All language subtitles for Sex.and.Drugs.and.Rock.and.Roll.S01E01.WEBrip.x264-ION10

(man)
Whoa! Slow down, Johnny.

Oh, man, it's the best blow
I've ever done.

It's got little green
flakes in it, man.

Uh.

That's the coke
right there.

What--

Oh, God.

Wow.

(man)
Bro, are you all right?

Yeah!

* Lots of money

* Plenty of cocaine, yeah

* Somebody somewhere
gonna know my name *

* I'm gonna hit this city
tonight *

* Where it lives and breathes

(Dave)
Well, honestly,
if it weren't for the Heathens,

I don't think
there would have been a Nirvana.

We saw the Heathens
at CBGB's,

and holy shit, man--
it changed our lives.

(all)
* Sex and drugs
and rock and roll *

(Greg)
It was like if The Who
[bleep] The Clash.

They had four kids
called The Heathens.

(all)
* Rock and roll

* All right

* All right

* Yeah

* Mick Jagger can do
anything he wants *

* Fly his jumbo jet
to his own Caribbean haunt *

Johnny lived with all three
of his backup singers.

And they were hot.

(Ava)
He was so musically gifted.

He had this magnetism

and confidence
about his fate

that drew us to him.

He was writing songs
that expressed

the anger and turmoil
of an entire generation.

Plus, he always
had a lot of drugs.

* Sex and drugs
and rock and roll *

* Gonna save my dirty soul

(Dave)
Johnny wasn't just in a band
called The Heathens.

He was an actual heathen.

[rock and roll music]

[sniffing and snorting]

There's always blow
in the rug.

* I don't want to die

* Not a word

* No, I don't want to die

* Not a word

* No, I don't want to die

(man)
They were the real deal.

And that song,
Sex, Drugs, and Rock and Roll--

they were gonna be huge.

Made the record.

Record company
snuck it to the critics.

Critics were raving about it.

The album cover was dope.

(Flash)
I hated that album cover.

It was just his big head.

You had to squint
to see the rest of us.

(Dave)
Being in a rock band--

there's no such thing
as a democracy.

There's always someone
at the wheel,

and it's usually the biggest
[bleep] up of them all.

* All kinds of people

* Worshipping whatever I do

(Flash)
His ego? Out of control.

I spent half my time
breaking up fights

between Flash and Johnny.

- Guys.
- Come on!

(Flash)
Johnny never cared about anybody
but himself.

He didn't care about the rest
of the band.

He never listened.

(Johnny)
Bullshit, man.

That band
was like a family to me.

All I thought about
was The Heathens 24/7.

[laughing]
He slept with my fiancée.

[laughs]

He did.

Did not sleep with his fiancée.

(man)
You didn't sleep with Simone?

Simone was his fiancée?

He slept with my wife.

I did not sleep with his wife.

She blew me.

How is that my fault?

Album came out
on Tuesday morning,

and the band broke up
that night.

Cat, who was an amazing
singer/songwriter

in her own right,
split.

I do a lot of session work.

Hired gun kind of stuff.

I'm on tour right now
with Lady Gaga.

I got 770,000 Twitter followers.

I'm @Gagaleadguitar.

You put "Gaga" into anything--

@Gaga "blah-blah-blah."

@Gagamycock.

@Gagashoe.

@Gagabanana.

You're gonna get
a million followers.

I'm on tour
with The Whigs right now,

and I guarantee you

Johnny crashes
the New York show

high on blow
asking me for a favor.

[guitar riff]

(Johnny)
I can't believe Dulli
had security

keep me from going backstage.

Wait till he sees this chick
that was staring at me.

(Ava)
Ugh, my feet hurt, and, like,
20 minutes already.

Okay, let's
wrap this up.

There's no girl in
the blue dress, John.

Looks like you're
still stuck with me.

- Or vice versa.
- She had a blue dress on.

Big blue eyes.

