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[lounge music]
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# #
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[clears throat]
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[ice crunching]
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# #
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Welcome to L'Orange.
I'll be your server, Kyle.
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- Our specials tonight...
- Damn it, Kyle, are you blind?
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We're in the middle
of a conversation.
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I'm so sorry. [sighs]
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I'll come back.
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Actually, I kinda wish we'd
heard the specials now. [sighs]
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This is fun.
So fun, right?
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[main title theme]
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# #
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sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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Robert: This was a doozy
of an idea, Archer.
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I just love double dates.
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You're at a restaurant, Robert.
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We can trade money
for food here.
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Sorry about that, Gabrielle.
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At his age,
Robert gets confused easily.
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If it's not painfully obvious yet,
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Archer is incredibly jealous
of my husband.
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Oh, yeah,
I-I desperately wish
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I had liver spots
and eyebrows like haystacks.
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- You know what?
- Look, why don't we just
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acknowledge the elephant
in the room?
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That you have borderline
personality disorder
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- and desperately need help?
- I was talking, Lana,
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about how incredibly gorgeous
Gabrielle looks tonight.
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It's like somebody stuffed
103 pounds of "ka-kow"
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- into a red golf sock.
- I couldn't agree more.
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- You look gorgeous, Gabrielle.
- Uh, honey, shut up.
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So how did you two meet?
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We met in a study
my university is conducting
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for individuals
who have been in a coma.
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- Catch that, Lana?
- That you have brain damage?
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No, I mean the part
where Gabrielle is a scientist?
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- Oh, are you in science as well?
- [laughs] That's funny.
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You see, Lana's parents
desperately wanted her
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to be a scientist,
but she hated them.
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- And now they're dead.
- They're not dead.
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How would you know?
You're not a scientist.
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You know, one of my foundations
is involved in neuroscience,
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and we just did a study
on memory-mapping neurons.
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Oh, I just read about that!
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Let me ask you, did you agree
with their findings
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- on spatially tuned memory trace cells?
- Slow down.
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Who am I,
Andrew Fielding Huxley?
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[both laugh]
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Gosh, oh, that's good.
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So have we decided on a first course?
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I actually need a little more time.
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But, Lana, you're probably fine
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with the first thing you see, right?
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- [hits table]
- I'm just... [groans]
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going to go to the ladies' room.
Excuse me.
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- Oh, I'll join you.
- [sighs] Great.
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Don't take too long, or I
might fall in love with Robert.
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You know how fast it can happen!
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Ha, I was joking,
obviously, Robert.
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The eyebrows are a deal breaker.
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- Oh, this is a beautiful restaurant.
- Mm-hmm.
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Robert's great.
You're so lucky.
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- Uh-huh.
- So...
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- you know Archer from work?
- [laughs] What?
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Wait a minute.
You're joking, right?
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Archer didn't tell you
anything about us?
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Oh, just that you work together,
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that you're married to Robert,
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that your jaw makes
this clicking sound
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- when you chew like... [clicking tongue]
- Mm.
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He didn't mention that we,
uh, I don't know,
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- have a child together?
- Get out of town!
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You're AJ's mom?
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[groans]
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Robert: So how's work, Archer?
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Hey, Robert,
don't take this personally,
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but there's no way
I'm making small talk with you.
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Just quietly stare
at a candle or something.
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Hey... that Gabrielle.
[wolf whistle]
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We sure got a type.
Rawr!
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Seeing them walk off together
now, I was just like,
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"I wouldn't mind being the
cream in that double espresso!"
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- [laughs]
- Hmm.
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I've dabbled quite a bit in
the exotic arts, as they say.
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Oh, God, please, no.
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So you're telling me
you're not upset
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that Archer didn't mention
that your first date
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was going to include
the mother of his child?
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After all he's been through,
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- I'm sure it just slipped his mind.
- Or he's a lunatic.
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I mean, clearly he asked
you out because...
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- [snorts] Well...
- Well, what?
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Oh, come on,
he's trying to send a message
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that he found a stand-in,
you know, for, uh... for this.
