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1
00:03:06,386 --> 00:03:10,389
You want me
to make you breakfast?
2
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,491
With what?
There's nothing
in the fridge.
3
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:17,296
I'll go to the store
when you get paid.
4
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:19,865
We can crash dinner
at my mom's tonight.
5
00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:23,435
I'd rather starve.
6
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,980
If I had a million dollars,
I'd stay in bed with you
all day.
7
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,594
I'm gonna be late
for work, wife.
8
00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,762
You know I'm quick,
husband.
9
00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:05,310
Hey, Pete.
10
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:13,552
Whoops.
11
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,621
Oh, oh, oh.
12
00:04:27,567 --> 00:04:30,435
Hey, fellas.
Good morning.
13
00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:40,812
Good morning.
I have a great new offer
for you today.
14
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,448
Uh-huh.
15
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,385
- Good morning.
Hi, Donna.
- Hi, John.
16
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:51,456
Okay, let's do this.
Let's sell some...
Television warranties.
17
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:53,992
No, um,
18
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:57,763
I have not had experience
supervising others.
19
00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:01,366
But I am a confident leader,
20
00:05:01,368 --> 00:05:04,536
And I respond very well
to stress and deadlines.
21
00:05:06,072 --> 00:05:11,009
No, um, I have not
had, uh, experience
supervising others.
22
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:14,746
But I am a confident leader,
23
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:21,420
And I respond well...
very well...
to stress and deadlines.
24
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,522
Hi, good morning,
Mr. Sandveg.
Hope I didn't wake you.
25
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,890
Hi, auntie.
Are you there?
26
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:26,958
Uh, no, my name
is John Macy.
27
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,428
Um, sir,
would you be interested
by any chance,
28
00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:33,765
what happened is,
we've suddenly started
to hit real well.
29
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:36,001
What's that?
But our pitching
is just terrible.
30
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:40,005
Hello? Hello? Mr. Sandveg?
31
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,506
Hey, what went wrong
on that sale there, John?
32
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:47,346
Um, this sale.
Dementia.
33
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,681
Okay. Think about
what we talked about.
34
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:52,718
Productivity,
performance, punctuality,
35
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,021
The three main pivot points
to you recapturing
your optimal performance level.
36
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,789
Why is this a problem?
37
00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:01,526
Oh, I just think it's honestly
a pretty bad economy right now.
38
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:04,096
Don't tell me economy.
Everyone's blaming the economy.
39
00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:06,465
You gonna blame somebody?
Blame...
40
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,467
The damn republicans?
41
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,970
What? Don't sass me.
And don't sass my party.
42
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:14,973
I...
make some calls.
Focus up.
43
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:17,709
Get rid of those
dumb-ass toys.
44
00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,551
First I'm here
45
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,920
then I'm there
46
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:32,557
and I know it's a drag
47
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:37,896
and I know it's a drag
but I'm here
48
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,832
I've spent the last
three years finishing
my undergraduate degree.
49
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:43,135
It's been tight,
but worth it...
50
00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:47,739
So I could sit here today,
fully qualified
for my dream job.
51
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,576
I'm ahead of the pack
for once.
52
00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,412
We have a lot of applicants,
53
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:56,848
All of whom have
master's degrees...
54
00:06:56,850 --> 00:07:00,085
Or ten years' experience.
55
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:03,655
Okay.
56
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:07,092
Flower power, minishirts
57
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,461
in the big city
58
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,739
What do you want?
Came by for the rent check.
59
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,608
It's not due
for another three days,
arnie.
60
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,843
Well, then
I saved you a stamp.
61
00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,178
Ow.
62
00:07:42,495 --> 00:07:46,598
Here. You can't
cash that until Friday.
63
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:51,536
Weren't you, uh,
voted most likely to succeed
in high school, Alice?
64
00:07:51,538 --> 00:07:53,138
Yeah. Why?
65
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,942
- Just wondering what happened.
- Oh.
66
00:07:56,944 --> 00:08:01,513
Oopsies.
Oh, yeah, that guy.
67
00:08:01,515 --> 00:08:03,615
Mmm.
You know,
he's getting promoted.
68
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:05,851
And I'm considering
several job offers
right now.
69
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:07,719
Oh, that's good.
That's nice.
Yeah.
70
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,221
Arnie.
Yard's a little shaggy.
71
00:08:09,223 --> 00:08:11,623
Oh.
Bang!
72
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,192
Ah! Ah! Ah!
73
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,703
Hello, darling wife.
Hello, husband.
74
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:31,576
So, this is the part
where you tell me you got
a promotion at work...
75
00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:32,978
And a huge bonus.
76
00:08:36,984 --> 00:08:41,152
You tell me to go get sexy
because you're taking me out.
77
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:46,992
I, uh, found
a hoagie time coupon
in the men's room.
78
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:50,262
It's a bogo.
79
00:08:50,264 --> 00:08:53,131
Ooh.
80
00:08:53,966 --> 00:08:56,001
Love when you spoil me.
81
00:08:56,003 --> 00:08:58,803
Get inside.
82
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,872
It's hoagie time.
83
00:09:04,210 --> 00:09:07,646
Yes! You die.
84
00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:10,849
I think I should just
become a navy seal
or something.
85
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:12,817
'Cause I'm a tactical genius.
86
00:09:12,819 --> 00:09:15,887
Why is it that real blood
makes you pass out,
but this is entertainment?
87
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:19,591
Because I'm killing
drug dealers and pimps.
It's God's work.
88
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:22,861
Hey, which credit card has
no interest until next year?
89
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,196
Um, citibank in July.
90
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:30,235
Oh! I died, baby.
91
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:33,104
So, when Arnie
cashes our check,
92
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,173
We will be left with...
93
00:09:38,978 --> 00:09:42,180
why do you care so much
about what Payton and Ricky
think?
94
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,616
Because
they're our friends, John, and
we went to high school together.
95
00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:46,718
These people tortured me
in high school.
96
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:51,022
Hi, um,
Alice and John Macy.
I see you're on the list. Yeah.
97
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,992
Yeah, come on in.
Thank you.
98
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:59,130
Oh, my God.
99
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:05,170
Honey, was there anything
about a dress code
in the invitation?
100
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:07,939
I wanna die right now.
Yeah.
101
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:17,015
Seven years ago,
she was copying my trig
and banging all the jocks.
102
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:20,151
Her father gave her a bullshit
six-figure desk job...
103
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:23,722
While holding a solid
"c" average in communications
after seven years of college.
104
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:26,791
Her degree is as authentic
as her bouncy new tits.
105
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:32,330
Shall we go see some of
our good friends now?
106
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,038
Two whiskeys, neat.
Sure.
107
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,707
Hey, Ricky,
what do you say?
108
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,010
Hey... Guy.
109
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:48,179
High five.
110
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,115
It's getting hot outside,
right?
111
00:10:50,117 --> 00:10:52,817
- Real hot around here.
- Here you go.
112
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,786
Walked outside yesterday
my whole...
113
00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:59,057
My whole dick was out
just swingin' around.
114
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,392
Louise!
115
00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:03,928
Hi.
I'm so glad
that you're here.
116
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,930
Yes.
Hey.
How are you?
117
00:11:05,932 --> 00:11:07,732
Good. How are you?
You'll have to
excuse me.
118
00:11:07,734 --> 00:11:10,301
I'm gonna go to the bar
and drink enough
to kill a horse.
119
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,070
You want anything?
Yes, two beers please.
120
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:14,072
Got it.
Immediately.
121
00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:18,777
Hi. So, I guess I didn't
get the memo to wear
something short and shiny.
122
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,445
Hey!
What's up, man?
123
00:11:20,447 --> 00:11:23,948
I'm so happy you're here.
I'm so glad you're here.
124
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:26,117
Thought I was gonna have to
spend the whole night
hiding in the bathroom.
125
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:28,820
Yeah. Yeah,
I tried that one out.
At the vegan barbecue.
126
00:11:28,822 --> 00:11:30,822
Oh, that was you?
That was me.
127
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:34,426
Dude, I spent 45 minutes
shittin' kale into a hat
in the backyard.
128
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:37,796
My mom got sick again.
So, it's like...
it's okay.
129
00:11:37,798 --> 00:11:40,865
It's just that
we had to pay for
all the hospital bills,
130
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:42,934
And I didn't get
the scholarship.
131
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,436
So it's like...
it's a lot.
132
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:48,073
I'm really depressed now.
Tell me about it.
133
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:50,975
But good people
win out in the end.
134
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,712
Let's go do shots.
Yes, please.
135
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:56,748
It's a nice theme
they've got going on.
Yeah. Nice theme. Pink.
136
00:11:56,750 --> 00:12:00,051
Looks like
a fuckin' asshole in here.
137
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:09,227
Breakin' rocks
in the hot sun
138
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:12,997
I fought the law
and the law won
139
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:16,201
she's the best girl
that I ever had
140
00:12:16,203 --> 00:12:19,137
I fought the law
and the law won
141
00:12:19,139 --> 00:12:22,340
I fought the law
and the law won
142
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:25,310
I fought the law
and the law won
143
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:28,847
I fought the law
and the...
144
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:41,226
Why did we drink so much?
145
00:12:41,228 --> 00:12:43,228
Because it was free.
146
00:12:46,398 --> 00:12:48,933
We need to go shopping
if we want to eat today.
147
00:12:53,305 --> 00:12:57,075
How did your,
um, interview
go the other day?
148
00:12:58,344 --> 00:13:00,512
If anything,
I was over-qualified.
149
00:13:02,414 --> 00:13:05,884
Well, maybe you should just,
you know...
150
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:08,419
Set your sights
a little lower.
151
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:12,423
I have a $40,000 degree
in art history.
152
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,826
I really don't want to
work at the mall.
153
00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:18,897
Baby, I'm not worried.
You're gonna have
an amazing job one day.
154
00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:22,333
I know.
Things will get better.
Mmm.
155
00:13:31,076 --> 00:13:34,179
Oh!
Son of a bitch.
Are you okay?
156
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:35,446
Yeah.
You're sure?
157
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:39,884
Yeah, I think so.
Look at me.
You're okay.
158
00:13:39,886 --> 00:13:43,421
Yeah, looks like someone
sawed this thing clear off.
159
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,590
Honestly,
we could've been killed
very easily.
160
00:13:45,592 --> 00:13:48,459
That was intentional.
Yeah.
161
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:51,896
That's been happening a lot
in this neighborhood lately.
162
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:55,466
People comin' around
sawin' off stop signs.
163
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:59,037
- I can't pay for that.
- We can't be held accountable for any of this.
164
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,172
Neither of you are gonna be
paying anything today.
165
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,341
I been here 30 years...
I feel like shopping.
166
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,613
Alice! Hey!
Jesus Christ.
167
00:14:08,615 --> 00:14:10,114
Slow down!
You're speedin' here!
168
00:14:49,321 --> 00:14:52,423
Hello.
Can I help you?
169
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:56,261
No, thank you.
I'm just browsing
right now.
170
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:59,097
Hey, Alice?
I'm back here.
171
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:04,302
I, uh,
I don't think the axle's bent
or anything so...
172
00:15:04,304 --> 00:15:07,305
You wanna get out of here
and get some food?
173
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:09,474
Well, the antiques roadshow
is coming this weekend.
174
00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:13,177
Why don't we look around?
See if we can find something,
get on tv.
175
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,979
You wanna look
around here?
Yeah.
176
00:15:16,548 --> 00:15:18,917
Um, excuse me.
177
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:23,388
Hi. Do you have
any, like, old-fashioned
records or comic books or...
178
00:15:23,390 --> 00:15:26,190
Nothing for you.
179
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:28,993
Nooses?
Shotguns?
Poison?
180
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:31,996
Okay.
I'm gonna go just...
In the car.
181
00:15:31,998 --> 00:15:36,634
This is me, before the war.
182
00:15:36,636 --> 00:15:38,236
You were beautiful.
183
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:44,242
That's the telephone.
184
00:16:58,517 --> 00:17:00,585
Shit.
185
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:03,321
I got the car to work, baby.
Okay, great. Go! Go! Go! Go!
186
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:04,689
Go! Go! Go, now.
187
00:17:08,727 --> 00:17:11,462
Why'd you run out of there
like baby face nelson?
What happened?
188
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:16,634
Stealing?
Are you kidding me?
189
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:19,070
We're, like,
two steps above white trash
as it already is.
190
00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:22,140
This is so pretty.
Look at it.
191
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:48,433
- Ow!
- Alice!
192
00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:50,301
What are you doing?
193
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:53,337
I was fighting in my dream.
194
00:17:53,339 --> 00:17:57,208
Okay.
No more kung fu movies
before bed.
195
00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:06,084
I love cats.
They get me much more
than people do.
196
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:09,587
Which reminds me.
Did you know Mr. Tutor
is having an affair?
197
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:12,590
- Mr. Tutor?
- Yeah. He's into some
very kinky, kinky stuff.
198
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,658
Do you wanna see?
Come on.
199
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:16,661
Seriously.
200
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,797
Oh, my God.
Where... oh, my...
201
00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:22,800
- Hi, Mrs. Tutor. Hi.
- Hi.
202
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:25,536
Nice to see you.
You havin' lunch
with the boss today?
203
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,572
Every Friday.
204
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:30,408
You know,
it's little things like that
that keep a marriage special.
205
00:18:30,410 --> 00:18:34,512
Have a good day.
You too.
206
00:18:34,514 --> 00:18:37,815
I'm calling about
the, uh, position
that you had listed.
207
00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:40,118
No, I don't have
my master's,
208
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,487
But I have my bachelor's degree.
209
00:18:42,489 --> 00:18:47,158
And I actually graduated
in the top third of my class.
210
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:52,463
Okay. Um, is there
any other position?
211
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,699
Something entry-level,
maybe?
212
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:55,900
Ow!
