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1
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:07,741
Oh, well, look.
Slim Jim over here's flirting.
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,744
Mother. I hate how you get
around truckers.
3
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:13,380
Ooh, let's see
if I can get him to honk.
4
00:00:14,715 --> 00:00:16,259
- (tires screeching)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
5
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,151
- Oh, no!
- Oh, Lord.
6
00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,793
I'm MayKay Bueller
reporting live from Highway 311
7
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:30,631
where an 18‐wheeler
hauling Slim Jims turned over,
8
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:33,166
shutting down the highway
for hours.
9
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:34,668
Several injuries
have been reported
10
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:37,571
as fights broke out
over the errant Jims.
11
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,273
With me are
a mother and daughter
12
00:00:39,339 --> 00:00:41,808
who narrowly escaped
the Jim Jam.
13
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:43,715
Just speak right
into this top part right here.
14
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,646
- Here we are.
- We were driving down 311
15
00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:48,282
with all of our feet
in the car, obviously,
16
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:50,784
and all of a sudden
there was a huge crash.
17
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,819
That trucker
must've gotten distracted.
18
00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:56,256
Probably caught sight
of a beautiful woman.
19
00:00:57,224 --> 00:00:59,326
"Local Grandma"?
What in the hell?
20
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:02,663
♪ Somebody's gonna pay
with their life! ♪
21
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,695
♪ ♪
22
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:38,098
The squeegee man has returned.
23
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:39,566
(imitating squeaks)
24
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:41,368
(laughs):
Wayne, stop.
25
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,446
They hired you to wash
the windows at that high‐rise,
26
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:45,372
- not my butt.
- Should I go?
27
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:47,407
I can't tell
if this is romantic or not.
28
00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,452
Okay, y'all, I need you
to be serious for a minute.
29
00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:50,877
When Mother comes in
for breakfast,
30
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:53,413
she's gonna be all weird,
so go easy on her.
31
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:56,049
She's taking this "local
grandma" thing really hard.
32
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,685
‐(groans) ‐Uh‐oh.
33
00:02:00,787 --> 00:02:04,057
Psych! Who's that teenager
that just walked in?
34
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,359
Oh, it's me.
35
00:02:05,425 --> 00:02:07,327
Instasnap. Chatgram.
36
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:09,930
LOL. I am triggered.
37
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,732
Oh, Mother, you look amazing.
38
00:02:11,798 --> 00:02:13,634
You never looked
more beautiful, Betty.
39
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,169
I hope this is the outfit
that you one day haunt me in.
40
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:19,940
Can you believe my Miss Teen
Tobacco leaf gown still fits?
41
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,108
Hell yeah, Betty.
42
00:02:21,174 --> 00:02:22,609
You didn't cause
a 15‐car pile‐up
43
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:24,544
'cause you look
like some old‐ass grandma.
44
00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:26,046
No duh.
45
00:02:26,113 --> 00:02:29,383
That trucker was looking over at
me like I was Claudia Swiffer.
46
00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,652
- Yeah, Gram.
You look great for 60.
- (gasps)
47
00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:35,422
(whispers):
Oh, Violet. Run, baby, run.
48
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:40,560
- How old is she?
- No one knows.
49
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:43,563
She hole‐punched the date
out of her driver's license.
50
00:02:45,632 --> 00:02:47,501
(Brenda groans)
51
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:50,937
Look at those rich butts and
their untouched bread basket.
52
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:54,441
What kind of evil bitch
doesn't eat a free roll?
53
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:55,976
(singsongy):
Doo, doo‐doo‐doo.
54
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:58,812
Y'all better straighten up
and act like somebody,
55
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:02,482
because those
are the Ladies of Greenpoint.
56
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:05,585
Yes, they are community VIPs.
57
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:09,356
They adopt highways,
they do soup kitchens
58
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,658
and they give
gently used sweater sets
59
00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:13,093
to homeless people.
60
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,370
MARY JILL (chuckles):
Excuse me.
61
00:03:14,394 --> 00:03:16,596
- Hello?
- (snapping fingers)
62
00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:23,136
Hell no.
I hate being snapped at.
63
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:27,240
Uh‐oh. Looks like someone
just ordered a Filet‐O‐Fist.
64
00:03:27,307 --> 00:03:29,609
I'll handle these high‐society
cooter clamps.
