --> 00:10:10,087
[WHISPERS] I don't know
who you are,
174
00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:12,263
but get the hell
out of here before
I call the polizia.
175
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:14,396
Pussycat,
176
00:10:14,526 --> 00:10:17,268
if you were going
to call the polizia,
would you be whispering?
177
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:19,749
I'll give you that.
What do you want?
178
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:21,533
Don't you remember?
My name's Fred C. Dobbs.
179
00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:22,839
From that big party
at the villa.
180
00:10:22,970 --> 00:10:25,059
Oh, yes.
181
00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:27,061
How've you been? Very well, thank you.
And you?
182
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:28,715
Fine, thank you.
183
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:30,586
And now that the social
interlude is over,
184
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,632
kindly get the hell out
of here or I'll lose me job.
185
00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:34,721
Oh, you disappoint me.
186
00:10:34,851 --> 00:10:36,810
A pox on your
disappointment. Out.
187
00:10:47,429 --> 00:10:49,083
[SCREAMS] A man.
188
00:10:49,213 --> 00:10:50,650
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
189
00:10:55,132 --> 00:10:56,351
[BARKING]
190
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,446
[SCREAMING CONTINUES]
191
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:28,688
[MIDDLE EASTERN MUSIC PLAYING]
192
00:11:40,743 --> 00:11:43,050
Oh, that was a good one.
193
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:45,139
Well, one does one's best.
194
00:11:45,269 --> 00:11:47,489
One got one fired
from one's job.
195
00:11:47,619 --> 00:11:49,578
I'm terribly sorry.
196
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,145
Look, it wasn't my fault.
197
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:53,364
I didn't know those
women were going to
react like that.
198
00:11:53,495 --> 00:11:56,237
Promise to make it
up to one in a big way.
199
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,455
'Ow big?
200
00:11:57,586 --> 00:11:59,457
Modesty prevents
one from saying.
201
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:01,372
Does one live far? Near.
202
00:12:01,503 --> 00:12:02,504
Good. With one's mum.
203
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:03,984
Bad.
204
00:12:04,114 --> 00:12:06,943
Look, maybe we can save
it for another night.
205
00:12:07,074 --> 00:12:08,945
Don't let's lose one's head.
206
00:12:09,076 --> 00:12:11,469
One's losing one's mood.
207
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:13,254
I'll come up with something.
208
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:18,738
Fernando. Fernando?
209
00:12:18,868 --> 00:12:20,914
Fernando. Fernando?
210
00:12:21,044 --> 00:12:23,133
Look, did I wake you?
211
00:12:23,264 --> 00:12:25,483
Is it really?
212
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:26,702
You're right, you know?
213
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,183
Quarter to 5:00
on the button.
Right.
214
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,401
Fever?
215
00:12:31,359 --> 00:12:32,882
A hundred and four?
216
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,493
Listen, Fernando.
217
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:38,496
Make sure you get
plenty of Aspirin
and hot juices.
218
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:40,716
Fernando, I need a favor.
219
00:12:40,847 --> 00:12:42,152
Would you mind going
to an all-night movie
for a couple of hours
220
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:43,719
and letting me use your place?
221
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:44,720
[HANGS UP]
222
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,548
Fernando?
223
00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:47,897
Fernando, pronto.
224
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:49,551
Fernando, pronto.
225
00:12:49,681 --> 00:12:51,248
Pronto, Fernando.
226
00:12:51,379 --> 00:12:53,598
Fernando, pro...
We were disconnected.
227
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:56,297
That usually 'appens
when the other
party hangs up.
228
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,736
Look, it's late.
229
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:02,782
I'm tired.
230
00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:04,174
I want to go 'ome.
231
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,523
Go home?
232
00:13:06,568 --> 00:13:08,265
But we haven't eve...
233
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:09,571
We...
234
00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:11,834
We haven't.
235
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:14,141
Well, let's say we have.
236
00:13:14,271 --> 00:13:16,360
I'll back you up
if you want to brag
to your friends.
237
00:13:16,491 --> 00:13:18,972
You've got me all wrong.
I'm a gentleman. I would
never dream of talking...
238
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,451
Unless it actually 'appened.
239
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,062
Well, of course.
240
00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:24,542
Well, let's say it did.
You know, mentally.
241
00:13:27,502 --> 00:13:28,459
Mentally?
242
00:13:31,549 --> 00:13:32,942
Somehow or other it's
243
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,726
not quite as much fun.
244
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:36,163
I didn't think it would be.
245
00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:37,338
[GIGGLES]
246
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:43,257
You can't leave me
here like this.
247
00:13:43,387 --> 00:13:46,129
Oh, no!
But I've got a car.
248
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:48,610
That's the first nice thing
you've said to me tonight.
249
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:50,917
Fernando?
250
00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:52,657
Fernando, how you feeling, kid?
251
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:54,529
Any better?
252
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:57,227
[WHISTLES] That high, huh?
253
00:13:57,358 --> 00:14:01,710
Well, we won't be using your
place after all, she's got
a car. Now listen, Fernan...
254
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,320
Hold on a moment, would you?
255
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:08,586
My dear.
256
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:13,504
Man talk.
257
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,335
If Millie calls, I'm with you.
If Ornella checks,
the same goes for her.
258
00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:20,685
Goodbye. Hm?
259
00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:23,036
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
No, Millie is my wife.
260
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:24,864
Ornella's my mistress.
261
00:14:26,082 --> 00:14:28,302
Fernando,
you've got to remember.
262
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:29,912
Millie, wife.
263
00:14:30,043 --> 00:14:31,566
Ornella, mistress.
264
00:14:33,437 --> 00:14:34,612
Write it down.
265
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:37,833
Hm?
266
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:40,575
Get up and get a pencil.
267
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:43,621
Well, open the oxygen tent
and get one from the doctor.
268
00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:46,842
Well, ask the priest
if he has one.
269
00:14:46,973 --> 00:14:48,322
[HANGS UP]
270
00:14:48,452 --> 00:14:49,671
Fernando? Fer...
271
00:14:50,759 --> 00:14:52,239
Fernando? Pronto!
272
00:14:57,374 --> 00:14:59,986
He's got a lot
to learn about
being a true friend.
273
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:09,996
So, how was it?
274
00:15:10,126 --> 00:15:12,433
Huh? Beautiful.
I loved it. Who doesn't?
275
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:16,524
Still I'm eaten up
with guilt.
Millie, my poor wife.
276
00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,787
Oh, don't be such a worry wart.
277
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,137
You know the saying
"Worry and care will
make you lose your hair."
278
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:22,922
That's an old wives' tale.
279
00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:25,315
How many bald old
wives do you know?
280
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:28,579
It's amazing, Doctor.
281
00:15:28,710 --> 00:15:32,453
After a session with you,
I feel so completely
unburdened.
282
00:15:32,583 --> 00:15:34,890
Incredible what you
accomplish with a mere
scalp treatment.
283
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:37,023
What scalp?
284
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:39,460
I treat the total man
from head to foot.
285
00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:41,070
With a stop in between
at the wallet.
286
00:15:41,201 --> 00:15:42,724
Which reminds you...
287
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:45,292
Tomorrow. And tomorrow,
288
00:15:45,422 --> 00:15:46,946
and tomorrow.
289
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:50,253
And you'll tell me the
details about the dream
290
00:15:50,384 --> 00:15:52,342
you're going to
have tonight about
the gorilla.
291
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:55,563
I am not going to dream
about that gorilla.
292
00:15:55,693 --> 00:15:57,521
Oh, the gorilla.
He's closing on me.
293
00:15:57,652 --> 00:15:59,654
He's gaining on me.
The gorilla.
294
00:15:59,784 --> 00:16:03,092
The gorilla.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
295
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:04,572
That dammed gorilla.
296
00:16:04,702 --> 00:16:06,704
A gorilla?
297
00:16:06,835 --> 00:16:08,837
He almost caught me
this time
and it's all that...
298
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:10,795
That Dr. Fahrquardt's fault.
299
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:12,580
A gorilla, Fred, a gorilla?
300
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:14,930
A big, hairy,
301
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:16,976
horny, crazy,
302
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,152
in-love gorilla.
303
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:22,198
I'm losing my hair. I...
304
00:16:35,646 --> 00:16:37,387
Good night, Milton.
305
00:16:37,518 --> 00:16:39,085
I'm Millie.
Who's Milton?
306
00:16:39,215 --> 00:16:41,261
What? Milton?
307
00:16:41,391 --> 00:16:43,611
Who's Milton?
I don't know any Milton.
308
00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:46,309
Buona notte.
Talk about it in the
morning, please.
309
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:47,571
Buono notte.
310
00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:51,662
That's it.
311
00:16:53,403 --> 00:16:54,839
What's it?
312
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,363
Gorilla's name.
313
00:16:58,582 --> 00:16:59,496
Milton?
314
00:17:44,628 --> 00:17:45,847
[PHONE RINGS]
315
00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:55,465
Pronto.
316
00:17:55,596 --> 00:17:56,684
Just a moment.
317
00:17:56,814 --> 00:17:59,252
It's Monsieur's
tennis instructor.
318
00:18:01,558 --> 00:18:02,690
Pronto!
319
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:05,301
Darling, I must see you.
320
00:18:05,432 --> 00:18:08,696
Yes, I know.
A little more zip
with my back hand.
321
00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:10,785
I miss you terribly.
322
00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:13,875
I know. Well, keep
the court reserved.
We'll play later.
323
00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:22,362
Oh, morning coffee.
324
00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,538
With the world's
penultimate Pussycat.
325
00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:26,105
Who could ask for anything more?
326
00:18:26,235 --> 00:18:28,455
You, obviously. Huh?
327
00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:31,632
Fred, supposing a couple
that married very young.
328
00:18:31,762 --> 00:18:32,763
Twenty, as we did?
329
00:18:32,894 --> 00:18:34,678
As we did, yes.
330
00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:38,421
Supposing this couple
found that they were
no longer in love.
331
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:39,596
Were they at the beginning?
332
00:18:39,727 --> 00:18:41,381
Oh, yes, I think so.
333
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,209
At least they thought they were.
334
00:18:43,339 --> 00:18:45,602
They're still deeply
fond of each other.
335
00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:47,517
Deeply fond is a hell of a
distance from in love.
336
00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:49,476
True. But they're still young.
337
00:18:49,606 --> 00:18:50,999
And they still have illusions.
338
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,609
Illusions?
339
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:55,003
Romantic.
Are there any other kind?
340
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,136
Those, my dear, are delusions.
341
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,355
Be kind, Fred.
They've got to have something.
342
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,140
They don't have children.
343
00:19:01,270 --> 00:19:03,098
Neither do we,
but we don't snivel
about it, do we?
344
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:04,795
Speak for yourself.
345
00:19:06,319 --> 00:19:08,843
Very well, I will.
346
00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:11,019
What this girl should do
is find something to
occupy her time.
347
00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:12,629
Charity work.
Needlepoint.
348
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,153
Rolling bandages
for the Great War.
349
00:19:14,283 --> 00:19:15,763
What Great War?
350
00:19:15,893 --> 00:19:18,331
Any great war.
351
00:19:18,461 --> 00:19:20,768
Tell her to keep busy.
The devil makes
work for idle hands.
352
00:19:20,898 --> 00:19:23,074
Exactly, affairs. I...
353
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,556
I told her this.
It can be dangerous.
354
00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:29,559
On the other hand,
how is she going to
find "Mr. Right"?
355
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:32,693
Mr. Right?
God, how old-fashioned.
356
00:19:32,823 --> 00:19:35,565
It's only old-fashioned
if she doesn't find him.
357
00:19:35,696 --> 00:19:38,960
And she's not getting
any younger.
358
00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:41,658
And, and how is she going
to find him if
359
00:19:41,789 --> 00:19:43,704
she doesn't go
360
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:46,881
looking?
361
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:56,760
Looking?
362
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:58,806
Mmm.
363
00:19:59,676 --> 00:20:01,635
Looking?
364
00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:04,768
Oh, well, that's
certainly not
old-fashioned, is it?
365
00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:06,944
No.
366
00:20:07,075 --> 00:20:10,121
But if she does
find Mr. Right,
367
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,298
it's everything, isn't it, Fred?
368
00:20:13,516 --> 00:20:14,517
Mmm?
369
00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,261
Of course it is,
old girl, but...
370
00:20:19,392 --> 00:20:21,263
Well, I thought
371
00:20:21,394 --> 00:20:23,047
you said she was married.
372
00:20:23,178 --> 00:20:26,355
She is.
But it didn't take.
373
00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:28,488
Like a weak vaccination.
374
00:20:28,618 --> 00:20:30,838
You seem awfully concerned
about her but not a
moment's thought about him.
375
00:20:30,968 --> 00:20:33,014
Oh, Fred, how unfair.