She was looking at me
the whole gig.

Sure that was coke
you snorted

and not some household
cleaning product?

[laughter]

There she is.

[bass guitar riff]

(man)
* Ooh, ooh, ooh

* Ooh, ooh, ooh

* Ooh, ooh, ooh

* Ooh, ooh, ooh

That girl?

- That's her.
- What?

- Oh, my God.
- Oh-ho!

You think that girl
is interested in you.

- Yeah.
- Wow.

She's gorgeous.
Oh.

I wish my tits
still looked like that.

Maybe she thinks
you're David Bowie

out on a big-ass bender.

Or David Bowie's dad.

[mumbling indistinctly]

What?

Holy shit.
John.

Those vicodins
I gave you--

how many did you take?

Snorted all three.

You snorted all three?

You can understand him?

I was on tour with The
Pogues for nine months.

I speak Shane MacGowan.

Uh-huh.

Okay.
This I got to see.

Get on over there,
big boy.

Come on.
Pony up.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Okay.

Ladies and gentlemen...

[inhales sharply]

(slurred)
My chariot awaits.

My chariot awaits.

Now he's quoting
the Bible.

Yeah, you're gonna need
divine intervention

just to make it
across the room.

Okay.
Watch this.

Oh, I'm watching.

Ten bucks says
he pukes on her.

[steady dramatic drumbeat]

[acoustic guitar music]

*

(man)
* Flame

* The diamond in the chain

* Still I would--

[hearty laughter]

He's up.

[chuckles]

(all)
Oh!

Piece of shit.

You're an asshole.

You want proof?

All right, go.
Go, go. Go.

What's the lowest thing you guys
have seen me do?

Today?

[disheartened laugh]

[takes a deep breath]

Turns out
that girl I was trying to

slip the tongue to...

She's my daughter.

Holy shit.

So...

She's available?

[sighs]

Man, you go to bed one night.

You wake up--
it's 25 years later.

(Ava)
It seems like
just a few years ago

everything was sitting
right in front of us.

[sighs]

All of our dreams,

just waiting
for us to make them pop.

And then, one day, you wake up,
and it's like

three decades later.

I got my mom's hands
and my father's tits.

Honey, you don't have
your father's tits.

30 years ago, I thought
I was gonna meet David Bowie.

Instead I ended up with you.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I don't know what to say.

Oh. No, no, no, no.

I didn't mean it
that way.

Listen.

When we're up on
that stage together

and the spotlight
is shining down on us

and you're singing
your newest songs

and I hear the pain
and the soul in your voice,

I realize there
has to be a reason.

There has to be some reason

why we haven't made it yet.

Some reason why
it's taking so long

but we're still
chasing these dreams.

You know what that reason is?

What?

No, I'm asking you
what the reason is.

I don't know.

Shit.

(Johnny)
You're dropping me as a client?

Not in here.

This is bullshit, Ira.

I'm out of options,
my friend.

You won't play covers,

which cancels out
weddings,

hotel lounges,
cruise ships.

You won't sing jingles.

I'm an artist.

An unbookable artist.

You book a monkey
who does balloon animals.

His name is Steve,

and he does
balloon humans.

That's his hook.

Steve stays,
but I go.

Steve works; he's booked
at birthday parties

from now until next
Easter, unlike you.

John, you're 50
and you're not famous.

And you won't let other
people sing your songs.

In rock and roll, you know
what that makes you?

What?

A bartender.

The dream is over.

Time to move on.

Ira, listen.

You know I can't
work a regular job.

I don't have
the skills for that.

You got to
get me a gig.

I'll take anything.
Come on.

There's got
to be something.

Bears With Bikes needs
a rhythm guitar player.

I can't play with
a bunch of

pretentious
Indie-rock assholes.

They're four bears
who ride bikes.

You play them on
and offstage.

You want me
to join the circus.

Oh.
Summer of '69.