65
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:31,521
Okay, we have a Cobb salad,
no cheese, no meat, no egg.
66
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:34,147
The chicken Caesar, hold
the chicken, hold the Caesar.
67
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,358
Grilled shrimp salad, no shrimp.
68
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:37,484
And a BLT,
hold the B, T and bread.
69
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,853
And a side of 24 lemon wedges.
70
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,022
Oh, what attention to detail.
71
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,991
Usually we have to send our
orders back six or seven times,
72
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,660
and she just nailed it.
73
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:48,662
Wait, I know you.
You're Betty Hart's daughter.
74
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,664
Don't tell me.
Genevieve, uh, Juniper?
75
00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,899
- It's Jenny.
- Jennifer. Right.
76
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,535
I'm Marjune Culpepper,
your mother's friend.
77
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:58,405
Ladies, you don't know this, but
Jennifer's mother Betty and I
78
00:03:58,472 --> 00:03:59,940
- shared a lover.
- (all gasping)
79
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:02,843
- I'll have what she's having.
- JENNY: Randy.
80
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:06,246
Betty was courted by my beloved
late husband Morris.
81
00:04:06,313 --> 00:04:09,516
And later in life,
I, too, caught Betty fever.
82
00:04:10,717 --> 00:04:13,587
So, more waters?
83
00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:16,857
Ladies, I just had one
of my classic wonderful ideas.
84
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,926
Jennifer should be the food
and beverage coordinator
85
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,628
for our annual charity gala.
86
00:04:21,695 --> 00:04:24,197
- Yes.
- I agree.
- Of course!
87
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,766
Um, I don't know.
88
00:04:25,832 --> 00:04:28,635
Been so busy here working
doubles, so I‐I don't think so.
89
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,771
And the pay is hardly
worth mentioning.
90
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:32,672
- Well, then definitely no.
- $250.
91
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:33,807
I'll do it.
92
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:41,915
Wayne, I can't believe your job
93
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:44,017
is literally looking
in people's windows.
94
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:45,385
It's the best thing ever.
95
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,921
Well, my job is washing windows.
96
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,357
But, Wayne, you get to see
people in their homes
97
00:04:50,423 --> 00:04:52,359
when they don't know
they're being watched.
98
00:04:52,425 --> 00:04:54,828
It's literally a window
into their lives.
99
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:58,231
Wayne, you have to let me
come with you. Please?
100
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:01,401
- No, absolutely not.
- (groans) Boo.
101
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:04,704
Nope. I don't care how mad
you get, it's too dangerous.
102
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:07,340
"Oh, you never
let me do anything."
103
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,367
"Violet, I'm just
looking out for you." Door slam.
104
00:05:09,409 --> 00:05:11,120
"Peanut, get out of there.
It's been two days.
105
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:12,624
You got to eat."
Breaks down the door.
106
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:15,315
(gasps) She ran away.
"Jenny, I tried."
107
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:17,651
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, you can come with.
108
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:21,087
- What was that?
- I gamed it out in my mind,
and you won.
109
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:22,889
- Well played.
- Okay. Yes, cool.
110
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:25,826
(chuckles) Can we also stop
and get frozen yogurt?
111
00:05:25,892 --> 00:05:27,961
No. We're not getting yogurt.
112
00:05:28,028 --> 00:05:28,962
(huffs)
113
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,864
"Wayne, you're no fun."
114
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,333
"What? I'm the most fun."
"You're not my real dad."
115
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,335
(gasps) "Why'd you have
to take it to that place?
116
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,046
Violet, come back.
Those are train tracks."
117
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,271
(imitates train passing)
118
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,640
(crying):
"No! Jenny, I tried."
119
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:44,144
- Yogurt it is.
- Good Lord.
120
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,280
(indistinct chatter, laughter)
121
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:49,716
Welcome, Ladies of Greenpoint.
122
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,284
(applause)
123
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,286
This year,
we are going to tackle
124
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,255
one of the most
debilitating conditions
125
00:05:55,322 --> 00:05:58,925
facing women around the globe:
female age.
126
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,795
- Tragic.
- That is so sad.
- There has to be another way.
127
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,230
Female age is deadly
128
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:06,233
and affects 100%
of the female population.