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A stand-in?
Oh, did you go to Yale too?
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00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:03,000
No. I mean,
I'm sure I could have.
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00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,570
- But you have two PhDs, I bet.
- Well, no, not two.
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00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,270
No, I have... I have...
I have just the one.
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Oh, I see, so you
don't mean "stand-in"
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as much as you mean "upgrade."
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[woman clears throat]
Excuse me.
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- There! There you go!
- [gasps] What are you doing?
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- Now you're all wet.
- Ugh!
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Isn't that what you wanted?
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And sure enough, we made love
right there in the jazz club.
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And to this day,
I can't even hear
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a muted trumpet
without getting erect!
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[mimics trumpet fanfare]
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What a great story, Robert.
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I just wish it could've been
louder and grosser.
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Kyle! Do us a favor and put
our food in, would ya?
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- Absolutely. What would you like?
- You order for us, Kyle.
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I'm talkin' apps, entr�es...
the whole nine yards.
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You're trusting Kyle to pick our food?
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The entirety
of his life's decisions
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have led him to this job and
that haircut. No offense, Kyle.
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Hey, there they are, the two
prettiest ladies in the joint.
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Or more specifically,
a clear number one
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and a not-as-well-read,
big-boned runner-up.
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You know what?
Let me ask you a question.
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What the hell are you doing?
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You're supposed to be
staking out Victor Cherenenko.
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Will you two be joining the table?
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- No, definitely not.
- We were just leaving.
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- Sure.
- Gabrielle, you could scooch in next to me.
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- Ooh, who's Victor Cherenenko?
- Oh, Russian hacker,
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one of Interpol's most wanted,
Gabrielle.
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Huge reward out for him.
And I am the one responsible...
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Actually,
I'm in charge of the mission.
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- How are you? Cyril Figgis.
- Calm down, Cyril.
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You're getting desperation
all over my hot scientist.
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I probably shouldn't be showing you this.
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You look like someone
who can be trusted.
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See, for years, no one has
been able to find this guy,
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but recently he's been
popping his head up in public.
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So as team leader,
I took it upon myself
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to synthesize data from his
financial records, and ta-da.
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You were able to produce that
wet diaper of a worthless dossier.
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The thing says Cherenenko
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- is a regular at this place, and yet...
- Hey, isn't that him? Cherenenko?
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Cyril: You see that, Archer?
I was right.
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- He's here after all.
- I mean, it doesn't take that much
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to look at a credit card statement
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and see that guy comes
to a restaurant a lot
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- and that...
- God damn it, Archer!
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Wow, this is so exciting!
So what do we do now?
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- Like, go detain him?
- [laughs] Oh, man.
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Guess they don't
teach you everything
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- in neurobiology school.
- Well, no, obviously not.
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As much as I love
taking advice on spycraft
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from civilians,
you can't just go up and detain
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a guy with an armed
bodyguard protecting him.
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Lana's right.
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Even if we took
the bodyguard out,
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we'd have 50 Russian goons
on our doorstep
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looking for blood in the morning.
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Uh, yeah,
that's what I'm saying.
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So the plan is, we go over...
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Excuse me,
I'm in charge, and as such,
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I have constructed
our apprehension strategy.
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Okay, we wait for him to leave,
and we tail him.
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Then we find an opportunity
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to separate him
from his bodyguard,
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lure him somewhere quiet,
and bring him down.
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Voil�. A classic Figgis.
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I thought a classic Figgis
was when you get
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your genitals caught in
the zipper of a sleeping bag.
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You know very well
that wasn't user error.
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There was a factory recall!
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I'm going to the men's room
real quick.
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Don't do anything without me.
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So, Gabrielle,
how do you feel about jazz?
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[urinal flushes]
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- And how are you this evening, sir?
- Very well, thank you.
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I actually just had a, uh,
pretty big professional victory.
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- [faucet running]
- That is wonderful, sir.
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Thanks. You know that feeling
when you take
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00:08:19,854 --> 00:08:22,170
a big step forward at work
and people notice?
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Yes, sir.