376
00:20:33,144 --> 00:20:36,670
To her, she worries
about him all the time,
377
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,019
feels guilty...
378
00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:40,500
Guilty? About looking for
somebody else.
379
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:42,937
Could he manage to get
along without her?
380
00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:46,462
I mean, he's never,
well, sort of grown up.
381
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:48,812
By choice.
382
00:20:48,943 --> 00:20:50,553
By choice!
383
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:52,338
Tell her not to worry.
384
00:20:52,468 --> 00:20:55,515
For him the world
is full of girls.
The safety of numbers.
385
00:20:55,645 --> 00:20:57,256
Where he doesn't have
to commit himself.
386
00:20:57,386 --> 00:21:00,737
Make a decision or even
change his dialogue.
Just change girls.
387
00:21:03,392 --> 00:21:06,177
You're making it sound
like a play.
388
00:21:06,308 --> 00:21:09,398
Why don't you
write it, Fred?
A new idea for a comedy.
389
00:21:09,529 --> 00:21:11,574
Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's very dramatic.
390
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:13,272
If I dream it tonight,
I'll give it to the gorilla.
391
00:21:13,402 --> 00:21:14,969
The gorilla? Oh, yes,
392
00:21:15,099 --> 00:21:17,711
he can certainly
write a better play
than I can.
393
00:21:17,841 --> 00:21:20,148
And now, please,
let us end this
interminable conversation
394
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:22,977
which seems to be
hitting closer and
closer to home.
395
00:21:23,107 --> 00:21:25,196
I meant it, too. I know.
396
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:26,763
That's why I want it to end.
397
00:21:33,466 --> 00:21:37,034
The gorilla can certainly
write a better
play than I can.
398
00:21:37,165 --> 00:21:37,948
Why?
399
00:21:39,210 --> 00:21:41,300
Why, you ask?
400
00:21:41,430 --> 00:21:44,259
I didn't.Exactly.
401
00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:47,871
Because with a bunch of
bananas and a warm cage
he's got it made.
402
00:21:48,002 --> 00:21:50,526
He's not overdrawn
at the bank as I am.
403
00:21:50,657 --> 00:21:54,356
Next time you get
a tax attorney, get one
who's been to college.
404
00:21:54,487 --> 00:21:55,879
[SCREAMS]
It's hot, Millie.
405
00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:57,228
Er, Madame.
406
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,143
Millie, Millie, I'm burning.
407
00:21:59,274 --> 00:22:00,754
Please, please! Quick!
408
00:22:00,884 --> 00:22:02,321
Butter.
409
00:22:02,451 --> 00:22:04,235
Butter? Butter for what?
My lord,
it's scorching,
410
00:22:04,366 --> 00:22:05,367
and you're talking about butter.
411
00:22:05,498 --> 00:22:07,456
Butter for a burn.
It's a known fact.
412
00:22:09,545 --> 00:22:11,591
That's not where I got burned.
413
00:22:18,641 --> 00:22:20,556
NARRATOR: Could that beacon
of skin really be...
414
00:22:20,687 --> 00:22:22,863
Golly goodness, it is.
415
00:22:22,993 --> 00:22:24,952
Dr. Fahrquardt!
416
00:22:25,082 --> 00:22:26,910
How dare you come in
here when I'm nude?
417
00:22:27,041 --> 00:22:28,216
Besides, I'm giving
hydro-therapy.
418
00:22:28,347 --> 00:22:30,087
Hydro-therapy to whom?
419
00:22:30,218 --> 00:22:32,220
To me, you marching moron.
420
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,048
I'm just as sick as
anybody else.
421
00:22:34,178 --> 00:22:36,006
You have a victim waiting.
422
00:22:36,137 --> 00:22:39,358
Patient. And get out
of here or I'll break
every bone in your head.
423
00:22:39,488 --> 00:22:42,970
Don't threaten me,
you pontifical quack.
424
00:22:43,100 --> 00:22:46,147
I have hated you since
the moment I married you.
425
00:22:46,277 --> 00:22:48,454
Your pores are too large.
426
00:22:48,584 --> 00:22:49,977
You have pore slop.
427
00:22:53,807 --> 00:22:56,505
One step and I scatter
your brains.
428
00:23:00,030 --> 00:23:02,163
Twenty years for hitting
a man who's wearing glasses.
429
00:23:02,293 --> 00:23:03,643
You fat fool!
430
00:23:04,905 --> 00:23:05,819
[YELLS]
431
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:09,518
[SCREAMS]
432
00:23:29,973 --> 00:23:30,713
Swine!
433
00:23:41,289 --> 00:23:42,595
[LAUGHS]
434
00:24:01,875 --> 00:24:04,747
May the student riots
re-occur in your stomach!
435
00:24:09,752 --> 00:24:13,452
If Monsieur's tennis
instructor calls again,
what do I say?
436
00:24:13,582 --> 00:24:15,932
Tell him I'm having my
racquet re-strung.
437
00:24:16,063 --> 00:24:19,066
One of these days, Madame may
beat me to the phone.
438
00:24:19,196 --> 00:24:20,937
That has the ugly sound
of blackmail.
439
00:24:21,068 --> 00:24:23,505
What you need is
a secretary you can trust.
440
00:24:23,636 --> 00:24:27,161
Someone like my niece,
Angelica.
Someone young and active.
441
00:24:27,291 --> 00:24:28,379
Who's young and active?
442
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:30,556
My niece, Angelica.
443
00:24:30,686 --> 00:24:32,296
Er, Monsieur has agreed
to interview her.
444
00:24:32,427 --> 00:24:33,472
I've agreed to, er...
445
00:24:33,602 --> 00:24:35,082
This afternoon.
446
00:24:36,779 --> 00:24:38,389
This afternoon.
447
00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,522
This afternoon I've
got to visit my sister
at the hospital.
448
00:24:40,653 --> 00:24:42,176
FRED: Gwendolyn?
What's wrong with her?
449
00:24:42,306 --> 00:24:45,353
Her back. It's all scraped
from sand at the beach.
450
00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:46,659
FRED: Her back?
How did...
451
00:24:49,531 --> 00:24:51,968
Ah, well, that's what
you get through
digging nature.
452
00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:57,234
What? Give her a kiss for me.
453
00:24:58,540 --> 00:25:00,150
[MUSIC PLAYING]
454
00:25:02,631 --> 00:25:04,981
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
455
00:26:05,738 --> 00:26:08,958
Well, stop looking
back. So I started
a little fire.
456
00:26:24,626 --> 00:26:26,541
Happy birthday, Fernando.
457
00:26:26,672 --> 00:26:27,803
[WOMAN CONGRATULATING
IN ITALIAN]
458
00:26:27,934 --> 00:26:29,936
ALL: Happy birthday, Fernando.
459
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,243
[GUESTS APPLAUD]
460
00:26:45,386 --> 00:26:46,822
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
461
00:26:50,739 --> 00:26:52,741
It's good to be a chick.
462
00:27:10,454 --> 00:27:12,065
You're beautiful.
463
00:27:12,195 --> 00:27:13,632
I'm pregnant.
464
00:27:13,762 --> 00:27:16,547
It's your eyes, mostly.
They're luminous.
465
00:27:16,678 --> 00:27:19,855
You wouldn't marry me
even if I were
carrying your child.
466
00:27:19,986 --> 00:27:22,553
Your mouth, too, fascinating.
467
00:27:22,684 --> 00:27:25,600
You've lost me.
Goodbye forever.
468
00:27:25,731 --> 00:27:28,734
I love you.
Don't you want to
give your baby a name?
469
00:27:28,864 --> 00:27:31,867
Thank you, but that
won't be necessary.
470
00:27:31,998 --> 00:27:35,131
I've just decided to
think positive thoughts
and not be pregnant.
471
00:27:38,265 --> 00:27:40,136
Positive thoughts?
472
00:27:41,442 --> 00:27:43,009
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
473
00:27:52,061 --> 00:27:55,935
The question is,
will you or won't you
take off your clothes?
474
00:27:56,065 --> 00:27:58,372
Oh, hell, if it means
that much to you.
475
00:27:58,502 --> 00:27:59,808
It does.
476
00:28:26,269 --> 00:28:28,141
Ah, paradise.
477
00:28:29,098 --> 00:28:30,491
[MOANS]
478
00:28:30,621 --> 00:28:31,753
Hey,
479
00:28:32,449 --> 00:28:33,799
it's you.
480
00:28:33,929 --> 00:28:36,279
The model from the
dirty postcards.
481
00:28:36,410 --> 00:28:38,673
And you must be the creep
that bought the whole pack.
482
00:28:38,804 --> 00:28:40,109
I am. I am.
483
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,416
I love you.
484
00:28:42,546 --> 00:28:44,157
Frankly, I love you, too.
485
00:28:44,940 --> 00:28:46,289
Go on. Go on.
486
00:28:46,420 --> 00:28:47,421
Ooh!
487
00:28:55,385 --> 00:28:56,473
Happy?
488
00:28:57,257 --> 00:28:58,998
Not until you marry me.
489
00:28:59,128 --> 00:29:01,391
And what do we do
about my husband?
490
00:29:01,522 --> 00:29:04,351
MAN: Fernando, happy birthday! WOMAN: Happy birthday!
491
00:29:04,481 --> 00:29:06,962
Exactly what I have been
doing about your husband.
492
00:29:07,093 --> 00:29:09,443
Deceiving him. You swine!
493
00:29:14,535 --> 00:29:15,492
[LAUGHS]
494
00:29:16,667 --> 00:29:19,279
Poor, oh, poor Moira.
495
00:29:19,409 --> 00:29:21,542
You, you're not
still living with
that person, are you?
496
00:29:21,672 --> 00:29:23,022
Gian Carlo?
497
00:29:23,152 --> 00:29:25,633
No, but he's still
in my drama class.
498
00:29:25,764 --> 00:29:28,549
Good. Drama. Good.
Good.
499
00:29:28,679 --> 00:29:31,508
I think you're so beautiful
and I do think you can
give of yourself.
500
00:29:31,639 --> 00:29:33,206
Oh, I can, I can.
501
00:29:33,336 --> 00:29:34,990
No, no. No, no.
No, I meant as an actress.
502
00:29:35,121 --> 00:29:36,600
Mmm. Oh, that, too.
503
00:29:36,731 --> 00:29:37,863
[GROANS]
504
00:29:52,529 --> 00:29:53,574
Harvard?
505
00:29:53,704 --> 00:29:55,445
'65.
506
00:29:55,576 --> 00:29:57,099
Navy? Intelligence.
507
00:29:58,666 --> 00:30:00,320
Banking? National Trust.
508
00:30:01,582 --> 00:30:02,931
Homosexual? No.
509
00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:04,890
Pity.
510
00:30:05,847 --> 00:30:07,283
I could learn.
511
00:30:07,414 --> 00:30:08,154
Too late.
512
00:30:17,163 --> 00:30:18,904
[INDIAN MUSIC PLAYING]
513
00:30:23,125 --> 00:30:26,650
Have you ever heard him speak?
514
00:30:26,781 --> 00:30:30,480
No. But then,
I only studied with
him for five years.
515
00:30:34,571 --> 00:30:38,140
[SHUSHING] I think he's
finally going to speak.
516
00:30:40,490 --> 00:30:43,972
You've chosen a difficult
path, my children.
517
00:30:45,974 --> 00:30:49,412
Why, Master?
518
00:30:49,543 --> 00:30:53,982
With all these beautiful
broads, a Yoga can get
pretty horny.
519
00:31:06,690 --> 00:31:08,475
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
520
00:32:02,485 --> 00:32:04,966
Hey...
521
00:32:05,097 --> 00:32:07,316
With your permission,
I make the cut in.
522
00:32:09,188 --> 00:32:11,842
Signorinadances
with great abandon.
523
00:32:11,973 --> 00:32:15,716
It's signora. And grazie.
524
00:32:15,846 --> 00:32:18,066
Signora, we shall make love.
525
00:32:18,197 --> 00:32:20,895
Oh, smashing!
Here and now?
526
00:32:21,026 --> 00:32:22,462
No, no, no.
527
00:32:22,592 --> 00:32:24,551
Ahone via Mabrizi, Apartment B.
528
00:32:29,860 --> 00:32:33,516
Back where I come from,
we don't hold with
ditchin' a woman.
529
00:32:33,647 --> 00:32:38,043
You're lookin' to get
a nice big cross
burnt on your lawn.
530
00:32:38,173 --> 00:32:40,436
Cute but emotionally disturbed.
531
00:32:41,220 --> 00:32:43,744
She's from Alabama.
532
00:32:43,874 --> 00:32:47,008
I'm from the
Via Veneto and I'm
disturbed as hell.
533
00:32:47,139 --> 00:32:50,098
Scusi, signore.
I will leave.
534
00:32:50,229 --> 00:32:51,534
You won't forget?
