Original subtitles

[dreamy pop music playing]

♪ Boy, you're stuck in your head It's what you do, do, do ♪

Chill, slow down!

All right, I don't blame you.

I knew what I did was wrong.

I wanted to explore…

and meet other people and all that.

But I did…

lie to him about it.

It was awful…

and I felt guilty.

I'm curious, did you really?

Yeah.

Because…

you did continue to sleep with DQ after that, right?

Honestly, she just became a guy and did me dirty, that's it.

She did what a guy do to girls, and I understand.

["Poppin Non-Stop" playing]

♪ Dancin' all night ♪

♪ 'Cause you know we ain't stoppin' One, two, three, four bottles in da club ♪

♪ Steady keep it coming 'Cause you know we ain't leavin' ♪

I am starving!

Yo!

What's happening? What's happening, partner?

Good to see you, big boy.

DQ, how you feeling, baby? Good to see you. All right.

Y'all finally made it.

You know when people say "I made it out the hood"?

My mom really made it out the hood, like…

she went to Yale. That's Ivy League.

And she's Black.

-Silverware is out. -Don't...

-Pick one vegetable. -Don't touch my rib eye.

You can have one of the other ones, don't touch my rib eye.

My father…he was a really good student so he went to Yale, too, so…

That inspires me a lot.

Lord, we are truly thankful for this food to nourish our bodies.

Thank you for our blessed day, thank you for our blessed travels,

and our fellowship. In your name we pray. Amen.

["This Empty Heart" playing]

When they all sat at the table…

blessed the food,

that really was just, like, a wow moment for me. It was like…

That was something I never really experienced.

[indistinct conversation]

You told me how you didn't have a family, right?

Is that why you got me pregnant on purpose?

Like, that was a piece of it? Because I always wanted a family?

You were hoping, yeah.

♪ Help me fill up this empty heart ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

Okay, DQ…what's coming up? You're about to be finished.

I'm leaving Gallaudet.

-I'm happy about that. -[Linda] Oh.

I feel bad for you 'cause you've been stuck in that group culture for a minute.

The people.

As soon as they hear a little bit

gossip or whatever about something,

it just spreads.

I'm gonna give you an example.

Let's say…

I'm messing with this girl, like, nobody knows.

Give it a week or two,

everybody knows I messed with that girl.

But that doesn't make them evil.

That just makes you guys a small community

that's in everybody's business.

So…So hold on, let me finish.

[laughs]

[chuckles]

[Linda] You knew that when you went.

You are not new to this community.

And you know everybody talks,

everybody tells everybody's business.

You knew that.

It's more of, their culture,

and my life

and what I've been through, it don't match.

Is it different because you're Black?

Is it different because you're hearing?

I'm from a hearing culture. I don't sign all the time. I talk.

Do you feel like you're in between?

Or, like, caught in the middle?

I move how I want to move, you feel me?

I adapt.

So I'm in the Rodney Community, really.

In essence, what he is saying to some degree…

is that he gives himself a license to be an asshole.

Because he doesn't have to filter what he does. He wants to be allowed…

But a license to be himself!

It was not meant as a slight.

-It was-- -I get it from you, Mom.

No, I'm not a mommy's boy.

Maybe a little bit.

A little bit.

I think you're being yourself. I love it. Do you.

But sometimes the "doing you"…

is that you're an asshole.

-Oh, yeah, that's a fact. -[Sr.] Exactly.

[Rodney] That's a fact!

-[Linda] Embrace it. -Otherwise, DQ,

he's actually a pretty great kid.

You're actually a really great guy.

There are times, though, when you're an asshole, and I'm like,

"Dude."

Being in their house, felt like I've been there many times before.

But it was my first time.

Their whole family, like how they communicate,

it's cool, I want that.

["I Think We Started Something" playing]

[indistinct conversation]

♪ Hey, hey, get on the floor ♪

♪ This is what we're doing for ♪

♪ All night and all the day ♪

♪ Just wanna be startin' something ♪

♪ Hey-ey-ey-ey-ey ♪

Look out, don't hit that.

