Original subtitles

Mm! Mm!I'm gonna miss you so much.

I'm gonna miss you so much.

You sure you don't want meto go with you guys to Omaha?

This is, like, the longestwe'll have been apartsince we moved here.

I know. I just feel like this is not the trip for it.

Hey. Let's goto this gyno appointment, yeah?

It's gyno day, baby!

[ All cheering ]

Yeah, you're right.It's not the one for me.

I don't know why we don't have a gynecologist here in Bucksnort.

I'm probably gonna hunker downand watch that docuseries

on the greatest lost tracksof 20th century American music.

Hey, why don't you hang out with some friends?

Like, you know, check out what Beau and Rudy are up to.

Would we describe themas friends

or guys who live at our houseand argue constantly?

What about Brandon?

I mean, I feel like you guys have more in common

than, like, Beau and Rudy, am I right?

Ask him to hang.

'Cause I feel like --No, I can't justgo ask him to hang.

Why not?The guy is a war hero.

And... he's a perfect 10.

Look at this guy.

He's got his pants rolled up,like a cool guy.

Your moment has arrived!

So now you can stop begging me to be sheriff for a day.

I did that when I was 6, ma.

And now you're finally ready.

All two miles of this town is your jurisdiction.

You have to patrol every inch.

So if there's any emergency --

Like when a chicken gets loosein the post office?

I made three arrests that day.

Ha ha hah! [ Chuckles ]

[ Chuckling ] Okay?

Alright...sweetie.

♪♪

Kay: Let's go! Let's go!

Constance, before you go to Omaha,

I wanted to give you something no other man could.

So here's my Social Security card.

I trust you won't steal my identity

the way you've stolen my heart.

Aw!

You are fun. You are charismatic.

You're tall as hell.

He's gonna like oneof those qualities.

I amtall. You got this.

I'm 6'2". Yeah, you are.

I'm almost 6'3".Yeah, push through.

Hey! Hey.

What's up, Bran? Brandon.

Uh, what -- what -- what are you up to today?

You want to maybe... work out?

Just a couple of young, fit dudes

banging out some push-ups?

What do you say? You want to rock some deep squats?

You know what, I -- I was actually --

I-I banged out some squatsearlier today.

Oh, cool. Like, I was --

I went maybe toodeep.

But rain check, for sure.

Oh! Totally.

[ Chuckling ] Yeah.Love it.

Alright.

I had the craziest nightmare last night.

Cool.

Very cool.[ Chuckling ] Yeah.

Awesome.

No dice. No dice.

W-What? No?

I referred to myselfas a young, fit dude.

Hey. What?

You are a young, fit dude.

Mm.[ Horn honks ]

Hey! Wrap on the porno!

We got to get a move on!

Good Lord, Rio! Save some for the gyno!

[ Laughter ]

Have fun.See you later.

♪♪

[ Women cheering ]

Rio: Um... So, wait, um, is it true

that Omaha's city slogan is "The Big O"?

Constance: Oh, you know it!

[ Laughter ]

I feel like you guys are, like, wilding out a bit.

I thought we were just going to the doctor's appointment.

Oh, hell no!

Why do you think we look forward

to going to our OBGYNevery year?

We get together and go to Omaha!

[ Cheering ]It's a girls' trip!

Come on, get with it, Rio!

Yeah, I can get with that.

Girls' trip! Whoo!

Check these boobies out before my doctor does!

[ Tires squealing ]

Put those things away!

Omaha, baby.

--Captions by VITAC--

♪♪

Rio: Clara,are you okay up there?

Actually, Rio, would you mind taking the next leg?

Because I want to eat my runza,

but if I don't have two hands on the wheel, I usually crash.

Um, I-I don't know how to drive, so...

What? What?Really?

We just -- I've never --I never learned.

I guess in New York,

she had the subway to chauffeur her around.

I don't know if I would use"chauffeur" as the right word.