535
00:32:51,665 --> 00:32:53,928
How could I?
536
00:32:54,059 --> 00:32:56,975
I'll look for the
first lawn with
the burning cross.
537
00:32:57,105 --> 00:32:59,107
Won't forget what?
538
00:32:59,238 --> 00:33:01,631
His address.
He wants to make love.
539
00:33:01,762 --> 00:33:03,459
Oh, he does, does he?
540
00:33:16,907 --> 00:33:18,605
[SINGSONG] Doctor.
541
00:33:23,479 --> 00:33:26,047
Doctor, that's a laugh.
542
00:33:26,178 --> 00:33:27,657
[TRACKER CRACKING]
543
00:33:27,788 --> 00:33:30,878
[SINGSONG] Doctor.
544
00:33:31,009 --> 00:33:34,447
There are two schools
of thought on the science
of scalp therapy.
545
00:33:34,577 --> 00:33:36,971
The day school
and the night school.
546
00:33:37,102 --> 00:33:38,494
[WOMEN LAUGH]
547
00:33:50,724 --> 00:33:52,421
[EXCLAIMS]
548
00:33:52,552 --> 00:33:55,381
Wunderbar!
549
00:33:55,511 --> 00:33:59,167
And you, my dear,
are going to be
the first one in.
550
00:33:59,298 --> 00:34:02,083
Champagne tickles my nose.
551
00:34:02,214 --> 00:34:04,477
Imagine what it is
going to do to the
rest of you, eh?
552
00:34:04,607 --> 00:34:06,044
[ALL GIGGLE]
553
00:34:13,703 --> 00:34:15,662
I want to thank you, Doctor.
554
00:34:15,792 --> 00:34:16,967
About what?
555
00:34:17,098 --> 00:34:18,926
The bubbles tickling everything.
556
00:34:19,057 --> 00:34:20,580
Oh, yes.
557
00:34:24,062 --> 00:34:26,020
[DR. FAHRQUARDT CHUCKLES]
558
00:34:26,151 --> 00:34:26,977
[WOMAN GASPS]
559
00:34:27,108 --> 00:34:28,892
No!
560
00:34:29,023 --> 00:34:30,416
[WOMEN SCREAMING]
561
00:34:30,546 --> 00:34:32,461
No!
562
00:34:32,592 --> 00:34:34,072
No! Don't!
563
00:34:34,202 --> 00:34:36,074
I, I, I'm a sick man.
564
00:34:36,204 --> 00:34:37,945
Er, er, medical doctors
will tell you I'm a sick man.
565
00:34:38,076 --> 00:34:40,382
Not, not bad just sick.
566
00:34:40,513 --> 00:34:41,427
[SCREAMS]
567
00:34:41,557 --> 00:34:43,864
[LAUGHS]
You missed me.
568
00:34:43,994 --> 00:34:45,431
[SCREAMS]
569
00:34:45,561 --> 00:34:48,347
You, cretin! You could
give me an infection.
570
00:34:54,222 --> 00:34:55,832
You are the woman
with whom I am in love.
571
00:34:55,963 --> 00:34:58,052
Yes.
572
00:34:58,183 --> 00:35:02,491
But what would I be
worth if I were just
an ordinary call girl
573
00:35:02,622 --> 00:35:04,537
from the Piazza di Spagna?
574
00:35:04,667 --> 00:35:05,929
Priceless.
575
00:35:06,060 --> 00:35:08,845
There's just no way
to judge a value
like yours.
576
00:35:08,976 --> 00:35:11,631
Priceless? Really? Really.
577
00:35:11,761 --> 00:35:13,241
Oh.Astronomical.
578
00:35:13,372 --> 00:35:14,721
The Mona Lisa perhaps.
579
00:35:14,851 --> 00:35:16,244
Oh?
580
00:35:17,419 --> 00:35:19,247
Then I'm not priceless.
581
00:35:19,378 --> 00:35:20,944
The Mona Lisa has a price.
582
00:35:21,075 --> 00:35:22,859
Actually, you've insulted me.
583
00:35:22,990 --> 00:35:25,993
You've made me feel like
that call girl from
the Piazza di Spagna.
584
00:35:26,124 --> 00:35:27,734
Fine. And I'm your
best customer
585
00:35:27,864 --> 00:35:30,606
who has just given you
the Mona Lisa.
586
00:35:30,737 --> 00:35:34,262
I don't want to be known
as the girl who went to
bed with a man who was
587
00:35:34,393 --> 00:35:37,309
stupid enough to give
away the Mona Lisa.
588
00:35:37,439 --> 00:35:39,267
My mother was right,
589
00:35:40,573 --> 00:35:42,401
I should have been a priest.
590
00:37:27,375 --> 00:37:29,159
[AGREEING IN FRENCH]Is he asleep?
591
00:37:29,290 --> 00:37:31,249
He fell asleep
immediately after.
592
00:37:31,379 --> 00:37:32,772
After what?
593
00:37:32,902 --> 00:37:34,469
He closed his eyes.
594
00:37:36,036 --> 00:37:38,125
Merci, Flavia.
595
00:37:38,256 --> 00:37:39,344
I appreciate your loyalty.
596
00:37:39,474 --> 00:37:42,347
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
597
00:37:42,477 --> 00:37:45,741
Does Monsieur talk in his
sleep sometimes?
598
00:37:46,394 --> 00:37:48,091
Sometimes?
599
00:37:48,222 --> 00:37:50,137
All the time.
600
00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:51,921
That's how I get my information.
601
00:37:58,493 --> 00:38:01,279
NARRATOR: 1:00 in Rome
means siesta.
602
00:38:01,409 --> 00:38:03,411
Everybody goes to bed.
603
00:38:03,542 --> 00:38:05,283
The square ones even sleep.
604
00:38:12,638 --> 00:38:14,030
[MOANS]
605
00:38:14,161 --> 00:38:17,469
Now, where were
you all week,
Federico?
606
00:38:20,559 --> 00:38:21,603
Home.
607
00:38:23,083 --> 00:38:25,912
Married men always
have a perfect alibi.
608
00:38:26,042 --> 00:38:27,740
They were home.
609
00:38:27,870 --> 00:38:30,177
What can you do there
you can't do here?
610
00:38:30,308 --> 00:38:33,093
Mia cara.
Call it habit,
611
00:38:33,223 --> 00:38:34,660
superstition or what you will,
612
00:38:34,790 --> 00:38:37,532
but I can only work
in my own chair,
at my own desk,
613
00:38:39,229 --> 00:38:40,666
in my own study.
614
00:38:42,145 --> 00:38:46,411
Your own desk?
Your own chair?
Your own study?
615
00:38:53,026 --> 00:38:55,811
All duplicated by
your own decorator.
616
00:39:14,569 --> 00:39:16,484
Aren't you pleased?
617
00:39:16,615 --> 00:39:19,095
Pleased? Where's the fun
if I think I'm home?
618
00:39:19,226 --> 00:39:21,228
Where are you going? Home.
619
00:39:21,359 --> 00:39:24,231
You are going back
to that woman?
It's perverted!
620
00:39:24,362 --> 00:39:26,973
That woman happens
to be the mother
of my children.
621
00:39:27,103 --> 00:39:28,540
You have no children!
622
00:39:31,978 --> 00:39:36,678
If you go away now,
I'm going to
kill myself. I will.
623
00:39:36,809 --> 00:39:38,941
FRED: Ornella, you are
a spoiled juvenile.
624
00:39:39,072 --> 00:39:42,162
Whenever we argue
you take sleeping pills
in massive doses.
625
00:39:42,292 --> 00:39:44,643
If all the pills you've taken
were outside of you
626
00:39:44,773 --> 00:39:47,167
instead of inside of you,
you would look like
a beaded dress.
627
00:39:47,297 --> 00:39:49,082
[LAUGHS]
628
00:39:49,212 --> 00:39:50,910
[AMBULANCE SIREN WAILING]
629
00:39:56,916 --> 00:40:00,441
Oh, Doctor. I am so ashamed.
630
00:40:00,572 --> 00:40:02,704
Excuse me, but I am the doctor.
631
00:40:02,835 --> 00:40:05,403
I don't remember
calling for
a consultation.
632
00:40:06,491 --> 00:40:08,231
Believe me, my dear,
633
00:40:08,362 --> 00:40:12,453
you have absolutely
nothing to be ashamed of.
634
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:22,724
Doctor. Doctor!
Doctor, please.
635
00:40:22,855 --> 00:40:23,856
Please!
636
00:40:26,249 --> 00:40:27,163
Please!
637
00:40:28,338 --> 00:40:30,079
Please!
638
00:40:30,210 --> 00:40:32,299
I didn't call you
for her. It was for me.
639
00:40:32,430 --> 00:40:34,257
I was afraid the shock
would be terrible
for my hair.
640
00:40:34,388 --> 00:40:36,172
Good thinking.
641
00:40:36,303 --> 00:40:38,348
And incidentally,
642
00:40:38,479 --> 00:40:42,265
don't let her hang herself.
It would be terrible
for her hair.
643
00:40:42,396 --> 00:40:44,790
NARRATOR: 4:00 means
back to work for the, uh,
644
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:46,531
squares who slept
at 1:00.
645
00:40:47,445 --> 00:40:49,447
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
646
00:41:09,815 --> 00:41:11,947
If we ever get out
of this alive,
647
00:41:13,775 --> 00:41:16,212
I'm coming back for you.
648
00:41:16,343 --> 00:41:20,608
Oh, when Mr. Right comes
looking for me,
I hope he looks like that.
649
00:42:25,368 --> 00:42:28,284
Mio tersoro.
For the first time
in my life,
650
00:42:28,415 --> 00:42:29,938
I am in love.
651
00:42:30,069 --> 00:42:32,027
There's no need
to say that, Max.
652
00:42:33,725 --> 00:42:38,556
Max? Max, or Franco. Whatever.
653
00:42:38,686 --> 00:42:40,862
The names are interchangeable.
654
00:42:40,993 --> 00:42:43,822
Like the words
"for the first time
I'm in love."
655
00:42:43,952 --> 00:42:45,867
It's not necessary to say that.
656
00:42:45,998 --> 00:42:48,261
But what else can I say?
657
00:42:48,391 --> 00:42:49,610
You might say I'm pretty.
658
00:42:49,741 --> 00:42:52,265
Oh, yes, you are.
Fantastic.
659
00:42:52,395 --> 00:42:53,832
Good.
660
00:42:53,962 --> 00:42:57,357
Umm... You might say
you're glad I'm here.
661
00:42:57,487 --> 00:42:59,794
Glad? I'm the hap...
662
00:42:59,925 --> 00:43:02,492
That will do fine.
Thank you.
663
00:43:02,623 --> 00:43:04,843
And, now, if you
want to seduce me,
664
00:43:05,713 --> 00:43:07,367
go right ahead.
665
00:44:13,346 --> 00:44:15,304
What's the matter?
666
00:44:15,435 --> 00:44:18,481
It's just that I don't
want to be Max or...
667
00:44:18,612 --> 00:44:20,135
Whatever.Yes.
668
00:44:20,266 --> 00:44:21,746
I am Franco. Myself.
669
00:44:22,790 --> 00:44:24,357
I'll try harder.
670
00:44:43,289 --> 00:44:45,900
You certainly know
how to spoil
a Roman afternoon.
671
00:44:47,206 --> 00:44:49,164
Forgive me, Franco. Huh, Max.
672
00:44:52,428 --> 00:44:53,821
[GLASS BREAKS]
673
00:45:06,442 --> 00:45:07,705
"Next time
674
00:45:08,357 --> 00:45:10,446
"a burning cross."
675
00:45:10,577 --> 00:45:12,231
Something you did?
676
00:45:12,361 --> 00:45:13,885
Something I didn't.
677
00:45:18,977 --> 00:45:20,282
Where's Mrs. Dobbs?
678
00:45:20,413 --> 00:45:21,501
Out.
679
00:45:23,459 --> 00:45:25,244
Mr. Dobbs... Now remember I haven't...
680
00:45:25,374 --> 00:45:26,114
BOTH: Left the house.
681
00:45:26,245 --> 00:45:28,290
Exactly.
682
00:45:28,421 --> 00:45:30,075
My niece is here. This afternoon I'm not
interviewing nieces.
683
00:45:30,205 --> 00:45:32,730
This afternoon,
I am working on plays.
684
00:45:36,995 --> 00:45:37,735
Oh.
685
00:45:38,605 --> 00:45:39,867
[WHISTLING]
686
00:46:01,584 --> 00:46:06,154
Now hear this.
You are working for me.
Not vice versa.
687
00:46:06,285 --> 00:46:09,679
One more such outburst
and I trade you in
for a quill pen.
688
00:46:09,810 --> 00:46:11,072
All right?
689
00:46:11,594 --> 00:46:12,552
Right.