Very magical, sir.
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Oh, uh, I left my wallet in
my jacket, and I'll just...
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[urinal flushes]
Good call. I'm on a diet.
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May I offer you a towel?
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00:08:36,670 --> 00:08:37,839
Hey, excuse me, sir...
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- [blow lands]
- [grunts]
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00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,700
[grunts]
[blow lands]
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[dramatic music]
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[groans]
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[moaning]
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Ooh, he's really giving it to her.
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- [gasps]
- Malory: They're leaving.
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00:08:56,650 --> 00:08:58,560
Lana: Perfect, when they get
outside, we follow them.
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00:08:58,590 --> 00:09:00,920
Gabrielle, I'm sorry to tell you,
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00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:03,060
but you're about to dive headfirst
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00:09:03,090 --> 00:09:05,990
into a high-speed chase,
so buckle up.
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00:09:06,020 --> 00:09:07,420
Shouldn't we just
leave her here?
198
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:09,420
No, Lana,
I'm sorry you're threatened
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00:09:09,460 --> 00:09:12,290
because Gabrielle is so smart
and accomplished and...
200
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,160
- Hot.
- Thank you, horny new guy.
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00:09:15,190 --> 00:09:16,305
We are not ditching her.
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00:09:16,306 --> 00:09:19,260
Here, put this on, Gabrielle.
I wouldn't want you to catch cold.
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00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:21,520
You should, uh,
put this on to, um,
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00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:26,290
cover up your hideous...
elbows.
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00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,160
Ya had trouble finding
something, didn't ya?
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00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:30,460
Shut up, Lana!
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00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:34,120
[lively jazz music]
208
00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,990
Hold on.
209
00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:39,860
All right, go!
Everybody into my car.
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00:09:39,890 --> 00:09:42,890
Cyril: Good news.
The bodyguard is now locked
211
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,290
in a bathroom supply... closet.
212
00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:48,560
[sighs]
It's my mission.
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00:09:48,590 --> 00:09:51,020
Okay, so here we have
the first courses,
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00:09:51,060 --> 00:09:54,460
fried lobster in puff pastry
over four-cheese grits.
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00:09:54,490 --> 00:09:58,260
[crying]
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00:09:58,290 --> 00:09:59,850
- [engine revving]
- All right, Gabrielle,
217
00:09:59,874 --> 00:10:01,420
get ready for the ride of your...
218
00:10:01,460 --> 00:10:03,420
[tires squealing]
219
00:10:03,460 --> 00:10:05,020
[tires screeching]
220
00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:08,190
- Life. [horns honking]
- Uh, what did he just say?
221
00:10:08,220 --> 00:10:09,860
Life, Robert! He said life!
222
00:10:09,890 --> 00:10:11,410
He was finishing a thought
from before!
223
00:10:11,434 --> 00:10:13,520
- [laughs]
- Archer!
224
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:16,560
I'm sorry.
He did a "what did he just say?"
225
00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:21,098
He's doing all the top ten
old-guy hits, coast-to-coast!
226
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,390
[jazzy music]
[horns honking]
227
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,890
Malory: This is what happens
228
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:32,420
when you give bicyclists
their own lane.
229
00:10:32,460 --> 00:10:36,259
- What's next, a lane for vegetarians?
- Sorry, Gabrielle.
230
00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:39,360
- It's usually a little chasier than this.
- Oh, no, don't apologize.
231
00:10:39,390 --> 00:10:41,310
This is a great opportunity
for me to get to know
232
00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:42,990
your friends just a little bit better.
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00:10:43,020 --> 00:10:45,290
All right, I'll start.
Uh, this one's for anybody.
234
00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:48,020
Who's ever met
a potential love interest
235
00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:51,890
over the unconscious body
of their child's father?
236
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,490
- Oh, my God. This again?
- This again, what?
237
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,490
Well, you got shot
by a murder suspect
238
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,020
you were supposed
to be investigating
239
00:10:58,060 --> 00:11:01,020
but instead were having
sex with who, by the way,
240
00:11:01,060 --> 00:11:03,914
after shooting you, got away!