You don't know how to drive?

How do you drive places?Good point.

I bikeor -- or Mike drives me.

Uh-oh! Okay, alright.

And does he buckle you in, too?

[ Laughter ]

Narrator: And that's when ragtime really found its rhythm.

Here's an unearthed track from Rolly Robins

titled "The Daisy Doo Rag."

Why would they call it a "rag"?

Constance cleans her countertopswith a rag.

I miss herand her spotless countertops.

Rudy, is everythinggoing to remind you of Constance?

No!

Oh, look. Popcorn.

Constance has probablyeaten popcorn before.

You just did it again.Did what?

Are you even aware of it?

Guys. Shh. Shh. Shh.I'm not allowed to eat a p--

Guys, please! Keep it down!

It's getting good!Is it me? He did it!

It's getting good.

Right, 'cause it can't get worse.

Are you kidding me?

They are walking us through the evolution

of the trumpet in the swing--

So sorry. I-I just forgot.

I, uh, can't stay for the end of this sentence.

I'd also like to not be here.

I'm going outside.

That's what Iwas gonna do.

So, what do you guys doafter the gyno?

'Cause, you know what,girls' trips are,

like, kind of, like, my thing.

This one time,my girlfriends and I,

we signed upto be sushi models --

you know, when you, like,lie out naked

and people, like,eat sushi off your body?

We drank so much sake!

Sierra, my friend, ended upgoing home with the master chef.

And let mejust put it this way.

She will never look at wasabi in the same way.

It was...pretty crazy.

So, here's what wedo.

Mm-hmm? Um...

eat, doctor, outlet mall.

And we do it all with our clothes on,

and our wasabi stays in the tiny, little container

that it comes in.

[ Laughter ]

Kay, you forgot the most fun part.

I -- This is kind of crazy...

Oh....but when we go to the outlet malls,

we use walkie-talkies.

That way, we can give each otherimportant updates, like...

[ Static ] Rio, Rio. Come in, Rio.

There's a sale on leggings that look like pants.

[ Static ] Virgin acrylic yarn, buy-one-get-one-free.

Help! I'm stuck in the ball pit!

Aah![ All scream, horn blares ]

Put your hands on the wheel!

Sorry.

[ All cheering ]

-Omaha! -Whoo-hoo!

And that's when he tried a little something new --

a boom-bah, tippy-tippy, tsst-tsst-tsst-ta-yah.

Mm. Mama, tippy-tippy me all day.

Beau: You just said it's pruning! Pruning is savinga tree!

Rudy: I'm sayingit's notpruning. This is not --

That branch is dead. It's time to put it out of its misery!

[ Volume increases ]It's not miserable.

It just needs to realize there'ssomething wonderful up ahead.

It could becomea sheet of paper, that branch.

It could become a decorative bowl

or a boyfriend.

What's that?[ Chain saw revving ]

I couldn't hear you!Oh, man.

Hey! Hey! Guys!

Please keep it down!

Dead branch!

One gust of wind, it'll take out your window.

Not to worry. I got my dad's old chain saw.

And is it running on coal?

[ Revving stops ][ Chuckling ] Okay.

It isa little rusty.

I'm about to enjoy an oboe solo,so I would appreciate it

if you guys could keep it down for about 17 minutes.

Hey, Mike,did you hear the one about

how many guys does it taketo cut down a tree branch?

[ Chuckles ]

Three. Mm. [ Laughs ]

[ Whispering ] I think you have to explain it to him.Yeah, w-what's the joke?

It's a tree-man job.[three]

[ Laughs ]

I've started telling jokes.

Constance thinks I'm very funny.

Uh-huh.

But we do need three men.

Okay. Fine. Let's just get it over with.

Once we get up to the dead branch, I'll slice it off,

and you two dummies use the ropeto pull it away from the house.

Got it?Fantastic.Got it.

Yeah!Real flattering angle, Beau.