690
00:46:33,834 --> 00:46:35,444
[MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
THEME PLAYING]
691
00:46:36,750 --> 00:46:38,056
Ridiculous!
692
00:46:51,721 --> 00:46:53,071
[SCREAMS]
693
00:46:58,728 --> 00:47:01,253
Mr. Dobbs,
this is my niece, Angelica. You're hired.
694
00:47:01,383 --> 00:47:02,428
FRED: I'm an author. FLAVIA: I told her.
695
00:47:02,558 --> 00:47:03,864
I work irregular hours. I told her.
696
00:47:03,995 --> 00:47:06,345
Nights, weekends. I told her.
697
00:47:06,475 --> 00:47:08,086
As to salary,
I think... Five hundred, I told her.
698
00:47:08,216 --> 00:47:09,827
Fine, you're obviously
eminently qualified.
699
00:47:09,957 --> 00:47:11,959
[THANKING IN FRENCH]
700
00:47:12,090 --> 00:47:13,482
We are very grateful.
701
00:47:18,183 --> 00:47:20,446
You, uh...
You do type a bit,
don't you?
702
00:47:20,576 --> 00:47:22,100
Ninety words a minute.
703
00:47:22,230 --> 00:47:24,406
Shorthand? One hundred and eighty.
704
00:47:24,537 --> 00:47:25,799
And...
705
00:47:25,930 --> 00:47:28,541
Thirty-eight, 22, 35.
706
00:47:28,671 --> 00:47:33,328
That is disgraceful.
38 words a minute?
That's inadequate.
707
00:47:33,459 --> 00:47:35,504
Hello, darling.
Have you met Flavia's
niece, Angelica?
708
00:47:35,635 --> 00:47:37,811
Buon giorno, Angelica. Pacere, Signora.
709
00:47:37,942 --> 00:47:40,596
Signore.
You're thinking Fahrenheit.
710
00:47:40,727 --> 00:47:43,556
I mean 38 words centigrade.
711
00:47:44,992 --> 00:47:46,341
Ooh, of course, yes.
712
00:47:46,472 --> 00:47:48,691
Well, that would
make a difference,
wouldn't it?
713
00:47:48,822 --> 00:47:51,433
No, it's out of
the question.
You're far too young.
714
00:47:51,564 --> 00:47:54,523
When I need you most,
you'll be stoning the
US Embassy.
715
00:47:54,654 --> 00:47:56,961
FRED: How's Gwendolyn,
darling? Who?
716
00:47:57,091 --> 00:47:59,224
Your sister. You said
you were going to
the hospital to see her.
717
00:47:59,354 --> 00:48:00,703
Oh, yes.
718
00:48:00,834 --> 00:48:03,097
Her flu is much better. Flu?
719
00:48:03,228 --> 00:48:04,359
On top of her scraped back?
720
00:48:04,490 --> 00:48:08,233
No, no. In her chest.
In her chest.
721
00:48:08,363 --> 00:48:10,017
Arrive derci, Angelica.
722
00:48:10,148 --> 00:48:12,672
Arrive derci, Signora.
723
00:48:12,802 --> 00:48:17,546
I'm sorry, Flavia. I thought
you were eavesdropping
at the other door.
724
00:48:17,677 --> 00:48:20,288
That's the way
the photographer
stared at me.
725
00:48:21,507 --> 00:48:22,943
The photographer?
726
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:26,599
'Course. I saw you
at my barber's.
727
00:48:26,729 --> 00:48:28,818
Your barber? Mmm.
728
00:48:28,949 --> 00:48:32,300
New issue of Playboy.
You were the
centerfold. Very lovely.
729
00:48:33,214 --> 00:48:34,694
[THANKING IN ITALIAN]
730
00:48:34,824 --> 00:48:37,305
Grazia a re.
My barber thanks you,
too.
731
00:48:39,525 --> 00:48:42,223
Tell me, didn't your mother
mind you posing in the nude?
732
00:48:42,354 --> 00:48:46,749
Oh, very much.
I beat her out
of the job.
733
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:49,404
That's all for now.
I'll let you know in
a few days.
734
00:48:49,535 --> 00:48:51,711
And... that's it?
735
00:48:53,495 --> 00:48:54,583
There's more?
736
00:48:58,109 --> 00:49:01,460
Well, under the circumstances.
737
00:49:02,069 --> 00:49:03,679
Count to three.
738
00:49:03,810 --> 00:49:05,029
Yes.
739
00:49:07,292 --> 00:49:08,510
Three.
740
00:49:38,714 --> 00:49:40,238
What?
741
00:49:42,196 --> 00:49:45,156
Admittedly, darling,
it does look a bit...
742
00:49:47,201 --> 00:49:48,289
It does look a bit odd, but...
743
00:49:48,420 --> 00:49:50,335
Odd? Why?
744
00:49:50,465 --> 00:49:53,686
Merely a playwright and his
secretary hard at work.
745
00:49:53,816 --> 00:49:55,427
Careful, I'm going to jump.
746
00:50:01,911 --> 00:50:04,349
I see you got the job.
747
00:50:08,092 --> 00:50:10,268
Er, nothing's been decided.
748
00:50:10,398 --> 00:50:13,053
No, just leave your address
and telephone number,
would you?
749
00:50:13,184 --> 00:50:16,578
Hotel Albergo.
6-8-9-2-5-1.
750
00:50:16,709 --> 00:50:17,666
Shall I write it down?
751
00:50:17,797 --> 00:50:19,842
Oh, not necessary.
752
00:50:19,973 --> 00:50:20,800
He'll remember.
753
00:50:27,676 --> 00:50:29,678
Graziafor considering me.
754
00:50:29,809 --> 00:50:31,376
Arrivederci, signor.
755
00:50:32,899 --> 00:50:33,813
Signora.
756
00:50:37,730 --> 00:50:39,427
Are you hiring her?
757
00:50:40,341 --> 00:50:42,865
Oh, absolutely not.
758
00:50:42,996 --> 00:50:45,999
I was looking for a plain,
colorless secretary.
759
00:50:46,130 --> 00:50:48,436
Someone who blends
into the furniture,
760
00:50:48,567 --> 00:50:51,396
instead of climbing all over it.
761
00:50:51,526 --> 00:50:53,137
Oh, for God's Sake,
she looks like
Brigitte Bardot.
762
00:50:55,530 --> 00:50:56,923
Bardot, eh?
763
00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:58,707
I'd love to get into her hair.
764
00:50:58,838 --> 00:51:00,231
Doctor.
765
00:51:00,361 --> 00:51:03,538
How many times have
I told you not to
disturb me when...
766
00:51:08,152 --> 00:51:09,892
Doctor?
767
00:51:10,023 --> 00:51:11,503
FRED: Doctor.Er...
768
00:51:12,895 --> 00:51:14,593
FRED: Doctor! Doctor!
769
00:51:16,551 --> 00:51:18,249
I just got here.
770
00:51:18,379 --> 00:51:20,555
Well, how time flies when
one is having fun, eh?
771
00:51:22,731 --> 00:51:23,689
How long was I in there?
772
00:51:23,819 --> 00:51:26,257
Please, don't involve me.
I am Swiss.
773
00:51:27,823 --> 00:51:29,956
Not even ten minutes.
774
00:51:30,087 --> 00:51:31,827
[DR. FAHRQUARDT SINGING]
775
00:51:31,958 --> 00:51:33,307
Doctor!
776
00:51:33,438 --> 00:51:34,656
Don't you ever knock?
777
00:51:35,570 --> 00:51:36,528
I'm sorry.
778
00:51:36,658 --> 00:51:38,443
Bardot, eh?
779
00:51:38,573 --> 00:51:41,402
Are you spending
the weekend
with Brigitte Bardot?
780
00:51:41,533 --> 00:51:43,535
Her name is Angelica.
781
00:51:43,665 --> 00:51:45,885
Mmm. Give me all
the torrid details,
you fiend.
782
00:51:46,015 --> 00:51:47,539
Don't be so diffident.
783
00:51:47,669 --> 00:51:49,193
I just met her
and she's perfect.
784
00:51:49,323 --> 00:51:50,498
Perfect?
Perfect for what?
785
00:51:50,629 --> 00:51:52,544
My secretary.
786
00:51:52,674 --> 00:51:54,241
Even though she's a teenager...
787
00:51:54,372 --> 00:51:58,158
Teen? Teen?
How teen?
13? 14? 15?
788
00:51:58,289 --> 00:51:59,986
Stop me when I get to your card.
789
00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:03,598
Eighteen. But she
types 90 words a minute
and her shorthand is...
790
00:52:03,729 --> 00:52:05,078
As if you cared.
791
00:52:05,209 --> 00:52:07,211
A hundred and eighty.
792
00:52:07,341 --> 00:52:09,082
What you really want,
you hypocrite, is...
793
00:52:09,213 --> 00:52:12,520
Thirty-eight, twenty-two,
thirty-five.
794
00:52:12,651 --> 00:52:15,436
God bless her.
Bardot, eh?
795
00:52:15,567 --> 00:52:16,916
Bardot, huh?
796
00:52:17,046 --> 00:52:20,963
This girl happens
to be called Angelica.
797
00:52:21,094 --> 00:52:22,530
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
798
00:52:22,661 --> 00:52:24,358
If you could
stimulate my memory.
799
00:52:25,925 --> 00:52:29,146
Do you take
Diners' card? Con placere.
800
00:52:29,276 --> 00:52:32,366
Ah, it comes to me.
You must mean
Angelica St. Pierre.
801
00:52:32,497 --> 00:52:34,455
ANGELICA: SignorDobbs!
802
00:52:35,804 --> 00:52:39,417
Ah-ha, you were right.
Bardot.
803
00:52:39,547 --> 00:52:41,114
ANGELICA: I wasn't
expecting you.
804
00:52:41,245 --> 00:52:43,290
So I gather.
I, er,
805
00:52:43,421 --> 00:52:47,164
just came by
to tell you,
you are hired.
806
00:52:47,294 --> 00:52:49,601
You mean, I'm your secretary?
807
00:52:49,731 --> 00:52:52,169
As of right now.
We're going
to Castelli.
808
00:52:52,299 --> 00:52:54,780
Ah-ha-ha. Hi. Castelli.
809
00:52:54,910 --> 00:52:56,521
Work on the play.
810
00:52:56,651 --> 00:52:59,350
That's exactly what
I had planned
but with Dr. Ponti.
811
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:01,874
Look, who is this
Dr. Ponti? My ex-boyfriend.
812
00:53:02,004 --> 00:53:03,832
Well, how ex? I mean,
last year, last month,
last week?
813
00:53:03,963 --> 00:53:07,445
Last night.
We broke up over you.
He's quite jealous.
814
00:53:07,575 --> 00:53:08,489
Ha-ha!
815
00:53:09,925 --> 00:53:11,710
Jealous?
816
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:14,408
Well, I, er,
I mean he hardly
knows me and,
817
00:53:14,539 --> 00:53:18,020
er, neither do you
in the, er,
biblical sense.
818
00:53:18,151 --> 00:53:21,459
No. And I told him
you were
a perfect gentleman.
819
00:53:21,589 --> 00:53:23,069
FRED: Thank you. ANGELICA: And charming.
820
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:24,636
Considerate.
Handsome.
821
00:53:24,766 --> 00:53:26,986
Also quite dashing. Dashing? Me?
822
00:53:27,116 --> 00:53:28,205
Definitely dashing.
823
00:53:28,335 --> 00:53:30,511
Oh, it's absurd.
824
00:53:30,642 --> 00:53:34,602
I mean, I do have
a certain flair,
but,
825
00:53:34,733 --> 00:53:36,038
dashing?
I wouldn't say that.
Really. I...
826
00:53:36,169 --> 00:53:38,345
Neither would I.
827
00:53:38,476 --> 00:53:42,915
I'm not supposed
to be
dashing to you.
828
00:53:43,045 --> 00:53:45,526
You said you were going
to Castelli with
Dr. Ponti, yes?
829
00:53:45,657 --> 00:53:47,485
Yes. They're making
a movie near there.
830
00:53:47,615 --> 00:53:49,226
The director's my ex-boyfriend.
831
00:53:49,356 --> 00:53:51,489
You ex around
pretty good,
don't you?
832
00:53:51,619 --> 00:53:52,881
He wasn't jealous,
this director?
833
00:53:53,012 --> 00:53:56,711
Oh, no.
This time I was.
My mother got him.
834
00:53:56,842 --> 00:54:00,062
Can't I start being your
secretary on Monday?
835
00:54:00,193 --> 00:54:03,457
No. Negative,
Angelica. I'm sorry.
We just...
836
00:54:03,588 --> 00:54:05,546
We just couldn't work it out.
837
00:54:05,981 --> 00:54:07,548
Ciao!
838
00:54:08,593 --> 00:54:10,508
Momento. Si?