241
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:08,090
Hey, look what we got
going on back here.
242
00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:13,420
- I feel like the cream inside of an Ore...
- Do not finish that sentence!
243
00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:16,990
Hey, Kyle.
244
00:11:17,020 --> 00:11:19,220
Would you mind parking
the dessert cart over here?
245
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:21,260
And you might want to throw
the emergency brake on,
246
00:11:21,284 --> 00:11:24,220
because I have a feeling things
could go sideways pretty fast.
247
00:11:24,260 --> 00:11:27,090
Actually, sir, some diners
have been complaining
248
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,290
that your constant crying and chewing
249
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,820
is bumming them out.
250
00:11:30,860 --> 00:11:32,260
[whispering]
If you wouldn't mind...
251
00:11:32,284 --> 00:11:35,020
Oh, they didn't leave a credit card?
252
00:11:35,060 --> 00:11:38,290
Jeezy Petes!
I had a serving of bone marrow,
253
00:11:38,291 --> 00:11:40,020
not a goddamn transplant.
254
00:11:40,060 --> 00:11:44,020
[sighs] All right, I...
Hey! My jacket's gone!
255
00:11:44,060 --> 00:11:46,560
Listen, Kyle,
my wallet was in my jacket,
256
00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:48,560
and it appears my friends
must've grabbed it.
257
00:11:48,590 --> 00:11:50,430
So I'm gonna have to...
[footsteps approaching]
258
00:11:50,454 --> 00:11:51,890
To have someone come down
259
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:55,120
- and meet me here with a credit card.
- There you go.
260
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:03,330
Don't spray that urine
on my son's window.
261
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,330
If you want a dollar for doing
nothing, walk to Canada.
262
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:08,690
What are you even doing
on this mission to begin with?
263
00:12:08,730 --> 00:12:10,330
Cyril needed me.
264
00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:12,190
It would've looked weird
for him to be sitting
265
00:12:12,230 --> 00:12:14,030
at that restaurant all alone.
266
00:12:14,060 --> 00:12:17,060
- Who were you supposed to be?
- His date, obviously.
267
00:12:17,090 --> 00:12:18,660
[laughter]
268
00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:21,330
Excuse me,
it's not that crazy at all
269
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:22,760
that these two would be together.
270
00:12:22,795 --> 00:12:25,660
Not much further apart in age
than Lana and I are.
271
00:12:25,690 --> 00:12:29,160
- Self-burn.
- Plus, she's beautiful and successful.
272
00:12:29,190 --> 00:12:31,060
You know who you
remind me of, Malory?
273
00:12:31,090 --> 00:12:32,490
My ex-wife.
274
00:12:32,525 --> 00:12:35,130
Malory reminds you of Linda?
The supermodel?
275
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,590
No! [chuckles]
No, no, no, no, no.
276
00:12:36,630 --> 00:12:39,190
I'm talking about Zelda,
my first ex-wife.
277
00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:41,730
- Linda was my third ex-wife.
- Your what?
278
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,590
Oh, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.
279
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:46,460
I think the phrase you're
looking for is "gulp."
280
00:12:46,490 --> 00:12:49,290
[laughter]
281
00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:53,060
What's wrong
with your face, Krieger?
282
00:12:53,090 --> 00:12:56,030
Yeah. Did you rack your nuts
on your proton pack?
283
00:12:56,060 --> 00:12:57,460
[laughs]
284
00:12:57,490 --> 00:13:01,060
Oh, Mitsuko and I
got into an argument.
285
00:13:01,090 --> 00:13:03,560
She said she thinks maybe her
feelings are changing about us.
286
00:13:03,590 --> 00:13:05,230
Let me tell you
something everyone hears
287
00:13:05,254 --> 00:13:06,629
at some point in their lives:
288
00:13:06,630 --> 00:13:08,730
that anime hologram's
just not that into you.
289
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,060
No! It's probably
just a phase, right?
290
00:13:11,090 --> 00:13:13,260
- [phone rings]
- Yello?
