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1
00:00:04,016 --> 00:00:08,403
It was the kind of night where you
could feel time flow over you like...
2
00:00:08,723 --> 00:00:11,502
the amnesiatic waters
of the river Styx.
3
00:00:13,228 --> 00:00:14,548
That is terrible.
4
00:00:14,873 --> 00:00:17,170
"Amnesiatic"?
I don't think that's a word.
5
00:00:19,196 --> 00:00:20,688
This doesn't work, either.
6
00:00:21,432 --> 00:00:22,758
Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go.
7
00:00:25,227 --> 00:00:26,188
No.
8
00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:33,952
Oh, yeah.
9
00:00:34,241 --> 00:00:36,334
This is so good.
10
00:00:37,734 --> 00:00:39,210
No, it's not.
11
00:00:49,164 --> 00:00:50,655
Who am I kidding?
12
00:00:54,603 --> 00:00:57,456
- Aphrodite?
- Can't sleep, huh?
13
00:00:59,021 --> 00:01:00,325
You scared me.
14
00:01:00,871 --> 00:01:04,463
Sorry, I didn't know I had
to knock in my own temple.
15
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,788
You don't, but can you
just keep it down?
16
00:01:06,813 --> 00:01:08,133
I don't wanna wake Xena.
17
00:01:09,071 --> 00:01:10,673
Pregnant girl needs her rest, huh?
18
00:01:11,507 --> 00:01:14,015
I remember when Cupid
was on his way.
19
00:01:15,260 --> 00:01:18,755
Doesn't a god of your obvious stature
have anything better to do
20
00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,539
than hang out here
in the middle of the night?
21
00:01:22,005 --> 00:01:23,653
What's with the attitude?
22
00:01:24,073 --> 00:01:25,862
I let you sleep in my temple,
23
00:01:25,887 --> 00:01:28,847
I show real concern
for your insomnia and...
24
00:01:29,097 --> 00:01:31,980
you treat me like I'm a rash
where the sun don't shine.
25
00:01:32,929 --> 00:01:34,367
I didn't mean to be rude.
26
00:01:35,047 --> 00:01:37,424
I don't wanna bother you
with my troubles.
27
00:01:38,554 --> 00:01:39,854
Sweet-pea...
28
00:01:40,342 --> 00:01:43,941
I am immortal, you know?
I got nothin' but time.
29
00:01:47,363 --> 00:01:48,816
The doctor is in.
30
00:01:53,319 --> 00:01:56,108
See these?
These are my scrolls.
31
00:01:56,274 --> 00:01:58,133
I wrote them.
I wrote all of them.
32
00:01:58,582 --> 00:02:01,715
It's like a... It's like a diary
of my travels with Xena.
33
00:02:03,084 --> 00:02:06,096
When I wrote them I just...
I felt so complete...
34
00:02:06,735 --> 00:02:08,173
I don't know why I stopped.
35
00:02:12,547 --> 00:02:15,406
Something keeps telling me
that I have to start writing again.
36
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:18,897
- Well, why don't you?
- It's not that easy!
37
00:02:19,524 --> 00:02:21,891
I don't have time
for it, for one thing.
38
00:02:22,355 --> 00:02:24,442
Tell me, how you would
write about today.
39
00:02:24,710 --> 00:02:25,897
You mean, if I could.
40
00:02:26,796 --> 00:02:27,647
Well?
41
00:02:28,185 --> 00:02:29,169
Well...
42
00:02:31,966 --> 00:02:34,310
Today... started like any other day.
43
00:02:36,518 --> 00:02:40,700
Xena and Joxer and I... were trying
to find a name for Xena's baby.
44
00:02:41,579 --> 00:02:43,384
I came up with the best one.
45
00:02:43,669 --> 00:02:45,771
How 'bout the name "Rochelle"?
46
00:02:46,465 --> 00:02:48,926
And have her called "Roach"
for short? I don't like that.
47
00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:51,191
How do you guys know
it's gonna be a girl?
48
00:02:51,597 --> 00:02:53,262
Maybe it'll be a boy.
49
00:02:55,952 --> 00:02:56,733
All right.
50
00:02:57,059 --> 00:02:58,332
How about "Aloysius"?
51
00:02:58,911 --> 00:03:00,272
That's not funny.
52
00:03:01,729 --> 00:03:02,769
It was a thought.
53
00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,940
I'm glad we're almost to Pilos.
54
00:03:05,965 --> 00:03:07,837
I know someone who's
getting a little hungry.
55
00:03:08,182 --> 00:03:10,537
Oh... Pregnant woman's hungry.
There's news.
56
00:03:12,127 --> 00:03:14,268
- And cranky.
- Cranky?
57
00:03:16,463 --> 00:03:18,018
I haven't been cranky for years.
58
00:03:19,384 --> 00:03:21,134
Joxer, have you ever seen me cranky?
59
00:03:25,984 --> 00:03:27,351
Tell the truth, Joxer.
60
00:03:32,506 --> 00:03:34,639
Now you listen to me, monkey-man.
61
00:03:34,664 --> 00:03:38,016
You ever do that again, and you'll
find my fist down your throat.
62
00:03:38,403 --> 00:03:40,348
I always wanted to be an uncle.
63
00:03:41,528 --> 00:03:43,425
Hello there, little fella!
64
00:03:44,885 --> 00:03:47,414
Well, you think you can cut me down
without dropping me flat on my face?
65
00:03:47,618 --> 00:03:48,532
No.
66
00:03:53,660 --> 00:03:55,433
Rise and shine, everyone.
67
00:04:02,762 --> 00:04:03,645
So, have you?
68
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,044
No?
69
00:04:08,952 --> 00:04:09,944
Cop out.