129
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:08,235
Oh, you mean, just getting old?
130
00:06:08,301 --> 00:06:09,936
Hush. This is important.
131
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,872
It starts
with a single gray hair.
132
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:15,041
And suddenly,
you are completely invisible.
133
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,576
No one holding a door for you,
134
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,445
no one offering
to buy you a drink,
135
00:06:18,511 --> 00:06:20,313
no one giving you
the elevator eyes.
136
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,349
- No.
- This is a charity?
137
00:06:22,415 --> 00:06:24,184
MARJUNE:
Crow's feet. Flopjaw.
138
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,485
Raisin knees.
139
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:26,987
- Forearm crepe.
- (others gasping)
140
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,356
Minotaur haunch.
Loss of profile.
141
00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:31,725
Sleeve Kleenex. Toe jumble.
142
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:33,493
Taffy lobes. Nest hair.
143
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,762
Horse gums. And... neck rings.
144
00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:38,365
Statement jewelry
can only work so hard.
145
00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:40,233
- Am I right, ladies?
- (murmuring)
146
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,068
What can be done?
147
00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:43,637
Sadly, there is no cure.
148
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,805
- (gasps)
- But the symptoms
can be managed,
149
00:06:45,872 --> 00:06:47,874
through cosmetic surgery,
150
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,809
creams, slimes and foreskins.
151
00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:52,212
- (groans)
- This year, our annual gala
152
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:54,681
is dedicated to helping
low‐income sufferers
153
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,883
get the procedures
they so desperately need.
154
00:06:56,950 --> 00:07:00,520
Wait, this is for poor people
to get plastic surgery?
155
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:03,823
Y'all, I'm exactly
who this charity is meant for.
156
00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:05,292
I got to shake my buns
157
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:07,928
and get me some
of those charity procedures.
158
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,329
Marjune!
159
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:10,664
Oh, hello, Betty.
160
00:07:10,730 --> 00:07:12,332
(smooching)
161
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,868
Oh, you two,
thank you for coming.
162
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:17,771
It is so nice to have some
new faces around here.
163
00:07:17,837 --> 00:07:19,940
Speaking of new faces,
164
00:07:20,006 --> 00:07:22,242
how might I get one?
165
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:24,978
Oh, Betty, I don't think
you need a thing.
166
00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:26,613
Marjune, look at my face.
167
00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:30,350
These are the crow's feet
of a local grandma. Please!
168
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,385
You know what,
my little cigarillo?
169
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,322
You just shot to the top
of the Female Age Relief List.
170
00:07:35,388 --> 00:07:38,358
And that's how you do that.
171
00:07:39,693 --> 00:07:42,963
This is some ridiculous
rich‐butt crap.
172
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,831
$250 is not worth my soul.
173
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,132
Oh, Jennifer, I almost forgot.
174
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,801
Here's the 250 I owe you.
175
00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:50,971
Marjune, these are
all ten‐dollar bills.
176
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:53,707
Yes, 250 ten‐dollar bills.
177
00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:55,375
That's $2,500.
178
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:57,043
Shouldn't these be ones?
179
00:07:57,110 --> 00:08:00,780
(laughs) They stopped making
one‐dollar bills years ago.
180
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:03,016
Bye‐bye, soul.
181
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:11,725
So we still on for margs
and nachos at Slusheritos?
182
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:14,694
It's what I live for‐‐ getting
slushed with my best Frenda.
183
00:08:14,761 --> 00:08:17,430
What the hell?
Jenny, did you rob a bank
184
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,065
and not bring me with?
185
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:20,900
You know that's
on my bucket list.
186
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:23,703
No, it's my pay from the Ladies
of Greenpoint thing I'm doing.
187
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:26,473
(groans)
Bunch of rich finger‐snappers.
188
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,875
You know what, Brenda, you're
gonna get in on this, too.
189
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:31,211
- You're coming to the gala!
- I don't think so.
190
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,380
There's gonna be a prime rib
carving station.
191
00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:35,515
The orange heat lamp,
the wood block,
192
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:37,350
the husky man
in the tall white hat
193
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,319
with a big smile
and a generous knife.
194
00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,221
Don't try to use my love
195
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,390
of freshly carved meat
to manipulate me.
196
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,191
Sorry, it's done.