That's so Deaf!

Walking and signing at the same time, and suddenly there's a pole!

I hang out with Cheyenna because

she sees right through people's bullshit.

It's cool.

Look behind you at the guys in the suit and ties.

Eww, my God…

Eww…

[both laughing]

I mean, I like nerdy guys…

but at the same time, I like hot guys,

surfers, with, like, long hair,

like a bad boy, you know?

I usually tend to go for bad boys,

the ones that don't really have any goals in life.

They're, like, wild, whatever…

But if there's a nice guy…

Blocked!

[both laugh]

So…

one reason I wanted to come here and talk is…

I wanted to clear things up with you because you seem so different.

I'm just trying to make sense of it.

Somebody…

saw you guys talking shit about

my YouTube videos.

Okay, yes.

They were talking about what it means to be an influencer

and what they feel about having Deaf representation…

and, like, maybe other Deaf people should be influencers.

The Deaf community…

they see me as something from another world.

And they don't want me in their world.

Am I not, like…

Deaf enough?

I mean, a lot of people give my friends,

the quote-unquote "Elite"…

a bad rap because they seem closed off and stuck-up.

It's more about the fact that we all grew up together.

Growing up…

we had an unbreakable bond.

At the same time, it's hard because

things get out there so fast and they're so quick to judge.

Why focus so much time on what other people are doing?

Don't waste your energy on that.

I don't want to lose my closest friends.

So it's a real struggle for me.

What are you majoring in, DQ?

My major at Gallaudet is Physical Education and Recreation.

[Linda] Would you go to Virginia to coach?

Virginia…

I love my friends, I love all my brothers back home.

But Virginia…

it's no…it's no… It's no positives where I'm from.

-[Linda] Okay. -No positives.

You paying attention?

Have I been listening? My ears don't work, Ma.

-I said… -[Rodney Sr. laughing]

I said…

are you paying attention?

-[Rodney] Yes, I have been. -[Rodney Sr. laughing]

[DQ] Why'd you move all the way over there?

-Because he's scared. -She got short arms, but she pack a punch.

He's scared.

Look.

Look at her hands.

They chubby, but whoa!

-[Linda] Comin' for you. -[laughs]

-[Rodney] Balling. -[all laughing]

[emotional music playing quietly]

Honestly, I feel like what really fucked me up, is like…

my mom passed when I was younger.

Fine, shit happens. Everyone can't live forever.

I wished she lived longer, but it's more of, like…

it really fucked up my emotions.

That's why I'm so fucking weird.

I don't want to make the dinner table sad, but like…

my family back home, like…

Like, this? We didn't have this-- I never had this growing up.

Soon as my mom passed, age 14…

-[snaps] -…I was…

-[Linda] It's a different world. -Everything was myself.

I lost my mom early, but not as early as you.

And I know what you mean, like, it's a different world.

The minute they're gone…

it's a different world without them.

If I close my eyes…

and just imagine

success for me.

I'm seeing…

me and my family living in a huge house.

Having fun, laughing, joking with the kids.

[indistinct conversations, laughter]

Having that family…again.

Like, I want a family again.

["Do You Feel Ready" playing]

♪ Do you feel ready now? ♪

Song?

Poem.

♪ Do you feel ready now? ♪

How do you feel?

Really nervous.

When I signed up for Poetry Slam…

that was a huge risk for me

because it's something I'm sharing from within.

Renate Rose.

Ready to come up?

I wrote it last year…

in honor of my girlfriend, Tayla.

Your hand…

is on me.

Oh, my, a fleeting kiss, more and more.

Slowly, your hands travel, tracing every curve and hip.

My breath…

My breath rushing out with pleasure, silently begging for more.

[crowd cheering]

My hips undulate along with your hands…

as you take me over the cliff.

I love you.

