All language subtitles for Come.September.1961.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG

(ITALIAN MUSIC PLAYING)

* La-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la

* La-la-la

* La-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la

(MANDOLINS PLAYING)

* La-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la

* La-la-la

* La-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la

* La-la

* La-la

* La-la

* La-la La-la-la-la

* La-la

* La-la

* La-la-la La-la-la

* La-la-la-la

* La-la La-la-la

* La-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la

* La-la-la

* La-la-la, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la *

Upon completion of the factory,

we will then assume
dual responsibilities.

(TRANSLATOR TRANSLATING
TO ITALIAN)

Uh... The capitalization
will be shared equally.

They'll put up half
and I'll put up half.

(TRANSLATING TO ITALIAN)

Needless to say, I have
the greatest personal
interest in this project.

And I'm looking forward to
its earliest consummation.

(TRANSLATING TO ITALIAN)

Mr. Talbot,
your call to Rome.
Ah!

Excuse me, gentlemen.

Lisa!

Hmm?
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Talbot.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Speak English.
I don't want her to hear.

What's he doing here in July?

He never comes till September.

I don't know,
but he's here.
(SIGHS)

I will tell him
the maid was wrong,
and you're not home.

No, I'll talk to him.
But, Lisa, I tell you
from my own experience.

An old love
is like an empty
bottle of champagne.

You don't refill it.
You get a new bottle.

He has a right to know
I'm getting married.

A man comes here once a year,

stays a month and you never
see him the rest of the year.

He has no rights!
Send him a letter.

That's more than
most husbands get.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Lisa!

(ARGUING IN ITALIAN)

English! English!
I don't want them to hear.

You have wasted enough
time on that man.

Where's the telephone?

I put him in the dish.

Don't let him out.
While he's in there,
you're safe.

I am safe whether
he is in or out!
Ho-hmm.

I will simply
tell him the truth.

He went away, I met another man.

He asked me to marry him
and I've accepted.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Uh-huh.
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Hello.

Lisa, it's wonderful
to hear your voice again.

I was just going
to write you a letter.

There's no need to.
I'm here.

Then I'll tell you on the phone.

Robert, I...
Ah-ah-ah.
Say it again.

What?
My name!

Robert.
(CHUCKLES)
Once more.

Robert.

If you only knew how often
I've thought about you,

looked forward to seeing you.

Please.
Please listen to me.

There's nothing I'd rather do.

I couldn't even wait
till September.

I rearranged my entire
schedule to be here early...

Just to be with you.

Did you?
Mmm-hmm.

Did you miss me?

Yes.

Well, tell me.

I missed you.
Oh, Lisa.

Lisa. My sweet,
sweet Lisa.

Yes, Roberto.

Now, listen carefully.
Whatever you're doing,

drop it, it's not important.

It's not important.

Pack your bags.
You can catch the 1:20.

Pack my bags.
Catch the 1:20.

And meet me
at the villa.
At your villa.

Good-bye, sweetheart.
Good-bye,
sweetheart.

I couldn't help it.
Hai vista, no?

English. I don't want them
to know what a fool you are.

Anna, please!
I tried to tell him.

I tried very hard.
You heard me!

What were you going to tell him?

That he's not the man for me.

He's always had
everything his own way.

He's arranged his life
for his comfort, not mine.

I don't intend
to live like that.

Why didn't
you tell him?
And spoil everything?

Eleven months of the year
you are intelligent.

A good businesswoman.
Successful.

Then he comes here,
and you haven't got
a brain in your head.

Anna, do you know what
it means to be happy?

Yes, of course.
But I mean,
really happy.

But that kind of happy
only gets you in trouble.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(MEN ARGUING)
Lisa!

Listen to me.
(ARGUING)

Spencer, I've thought about it,

and I've made up my mind.

I can't hurt you.
It wouldn't be fair
of me to marry you.

But, darling,
don't you realize?
Everything's arranged.

My sisters have come
from London
for this wedding.

They're coming here to meet you.

What am I going to tell them?

(CHUCKLES) Tell them
it's best for both of us.
They'll understand.

Believe me, Lisa,
I know just what
you're suffering from.

Premarital nerves.

I'm extremely nervous
myself. Yes.

And I've had some problems.
Those sisters of mine.

I had the deuce of a job
persuading them that it was
the accepted thing nowadays

for an Englishman
to marry a foreigner.

(CHUCKLES) Here in Italy,
I'm not the foreigner.

You and your sisters
are the foreigners.
Yes, of course.

I realize that,
but I wouldn't
mention it to them.

They're charming girls.

I'm sure you'll like them
when you meet them.

I'd rather not.

Lisa, please.
It wouldn't work.

I could never be happy
living in England.
Really you will.

England's not a bad place.

It's a bit like
a cold shower at first,

but once you get used to it,
you'll feel better for it.

I don't like cold showers.

I'll tell you what.
We'll compromise.

Six months here
and six months there.

What about that?
Oh, no!

I can't live like a gypsy.

Believe me, Spencer,
I'm doing this
for your own good.

Someday you'll meet a girl
who will enjoy going into
that cold shower with you.

WOMAN: Spencer!
Wait, darling.

Here are my sisters now.

Lisa, my sisters
Katherine and Claire.
Hello.

Good-bye.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Rather an attractive girl,
but not too friendly.

(CROWD YELLING)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

(CAR HORN HONKS)

(CONVERSATION CONTINUES)
(HONKING)

(HONKING CONTINUOUSLY)

(MELODIC HONKING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

Gee, mister, she's a beaut!

Mmm-hmm. Sure don't
see many like that.

Mmm-hmm.
I'll bet she's the fastest
thing on the road.

(MELODIC HONKING)

(TRAIN CHUGGING)

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

(MELODIC HONKING)

Gee, mister, she's a beaut!

Mmm-hmm. Sure don't
see many like that.

Mmm-hmm.
I'll bet she's the fastest
thing on the road.

(MELODIC HONKING)

Gee, mister, she's a beaut!

Sure don't see many like that.

I'll bet she's the fastest
thing on the road.

(LAUGHING,
HORN HONKING)
See you later!

Whee!
Look out!

(WATER SPLASHING)

Gee, you guys.
She's a beaut.

You don't see many like that.

Yes, sirree.

I'll bet she's the fastest
thing on the road.

(TALBOT LAUGHING)

How are you, Dino?

(PHONE RINGING)

Hotel La Dolce Vista.

Talbot?

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Teresa! Milena!
Maria! Presto!

Listen carefully.
Mr. Talbot will be
here any minute.

Madonna Mia.
He'll find out.
We are lost.

God helps those
who help themselves.

Quick, upstairs.
The bedroom doors.

And you, the bathrooms.
Hide Cedric.
Ah!

Hurry up.
Cedric.

Teresa! Apri, apri!

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Maurice.
Mr. Talbot! What
an unexpected pleasure.

How are you?
A bit surprised.

Huh?
To see you in July. You never
come until September.

I wish I'd known
you were arriving.
Didn't you get my telegram?

Telegram?
No, sir.
I sent one.

Get in.
Yes, sir.