I'm putting your name
197
00:08:45,258 --> 00:08:47,660
- on the list for the gala.
- Whatever, dude.
198
00:08:50,296 --> 00:08:51,831
I don't know
why Brenda's so mad.
199
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:53,333
Come on, Jenny, do the math.
200
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,635
The Ladies of Greenpoint
are the cool kids.
201
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,737
You and Brenda were
best friends in middle school,
202
00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:00,240
but now it's high school,
and you just got picked
203
00:09:00,306 --> 00:09:01,741
for J. V. cheerleading.
204
00:09:01,808 --> 00:09:03,768
Jesus, have you been binging
coming‐of‐age movies?
205
00:09:03,810 --> 00:09:05,879
Brenda just doesn't want
this new relationship
206
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:07,280
to affect your friendship.
207
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,182
Like in Pretty in Pink
when Andie fell in love
208
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:10,884
with that rich guy
and ignored Duckie?
209
00:09:10,950 --> 00:09:13,586
Or in Mean Girls when Cady said
she was gonna infiltrate
210
00:09:13,653 --> 00:09:16,022
the Queen Bees,
but instead became one of them?
211
00:09:16,089 --> 00:09:17,366
Working for a bunch
of rich ladies
212
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,892
isn't gonna change who I am.
213
00:09:18,958 --> 00:09:21,327
♪ I'm still, I'm still
Jenny from the block. ♪
214
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:23,239
Hey, you know, I gave J. Lo
the idea for that song.
215
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:26,232
- You did?
- Yeah, I give everyone
their ideas for their songs.
216
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,735
Well, me and cocaine,
but it's mostly me.
217
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:32,338
Oh, funny story, Eric Clapton's
"Cocaine" ‐‐ that was me.
218
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,474
But "Jesus Is Just Alright
with Me"?
219
00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,342
- Cocaine?
- Yep, so much cocaine.
220
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:38,378
- (car horn honks)
- VANESSA: Jennifer!
221
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:39,646
(honking continues)
222
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,248
♪ ♪
223
00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:43,817
Sure your friend
is still coming?
224
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,218
Her Slusherito is separating.
225
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,087
Dump it back in
for another spin.
226
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:49,355
She'll be here.
227
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,126
♪ I'm in control ♪
228
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,670
- ♪ My worries are few ♪
- (phone vibrating)
229
00:09:54,694 --> 00:09:58,098
♪ 'Cause I got love
like I never knew ♪
230
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,867
♪ Ooh‐ooh, ooh‐ooh, ooh ♪
231
00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:04,404
♪ I got a new attitude ♪
232
00:10:07,740 --> 00:10:10,844
♪ I'm wearing a new dress ♪
233
00:10:10,910 --> 00:10:12,512
♪ New hat ♪
234
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,981
♪ Brand‐new ideals
as a matter of fact ♪
235
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:19,018
♪ I've changed for good ♪
236
00:10:19,085 --> 00:10:21,921
♪ ♪
237
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:25,358
♪ It must have been
the cool night, new moon ♪
238
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,994
♪ Slight change or that look ♪
239
00:10:28,061 --> 00:10:30,363
♪ In your eye that makes me... ♪
240
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,099
Ah, what have we here?
241
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:34,934
What? That's just
a nice old lady.
242
00:10:35,001 --> 00:10:36,479
VIOLET:
That's what
she wants you to think.
243
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,238
Look how bowlegged she is.
244
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,873
She obviously used
to ride horses.
245
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:41,241
Or no, wait.
246
00:10:41,307 --> 00:10:42,876
Motorcycles.
247
00:10:42,942 --> 00:10:43,942
That lady?
248
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,379
- No way.
- (engine revs)
249
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,381
Dang! That is incredible.
250
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,448
- You were dead‐on, Violet.
- Let's do another one.
251
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:52,452
Oh, oh, oh, let me do this one!
252
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,921
Okay, this guy
is clearly on death row,
253
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,323
and‐and‐and he's
having his last meal.
254
00:10:57,390 --> 00:10:59,459
How is he on death row
in a condo?
255
00:10:59,526 --> 00:11:01,761
Maybe it's house arrest
death row?
256
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,130
Like they'll come to get him
when it's time to kill him?
257
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,232
I'm not as good
at this as you are.
258
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:08,234
Wayne, look at his mawashi.