[cheering, applause]

[fast tempo electronic beat playing]

Renate was being very touchy-feely with herself.

I feel that.

Courage.

Thank you!

[crowd cheers]

["In the City Lights" playing]

Cheyenna…I asked her to go on a date with me, a simple date because

she has a lot to offer.

She has an interesting mindset that I'd like to explore, you know?

I know you're sarcastic. I've seen your Instagram.

But then you choose to ignore me in real life.

I've always thought you were attractive, but…

do you listen to what other people think of me?

I've heard you're a ladies' man.

You think so?

Yes!

Interesting.

You've slept with a lot of girls, right?

People make that mistake…

because I'm so friendly.

Like, you're very active on social media…

and I'm sure you have haters, right?

Yeah, I definitely have haters.

Tell me about that, then.

I'm not cool enough, I'm not Elite enough.

Such a college thing.

Perception is what I'm talking about!

You think that's not true about you…

Same thing, what's said about me isn't true!

I think Cheyenna is not really accepted…

in the Deaf community because she doesn't promote, like,

Deaf people this, Deaf people that.

Really, Cheyenna don't owe us a God dang thing!

Do you think of yourself as weird?

Oh, yeah! I'm weird!

Go on.

Sometimes I feel like I'm

asexual.

I'm just not interested in that area.

Why?

Because I was raised in a Christian family.

Everyone said to wait to have sex until marriage.

I mean, I didn't wait…

but I still care about my moral values.

I still really internalize those values from the Bible.

With a guy, I may want him, but, like, how do I…?

And what pisses me off…

some guys act really friendly and put up a front, and when they get what they want

they're done with me, and I'm like, what the fuck?!

I'm very Christian. My mother is very Christian.

Cheyenna do have values, yes.

But I think some of those values were based on

mistakes that guys have made in the past,

and I think she's a woman of

a lot of stories…

but she hides them.

As much as I am…

to use your words,

kind of a "ladies' man," I care what people think of me.

I care about my reputation as a good boyfriend.

The problem is…

where I'm from,

we don't have girls that are sweet like you.

Before this date, I just looked at him like a fuck boy.

But now my perspective has changed a bit.

But I'm still not 100 percent sure he's not full of shit.

I changed her perspective on me.

"Oh! He's not a player."

Which I'm not.

I really am not.

I am, though.

["You Need It" playing]

♪ Take it or leave it ♪

♪ Take it ♪

[phone rings]

Hey, what's up?

Just chillin'. I have class soon.

I'm bored. Can I come over?

Sure, come over.

Alexa and I…

we're both from Frederick, Maryland, which has a big Deaf community.

We've known each other for…

[fast rock playing]

For most of my life.

[elevator dings]

[electronic beat playing]

You tried to have a kid with me.

It wasn't on purpose, like, "I'm getting Alexa pregnant tonight."

Okay, whatever.

My friends don't know anything about it.

I haven't opened up.

My family is…

pretty well known in the Deaf community.

People would judge me.

I know I shouldn't care, but I do.

So…

I went through a lot of stuff…

last summer.

And it's been weighing on me.

Do you want to talk about it?

[downbeat guitars strumming]

Last summer…

I had an abortion.

Who was it?

Daequan.

It was Daequan?

Oh my God.

Alexa…she's been a variety of guys.

So am I surprised? Not really.

When gossip happens, it's really

a lot worse at Gallaudet because it's so small.

♪ Don't you hate it when ♪

♪ You've lost your friends? ♪

But that's…

what makes life so exciting: these stories to tell.

♪ So young ♪

♪ Carefree ♪

♪ Couldn't stand to be apart ♪

♪ Time flies, things change ♪

♪ Everything is hard ♪

♪ Older, unhappy ♪

♪ Then one day you wake up and ♪

♪ They don't love you anymore ♪

♪ They don't love you anymore ♪

♪ They don't love you anymore ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ They don't love you ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ They don't love you ♪

♪ La la la la la la la ♪

♪ They don't love you ♪