"How many partners have you had?"

Rio, is that a three and a zero?

What's that squiggly line?

Don't tell me it's another zero.

Th-- That's -- That's a squiggly line

to symbolize that I have no idea.

I mean, there's no way to know exactly,

like, how many dudes I've --

Yes, there is. Just remember.

That's why it's kind of like a...wuh...well...

[ Chuckles ][ Chuckles nervously ]

Deb, does that say five?

Oh, oh.

Should I count hand stuff, too?

♪♪

Beau: Why don't you just shut your can?!Rudy: Oh, why don't you just get a move on, Beau?

Don't...tell...me... what...to...do!

I...am...doing...

great![ Chain saw revs ]

Oh, my -- Careful!

Whoa! Whoa!Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

Heads up! Heads up!Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Oh! Oh!

Well, we needed that branch to get down!

Good job, Rudy!I told you to get a Nebraska licensed arborist.

Well, it cut a branch.

Not the branch I wanted to cut, but it did.

Hey, Mike. Mm. I wish you picked up.

Um, I just wanted to tell you

that my appointment's about to start.

And it has started...now.

So I love you, and I'll talk to you later.

Bye.

[ Cellphone beeps ]

[ Sighs ] Sorry about that.

Hey, I was wondering.

What areyour professional opinions

just about the health benefitsof that vaginal jade egg?

I read about it on Goop,and I was just curious --

[ Door opens ]Rio, I want to do a girls' trip your way

and get wild!

You can't be in here.

Oh, I've spent my whole life birthing cows.

At least she ain't kicking.

Bucksnort day.

The number on my form, Rio...

Yeah?...is "one."

Oh, dear.I've been with one man my entire life -- Beau Bowman.

All of y'all have had all these other experiences,

and I've just had one.

One!

Kay. Kay, Kay, Kay.

Y-You j--You justsplit with Beau.

But Beau's probably up to 100 by now.

No.No, I found a dating profile on FarmersOnly.

He left it open on our desktop.

He added 50 acres to our farm and --

and six inches to his height.

It says he's 6'8".

That's tall.

I think he's justacting out of pain.

Well, I'll act out of pain all night, girl.

What's that stuff that you didwith all those millions of guys?

I want to do all of that. I got to get my number up, Rio!

Let's start small.

You know, let's not start

with trying to getthis sex number way up.

Let's try to...

start with the flirt number.

My flirt number is also "one."

What? How?

The only time I ever flirted was when Beau proposed to me.

I gave him, like, a little wink.

Alright, listen.

If this iswhat you want to do...

Yep. I do. Okay?

...I will support you.

[ Sighs ]And the truth isI'm a great wing-woman.

So let's get nasty.

'Cause I will get you...

♪ Nastyyy

♪ We will get you nastyyy

♪ I wanna be nasty ♪ Oh, yeah

♪ I will get your nasty on ♪

Take it on. There it is.♪ Get your nasty on

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah ♪ Get your nasty, get your nasty ♪

We harmonized.Can you please stop moving? It's making it very difficult.Sorry.

Rudy: I spy with my little eye something green.

Please don't say "tree."It's the tree.

You're not allowed to be the spy guy anymore.

Okay. I spy with my little eye something brownand green.

Help!

Help!

Who are you calling?

There's gotta be somebody out there who can rescue us.

[ Radio crackles ] I...am...bored.

Anybody doing criminal stuff?

Birds?

[ Imitates bird call ]

Okay. Change of plans.

Later, haters.

Rio and I are gonna hit the bar.

We're gonna cover ourselves in raw fish

and, you know, get wild!

And also, can we dance?

You know, it's 2:00 p.m. on a Wednesday.

Especially with the sushi of it all.

We're in a landlocked state, so --

Girls' trip! Whoo!

[ Laughter ]

Yup. Let's hit it!

Gonna get my nails did.