259
00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:10,270
He is clearly training
to be a sumo wrestler.
260
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,571
WAYNE:
Whoa!
261
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:13,873
Violet, you are
a genius at this.
262
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,241
Wayne, stop!
263
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:16,976
Wigs‐‐ clearly this one
264
00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,511
is a master of disguise.
265
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:20,456
Or maybe it's just a lady
who likes to have fun,
266
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,383
but doesn't want to spend
too much time getting ready.
267
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:28,121
Whoa! Now this is interesting.
268
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,557
Right? A stay‐at‐home jeweler.
269
00:11:30,623 --> 00:11:33,927
No! He's a James Bond‐level
international jewel thief,
270
00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:35,962
who can slip in
and out of a room unnoticed.
271
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:38,007
Don't know why he's slumming it
here in Greenpoint.
272
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,266
He usually works
out of Monaco or St. Barths.
273
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:42,502
Also, he's allergic
to shellfish.
274
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:43,469
Hmm?
275
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,805
‐(both scream) ‐Go, go, go!
276
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,277
Brenda, what are you
doing in here?
277
00:11:51,344 --> 00:11:52,879
There's no reason to come out.
278
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:54,447
I hate waiting tables.
279
00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:57,183
The only reason I even come here
is to be with my friend,
280
00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:58,985
but she doesn't
work here anymore.
281
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,120
She's been replaced
by a straight‐haired,
282
00:12:01,187 --> 00:12:02,622
hoity‐toity hooker
283
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:04,224
- with a cold, dead heart.
- (gasps)
284
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,392
Brenda, that's not fair.
I'm sorry I had to bail
285
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:07,994
on Slusheritos,
but I'm not a hooker.
286
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,005
You are doing things you don't
want to do for money.
287
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:11,364
But it's a lot of money.
288
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,066
And also, it just feels so good
289
00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:16,202
to be in with the crème
de la crème of Greenpoint.
290
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,504
You know, just like
Dirty Dancing when Baby
291
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:21,274
is finally accepted by
Johnny Castle and his friends.
292
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,209
But they were the scuzzbags
in that situation.
293
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,611
Your analogy doesn't work.
294
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,446
Some of them are
actually kind of nice.
295
00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:29,515
Oh, there's this one girl you
would love, her name's Kirkie...
296
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,251
What?! I cannot be friends
297
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:34,287
with someone who is friends
with a Kirkie!
298
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,356
So just 'cause I'm working
my butt off to make
299
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,558
a little extra money,
we're not friends anymore?
300
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,660
I guess not,
'cause my friends show up.
301
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:42,495
Oh, come on, just come
to the gala with me
302
00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:44,631
and get to know them.
I swear you'll have fun.
303
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:45,798
Not!
304
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:47,834
Seriously?
305
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:54,274
Oh! So you're the
Female Age Grant recipient?
306
00:12:54,340 --> 00:12:55,975
In the soon
to be tightened flesh.
307
00:12:56,042 --> 00:12:57,443
Congratulations.
308
00:12:57,510 --> 00:13:00,413
Okay, let's see what
we're working with here.
309
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,215
Right, so we'll tighten
this‐‐ boo‐boo‐boo.
310
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:03,516
Plump this‐‐ bop‐bop‐bop.
311
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,118
Move this‐‐ scoochie‐scoochie.
312
00:13:05,184 --> 00:13:06,729
Lift this‐‐ scooby‐doobie,
tuck and roll.
313
00:13:06,753 --> 00:13:09,522
Injection‐‐ squank,
zip, zap, zop and we're done.
314
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:11,324
And remember,
no eating or drinking
315
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,826
- before the procedure tomorrow.
- Oh, no.
316
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:15,528
But tonight's the gala.
317
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:18,531
Okay, I'll make you a deal‐‐
I won't eat or drink tonight,
318
00:13:18,598 --> 00:13:21,367
and you throw in a little
sprucing of my lady bouquet.
319
00:13:21,434 --> 00:13:22,902
I don't know what that means.
320
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:25,405
You know, a little pressure wash
of my fun zone.
321
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:26,815
Okay, I lied.
I do know what that means.
322
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:28,541
I just wanted to end
this conversation.
323
00:13:28,608 --> 00:13:30,643
(lively jazz music playing)
324
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:33,713
All right, y'all,
welcome to my labor of love.