291
00:13:13,290 --> 00:13:15,560
Pam! Listen!
[chuckles awkwardly]
292
00:13:15,590 --> 00:13:17,330
I need you to come to L'Orange.
293
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:19,330
Archer stuck me with a huge tab,
294
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,990
then left with my coat
which had my wallet in it,
295
00:13:22,030 --> 00:13:24,350
and there's a menacing busboy
who won't stop staring at me.
296
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,430
Pam: And you want me
to come over there
297
00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:29,030
and blow a busboy so he'll
forget about your dinner tab.
298
00:13:29,060 --> 00:13:31,660
What? No, come with
money to pay the tab.
299
00:13:31,690 --> 00:13:35,460
- Pam: Oh. Lame.
- Okay, let me get this straight.
300
00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:38,590
You've been married four times
and it never occurred to you
301
00:13:38,630 --> 00:13:42,660
- to share that information with your wife?!
- It's personal, dear.
302
00:13:42,690 --> 00:13:45,190
I didn't ask you how many times
you'd been married.
303
00:13:45,230 --> 00:13:47,530
Zero!
I'd been married zero times!
304
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:51,460
- Well, now I see why.
- [laughs]
305
00:13:51,490 --> 00:13:54,330
- Who were they?
- Linda, of course.
306
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,060
Then Hafsa, she was a gift
from the Saudi crown.
307
00:13:57,090 --> 00:13:59,730
Would've been rude to say no.
And then Zelda.
308
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:03,530
We didn't technically divorce.
I lost her on safari.
309
00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:05,730
Oh, my God, this guy's on fire.
310
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,460
I'm not sure if it's
a big deal, but...
311
00:14:08,490 --> 00:14:10,650
that guy you're following,
he just got out of that cab.
312
00:14:10,674 --> 00:14:12,460
Damn it, he's getting away!
Follow him!
313
00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:15,060
I can't, Mother!
What do you want me to do,
314
00:14:15,090 --> 00:14:17,530
just leave the car here
in the middle of 5th Ave?
315
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,730
Oh, yes, big smiles.
316
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,560
I, too, would be excited
if I were about to overdose
317
00:14:22,590 --> 00:14:25,330
somewhere in a hollowed-out
box spring.
318
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,710
You know, I've always
thought that busboys
319
00:14:27,711 --> 00:14:30,060
were the backbone of
the restaurant industry.
320
00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:35,160
- I'm a woman.
- And a beautiful one at that.
321
00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:38,290
- There you are!
- Oh, you look like shit, dude.
322
00:14:38,330 --> 00:14:41,158
- Have you been crying?
- Crying? [laughs]
323
00:14:41,264 --> 00:14:43,128
- No.
- All: Yes!
324
00:14:43,163 --> 00:14:45,390
- [cries]
- Okay, oh, Cyril.
325
00:14:45,430 --> 00:14:47,260
Come on, let's get out of here.
326
00:14:47,290 --> 00:14:49,759
- [clears throat]
- Cyril: Oh, uh, right, the tab, uh...
327
00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:53,330
Cyril, don't worry about the tab.
I got this.
328
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,160
[shouting] This waiter
just touched my breasts!
329
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:59,160
- [people gasp]
- What?
330
00:14:59,190 --> 00:15:02,089
Again, I just can't put into
words how mortified I am.
331
00:15:02,090 --> 00:15:03,429
Well, you should be mortified.
332
00:15:03,430 --> 00:15:06,489
I know my breasts certainly are.
Right, ladies?
333
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:09,690
Hey, hot shot,
call me if you ever want
334
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,290
to have your world rocked.
335
00:15:11,330 --> 00:15:14,530
- Lana: You voted libertarian?
- Robert: Sure, twice.
336
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,330
Hey, I know seat belts save lives,
337
00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:20,390
but who is the government
to require me to wear one?
338
00:15:20,430 --> 00:15:22,190
Is there anything else
you haven't told me?
339
00:15:22,214 --> 00:15:23,329
- No.