213
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:39,177
Ow!
214
00:19:44,816 --> 00:19:47,618
Holy mother of God.
215
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:55,359
Seven hundred dollars.
216
00:20:03,969 --> 00:20:05,836
Oh, shit!
217
00:20:05,838 --> 00:20:07,705
Ow. Ow.
218
00:20:26,425 --> 00:20:29,594
John, I've come
to the realization that...
219
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:33,264
You may not be
a great salesman.
Okay.
220
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:36,634
You don't smile
when you speak to clients
on the phone.
221
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:41,539
Right. And-and you think
my clients notice
when I don't smile...
222
00:20:41,541 --> 00:20:42,940
Over the phone?
223
00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:49,680
It's for my wife.
She has great taste.
224
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:51,716
What?
225
00:20:54,319 --> 00:20:56,921
Good for her.
Okay. Listen up.
226
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,823
We're letting people
go, John.
227
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,625
And, uh,
you're the first.
228
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:04,395
- Hold on.
- Me? The first?
229
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,864
I've been here longer than
half the people out there.
230
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:08,599
I'm one of two people
with a degree.
231
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,968
And Donna's is from
an animal husbandry school.
232
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,437
We're not basing this
on seniority,
number one.
233
00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:15,406
Number two,
don't belittle Donna...
234
00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,375
For her passion
for animal insemination,
235
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:20,344
What it's done for
this community and what
she's done for this company.
236
00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:26,050
We're letting you go.
Do you have anything
else to add?
237
00:21:33,659 --> 00:21:36,994
No.
238
00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:58,316
Alice!
239
00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:02,353
Jesus.
What the...
240
00:22:04,756 --> 00:22:05,823
Alice!
241
00:22:08,927 --> 00:22:09,994
Alice.
242
00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:14,332
Hey, baby.
Baby, can you hear me?
243
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,833
Alice.
Johnny boy.
244
00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:18,569
What happened to you?
245
00:22:18,571 --> 00:22:21,639
- There's someone in the house.
- What? What do we do?
246
00:22:25,578 --> 00:22:27,011
You're my hero.
247
00:22:29,114 --> 00:22:31,949
You're kidding?
248
00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:35,519
Baby, just tell me
what the hell happened?
249
00:22:35,521 --> 00:22:38,689
- I fell down the stairs.
- We don't have stairs.
250
00:22:38,691 --> 00:22:41,859
Ow.
There we go.
251
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:45,863
I think...
baby, I think we need to
take you to the hospital.
252
00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:48,499
I'm fine.
253
00:22:48,501 --> 00:22:51,035
Not everybody has to
go to the emergency room
for a mosquito bite.
254
00:22:52,437 --> 00:22:54,004
It was one time.
255
00:22:54,006 --> 00:22:55,773
Thing looked like
a hummingbird.
256
00:22:58,411 --> 00:22:59,744
Are you drowsy
or nauseous?
257
00:22:59,746 --> 00:23:03,681
I feel very awake.
More than I have in years.
258
00:23:05,751 --> 00:23:07,451
I think you're concussed.
Look.
259
00:23:08,587 --> 00:23:10,521
Watch me.
260
00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:27,004
See?
I'm fine.
261
00:23:37,516 --> 00:23:39,750
Why aren't you at work,
baby?
262
00:23:44,956 --> 00:23:47,158
They fired me.
263
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,794
How can they do that?
I'll find another job.
264
00:23:49,796 --> 00:23:52,830
- How hard can that be?
- Seriously?
265
00:23:55,133 --> 00:23:57,668
It doesn't matter.
266
00:24:04,443 --> 00:24:06,510
What?
267
00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:11,015
You feel funny?
268
00:24:13,985 --> 00:24:16,220
Like I might be
having a panic attack.
269
00:24:16,222 --> 00:24:18,122
I'm so sorry
for this, John.
270
00:24:19,591 --> 00:24:21,792
What the...
271
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:24,528
What the hell?
Look! Look.
272
00:24:24,530 --> 00:24:26,497
Look. It's better
than any paycheck.
273
00:24:28,834 --> 00:24:30,201
You're giving me money
so you can hit me?
274
00:24:30,203 --> 00:24:32,036
No, I'm not.
The teapot is.
275
00:24:32,038 --> 00:24:35,239
It gives money
when you hurt yourself.
276
00:24:35,241 --> 00:24:38,142
- What?
- How else can you explain it?
277
00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:41,846
Alice. Alice!
278
00:24:41,848 --> 00:24:45,649
You put the money
in the teapot
before you hit me.
279
00:24:45,651 --> 00:24:48,185
No. No, I didn't.
280
00:24:48,187 --> 00:24:49,753
It's empty.
281
00:24:49,755 --> 00:24:51,555
Empty.
282
00:24:51,557 --> 00:24:52,990
What are you doing?
283
00:24:56,528 --> 00:24:58,729
Abracadabra.
284
00:24:58,731 --> 00:25:02,266
Ow.
I guess that really does hurt.
285
00:25:02,268 --> 00:25:05,135
- Where did that come from?
- Seriously, John?
286
00:25:06,605 --> 00:25:08,205
Okay.
287
00:25:08,207 --> 00:25:10,941
Ow! Ow.
288
00:25:10,943 --> 00:25:12,543
Jesus, Alice.
What the...
289
00:25:13,545 --> 00:25:15,679
Ouch.
290
00:25:18,049 --> 00:25:20,885
Ouch.
291
00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:24,255
Stop doing that.
292
00:25:24,257 --> 00:25:26,724
This is the first time
I've been the breadwinner.
It feels good.
293
00:25:26,726 --> 00:25:31,262
It's not a paycheck!
Alice, this is not a job.
Good.
294
00:25:31,264 --> 00:25:35,599
Most people kill themselves
for decades and get nowhere.
295
00:25:35,601 --> 00:25:38,969
It's a gift from the Gods,
John.
296
00:25:38,971 --> 00:25:43,307
It could end badly.
Very badly.
297
00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:46,844
We can dig ourselves
out of this hole.
298
00:25:46,846 --> 00:25:50,281
Get out of this place.
Get our own house.
299
00:25:50,283 --> 00:25:53,083
Make a million bucks
and never work again.
300
00:25:57,690 --> 00:25:59,890
It came to us for a reason.
301
00:26:17,576 --> 00:26:19,343
John?
302
00:26:21,279 --> 00:26:23,113
John?
303
00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,668
No.
No, John!
No!
304
00:27:11,062 --> 00:27:12,630
Are you a gift from the Gods?
305
00:27:36,187 --> 00:27:38,055
Whoo.
306
00:27:39,357 --> 00:27:43,127
So, John,
how did you come upon
this teapot?
307
00:27:43,129 --> 00:27:45,963
I just found it
at a garage sale.
308
00:27:45,965 --> 00:27:49,266
Just sitting there
next to a blender
and an old treadmill.
309
00:27:49,268 --> 00:27:51,035
That's very fortunate.
310
00:27:51,037 --> 00:27:53,804
'Cause I must tell you,
when I saw this vessel
come in,
311
00:27:53,806 --> 00:27:55,205
My heart skipped a beat.
312
00:27:55,207 --> 00:27:57,441
I don't say this often,
on the show,
313
00:27:57,443 --> 00:28:00,310
But I have never seen anything
quite like this before.
314
00:28:00,312 --> 00:28:04,348
Tremendous quality. The alchemy
of the metal is spectacular.
315
00:28:04,350 --> 00:28:07,284
Mostly brass,
but some other metal,
possibly silver.
316
00:28:07,286 --> 00:28:12,022
And notice here
the detail and the artistry
in this 24 karat gold filigree.
317
00:28:12,024 --> 00:28:16,093
It's impeccable. Truly,
truly an amazing find
you have here.
318
00:28:16,095 --> 00:28:18,162
Wow. Where do you think
it came from?
319
00:28:18,164 --> 00:28:20,798
I would guess
the middle east...
320
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:24,835
Or quite possibly
ancient china.
321
00:28:24,837 --> 00:28:28,072
I've seen similar vessels
like this...
322
00:28:28,074 --> 00:28:31,308
With the same structure
of sorts from some of
the earlier dynasties.
323
00:28:31,310 --> 00:28:34,912
But nothing this unique
or well-preserved.
324
00:28:34,914 --> 00:28:39,016
This is truly
as if it hasn't aged
for several, several centuries.
325
00:28:39,018 --> 00:28:43,120
Do you know anything
at all else
about this teapot?
326
00:28:43,122 --> 00:28:45,255
Um, no, I don't, really.
327
00:28:45,257 --> 00:28:48,826
Except for the fact that...
328
00:28:48,828 --> 00:28:51,962
It's traveled across the world,
through the hands of
many important people...
329
00:28:52,931 --> 00:28:54,431
All of whom are now dead.
330
00:28:57,335 --> 00:28:59,336
Okay.
331
00:28:59,338 --> 00:29:03,307
I'm going to estimate
the value of your teapot
at $5,000.
332
00:29:03,309 --> 00:29:06,343
Well done.
Well done.
Thank you.
333
00:29:15,019 --> 00:29:18,789
We have to promise to stop
before it gets out of control.
334
00:29:18,791 --> 00:29:20,390
We make our million
and we stop.
335
00:29:27,398 --> 00:29:29,099
Ready?
336
00:29:35,807 --> 00:29:38,442
Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Aah!
Ow, ow.
337
00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:43,046
Hello.
How are you today?
Good.
338
00:29:43,048 --> 00:29:47,217
Can I take your bag for you?
No, no, I'd rather
keep it here if that's okay.
339
00:29:47,219 --> 00:29:50,354
I'll take the full brazilian.
I want it all gone, okay?
340
00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:51,455
Okay.
341
00:29:54,393 --> 00:29:57,461
You know what?
Let's do this
the old fashioned way.
342
00:29:57,463 --> 00:30:00,030
Sure.
Great.
343
00:30:05,204 --> 00:30:07,070
Oh, my God.
344
00:30:07,072 --> 00:30:10,541
Ow! Ow! Ow!
345
00:30:10,543 --> 00:30:13,243
Yeah,
that's gonna be great.
346
00:30:21,052 --> 00:30:24,087
Are you sure
you don't want to just
take it to the bank?
347
00:30:24,089 --> 00:30:25,889
How would we explain that
to the irs?
348
00:30:26,991 --> 00:30:30,527
- How much is it?
- $194,173.
349
00:30:30,529 --> 00:30:32,429
Yes.
350
00:30:32,431 --> 00:30:33,931
Wow.
351
00:30:40,071 --> 00:30:44,241
Hey. You want to go
for an even 200?
352
00:30:44,243 --> 00:30:47,377
Tonight?
How?
353
00:30:55,253 --> 00:30:57,354
Spank me.
354
00:30:57,356 --> 00:31:00,057
- You want me to spank you?
- Spank me, John.
355
00:31:00,059 --> 00:31:03,227
Huh.
Okay.
356
00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:11,201
- You want me
to spank you with that?
- Yeah, I do.
357
00:31:11,203 --> 00:31:12,636
I don't want to
hurt you.
358
00:31:15,874 --> 00:31:17,474
- You ready?
- Do it.
359
00:31:19,377 --> 00:31:22,512
How was that?
Harder?
360
00:31:22,514 --> 00:31:26,383
- Yeah.
- This is crazy.
361
00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:28,151
Harder!
362
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:30,020
Harder!
363
00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:32,222
This is crazy.
I'm sorry.
364
00:31:32,224 --> 00:31:33,624
You're pathetic.
I'm sorry. I can't.
365
00:31:36,028 --> 00:31:39,196
Hey, wow. Okay.
366
00:31:40,331 --> 00:31:42,199
Oh! Ow.
367
00:31:42,201 --> 00:31:45,969
Jesus Christ.
Ow. Just hit, like
the cushy part.
368
00:31:45,971 --> 00:31:47,371
Don't get my... ow!
Yeah, yeah
369
00:31:47,373 --> 00:31:50,574
Okay, that's enough.
That's enough.
370
00:31:50,576 --> 00:31:52,576
Oh, it's enough?
371
00:31:52,578 --> 00:31:55,112
I've been so fast this day
hmm.
372
00:31:55,114 --> 00:31:56,480
Hands all over your face
373
00:31:56,482 --> 00:31:57,915
Ow.
374
00:31:57,917 --> 00:32:00,050
I'll never leave behind
375
00:32:00,952 --> 00:32:03,020
Where'd you learn all this?
376
00:32:03,022 --> 00:32:05,289
I had moves
before I met you, John.
377
00:32:05,291 --> 00:32:07,958
I met you in high school.
Yeah?
378
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:09,359
You were a stripper
in eighth grade?
379
00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:12,296
Ow.
380
00:32:12,298 --> 00:32:15,032
Read your mind
to save your life
381
00:32:15,034 --> 00:32:17,134
bye
382
00:32:20,405 --> 00:32:24,107
Happened so fast
383
00:32:24,109 --> 00:32:26,076
hands all over your face
384
00:32:26,078 --> 00:32:28,345
you ready for me?
385
00:32:29,415 --> 00:32:31,181
Oh, my God.
386
00:32:32,083 --> 00:32:33,684
Ow.
387
00:32:33,686 --> 00:32:35,285
Whoa.
388
00:32:35,287 --> 00:32:39,156
Wait, wait, wait.
No, no, no, no, no.
389
00:32:42,126 --> 00:32:46,096
Baby, when we go inside...
390
00:32:47,231 --> 00:32:48,665
Will you be nice
to my mom?
391
00:32:50,201 --> 00:32:53,070
Because she's always
so nice to me.
392
00:32:55,106 --> 00:32:57,207
- Be nice, okay?
- Hey, Trudy.
393
00:32:57,209 --> 00:33:00,177
- You look great.
- Oh, God.
394
00:33:00,179 --> 00:33:02,512
Hi, mom. How are you?