Isn't that
a new color?
I beg your pardon?

I said, isn't that
a new color?
(CHUCKLES)

Houses are like women.
The older they get,
the more paint they need.

(LAUGHS)

How's everything been?
Very quiet.

Like turtles,
we withdraw into
our shells until you return.

(LAUGHS)

What's that?

Sir?

This bougainvillea.

Wasn't here last year, was it?

Oh, I've done...
I've done a bit
of landscaping.

(STAMMERS) If you're
displeased...
Displeased?

Ha! With what you've done
with this place?

Maurice, you're more
than a majordomo.
You're a trusted friend.

I hope you'll continue
to think that, sir.

(BICYCLE BELL RINGS)
(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Oh.
Wait a minute.
I'll get it.

Thank you.
Grazie.

Mmm-hmm. It's from me.
I'm arriving today.
(CHUCKLES)

That's part of
the charm of Italy.

It's the only country where
a man can send a telegram
and be there to receive it.

I never realize how much
I miss this place
till I come back to it.

It's more than a villa.

It's a refuge...
Where a man can, uh,

lock out the rest of the world.

Will Miss, uh...
Yes,
she'll be here.

A man doesn't lock
the whole world out.
(CHUCKLES)

(MARIA PRAYING)
Hello, Maria.

Why is she praying?

A friend of hers,
a very fine chap,

he's passing through
a severe crisis.
I hope he makes it.

No more than I do.
I'll take your rooms
to your bag.

"La Dolce Vista?"

Hmph. Must be a new one.

(GIRLS GIGGLING)

Hello.
Did you
just get here?

Yes.
You'll like it.

(CHATTING, GIGGLING)

What's that?
(CHUCKLES)
Girls.

I know they're girls.
What are they doing here?

If you could have seen them.

Students on tour
in a strange land.

Their tiny bus disabled.

They'll be gone in the morning.

They're staying here tonight?

I probably should have
turned them away,

but the quality of mercy
is not strained.

It's being strained right now.

Why didn't you send
them to a hotel?

There isn't a vacancy in town.

But if you insist,
I'll just tell them...

They have to leave.

Well, they have to go somewhere.

What about this new place?
This La Dolce Vista?

Full up, sir.

Well, they can't stay here.

Check around
and find something.
Yes, sir.

Maurice!

Oh, we had a splendid hike.
Quite exhilarating.

This is Ms. Allison,
Ms. Stevens. Mr. Talbot.
How do you do?

How do you do?

Hi.
Ms. Allison is
the girls' chaperone.

Oh! Where's Cedric?
I had him carried up
to your bedroom.

Oh, splendid!

Uh... Who's Cedric?

Ms. Allison's parakeet.

This is such a lovely place.
And the view from the terrace!

Quite breathtaking.

Thank you. Now,
if you'll excuse me.

Maurice, make the ladies
comfortable.

Well, really!
He acts as though
he owns the place.

I was hoping
he'd be better this year.
What's wrong with him?

This is a story
I wish I didn't have to tell.

Years ago,
his family owned this place.

There were
financial reverses.
They lost it.

That's when
you bought it.
Yes.

Then the war came along.

He was standing sentry duty
at an ammunition dump.

Blew up.
Really?

Left him slightly
shell-shocked.

You wouldn't know it
to look at him.
No.

It's like looking at
a magnificent castle
with a weak tower.

Isn't it dangerous
having him roaming around?

No, no, no.
He's absolutely harmless...

Except for one small
mental quirk.
Yes?

He thinks
he still owns the place.

I let him come every year
to stay a while.

It seems to calm his nerves.

In case he should say
something unusual,
play along with him.

Oh, yes.

What an interesting
case history!

Has he any money?
Only his
government pension.

Naturally,
I do what I can.
Oh, Maurice!

I think that's why
I'm so fond of you.

You're always
thinking of others.

I really think
a psychiatrist
would help him.

Undoubtedly.
But it's none
of your affair.

Sandy's a major in psychology.

She's quite a fanatic
on the subject.
The dear child.

TALBOT: Maurice?
Yes, sir?

Have these shined,
will you?
MAURICE: Yes, sir.

Draw my bath.
Lay out my clothes.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Analysis would help him!

Or a good talking-to!

He may be shell-shocked,
but he's not helpless.

The idea! Treating you
as if you were his servant.

Uh, hello.

Hello.

Uh, Mr. Talbot?
Mmm?

Uh... Have you owned
this place very long?

Quite some time.

You must be very proud of it.

Yes, I am.
Unfortunately...

Since the war,
I've only been able
to come here once a year.

Oh.

It must've been a terrible war.

They usually are.

Yes, well...

I'd like to talk to you
about it sometime.

About what?
The war.

The war?

Yes. I have a feeling
I can help.

(CHUCKLES)
I doubt it.

It's over.

(ROMANTIC MUSIC
ON RECORD PLAYER)

What are you doing here?

You told me
to lay out your clothes.

I'll do it.
Find a place
for those women.

Yes, sir.

(DOOR OPENS,
CLOSES)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Come in.

Mr. Talbot?
Yes?

I was wondering
if we could have
our little talk now.

I'm very sorry...

Please, it's terribly
important.
Look...

Why don't you sit down?

No, no. Not there.
On the couch.

What do you mean, on the...

Now try and relax.
Lie down.

Lie down?
It's for
your own good.

There.

(TURNS RECORD PLAYER OFF)

Really, Mr. Talbot,
you must try and relax.

Now, where would you
like to begin?

I... Really don't know.

Where would you suggest?

Well, let's start
with... The war.

That war really...
Bothers you, doesn't it?

You were in the army.

I thought I was in the navy.

No. You were
in the army,

standing sentry duty...

At an ammunition dump

that blew up.

Do you remember that?

All I remember is
being officer on a P.T. boat.

Don't you see?
That's your subconscious

substituting fantasy
for fact.
Look, young lady...

That's why you still think
you own this place.

Don't I?

No. Really, Mr. Talbot,
you must face reality.

Your family lost this house.

Mr. Clavell bought it,
turned it into a hotel.

A hotel?

Mmm-hmm.

La Dolce Vista?

That's right.

People pay him to stay here?

Yes.

It's a hotel!

Right! Mr. Talbot,
you don't know how
happy you've made me.

I knew if I could just talk
to you, I could help you.

Oh, you have.

Suddenly all the pieces
have fallen into place.

Mr. Clavell will be
so thrilled to hear
you've recovered.

Mmm.

I'll go tell him.
No, no, no, no.

Let me tell him.

Hmm.
(DOOR SLAMS)

(SINGING ALONG
WITH THE RADIO)

(CONTINUES SINGING)
(RADIO TURNS OFF)

You can tell Maria
to stop praying.

Her friend didn't
survive the crisis.

Excuse me.
I have some duties.

A majordomo's day
is never done.
Yours is.

Don't think of yourself
as a majordomo.

More like a sentry
at an ammunition dump...

That's about to blow up.

Your room
or mine?
Yours.

This way.
Oh.

You're a thief.
Yes, sir.