70
00:04:13,265 --> 00:04:16,093
All right, Xena, it's not your fault,
with your condition and all.
71
00:04:16,225 --> 00:04:17,639
You're patronizing me.
72
00:04:18,079 --> 00:04:20,438
Gabrielle, I am in full control
of my mood swings.
73
00:04:21,249 --> 00:04:23,632
- You wanna bet?
- Anything you name.
74
00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:26,429
How about a month
of cooking and cleaning...
75
00:04:26,454 --> 00:04:28,853
that you can't go a whole day
without losing your temper?
76
00:04:28,878 --> 00:04:30,612
You throw in back rubs
and you got a deal.
77
00:04:31,208 --> 00:04:32,099
It's a deal.
78
00:04:34,343 --> 00:04:35,312
Doesn't count.
79
00:04:37,909 --> 00:04:41,253
That's ok. In the spirit of friendship,
I will take the horses to the river.
80
00:04:41,527 --> 00:04:43,940
- You can have lunch in town.
- I'll help you.
81
00:04:43,965 --> 00:04:46,488
Joxer, no, you have to stay with Xena.
Not that I don't trust you.
82
00:04:46,864 --> 00:04:48,201
All right, Gabrielle.
83
00:04:48,904 --> 00:04:50,560
You take good care of my baby.
84
00:04:50,584 --> 00:04:52,638
Make sure you rinse her
down with cold water...
85
00:04:53,169 --> 00:04:55,833
and hitch her to something.
She'll probably come looking for me.
86
00:04:56,280 --> 00:04:57,546
Not that I don't trust you.
87
00:04:57,945 --> 00:05:00,859
I just don't want anything to happen
that might make me... mad.
88
00:05:01,828 --> 00:05:03,773
It doesn't take a genius
to wash a horse.
89
00:05:03,798 --> 00:05:06,681
Well, it'll come in handy for all those
backrubs you're gonna give me...
90
00:05:08,704 --> 00:05:09,681
Come on, dummy.
91
00:05:14,146 --> 00:05:16,841
Did you hear that?
Xena telling me how to bathe you...
92
00:05:17,455 --> 00:05:18,705
What do I add?
Water?
93
00:05:21,199 --> 00:05:23,082
She must think I'm like
Joxer or something.
94
00:05:24,051 --> 00:05:26,598
Xena doesn't do any cleaning.
Have you smelled her feet lately?
95
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,416
Good girl.
96
00:05:41,138 --> 00:05:42,287
What happened to you?
97
00:05:51,029 --> 00:05:53,182
In a time of ancient gods...
98
00:05:55,529 --> 00:05:57,042
...warlords...
99
00:05:57,077 --> 00:05:58,574
...and kings...
100
00:05:58,642 --> 00:06:02,143
A land in turmoil
cried out for a hero...
101
00:06:11,348 --> 00:06:13,181
She was Xena...
102
00:06:13,854 --> 00:06:17,650
a mighty princess,
forged in the heat of battle...
103
00:06:22,022 --> 00:06:23,204
...The power...
104
00:06:25,046 --> 00:06:26,210
...The passion...
105
00:06:29,619 --> 00:06:30,797
...The danger...
106
00:06:36,322 --> 00:06:38,891
Her courage will
change the world...
107
00:06:39,915 --> 00:06:43,302
Punch Lines
108
00:06:45,461 --> 00:06:48,180
So, you shrunk her horse!
Big deal!
109
00:06:48,383 --> 00:06:50,203
Everybody shrinks as they get older.
110
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,515
That's why old people are so short.
111
00:06:52,688 --> 00:06:54,266
Now, that's very constructive.
112
00:07:00,010 --> 00:07:00,963
What are you writing?
113
00:07:01,372 --> 00:07:03,786
Patient is hostile and insecure...
114
00:07:04,168 --> 00:07:07,440
Possibly masking some
latent tendencies.
115
00:07:09,725 --> 00:07:11,115
This is stupid.
116
00:07:13,108 --> 00:07:14,577
No, I'm sorry.
117
00:07:16,741 --> 00:07:19,101
Look...
No more scroll, all right?
118
00:07:19,619 --> 00:07:21,182
Latent tendencies?
119
00:07:21,439 --> 00:07:22,947
Where did you learn
to talk like that?
120
00:07:23,655 --> 00:07:25,570
Honey, don't let
the blonde hair fool you.
121
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:28,517
Although bombastic forms
of circumlocution
122
00:07:28,542 --> 00:07:30,237
should be generally avoided...
123
00:07:30,262 --> 00:07:32,887
one mustn't shy away from big
words in the right context.
124
00:07:33,558 --> 00:07:35,081
- What?
- Nothing.
125
00:07:35,379 --> 00:07:37,223
Please, continue.
126
00:07:38,202 --> 00:07:39,382
Where did I leave off?
127
00:07:39,780 --> 00:07:40,827
Shrunken horse?
128
00:07:41,515 --> 00:07:42,453
Right.
129
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:46,468
What happened to you?
130
00:07:47,663 --> 00:07:49,366
Divine retribution.
131
00:07:51,923 --> 00:07:53,595
That's what happened.
132
00:07:55,117 --> 00:07:56,062
Who are you?
133
00:07:56,678 --> 00:07:59,665
Lachrymose, God of Despair.
134
00:08:00,751 --> 00:08:01,861
Can't you read?
135
00:08:04,683 --> 00:08:06,402
"Property of Lachrymose."
136
00:08:10,863 --> 00:08:13,776
You used my spring
to wash your horse.
137
00:08:13,801 --> 00:08:16,418
Next you'll be stabling
him in my temple.
138
00:08:17,087 --> 00:08:17,821
I...
139
00:08:17,925 --> 00:08:19,089
I'm so sorry.