395
00:33:04,615 --> 00:33:07,684
We are just so excited
that you both could join us...
396
00:33:07,686 --> 00:33:11,688
For our mostly vegan feast.
397
00:33:11,690 --> 00:33:13,523
- Mostly.
- Thank you so much, sis.
398
00:33:13,525 --> 00:33:16,560
- Yummy.
- So, John, are you still
with the same company?
399
00:33:16,562 --> 00:33:21,598
Actually, no. I'm not.
We switched to
private investing.
400
00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:23,133
Looks like
you're doin' all right.
401
00:33:23,135 --> 00:33:26,703
- And you, Joe?
- Still non-profits.
402
00:33:26,705 --> 00:33:30,640
Right now I'm working
on a huge campaign for
the stock island tree snails.
403
00:33:30,642 --> 00:33:33,276
- Tree snails.
- Yup.
404
00:33:33,278 --> 00:33:37,180
Delicious with butter.
405
00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:39,149
We have a lot of snails
and flower fairies
in our garden.
406
00:33:39,151 --> 00:33:41,084
Yes, we do.
407
00:33:41,086 --> 00:33:42,753
Oh, yeah?
Do you like magic?
408
00:33:42,755 --> 00:33:45,055
- Yeah.
- John.
409
00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:48,158
If no one
is going to ask...
410
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:52,062
How have you gotten so far
on the paycheck of a pesky
goddamn telemarketer?
411
00:33:52,064 --> 00:33:54,331
We actually made it big
on an investment, mom.
412
00:33:54,333 --> 00:33:58,402
- What investment?
- Oatmeal futures.
Sexy shit.
413
00:33:58,404 --> 00:34:00,570
If he's pimping you out,
I want you to come home
with me right now.
414
00:34:02,574 --> 00:34:06,610
Yeah, why aren't you
out on the street
turning tricks?
415
00:34:06,612 --> 00:34:08,412
You little... Slut.
416
00:34:08,414 --> 00:34:10,447
I tell you what.
Let's just have
a pleasant dinner...
417
00:34:10,449 --> 00:34:12,382
Minus the language
please.
418
00:34:12,384 --> 00:34:15,752
I'm a white pimp in the suburbs.
That's how we talk. Legit.
419
00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:18,355
I want answers!
Actually,
420
00:34:18,357 --> 00:34:21,525
We're selling Alice's eggs
to sterile mothers.
421
00:34:21,527 --> 00:34:26,229
It's beneficial
for everybody.
Cage free, farm fresh.
422
00:34:26,231 --> 00:34:28,231
But are they organic?
423
00:34:29,300 --> 00:34:30,834
Eggs.
424
00:34:31,569 --> 00:34:34,071
So, Alice,
425
00:34:34,073 --> 00:34:38,542
Have you and John
put any thought into
having a b-a-b-y?
426
00:34:38,544 --> 00:34:40,710
Mmm.
427
00:34:40,712 --> 00:34:43,313
Why is that funny?
428
00:34:43,315 --> 00:34:45,082
Because that's what
you're supposed to do next,
right?
429
00:34:45,084 --> 00:34:47,350
Have a baby?
Well, of course.
430
00:34:47,352 --> 00:34:53,323
Why would I want an organism
growing exponentially
inside of my body...
431
00:34:53,325 --> 00:34:57,627
And then ripping its way out
of my tight, sweet, fresh,
432
00:34:57,629 --> 00:35:00,797
Young,
undamaged v-a-g-I-n-a?
433
00:35:00,799 --> 00:35:04,668
Alice, you are the only one
in our family
who hasn't reproduced.
434
00:35:04,670 --> 00:35:07,170
Having a child...
435
00:35:07,172 --> 00:35:11,641
It's like the essence
of your soul is reflected
back at you.
436
00:35:11,643 --> 00:35:16,480
It is like God
holding up a mirror
to your soul...
437
00:35:16,482 --> 00:35:19,516
Saying "shazam"
and enjoy.
438
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,654
Maybe I should've
just gotten knocked up
in senior year like you.
439
00:35:24,656 --> 00:35:28,258
Well, summer after
senior year.
440
00:35:28,260 --> 00:35:31,795
Mmm.
Oh, yeah. That's right.
441
00:35:31,797 --> 00:35:34,164
I'd forgotten.
442
00:35:34,166 --> 00:35:37,634
Have you tried
the 12-bean salad?
Mmm.
443
00:35:37,636 --> 00:35:40,203
- Time to meet the sidewalk!
- Come on.
444
00:35:40,205 --> 00:35:42,706
Come on!
445
00:35:42,708 --> 00:35:46,309
Baby,
we are officially out of debt.
446
00:35:46,311 --> 00:35:51,481
Well, isn't that good news?
Wow, so that means we'll be
at a million before Christmas.
447
00:35:51,483 --> 00:35:53,550
What's the rush?
Oh.
448
00:35:53,552 --> 00:35:56,520
Don't we want a few of
life's necessities?
Mmm.
449
00:35:56,522 --> 00:35:58,755
Some of the things
we've gone without?
Mm-hmm. Such as?
450
00:35:58,757 --> 00:36:01,558
I want lots of new clothes.
451
00:36:02,627 --> 00:36:06,196
Vodka.
I want my own vodka label.
452
00:36:06,198 --> 00:36:07,364
Premium shit.
453
00:36:07,366 --> 00:36:09,866
Okay.
454
00:36:14,339 --> 00:36:16,540
Who the hell is that?
455
00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,242
Coming!
456
00:36:21,412 --> 00:36:23,180
Coming!
457
00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:29,252
Shabbat shalom.
458
00:36:29,254 --> 00:36:30,754
I'm sorry, guys.
We're not religious.
459
00:36:32,390 --> 00:36:36,393
Oh, my God! Baby!
Baby, no!
460
00:36:36,395 --> 00:36:39,696
Oh, baby, no.
461
00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:42,699
Oh, baby!
462
00:36:43,634 --> 00:36:46,236
Hey!
463
00:36:48,339 --> 00:36:51,341
- Where is the teapot?
- Teapot?
464
00:36:51,343 --> 00:36:52,876
Ow!
465
00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:55,579
- Ow!
- The one you had
on the television.
466
00:36:55,581 --> 00:36:57,781
It's a precious
family heirloom.
467
00:36:57,783 --> 00:37:03,853
Our grandmother risked her life
to save that teapot
during the holocaust.
468
00:37:03,855 --> 00:37:06,790
- I bought it from the old lady.
She gave me a really good deal.
- Impossible.
469
00:37:14,732 --> 00:37:17,968
It was the last thing
she talked about
before she passed.
470
00:37:17,970 --> 00:37:21,338
She said
her teapot was missing.
471
00:37:21,340 --> 00:37:21,938
She died?
472
00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:25,308
Aah!
473
00:37:26,777 --> 00:37:28,011
Where is it?
474
00:37:28,013 --> 00:37:31,681
We sold it!
We sold the teapot.
475
00:37:31,683 --> 00:37:34,584
So where's the cash?
We want the money!
476
00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:38,688
Stop it!
477
00:37:38,690 --> 00:37:41,958
Please stop.
It's just five grand,
and you can keep the change.
478
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:43,927
Where did all this
come from?
From my bra.
479
00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:46,429
- It's the rainy day fund.
- Is there more?
480
00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:47,964
No, no. Look.
481
00:37:47,966 --> 00:37:49,933
Oh.
482
00:37:55,439 --> 00:37:57,474
One bad deed for another, huh?
483
00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:06,983
Oh, baby.
Are you okay?
I'm so, so, so sorry.
484
00:38:06,985 --> 00:38:10,053
Is anything broken?
Ow.
485
00:38:10,055 --> 00:38:12,956
We have to find out
what the hell this thing is.
Okay.
486
00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:24,901
Ce30, period,
415g, period.
487
00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:27,304
Wait. Wait.
488
00:38:29,073 --> 00:38:33,043
A practical history of
magical objects and potions.
489
00:38:33,045 --> 00:38:35,979
It's the biggest book
I've ever seen
in my entire life.
490
00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:39,949
The legend
of the brass teapot.
491
00:38:39,951 --> 00:38:41,384
Wow.
492
00:38:43,621 --> 00:38:46,489
The legend of the brass teapot
first appeared in folklore...
493
00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:49,526
Around the time
of Christ’s crucifixion.
494
00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:51,828
That's what the scholar
at the roadshow said,
495
00:38:51,830 --> 00:38:53,997
That it was probably
from first or second century.
496
00:38:53,999 --> 00:38:57,400
It also says...
497
00:38:57,402 --> 00:39:01,838
That the teapot possesses
extraordinary
and inexplicable powers.
498
00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,007
- Well, that's one way
of putting it.
- Right?
499
00:39:06,811 --> 00:39:10,513
It's like it just goes on
forever and ever and ever.
500
00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:12,882
Oh, my God.
501
00:39:14,618 --> 00:39:15,719
Oh, here, here.
I have one.
502
00:39:15,721 --> 00:39:17,587
Oh, whoopsie.
503
00:39:22,727 --> 00:39:25,628
- Shh.
- Shh!
504
00:39:25,630 --> 00:39:27,097
There's no one else here.
505
00:39:27,099 --> 00:39:29,733
This book just goes
on and on and on.
506
00:39:29,735 --> 00:39:31,968
All these different temples
and religions.
Let me see.
507
00:39:34,138 --> 00:39:38,842
"Bhardwaj warned that those
associated with ownership
of the teapot...
508
00:39:38,844 --> 00:39:41,077
Were in for
unsavory consequences,
509
00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:44,814
including.."
510
00:39:49,086 --> 00:39:52,622
No! Somebody
ripped out the page.
511
00:39:52,624 --> 00:39:56,526
- What?
- Why would somebody
rip out the page?
512
00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:59,529
No! What do you think
"unsavory consequences" mean?
513
00:39:59,531 --> 00:40:03,700
I don't know.
But it's a really old book,
you know?
514
00:40:03,702 --> 00:40:07,103
And we're probably not gonna
learn that much more from it
right now.
515
00:40:07,105 --> 00:40:09,873
I think we should go
have fun. I think we should
go spend our money.
516
00:40:09,875 --> 00:40:11,875
Can you look at my face
for a second?
517
00:40:11,877 --> 00:40:16,646
Two Hasidic jewish men
came and beat the shit
out of me in my own house...
518
00:40:16,648 --> 00:40:18,481
When I was wearing
a silk, pink robe.
519
00:40:20,651 --> 00:40:23,186
Don't gimme that face right now.
520
00:40:23,188 --> 00:40:25,655
You ever have sex
in a library?
521
00:40:25,657 --> 00:40:28,458
- What?
- Go fuck a headphone
522
00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:50,480
We got a time bomb
we got a time bomb
we got a time bomb
523
00:40:50,482 --> 00:40:51,948
na, na, na, na
524
00:40:51,950 --> 00:40:54,951
time bomb tickin'
time bomb tickin'
525
00:40:54,953 --> 00:40:57,053
got a time bomb tickin', go
526
00:40:58,757 --> 00:41:00,757
We're going sideways
highways
527
00:41:00,759 --> 00:41:04,027
riding on an elevator
cold just like an alligator
528
00:41:04,029 --> 00:41:05,562
now my baby's out of date
529
00:41:05,564 --> 00:41:07,564
fighting and lightning
and tightening
530
00:41:07,566 --> 00:41:10,700
above the buckles
on an atom bomb's time bomb
531
00:41:10,702 --> 00:41:11,901
tickin', tick tick tick
532
00:41:24,915 --> 00:41:27,050
Canape?
Oh, no, thank you.
533
00:41:27,052 --> 00:41:28,785
Guys? Canape?
No, I'm allergic.
534
00:41:28,787 --> 00:41:30,987
Hi, neighbor!
Hi.
535
00:41:30,989 --> 00:41:32,755
You look gorgeous.
536
00:41:32,757 --> 00:41:36,159
When you said the place
next to ours,
537
00:41:36,161 --> 00:41:39,028
I thought you meant
up the street,
not this place!
538
00:41:39,030 --> 00:41:42,031
How did this happen?
539
00:41:42,033 --> 00:41:45,969
Uh... um...
540
00:41:45,971 --> 00:41:48,238
Alice, hey. Hey.
541
00:41:48,240 --> 00:41:50,840
Hi. Hi.
You look amazing.
Hey.
542
00:41:50,842 --> 00:41:53,710
Thank you.
You must have gotten
your dream job.
543
00:41:53,712 --> 00:41:56,646
Dreams are for people
who are sleeping,
not doers.
544
00:41:57,781 --> 00:42:00,049
You could still dream,
I guess.
545
00:42:04,189 --> 00:42:05,989
You like the sound of that?
Yeah.
546
00:42:05,991 --> 00:42:08,558
Sounds nice, doesn't it?
Sounds like
they're really here.
547
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,760
This is my, uh,
favorite part
of the house.
548
00:42:10,762 --> 00:42:13,596
Exclusive invite only.
549
00:42:13,598 --> 00:42:15,665
Try this on for size, huh?
Really?
550
00:42:15,667 --> 00:42:17,600
To hard work.
551
00:42:19,905 --> 00:42:23,973
Ew.
Ooh.
It's a work in progress.
552
00:42:23,975 --> 00:42:26,976
Well, I have to go
and show Payton something
upstairs.
553
00:42:26,978 --> 00:42:29,746
- Okay.
- Come on. Let's go.
554
00:42:29,748 --> 00:42:31,881
Okay.
Yeah. See you around.
555
00:42:31,883 --> 00:42:33,283
Hello.
556
00:42:33,285 --> 00:42:35,985
Hi, I'm sorry.
Were we being too loud?
557
00:42:35,987 --> 00:42:37,887
Dr. Li Ling.
558
00:42:39,990 --> 00:42:43,259
What is
the theosophist society?