- In my experience,
340
00:15:23,330 --> 00:15:26,130
you have to ask
exploratory questions, like...
341
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:28,060
Robert, have you
ever done anything
342
00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:30,160
that you're deeply sad about?
343
00:15:30,190 --> 00:15:34,260
I mean... I guess if I had
to pick one thing...
344
00:15:34,290 --> 00:15:37,759
- oh, gosh, it'd be the dogs.
- The dogs?
345
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:41,130
I've had 11 dogs die on me.
346
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,560
11?!
How is that possible?
347
00:15:43,590 --> 00:15:47,190
Well, you know, there's just
a huge language barrier.
348
00:15:47,230 --> 00:15:49,730
[shouting] Oh, my God, what
the hell is wrong with you?!
349
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,600
[Southern accent]
What beautiful architecture
350
00:15:51,624 --> 00:15:54,160
they have here
in New York City, New York,
351
00:15:54,190 --> 00:15:57,669
where we are visiting as tourists.
352
00:16:00,230 --> 00:16:02,060
[whispering] Jesus Christ,
Lana, will you quit fighting
353
00:16:02,090 --> 00:16:03,690
with your husband
before you give us away?
354
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:05,460
[angry whisper] We wouldn't
be in a fight if you hadn't
355
00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:07,450
set up this stupid double date
in the first place.
356
00:16:07,474 --> 00:16:08,489
[loudly] Boy howdy.
357
00:16:08,490 --> 00:16:10,030
I sure hope someday
we get these kind
358
00:16:10,060 --> 00:16:13,260
of tall buildings back
at home in... Arizona.
359
00:16:13,290 --> 00:16:15,190
Shit, he's heading to the park.
360
00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:17,550
[soft dramatic music]
361
00:16:18,190 --> 00:16:21,060
# #
362
00:16:21,090 --> 00:16:22,490
Follow that horse!
And step on it!
363
00:16:22,525 --> 00:16:24,590
[driver clicks tongue, horse whinnies]
364
00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:26,460
You there, follow that cab!
365
00:16:26,490 --> 00:16:29,560
- On a break.
- Let me try.
366
00:16:29,590 --> 00:16:33,330
Well, I can see why they
call it a hansom cab.
367
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:35,590
You sure are
the best-looking son of a gun
368
00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:38,990
- I've seen all night.
- Oh, is that a fact?
369
00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:41,330
Oh, I was talking to the horse.
370
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:45,260
- I figured he ran the business.
- [both laugh]
371
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:47,685
Gosh, oh, that's good.
372
00:16:52,850 --> 00:16:56,150
[dramatic music]
373
00:16:56,190 --> 00:16:58,120
Hmm, they seem to be in love.
374
00:16:58,150 --> 00:17:00,290
Wonder whose still-breathing
body they met over.
375
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,720
Oh, my God, you are
absolutely cracked in the head.
376
00:17:02,750 --> 00:17:05,250
We weren't even together when
you went into a coma, okay?
377
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:07,290
You were banging
some old broad who then,
378
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:09,690
God bless her soul, shot you.
379
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:12,150
Better to be shot
than stabbed in the back, Lana.
380
00:17:12,190 --> 00:17:14,590
I'm surprised this isn't
something you've mentioned
381
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:15,935
about your time in a coma
382
00:17:15,936 --> 00:17:18,820
- if it bothers you so much.
- Oh, it doesn't.
383
00:17:18,850 --> 00:17:20,620
Why do you even care
that I'm with Robert?
384
00:17:20,650 --> 00:17:22,050
- I don't!
- It was clear that you
385
00:17:22,085 --> 00:17:24,349
- were never going to commit to me.
- You don't know that!
386
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:27,040
So if Lana hadn't met Robert...
387
00:17:27,070 --> 00:17:29,000
Over my still
very much alive body
388
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,369
with a functioning sex organ,
389
00:17:30,370 --> 00:17:32,340
as I imagine was included
in my records.
390
00:17:32,370 --> 00:17:35,340
Then you would've wanted
to be together?
391
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:37,869
Excuse me!