140
00:08:20,661 --> 00:08:21,895
You gotta admit...
141
00:08:23,498 --> 00:08:25,217
that dedication is hard to spot.
142
00:08:27,278 --> 00:08:29,544
Ok, it was an honest mistake.
Can't you change her back?
143
00:08:30,198 --> 00:08:30,918
Please?
144
00:08:31,363 --> 00:08:32,621
This isn't my horse.
145
00:08:32,854 --> 00:08:34,776
It's Xena's.
You've heard of her, right?
146
00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:38,934
She's killed thousands of men,
and with the mood she's in right now...
147
00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,482
she will not think this is funny.
148
00:08:41,583 --> 00:08:42,310
So?
149
00:08:42,505 --> 00:08:45,747
I've never laughed in my whole life.
150
00:08:46,263 --> 00:08:48,177
- You're kidding...
- I wish I was.
151
00:08:48,443 --> 00:08:49,716
I've never done that, either.
152
00:08:50,347 --> 00:08:51,519
I can make you laugh.
153
00:08:52,703 --> 00:08:53,820
I bet I could.
154
00:08:54,275 --> 00:08:57,540
I hate puns or jokes or riddles.
155
00:08:57,565 --> 00:08:59,901
I tell stories.
True stories.
156
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:02,708
Let's say...
if I can make you laugh...
157
00:09:02,733 --> 00:09:04,858
you make Argo large again.
Deal?
158
00:09:05,750 --> 00:09:08,698
Well, you can try,
but I doubt it'll work.
159
00:09:09,376 --> 00:09:11,251
All right.
Just don't underestimate me.
160
00:09:11,643 --> 00:09:12,643
Xena does that.
161
00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:15,386
In fact...
162
00:09:15,925 --> 00:09:16,892
you're gonna love this.
163
00:09:16,917 --> 00:09:19,581
There was this time where she...
she was trying to warn me against...
164
00:09:19,722 --> 00:09:21,206
catching this rabbit and...
165
00:09:21,777 --> 00:09:24,840
You're such a cute little rabbit.
166
00:09:52,293 --> 00:09:55,277
It's funny now, but at the time
I was just a big carrot stick.
167
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,747
And that's it?
168
00:10:02,941 --> 00:10:05,012
No, no.
I'm just warming up.
169
00:10:11,589 --> 00:10:13,941
- Kid's got staying power.
- Yeah.
170
00:10:17,078 --> 00:10:19,226
- Some set of pipes, huh?
- What?
171
00:10:19,527 --> 00:10:22,018
- I said, some set 'a lungs.
- I can't hear you.
172
00:10:22,043 --> 00:10:25,137
- Some set 'a lungs!
- Oh, yeah. Swell.
173
00:10:42,431 --> 00:10:45,056
Did that mean old
warrior princess scare you?
174
00:10:45,577 --> 00:10:47,233
- Yes, yes.
- Nice move.
175
00:10:47,749 --> 00:10:50,550
Are you kidding me?
I scared it mute.
176
00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:52,828
What kind of a mother
am I gonna make?
177
00:10:53,437 --> 00:10:55,265
Oh, come on, Xena.
You're terrific with kids.
178
00:10:55,586 --> 00:10:58,555
Gabrielle never told you
about King Gregor's child, huh?
179
00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,869
Look, I may not be nanny material...
180
00:11:03,241 --> 00:11:05,280
but you try baby-sitting
through a sword fight.
181
00:11:17,815 --> 00:11:18,635
So?
182
00:11:18,913 --> 00:11:21,390
Well, so your...
method's a little unorthodox.
183
00:11:22,093 --> 00:11:24,374
It doesn't mean it's not
full of love and concern, you know?
184
00:11:24,682 --> 00:11:26,268
- You think?
- Sure.
185
00:11:26,837 --> 00:11:27,993
Well, maybe you're right, huh?
186
00:11:28,363 --> 00:11:30,246
After all, how much
do kid's cry anyway?
187
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:37,955
That little rascal...
188
00:11:37,979 --> 00:11:40,502
stole all of Cupid's arrows
and went on a shooting spree.
189
00:11:41,179 --> 00:11:42,862
I'm talking about baby Bliss.
190
00:11:42,863 --> 00:11:44,715
You know, Cupid and Psyche's son.
191
00:11:45,353 --> 00:11:47,611
If you get hit with
one of those arrows...
192
00:11:47,762 --> 00:11:50,232
you fall in love with
the first person you see.
193
00:11:54,870 --> 00:11:55,980
These are for you.
194
00:11:57,614 --> 00:11:58,953
Let go of my cow!
195
00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:03,237
Bessie... Bessie...
196
00:12:12,749 --> 00:12:14,242
I thought it was cute...
197
00:12:17,957 --> 00:12:19,535
until I became the bull's-eye.
198
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:26,744
Xena?
199
00:12:27,488 --> 00:12:29,120
Gabrielle?
200
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,061
Xena?
201
00:12:37,334 --> 00:12:38,491
Tastes like sweat!
202
00:12:39,470 --> 00:12:40,423
Does yours?
203
00:12:47,251 --> 00:12:49,884
Well, I guess you...
had to be there, huh?
204
00:12:51,462 --> 00:12:52,220
All right.
205
00:12:52,950 --> 00:12:55,255
Let's find out what kind
of humor you do like.
206
00:12:55,766 --> 00:12:56,563
Slap-stick?
207
00:12:58,602 --> 00:12:59,743
Have faith.
208
00:13:18,363 --> 00:13:20,184
What about... action?
209
00:13:20,754 --> 00:13:21,559
Yeah?
210
00:13:22,070 --> 00:13:23,929
Everybody loves
a good chase sequence.
211
00:13:23,954 --> 00:13:25,509
Like the time we went to India.