And a liar.
Completely untrustworthy.
Yes, sir.

A thief and a liar, yes.
But not untrustworthy.

I really don't think
this is the proper time
to talk the matter out.

Not while your mind
is bristling with
negative thoughts towards me.

I haven't even begun to bristle!

Turning my house into a hotel!

How easy for you
to say "my house,"

yet you're never here.

What has that got to do with it?

When her windows are
stuck, do you care?

No. You're in New York.

I, Maurice, have
to unstick them.

On a cold night
when her radiators knock,
are you here?

No. I have
to warm them up.

And when her plumbing goes out,

who's there to
unclog her? Maurice.

You're like a husband
who's only with his wife
one month a year.

It's the man who lives
with her the rest of the year
who deserves the credit.

Let's just say
I don't care for what
you've turned my wife into!

And what have I done
with the profits?
That's a good question.

Painted her.

Put in a new garden wall,
a fountain, a patio.

I've even replenished
the wine cellar.
Not to mention your wallet!

Oh!

Any personal gain
was of secondary importance.

Your smile of appreciation
when you came here every year,

that was my real...
My real reward.

You will tell your guests
to find themselves
another hotel.

As for you and your accomplices,

pack your bags and be out
of here in the morning.

Sir? (CHUCKLES)

I wish you'd sleep
on that decision.

Tomorrow we'll probably
both be laughing
about this entire matter.

(BOTH LAUGH)

We might both be laughing,
but not in the same house.

Sir, may I please ask
one last favor?

Margaret, the girls' chaperone,

she's been coming through
with tours for some time.

We've become rather close.
We've even made plans
for the future.

She thinks I'm the owner.

Will you please
let me explain it
to her in my own way?

All right,

but I have the feeling
I'm not doing
Margaret any favor.

Thank you, sir.
I'll talk to her right away.

We should be leaving
in half an hour to meet
Ms. Fellini at the station.

I'll pick her up myself.
Please, sir.

As long as I'm here,
I would like to attend
to my duties.

Just for my own information,

how long has this been a hotel?

Six years.

It was a fine hotel
with a Triple "A" rating.

Conrad Hilton would have
been proud to own it.

I'm surprised
you didn't sell it to him.

The deed is in your name.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
Grazie, Maurice.

What did he say?
That it was nice
to see me.

Oh.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
Lisa, please.

Don't pat the servants.

Maurice? He's more
than a servant.

Yes. I found that out today!

Keep your eyes on the road.

Robert, you're terribly
sharp with Maurice.

What's wrong?

How would you feel
if you found out Brutus

was your majordomo,
Lucrezia Borgia your cook,

and Benedict Arnold
your upstairs maid?

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(CONTINUES SPEAKING ITALIAN)

A hotel!
Mmm. Filled with tourists.

Look. He even advertises.
(LAUGHING)

Don't laugh. You're only
encouraging him.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN)

I can't believe it.
Believe what?

That you could be so
cruel to throw out
into the street,

an old woman and
six helpless children.

They're not children.
They're...

What?
Not children!

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Why can't they stay one night?

They are leaving in the morning.

I don't want
anybody there tonight.

Do you?

Roberto, what can
one night hurt?

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
You keep out of this!

And don't you listen to him.

I've never seen you
like this before.

You're upset.
Of course I'm upset.

It's been 10 months
since we've seen each other.
Whose fault is that?

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(LAUGHING)

Isn't he sweet?
He said it upsets him
to hear us argue.

There's nothing to argue about.

He's already told 'em to leave.

You did tell your friend,
uh, Margaret, didn't you?

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(LAUGHING)
Don't talk to her.
Talk to me!

What's the big joke?

He said, how could he tell her?

She was taking a bath,
and they're not that friendly.

(CHUCKLES)

I don't think that's funny.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)
(LAUGHING)

He said he's worried
about you. You've lost
your sense of humor.

Mmm-hmm.
I'll get it back
when he leaves.

I don't think
you should go in with me.

Why not?

The hotel guests.

How will it look
if we come in together?

All right.

I'll park the car
and come in through
the servants' entrance.

I wouldn't want you to lose
your Triple "A" rating.

(ENGINE REVS)

Ms. Allison,
Signorina Fellini.

Buongiorno.
Good afternoon.

(WHISPERING)
Who's she?
A schoolteacher.

She doesn't look
like a schoolteacher.

Margaret, if beauty
symbolized occupation,

one might mistake you for
a former star of the cinema.

Oh, Maurice! (LAUGHS)

(SHOWER WATER RUNNING)

LISA: Robert.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh... Not now.
Why not?

She's taking a shower.
Who is?

Sandy.
Who's Sandy?

The girl I'm rooming with.

You're rooming
with someone?
Mmm-hmm.

I'll kill that Maurice!
Wait!
It's not his fault.

It's not?
If he moved everyone around,

so I could be alone
in the room next to yours,
how would it look?

You better leave.

We'll have dinner on my terrace.

There isn't enough room
for nine people.
What nine people?

They'll suspect something
if we don't eat with them.

Hurry.
She might see you.
Oh.

Be careful!

What am I sneaking
around for? It's my...
Shh!

House.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

SANDY: (WHISPERS)
You'd better wait.

Ms. Allison hasn't made
her bed check yet, and
she's already suspicious.

Oh.
Of what?

(WHISPERS) You and Mr. Talbot.

What about us?

Don't get me wrong.

I think it's terribly exciting.

All the girls do.

Two people in love,
being in a romantic
place like this.

It's about the dreamiest
thing I've ever heard of!

I'm going downstairs
to get some warm milk.

SANDY: Warm milk?

He looks more like
the champagne type to me.

(DOOR SLAMS)

(DOOR OPENING)
Good night, girls!
Lights out now.

Uh...

I was just going downstairs

to get some warm
milk. (CHUCKLES)

(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

(DOOR OPENS)

I got the warm milk.

(DOOR OPENS)

Sandy?
Yes, ma'am.

Lights out now.

Good night, girls.

Good night.
Good night.

(SIGHS)

She'll be asleep in 10 minutes.

So will I.

But he's waiting for you.
I can hear the music.

I really don't know
where a girl your age
gets ideas like that.

I have no intention
of going to Mr. Talbot's room.

I'm going...

Yes, I'm going
to finish my milk...

And go to sleep.

(BELLS TOLLING)

Mmm-hmm.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Mmm.

Good morning.

Morning?
Mmm-hmm.

What happened to last night?

Everybody looked suspicious,
and Sandy knew about us.

I couldn't leave.
It would've been too obvious.

Sandy seems to know
about everything.

Now I know what
she's doing in Europe.

Her neighbors decided
to chip in and send her.

Mmm.
(HORN HONKING)

What's that?
They are getting
ready to leave.

Oh. Good.

I promised to come down
and say goodbye.

Send 'em a letter.
(HORN HONKS)

It'll only take a minute.
No, Lisa.

Come on.
You should come down
and say goodbye too.

I'll wave to 'em
from the terrace.

Teenagers are like
the H-bomb.

When they go off,
it's much better

to observe them from a distance.

GIRL: Bye, Mr. Talbot.