Whose ass do I have to kiss
392
00:17:37,870 --> 00:17:39,133
to get more hot cocoa
back here?
393
00:17:39,134 --> 00:17:40,369
[horse whinnies]
394
00:17:40,370 --> 00:17:42,040
Coney Island?
395
00:17:42,070 --> 00:17:44,140
Look, I appreciate you guys
bringing me here
396
00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:46,140
to cheer me up,
but I'm a grown man.
397
00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:47,900
Oh, cheer you up?
398
00:17:47,940 --> 00:17:50,340
A waiter just touched
my breasts, asshole.
399
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:51,970
If you're in need
of some cheering up,
400
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,340
this is the place. Come on.
401
00:17:54,370 --> 00:17:57,340
Whoa, look! Wacky mirrors!
402
00:17:57,370 --> 00:18:00,300
[carnival music]
403
00:18:00,340 --> 00:18:02,140
# #
404
00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:04,940
Malory: Driver!
Now we're going too fast!
405
00:18:04,970 --> 00:18:07,000
We're trying to follow
that horse in front of us,
406
00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,622
- not inseminate it.
- I remember when the park
407
00:18:09,623 --> 00:18:12,940
was a place you'd come to get
away from the hustle and bustle.
408
00:18:12,970 --> 00:18:16,000
Me too. I had an aunt
who'd take me here.
409
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,970
We'd sit on a park bench
for hours,
410
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,170
just chatting and throwing
lit matches at the pigeons.
411
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:23,360
My friends and I would feed
the pigeons Alka-Seltzer,
412
00:18:23,384 --> 00:18:24,900
watch them explode!
413
00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:26,340
[both laugh]
414
00:18:26,370 --> 00:18:30,170
- Yeah!
- Both: Slow the hell down!
415
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,940
Come on, buddy,
what's got you so down?
416
00:18:32,970 --> 00:18:36,170
- You can talk to ol' Pam.
- It's... Archer.
417
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:39,840
- And what about him?
- [yells] I hate him!
418
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:42,170
- I hate his stupid face!
- [clank]
419
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,040
And his stupid car!
420
00:18:44,070 --> 00:18:45,800
And his stupid coma cane!
421
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,223
And his stupid...
[machine buzzing]
422
00:18:47,224 --> 00:18:49,470
Doesn't give me
the respect I deserve!
423
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:51,770
How hard is it
for you to acknowledge
424
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:54,740
the good shape I've gotten
in? Ah! [machine buzzing]
425
00:18:54,770 --> 00:18:57,840
How much I've improved
as a field agent? Ah!
426
00:18:57,870 --> 00:19:00,970
I learned Mandarin,
for Christ's sake!
427
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:03,300
I hate you, Sterling Archer!
428
00:19:03,340 --> 00:19:05,100
I hate you
and everything you've done
429
00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:08,026
to make me feel this... agh!
430
00:19:09,370 --> 00:19:11,700
Cyril, I see the job you're doing.
431
00:19:11,740 --> 00:19:14,170
You've been knocking it out
of the park as a field agent.
432
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:17,940
- Really?
- Really. When I thought Archer was dead,
433
00:19:17,970 --> 00:19:21,170
I literally said, "Well,
at least we still got Cyril."
434
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:25,000
- You did?
- Sure. I need the agency to stay afloat.
435
00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:26,440
I can't get another job.
436
00:19:26,470 --> 00:19:29,400
I have, like,
a shit-ton of felonies.
437
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,368
[chuckles, sniffles]
Thanks, Pam.
438
00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,192
[machine buzzes]
[yelps]
439
00:19:35,740 --> 00:19:37,900
Gabrielle: Then why did you set
this double date up, Archer?
440
00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:40,499
Seriously, out of all the women
you could've asked out...
441
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:42,300
Of which there are
literally billions.
442
00:19:42,340 --> 00:19:44,340
- Proving her point.
- Damn it.
443
00:19:44,370 --> 00:19:47,840
You chose one that kinda,
well, is my doppelganger?
444
00:19:47,870 --> 00:19:50,570
- Yeah, why is that, Archer?