212
00:13:26,095 --> 00:13:27,347
I don't get that place.
213
00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:37,295
No! Stop!
Somebody's trying to kill me?!
214
00:13:40,464 --> 00:13:42,105
No!
215
00:13:43,546 --> 00:13:46,202
Maybe that's India's way
of rolling out the red carpet.
216
00:13:47,434 --> 00:13:48,714
Moving right along.
217
00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:51,967
How about...
a little romantic comedy?
218
00:13:54,499 --> 00:13:55,921
Look! Cherries!
219
00:13:58,376 --> 00:13:59,783
I love cherries.
220
00:14:02,823 --> 00:14:03,807
Me too.
221
00:14:06,409 --> 00:14:07,767
Did I mention I'm a widow?
222
00:14:08,224 --> 00:14:09,774
There's no reason why
we can't be adults about this
223
00:14:09,799 --> 00:14:10,975
and have a little fun.
224
00:14:13,249 --> 00:14:15,249
Are you suicidal?
225
00:14:16,853 --> 00:14:17,881
Don't worry, Xena.
226
00:14:18,289 --> 00:14:19,844
I got just what you need.
227
00:14:20,101 --> 00:14:21,867
And plenty of it, too.
228
00:14:25,212 --> 00:14:27,282
Gaea... like Attus?
229
00:14:29,826 --> 00:14:31,435
Attus is quite a surprise!
230
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:32,834
Here!
231
00:14:33,221 --> 00:14:34,166
Put something on...
232
00:14:36,925 --> 00:14:38,316
Are you kidding?
233
00:14:38,719 --> 00:14:39,539
Honey...
234
00:14:39,781 --> 00:14:42,605
God or no god,
Lachrymose is still a man.
235
00:14:42,973 --> 00:14:44,660
You should've tried
a little sex appeal.
236
00:14:44,685 --> 00:14:47,255
That's the only way
to really entertain the weaker sex.
237
00:14:49,767 --> 00:14:50,899
I tried that.
238
00:14:57,799 --> 00:15:00,440
Well, nothing quite
like a woman's touch.
239
00:15:13,294 --> 00:15:16,137
Didn't your mother ever teach you,
it's rude to stare?
240
00:15:18,789 --> 00:15:20,703
Hey, I paid for an hour.
241
00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:28,269
- What is this?
- You know...
242
00:15:28,527 --> 00:15:29,972
Slumber-party mode.
243
00:15:30,224 --> 00:15:32,208
It's the only way to
really talk about sex.
244
00:15:32,475 --> 00:15:34,694
- I feel ridiculous.
- Want me to pierce your ear?
245
00:15:34,719 --> 00:15:35,561
No!
246
00:15:44,614 --> 00:15:45,755
So, let me ask you this.
247
00:15:46,305 --> 00:15:49,321
Isn't all this story-telling
an awful lot like writing?
248
00:15:49,633 --> 00:15:50,641
It's similar...
249
00:15:51,524 --> 00:15:52,820
but with writing...
250
00:15:53,193 --> 00:15:54,662
it's like talking to yourself.
251
00:15:55,466 --> 00:15:57,427
It's a way that you
can work things out.
252
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,854
Of course, I know now
exactly who I am.
253
00:16:02,005 --> 00:16:04,052
So then who cares?
Why write?
254
00:16:05,208 --> 00:16:07,683
Haven't you ever had
an artistic impulse
255
00:16:07,684 --> 00:16:09,058
that's like a bad itch
256
00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:11,823
and you just have to keep working
on it until you get it out?
257
00:16:12,281 --> 00:16:15,750
Of course! Who do you think
accessorizes all these outfits?
258
00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:20,004
Someone's gotta put those shoes
with that jacket and so on.
259
00:16:21,242 --> 00:16:22,664
I'm glad you understand.
260
00:16:24,219 --> 00:16:25,619
That's what I'm here for.
261
00:16:27,186 --> 00:16:28,046
So...
262
00:16:28,796 --> 00:16:31,108
what did Xena do when
she found out about the horse?
263
00:16:32,536 --> 00:16:35,984
Xena and I are best friends.
There aren't any secrets between us.
264
00:16:37,385 --> 00:16:39,658
- You stalled, huh?
- Exactly.
265
00:16:42,274 --> 00:16:44,430
What is taking her so long?
266
00:16:46,235 --> 00:16:48,243
- I don't know.
- Joxer, just pay the bill.
267
00:16:48,469 --> 00:16:50,055
I can't.
Gabrielle took my money.
268
00:16:53,188 --> 00:16:55,945
- Let's get her.
- Yeah.
269
00:17:01,950 --> 00:17:03,333
Hey, watch it, woman.
270
00:17:03,807 --> 00:17:04,674
Hey...
271
00:17:05,081 --> 00:17:07,964
Aren't you Xena,
Warrior-Warrior Princess,...
272
00:17:08,215 --> 00:17:11,215
who jailed the bloody warlord
Taylor-Taygar?
273
00:17:11,899 --> 00:17:12,836
What of it?
274
00:17:13,688 --> 00:17:15,128
Taygar's my brother.
275
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:17,195
Prepare to die!
276
00:17:23,935 --> 00:17:24,905
What's with him?
277
00:17:25,702 --> 00:17:26,936
Family problems.
278
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:28,165
I blame the parents.
279
00:17:29,230 --> 00:17:31,871
- How was your meal?
- A little too much salt.
280
00:17:33,670 --> 00:17:36,200
Unfortunately,
there's been a slight delay, Xena.
281
00:17:36,225 --> 00:17:38,170
You're never gonna guess why.
282
00:17:38,819 --> 00:17:41,358
Let me.
First you got your nails done.