559
00:42:43,261 --> 00:42:47,130
We have interest
in antiquities.
Specifically teapots.
560
00:42:47,132 --> 00:42:50,300
I have come from china,
John. May I enter?
561
00:42:50,302 --> 00:42:53,570
We can talk right here.
562
00:42:53,572 --> 00:42:54,637
Are you alone?
563
00:42:54,639 --> 00:42:56,039
Yes.
564
00:42:58,075 --> 00:43:02,011
I'm sorry. Can you just
give us one moment just to
talk amongst ourselves?
565
00:43:02,013 --> 00:43:03,580
Thank you.
566
00:43:03,582 --> 00:43:06,916
We should probably
listen to what he has to say.
567
00:43:06,918 --> 00:43:09,652
Interest in teapots?
Seriously?
568
00:43:12,156 --> 00:43:14,958
If he takes it,
the party will end.
569
00:43:19,129 --> 00:43:23,132
Hi. Dr. Ling,
I wish you would have
called us sooner.
570
00:43:23,134 --> 00:43:25,602
We donated the teapot
to a museum.
571
00:43:25,604 --> 00:43:26,869
Tax write-off.
572
00:43:26,871 --> 00:43:30,173
- We must talk.
- We don't have it.
573
00:43:30,175 --> 00:43:34,344
You are in grave danger.
You must listen to me
before it is too late.
574
00:43:34,346 --> 00:43:37,814
Leave us alone and
get off of our property!
575
00:43:43,154 --> 00:43:45,121
You buy girl scout
cookies once...
576
00:43:47,725 --> 00:43:49,859
The best.
They were the best.
577
00:43:49,861 --> 00:43:53,696
We were so close and then...
we used to come here
with Marcy and Dan.
578
00:43:53,698 --> 00:43:56,966
But they don't splurge
since his dad went
to prison for embezzlement.
579
00:43:59,738 --> 00:44:01,938
Well, we believe in splurging
every once in a while.
580
00:44:01,940 --> 00:44:04,140
Don't we, baby?
581
00:44:04,142 --> 00:44:06,709
We're trapped
in "splurgatory."
582
00:44:06,711 --> 00:44:09,379
So what sort of dog
do you two have?
583
00:44:09,381 --> 00:44:12,315
I heard him howling
last night.
Sounds like a big fella.
584
00:44:12,317 --> 00:44:14,951
Oh, we don't have a dog.
585
00:44:14,953 --> 00:44:17,186
That was just some
really violent sex.
586
00:44:19,023 --> 00:44:22,125
We used to have
an australian shepherd.
Casper.
587
00:44:22,127 --> 00:44:27,230
Beautiful, beautiful dog.
Ran off last year.
588
00:44:27,232 --> 00:44:30,199
- I left the door open.
- I'm not blaming you.
589
00:44:30,201 --> 00:44:31,401
Okay.
590
00:44:33,237 --> 00:44:35,304
Oh, let us get the bill.
Yes, we insist.
591
00:44:35,306 --> 00:44:37,206
No, no, no.
You guys paid last time.
592
00:44:37,208 --> 00:44:41,811
You sure, Alice?
That wasn't boone's
we were drinking.
593
00:44:46,050 --> 00:44:48,117
Holy shit.
594
00:44:48,119 --> 00:44:49,786
No wonder why
it's so dark in this place.
595
00:44:49,788 --> 00:44:51,988
One of us needs to
go to the bathroom,
baby.
596
00:44:51,990 --> 00:44:54,691
We certainly do.
597
00:44:54,693 --> 00:44:57,293
- I went last time.
- I went yesterday.
598
00:44:57,295 --> 00:45:01,230
Hmm. Fine.
599
00:45:01,232 --> 00:45:03,966
But you're going
to the bathroom
the next two times, okay?
600
00:45:03,968 --> 00:45:07,103
Okay. Excuse me.
601
00:45:08,372 --> 00:45:10,173
- John...
- Yes, dear?
602
00:45:10,175 --> 00:45:11,774
Don't forget this.
Oh.
603
00:45:13,377 --> 00:45:15,178
Thank you.
604
00:45:15,180 --> 00:45:17,180
Why does he need your bag?
605
00:45:18,282 --> 00:45:20,016
Hemorrhoid cream.
606
00:45:20,018 --> 00:45:24,187
Oh.
Alice, that's T.M.I.
Yes.
607
00:45:26,356 --> 00:45:29,192
Oh, no!
608
00:45:32,963 --> 00:45:35,064
When do the vodka profits
start rolling in?
609
00:45:37,435 --> 00:45:39,368
What?
Mmm.
610
00:45:43,273 --> 00:45:45,074
I might've
misread the market...
611
00:45:46,243 --> 00:45:48,978
Pretty badly
actually.
612
00:45:48,980 --> 00:45:53,916
It's okay.
As long as we've got the teapot,
everything's gonna be okay.
613
00:45:55,919 --> 00:45:59,455
Why do I get the feeling that,
when the time comes,
614
00:45:59,457 --> 00:46:01,958
I'm going to have to
cut off one of your stubby
little fingers...
615
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,393
To throw this thing
into mount doom?
616
00:46:04,395 --> 00:46:05,928
What?
617
00:46:05,930 --> 00:46:08,131
It's a literary reference.
618
00:46:08,133 --> 00:46:10,533
Lord of the rings
is not literature.
619
00:46:10,535 --> 00:46:12,401
It certainly is.
620
00:46:12,403 --> 00:46:15,772
God, you're such a geek.
Ow.
621
00:46:15,774 --> 00:46:17,473
Oh, you're such a slut.
622
00:46:17,475 --> 00:46:18,941
Hey.
623
00:46:18,943 --> 00:46:22,945
I'm a slut?
Ow! Jesus Christ.
624
00:46:22,947 --> 00:46:25,081
Not now, please.
Ow.
625
00:46:26,984 --> 00:46:29,852
Ow! Geez.
That's enough. Stop.
626
00:46:31,488 --> 00:46:33,456
I think you, like,
splintered my tibia
or something.
627
00:46:35,827 --> 00:46:38,127
Who is that?
I don't know.
628
00:46:40,097 --> 00:46:41,164
Could've helped you.
629
00:46:44,067 --> 00:46:47,136
Hey, hey! Whoo! Whoo!
630
00:46:47,138 --> 00:46:49,205
- It's a party!
- Holy shit!
631
00:46:49,207 --> 00:46:51,808
- What are you doing here?
- This is awesome!
632
00:46:51,810 --> 00:46:53,476
- What are you doing here,
Arnie?
- Wow!
633
00:46:53,478 --> 00:46:55,812
I was wondering,
634
00:46:55,814 --> 00:47:00,082
Why the hell are you
beating the crap out of each
other and laughing about it?
635
00:47:01,118 --> 00:47:03,286
She hit me first.
Mmm.
636
00:47:03,288 --> 00:47:07,323
That's one question.
Dos question.
637
00:47:07,325 --> 00:47:12,995
How are the world's
two biggest losers livin'
in this neighborhood?
638
00:47:12,997 --> 00:47:15,097
You are wasted, Arnie,
and I think you should go home.
639
00:47:15,099 --> 00:47:17,967
You can't wait
for me to go, can you?
640
00:47:17,969 --> 00:47:20,169
Well, I think it's a little late
to just drop by.
641
00:47:20,171 --> 00:47:22,538
Really. Hold that.
642
00:47:22,540 --> 00:47:24,841
- No! Arnie!
- Still want me to go?
643
00:47:24,843 --> 00:47:26,909
- Don't touch that, Arnie!
- Arnie! Arnie!
644
00:47:26,911 --> 00:47:29,846
Just give it to me.
Please, please.
645
00:47:29,848 --> 00:47:31,180
Do what he says, Arnie!
646
00:47:31,182 --> 00:47:32,982
Give it to me! Please!
647
00:47:32,984 --> 00:47:36,285
No! Get him!
Get him! Get him!
648
00:47:39,023 --> 00:47:42,425
Arnie! Arnie! Arnie!
649
00:47:42,427 --> 00:47:44,327
Arnie,
bring your ass back here!
650
00:47:44,329 --> 00:47:48,231
Arnie,
please give us our teapot!
Arnie!
651
00:47:48,233 --> 00:47:50,867
Please give me back
my teapot, Arnie!
652
00:47:50,869 --> 00:47:53,202
- Why do you even care about this thing so much?
- Because we like it.
653
00:47:53,204 --> 00:47:54,637
This is what we look like
when we like something.
654
00:47:54,639 --> 00:47:57,173
Oh. God, Alice.
655
00:47:57,175 --> 00:48:00,476
You used to be so hot
in high school,
656
00:48:00,478 --> 00:48:03,045
And then this guy
turned you into
some weird freak-o.
657
00:48:03,647 --> 00:48:05,114
Freak-o?
658
00:48:05,116 --> 00:48:07,516
- You're not better than me.
- No.
659
00:48:07,518 --> 00:48:10,920
- Remember that.
- Course not, Arnie.
Look at your truck.
660
00:48:10,922 --> 00:48:14,924
Yeah, I know.
661
00:48:14,926 --> 00:48:18,427
Hey, John, remember when
you tried out for football?
662
00:48:18,429 --> 00:48:19,395
And you sucked?
663
00:48:21,498 --> 00:48:24,066
- Go long.
- Yeah! Yeah.
664
00:48:24,068 --> 00:48:26,435
- Down!
- No, no, no! No, Arnie!
665
00:48:26,437 --> 00:48:28,204
- Set!
- No, no! Don't throw that!
666
00:48:28,206 --> 00:48:30,406
Hike!
667
00:48:30,408 --> 00:48:32,341
Arnie, please be careful!
No!
668
00:48:32,343 --> 00:48:33,910
Arnie!
669
00:48:36,013 --> 00:48:37,446
Arnie!
670
00:48:37,448 --> 00:48:40,116
Arnie! Arnie, don't do it!
Arnie!
671
00:48:42,552 --> 00:48:44,387
Whoo!
Arnie!
672
00:48:48,458 --> 00:48:51,527
- No!
- Enough, Arnie!
673
00:48:51,529 --> 00:48:53,496
No. My teapot!
674
00:48:56,401 --> 00:48:59,268
No, my teapot. My...
675
00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:13,616
It's perfect.
676
00:49:13,618 --> 00:49:15,484
Not even a scratch.
677
00:49:17,087 --> 00:49:19,622
How is that possible?
678
00:49:19,624 --> 00:49:22,024
It's not possible.
679
00:49:22,026 --> 00:49:25,328
It...
what the hell is this thing?
680
00:49:45,349 --> 00:49:48,050
Please, come in.
681
00:49:49,553 --> 00:49:54,390
That teapot has been
around for 2,000 years.
682
00:49:54,392 --> 00:50:00,363
It has gone through the hands of
some of the greatest and worst
characters in history.
683
00:50:00,365 --> 00:50:06,635
Although we have not seen it
since it disappeared from a nazi
concentration camp in 1945.
684
00:50:06,637 --> 00:50:09,572
Our founder,
Dr. A.K. Bhardwaj,
685
00:50:09,574 --> 00:50:13,309
Learned that in the wrong hands,
it could cause great harm.
686
00:50:13,311 --> 00:50:19,281
If there is one ounce of evil
or hatred in either one of you,
687
00:50:19,283 --> 00:50:21,650
The teapot
will draw it out.
688
00:50:21,652 --> 00:50:24,787
We're in total control.
We're good people.
689
00:50:24,789 --> 00:50:27,289
This is how
it always starts.
690
00:50:27,291 --> 00:50:30,426
- John and I know our limits.
- They all did.
691
00:50:30,428 --> 00:50:35,031
So, what do you suggest we do?
692
00:50:35,033 --> 00:50:37,299
Give it to me.
693
00:50:37,301 --> 00:50:40,469
Go back to your lives
and pretend
it never happened.
694
00:50:40,471 --> 00:50:42,104
I told you
this was coming.
695
00:50:42,106 --> 00:50:43,739
I will
rid the world of it.
696
00:50:43,741 --> 00:50:46,342
You can
get rid of it?
697
00:50:46,344 --> 00:50:48,477
It cannot be destroyed.
698
00:50:48,479 --> 00:50:51,714
But it can be hidden
in such a way...
699
00:50:51,716 --> 00:50:53,716
That no one
will find it again.
700
00:50:53,718 --> 00:50:55,551
Ever.
701
00:50:55,553 --> 00:50:59,121
No. Absolutely not.
We are keeping it, John.
702
00:50:59,123 --> 00:51:02,058
Why are we better
than the people
who had it before us?
703
00:51:02,060 --> 00:51:04,693
It's a magic teapot,
704
00:51:04,695 --> 00:51:06,629
Not an atomic bomb.
705
00:51:08,132 --> 00:51:11,167
I didn't believe that guy.
I don't trust him.
706
00:51:11,169 --> 00:51:15,438
He wants it for himself...
Or maybe even North Korea.
707
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:17,640
Did you even
think about that?
708
00:51:17,642 --> 00:51:19,141
Hey.
709
00:51:21,278 --> 00:51:24,113
We're
John and Alice Macy.
710
00:51:25,382 --> 00:51:27,650
We're the salt
of the earth.
711
00:51:27,652 --> 00:51:29,852
Frickin' good guys.
712
00:51:31,154 --> 00:51:33,556
It's not gonna get
out of hand, okay?
713
00:51:40,697 --> 00:51:44,700
I'm so annoyed
you went skiing
and didn't even invite me.
714
00:51:44,702 --> 00:51:46,635
I'm sorry.
715
00:51:46,637 --> 00:51:49,505
You know,
it was Switzerland,
last minute.
716
00:51:49,507 --> 00:51:50,573
Yeah.
717
00:51:50,575 --> 00:51:52,141
Oh, Mr. Smoothie!
718
00:51:52,143 --> 00:51:54,410
I love Mr. Smoothie!