Goodbye!
Goodbye, Mr. Talbot.

GIRLS TOGETHER:
Goodbye, Mr. Talbot.

Good morning, sir.
Your orange juice.

Not orange juice,
Maurice. Champagne.

This is a special occasion.

The hotel is closing.

You're packing.

And the guests are leaving.

How often does a man
get rid of all his troubles
at the same time?

(CORK POPS)

What's the matter?
(SCREAMS)

I don't understand,
Ms. Allison.

What are you doing in traction?

Slipped on a champagne cork?

It was an accident.

I sprung my sacroiliac.

Hmm?

No. I've had
this happen before.

Don't worry.

I'll be absolutely splendid
by the morning.

The girls can't go without her.

You'll have to let them
stay over till tomorrow.

(SIGHING)

You wouldn't think
a cork this small,

could lay out a woman that big.

Now, Maria, move
Ms. Fellini's luggage
into Ms. Allison's room.

Yes, sir.
Teresa and...

Milena, sir.
Start making sandwiches.
Lots of them.

Mr. Clavell will need
all of his strength.

Where am I going?

On a long hike...

With the girls.

You're going
to show them Italy...
All of it.

And if you run out of Italy,
show them Sicily.

That oughta take you all day.

And a good part
of the night, sir.

I'm glad
we understand each other.

It's a shame the girls
have no place to go today.

They do.

They're going on a long hike.

(CHUCKLES)

Shouldn't we offer
to go with them?

Maurice already volunteered.

Do you want to go?

Mmm-mmm.

Hiking could never replace this.

(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHS)

Oh, Robert.

(MELODIC HONKING)

(HONKING CONTINUES)

BOY: One, two, three, four.
Ready, set. Signals on.

Hup, two, three, four.
Hup, two, three.

Hup, two, three, four.
Hup. Hup. Hup. Hup.

Hey!

What's going on here?

(WOLF WHISTLES)
Observe.

Hey, look.
It's Barney Oldfield.

Catch, Beagle.
Hey, two, three, four.
Hey, two, three...

What are you doing here?

This is the Hotel
Dolce Vista, right?
Not anymore.

We've got reservations.
They're canceled.

Hold this. I've got
written confirmation
from the manager.

He's been canceled
too. Sorry.

All right, out!
Wait a minute.
Hold it.

Beagle, you're gonna be
a lawyer, right?

Can he do this to us?
In 1937,

there was the case of Wilson
versus the Waldorf Astoria.

And?
He can do it to us.

Good day,
gentlemen.
Yeah.

Let's go.

Beagle, gimme a coin.

Hey!

That's for parkin'
in your driveway.

(MELODIC HONKING)

First we end up in
a stream, then we get
tossed out of a hotel.

This country's unlucky for us.

We could be in France
in a few hours.

All those in favor
of leaving Italy say "Aye."
ALL: Aye!

All those in favor
of staying in Italy say "Aye."

ALL: Aye!
Aye!

They're backin' up.
Don't look around.

Which one
did you like?
I didn't notice.

The driver was cute.
He had nice blue eyes.

They're brown,
and keep away from him.

(HORN TOOTING)

Uh... Ahem, ahem.

Buongiorno.

Buongiorno.

This one is mine, huh?
Tell 'em we want
to be friends.

Wait a minute. Relax.
Let me handle it
and we'll all make out.

Where do you live?

Saus-a-lito.

And where is that near?

San Fran-cis-co.

(ALL LAUGHING)

I am very stu-pid,
but I'm loads of fun.

(LAUGHING)
Hi.

We're from Connecticut.
Where're you girls
staying?

Hotel La Dolce Vista.

Isn't that a coincidence, eh?

We're staying
right outside the gate.

But there's nothing there.

Give us 20 minutes,
will ya? See ya.

(CHEERING)

Call the police.
I want them picked up
for trespassing.

Unfortunately, sir,
it's not your property.

Mmm.
They're like spiders.

And they've got
the flies helping them
put up their web!

Why aren't those
flies out hiking?

They insisted on going
there to help out.

The moment I saw you,
I just seemed
to come out of my shell.

Yes, but I think
we ought to go help
the others, Tony.

Say that again.
What?

My name.
Tony.

Once more.

Tony.

There's something
about that boy
I don't trust.

I don't care how
you do it. I want you...

Ciao!

What's she doing down there?

Goodbye.
I'll see you later.

Ciao, ciao.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

(LISA HUMMING)

* La-la-la, la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la *

What were you doing down there?

(LAUGHING)

Darling, you're going
to be so proud of me.

I've arranged everything.

Like what?

* La-la-la, la-la-la
La-la *
Like what?

Well, first the boys
will need some kerosene.

Why? What are they
planning to burn?
It's for their stove.

Really, they're
very nice American boys.
So was the Dalton Gang.

The boys are very hurt.

They think you
don't like them.
The boys are right.

They're college students
on their first vacation
in Europe.

Go make friends with them.

I don't want to make
friends with them!

I don't understand you.
They're very sweet.
Sweet.

Yes!
Yes.

Do you know what the boys
are going to do with the
girls this afternoon?

No.

What are the boys
going to do with the
girls this afternoon?

I thought, those poor girls
have nothing to do.

Those boys have nothing to do.

Maybe they could use
the sun terrace.

But I thought, "No,
Robert wouldn't like that."

No, Robert wouldn't like that.

Then I said to myself,
"Wouldn't it be nice

"if they all rented
motor scooters and went
for a ride in the country?"

(LAUGHS)

That's what you said
to yourself.
Yes!

Did you say it to them?
Yes. And the boys said

it sounded like
it would be a lot of fun.

That sounds like the boys.
(LAUGHING)

Mr. Clavell?
Sir?

You are to go with them,
and you are not to let
those girls out of your sight.

Sir, I can't ride
a motor scooter.
Then learn.

(CHUCKLING) I have
no sense of balance.

I was the only child
that ever had to be
strapped to his tricycle.

I don't intend to let them go
out alone. Lisa, please!
Robert!

I don't know how I let
myself get talked into
all of this, but I'm in it.

It's not his hotel.
It's my home.

I am legally responsible.

I fully expect
your friend, uh...

Margaret.
To sue me the
minute she gets out.

No, she wouldn't.
If I can be sued for
a sprung sacroiliac,

I can go to jail for what
can happen to those girls.

What can happen to them?

There are four boys
and six girls.

That adds up to 10,
and there's safety in numbers.

There's more
to mathematics
than adding.

Those boys look capable
of dividing and multiplying.

Ow! Ooh! Ooh!

They purposely took this road.

They're trying to shake us.

I don't know about you,

but I'm pretty well shook.

All right, it's my fault.
I said I'm sorry.

You'd be more
comfortable if you put
your head against me.

Hmm.

(HONKING)

(RADIO PLAYING SWING MUSIC)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Mmm-hmm.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

What'd you wish for?
It's very bad
luck to tell.

I hope you get what you want.

That sure is sweet of you.

You know,

this is a side of you
I've never seen before.

What is?

This protective attitude
toward women.