325
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:35,014
Ta‐da!
326
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:39,118
Whoa, Mom, this is the fanciest
thing I've ever seen.
327
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:41,421
Mmm, Mama could get
used to this.
328
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:42,522
Great job, Jenny.
329
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:44,223
And, wow, you look beautiful.
330
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:45,858
Careful! Don't mash the hair.
331
00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,527
Fresh blowout. Kirkie!
332
00:13:47,593 --> 00:13:49,896
Uh, what did any
of those words mean?
333
00:13:49,962 --> 00:13:53,232
Maybe "Kirkie" is rich‐person
talk for "hello"?
334
00:13:53,299 --> 00:13:55,535
Y'all, would you look
at that buffet.
335
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,670
It's like a Shoney's
for the Queen of England.
336
00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:00,940
And I can't touch it because
of my damn surgery tomorrow.
337
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,375
Lord, give me strength!
338
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:05,812
Waiter, just pour me
a glass of ice...
339
00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:07,980
w‐w‐water.
340
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:09,949
(indistinct chatter)
341
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,050
Wayne, look!
342
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,719
- Oh, no.
- What the heck
343
00:14:12,785 --> 00:14:14,387
is that stay‐at‐home jeweler
doing here?
344
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,255
Not that I'm scared.
I'm just asking.
345
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:19,659
VIOLET:
Look at all these rich ladies
wearing all their finest jewels.
346
00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:21,594
Wayne, come on.
We got to track him.
347
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:24,697
No way, Vi. We're not
following some stranger around
348
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,799
at your mother's party.
349
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:29,335
"But, Wayne..."
350
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,479
"Come on, Violet,
don't be like that."
351
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,904
(gasps)
Icy ride home.
352
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:33,773
"Violet, why won't you
put on your seat belt?
353
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,109
What are those headlights?"
Truck coming at us head‐on.
354
00:14:36,175 --> 00:14:37,410
(imitates siren)
355
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,846
"Violet. Violet, say something.
Anything."
356
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,247
(imitates monitor flatlining)
357
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,916
"Jenny, I tried."
Okay, let's tail him.
358
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:46,386
- I got some walkie‐talkies
in my truck.
- Yes!
359
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,155
(indistinct chatter)
360
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:51,157
Jennifer, we have just been
blown away
361
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,792
by all the amazing work
you've done.
362
00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,527
And so we'd like to
formally invite you
363
00:14:54,594 --> 00:14:57,163
to become a Lady of Greenpoint.
364
00:14:57,230 --> 00:14:59,599
Care to join our little
band of sisters?
365
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:02,034
Really? Me?
366
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,605
Brenda! Oh, Brenda.
367
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:07,640
Can we put my friend
on the list? Brenda Clemmons?
368
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:10,943
I don't think she's really
our type of people.
369
00:15:11,010 --> 00:15:13,646
I'm sorry,
all the tables are full.
370
00:15:13,713 --> 00:15:16,883
Okay, um...
371
00:15:16,949 --> 00:15:19,619
Jenny. Holy crap,
is this Vanna White's house?
372
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,221
Brenda, I thought you said
you weren't coming.
373
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:24,357
Aw, you look so nice.
374
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:28,060
Aw, I can't stay mad
at you, Jenny. You know that.
375
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:30,830
Now point me towards
that prime rib station.
376
00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:32,331
Oh, Brenda, I'm so sorry.
377
00:15:32,398 --> 00:15:34,700
Um, there's been a mix‐up,
378
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,736
uh, with the seating.
379
00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,371
(grumbling)
380
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:40,907
Oh, I get it.
381
00:15:40,973 --> 00:15:44,243
That's, uh, finger‐snapper speak
for "They don't want me here."
382
00:15:44,310 --> 00:15:46,813
Which is perfect,
'cause, uh, this is a prank.
383
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:49,215
- Boom, bitches.
- (others gasping)
384
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:51,217
I wish y'all could see
the ding‐dong looks
385
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,152
on your idiot, pranked faces.
386
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:55,221
Brenda!
387
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,628
If we're really gonna do this,
we're gonna do it right.
388
00:16:02,695 --> 00:16:04,630
I have experience
in tracking people.
389
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:08,100
Remember,
I was a security guard at Belks.