839
00:54:12,597 --> 00:54:15,469
Dr. Ponti is
due at 4:00.
840
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:17,689
I have three minutes to.
841
00:54:17,819 --> 00:54:19,691
If he doesn't show up
at 4:00 sharp...
842
00:54:19,821 --> 00:54:21,780
Now you're being reasonable.
843
00:54:21,910 --> 00:54:23,651
[MOTORCYCLE REVVING]
844
00:54:23,782 --> 00:54:26,611
NARRATOR: That's Dr. Ponti.
The one with the helmet.
845
00:54:32,747 --> 00:54:34,358
What does this
doctor specialize
in, anyway?
846
00:54:34,488 --> 00:54:36,098
The entire area
below the ankles.
847
00:54:36,229 --> 00:54:38,449
Hah, foot doctor.
848
00:54:38,579 --> 00:54:40,842
Foot doctor?
Chiropodist.
It's very important.
849
00:54:40,973 --> 00:54:42,191
Without feet you'd fall forward.
850
00:54:42,322 --> 00:54:43,671
Oh, I can see that.
851
00:54:44,890 --> 00:54:45,847
[BARKS]
852
00:54:57,859 --> 00:54:59,905
Tell Dr. Ponti I had
to go out of town.
853
00:55:00,035 --> 00:55:01,820
I'll get in touch
with him later.
854
00:55:01,950 --> 00:55:04,213
Out of town.
Touch him later.
855
00:55:04,344 --> 00:55:05,998
[DOG BARKS]
856
00:55:06,128 --> 00:55:08,392
Ah, he's sweet.
857
00:55:10,524 --> 00:55:12,570
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
858
00:55:12,700 --> 00:55:15,050
4:00.
Dr. Ponti's not here.
859
00:55:15,181 --> 00:55:16,661
Slip out the back.
Meet you down
the block.
860
00:55:36,289 --> 00:55:38,247
I've come to pick up
SignorinaSt. Pierre.
861
00:55:38,378 --> 00:55:40,685
Doctor, speaking in your terms,
862
00:55:42,121 --> 00:55:43,688
you missed her by a foot.
863
00:55:44,776 --> 00:55:47,561
Ho, ho, ho. Very droll.
864
00:55:50,172 --> 00:55:52,610
Will there be anything else?
865
00:55:52,740 --> 00:55:54,960
You should have
tried me 20 years ago.
866
00:55:55,090 --> 00:55:56,091
Thirty.
867
00:56:00,705 --> 00:56:02,359
MILLIE: Flavia,
who was that?
868
00:56:02,489 --> 00:56:04,361
It's a cable, Madame.
869
00:56:05,623 --> 00:56:07,929
From America.
870
00:56:08,060 --> 00:56:10,236
The name doesn't seem familiar.
871
00:56:10,367 --> 00:56:12,151
"Charles Harrison."
872
00:56:12,281 --> 00:56:13,674
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
873
00:56:19,114 --> 00:56:21,378
Er, hi.
874
00:56:21,508 --> 00:56:22,944
I'm Charles Harrison.
875
00:56:24,511 --> 00:56:26,557
Oh, no, you are not.
876
00:56:26,687 --> 00:56:28,820
You are the movie star.
877
00:56:28,950 --> 00:56:30,822
Grant Granite.
878
00:56:30,952 --> 00:56:33,520
Thank you, my dear.
Mr. Dobbs at home?
879
00:56:35,479 --> 00:56:36,958
Mrs. Dobbs?
880
00:56:37,089 --> 00:56:38,090
[PHONE RINGS]
881
00:56:38,220 --> 00:56:41,310
MILLIE: I got it, Flavia!
882
00:56:41,441 --> 00:56:45,750
Oh, Fernando, you know
I'm very fond of you,
but really I...
883
00:56:53,061 --> 00:56:54,062
I won.
884
00:56:55,542 --> 00:56:58,719
I've won a contest.
In my own bathroom.
885
00:56:58,850 --> 00:57:00,417
Grant Granite.
886
00:57:02,201 --> 00:57:04,682
Thank you, my dear.
887
00:57:04,812 --> 00:57:06,945
And you hopefully are,
er, Mrs. Dobbs?
888
00:57:09,382 --> 00:57:10,905
Delighted.
889
00:57:12,820 --> 00:57:16,650
But unfortunately,
my business
is with Mr. Dobbs.
890
00:57:18,957 --> 00:57:20,872
He, he's away for the weekend.
891
00:57:21,002 --> 00:57:21,829
Damn!
892
00:57:24,745 --> 00:57:27,748
I sent him a telegram
from California
three days ago but...
893
00:57:27,879 --> 00:57:30,621
Well, la belle Italia,
we just arrived together.
894
00:57:30,751 --> 00:57:32,449
You're... Charles Harrison, yes.
895
00:57:32,579 --> 00:57:33,885
But you're Grant Granite.
896
00:57:34,015 --> 00:57:36,278
Oh, Grant Granite's
my screen name.
897
00:57:36,409 --> 00:57:38,542
I thought everybody knew.
898
00:57:38,672 --> 00:57:42,154
You see, as Charlie Harrison,
I'm Grant Granite's
director and producer.
899
00:57:43,677 --> 00:57:46,114
The two names.
Oh, it seems
900
00:57:46,245 --> 00:57:48,334
a little more
modest that way,
don't you think?
901
00:57:48,465 --> 00:57:50,118
No.
902
00:57:50,249 --> 00:57:52,338
I feel it makes for
a certain mystery,
don't you?
903
00:57:52,469 --> 00:57:54,775
No.
904
00:57:54,906 --> 00:57:57,604
And what do you want
to see my husband about?
905
00:57:57,735 --> 00:58:02,783
To hand him
a check for $150,000.
906
00:58:02,914 --> 00:58:05,046
One hundred and
fifty thousand dollars?
907
00:58:05,612 --> 00:58:06,787
For what?
908
00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,921
Would you, er,
909
00:58:10,051 --> 00:58:11,749
would you mind
repeating the question?
910
00:58:15,317 --> 00:58:18,451
A hundred and fifty
thousand for what?
911
00:58:18,582 --> 00:58:19,974
His new play.
912
00:58:20,105 --> 00:58:21,889
"When in Rome do
as the Romanians."
913
00:58:22,020 --> 00:58:24,022
But it isn't even finished.
914
00:58:24,152 --> 00:58:26,241
Listen, in this business,
you have to move fast.
915
00:58:26,372 --> 00:58:29,375
Otherwise you end up
in a tweed jacket
smoking a pipe.
916
00:58:29,506 --> 00:58:31,508
While Paul Newman gets the girl.
917
00:58:31,638 --> 00:58:33,553
You'll have to wait till Monday.
918
00:58:33,684 --> 00:58:36,164
Impossible. I've got
to be back in
California by then.
919
00:58:37,601 --> 00:58:39,341
Phone him. Oh, I can't.
920
00:58:39,472 --> 00:58:41,822
It would involve
breaking
an unwritten rule.
921
00:58:46,261 --> 00:58:47,524
Break it.
922
00:58:48,612 --> 00:58:49,700
Please.
923
00:58:55,575 --> 00:58:57,490
[PHONE RINGS]
924
00:58:57,621 --> 00:58:59,797
Darling? No. This is, er,
925
00:59:02,016 --> 00:59:03,670
Darling's wife.
926
00:59:03,801 --> 00:59:05,367
Who? MILLIE: Mildred Dobbs.
927
00:59:05,498 --> 00:59:07,544
Would you please call
my husband to the phone?
928
00:59:07,674 --> 00:59:10,068
Your husband, signora?
929
00:59:10,198 --> 00:59:12,418
Why should he be here?
930
00:59:12,549 --> 00:59:14,594
I cannot account for his taste,
931
00:59:14,725 --> 00:59:18,598
but everyone in Rome
knows that when he's
not here he's there.
932
00:59:18,729 --> 00:59:20,557
Everyone in Europe
is so continental.
933
00:59:20,687 --> 00:59:22,863
That could also work in reverse.
934
00:59:22,994 --> 00:59:25,387
It so happens, signora,
your husband is not here.
935
00:59:25,518 --> 00:59:27,607
MILLIE: Then consider this,
936
00:59:27,738 --> 00:59:30,697
if he's not here
and he's not there,
937
00:59:30,828 --> 00:59:32,612
where in the hell is he?
938
00:59:34,832 --> 00:59:38,444
Yes, just where
in the hell is he?
939
00:59:38,575 --> 00:59:41,316
It's a beautiful day.
940
00:59:41,447 --> 00:59:43,057
Mind if I put the top down?
941
00:59:44,537 --> 00:59:46,583
I mean, my top.
942
01:00:07,038 --> 01:00:09,257
A hundred and fifty
thousand dollars?
943
01:00:09,388 --> 01:00:11,085
Or ninety million lira.
944
01:00:11,216 --> 01:00:12,826
[GASPS] Cielo.
945
01:00:12,957 --> 01:00:15,133
I thought that might
touch a nerve.
946
01:00:16,177 --> 01:00:17,570
Grant Granite.
947
01:00:17,701 --> 01:00:19,659
Thank you, my dear.
948
01:00:19,790 --> 01:00:23,402
When we find Fred
and get our hands
on that $150,000,
949
01:00:23,532 --> 01:00:27,232
am I going to
be excited about
meeting you.
950
01:00:27,362 --> 01:00:28,320
Come.
951
01:00:30,670 --> 01:00:34,239
For $150,000, where are you?
952
01:00:34,369 --> 01:00:35,849
Think. Think.
953
01:00:35,980 --> 01:00:37,938
I'm thinking.
I'm thinking.
954
01:00:41,768 --> 01:00:43,378
He left her last week.
955
01:00:45,380 --> 01:00:46,643
Perhaps...
956
01:00:48,209 --> 01:00:51,256
She went back to Israel.
Couldn't stand Italian food.
957
01:00:53,693 --> 01:00:58,916
I'll give it a try,
but he couldn't be
that obvious, could he?
958
01:00:59,046 --> 01:01:03,572
And you just answered
my question.
959
01:01:03,703 --> 01:01:07,315
Hotel Albergo?
SignorinaSt. Pierre,
per favore.
960
01:01:08,795 --> 01:01:10,188
Already gone?
961
01:01:12,233 --> 01:01:14,671
SignorDobbs told me
to phone him there.
962
01:01:18,675 --> 01:01:23,418
Castelli? I see.
Grazie.
963
01:01:23,549 --> 01:01:26,857
What kind of a girl? Athletic.
964
01:01:26,987 --> 01:01:30,121
If I were his mistress,
this never could have
happened.
965
01:01:30,251 --> 01:01:33,124
If I were his wife,
he wouldn't require
a mistress.
966
01:01:35,300 --> 01:01:37,258
[MILLIE OOHING]
967
01:01:37,389 --> 01:01:40,044
Just a meaningless
little thing Frederico
picked up for me.
968
01:01:40,174 --> 01:01:43,830
Meaningless is
just the word.
It's my old one.
969
01:01:48,226 --> 01:01:50,619
ORNELLA: Grant Granite,
am I excited.
970
01:01:50,750 --> 01:01:51,708
CHARLIE: Thank you,
my dear.
971
01:01:51,838 --> 01:01:54,145
ORNELLA: About that $150,000.
972
01:01:54,275 --> 01:01:55,189
CHARLIE: Oh.
973
01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:56,843
[ORNELLA LAUGHS]
974
01:02:01,761 --> 01:02:03,023
[BARKS]
975
01:02:11,379 --> 01:02:14,643
Do you believe in love
at first sight?
976
01:02:14,774 --> 01:02:16,167
Oh, invariably, Pussycat.
977
01:02:16,297 --> 01:02:18,299
I am so glad.
978
01:02:18,430 --> 01:02:20,824
It means you have a
deep social conscience.
979
01:02:20,954 --> 01:02:22,260
Oh, it does?
980
01:02:22,390 --> 01:02:25,350
It's a person's duty
to promote love in this world.
981
01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:28,527
What with the Red Chinese
and all this trouble,
don't you agree?
982
01:02:30,355 --> 01:02:31,878
Oh, definitely.
983
01:02:37,275 --> 01:02:38,755
[BLEATING]
984
01:02:40,017 --> 01:02:42,759
Madame is not here!
985
01:02:42,889 --> 01:02:45,196
Ooh, ooh,
that Fred C. Dobbs.
986
01:02:45,326 --> 01:02:48,765
If only I could get my
hands on his feet.
987
01:02:48,895 --> 01:02:51,463
Signoris not here.
988
01:02:51,593 --> 01:02:54,771
And if you don't both leave,
I will telephone
Signorin Castelli.
989
01:02:54,901 --> 01:02:58,035
BOTH: Castelli?