What's that?
A sex show?

Bryan Adams tribute band.

Their Bryan Adams left

to be the new Sting
in Stung.

What, I can't be
the new Sting in Stung?

Not when you look like

Bryan Adams's grandfather.

Jon Non-Jovi.

Jon Non-Jovi...

What?

Their fake Sambora

fired their fake Bon Jovi

because he's going bald.

For real; now, you still
got a nice head of hair.

What do these assholes
make for playing

other people's songs?

15 to 20 grand.

A year.

A week.

A week?

Summer of '69 is less
than half that.

Still very, very nice.

[phone rings]

[sighs]

All right.
Bryan Adams.

Non Bon Jovi.

That's all I got
for you, my friend.

Okay? This is about Steve.
I got to take this.

[sighs]

Listen.

I've never asked you
for anything.

Okay, I did ask you to keep me
from having a heart attack

that one time we did
the pink blow from Peru--

the two times I did
the pink blow from Peru--

but you got to
help me out here.

I'll--I'll quit drugs.

For real this time.
I swear to God.

You just--you--

you got to give me
something, man.

Some kind of a sign
or something.

I--I can't just be,
like, a bartender

or just like
a regular person.

I mean, why did you
give me all this talent

if I was just gonna fail?

What am I doing?

Praying to a guy I don't
even really believe in.

Or a chick.

- Hey.
- Okay.

Ah!
What gig did Feinbaum get you?

Bryan Adams
tribute band.

- Oh!
- All right. Listen.

No, honey.
It sounds worse than it is.

- Okay? It could be way worse.
- Really?

- Yes.
- How?

- Jon Non-Jovi. Okay?
- Oh, my God.

- What?
- Oh, my God.

This is it.
This is what happens.

Hacking knock-off bands
after three goddamn decades.

Honey.
Honey, listen to me.

The Bryan Adams
tribute thing

pays, like,
eight grand a week,

and the Non-Jovi thing
could be twice as much as that.

Oh, my God, you're
actually considering this.

- Look--who's gonna know?
- I'm gonna know.

- Nobody's gonna know.
- Okay?

I'm gonna know.

Go to hell, Johnny.

Oh, wait.

You're in a fake
Bon Jovi band.

Well, guess what?
You're already there.

- Honey, I just--
- Hang on, you guys.

- We got company.
- What do they want?

Probably money.

Yo, bitch.

If it's money
you're looking for,

you're barking up
the wrong friggin' tree.

So screw.

I don't need any money
from you assholes.

I'm rich.

I love your shoes!

- Hey!
- What's going on?

I'm so sorry about kicking
you in the nuts last night, Dad.

Nah.
Not a problem.

This is my friend Becky.

- Hey.
- Hi.

It's our first time
in New York.

Hey, how's it going?

Well, we went
to the 9/11 museum

at Ground Zero.

It was so awesome.

Yeah, and then we saw
some famous people

at this club downtown
last night.

Oh, yeah, Miley Cyrus's
half-sister, Brandi,

and Lindsay Lohan's
mom--Deans.

Those people
are not famous.

I know, right?
They're beyond famous.

- They're huge.
- No, the Beatles were huge.

- Yeah.
- Sinatra. Paul Newman.

- They were huge.
- What do you mean were?

What happened to Paul Newman?

Paul Newman died,
like, five years ago.

- The popcorn guy?
- No, no. He was a chef.

Speaking of fame,
that's why I'm here.

I need you to help me
get famous.

- Aww.
- Aww.

Famous how?

She's an
unbelievable singer.

No, no, no.

I'm not getting involved
in some hick from Ohio's

ridiculous pipe dream--
no way.

You know, my mom would never
let me be in a band

or anything because she
hates show business,

but she told me
that once I moved out,

I could do whatever I wanted.

So this hick from Ohio
moved out.

Congratulations.

And then she gave me
$200,000.

Great name for a band:
Pipe Dream.