390
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:11,204
If he makes even one move
for the door,
391
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:12,538
I'll tackle him.
392
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,040
You're not tackling
that adult man.
393
00:16:14,106 --> 00:16:15,641
No, I'm for sure
gonna tackle him.
394
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:18,611
This might be my only chance
to tackle somebody. There he is.
395
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,613
WAYNE:
I'm going over. You stay here.
396
00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,417
- No tackling.
- But I feel a tackle coming on.
397
00:16:24,484 --> 00:16:26,719
(groans)
398
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,633
I think I really screwed
something up with Brenda.
399
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:33,759
Can't talk now.
I'm tailing a jewel thief.
400
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,229
She thinks I'm a different
person, but I'm not.
401
00:16:36,295 --> 00:16:37,973
- VIOLET: Mm. Mm‐hmm.
- I didn't get her into the gala,
402
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,499
but she said
she didn't want to come.
403
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:42,368
Oh, my God.
He's gonna go for it.
404
00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:44,136
This guy just wants
to get tackled so bad.
405
00:16:44,203 --> 00:16:45,605
I'm just doing this
for the money.
406
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,216
It's not like I'm one of them.
(chuckles)
407
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,584
Even though this pin
is really pretty.
408
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:50,443
- You think this is rose gold?
- Oh, no.
409
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,954
He's coming over here. Pretend
we're having a conversation.
410
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:53,546
I thought we were
having a conversation.
411
00:16:53,613 --> 00:16:56,115
Oh, yes, Mom.
Exactly what you just said.
412
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:57,783
It's funny 'cause it's true.
413
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,653
- (forced laughter)
- Okay, whatever, Violet.
414
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,197
I can't feel guilty
about Brenda right now.
415
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,623
I have a frickin' job to do.
416
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,758
- (static crackles)
- Wayne, I lost him.
417
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,426
Wayne, do you copy?
418
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,762
Wayne?
419
00:17:09,829 --> 00:17:11,097
What are you doing?
420
00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:12,598
I didn't lose him.
He's right there.
421
00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:15,301
I'm on him like sunblock
on Julianne Moore.
422
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,802
Oh, where'd he go?
423
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,171
Oh, God, oh, God.
424
00:17:19,238 --> 00:17:21,307
(Betty inhales sharply,
moans softly)
425
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,609
Betty, I know you can't tell
because my face
426
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:26,712
looks so frozen and wet,
but I'm worried.
427
00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:27,813
Where is your light?
428
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,382
My light ran out of batteries,
429
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:31,884
- and my batteries are crab legs.
- What?
430
00:17:31,951 --> 00:17:34,620
I just got to get that surgery
over with tomorrow,
431
00:17:34,687 --> 00:17:37,957
and then I can chow down
with my new young face.
432
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:40,059
Betty, a youthful appearance
433
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:41,994
requires continual sacrifice.
434
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,563
During your gruesome recovery,
435
00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:45,731
you'll only be able to drink
broth through a straw.
436
00:17:45,798 --> 00:17:48,935
And once you're healed, you will
be addicted to pain killers.
437
00:17:49,001 --> 00:17:52,505
But the good news is they'll
keep your appetite at bay.
438
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,416
Betty, I haven't been in the sun
or eaten anything
439
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,009
other than dry salads
for 25 years.
440
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,345
Tomorrow is only the beginning.
441
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,448
You know what?
442
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:06,619
I think I know an easier way
to fix this face.
443
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:10,690
Smoked Gouda. Sheer heaven.
444
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:12,925
Perfect.
445
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:14,293
Yep. Surgery's off.
446
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,429
- Thanks anyway, Marjune.
- Betty, you're right.
447
00:18:16,495 --> 00:18:19,665
I love seeing that cheese
give you so much pleasure.
448
00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:21,767
May I feed you?
449
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:25,171
Uh, I‐I guess.
450
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:34,814
Okay, this is taking too long.
I got food to eat.
451
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:36,782
(glass clinking)
452
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:39,852
We have got
a very special surprise guest
453
00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,787
to kick off tonight's gala.
454
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:45,491
Please put your hands together
for Patti LaBelle impersonator
455
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,360
- Julie Vous Coucher.
- (cheering)
456
00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:49,962
Where are my backup singers?