- Um, if you two
445
00:19:50,571 --> 00:19:53,300
are through playing
amateur neuropsychobiologist,
446
00:19:53,340 --> 00:19:55,940
our Russian is headed
for the subway.
447
00:19:55,970 --> 00:19:59,870
# #
448
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:01,820
Archer, I'll come at them
from around the back.
449
00:20:01,850 --> 00:20:03,330
You approach them
from the left flank.
450
00:20:03,360 --> 00:20:04,509
I almost hate to do it.
451
00:20:04,510 --> 00:20:06,870
Those two look
really happy together.
452
00:20:06,900 --> 00:20:09,200
Yeah. It's nice to be
in love with someone.
453
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:13,270
- You should try it.
- Well, if it means being as happy
454
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:16,770
as that Russian hacker and his
girlfriend, I actually...
455
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,061
All: Oh!
456
00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,240
- God damn it.
- [chuckles] Oh-ho-ho! No!
457
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:25,140
Ew. Should we call the police?
458
00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:27,177
Both: Meh.
459
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:32,480
So, Gabrielle, this is
usually the part of the date
460
00:20:32,510 --> 00:20:34,840
when we head back
to my place for great sex.
461
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,410
Archer, look, you seem
like a really nice guy...
462
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:39,980
- Ha!
- Shut up, Lana.
463
00:20:40,010 --> 00:20:41,410
You were saying?
Nice guy.
464
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,880
Fully functioning sex organ.
Go on.
465
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,210
But it's clear you still
have feelings for Lana.
466
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,880
[laughs]
Wait, me? For her?
467
00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:51,980
Wh-why would I want Lana
when I could have you?
468
00:20:52,010 --> 00:20:56,556
A totally different
noncomparable unique person who...
469
00:20:56,591 --> 00:20:59,580
shouldn't be exploited
for personal vendettas, sorry.
470
00:20:59,610 --> 00:21:02,910
Yeah, that part.
It was nice to meet ya, Lana.
471
00:21:02,940 --> 00:21:05,180
Uh, maybe we could
get together sometime.
472
00:21:05,210 --> 00:21:06,910
You know what?
I actually would not mind
473
00:21:06,940 --> 00:21:09,463
- hanging out with you again.
- Archer: Hey, wait, Gabrielle.
474
00:21:09,464 --> 00:21:12,610
But... sex time.
Gabrielle!
475
00:21:14,210 --> 00:21:17,409
- Aw, you liked her, didn't you?
- I don't know.
476
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:19,639
But you didn't realize it
till just now, huh?
477
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:20,979
[grunts] Maybe.
478
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,440
I mean,
I thought she was great.
479
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,880
- Whatever.
- I mean, smart, charming.
480
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:29,940
- And those cans, am I right?
- Yeah, they looked pretty squeezy.
481
00:21:29,980 --> 00:21:32,371
Thinking maybe instead of asking
her out to make me jealous,
482
00:21:32,396 --> 00:21:35,680
you should've just asked her
out because she's awesome.
483
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,980
[jazzy music]
484
00:21:40,010 --> 00:21:41,940
# #
485
00:21:41,980 --> 00:21:44,310
Honey, I'm home.
486
00:21:44,340 --> 00:21:46,310
[man over TV] You know
what I'd do if I were you?
487
00:21:46,340 --> 00:21:48,340
Wait, wait, wait, wait,
this is my favorite part!
488
00:21:48,364 --> 00:21:50,110
Mine too!
489
00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:53,110
All: Fill my boots with lead
and jump in the ocean,
490
00:21:53,140 --> 00:21:55,480
you pig-nosed gypsy!
491
00:21:55,510 --> 00:21:57,040
[laughter]
[machine gun fire on TV]
492
00:21:57,080 --> 00:22:00,493
- Oh, gosh, that's good.
- [sighs] Fantastic.
493
00:22:00,494 --> 00:22:02,606
[gulps]
494
00:22:02,914 --> 00:22:07,163
sync & correction by f1nc0
~ Addic7ed.com ~
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