283
00:17:41,383 --> 00:17:42,946
Then you went to your ballet lesson.
284
00:17:43,434 --> 00:17:45,817
No, but you get the supplies
and meet me at the spring.
285
00:17:45,842 --> 00:17:47,404
I'll be there, ready to go.
286
00:17:50,007 --> 00:17:53,280
Guess she must 'a just pulled free
and wandered away.
287
00:17:53,649 --> 00:17:54,758
She's gone?
288
00:17:56,383 --> 00:17:57,461
Argo's gone.
289
00:18:02,522 --> 00:18:05,460
So you shrunk her horse
and then you lost him. So what?
290
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,438
So what?
291
00:18:07,008 --> 00:18:09,883
Do you know how important
Argo is to Xena?
292
00:18:10,074 --> 00:18:12,941
Sometimes I think she likes
that horse more than she likes me.
293
00:18:25,879 --> 00:18:29,201
I can't count the number of times
that Argo has saved Xena.
294
00:18:35,168 --> 00:18:37,776
- What are you doing?
- I don't like animals.
295
00:18:37,808 --> 00:18:39,511
They're dirty and smelly...
296
00:18:39,536 --> 00:18:41,756
and just thinking about them
makes me want to take a bath.
297
00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:46,795
- Do you want your own tub?
- No, I'm fine, thank you.
298
00:18:50,427 --> 00:18:51,661
What is that smell?
299
00:18:52,864 --> 00:18:54,575
It smells like chocolate.
300
00:18:55,833 --> 00:18:58,130
Essence of white chocolate,
to be exact.
301
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:01,334
Haven't you heard that
chocolate's an aphrodisiac?
302
00:19:01,842 --> 00:19:03,224
It's one of my little secrets.
303
00:19:04,484 --> 00:19:05,336
Anyway...
304
00:19:05,975 --> 00:19:08,373
I looked for that
little horse everywhere.
305
00:19:09,885 --> 00:19:13,401
Ok. We got peanuts...
We got pickled eggs, castor oil...
306
00:19:14,090 --> 00:19:16,059
All we need now is a sack of flour.
307
00:19:16,573 --> 00:19:17,619
Did you get prunes?
308
00:19:18,289 --> 00:19:19,805
Yeah, what's life without prunes?
309
00:19:32,567 --> 00:19:33,392
Argo...
310
00:19:35,531 --> 00:19:37,243
Argo! Where are you?
311
00:19:40,155 --> 00:19:41,983
Bag of wheat, bag of wheat...
312
00:19:42,761 --> 00:19:44,964
Ooh looky there,
the last one on the shelf.
313
00:19:46,421 --> 00:19:48,738
So... You thought
you got rid of me, huh?
314
00:19:48,763 --> 00:19:50,747
Well, better luck next time.
315
00:19:52,949 --> 00:19:54,957
Luck has nothing to do with it.
316
00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:00,356
Nice save!
317
00:20:01,209 --> 00:20:02,714
And it's on special, huh?
318
00:20:02,986 --> 00:20:04,502
Clean up on aisle 7.
319
00:20:04,854 --> 00:20:06,182
Clean up on aisle 7.
320
00:20:06,375 --> 00:20:08,367
Not so tough now,
are you, Mr. Tough Guy?
321
00:20:09,158 --> 00:20:11,799
Nah, he's just an oaf.
Here.
322
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:16,657
See? What I'm more
concerned about is that...
323
00:20:16,682 --> 00:20:20,580
Any kid of mine is going to encounter
some pretty strange and dangerous things.
324
00:20:21,417 --> 00:20:22,324
Giants...
325
00:20:44,555 --> 00:20:46,453
You know, you should
find a different line of work.
326
00:20:46,587 --> 00:20:50,501
Like what? I'm a blind cyclops,
for crying out loud.
327
00:21:16,130 --> 00:21:17,138
Giants?
328
00:21:19,225 --> 00:21:21,920
Giants? Hades, that's the least
'ayour problems.
329
00:21:22,332 --> 00:21:23,879
Let's see, there's...
330
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:25,426
dryads...
331
00:21:34,123 --> 00:21:35,073
What is it?
332
00:21:41,623 --> 00:21:42,591
Harpies...
333
00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:54,897
Bacchae...
334
00:22:02,791 --> 00:22:04,009
Oh, sure...
335
00:22:04,189 --> 00:22:06,574
That kid'a yours is gonna
encounter a host of problems.
336
00:22:06,806 --> 00:22:10,627
Let's see. Pestilence, disease,
foot rot, misery,...
337
00:22:11,159 --> 00:22:12,300
but you know what, Xena?
338
00:22:12,542 --> 00:22:15,245
That kid's got something
it couldn't get anywhere else.
339
00:22:15,447 --> 00:22:17,205
- What?
- You.
340
00:22:22,375 --> 00:22:24,242
Thank you. Thank you.
341
00:22:24,267 --> 00:22:24,994
Argo...
342
00:22:26,517 --> 00:22:27,291
Argo...
343
00:22:29,061 --> 00:22:30,500
Excuse me.
Argo!
344
00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:32,559
Argo!
345
00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:34,955
Argo!
346
00:22:40,836 --> 00:22:41,649
Argo...
347
00:22:42,365 --> 00:22:44,365
Come here.
What are you doing?
348
00:22:44,649 --> 00:22:46,696
Hey... You trying
to get me into trouble?
349
00:22:52,627 --> 00:22:55,775
Lachrymose, I'm so happy to see you.
You have got to change Argo back.
350
00:22:57,211 --> 00:22:59,195
You don't realize how
important she is to Xena.
351
00:22:59,914 --> 00:23:01,234
Oh, touching.
352
00:23:04,785 --> 00:23:06,426
But we had a deal, remember?