990
01:02:58,165 --> 01:03:00,428
DR. PONTI: Incidentally,
with all this vibration,
991
01:03:00,559 --> 01:03:03,736
it's only sensible to have
a pelvic examination.
992
01:03:03,867 --> 01:03:06,739
I saw it.
I saw it with my own eyes.
993
01:03:06,870 --> 01:03:08,741
Butter, eh? Butter.
994
01:03:08,872 --> 01:03:10,743
Beautiful.
995
01:03:10,874 --> 01:03:13,485
These jet-setters,
they see one Fellini flick
and they go fruitcake.
996
01:03:13,615 --> 01:03:15,966
Butter, eh? Butter.
997
01:03:16,096 --> 01:03:18,838
That Fred C. Dobbs
must be a lot sicker
than I thought.
998
01:03:18,969 --> 01:03:21,623
I hope I'm not being
disloyal to him.
999
01:03:21,754 --> 01:03:24,235
Disloyal?
Try traitor.
1000
01:03:24,365 --> 01:03:25,802
You're my beautiful little spy.
1001
01:03:25,932 --> 01:03:27,499
What about your wife?
1002
01:03:27,629 --> 01:03:29,283
To hell with her.
Let her get her
own spies.
1003
01:03:29,414 --> 01:03:32,286
Oh, by the way,
put these hairs
back on his pillow.
1004
01:03:36,203 --> 01:03:39,293
They are getting
awfully worn out.
1005
01:03:39,424 --> 01:03:40,860
You promised
you would get rid
of your wife.
1006
01:03:40,991 --> 01:03:43,297
Oh, I will. I will.
1007
01:03:43,428 --> 01:03:46,126
This time I have
a fool-proof plan.
1008
01:03:46,257 --> 01:03:47,780
[LAUGHS] I hope
it's better than
the last time.
1009
01:03:47,911 --> 01:03:49,738
That tiger must have
cost you plenty.
1010
01:03:49,869 --> 01:03:52,785
I still don't know
what went wrong.
1011
01:03:52,916 --> 01:03:56,528
I threw her in the cage,
and locked her in
and then she killed the tiger.
1012
01:03:56,658 --> 01:03:59,444
Poor darling. You do try.
1013
01:03:59,574 --> 01:04:00,575
Mmm-hmm.
1014
01:04:04,579 --> 01:04:05,929
[PHONE RINGS]
1015
01:04:08,757 --> 01:04:10,542
Pronto.
1016
01:04:10,672 --> 01:04:13,458
Ah, SignorFernando.
1017
01:04:13,588 --> 01:04:15,112
Cut it short,
the music has started.
1018
01:04:15,242 --> 01:04:17,375
No, she has gone
for the weekend.
1019
01:04:19,333 --> 01:04:20,421
[MOANING]
1020
01:04:23,120 --> 01:04:24,469
[PHONE RINGS]
1021
01:04:26,645 --> 01:04:28,038
Damn it!
1022
01:04:28,168 --> 01:04:29,866
[EXCLAIMS IN PAIN]
1023
01:04:29,996 --> 01:04:32,564
FLAVIA: Pronto.
Who is calling, Madame?
1024
01:04:34,348 --> 01:04:38,091
Oh, pronto.
I didn't recognize
your voice.
1025
01:04:38,222 --> 01:04:40,485
More dolce Vita, eh?
1026
01:04:40,615 --> 01:04:43,575
Oh, no, she won't be back
before Monday.
1027
01:04:43,705 --> 01:04:45,794
Castelli.
1028
01:04:45,925 --> 01:04:47,405
What are you doing
for the weekend?
1029
01:04:49,755 --> 01:04:50,930
Mmm.
1030
01:04:51,975 --> 01:04:52,976
[SIGHS]
1031
01:04:53,846 --> 01:04:55,195
[DOORBELL RINGS]
1032
01:04:55,326 --> 01:04:58,155
Sapristi! I'll put
a stop to this myself.
1033
01:05:06,685 --> 01:05:08,339
DR. FAHRQUARDT: Go away!
1034
01:05:08,469 --> 01:05:09,601
We don't want any.
1035
01:05:16,434 --> 01:05:18,001
[GUNSHOT]
1036
01:05:20,307 --> 01:05:23,702
Butter. Bring me lots
and lots of butter.
1037
01:05:40,066 --> 01:05:42,808
[WELCOMING IN ITALIAN]
1038
01:05:42,939 --> 01:05:44,418
Is Mr. Dobbs
registered here?
1039
01:05:44,549 --> 01:05:47,378
We haven't seen
SignorDobbs
since last summer.
1040
01:05:47,508 --> 01:05:49,162
Last summer?
Who?
1041
01:05:49,293 --> 01:05:50,120
Me.
1042
01:05:51,382 --> 01:05:52,426
'Scusa.
1043
01:05:53,906 --> 01:05:55,386
Well, we tried.
1044
01:05:55,516 --> 01:05:56,604
However...
1045
01:06:00,217 --> 01:06:03,872
SignorDobbs telephoned
and made a reservation
for two for tonight.
1046
01:06:04,003 --> 01:06:06,832
Good. When he arrives,
tell him some friends
are waiting in the bar.
1047
01:06:06,963 --> 01:06:09,095
I'll try to remember.
1048
01:06:10,531 --> 01:06:12,838
I'll remember!
1049
01:06:12,969 --> 01:06:16,015
Rod Steiger ought to
meet this guy.
1050
01:06:16,146 --> 01:06:20,498
HESTHER: I'm gonna
whomp her and tromp her
and belly stomp her.
1051
01:06:20,628 --> 01:06:22,108
You're going to what?
1052
01:06:27,113 --> 01:06:28,549
Maybe she will.
1053
01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:30,682
You was havin' a do
with my man Franco.
1054
01:06:30,812 --> 01:06:32,466
This I would like to hear.
1055
01:06:39,604 --> 01:06:41,214
Grant Granite.
1056
01:06:41,345 --> 01:06:42,346
Oh...
1057
01:06:43,173 --> 01:06:45,218
Thank you, my dear.
1058
01:06:45,349 --> 01:06:50,354
Sit down and have a drink.
This may turn into
a fun night after all.
1059
01:06:50,484 --> 01:06:52,486
FRANCO: Goodbye, darling,
thank you.
1060
01:06:54,184 --> 01:06:56,142
Thank you for everything.
1061
01:07:10,591 --> 01:07:11,723
Going to Castelli?
1062
01:07:11,853 --> 01:07:13,768
Or any place else.
1063
01:07:13,899 --> 01:07:14,726
Good.
1064
01:07:34,354 --> 01:07:36,356
Oh, SignorDobbs.
1065
01:07:36,487 --> 01:07:37,531
[SHUSHING]
1066
01:07:39,316 --> 01:07:40,969
Signor.Me...
1067
01:07:41,100 --> 01:07:43,450
Manglacavallo. Si, Mangia Mangla.
1068
01:07:43,581 --> 01:07:45,539
Cavallo. Si, but do I go
around screaming
1069
01:07:45,670 --> 01:07:48,455
SignorMangia cavallo? Cavallo? No. No.
1070
01:07:48,586 --> 01:07:50,544
Well, why do you persist
in going around screaming
SignorDobbs?
1071
01:07:50,675 --> 01:07:52,242
Dobbs. Dobbs.
1072
01:07:52,372 --> 01:07:55,288
I chose this hotel,
because I wanted
to get away from my...
1073
01:07:55,419 --> 01:07:57,203
Your wife? My wife? My office.
1074
01:07:57,334 --> 01:07:59,118
Ah, office. Si, si, so I call my sec...
1075
01:07:59,249 --> 01:08:01,381
Ah, your niece?
Niece.
1076
01:08:01,512 --> 01:08:02,861
Secretary. Secretary?
1077
01:08:02,991 --> 01:08:04,906
Secretary, si.Secretary.
1078
01:08:05,037 --> 01:08:07,605
Ahead of us we have
a weekend of very stiff...
1079
01:08:07,735 --> 01:08:09,650
[GASPS]
1080
01:08:09,781 --> 01:08:12,523
That is one sentence
I insist you
complete yourself.
1081
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:16,483
I was going to say work.
1082
01:08:16,614 --> 01:08:18,137
But you, sir,
have smartmouthed
your way
1083
01:08:18,268 --> 01:08:19,834
out of a substantial tip.
1084
01:08:20,879 --> 01:08:22,750
Your friends...
1085
01:08:22,881 --> 01:08:26,014
Are in the bar.
1086
01:08:26,145 --> 01:08:30,149
HESTHER: ♪ You went and put your
heart in a Xerox machine... ♪
1087
01:08:37,461 --> 01:08:41,508
I wasn't here.
You have never seen me.
1088
01:08:41,639 --> 01:08:44,207
Ah, but in truth, I did.
1089
01:08:44,337 --> 01:08:46,905
And lying is a mortal sin.
1090
01:08:48,733 --> 01:08:49,951
Come on.
1091
01:08:50,082 --> 01:08:51,257
[FRED SHUSHING]
1092
01:08:51,388 --> 01:08:53,172
Mea culpa, mea culpa.
1093
01:08:53,868 --> 01:08:55,218
[DOG BARKS]
1094
01:08:57,872 --> 01:09:01,093
FRED: Where the hell
do we go now?
1095
01:09:01,224 --> 01:09:03,791
ANGELICA: I know just
the place. You'll love it.
1096
01:09:03,922 --> 01:09:05,271
FRED: I hate it.
1097
01:09:05,402 --> 01:09:06,838
ANGELICA: How can you?
1098
01:09:06,968 --> 01:09:09,449
Sleeping out
under the stars.
It's so exciting.
1099
01:09:09,580 --> 01:09:11,538
I'm not an outdoorsman.
1100
01:09:11,669 --> 01:09:14,672
I'm city, raised and bred.
1101
01:09:14,802 --> 01:09:18,023
And frankly I get
hay fever watching
Lassie on television.
1102
01:09:18,154 --> 01:09:20,417
Besides, I'm a 26-year-old man.
1103
01:09:20,547 --> 01:09:22,854
You don't feel
like 26 years old.
1104
01:09:22,984 --> 01:09:24,160
That's because I'm dashing.
1105
01:09:24,290 --> 01:09:28,381
You are. You are.
1106
01:09:28,512 --> 01:09:30,862
Debonair, perhaps but dashing?
1107
01:09:30,992 --> 01:09:33,169
Dashing.
Dashing, you are.
1108
01:09:33,952 --> 01:09:35,519
Dashing, well,
1109
01:09:35,649 --> 01:09:38,391
I really do prefer
the word debonair,
but I suppose if
1110
01:09:38,522 --> 01:09:40,393
you say I'm dashing, well...
1111
01:09:54,102 --> 01:09:57,105
Thank you very much.
It was a great pleasure.
1112
01:09:57,236 --> 01:09:58,846
The pleasure was all mine.
1113
01:10:01,109 --> 01:10:02,546
So it seemed.
1114
01:10:11,946 --> 01:10:12,904
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
1115
01:10:14,775 --> 01:10:17,648
ANGELICA: You know
what's wonderful?
1116
01:10:17,778 --> 01:10:21,304
FRED: Yes, but let me
hear your version.
1117
01:10:21,434 --> 01:10:26,352
ANGELICA: Under the stars
all alone
just the two of us.
1118
01:10:33,446 --> 01:10:34,839
RED INDIAN: Bravo!
1119
01:10:36,014 --> 01:10:37,276
[CHEERING]
1120
01:10:39,322 --> 01:10:40,540
[CLAPPING]
1121
01:11:05,391 --> 01:11:10,091
DR. PONTI: Ah, Mrs. Dobbs,
you're so beautiful
and wicked.
1122
01:11:10,222 --> 01:11:13,878
Tell me that beast of a
husband drove you to it.
Tell me.
1123
01:11:14,008 --> 01:11:15,706
Yes, but in a Ferrari.
1124
01:11:15,836 --> 01:11:19,187
When we find him,
I'll fix him for you, good.
1125
01:11:19,318 --> 01:11:21,451
I know a little about surgery.
1126
01:11:21,581 --> 01:11:23,104
Don't you dare.
1127
01:11:23,235 --> 01:11:25,542
[CHUCKLES]
1128
01:11:25,672 --> 01:11:28,066
You're so exciting
when you're angry.
1129
01:11:28,196 --> 01:11:29,023
I...
1130
01:11:31,156 --> 01:11:32,636
[GIGGLES]
1131
01:11:34,986 --> 01:11:37,641
CHARLIE: Some thoughtful
strategy is required.
1132
01:11:39,033 --> 01:11:40,687
Discretion.
1133
01:11:40,818 --> 01:11:41,949
Sensitivity.
1134
01:11:42,907 --> 01:11:44,082
Subtlety.
1135
01:11:44,212 --> 01:11:45,997
FRANCO: Both ladies
are equally beautiful.