719
00:51:54,412 --> 00:51:55,811
That's so childish, right?
720
00:51:55,813 --> 00:51:58,147
No. It's like
mall gourmet.
721
00:51:58,149 --> 00:51:59,748
I know.
722
00:51:59,750 --> 00:52:01,684
Hello!
723
00:52:01,686 --> 00:52:03,152
Hello?
724
00:52:03,154 --> 00:52:05,554
Hello.
725
00:52:05,556 --> 00:52:08,190
You can never get anyone
to serve you
in these places.
726
00:52:10,327 --> 00:52:12,161
Oh.
727
00:52:12,163 --> 00:52:14,797
I, uh, ducked when
I saw you guys coming...
728
00:52:14,799 --> 00:52:16,398
So we could avoid this.
729
00:52:19,302 --> 00:52:21,237
What happened to you?
730
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:24,540
Uh...
I had a skiing accident.
731
00:52:24,542 --> 00:52:26,475
It's a tough life.
732
00:52:27,511 --> 00:52:29,545
What are you
doing here, Louise?
733
00:52:29,547 --> 00:52:34,216
What am I doing here?
Um, it's a second job,
you know.
734
00:52:34,218 --> 00:52:36,318
And I save money
because I get to eat
smoothies all day.
735
00:52:36,320 --> 00:52:38,220
I have
a chronic brain freeze.
736
00:52:39,623 --> 00:52:41,357
Bit of advice, Louise?
737
00:52:41,359 --> 00:52:42,458
Yeah.
738
00:52:42,460 --> 00:52:45,261
Don't eat the merchandise.
739
00:52:45,263 --> 00:52:46,629
Make it a treat.
740
00:52:47,864 --> 00:52:51,700
Um, could I get
a nonfat yogurt smoothie...
741
00:52:51,702 --> 00:52:53,435
With maraschino cherries?
742
00:52:53,437 --> 00:52:55,804
Why not?
743
00:52:55,806 --> 00:52:57,740
So, you want
the same thing, right?
Yeah.
744
00:52:59,509 --> 00:53:01,944
- Dos.
- You ladies are in luck...
745
00:53:01,946 --> 00:53:04,413
Because we're having
a two-faced special today.
746
00:53:24,801 --> 00:53:26,268
John.
747
00:53:27,637 --> 00:53:29,772
John, there's
someone breaking in.
748
00:53:30,974 --> 00:53:32,875
There's someone
breaking into the house.
749
00:53:33,810 --> 00:53:35,311
Huh?
750
00:53:35,313 --> 00:53:37,880
Yeah. Bet it's 50 ninjas.
751
00:53:37,882 --> 00:53:40,349
Good night.
Are you serious?
752
00:53:40,351 --> 00:53:41,917
Do you not hear that?
753
00:53:41,919 --> 00:53:43,652
They're coming upstairs.
754
00:53:45,222 --> 00:53:47,423
Come on. Come on.
755
00:53:48,291 --> 00:53:49,658
Come on.
756
00:53:50,627 --> 00:53:52,761
Shh, shh.
757
00:53:52,763 --> 00:53:55,364
Amateurs.
758
00:53:55,366 --> 00:53:57,333
They hid it
in the bathroom.
You found it.
759
00:53:58,868 --> 00:54:01,670
It's the brothers again.
What do we do?
760
00:54:01,672 --> 00:54:04,273
They're taking my money.
Shh. Our money.
761
00:54:06,643 --> 00:54:09,511
No. I'm not going
out there.
762
00:54:09,513 --> 00:54:11,013
Alice! Alice!
Go!
763
00:54:13,951 --> 00:54:16,285
What are you going to do,
tough guy?
764
00:54:19,489 --> 00:54:20,556
Oh.
765
00:54:20,558 --> 00:54:21,657
Back off.
766
00:54:21,659 --> 00:54:23,292
Tiny underwear.
767
00:54:23,294 --> 00:54:25,461
Did you shave
the top of your thighs?
768
00:54:30,433 --> 00:54:32,401
Alice, get back inside.
769
00:54:38,875 --> 00:54:41,310
Would it have made
any difference
if we'd warned you?
770
00:54:41,312 --> 00:54:44,346
You knew we had
the teapot the whole time?
771
00:54:44,348 --> 00:54:46,615
You were creating
our rightful inheritance.
772
00:54:46,617 --> 00:54:51,453
So we'll just take the cash,
and you can keep that beast.
773
00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:52,921
You don't even want
the teapot?
774
00:54:52,923 --> 00:54:55,357
If you're smart,
you'll get rid of it
before it's too late.
775
00:54:55,359 --> 00:54:57,459
Bubby waited too long.
776
00:54:57,461 --> 00:55:01,063
A woman of her age,
she should have been relaxing,
playing mahjongg or something.
777
00:55:01,065 --> 00:55:05,034
Instead she was out every night
sawing off stop signs,
hoping for the worst.
778
00:55:05,036 --> 00:55:06,735
Wha...
779
00:55:06,737 --> 00:55:09,004
Don't say
we didn't warn you.
780
00:55:10,340 --> 00:55:13,042
- No one leaves!
- Take it easy now, huh?
781
00:55:13,044 --> 00:55:16,412
Take it easy?
That is my money!
782
00:55:16,414 --> 00:55:18,514
Mine!
783
00:55:21,319 --> 00:55:22,551
Oh!
784
00:55:24,488 --> 00:55:26,822
No, baby!
785
00:55:26,824 --> 00:55:29,692
- No. Don't touch it.
- Oh, my God.
786
00:55:30,827 --> 00:55:32,494
Wait!
Where are you going?
787
00:55:32,496 --> 00:55:34,697
Give that to me.
That's mine!
Come on! Now!
788
00:55:34,699 --> 00:55:37,066
That is my money!
789
00:55:37,068 --> 00:55:39,902
- Give that...
- What are you doing?
790
00:55:39,904 --> 00:55:42,004
Give that to me!
Come on!
791
00:55:42,006 --> 00:55:44,006
It's my money!
792
00:56:12,736 --> 00:56:13,969
Alice.
793
00:56:15,071 --> 00:56:17,139
Alice?
794
00:56:17,141 --> 00:56:19,108
Alice.
795
00:56:19,976 --> 00:56:21,543
Are you okay?
796
00:56:22,645 --> 00:56:25,981
Baby...
they took everything!
797
00:56:25,983 --> 00:56:29,051
Why didn't you stop them?
798
00:56:46,569 --> 00:56:48,170
Seriously?
799
00:56:52,609 --> 00:56:54,076
Hi, honey.
800
00:56:54,078 --> 00:56:56,145
We need to talk
about your lawn.
801
00:56:56,147 --> 00:56:58,414
Now, the block council
sent three letters,
802
00:56:58,416 --> 00:57:00,916
And everyone has been
talking about it.
803
00:57:00,918 --> 00:57:02,851
The gardener didn't show.
804
00:57:05,990 --> 00:57:08,557
It's my office.
I have to take it.
805
00:57:08,559 --> 00:57:10,959
So you'll take care
of this, right?
Of course.
806
00:57:10,961 --> 00:57:12,995
Great. Hey, mar.
807
00:57:14,898 --> 00:57:16,732
Oh, great.
808
00:57:18,568 --> 00:57:19,868
Bitch.
809
00:57:19,870 --> 00:57:22,070
We need
to get to work.
810
00:57:22,072 --> 00:57:23,972
I have been working
since 7:00.
811
00:57:28,778 --> 00:57:30,512
Is it still, uh...
812
00:57:30,514 --> 00:57:32,948
Less today than
it was before?
813
00:57:32,950 --> 00:57:35,818
Yeah. It's only
fives and ones.
814
00:57:35,820 --> 00:57:38,454
The teapot doesn't like
paying like it used to.
815
00:57:47,497 --> 00:57:48,864
I...
816
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:52,568
We need help.
817
00:57:52,570 --> 00:57:55,003
Living's for the living
818
00:57:55,005 --> 00:57:57,172
dying's for the dead
819
00:57:57,174 --> 00:58:00,209
I'll tell you right now
820
00:58:00,211 --> 00:58:03,145
How's it going?
821
00:58:03,147 --> 00:58:07,249
Who's the toughest,
meanest, baddest motherfucker
in this place right now?
822
00:58:07,251 --> 00:58:08,984
Big fella back there.
823
00:58:10,119 --> 00:58:12,488
He just got out of prison
for murder.
824
00:58:12,490 --> 00:58:13,589
Huh.
825
00:58:14,257 --> 00:58:15,757
Two whiskey shots, please.
826
00:58:26,769 --> 00:58:29,905
I'm telling you
how it is
827
00:58:29,907 --> 00:58:32,941
Call 911.
Hey, babe, wait.
828
00:58:32,943 --> 00:58:34,810
Don't forget that.
829
00:58:34,812 --> 00:58:36,211
Right.
830
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:46,221
Been ridin' with the devil
831
00:58:46,223 --> 00:58:48,657
been such a long time
832
00:58:48,659 --> 00:58:50,192
You are cute.
833
00:58:50,194 --> 00:58:52,294
Oh! Oh!
834
00:58:52,296 --> 00:58:54,062
Whoa!
835
00:58:54,064 --> 00:58:56,265
Whoa!
836
00:59:19,557 --> 00:59:21,123
Heavy flow day, John?
837
00:59:25,328 --> 00:59:27,296
You know, it...
838
00:59:28,698 --> 00:59:30,132
Hello, John.
839
00:59:30,134 --> 00:59:33,135
Jesus Christ! Whoa.
840
00:59:34,337 --> 00:59:36,071
Hi.
841
00:59:36,906 --> 00:59:38,874
You don't look so good.
842
00:59:38,876 --> 00:59:41,677
Feel like a million bucks.
You are changing.
843
00:59:41,679 --> 00:59:45,080
The teapot is consuming
you and your wife.
844
00:59:45,082 --> 00:59:49,318
Trust me.
Your whole life will
be destroyed by this object.
845
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:53,121
You will have nothing left.
What then?
846
01:00:04,334 --> 01:00:07,135
Charles graves. Hey!
847
01:00:07,137 --> 01:00:10,639
Got time for an old pal?
Barely.
848
01:00:10,641 --> 01:00:12,941
Got you working
pretty hard here, huh?
Yeah.
849
01:00:12,943 --> 01:00:15,811
Pulling 60-hour weeks
so Louise can go back
to school.
850
01:00:15,813 --> 01:00:17,212
But, uh...
Jesus.
851
01:00:17,214 --> 01:00:20,749
How's things
on easy street?
You'd be surprised.
852
01:00:20,751 --> 01:00:22,384
What happened?
Did good luck
finally run out?
853
01:00:22,386 --> 01:00:24,353
Well,
854
01:00:24,355 --> 01:00:27,623
It's not so much bad luck
as it is just...
855
01:00:27,625 --> 01:00:30,025
What the hell happened
to your face?
Your eye is, like, hanging out.
856
01:00:30,027 --> 01:00:32,327
I'm fine.
What is going on
with you, man?
857
01:00:32,329 --> 01:00:34,329
I'm your best friend.
I haven't seen you
in forever.
858
01:00:34,331 --> 01:00:36,365
You show up looking like
the phantom of the opera.
859
01:00:36,367 --> 01:00:38,867
What the hell
is going on here?
Chuck, I would...
860
01:00:38,869 --> 01:00:42,237
I would tell you everything
in a second,
861
01:00:42,239 --> 01:00:44,806
But I just...
I just know for a fact...
862
01:00:44,808 --> 01:00:47,009
That you'd never
ever believe me, and...
863
01:00:47,011 --> 01:00:49,211
Whatever it is
that's going on,
it doesn't matter.
864
01:00:49,213 --> 01:00:52,014
It's not worth it.
Do me a favor.
865
01:00:52,016 --> 01:00:55,183
Relax for a minute
and remember
what's important, okay?
866
01:00:55,185 --> 01:00:57,185
Look, if you need
a job or something,
you can work here.
867
01:00:57,187 --> 01:00:59,655
It pays shit,
but at least
the benefits are...
868
01:00:59,657 --> 01:01:01,156
No, there's no benefits.
869
01:01:02,191 --> 01:01:04,226
Yo, James, Ollie off the curb!
870
01:01:04,228 --> 01:01:05,994
Yeah, but I got it.
871
01:01:05,996 --> 01:01:08,864
Oh, my leg. Ow!
872
01:01:10,401 --> 01:01:12,701
All right,
let me do it again.
873
01:01:12,703 --> 01:01:14,269
That one hurt.
874
01:01:22,945 --> 01:01:25,147
That is not
grown-up behavior.
875
01:01:37,093 --> 01:01:39,261
What are you doing, baby?
876
01:01:39,263 --> 01:01:41,363
Let me ask you
a question.
877
01:01:41,365 --> 01:01:44,800
Why am I gonna end up
like Muhammad Ali?
878
01:01:44,802 --> 01:01:46,935
Just so we could have
a good credit score?
879
01:01:46,937 --> 01:01:49,404
Stop being such a baby.
880
01:01:49,406 --> 01:01:51,406
Move over.
I'm about to do my laps.
881
01:01:51,408 --> 01:01:52,974
Wait, baby.
882
01:01:55,144 --> 01:01:58,447
Jesus Christ.
What, did you get shot?
883
01:01:58,449 --> 01:02:00,415
I'm fine.
884
01:02:01,951 --> 01:02:04,219
Who isn't fine?
885
01:02:04,221 --> 01:02:06,755
Skateboarder.
886
01:02:09,959 --> 01:02:11,827
Ohh!
Yeah! Come on!
887
01:02:13,196 --> 01:02:16,131
Come on!
Tear that pussy apart!
Yeah!
888
01:02:32,014 --> 01:02:33,915
Okay,
you're doing good.
889
01:02:33,917 --> 01:02:36,451
Push!