Women?
They're only 18.

Children.
No older than my niece.

So?
So?

So?

Would I let my niece
go out with guys like that?

I know those boys.

I know what's on their mind.

(CHUCKLES)

Robert, you have a moral streak.

(GIGGLES)

You know me
better than that.
Mmm.

(LAUGHING)

Hey, Beagle!
Beagle!

What?
Look.

A Papilio glaucus.
Hmm?

That'll look great
in your butterfly collection.

What butterfly collection?

The one you're
starting... Now.
Huh? Oh.

It went that way.
Let's go!
Come on!

(ALL YELLING EXCITEDLY)

Just a minute here.

You wait here
in case it doubles back.

Tony?
Hmm?

Are you sure
that butterfly's
gonna come here?

Positive.

When you're being followed,

you instinctively find
someplace where
nobody can find you.

This is it.

You seem to know
a lot about butterflies.

That's one
of the things we study
in medical school.

Oh.
Insects, animals,

people.

You'd be surprised
how similar we are
in many ways.

Oh?
Did you know

that beetles
actually kiss?
No.

Sure.
How?

Well, the boy beetle
rubs his antenna
against the girl beetle.

And what does
the girl beetle do?

If he doesn't rub her
the wrong way,

they start making
plans for the future.

Like tonight.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Medicine's a fascinating field.

That's why
a woman like Lisa
is so interesting.

Lisa?

Mmm.

There are 206 bones
in the human body,

and I've never
seen them that
well-arranged before.

Oh.

She sure is
a beautiful specimen.

Yes, she is.
For her age.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to be catty.
Don't be sorry.

No, she is!
She's very beautiful.
She really is.

Mmm-hmm.

How would you say I'm arranged?

You?
Yeah.

I never gave it much thought.

You've got a good
basic bone structure.

Hmm. Let me see.

Nice rib cage.

Fibula.

Tibia's good.

Ah, well-developed
patellas.

Uh-huh.
Mmm-hmm.

Uh-huh!

Good.
Very good.

Excellent!

Good, strong heartbeat.

Hmm.
Isn't that strange?

What?

Your pulse.
It suddenly
started to race.

Did it?
It's slowing down now.

There it goes again.

It doubled back.

(STUTTERS) Tony was
just examining
my bone structure.

Mmm-hmm.

He's studying
to be a doctor.
Oh, yeah.

Where does he plan to intern?

At the Follies Bergere?

I don't want
to interfere with
medical progress,

but, uh, we're ready to leave.

After you, doctor!

Hey, Beagle,
this is it!
Yes, sir.

Here we go!

I thought you said
he'd never make it
up this hill.

All right,
so we get him
on the next hill.

He's killing
the whole day for us.

What about tonight?
The girls are leaving
in the morning.

Will you relax?
We'll get rid of him.

I don't know.
This is no kid
we're fooling with.

That's the answer!
He's no kid.

Look, he's got to be over 35.

How many hills can he take?

I don't know.
He looks
pretty rugged.

Yeah, in his day, Beagle.

The B-29 was
a rough plane,

but it can't keep up
with the guided missiles.

When they wheel him
into the hangar tonight,

his tail is really
gonna be draggin'.

They're out
to get me.
Get you what?

Get rid of me.
Hmph.
Do you blame them?

Don't start that.

It's natural.
They want to be alone.

Or have you forgotten
what that's like?

What's that supposed to mean?

They're normal,
healthy boys and normal,
healthy girls. No?

That can lead
to a normal,
unhealthy situation.

Yes! I know
what I'm doing.

Robert, you're breaking
their spirit.

(CHUCKLES)
Yeah.

(MAN YAWNS)

The guy's not human.

When I couldn't
push my scooter
up that last hill,

he carried it up for me.

It's spooky.

Let's be rational.
How old are we, anyway?

I feel like I'm 92.

Well, we're 20!
And he's pushing 40.
That's ancient.

We're young.
We can bounce back.

He's probably
in his room layin' there
like a lead ball.

TALBOT:
Anybody here?

The girls tell me
we're all going
dancing tonight.

We'll be ready to leave
in about an hour.

TONY: (SINGING)
* Multiplication

* That's the name of the game

* And each generation
plays the same

Isn't he terrific?

* When you see a gentleman bee
'round a lady bee buzzin'

* Why, count to ten
then count again

* There's sure to be
an even dozen

* Multiplication

* It's the name of the game

* And each generation
plays the same

* Now two butterflies
cast their eyes

* Both in the same direction

* Why, you'd never guess
that one little yes

* Could start
a butterfly collection

* Multiplication

* That's the name of the game

* And each generation
plays the same

* I say one and one is five

* Call me a silly goat

* But you take two minks
you add two winks

* What do you got?
One mink coat

* Now a girl gets coy
in front of a boy

* After three or four dances

* Well, you can bet
she'll play hard to get

* To multiply her chances

* Multiplication

* That's the name of the game

* And each generation
plays the same

* Lemme tell you now
Mother Nature's a clever gal

* She relies on habits

* Take two hares with no cares

* Pretty soon you got
a room full of rabbits

* Parakeets in between tweets

* Sometimes get too quiet

* But have no fear
'cause soon you'll hear

* A parakeet's riot try it

* Multiplication

* It's the name of the game

* And each generation
plays the same

* Multiplication

* It's the name of the game

* And each generation

* Plays the same

It's respect.
That's what a girl
wants from a boy.

If the girl gives in too easy,

the boy'll never
take her seriously.

Mmm-hmm.

He'll never think
in terms of engagement,
marriage,

a home or children.

If you want all these things,

keep your standards high.

The bedroom is like
a wedding gown.

It's bad luck
to let the fellow
see you in it...

Before you're married.

(BAND PLAYING DANCE MUSIC)

Isn't he fabulous?

How does he do it?

He's goin' on raw courage now.

Remember, the night
is young
and he's not.

(WOLF WHISTLE)

(WINGS FLUTTERING)

Well, if you're
old enough to fly,

you're old enough to look.

(WOLF WHISTLES)

TONY: Mr. Talbot?

Mr. Talbot, sir?

What do you want?

We'd like
to speak to you
for a minute, sir.

It's terribly important!

I'll be right down.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

You told the girls
to be ready
in an hour, right?

Right.

He's a weirdie.

He's just as fresh
as when we started out.

Beagle. Beagle.

Look, no man his age
can defy the laws
of medical science.

He's traveled on a motor scooter

for over 100 miles,
half of it straight up.

Been on a dance floor
all night,
knockin' himself out.

Yeah.

He's had it!
Come here.

It's a medically
proven fact that
to put said subject

to sleep at this point,

it's only necessary
to introduce
into his system

several drops
of monatomic
dicarbon hydroxyl.

What's that?

Booze.
Just a few drinks,
we're home.

You're the king.
Thank you.

Observe.

Just hold it down.

Yes?

Excuse us, sir, but
since we're leaving
early in the morning,

we thought we'd
come by and
apologize to you.

Oh.

We've created
a terrible impression.

We've been rude and unpleasant.

In fact, sometimes
downright boorish.