[ The Runaways' "You Drive Me Wild" plays ]

♪ You know when you're close, you really turn me on ♪

♪♪

♪ That's why I want you so bad when you're gone ♪

♪ Yeah!

Mike, comma, you're nevergonna believe this,

but we're at a hotel bar,crashing a convention right now,

exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point.

Hey, get off your phone.Sorry.

You saidyou'd be my wing-woman.

Yeah. Okay. Flirting 101.

You're gonna want to laugh a lot.

You're gonna want to stretch your body

like a cat that just woke from a nap.

And you want to re-apply your lip quite a bit.

Laugh, cat, lips.

Now, watch this.Okay.

This is an ancient technique that I use to attract men.

Hmm?

[ Sighs ]

Whoo!

Man: Oh. Here you go.[ Laughing ] Yeah! Hey!

Oh, my gosh!You guys don't have to do that.

Oh, and drinks? Come on.

[ Chuckling ] Thank you so much.

Works every time.

That's magic! I know.

So, you ladies going bottomless today?

Bottomless margaritas, that is.

[ Both laugh ]

[ Forced laughter ]

May I?

Yeah!

Hi. I'm Kay.

I just woke up from a nap.

Oh.

I'm Cheff.

Like "Jeff," but not.

[ Chuckles ]

Okay.My lips are so dry and chapped.

Just the way I like them.

So, do you have a car?

The bank got jealous and took mine.

[ Chuckles ]Who got jealous?

It -- It -- My car got repossessed.

So, who's your favorite Avenger?

Oh, dear.I don't know that show.

Hey, Kay? Hmm?

Um...

[ Softly ] Red flag.

Red flag?

Red flag?

Red Flag is my favorite Avenger.

Cool.

We have a thingthat we were meant to get to.

No!

God, I love that hat.

You're like a -- a modern-day newsboy.

You want to try it on, babe? I don't have lice.

[ Chuckles ]So, if you do get lice,

it definitely came from somewhere else.

Oh, wow,that's a surprise ponytail.

Surprise ponytail.

I'll take this.

Looks lice-free to me.

[ Chuckles ]

Hey. Kay. Kay.

Who's your favorite Avenger?

Wonder Woman.

I just have a thing for strong women.

Red flag.

Alright, I got an idea.

Let's all join hands.

What?Rudy, up here.

Okay.We're gonna make a human rope.

Oh! Brandon!

Oh, come on! Anybody but him!

This --He's gonna see this.

Hey, what are you guys doing up there?

Wait, is this some kind of white people, Kumbaya thing?

Great! We look like idiotsin front of the war hero!

And I'm not even wearing my cute bathrobe.

What?

Don't worry.

I'll get you down.Okay.

Alright!Beau: Whoo-hoo!

Just climb up the tree, throw us the rope.

Don't worry. I got you.The hero's here!

I got you.Thar she blows!

Ohh! Phew!

Whoa. I can't do this.

Just shimmy up the tree, soldier.

Look, I'm sorry, guys.

Wait, no, you're --you're a military guy, man.

I-I've seen pictures of youjumping out of airplanes.

No, that -- that's from like 10,000 feet.

This is 10 to 30 feet.

That-- That's my weak spot. 10 to 30.

That's a super-specific fear.

When I was in the military, I-I defused bombs with robots.

And -- And, sure, does that impress women at bars?

Absolutely. 100%.

[ Sighs ]

But I'm just an engineering nerd

who's afraid of intermediate heights.

[ Sighing ] God.

That's my truth.

Well, look, Brandon,you're talking

to three grown menthat are stuck in a tree,

so I think we all have stuffwe're embarrassed about.

[ Scoffing ] Yeah.

Last week, I was so desperate,

I created an online dating profile

just so my wife, Kay, could see it.

I wanted her to miss me.

Okay?Oh, wow.

Just afraid I'm gonna be alone.

And every time I see Rudy's big ol' grin,

it...reminds meof the big ol' hole in my heart.