890
01:02:36,453 --> 01:02:38,420
That's good.
Come on! Push!
891
01:02:38,422 --> 01:02:42,023
Security.
Who the hell are you?
Goddamn it! Oh!
892
01:02:42,025 --> 01:02:43,425
Oh, wow.
893
01:02:55,138 --> 01:02:58,540
Where else is there
awful, horrible pain, John?
894
01:02:58,542 --> 01:03:02,043
Alice, I wanna go home.
I'm done.
No. No.
895
01:03:02,045 --> 01:03:05,947
We have to keep going.
I feel energized.
896
01:03:05,949 --> 01:03:08,150
Ever since
I first touched it,
you know,
897
01:03:08,152 --> 01:03:11,119
Everything's... Louder.
898
01:03:13,055 --> 01:03:16,958
I never wanna lose
this feeling.
899
01:03:18,895 --> 01:03:20,195
There's so much hurt
out there.
900
01:03:21,297 --> 01:03:23,398
Alice. Alice!
901
01:03:23,400 --> 01:03:25,367
Such a nasty world
that we live in.
902
01:03:26,869 --> 01:03:28,436
Alice! Alice!
903
01:03:28,438 --> 01:03:32,374
Hey!
904
01:03:32,376 --> 01:03:34,409
What are you doing?
What the hell was that?
905
01:03:34,411 --> 01:03:36,845
He was crossing
against the light.
906
01:03:36,847 --> 01:03:39,080
So we should kill him?
I...
907
01:03:39,082 --> 01:03:42,250
Alice, we said we'd stop
when it got out of hand.
908
01:03:42,252 --> 01:03:44,419
You're on the verge
of vehicular homicide.
909
01:03:44,421 --> 01:03:48,490
Bearded maniacs are stealing
money out of our toilets.
I'd say it's out of hand.
910
01:03:48,492 --> 01:03:51,359
Goddamn it, John!
911
01:03:51,361 --> 01:03:53,428
I knew that this
was gonna happen.
I knew it.
912
01:03:53,430 --> 01:03:55,063
You...
913
01:03:55,065 --> 01:03:56,398
What?
914
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:59,401
You can never
go the distance
with anything.
915
01:03:59,403 --> 01:04:02,003
You make all these big plans
and promises,
916
01:04:02,005 --> 01:04:04,339
And you never even took me
on a honeymoon.
917
01:04:04,341 --> 01:04:08,176
Well, I'm sorry.
I've been working my ass off
so you can get your degree.
918
01:04:08,178 --> 01:04:11,346
Well, for as hard
as you work,
you never get ahead.
919
01:04:11,348 --> 01:04:13,248
How is that possible?
920
01:04:13,250 --> 01:04:17,352
Well, maybe if I didn't
have to support a wife
who just sits at home...
921
01:04:17,354 --> 01:04:20,388
Thinking about how
she should start at the top
instead of at the bottom,
922
01:04:20,390 --> 01:04:22,858
Like the rest
of the sane world...
you know what?
923
01:04:24,328 --> 01:04:27,128
Screw you!
Okay, you're gonna
get out of the car?
924
01:04:27,130 --> 01:04:29,064
Yeah, I am.
I hate you right now!
925
01:04:29,066 --> 01:04:31,132
Baby, get back in the car!
I don't wanna be around you!
926
01:04:31,134 --> 01:04:33,368
No. I'm getting
out of the car.
Please come back.
927
01:04:33,370 --> 01:04:35,370
You're losing your mind.
928
01:04:35,372 --> 01:04:37,105
Watch out.
Oh!
929
01:04:39,976 --> 01:04:41,543
Alice.
930
01:04:43,512 --> 01:04:44,980
You okay?
931
01:04:47,583 --> 01:04:49,417
I'm fine.
932
01:04:49,419 --> 01:04:52,254
Where did this come from?
I don't know.
933
01:05:00,363 --> 01:05:03,164
I'm sorry for this
in advance.
934
01:05:05,568 --> 01:05:07,936
Some men are destined
to fail, John.
935
01:05:08,671 --> 01:05:11,673
And you're one of them.
936
01:05:11,675 --> 01:05:15,043
I think the lottery exists
because of guys like you...
937
01:05:15,045 --> 01:05:18,013
Who know deep down
luck is the only way...
938
01:05:18,015 --> 01:05:21,683
They're ever gonna overcome
their spineless, clueless,
939
01:05:21,685 --> 01:05:24,152
Hopeless personalities.
940
01:05:26,088 --> 01:05:27,389
We both know...
941
01:05:29,058 --> 01:05:31,159
That I know...
942
01:05:31,161 --> 01:05:34,362
You know I am too good for you.
943
01:05:38,467 --> 01:05:39,668
Ouch.
944
01:05:56,686 --> 01:05:58,420
Okay.
945
01:05:59,522 --> 01:06:01,156
Now you do me.
946
01:06:03,426 --> 01:06:04,626
What?
947
01:06:04,628 --> 01:06:06,561
Hurt me, John.
948
01:06:06,563 --> 01:06:08,630
No.
John.
949
01:06:08,632 --> 01:06:11,032
Hurt me.
950
01:06:12,702 --> 01:06:15,203
Don't do this here.
951
01:06:15,205 --> 01:06:18,139
It's psychological warfare.
The teapot really likes it.
952
01:06:20,476 --> 01:06:22,377
Hey.
What?
953
01:06:22,379 --> 01:06:24,179
You got secrets, right?
954
01:06:26,415 --> 01:06:28,717
Break my heart, baby.
955
01:06:32,254 --> 01:06:35,123
Uh-uh.
I need a man, John.
956
01:06:42,331 --> 01:06:44,265
New year's eve.
957
01:06:45,101 --> 01:06:47,002
Four years ago.
958
01:06:50,172 --> 01:06:52,674
You were ignoring me
at the party.
959
01:06:55,644 --> 01:06:58,013
And when the ball dropped,
I grabbed Payton...
960
01:06:58,015 --> 01:07:00,148
And I kissed her face off.
961
01:07:05,054 --> 01:07:07,088
And I still think about it.
962
01:07:10,559 --> 01:07:13,194
Sometimes
when I'm kissing you.
963
01:07:20,736 --> 01:07:23,405
Oh.
964
01:07:33,616 --> 01:07:36,317
That was a good one.
965
01:07:37,787 --> 01:07:39,421
Oh, no.
966
01:08:00,576 --> 01:08:02,644
Last spring,
when we were drinking...
967
01:08:02,646 --> 01:08:04,646
And playing cards
with my friends,
968
01:08:04,648 --> 01:08:07,248
The reason why I insisted
that we left...
969
01:08:07,250 --> 01:08:10,752
When they started
playing strip poker wasn't
because I didn't feel well.
970
01:08:10,754 --> 01:08:12,487
Oh, no?
971
01:08:14,090 --> 01:08:16,157
Your flaccid penis
is very small.
972
01:08:20,362 --> 01:08:25,233
Well, it's average size.
You can look it up.
973
01:08:25,235 --> 01:08:26,601
I have.
974
01:08:41,383 --> 01:08:44,486
I still have the sex tape
that I made with the girl
that took my virginity.
975
01:08:47,690 --> 01:08:51,559
It's in a, uh, box
labeled "Captain Ron,"
976
01:08:51,561 --> 01:08:53,728
Next to top gun.
977
01:08:55,798 --> 01:08:58,566
I let Arnie go down on me.
978
01:09:00,636 --> 01:09:03,204
You what?
979
01:09:03,206 --> 01:09:06,407
Arnie? Arnie,
as in landlord Arnie?
980
01:09:06,409 --> 01:09:08,810
It was three years ago,
before we were married.
981
01:09:09,812 --> 01:09:14,482
Oh, my God!
982
01:09:20,389 --> 01:09:23,291
And you did nothing for him?
983
01:09:27,630 --> 01:09:28,897
I'm so sorry.
984
01:09:32,269 --> 01:09:33,868
What?
985
01:09:33,870 --> 01:09:35,403
Arnie?
986
01:09:59,662 --> 01:10:01,729
What do you want?
Oh, nothing.
987
01:10:01,731 --> 01:10:03,865
I've just come
to saw your dick off.
988
01:10:03,867 --> 01:10:05,867
Hi. Hey, guys.
Hey, Alice.
989
01:10:05,869 --> 01:10:07,602
You must be Brandi.
990
01:10:07,604 --> 01:10:09,437
Mm-hmm.
We haven't been
formally introduced.
991
01:10:09,439 --> 01:10:11,873
My name's John.
I screw Alice...
992
01:10:11,875 --> 01:10:15,376
Who apparently...
Blows Arnie...
993
01:10:15,378 --> 01:10:18,713
Who I assume rides you
like a big gorilla.
994
01:10:18,715 --> 01:10:21,649
I will fucking punch you
in the neck!
Hey, this is bullshit!
995
01:10:21,651 --> 01:10:24,385
Stop! Now, listen,
you got all this money,
996
01:10:24,387 --> 01:10:26,421
You think you can come here
and talk to me like this?
997
01:10:26,423 --> 01:10:28,723
Uh, yeah.
998
01:10:30,594 --> 01:10:31,893
Oh!
999
01:10:31,895 --> 01:10:34,696
Baby, hey.
You okay?
1000
01:10:34,698 --> 01:10:37,265
Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine.
1001
01:10:37,267 --> 01:10:39,000
This piece of shit
should be broken.
1002
01:10:39,002 --> 01:10:40,702
Slowly.
1003
01:10:40,704 --> 01:10:43,805
Careful.
1004
01:10:43,807 --> 01:10:45,340
Oh! Ow!
Oh, no!
1005
01:10:48,577 --> 01:10:50,812
Hey, that's mine.
1006
01:10:50,814 --> 01:10:52,914
Hey, Arnie.
1007
01:10:52,916 --> 01:10:55,783
Yard's looking
a little shaggy.
1008
01:10:58,787 --> 01:11:01,789
What the hell is that thing?
Answer me!
1009
01:11:04,861 --> 01:11:07,262
Babe! Listen.
1010
01:11:07,264 --> 01:11:10,331
Who's the slut now?
I will kill you!
1011
01:11:10,333 --> 01:11:11,933
It was one time,
I swear to God.
1012
01:11:23,412 --> 01:11:25,280
You suck at karaoke.
1013
01:11:27,983 --> 01:11:30,451
Ever since I found out
about Arnie,
1014
01:11:30,453 --> 01:11:33,354
I've been thinking about
sleeping with another woman.
1015
01:11:33,356 --> 01:11:36,791
I'm not sure who yet,
but I believe I have
many options.
1016
01:11:40,029 --> 01:11:41,963
That was not me.
1017
01:11:50,039 --> 01:11:52,740
Seventy-two bucks
and change.
1018
01:12:00,884 --> 01:12:04,752
The first time in my life
I've been totally honest
with someone.
1019
01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:12,393
You know,
I really used to believe...
1020
01:12:12,395 --> 01:12:17,765
That people on this side of town
were so much happier and better.
1021
01:12:19,968 --> 01:12:21,936
Wait.
1022
01:12:21,938 --> 01:12:23,705
They have nastier secrets...
1023
01:12:23,707 --> 01:12:26,007
Than you and I
could ever imagine.
1024
01:12:33,650 --> 01:12:37,085
Well, I can't foresee this
ending badly.
1025
01:12:52,468 --> 01:12:55,069
You sure about this?
1026
01:12:55,071 --> 01:12:58,406
Yep.
It's another level.
1027
01:13:00,043 --> 01:13:03,144
Oh, boy.
1028
01:13:03,146 --> 01:13:05,747
Well, hey, guys.
What is this?
1029
01:13:07,649 --> 01:13:09,917
Just open it.
Get it over with.
1030
01:13:19,128 --> 01:13:20,762
Casper?
1031
01:13:20,764 --> 01:13:24,165
Your careless wife
left him in a hot car
for three hours...
1032
01:13:24,167 --> 01:13:26,901
When you were
out of town last summer.
1033
01:13:26,903 --> 01:13:29,070
How could you?
1034
01:13:29,072 --> 01:13:31,139
Ricky.
No! Get away from us!
1035
01:13:40,417 --> 01:13:42,717
Please don't
make me do this.
1036
01:13:46,055 --> 01:13:48,022
Fun.
1037
01:13:50,893 --> 01:13:53,961
Yeah, that's this office
that we're in right now.
1038
01:13:53,963 --> 01:13:58,499
That's your husband's foot
in... in josh the intern's mouth.
1039
01:13:59,636 --> 01:14:02,637
And that's the couch
that we're sitting on.
1040
01:14:06,976 --> 01:14:09,210
That should be all right.
That should be enough.
1041
01:14:09,212 --> 01:14:12,513
Thank you very much.
Um, you can keep that.
1042
01:14:13,850 --> 01:14:17,852
She thinks she can
1043
01:14:17,854 --> 01:14:22,690
but nobody knows
what lies behind
1044
01:14:22,692 --> 01:14:25,993
the days
before the day we die
1045
01:14:25,995 --> 01:14:29,464
da-da-die, da-da-die, die
1046
01:14:29,466 --> 01:14:31,232
da-da-die
1047
01:14:34,837 --> 01:14:37,872
He has no idea
he's not the kid's father?
1048
01:14:37,874 --> 01:14:40,475
She got pregnant
before she met him.
1049
01:14:40,477 --> 01:14:43,778
Told him it was his
and said the baby
was premature.
1050
01:14:43,780 --> 01:14:46,647
Nine pounds, six ounces.
1051
01:14:46,649 --> 01:14:48,816
And Joe believed her.
1052
01:14:48,818 --> 01:14:50,218
Poor bastard.
1053
01:14:58,560 --> 01:15:01,996
Hey, honey, why don't
you go finger-knit
with the other kids...
1054
01:15:01,998 --> 01:15:03,564
In the other room?