May we come in
for a moment, sir?

Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

Mr. Talbot, we couldn't
leave without trying

to square things with you, sir.

I see.
No hard feelings?

None at all.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.

What did you say, Beagle?

Hmm? Oh, do you know
what an occasion like
this calls for? A drink.

Yeah.
You're right.
He's right, sir.

May we have
a farewell drink
together?

Sure!
Let's do!

Thank you, sir.

Beautiful villa
you have,
Mr. Talbot.

Now then,
what would you boys
like to drink?

A brandy.

Brandy?
Mmm-hmm.

Fine!

A toast, sir.

May this night
be an example
of the friendship

that exists between
your generation...
And ours.

Ah.

A-another toast, sir.

May these drinks
wash away the past
and insure the future.

To a little insurance.

Now then.

Sir, I'd like
to propose a toast then.

To what?

Oh, you name it.

Well...
So how do you feel?

Fine.

Sir, do you realize
that you are defying
the laws of medical science?

Dr. Lister
and Louis Pasteur...

And, uh... Madam Curie.

All their work, sir,
is for nothing.

(SIGHS)

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

I'm sorry.

Some unfinished business
I had to attend to.

(THUDS)

Oh, Robert!

What's wrong?

What's happened?

I got 'em.

Every last one of 'em.

Tony? Tony!

What happened?

Tony!

Tony!
Hmm?

Uh... (GROANS)

(MOANS)

Tony?

Are you all right?

Of course I'm all right.

A little wet, that's all.

Come on.
Try and stand up.

Now see if you can walk.

Of course I can walk!

Mmm.
How do
you feel?

What happened?

Mr. Talbot,
he called us in.

And then he forced us
to drink with him.

Oh, Tony.

If I could lie down
for a minute,
I'd feel fine.

Do you want to go in the house?

No, I better not.

I better go back to the tent.

Tony!
Hmm?

Maybe I need a little help.

Robert!

How could you do this?
Hmm?

I was only following
their golden rule.

"Do unto others before
they do it to you!"

You can't let them
lie there all night.

Maurice can
sweep 'em off
in the morning.

Look, don't feel sorry for them.

They got exactly
what they deserved.

Somebody has to
look after those girls.

Isn't that their
parents' responsibility?

You know the trouble
with the American parent?

They have a new gimmick.

Keep your kids off the streets.

Send them to Europe!

They're turning this
continent into one big
corner drugstore!

It's gone!

What?
There's
a body missing.

It's the one body
I don't wanna
have missing.

Sandy, wait.
I was drunk, I swear.

I didn't know what I was doing.

The next time I see
a man lying in a bar,
I'll leave him there!

Mr. Talbot,
did you force him
to drink with you?

Of course not.

And that's for lying!

Sandy, honey...
Sandy?

Thank you.

You've reaffirmed
my lack of confidence
in my fellow man.

Sandy.
Hmm?

Are you all right?

Oh, sure!
He's cute, isn't he?

Who?
Tony!

Gee, I hope I didn't
loosen any of his teeth
when I hit him.

He has a beautiful smile!

You're not mad at him?

Mad at him?
Why would I be mad?

Wait, wait.

He got fresh.
You hit him.
Mmm-hmm.

But you're not mad.
You like him!
Oh, I adore him!

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

The business
the psychiatrists must
do in America.

You people are...
All mixed up.

You see, when he got fresh,

it showed that
he was interested.

I had to make sure
he stayed interested.

So you hit him.
That's right.

It's like
Mr. Talbot said.

A girl has to make
a boy respect her.

If she gives in
too easily, he'll never
take her seriously.

Oh.

He said that?
Mmm-hmm.

And he's right.

He said, "When you
go shopping in a market,

"you don't buy anything
that's been handled
too much."

Oh.

When did Mr. Talbot
tell you all this?

While we were dancing.
He said,

"If you want a man to think
in terms of getting
engaged and married,

"then you've got to keep
your standards high."

Hmm. What else
did he say?

He said that love
is one product
you don't sell

by giving away free samples.

Hmm.

That's good advice
for all of us.

You listen to him.

I can tell you he knows
what he's talking about.

I know.

Well?

(CHUCKLES)
I guess you learned
something tonight, huh?

Yes!

I never realized
how wrong I was.

Oh, it's all in the past now.

You're so right.

It's been a long day.

Some champagne
would do us both
a world of good.

Mmm-hmm.

The bottle's
on the terrace.
I'll go get it, huh?

Mmm-hmm.

Robert?
Hmm?

When you get to the terrace,
would you do me a favor?

Sure!

Jump off!

(DOOR SLAMS)

What are you doing?

Taking your advice.
Huh?

If a woman's too easy
to get, the man will never
take her seriously. Hmm?

When I think how easy I was!

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

It's something I told
some impressionable
young girls.

To protect their morals.
Sure.

What about my morals?

What's that got to do
with it? We're adults.

Oh!

Lisa, look,
if you'll just calm down.

Don't touch me!

How could I be that stupid?

You're wealthy, good-looking,
intelligent, charming!

I should have known better
than to get mixed up
with someone like that.

You're not making any sense.

I don't have to.
I'm Italian!

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Talk English.
I can't understand you!

Ah! That's another thing!

If you loved me,
you'd have learned
my language!

But no!
I had to do it.

The weeks I spent studying!

Learning to speak this
"Fluid" English!

Not fluid, fluent!

Big shot!
Knows all the words!

For the first time
I started to think,
"What am I doing here?"

Lisa, believe me.
No love affair can survive

if either party starts to think.

That's been the beauty
of our relationship.
No thinking.

Mmm.
No pressure.
No questions asked.

It's time someone
started asking questions.

I knew those girls
would get me in trouble!

You're a hypocrite.

You made all the rules
and I played by them.

Now I know what
you think of me.
Lisa.

Well, the game is over, Robert.

I don't want to play anymore.

If you'll calm...

I'm tired of being
a free sample.

There's no future in it.

We've never talked
about the future.

Women don't want talk.
They go by intuition.

And I've learned one thing.

A woman's intuition
is a man's best friend.

Lisa, wait.

The market's closed,
Mr. Talbot.

You'll have to start shopping
somewhere else.

Lisa?

Lisa!
(DOORKNOB RATTLES)

(HICCUPS)

Who's in that tent?

Boys.

Boys?

Watch your head, my dear.

Did my girls meet them?

Meet whom?
Those boys in the tent?

Oh, those boys.
Yes.
What?

But the boys weren't
interested in
feminine companionship.

They're too absorbed
by the educational aspects
of their tour.

It's too bad you won't
have time to meet them.

They're such fine,
clean-cut
American gentlemen.

True goodwill ambassadors
of a great nation.

Which way is the tent?

What happened
to the girls?
I don't know.

Man, what a night.

Maurice!

I assure you, my dear,
I'm as shocked as you are.

If anything's happened
to those girls...

Margaret, believe me, please.

Nothing happened.
Absolutely nothing!
I'm sure.

I sincerely hope not.

Remember, I left
those girls in your care.

Oh, Cedric!

(HICCUPS)

He hiccupped.