Aw, Beau, I'm sorry that I razzed you.

But I've become hilarious since dating Constance.

Well, I tried to go tothe gynecologist this morning.

Oh, buddy. Why?

I guess I justdidn't know what to do

without Rio for nine hours.

And, Brandon, I was so eagerto impress you,

I painted myself outto be some fitness guru.

Truth is, I haven't beento the gym since we moved here.

Or for five years before that.

I don't like working out.

I only passed basic training

because I helped my sergeant hook up his printer.

[ Chuckles ] Genius.

Ain't no shame in being a nerd.

I'm gonna figure out a way to get you guys down.

I just need --

I need that chain saw. I need a bike.

And I need that scrap metal.

Okay.

What do you guys think of the dating profile name

I gave myself?

Beau-normous.

False advertising?

How would you know?Just a hunch.

[ Kay and Cheff laugh ]

I didn't know you could live in a storage unit.

Sure.If they don't catch you.

[ Both laugh ]

How about you and I meet in the family share bathroom...

Mmm! ...in five?

Ooh!

I scoped it out earlier.

It's got a diaper-changing station and a dead bolt.

Uh, excuse us, Cheff.

I have to discuss with yousome lady emergency right now.

Yeah. Period talk. Nice.

Listen, I am sex-positive, okay?

But do you really want to, like,

go to the family share bathroom with this guy?

I gotta have more than one, Rio.

I mean, Beau's plowingevery field on FarmersOnly.

I gotta do something.

Like it or not, I'm going intothat bathroom for number two.

I hear how that sounds,and it's not great.

But I'm doing it.

This guy -- he's taking a stick of gum

and rubbing it on his neck for cologne.

I feel like you're better than this guy.

[ Cellphone chimes ]Oh. That could be Mike.

Hold on a second.Okay, you know what?

Who are youto give me advice, okay?

You act like a big,independent city girl,

but you can't stoptexting your husband.

Kay.And you don't even knowhow to drive.

I mean, make up your mind.

Are you a 13-year-old girlor an 80-year-old woman?

I have not heard f-from my husband all day, and I...

[ Cellphone chimes ]

...feel like, respectfully, I'd like to go check my texts.

And I think that is... an appropriate thing to do.

[ Cellphone chimes ]I'm gonna check it.

Hey. Let's hit it.

Okay.

Kay?

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Aah!

[ Cellphone dings ]

Mom, for the last time,

please stop sending me pictures of your moles, comma,

but the last one does look irregular,

exclamation point.

[ Cellphone dings ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[ Static ]Kay?

I just -- I just want to let you know I'm so sorry.

You know, Mike hadn't texted in a while, and so I-I j--

I don't know why I always have to check in with him,

to be honest with you.

I -- [ Sighs ]

Ever since we moved to Nebraska,

I-I think we spend every waking second together.

So we've sort of become...

[ Sighs ]

...we've become really codependent.

I mean, I haven't even learned to drive yet,

which is just, like, patently insane.

And who -- who am I to give you advice?

I slept with a guy in New York

who was, you know, living with his mother.

She used to tuck us in afterward.

[ Laughs ]

There was this other guy in Jersey.

He was a juggler.

Yes. And he didn't have any bed sheets,

so it was just sort of us and a mattress.

Whe-- Where's the volume?

And the point is,

I have slept with my fair share of Cheffs.

So...I get it.

And whatever you want to do, I've got your back.

And I'm gonna be over here at the bar when you're ready,

with a big bowl of fries for ya.

[ Static ]

[ Static ]Kay: Get me taters instead.

Kay? Where are you?

I couldn't do it.

I was trying to pretend I liked him,

but he lost me when he turned around

and his pony whipped me in the face.

Never date a man with hair longer with yours.

Oh, you testifying.

Kay!

Hey!I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

No, no, no. I'm the -- I'm the one that's sorry.