Yes.

I can sing,
but I can't write,

so I need you and Flash
to write me some songs.

I don't need Flash
to write 'em.

I can write 'em
on my own.

Oh, I'm sorry.
Your solo album sucked.

His solo album sucked.

But the songs you guys
wrote together

for The Heathens
were awesome.

- Plus, he's kind of famous.
- Really famous.

He's not kind of famous.
He's not even close.

I'm sorry, are you
Gaga's new guitar player?

- Oh, my God.
- Oh!

- Does he know Gaga?
- Yeah. He does.

Does he breathe the same exalted
air that she does

on a daily basis?

Yep.

Let me explain
something to you, okay?

He should apologize to me
because he broke up

with me, not vice versa.

Oh, God, you don't have to be
such a little bitch about it.

Tell Flash not to be
such a bitch about it.

Oh, my God, I will pay you
two grand in cash

if you go sit down with Flash.

I'll tell him myself
in person.

I booked a rehearsal space,
and I want to sing Animal

off the only Heathens album
ever recorded.

What do you say?

Done deal. Yeah.

- Right? Cool.
- Yeah.

All right. Good.

Hey, maybe Mom was wrong
about you.

Why?
What did she say?

She said you were a lazy,
selfish pothead alcoholic

with a small dick
and a death wish.

[scoffs]

[sighs]

Can I talk to you
alone for a sec?

Okay.

What, is this gonna
be your "I'm sorry

"I was never
there for you

"because I never
knew you existed

blah blah blah"
speech?

This is, you know,
gonna be my

"I'm sorry I wasn't
there for you

"'cause I never
knew you existed

"because I didn't stay
in touch with your mother

and I feel bad
about that."

It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.

Really?

I forgive you.

You do.

No.

You should not only
feel guilty

about never knowing me,

but you should feel
really, really shitty

about me growing up
without a father figure

in friggin' A-hole Ohio.

So leave your feelings
out of this.

I don't want
to hear them.

I don't need a dad.

I need a goddamn
songwriter.

Flash and the
entire Gaga crew

are staying
at the Gansevoort,

and in case he doesn't
respond to money,

because, unlike you,
he actually has some,

you can show him this.

What?

You want me
to be your pimp?

See?
We're bonding already.

Tell him I have
a thing for him.

Do you have a thing
for him?

I have your number.

I'll text it to you.

You--

Thank you, Daddy.

Come on, Becky.
Let's go.

Bye, girls!
I'll text you!

Bye!

See you later,
Mr. Rock!

Yeah.

That's my girl.

What if she can't
really sing?

Well, then we do what's best
for everybody involved.

Send her back
to her mom?

No.

String her along
until the money runs out.

[camera shutters clicking]

Hey.

How you guys doing?

- Move. Move.
- Move it!

- Move out of the way!
- Move!

- What?
- Brody. Brody.

Brody. Brody, here.
Here. Brody!

Who's that guy?

Bruce Jenner's
son Brody.

What?

World-renowned
club DJ.

That's the guy you guys
are taking photos of?

That douchebag?

The only reason
his whole family's famous

is because his fat-ass
half sister

is good at sucking
celebrity dick.

I mean, seriously.
That's her talent.

Google "Kim Kardashian
blowjobs,"

'cause you know how many
entries come up?

481,000.

That's what I read in the paper.

I mean, is that what it takes
to be famous nowadays?

Huh?
Sucking semi-famous penis?

'Cause if it is,
sign me up.

I'll suck Bruce Jenner's cock

right here in front
of the Gansevoort Hotel.

That's if he
still has one.

I'm serious.
I want to blow Bruce Jenner.

What? What?

What? Let me go.
Hey.

Freedom of speech.
I can say whatever I want.

Hey, man.
I got him.

You want to blow
Bruce Jenner, huh?

I can explain
what happened.

I--I can't explain
what happened.

I am not lending you
any money.