353
00:23:06,915 --> 00:23:08,368
Will you give me a break?
354
00:23:09,267 --> 00:23:10,532
Unless you can't do it.
355
00:23:10,988 --> 00:23:12,847
I mean, maybe you're not god
enough to do it.
356
00:23:13,287 --> 00:23:14,029
I mean...
357
00:23:14,458 --> 00:23:16,173
Who's gonna ride her
the way she is now?
358
00:23:16,709 --> 00:23:19,045
- No one is that small.
- Oh, yeah?
359
00:23:37,094 --> 00:23:37,764
Argo!
360
00:23:41,506 --> 00:23:42,247
No!
361
00:23:42,434 --> 00:23:43,497
Stop, Argo!
362
00:23:44,176 --> 00:23:46,801
Hey, hey, boy!
Come on, are you trying to kill me?
363
00:23:47,422 --> 00:23:48,320
Calm down!
364
00:23:50,308 --> 00:23:51,160
Argo!
365
00:23:51,855 --> 00:23:54,222
Oh, I'm gonna die!
Argo, calm down!
366
00:23:54,329 --> 00:23:57,165
Calm down, girl!
Come on, it's me. It's Gabrielle!
367
00:24:04,289 --> 00:24:06,266
Calm down!
Yes!
368
00:24:06,652 --> 00:24:07,590
All right!
369
00:24:07,949 --> 00:24:09,207
Girl, calm down!
370
00:24:09,543 --> 00:24:10,386
Yeah!
371
00:24:10,730 --> 00:24:11,582
That's it.
372
00:24:15,224 --> 00:24:16,349
I gotta think.
373
00:24:22,774 --> 00:24:25,516
See, you don't need to tell Gabrielle,
'cause I don't mean to be cranky.
374
00:24:25,888 --> 00:24:27,154
I just can't seem to help it.
375
00:24:27,568 --> 00:24:28,334
Hey...
376
00:24:29,615 --> 00:24:30,563
You're pregnant.
377
00:24:30,588 --> 00:24:32,244
That's the way pregnant women are.
378
00:24:32,269 --> 00:24:33,940
- That's right.
- Sure.
379
00:24:34,283 --> 00:24:37,447
Though I should try to remain calm,
'cause that's what's best for the baby.
380
00:24:37,472 --> 00:24:38,402
Oh, sure.
381
00:24:39,277 --> 00:24:40,395
I'll get it.
382
00:24:50,019 --> 00:24:53,992
I've learned how my actions can have
consequences for this child and...
383
00:24:54,579 --> 00:24:55,915
I just wanna do my best.
384
00:24:56,401 --> 00:24:57,101
Xena...
385
00:24:57,783 --> 00:24:58,744
Take it from me.
386
00:24:59,221 --> 00:25:01,643
If anybody can love
and protect that kid...
387
00:25:02,249 --> 00:25:03,140
it's you.
388
00:25:04,409 --> 00:25:05,245
Come here.
389
00:25:10,020 --> 00:25:11,278
All right, that's enough.
390
00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:13,210
- Let go of me.
- Ga...
391
00:25:14,672 --> 00:25:15,453
Eggs...
392
00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:17,063
Eggs!
393
00:25:19,046 --> 00:25:19,840
Argo...
394
00:25:24,689 --> 00:25:25,479
What?
395
00:25:26,924 --> 00:25:29,112
I'll go.
I'll go get the eggs.
396
00:25:29,507 --> 00:25:30,429
Excuse me.
397
00:25:30,606 --> 00:25:32,637
First you buy it, then you eat it.
398
00:25:33,792 --> 00:25:34,839
Well, that's pretty.
399
00:25:39,086 --> 00:25:39,969
Joxer!
400
00:25:45,137 --> 00:25:46,090
Gabrielle...
401
00:25:47,026 --> 00:25:48,049
What happened?
402
00:25:48,935 --> 00:25:50,787
I'll explain later.
I need your help.
403
00:25:51,189 --> 00:25:52,065
Ok.
404
00:25:53,090 --> 00:25:54,074
Wait a minute.
405
00:25:54,348 --> 00:25:56,121
This is our golden opportunity.
406
00:25:56,874 --> 00:25:59,624
You are gonna be my new partner.
407
00:26:00,925 --> 00:26:03,073
Joxer and little pal.
408
00:26:03,198 --> 00:26:04,990
Look. Your new sword.
409
00:26:04,991 --> 00:26:05,999
Oh, gods!
410
00:26:06,183 --> 00:26:06,908
Joxer!
411
00:26:07,214 --> 00:26:09,894
Sorry. Sorry.
I got a better idea!
412
00:26:10,099 --> 00:26:11,357
You can be a circus act!
413
00:26:11,719 --> 00:26:15,000
"Joxer and his amazing
sideshow freak."
414
00:26:21,557 --> 00:26:24,113
Joxer, I need your help
to find the god who did this,
415
00:26:24,114 --> 00:26:25,270
to change us back.
416
00:26:25,816 --> 00:26:27,941
Ok.
What am I gonna tell Xena?
417
00:26:28,282 --> 00:26:30,970
I don't know. Make something up.
Tell her anything.
418
00:26:36,632 --> 00:26:38,812
Now, what am I gonna say to a god?
419
00:26:51,866 --> 00:26:54,819
Lachromose!
God of Despair!
420
00:26:55,236 --> 00:26:57,642
Hear my plea and appear!
421
00:26:59,025 --> 00:27:01,470
Just try and stay still,
Argo, please.
422
00:27:04,399 --> 00:27:06,368
Life is so awful!
423
00:27:08,071 --> 00:27:09,055
Really?
424
00:27:11,617 --> 00:27:13,148
How awful?