1136
01:11:46,127 --> 01:11:47,912
CHARLIE: Desirable. FRANCO: Exquisite.
1137
01:11:48,042 --> 01:11:50,131
CHARLIE: Available. FRANCO: One hopes.
1138
01:11:50,262 --> 01:11:51,350
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
1139
01:11:51,481 --> 01:11:52,482
ORNELLA: Come in, darling.
1140
01:11:57,574 --> 01:11:58,923
Oh, it's you.
1141
01:12:02,927 --> 01:12:04,711
You were expecting
Charlie Harrison?
1142
01:12:04,842 --> 01:12:07,497
He is a movie star. Or Franco?
1143
01:12:07,627 --> 01:12:09,673
At least.
It's getting late.
1144
01:12:10,891 --> 01:12:12,240
You're honest.
1145
01:12:12,371 --> 01:12:14,721
Yes. And Fred isn't.
1146
01:12:14,852 --> 01:12:17,463
Running away with Angelica.
He's an idiot!
1147
01:12:17,594 --> 01:12:21,424
No, we're the idiots
trying to change him.
1148
01:12:21,554 --> 01:12:26,342
He is what he is.
That's why I married him.
That's why you want him.
1149
01:12:26,472 --> 01:12:27,908
Are you always so blunt?
1150
01:12:28,039 --> 01:12:29,345
Always.
1151
01:12:30,650 --> 01:12:33,436
I know Fred better than you do.
1152
01:12:33,566 --> 01:12:35,002
That's why I'm still his wife.
1153
01:12:35,133 --> 01:12:36,439
No offense.
1154
01:12:36,569 --> 01:12:39,006
The wife he's been
lying to all this time.
1155
01:12:39,137 --> 01:12:42,488
A man only lies to
a woman if he wants
to keep hold of her.
1156
01:12:42,619 --> 01:12:44,360
He lies to me.
1157
01:12:44,490 --> 01:12:46,362
He lies to me all the time.
1158
01:12:46,492 --> 01:12:48,233
Then he loves me, too.
1159
01:12:48,364 --> 01:12:49,887
Of course he does.
1160
01:12:54,413 --> 01:12:57,198
Sometimes I worry
if he loves me.
1161
01:12:57,329 --> 01:12:59,592
I mean, really.
1162
01:12:59,723 --> 01:13:03,466
He loves you deeply.
Devotedly.
1163
01:13:03,596 --> 01:13:06,164
I'm his wife, I should know.
1164
01:13:06,294 --> 01:13:11,517
He loves you with every
atom of his being.
1165
01:13:11,648 --> 01:13:13,127
Are we talking about Fred?
1166
01:13:13,258 --> 01:13:14,433
Yes.
1167
01:13:18,959 --> 01:13:20,091
He loves you.
1168
01:13:23,268 --> 01:13:25,096
Also Liz,
1169
01:13:25,226 --> 01:13:27,228
Carolina, Estella,
1170
01:13:27,359 --> 01:13:29,840
Moira, Dorothy,
1171
01:13:29,970 --> 01:13:31,798
Ruth, Ingrid...
1172
01:13:35,933 --> 01:13:38,239
Perhaps we might decide by...
1173
01:13:38,370 --> 01:13:39,937
I feel I'm being crude.
1174
01:13:42,287 --> 01:13:44,724
You probably are,
but go ahead anyway.
1175
01:13:45,333 --> 01:13:47,814
By flipping a coin.
1176
01:13:47,945 --> 01:13:50,469
You're right. You are crude.
1177
01:13:51,470 --> 01:13:52,515
Heads.
1178
01:13:53,341 --> 01:13:55,256
Pardon?
1179
01:13:55,387 --> 01:13:57,041
As a guest in
your country, I have
the right of first call.
1180
01:13:57,171 --> 01:13:58,129
Oh.Heads.
1181
01:13:59,913 --> 01:14:02,525
I knew you couldn't
turn me down,
1182
01:14:02,655 --> 01:14:05,571
SignorDobbs. Darling.
1183
01:14:08,574 --> 01:14:10,184
Such rough legs, dearest.
1184
01:14:11,577 --> 01:14:13,187
I'll rub lotion on them.
1185
01:14:16,408 --> 01:14:19,106
Your arms could do with
a bit of a shave, too.
1186
01:14:26,287 --> 01:14:27,550
BOTH: Two out of three.
1187
01:14:34,992 --> 01:14:37,037
Okay, okay.
Seven out of ten.
1188
01:14:37,168 --> 01:14:38,169
[HUMMING]
1189
01:14:46,873 --> 01:14:49,049
All right, all right,
17 outta 21.
1190
01:15:30,351 --> 01:15:33,746
If they smoked this
at the UN,
there'd be no more wars..
1191
01:15:49,457 --> 01:15:51,677
Darling,
it's 2:00.
1192
01:15:51,808 --> 01:15:54,245
Please, I'm still
recovering from 1:00.
1193
01:15:56,160 --> 01:15:57,640
[MEN CHATTERING]
1194
01:16:08,607 --> 01:16:10,000
[MEN SHOUTING]
1195
01:16:10,783 --> 01:16:13,133
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
1196
01:16:13,264 --> 01:16:16,049
NARRATOR: This is
Cecil B. DeMillie,
our movie director.
1197
01:16:18,138 --> 01:16:20,401
Those guys their knees
are his assistants.
1198
01:16:20,532 --> 01:16:24,405
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1199
01:16:24,536 --> 01:16:26,407
NARRATOR: When he gives
an order in Italian,
1200
01:16:26,538 --> 01:16:28,975
they translate into
three languages.
1201
01:16:29,106 --> 01:16:31,717
Sort of walking subtitles.
1202
01:16:31,848 --> 01:16:34,807
That keeps it fair.
Nobody understands.
1203
01:16:34,938 --> 01:16:36,635
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
1204
01:16:36,766 --> 01:16:39,116
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
1205
01:16:39,246 --> 01:16:42,380
I can't sleep,
therefore we will
shoot in 15 minutes.
1206
01:16:42,510 --> 01:16:44,600
The, er, the ex-boyfriend?
1207
01:16:46,036 --> 01:16:48,212
Yes,
Cecil B. DeMille.
1208
01:16:48,342 --> 01:16:51,041
Wasn't there a great
director by that name?
1209
01:16:51,171 --> 01:16:53,739
Of course.
That's where he got it.
1210
01:16:53,870 --> 01:16:55,654
Oh, how stupid of me.
1211
01:16:57,395 --> 01:16:58,526
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1212
01:16:58,657 --> 01:17:00,224
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
1213
01:17:00,354 --> 01:17:02,052
[SPEAKING FRENCH] Oh, my dear.
1214
01:17:02,182 --> 01:17:03,401
Cecil.
1215
01:17:04,402 --> 01:17:06,056
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1216
01:17:06,186 --> 01:17:07,361
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
1217
01:17:07,492 --> 01:17:08,841
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
1218
01:17:08,972 --> 01:17:10,103
Why isn't this man in makeup?
1219
01:17:11,931 --> 01:17:15,282
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1220
01:17:17,633 --> 01:17:20,157
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
1221
01:17:20,287 --> 01:17:22,463
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
1222
01:17:22,594 --> 01:17:24,683
Privately, my dear,
I'm sorry we broke up.
1223
01:17:24,814 --> 01:17:26,511
Stay away from
my secretary, you maniac.
1224
01:17:26,642 --> 01:17:30,167
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1225
01:17:30,297 --> 01:17:32,169
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
1226
01:17:32,299 --> 01:17:34,127
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
1227
01:17:34,258 --> 01:17:35,651
Don't speak again.
You are an extra.
1228
01:17:35,781 --> 01:17:37,740
I don't even think
1229
01:17:37,870 --> 01:17:40,656
the gorilla would
find me dashing.
1230
01:17:40,786 --> 01:17:42,658
Are you glad I won the toss?
1231
01:17:52,276 --> 01:17:55,061
What are you really
looking for, Millie?
1232
01:17:55,192 --> 01:17:58,586
Mr. Right. And when
I'm sure it's him,
it's he and me
1233
01:17:58,717 --> 01:18:01,111
into the sunset.
Fade out.
1234
01:18:01,241 --> 01:18:03,809
Please note I'm awfully
good at sunsets.
1235
01:18:03,940 --> 01:18:05,332
What are my chances?
1236
01:18:05,463 --> 01:18:06,682
Both good. Both?
1237
01:18:06,812 --> 01:18:08,684
If Charlie Harrison
doesn't get me,
1238
01:18:08,814 --> 01:18:10,163
Grant Granite could.
1239
01:18:18,519 --> 01:18:22,001
This is the first time
we've been away since
our honeymoon.
1240
01:18:22,132 --> 01:18:24,134
Are you certain that we're
doing the right thing?
1241
01:18:24,264 --> 01:18:25,918
Trust me.
1242
01:18:26,049 --> 01:18:29,661
If I didn't think it
was right, would
I suggest a double suicide?
1243
01:18:29,792 --> 01:18:31,794
Of course not.
1244
01:18:31,924 --> 01:18:33,273
We should have done
this years ago.
1245
01:18:33,404 --> 01:18:35,711
It's my fault.
I've been so busy.
1246
01:18:54,468 --> 01:18:57,384
You just got to
love a guy like me.
1247
01:19:05,218 --> 01:19:08,831
My angel. I'll see you
at breakfast, my darling.
1248
01:19:08,961 --> 01:19:11,790
But why, my love? ORNELLA: I have a headache,
my dearest.
1249
01:19:11,921 --> 01:19:13,923
I will massage
it for you, my sweet.
1250
01:19:14,053 --> 01:19:15,968
Somebody already is,
my treasure.
1251
01:19:17,230 --> 01:19:18,405
What can I say?
1252
01:19:18,536 --> 01:19:20,059
Try "goodnight."
1253
01:19:20,190 --> 01:19:21,191
Goodnight?
1254
01:19:21,321 --> 01:19:23,410
BOTH: Goodnight.
1255
01:19:24,716 --> 01:19:27,719
Well, it's my own fault.
1256
01:19:27,850 --> 01:19:29,895
I should have told her
to save my place.
1257
01:19:30,026 --> 01:19:30,809
Bah!
1258
01:20:04,669 --> 01:20:07,193
Oh, bravo.
1259
01:20:08,586 --> 01:20:10,762
It's SignorDobbs.
1260
01:20:10,893 --> 01:20:12,546
Darling. Ooh.
1261
01:20:25,908 --> 01:20:27,910
I worry.
1262
01:20:28,040 --> 01:20:31,217
This is the first time
that we've ever
left the children alone.
1263
01:20:31,348 --> 01:20:34,438
Sooner or later
they'll have to
face life without us.
1264
01:20:34,568 --> 01:20:36,744
In this case, sooner.
1265
01:20:36,875 --> 01:20:38,834
They're so innocent.
So young.
1266
01:20:39,922 --> 01:20:41,706
True.
1267
01:20:41,837 --> 01:20:44,274
Eva's only 20
and little Adolph
is only 15.
1268
01:20:44,404 --> 01:20:46,406
Exactly.
1269
01:20:46,537 --> 01:20:48,931
I feel uneasy about
the way you locked
them into their rooms.
1270
01:20:49,061 --> 01:20:52,760
We must be firm.
They're too big to sleep
together any longer.
1271
01:20:52,891 --> 01:20:55,415
Oh, I know,
but my little Adolph.
1272
01:20:55,546 --> 01:20:58,723
I mean, how is he
going to feed himself
if he's locked in?
1273
01:20:58,854 --> 01:21:01,334
Just like usual.
Eva will break down the door,
1274
01:21:01,465 --> 01:21:03,510
carry him downstairs,
strap him to his highchair
1275
01:21:03,641 --> 01:21:05,991
and force feed him,
just like you do.
1276
01:21:06,122 --> 01:21:08,124
It's different.
I'm his mother.
1277
01:21:08,254 --> 01:21:10,126
I just hope I'm his father.
1278
01:21:10,256 --> 01:21:11,301
So do I.
1279
01:21:19,744 --> 01:21:21,528
[WHOOPING]
1280
01:21:29,275 --> 01:21:30,537
[GUNSHOTS]
1281
01:21:45,378 --> 01:21:46,466
[GUNSHOTS]
1282
01:21:52,124 --> 01:21:54,997
NARRATOR: Rome wasn't
made in a day.
1283
01:21:55,127 --> 01:21:57,042
But these spaghetti
westerns are.
1284
01:21:58,348 --> 01:21:59,523
[GUNSHOTS]
1285
01:22:00,437 --> 01:22:01,568
Action!
1286
01:22:01,699 --> 01:22:02,439
[ALL REPEATING]
1287
01:22:12,884 --> 01:22:13,841
Go, go.
1288
01:22:13,972 --> 01:22:15,060
[SCREAMS]
1289
01:22:24,591 --> 01:22:29,205
I can't imagine
Dobbs spending
the night out-of-doors.