Who said anything
about money?

I talked to Dulli
this morning.

We're not getting the band
back together either.

Listen. Okay, listen.
That's not.

I just want to have
a conversation.

(woman)
Oh, hey! Hey! Hey!
Hello. Hey!

Oh, you're the
guitar player!

Oh, we loved the show
last night.

- Can you sign my tit?
- Sure.

She wants to be a singer
just like Gaga,

and she's really, really,
really talented

and she's 19,
so she's legal,

if you're interested.

- Right, honey?
- Oh, yeah.

Are you anybody?

You never heard
of Johnny Rock, girls?

Uh...

No.

Hey!
There goes Gaga.

Oh!
Go, go, go, go.

[screaming and cheering]

Are you shitting me?

What do you want, John?

Small favor.

Doesn't involve
any money from you.

I'm never playing
with you again.

As in never ever,
asshole.

Listen.
You owe me.

I was the one that said,
"Hey, let's start a band

together," and then I
was the guy that said,

once we had the band,
"Hey, let's start writing

some songs together,"
so when you think

about it, you wouldn't
be sitting here

in this plush limo today
without me.

You sound like
my ex-wife.

I was with you for twice
as long as she was.

And I gave you that really nice
skull-and-crossbone ring.

- Not her.
- Who gives a shit?

- I give a shit.
- We're grown men now.

And I'm playing in Gaga's
band in spite of you

'cause you held me back
all those years.

- I held you back.
- Your ego.

And your rock-and-roll
destructive bullshit ways.

Okay. Whatever.

You still doing blow?

No, I'm not doing blow.

I haven't done blow in ages.

'Cause you quit,
or you can't afford it?

[laughs]

Flash...

this isn't about drugs.

I'm talking about
a different high.

A connection between
me and you, man.

When we were working
together, man,

live on stage, our vibe
was killer, dude.

Just the two of us.
Wide awake.

We were taking
our emotions--

not Gaga's,
not Jon Bon Jovi's

or anybody--
our emotions, man,

and our angst
and whatever we were feeling

and we were throwing it
into the amps,

and it was coming
back out genius stuff.

Remember when the
record came out

and the guy
from Rolling Stone

wrote that early review

and he called you
the wizard spawn

of Pete Townshend
and The Edge?

We were so happy.

That's what I'm
talking about.

When we were making
people dance and scream

and changing
their lives, man.

That's the drug
I'm after, dude.

That's--that's
the high I want.

[sighs]

Me too, Johnny.

I mean, I'll do some
drugs, if you have some.

Not blow, but, like,
prescription stuff.

Get out.
Get out!

Okay. Okay.

Let me explain
the favor thing.

Cat, when she went
to Ohio--turns out,

long story short,
she was pregnant by me.

She never told me
and now I have a daughter

and she's here
and she's 25 years old

and she thinks she can sing.

She rented the big room
at SIR tomorrow at 10:00

and she's paying me and
Bam Bam and Rehab to be there

and we really need
the money, man,

and it doesn't cost you a dime.

All you got to do
is show up.

Let me think about it.
No.

Come on.
They need the bread.

I need the bread.

[sighs]

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

What?

[inhales sharply]

Never mind.

- What do you got there?
- No.

No, no, no, no.
Give me.

Holy shit.
Is that her?

No, that's not her.
That's--that's a guy.

That's the lead singer.
Remember chicks with dicks?

- She a Gaga fan?
- No.

She hates Gaga.

I'm in. I'm way in.

She's too young
for you, man.

Give it to me.

You just saw me sign
the tit of a 19-year-old.

See you tomorrow at 10:00.

Payback's a bitch.

Hey, guys.
Thanks for coming.

We don't have a lot of time,
and I got a couple things

I want to say, so I don't
want to be interrupting.

What?

Listen, this probably
isn't gonna take very long,

'cause like you, I'm assuming

that Gigi's not exactly
the real deal,

but let's look
at the bright side.