425
00:27:16,029 --> 00:27:16,787
You're...
426
00:27:17,631 --> 00:27:20,691
You're... the first god I've ever
summoned, you know? 'Cause...
427
00:27:22,653 --> 00:27:23,463
Joxer!
428
00:27:26,008 --> 00:27:26,781
Well...
429
00:27:27,266 --> 00:27:29,117
It all started
when I was a child.
430
00:27:30,826 --> 00:27:33,021
I was a happy kid... at first.
431
00:27:33,872 --> 00:27:36,544
But then, Mom and Dad
started fighting.
432
00:27:37,591 --> 00:27:39,325
He'd get tanked
and take the chariot...
433
00:27:42,312 --> 00:27:43,875
no matter who tried to stop him.
434
00:27:45,907 --> 00:27:48,073
One day... he lost control of it.
435
00:27:49,019 --> 00:27:50,238
Mom took it hard...
436
00:27:51,627 --> 00:27:54,283
and then she took a coupl'a arrows
from Dad's creditors and died.
437
00:27:56,807 --> 00:27:58,877
- It's just not fair!
- No, it's not.
438
00:27:58,902 --> 00:28:02,261
But tell me more.
Tell me more. It must get worse.
439
00:28:12,815 --> 00:28:15,260
You actually thought
Joxer was gonna help?
440
00:28:15,614 --> 00:28:17,966
Joxer has pulled through for us
several times.
441
00:28:18,412 --> 00:28:19,201
Really?
442
00:28:20,049 --> 00:28:20,971
Like when?
443
00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:23,976
Joxer...
444
00:28:30,273 --> 00:28:33,148
OK, forget that.
No, but Joxer, sometimes, he...
445
00:28:38,299 --> 00:28:39,900
Attus glad that over.
446
00:28:45,858 --> 00:28:48,831
Well, no, no, no, no, no... no, no.
No, Joxer...
447
00:28:48,856 --> 00:28:50,286
He can be...
448
00:28:58,093 --> 00:29:01,499
Oh, no. Ok. Once...
There was this time that he...
449
00:29:07,518 --> 00:29:10,729
Oh, Meg.
Gee, you got big feet for a girl.
450
00:29:10,952 --> 00:29:12,468
I always thought that the g...
451
00:29:14,513 --> 00:29:15,568
Hi, fellas.
452
00:29:17,130 --> 00:29:18,083
Ok.
453
00:29:20,682 --> 00:29:22,963
There was a time that Joxer...
454
00:29:23,482 --> 00:29:24,623
I'm Joxer, by the way.
455
00:29:24,836 --> 00:29:25,695
Gabrielle.
456
00:29:26,656 --> 00:29:27,711
Got you now!
457
00:29:30,644 --> 00:29:32,386
Ok, you win.
458
00:29:33,031 --> 00:29:36,328
But Joxer is a loyal friend,
and he's a great travelling companion.
459
00:29:36,580 --> 00:29:39,127
Don't get me wrong.
I love the poor dope.
460
00:29:42,909 --> 00:29:46,057
You know, he convinced Lachrymose
to return me to my normal size.
461
00:29:46,266 --> 00:29:49,578
Really? Joxer's pathetic life
was right up his alley, huh?
462
00:29:49,749 --> 00:29:50,413
Yeah.
463
00:29:50,687 --> 00:29:52,249
Not even Lachrymose was laughing.
464
00:29:53,891 --> 00:29:56,495
Oh, dear, that's terrible.
465
00:29:57,639 --> 00:29:59,272
Please, tell me it gets worse.
466
00:30:00,584 --> 00:30:02,209
Some wounds never heal.
467
00:30:16,356 --> 00:30:17,966
Watch my stuff, would you?
468
00:30:18,311 --> 00:30:20,054
I'm gonna go get my friend
from the tavern.
469
00:30:23,569 --> 00:30:24,944
I don't feel so good.
470
00:31:08,188 --> 00:31:10,735
All right. Anyone seen
a guy in a little pointy hat?
471
00:31:17,945 --> 00:31:21,524
Is that supposed to be funny?
472
00:31:22,599 --> 00:31:23,897
No, I just got lucky.
473
00:31:28,304 --> 00:31:29,437
Tough crowd...
474
00:31:35,330 --> 00:31:37,557
Well... No Gabrielle, no Joxer.
475
00:31:40,054 --> 00:31:42,109
At least there's someone
who won't desert me.
476
00:31:44,727 --> 00:31:46,240
Argo, come back!
477
00:31:49,499 --> 00:31:50,429
You again?
478
00:31:52,818 --> 00:31:55,107
Just wait till I catch you.
479
00:31:55,500 --> 00:31:56,295
No, no.
480
00:32:02,425 --> 00:32:03,933
Must be Lachrymose-intolerant.
481
00:32:04,144 --> 00:32:06,237
You know, you could find her easier
if you made her big again.
482
00:32:07,233 --> 00:32:09,389
Now, you are not
as dumb as you look.
483
00:32:09,654 --> 00:32:10,631
Well...
484
00:32:13,824 --> 00:32:14,847
Farewell.
485
00:32:22,700 --> 00:32:23,399
Joxer!
486
00:32:26,915 --> 00:32:27,969
Let's get outta here!
487
00:32:29,215 --> 00:32:30,387
Lighten up.
488
00:32:34,090 --> 00:32:36,864
Ah, now, that is devotion.
Here, girl!
489
00:32:46,755 --> 00:32:48,161
Look, a stray dog!
490
00:32:48,594 --> 00:32:50,474
They took a dog and put
a horse head on it!
491
00:32:50,650 --> 00:32:52,393
Wow, what do you have to do?
Add water?
492
00:33:07,906 --> 00:33:11,675
Gabrielle!