(CHUCKLES)
He did.

(BURPS)

Cedric!

He's drunk!

Maurice, what kind
of a party did you
have here last night?

TALBOT:
Lisa, come back here.

I said don't touch me!

If you'd wait,
everybody will be gone.

We can talk like adults.

I don't want to talk
like an adult.

That's how I got
into all this trouble.

How are you going
to get back?
I don't know.

There's no train.
I'll walk.

You're very welcome
to come with us.
Thank you.

You keep out of this!

Lisa, don't you
walk out that door.

Oh, what would I lose?

The privilege
of seeing you
every September?

Well, I'm tired of being
"Girl of the month."

You know you're more than that.

Oh, don't worry, Robert.

You won't have any trouble.
Just put an ad in the paper.

"Girl wanted.
Short hours.

"Pleasant working
conditions."

There's only one drawback.

There's no chance
of advancement.

Wild parties!
Immoral rendezvous!

And to think I trusted you!

The next thing
I'll find out this isn't
even an hotel.

That's precisely
the next thing
you're about to find out.

Sir?
You, you're fired.

What?
And you, madam,

take those
girls of yours,
(CEDRIC HICCUPS)

Pack that drunken bird
and get out!

Are you going
to allow him to speak
to me like that?

Margaret, there's
a small detail I should
have mentioned before.

I know you're going
to take this with your

customary good sense of humor.

Margaret, listen to me.

(CAR HORN HONKS)

Where's that good sense
of humor? Margaret?

Margaret?

Sandy, honey, listen.

Hey, Sandy?

I'm packed, sir.

Good-bye,
Mr. Clavell.

Before I leave,
can I get you
some breakfast?

No.
Yes, get me an olive.

A martini for breakfast?

It's great for the morning after

especially if there
hasn't been a night before.

Yes, sir.
Oh, before I forget.

Would you kindly sign this, sir?

What is it?

It's a letter of recommendation.

A letter of recommendation?

I didn't want to trouble you,

so I took the liberty
of writing it myself.
Mmm.

Just sign here.

It's much too
trivial for you
to bother reading.

"Loyal.

"Faithful. Dedicated.

(CHUCKLES) "Noble.

"Reputable.
Incorruptible."

It does get rather monotonous.

"Nearly saint-like
in his devotion
to his master."

Yes, sir.

Anybody that believes this
deserves you.

Thank you very much, sir.
I'll get the olive.

May I speak to you
a moment, sir?

Well, if it isn't
the prowling physician!

I don't blame you, sir.

After the way I acted
with Sandy last night,

I'm no credit to the
medical profession.

Hardly.

I came to apologize, sir.

No gimmicks this time.

You had us pegged
right from the beginning.

That's probably
why we got so sore at you.

Sir, do you know
what a lemming is?

No.

It's an animal
that destroys itself.

Huh.

I've gotta look up
my family tree,

'cause there must've been
some real lemmings.

I meet a great
girl like Sandy,
and what do I do?

I goof the whole thing up.

I acted just like
a stupid adolescent.

I'm not a kid anymore.
I know better than that.

I'm getting on in years.

You're not exactly ancient.

No, but when a guy gets to be
as old as I am, you'd think
he'd be smart enough

to stop fooling around
and start looking
for a lasting relationship.

Look, once in a while,
if you're lucky,
you come across

something of real value.

And what do you do with it?

You treat it just like
a bargain basement special.

You start grabbing it,
and then you lose it.

And you spend the rest of
your life shopping around for
something not half as good.

Anyhow...

I came by to say I'm sorry.

So long, Mr. Talbot.

Uh, Tony!

Yes, sir?

Uh...

Have a nice trip.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

Here you are, sir.

Mr. Clavell,
I just learned something.

I'm a lemming.

You really should have
something more substantial
for breakfast, sir.

You know, man is
the only animal
clever enough

to build the
Empire State Building,

and stupid enough
to jump off it?

Get the car, Maurice.

(CHUCKLING)
Yes, sir!

I don't see them.

Sparrow, stop worrying!
He'll follow us.

Who?

Tony!

You don't think I'd've
left if I didn't think
he was gonna come after me!

Don't you worry,
'cause Mr. Talbot
will come after you too.

Believe me, Sandy,
I couldn't care less.

A $20,000 car isn't
supposed to get a flat!

Evidently
the manufacturers
felt the same way.

Huh?

There's no jack
to change the tire.

Oh. There must be
a garage around
here someplace.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

They don't know.
I'll ask inside.

(GEESE QUACKING)

You there,
I want to borrow
your truck.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

I want to borrow your truck.

I'll pay you for it.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

It's an emergency.
I'll buy it! Here!

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Get in.

There's a garage...
Never mind.
Get in.

In this?
Yes!

(MEN SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(BOTH SHOUTING IN ITALIAN)

(GEESE QUACKING)

There they are, sir.

(QUACKING)

Here!
Take this bird.

Take the wheel.

Lisa?
LISA: What?

Lisa, stop the bus.

I want to talk to you.

Go away!

I've been thinking.

You want me
to take you seriously?

Okay, I take you seriously!

It's too late.

What do you
want me to do,
marry you?

Okay, I'll marry you!

You sound like
you do me a favor.

I'm not doing
you any favor
by marrying you.

If you asked me
when we first met,

or last year, or even yesterday.

We never
spoke of marriage.
We were happy.

Hmm. (CHUCKLES)

I'll always feel
I forced you into it.

(SHOUTING)
Do I sound like
I'm being forced?

You don't seem happy about it!

I've never been happier!

Look, damn it!
I'm smiling!

It would never work.

Lisa, I'm asking you
in a nice way.

Now stop being an idiot!

Get off that blasted bus
and marry me!

No!

Okay. Don't ever say
I never asked you.

You're a witness.
You heard me ask her.

Don't stop now, sir.
Follow them.

No, Maurice.
Mmm-mmm.

I'm like this goose.

I know when I've laid an egg.

I want that villa
put up for sale.

And if you can't
sell it, burn it!

I've had it with this country!

Sir, this is no time
to be burning your villas
behind you.

She wants to marry you.

Yeah, she has
a funny way
of showing it.

Italian women are emotional.

Sh... She's been hurt.
She wants time to think.

Well, I wanna
go back to America...

Where people get married
without thinking.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

(WHISTLES BLOWING)

(MEN SHOUTING)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(ARGUING IN ITALIAN)

What are they saying?

They say you stole his truck.

His truck?
That's ridiculous.

I bought it.
I paid a man
$600 for it.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

I never stole
anything in my life.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Tell him that's
my car over there.

(SHOUTING IN ITALIAN)

I resent being treated
as though I were
a member of the mafia!

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

What are they doing?

Maurice, tell them who I am.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

That's right.

(BOTH SPEAKING NERVOUSLY)

(EXCLAIMS)

Mmm-hmm. They probably
want some money.

Offer them a bribe.

(MEN SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(POLICEMEN GASP)

Did you tell 'em
about the money?

Yes, sir. They're
definitely interested.

The time I wasted on him!

On a hypocrite, a liar, a fraud.