I was just --I was acting crazy.

And I appreciate everything that you said.

Uh, New York sounds exhausting.

It's so exhausting.

It's an affront to the senses.

[ Laughs ]

Um...

are wegood?

I want to make sure that --

Yeah. Yeah.

I think I just was, like [Sighs] I don't know,

feeling like I needed to test the waters.

Sure. You know, see what I was missing.

Um, and now I know that the thing that is notmissing

is a guy who wears maybe a tiny bit of eyeliner?

You're gonna find someone

that you're gonnaup your number with.

You just have to be patient.

Of course. So patient.

And you got to just not rush it.

I'm sorry. Hello.

Can I kiss you?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, Kay.

Man: Oh, my...

Great. Thanks.

Number two!Oh, my God! I got my number two!

[ Both laugh ]

You did it![ Both scream ]

It felt so good.Did it feel good?

Yeah, it felt good and right.

I'm really proud of you!Whoo!

[ The Edgar Winter Group's "Free Ride" plays ]

♪ The mountain is high, the valley is low ♪

♪ And you're confused

Rudy: Hot dog!

I love this nerd!

Whoa! You made that?!

Brandon: [ Chuckling ] Man, I just threw this thing together.

You guys heard me when I said I used to defuse bombs with robots, right?

Whoa-ho! This is great!

♪ Come on and take a free ride

Wow! That's a cool contraption!

♪ Come on and sit here by my side ♪

Look, I don't wantto come across as too thirsty,

but I'd loveto swap numbers with you.

Hell yeah.

Hey, but just to warn you,

I send out a lot of GIFs of cute-ass dogs.

Bonus.

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

Whoa-ho-ho.

That was fun. Right?

[ Crash, glass breaks ]

You were right, Beau.

That branch wasdead.

My choice is not to gloat.

Rio: Rudy's girl!

That's good! I like that.Deb: Isn't it nice?

I don't know what I was thinking.

I cannot drive with these.

But wait a minute. What if I --

I don't know, like, maybe this is the moment

where I try to drive.

Alright, Rio! You can do anything!I'm gonna drive all you guys.

An independent city girl!

Alright, alright, what do I -- what do I --

Okay, so, it's in the "R."

Press the gas very slowly.

[ All shouting ]

[ Engine rumbles ]Ohh!

I'm out. I-I'm -- I can't do it. Alright.

Okay, I have showered the day off,

and I am ready to watch this music documentary.

And just so you know, in case I fall asleep immediately,

it's just because my body is rejecting the information.

Maybe I will invitemy new friend, Brandon, over

to watch it with me.

[ Cellphone keyboard clicking ] What?! I'm sorry.

Are you guys hanging out now?

Oh,don't act so surprised.

I'm not. I'm happy for you.

I really -- I'm happy for us, because I feel like

now and then, we might need a little alone time.

Maybe 'cause we've been so cooped up here that we've...

I don't know, we've become, like, a little codependent.

Sure. Kay, by the way...

[ Snaps fingers ] ...is gonna teach me how to drive.

Oh! Yeah.

Oh, that's -- Well, hey.Finally.

For the sakeof our relationship...Sure.

...I'm very grateful she's gonnatake that on instead of me.

Instead of you doing -- Yeah, that's good.[ Cellphone chimes ]

Oh! Oh, oh! He responded.

What'd he say?He wants to come over.

Ohh![ Cellphone bloops ]

Oh, wait.

He just sent a GIFof a dog in a hot tub.

Look at that.[ Laughs ]

Isn't that great?What a goof.

Alright, I'm gonna go upstairs

and nothang out with you guys.

Okay. I love you.

And just a reminder --it is an eight-part series,

so don't wait up.

Uh-huh.

So, what --

B-Babe, at some point after, could you just let me know

what's going on with the window?

Oh, yeah, yeah.There isn't one now.

O-Okay.

Great.

♪♪