493
00:33:16,748 --> 00:33:17,634
Gabrielle!
494
00:33:18,713 --> 00:33:19,752
What is that?
495
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:22,748
I can explain.
496
00:33:24,213 --> 00:33:27,433
Look at that! Cold water!
She said "cold water"!
497
00:33:27,458 --> 00:33:30,050
Xena, now don't get mad.
It's not good for the baby.
498
00:33:31,281 --> 00:33:33,231
Ok, I... Xena!
499
00:33:33,586 --> 00:33:35,861
All we have to do
is make Lachrymose laugh.
500
00:33:35,886 --> 00:33:37,714
Then we can have Argo
back to the way she was.
501
00:33:40,966 --> 00:33:42,521
Say your prayers, Xena.
502
00:33:51,475 --> 00:33:53,108
Allelujah.
503
00:33:55,216 --> 00:33:56,106
All right.
504
00:33:57,689 --> 00:33:59,087
Ok, now, I'm not mad.
505
00:33:59,407 --> 00:34:01,411
I'm just very, very disappointed.
506
00:34:16,445 --> 00:34:17,773
And as for you...
507
00:34:18,258 --> 00:34:19,024
No, no.
508
00:34:19,360 --> 00:34:21,229
Think about it.
Think about it!
509
00:34:23,685 --> 00:34:25,405
Hey! She hit Bob!
510
00:34:27,006 --> 00:34:28,211
It was her.
511
00:34:29,781 --> 00:34:30,656
What?
512
00:34:34,894 --> 00:34:36,736
I'll take a pie, please!
513
00:34:42,978 --> 00:34:44,978
Hey! Don't touch my pie
until I throw it!
514
00:34:50,753 --> 00:34:52,011
You forgot to duck!
515
00:34:54,676 --> 00:34:55,661
So did you.
516
00:34:57,866 --> 00:34:58,835
Get 'em!
517
00:35:42,659 --> 00:35:45,707
Joxer...
Never pie a pregnant woman.
518
00:35:56,763 --> 00:35:57,825
Heads up!
519
00:36:11,418 --> 00:36:13,035
Which one of you threw that pie?
520
00:36:42,770 --> 00:36:44,199
Heads up, Lachrymose.
521
00:37:44,979 --> 00:37:48,133
A stupid, boring, unfunny excuse
522
00:37:48,134 --> 00:37:50,251
for a pie fight finally
made him laugh?
523
00:37:50,276 --> 00:37:51,339
Go figure.
524
00:37:52,437 --> 00:37:54,461
You must 'a been aiming too high
the rest of the time.
525
00:37:54,854 --> 00:37:55,909
I guess so.
526
00:37:58,632 --> 00:37:59,507
You ok?
527
00:38:00,675 --> 00:38:03,308
- This isn't working.
- What's not working?
528
00:38:03,602 --> 00:38:05,656
I thought telling you
the Lachrymose story
529
00:38:05,681 --> 00:38:08,064
would somehow end
my writer's block.
530
00:38:08,944 --> 00:38:09,788
Oh, well...
531
00:38:10,145 --> 00:38:11,903
At least you got him in touch
with his inner child.
532
00:38:13,538 --> 00:38:14,343
That's it.
533
00:38:15,210 --> 00:38:16,022
What?
534
00:38:17,215 --> 00:38:18,309
That's the answser.
535
00:38:18,943 --> 00:38:20,000
What are you talking about?
536
00:38:20,391 --> 00:38:22,390
Ever since Xena became pregnant,
537
00:38:22,415 --> 00:38:26,806
I have been trying to find a way
to make the world a better place.
538
00:38:27,412 --> 00:38:30,334
And I've allowed no time for
the things that make me happy...
539
00:38:31,803 --> 00:38:32,920
like my writing.
540
00:38:34,596 --> 00:38:36,471
I think I've been too afraid...
541
00:38:36,890 --> 00:38:39,070
that I've lost that part of me
that's a bard.
542
00:38:40,958 --> 00:38:41,739
Anyway.
543
00:38:42,215 --> 00:38:44,309
Maybe my writing
will help Xena's baby
544
00:38:44,334 --> 00:38:46,436
figure out who
he or she really is.
545
00:38:48,813 --> 00:38:51,243
Well, it looks like
my work here is done.
546
00:38:52,470 --> 00:38:53,181
Wait.
547
00:38:53,939 --> 00:38:54,743
What?
548
00:38:54,768 --> 00:38:56,424
You got a lot
of catching up to do.
549
00:38:57,416 --> 00:38:58,314
Thank you.
550
00:38:59,407 --> 00:39:00,594
Don't thank me yet.
551
00:39:01,955 --> 00:39:03,260
Wait till you get my bill.
552
00:39:27,333 --> 00:39:29,208
And the day ended as it began.
553
00:39:29,518 --> 00:39:31,245
Alongside my friends.
554
00:39:35,313 --> 00:39:37,977
You know, I gotta tell you,
I am feeling a whole lot better.
555
00:39:38,467 --> 00:39:40,436
I mean, life's pretty sweet
for me right now.
556
00:39:40,944 --> 00:39:43,272
I've got no cooking, no cleaning...
557
00:39:43,662 --> 00:39:45,146
and backrubs for a month.
558
00:39:45,961 --> 00:39:47,867
Technically,
you didn't lose your temper.
559
00:39:48,077 --> 00:39:51,124
But Xena, I saw you throwing pies
in a less-than-loving manner.
560
00:39:51,322 --> 00:39:52,392
Much less.
561
00:39:53,877 --> 00:39:54,752
Loving.
562
00:39:57,261 --> 00:39:58,878
Yep, loving. That's me.
563
00:40:10,976 --> 00:40:12,453
Who threw that pie?!
39091
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