1055
01:15:04,199 --> 01:15:05,933
Great.
1056
01:15:05,935 --> 01:15:08,569
See you.
Here's some lemonade.
1057
01:15:08,571 --> 01:15:10,171
Fresh-squeezed.
1058
01:15:15,043 --> 01:15:17,712
Hey, guys.
1059
01:15:17,714 --> 01:15:20,214
So, what brings you?
Are you all
in the neighborhood?
1060
01:15:20,216 --> 01:15:21,883
What is the haps?
1061
01:15:21,885 --> 01:15:24,051
I know.
1062
01:15:24,053 --> 01:15:25,653
You're pregnant.
1063
01:15:25,655 --> 01:15:27,588
That's it, right?
1064
01:15:27,590 --> 01:15:30,791
Oh, honey, let her say it.
We've already said it
five times.
1065
01:15:30,793 --> 01:15:34,128
No. No, I'm not pregnant.
1066
01:15:34,130 --> 01:15:36,531
But we have come here
to say something.
1067
01:15:37,733 --> 01:15:39,133
There's a lie
in this room,
1068
01:15:39,135 --> 01:15:40,902
And we've come
to clear it up.
1069
01:15:40,904 --> 01:15:43,638
What are you talking about?
1070
01:15:44,806 --> 01:15:46,908
I think you know.
1071
01:15:48,710 --> 01:15:50,144
Joe,
1072
01:15:50,146 --> 01:15:53,047
I think
there's something that...
1073
01:15:53,049 --> 01:15:55,316
We need to get out
in the open,
1074
01:15:55,318 --> 01:15:58,119
Something that Alice
told me earlier today...
1075
01:15:58,121 --> 01:16:01,088
That... that, uh,
1076
01:16:01,090 --> 01:16:04,592
I think would be better
if you knew about.
1077
01:16:06,596 --> 01:16:08,296
A while ago,
1078
01:16:11,733 --> 01:16:14,001
You...
I'm jealous
of your family.
1079
01:16:20,275 --> 01:16:22,243
Jealous?
1080
01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:28,616
In the past I've been
such a bitch to you,
and I'm sorry.
1081
01:16:28,618 --> 01:16:32,186
It's just that you
find happiness so easily.
1082
01:16:34,156 --> 01:16:37,158
Life seems so effortless
the way you live it.
1083
01:16:38,694 --> 01:16:41,062
It's amazing.
1084
01:16:41,064 --> 01:16:43,731
Oh! Do you
really mean that?
1085
01:16:43,733 --> 01:16:45,700
Yeah.
1086
01:16:45,702 --> 01:16:47,635
From the bottom of my heart.
1087
01:16:47,637 --> 01:16:50,004
Oh, sister.
1088
01:16:51,673 --> 01:16:54,075
Oh, wow.
1089
01:16:55,877 --> 01:16:59,146
You're gonna get your chance
to have a baby too.
1090
01:17:00,716 --> 01:17:02,717
Also, you guys,
1091
01:17:04,620 --> 01:17:06,687
We're thinking
about going vegan.
1092
01:17:06,689 --> 01:17:08,823
Ahh!
1093
01:17:08,825 --> 01:17:11,359
That's fantastic.
1094
01:17:11,361 --> 01:17:13,394
I'll get the recipe book.
1095
01:17:30,012 --> 01:17:32,380
Uh... what?
1096
01:17:32,382 --> 01:17:34,415
I can't believe
I couldn't go through with it.
1097
01:17:34,417 --> 01:17:37,918
No, that's a good thing.
Human, even.
1098
01:17:37,920 --> 01:17:39,253
It set us back, John.
1099
01:17:42,190 --> 01:17:44,759
I've been thinking.
1100
01:17:44,761 --> 01:17:46,794
One big score,
1101
01:17:46,796 --> 01:17:48,429
We make the million...
1102
01:17:49,998 --> 01:17:52,066
And say good-bye
to the teapot.
1103
01:17:52,068 --> 01:17:54,402
Don't we have enough?
1104
01:17:54,404 --> 01:17:56,804
Especially after today.
1105
01:18:00,308 --> 01:18:01,942
Okay.
1106
01:18:03,345 --> 01:18:05,212
Just say it.
1107
01:18:07,015 --> 01:18:12,153
There are pedophiles
and drug dealers on playgrounds.
1108
01:18:13,755 --> 01:18:16,057
We can take out
just one.
1109
01:18:19,294 --> 01:18:22,029
If we knock off
one low-life scumbag,
1110
01:18:22,031 --> 01:18:26,067
We do the world a favor.
1111
01:18:26,069 --> 01:18:29,303
We knock off two,
and we're heroes.
1112
01:18:29,305 --> 01:18:31,238
Rich heroes.
1113
01:18:38,814 --> 01:18:40,214
Why'd you stop?
1114
01:18:40,216 --> 01:18:42,183
I think I'm done.
1115
01:18:44,019 --> 01:18:47,254
You got to bury a body
at least six feet
underground...
1116
01:18:47,256 --> 01:18:50,324
or somebody will find it.
1117
01:18:50,326 --> 01:18:54,195
Alice, can you just stop
and listen to yourself
for a second?
1118
01:18:54,197 --> 01:18:56,897
You're talking
about killing a man.
1119
01:18:56,899 --> 01:18:59,934
You're talking
about burying him in a grave.
1120
01:18:59,936 --> 01:19:02,136
One big score, John.
1121
01:19:02,138 --> 01:19:04,505
One big score.
1122
01:19:04,507 --> 01:19:07,475
Well, I can't do this.
I can't do this.
1123
01:19:07,477 --> 01:19:10,211
I'm not capable of killing
a person in real life.
1124
01:19:10,213 --> 01:19:13,247
So I have to do it
by myself, as usual.
1125
01:19:13,249 --> 01:19:15,449
No, nobody has
to do anything by themselves.
1126
01:19:15,451 --> 01:19:18,185
You don't have to do anything
by yourself either.
Dr. Ling was right.
1127
01:19:18,187 --> 01:19:21,889
I didn't wanna
listen to him at first,
but I see what he means now.
1128
01:19:21,891 --> 01:19:23,758
You're turning evil.
1129
01:19:23,760 --> 01:19:28,262
There is nothing evil
about wanting more.
1130
01:19:28,264 --> 01:19:32,133
There's nothing evil
about that teapot.
1131
01:19:34,102 --> 01:19:36,137
It's precious.
1132
01:19:36,139 --> 01:19:40,040
What if I ask you to choose
between me and this thing
right now?
1133
01:20:18,213 --> 01:20:20,080
I need your help.
1134
01:20:22,150 --> 01:20:23,517
Come in, John.
1135
01:20:30,926 --> 01:20:32,426
It's bad. It's...
1136
01:20:32,428 --> 01:20:35,262
I should have done
something more,
but I don't know...
1137
01:20:35,264 --> 01:20:37,431
I don't know what else
I could have done.
1138
01:20:42,537 --> 01:20:46,173
My father, his father,
1139
01:20:46,175 --> 01:20:48,876
His father for two centuries
took oath...
1140
01:20:48,878 --> 01:20:54,281
To find a teapot
and hide away forever.
1141
01:20:54,283 --> 01:20:57,585
I have opportunity
they wait lifetime for.
1142
01:20:57,587 --> 01:21:02,857
I found teapot
in hands of average people,
good people.
1143
01:21:02,859 --> 01:21:04,558
Where is Alice, John?
1144
01:21:05,527 --> 01:21:07,361
She will want more.
1145
01:21:07,363 --> 01:21:11,932
Soon not just the bad people,
but those weakest.
1146
01:21:11,934 --> 01:21:14,301
Why wouldn't you just
break into our house
and take the teapot?
1147
01:21:14,303 --> 01:21:17,638
It must be given, not taken.
1148
01:21:17,640 --> 01:21:20,641
That is the only way
to rob it of power.
1149
01:21:20,643 --> 01:21:25,012
Only answer is for you both
to give it to me.
1150
01:21:25,014 --> 01:21:27,214
But...
1151
01:21:27,216 --> 01:21:28,949
That will never happen.
1152
01:21:30,318 --> 01:21:31,986
Dr. Ling.
1153
01:21:31,988 --> 01:21:36,590
Please, just tell me
what I can do
to get her to wake up.
1154
01:21:36,592 --> 01:21:39,526
There is no more hope.
1155
01:21:39,528 --> 01:21:42,196
Most likely
is already too late for you.
1156
01:21:42,198 --> 01:21:44,431
You're giving up on us?
1157
01:21:44,433 --> 01:21:48,502
I will never give up
on the teapot.
1158
01:21:49,437 --> 01:21:52,339
I will wait and wait...
1159
01:21:52,341 --> 01:21:55,242
Until the teapot destroy you,
1160
01:21:55,244 --> 01:21:59,613
And then I will follow it
to the next owner...
1161
01:21:59,615 --> 01:22:01,582
And the next.
1162
01:22:01,584 --> 01:22:05,619
I will knock on their door
and tell them what I told you.
1163
01:22:06,955 --> 01:22:09,924
Maybe they will listen.
1164
01:22:33,115 --> 01:22:35,082
Ugh!
1165
01:22:35,084 --> 01:22:37,217
Ugh!
1166
01:23:01,576 --> 01:23:03,711
What are you doing?
1167
01:23:03,713 --> 01:23:06,013
Just promise me
that you'll end it.
1168
01:23:07,549 --> 01:23:09,116
Give it to Ling,
1169
01:23:10,118 --> 01:23:12,119
And he'll get rid of it.
1170
01:23:13,488 --> 01:23:15,456
Okay.
1171
01:23:15,458 --> 01:23:18,492
Ju... please
come back in.
1172
01:23:18,494 --> 01:23:20,527
Stay back, Alice.
1173
01:23:20,529 --> 01:23:22,229
I didn't kill anyone.
1174
01:23:23,465 --> 01:23:25,199
But you will.
1175
01:23:25,201 --> 01:23:28,102
- We'll get rid of it.
- We'll do it right now.
1176
01:23:29,571 --> 01:23:31,338
Promise?
1177
01:23:31,340 --> 01:23:34,775
I promise.
Yeah.
1178
01:23:46,354 --> 01:23:48,555
You say I never
go through with anything.
1179
01:23:50,458 --> 01:23:52,559
No. No. John!
1180
01:23:52,561 --> 01:23:55,129
No! John!
1181
01:23:56,365 --> 01:23:57,765
Oh, my God.
1182
01:23:57,767 --> 01:23:59,533
John, no, please!
1183
01:23:59,535 --> 01:24:01,168
My God! Oh, my...
1184
01:24:03,438 --> 01:24:06,240
John! John. John.
1185
01:24:06,242 --> 01:24:08,208
Hey. Hey, wake up.
1186
01:24:08,210 --> 01:24:10,244
Please.
1187
01:24:10,246 --> 01:24:15,215
John. John, please wake up.
1188
01:24:15,217 --> 01:24:17,151
Please wake up.
1189
01:24:17,153 --> 01:24:19,053
Please.
1190
01:24:19,055 --> 01:24:22,222
I can't do this without you.
1191
01:24:22,224 --> 01:24:23,824
I love you.
1192
01:24:31,733 --> 01:24:34,234
Wake up, please!
1193
01:24:38,840 --> 01:24:41,275
You're alive?
1194
01:24:42,610 --> 01:24:44,645
Yeah. Wow.
1195
01:24:46,682 --> 01:24:49,316
Now you promise
we'll get rid of it?
1196
01:24:50,618 --> 01:24:52,352
I promise.
1197
01:24:53,188 --> 01:24:55,122
I'm so ready.
1198
01:25:02,130 --> 01:25:06,366
If you find me here
1199
01:25:06,368 --> 01:25:10,504
a wreck upon your shore
1200
01:25:10,506 --> 01:25:15,509
would you hide me
in your arms
1201
01:25:15,511 --> 01:25:19,113
and quell the ocean's roar?
1202
01:25:19,115 --> 01:25:21,748
Hey.
1203
01:25:21,750 --> 01:25:24,184
I hear someone downstairs.
1204
01:25:26,889 --> 01:25:28,589
I got it.
1205
01:25:51,246 --> 01:25:53,680
It's gone.
Yeah?
1206
01:25:53,682 --> 01:25:55,549
Arnie took the teapot.
1207
01:25:56,751 --> 01:25:59,653
Let's just give it
all away...
1208
01:25:59,655 --> 01:26:02,322
The car, the house.
1209
01:26:02,324 --> 01:26:05,492
Everything.
I don't want it anymore.
I miss our pinto.
1210
01:26:05,494 --> 01:26:07,461
Wait.
1211
01:26:07,463 --> 01:26:10,531
Did we just give sauron
his ring back?
1212
01:26:10,533 --> 01:26:13,400
You're such a geek.
No, I'm serious.
1213
01:26:13,402 --> 01:26:15,769
We have to deliver it
to Ling ourselves.
1214
01:26:16,738 --> 01:26:18,939
We have to fix it.
1215
01:26:18,941 --> 01:26:21,642
Because we're
John and Alice Macy,
1216
01:26:21,644 --> 01:26:23,310
The frickin' good guys.
1217
01:26:24,412 --> 01:26:25,579
Yeah.
1218
01:26:25,581 --> 01:26:27,247
Yeah?
Yeah.
1219
01:26:35,523 --> 01:26:38,325
Let's review.
He has at least two guns,
1220
01:26:38,327 --> 01:26:40,894
Probably a collection of knives,
including the kind
that curves...
1221
01:26:40,896 --> 01:26:43,363
Like it
was designed specifically
for cutting out the entrails...
1222
01:26:43,365 --> 01:26:45,899
Of smaller men
with a better developed
sense of humor.
1223
01:26:45,901 --> 01:26:48,202
A bowie knife?
Uh-huh.