457
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:52,598
Oh, my God. It's him.
458
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:55,968
♪ Running hot, running cold ♪
459
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:58,471
♪ I was running into overload ♪
460
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:01,140
♪ I got a new attitude... ♪
461
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:03,776
That's what all the jewels
were for.
462
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,411
Of course.
463
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:10,316
Oh, what? There's supposed
to be champagne glasses here.
464
00:19:10,383 --> 00:19:12,051
Can we get
some champagne flutes here?
465
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,854
The stemmed glasses. Hello?
466
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:16,632
I can't believe it. I'm putting
two fingers together
467
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:18,157
and snapping
at another human being.
468
00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:19,725
I'm still doing it.
Stop it, Jenny.
469
00:19:19,792 --> 00:19:23,763
I'd like all the Ladies of
Greenpoint to come up on stage.
470
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:28,200
And I'd like everyone to give
an especially warm welcome
471
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,069
to our newest member
Jennifer Hart.
472
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:33,439
- (applause)
- (microphone feedback)
473
00:19:33,506 --> 00:19:36,342
It's Jenny.
My friends call me Jenny.
474
00:19:36,409 --> 00:19:38,144
And I'd like to take
this moment to say
475
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:41,847
that I am officially resigning
from the Ladies of Greenpoint.
476
00:19:41,914 --> 00:19:44,684
Y'all are so cool and so
glamorous, but you know what?
477
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:46,152
This isn't for me.
478
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:49,221
I mean, I‐it was great to be
asked into the popular group
479
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:51,223
like a beautiful nerd
in a teen movie,
480
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,359
but now I have put
my glasses back on,
481
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:56,929
and I can see that this
fundraiser is kind of a joke.
482
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,631
‐(all gasping) ‐Female age?
483
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,833
This money should be
going to climate change
484
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,635
or‐or public schools.
485
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:06,238
But, honestly, I'm the one
who hasn't been very charitable,
486
00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:08,407
to my best friend Brenda.
487
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:10,242
And I let her down big‐time.
488
00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:12,511
I only wish she was here
so I could give her
489
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:15,014
the dramatic public apology
she deserves.
490
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:16,482
BRENDA:
Oh, I'm here.
491
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,393
- (others gasping)
- Security guards at these things
492
00:20:18,417 --> 00:20:21,954
are notoriously seducible.
493
00:20:22,021 --> 00:20:23,222
There she is.
494
00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:24,657
Okay, y'all.
You see that woman,
495
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,334
climbing out from under
the prime rib station,
496
00:20:26,358 --> 00:20:27,860
looking all gorgeous?
497
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,662
She would kill for me.
498
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:31,797
And I mean it, y'all.
First degree murder.
499
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:34,133
And she'd never tell me,
because she wouldn't want me
500
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,701
to be an accessory
after the fact.
501
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:38,571
Now I'm gonna have
the time of my life,
502
00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:42,274
and I owe it all to you, Brenda.
503
00:20:43,309 --> 00:20:45,511
- ♪ ♪
- (gasping, murmuring)
504
00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:48,814
(cheering, whooping)
505
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:50,382
What's happening,
what's happening?
506
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:51,860
- I'm falling forward.
- BRENDA: Use your core!
507
00:20:51,884 --> 00:20:53,586
- Come on!
- (cheering, whooping)
508
00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,693
Whoa, Jenny.
509
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,829
Thank you for the double
Diamondschlager Slusherito.
510
00:21:03,896 --> 00:21:05,464
You got it, girl.
511
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,800
This friendship is worth
its weight in Diamondschlager.
512
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:10,236
Julie Vous Coucher
was a thief, kind of.
513
00:21:10,302 --> 00:21:11,504
In that he stole my heart
514
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:14,940
doing the duet
"On My Own" on his own.
515
00:21:15,007 --> 00:21:16,542
A Patti LaBelle impersonator.
516
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:19,111
How could I have been
so violently off?
517
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:21,013
(door opens, closes)
518
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:24,383
♪ Are few, 'cause I got love ♪
519
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:26,252
♪ Like I never knew ♪
520
00:21:26,318 --> 00:21:29,388
♪ Ooh‐ooh, ooh‐ooh, ooh... ♪
521
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:31,423
‐(meows) ‐(horn honks musically)
39866
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