We can get a nice
little jam session in

on her dime
after she's done,

but I want to lay down a couple
hard-and-fast rules.

Number one: nobody sleeps
with my daughter.

Number two: nobody sleeps
with my daughter.

Number three:
sleep with my daughter,

I pull off your fingers
with a socket wrench.

Well, forget that,
'cause Bam Bam told us

you already tried to bang her
two nights ago.

That was before I knew
she was my daughter, okay?

I thought she was just a hot
chick with a great-looking--

no looking at her ass,
by the way.

Or her tits.

Matter of fact,
that word's out

when she's in here.

What word? Ass or tits?

Both, all right?

What about rack?

Why would rack be okay?

Puppies. She's got a great
set of puppies.

Swear to God.
Stop right now.

- Beams.
- Guns.

- Grenades.
- Guys.

- Cadillacs.
- Apples.

Hey!

No more nicknames
for my daughter's--

Chesticles?

Chest area.

Okay?

Enough. God.

(Bam Bam)
What about her pussy?

What?

Like, if she
has a camel toe,

may we say "camel toe"?

Or CT?

No camel toe.
No CT. Okay?

How do we refer
to it, then?

My daughter doesn't
have a pussy, okay?

She has a vagina,
which is off-limits

to each and every
one of you, all right?

Well, Johnny, you
should've thought of that

25 years ago, when you
were banging our chicks.

[bangs on drum]

[sighs]

Really, guys?

Can we not just put
the past where it belongs?

Huh?

It was a quarter
of a century ago.

[sighs]

Of course we can, John.

Thank you.

But we're still gonna
need a code word

for your daughter's pussy.

Muff.

Muff is not a code
word, asshole.

- They know what that means.
- No, they do not.

(Bam Bam)
Absolutely they do.

Oh, like you're some kind
of pussy-code-word genius.

Actually, I am.

- How 'bout pooch?
- I like that.

- It's Italian.
- Well, it's American.

In Ireland,
they say Gee.

- No, we're not--listen.
- Ooh, you're Irish.

- That means her vag is Irish.
- Okay.

[all speaking at once]

And nobody's
looking at her...

puppies.

What the hell are we
gonna look at, then?

How 'bout her face,
asshole, okay?

Ever heard of eye contact?
Huh?

Assholes?

Ooh, she does have
adorable eyes.

No eye contact.

There's no eye contact.

(Gigi)
I vote "pooch."

Well, it sounds
so soft and fluffy.

Here's the deal, though.

My pooch is not
really up for grabs,

and, knowing myself
as well as I do,

I'm probably gonna
sleep with Flash

because, well,
he's not bald.

And he's not
the bass player.

Plus, he's got this
Slash-meets-Joe Perry

Elder Statesman rock god
kind of thing going on,

which the rest of you
absolutely do not.

What are you
doing here?

Oh. I invited him.

I'm gonna
need a manager

once the music world
gets a load of me.

So are we gonna
sing or what?

Animal in E.

One, two, three.

[electric guitar riff]

* If I didn't want you

* Would I cry your
name out loud? *

* Cursing as I wander

* Into this manic crowd

* And if I didn't need you

* Why do you run
right through my veins *

* Savage and so dangerous

* You linger and remain

* And if I didn't want you

* Would I arrive
outside your door? *

* Bent but still
unbroken, babe *

* Crying out for more

* More, more

* Ooh, more

* More

* More

* I'm an animal

* Ooh, yeah

* Oh, yeah

* Ooh, you are, yeah

* Oh, yeah

* Yeah

Shit.

*

(Gigi)
* Ooh, baby

What kind of fatherly
advice...

do you get from
a legendary rock star
like Johnny Rock?

Hmm.

Don't wear anything
flammable.

And I thought
she didn't listen.

[ Announcer ]
Sex & Drugs & Rock & Roll.

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