1224
01:26:49,337 --> 01:26:50,871
He's the greediest
person we know,
1225
01:26:50,873 --> 01:26:52,706
And he has a magic teapot
that pays for pain.
1226
01:26:52,708 --> 01:26:53,941
And he hates us.
1227
01:26:55,577 --> 01:26:57,844
He certainly does.
1228
01:27:19,834 --> 01:27:21,268
Arnie!
1229
01:27:22,737 --> 01:27:25,305
Let us in!
1230
01:27:25,307 --> 01:27:27,307
We know you have the teapot.
1231
01:27:36,017 --> 01:27:37,017
Arnie?
1232
01:27:54,802 --> 01:27:56,970
Jesus Christ.
1233
01:27:58,640 --> 01:28:00,007
We're too late.
1234
01:28:09,484 --> 01:28:11,652
- Seriously?
- Oh, my God!
1235
01:28:11,654 --> 01:28:14,321
Look at this. Money just
comes walking in my house.
I love it.
1236
01:28:14,323 --> 01:28:16,523
Arnie. Arnie, Arnie, Arnie.
Just relax.
1237
01:28:16,525 --> 01:28:18,992
Put the gun...
Arnie, please put
the gun down.
1238
01:28:18,994 --> 01:28:21,995
Oh, come on.
No one's gonna miss you two.
Put the gun down.
1239
01:28:21,997 --> 01:28:25,499
- Put it down. Listen.
- Stop it. Stop it.
1240
01:28:25,501 --> 01:28:27,934
Just hold on a second, Arnie.
1241
01:28:27,936 --> 01:28:31,071
This is insane.
Look at yourself.
1242
01:28:33,708 --> 01:28:36,810
I almost feel bad
for doing this, you know,
with our history and all.
1243
01:28:36,812 --> 01:28:38,979
- No!
- Arnie!
1244
01:28:38,981 --> 01:28:40,314
Ow!
1245
01:28:40,316 --> 01:28:43,016
God! Ow!
1246
01:28:44,719 --> 01:28:46,386
You almost look
like a man.
1247
01:28:46,388 --> 01:28:48,755
I am a man!
1248
01:28:48,757 --> 01:28:52,559
I've done things to myself
that you can never imagine,
my friend.
1249
01:28:52,561 --> 01:28:56,463
I've burned, I've cut,
I've mutilated...
1250
01:28:56,465 --> 01:28:59,399
Every inch of my body.
1251
01:28:59,401 --> 01:29:03,904
I've gone to the dark side,
and I have no fear.
1252
01:29:03,906 --> 01:29:06,807
Now, give us
the goddamn teapot.
1253
01:29:19,921 --> 01:29:20,954
No!
1254
01:29:21,556 --> 01:29:24,591
No! No! No! No!
1255
01:29:24,593 --> 01:29:25,625
No!
1256
01:29:28,796 --> 01:29:29,963
Settle down!
1257
01:29:29,965 --> 01:29:31,665
Oh, my God!
1258
01:29:31,667 --> 01:29:33,400
Oh, yeah.
1259
01:29:33,402 --> 01:29:34,901
You all right?
1260
01:29:34,903 --> 01:29:37,104
You okay, baby?
1261
01:29:37,106 --> 01:29:38,472
Give me this.
1262
01:29:38,474 --> 01:29:40,374
Okay.
1263
01:29:44,746 --> 01:29:46,513
Get down on your knees.
1264
01:29:46,515 --> 01:29:49,116
Okay. Okay.
1265
01:29:49,118 --> 01:29:51,918
I always wanted to say that.
It's like on cops.
1266
01:29:51,920 --> 01:29:53,487
Hi, Alice.
1267
01:29:55,524 --> 01:29:58,158
You look like shit!
1268
01:29:58,160 --> 01:30:00,994
We're gonna make
so much money off you two.
1269
01:30:00,996 --> 01:30:03,063
- You don't wanna do this.
Trust me.
- Get ready to say good-bye.
1270
01:30:03,065 --> 01:30:04,931
- No.
- Sweet dreams.
1271
01:30:04,933 --> 01:30:08,034
Guys, you don't wanna...
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa!
1272
01:30:08,036 --> 01:30:09,603
- Hey!
- Oh, my God!
1273
01:30:09,605 --> 01:30:11,037
Wizards!
1274
01:30:11,039 --> 01:30:12,939
Give us the teapot!
1275
01:30:12,941 --> 01:30:15,108
I'm sorry.
Who the hell are you?
1276
01:30:15,110 --> 01:30:19,146
I am God's
holy representative.
1277
01:30:19,148 --> 01:30:23,683
Our grandmother stole
the teapot from Hitler,
1278
01:30:23,685 --> 01:30:26,520
And these sinners
stole it from her.
1279
01:30:26,522 --> 01:30:29,756
So my brother and I
have come to take
what is ours.
1280
01:30:29,758 --> 01:30:32,526
He touched the teapot,
remember?
1281
01:30:32,528 --> 01:30:36,163
- Hell, no. Oh, no.
- Hi. You come in here,
into my house...
1282
01:30:36,165 --> 01:30:37,764
And you threaten
me and my wife?
Uh-uh.
1283
01:30:37,766 --> 01:30:39,966
You come in here,
and you threaten me? Huh?
1284
01:30:39,968 --> 01:30:41,768
No way.
You tell him, baby!
1285
01:30:41,770 --> 01:30:44,971
Give me the teapot,
and I might let you live.
1286
01:30:44,973 --> 01:30:46,640
Give him the teapot.
Give it to him.
1287
01:30:46,642 --> 01:30:49,676
Put your gun down, redneck,
and give us the teapot.
1288
01:30:49,678 --> 01:30:53,113
Excuse me?
What did you just say to me?
1289
01:30:53,115 --> 01:30:55,449
- I'm gonna pop a cap
in your ass.
1290
01:30:55,451 --> 01:30:56,750
Arnie!
1291
01:30:56,752 --> 01:30:58,452
No!
1292
01:30:58,454 --> 01:30:59,786
Oh, sh...
Oh, my God!
1293
01:30:59,788 --> 01:31:01,154
Arnie!
1294
01:31:04,492 --> 01:31:06,059
Give us the teapot!
1295
01:31:07,495 --> 01:31:09,863
Arnie!
Oh, no, you terrorists!
1296
01:31:11,166 --> 01:31:12,599
Yoel!
1297
01:31:27,115 --> 01:31:29,082
What's happening?
Shh.
1298
01:31:46,534 --> 01:31:49,169
Arnie? Guys?
1299
01:31:55,076 --> 01:31:57,077
Oh, my God.
1300
01:32:09,023 --> 01:32:10,991
That could have been us.
1301
01:32:18,533 --> 01:32:20,066
Oh, my God.
1302
01:32:49,997 --> 01:32:51,898
Let's get rid
of this thing.
1303
01:33:54,695 --> 01:33:57,330
Kings, queens,
1304
01:33:57,332 --> 01:34:00,000
Dictators, priests,
1305
01:34:00,002 --> 01:34:02,736
Peasants and generals.
1306
01:34:03,804 --> 01:34:06,640
Thousands before you
have held it.
1307
01:34:07,908 --> 01:34:11,745
So few have had
the strength
to let go.
1308
01:34:12,713 --> 01:34:14,314
Thank you.
1309
01:34:16,684 --> 01:34:18,318
Thank you.
1310
01:34:32,667 --> 01:34:35,935
I'm a man on fire
1311
01:34:35,937 --> 01:34:37,937
walking through your street
1312
01:34:37,939 --> 01:34:40,740
with one guitar
1313
01:34:40,742 --> 01:34:42,442
and two dancing feet
1314
01:34:43,310 --> 01:34:46,112
only one desire
1315
01:34:46,114 --> 01:34:48,848
that's left in me
1316
01:34:48,850 --> 01:34:50,950
I want the whole damn world
1317
01:34:50,952 --> 01:34:52,919
to come dance with me
1318
01:34:55,122 --> 01:34:58,224
ohh, mmm
1319
01:34:59,427 --> 01:35:02,429
come dance with me
1320
01:35:02,431 --> 01:35:05,231
oh, murder and pain
1321
01:35:05,233 --> 01:35:08,134
Oh, my God.
1322
01:35:08,136 --> 01:35:10,837
Chuck! Chuck! Chuck,
chuck, chuck, chuck, chuck.
come set you free
1323
01:35:10,839 --> 01:35:13,039
We're rich. We're rich.
1324
01:35:13,041 --> 01:35:15,442
Oh, the heartache and shame
1325
01:35:18,379 --> 01:35:22,082
I wanna see
your bodies burning
1326
01:35:22,084 --> 01:35:24,951
like old big sun
1327
01:35:27,988 --> 01:35:31,825
I wanna know
what we've been learning
1328
01:35:31,827 --> 01:35:34,461
and learning from
1329
01:35:37,364 --> 01:35:39,399
ooh, ooh, ooh
1330
01:35:39,401 --> 01:35:42,902
everybody want safety
1331
01:35:42,904 --> 01:35:44,471
safety love
1332
01:35:44,473 --> 01:35:48,041
everybody want comfort
1333
01:35:48,043 --> 01:35:49,809
comfort love
1334
01:35:49,811 --> 01:35:53,313
everybody want certain
1335
01:35:53,315 --> 01:35:55,415
certain love
1336
01:35:55,417 --> 01:35:59,252
everybody but me
1337
01:35:59,254 --> 01:36:01,221
I'm a man on fire
1338
01:36:01,223 --> 01:36:04,424
walking down your street
1339
01:36:04,426 --> 01:36:06,893
with one guitar
1340
01:36:06,895 --> 01:36:09,829
and two dancing feet
1341
01:36:09,831 --> 01:36:12,766
only one desire
1342
01:36:12,768 --> 01:36:14,768
that's left in me
1343
01:36:14,770 --> 01:36:17,837
I want the whole damn world
1344
01:36:17,839 --> 01:36:20,507
to come and dance with me
1345
01:36:32,553 --> 01:36:37,791
bah-da, bah-da-da,
bah-da-da, bah-da-da
1346
01:36:37,793 --> 01:36:43,196
bah-da, bah-da-da,
bah-da-da, bah-da-da
1347
01:36:48,402 --> 01:36:53,940
bah-da, bah-da-da,
bah-da-da, bah-da-da-da
1348
01:36:59,113 --> 01:37:02,916
hey, hey
1349
01:37:02,918 --> 01:37:05,285
come dance with me
1350
01:37:06,353 --> 01:37:09,389
oh, the heartache and rage
1351
01:37:12,193 --> 01:37:14,527
come set us free
1352
01:37:15,930 --> 01:37:19,165
oh, the panic and strange
1353
01:37:21,268 --> 01:37:24,838
I wanna see
your bodies burning
1354
01:37:24,840 --> 01:37:27,907
like old big sun
1355
01:37:30,477 --> 01:37:34,214
I wanna know
what we've been learning
1356
01:37:34,216 --> 01:37:36,983
and learning from
1357
01:37:39,553 --> 01:37:41,554
ooh, ooh, ooh
1358
01:37:41,556 --> 01:37:45,058
everybody want romance
1359
01:37:45,060 --> 01:37:46,626
romance love
1360
01:37:46,628 --> 01:37:50,196
everybody want safety
1361
01:37:50,198 --> 01:37:51,931
safety love
1362
01:37:51,933 --> 01:37:55,468
everybody want comfort
1363
01:37:55,470 --> 01:37:57,237
comfort love
1364
01:37:57,239 --> 01:38:03,443
everybody but me
1365
01:38:03,445 --> 01:38:06,179
I'm a man on fire
he's a man on fire
1366
01:38:06,181 --> 01:38:08,514
walking down your street
walking down your street
1367
01:38:08,516 --> 01:38:11,384
with one guitar
with one guitar
1368
01:38:11,386 --> 01:38:13,987
and two dancing feet
two dancing feet
1369
01:38:13,989 --> 01:38:16,556
only one desire
only one desire
1370
01:38:16,558 --> 01:38:19,125
that's still in me
that's left in me
1371
01:38:19,127 --> 01:38:21,961
I want the whole damn world
want the whole damn world
1372
01:38:21,963 --> 01:38:28,001
to come and dance with me
come and dance with me
yeah
1373
01:38:28,003 --> 01:38:30,904
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
1374
01:38:30,906 --> 01:38:33,306
man on fire
1375
01:38:33,308 --> 01:38:35,642
oh, oh, oh, oh
1376
01:38:53,060 --> 01:38:57,096
if you find me here
1377
01:38:57,098 --> 01:39:01,301
a wreck upon your shore
1378
01:39:01,303 --> 01:39:06,139
would you hide me
in your arms
1379
01:39:06,141 --> 01:39:10,076
and quell the ocean's roar?
1380
01:39:12,947 --> 01:39:17,483
Lovely, dark and warm
1381
01:39:17,485 --> 01:39:22,055
fading with the tide
1382
01:39:22,057 --> 01:39:26,326
they sink beneath the waves
1383
01:39:26,328 --> 01:39:29,729
of the night
1384
01:39:37,705 --> 01:39:42,108
listen in the wind
1385
01:39:42,110 --> 01:39:46,579
a voice that I have known
1386
01:39:46,581 --> 01:39:51,351
soft when daylight fades
1387
01:39:51,353 --> 01:39:55,154
now a whispered moan
1388
01:39:57,992 --> 01:40:02,428
lovely, dark and warm
1389
01:40:02,430 --> 01:40:06,699
fading with the tide
1390
01:40:06,701 --> 01:40:11,204
they sink beneath the waves
1391
01:40:11,206 --> 01:40:15,108
of the night
1392
01:40:33,794 --> 01:40:38,231
lovely, dark and warm
1393
01:40:38,233 --> 01:40:42,568
fading with the tide
1394
01:40:42,570 --> 01:40:47,407
we sink beneath the waves
1395
01:40:47,409 --> 01:40:52,145
of the night
99718
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