1290
01:22:29,335 --> 01:22:33,818
Didn't you tell me that
he was even allergic
to artificial flowers?
1291
01:22:33,949 --> 01:22:36,081
Angelica is very
persuasive when
she makes up her...
1292
01:22:36,212 --> 01:22:37,865
Body.
1293
01:22:37,996 --> 01:22:41,086
I was going to say
mind, but you're
probably right.
1294
01:23:26,610 --> 01:23:28,133
[DIRECTOR SCREAMS]
1295
01:23:32,094 --> 01:23:33,486
[SCREAMING]
1296
01:23:35,836 --> 01:23:36,663
Where?
1297
01:23:39,840 --> 01:23:40,754
Well?
1298
01:24:24,581 --> 01:24:25,799
[WOMEN GIGGLE]
1299
01:24:26,800 --> 01:24:28,846
Fred!
1300
01:24:28,976 --> 01:24:30,065
[GASPS]
1301
01:24:30,195 --> 01:24:31,588
C. Dobbs?
1302
01:25:02,836 --> 01:25:04,621
You think of everything.
1303
01:25:18,200 --> 01:25:20,158
This is Charlie Harrison.
1304
01:25:20,289 --> 01:25:22,639
Hi.You look like
Grant Granite to me.
1305
01:25:22,769 --> 01:25:24,380
Thank you, my dear.
1306
01:25:24,510 --> 01:25:26,338
Dobbs, I'm an admirer
of your work.
1307
01:25:26,469 --> 01:25:28,906
Personal as well
as professional.
1308
01:25:29,036 --> 01:25:30,647
I'd like to buy the
screen rights to your
new play.
1309
01:25:37,393 --> 01:25:40,047
Now then, this may seem
a little hard-hearted
1310
01:25:40,178 --> 01:25:44,530
but I have a lot to
gain from you and
Millie here fighting.
1311
01:25:44,661 --> 01:25:47,403
Sorry to disappoint you,
but we're not going to fight.
1312
01:25:47,533 --> 01:25:49,100
Oh, no?
1313
01:25:49,231 --> 01:25:51,407
Try this for size.
1314
01:25:51,537 --> 01:25:54,845
How are you going
to explain your,
uh, secretary?
1315
01:25:54,975 --> 01:25:57,152
And all this to Millie.
1316
01:25:57,282 --> 01:25:59,458
Oh, we never fight.Exactly.
1317
01:25:59,589 --> 01:26:01,330
And not that it's any of
your business but I was
going to tell her the truth.
1318
01:26:01,460 --> 01:26:03,897
The truth? Mmm.
1319
01:26:04,028 --> 01:26:05,595
You'd no longer lie to me?
1320
01:26:12,471 --> 01:26:14,560
You mean you want me
to lie to you?
1321
01:26:14,691 --> 01:26:16,040
Of course.
1322
01:26:16,171 --> 01:26:18,085
Then I'd know you still cared.
1323
01:26:18,216 --> 01:26:19,696
Perfect. Perfect.
1324
01:26:19,826 --> 01:26:22,916
I've got a nasty feeling
this is it.
1325
01:26:23,047 --> 01:26:25,484
Fred C. Dobbs,
hear me good.
1326
01:26:25,615 --> 01:26:28,183
I'm going to Rome
and when you get back I
1327
01:26:29,923 --> 01:26:31,360
won't be there.
1328
01:26:43,415 --> 01:26:46,592
John Wilkes Booth,
also an actor.
1329
01:26:54,948 --> 01:26:56,472
Hold my hand.
1330
01:26:58,909 --> 01:27:02,391
Forever, from here to eternity,
1331
01:27:23,325 --> 01:27:24,587
[GASPS]
1332
01:27:35,467 --> 01:27:36,512
No!
1333
01:27:42,561 --> 01:27:46,609
DR. FAHRQUARDT: Oh, perfidy!
Oh, treachery.
Oh, disappointment.
1334
01:28:12,896 --> 01:28:14,419
Oh. Oh.
1335
01:28:49,498 --> 01:28:51,238
Get rid of that blonde.
1336
01:28:51,369 --> 01:28:53,458
How does she know I'm a blonde?
1337
01:28:53,589 --> 01:28:54,981
Where did I go wrong?
1338
01:28:55,939 --> 01:28:57,680
You gland!
1339
01:28:57,810 --> 01:28:59,769
I'd stop smoking if I was you.
1340
01:29:00,726 --> 01:29:01,814
[GRUNTING]
1341
01:29:23,445 --> 01:29:24,750
[SCREAMING]
1342
01:29:33,368 --> 01:29:35,631
All this over me?
1343
01:29:37,415 --> 01:29:39,025
[SCREAMING]
1344
01:29:45,902 --> 01:29:46,946
[EXCLAIMS]
1345
01:29:52,299 --> 01:29:53,779
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1346
01:29:53,910 --> 01:29:55,215
[SPEAKING GERMAN] I call the police!
1347
01:29:55,346 --> 01:29:56,739
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
1348
01:29:56,869 --> 01:29:59,219
It's a nightmare.
I'll wake up.
1349
01:29:59,350 --> 01:30:01,396
My clothes will be on
and it will all go away.
1350
01:30:01,526 --> 01:30:03,441
Police! Police!
1351
01:30:03,572 --> 01:30:05,400
[POLICE SIRENS WAIL]
1352
01:30:10,709 --> 01:30:12,145
CHARLIE: Come on!
1353
01:30:13,277 --> 01:30:14,670
Ooh!
1354
01:30:17,150 --> 01:30:18,717
[BARKS]
1355
01:30:53,012 --> 01:30:54,623
Giddup.
1356
01:31:19,952 --> 01:31:20,953
Go on!
1357
01:31:22,825 --> 01:31:23,695
Ooh!
1358
01:31:26,132 --> 01:31:27,656
Here!
1359
01:31:30,441 --> 01:31:31,703
Hang on!
1360
01:31:35,402 --> 01:31:36,578
[SCREAMS]
1361
01:32:02,604 --> 01:32:04,562
[SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1362
01:32:04,693 --> 01:32:06,738
Bring back my stagecoach.
1363
01:32:06,869 --> 01:32:08,827
You're damn right, we will!
1364
01:32:54,351 --> 01:32:57,180
Just don't have
this kind of fun in... Alabama?
1365
01:32:57,310 --> 01:32:58,529
Right.
1366
01:32:58,660 --> 01:33:00,662
[GUNSHOTS]
1367
01:33:00,792 --> 01:33:04,579
We're Baptists back home.
I sure like these
Catholic countries
1368
01:33:36,523 --> 01:33:37,786
It's them!
1369
01:33:39,004 --> 01:33:39,701
Here.
1370
01:33:55,717 --> 01:33:56,848
Excuse me.
1371
01:34:02,288 --> 01:34:03,202
[EXCLAIMS]
1372
01:35:23,500 --> 01:35:24,762
[DRIVER YELLING]
1373
01:35:37,079 --> 01:35:38,994
[POLICE SIRENS APPROACHING]
1374
01:35:57,099 --> 01:35:58,448
Fred?
1375
01:35:58,578 --> 01:36:01,407
Hey, what the hell
do you think
this is, a library?
1376
01:36:01,538 --> 01:36:04,454
No sleeping here. Oh, no sleeping in here,
no sleeping at home.
1377
01:36:04,584 --> 01:36:06,456
Ah, nightmares again, eh?
1378
01:36:06,586 --> 01:36:08,414
What again? Still!
1379
01:36:08,545 --> 01:36:10,155
That dammed gorilla.
1380
01:36:10,286 --> 01:36:12,810
Must you forever
trouble me with
your sleazy fantasies?
1381
01:36:12,941 --> 01:36:15,770
We were talking
about that fateful
weekend at Castelli.
1382
01:36:15,900 --> 01:36:18,424
Oh, Castelli.
1383
01:36:20,122 --> 01:36:22,428
[PLAYS SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]
1384
01:36:22,559 --> 01:36:25,518
You know, that happened
almost a year ago,
1385
01:36:25,649 --> 01:36:27,085
but it seems like yesterday.
1386
01:36:27,216 --> 01:36:29,784
Whatever became of
all those loonies? Hmm?
1387
01:36:29,914 --> 01:36:32,917
Oh, my ex-wife married
Grant Granite.
1388
01:36:33,048 --> 01:36:35,790
She'd never acted before,
so she became the biggest
star in Hollywood.
1389
01:37:06,821 --> 01:37:10,128
Those were real bullets.
Now Millie owns
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer.
1390
01:37:10,259 --> 01:37:11,477
[ROARS]
1391
01:37:12,870 --> 01:37:13,958
[ROARS]
1392
01:37:17,657 --> 01:37:20,704
And whatever happened
to that motorcycle hick? Hesther?
1393
01:37:20,835 --> 01:37:23,011
She went home
and was elected
governor of Alabama.
1394
01:37:23,141 --> 01:37:26,536
I solemnly swear
1395
01:37:26,666 --> 01:37:30,540
to uphold the Constitution
of this here State.
1396
01:37:30,670 --> 01:37:32,803
ALL: Yeah!
1397
01:37:32,934 --> 01:37:35,066
And your ex-mistress,
what was her name?
1398
01:37:35,197 --> 01:37:36,589
Ornella Piacentini.
1399
01:37:36,720 --> 01:37:37,852
Aah!
1400
01:37:37,982 --> 01:37:39,505
She decided to lead
a more quiet life.
1401
01:37:40,855 --> 01:37:42,552
FRED: And so did Franco.
1402
01:37:44,771 --> 01:37:46,686
[PLAYS ORGAN]
1403
01:37:46,817 --> 01:37:50,386
And what about that
little chiropodist,
Dr. Ponti?
1404
01:37:50,516 --> 01:37:52,692
Doing three to five.
1405
01:37:52,823 --> 01:37:55,521
FRED: Got caught treating
an old sea captain
for athlete's foot.
1406
01:37:55,652 --> 01:37:58,046
So? On a wooden leg?
1407
01:37:58,176 --> 01:38:01,310
[SINGSONG] Doctor!
1408
01:38:01,440 --> 01:38:05,488
She's... Still with me,
just like you.
1409
01:38:05,618 --> 01:38:07,882
Oh, but I'm not.Oh.
1410
01:38:08,012 --> 01:38:11,189
[SINGSONG] I'm destroying
your whole lousy fleet.
1411
01:38:15,019 --> 01:38:17,369
No more treatments.
1412
01:38:17,500 --> 01:38:19,197
No more pain.
1413
01:38:19,981 --> 01:38:21,852
It's you
1414
01:38:21,983 --> 01:38:23,419
who's been causing
those nightmares.
1415
01:38:23,549 --> 01:38:25,116
Me?
1416
01:38:25,247 --> 01:38:27,684
You're out of your crazy head.
It's your gorilla.
1417
01:38:27,814 --> 01:38:30,034
Gorilla? There
is no such thing
as that gorilla.
1418
01:38:30,861 --> 01:38:32,210
It's an hallucination.
1419
01:38:34,691 --> 01:38:35,822
FRED: Sheer fantasy.
1420
01:38:35,953 --> 01:38:37,259
[CHATTERING]
1421
01:38:38,303 --> 01:38:39,304
Milton?
1422
01:38:39,435 --> 01:38:42,220
I love you.
1423
01:38:51,534 --> 01:38:53,971
How can you expect Fred
to return your love
1424
01:38:54,102 --> 01:38:56,060
when you're losing your hair?
1425
01:38:56,669 --> 01:38:58,106
Eh?
1426
01:38:58,236 --> 01:39:00,412
Well, Fred, it's you and I.
1427
01:39:00,543 --> 01:39:02,371
Happily ever after.
1428
01:39:02,501 --> 01:39:04,939
I doubt it, but we'll
give it a try.
1429
01:39:05,069 --> 01:39:06,418
That we will.
1430
01:39:11,206 --> 01:39:14,557
[SINGING IN ITALIAN]
1431
01:39:28,788 --> 01:39:30,616
♪ So, groove into it ♪
1432
01:39:30,747 --> 01:39:32,227
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
1433
01:39:32,357 --> 01:39:35,186
♪ Be free, just groove into it ♪
1434
01:39:36,274 --> 01:39:38,450
♪ Come on, move into it ♪
1435
01:39:38,581 --> 01:39:39,582
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
1436
01:39:39,712 --> 01:39:43,673
♪ You'll see you'll
groove into it ♪
1437
01:39:43,803 --> 01:39:48,504
♪ Come on and move and groove
and move and groove and move ♪
1438
01:39:50,723 --> 01:39:52,464
♪ I wanna groove ♪
1439
01:39:56,773 --> 01:39:58,079
♪ Yeah ♪
1440
01:39:58,209 --> 01:39:59,123
♪ Pussycat ♪
99941
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