And you are fortunate.
Yeah.

Most women don't
find it out till after
they are married.

I'm lucky to get
a man like Spencer.
Mmm-hmm.

He's honest, uh...

Sincere, sympathetic, uh, uh...

Reliable! Hmm!

Everything Robert isn't.

But at least Robert
did me one favor.

He did?

He asked me
to marry him.
He begged me.

And that freed me
of him forever!

Now I know
I can be happy
with Spencer.

Where are they taking us?

We've been riding for hours.

I wish I knew, sir.

Oh, I don't understand it.

They act like
I'm a criminal
or something.

I've noticed that, sir.

Hey!

(SHOUTS IN ITALIAN)

Tell him I'd like to explain
everything very carefully.

Yes, sir.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

BOTH: Ah!

There's this girl, Lisa Fellini.

Tell 'em she was my houseguest.

And she lives
here in Rome.
Via Bellagio, 46.

We had an argument,
a lovers' quarrel,

and I was just trying
to keep her from leaving.

(BOTH SPEAK ITALIAN)
(VEHICLE HONKS)

Hey!

(SHOUTS IN ITALIAN)
(GRUNTS)

Oh, if I only had
my lawyer here.

Believe me, sir,
what I'm doing for you
no lawyer could ever do.

You didn't see
Lisa at her best
the other day.

Once you
get to know her,
you'll love her.

She's really a shy, gentle girl,

very quiet, well-bred,
and home-loving.

(POLICEMAN SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(LISA SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(SHOUTING IN ITALIAN)

(LISA SCREAMS)

(HONKS)

I don't like
making snap decisions,
Spencer,

but do you really think
this is the right
girl for you?

(LISA GRUNTS)

Robert!

Signorina!
(GASPS SOFTLY)

There's this man I met
about eight months ago.

Spencer. He's been
very nice to me, and...

I don't want to
sue anybody
for false arrest.

I just want to get out of here.

If there's a plane,
a train or a bus

or a jackass
leaving this city,
get me on it!

There's a train leaving
for Milan in an hour.

Fine. Get me a taxi.

Taxi!

Let me tell you
something about
Italian women.

They're not to be trusted.

They're deceitful.
They're emotionally unstable.

Doesn't that apply
to all women?
Of course it does!

That's where they've got us.

We have nothing else
to replace 'em with.

The least you can do
is go to the station
and apologize.

I'll write to them.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

First you say you don't love me,

then you spend
two nights
in a man's villa.

Finally when you return,
you're arrested.

Oh, well...

Frankly, Lisa, I can't
allow this to go on
after we're married.

Come along.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Yes, Maurice.

I don't care what train
Mr. Talbot is taking...

As long as he takes it.

We don't want him here in Italy!

I speak
for the government!
Good-bye.

Hello?

Take care of yourself,
Maurice, huh?

Ciao.

(DOORBELL BUZZES)

What are you so happy about?

Lisa, I have to talk to you.

Come in.

What's wrong?

(CRYING)
He didn't follow me!

Oh.
I'm going home tomorrow

and he doesn't even have
my phone number.

I know I'll never
see him again.
Don't worry.

Oh, Lisa, I don't
want to lose him.

I'm 18 and I may never
have another chance.

Of course you will.

No, I'm gonna end up like you.

Marrying the wrong man

and miserable
with someone
I don't love.

Nonsense.

I'm very happy
with Spencer.
(SOBBING)

Now, listen.
Do you know where
the boys were going?

Yes, but what good is it?
It's like Mr. Talbot said.

It's wrong for a woman
to chase after a man.

He won't respect her.

Forget Mr. Talbot.

Listen to him and
you'll ruin your life.

But you told me he was right.

You said you were
taking his advice.

Did I?
I don't remember.

Now, where were the boys going?

Paris.
The Deauville hotel.

Oh, the Hotel Deauville
in Paris.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

You're calling Tony.
Lisa...

I want the Hotel Deauville
in Paris.

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

When they answer, ask for him.

You think I should?

Of course!

It's like fighting a war.

If you retreat and the enemy
doesn't follow you,

you've got to turn around
and attack.

What good is winning the battle

if you lose the war?
(WOMAN ON PHONE
SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

Why be miserable
with someone
you don't love?

Better to be miserable
with someone you do love!

Hello? Hello!

Paris.

Yes.
Hotel Deauville.

Yes, I'll hold on.

Miss Fellini, where...

Uh, apartment 2-A.
Thank you.

What's she made up for?

(ENGINE REVVING)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(HORN HONKING)

Yes, operator,
I'm still holding on.

Hello?

Hello?
Sandy.

Hi.

Oh, it's you.

Remember I told you
we were going to Paris?

Did you?

Well, I couldn't go.
I didn't have
your phone number.

Oh.

I suddenly realized
that I might never
see you again.

Okay, I know you
don't care if you ever
see me again, but...

Tony, I don't want
to hurt your feelings.

Please, don't say another word.

Just let's have dinner tonight

and the two of us
will sit and talk,

and maybe get
to know each other.

Okay?

(PHONE RINGING)

(SIGHS)
Okay?

What'll I tell Mario?

Who's Mario?

(RINGING CONTINUES)

My date for tonight.

Oh. I see.

Oh, but I can
cancel it... If...
(CHUCKLES)

(RINGING CONTINUES)
Will ya?

I won't even answer the phone.

Good.

(RINGING CONTINUES)

I promise.
I won't even touch you.

(VEHICLES HONKING)

(LISA SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

TALBOT: Which coach
do I get on? What?

Robert!

Robert?

Look, there she is.
I told you she'd be here.

Robert!

Lisa!

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN)

Darling, I knew
you wouldn't let me down.

My sisters are over there.

Robert? Robert!

I'm here!
Robert!

I'll send you both
a wedding present!

(MAN SPEAKING ITALIAN)

I must give the fella
credit for one thing.
He's a jolly good loser.

You stop here
and don't move.
I'll bring my sisters.

(BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(CHILDREN TALKING
INDISTINCTLY)

(INAUDIBLE)

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(BABY CRYING)

I can't let you leave
without talking to her.

She's just got that
little something extra.

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

That little something extra!

This could never
happen in England.

It's this beastly climate!

(BABY CRYING)

(SPEAKING ITALIAN)

(SPEAKS ITALIAN)

(INAUDIBLE)

(MUFFLED) No, no.
No, that's not mine.

Nobody's gonna play
a dirty trick
like that on me.

Nobody's gonna...
That's not mine.

I'm not gonna
leave this train.
I'm gonna go to France.

I'm gonna go back to Pittsburgh!

Lisa, tell him.

(BABY WHIMPERS)

(INAUDIBLE)

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

He's done it again!

Sir, I thought you were both
on your way to America.

You've got two minutes
to get everyone
out of that house.

I received this letter
from Margaret.
She's forgiven me.

We might even get married.

I needed the money.

I said I want everyone out!

Oh, but they're different.
They're so quiet you
won't notice they're around.

All right.
If you won't
throw them out, I will.

Are you sure those
two people are married?

Sister, this time I'm sure.